The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Comedy Headshots

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

Dan and Jay relive their awful comedy headshots and also reveal another comic's huge dong!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey, I'm Big J. Ocerson and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to seriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocerson and Dan Soder. It's another cross-country Bonfire on Series XM Faction Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder. That is big J. O. Creson respective homes

Jacob a top down in his Florida mansion his gator palace Christine Marie Evans back where she belongs DJ Lewitsky in the heart of T-neck he's gone from the outskirts to the heart of it. He is Daniel and our black, the black tiger, Lewis. Oh, no, that was a guess. You nailed it. Oh, you did really, really good. Thanks, buddy.

You were so hilariously like early afternoon, like energy, everything from your hair to the light beaming through the window. So all that words, here it's all night. Like I'm just now like I'm dressed because I've got to go to fill you after this. Right. The sun powers me. You weak. Look at, look at all my, my, my Pacific coast energy. Everybody else is sitting in a dark room. Did I rip in butts? I don't know how yeah you guys are all fucking sheltered from a storm there I don't know how I pop sick Jacob's making a popsicle stick model of the actual room He's gonna build to keep bodies in yeah, I'll first all eat their butts like in a live

I Can't believe I didn't tell you this that we got this late into the week and I haven't told you the story from Portland Friday night late show I'm on stage and then my mic just starts doing the replicating thing, you know, what's that echo? It's just echoing Like I'm on stage. I'm in the middle of a bit and I'm like the fuck's going on and it's like Adjusting and I'm like, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, I'm like, I'm fucking around with it, but I'm like, this is crazy, what's going on with the mic?

And then I'm having fun, the audience was great, so I was like playing around and I didn't care then they're like, pick up the other mic and I pick it up and it has echo on it. And I'm like, well, that was fucking crazy. And then the lights move and everything goes back to normal. Oh, jeez. And I'm like, I was weird.

And then 15 minutes later, the fire alarm just goes off in the middle of the show. And so I'm like, what the fuck's going on? And I was joking around that it was a new bit I was working on, but in reality, I was going to get them all burned to death. One woman after the show was like, hey, that kind of freaked me out. I was like, I was kidding. That was a joke. But after the show, Nick, former GM of Philly Helium, now running Portland Helium, it's fucking awesome.

Comes in the green room and he's like, dude, we kicked a drunk guy out and he ran into the sound booth and just started turning knobs. That's just got in there. You just got in there and It was like fucking turning it. And that's why I had all the reverb and echo on my microphone. And I was like, that was fucking crazy. And they're like, and then we didn't know what he turned. So they had to like readjust every knob. And then a dream. And you had a forest dump at the Washington Monument moment. a dron you had a forest dump at the Washington Monument moment. Oh yeah, where a guy just pulled out all the wires. Yeah, but then they told me, but then they told me another guy was in

the bathroom vaping and set off the fire alarm. Nice. Wow, which I, I didn't know you could set off the fire alarm with a vape. I thought that was the whole thing. It's not smoke. Yeah. Apparently this guy has a fire alarm. Apparently this guy has some thick clouds of tasty smoke. I got my smitten hit one of those big old fucking metal dick ones. Yeah, the ones with generators on it where it's like, oh yeah, it's connected to a fucking charge pack. That's why the lights dimmed because he was taking a hit a dragon fruit

Use reminded me that as dress factory. I think the last night there was a guy Looks very much like a fan Long haired Hispanic guy with like a beard Like thin thin guy but he came up and it was like hammered because he like through his arm between everybody who's talking To be the dude. I love you. And it was just sweet though. Everything's like, I love you man. Respect all your shit man.

I follow all your shit man. You're the fucking. And I'm like, Oh man, thank you dude. Thank you. And then I was like, you know, I just dumped it right off on Josh. Like Josh is on the show too. You think, Oh man, you're on the show and you start talking to him and then I was able to like, I just saw this guy was going to be like, drunk and like, talking a lot and say the same thing over and over again,

but he was sweet. And then as I'm saying, he's sweet. He was in there without a ticket, just kind of kept like going back in and like, deking people and even got like, bullshit with me for a second. And then to have them, I mean, right, a foot away from me, aggressively throwing him out. To the

point when they got outside, the guy like sort of pushing and like making it was a got physical outside a little bit. And it's just so funny that's happening. You hear it happening behind you. And I'm just talking to Danny Braff and other comedian just like, so yeah, today was like nice. The weather's actually not as cold as it should be. I thought right now just like what the guy is doing. and you know he's in the background going like Jay How could you watch this happen to me? I'm your biggest fan. Why would you let them pull me out like this and then you're just going like Yeah, he's got a divisional game this week

They have to win out the right they have to win out the rest of the season is all the other guy please You're the only thing standing between me and saying you, they are using brute force. They are being unnecessarily aggressive, dude. The best was the best was at Skankfest when that guy said on the first night on Thursday night, he was just sitting side stage with Shane and I. And I was, I thought it was just one of Shane's friends from Pennsylvania. I was like just one of your buddies from PA and he's like, I don't know that dude.

