The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Concert Etiquette (feat. Jim Breuer & Shane Gillis)

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

DJ Lou gets drunk and disappears at Gary Clark Jr. concert. Jay, Christine, and Shane Gillis talk about seeing a dead body driving back from Baltimore. Jim Breuer joins the show and shares stories about opening for Metallica on their latest tour.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Also be sure to follow us on all social media at the bonfire SXM. Hey, this is DJ Liu and it was an awesome week on the bonfire. On Monday's show, Jay talked about the crew going to see Gary Clark Jr. at the Beacon Theatre. It seems big J and I had a difference of opinion on my concert etiquette. You be the judge. Was I an asshole? My weekend that you were not here for I was in for I was No, I missed all the cool stuff. Well, not well, there's a lot of the Gary Clark Jr. show. Yeah, Thursday. Who all went to the show? There's five of us which is very cool of them to hook us up like that. It was me Christine DJ Lou

Becky ads fan. Yeah, and Fenway, no, we all sat next to Joe's great. He gave me five tickets. He gave us five working passes, which was awesome. Last time we did a concert, a family concert, we all went to see Cyprus, you weren't. Yeah, it's really convenient. Really convenient. Well, I'll tell you, out of those two concerts you missed, you've seen just a hair less than a one DJ Lewitsky. You're not watching a lot of music. By not being attended at all, you've just missed a little bit less. Not only did I not attend, I was in a different city. Both times. Yeah.

Both times. You guys don't know dick about me. Well, I don't. Because you keep disappearing. You don't let us learn. Cypressail in the third song. I'm gonna sing that. And then vanished.

And then after the show was outside talking to people. Wait, he was still there after the Cypressl show. I was locked out. They wouldn't let me back in. The guy said he would and then he wouldn't. Okay, I've dealt with that. Stop my fault. Why would I not want to he wouldn't okay I've dealt with that stop my fault Why would I not want to go back in I have what was it what was the amount of time between how many Sugars leaving and trying to come back in time is abstract when you're

That's what I mean you may have been outside for 40 minutes them been like I can't go in for the last song What I can't go take a nap on a bus bench and come back I guess that's the rules here at the Irving Plaza is it Convenient convenient is come and go. Oh, you're real cool. You're a fucking dictator so You come we all meet up at the at the beacon Luke comes the words you never want to hear before hang he goes

I was hang I was drinking with Mark face before Prime to Lewitsky that means he that's fucking that's fucking arm-freckle drinking, you know, I mean Yeah, that kind yeah, blackly was there too. We were pretty loaded in an hour's time. Yeah, it's after work drinking That's there's a lot of zest in that kind of drinking. Now, we were, there was a chance, in fact it was very much what he wanted. I didn't realize that,

but I thought there was a chance we were gonna go back and meet Gary Clark Jr. after the show. It's pretty badass. And what were you playing, Lou, to be that hammered? Well, I was not that hammered. I mean, you were a dude. You were hilariously hammered well I was not that hammered I mean you do you were Hilariously hammer really by the way I just Christine's dude

Was was the most serious I've ever been seen Christine on the show Do you remember who you're sitting next to and how you made it nice and weird with them? No, I didn't make it nice and weird I mean I talked to them Who didn't listen to't listen to Robin Quivers For the younger listeners that's how it stands co-hosts of four years letter. No that he worked it serious Oh wow you look a lot like that lady Robin on Howard She's like I am because I work it serious. I don't mind ever miss it. Oh shit you don't look like you. Yeah. Hey These two are you sick still? She's like no. What's up? What's up beat that is so good. You know kiss her on the belly or something

We're hey cool. I wouldn't sit down. I wouldn't sit down. I'm gonna be right back Dude is so great. So we smoked, uh, we smoked for when I joined. And then we all sit in our seats. Awesome. Beacons theater. Cool. See gorgeous. I've never been in a theater before. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Uh, DJ Lucid hasn't been in there for like 20 years. And it was that it just looks the same. It's really cool.

There's a real come to, uh, it was a real reality moment, you know, because about venues for the, for the special in the fall. And, uh, I was like, be computer be pretty awesome. And I looked it up, I was like, I'm like, that's greener, I could have fulfilled that thing. It's like 2100. It's 2100 capacity. And you're like, for a fuck, I mean, it's beautiful.

