The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Comedian Epstein Files

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

The opening song is "My Boo" and it brings up pornagraphic memories for Bobby. | Jay is thoughtful of others on an airplane but gets revenge on a passenger who steps over the line. | The names of many comedians are found in the Epstein files but it's not for the reasons one might think. | Bob used to love prostitution and Jay loved to just be friends with sex workers. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Give me a call, boo. If you love is strong. Gonna get my all to you. Do you? This song represents one thing for me only. What? What does it represent for you?

It represents me and my Z-28 with the T-tops down, driving down Route 1 late of night after maybe an A meeting or a nice hot set all alone. Yeah, what do you think, a 96 or so? Oh. This song? 95 or something like that maybe

all my dreams are coming true I know it's got to be around that year because this song to me is only my right after high school girlfriend masturbating on a super 8 tape nice to this song?

Yeah pop radio this song particularly maybe this was a good part yeah I had to throw them away when I became an adult myself I just found all mine. No, throw them out, Bobby.

No. You have to. I will not. They're illegal, I think. I just, well, I'm going to look into that, but... No, no. I might be grandfathered in. No.

No. I would tell you, it took me into my 20s to go, oh, I can't have this. I have them all. I went up in the attic to find some Christmas tree thing, or she told me to... And I opened up a box, and there they were. And you know what I did found? I found the red tent. Burn them.

I found the red tape. You know the history of the red tape? The porn? Yeah. My red tape. Yeah. You know it? Well, maybe not yours.

Go on. Maybe I know this. I had a porn that was my... Go-to. Go-to golden. This is it. But I would give it away. I would give it away every once in a while.

I gave it to Dane. I've given it to Gary Goldman. It was red. Was it an up-and-comers? I don't know. Up and comers just come on a red tape. I think it started with an... I don't know if the thing's still on it, but I would give it away, but it would always come back.

I remember a year later, Gary came up to me and said, he handed it to me, he goes, thanks, man, I'm done with it. I'm done. And he gave it back, and I wound up giving it to somebody else. And it always came back to me. And the reason why this tape was so magical is because it was scenario based. But at the end of each scenario, they would come out of character to let you know it's okay. But you know, it's okay? So what just happened?

What just happened on the tape? Why shouldn't it have been okay? You know, it was a couple scenarios that might be able. You might have to just throw that box right into the fucking river by you. I'm going to give the red tape to Jacob. Next. That's fine. Maybe.

Jacob, you're going to have a little bit of snuff pornography in your house. No, it's not snuff. I'd say hide it inside your Nazi tape. No one will think of look there. No one looks at your Nazi book. I think I should, would you accept the red tape? You can give it back whatever you want. You might want to have Dawn ghost stuff.

start burning those tapes now, Bobby. No, dude, I got one video I'm looking for. Why? How old are you? I'm 18, 19, 20, 20, 20, 21, 22. How old are they? Oh, they're illegal age. Well, then it doesn't matter.

Yeah. That's not what I'm talking about. I think. I made high school stuff. I think. With my chick. Well, I think they were out of high school, yeah. I think they went to school.

Bobby burning them? No, no. I've never, you know that. I've never been into younger chicks. I've always dated chicks. No, no, no, no, no. It's not the issue. It's not a matter about being in the younger chicks.

I was young when this happened. It's just a matter of when you're not young anymore and you still have the tapes. Yeah, no, dude. You can't have that. You understand. They came out where our age difference, I couldn't have, because when I was your age when you were filming it, the technology wasn't there. So the technology came in when I was in my early late 19s, late teens and early 20s. So you got to film pedophile porn.

Yes. And I... It's called child pornography. The pedophile is the person who is overage partaking. Well, I mean, you say tomato, I say tomato. No, no, you said pedophile and I'm not. We found those tapes. What? I burned those.

You know what we should do one day? Don't you have a thing that shows... Do you have that thing? Didn't you say you had that where you can put a super eight in and watch it? No, no. I had it. Okay. For those tapes.

You got rid of it? The whole thing's gone. The actual player? Buddy, I couldn't have demolished that fast enough. When I realized they go, oh, wait, I know she's, you know, we're all common ages now also. But these videos are not when we were. Let me ask you a question. Yes.

You deleted them, but you'd take one last look. Delete it? No, there's no deleting. These are tapes. When you got rid of it. No. Stop being so fucking corrective. And just answer the question, pervert.

Did you watch any of it? You had to see what it was. Oh, no, no, no. It's only that. It was, the problem was, the reason I got them at all from my mom's one day. What your mom had? In my 20s. There was in my closet.

Oh, that wasn't your red tape? Hey, my mom, watch these. No, my old closet. When I went, it was because, unfortunately, the same time, you know what I mean? Like, I'm starting comedy. So I would put comedy on those tapes afterwards. And. And then some, so those tapes would be a mix-mash.

Nothing was labeled. Right. So it was like sometimes you'd see. me and Kurt doing comedy at the Lafhouse. And then some of them were, I guess now it because they're child pornography. You should have sold them. No.

You could have made it a lot. No, no. I'll tell you what, people like to laugh, anti-child pornography. It was an instantaneous in a minute flip of a switch. Because even in my 20s, I was like, oh, he's pretty hot because it's my girlfriend at the time. Do you know what I'm saying?

And then you go, oh, wait. Yes, like, this isn't my girl. This is my girlfriend when we were in our fucking teens. Mine are all legal and legal age girls, but I have some. Bobby, I know that. Lou? No, I swear to God. I know they are.

Mine are all legal. Absolutely. Those girls were born at a time that made them legal when you film them. Yeah. Well, they were grandfathered in. But I do, you know, I went through a, like a directorial phase of filming. Really? And I would, I actually put like tape down, like marks.

Do you have to hold like that light thing in front of her pussy and be like, you're, you're reflecting a lot. Make up. Yeah. Get in here. I like gauge. Can we fucking, can we fly now? Do me a favor. Get me the Spielberg lens.

I want to get it on this. No, but I would do like. That's a flappy pussy. We're going to have to do something about that. All right. Take launch, everybody. I got to brainstorm. Do we have enough in the budget for FX?

No, but I would direct, I would make like little movies with these girls. I was dating. Weird. For us. No. For me. For you. For you.

For you. I never showed anybody though. But why do you need? Oh, Bobby. Of course you never showed anybody. I never showed. Of course you never showed anybody those. I didn't.

Jay, I swear to God I never showed anybody. Of course. I know. Gary Goldman just gave yours back the other day. No. He's been looking at child pornography. You ruin all my fun. Oh, let's not forget Dan Koku borrowed the shit out of those tapes.

There's one I could release. and it would probably be a fantastic, like a, maybe win an award. Why? It's with Dean Cook. No, that'd be great. If I had that. You and Dane having gay sex? What a bomb show.

Oh, no, no. What a bomb show. There'd be girls in the middle. Can somebody AI, Bobby and Dane Cook having gay sex? Don't do that. Multiple position, please. Don't do that again. Let's do.