He's just a fan and he was very nice and then one of the staff, you know, he's like, hey, if they you guys are all right with me talking to you, I'm like, yeah, I don't give a shit dude. And we were talking and then staff walked up and was like, hey man, are you supposed to be back here? And he's like nah, and he looked at Shane and goes, he had a good run. And he's like, I did, I did. He was cool about it. I got that at helium. A couple guys just came in from that back gate door where we were all out back. Oh, yeah. And just came up and started sitting there like listening to all the conversations and whatever. And like

everyone knew they were like not here with anybody, but like yeah, it's a G and then it was time to like uh, and then we're starting to go back inside. I just did like a hey guys, we got to run back inside. Like I was just like, I think I was like, you can't preach all the fucking walls. The craziest one I ever saw was when a guy followed me into the green room of Macgoobies, and I didn't know he was on my six. I just got in there. And I in the green room was Brian six and these are was like, yeah, who's this guy? And he goes, hey man, can you sign this thing? And I'll just cry, I'm gonna get behind it. Yeah. That was impressive

because that's two doors. That's three doors. Three doors down. It's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, he already, he was in deep waters when he got touch you So that guy got assassination close Yeah, I've had I've had guys just open and walk in the green room of Denver comedy works Yeah, it's fucking pretty wild pretty wild. What we say right before that was the Shit, I had something off of that someone getting kicked out getting violently kicked out and you're just trying to have a normal conversation You know what it is why I Can't get kicked out because they're being so shit and you're like damn dude like Sometimes I try to explain to the staff there to him like that person's just trying to do

There was a girl. There was to do. There was a girl. There was a great. There was a girl who was the girlfriend of a guy whose brother's birthday. It was and he's a long ladder. So the birthday boy's brother's girlfriend got it. All right. I mean, that's you complicated. And she's the guy came outside for first.

All the first her boyfriend came outside the birthday boy's brother yeah, and he was like oh shit dude blah blah blah whatever and then he goes back inside and tells his brother's brothers brothers like no you're not outside smoking with big J so he didn't come back out but his girlfriend did and a couple other people the dad at one point came out all very nice people but the girl the girlfriend like right away was just I said this on stage because she just yelled out the birthday guys name in the middle of the show and I just made it like it was a 10 minute thing to go like I'm gonna stop here and tell you guys which is happened there because I bet on this happening that at some point if I didn't acknowledge Jimmy's birthday as she yelled out yeah I said when early in the show is she going to mention Jimmy's birthday? I go, let me tell you something, this girl's sweet enough.

She seems she's going to be a lawyer. That's a, but that's also a very girlfriend of the, uh, brother of the birthday boy thing to do. Buddy, I said that right thing. I go, but this girl, I'm happy she did this because I want to tell you from the second I met her. She is every bit this girl. The girl you thought she was. But I go. I go, do you want to know her first words?

You want to her first words to me? She goes, this is the guy say something funny now. I just told the crowd that I go, just that's the intro. Just so you know of me talking to this girl. She really did say that. Say something funny now. Well, three or four times. God damn it, dude.

God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. I had some old bird in Portland walk up to me and be like, are you gonna be funny tonight? And I want to be like, I don't know when's your history wrecked to me, you old country. And that's not what you say. You say anything I always say, I go hope so.

I'm a dry. That's exactly what I'm gonna do every time. They go, you gonna be good tonight? Fingers crossed. I literally do something. I hope. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah, all the people that, you know, the drunk guys that have yelled out Macho Man before, just because I've done it all. And it's like, gee, what kind of fan are you if you think I just go right into a Macho Man?

