The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Conjoined (feat. Dave Attell & Ian Fidance)

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

The Great Dave Attell and hilarious Ian Fidance are both promoting their new specials. Ian has a Ghostbusters intro for his special and Dave works with recorders and seals. They tell New York fight stories and learn about conjoined twins.

And now the bonfire with Big J Elkerson and Robert Kelly Jeff Roteau nice stolen Valor Off air I named ario Speedwagon. Is it everything else Creedence Motley Crue? Lisa Lisa in the cult jam Gospel legend Mahalia Jackson. I thought Jethro Tull was a good choice because we have the great David Atele coming in today. Along with Ian Finance and I thought in in honor of his recorder playing now, his Netflix famous recorder playing. You're a genius. We get a little Tull which is you know flute but similar sound. Same thing.

I bet Ate hell could wail Dude, it's how learns Jethro toll songs be so awesome. That's great. I gotta say his special One of the best specials Out in a long time. I wish she was here to get this praise. I know it's all so great and I mean Without giving a punchline away man. It's just there, he's got one in there that just kills me. Yeah. One of those you say it over and over with other people jokes.

Can you say it? Say it, come on. It's fog talk, oh he does the fog talk joke. Do it. He says that he's. It's so funny. It's such a, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, do it.

He says that he has a look that looks best in fog. He goes holding a lantern saying, who goes there, friend or foe, you know, fog talk. It's perfect. Nobody can do that type, I mean that's a Natal joke. Even if you didn't hear him do it, if you said that, that's a tell. He's so silhouetted on his comedy, man.

He's goddamn funny. Great term, dude. He's goddamn funny. Great term dude. The silhouette. Yeah. Where'd you hear that? It's mine. No. Yeah. Give credit where credit's due. You've never said anything like that in your entire life. Buddy, it's my term. I use that when I talk comedy talk. He's silhouetted by his comedy. Yeah, I've said that about you. I've said that about Patrice. I said that about our talk comedy talk. He's silhouetted by his comedy. Yeah, I've said that about you. I've said that about Patrice. I said that about our generation of comics.

Comics now aren't silhouetted. There's a lot of similar shit. And when a comic really is an individual, it's silhouetted. You know who they are on a wall. If it's just their silhouette, that's David Tell. That's Richard Pryor. That's Carlin. You know what I mean?

The most, top three most profound things you've ever said. You said a couple profound things before. Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah. Thank you. A couple, yeah, there's a couple bobby things, and we talk about it a little bit on our Thursday real estate wrap-up show that you guys will hear.

Yeah, slash suicide. We really had an inch. Can I just say something though? Very interesting conversation. I think it's interesting to know people's lives and what you do. It's always like when you find out somebody, how they wake up.

But I love when I hear somebody wakes up early and does this and does that. Christine walks a dog. I just like that. I like hearing that shit. Because I don't know what the fuck my friends do. I don't know what people do. What do you guys do?

Yeah, I think it's interesting. Well, I want to follow Jacob 24-7, but he won't let us. I would love to do that. That's great. I bet it's like the beginning of American Psycho. He peels a face off of his face, and then he does like weird workouts. Yeah, I bet it's some weird fruit he cuts up.

Oh, absolutely. Some type of drink you drink every day. Yeah, so far you've nailed everything, the two of you. American Psycho Day Shake begins to work. My workout. I bet he gets up, it is on tighty-whities, and drops to the floor, and just starts doing push-ups, like Batman.

Right away. Right away, just 20. At a bed, right to 20. And he has scars on his back, too. Oh, yeah, from something he doesn't like to talk about? Yeah, something from his childhood. Some alligator, lizard attack. His time in Bosnia.

I would love, can I come over your house one day early and just be with you all day and film it? As a little mini doc for the Bonfire fans? He won't do what he does when you're not there. I wanna see Jacob be Jacob. You wanna see him fry peas? Yeah. I want to see him whack off in his too high of bed.

It's high. Is your bed high? It's a high bed. Yeah, it's ridiculously high. I have to go like this to get up. I have to pop up. Have you ever had an awkward moment having sex in that bed where getting on you felt silly?

