The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Cockeyed with AJ Wilkerson

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

AJ Wilkerson is a comedian from Jacob's favorite state of Florida. He has stories of growing up in the swamp including his father becoming permanently cockeyed . News breaks of Sean Diddy Combs getting indicted and the gang revisits his alleged gay sex audio. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly we have an amazing guest in the studio with us today on the bonfire Everybody he's gonna be shooting a special at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City Friday January 31st tickets go on sale this Friday All the way from Nashville. It's the hilarious AJ Wilkerson everybody. What's up, buddy? How are we doing man? Good to see you in New York. I remember you from Jay show Yeah, we met at aville, the comedy festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. What's your fucking deal with you guys? This three hour epic.

On the five hour epic one that, oh man, they just kept throwing up more and more drunken high comics. Oh yeah. I was out in the crowd fucking being a gunga din for five hours, holding a microphone. Yeah, and I was the guy that was like over-excited. It was taking you too long to get to people,

so I just started roasting you. Yeah, and then I trashed you and I felt bad. I felt terrible. The whole, it became a very contentious night. It was hot, it was long, it was, the show kept going on and people like, everyone on stage like, had a different kind of like take, which is good usually, but it was strange when the take

was like, what's his name the handsome Courtney Courtney McCown just went on stage and started shitting on Bobby exclusively it's like that's not what the show is. What happened was is that people go out and it was such a long show that the crowd was kind of tired so if something started going they'd see me just staring at them and then they just start trashing me for some reason. Dumb fucking asshole. And I was like, go fuck yourself. And then I had to turn on them, then it just got ugly.

I wanted to quit that night so bad. I hated it, I hated it. And Jay was just back there, he'd leave, and you were back there smoking, drinking, partying. It is funny to design a show that I host, but I also don't do the most work on Like whoever's doing the audience microphone. You're like really doing the work. Yeah, you're basically a third base coach Go on home, but I don't

Much of the work I'm just gonna be out there for a couple minutes and then someone else yeah good. That's good I'm in I mean, yeah couple hand signs couple attaboy, so we're out of here someone else, yeah, good, that's good, I'm in. I mean. Yeah, couple hand signs, couple atta boys, and we're outta here, dude. I know, well, it's funny that I, like, I could, I guess really the show should be that I host it and then bring other comics up and I go into the audience. Yep. And I be the audience, Mike.

Yep. But, then it feels like the show's too much, like about, it's too much about me, then. Well, your show works with three to four people. Yeah people yeah, yeah, no show doesn't work with 17 people I believe at one point somebody's aunt came up. No just for shit. It was us. You know killer bees So killer bees was stoned didn't Know like I was being serious. There's a joke, you fucking asshole. Oh, by the way, I thought you may have talked that. I feel like I'm doing the show again.

That's not what happened at all. No, I didn't think somebody's aunt went up. I was fucking exaggerating the truth. Therein lies the ha-ha. Buddy, no, no, well, because the truth was you actually thought someone's wacky uncle went on stage. Well, he was. Because you didn't know who Killer B's was.

They didn't tell you. You were out in the audience, and then at some point they just put up Josh Wolfe who Killer B's was. They didn't tell you. You were out in the audience, and then at some point they just put up Josh Wolf and Killer B's together. I think Josh Wolf was on Mushrooms. Killer B's was maybe on them also. And it was funny, Josh Wolf went full on, like did it. He was doing a good job. He got in the front.

He wasn't really using Bobby much at all. Because he was out of his tree. And then Killer B's just walking around with like a drink and just kept walking back and forth behind the microphone. He was out of his tree. It was the most uncomfortable. At that point I didn't know what to do and then they went to one guy and I was like what about this guy's like I go look at this guy's look and he goes I just recovered from cancer. I was like what? I was like alright fuck my life. It was the worst. It was the worst. He's like I was like what? I was like alright, fuck my life. It was the

worst. It was the worst. He was like I'm just here because I'm not dying. Remember that guy the ball? Was that with you right? Wasn't that with you? I think so. I think that was with you. God damn it man. Yeah. What brings you to New York? Just running around doing shows and stuff? Promoting the special? Yeah just running around doing shows, promoting the special. Finally got like Gramercy to figure out like seat kills, so we're gonna get like a ticket link and stuff. But yeah, gonna drive to Buffalo because I'm an idiot. That is crazy. Yeah. Was that a lack of knowing geography? Yes. Because I've made that mistake many times. That was the old, I used to really

when they go, hey, get in Virginia Beach. I'm like, Virginia's like not far from Philly, so it's like, turns out Virginia Beach is seven more hours in the state that way. Driving. I'm going to Baltimore on Sunday, so I Googled Baltimore first, looked up that driving directions, and I was like, three hours, okay,