I feel like I would hate that kind of comic. As someone who doesn't press you, as someone who doesn't press you stand, I'm asking you, what's the actual, because there is, there's got to be an approach that makes you like do cuz people go Like to me. It's better if you go and it doesn't always happen But if you come up to me and you go oh, dude like you guys doing Lewis saying that thing the other day and then I'll be like Hey dog, okay, but I'll do it when they come to go dude dude do Lewis like just do look I'm like I can't then it's not like a fuck you. I can't it's just like It just it's just he'll think I'm reacting to you. You're like do a thing jukebox like well Yeah, that's that's it. I don't want that. I said I get you love it and you want to hear it

I got and I'm I'd like to do that for you if you phrase it correctly It's like a key that unlocks it if someone walks up like I remember being outside ack me and someone was like Dude woke danger field is so funny It's like a key that unlocks it. If someone walks up like, I remember being outside of Akmin, someone was like, dude, woke danger field is so funny. And then I'm like, oh yeah, it is fun. It's fun being like, hey, you know who doesn't get any respect? Women of color.

I'm pulling. You know what, I don't understand. Yes, and a little bit of reparations. And inspired you to have fun at last. The reminds you how fun it was to do it. You know what the saying is? Translives, that's what matters. I'm telling you. I see everything. Also the scenario as an impression person too, like the scenario that give you.

It's like, oh dude, you got to do a danger field working at a check. You gotta do. Don't do that. Don't do that either. Because that's by the way, there's a more improv show. I know. Don't do that. Don't do that either. Because that's by the way, there is the Lord improv show. And you'll, yeah, I would have taken some suggestions. The one that's easy to get me to do right now, because I still love it is the Tom Brenner

bit. That's why Shane calls me and does that all the time. He's like, I'm the phone with Dan Satter. But it's doing voices. It's like when someone just yells Macho Man, you're like, no, but if someone's like, hey, when you did Macho Man doing this, if it's fun, you're like, oh hell yeah, that was fun.

That was like a fun stupid thing to do. If you're stoned enough, they'll get, here's the thing with me. After a show, you get me stoned enough. I'm sitting there with you and I'm laying out, usually whoever's with me on the road has to go like, hey man, we're not gonna be able to get food. And I gotta, I gotta run because like,

I don't know, I was, I was, I remember that story I was, I was already back in eighth grade telling you about my eighth grade dance. Yeah, yeah, and then it's, but it is like a, when it's expected, like that lady, where she's like do something funny funny man And you're like, but why are you challenging me? Yeah, be funny monkey. You're like no. I told you I told you that story before about the Chase bank on

51st Street like how I had that awkward interaction when I was going to like feature for somebody I was doing something and I had to go to the airport and I was trying to deposit my money from those comedos and The lady was like, you know, how they used to snag you out of line to, if you were like going to this is like before everything was just done through machine, but like you would wait in line to see a teller to deposit my cash from waiting tables and they'd be like, hey, why don't you come over here and I can do it. You don't have to wait in line. And then they try to sell you on a credit card that you'd just turned down. That's always what it was. But I was running late and I was like,

fuck it, this lady will help me out. And she was like trying to sell me on a credit card. And I was like, I actually got to get out of here. I'm going to the airport. And she's like, why are you going to the airport? And I was like, I'm doing comedy. I forget how it went. But she ended up just being like,

oh, you're a comedian. Tell me a joke. And I went, well, see how we're at a bank and you're a banker. Don't you think you should bank? And she was like, I thought it was gonna be funny and she was like, what? I don't know what it was. I'm a premise.

Yeah. It lacks a set up. But what about premise? Are you like an easel comic like Demetri Martin? Yeah, I like him. Oh, that's, man, the best of someone giving you the examples of like, oh, you do comedy? Like, I love comedy. I even of someone giving you the examples of like, oh, you do comedy? Like, I love comedy.

I even, who was someone recently that was like? I could bury, I could bury some other comedians that when they were brought up, I'm always like, ugh. I tell you, the fight with someone goes like, someone recently was going like, and I actually like a really offensive comedy. They were like, John Stewart on the daily show. Ooh, I mean, that's what they were, they always use them

like, that's like, uh, Hannah Gatsby, Kevin Hart. And you're always like, oh, no, you don't then. I had a girl, I had a girl on a date, like five years ago, told me that she was like a big Trevor Noah fam and it said to be like, all right. There it is. Yeah, sure. But he's, you know, both because she likes offensive humor, like Trevor Noah. No, the offensive, when the people think they know offensive humor and they're like, I'm pretty risqué. That's always like when you're a waiter and someone fucks you over on a tip and they go, I'm usually a good tipper. It's like, no, you're not. If you're a good tipper,

you would leave me something decent at least. I think offensive has been accepted and very not fair as the actual description of what that is offensive. It shouldn't be called offensive. Well, I guess literally, literally, it's a, I guess, but it's like, I don't, none of it I've ever done is designed to be like upsetting people to make the people who will laugh at it laugh And yeah, that's like oh, this is our thing That's I think that's the point is to be funny and then if it offends you it's like all right Well, I wasn't my intention, but right, but you're going you know you're jumping in the subjects that like someone's gonna

