The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - College Gigs (feat. Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Everyone's favorite amigo Mike Finoia is back with stories of hell gigs!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on... What is the SXM? Yeah, Series XM. You can say Series XM if you want. Thank you very much. For the full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the SMX app. Say Series XM.

Say Series XM. You can listen on the SMX app. No. Say, series XM. Serious XM! You can listen on the serious XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, the Bonfire with Big J. Olkerson and Robert Kelly. I'll be a good bye. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b Get back Will You know there's only two people who could be in the studio with that plan There's only two people we know and love who could be in the studio while this is going on I wish there was one last

Thanks, not you or me You have to hear this god grateful dad. I want to hear're dead. I'm just not. All in the one guy. Someone did tell me recently though who was a fan says they love Grateful Dead, but Dead and Company is not satisfying to them. They said it's like a cover band. They felt like, which is interesting. I've heard a lot of positive things too. It's not my deal.

But you know who's the deal it is? Our guests. Sending a fist show. It's been a while. It's America's Amigo, everybody. He's taping a special Saturday, May 6th love the game. Why do you hate him so much, brother? It sounds like he's trying to sing but he can't.

It sounds like he just got the gig this afternoon. This song? Our sing it in truck. Can you try? I will. Try. Well, he was a fat dying person at this point. He really was.

Oh, is this when he was dying? Yeah, it's when he was like teen wolf's dad when he came to tell me he was a werewolf. I think we should talk Scotty. Great hair. Great hair. Great hair. Great hair. I think this song, uh, Friend of the Devil. What's that sound like? This is the only song I know. I think you're like a friend of the devil. I am a friend of the devil. I'll tell you this also, Bobby. You'll end up liking... A friend of the devil is a great song,

but it's... I might probably disagree with this, but it's better to me. It's covered wonderfully a lot. Mm-hmm. That song's been covered a lot really well. It's cool too. I hate it already.

No. I'm kidding. It's guitar can't sing. I hit it already. No. I'm kidding. His guitar can't say. I mean it'll kick in. When? Five minutes from now? Yes. After the vacuum cleaner saw. Yeah. Wrong man. I did it. Don't worry about the verses. It's a chorus right here. Now, keep that in mind. Now go to the counting crows doing it. Dude, it makes me want to dump.

Bob, you're always in the verge of a dump. I'm not in it. And not from your butt. You're like a South Park episode where they shit out of their mouths. Is that a surgery side effect? Yeah, at least that's where they dump it. It goes, alright, Bob, we were in there. We accidentally flipped your stomach in your asshole though.

So you have to eat through your butt and shit out your mouth. You got it? Hello? I didn't get sleep last night till morning. He really is a whiny fucking dude. Who is this? Who is this? Who is this?

Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this?

Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? It sounds good. I like the county grows, but he does sound like, I just I tell you one of my favorite things though it makes me laugh and you could probably find it. My album on Louis CK dot com. Oh, yes.

Great. Killbox. Adam Duritz doing round here live is one of my favorite live. Like it's too much because the best part, he probably ruins the best part of the song. A hundred percent of the time. Best part of the song is, uh, she says she part of the song is she says she's thinking to jump in She must be tired of life. She must be tired of something round here. You know that We doesn't live he goes first we talks a bunch of it through which I was annoying right he's always like say she's thinking to jump and

Said she's tired of life. Yeah, well everybody's sick and tired of something if you're out there, around here. Like you just fucking jerks it off so hard. That's one of the earlier conversations you and I had, Jay was about how some bands when you go see them live. You just wanna see them play the songs, the way it is on the album, and that's it. You know what I mean?

100%. Don't take me on a journey. Why? I like journeys. I know man. Probably back to your friendship when you guys both had long hair. Yeah.

Listen, you could put it, you wanna put a little reprise in there or something? It's, when we in Christine see, they asked who times we saw a tool at the end of stay clothes on stink fist and when the big build up leads to the I'll keep digging part They build up to it and then just go into like a three-minute Crazy like instrumental thing and then it all comes back to the

It's one of the coolest thing but Bring it up a little 46 and two not 46 to stink fist rock on the range and go towards the end That was my nickname in high school FYI. Why? Because I used to stick my fist and guys assholes and Teach so it's exactly what I was gonna guess I took only bullies though. I think I have some weird thing like if you bullied somebody I stuck my fist in your ass Stink fist Kelly's on his way Yeah, the lower is vigilante. Yeah, okay. Thanks for the lunch money. Eddie. He goes you'll see stink fist Kelly's on his way. Yeah. The lower is vigilante. Yeah. Hey, thanks for the lunch money.

88. You'll see. Stinkfist Kelly's on his way here. You better use that lunch money quick, buddy. He's just a bat signal. He's just a fist. I had a hoodie with one sleeve missing. That was your shirt.

That was my stinkfist. Your fist and hoodie. His stickfist. Is this the breakdown part, still? Go back to where it does it. It's so much. Turn the volume up on this. Yeah, go back.

Now, we'll watch this video on YouTube. What concert is this? What is this? This is tool. Tool, where? Rock on the range. I was at this. Is this recent or is this a long time ago?

2018. Five years. Turn it up. Back up. You got to back up more. It's not like you're trying to get a massage from your girl back up up down over Go down right there right there. No, these knuckles over there up down. Give me a breath. Let's think fist BBA BBA select start up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up Yeah, let it go from here. This is awesome. But I don't like when someone deviates too far from this. You gotta give the parts. You know what I mean?

And if you go high in a song, you bet why I love to tell you. I get a lot of shit for corn. They go for it like live and they put, oh here it is. The crowd gets so stoked. Remember how close we were when we saw that Barclays? Yeah, on Molly. Yep. Watch the crowd get so boned up and they get...

