The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Con Artist Evangelists (w/ Neal Brennan & Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

Dan and Jay with special guest Neal Brennan and Mike Finoia listen to televangelist Jesse Duplantis’ plea to his congregation to buy him a $50 million dollar jet. Native American actor Saginaw Grant is 81 and dating a forty year old belly dancer. Little Dan Soder was smoking cigarettes and had a baby sitter when he was in the 8th grade. SUBSCRIBE NOW for the best of The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder and listen every Monday thru Thursday at 6pm Eastern/3pm Pacific on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM, channel 95!

Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon. And I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th to 8pm on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. this preacher came out asking for money for a new jet because Jesus wants him to have one. Oh yeah it was it's his fourth plane. Yes I read that. Jesse do plantas. This is him right here and he looks every it's amazing that a preacher

I've never heard of is on his fourth plane. But that's also the lucrative of that game is. That's how lucrative the god is. God is only on his second plane. God goes, I don't even have a plane. God himself is only on his second. Is this a tent guy? Is this one of the tent guys? This is Bayley, he's like a mega church guy.

Jay will never forget this. We were at Sirius, where downstairs in the lobby, Joel Osteen has a channel on Sirius, and he was leaving, and I've never seen so many guns around somebody, like five dudes, I mean, showing, like, hey, we've got fucking guns, and you're like, wow, that's how much money that guy's worth, is that that many, and Jay and I were both like,

well, fuck, that's a hell of a security detail. Yeah, I have a a I like to raise my hand. I'm a funny about security detail Jay if I might Jay first time a long time This is and it's a ship I'm dropping ship hell's name. Yeah, that's fun right pretty early What how many minutes did it take? You're usually pass the threshold the ship hell threshold. Yeah, remember when Leno I don't know if it before remember when Jay Leno hosted the tonight show if you can imagine yeah He had shepel on his like some corner corresponded this is right before we started doing shepel jail and He was supposed to do a Thing with tiger woods to promote tiger woods golf right the video game and so

Tiger Woods comes in and he's got like this is at the today show He's got like five security guys, but not like guns. Okay more just like White ninjas Like white sort of like black turtleneck like black ops people. Yeah, like black water. Yes, like those people yeah like black water yes like those people are like you black water yeah they do stuff with their like the shit that I do in other countries you'll never know where you think there's on your neck and your paralyzed yeah yeah that's it all right so what happened to take a guy runs up on tiger as he's walking through lobby runs up on tiger uh... and it's like tiger like british guy and it goes like tiger tiger and tiger doesn't even look at him

one of the black ops guys give them a vulcan thing right on the shoulder neck and the guy goes tiger help and he likes and he just gets like and then the guy releases of any just instinctively runs off was it the body crumble i thought it was like he was released and they just ran away

Like I know exactly what did I understand everything was communicated through that shoulder thing and he ran away And it was so goddamn and that was like 17 years ago and I still think about it fairly often my question is did tiger Thank the guy didn't even break My question is did tiger Thank the guy didn't even break Struck like literally It must happen. That's what he do. This is Jesse Duplantis's website connect with JDM. He broadcasts in 4k Hell yeah, it does so this is the this is the video that he sent out to his followers asking for money for a new $54 million private jet if you're gonna ask for that you you should do it in 4K. As I was going home, the Lord,

real quickly he suggested, you like your playing. Now, you know, I thought that's an odd statement. I was like, huh? I like that. She's the God says to him, hey, don't wanna waste your time. Real quick. Hey, it's me, God.

Don't start. Real quick and I know you're busy, but do you like your playing? It's just like God has to ask. Do you have time, but do you like your playing? God has to ask too. You gotta have time for a short questionnaire about your playing. It really was like God, it's like a, it's like a two nice of a mom like he's asleep in the plane and he goes, you

haven't phone on your plane, buddy? Are you okay, buddy? Go back to the sleep. Oh my God, I'm busy. I just had a glorious meeting. It's a thing we said before we were talking about mediums at one point. There's psychic mediums. If you had the power to constantly hear dead people order this case, God, how do you turn

that off to do anything else in the world? I was hanging out and God was like, and you got to go, Neil, please hold it for one second, God's talking to me. Yeah, why is it? Yeah, no, I am doing the plane. Is that okay? Neil, you're saying? There you go, I am doing the plane. Yeah, is that okay? Yeah, you're saying there's Just seriously real quick. He's

Right Yeah, that is no bread. Yeah, co-creator. Yeah Yeah Bochka says because god loves black bush. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I like the point. All right. I'm gonna call you tomorrow. Let me call you tomorrow. Let me call you right tomorrow I think a lot of them are lying Jay Turns out Why I said the same with the mediums the one for me is always means like if dead people are constantly talking to you Yeah, you're just haunted and then somewhere in between that you go like you guys want to do pizza tonight or

Or my grandfather's dating a belly dancer almost 40 years younger than him. Oh, it's pretty good with him Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that one. I'm gonna say our in Oklahoma You're on the bonfire. Hi Sarah. Hi. Hi. So your grandfather's dating a belly dancer? Yes, he's actually a little bit famous.