Just say right away. I guess it's like it's like, you know something abortion. Oh here we go the abortion again You know, it's like they're's like, you know, uh, something of abortion. Oh, here we go. The abortion again, you know, it's like, they're already worked up about it. You know, like it's a joke about it. They're, um, yeah, there's two examples of them thinking of, but the funniest thing is when there's a corny comic and then they're like in my sick mind. You know, fuck up you cornball. You you know Dare to dare travel into the Demented world I was sick puppy It's like all right you fucking idiot Are you ready to fucking untangle the wild web and oh no

And fucking puzzle box to this Brian Regan Do you dare talk about snack foods? By the way, for the record, Brian Regan is talking about something that's just time to think of, I'm trying to think of unoffensive comics who. Yeah, I'm talking about people who kind of stink at comedy in their corny and they call themselves. Yeah, but I can't, I don't want to say actual people's name.

So I'm just doing clean, funny comics I know. Yeah, man. Are you really, are you ready to get in the mud and go be on with Gary Goldman? Oh, man, step inside. If you dare, hit a, you think you don't go there, he'll go there. Mike Berbiglia live. Oh, God, don't bring your kids. It's anybody with caution tape around their mouth. That should be a suspension from comedy. There shouldn't be canceling.

Have I sung lapses in your head shot? Ooh, I just had to think real quick. I was like, please don't, young Dan, I've done that. I was like, no. We even if you're giving them to push them down a little bit so they can see your bow bounce. Yeah, you're about to look like this room's about to get a whole lot funny. Funny.

Funnier. No, no. No, no. No, no, no. Yeah. It's good callbacks. No, no. Beautiful. good callbacks. Beautiful

traditions. Good premise. About about swung that crowd work into a bit. No, all heads, all and for the record, all headshot suck. There's not a good headshot out there. Because they're all if you smile, if you smile hard, you'll think a dork. If you try to look straight face, you'll think an ass hole for

taking a comedy picture like you're a bad ass. There's no way to do it good. Yeah, there really isn't. Oh man. And let me tell you something, the funniest headshot mount rush more funniest heads shots ever are are. I think two of mine should be on the mount rush more. The fucking sledgehammer is so funny. Oh, that was right when I moved to New York. I saw that one. The sledgehammer is so fucking stupid and funny and the, uh, and the mysterious Elvis J with the, uh,

Oh, you know, let me tell you, I, let me tell you some world class ridiculous. J, let me tell you I let me tell you some world class ridiculous. Jay, let me tell you something eyebrow brother. As someone that has that's that's lean in a hard rock and his first and his first uh oh my god, it makes my peole snap shit. It's just fucking prepared to be mystified. It looks you're going to be mystified by my comedy, prepare to be mystified by his comedy. Good luck getting the decoder to understand my so do thoughts.

Are you even ready for me? Tulsa Oklahoma. That's why any comment or he's looking cool. It's like the bad boy. Oh my God, throwing up like a fucking oldtimey boxer's fist while you do it too Like oh dude, that always makes me laugh that always makes me laugh when non I've said this before when non Combat sport athletes are at like a boxing event or an MMA event and they take a picture with an MMA fighter

And they do the fist to It's like what are you doing? Yeah. I know. I'm just in case he pops off. No, but they do it like, hey, it's just just just you. Oh, the same. Like, Sylvester Stallone does it and I find it. I know we played Rocky. I understand that, but he was never a boxer. You're not really a boxer. You're not really a boxer. If you watch that documentary about him making Rocky for he really lives his life like he is though He talks about his history like it really is it's He's constantly squeezing like a vice grip the whole time a system has strong. Do you think he has acting CTE?

Yes, that's what I think it is it's CTE brought on from him committing to the character Yes, that's what I think it is it's CTE brought on from him committing to the character Thank you hear that wonderful cry. I can't hear it. He's wasted Stop waste it hurts. It's so funny It's so great. Okay Yeah, there's no way to picture your stuff the fucking bad boy You know one of the worst things ever about being a cat and not a character like voices characters. You do accents and stuff Dan. I'm talking about full blown character commitment on stage. And then yeah, you think it's bad to take

headshots for yourself. And you also got a dress of a take headshots is granny, granny Jennifer. And you got to take pictures of a wacky Tommy Wacky Tommy, the Italian. Oh, no, what about your uncle, Bominic? He was such a problem. That's where like actors don't forget a lot of La Cucu Raja Martinez who lives down the street from me.

