The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Comedy Club Characters (feat. Juston Mckinney)

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

Juston Mckinney joins The Bonfire and the guys talk about some legendary comedy characters in the club scene.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey Campers, this is Big J. Oakerson. If you're listening to this, I think you probably know. But I want to remind you that the Bonfire is also a radio show on Sirius XM. And right now, if you go over to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire, you can get a special offer for three months free of Sirius XM satellite radio. That's a bargain, and you get to hear us live, and you get to hear the whole show. So don't be an idiot. All right, enjoy the show Yeah, and now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and dance odor got to tell you the story before I forget it

Okay, so I go home yesterday Christine takes Dawkins in the park. I go get I go get that little fat slut Mertle T. Ploppington Put a put a leash on her we go the park. It's hot. She doesn't really play It's Mertle's fully Mertle T. Ploppington. No, I just I make up different names for Dogs for me. What Christine? Dawkins man zombie That's pretty awesome. Yeah, I should remember we're all tuning our last day to zombie possibly legally Vansombie. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, I should remember we're all tuning our last name to zombie possibly legally. I

Love it. I love you Jay zombie big Jay zombie is very fun. Christine zombie Christine Marie zombie And Dawkins van zombie Isabella said she's in she's very well gonna be Isabella Rose zombie. That's awesome. Yeah, so I mean until like you guys regret it three years later We're like hey, should we change back? Is it gonna be a whole thing? I have like ham tattoos and shit. Oh, literally. I don't live a regrets bro. I just go for it. I forgot one foot in front of the other, Ocarson. He is fucking dear.

Let's do it. She just fucking did it. I'll become Big J's hobby. Legal. So you would have hated this. You would have hated this situation. So I'm walking Myrtle back home and we cross the street. And you know that Myrtle's got beef with those local squirrels.

I've talked about it. They talk shit to her, she chases them, they have a relationship. So Myrtle's on one of the... One of them's a racist on the witch. Yeah, they said the word to her. And you know, she's a black dog, so she's got brown. So Myrtle sees a squirrel and lurches. And kind of like I got her leash and I'm like get over here You know, I say the words you ain't gonna do shit and myrtle's head goes around the tree

And she comes back with a squirrel in her mouth. Oh god. Oh Christ All my like turn around in the squirrels in her mouth And she did like the shake and I went drop it drop it like that like that and this girl's just like the scrolls on the sidewalk not moving just like and Muriel's like just looking at me like she's like right right she was so Shit Killed the squirrel What I noise I don't know everything happened so fast so I get myrdal inside the I take her inside the apartment complex through the back door And I'm like and shame. I got it. Yeah, I'm like what did you do you're crazy? I? back door and I'm like and shame I gotta tell you I'm like what did you do you crazy I Prob Christine if had ever happened don't tell me because I'll give Dawkins away

To the first home was first. What yeah, it had had park life in its mouth So I We go in the lobby and then I go out the front door where the squirrel was in front of and I cracked the door Just to look up obviously keeping the killer back You gotta keep that fucking beast back But I look at the door and the squirrel still where it was but it's heads moving It's like this and then this guy walks by he's got like food and he's like She'll bottom eyes it. Hey squirrel and the squirrels like And like walk went to the sidewalk

And then I was like what the fuck and I take it squirrel and the squirrels like, and like walked, went to the sidewalk. And then I was like, what the fuck? And I take, dude, I'm in the elevator with Myrtle, and I said this to Katie. It felt like when you're a round of a friend that you've never seen get violent before. Yeah. And you're like, hey, and she's like,

she's just like, she's sitting at loose. She's being such a good girl. You like see me get loose out there a little bit? She's sitting on the elevator and she's like, fuck it squirrels, right? Fuck it squirrels,'s sitting in the loose. She's being such a good girl. You like seeing me get loose out there a little bit? She's sitting on the elevator and she's like, fuck it squirrels, right? Fuck it squirrels, I go in the house and I look down and the squirrel's gone. So I probably ran off or hope it ran off

or someone got rid of the body. Maybe it ascended. Yeah, maybe it's in the thing that you're having. Maybe it's in squirrel heaven. And Katie's got COVID, so she's quarantining. So I'm like, you got a FaceTime here right now. And I FaceTime and Katie's got COVID, so she's quarantining. So I'm like, you gotta face time here right now. And I face time at Katie. I took Katie's story and the Katie goes,

I mean, Mertel's been telling him. She's like, Mertel's been being like, I'm gonna fuck you shit up. And she got one, dude. She got a squirrel. It was fucking why I made, I like, I had a little bit of a, I understood where you're coming from.

I was like like he's yeah You like you bit it and she like wouldn't Drink water I was like drink water because there wasn't blood. I didn't see any blood But the same thing of like the same crazy that same creature that flops the Ted on you and it's like I mean Makes up by the way makes like a said doofy face. What was it? She was the murderous Apex predator. Did she went all fucking wolf dog on me? Do when she came back around from that tree with the squirrel. I was like, what the fuck?

She was like, hi. She was what had a human arm in her to me. Is that how's that upsetting? Damn. Drop it. Drop it. Drop it. And Katie, like, because Katie heard something. So when I came in, she's like, y's that upsetting? Damn, drop it! Drop it! Drop it! It's Katie, like, because Katie heard something. So when it came in, she's like, y'all all right? And I'm like, pick up your phone.

I'm about to FaceTime you. This shit was crazy. But the good thing is, Mertel only murders squirrels that are murderers. Also, sex offenders. Yes. That squirrel molested children squirrels. No, they deserve to die.

So she's, Mertel kills Dexter style. Dude, but now I'm, now I'm lary around her. Now when I see her I go, hey Murdle. You could be next. What do you think? Do you think you want to go outside? I guess I should return those squirrel slippers I got you from the Christmas this year. I don't want to take your goddamn foot off. But dude, no, I was joking with, I was this morning when I walked her. I was like, you better keep, keep an eye out, man. You put, they got a head out on you. You take out one of their fucking boys.

Girls are so nimble. Dude, that's why I'm like, how the fuck? I think this is, I think the school, I think the school was genuine, either it was like a special need school or it was a school that was like, I've seen this fat bitch shankin' and do shit. And then, really, you're gonna go,

you ain't gonna do shit. I said, that's right, you ain't gonna do shit. And then, when You ain't gonna do shit And then she was like want to watch dude. It was crazy Maybe I mean, you know obviously I mean weird. I think if I saw Dawkins get like legitimately angry You'd murder was an angry as much as I can rebar dominated that squirrel because she was immediately smiled up Just when she dropped it like right because she's a terrier so she's like bird dog. I'm a bird dog. I fucking went after it. That's fucking.

Oh, it's so gross. I was proud of her. Someone explained it and my friend loves to explain it right where he's like it's like your kid getting into a fight. We're like hey, don't do that. I'm glad you beat the shit out of there. Yeah, you won though. That's good.

Good job, kid. God damn, I'm so happy. That's something I feel like I've never had to deal with. I'm so happy I didn't like your son coming home, getting his ass kicked by someone. And now it's on you too. By someone by someone weaker than them. Also, it would be the worst. Yeah, if it's one of those, the bully gets it video where your kids bigger and then this kid just socks them up, you're like fuck that even the bully gets it like just he's just a whim Just gets beat up a lot. Damn don't stick up for yourself. I guess I don't really try to get small get into both

Try to be unseen one school of possible Just please don't just walk around with a I don't know a hood over. I don't know how to walk you through this Can you not use our last name anymore? Cuz I feel like it's gonna be back to me. I've been beat up before, but it wasn't such a one-sided ask. And you are bottom of the division, and the season. Make some changes, kid. We're gonna get one lucky, a puncher's chance.

I'll give you, I'll get you Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lessons. We'll do that. What? That's gonna get in your dance classes? Oh my gosh. Ah. You don't wanna go to private school? Oh, you know what, there's a question here on the topic sheet that I would like to know the answer to. Jacob, did you try your blue shoe?