You like Toul Bobby? I do like Toul. They're great. Me and Max here. Drive around, listen to the Toul. God, that backstab... Is this... so intense. Is this when he was up in the back and not showing him so? He's always always in the back right? Well not always. He used to come out front. Oh I mean in like the 90s. That's been his thing though. He stays in

a weird outfit. Why? Because they it's about the state the screen and the drummer. And doesn't the guitar player create all those? Oh, yeah, also, yeah, the guitar player is like a special effects genius who did, he did like the original, the original Jurassic Park. He did. Oh, is it the Chinese guy?

No, no, no, he's a white dude. The white dude that did the documentary on? No, he wasn't the main, he was just worked on them. He was one of the guys who made, he's a special festival. He's made all their videos, wait. Oh, I thought that was the part where he was just worked on them. He's one of the guys who made it. He's a special vessel. He's made all their videos. Wait. Oh, I thought that was the part where it was going to come back. I remember going to that concert with you and you go, dude, you should put in ear plugs.

And I've been to so many concerts and I never wore ear plugs. And I'm like, what do I need to ear plugs for? And I had them in my hand and they came out in the base hit. One of the ear plugs when we fly that, I'm like, it was so loud. I had one and I kept moving them from here to here.

We were like fifth row, sixth row. It's a loudest show I've ever been to. You've been at this show right here. No, Barclays. Same show though. I've only seen them once. Turn it up, Lou. Let's feel it.

Oh my God, they're so good. Dirk A. Oh my god, they're so good. Deirgin! Deirlin' feel something. I love sad melodramatic music and lyrics. Desperate lyrics. Josh Adam Myers makes me laugh so hard. His impression of corn. He just goes, corn songs are all, my mind is full of sorrow.

Their sorrow in my mind. What a perfect impression of corn. Everything's full of sadness. Daddy never cared about me. He never picked me up from school. I caught the ball and no one was there. She wouldn't be my valentine. My mind is full of sorrow. There's sorrow in my mind. Love is love is love is love and then we're all. What was it? Bill Berg got me when we saw Iron Maiden years ago? He goes this guy all of his lyrics are he describes a bunch of things and then goes was it real or a crazy dream?

Because it's got a lot of crazy dreams That's someone of every song he goes couldn't be a crazy dream I remember it made such a dummy out of myself when you and I went to go see corn at a where the hell do we go see him? Irving Plaza we went backstage and they had a stack of pizzas, do you remember? And they had like, I was trying to like, slightly grab a slice of pizza on my way out, but the cheese like congealed. So I pulled it down like a jenga towel.

I felt like Garth, I'm like, it's kind of how to party or what? That was a fact dude though. Yeah, totally was. It was a stone guy move. Yeah, totally was. It was a stone guy move. You know, whenever I go meet Kornair for the show, I'm always like, everyone remembers, right? Remember the great, wonderful times we had?

That drummer hit that, Ray? Yeah, he's a fry. I just saw him. He came to me and Bobby show the other night. He's the best. Which one? The crowd work show in Nashville. Oh, yeah.

I was working. Yeah, he had to split. And then they said they had to split like the babysitter got said. Yeah, yeah. I was on the crowd for four hours. Oh, we were doing the back. We have not discussed this fully yet. Bobby poor Bobby and Nashville that show on Wednesday night. Well, we agreed to do a show in Nashville and then he was like let's you do the crowd work show and I was like great we're gonna go up together but then at the last minute I'm like just let me do the mic and the crowd it'll be you're up here. I'm out there

But I forgot that Jay It's an endless job. Yeah, Jay goes back in and I'm out there with some comic and for some reason they started trashing me Which was I even said was a court Macao. We get on stage. It started crashing Bob. You're right away I go, it's not really the energy of the show. Yeah. Supposed to be like teaming up on the audience, you know? Having fun together. I always say I go, I don't even say you can bust their balls.

When I describe the show, I go, there's an audience mic out there so though, you can have a microphone to hear the audience and you can also play with them. Like, you know, you can bounce off each other. And then it's like, Bobby, you look like blah, blah, blah, you piece of shit. It's like, Bobby's half asleep. He's been out there for an hour and a half already. He's like, huh? Yeah. It was fucking, and they can't bring up people

out. And I started getting thirsty. There was no water. And I was, I was hungry. And then I see Jay coming up like chip dip on his feet. There's another guy. And there's like laughter coming from the back. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, we're having so much fun in the back. Christine grabbed me like a pit crew. She's like, if you need a break, Jay told me to come out. No, I'll finish it. I'll finish it, champ.

No, he said first, he said you went, yeah. Like you got a reprieve. And he's like, how many more people? And she's like, I think two, he goes, no, I'm just going to, I'm going to get through it. Yeah, let's just do it. And then people started leaving in the back, I think two, he goes, no, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna get through it. Let's just do it.

And then people started leaving in the back because it was a long show. Yeah. I usually put like three or four people on that show. It was a loss. It was over two hours. You should get a camel back for next time. It was fucking bad.

My plant a fasciitis kicked in. All right. Like I was limping to the last guy and then i went over the last guy last guy came out had uh... autism but he also had a nervous t it's you shake his body shake so his body is a funny guy he comes out and trashes me like so something like i had a whole everything in my body to hold back every

fucking shaky joke I wanted to give You want to play craps? Human food processor. Yeah, you give hand jobs? I think it's a little dressing on this sound. Did you even want it? There's one guy in the back that I just stayed away from because he's sick. I know he was sick. Right. I saw that guy had a hat pulled down,

very gaunt with somebody and kind of trying to keep himself. So I stayed away from the whole show and immediately he goes, that guy right there. And I was like, no, no, no, he's right there. What's wrong with you? And I was like, oh God, he went, the guy went,

I just become a mom, don't cap there. Oh, Christ. The guy goes like just become a mom don't answer oh Christ the guy goes like this what and then went oh I said he just recovered from throat cancer It's give he goes really and I put the mic away. Yes Fucking idiot the guy leave him alone, shakes. Wow. Shakes.