And it's really nice. It's also, there's also a thing that looks like it's going to kill you, hang from the roof with a very sharp point on it. I'm not sure why that's there. Yeah, that's all I'm making. That is the odds my friend. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, long sharp point and points right in a row. Just fucking got you if you're the guy that was like, I saw I was looking people under it and going like, wow, how are they not like worried about that? But anyway, TJ Lou was fantastic. So yeah, he made it weird there and then he comes back and he goes weird

He's he's He's looped and he goes He's drinking a beer gets a beer for him and Mike come back with beers and he's drinking a beer and he goes Shia like shia. I'm gonna go get another beer Mike. What do you want? Well kind of beardy what and Mike's like I'm good, dude I'm fine Yeah, yeah, and I and then I'm gonna get nervous because all this point lose also. There's a lady her jacket is in front of finoia With her hood her hood

But she's sitting on her jacket she can feel and DJ Luke he's like Throat whipping his keys and and phone into the hood like like like You know what I you know what I like about there's nothing country about what she was doing I still stand by that one. I respect your stubbornness on not letting go of this where you're like she breached mine If you get to put her hood in a funoiz lap, I'm gonna use it as a pocket But I lose just hammered. He's just like, we didn't land on Plumothrock. Plumothrock landed on us. I can't just like this lady's like,

I'm a music teacher. Yeah, she's my husband gave me these tickets. By the way, I was trying to do anything aggressive. By the way, when she looked back and saw her hood was there, she just politely, without even being told, she was just like, tucked it in. Well, cool, because Lou, now I have, now Lou has a blood vengeance for her.

I was supposed to have fun. I'm just having a little fun. You guys are boring, mate. So I was like, and he goes, I'm gonna get another beer. I was like, and that thing where, like, you know, you're not someone's father. It's just the thing where you go like,

I'm like, ah, because I'm like, why I think we're gonna meet this guy after the show. Yeah. I went a little bit, you know, this thing, you see, pro jam live. went a little bit like, you know, this thing, they've seen Pro Jam Live. Did you, Lou, did you know as a guy that used to love to pregame,

loved pregame, pregame to little too hard for Nate's half hour special, I remember his wife came to get me at the bar and she was like, you've been going and I was like, yeah! It was a lot because he filmed that member of John Jay here and I went to Barcelona bar and was just fucking getting after it and Laura showed up It was like all right buddy. Let's pull you out of this bar. Let's go to this day. Yeah, did you know you're coming in hot?

Yes, and I realized that which is why I didn't come back, but you kept buying beers By the way, no one didn't call that for a second. He goes I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette I'm like like now the middle of the show. I was like, Was Gary Clark Jr. on stage? Yeah, come on, Lou. He was arguably one of the greatest guitar players involved. He was gonna go smoke a butt and then he got, and then as soon as he, uh, fucking hurtled over Robin Quivers again.

Again, that was, that was, that was embarrassing. To one of our friends, she was the two friends. One of our friends goes, damn, you need to get, you're prostate checked. Oh, meeting you., damn, you need to get your prostate checked. Oh, meaning. Well, yeah, cuz they didn't like get in goal line, right? They also did this when you'd walk past them. I'd see them all make the Jesus Christ face.

Well, that was not deaf to me, because that's why I didn't come back. Can I ask you something, how far in to the row were you? Middle. Five seats in. Five seats in. There was no returning. Come on, seats in there was no returning come on

There was no returning because I would have gone through Robin Quivers And I tried going on Christina and the opposite end one time that didn't go well Back like four or five times before you decided you couldn't come back and you came in hot My dad passed a cancer you guys I might have to get a check. No come on, dude And then we thought we're like, oh no. TJ Luz lost with a working badge. Yeah, oh, I picked him with you. Jalu wondering how they shirt off on stage, holding it.

Like, what's up? Smoking a cigarette coming out and trying to talk to Gary Clark Jr. Do all the pedals work? Hey, which pedals are you on now? Can I hit a pedal? You guys have beer up here? Yeah. There's a lot of black guys in the show.

Oh, this is a band. I swear to you, when he left that time, he's like, smoking a cigarette, I said to Fenoe, I go, being home. I got to have it with me either. I was shouting shit out like, it comes the train. Uh oh.

Meaning, like Gary Clark is gonna kill it now. Like, I know some inside information that he's gonna do a six solo. Like, I was just trying to have some fun guys. I mean, you're spitballing. God bless, you're spitballing god bless your spitballing But we were all laughing and having lots of fun. You were having your own fun like you only Wanted to get drinks and it didn't matter what my mind. I was out of Pro Jim show at your mind. You're an approach

Yeah, that's how you know that pro Jim shows you piss constantly. Yeah, oh yeah, you need to smoke cigarettes. There's no way There's ever smoke to cigarette during a pro game show? I would have smoked about my seat But just beating to but that yeah, that would have been a bigger problem If you fucking lit up just sitting next to everyone to be like what the fuck? We're guests of somebody somebody invited us to their show. Did you and that's why I was were you thinking and I Were you thinking it all you're going to meet Gary Cartgene? No, I knew I was not gonna. I was gonna run it for Jay and okay Christine. God you really do have a heart of gold Hi, this is black Lou and on Tuesday's show Shane Gill is stopped by big J talked about his drive back from Baltimore this past weekend

And how he Christine and Shane were the first car to pass an accident scene on the road. Listening as it affected them all in very different ways. Shane was with me in Baltimore. To Monium. Yeah. Magobs. Magobs and Christine, and we were driving back to the hotel one night. And was ambulance, going weirdly slow, by the the way for the trouble turns out was ahead.