Here's what I'd like, if someone out there can write this down and do AI very easily. I'd like Bobby going in and almost, remember like the old Jason Ellis video where you go, I want you pawing at Dane a little bit? at his pecker, and then he allows you to suck him off. And then a hard cut into Bobby just being, having his ass wailed by Day Cook. Why the fuck do you think in our relationship, I would be the bottom?

This has nothing to do with talent, but he was the headliner. He was the headliner. You make a good point. He was the headliner. If we want to sell this thing, we're not going to sell it on my name. You want to get this thing out there.

You might have to take a couple of whales in the shitter from fucking Dean Cook. We can call it Torgasm. again yes I I know but some of them were actually I remember watching them after I was done being like that is a good movie I did a good job you know because I had to edit on the fly because there's no editing machine I had to go cut all right now go over here and do the like film as we went there was one with this girl what a break of like sexual energy though what do you mean oh yeah she's like sucking your dick and you go all right first positions yeah well I had

this girl, Rachel, that she filmed one dude. She pretended, she pretended to be my friend. She was with my friend. And she was, it was at my apartment, but I was staying over my friend's house. She was his girlfriend. She put her to be my friend's girlfriend, Al Da Benny's girlfriend. And I was staying there for the weekend. And I went into the bathroom to go to the bathroom.

And she came in by accident, like kind of sleepy. And she was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. and I was, you know, you know, peeing. And she was like, oh, I'm so sorry. And I was like, ah, no, I apologize. And she's like, can I just grab my, I have to get my aspirin? I was like, oh, yeah, let me just put that away. She's then, no, you can finish.

I had brothers. And I was like, are you sure? She's like, yeah, yeah, go ahead. And she's getting her aspirins. And she's slowly looking at trying to get the aspirins and fumbling around in the medicine. But looking down at me as she's doing it. And I'm like, what are you looking at?

She's like, I don't know. I don't know. I just always wondered what it was like, yeah, but you're my friend. friend's girl she's like he's sleeping i know but he's in the other room she's like so what you know you know you want it i was like i can't do this i'm not doing this to my friend i thought it is this acting the only way you can get your gay penis up for a woman first of all says a man with pink striped mittens on you bought these for me says the man who bought them for me you're my bear bear thank you you're my bear bear bear bear i take care of my bear bear i appreciate that uh i like being your bear bear

You are my bear bear bear. No, but dude, it was such a... They have chains on them. Yeah, they have chains. Chains on your men. And some spikes. They have spikes on the knuckles and chains. I bought them for Jay at the mall.

Like a dungeon and dragons couple. Went to a hot topic. I'm going to get some, I'm going to get some new spikes and some spike glue. Don't worry. A couple of the spikes fell off. I wonder how that happened. But, yeah, dude, it was so hot. And she was so hot.

And then she just went down and did. Oh, I videotaped the P-O-V angle. Finally, you were able to view ours as a Thespian and not a woman. I think that's where I got my acting from, my early days of acting. Your early pornography days? What a waste of time. That tape is in there somewhere. Yeah, you know what?

Me and you have a different take on the thing. You know, Metzger used to have that great joke. I was always jealous of it almost. It was so funny. It's so true about strip clubs. Everything in a strip club is essentially for the strippers, the lighting, the thing. the fact that it's super loud music and the dancing and the pole.

They go, if guys could pick a strip club, he was like, it would be harsh fluorescent lights and the girl would come out in a regular street clothes and just stand there with no music and people go, take your clothes off! She'd have to, like, nervously just do it. And then just stand there naked like this

while everyone just looks at her and throws money. We'd use tokens. Like a fun spot. And it's just so true. So that's what I'm saying, the fact that you had this whole, like, you wanted to do this scenario and stuff. I'm like, anytime I've wanted to, like, film sex stuff, I'm like, can you show me

how far open you can hold your pussy? Like, let's just show some feats of sexual things that I'll never see. It's just different art. You know what I mean? It's different art. You're, you know what mean? I mean, I like, I like. You're in acting. I'm in the pussy, dude. I was into acting scenario, directing. You were in, let's get to it. Seenwork. Yeah, scene work. You were into, let's just get it down to it. Open that pussy. You don't show me. No, it's not about just getting down to it. I'm not a let's just get down to it guy. It's actually not my energy, but I'm definitely, it's going to have to be filthier than like, let's do some acting. I'll never be able to role play in my life. I love it. I love it so much. How can you commit? Buddy, I am a

thesbian through and too. And if I can get a girl that can hold a scene. But you're a comedic mind. Yeah, I know. So how do you not laugh at yourself when you're hitting your lines? Because I'm both, Jay. You can be both. I am a comic, yes, but I am a thesbian. And let me tell you something. Nothing gets me hotter than when... Scene work. Oh, I love a scenario. Oh, one of my favorite points is when the stepson comes in and the stepmom is in the shower, but she has a broken leg and she's trying to get out, but she can't get the towel. And she's kind of like, oh, fuck, no. And he's like, you're all right? And she's like,

no. And she's kind of sad. And you need help? Yeah, please. I can't get the towel. And he comes over and she's like, you know, holding it up and it falls off. She's like, I'm sorry. He's like, it's okay to worry about it. And he helps her back into the other room, and they start talking. She's like, you know, this is really bumming me out. I feel like a burden. And your father, he's never home.

And I know he's kind of a jerk. He's kind of a jerk, isn't he? And they start getting closer. And he's like, yeah, he's kind of a jerk. And then she lets the towel drop. And he's like, we shouldn't do this. And she's like, we shouldn't. I know.

And then they just stop making out. Oh, I love when they make out. Why don't you roll play that with Thorne? First thing's first. she got to break her leg. That's not a problem. That'd be an easy part. Yeah.

The hard part would be... Just don't even when she'd just act like you didn't feel her tap out. We tried role playing once and every scenario I gave her, she's like, now. Now. Now. So she said, I will role play and then you said, let's do this one. She said, no. I said, yeah, we're in a massage with Paula.

She goes, now. I go, why? She goes, because I work at a spa. I go, you're an esthetician. Totally different fucking spa. Yeah, she's like, because I don't know how to give good massages. She got to pop the black heads on your back. I'll jerk you off

while I pop your blackheads Yeah she is a terrible actress Terrible Yeah I like a good actress man Role playing No allure I had a girl in Vegas

That used to do it all the time She would get into it She would show up with outfits Come in Ready to go Oh she'd stay in character Even after we were done She'd be like I'd get back to the hospital

I don't mind an outfit But it's just gonna be So short-lived I'm not gonna sit there and do a whole The only time I do break characters Secretary, can you please take on a note for me? I'm in it, I'm in it I'm in it, I'm in it, that's a good one, I never did that one.