There's a with with comedians headshots and actors headshots. You can tell the difference in commitment. Like like actor headshots. They commit to those where they're like, what do you want? You want salty eyes? What do you want? Saltary eyes. As good as a good, as a good, as far away from the frame of the picture too.

Yeah, let's do that again. You want me to tilt my head? I'm looking at the window, hit it. And they take the adjustment. There it is. Like, there it is. Like, I could not smile between every change of position. They would tell me to do my head.

They go, no, they're looking off more. I'd be like, oh. And they'd be like, not laughing. OK, serious. I if you're a mechanic, you should have to have headshots. So if you like fixing that time, like dying no sick an engine, that sounds like a cylinder is off. Dude, turn it on ourselves in every possible way. Dude, Danny Soats sitting on the subway between two people. This is my life. Oh, my God. I hated it. There's no way to have it be cool.

Do Ricki Valais naked holding this thing? Like, no, I'm giving you the bit. It's it's all there's no way to make it. You have to do that. Yeah. This is a real skill. You have to do it for not comics. And you got to just be willing to eat your shift from the comics because it doesn't matter. The guy who buys it and Illinois thinks it's cool or the girl who buys it thinks it's hot or whatever. It doesn't matter.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Instead of, I mean, but still for that headspace. And it's not for, I know if they were just like Jay, like honestly, you're like a rock and roll. I'd like maybe to have something where you're like, you have a guitar like behind you, like strapped behind you. I was like, dude, please don't make it. No, but it's like, no, but you don't see the guitar

as like a big microphone. So it's like the idea that it's like, it's not a guitar. It's your comic, please, please don't make me hold a prop. Dude, I think pictures, how about this picture? I did with two girls once when Heidi kick with the pictures. And it's just like, you know, like this. And like, it was such an excuse because I said, dude, what about our pickable listen?

No, but listen, Dan, she was agreed to make me a bad boy comic pictures. So I think one of them, like her friend, like, topless, like covering her boobs with her hands. This thing, I thought I was a part of this real rocket hole. To Crocodile Foe Shoot. Noddy, naughty Tammy. Noddy, naughty. It was to see you're not a professional shoot,

but it was fun. That is funny though, be like, all right, these ones we're gonna get real naughty. Yeah, we're the ones that I'm gonna bestie now. And then by the way, it's like pointed out where you're like, this girl here. And it's like, it's like pointed out where you're like this girl here. And it's like, well, that was my, that's funny. That's funny. That's just funny. Like being over excited. Yeah, you know what it was my, you know, it was the last time I felt like this was before I did Edinburgh, they were like, Hey, so you need to do like

a poster. That's like a headshot of you. And I was like, all right. And the British lady that you hired to like promote your shows over there. So people are at them. She was like, at the photo shoot. And she was like, more props. We need more props. And so it's me like, hold it on. So it's bold. She's like, hold your wrestling toys.

And I'm like, this, I don't know. What do we do at one point? I went, what am I doing? What am I doing? What is this? Is it? What are we doing? And she was like, they love this in the UK. They love this. And they show me the pictures. And I was like, yet none of the stuff with props. I hate all of those. Oh, dude. Is it you like a silly boy with a cupcake hat on?

I don't know. It's pretty close. It's pretty close. Yeah. Big black dildo. Oh, girls weren't having it. Yeah. Do that. black dildo. Oh, girls would have it. Yeah. Dude, that lady's got no eyebrow. That's what I can't believe I can't believe I had t-shirt confidence for pictures. Did you look good? You look like you're a bouncer. I love these photos. I think you're hilarious. Yeah, they're so funny. What's the one with you? The plaid to the left. It was that before the pandemic. I don't know what that's from. I will go to the left to get down.

Sit down series. Because I thought it was your brother. I thought it was like, I'm going to burn that shirt real quick. Yeah, I thought it was your brother. I was like, God damn dude, what are you probably stuck in there? Now it was a podcast I did or something. Journey of life. I like to suit look. Suit with the cigarette looks good.

You're so cool. Now I was like King Pinot, I was like a comic book villain. I don't think I've been sent an offer you a character in his bad times. Good. That's your race. You look great. You're raised I love that Christine slowly getting a philly accent. How was your race? I was back to your race God damn I have tits and so many pictures. Well, I have tits There's the there's a slight shame or two you could put these all out by the way. It's fine

I don't care. Everyone knows about my tits. Word, it's words on the street. I don't know why a tits or a- I swear it feels like a chest more than tits, but I guess it's tits. That's what I'm learning. I'm learning to love my boobs. You bring up Tommy two smooth,

you bring up Tommy two smooth like head shots, because I just want to see what's what I'm saying. Like he's had to take a head shot for every character, T-O-O. T-O-O, Christine please. He's too smooth. Yeah, he's not put an E on the end of smooth too, and see how angry I get. Tommy was a guy when I was in Philly starting out.