Very slow moving ambulance is we had to kind of get out of their way so they would go by you. It was very bizarre, but then we were just sort of like you know you'd figure a quarter mile or so behind them and then we got on a ramp like an off ramp to go where we had to go and at the the middle of that off ramp, like dead in the middle where you couldn't go either way, is where the ambulance were pulling up to. And we really couldn't see the thing, just where we were,

I've never been this before in my life. The first car on the sub-hide the trouble. Yeah, we were directly behind the ambulance, and there were fire trucks behind us. Yeah, in the middle of all these. Yeah, we kind of fucked up, we were in the middle, because we didn't know. It was crazy. I us. Yeah, in the middle of all these. We were in the middle because we didn't know. I know.

You should have got out like detectives. Road to the ceiling. Sealless points off. They kept asking us questions too and they, what happened? I'm like, oh. Yeah, they thought we were in the accident. Yeah, there was an accident. They were like, they walk around with my car to look for damage.

I'm like, yeah, I wasn't in the... Yeah, you guys were driving slow like a bunch of... We just on our way back from Wawa. It's true. I was eating a fucking Meatball Hogi watching Clownage. You probably looked like a detective. You got out. I know an happened jealous wife. But I've seen this before. Yeah. It's a shame was she was ripping into a a a hoag a toasted Hogue. Yeah, I see you taste my Hogi back there. And then

I we witnessed a toasted man. Yeah, I see. Yeah, I taste my heggie back there. And then we witnessed a toasted man. Yeah, well, what it was, you could sort of see through the ambulances that one car is smashed up against the guard, but you can't see how much. It's just definitely what's going on. And then an 18 wheeler pulled over. Crack a trailer. And then the two things we saw was very real. As we are smoking cigarettes, we're giggling, we're making a zillion-one jokes about it.

We're watching YouTube clips of, I showed them the, what's that name sketch? We're watching Saturday, like, let's sketch it. It's Saturday night live. In the afterwards, like, my baby! My baby! No, then we see they go, oh, I guess they're bringing over. This is one of the guys, I guess.

And then they bring them over and you just see as they turn that gurney sideways, like the sheets over the head. And then it shows you the lifelessness of like the feet as they're at the tining bumps, like the feet like moving. It's not because he's moving his feet. It's just like there's nothing to him. They're going to go wherever they go. What would you guys have done if he just sat up? Oh, I don't think. He just sat up

We'll do it. He just fucking We watched the so then yeah, maybe the driver of the truck We have to assume then we yeah, we saw that guy they put him in the ambulance Everyone's kind of like looking at their watches. I guess to get the time of death or whatever and then we see another cop walking by with What only seem to be a trucker who is hysterical crying as he probably is processing. He just murdered someone Yeah, oh while that's going on Shane crushing that I just finished that Nothing you're like whitey-boiled you're taking an app after a Murder a dead body eating a fucking meatball. Yeah, that's like what

you do. You go like this. You go. Now all of a sudden, no meatball hug you. It tastes good unless I've seen death with that. That makes more sense to me because at the end of the day, Shane's ripping into some comfort food. But whatever got there, he's a meager. Steve was

sharing like yogurt and grapes. You go, can I get a look? Can I get another spoonful of that danon? Yeah. we were like this. Apple slice. We were like, I wanted a fritter and you said no, not to ruin it and Shane had a fritter too. All of a fritter with his head.

Even share, give us a bite, you just ate it all. I tried to give you self, you lying motherfucker. You didn't go out offer the fritter of the car. Man, I just want wall on now. I mean, it's, you know, it stinks, this whole story stinks of death, but I got a car, buddy. It's only 20 minutes away at all times.

I mean, that was honestly, that was the curse of sheets with it was there. We went in and got wallaw on, and then guess what happens? People got it. Dead bodies. You guys are like final destination with wallaw. If we never went into that guy, we would have been, that would have been us.