I didn't yet. Haven't even broken into it at all. No, I mean, I'm home by myself, so I was thinking, well, I'm going to be in my apartment by myself with a bond up for like 12 hours. No, I think I was. It's not how it works. So, you'll be bond up for 12 hours. I don't know how long.

But for like, probably 12 hours or beyond when you're, when you get bond up, you're going to be bond up. I do want, I'm going to try this weekend, because now you're getting a- I've never tried it. Take it to the pound town. Dude, give me, throw me one. Let me take a couple. Oh, oh, D on them.

I don't know if you can, but you've used them for a low-right. I've used Viagra. Regor Viagra, yeah. But I have the same thing. I think Viagra's better. It's not. It's the same exact thing.

Not some eye-dick at ain't. You're tick only looks classic. What? How do you know? You try to make sure- Did you do a Pepsi challenge? You tried, believe it. It's the same exact thing. Not to my dick, it ain't. You're tick only looks classic. What? How do you know? You're a pro-dictionary? Did you do a Pepsi challenge? You tried blue-dew.

I tried everything. Blutru didn't work for you? Didn't get me as hard as Viagra Dicks. It's got to get through fucking whiskey dick stuff. Forget it. That's circulation can't feel my toes. It's like, it's my dick. Oh, yeah, there's a lot going on.

Viagra you drop in like Rambo. You're right. You do need it. Doctors opinion on yours. Yeah. I can get it from an online physician. Yeah. You can go get Rhino's strength from the bodega.

Okay, and that works too. But, uh, Bluetooth fucking rocks pretty hard, yeah. My Agri kicks ass though too. I've never done, I'll do it, Bluetooth. But can you go to the store outside? I don't know, if I take it and I, oh, I gotta get something at the supermarket. Well, if you want to neighbor, I don't know who's boss. Yeah, I don't know if you want to the store outside? I like it. If I take it and I, oh, I got to get something at the supermarket. Well, if you want to neighborhood to know who's boss. Yeah.

I don't know if you want to fuck the stock lady. Yes. I'm telling what's going to happen. You're going to have a nice knock around. Probably really got to order this. You get a nice knock around when it's soft is good. It doesn't go full like in a way. So what if I'm scared?

You're not going to feel, what if I take it? You're not gonna feel, you're not gonna feel, what if I take a napkin? You're not gonna have a bone or a walking around, you're gonna be feeling right. What if I take it and I, what if I take it and I have a lot of anxiety and I'm scared? We'll go small. Of course, yeah, all it, here's what I believe

I was told it does, all of them. It just, it's for DJ Lewis, why doesn't get all of them. It just it's for DJ Lew It's why doesn't get the best thing. It's just make your circulation better It's what does what's a like a vasodilator or something's called like it opens up your capillary So it's just your dick is just ready to accept all the blood you can send into it Yeah, and you your recovery time is great too like you go again Right, I'm saying that's what I'm saying whenever you you're going to get hard again, like whenever you're excited, you just want to get hard again after fucking,

and it's just kind of, it's not as good as the first one. And then you feel the weight of the world, and then you get super anxious, and then you just want to sleep. Yes. This, whenever you get that tickle again, it's fucking rotting right back up. Now that's all that, but you just got a hard dick.

Yeah. This is really, man, man. Oh yes, delivered by the gods I believe. I'm gonna try this. Dude, Jacobs is gonna be like, you wanna get out of here, bang real quick? I'll be ready to go. I'll get in five minutes.

You need no shot, Jack? I've in my life, that's several times taking a dick pill and then nothing happened. I mean, nothing happened. Like, I took a dick pill, like, I was like, ooh, something might happen. And then something doesn't happen. Do you want the thing that's on dick pill and then nothing happened. I mean, nothing happened. Like, I took a dick pill, like, I was like, ooh, something might happen. And then something doesn't happen. Do you remember there's on dick pill?

Do you just had a full clip? I'm like boss, right? Those are something. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Oh, you're talking bodega pills. Yeah, I think maybe in the time of blue, no, I think just be a, probably just the bodega ones. The first time you did blue chute,

do you ever remember this? You were like sitting like waiting to just like get a boner? For four hours. I was like it's not working. I was just waiting at some point. I was gonna be like what the fuck? It's happening. I didn't know it worked either. I was very like Jacob. I was I did not know and now you wheeled that sword No, no, my dick is gonna transform like the Hulk Big green big green dick. You're gonna enjoy your wiener. You really are.

I gotta say, you can mentally talk yourself out of the chemistry of it. Hell yeah. Like if you with somebody new, if you with someone's death, watch me walk a bad. No, I think that's the whole thing about it. It's just a physical reaction. It's happened to me a bunch of times when somebody did you beat Viagra?

Your circulation is bad. I'm surprised your shoulders aren't bad. I want to see something crazy. Watch this reverse osmosis. Yeah, you're just sucks as dick in words. You've defeated it and it didn't work at all. Yeah, I talked myself out of it. Oh, yeah, I did.

I'll go now. You might have got some punk stuff now, because I'm telling, because even like I said, in those times of my life where I've had it, a little PED, and there was nothing happening, the jack was good, because you were like, man, sure would've liked to show this to somebody.

I made this beautiful meal, and now it goes nowhere. Now it goes with, so it's happening. Sorry, I said chicken got tried. What's that, Jacob? Yeah, it's going to be dinner for one this weekend. But I'm willing.

I got a boat. I don't want to see it. I still want to see the dinner. Yeah. Of course, yeah. Damn, dude, just know that campers that either Friday or Saturday, Jacob's going to be a warrior. It's going to be walking around boss hall.

He's ready to put one through you. Yeah, dude. Don't go near him. He's going to be like compound you. Yeah, dude don't go near him He's gonna be like compound V but just for your See it DM for DM for pick request. Are you not on Twitter? You're just on Facebook? I mean on Instagram Someone was like tweeting at us like where's Jacob on Twitter? I'm like damn for bulge picks Someone was like tweeting at us like where's Jacob on Twitter? I'm like, I swear I'm for bulge picks damn dude. You're just gonna be in some tidy whiteies

You DM on Instagram walking around with performance enhanced we oh my god run it up your leg You know what I'm gonna send you I'm gonna put some just some boxers on and I'm gonna Send you a pick got them right here ready for that. He posted on fucking anyone up That just worked like I aggro on me. I'm boning up now Jacob's like would you like to see me in my aggressive stage? I'm a veil it's gonna be like the castanza picks. Maybe you'll get laid to this weekend, too Yeah, some horny lady might be listening to this like Jacob's I need to there's so many horny ladies This is the weekend. This is the weekend for you. I don't want it. Damn. Yeah.

It's gonna be a hot weekend. Damn right. He's bringing a loaded gun. Damn. This is for a cop killer. He is really, you're really cutting through that fucking protection. You're really making a case for you to be on him bows on an early episode. Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what about those two gentlemen. They love a dick pill. Do they have it in their key? Do they have in the ring? Amulet running. Oh, no, baby. I'm coming right in Time to party Hip and a hoe in a here we go Yeah, no, they for sure ask the other two. I love when people say that When they go man, you have to use Viac really no, I don't know. They don't know Markiplier have to take steroids. Yeah, put some zinger on those fingers. Yeah, I like

Rambin words, but a little shabuuts on it. I really was thinking again about the whole concept of the show and then Josh at Moon Tower like I had mentioned yesterday How our Monday? How the whole prep for our live show in Moon Tower like I had mentioned yesterday How our Monday How the whole prep for our live show in Moon Tower he had the yeah the ones in the catacute but zip down to his naval the dick here Yeah, yeah, I call that a stick here. I guess you do. Yeah, you got a those are my I would say those are my most sense That's my most sensitive region. That's my I don't want you seeing my fucking oh my god The area between my belly button and dick is my almost 85% of my entire body's problem

No, I would say a but belly button the fucking clavicle dude not for me for me I'm saying I don't want you to see my unmuscular torso. I'm saying I'm saying below chest to my unmuscular torso. I'm saying below chest to diktop, you could change all that shit. Josh, like, yeah, it's so all of it. I can actually get a smaller one, so I look bold, dear. I'm starting to get my dick feedback.