What do you mean that one? Secretary, never did that. I didn't know I was giving you new ideas. You are, maybe Don could do that. Yeah, yeah. And you pull your dick out and watch you suck on your dick, you look, and be like, did you book my flight for the wrong fucking day? You're fucking idiot!

I can roll play, but this is the roleplay. You're going to be Just pretend like you're not enjoying it And give me the driest blow job You could possibly give me And then get hot Have your neck get hot in the middle of it And then go take some type of medication

And have your menopause tea I don't know if that's what was having She seemed to be having a good time There was a black woman in the very front row Of my Saturday late show I believe it was in Nyack And she kept dunking a napkin Into her water and patting her neck

The entire show I was worried that she wasn't having a good time But she was laughing She was laughing she's having a great time, but all of her downtime was patting her neck with, like, cold water. God, damn. I wish I was fat. That's a great fat technique.

I could have used that a lot of times. I'm on airplanes. Watering your neck? Yeah, I've had hot neck. Oh, yeah, that's not going to look worse and fatter. Dude, I don't care. Fat guy's watering his neck over there. Can I move, please?

I used to travel with a fan that attached to my iPhone. Come on. Buddy, every time I got on a plane, I was 360. It took me 30 minutes to use my stomach to hold the seatbelt, and then I was out of breath. That was hot. That fan never did anything. I would have my own fan just to cool me down

because I felt bad that I was just sweating. Oh, God, I turn off all the fans in my row. I turn them on. I need them. I always turn the fans on because I, but it is funny. Before, most of the time, it was just to keep me, like, not hot. Yeah, man. But now I put them on, like, I don't necessarily,

like, when I get on the plane right away, I don't think my first instinct isn't just turn them on, but I always turn them on because I'd rather get like, I'd rather, I'll sleep better if I wake up from a sleep cold and turn it off and, like, go back to sleep, you know what I mean, versus, like, waking up hot. I used to hate how there would be, like, sweat in my neck roll, you know, that little, that little thing, and it would just be, you could feel it, like, peel away from it. It would just peel away from the other part of your neck, and I was like, ugh.

Would you agree, Bobby? All right, Jacob, fuck off. Jacob, Bobby, would you agree on plain etiquette here? because this is something I've been encountered a lot lately. What, Jacob's face? No, no, no. When I get on a plane, if it's sunny, if there's sun blaring through the plane windows,

blaring through. Yeah. And your window is open, and you're not a child looking out with whimsy and wonder? Yeah. You should be allowed to say something that person. You shut it. You shut it.

My scary one is the not lineup of the windows and the person who's got the blaring, his window is just like part of it's here and my window's here. Nope. And then I'm like, you want to be like, you know, if I even like, I'd have a good excuse if I lean back,

if I lean back a little bit to just be like, oh, this is right in my fucking face. I shut it and don't say a word. If I have an inch of that, if my chair reclines and I have some of that window in my thing, I shut it. You don't even ask. I shut it.

You don't look back. You don't say, do you mind? It's, I own some of that window. I agree. Yeah. And I'll Alamo draft fucking people. I'll get the flight attendant. I'll be like, hey, can you shut that window?

It's like, it's killing me. It's right in my eye. Yeah. And they'll go over and shut. Really? They'll shut it. Oh, man. Yeah.

I'll rat somebody out in a second. I'm not enough of a Karen. The last two times I was on a flight, the one, it was a two adult. They refused to close the window and they're taking pictures of the sky while we're flying. And the sun is blasting in my, and then the one across for me. Hang on a second. The one across from me is. So I've got it from both sides.

Look, if you're taking a couple photos of a good... No, the whole flight. That's crazy. I would... If you're taking a couple photos, I let you take your photos. That's fine. I get that. I've always...

I've seen... When you're on the plane and you look out and the sun's hitting the cloud, you're like, oh, my God, it's magical. I've done that stupid shit. I haven't. I'm talking the whole flight. No, but you have... You wear pink gloves, so everybody has their own thing. We all find our own whimsy.

I, uh, yeah, I would let him take it, but shut it. Of course. Shut it. rat him out no no she was mesmerized the entire flight what was she was that adult woman in her 40s are you sure she wasn't retarded no okay you're not sure no she was not retarded you you asked her no yeah but she might have just been like she might have been trapped on an island for 10 years and they just got her back and now she's in a plane like I'm going home always ask somebody if they're a retard if they freak out they're not yeah I'm I didn't but maybe you're

If you guys get retort, if they're retarded, they usually go, yes. But I mean, they do. The opposite aisle, too, I got nailed. They would not shut the window. They're both, like, fascinated by the sky. Yeah, rat them out, rat them out. The flight attendant will walk over and go, hey, we've got to shut those. They'll shut them for you because they get it.

The flight attendants are on your side. Are they? Yes. I don't always feel that's the case. Yes, they are. Depends. If you say, hey, that thing's killing me. I'm trying to sleep and it's just, it's so hot.

They'll just be like, I'll take care of it. Can you shut that, please? Best way to get the stewardess on your side. $20. Is to side with, they can't take it. Starbucks cuts. They can take money. I've tips stewardess, flight attendants.

I've been told several times. They're not allowed at all. You can... Big deal, you're getting trouble for that. Really? No, all right. I've done it. I said, go get yourself a Starbucks.

Thank you so much. What an old man. Get yourself some nice, kid up. Hey, how you doing? The flight attendants, it's good. You can get them on your side if you back that. The best thing in the world, When I'm in the line on the jet bridge,

when I see somebody like a few people ahead of you being a jerk off already, like he's complaining about whatever and he's gonna, when there's that guy going, you're like, nice, and I hope it's near enough to me where whatever he lays on her right away, when I get to go behind him, I'm like, it's like, that guy, it's like a little early in the morning for that, don't you think?

I go, I'm in the two-way, can I hang my jacket? And they're like, yeah, of course. Yeah. And then you get them on your side for sure. But I don't know. hate the confrontation of any of that shit. But lately, I feel like for whatever reason, someone has been, I've woken up and been like,

is my shirt on fire? And you're like, nope. I'm being like, what do you call that? When they use the magnifying glass. Magnifying glass of like, it's like a steam coming out of like a dot on my shirt. Well, it is. You're closer to the sun than you can be on earth. You're literally right up in the sky. The window is just like focusing it in and a beam under my chest.

I'm like, why am I so hot? right here and you're like oh god my shirt's a different color over here it's the worst it's the worst being on a plane in the morning having the window open and that sun when you hit the when you go up above the clouds and that sun is just beaming through on your face

and everybody else has their window shut and that one selfish dickhead the worst is look I don't when they're looking out taking photos and wonderment I kind of okay with that when they're just reading and they're just just doing their thing.

Put the light on, you fucking schmutz. Fuck you. She read by the window light. After she took the picture, she read the entire flight. I suppose her book didn't catch on fire. She wanted natural light. You got to just tell them. You just lie.