Have you picked the right gas station sandwich Death wouldn't be following you. Oh, yeah Shane really enjoyed the Fritter by the way It's don't you dare do big deal That fritter was delicious. Would you say better than any of the sweet treats at? Nobody would he say it damn no, we say it. There's a strong chance. He probably texted that very thing to me. Oh You fucking We say there's a strong chance he probably texted that very thing to me. Oh, yeah, you fucking Stay have it. Oh, you put it right it. Why would you put it right? It was you all the time. You have it in writing show or See where we went here. It's nation feel about a Benedict you're the Benedict Arnold of sheets nation

He might as well just fucking gone behind enemy lines and hooked up with them Hey, it's DJ Lou again and the great great Jim Brewer is our guest on Wednesday show. Enjoy this extended clip as Jim describes to Dan and Jay what it was like to open from a talika on their latest tour. Fuck yeah. Jim Brewer on the show. Just having a fucking time. Thank you.

Drinking coffee. Playing a Metallica. I love the new album. Yeah. More than, to me, it's the greatest rock album in 30 years. Okay. Not Metallica. Yeah.

Greatest rock album in 30. You went on the road with him. Yeah. You just got off the road with him. Just got off the road with him. Fucking awesome. But I love it more than anything. You also do a Lars.

Which is one of my sweet, those of one of those impressions where I'm like How do I get him to do large? It's easy. I fucking I think it's it's he was the one that helped me through this The whole thing happened where I got a text from head field last March yeah last March. Yeah. And I went, and James is always, when they asked me to do things, he's very vague. Okay. So he's in Europe touring and he went,

hey, would you be interested in doing some type of tour with us? And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, what? And I immediately, I probably geeked out a little tour. I went, oh dude, I'll fucking kill, whatever you want. I'll do it. I'm gonna do it for you, I love you.

And he went, don't get excited, it's not really stand up. It's more of something else. And I haven't talked to the rest of the band. Okay, two weeks later he sends me ideas. And the ideas are blasting t-shirts into the crowd. It's uh... I'm not off board yet. I'm still having the conversation with the show.

If that field brings up t-shirt guns with me, I'm going to continue. Maybe there's a hardwired Harry that roams the crowd or in the parking lot. Oh god. You're a mascot now. Harry that roams the crowd or in the parking lot. Oh, God. You're a mascot now. He goes, it's a first suit. Here's the thing. Very breathable, very breathable when you're in the inside.

When you get excited, you're wearing a burlap head. We're about to unveil the Magadan, Metallica mascot. You're going to be inside. Yeah, you're that golf cart guy that drives while everyone hits the ball at you. Yeah. So, and he's throwing his ideas at, so I throw him ideas, and I don't hear from him.

Yeah. I go, wow, this ain't happening. And May comes, now it's May, and I'm at a gig, and I get a call from his manager. Hey man, this is Mark. Are you around this Sunday? Yeah. I grew up in fact, I'm alone in New Jersey.

I'll come to your house. I want to come to my house. I always imagine Metallica like helicopters in like anyone that they work with. It was sort of like that. What's funny in him even just comes to telling this is him reaching out to you and saying like Don't get excited. There's so many like comedians and just people in the world who view you on on that level to say like It's like Jim Brewer just fucking texted me and then you have a thing where you're texting a guy you're like I reached out he goes James probably busy is probably getting back to me or whatever

yeah like you're putting the but it's a weird flip over yeah where it's like judo you just follow your own mentors against you we're like oh fuck what yeah dude I'll talk to you what you want to talk to me yeah fuck I'll call you right now I love you there's 20 people you won't buy they were like oh my god wish I got what's all over me I'm sorry I can't talk right now. I'm waiting to ask you my line clear.

Do you know what's so funny? I tensed before the show, I tensed up like a fucking prairie dog here in a hawk screech. When I heard Jim laughing with Lou down the hall and I was like, it's fucking jimbrur. I've never met him. I was like, I'm Dan. It's just like one of those things where it's like,

you know. I'm just gonna slap you. Yeah. Like Jay's looking at me like fucking pull it together, Dan. I'm like, okay. And so this guy Mark comes to my house and I got all my I got all my ideas lined up I'm having easel I got video ideas I got I got everything I got a whole no pad

I've got all these different so if he doesn't like this idea I got five other ones that are gonna work yeah and he lives a cage of high tone, y'all in town, blah, blah. And I was just throwing off that he's at my house in the middle of nowhere, New Jersey. I know he lives in San Fran, like what is he doing here? So he goes in my kitchen and he opens up his laptop computer and he's like, okay, so we start in September

in Madison, Wisconsin and then we go all the way to March. And it's basically like seven days, and I know you do a residency, and there's only one date at the paramount that you'd have to change. And I don't know if you talked with your wife, D, but are you into this? That's so funny.