Buffalo can't be further away from Baltimore, it's in the same state, and I'm an, three hours, okay, Buffalo can't be further away from Baltimore, it's in the same state, and I'm an idiot. Did you know that LA and San Francisco is far apart too? Yeah, I knew that one. Just in case you wanna book that one. No, I knew that one was far apart, cause that state is shaped like the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile,

so it's like the opposite end, stood like head and tail. It really, yeah, I was bad with that I still kind of don't know I think Syracuse you can drive it's a but Syracuse is near Rochester, which Rochester you shouldn't drive That's kind of close to Buffalo. It's all like it's all right near each other But the drive to Buffalo is probably one of the worst drives nine hours It's it's a hell nine hours though, because you have to go through the mountains.

There's like no, it's like you have to go through the mountains, there's nothing. It's just shit for a long time. Ears popping. Yeah dude, it's fucking bad. Oh like the Hyde Park. Just like a fucking, yeah, just like your zero fucking, I mean I guess it's scenic for a while,

but then you're going, but where you're going to is Buffalo. Are you doing the helium up there? You know what's exciting? I'll tell you, is it your first time doing this one? Yep. When you go out back, at least one of those nights, the General Mills cereal factory is out there, and they burn off all the alphabets

that came out wrong and shit, and the like the, you know, the, the alphabets that came out wrong and shit. And the air just smells like, like lucky charms. Like they're kind of like, it's so nice. It's the fattest thing you've ever said. It's the nicest thing. I just go outside and smoke cigarettes and sniff it in. I go, I'm just drinking. Mmm.

I thought you were going to say there's hookers and Coke or something, something rock and roll. And behind the thing, you can smell cereal dust. They burn off all the letters that look like Sanskrit and it smells delicious. It really was I am too hyped for it. There's not a lot you can say about Buffalo. Hey you're right near Canada, I guess AJ you're rocking down Nashville. How many times you've killed a person on Kid Rocks property? Something you just love to do once well, he hasn't invited me hunting yet. He thinks I'm a pussy We're in the pussy club to apparently have you not had many conversations with Kid Rock yet Uh, no, I had one

conversation with Kid Rock actually that same festival in that comedy gym and says the N word a lot. I think that was probably supposed to be private. No, he says it in everybody. But he says it in the rapper way. Well, not in the Anthony Cumi way. And A.G. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this too because I will say he says it in the rapper way. Well, not in the Anthony Kumey way. And, A.G., I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, too, because I will say he says it in the rapper way with the accent of a person who's the not-rapper way. Yeah, like a Quentin Tarantino way. Yes.

Or confuses everybody. Yeah, I've watched Don-El Rawlings sit there and kind of just, like, just blink every time he says it. Didn't he say something to us about like R. Kelly or something? No, I said my name was Robert Kelly and he says R. Kelly. He made something about R. Kelly and then he went off and then I just went blank. Well no because that's when he said... I remember what he said. He goes, R. Kelly... He was doing, like, the quote of what R. Kelly said to him, but it was like that.

It was like, R. Kelly came to me one time, and he was like, N-word, you the smoothest N-word in the whole N-word universe. And you're like, did he? Did he really? Like, there's so many reasons I don't believe that. No. The two people who have called me the N-word the most I have been kid rock and Sam J

Both of them are an honor. Yeah, one of them makes you feel really cool You're like I'm on top of the world in the other one kid rock Kid rock, can you call me the N-word a bunch? It feels great. Where are you from originally, man? I'm from a mystical land called Florida. Oh, what part of Florida? The middle shitty part.

Pope County? I'm from a close, Levy County, just outside of Gainesville, so like University of Florida area, right in the middle part. That's a redneck part. Oh, yeah. I'm from the bounding-a-down, digging-a-down, part of Florida. Is it funny that no one even considers there's a part of Florida like that? It's barely considered the South, but it is.

It was the South the whole time. Well, because Miami gated up in the 80s, and we were like, oh, it's just a bunch of gay people and old people. But up at the top, down to the middle, it's redneck. That guy, I mean that Polk County is like, throw a dart, that's like a bullseye to the state of Florida.

And that guy has made Polk County popular with like, I mean, every body cam surveillance YouTube page, every, like you know, like kind of do it yourself cops thing, it's always there. Oh, the Sheriff Grady video? Yeah, they just post up all reality shows there. We will hunt you down, that guy. He's the best.