Just be like, look, I got a cataracts in this eye, and that's affecting me. And they go, cataracts means suns makes you feel better. Then whatever the other thing is. Stigmatism. I got an immaculate pucker. Look that up, bitch. Now look that up. We'll just close the window, please.

I am also very, I'm thoughtful on plane, for the most part, always. I really try to, like, I'm window and I go against the window as much as possible. I give the person all the room they could handle. I'm not a big armrest guy, even on that side. I've never been in a jockeying for a position. Outside of the guy I just had the thing with last time. It depends on how you put your bags down. If I always get window, so if you come in and you're slamming your bags down and jamming your bag

and you have that manic energy, I fucking hate you. and I will let you know I hate you. I won't even look at you and I will fucking jam my arm right there. But if you come in, you're like, hey, how are you? Whatever you want. You can have it. And I said, I rarely, if ever, recline in like a regular sit-up seat, rarely ever. And then also, same thing.

When I have the window closed, you know, sometimes like turbulence happens and I want to kind of look out for a second, for whatever reason, whatever my nerves are. Or just like my ears are popping and I, wake up and I'm like, oh, are we landing? I want to look real quick to see if we're coming down. I do this. I literally go. Sip, sip.

Yeah. I do it. Purposely to go, like, sorry of any one of that bothered. I care. I don't like one of the people don't care. I care, but if... You see my fucking... I had a guy...

You see my fucking headphones melting in the sunlight? You know that little... Will you come in? In the first class? We're talking first class, Jacob. Hang on one second. In first class. Jake, we'll grab a something to you, would you?

Yeah, real quick, but something low cow. I'm on the diet. Where they put the waters. You have two waters usually. You got to kind of, I'm always in the window, so I've got to skim by him, trying not to knock them over with my stomach, which is embarrassing. You got to go, you have to go tummy towards seats. Tommy towards seats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sit down, this guy comes in manic, right? Bag up. You know, he's moving other people's bags to fit his shit, which bugs me. Just put it on the other side. Fuck you. Don't touch my shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is the thing I got in on the plane, though. When I got into it with a guy on a plane, and he stood up to get some shit in my face about turning his bag to see if my bag could fit and then putting his bag back where it was, like turning. I didn't even move it. I just turned it this way. And then I was like, both bags aren't going to fit

and I turned it this way. He stood up. Here he goes, he goes, let me help you with that. And I was like, I didn't know what was his stuff. I go, what? He goes, you throw my bag around. I go, who's throwing your fucking bag? I didn't tell you this?

No. No. Hmm, I definitely told him on skanks. But the guy was like, that's good yeah he got in my uh he got in my uh he got in my he wasn't even he just like stood up and like right here and he's like and he's doing like the smile over smiling thing he's like you start I go no one's throwing your bag around dude I was seem to fit and then uh I it's like this so then I just fucking moot I just flipped it back the way he didn't have it and put mine in there anyway and I

know it's not going to close with my mind I'm just going when she comes over and ask I go you're moving your stuff now dude I guess what's going to happen and it's exactly what happened she came over she goes these both aren't going to fit And then I didn't even ask that she just goes, Who's suitcase is this? He has suitcase and a bag. Ooh. And she goes, who's suitcase?

He's like mine. She goes, I'm going to put this. I'm going to check this. So you just get it at the thing I get. And he kind of stands up for that. And then I was kind of like smiling at him. And then as Dylan walked by Dylan was like, have fun with this guy. I go, I will.

And then he sat down. And the entire flight I sat next to him. I aimed towards him diagonal. And I was this. And I had my leg on his lap. No, sir. On my life. No.

On his lap. Why on his lap? Because fuck him, dude. You put your fucking leg on somebody? My foot on his knee. Your fucking boot? And I'll tell you what, your leg doesn't fall asleep if something's propping it up that well.

I was able to do it almost the entire flight. Well, but I don't understand. If you put your fucking foot on me, I would fight you. Right? What did he do? Accepted it and act like he was sleeping. Oh, my God. You bitched him out that bad?

And then he would move and then I'd just put it back. Like he would move because he was acting like he was asleep. So he was like, put it back on and then I went to sleep and then I'd wake up and he would just be like on his phone over my foot

I fuck it would I would have fucking untie I would have tied your shoes together I hate that if you touch me on a plane I hate when I was saying before the guy that little middle space

where the two waters are so we get our meal you get a meal in first class Jacob we get our meal do you I sleep I always I know I love the You don't even take the meal that you get.

Yeah, that's crazy. I say give it to a bum back and eat. I say give it to a bum in economy. So go bless somebody in economy. So she comes over with, so I had my water off that thing at that point. I drank my water. And all of a sudden he gets his meal first and he gets his drink and he has his water. He puts, he takes over that whole space with drinks.

The whole space. Now that space is for my cup. So my tray comes with my cranberry juice. I get it on ice. It comes in a glass cup, which is crazy. You ever do that UTI yet? Not yet. But my jizz tastes fantastic.

Tart. So I put it down and I get my meal and then I have, I'm holding my cup and I literally tapped his water. I went, move that. Move that. He goes, what? I go move that. I got to put my cup down.

And he was like, oh, okay. Like he didn't know. You knew that that. That was my fucking spot you bought. And then I just left my cup to the whole fucking flight. So you can't use it at all. Piece of shit. I hate that.

And I hate when women come in with these stupid big bags. Now, I'm a bag whore. I know. I should have some type of, I don't know, allegiance to these people. And they come in and they put it not under their seat in the middle. The middle space is shared space. That's where my foot goes. That's where your foot goes.

Your bag goes in front of your seat. My bag goes in front of my seat. The middle space is clean. A lot of people will take their stupid bag because they want their feet clean and stick it in the middle. You know what I do? I put my fucking dirty foot right on that bag.

Oh, yeah. Oh, some lady was like, you know that's a fendi or some shit. I was like, yeah, I don't give a shit. You put it on the floor. It's a floor bag now, bitch. Fucking asshole. Now it's my footrest.

And it's fake. I know. I'm a bag whore. I hated that. I've never had a confrontation ever on a plane ever. That was the first time. I said it was the way he just got up dude and he was just like, let me help you with that right there.

It was such a cunty. No, it wasn't passive aggressive. I don't like when people touch my bag either though. I got it, I got to, but. You can't stuff. There's three seats in that row. You've stuffed the entire rows things with yours, so the tiny thing.

If I did that, I'd be a dick and whatever you did. I put one bag up, one bag down. But there's people that come in and start, you know you're not fitting your bag in there, dude, and you're starting to grab, the way they grab it and start smashing stuff. It's like, dude, I got my computer in there. I got a lot of tech in there, you piece of shit.

What do you do? I hate that when they do that. I got to a fight. I got one altercation on a plane. I was on a plane. I was in Comfort Plus. That's like not first class, Jacob. But it's nice.