And I went, well yeah, and he went great. Shots it and he goes, we're announcing this tomorrow in Stern and Rolling Stone. And we have your name in it. And he goes, we'll worry about developing what the show is. And I'll talk to you agent and we'll figure out finances and all that. He goes, as long as you're into it, I went,

okay. And before I can even think the next day I was like, bang, Jim Brog, I'm going to talk with Metallica and and and that's the way they talk about shadow government. They come in and they go, Mr. Brue, you are now the president of Venezuela. We'll announce it tomorrow. Like on the news, they're like, a brutal tank over is happening in Venezuela. Jim Brog, now the president. And you're like, look, I was in my fucking kitchen. He knew my wife's name, he fucking hell covered him. He knew about your gigs, the paramagos.

Yeah, he knows that I threw away the band. I don't know if they hired him to fuck with me. I don't know what's going on. I think it's paramagos. It's been handled. Yeah, that Mr. Brewer, there is no more paramount. And you are also the leader of 330,000 people.

Have a good night. Yeah, that's a vulgar,000 people. Have a good night. Yeah, that's a vulgar crazy shit. Have a good night. And that's how it, and I racked my brain trying to figure it out. What is the first day of showing up from a talika school like? When you just, you know what I mean? Like, you're like, you have your nicest shirt on and you're like, Oh, my gosh.

Oh, James. Oh, oh, I'll tell of jams. Oh, okay. Oh, I'll tell you exactly how it went down. So here's the thing, I show up. No, first of all, before it even went down, they fly me to like Switzerland. Yeah, they are metallocolists. To see what the stage looks like.

We have a, this is what I think. Something at any comic could have handled with a simple cell phone picture. Got you. It's like when they tell us it goes, you want to come to Stuberoy for sound check, like I'll just trust you guys have a microphone that works. What?

Anyone can figure this part out. At worst case scenario, I'll ask you to pump the mic volume. You want to see if your shirt's blending with the backdrop too much. Dude, that's good. We're going to, Mr. Burrow, are you going to bring you to the Metallica facility in the Swiss Alps? It's where they all trained.

This is where Lars and a pool just drumming. Who's the fuck with that guy fucking? The pool drumming? Like a Wolverine mask. He's like, he's got nodes all over him, just taking mechanics. James is being flushed out with fresh sheep's blood That's wrong to heal whatever he bases. Yeah, he destroys

Do his different rooms like like the Xavier Manor Chudhilo has hitting 1300 pounds of pressure on each string Whatever he strums. Yeah, he destroys. Yeah, so they take you to fucking Switzerland just to show you the stage. And I meet all the production. Yeah. And I don't know what I'm doing. Like, what am I doing here?

But what's it? It's every comic at any gig that isn't in a fucking mall. Can I hear like, what am I, what? Are you guys just mishiring me? I am I here. I'm gonna comic at any gig that isn't in a fucking mall. You're like, what am I, what are you guys doing? You guys miss hiring me? I'm gonna parallel this, I'm gonna parallel this to you. When I joined the first thing, the first show I did with Cornet All, was in a small place in the North Carolina called the Ballroom Blitz tour.

So it was like thousand seat places, maybe a little bit, somewhere like a couple thousand, but for the most part was small. This was a small one, it was a second day on tour, I joined the second day When I get there the opening band is on who you know as you know ended up opening my comedy center Yeah, so you know become dear friends. No, no Two sets. Yeah, and these amazing guys, but they were on stage Adam lead singer as a great frontman. He's Bleeding actively on stage and you know, I didn't know their music before and they're going for it.

And I'm so intimidated and they go, you know, you just go up in between them and just, you know, just comedy. While they sit up for corn, I go, I don't, I don't think it's gonna work. I mean, at that moment, if they were to sit, you wanna go home to your mom, I would have went. Yeah.

I do. I wanna go home to my mom. And then I went on and it just went, that particular show, my buddy buddy John who's in the military Stationed out there. He just happened to be able to go with and something about just having a friend there also was like I'm gonna go give it a world dude. Oh, you know, I was like I'll play to you if no one's paying attention like We'll laugh at how much this just sucks, but I was a but nervous the shit But you do you walk in and everyone even do members of corn. I'd be like, I'm Jay

I'm the comic whose uh, oh my shit goes we have a comic. No, I'm like yes. Yes. You show up and you show up in Switzerland and it's the whole is this basically where the whole tour is learning how to build and take notes. No, no, no, they're in the middle of the tour. This is one of the last shows. Okay. So this is they're they're gonna come off this rest for a little bit and go back on with you. Right. Just live in fucking on the road. Yeah. So it's like they take breaks though, right? It's like they go out for a stretch and they're there.