Nice, dude. Damn, dude, and you're gonna be on performance enhancing drugs. Ladies, whip it at Jacob on Instagram. Dude, this is the time. This is the time. If you find yourself in the story, yeah find yourself in the story. Yeah, I Wouldn't let this go. I wouldn't let him go anal this week though this weekend. You don't want that. It's gonna be very rigid Stand up turn around and bend over okay central Jacob

That's if he shays it bettot. Yeah That's the Shazard Batot. Yeah. Did Lou try this? Black Lou? Yeah. Have you tried PEDs before Lou? God damn it, Jacob. Yes, Jacob gave me two of his.

Okay. And it has been ovulation week, so yeah. Oh. You go for baby too? Baby too, yeah, absolutely Mrs. Johnson like mr. Johnson Absolutely and I didn't tell her shit cuz I'm not letting that fucking go. Yeah, you brought the heat Absolutely, yeah, the second time listen, I'm a black. I'm a San Francisco Giants fan. I don't need to know if

Bitter bonds did steroids or not. He didn't know he did he was never proven. Yeah, but you know he did Stop it. No, it's fine. Who cares? Stop it. He's the home run king. Of course he is he was on steroids Well blue-tug or not? Yeah, you gotta try what dude. I will he got try one Well book an erotic vacation Yeah, you and Katie get away. You're gonna need extra room for that fucking pig of yours, dude. You need to, you're gonna straighten out this pig tail, huh? I'm gonna fucking, I gotta start, I was talking to Jacob about fitness.

I'm gonna start running, exercising, and then I'll book a Roddic case. Running sucks. I know, but it's the best way to fucking lose weight. Is it? It can be. What? That was a quick dial back. I always dial back, dog.

Is that the best way, really? No. I don't know, probably. I've heard fucking, doing crystal meth. That really does work. Yeah, you want to dig, I'll try. I didn't expect you to lean back in like that. I'll try crystal meth, I was here. See how it was like. Welcome back to the bonfire. Why is everyone against us? You guys want to dig? I'll try that. I didn't expect you to lean back in like that. I'll try my crystal meth. I was here Yeah, welcome back to the bonfire. Why is everyone against us?

Yeah, I'm all fucking dude. I am so rich. I imagine me and Christine just walking up scratchy and blank. Oh my god Did you two fucking plucked birds? Are we starting to show what time is it? Am I stupid earlier? Stupid late Mertle and I just living in Union Square. She's got to catch squirrels for food now. We need those squirrels. You got a forage. You got to stick over a can fire.

I had a Katie kick this out long ago and I stole you. I took the dog. I took you. I took the dog this morning. I was like, you're so cute. I hate you. We're cool, right? Excuse me forgot off of the bad start when you're a puppy. Like I was like you're so cute I hate we're cool right? in case we ever got off of the bad start when you're a puppy like I was mad you pissed in the house I wasn't mad at you you're cool why didn't I mad at you? Tim you know I hope Blue she never tries to be a sponsor on this show though

what you took a shot at them like that couldn't even get through your whiskey don't you beat Chantix twice and you now you beat Blue Choose that's bad ass yeah that's the Mickey Manel, Jean stone wall whiskey Or what you can go out and play basketball fuck that can you walk through pharmaceuticals? Science exactly That's I fucking I appreciate that I mean Jay walk through DMT so I know I did a dream all of you basic talk therapy If you have Jay start letting in everything and then drugs will affect him. The chemical that's released when you die to make deaths like not so painful and scary.

I just I did it and nothing happens. That's going to be funny. That's going to be synthesized the death chemical. Yeah. DMT. You've never heard of DMT. We've talked about DMT. I didn't know that's what it was it's the thing your brain releases right before you die to kind of fucking suit you that's why I don't want to do it because I don't want to ruin dying I don't want to do it I don't want to die and be like I was better on a little Christina like it so she would she's dying she's gonna make oh Christ back into the screen saver thing yeah it's uh you know make that writing way bigger Christine so a lot of big Latin words.

Full Harris. Dispolarima. Delas Burma. Nice. Cecia. Dismodum. Mimosa? There's Mimosa in it? Uh, count me down for bottomless. We're doing DMT. Bottomless DMT. You're gonna actually hang out with God for a while. You're gonna get annoyed with the God. Yeah, I don't know. It did absolutely nothing. Christine hated it, but it was only you also have a problem with drugs like mushrooms and Molly and shit. It doesn't hit you as hard as other people. Sometimes it does not. That's true. I've watched I've watched it happen. I've watched you like not really responded drugs

And I've been swimming now on the same thing. Yeah, I think I think mushrooms at Bonnaroo hit me just yeah They definitely hit again. That's the thing why I'm over here arguing with DJ Lou about his For some reason talking himself out of a hard dick, which I completely understand for some reason talking to myself out of a hard dick. Which I completely understand. If anyone gets that to me. I've talked to myself out of the best things in my life. I've had anxiety about while going through it and then I look back and been like,

should have enjoyed that. Whatever the release you have to give for it to kind of go into full. Yes. Give yourself to God. Whatever that is, I don't do. I think the DMT was a chemical, like blocking another chemical,

that with like whatever I say. Probably, because it was insane, it did nothing. I mean, nothing does nothing, but when I'm high on mushrooms, yeah, everybody else tends to be a little more in their thing that I am, but it's because I'm like, if I let myself go to the best place, it also creates the possibility to go to the war.

And I'm like, I don't wanna be in one of those. I'll never, you'll never see me like, Jay's, no one's ever said that about me. I've done all these kinds of like Molly and blah, blah, blah, before no one's ever been like, yo, Jay's tripping right now, like, let's never happen. My God, was I tripping at Moon Tower when I was the only one that did him?

I've never, no one, you ever been like, where's Jay and he's off, that's like staring at a tree alone. Like that just never happens. You're all right. You know what, I'm towering. Do you remember? Yeah, and that's what I said.

That's what exactly what happened to me. Cause we were all like Lewis, Dave, and I were supposed to do mushrooms. And then I did the fucking Best in New York Fett show, which is like the midnight show. And everyone was at the after party. And I took my mushrooms while I was talking to Bennington. I was like, oh, I'm gonna take my mushrooms.

Maybe they'll hit a little bit when I'm on stage because it's like, I got 20 minutes till my set. But then I'll go to the after party and Lewis and Dave will be on mushrooms and we'll all hang out. And I took them and I texted Lewis, like, eat them now, I just ate mine and Lewis is like, I'm too drunk. And I was like, what's up?

I just ate mine and he's like, yeah, I'm too drunk. And then I took them what's up? I just ate mine. And he's like, yeah, I'm too drunk. And then I took him, did the set, went to the after party. And I saw Dave and Dave's like, I gotta wake up early tomorrow. I'm not gonna do him. And I'm like, so I'm the only one doing mushrooms right now. And he's like, yeah, pretty much. And I was hanging out with Michelle Wolfe

and someone else in this bachelor party walked up. And they went, do macho man! You should do macho man! That was like chill. I was like, oh no! Shit! Can't I just went back to the hotel? What was it, Clean?

Oh man, oh man! I went back to the hotel and just sat there and listened to music and smoked weed in my room and it was awful. It was just like awful. Yeah. I remember actually getting that. I was getting that. I got that after party.

Yeah. And I went, oh man, he's not gonna. I was just like somewhere else right now. Say, I ate like just under an eighth. Then I was just like, hmm. And they had these lights that were changing. Again, the first time I did it, I did the eighth. I ever did much, I did a full eighth. Yeah, me too. And then I just didn't, I was it, I did the eighth. I ever did a full eighth.