No, why do you just broad jump onto it? Make it look natural Slide in like a wrestling ring It's a high bed. Yeah, I don't want a high bed again. Where'd you get it from England? I bought it here and in New Jersey I can't remember one of the high bed one of the big chains It's like It's got the spring plus memory from plus something else pillow top Yes, yeah, but you here's the thing. Do you have a box spring? Yes get rid of it

You don't need it or am I supposed to put it you throw it in the fucking garbage some homeless person What are you gonna? That's gonna be too low. No, it's not gonna be too. It's gonna be perfect What are you gonna do without a bog? You need a box? No, didn't that's oh, that's a scam That's a that's a bed. You just put a mattress in a frame. Yeah, you can it'll fall through No won't it will though will fall through it will not fall through Bobby what you're saying is crazy I'm gonna you need a base there is a base the frame and It will though. It will fall through. It will not fall through. Bobby, what you're saying is crazy. I'm gonna. You need a base.

There is a base, the frame. And then. So you're talking about getting a frame that has, like one of those frames that is a base. You get a frame or you just go and get some two by, you know, two by fours or whatever. Or not even, just get two by twos or one by twos. And you put maybe six or seven of them,

eight of them, eight of them underneath the bed. You want me to do construction in my apartment? It's not construction. It's not construction. You just go and get a lumber guy. I could do what he's saying. Well, you get a lumber guy.

But I don't have the tools. Where's your table? Just plug your table saw in. I have a table saw. I'll do it. You give me the measurements. I will get the wood. I'll buy the wood and I'll bring it to your house.

We'll throw away your stupid high bed box spring that you don't need, and then we'll put the boards down on the frame, and then you put your mattress on, and then you're a man, and you get in your bed like a man. I like this, because another man made your bed for you. I'll tell you what, Bobby, can you do wood workings for all of us? I would like a shadow box for all of my accomplishments. I've made a lot of things. I've made a bookshelf, I've made you what, Bobby, can you do woodworkings for all of us? I would like a shadow box for all of my accomplishments.

I've made a lot of things. I've made a bookshelf, I've made a science lab. You made Max's science lab? I made a lot of things. I can do this for you. This is not a big deal. The box spring is bullshit, dude. You don't need a box spring.

It's just the government trying to control you. Yeah, dude, it's the government saying that you need that. How much did you spend on the box spring? Who told you you needed a box spring? bring dr. Fauci that fucking liar. My mattress is 12 years old Yeah, dude. No dude time to go time. I know dude get a new man I feel you do leave a nice light footprint on it though. You want a new mattress? I'll get you surprisingly in good shape I want a new one, but it's as good as new for some reason. You just lie in it lightly every night.

It just bounces on it. That's so great. Doesn't depress it at all. It's undepressed. It's like a feather sleeping on a bed. I can't say that there's a divot in the mattress. What size is it, queen? It's a queen size.

It's a queen size mattress, dude. Let me help you. Let me let you so you don't have to jump into your bed like a three year old. I'm gonna come over. It's a little hop. Give me the mattress. Why don't we just get you dog stairs?

Yeah. I'll build you stairs. You want Bobby to build you dog stairs? That's pretty hot. Dude, I'll build your stairs. You want Bobby to build your dog stairs? That's pretty hot. You can ascend to the bed while a lady waits there, holding her titties with legs open, and you rise up like the Lost Boys over the ridge. Yeah, I'll make it out of Mahogany of Walnut.

I'll make a fancy. Buddy, now you're talking. Fucking Jacob's stairs? We won't call them dog stairs. We'll call them Jacob's stairs. Yeah, I'll write stairway to heaven on the side oh I don't mind that and each one lights up when you step on it yeah exactly like Billy Jean I'm walking onto my bed yeah absolutely yeah hopping on like a silly boy it's

okay and then you could stretch out and you could put your hands on the ceiling and really let her see the fucking the total X the X of your body dude And you're fucking and your honker just hanging down like gonzo's nose. I'm gonna I'm tired. I'm gonna walk onto my bed now. Yeah, if you don't mind, I'm gonna ascend to my bed Yeah, I'll hook a speaker up to it musical play as you walk up dude. What's up those stairs Valhalla? as you walk up. Man, dude, what's up those stairs? Valhalla. The Valhalla stairs.