Yes, but this is the end of their tour and there's only two dates left. Yeah. So I fly out there the day of I... At the hotel at 9am the morning, they pick me up at 2, bring me to the arena. They show me the stage. Yeah. me up at 2, bring me to the arena. They show me the stage. Yeah. I don't like, uh, okay. And then,

You go get, can I get a carpet out here? I like to, I like to pee in the room. You feel like you have to change something before you go to sleep. I like, if there could be candles. You go, can we hear? Can I test my mic? Like you're adding, you go like this, you go.

You guys ever thought that that light, that light would probably be better over there? Just at least reminds that. And so I go, I did say it'd be nice if there were screens that people could see me. Yes. Yes. Smart. I said, that's all I need is strangers. Screens.

You know what I said? And this is just a real quick sidebar. What I've noticed from the Shiprock story and the Metallica thing is like, you're like a Magyver with performance where you know how to just quick fix it, where you go, drop it. We're just gonna improv.

And like, situations, they know what comics coming on these things. But nobody there, I forgot the first, that was the question that threw me for a major loop. They go, you wanna give me your microphone. He's like, I'll set it up for you before the show. I went, what, do you want me to do what?

Yes. Your microphone. You're a comedian right there. Basically, like musicians, like guitar, travel with their guitar. Do you have a car? I go, this question's never come up in 18 years of conversation. No one's ever asked me if I had my microphone.

Please start googling custom microphones. Because I want to start showing up to half-sold helium's, going like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, and going like this. Can you plug me in? What's up, Huntsville, Alabama? Yeah, I got a gold fist. I got, there's Delilah. Ha-ha-ha this room. I'm gonna take this with me in my hotel. I'm happy with it. I'm totally down with that. I trust I can leave this here overnight. Yeah.

Do you guys have a lock box or something? I can put my fucking like your fucking BB King. You gotta need to put this somewhere. But that's the thing, right? They want you to have some sort of like answers for what you need. And you're like, yeah, I said just to screen would be great. And then I watched the show. And I'm like, all right, well, we, all right, we'll see you back in the States. And then if, now before, before I leave, someone goes, hey man, Laura's in the food room

and he must talk to you. He's got 15 minutes. Well, okay. So I go in there goes, Hey man, Laura's in the food room and he must talk to you. He's got 15 minutes. Well, okay. So I go in there and he's like, so, he's eating, he's like, so, basically, why we harried you is because you're able to read a crowd and just, this is your fucking thing, just do what you want

Like all right, well what what? What's my thing? That's are we Is that it? Yeah, I come in this is why I came to Switzerland or Just so I can have a conversation Fucking craft services Rocklet, we're at Swiss food. Yeah. And he's like, if you've got ideas, just run and buy me. And then I still was really uneasy. I didn't know what, and people are like, dude, you're opening.

I'm like, I'm not opening. Yeah. I'm host MC of their openings, whatever it's called, the lighten up tour. I did the corner, I'm not opening. I'm not doing a fucking, it's Jim Brewer and there's 45 minute comedy set. So now it's right, it's about a month before the show goes

and I'm stressing out. Yeah, fuck yeah, you got a big thing, come on. Dude, I fucking reached out to Jay. I'm called Bill Burr. I'm like, you wanna, fuck yeah, you got a big thing dude. I fucking reached out to Jay. I'm called Bill Barr Yeah, I'm like, huh, you want to come join me on stage? I'm not the only one going down you're all going down with me. Yeah, Bill bars I'm a fucking call a guy and fucking off In the beginning spot. They do you know fucking open it? Chris. You're not fucking open it

Can you pull up keep pull up my calendar my chance on the screen to show my cow after Jim texted me. Yeah, I have Metallica date listed in every He's waiting for James head. I'm waiting for him to call me up dude You got the uniform before you got hired at the job. You're just wearing the shirt So Papa John is gonna call. I don't just like, I mean, I fucking love it. So, I called Jam, like, hey man, you're available to,

like, I don't know what I'm doing. I think I said, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, I flew out, I flew out, pretended I had a gig in San Francisco. Knowing Lars was there for a couple days.

Now I talked to James, I talked to James, I'm friends with James. But James is always kind of vague. He's like, I don't know, just kind of, I don't know, you know, you do your thing. It's not helping me. A lot of people keep telling you to do your thing. I'm trying to find what my thing is. It's also, that's great. Yeah, they're speaking of rock star vagasins.

It's a theater and a round. Okay. So I sat with Lars. I find Lars. I go to his house. He's like, why are you here? Don't you never come to my home? I said, I have a gig out here.