There's a gunt man, by using the crowd or a bullet. Wrap it up. I wanted to leave that hour ago. I have to get chemo. I'm afraid to walk through crowds. I wish I never smoked. Dude, there was, that was.

There was a couple in the audience who had an autistic child at home. And really were just super cool about just making fun of that situation. I did. It's great when you feel that out and you're like, but I've always found, I really have always found to be true.

Special ed teachers, people who work in that field or people who have kids that are mentally challenged, like that are the first to let, they don't mind those, rarely have I ever seen that turn, like they're like our daughter, because they're like, they're almost happy to laugh, but I guess it's a very difficult life. So I think they're like okay to make light of it.

I've never seen it, it's always people who have nothing attached to that at all, just like, that's so shitty to do, it goes, they're laughing because it's you know come on We know suck. I didn't I didn't even meet the dude from corn Yeah, yeah He's a sick drummer dude. He's coming down. You got to meet him. You're gonna love him. I was like so excited But I was out there hanging with cancer patients

Fucking all night. I was a fucking- Bobby with one foot. One foot out of his shoe. He's fucking his- Rubbish. You're autism folks. Dude, I had a headache from not eating. I was bad. There's also a guy,

Josh Adamir's tattoo artist who was hammered in the front row and was just living his own thing. Again, it's one of those rough things. He's a fan and you go, he meant everything he did. He meant well, but he had no idea That lack of sense that I'm like everyone around you dude is so sick of you. I hate you

It's not even me. I'm fine. You're being sweet to me technically. So it's like sweet guy But you're like this crowd heat because no matter what was going on I'm like so Bobby. What's that guy over there saying? Bobby's like, oh, you know, they're married and this guy's just like, fucking big J dude. Fucking big J right there. Yeah, and then I come on. He's right there.

Bob Kelly, man. If Bob got near him. He kept going, you look so good, man. So proud of you, man. So proud of you, man. Just a walkin' bag of Molly. I'll tell you what. Dude, Nate Bargaz, he was on stage and he started doing it for Nate and we're talkin' to the people,

off in the thing. And Nate trashed me too, by the way. Nate trashed me and he looked like a fuckin' popsicle. I mean, this fuckin' got stuck. Bobby was funny. Bobby would, it was, one of my favorite things ever is like a delayed, like response to not realizing what's happening. What years ago on Ron and Fez Chris.

Chris now. Stanley. Chris Stanley. Yeah. I'm just gonna go. I used to call Pepper Hex at that time. Yeah. When they was gonna miss Pepper Hex. He's someone called him in. They were. He has a nice phone call with the show. And he goes, all right. I'm gonna go. He goes Pepper Hex. He goes later. He goes later. You fucking cunt or something like that. And no, he goes. You fucking piece of shit or something like that. And Chris goes, all right, I'm gonna go. He goes pepper hicks. He goes later, he goes later, you fucking cunt or something like that. And no, he goes, you fucking piece of shit or something like that. And Chris goes, oh thanks, man, you fucking cunt face.

And just the timing, I'm doing it no just because the timing of it was everything. Just the way he realized after his thank you that there's like no was mean. And Bobby was having that, you know, I'd be like, hey, Bobby, this is so and so. And Bobby, yeah, yeah, let Bobby's is so and so and and Bobby Yeah, yeah, let's go over here and talk to the like hey Bobby fucking used to be fat You're still fat you fucking asshole Bobby like I'm You told me and then Bobby's gonna be like you look like a fucking jerk off Cuz I know it I've done the show I know how I'm supposed to go. It's not a comic. It was, because he told me, because I know that I've done the show. Sure, yeah.

I know how I'm supposed to go. It's not a comic station comic, it's roast. Nobody, nobody, nobody paid attention. What happened was, this is what happened. They came out and realized that it's, you know, it's not as easy as you think it is, but I'm here for you, I'm here. So Jay, they got Jay,

when it came back out towards me and he would come out with people, because I don't know if someone told you that these guys were like Hey, no, I just there were people who asked me to okay, but I got out of the one this is another really funny You came up you came out for some reason when they failed at Trashing the audience they would attack me and it's you know me dude I'm like, hey man. It's cool. What the fuck are you talking about you fucking dumb popsicle? I was I would snap really quick, but the remember the old lady the two old ladies. Oh, yeah

What was happening? We get a given those girls the business. You gave me me you We get to take those two old bitty's back to the room and game a little wrong Hey, we have to fucking need vacuum cleaners. We're done with everything game a little romp. We have to fucking need vacuum cleaners. We're done with them. We have to put up the dust that's shot out of their assholes. They were, dude, they were mad. I felt so bad. Hey, Sally. Hey, Kathy. Come on back to the room. Just come in which hazel. Hey, Parky horses in the back. Right over there. That's good. I'll give you a little head for a one straw penny. Take off your hat, Sally and your girdle. Dude, she kept...

So you're smashing it. The other comics is smashing it. She kept grabbing me going, please, no more. I don't want any more. Leave me alone. And I'm like... For real?