The stairs to Valhalla. What is up there? It all just turns white. Yeah, you take two steps up, two steps back, three steps up, two steps back. Dude, look at these beautiful Jacob stairs we could make. And Bobby, can you do that? You think you can get a little leather in there for grip so he doesn't fall? Of course.

I don't want Jacob to fall on his tootsie when he's ascending to this beautiful lady. I'll put a nice little comfortable track on there to keep you from slipping I'll put you know what I'll do at the bottom I'll put a slipper holder so you can put your little slippers on cuz I know you know you kick off your slips There's paw grips on yeah, yeah, so I have paw grips. No no no Those are foot grips for Jacob stairs. Yeah, I'll make them nice and wide too Can you get a big girl over the house. Hell yeah.

And then, if you'd like, and be cool, when you're done fucking, on the other side of the bed, a slide. Yeah. Then you slide out and go, you want something from the kitchen? I'm going to run and grab something to drink. And it's go, swoosh. And then you lay on your feet. A twirly slide.

Not a twirly slide, just a nice little fun. I do like a twirly slide, though. OK. We'll put it at the end of the bed so you can just slide down the end of the bed. It just fires you to the kitchen. Yeah. I'll put lights on it.

I'll put, like, LED lights on it. Look how good these Jacob stairs look. That's not for a dog. Look, the dog has to stay at the bottom. Fuck you, dog. These are for Jacob. I do like them. Dude, I'll put a little slipper holder in the bottom for you,

maybe a notepad so you can journal on the other side. Look at this one's got a dog house in it. I love that. You want me to get rid of your, you want me to make your stairs? Ultimately, I want a new mattress, but it's like I just said. In the short term, though, these stairs would rule.

The truth is, 12 years old, it's almost like it's never been slept in because I leave a light footprint. You just need a new approach. Because a 72 pound man has been sleeping on it. Yeah. You just need a new approach. 72 pounds of muscle.

Yeah, all muscle. Too dense muscle. Yeah. Yeah, this is perfect. You don't need a new bed. Your bed's fine. You need a new way to approach your bed. Yeah.

And I say coming at it, fucking ground level is nice. It is just a metal box spring frame, so it's a high box spring. If it was just a low box spring, it would make my life much easier. Box springs, if it chumps. This is a blessing in disguise, Jacob. Now you get Jacob steps,

and that's a pretty badass way to get the bed. You want the steps or you want to get rid of the box spring? What do you want? It's a big decision. Bobby's idea sounds crazy to me. I like Bobby's idea of the making a frame, but I don't, at the same time, I don't want to put Bobby through that. I know he offered, but I don't want him to build me a frame.

Buddy, it is not a big deal. He's not building you a frame. He's gonna put pieces of wood, he's gonna make sl deal. He's not building you a frame. He's gonna put pieces of wood. He's gonna make slats. He's gonna make you a... Like a futon. A futon of a bed. Cause he's thinking you're never gonna put enough pressure

on it to crack those boards. I actually have extra frame. You didn't do that for your bed. No. It has to fit. There's no way. It has to seat. There's no way you at your heaviest slept on slats frames.

What's up buddy? No. There's not a chance in the world. I heaviest slept on slats frames. What's up, buddy? No. There's not a chance in the world. I cracked one of my slat frames. What's up, guys? There they are, everybody. Our guests are here. Hey, Dave.

Oh, this is a fun one, everybody. I love when these two guys are in town. Of course, joining us on the show today, we have from the Bein' Ian with Jordan podcast, it's Ian finance everybody And of course we already said to you guys Fucking special the year so far to me. I mean I mean I really did that was a weird way to put it so far to me

There's plenty of time left to sway me otherwise. Now everybody knows how I feel about this guy everybody. Whitney Cummings is coming over so we have to hold off on year. His new special hot cross buns available right now on Netflix everybody. It's the great David Tell. Jay, Bob, of course, the crew. I usually bring in Halloween candy. Now look at these fancy candies. Pestle's doing good. All on Netflix.