He was pretty established in the black circuit of Philly But Tommy, I mean is there you know there there show his head shot Second from the right oh there it is with all the characters. Yeah, no What your mouse is doing it's freaking me out You see the picture of him with the close picture right next to nope, no, that's not what I'm at doing it's freaking me out. You see the picture of him with the close picture? I'm gonna write next to him. Nope. That's not what I'm at. It's similar to that.

That's not it. This is a throwback. This feels like a throwback. I mean, that's not it. It's the one that all the characters go back. This is a colossal miss on the point that I threw in the old student. Now, go back wherever you were before.

Okay. There it is. Right up the pot. No, second to the right. Second from the right second from the right down down down I'm sick can't see my full screen There's three right there. We were on you No no no yeah I'm sorry you're right you're right

But you said drop a real I don't know which one was what. So here's a good example. You can hire Tommy to smoke. We make this any bigger though. You can hire Tommy to smooth. And just if you're curious, you could hire him to be wing. Wong has super racist the Asian impression. A new character I'm unfamiliar with.

Jimmy DeGioan, I guess that's super Philly Lula May Parker classic BET's comic view. I know all the words to her songs James sunny drunk that is he has added two names to that It was just drunk before Go down so I can't see oh JJ Pimp new character nice You're familiar with his old characters. Yeah. Beiju smoke. I'm familiar with Feliciano Fernandez. I'm very, very, very familiar with because Feliciano Fernandez, as you can see, he would put on a yellow button down shirt. He put on the wig he uses for most stuff. And aambrero hanging off his neck on his back

Okay, and then and then yellow pants that were see through essentially and loose and I mean his monster cock banging around this thing was hip nautic I was 19 year old white boy and this thing was this I shouldn't have been seeing but it really just It really changed my feelings on a lot of things. He was snake charming you you probably think of him doing Feliciano Fernandez You can see this dick knocking around for sure with a like hand he also he also does a honey do What is it?

was a honey do what is it. Oh honey child Wilson, which is I could spend the rest of this episode. I could absolutely using this as a template. I could spend the rest of this episode is coming up with characters for Spokane this weekend. Like like like my new drunk character Don cirrhosis, you know, and that's just where I show up and I, I drunkenly forget the jokes. Or my Hispanic character, hot sauce Gonzalez. Yeah.

It is me, be nice and cheers. Hey guys, do you ever have a good taco and then I go thank you. Thank you. Hey, it's me Bodeca won or my or my gay character power bottom fill and that's just yeah, I Opened my asshole. Hey, everyone's me loose. It's loose shoot Kenny Hey, everyone, it's me loose. It's loose shoot Kenny Here guys, I'm gonna I'm gonna scratch down on the stage and put my pass in the air so you can watch me gai Hey, look, it's me here. Hey, it's me silent fart Tommy And don't forget a Louis Lucky Lucianios last character I never announced but Well my character my characterzo Spaghetti will probably.

Oh, uh, me, Paul Parmesan, yeah. Yeah, and I go, my mother, I want a Zlicoboob. She makes a sauce. I'll tell you, but my brother is still going to, my brother's killing him with his behavior. Still to this day, my favorite heckle I've ever got off on a roommate was when I was getting under Becky on skin, saying Italian women were excellent lovers. It's just fun if you live with a roommate and they're like Puerto Rican or they are like Irish

and they're like very proud of their heritage. Just say they're women make excellent lovers. Don't you dare. Don't you talk about my mom. You go, oh, what are you serving? Oh, you're women make excellent lovers. Lovers are very jack what do you mean? I find the serving women to be givers. Oh, British women are excellent lovers. It's fun. It's just the it's a compliment while being completely disrespectful. Yeah, you make excellent lovers. Did you find a lucky or a Feliciano fuck that Fernandez?

Now I'm looking for it now. God, sing one of his songs for you. Her name is Quisha, Quisha, Crump Snatcher, and she will snatch your snack. You better watch your back, Jack. Damn, kill him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, all the characters had a song. I mean, Lula May, you could find Lula May on comic for you for sure.