And I went, you know what? I really don't. I want to wrap my head on what you see. And he's sitting, he's laying down in a chair like his legs are dangling open and he goes like to see, he goes, and and we can see the entire San Francisco Bay. It's like a movie. He's in Timberon. And yes, and he goes, well, not anymore. He's just said, and he goes, that's my shit head cousin's knowledge. He got lots of lives in Timberon. That house doesn't exist anymore. Oh, well, he's been to that house. How great time there. I can't wait to anymore. Been to that house.

Had a great time there. I can't wait to tell. Got good stories there. He goes, here's the deal. First of all, you're writing bits and creating things that are for like 15,000 people. Trust me when I say you're lucky, maybe 800, maybe a thousand people being the arena when you're up there. So you got to think nobody's going gonna be in there. That's number one

Number two You gotta remember tell them why you fucking here Because you know the band you know me. You know James. You know stories tell them stories The times you work to it. But the most important thing is You don't have to be funny. That's like one of the things we go. That's my thing. Especially because you go.

That's what I thought my thing was. Do you know one thing I thought my thing was? You start doubting your own name, you go, I'm Jamburr. I'm a comic. No, they go out there and don't be funny. You go, okay. I don't have to be funny. He's like, just tell stories and just, I trust you. I've seen you going through a room

and you can work the room. You know the situation and you're just fucking going. It's fucking brilliant. Just you can do that in front of our crowd. He goes, we get bands. Nobody goes see them. It's a bummer for the bands, bummer for us. So why not give the crowd a fan experience that's what we're looking

for? And I went, okay. Yeah. All right. And I planned this whole fucking thing for Madison Wisconsin. Yeah. And it was on. I got a DJ, a comedian that I can banter with and he's gonna play songs and even that guy came to my house And he's like and he's a punk rockery doesn't know rock and metal and he goes use the songs I got and every sort of Everyone in that audience is Jim Brewer. Yeah, they're they're kids, they grew up in Metallic in 86, maybe some of them loved, give it a few, give it a five, give it a minute, that's where they started, but still those people are not into, none of them are into that. Play Old Van Halen, David Lee Roth, not fucking Van Halen, Scorpions, play, play fucking maybe a little bit Pantera, maybe one to two not a lot of them. Yeah, don't get too crazy Don't get crazy play play what you hear now on

Ozzie's bone yard and that crowd be happy and I got stories so I'll tell a story and go You know I'm time when I met Ozzie out of play and boom you play Play hey this time my girlfriend and it's okay so we're set boom boom boom and We found the first show I Walk out six a clock. I should I learned everything after the first show. I've got I got okay I've got Madison Wisconsin. I got the star star player from their college football team.

University of Wisconsin goalpeachers. Yes, yes, so I got the badges, badges runner back, the badges quarterback, I've got, I'm gonna run up on top, give tickets away. Oh yeah. I'm gonna, every 15 minutes I have something scheduled. You're dustin' them. Well, first 15 minutes. I have something scheduled your dust in them. Well first 15 minutes

I go up. Hey, how you doing as maybe like 5,000 people in arena at six o'clock really early large I bet at six o'clock you really feel like hardwired Harry. Yes Yeah, do bright to read now now I got to run to the top and I don't have a security guard I don't know how to get to the top and the lights they can't find me And so the guys on stage are like, yeah, where are you? It's a fucking disaster They're around they said metallic they're insistent that Metallica goes up in 830 and Metallica Lars is insistent. I stay on stage

Until Metallica comes out because Metallica is big Jim Brewer fan And they want all Metallica fans to store fallen Jim Brewer. So that's the part where I'm like wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Okay 820 You want me a quick old two hour and three minutes 820 I go backstage I go are they still going up at 830 two hour and three minutes. Eight, 20. I go backstage. Are they still going up at 8.30?

100%. Great. 8.25, go on stage. I get the, okay, this section, I think you're better than this section. You guys do the hokey, hokey. You jump up and down. You're louder than them.

You say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And their fuckerer And the guy Goes Stretch and I looked at what oh fuck okay, okay, okay, okay I did 10 more minutes and now the crowds getting a lot tight. Yeah, they're going like, all right dude. And I'm about to get off and again, they're not ready. I'm like, what the fuck is 848, 45? And now I'm getting the bottom teeth. Yeah, it's turning hard now. Fuck it, bro.