He is great. The fact that he has these cue cards lined up and he keeps holding up for visuals of the story he's telling and the best interview ever did when they shot up they shot one guy 65 times and she was like why did you shoot him so much he went they ran out of bullets if they had more bullets they would have shot him more yeah all of his interviews sound like if somebody found like unreleased Clint Eastwood scripts and they're like, this is gold.

He's my favorite. I watch it, it's better than any TV show. He's so fucking. He always has a lineup of people though. I just watch when he, he. It's really right there, huh? It's like right there in the center. By the way, no one ever talks about the places

like Calhoun, Florida. Like they even have like the real like southy sounding name places up there Much more Jackson, Florida never heard of that Taylor Yeah, all these places Jefferson, Florida Gadsden levy That's where I'm from is Levy. How about that one? Oh, you're right. You're right below Dixie. So yeah So it's all it's all the armpit, but there's like the competitiveness of shitty places

But I don't mean like when you when you're in Toledo, and you're like, oh, what's the nearby shitty town? Everybody hates, you know in Florida. It's counties So we all make fun of Dixie County and we're like, oh, that's where the cousin fuckers live Do they my parents are also cousin? Seventh I don't know but I mean that's close. Yeah, I fooled around When I was a little kid, okay, it's their cousins. It's a lot. No, it doesn't we didn't have a kid or anything Yeah, you know nothing. I'm aware of These are all broken up by counties as they are

We have like Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, and Redondo Beach will battle, but they're right next to each other. So just looking at that, it's like Levy and Dixie are the same place. Yeah, they're the same. I bet that's like a football rivalry and stuff like that too. Oh yeah, like high school football rivalries.

There is a town line difference. So I lived in Medford and Summiville was the next town over and they were just a hair trashier And then if you went to Charlestown, which was next to the just bank robbers and garbage people Just yet one one street can really define a fucking human in when you when you when you how big a section though Do you need to have before everyone bands together before you stop caring about counties and go like? We're fucking South Florida altogether or someone North Florida Central, Florida before everyone bands together, before you stop caring about counties and go like, we're fucking South Florida altogether,

or something, North Florida, Central Florida. It's levels, it's levels. It's like tribes are like Voltron. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Kinda hate each other, but if someone comes to the whole place, you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Exactly. This is our little civil war, but Florida's still better.

Yeah, it's like, you can't say that shit about them, I say that shit about them. I say that shit about them. I... It's the worst weather in the universe to me. Florida. Oh, Florida? It's the most unhappy I am by weather ever. I don't mind it, because it rains once a day at least, and it just cleans all the shit away.

Yeah, but the problem is the rain doesn't go away. All of that moisture and humidity collects in your nut sack. Right in your nut sack. Which I like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the sweaty nut. You like the little swampy feeling? Oh, I love the swampy nut sack.

The Orlando improv, like two times ago that I was there, was the first time ever, not ever, but the first time, actually I should say the first time ever that after the shows every night that I performed, was not even a meet and greet. I gotta go back to the room and take a shower. And maybe have to throw out the underwear because they were just stretched out with sweat.

It was, it happened to be on the most humid time ever I was there in Orlando. Man, it was just, you outside, you're like, I hate being out here. I'm gonna move to do comedy. It's like, it really will take you right down. Your underwear elastic's all fucked up from your sweat and your gut. Dude, no doubt. And you feel it, you feel the mood to do comedy. It's like it really will take you right down. Your underwear elastic's all fucked up from your sweat and your gut?

Dude, no doubt. And you feel it. You feel the wet on the band. Yeah. Nothing makes you feel fat like that. Did you hunt alligators and do all that weird shit? All the weird shit. You did?

You've killed an alligator? All the weird shit. You swim in like a dirty pond and just jump in and fucking, you don't care? Yes. You've jumped in? I'm, the only thing I don't really fuck with is beaches. I don't get in the ocean.

But you'll jump into a dirty pond. I don't fuck with sharks, but yeah. Fuck that. I don't wanna go in lakes or oceans. I hate when- I'm a pool guy. I hate when you see those videos and the guy just jumps off a tree swing

into a dirty pond, and there's just a side, all side alligators you guys don't even give a shit I Like when a hot chick no that shit on that though. No, that's exactly where I'm from I like when a hot chick eat shit on a rope swing into a lake I love just their knees drag that everybody know to pick their feet up And then they just flop and you see the fat girl that doesn't know physics when she did that Oh, yeah, and then the thing just snaps. She goes right on her knees. Physics wasn't her issue. She didn't know that that thing couldn't hold her weight.