You get more leg. It's like, I think they're pieces of shit, but you probably think they're like doing all right. Yeah. I look at comfort plus is just extra leg room. It's a little more leg room. Extra left. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

You get snacks, the snack basket that the people are all that. You don't get that. Oh, that I didn't know. Free snack basket. Free snack basket and you get, you know, free drinks and all that stuff too. You get the board the plane second. Not, you know, it's not fourth or fifth. Movies, might be free too.

Movies are free. All movies are free. The best text I ever got was, I believe, is when we went to Las Vegas. And Bobby and I were on the same flight. and he said, he looked, you know, he was sitting in first class, and I had to pass him on the way to the cattle section. And about an hour and a half later, I got a text for them, and it was the photo of the full spread of food,

the buffet that they served. Cloth place mats. Yes, it looks so elegant. Cloth placemates. You ever see when you go to the other one, they have a piece of paper that sort of fits the shape of your tray? Whatever with that. It looked fantastic.

Metal's forked nice. Metal silverware for sure. Oh, so good. But this guy, it's when the TVs first came on Delta, the nice ones where you touch the screen. So I got on my seat and I was just tapping, not tapping like hard, tapping the screen, like, you know, going to find a movie. And kind of fascinated that this was on. I knew JetBlue had it, but it was that little one, but this was a nice. And the guy in front of me, I think he was like fucking German, you know, blonde head European guy.

He stood up. He went, he goes, stop fucking tapping the screen. You fucking, you're banging my head. I swear to God, we don't have a fucking problem if you keep tapping the fucking back of my seat.

Like that. And I, the rage from all, everything in my life filled my chest. And I just paused and I let it build like a volcano. And I stuck my seat through the chair. And I went,

I will fucking murder you on this fucking plane right now. You fucking make a move. You piece of shit. Then I said some words I can't say on the radio And I was like I'll fucking do it right now You understand me? Shut the fuck up and don't let me see your face again

And then that was it for the flight But he got me He really Beginning of the flight But out of nowhere Like it wasn't like I was doing it Right at the beginning of the flight I just tapped a few times

Even if you were Get the fuck over it Fuck off So I'm saying Flying sucks Across boards So just go Not in first class

It sucks less than what you do Sucks less Yeah But it's just like Just get on the fucking plane do your thing go to sleep. Why is everything? Why are you shoveling

eight pieces of luggage up in the fucking overhead? Just do the thing. That guy knows how to fly. That guy knew what he was doing. It wasn't a guy who wasn't fly. He's a business, too. How about the person that comes on

and they're in the back, but they put their luggage in first or in comfort plus. That's funny. Which fucking infuriates me. And it's usually going to L.A., it's happened a couple times. Some fucking L.A.

bitch. and it happened to me going to L.A. with the five seats, the two seats, or the three seats, two seats, one of those big planes that they don't use anymore for some reason after COVID. And she put her bag up over my fucking place. And I was just like, what the fuck?

You can't do that. That's against the rules. And the stewardess, flight attendant caught her. She goes, ma'am, ma'am, where are you sitting? She was like, oh, I'm sitting. What row? She had to say 30 something. and she went, yeah, bring your bag back there.

I know 30. It made me so happy. I just was laughing. I was chuckling in her face. She had to take her bag down and go back to 30 something. I will from now on, though, if someone, if it's a tiny one of the little tiny planes and someone has a suitcase up in the top,

I'm just going to take the suitcase down and just presented to the flight attendant like, that's can't be up here. And then we'll see what happens. And I promise you I will do that. less asterix that person is black or Latino what about what about they them they them I can't wait to get into that I can't well I want to mix up that one right there I go I know you have to pack for two full genders for a weekend but

maybe check it check it at the gate what about what about people with big dogs well I had a dog about Dawkins size wrong with that man well I you know I think it sucks again, there was a lady who was next to me with a dog, not keeping a very good eye on this dog as far as what it was doing, but the dog kept doing, it was like almost laying across my feet at points. And if it makes sense, like, I like dog, especially now as a dog owner, I was like, I'm fine with it. Does that make sense?

The dog is adorable. I was fine. But there is something where you're like, lady, this is actually, it's fucking crazy. You're just letting this happen. It's like, you're not acknowledging it at all. This dog's actually becoming a, like, the flight attendants were kind of like, miss, he's got to stay like in the thing.

like we're coming down the island she's like oh god yeah sorry and she's like these people with the dog it's like no lady you're a terrible dog owner but his dog is adorable she's laying so it's basically laying on my feet so i'm like well i'm i gotta fuck what am i gonna do get your fucking dog it's like it's adorable the uh the flight back from skankfest josh was on my flight and it was just one of the most annoying flights i've ever been on just he talked he's coked out the whole well what do you know you know i'm going down there and that's why having skank fest is a thing you know if it's not for me i mean i do my thing at the end and kind of I stood up in the middle of the flight and I went Josh he went yeah and I went shut the fuck up I was like hang on dude I'm still coming down and tell

Lika to shut the fuck up too now I don't mind that I don't even mind kids like I used to hate kids but now having a kid and flying with the baby and I feel I feel it only makes you feel bad when I hear baby freaking out of thing here's at the end of day you can put your fucking head Every headphone they make now, if you bought a pair of headphones to the store, cancel out. That's right. You'll be fine. So crying baby, all I do is feel bad for them. I'm like, that's what it is.

Like, do you think they want that? You think they want everybody, the plane mad at their child, their baby? The pressure you have as a parent when your kid starts crying on a plane is fucking unbearable. Because you know everybody hates you and there's nothing you can do about it. They sort of also hate your baby. So you're kind of angry at everyone for hating you and still. knowing you're the ass, there's just nothing good about it sucks. You have to stick up for your

kid too because there's always that guy who, that old guy will turn around and say something. He's like, you lonely old fuck? Your kids don't even talk to you. Yeah. I do put those noise cancelling on. But the worst one I ever saw and I felt bad for the guy. Well, you just go back and forth to Florida, so everybody on your flight fucking on the door of death.

Yeah. It takes three hours to board your plane. Oh my God. Yeah, when you get off your plane Jacob, I know, that's always, I'll do it this weekend. going down the Fort Lauderdale this weekend. When I land, it's the best. When you land on the plane is where you really see it. It's like when you get into the jet bridge, there's 17 fucking wheelchairs lined up the whole fucking thing.

Well, the one guy had a three-year-old. So he was, you know, quite grown, and he was throwing a temper tantrum for three hours straight. To the fact, if he had to like vice grip him because the kid was trying to squirm for three hours to get out and the race hell was a three-year-old. Flying for, I still feel empathy for him. Flying for a kid is just the worst.

Their ears hurt. They don't understand it. They, sitting down in one spot for fucking hours. They don't have to blow their, like, pop their ears. They just take that, it hurts the whole way. Yeah, we still have to put stuff in Max's ears, these little plugs when the door shuts. We have to put them in because he would freak out. Oh, the airplanes and those things?