Yeah, me too. And then I just didn't, I was like, everyone else was much further, so I did a little bit more. I never went anywhere beyond like that state of like, this is good. I wasn't taking any kind of like, Lexa Pro or anything like that. Did you ever get to the pontific, where you start pontificating stage? Probably. Okay.

Yeah. I told you I like severely analyzed the beauty of this Howard Stern TV episode. I was watching. That's great. Yeah, so it was working. It was him like it was him giving some guy shape for shit talking here. I know it was great. I got smacked with Lou and Amsterdam when we ate those truffles. And I mean I ate those and shit went like fast. That's what got me. That's what threw me all off because I've done mushrooms a ton. I know I know like how it terrified to do drugs like that in another country. I tell you what fuck me up Jay. Being in another country. Them speaking in another language. Of course. And I had a I had a Heineken zero and a draft and a water and a And a lot of you know, it was like this. I was like, uh, excuse me, excuse me, and they don't have an opener.

So the lights go down and just Pearl Jam comes out. And I was like, excuse me, like actually, for you to fall in love with him. And I was like, uh, uh, uh, Lou, and we were trying to get the Lou. And I was like The dudes do the bugger, yeah. Oh, yeah. Wee-mo. Scuba-sla-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la- Oh! Oh! Yeah! Dude, then I went to the back. That's when I went to the back of the arena and texted Lou with like one eye. I was like, yeah, Lou? Yeah. That's happened to me a lot as I'm getting older when I'm on anything from weed or anything

and I look at my phone. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, that a three or eight. I was just. My favorite part of that whole moment was I texted Lou and Lou just without it was like, yeah, buddy, I'll come back and get you in a little and then I'm waiting around and Fujiwak came Fujiwak was tripping to and Fujiwak walked in and there's just like We're in the back like the families are Fujiwak walks in and I just go

Foo Foo and this family was like what the fuck cuz I was just like Fujiwak It's not a name. That's not like a language that he's gonna notice the weird last name And then I got him and dude later he was like, I was fucking bugging out and you came out of nowhere and you pulled me out of the ocean. Yeah man it was um but I feel like you can let in drugs more. Maybe. That's the your thing is you don't let it in. in drugs more. Maybe. That's the your thing is you don't let it in. I

know. And then sometimes when it hits and it's great, I go looking for that again and it never gets like that great again. Molly was never as fun again as the time we the first time I think I did it. We all did it like Ralph's maybe was that first time ever? I took it and it's so funny. Everybody goes, yeah, that was pure math. That was that first time ever? I took it and it's so funny everybody goes, yeah, that was

pure math. That was that was so speedy, but I had a flash. I told my entire life story that every member of gas digit will want to end of time individually. I said, it's not Ralph's deck for what I call him imagine was four days. Did you smoke fucking 90 cigarettes? 900 cigarettes I smell. I mean, dude, there's like pure math. What's up? We got Joy meth. The one that rules. We did it with Ari. I did an episode of the bonfire when we did that. We went to LCD Sound System. And I was just like up for three days. I'm like, because the first time I did it with Molly, Molly with Ari, it

was MDMA at Bonnaroo, the year after we went, and I just went down there, and it was for LCD Sound System, it was the best. It's why I have a friendship with Josh Adam Myers. I didn't really know. And I was just like, hey, and Samantha. And it's me. And dude, Samantha kept walking up and giving me cold bottles of water. And I was like, this is incredible. I knew nothing of Elsa. So I mean, I'm up and giving me cold bottles of water. And I was like, this is incredible. I knew nothing of else. I mean, I'm in a circle by love.

Yeah, I was like, this is what love feels like. And I was like, this is very good MDMA. You know, he's like very, I love it. I was just the MDMA. MDMA is love. I mean, dude. And then we woke up the next day and he was like, did you enjoy that? I was like, that was the best.

That was the best drug experience I've ever had in my life. Yeah. And watching Nate blackout drunk, that was the best, that was the best drug experience I've ever had in my life. Yeah. And watching Nate blackout drunk, that was what started it all. I wasn't, I wasn't, I was like, you, I wasn't feeling it. I took two pills and I was like, this isn't shit. And we were sitting there on like the, you know where they take you in front of the sound stage, you can stand up and look over the crowd.

I was sitting on that and Nate had his wine, his like bottled his little stack, his stack of wine when he was down to last two and he knocked one of them over and he's like, man, you knocked over my wine. And when I stood up, that's when it hit me. And I was like, this is the greatest. It's my test for any time that I think I did something

I'm not feeling it, stand up quick. That's a good, I'm drinking. I'm drinking everything. Drinking particularly too, because sometimes I'll sit there and I'll do my three shots for my first show on the road You always do it. It's my thing Three shots in the bud light and not even now to go white claw or a soda all right girl, but I bitch I'm even a little lipstick mark on the straw

But I do those like three shots, and then sometimes I'm kinda like, should I do another? Like I really like, they went right down, I feel nothing, and then you go, let me stand up and go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, okay. Yeah, with any kind of like damn dude, you're such a smart side. No, I'm not. Not a lot of talk about that.

By the way, it's a bit of a doctor. Thanks, bro. Maybe maybe through him, Bo's I can get my medical treatment. Bo's you can be a doctor. If you guys cannot post this so Justin and Josh never hear it at all, both of them are enjoying the idea a lot. Both the only reservations either has is they're both like, but they do know we're not hymbeos, right? And I have to keep saying,

yes, they get it's a character. So, actually, you get it's a character, but it's not going to be characters, guys. They live though. But if you tell them this, it's not going to do it. Are you kidding me? Here's just the litmus test. Neither one of them would bat an eye at ripping their shirt off. I don't know. Mid run or roller blade sash. How about mid performance on stage? If it was cool, they could do it. Mid right here on the show. Do you remember when, oh, that was the second year after Bonneroo when I went back with

Ari. was the second year after Bonaroo, when I went back with Ari, P. Davidson was like kind of jacked and he was doing sets shirtless. Oh yeah, yeah. And you're like in a bathing suit. Yeah, smoking a cigarette and I was like, what? He's like, I don't know, I'm hot. And it's like, I just remember.

I've never had that body. I'm a stunt, though. I don't know, I'm about to fuck, I'm about to roll through your favorites. He stopped working out after that. You got yoke for a stunt, though. I don't know. I'm about to fuck. I'm about to roll through your favorites. He stopped working out after that. He got you got yoke for a minute. Yeah. I don't know.

Because his trainer was around. I just remember that. It's like my trainer. I was just some fucking Italian kid from Staten Island. He gets me all doing it up. He goes like, what the high school? Does God not just call him a trainer? He goes, yo, what's up, bro?

It's like, you know, when you see a young person that's kind, like in their early 20s But they still have young face. We were like you're still a boy. Yeah, like that where he was like Sup, bro. Sup. Sup, bro. Yo Sup Nothing dog. Just a little MDMA Little MDMA couldn't handle you want to do some I am super into it now. Yeah, I'm a I don't know what it is I just don't sink.

I wish I could. Therapy. Little up and up. Crack that door, dude. Open me up to drugs better. Yeah, absolutely. No experience at more, dude. Why is that?

Talk therapy. Work through some problems. Next thing you know, could you guys, more stuff in? It's why I want to eye a wasca. Betterhelp.com easily gets you in the right direction.

It's why I want to eye a was is because of it's like you know that's like an eight hour is like intense trip you like throw up and shit you have a shaman like and here's the more the problem is not so much that I'm afraid of going through the whatever thing you go through there I'm more afraid that I'm not going to go through it and then I'm just in a hot full of people shitting and puking And I have to act like I'm feeling they're gonna go Jay nothing. I'm gonna go no no no I'm all wacky feel it you have to hear the people I go But by the way, can I order Uber Eats here?

Well you guys are winging out. What's a good wing place? I'm a bit of a boneless. It even worse you have to hear you have to hear the Iowaska talk from the other idiots in the room. Where they're going, Link? No, mummy love needs to be brought into my heart box. And you're like, shut the fuck up dude, you're doing tripping talk. Yeah. I'm like, who's your energy beams are running through my fingernails? And Jay's like, yeah, yeah.