I almost started crying. I almost started crying. The long-haired one? The long-haired one was like, I'm done. Can you just stay away from me? Well, in fairness, though, she was making herself set up a tension for most of the show. She just wanted no moss. No, he said no. She was crying. I mean, it made me tear up. So here's the thing. It should have just been her being made fun of for, I don't know, hour and 20 minutes. Instead,

she was made fun of solidly for two and a half hours. Wow. So they just kept, the best part was, I got out of one. So they, uh, uh, uh, court account was like, go up with me. Would you go up with me? And I was like, no, I usually just introduced and then you and Bobby, you like work.

He's Bobby's out there for you. And he's like, yeah, can you stand there for like a little bit? And you're like, yes. Oh, I stayed up there for him. And then I, and then I brought up Nate who wanted me to be up there with him too. He asked me to be up there with him. So I went up there and we did it with Nate. And then I brought the next comic and walked off. And when I was outside the Brad, um, I'm with Dorfman. Dorfman, yeah.

Brian Dorfman. Brian Dorfman. Brian Dorfman, and he was, he was feeling good. And he was just like, yeah, we should put killer bees on the show. Now killer bees, let me give you my interesting history with killer bees. I remember this guy.

I don't even know who he was until that night, but. I know, and Bobby, but it. But that makes it so much funnier than Bobby, because this is great. So Killer B's was like a bit of like, I don't wanna say this in a negative way at all, but he was a bit of a never was. In the sense of like, he has his audience, and now he's on that show, Moon Shiner's,

I think he's got like a good following again. I think he's doing good for himself, yeah, and he's a good dude. I worked with him a billion years ago. I got a weekend featuring for a few different people around the improvs in Florida. I don't know why I was around moving around so much, but it was like Louis CK at the Seminole Hard Rock. And then to Miami for Adele Gibbons and then back to Seminole hard rock for killer bees. Okay. And killer bees, uh, I went on before him.

He was very nice. His wife, who he's still with, I see your very nice kids with them even. And I'm like, oh, it's nice to meet you guys. I don't have a feature. And I go up there and I'm like, you know, you ever sucker, who comes on the face and everybody loves it up the ass and whatever. And it went well. It went well. And then he got, I didn't realize he's just like a super like clean family

friendly and he goes on stage and his first 10 minutes are going like, I don't know what the hell that crap was. You can't say things like that. I'm sorry, y'all. I had to deal with that. And then when I got off stage, you gave me a talking to over his merch table of shirts Did all say save up save up this is thing that's his clothes is quoted time to save up wash your ass So this is great though. So then I don't see him for years and years and

We bump into each other Nashville one time. I'm doing the late shows on a weekend. They used to break up split weekends. And first, the early shows were killer bees. And they've told me in Nashville to the killer bees in his to his credit. They said Nashville or Zane East is in general. Probably wouldn't they gave him very much credit for that place standing because in the beginning when they couldn't sell tickets, he did have this like Southern following. And he would like sell the place like out for them a couple times a month and it would like keep the doors open for another like you know another month. And so they give him that credit and I know he was like he was almost one of the blue collar comedy guys. He just in that world. And and that's and I saw him that weekend and he was just saying the least lamp in L.A. was like shitty to me the first time I ever met

or like really shitty to me. I see them years later and it was just, same thing with Lee Slamp and Ellie was like, shitty to me the first time I ever met her. Like really shitty to me. I see them years later and it's just like, it never happened and killed me. He's like, big jagas, I've been following your career and you're doing, he's just, I mean a doll of a guy. And I'm just like, I'll accept that. That's fine.

Cut ahead to this thing. You know, I saw kill bees. We already smoked pot with him and his wife. It's great and everything. And Dora Fin goes, you should put on killer bees You should put on the crowd. We should go say crowd works not his thing at all. It'll be really funny He's even saying he doesn't want to and shouldn't but I'm saying he should go on I was like yeah, you know if he wants to if he wants to do he goes he wants to do it

He's saying he doesn't want to and that he can't do it, but he'll be great. He's like, just go on with him. Like do it with him. He's putting that one on me again. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, I don't want to do that. No, at all. And then inside, he's Josh Wolf, who's on mushrooms.

And Josh Wolf, now Dorfman's gone, goes like Josh was like, should I go up on this thing? And then Dorfman, in his drunkenness, go, you guys should go on together. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I thought that was, I pushed that idea because now I don't have to be on stage at all. Yeah.

Dude, so I go up on stage and I bring up, dude, I go to, you know, Megazine comedians coming up here. Yeah. And I go, Josh Wolf and Killer B's, and they clap, you know, magazine comedians coming up here. Yeah. And I go, Josh Wolf. And Killer B's, and they clap, Josh Wolf on mushrooms grabs the microphone and puts a foot up on the monitor in the front of the stage and just starts working the crowd. Like he's doing the job.

Killer B, and Bobby, I need your perspective on this because I'm watching it from the back. Killer B's just held a drink and just like stood not near a microphone the whole time. And just like, Josh, he just observed Josh wolf working the stage. You know what it's on from on stage. He just stood there. There's an old man standing there over there. He looked, it looks crazy. Here's the problem.

And yes, I'm doing social media as we're doing. I appreciate that duck lips because I love Lou. Listen to me. Telling you right now, I Was in the crowd and he was talking He was doing crowd work. Yeah, but the microphone was five feet away from me And I kept going hey sir I don't know if I'm gonna fucking burn a bridge somewhere I'm like sir you need this because Bobby does know Bobby's really like he's not even thrown like the elder like comic

Respect and he's gone like I think Bobby won't be like because if because you should probably know I The same old microphone you dummy I go the microphone works You have to talk into the microphone for the rest of us to hear you He's walking around going. I was fuck. My blood sugar was low, my feet were hurting, and he stuck out this guy who was talking. I had to go as an actor that I'm doing. He kept getting furious, he goes,

and Jay's outside smoking cigarettes and weed with everybody. And I was, every time they went on stage, I'd go outside and I'm like, oh, it's time for cigarette and I'd go, oh, it's all done, and they go, I gotta go get the personal stage. I'll be back in two minutes.