She didn't account for the weight of her titties. Jacob loves Florida, by the way. I love it there. It's his favorite place in the world. I'm in West Palm Beach, though, but I I wait for Grady Judd and the press conferences. I can't speak for Levy County, but Polk County is now the sovereign citizen capital of the world.

They all say they don't belong to the country anymore because they hate him so much? They don't, they drive without a license. I don't need a license. Is my figure? Oh yeah, they're like, I don't recognize the government of the United States. You know, the wording of what they say, too

They go I'm not driving because I'm not driving against the law. Yeah, I'm pet because I'm traveling on your roadways She's in she's transporting or something. I don't my person I hate those who read the law and get it down and then they wait for the cop to just make a mistake Well, they have section seven four two and the cops like, I didn't read that shit. The cops have to be so patient with them. The people that get pulled over and they're like, Oh, today's my fucking day. Oh, they love it. They can't wait to say, and they have these things that are just not, they're so smarmy too.

But it's also, they're never right. You never find that. He goes, and you know what? The guy actually pulled it off because he was completely right. They're just like, like nothing what you're saying makes sense or applies in every award so he goes I saw this in a movie once and this is the country of me I'm in they always ask for the supervisor exactly right yes you can stupid in the same results gonna happen can have your badge number it's right here I love when they make him read it it's right there what does it say read it It's just a swinging dick competition

What if the sergeant comes out and really throws down the like he goes sir He goes it goes yells the officer. He goes you brought in a sovereign citizen. Don't you know this man is a guest in our country? With his beard and fucking beaver traps. He's got said everywhere. I watched one where the woman has a fee list For if she gets pulled over woman has a fee list for if she gets pulled over she has a fee list for how long she's pulled over for and she requested like $40,000 oh there she because of the time yes that's fair because she was transporting her person do I like the the videos where like the lawyers will review like the body cams and the pullovers and they're like

actually the cops were wrong in this one. And then this guy sued them and got this guy fired and this much money. So stupid. Here's the thing. You get pulled over, a 10-2, yes sir, no sir, thank you, bye. Not in Florida, dog. No, no.

I'm talking about those people that are trying to do good, but they're still getting yanked out of cars and knees on the back of their necks and stuff and then you'll like you'll see the lawyer like pause the video and be like this is actually an unfair escalation of force and blah blah blah and according to this and then you find out like that person won that case against the police. I mean that's all you gotta do. Where did Bowie just fuck with a cop and have him beat the fuck out of you on

camera and you get 40 grand? That's like option where did bully take place in Florida the movie bully I don't know you know I'm talking about you see that Rick Moranis one no no no bully was no no big bully big bully was a Tom Arnold was beaten on Arnold yeah no bully was a better real like murder that happened of a kid from by all his friends for Lauderdale I was film Pembroke Pines it's just a complete flow I was gonna ask in that story if you're kind of like in like the the boondocks of Florida area like did you see a lot was there like kids that shot other kids back in school or like

Like fucking it was it that like feral like no white kids Or shirts ever no it wasn't guns in schools because everybody hunts So it's like everybody has guns already So it's like every it's like you know nobody brings a gun to school because everybody took like a hunter safety course Sheriff's office. Yeah, we're nine years old. I don't even like a school shooting I'm just saying like oh, I'm saying like just people who did like fucking nutty shit. Like a guy shot his uncle, it was like Wild and Wonderful White stories, you know?

It was like everyone's always in like crime turmoil. My dad has a lazy eye because his gay brother hit him with the butt of a shotgun when they were kids. Really? Yeah, like what was it? And then he went gay? And that turned him gay. A lot of people say that's what did it.

No, he was gay the whole time, but that did turn my dad cockeyed. What was your father calling him before he got the butt of the gun in his eyes? Yeah, he goes, yeah, this is a little cart before the horse here. What did your dad say to your gay uncle that they didn't know was gay yet, or did they already know? I think they already knew. Damn. Yeah, that's got you don't want to tell people that you say he was any other brother

No, no, no, wasn't him who's one twirling around upstairs. No, he didn't hit me with the gun It was my other bigger scarier one. Yeah, the one practicing his choreography It's to go kick your fucking ass. Is that the one with the Coke bottle tops on the bottom of your shoes? How old were you when you left Florida? I did, well, I mean, I left a couple times. I joined the Army after high school

and went full Forrest Gump. Wow, that's fucked up. Came back after the army. President won a Super Bowl. He goes, somehow had a child with a lady and didn't get AIDS from her. You know she had AIDS. You're actually a multimillionaire because you invested in Apple. No, no, no.