He's been in some movies. What's your grandfather's name? His name is Saginaw Grant. Grant Saginaw? Saginaw Grant. Saginaw, Saginaw'sinaw Saginaw is his first name Yeah, he sounds like a old man motherfucker. He sounds like a World War one general. Oh look at that Native American fella Got it. Oh, yeah, this is from Oklahoma. That's great. Uh does he use does he use old tribal wisdom to convince you guys? It's cool. He's fucking a 40 year girl 40 years younger

He goes for when I take a young squaw I must have one tender enough to love me in the ways of modern while showing her the wisdom of the old oh guys she's just built like a brick shit house he just comes out of it you know what she tells the best stories oh man she really can make me laugh humor like the hyena she has the wisdom of an eagle and the stories of a guy that you want to hang out with for a long time guys I'm just she's got rocking tits I mean real great a flappers. I mean these things are poignant Distincts never late. I mean she goes out of flight of stairs. They got something to say she hasn't asked like an $80 pizza

Well, how old is he? He's 81 according to the Sun. That's what Jacob said He looks at the Sun for the answer also you should brush up on that so you get cut out of the will He always got another numbers. He's 81, so she's in her early 40s. Yeah, I think so. She's really pretty and she's a belly dancer in LA. Oh, is this her? Is she dark hair?

Yeah. Good for him. Good for him. Do you think it's just emotional? Or do you think that he's giving or the totem pole? I do think there's a connection. Okay. Would you say it's her bow or his arrows? I remember how just kind of disenfranchised I was at like 13 or 14 just like I could like went on to a site

That's so different. We are your buddies. I'm so manipulative. You can I'm so gullible and dumb you mean manipulatable manipulatable as I'm manipulatable manipulative no, that's I mean you're manipulative manipulative no that's I mean you Knife thank you Lou able to be manipulated and able to be a mnubable Loyal but I started smoking because I was you know Fucking dumb can you ask kick it out? You want to be cool? I just get fucking day so as was rolling as per you because I don't know Let's step one and be in fucking blah blah blah the bad to the bone

Mara red hanging out some marble. Yeah, Marba, I started with Reds. Crazy Catholic followers. Fucking 12. Um, number 12 years old to look at Marba Red. Jesus Christ. No wonder you're working at a fucking Alaskan fish fucking cannery at 17.

Yeah. So they're playing with action fingers with Red hanging out your mouth. It's so great. I know exactly what the TV's gonna do. Ralph, I don't tell us. Go get some pizza. playing with action fingers with red hanging out your mouth. I promise you. So great. I know exactly what the TV's getting away. Ralph, I out on a tell us. Go go some pizza.

You good though? This is what it was. Was that remember? Splinter wants us to get down to the sewer as our trouble was shredder. I think exactly what the TV's schedule was. It was two episodes of Wings on the USA. Why not?

The afternoon. This is like in the morning like 11 like 10 and 10 30 This is when I was 12 years old summer in between the off of seventh and eighth grade in between a couple wings as Cup watch a couple episodes wings always just going on with Stephen Weber's life dude Did I remember going and ripping a butt on the side of my garage coming back in and playing with my Hasbro wrestling toys watching bummed out doogie house are we bummed out that you look like Thomas Hayden church and you were fucking ten oh no like it's a why does he have my voice yeah but he's got mine I don't understand why I got what Trish a car at work who's dad? Is real dad the mechanic in Man Tucket?

It's THC, my pop. She goes, Dad, Dan, that's Loll, the mechanic on rings. He's not a real person. I go, so he's not my dad. Because it sounds exactly like me. I'm gonna ride a ladder. I'll ride a skeleton. I'll ride a skeleton.

Yeah, I remember smoking a cigarette coming back in and like sitting in the end of the style and playing with my fucking Hasbro wrestling toys and then like going out and smoking other cigarettes. So it's like fucking crazy. So it's funny you say that because though there really was a part where I was like, I got to get in there for a bad royal. Yeah, that's what I mean.

It goes, it goes, all right, it goes. I got the undertaker going against a macho man for the title in there. I want to take another drag, I want to smoke another cigarette, but you know what, Cobras not taking a cigarette break. Let's go get them, Joe's. I go. Let's go get them, Joe's.