We used to, I took him to Aruba when he was one, and it was a fucking nightmare. Don't forget the carriage, the luggage, the thing of bait, all the stuff. The Vander Sluits, murders. You do the- Everything Aruba has. The scuba, the equalizing trick on the plane? No. Yeah, it's like a scuba diver. It's what is it?

When you go down as a scuba diver, every few feet, you have to dent your nose and then blow. Yeah. If you turn your head to your left. Or else you'll be in that. Oh, you're saying that's the trick? Yeah. Popping your ear. Yeah, I do that 30,000 times every flight I'm on.

Yeah. It never stops happening. Yeah, but I'm saying a baby can't, you can't have a baby. He doesn't know how to do that. Yeah, baby doesn't know how to do that. They don't get it. I do feel bad. I told you one lady gave me her kid for like 30 minutes.

That's strange. We were in first class and she had, she was, I don't know what she might. You should have molested him teach her a lesson. She was like from Sweden or some Iceland, you know, one of those Nordic places. She was just this big, bond woman and her kid was a fucking maniac the whole flight. And I'm

laughing. It doesn't bother me at all because I, you know, I've been there. And she's like, I'm sorry, you know, whatever accent. I'm sorry. He just doesn't fly. And I was like, it's fine. I get, I have a kid. Don't worry about it. And at one point she goes, would you mind watching him while I go to the bathroom? I was like, yeah, sure.

She took a nap in the bathroom. She went and got fucking shit face in the bathroom. She came back fucked up. She was trashed it. I love that. I was laughing my ass off. That's great. I'm just watching this little... She's like, okay, prepare to handle bullshit now.

I was just watching this toehead for a half hour. He was good with me. He didn't even fucking move. He was just sitting there watching TV. But I'm sitting there like, she left for a half hour. I'm like, should I say something? What if this bitch is dead? Take my baby.

He's yours now. Until I return. Yeah, planes. In first class, though, it is nice. So nice. I think I had was in first class. I brought my head. I want to fly the bed.

I want to go to, like, Dubai in the wind. Because when you show up at the... Do you know how they treat their women? Yeah, the way we should treat women. You mean the good old days in America? Do you know how awesomely they treat their women? Before 1910? Every time someone says that at a better place, they go,

do you know how they treat their women? I go, yeah, but look how they treat their men. It looks great for me. Actually, it's not for boys. I can't imagine having a problem in first class. look you're angry that you're and you're with all the stuff you can do in first class the room

Christine brought the best first class can I tell you something this is fantastic whatever this cost is overkill that's not worth it I would do it over anything else if I could afford it I guess well look if it's a if it's a flight to Dubai or like

to Australia if it's a Australia yeah a long flight Japan that type of shit is great but to San Francisco it's stupid. Well, it's from Dubai. It was from Dubai. Yeah, from Dubai, dude. And the one to Dubai, you actually, when you show up at the lounge, you get your own

room. Yeah, but you can... When you go to the lounge, they take you to your own room with food, dinner, shower, bathroom, TV, and then they come and get you and bring you to your suite on the plane. You can take a shower and stuff? Yeah, you can take a shower on

the plane. But the actual sitting area is still a coffin tomb. This is not the one. The one, the best one is it's an actual suite. It's a bed. It's a, like a bed. No, this is a bedroom. You have a separate bedroom. There's one that has a separate bedroom. This says 15 grand, but people do it with mine. Like, you strap yourself in a bed. You have like a, you have a lounge that you sit in, watch TV, and then you go into your bedroom with a bed with a bed in it to sleep. That'd be great for, for sure. That would be unbelievable on Dubai. A flight to Australia. You know, I missed the flights. I did Australia and I did South Africa. South Africa was middle flights, 26 hours.

I missed the old planes where they had the upstairs. My heaviest also. Remember the upstairs and they had the bar like in Wedding Singer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Double-decker flight. That'd be great. I've never been on one of those planes. Is it someone you're thinking of?

Yeah, that's it. You have your own separate bedroom and your own shower. I mean, that's, come on, dude. No, it looks the best way to do it. $20,000. Oh, come on. But you're never going to, someone's paying that to get you there. I would never pay out of my pocket to do it.

Look at that. The Saudi Royals. You have to bring a girl, though. You have to fuck something. You have to have sex on that. You can't just go do that by yourself. Don't they kill her when they land? Yeah, they'll probably kill her for being a whore.

For being a harlot whore. For defiling the, you know. Yeah. No, you don't have to cheat. Here's what you do. Here's what you really balls out. You want to fucking get a zillion views on something? Make a girl do a cum walk out of your Emirates fucking thing.

Make it do a cummunk. You blast a lot on her face and tell her to go ask for something from the flight attendants. Do you guys have a tissue for this load? I'm going to go walk through all those Arabs out there real quick and go to the bathroom. Hey, boys. Your eyes don't deceive you. That's load on my face. American Freedom Load.

I thought when you said they kill her, I thought they give you a girl in that first guy, and then they kill her at the end of the flight. Maybe. I thought that's what you meant. Oh, that's what you meant. Okay, that's what I thought. That'd be great if you got a chick,

if they gave you your own flight attendant, but you could, she would service you? I love your willingness to have sex with a slave, dude. That is awesome. She's not a slave. She's getting paid. You love prostitution. I used to.

I have a lot of people that say that. I used to. I know a lot of people that prefer, I think Josh brings it up a bunch too Just like being like yeah Like paying for it I'm like I don't know I don't know why like their

Disinterest in it bothers me It's um Call me crazy I mean prostitution was fun when you were younger And it was easy you know You just go Do something and then you leave You don't have to fucking take them to the French roast

For a fucking steak and frets And listen to their hopes and dreams Sure but I mean like Yeah but it's also like It's such like a Scuzz world in business too exactly that all I would ever think about it with a prostitute right now would be doing it one for money

exclusively too she's done this other times today yeah and is going to do it more later just kind of yeah that's the hot part yeah that's what gets you off eat different strokes for different folks it's um yeah but nowadays it's better for girls because they don't need pimps you know the back of the day

they used to have a you have to have a they still do well you had to be on the streets nobody had like a you know there was streetwalkers there's no more streetwalkers anymore because they just go on the internet. And you call them up and you come to the apartment. They might have a guy. It's still dangerous as shit.

Well, you should have a guy bring you for one still. And even if you don't, then it is very, very dangerous again still. So it's not really a, no, it's not figured out. And I said, I don't even think it should be illegal, but I don't know many together prostitutes where they're like, yeah, I did it for a while and now, you know, until I was able to get my architectural license. Fuck, yeah. It never happens.

Oh, wow. I bet there's been a couple. A couple. This has been a couple. That's not liars. Prostitutes is a pretty tough. I'm sure it exists. I bet there's a couple of buildings in New York that were done by some prostitute.