She's come in bodies to love and fucking martini's to tables. Dude, I was sitting by the door stage I'll be back out in two minutes. You come in Bobby's to love and fucking martini's to tables Dude I was sitting by the door. I could hear the fun I could hear and I'm out there and the guys go what do I do now? I'm like do fucking talk to them you go in and Bobby's like text laugh to 802 I'm so tired. I was so tired of doing that night. Oh my god, I can't even do it. No, that was back to the hotel. That wasn't even a cook my feet. Yeah, in

Epson salt in the top. Do you legit have sciatica? No, I don't. I think I do. I don't I have I do have Plantafaschi out of this though, and I do have a low tolerance for working like a dog. Yeah, you want to have a rofer? We can have a rofer come on the show again. A roll come a ro for what's a roe for it's not roll come And when you guessed it, I feel like you knew that I don't know what a roe for is jay song Rolving is deep deep aggressive tissue massage so that they will come in here with their hands and break up that

a fascia, but it's why it's good audio and i'm i write jg is because you're going to make horrible noises i'm in okay i'm in could look into a christine looking over all for again will they do my back oh yeah they'll not only do your back they'll push your back into a touch is your uh... i forgot mean borkrysher when I did his Burtkasting I forgot that when I did they did roll thing to us on that show cabin

Deon Cole started having blood come out of his mouth and nose. No, it's crazy. Yeah, they call it medicine This is here that was from the jokes and stole from me Where they're comfortable Hello, hello. Where'd that come from? We would have to be too uncomfortable for the client. You've had this done, Bobby. I've had this done, my, what? What?

I did a college tour. I did a knack, am I a knack? Yeah. So I did a knack in Northeast region. Let me put this up, I'm sorry, I'm a little. I did a Northeast region and I did, there's 50 schools. And at the last minute I said I'm not being clean, I'm being dirty. If I get one school, that's a school that wants me.

Because all the comics were dying, bombing in front of the, I went out and did my regular set, fucking murdered. Just murdered. The next day, they all go into this room and they go, okay, Kathy blah, blah, blah, blah. A couple of people raised, they said, Robert Kelly, 49 out of 50 schools hired me. Wow.

Good thing about that, it was like never been done, it was like I made the cover of Nacka Magazine that year, bad thing is, It's not cool, but no, it's not good for the yearly. Not really. But the bad thing about it is when they get you, like that, they can block Bokeo. So you go from like $10,000 a show to like $50. Yeah, it's like three greatest show.

Yeah, not even. It was a thousand of them. You some have to buy books to do. Dude, it was fucking terrible. So I bought a car. I literally bought a car. I was like smoking the bandit. I was like, I need a car, faster car.

And I bought a brand new Honda CR-V or whatever it was. And I went on the road for two months by myself and I would just go school to school to school. And I lost feeling in three fingers because I would be driving so much in the winter that I got a pinch nerve in my neck. My right arm would get stuck in my position. Because I would be squeezing it so tight from anxiety. Because you'd show up and I think you might have done a couple of these with me. With the light.

I think you might have done a couple of these schools with me with them. They had no lights. And I asked for water. They give you a couple of water from the fountain. Oh, you'd be in the cafeteria performing on like, they pushed five tables together. Yeah, yeah. You're next to like a cookie tray or something.

I showed up one that was none. I thought it was always. There was four nuns with the hats. What? In the fucking audience. And I went, in my contract, I get to say whatever I want. They were like, yeah, say whatever you want. They're just gonna be there.

I'm like, I'm going to fucking hell. Yeah. I'm a Catholic. Do you have a child? Did I have a child? Did I have a child? I'm sorry. So then, I did this whole thing, but when I came back, I had no feeling in my three fingers, my back, my arm, so Dawn hooked me up with this guy Bill, who was a gay dude

that she knew, but was a masseuse. But like was one of these guys. And I showed up to his spot. And I kind of felt bad because I was like, you want me to take my pants off? He was like, no, I'm good. I kept raising my bum up and he kept pushing it down. I kept presenting. I kept presenting and he kept going, no, no, no, no.

This isn't that kind of party. Yeah, I'm I'm good. He's like I'm on the clock Um, he's like roll fit I roll for all he got into my armpit And got in my armpit and went into my body Yeah, and then dude I screamed I was crying man He was like this is gonna be real bad. He got into my back, underneath the muscles, and the ligaments, because he knows the anatomy, they know how things connect.

It's crazy. I was screaming so hard, but he can't. The foot one will, the foot one, it got better. The foot one you will scream, dude, it's that dude. I need it again, I need it again. I get it in studio. I'll definitely do it. I need something for sciatic.

I feel like I have a racket ball. Do you have a hot racket ball like in my, do you keep your wall in your back pocket? This one, yeah, my left, that left. That's terrible. Don't ever do that. That's terrible. I've learned that.

That's why you have it. That's why I've always been front pass. That's why my wallets, change is connected to pants now. One of the reasons. You know how crazy paranoid, neurotic I am about stuff. Like I'm like immediately immediately I have like hip cancer I don't even know that's the thing but it's like it was going like a hot racquet ball that goes from like my

My back down to the base of my foot. It's horrible. I feel like I do you remember when we went to San Fran together Oh god, yeah me and Mike in the yeah, oh totally always it was just for a getaway No shows are not no shows just a place where we can go be us. We're ready to try to eat Italian food. Yeah, I want to eat some food. I want to shoot on the street. Is that when you went to social media? But we landed in something when I landed on a plane.