Do you know a good house painter? I'm asking everybody. You go, aww. Okay. And Jay's like yeah, yeah, yeah, you know good house painter. I'm asking everybody Okay, all right Doze Mike Jim coach and third grade my dick you know so no so that's that's a no to pizza cuz I'm gonna order one I'll do and Robin came back from Iowa. I was going Howard Stern like her she had some profound yeah Not sending things it's all life changing right, but then she got cancer. I think afterwards And like before or after after after yeah, right after that sucks. She's like I figured out life and life's like Yeah, but it wasn't that like and she's like a very Articulate person, you know eloquent person when she speaks and she like she really couldn't articulate at all

What the thing was but she was just like everything? Doesn't matter and everything's important It was just something all over the place sort of nonsense. Yeah, it's a drug breakthrough I know it meant something to her but I wouldn't mind having that if it would change literally in my direction of doing anything Like I don't know if it really changed her life actually that's what I mean like did it was like I don't know but I after I started apologizing to all the guys in the show she's like I've been cutting your manhood down and stuff was pretty wild yeah I mean the day I drove back to the Nashville airport after doing drugs

with Ari for two days I had some thoughts I had some ideas I had some philosophy I came back and to poor Vecchio, living with me, whenever I would do drugs, he would just have to hear all the dumb shit that I thought the next day. Oh my god. And meanwhile, he's trying to count his, you know, he's counting his carbs. Dan, do you know what I mean? Mike, do you know why are they always sending the poor to fight the wars? Yeah, man. Why not in the poor? We should send the poor. It's like they're human shields. It's like, I don't know, dude, I'm making my eggs for the week.

The people who probably respect the country least, you have fighting for the front lines. That's the pontifications that I said I hate when I watch young rappers who got killed young documentaries because it's just the same thing but you know two-pok died pretty young too like his speech is too. Yeah actually two-pok sounded a little better. Two-pok was he was able to mask a little bit and maybe again it was just my age when he was doing this stuff. Yeah you were like 19 but I remember him saying the thing about like why do you think we're not afraid of the killers? They live right next door to us. Remember that speech you gave or that interview he gave?

That'd be like just a fear of growing up in the hood. He's like, we don't love living in the hood. We're afraid of it. I don't think we're afraid of it. We just have to live there. I answered like a court question. I specifically don't remember that one. Okay, I'm gonna refer you back to Article 7 when you said, I love two

Pock speeches, particularly the one where he said the thing about the thing. I do wear my bandana backwards. Two Pock ask. But yeah, those young guys, also two Pock died at 20 was 24, 25. Man, when you get here, huh? 27. When you get into the, I don't think so. so I think you maybe 26 days. They both died pretty young You passed 36 and just everyone was a child when they died. He realized you look bad. Oh, yeah, everyone was a baby

You're 25 when he died. Yeah, 25 Such a piece of shit at 25 you've done so much Well, not all good Well, you know, I know, he was an iconic person by 25. Yeah, it's good rapper. That's like when I found out that's like when I moved here in John Mulaney was like just starting to blow up. Yeah, someone was like, yeah, he's he's my age. I forget who I was with a dance teacher, maybe. We were both like, Oh, he's our age. Oh fuck. Oh god damn it. Ouch and he was like And they got to watch people significantly younger than you. Yeah, then then I had a hard yeah

Pop hard and then you're like oh fuck all right, but you when you're growing up you're like two-box a older man Pete Davidson is Your you guys weren't as close for as long a time probably but he's like your kev Kevin Hart I'm saying but buddy's but where you see a kid night and that you guys you saw all the time. Yeah constantly Nate who is now Yeah, yeah, Nate's up to two but Nate's Interestingly enough like he's very famous to his audience sure does that make sense to his audience? I don't know. I don't know. He's a Nesalia house. He's huge. Che huge. Che was a guy that we went doing like angels and kings and like drinking on a Monday or like going to Brooklyn rooms or even at the seller.

Yeah. I can change from your close one that bell to say, but pizza already. I mean, he's in that atmosphere. Like he's Kevin Hart famous. Yeah. Name recognition wasn't. I mean, he was on Kevin Hart's show. That's where he said he wanted to have kids. Oh, really? Yeah, he was on Hart to Hart. Oh, he's a little hard to hard with Hart. And that's where he was like, I think my biggest

thing is I want to be a dad. Yeah, it's time. Because science is there. Kim could put it in a poor Peruvian lady. I saw where I was. So that my sperm was swim free. Oh, don Oh, you know, my big dick sparms and already in our egg and then Chris Jenner is gonna Implant it in a poor lady with their laser eyes. Oh, I have a baby. That's probably gonna play in whatever the NFL NBA Mashup League is in 20 years

And I'm gonna get first this Christ almighty. What is it? I'm gonna give birth to this Christ almighty. What is it? It's an abomination. K-Bad of somebody else made of all parts of us. I'm crazy. I mean, so I brought the parts with them, the lady picked a cake and then the lady never sees the cake in it. Yeah, it's insane, dude. He's like, yeah, I mean, you know Kevin.

Kevin told a story that you've told on the bonfire fucking 40 times. Okay. Sorry. No, but I'm saying everyone was tweeting at me. Why was I, I wasn't mad at you. What did you think of me? I bored you and just keep telling the same story. I'm like, it's one of the funniest stories is when you,

you and your girlfriend fucked out other couple. Yeah. And then you said, you said, she made noises, she never made with you. We always made me laugh the hardest. We just given her the old, the boots. I mean, he was putting the screws there. And I was, and I said his girlfriend had a killing

to describe, it felt like a fucking, a fuck, it was like rubber pussy. Yeah, put it, put it, it was just, he told, it just moved around, I don't know. It looks like she was not enjoying it. I was not enjoying it. But it was sweating on her face.

I'm sure people, it was so hot in there. I'm sure people have tweeted at you that he told that story. And he said my friend, Big J, was into swinging. And then the other guy fucked his chick. And he was just making the thing of be sure you want to get into that before you get into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But people were tweeting me like, this story, I'm like, dude, if this is the bonfire, you know that story. Because the part that always makes a laugh is when you're like, she made noises that I didn't make her make, which is like, I'm immediately, dude, if you listen to the ball and fire, you know that story because it always the part that always makes your laugh is when you're like She made noises that I didn't make her make which is like I'm immediately identified with that Anybody does because you'd be like hey, hey, you're like, hey, what is that? Hey, well, Kev doesn't remember from this Obviously a zillion years ago story too, so but What I always thought was funny about it was like me and her fox for a while at first Yeah, I think he was fucking his girlfriend. Yeah.

And then when like, like she came, my girlfriend, and I didn't yet. Yeah. And then she had like the immediate like, should we like not do this? Like you want to not do this? And I was like, I mean we're here. It's kind of weird.

And then she was like, yeah, I mean, all right, we came to let's do it. And then like, I mean it was like a whisper thing. So it wasn right, we came to let's do it. And then like, I mean, it was like a whisper thing. So it wasn't like an aggressive convincing her to do it. If she went to leave, we could have left. But like, she was a disclaimer. What a dildo I have. But no, but it was a simple,

you were just like, yeah, I was like, people could twist that and you were just saying, like, I was like, you get her, we're here. Yeah, I'm like, we're here already. And she could have been like, why don't we do it? Like, all right, let's go. But she was like and she could have been like why don't we do it like But she was like I she goes no yet. Let's do it because she was excited to do it to be sure And then and I was excited to do it just said I was just eyes on that girl and then

That was going horrible and my chick which is I mean, I just saw her lay her legs on his shoulders You look over me once in a while with this fucking mussely shoulders and be like yeah Yeah, I'm supposed to give me a good American psycho Like a point me dude in the universe try to get you out of it the universe was like hey, she's telling you we can get out of here She's telling you this it's gonna go poorly. This like thin in shape guy. Yeah She's saying like I could not fuck this guy and just go home with you and I could have taken that as the win Yeah, but I was have taken that as a win. Yeah. But I was looking past that. I'm like, oh, I go just like do whatever.