Enjoy, everyone. Wow. Someone's doing all right. Yeah, I'm doing more than all right, JJ. Wow, that's a Fierro shit. Couldn't be better. When you first came in, you had Ferrero shares. It used to be like little Kit Kats and stuff.

That's right. You're doing good. One percenters, this is what they eat. They find out they're butlers and maids. After they fire a butler, that's what they treat themselves to. I feel like an asshole. I brought nothing. I'm a little drummer boy.

I have cigarettes and a knife. Let me see the knife. Yeah, there you go. That's a nice knife. Thanks. There it is. Wow. Damn.

You stalk the streets with a knife? Always. Really? Yeah, he rides a bike. Have you ever like that? You stalk the streets with a knife? Always. Really? Yeah, he rides a bike. Have you ever had a stalker be stalked, Jay? You were a predator or the prey? Yes. What have you ever had to unsheath? That phrase does not hold up in court, by the way.

I was getting stalked. Have you ever had to unsheath that bad boy? No. Oh, do you carry that? You got jumped a couple years back, didn't you? Oh, yeah. You did? Stress factory. What happened? Oh, I thought you? Oh yeah. You did? Stress Factory.

What happened? Oh, I thought you meant in Philly. Yeah, also at Stress Factory. Wow. I've never met another adult who's been jumped twice that's not affiliated with some kind of a gang. Oh yeah. Well look at his face.

I mean it says jump me. A very jumpable face, body and personality. Capital V for victim. How did you get jumped at the stress factor? It's just a bunch of Italian fat people. Oh, yeah, well, one of them got me. What happened? It was during the pandemic

when we were doing those outdoor shows. In the tent? Yeah, and I was arguing with my girlfriend at the time. She had just, we had been breaking up like a million times. So I'm on my little headset phone and I'm sitting, you know that graveyard? Yeah. I'm sitting outside that graveyard on the phone,

like we can make it work. Yeah, I can be the man for you. And this guy comes up. Sure wasn't a ghost. And he gets, well, let me finish the story. All right, go ahead. And he gets in my face and it was like August of 2020. And I was like, ah, hey man, back up of 2020, and I was like, oh, hey, man, back up for a second.

He was like, you know those drunk guys that get close to you and everything? And I go, oh, hey, back up for a second. And he goes, oh, what, what? You believe in this fake virus? And I was like, well, I'm not a moron, you know? I just don't wanna be near you right now. And he goes, what the fuck did you say?

I was like, nothing, nothing, I'm on the moron, you know, I don't want to be near you right now and he goes what the fuck did you say? I was like nothing. Nothing. I'm on the phone huge guy His nickname was bear because everybody kept saying bear bear leave him alone. So there was a people around That's not how bear handle shit. So they go in the graveyard to take a shortcut to the other road and I'm sitting there and all of a sudden a bottle crashes at my feet and I hear fuck you And I go fuck you you fucking pussy. Did you throw a bottle suck my fucking dick and the guy goes? Oh, yeah, and I go yeah, you fucking bitch and he called my bluff because he came up It was like you was a to my face like yeah, you fucking pussy And he just charged at me, and I'm thinking in my head. I'm like this is a real like he's gonna be a guy comedian I'm joking and he just charged at me and I'm thinking in my head

I'm like this isn't real like he's gonna be a guy comedian. I'm joking and he tackled me He thought he was gonna recognize you. I thought well because he was at the show I think was at the yeah, that's bad Street sense though to go this guy's just razzin me Classic bear fooling around you know he thought he was an influencer Yeah, yeah after he threw a bottle at me and said he was gonna beat the shit out of me I still thought like it's just a good this guy is a real man. You're a positive person Yeah, I know so he tackles me into the bushes And he's like hitting my kidneys, and I'm kicking him and I'm punching them in the kidneys. I'm go get the fuck off me

I'm kicking a body shut off. Oh Oh yeah, it was all body shots. He gets dragged off me, I'm bleeding, my glasses are missing, and the entire time I'm still on the phone with my girlfriend that I was trying to win back, and I'm like, I can be the man for you, we can make it work, and then she hears me go, ow, ow, get off me, my kidney, ow, ow.