Yeah, the girl, when I drove strippers, I always tell the story of the one, the worst stripper because she just didn't do anything. I mean, there was girls for that company that would fuck for money. She did almost nothing. You could barely touch her at all. And she was a bachelor party delivery bachelor party stripper. Oh, really? Which they don't talk over the phone about what's going to happen. So most guys are like, yeah, we're getting a hooker.

basically. Yeah. And then when it's just a stripper, I have some explaining to do. I never liked that, though. And she was that, and she was that she was not a, like, a hoary chick at all. And I remember, like, you know, hang with her because I was driving her and pick her up and stuff like that. And she was genuinely putting herself through. Hell.

No, no, University of Pennsylvania Medical School to become a doctor. Did she become a doctor? I don't know. You know her name? Let's look her up. I don't remember her name at all. Yeah, candy. With an eye with a heart over it.

Dr. Candy? See if that's a thing? Go in and play some with a boombox and play some music. I never like the Bachelor Party hooker thing when they would get a bunch of hookers and then a bunch of guys. I hate that energy that guys get, that Lord of Flies energy.

Yeah. I hate that. It fucking freaks me out. I don't like it. You're like, don't stick it in of it. I hate it. It makes me, I mean, one-on-one prostitution. I'm fine with.

It's a beautiful thing. No, it's that, it's the accused. It's a scene in the accused. It's like, how many people get behind the mob mentality of raping a defenseless woman? Like, really, the whole room came together on that? What are the odds? That everybody in that room was like, oh, dude, I've been waiting for someone to break the ice on a good raping at this joint. Yeah.

Yeah. We go, who's going to? Can I go next? Like, no, what's your call it's going next? Oh, nice, dude. What's up? What's up? I'm next.

Don't forget the other half of the bar that was. just continuing with their drinks like nothing was not. Oh, that's right. Other people at the bar were just kind of like, dude, that's over there in the rape room. That's why I stay over here, an old man drinking corner. It was like Christine's comedy. Yeah. It felt like you're getting raped?

There's two sides to the bar. Except it was happening to your pussy instead of your ears. Except your pussy's being. being fucked instead of your ears. Yeah, those, those bachelor parties are fucking, fucking, just disguised. I've been to a couple of them and I was just like, this is gross. I went to one, it's so funny, I really don't remember.

But I went with a bachelor party. I was a bachelor party for, I didn't know anybody there, because I was a friend of a friend at that, which is already a dumb thing to go to. But it was one of those kind where there's like hookers everywhere, they have a hall, and I went in the bathroom with the hooker. And I don't think we hooked up. and I talked to her in the bathroom for a while.

I heard people outside the door banging on the bathroom door. You know, and she would be like, shut the fuck up. And we were like smoke weed or whatever. And then at one point you'd hear people outside the door going, she's in there with that fucking guy. Who's that fucking guy? I was like, yeah, we should get out of here. They're about to turn on me hard.

That's a big bummer, the fat guy. He wants to smoke butts and see the head. I'm just talking to her. I don't think we hooked up. We may have. A bunch of fucking stock exchange guys want a blowjob. They have to go home with their wife No

An old chub tits is fucking it up No, I'll tell exactly why I fucked up I do remember what happened I do remember what happened I was going to I was talking a lot She was talking too She was having fun talking

Smoking obviously My weed and shit And she was maybe butts Who knows Hey do you like Do you like Twinkies I have a couple I got a couple of people

Yeah I think I told her I think I told her that I worked In this thing before Who cares She couldn't give a shit I think I'm yapping to her And I'm almost giving her like the these people don't realize

that you're like a real person like I understand that so it's like I'll kick it away you just treat like a normal person for what and then I swear to you by the end of it she had also as people are knocking she's like do you want me to like suck your dick or something like for money

basically for my and I was kind of like oh oh I thought we were hitting it off I think you were falling in love with me the human being remember I fell in love with that stripper in a toilet that's so fine you always make fun of Lewis for thinking the strippers like him no no no no no Lewis

fucks would and then be like she was super into that and in the fuck of me i didn't do that i did the i try to chatter up in a way where i'm like i'm gonna get beyond the she's fucking everybody for money this chick's gonna be like well let's hang out another time maybe or so you know who knows like whatever the fucking thing is gonna be super excited to kick the hooker on a date yeah but it always has to be in the afternoon uh we go to dinner but it has to be a three it has be three o'clock because i have a gang bang at seven i'm getting suck fucked by a bunch of japanese businessmen at 10 Guys, the hooker thinks I'm super cool.

What a dummy. What a fucking, the hooker's friend. It sounds like a romance comedy. Oh, the hooker's friend, yeah, yeah. The hooker's friend. I take away, he goes, you need to get away from all this. And she's like, dude, I'm on a time crunch. I have 50 dicks to suck.

Do you want your dick suck? They go, oh, I guess my speech didn't change anything, huh? Yeah. Where I let you know, you can be whatever you want. You don't have to be a fucking bathroom prostitute at a bachelor party for a guy, I don't know. Hey dude, I gotta make $1,200 tonight to pay rent. Want to fucking speed this chat up?

Hey, I'll talk to you, but you gotta pay me for that then because I got work to do. I'll go fucking take it up the ass for cash, or I'll talk to you. Either way, though, I need the money. I'm on the Epstein list, so... I can do that show. I'm in the files, at least.

He's in the files. You know that, Jacob, correct? Yeah. Twice. Two times. Two times now. I found out only one. I thought once.

You saw the first one where the guy wants to go David Tell's Comedy Underground, and he's asking Jeffrey Epstein to go with him, and it has the lineups, and I'm on both lineups. Well, guess what? That guy really wanted to go, because he sent a separate one another day asking him if maybe tonight he wants to go to the David Tells Comedy Underground, because Gilbert Godfrey's going to be there, and that night I will be there with Kurt Metzger. So now Kurt's also implicated, as well as me, Lewis.

Lisa Trager, Lisa Trager was on the island, Lewis. Nothing goes better with child pornography and comedy. two things that go together well. Oh, yeah. Now, what do you do first? Do you have sex with the kids first and then see the comedy as a palate cleanser? Or do you go to the comedy to get riled up for the... I think you go to the comedy and you have a nightcap.

Want to come up for a nightcap? And by that I mean 12-year-old pussy. He goes, do you have any pussy upstairs? He goes, yes, he goes, age 12 years. You have any pussy upstairs? 1985. Yeah, you have to decant it. Yeah, I got a 1985 Italian.

Um, that's pretty wild though, man, that you were, uh... I gotta send this other, uh... There's a 10.30 after your dinner with Woody. Woody Allen. It's got to be Woody Allen. He's fucking pedophiles. Oh, it's definitely Woody Allen. Allegedly.

Oh, he married his fucking daughter. I know, he married his kid. How did that guy get away? She's really, my kid. How did he get away with fucking marrying his daughter? He did great films that people love. I mean, is that it? I'll be honest, me...