I felt like my lower back had a weird thing. And then we laid down and go to bed. Mike had to see the middle of the night, like wake up in such that pain that shooting down the leg pain. And I've laid flat on the floor. I'm like Larry, I was talking about the other. I'm asleep on the couch and he's on the ground. Like crawl towards me like,

trying to move you like some like saw or something. Like he goes, Mike. I said I'm gonna go to the hospital. Mike, I think I got a little sucky dick. Mike, I could just do it. Don't wake me up Mike Mike I'm gonna crawl up your body. I'm gonna suck you there. Mike I'm gonna ruff your asshole. Stay asleep I'm just gonna lick the top Just be terrible at the

We just be telling you the tool concert. Oh my sad I jerked you off with it when you had headphones in one ear Oh my sati- My my shirt you off with when you had headphones in one ear? When in San Francisco. Yeah. He uh he crawls me goes do you have any ad bill at all? That was the scariest thing I was seeing big J. Crawl in the floor. Oh dude. He's like Mike. I think I got out of the hospital I know you don't want to take ad bill and every ad bill when it worked. Yeah, I went to sleep but it was that pain was that time that you bit into a crab cake and a claw clawed your gums. Yes Bobby, we were at the fucking we stayed at club quarters. That's right. Yeah, that's what you get for being that's what God did for being

Kevin a gay weekend the Gakation he punished was I never thought about all this could have been the wrath of God just the wrath of God We had a bit no crab cake that had a claw stuck in my gums, and then you got like but can we talk about that waiter? I bet the couple that was like they asked if we wouldn't do the blue cane I think they want to me and Mike to suck each other off So I can get you to the wrong problem. You put the cocaine on your penis and you're okay They're like you want to do any boom or pow We he bites into a fucking crab cake in his gum start bleeding

And then the waiter comes over and Jay, now I've seen you in a lot of circumstances where you could, you have all the reason in the world to blow your fucking top and you don't. And you go, listen, I'm sorry, I know this isn't your fault. Like he was very nice, he's like, but I bid into a claw. Like this crab cake has a claw and it cut my gums and he had blood on his teeth and the guys like So I guess you probably want me to like take it off the bill or something Like even like a really conti attitude No, no, at first you just goes oh, I'm sorry, and he just took it like do you want another one? I went no no no he goes okay, just play it away and then came and dropped off a full bill

It's right I had to call him over. I was like, I mean, really? I go, and he goes, I guess I can go see if I can take it off. And I'm like, go see. Yeah. That's crazy. I think we'll look at the next place we went and they were fucking horrible too. Yeah, well, they said the service, everything's going to shit in San Fran because all the

tech people out there. So it's not a bunch of hippies, like, lovey-dovey thing anymore. All day, it's just probably ass hole like, Google company guys. Yeah, they're in there like you know Waiter can please with this you know, they're probably getting nasty so they've become shitty I wanted to say on the knacketh thing That's I don't know if I ever told you this Bobby this store. I know you know this Mikey. We went and did me and Vecchio and remember Ali brine when he did me and Vecchio and remember Ali Brin, and James, blonde girl, Freckley,

she used to work at Caroline's staff and she became a comic. Anyway. I think so. Oh yeah, I remember she's so nice, yeah. Love her. Yeah, so she, one point, she before she started doing comedy, we were like right in the beginning of it, she kind of also wanted to see if she wanted to get into like management and shit.

So she, we're being an agent, she asked asked because me and Vecchio had no agents would could she submit us For NAC and I said it wasn't NAC. It was a same one for community colleges. I think or something NAC Yeah, no, it's like Like yaka No, it was like No, it was like it was Apple do you remember that? Yeah, these guys aren't that good

It's a 30-minute show from It's a magician and then two guys do ten minutes each Hypnotism that doesn't work remember those popular guy in colleges was Marty Puts, the comic who would shoot Marshmallows out here. Is Apka, is Apka thing Marty Puts? Marty Puts is a real super famous. Well big on college. Let's jump to give it up for Big J. Ogerson and I did that. So I did Apka, Omi and Vecchio and got it.

She drives us up there to this hotel where it's happening. And the same thing, even when I submitted, I was like, I'm just gonna do my thing. And I was like, I went and did my set 30, as I would do it, Vecchio. And then I was on one show. After my show, when Ovechio went on first, I'm sorry.

Vecchio did his show first, and then we just kinda, he did the show, when Ovechion went on first, I'm sorry. Ovechion did his show first, and then we just kind of, he did the show, he did great, and then we just kind of went about our day. And then I went on a later show, and went dirty, and it went great. And after that, she was like learning what she was doing, she was like, oh my, I'm so sorry, we were supposed to go into this room after your thing.

But let's go, hang out by the booth, and hopefully people come over to us. So it's like late now in the game for that. So people are walking by, no one's taking the mic just because they missed his show. Yeah. And then they're coming up to me and saying, like, we would book you but,

two dirty, everybody says. We'd love to be with you. It's too dirty, yeah. Every six of everything we said, but they were like, I'd love to. But like our, you know, our advisors aren't gonna let this happen. So I was like, all right, then we go into the block booking room, the thing you're talking about.