I need to find a good. Is he, is he a musical comic? No. Yes. Oh, it's a little Felicia and a fuck that for an anus. I think it might be. Wow, it sucks so much to do character comedy in a room that's just like, uh, is it clearly a college or something?

So you're just like in a full lit all lights on, there's no like stage focus. Or any of it. I haven't seen it. Hey, my thing. I put on a goofy costume and showing up at 3 p.m. It's like having sex under hospital lights. You're like, I see in all the shit that I don't want to see. It's so sterile.

Yeah. Like, hey, everyone in the afternoon, just a buzzing of lights. And you're like, hey, so does he come out with the costume honor? Does he transform? As you go from Tommy into these characters, Jay? Well, I let my song last in my song. He was telling me he was trying to put it more into Tommy and these are the characters in my wacky brain. Is this recorded? It says at the regal UA Riverview Plaza iMax and RPX

It says movie theater. I've done comedy movie theater before it fucking blows Dude when I used to work east when I used to work eastville they booked Nate 9 to Dude, when I used to work East, when I used to work Eastville, they booked Nate 9 to, uh, they were screening like a Bill Hick's documentary and they're like, hey, you guys, we want comedy in front of it. And Nate did the first show and I did the second show and I hate it so hard. I fucking chopped it for like 15 minutes. Just no one cared. I did a road gig in a movie theater once. like in one of the one of the theaters like everything else There's no movies and there was a comedy show on that one I heard a GY a comic in

Brooklyn has had this movie theater show for a decade or more and it's like they said it's pretty fun But that's like gonna be black comedy circuit thing fun though if anyone was gonna make that fun It's the book is it'll be like, don't make it a fucking party. I'm talking about when someone's just like, here's a space we can do comedy at, which clearly is what's happening here. Oh yeah, we're gonna be like,

here, we got this room for two hours quick. Do a 70 minute comedy show. Okay, let's see. Meet me outside, I put out my knife and show you what it called me Pokemon. You heard? You don't like my hair? Fuck that! You hate it!

Because I got the bounce. Look at that shit. Look at it from this side. Fuck that! Look at it from the other side. Fuck that! I can laugh. Look at it from the back. Fuck. He convinced you. Now Tommy kills you. That's getting me, dude. I Back

He convinced it Tommy kill guys getting me dude. I Didn't tell me kill but I'm telling you you gotta see this look at that tubanous pants If you believe in what if you believe when the cannon was bringing Then you believe I mean look at that thing you believe I mean look at that thing. Yo, Jacob. We're getting a load of this. We should sell jeans where those come built into the pants. Oh, just a fucking tube.

Yeah, like a gun. You're putting it on. It's a little dummy. Get some. Tommy John does the hammock so you can you put your stuff in it and then it just looks like a huge tube of meat down your leg. Yeah, just like an extension on your own dick. Yeah, it's like dick, like women wear hair extensions.

We should wear pain extensions. And then you look like Huey Lewis. Do you get to him singing Christine? That's when he really bounces it around. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. They should make a pouch where you put wear pain extensions, and then you look like Huey Lewis Do you get to him sing Christine? That's when he really bounces it around I love that you know it the way I know about jugs bouncing in 80s movies. Oh, yeah, and he will snack your snack. You better watch your back Fuck that You better watch your back. Fuck that. You, you kind of, you like I like it. The big girls. You don't know what that is.

That's what I say. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm when I was around all the time. Oh, you don't know I hid you something coming in at me You don't know it's like the camera on song or whatever. Yeah, I love that you I love number one that you remember it But I also love when you see a comic stick to a reference that is so outdated that you know There's you know you can just change it by simply changing the name and the reference still works. Oh, yeah. But I've done that a lot for two. I've made reference to things and people are like, that's why it's the updated one is what was it?

It was recently and you guys were saying it's Pam and Jim and Pam and Jim instead of whatever the thing. I think were you doing cheers? Were you doing Sam and Diane? Or were you doing it? I mean, it was Sam and Diane probably. Yeah. Yeah, which by the way, I still love.

I love a throwback reference. You had another one. We didn't even know. I got to be me. Yeah, dude. I love members. I love member berries. Oh, whatever the thing was the other day.