Am I not talented enough to fuck kids? There's films I like, listen. Oliver Stone should be able to be able to be able to do. to fuck a kid. Scorsese maybe should be... If we're going by directors who should be able to fuck kids... Quentin Tarantino.

Quit there. As many kids as he wants. What's his name? The guy that got sent out of the country? Polansky. Polanski? Polanski. That guy shouldn't be allowed to fuck kids at all. Really?

Stupid. A bunch of go nowhere horse shit. I never got into... You love Polanski? I don't love him. He got his Oscar after he... He saw a mother-in-child, right? He made a couple good movies.

Oh, here we go. Bobby loves Polansky. I don't love... I'm not going to talk about film and art again. I'm not going to talk about film and art. Here we go. You don't understand what it's going on. It's the problem.

Well, I understand that you were fucking at an island, fucking kids. So? Was Roman Polanski who... Sorry, you weren't invited. I wasn't. I really was bummed out that I'm not in it. I know. Okay, let's say...

If Lewis was on it and I was, I'm like, fuck. Yeah. You never know. I mean, you definitely did comedy underground. It seems like you wanted to see it. I did. I just didn't do it as much, I guess. I guess he wasn't interested in your show.

I'm saying you the other one. Was Polanski the person Tarantino was talking about when he was like Those 13 year olds are party girls They love it No they were mentioning him being with the 13 year old girl But no he's talking about Weinstein What's talking about Weinstein?

Yeah, Weinstein's a piece of shit He goes well you gotta see these parties 13 year old party girls out in L.A. Shut up Quentin Yeah, stop talking Yeah, he's a fucking idiot Did you get this is the other one? You email, no you texted it to me?

I texted it to you just a picture That's funny that you're in the Twice. Name twice. You get a shirt that says I was in the Epstein files. I got to. You have to. Circle my name twice.

Three times I'm listed. Three times. Well, two different piece of paper. My name's three times mentioned. Did they have a go? I don't know. I'd like to think, yeah. I said, someone who said, like, are you worried about this at all?

And I was like, worried about it. I wish that the thing said, Jeff, you want to go see this thing? Big J's performing the night. We love him. He's got that one joke about pedophiles. He gets us. He understands. So funny.

But yeah, this guy really wanted to take Jeffrey to see Dave Attell show. I mean, respect. Yeah. He's the greatest. Listen, the guy had good taste of comedy and good taste of pussy. Guy had good taste all around, dude. I bet he went to his house. He should be like, this is nice.

Okay, so. So, yeah, second time now. Monroe. Feinstein of court. Bargatsy? Oh, my Lord. Put that out there. Grammy Award winner, Bargathe. Let's take him down. Let's take him down right now.

Wow, wow. Liza Traeger. Okay, Ms. fucking Miss High and Mighty. I guess you're trying to make up for all those children you had sex with on pedophile Island. I know I wasn't invited, so somebody must have won. I'm going to the top, where the email is. This is, it came through really blurry.

God damn. Just go up to the top. I'm bummed out, I'm not in this. It says... You can't believe Lisa Trager's in this and I'm not. It says, happy birthday. Comedy plus birthday. And then it says, like, fun or something like that.

And then it says... It says, Gilbert's on this lineup, too. The Real Gottfried. Is this from the comedy seller? No, no. He shows... It is from the comedy seller. Oh, no, no.

Calm down. I'm sorry. It's an email list. Come on, dude, let's add some tension to this, Jay. He's forwarding the email list. He's forwarding the e-mail. I want to take down Nome. But if anybody has too much.

That's easy enough. Oh, man, live show today. I know it's 10 many times live show today you're going to have to tell me about when you ate shit. Oh, yeah. You're going to have a few minutes left, I think, now, right? Jesus Christ. Yeah. Wow.

So, okay, so this, it says from coming. So that was just the email from the. No, he got the advertisement for the show. Right. And then sends it to Jeffrey Epstein saying, like, hey, let's go to this twice. Right. And I just happened to be on all the shows. Right.

So, well, you know. But he didn't really care about seeing me, I guess. Yeah, Jerry, Jay, don't think that. They were probably going to see you. I never got to invite anything. I said, though, I'd have been there. I'd have been on the island. I'd just been the one with the questions.

I'm not going to, I tell you, you couldn't talk me into fucking a child. But I said, I'd be the guy going like, that sushi was the best I've ever had. Now, is it, is it, is it like tradition down here to eat it off of a naked 14-year-old girl? Because I didn't know if that's, like, a thing. I don't want to make her uncomfortable? She should be doing a job? Jay would be boring the 14-year-olds with conversation. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Hey, you guys want to see when I was on Premium Blend? Do you guys know what Connect floor is? I did a voice for a cartoon before. You want to hear the voice in the cartoon? You guys hear a Z-Rock? I'm in hustlers for a second. I'm at J-Lo.

Want to smell my dick? How long... Oh, no, don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. No, no, no, no, no. I know you've had a lot to... You've had a lot of sex today.

No, no, I'm just trying to talk to you. No, I just want to talk to you. Hurry up in the bathroom. Oh, come on. I understand her. There's a line out here. Sweetheart. Yeah, I used to work in the prostitution business myself.

I understand how it goes. That's what I would do. I would have talked to the kids for a while in the circle and been like, yeah, it was like, hey man, we're trying to fuck these kids. I'm like, I'm talking to them, man. Anyway, dreams, you can accomplish your dreams. I wanted to be a comedian. Look at me.

Look at your Uncle Jay. Jay would have story time. And that's the monster at the end of the book. And that's the monster. I'm the monster at the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the movie. the end of this book. Okay, you sexy bitches. Go to sleep.

Let me kiss you on all of her. Oh, pussy hair check. Bald? Balled? Balled? Oh, no. Oh, Misty. I see a little bit of hair here.

Okay. If we want to have breakfast tomorrow, we'll fix that in the morning, yeah? Okay, I'm still going to give you one of these. Okay. Okay. You're the tickly one, aren't you? Okay, guys. Come on, you got a big day of getting butt-fucked tomorrow by businessmen and

Politicians. What? Is that back-talked young lady? Okay, that's what I thought. Okay, we're just playing around. All right then. Does somebody want a consequence? Almost got serious.

Does somebody want to go into the scary closet? Oh, that's what I thought. Okay. Would somebody like to have sex with kings and queens? No more. There you are. This is so disturbing. You love it.

There you are, a little girl, having sex with adults. Yeah. Yeah. Whoever drains the most balls tomorrow gets chocolate milk That's where Jay got his tummy time from When he was on Epsine Island Oh yeah, yeah, yeah I just lay there

So no one can ever get to my dick Because I know these children are going to be so hot for my cock Guess what, guys? Hey guys I got some bad news We're not going to be having sex with a bunch of politicians today I know, I know But there's some good news

We're all having sex with Uncle Jay. Yeah! Uncle Jay! Uncle Jay! Uncle Jay! Uncle Jay! You kids are crazy. Anyway, I'll see you after snack.