Yeah. Where they go through the names. This is one of my favorite, and because it was Ali, brain, entertainment or whatever, like the B, or the A, it was alphabetical, we were the first things I know was packed, room, and I didn't realize, the comics, you're actually not supposed to be in there

You are not it's just agents right just the agent from the college reps and the reps of college kids And so we sat there and they were like first need to go Big J. Olkerson from whenever and like get one college I forget was something weird to like Tom a Hawk University Tom a community college is just full Indian kids at a reservation. It's an intervention. Do you have to work the steam room? Do you have to work the sweat Oh, yeah, the chief comedy of New York City Mic Fenoya So we're sitting there and they go to Tom Hawk University raised their hand and then they start doing like the So we're sitting there and they go to Tom Halk University raised their hand and then they start doing like anybody you want to

Block that you know, it's like these colleges are there those colleges that they were not interested So I got Tom Halk University which by the way ended up canceling shortly after I never did it but The because that happened like that I didn't like dwell on me too long and they went to Vecuon They didn't cancel they Everybody died from alcoholism. Sure. And I just, this was deafening, which is a quite empty room and they go, Mike Vecchion.

Mike Vecchion. By the eighth time, I swear to you, he was going like, Mike Vecchion, going at a discount. Mike Vecchion, everybody going for a below face value. Mike Vecchion. Mike Vecchion, at a discount. Mike Vecchion, everybody going for a below face value. Mike Vecchion. Mike Vecchion, he'll do your math homework. I swear to you, by the 25th time he said his name, I went, stop saying it.

Wow. Are things I let go? Stop saying it. And we go on and then I just remember it was so awkward and I remember just driving home. I was in the back seat. We went back that night, and I just could fuck out of here. They were driving back, I remember

in the dead sounds of the car like Mike Vecchio Mike Vecchio I just kept doing adding like Mike Vecchio going for way below is worth everybody Mike Vecchio and laying himself out there for Spreading his cheeks for you to fuck him and no one taking huh Mike Vecchio They keep changing the emotion Mike Vecchio Mike Vecchio Mike Vekio. Mike Vekio. Vekio. Coma Mike. They're giving his author name.

Mike Vekio. Vincent Vekio. I'll tell you what, we were there before we left the room. Though in time for that go. And now, next on the list, Steve Hofstetter, like, I mean, just hands everywhere. That's one of here, one of here funny calling Quinn's story from NACA. They have the Big NACA, which is. Big NAC. It's just huge. It's thousands and thousands.

All the big schools go to this. It's thousands of people and the shows are big. And the Marty Puts theater. So one year, Dane was doing it. And I went, we were doing like a tour. So we stopped in to NACA for Dane to do his spot. And Colin Quinn was there. And at this point, I was really friendly with Colin Quinn. And not as close as I am now, but we were becoming friends.

And he had to go up. This is right as Lewis Black was getting big on like before. Just right at the Daily Show, type thing. Maybe a little before that, but he was below in the fuck up. Three thousand students, Trinotrons on each side, big TVs. And Lewis Black goes up fucking levels levels and then and Quingles up I think he had a purple suit on but it was like a chubby Quinn it wasn't like you know yeah yeah yeah look a guy with his chubby it's like yeah yeah he went up I remember he took such a hot one I was like in fucking awe.

I was like almost in tears like, oh, I mean you guys don't, and I remember at one point he told the joke and he was sweating profusely and he turned to the side and it was a side shot on the Trinitron as neck folded and a beat of sweat went down like a roller coaster. Into the fold and then out of the fold

and then back down. It took took the hills it took the hills he I when he got off I swallum I I ran into the hallway I was like calling he's like huh hey man huh he was like he was like fucking shock he was he was you want my room you just gave me his room he just walked I'm out of here he just He went right to the car. And I'm out. I'm out. He goes, I want to go more colleges if I didn't do NACA. Like he got he, I mean, it was bad. Like he literally probably would have, he got one college, one college out of thousands. And if he didn't do this gig, he probably would have got fucking hundreds of colleges because he's gone quick Yeah, but dude just in a purple suit. I remember he turns I was you could see this suit shoulder with the shoulder pad

Oh, and then the neck and he went huh? Hey folks And it went See you guys later colleges are the worst I've done I'm I don't think I Think of a safe estimate of the amount of colleges. I've done. I don't think I'm, I think if I a safe estimate of the amount of colleges I've done in my career is 20. Oh, I've done hundreds. Yeah, no, I know people. At one point, listen, I know, but that was people like Bill Burr was doing well. He bought that first apartment off college money. That was before he popped. Yeah, I did. I got a lot of money after that apartment in the house kitchen where he where he was at was all that was he told me.

He's like, yeah, this I'm having amazing college years. So I'm buying this place. Sal and I did Suni, O'Neil, did you ever do Suni, O'Neil, it's always me. You know, we do it together. I did it with Sal,

but they go, you got to do 30 clean and it was, they still had to wear masks. Oh, you got, I haven't done it in a few years. And I go, if any of you ever been to a calm anything comedy before ever and No, not a peep like you hear a pin drop. I was just like Okay, and I tried to do whatever I could I think my 30 clean maybe turned into like 11

Yeah, that's a problem and then I'm just like so where you guys from fucking like I was awful. I did Manhattan College one year. No, it was one college. I just did some weird, I just improved and danced with this kid. This big gay kid came up and we did drop it like it's hot. And we did this weird thing and I murdered. And it was this crazy moment. And then they were like, we gotta have you,

it was orientation. And like, we gotta have you back. So they booked me for next year and they wanted the same, I don't know how I did it. We did it again. This magical moment. Really? With the kids, they were like, you're coming back every year.

They brought me back every year until it just didn't happen and I took a hot one right after Eric Rivera. Oh no. And then they booked Eric. They, that's always the best. I was the worst. So, Sunionionta is the one, I did that. So many times. First of my ever did it was me, you and Matt Frost drove up, Bobby.