Teeth are going and I'm getting a lot of this. Fuck you. Get the fuck off the stage. Three hours of anybody though. Brad. It's three hours. Dude, I had the t-shirt cannons, they're not working. So I'd run out. Three hours of anybody though Dude I had the t-shirt cannons they're not working so I'd run out And I'm like are you ready and they go

Yeah, they don't start booing And it's not five people it's it's sections So just one 14 now five people, it's, it's sections. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo People boo in there. Tell me get the fuck off the stage And I went oh my end the metallic is management's there Everybody's there watching big start for some reason Cliff Burton's families hold on there They're super disappointed at every list of spirit is watching He's up on the panway rocks. He's up on top. Disaster and all of this all of a sudden they say okay, they're they're ready. It's 8.55 Yeah, but that fucking 20 for a minute. They go up. I go backstage and I go. Oh my god But my attitude is always like Okay And I go, oh my god, but my attitude is always like, okay, let's tomorrow night we're gonna kick their ass Okay, cuz they might mind me and you were the same. I know where me and you are

I'm taking a detective shower in the fucking public shower with it just running down with my hand against the wall like Not me. I'm taking the old tags off my bag to get ready to put the ones to go home with It was a failed experiment. Look, we gave it everything we could, right? We tried that one. No, he didn't work out. I'm not gonna add it here. The guy was well, never listen to you again.

I'm sorry. The guy was with on stage when, dude, we gotta get the fuck off the stage. So where you got Joseph? Get the fuck off the stage. He, we go off stage like, dude, we can't fucking do this. I'm packing my bags. I'm fucking out.

I'm fucking, hold on, I say, let's regroup. We know it works. We know it. The next night it was like, okay, no, I'm not going up to 7.30. Yeah. You go out at 7, start playing songs. And fuck me going up in the crowd.

You're going up in the crowd. I'm gonna go up, talk as long as I can You know fuck with the audience by night two and three. I found a rhythm like it becomes a breeze And then what it comes every day is just like oh it's time to do my thing real quick It goes and then I get to sit and watch Metallica all night again But I'm not kidding you By the second leg and there was a part of me and I think only you can understand as Jay I don't know maybe you two. No, no, that's fine. I get it. No, maybe you two

I'm green in this. I love Mattelk. Like let's say I wasn't open for him. Yeah, I'd be in the crowd banging my head so hard That it would hurt the next day when I'm home alone. And I reached a point I'll never forget this was a game changer for me. So the crowd is done. I mean I'm done with my set and I'm not getting booed. I'm not getting to go fuck yourself. Go home. Die. Get cancer. I'm not getting those tweets anymore from from night to on. It was like, oh, dude, I get it. Yeah, it's fun.

So now there's this Korean guy and he's acting out every song. I don't know what happened. I'm at the sound booth and I went up to him and it was dormant. It went from off into the flame to said but true to like master of puppets and the three of us got each other's the two of us got each other's faces and we acted out every song and when we were done we had a crowd around

us and it became a tradition every night people called me out for every song they look you got to come out here with us and I remember the third leg There was about 15 of us banging our heads so hard way in the back, right? and all the sun the song was over and it was this song and I look up and a pick comes flying by my hand to look up its head feel and he's looking at me shaking his head But laughing. Yeah, that's awesome. And then after the show, he's like, dude, you're in there with the fucking crowds, you're a nutball, you're a fucking nutboy, I love it.

That was like great. And what I started seeing was the Metallica crowd went, dude, he's a real Metallica guy. Yeah, yeah. He really is a Metallica guy. Well, he's really, and some people started going, oh, you do material, I'm like, damn, I'm in the round. It's fucking eight and by the four.

Well, you're going to talk, no matter what, that's the thing you have to rely on. That's the instinct that whatever I do, if I was talking at a funeral, I just say something funny because that's what you know all my thing is. And I started going in the crowd to one thing, and the coolest thing in the world became this is the greatest, I can honestly say, it was the greatest gig I ever had in my entire life, bed and TV, bed and film. It was the greatest gig, greatest experience

ever had in my life. I would do it. I said I would retire and do this rest of my life, but guys like you guys like Jay Only we can do this because we can appreciate I can appreciate What life is and these are moments when we were kids like god if I get to meet ball players God if I get to hang out with the metal guys God if I can and we I'm the forest gump of entertainment I said from day one Hey, I want to work a peshy. I want to work a new hero. I want to do this

I want to beat metallic. I want to and I can sit there and go. Oh shit. I did everything. It's not what I envisioned Yeah, I thought I have 50 million dollars and I'll be a blockbuster star. I'm like, you know what? Who's gonna say I fucking Toward with me That's crazy who's gonna say I fucking toward with me that's crazy who's gonna say I worked with this guy who's gonna say you're beaten with a fake bat by Joe peschi it's the great I it's the moment I said it's the I call them the not no one can there's there's little marks in my life when you go no one can take

this away from me no bloody hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire you can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6 a.m. East on No one can take this away from me. No, buddy! Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. podcast.