Someone reached out to me and they were oh there was the hooters You guys didn't know shit about the hooters, but that's what some real hooters fans has popped up on my page Buddy, and you know, yeah, thanks for rocking the hooters dude you guys have a woken a fucking silent majority and we danced Like the ways of the ocean romance give me a little fuck that's what it is is on the ocean romance give me a little fuck that for me it is oh yeah the lean on you don't know I'm here I hope you're like you're rough because you don't know this pop ain't gonna rough you off did you see a bounce that thing?

it's macaroni ass I said fuck that such a big frozen in the room saying more pork sausage just pop it is that a drop? oh Jacob look I mean you can't not see it it's obnoxious I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry And I'm telling you, when you're up on it, under the lights of an actual like dark room and they're showing you and the light hit you. I'm telling you, just see it right through knocking around. It was so big. This is a gym. Like when the guy has a big penis, he's got to show it off of the gym.

He's very proud of it. And I get it. They can't not show it off. And I mean, he picked those pants. I mean, there's, there's, there's mushing is, his dick is getting smushed against his thigh. The pants is tight. Oh, yeah. Pretty amazing. Yeah, my dick's only ever been mushed back into my ball bag.

It's never been mushed against anything. Uh, whenever I'm in, whenever I'm in going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I will not stop touching either until I tug on them both a little bit. And I mean, the nut bag tug is a real, I'll tell you right now, it's a real hair grab and fucking and like a, a darning. I darn it out. Shaking out the blanket when I, it loosens up, and it loosens up. They listen, when I, when I do mushrooms mushrooms My dick becomes a mushroom. It just goes fucking head to body for some reason I get the littlest winger when I do drugs like you just want to step on it

I'm like I like when I touch it. I'm like, yeee what's going on buddy? Someone's in his shell Come on out like that's why when people are like yeah, you almost focus resistance inside your body pulling it out like that's why when people are like yeah you almost because resistance inside your body pulling it and you're like no come on I'm always blown away when people are like and then we took mushrooms and fucked I'm like how how did you fuck I can't imagine my wet noodle trying to go into a lady on mushrooms thinking about the cosmos thinking about the shit though everyone has such different reactions to it like well I well, it was funny. There are always like most people say like with Molly

and shit like that, like it's not really sexual. It's more like blissful like whatever. I'm like, no, I want to fuck. Really? I did it at the end of it. I did it at the end of it. At the beginning of Molly, I was just really like. No, at the beginning of it, it's like,

but it makes sense. It's good. In the beginning of Molly, I want like but it makes sense like good in the beginning of Molly I want to do all the things that would lead to getting pussy Who but I like some nice cologne Yeah, no, I mean like talk about everything and everything For hours and then that end and then cultivate and fucking would make sense to me I'm meeting of the Mayan's and body. Right.

But if you don't have the fucking on it, I still think it's like fun. The all that. But it's like I've always always wanted to fuck on it for sure. Yeah. Blues was the really the only thing that made me go seek contact. As they say in football. Yeah, dude, in football, I'm like, what are you doing? Huh? When I was drinking. Go kiss. We kiss in football. Yeah, dude in football. I'm like, what are you doing? Huh? When I was drinking. I'm going to go kiss. We kiss in there. But is this now are we kissing? What's this? What's happening?

It's 545. Oh my god. It's 45 minutes after. That was a shocking time discovery. By the way, that all we all pause because we couldn't believe that's how you described that. What? 45 after was just... Oh yeah, I forgot that I say stuff wrong. 15 till, I don't know. Quarter till. Quarter till, huh, god damn it.

Why are you doing this to me? You know I'm high. I just, I'm gonna say stuff wrong and then we can politely correct it later Listen, there's new shenanigans and there's new settings and there's new stuff You said 545. Hey Jay. It's always sunny in Philadelphia. You're hometown It's always sunny in Philadelphia returns for its record breaking 15th season Wednesdays on FXX now streaming FX on Hula Marisa

It's 15 till FXX now streaming FX on Hulu. Marisa. I come. How's it going to be with you? It's 15 till. It's quarter till. It's a quarter till. Quarter till. Now you're fine, but that's it's pretty wild. 45 after. I mean, I said after

after 20 after 30 after 29 at 29 you just after it's not after anymore now you're uh deal when you say 30 in the middle now I've now I've you don't say you don't say a half hour till you'd say 30 and then after that you can start getting like 25 till whatever I would just say the time. Dan, let me give you advice. Just say the time.

Just say the time as it reads. It's 45. Five 45. Who has had a passing interest in the quality? I don't know. I don't know what that is. Let's get that. I want that to be roll off your tongue

and then we'll jump into the quarter till quarter after shit because that's not today's lesson. Let's just get you to never say 45 after. Deal. But I'm probably going to again. So you know this. You're all in the same. Incredible.

He's don't. He wasn't incredible. I'll be honest with you. That's true. It doesn't matter what silly thing you say, your voice sounds magical saying it. [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing Syria's XM.