Magneto and the other mutants are coming. They're gonna be doing better. Better get in there. Make sure Cyclops has his back. Well, I'll tell you what, Princess isn't gonna want to hear that Mario was off smoking a butt, so gotta get back in these tubes. Gotta get back in these tunnels. Gotta go work it

I remember that soft pack of Marble Reds that we had hidden. Did I had a babysitter when I was in eighth grade? Gay Shut up. By the way, it's our pushing tool. Which is what you're gonna do. She was like should I just see her post? That's great. She watched me for a week 20-year-old. Yeah, that's hot I can't even go and saw her pussy one. She was like you didn't see her tits. She was like kind of white trash too. And you were an eighth grade, which was so old to have that happening already. Yeah, I'm like, it's so funny. 13. Cosmic you're running in the room. Like we're just already like your voices change.

Hey, please. I'm scared in my room. She's like, I mean the shower, Dan. I'm really scared in my room. Oh, no, I heard something under my bed. I see been your bed Mama my mom lets me get in the shower with her when I'm scared Can you wash my hair in the shower? She says I don't do a good enough job Also, can we roll around in our in our jammies on top of each other? She's like what is this? My mom wrestles me before she puts my underwear on No belly kisses Coming in my mom wrestles me before she puts my underwear on You got powder my bottom of 13

All right, all right now you clean yourself up. I'm gonna go rip a butt You're okay. Oh, you spoke camelites chill I'll grab one of these Denise I'll switch. Thanks Denise. I'll see. All right, I like to switch brands. But she got like drunk. She like crawled up the steps of my inside and she was wearing a dress and

Byron was like, I saw her pussy. And I was like, no, you did it. And then she crawled up more and I was like, yes, you did. She wasn't wearing underwear. Wow. She was cute. She wasn't wearing underwear. Wow. She was cute. She wasn't hot.

She was drunk. She was hammered. Your mom hired someone to watch you that got hammered enough to crawl up a flight of stairs. Yeah, my mom also hired her. You really couldn't just, you couldn't throw a random dart and hit a good person in your town, could you?

My mom also hired that lady, let Byron and I drive my mom's car to the grocery store so she could buy us cigarettes We're 13 she's 20 the same as you got drunk She's like I'll buy you guys cigarettes, but I can't drive I don't have a license I buy you guys cigarettes if you don't tell that I showed you my pussy. She goes you guys see the flap Is it weird to the left lips all big and then the right ones all tucked away? She does look hungry known it and then the right ones all tucked away. She has look hungry, no, not there.

There. Hey boys, he goes, you keep really quiet about me at my boyfriend over. Maybe I'll let you shut the clam tomorrow. I'll give you a he, Joe, for the pants. She told us, she told us, she goes, yeah, if you dry, like, she's like, I can't drive to the grocery store. And Byron and I, you know, I told you you used to go

to Joe's swim meets in the morning. Byron and I used to take my mom's car and drive her on the parking lots when my mom was in watching the swim meet. And so when she said that Byron and I, I looked at each other like, well, you're in luck because we drive her on parking lots all the time. And we drove up the back way to Grocery Warehouse

on Chambers and Hamden and she fucking bought us, fucking four packs of cigarettes buddy. It's fucking great. If you guys want to come over and see my babysitter is coot or hell no, I wasn't taught. That was just for a biren and I get a higher and stay over for the whole week during the school nights. Oh, that's pretty fucking cool. That was cool.

It sounds like terrible parenting, but it's, uh, but she's the shit though for it. I mean, you're a boy, you're like, and by the way, you turn out, you weren't a fucking raging fuck up. No, but I fucked up like I had a couple of years where I was fucking out. You went to college right after high school? Yeah, true. You uh, that was, that was a, that was like a non starter of my house. My mom's like real big on that because there was no one in my dad's side of the family

that had a college diploma. My mom was like, you're gonna get that shit and that was kind of like the only rule. Yeah, then you could have went completely like just like gas station worker. That that was kinda like the only nice. Yeah, did you get it when it completely like, just like gas station worker, that's what they used to call me. That's what they used to say in eighth grade, that's when my mom and Joe get drunk.

They're like, you're gonna end up pumping gas on the side of some fucking highway. That's hilarious, I tell crowds almost every night that I feel like I should be doing that. That's so funny. I mean, I came from a family that also thought I should be doing hair. So that went to beauty school.

It was like, I came from a mechanic and a hairdresser, so they were like, just get a job. Like what do you need to go college for? Christine should be pumping guests in the world. That's really, yeah. I felt it too much. He and her should be banging in a bathroom that takes a sender block attached to a keto,

but the garbage us are still together. Yeah. Hey, it's Big J. Elkerson, and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th-APM Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bond Fire at SexM. you