Really at the other day, I'm like, you can really just sit here and talk to him for the next five minutes. You want, I'm going to go take a swipe with this one over here. And then that was just cool, cool, cool. Now I'm going to go get piped. And she clearly does not like doing this. She was doing it for him. Yeah.

And so now I'm being a part of that and now you're feeling the thing over She's like all right get it over with and then mean her doesn't I'm sitting there and like listening to them plow And then I cried in the car Yeah, I was sad I got to hear you I but then we went home but they went home and fucked hard What kind of a moat were you like like angry? Tears like I just fucking get hurt or you like I mean angry tears are worse you like that fucking No, okay, I was like yeah, I was just like damn that fucking say just didn't go the way I thought it was gonna go

It wasn't like a I'm just like teary I was like, damn, I fucking say, it just didn't go the way I thought I was gonna go. It wasn't like, oh, I just got a theory. I was like, yo, everything I go, I didn't realize that I had the process. I didn't know if I- I didn't know if I- Listen, if you're even into that kind of shit, the first thing you, your first time you do it,

enjoying it or not, you have to process kind of what you're saying, like, okay. How do I go? So I was just there, I wasn't even thinking about her, fucking the other guy, I'm just heading like okay, how do I go? So I was just there and I wasn't even thinking about her. Fucking the other guy. I'm like, whatever it takes for me to fuck this chick. Fine. Get it through sign the paper.

It's like the accepting terms and conditions on that. Yeah, on Apple. How many times can I click a button if they're not reading? Accepting, accepting, accepting. Private policy. Fine. Yes.

You got my social security. Yes. Sign me up for newsletters. Fine. And then you just are like, oh man, she got ever did she say anything about how? I mean, what was the? Did she say any in the car? Was she like rubbing your back on like I know I get bang better than her. But it's just like she's like, hey, I'm sorry. I can't hear you. My ears are pretty clogged from being upside down with that guy pile drive to me.

I'm sorry. The blood is still in my head because I was just taking to a place. My as well call it slamsville. Did you two just never say anything about it? No, we were I told the story before I ended up getting to like a physical thing with the guy ultimately not that night. Another night because we try to hang out with them Because they get bass and hang out again And I was like this is I didn't know this yeah, and I was like Yeah, we should and not Hook up with them sure and they just didn't like it was people to show or maybe we even went sticking Maybe we would do it again. I don't know. I don't remember our members

I didn't like the way it went the last time and we were sitting and then we were all like The girls like went like upstairs All our members, I didn't like the way it went the last time. And we were sitting and then we were all like the girls went up stairs. We were in his basement, some of those basement, his house. Katana collection? Something like that. It was definitely that kind of guy. He had a carpeted van. He's like, do you want to see my snake? So the ladies are upstairs.

Even if you know black lights, but I'm super into it. He had a carpeted van for sure. And it was one of those things like Yeah, he goes I we you know if you want to do that again So no, I definitely wish thing we weren't gonna do it again because right away he was like yeah You know we had a good time with time you guys would want to do that again And we'd be told you down and I was like ah yeah, I just don't know I left in the car No, dude, I'm gonna I'm gonna let a tears bro

Sorry bro, I already wept in the car. That's not gonna happen again So and then yeah, he's like it wasn't that good. He didn't feel Whatever was he was bad and like awareness of like Sussing out what I'm saying here. He's an idiot cuz idiot's fuck fantastic Because they can turn their brains off and go to sleep I was like oh, it's like yeah, I was like you had a really like good time last time And it with my girl and everything and I was like yeah, no, it was cool, man. It was cool Well, I'm not trying to make a thing you know, I'm like no, it's great. I just don't know if it's like really like our

World or whatever and he was like I mean, I know you're girl at a good time And then I just went like blind rage, like grabbed him by a shirt, and like put him on the stairwell, and I think the girls came running down. I think I even like apologetically, like kind of left him, like, damn sorry dude, but like, what am I, yeah, that was wild,

I think to say, I know you're chicken at a good time. You know what? You know what? I'll fucking kill you dude. I'll kill you with one of your own contests. You know what would he? I'll fucking kill you. But good for her. Good for her. I think a great time by the way that night. She should have She's like I mean dude. I'll call off the dogs and you're like release that Better you were the one crying not her. Yeah, I'm far better for real. It's far far

Funny your story just makes everyone feel better on the inside. Oh, yeah Yeah, she worked with the girl She brought the whole thing to me. I guess it was a girl. She works with the Kmart hell yeah, dude RIP Kmart I don't know I don't know if I should Know that I'm doing well. There's one near my house. It's thriving. No, it's not I was in a big K if it's a big K super K super K. Is that what it is? Yeah, they thrive. Oh, man My ex-girlfriend used to this fucking let me steal a jupe and cool water clone. I was great. Let's we're

jewelry watches. We got to take a break. Okay. We get a whole hour And now back to the bonfire with big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder It's the bonfire faction talk series XMM103, Big Joke or Senned Dan Soder. Joining us in studio, very excited to see him. It's been a long time. He has a new special called On the Bright Side, premiering September 1st at 8 p.m. on YouTube. That's the way to do it.

That's the way to do it. It's hilarious Justin McKinney joining us. What's up, buddy? Thank you so much for having me there. Good to see you at the long time. You and Jave know each other a long time. We don't really know each other. but what I found interesting is you walked in and you know Jacob, Jacob Atata, our producer, you guys worked together back when you had a show

on Sirius XM. You had what was it from the woods? It was a call live from the woods. And I'd moved back, horrible career move. I moved to New Hampshire in06. I left L.A. I went to New Hampshire, but I got hooked up with Syrias and I did it in my third floor and had the producers here and it was a blast. I'd still wish I would have done it.

My wife wasn't like, you know, one night off, you're up in the attic. Yeah. You know, on this, you know, doing the show. So I, after about a year, I quit, but I mean, I should have kept doing it. And it was one of, it was a fun show, yeah. It was one of your first gigs here. One of my very first, yeah, I was still part time. Yeah, I wish, Justin says a nice guy.

I wish he would have come in and been like, that's cool. So Jacob, get your fucking shine box, huh? Yeah. Pop us back in tangos. I don't know. I don't shine those shoes. No one wants to make any.

Yeah. I'm going to executive producer. He goes, no, I think we're going to do the segment. You know the segment. I don't do belly rubs no more. When I'm funny, if Jacob fired me, I'm like, Oh, Jacob, yeah, good to see you. Yeah. The hardest thing I ever had to do. Yeah, there's no special. There's a seat back here for revenge.

You use you know, you're like, Yeah, let me come on my show. Let me come on your show to promote the special. I got a kid and I'm gonna murder your producer. We're our first met, Justin. It was exciting. The scenes I'd seen him on like TV comedy central stuff, a bunch, and and the, I think the first club I got into in New York was the comic strip and you were a comic strip person. You were there a lot on the weekends and stuff too. Which was so fun to watch you that club. It's hilarious. I say before I would have never been married before. Yeah. Didn't work out. First wife. First wife, mother of your daughter. First, why mother, my daughter, my daughter would not exist. Yeah, without the comic strip, because my ex wife was a waitress there. Oh, wow, for a long time.

And yeah, it's so funny, I was going to play and how unceremoniously I was gone from that place because of making sure William Stevenson didn't get beat up on stage. That place took such a shit. How fun was the height? I mean, the height of like the early 2000s. People were, people were asking, I was just talking about this. And while I look back at my life,

my favorite time with those comic strip years, everyone hanging out at the strip back in like late 90s. 2001 was when I left for LA, but that yeah, right around 99, 2000, 2001 loved it. I moved here in 07 Or I moved here. Yeah, I moved here in 07 and the comic strip was still popular But as a young comic coming up stand up New York obviously the seller was the seller Yeah, but it was like bar shows and stuff

But I would go with Jay when I was like just doing guests sets in New York I would go with him to this strip and you'd be like oh shit this is awesome what a cool club and then you just i saw people that were my age in my level be starting getting rejected for very bad reasons and then you just watch the strip brought out you just like kind of well they are married some waitress and she went like fucking nutty on the place did you know lucian hold oh yeah yes the one that's the one who passed me. Yeah, yeah.