I'm the Florida version of Forrest Gump. I'm still poor. I left, left when I, comedy, I like put all my shit in a van like I bought for $1,000 and was like, we're doing this. You just started taking like doing like road stuff? Yeah, just started doing road gigs and then just stayed afloat. How long were you in the army for? Three years.

Three years? So you have a whole army, you got discharged and... Yeah, I got discharged. I had to have back surgery and then... What happened? I just injured during training stuff. I was like a... I was an x-ray technician. So I was a nerdy. In the army? Yeah.

Nice. He goes, yep, that's a break alright. No, I was the... Forgotten country? That's a break. All right Forgotten country, that's a sprained leg I got a carpal tunnel Filing shit. Yeah. No, I I got bounced off of like a two and a half ton truck and full gear and just Fucked my back up and then they they did a back surgery and the whole time. I was like recovering from that I was just going a little loop-de-loose. Where'd you get stationed at? I was in Fort Stewart for my

Phase two like doing my clinicals and stuff like that I did basic training at Fort Jackson and I did my um like my clinicals like a IT stuff in San Antonio I'm gonna explain like AIT stuff in San Antonio. I have to explain fucking injuries you obtained in the service and it's not on a battlefield just does suck to have to say it. He goes, yeah, and they had to let me go. I got discharged. He goes, why?

He goes, these fingers got a little arthritis in them so I can't really pull the trigger later. You should just lie. You should just lie, dude. But then he goes, I couldn't deal with all the kills I had. I guess I was having a hard time sleeping because I was haunted by all of the Viet Cong I killed. AJ, you're a little young for the Vietnam War.

Right. Well, whoever we were fighting in my age time. Absolutely. Is your family all still down there in Levy? Yeah, my family's all still down there. Brother, sister, parents, they used to do foster care, so I've got foster siblings spread all over the place. Do they love what you're doing?

Most of them, yeah. Some of them are like, hey, don't tell them about that time I did the thing. And I'm like, I won't. Statute of limitations as't expired yet, so. Why'd you get a hot one from Uncle Fester? No, it was him. It was, no, I'm kidding. It hurts more when you don't have to say even the thing.

He goes, hey, I know you're doing comedy, but if you could not talk about, and you just go, oh, no, no, no, I'm not gonna talk about that. You already know the things. Don't say it, they could be listening. Is it molestation when you're from Florida though? Barely. It's right there.

Barely. I mean when your parents are seventh cousins, what's a little molesting? Come on man, keep the bloodline. Yeah, no, I do say, I did used to have a joke where I said in Florida if you haven't been stabbed by a Spanish girl by the time you're 16, you don't really know what love is. Lou, you should move to Florida. Lou, yeah. You live your life dodging Hispanic women's stabs.

It's what keeps you young. Yeah, he's an expert. This guy sleeps with one eye open. Talk about military service. Lou would thrive down in Polk County. You're just looking for a relationship that looks like the knife fight from the Michael Jackson video? Yeah.

Straight poked outs. Let's tie ourselves together. Jacob, I don't know. I really, I'll never get over how much you look. But Jacob Iguana hunts. He fishes. I love Florida, too. I mean, the only thing that's weird about Florida

is that you guys live in a jungle, and you don't acknowledge it like You'll be out at a the fanciest hotel ever and a lizard will just crawl over your foot and it's a fucking dinosaur It's a it's a mini dinosaur you got. Oh, it's just a little it's a fucking that's why we like it Why it's why like it makes you feel powerful because you're like we're out here kicking the shit out of dinosaurs I just say I don't feel powerful. You're like, we're out here kicking the shit out of dinosaurs on a daily basis. I don't feel powerful at a pool when I go, ah! And then everybody looks at me.

That's because your reaction is, ah! That's a you thing. That's not a, don't blame Florida for your problems. I share your feelings, Bobby, but I was gonna say, I know that it's me. I'm not afraid with a Puerto Rican with a knife. But that? But a lizard?