They were to do it. It was in a cafeteria type room there. I think Peacorelli was also on the show. And we did the, it was like fine. And that was at the time. Marty is the guy who, that's Suni Dalha. That's what I meant. Suni Dalha was what I was talking about.

The, the worst. Is that even further? Me and Corielli. No, it's a little closer. It's a coin. I've done it a couple times together. I've done it a bunch. And God bless Marty.

It was awesome. He is the best guy. He's like the resident advisor there, whatever you want, or whatever, or whatever like the student thing. And he was just this old guy who loved comedy. Love them. And he would just have these comments come up. And everyone would do it because you loved Marty. And you'll take the dough. Sure. But it was never ever going to be he tried everything. At one he was like the crowd's been a little better since I charge a dollar It was let's just say it can I just say it? There's a mostly black crowd it was mostly black mostly black kids and they and he'd bring like me and Corie

Ellie up really really yeah, but here's the thing I went up with Corie Ellie once and I remember he was on stage and then all the black kids were walking out and I thought something happened and I walked up like, what's going on? And like, I, this dude's calling and I was like, what are you doing? I was like, I actually just started, you know, making fun and be like, nah, he's cool, we gotta,

and they're like, you're funny, you going up next? And they're like, I was like, yeah, like we'll come back in for you. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, no, I'm not your, no, yeah, go for it. I was like, no, no, go, go, go, and then they went back in. And I, I used to do well up there for some reason. I got real cocky, real cocky. And I went up with Norton once. And I'm, and I'm going up first. And I'm like, he's going to baff to me. I'm like, this is going to be bad. Because I've seen a lot of people die at this school.

It's gonna be bad. Cause I've seen a lot of people die at this school. And I said something about this girl's weave coming in. And it was the wrong, I just pulled the trigger on a joke and it didn't work and they turned on me so quickly and forever. And Norton watched a beat of sweat go down Bobby's. And it was the whole thing. It was doing, I'm telling you man.

It was a mostly black crowd. And I I was just like I was doing all my I was like do you ever scare somebody? I was doing everything. Marshmallows. Marshmallows. I pulled the plane up just at the end. We thought we'd talk joke. Murdering colleges. Murder. I pulled the

plane up just and you can hear the hit in the tree. I come upstairs and Marty goes like this. He goes, yeah, he almost took it on that one. Dignia. Because he knew I almost died. And then Norton went out and annihilated. He fucking love him. He just murdered. He never knew. No, I knew. It was always gonna be bad. That was the best school I've told you before,

where they always, they start coming, like the last two times they would come in pajamas to the show because they're gonna go afterwards. They show a movie in the gymnasium, like a, not first run, but like second run movie to show in the gymnasium, like a not first run, but like second run movie that's showing the gymnasium and they all kind of go to get it with one time, it was like Harry Potter or something. And the last time I did it, I think we're second last, I'm a run state and they were just awful the whole show, not barely paying attention, not

really engaging at all. I'm just being shit. But we love Marty so much. We want to just do it. Yeah, right. I'll be putting in a roadside motel that you should just kill a hooker in the road Where you actually get where you actually have like a metal key like your entrance from the Yeah, it would be diarded with the diamond T-Shirt I took I took the bus up there when I first used to do it and they drop you off at the gas station And you'd have to walk down a country road down to the molletail the motels The motels are really I'm telling you I always done it in the winter. So it's like it was

terrible weather up there. But that was, I think we drove back tonight with Frosty and everybody. Me and List did the same thing. But let me finish this thing with the movie. So this last one I was up there. I was, they were not paying attention. I go, you guys all in pajamas, you're gonna watch a movie after this. And they were yeah you know this thing to tell you this I go uh they go yeah I go what movie they watch and you're or they have any watch and they're like the prestige and I went Christian Bale's twins good night it's the entire movie that's great it's the entire if you know that going into the movie it's no point watching

movie about twins it all makes sense now. I was like, Christopher Bell's twins good night. It's ruined the movie and can't blame dudes. Just go watch a movie. You just like punch the very fine juice machine on your way out. Blitz, then I had to do Salem State College in mass. I've done it with Patrice. Oh yeah, there was no one literally no one and the residential

Whatever was like just give me a minute and we could hear him on the phone like begging the RAs They're just like send anyone down like anyone and girls were coming down in pajamas like one. I'd like our night mask Like it was ridiculous. They brought down there like iPads. They were like doing homework. It was awful Yeah, isn't it amazing the respect that you see from an audience that knows you or when they're excited to see you, they've paid good money for a ticket to sit in a certain VIP section. And for them to realize, man, this is great because I've done this thing. That's a very good example. I've done comedy in front of 15 very comfortable chairs with

Female students sitting in the in style with open notebooks and a laptop on there There's like I guess the comedian could just talk while I do this You're like man, I am Worseless I am a worthless piece of shit. I'm a fucking radio playing in the background of this fucking room They couldn't care less they have to spend the money. They had me a queen's community college Uh in the in the afternoon during a test. They were there were Sir, please Dude do you mind bro?

I have to do ten moments or I don't get my check bro I have to do 10 more minutes, or I don't get my check, bro. Oh my god. Can you do a quieter? He literally, he was like, dude, do you mind place? This is really hard. I'm like, I didn't even think I'm gonna make the game. I'm taking a test. I didn't book the game.

They double book the test, the next comic. I've done in front of spinning pie wheels. There is. Literally, the... Seriously? People who come up to me to, and I'm like, I'm gonna open the thing where the display is? No, not even to open it, just to look what the pies were that day.

Oh! What the tides of the day were? This is Big J-Ocker, center my new special dog, belly-life from Skankfest, out now on YouTube. Scott Fulton, Big J-Ocker, say! Big J. O.K.C.