One of the most, and you never, no, I was, I was, I was, I was Lucian, Lucian was long gone by the time I got there. It was, as it's a funny, I was so in the comic strip one point, I got Dan as audition there. Dave Smith, yeah, he was showing up for it. They were doing this like late night set,

they like auditioning wise, the guy that was booking it, like Joe List. He was like, Joe, how funny is Joe List list great. Joe list was in at the seller and he's like hey, what about the strip? He goes I got a white guy with glasses. No, and he was like no, and then he told Nate Bargation. Yeah, no, this wasn't Lucius. Okay. Yeah, it was JR. Maybe or it was JR or someone else. I remember Nate Bargatsy. They were like now you just, they were like, they were turning down all my friends, Yannis Poppich. They're like, no, not interested. And it kind of like everyone in comedy started to be like, especially my generation was like, well, then why would we do it? Why would we go? You just saying, no, that easy, you don't even get an audition set.

And then Jay called me, I said a bar show. And he's like, hey, they're doing these audition shows at the strip now, where you go up in front of three other comics like last comic standing. He's like, Dave Smith is supposed to do it. I can't find him. Can you do it? And I was like, just did Montreal. So I was like, I got a five minute set. And I was like, who are the judges?

And Jay is like Bobby Kelly, who I was opening for, I was featuring for him at the time. So I was like, fine, I'm featuring for him. He can't shit on me. The guy employed me. Right. Yeah, no, he did. He still did. But he couldn't be like, you're not funny.

Yeah, you should work. You should work. Because it's going to be like, fuck you. You were working all the knee together next weekend. But then he was like, it was Bobby. It was not Russ Maniv. It was Paul MacUario. OK. It was Paul MacUario. I was like Bobby I know Paul that's funny goes in Patrice, O'Neill and I was like hey Jay. I remember exactly where I was

That's I smoke a cigarette I go hey Jay. I'm just laying there right now Patrice says I'm not funny. I might quit comedy Jay goes to be fine. Just do your Montreal set and I was like okay, and it was crazy But that's how you got had to get in yeah Well, before that, it wasn't even funnier one time that you go through the Starla thing, that you go through. No, it happened, it was pretty weird. I started doing NACAS colleges in the 90s. My college agent knew an agent at Dom Buckwald

that did commercials. So I wasn't even down in New York yet. This is like a 97. Where did you start doing comedy in Boston? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I used to drive Patrice down. I do art sometimes.

Yeah. So all those guys, Patrice Gary Gullman, Bill Barr. Yeah. Yeah. That whole crew of Bobby Al Dillbany, Dane Bovey Kelly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. guys who stayed. Yeah, are still kind of swiney, right? Yeah, swiney, Rodgerson, Gavin, I mean, they're all killer. The many Clarks stay there. Yeah, but he, you know, he had success with TV. So he's back and forth, but he's still up

there all the time. So when you were getting in the strip, you're so dumb buckwalt. So don buckwalt. So my agent knew this one at Don Buckwell. So she called me up and she said, Hey, I want to, I want to see you. Are you performing in the city? I'm like, well, I don't live there. I don't work any clubs. She goes, I'll get you a spot at the comic strip. And I go, okay.

So she called, which meant Lucian was in the room watching when she was watching. So I get off stage and she goes, I want to sign you right in front of Lucian. Yeah. Yeah. So Lucian was like, when you get down in the city, let me know, I'd like to work.

You know, you can start putting in fur veils. So I was in the strip before I get down here. That's awesome. So it was, it was, it was the lucky break. That was like, you know, lucky break. But that's what you need sometimes. Yeah, I got in when I was still in Philly, ultimately they thought I was here.

They did? I was in London. Did you tell where you're like, yeah, I'm fucking. Yeah, Keith Robinson was like, get in there. My first cell phone number is still my cell phone number. Yeah. And it's a 917 number. And it was because Keith said to me,

and it's so funny. Again, that's with the times change and having 20 plus years in the career of myself is no matter what area code you show up with now. If you just say, yeah, I live here, they wouldn't go, well then why do you have a 303? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you like they wouldn't even think that now, but Keith was like, it then why do you have a 303? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wouldn't even think that now, but Keith was like, it's so important to get a nine once. They

want New York. So they think you live there. And I went and got that that number. Did you ever give it up? Like, did you ever get caught? Were you ever like, no, I could probably drive up here and like, what do you mean drive up here? I kept my nine one seven. I still have mine. Yeah, yeah, still. I? I kept mine nine one seven. I still have mine. That's good. I'm glad I did to this day. I still got it. But which I still work, go there.

But I think there was a lady, Starla. Yeah. I forget her last name. She was actually, I liked her very much. I really did. She was sweet. But it's the price. You got to pay, I guess, to anyone who has to do a pass fail

of something subjective as comedy. You have to turn the mirror on them a little bit. And the thing is, you're always being judged by someone in comedy who's not a super strong comic. Like, she was like fine, but it was just like, how are you saying? Yes or no? She was like, but it would be like, she was the more specific. She'd she'd be the one going like, you're set up, so are a little long.

You know, I mean, and just things like that. And that's what you'd watch her do stand up. And you're like, what the fuck? You're like, your sex are long. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm funny than the person booking. Yeah.

You're low. My daughter took, uh, she was 14, such as one of the tri-comedy wants. And, uh, well, she just went to tri-comedy once and well, she just went to try comedy only did it once But she took the class I put her in a class. I was like, oh, this is where comedy class makes sense to me and I remember go She would tell me like by the second class she goes, I don't know dad like I'm bringing these ideas in that I think are funny and then these teachers guys are like They're like making them not funny. I go, oh, I should tell you this in the beginning. Don't do anything they say or communicate advice at all.

They're teaching a comedy class in the bump fuck long island. I'm like, they don't know what the right thing is. I go, just do the assignment. So I'm like, oh, I should have said, damn it. Damn, I should have told you in the beginning. I'm going to be changing things because of what they say. Don't do that at all. I need to say it's not a word. I need their curriculum. I didn't need that Yeah, I just need a syllabus quite honestly With these guys are talking about but um She was the person you would go through for I took two times to pass her and then I a past

Lucien the first time and I had the classic he was dying in a very horrible way actually. You think it would have made him try to come a little closer to God, but his parting words to me ever were, I'm gonna stop working you because the industry doesn't really seem to be that interested.

So I'm gonna make room for it and start to give me names. I remember Marina Franklin and Dana Deut and somebody I came over to the third one and I was like, like oh now you're Making sitting get to hate people That is fucking crazy You're feeding me this like hey kiddo me like oh, why you're giving my locker to spider

What the fuck He was brutally honest, but he, he would, I remember this a legendary story where somebody had the, uh, it was like the stain, you know, that thing when you got a face, it's got a stain. Yeah, yeah. So he just goes, well, you'll never be a leading man. Like, you know, he'll just say stuff like that, like just insulting. If you're, you know, this woman was like heavy, he's like, well, you can lose a few pounds, unless you

want to gain a few and really make a spectacle at it I mean that's the kind of stuff so people would walk out of there just like you know like It's good advice though, but it is good advice he was honest There's a booker. I won't say who in New York City was like you were I mean I'm gonna give it away with the impression. Yeah, you already get it Was she like you are more fun when you drank Oh, no, you're not wrong You know you like internal fun when you drank. You're not wrong. You're like internalize it. Yeah.