I'm gonna say I ain't afraid. AJ. I got attacked last year and a half ago. I ran like it was a lizard. But you're but that I'm gonna say I ran like it was a lizard. He would have much rather had a lizard there with a knife But I would tell you yeah, there's things I'm I'm too much that guy. I remember waking up in my uncle's One of my uncles lives in Florida. He still does but visiting him. We were young I would go to bed watching the Arsenio Hall show just my next memory I guess I fell asleep watching it. And then when I woke up in the morning, I remember just open my eyes and just look down,

like my body like this, and it was just a lizard that might as well, I mean, in my mind, he did this. Sup? He like, knelt his head at me and I went, ah! I mean, from sitting to standing in one motion, like I couldn't, and then when I was there, a couple times ago with Ari and Justin Silver,

we got an Airbnb that had a cabana. Oh, it was so great until it wasn't. Because we find this cabana is just crawling with lizards in the top of it, and then once in a while, they just drop out. They drop out. So I was just having a conversation with Ari, and I just hear like, you feel like a little,

what do you mean, go, I guess one of the palm leaves of the tiki thing son of a bitch Yeah, yeah That's why they hunt iguanas and stuff in South Florida because they're the invasive species and like when the temperature drops they like freeze up and will fall out of trees and stuff and don't forget the the Snakes now the the pythons problem you guys have down there Python and the any alligator problem. Yeah, they have some assholes bought pets and then was like I got too big and just let it out into the jungle and they reproduced and now They're everywhere eating all the they're just invasive species eating everything in the swamps

Yeah, so they they just have to go out and find these fucking monsters. Python? Dude, it's like Jurassic Park living in this fucking state. Florida is basically like the district from the Hunger Games where they test all the fucking weird weapons that they're gonna use to eat kids, dude. It's crazy. I made a rhinoceros elephant. Do you want to see it?

Only in Florida. Dude, I mean, and at night too, like I'm used to crickets, you know, the occasional cicada. But down in Florida, there's noises. I heard yee yee yee, whoop whoop, brrrr brrrr, yee yee, wee, sky yee yee yee yee. You wouldn't have heard those noises if you'd have just picked up your fucking phone, Bobby. I don't know. It's true. How else was I supposed to get old?

It'd be funny if it was you in the woods. Woo woo woo woo. And he's like, oh, OK, you don't want to answer? Let me sing you the song of my people. But here's the problem with you guys. You guys move down there, you put a golf course and a gate and you're like, oh, we're safe. I was at Mike Caldiss' house, I was in the backyard enjoying my

and then I heard, ye ye ye ye ye, woo. I go, what the fuck's that? He goes, I was in the backyard enjoying my, and then I heard. That was your grinder date showing up at the front door. Yeah, he points his lasers at you, but then he lights up the disco ball and he's like, let's dance. All he had to do was go like, and he would have came out of the woods and he sucked my dick. Yeah, dude. And alligators, I didn't know this, they can climb fences.

Didn't know that. Alligators can climb a, that's why everybody in Florida has one of those things around the pool to keep the fucking Jurassic Park out of your pool. Well this is a black alligator though. All alligators are black. No, this one's more athletic for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a vertical. That's why he can climb.

What the fuck? You know, I always hear that black alligators have extra bones in their ankles that makes them be able to jump all the time. Well, black squirrels are more aggressive than regular squirrels. Did you know that? Oh, I know that, buddy. And a lot of people say that's societal and financial thing more than the black squirrels and the white squirrels. Yeah, this is just I mean, Mike has a six foot alligator in the pond

behind his house. So when he lets his dogs out, million dollar gazillion dollar house that he bought that's gated, he has to watch his house. So when he lets his dogs out, million dollar, gazillion dollar house that he bought that's gated, he has to watch his dogs, they don't go too close to the pond, and I'm like, just kill it. Go fuck it. And he's like, you can't, it's illegal to kill the alligator. Is that what Trump was talking about when he said,

they're eating the dogs? No, he was talking about the alligators, Mar-a-Lago? Was that what the black alligator said? They're eating the dog. Notice the Haitian people, they're saying, Talking about the alligators that Mar-a-Lago was that They're eating the dog nuts the Haitian people they're saying but Bobby believes it Apparently they can climb fences crazy thing to realize just a second I believe what I see on the news and then if you show me something else, I believe that I believe anything I'm with you anything that's put in front of me. I believe. Well, I say this in my set, too, in one of the things I talk about.

A well-produced, high-level documentary will swing me over in a heartbeat. You, Bobby, are swayed day to day by a six-year-old with TikTok. From a children's TikToks. So Bobby comes in like it's gospel. He goes, unreal. There's definitely dog in all of our American Chinese food.

A TikTok said it with a cool background music. First of all, not dog, it's rat. Second of all, I was right about P. Diddy. You guys all were against me about P. Diddy. I was not against you, everyone was right about P. Diddy. No, when I first brought up P. Diddy, like, guys, is this real? I don't think it's real, this might be bullshit.

Oh, I don't think for sure that that is. No, listen, I know you and Kurt had a long fucking mind meld in five hours you and Kurt Metzger Which I know is is a lot for you to process Yes, the Jew lasers I'm telling you just because of that does not mean there are actual Jew lasers You know, it doesn't mean that that audio is P. Diddy actually but fucking another celebrity No one would record that audio you are, all right, you, me and you at P. Diddy's house. And we hear him. Is it P. Diddy's entire job to record audio?

I believe that's true. Wasn't that kind of the whole. I wanna ask you a question. He goes, oh, is that P. Diddy's thing he's always taking? That's the secret. He's always recording audio. It wasn't just the gay sex. That's just all they're playing. If me and you were at P. Diddy's house for a party

and we heard him banging, getting banged away by another dude, we wouldn't run to the door like little kids with our phones. You think he plays it that fast and loose, Bobby, that he's going like, hey guys, if you'll excuse me a sec from the party, me and Meek Mill are gonna go into this room right off the party and scream fuck each other.

Yeah! Wait, owie! You think he excuses himself from the party? You think he doesn't pull like a Ron Burgundy, like, hey everyone, come and see how good I look while I fuck Meek Mill at this party. Let's ask the expert in famous people. Christine, what do you think?

Christine, you're a famologist. Do you have the audio of? That's him. I also oh, oh, oh, oh! I also don't believe you give yourself over that much to gay sex at a party. You don't know that. Talking all that shit, this seems like it would be a... Pulling off at a party seems like it would be a quiet...

Maybe you'd hear the thighs to cheeks, but I don't think you're gonna hear all the... You haven't been to a famous person's party. Yeah, that's true. I haven't think you're gonna hear all the... Well, you haven't been to a famous person's party. Yeah, that's true. I haven't. You haven't been asked. The police thought it was, uh, legit enough. Well, I don't know if that Meek Mill thing has anything to do with the police stuff.

Just throw it in. Who cares? Oh, for sure. Throw it in. Yeah, just throw in an assault on Meek Mill. What did they get him on? What did they get Diddy on? It came out, right? It came out, they arrested him yesterday. And sex trafficking Do you think they just were always gonna arrest him from the very beginning and they just kind of acted like cuz it seems

Like the whole story just went away and then one day they arrested him cuz it was like they kind of let it die down He's like I think he did even came out like I guess no one's talking about this If PDT came out and said something like look I, I didn't do this, I'd believe him. Of course you would. I'd be on his side. You would. Especially if you took a camping or something. Look, just because he managed you

doesn't mean you have to stick up for him. Lawyers say while vowing to appeal a no bail, oh, he's not getting bail? That's bad. Not getting bail is pretty crazy. That's bad. P.D., he is going to have a rough time in that holding cell. Especially now, everybody gets bailed, for God's sakes.

They should put him on 60 Days In. I would totally watch B. Doe get 60 Days In. That would be pretty great. What do they say? Yo, Playboy, is it commissary time? Of course you could borrow my socks. Yeah, sex trafficking. Yeah, sex trafficking and there's a couple things.

Also, if they give him a cellmate, he could be on 60 Days In and 90 Day Fiance. That's true. He's also accused of guns, kidnapping, arson, intimidating victims. But look at this, 50 witnesses in sex trafficking. It's a lot. It's a lot. Turns out this entire time, the version of himself he played in, get him to the Greek,

was the real deal. It was the whole time. It's sort of Jonah Hill told that story on Stern years ago, you remember that? About did get into the Greek and he said Pete that he told him to come hang out and then like Scared the shit out of him all night with his boys and but then he said was all like a joke He was like they were fucking with him is it but like Here's the thing the joke was I think in the story there was like guns present at one point I think in this joke when they were driving like a hundred miles per hour down Sunset yeah, it's fun like doing stuff that it was like he was like I was actually pretty scared

But there was all kind of a joke and they were like, yeah We were just fucking with you like scary because you're like you're hanging out with these guys I mean there's too many people coming out against him and there's too many people first of all if you're gonna sex traffic And I'm by the way, I'm saying could do it if that's your thing. But wait a minute What if you're going to know my thing? I know but what no I'm against it But if you're gonna do it, I have a child that's I'm against all that I have women I care about but if you're going to and that's your right as a sovereign citizen If you're going to hey man my first advice after this door would be like

Don't let 50 people know there shouldn't be 50 witnesses to this whole thing. That means you tell everybody you hang out with. He goes, hey, we've been friends for about three months now. I could tell you. I got a pretty cool sex trafficking going. You want to jump in on that? I'm going to tell you right now, you could never do it, because you have a big mouth.

You wind up telling everybody. I'll tell you right now, I'm thinking about getting into sex trafficking. So put me on a list, because if it comes up, I might be one of your guys. You remember that Johnny Depp, Whitey Bulger movie, Black Mass, where he's sitting talking to his kid who punched the kid in the face at school.