I've tried to learn after a while, just to clear from them. If you do well, the club, you'll work, I guess, until he decides you don't. God damn, do the saying that the people's name. He was, I'm saying to you, I'm about to have a backly who I'm gonna replace you with. This isn't an excuse.

I'm sure he felt that way at some point of his thing, but by the end, he was going out, he was out of his head. He was in a house, he just died in a chair. And it was a horrible loss. His hands were falling. Yeah, it was falling. It was falling, yes. So I thought he was a rich asshole.

He wore driving gloves all the time. Yes, he was wearing driving gloves. And he was in a bug, a Volkswagen. It's one of those new Beatles, new ones, he was like he used to be a ballerino He was a very like scarf Like you know, he would drive like a classic one-seater car Yes, remember the guy who hated Rodney Dangerfield best school He's that guy except he was a the phone thin and for some reason.

What about the Yankees? What about the Yankees? But he, I never had these like, what's great is you could watch him back on like the 70s working there and he was younger and like everyone wearing short shorts and like the softball team picks and it's like Dennis Wolfberg and him

and all of the people it's great. But you're seeing this like old kind of grizzled version of him. And he was so honest. And I remember the mistake, the last time I made the mistake, I was just trying to talk to him. I was like, you know what? I was there. I was like, he's working me a lot.

Like he really, I think at this point, I was like, it was like me and Patrice at the end of like every midnight show on the weekends. And some pretty out of the gates and like a decent amount of Weekday spots, so I wanted them. And that's when the club was like it was a jump in club, man It was like packed every now with good crowds and the weekends were fucking awesome and I saw that I never it's like It's like the best room is the city still the structure was structuralized and they moved the stage Yeah, it's over on the side

You saw the side because I saw old pictures. I think Seinfeld moved it back for his Netflix special to make it look like the original And then they left it like that But they shouldn't they should have put it back to it. It's like it's like showing me like a frail old man And you're like he was the biggest badass in town and you go I honestly can't even see it. It's crazy He goes he comes out one time and I go Lucian. I just wanted to tell you I stopped him for this Luci I just want to tell you, I stopped him for this. Lucian's want to tell you, man, it's been so awesome here. It's clubs like so legendary and like you're, I think I'm like part of the club now. Like you give me so many spots that I really just want to like, you know, I appreciate it.

Thank you so much. And he goes, well, he turns and goes, well, that spot I would usually use a Latino or Negro comedian, but you seem to have that energy, so I mean really struck the shoulders and turned around and walked away. He's a Negro comedian. It's like a gig of the compliment. He's a backhanded compliment, you know. You have the energy of a Latino or Negro comedian, you told me.

He wasn't wrong either. You remind me of one. Oh my God, it just yet gloves on. He was wrong either. You remind me of one. Oh my God. Did you see it? Gloves on. He wasn't wrong with driving gloves on. He gets to go to a leather smith.

Yeah. I'm super bummed. I missed this guy. Yeah. He was definitely a character. You want his honest approach to your comedy. Do you like what he thinks? He's like, no, thank you.

Well, it was an legendary guys. Him and then not New York even. I said Craig Glazer is always you ever do the Stanford and Suns clubs No drug addicts. No, I mean there's Classic people who have just had like wild still what's like to your like on the road like a like a booker who was just a maniac There's like classic. Well, did you carry Hoffman? Oh? New York when you know in stand up New York that was when stand up New York was so fun. It was.

I mean, it also been because I was just moving to the city and I had that like a lure of like the first club that would put me up and I'm like, this is incredible. I'm in. Yeah, he got me down to New York. He was I was still up in Boston and he was looking for tapes of guys. So I sent him a tape and he's like, I want to talk to you about managing.

And I'm going with him. And I, you know, I look, I'm sure you've made mistakes. You look back on this guy. I like, I said no to every manager because my agent at the time was like, what do you need a manager for? You're just gonna, I am a percentage. It seemed like a genius move.

But then when the deals dried up and my shows didn't get picked up, you know what I mean, I'm sitting there and like they're all like, oh, you want me now? You know what I mean? It was one of those. But he was one of the guys who wanted to manage me and I didn't end up going with him.

But he does like Frank Sinatra. Yeah, yeah. That's just like, you would leave early, when he, right before he sold Stannup New York, he'd like leave early, whether that carry left, he's going to do a Sinatra show. From all the pictures I've seen and what I've known of them, I think he's always been an 83 year old Jew.

Yeah, like his entire life. I've never seen him age, but he's always been extraordinarily old. He has looked like that, yeah. I knew it was always funny, but he's always been extraordinarily old. He has looked like that Yeah, it was always funny because Carrie would leave and that's when Wayne was booking stand up New York And he'd be like he's not here. We can party in the you know in the office We can go downstairs and smoke weed out back. There was a wild guy in a tempi improv. You know that guy He died he died. Yeah, so I started oh my damn mark. Yes, so I started. Oh, yeah, yeah guy. Yeah, I was so tan

He didn't feel like I started in Tucson and I went and did a guest set at the Tempe improv while he was owning it in the rules We're insane. That's all I remember I was like. I think when David tell stopped said he would never do cocaine again He never did the Tempe improv again. That's so good. I think that guy was just made of coke Yeah, so that's why when you said crazy, who's the crazy guy, that jumped him in a pan. I think Craig Glazer was easily the biggest character. He passed away,

but the biggest character of a booker. He's actually harassed female comics and does short stories about it on YouTube. He was like a guy. Yeah, he was like a guy. He always had like his dog. He has a series called a man in his dog, which I think the family had taken down.

I don't know. It's still up. Oh, yeah. But he just basically talks about trists that he's had while he holds these dogs hostage. And he's just, I just told him. He is, he is knowing like, I got my way around.

Yeah, he just dogs like that. He never, and he doesn't hold back at all. He's not worried about how the world seeing him at all. And he goes, and the door opens, and this biggest, blackest, motherfucker staring at me. You're like, okay, correct. And he's like, she wanted it. And he's just so self-assured that he's like,

she wanted to suck my cock, whatever. When I worked there, it was a rambunctious saturday. It's Kansas City, Kansas. Yeah, Kansas sucks. Very, when I worked at it, it was near the NASCAR track, so it was very Kansas. And I just remember him coming in between shows

and he goes, it's been a good weekend. Here's the check. I might get out of here. I got a sled at the bar waiting for. And I was like, okay, you know, at the time I was making like a $1,200 a weekend or whatever, and he was like, there he goes. And there's the check, a little early, good job.

I don't know what you're supposed to put a camera on on him after that though and watching him like do nothing of the sword. Go home and do coke alone. Take his wig off and cry in the mirror. I got a slug waiting for me right now. A big buxamy slug. And then he holds up a yellow to big a hug. He says slug on it.

It's a slug. I get the slug burger down from Jimmy's. Well, they got so much power, right? They have so what you're so you can make you Flash so much and the time they have the power for sure like they're holding all the cars and they're like Do you know the meanest they'll beat you is When you're going there and doing the same time and waking up to do all the radio because you're not selling tickets and do I said and you're making

Jack shit money for Seven shows oh you get and then that's what I do for right when you get to the point where you put in I said and you're making jack shit money for seven shows a week and then that's what I do for that point where you put ass in seats and you put asses in seats and you do two days a week and then they're like the nicest to you oh yeah so it goes so weird the way they're nasty when you're like hey you're paying me with three tables of one show's worth of charges. Please be nicer to me. Please. I remember the, uh, the brokerage. Yeah. Long Island. I love James. I could, Jimmy is still run by the same people. Yeah. Jimmy runs it. Yeah. Oh, I don't know about that my idol and I will not and I will not say a disparaging word. Yeah, okay, I'll say this to me Pasia he drops a crazy amount of cash It's his machine to goes

And then the hands of the cash hands you a nod of money in case you don't report this to the agent I go you did paperwork with You he just sent me the advance two days ago. He knows I'm Yeah, he's aware of what I'm doing. He was at the early show He goes, well, you don't want to tell him is this I go, but you have to send them to know it's the things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh too funny You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!