And he's like, you're not in trouble because you punched a kid in the face. You're in trouble because you punched a kid in the face in front of other people. And now you're just giving that talk to sex traffickers on XM radio. So don't sell kids in front of other people. Yeah. And now you're just giving that talk to sex traffickers on XM radio. So don't sell kids in front of other people. Do not tell 50 people.

I mean, keep it close to the hip, dude. You're sex trafficking for Christ sakes. Yes, Jacob? He didn't tell them. He thought he invited 50 people to his party that weren't cool. He invited 50 people that weren't into fucking kids. Oh, so he was like, hey, everybody, look at all these sex traffic kids. One of them is, he goes, oh, well then get out of here, kids. Oh, so he was like, hey everybody, look at all these sex traffic kids. Like, what are they doing?

He goes, oh, well then get out of here kids. We can just dance. He just over invited, dude. Yeah, it's like making a potato salad and people don't like the potato salad. Take that out of here. It's just like Jonah Hill, he's like, guys, I'm just fucking around.

Kids, get out of here. Hey, who wants to do ice tube shots? Ice flume shots? Is sex trafficking just like a blanket term for basically being a pimp or like working hookers? I think when you hire somebody for sex, and I think it might have been a little underage stuff. No, trafficking I believe always has to do with crossing borders. Yeah, I was going to add that to it at the end. When you hire them and then you take them in a car across a border.

In the interest of time though. You hire them and then you take them in a car across the border Prostituting girls against their will and it seems like it's just the term for Running prostitution a fucking magic machine right in front of you I thought maybe my famous friends would know better. Yeah. Wow. Wow There comes out same thing, but it's like corporate level middle management. Yeah, it's like retail level It's like it's all the same I think trafficking always implies crossing over like a border of some sort. I don't think so I do I think I think I've said things before it's like if you prostitute somebody in New York Exactly if you go to Jersey New York with for a product

But not technically you could take somebody from New York fly him down to Miami to fuck people right sex traffic Yeah, it's not like you're putting them in a van and driving them down No, no, no, no for sure. Yeah, so you're saying hey I don't know five hundred bucks to come down here the R. Kelly thing was that he was just bringing his they thought they were His girlfriends the time but the fact that he was bringing them all over the place made it like trafficking He was moving them all around so if you so you're saying if you keep the girls in one place Get the girls locally pay them to fuck all these guys the kids Then you find P. Diddy keep your trafficking local not trafficking at all because not reference stop telling so many people

Here's what you do. You drop it on one person at a time. You got to feel it out You don't just drop it on 50 people at once and go hey communally do we all accept this because even if there's Let's take a healthy number and say three people who were super stoked on Trafficking when they see the rest of the crowds are actually not gonna be the person goes I think we should let him talk P. Did he please continue actually you were wrong Jay Scroll down to what that thing said. Yeah, keep going though. Scroll down to the one you highlighted.

Oh, the Stockholm Syndrome? Yeah, that one's a shitty one to have on your record. But you're using interactive descriptions so they can... Like, we're in love, but fuck my buddy in this whole pain. Migrating prostitutes may be given an inaccurate description of conditions because they're they're migrants coming from a different place their destination country So it's there you go travel Wait up the action or practice of illegally transporting people from one country or area to another for the purpose of sexual exploitation You're right. Thank you. Yeah, You were right. I take it back.

We have to take a break. That's right. P Diddy, if you would have listened to me, you'd be fucking cream cheese right now, dog. AJ Wilkerson is going to be shooting his special at the Gramercy Theater. We'll make sure when we put this out we have space for you to send us. AJ Wilkerson is going to be shooting his special. AJ's so goddamn funny. Everyone's talking about him all over the road, man. Everyone, he's going to be shooting a special, the Gramercy Theater, New York City,

Friday, January 31st. Go see him, go support. Absolutely fucking, first special officially? First real special, yeah, yeah. First real special. Congratulations, man. It's going to be cream cheese. Cream cheese. Tickets go on sale this Friday. Get them if you're in the New York area for tickets and all their tour dates. Go to ajwilkerson.com Robert Kelly live, punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. For all his dates, he's going to be in Cleveland this weekend.

I'm going to be at the Omaha Funny Bone this weekend. And of course, two legion of skanks at the Creek creek on Sunday and then the skank fest for everybody if it be awesome. Yeah, I mean if it even exists It doesn't really exist who knows sold out smold out. Haha, the bonfire praise Jesus