I can't defend myself for a lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She heard you say, suck my dick, though. Yeah, yeah. She was like, are you cheating on me? And then Louis Katz was my lawyer, because he was there. And I run, I find the police, and they don't believe me. Louis shows up. They don't believe you?

No, and he starts acting as my attorney. And he's like, he was assaulted. We would like to Press charges blah blah was bear still there bear and his friends left. They were gone so they Classic bear they tell me they're like there's really nothing we can do and I go Can you just like arrest him and I stand behind you and tell him to suck my dick like I don't want him to go To jail can you just ruin his night and like put him in a cop car a while? So then they find them, come back to me and go, this isn't real, she said, I go, why? And they go, well, they said that you were yelling

homophobic and racial slurs at them and they were defending themselves. And I was like, what fucking pussies? They lied about the whole thing. But then the cops did nothing. Did you think they were gonna tell the truth? No, it was our fault. Kind of.

It's our fault. It's an honor code? I thought they were gonna make the truth? No, it was our fault. Kind of. It's our fault. It's our honor code? I thought they were gonna make you got me. But for them to make up that I was racist made me so angry. Like what a fucking pussy. I do have when someone lies on you, it was my favorite, my reaction when the cop,

I was arguing with the cop when I lived in the East Village on my block, and he was being shitty and I was like, and I even called him an asshole, which is funny, but they can't do that to you. And I went, I remember filming and I go, or I go, I go, dude, you're a fucking asshole. And he goes, I think you're an asshole.

And I was like, okay, I'm an asshole. So I pull out my phone and I go, I go, all right, so I go, go ahead, like tell me what an asshole I am again. He goes, I didn't say you were an asshole. And you hear me go, all right, so I go, go ahead, like tell me who an asshole I am again. He goes, I didn't say you were an asshole, and you hear me go, oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! I didn't even consider the chance that he would lie to me about that. I think it's funny how much Dave's heard Ian's story a bit getting jumped the entire time he was opening the Ferrer Rochers. No, I am. Well, he was there, he didn't back me up.

No, what are you talking about? You watched it? I was inside, and I didn't see it, I was inside now wasn't I didn't see it. I was inside this story changes every time All right This time he actually punched the guy Version anyway, I thought this show was about winners like me the new special and not losers You know I thought this show was about winners like me with a new special and not losers who are blaming the system. That's right Dave. You know Ian.

Is that the next special? Yeah. He was getting his property. I'm sorry I'm also involved in a TikTok challenge so bear with me everyone. Davis is smacking you. What is that called? This is radio dickhead. Describe what you're doing. Exactly. I'm doing it. Oh it doing it. It's a new genre. It's called audible porn There's plenty of winners we could talk about here we've been we've avoided this week so far somehow Talking about the world's oldest conjoined twins. Yes! Thank God you brought them up. Oh my God. Oh God, thank you. I saved the subject for you.

Oh, I loved it. They got married. Yes. We all saw that coming. We all saw it coming. Not together, but they got married to people. They got married and they're going to where for the honeymoon? The twin city.

Oh, no, they're dead. They're dead, Dave. Different conjoined twins. One got dead Dave. Different conjoined twins. One got married and then another conjoined twins died. The other ones died. Yeah, the Lori and Doria. This one died first. Oh no. We have both. We have both. Actually one died and they just killed the other one. That was just useless.

Because they share something, right? Something. Email. It was their heads were attached. Their heads were attached. The other one had to be dragged around on an office chair her whole life Jimmy Schubert had some of the funniest jokes about that These two yeah, there they are. But then here's the thing try sneaking up on them Do they finally detach them and go separate coffins

No, probably not. No, they just had to get a weird shaped coffin. Yeah, it's two coffins, but they're connected at the top. It's actually an L. This was a sadness. It's an L-shaped coffin. This was sad. It was, well, one became a country star. Yes.

What? After they were on, when they were on Jerry Springer years ago, and she sang country. This is before everything, Springer was like, you fuck my man. And there was like, you know, Nazis and freaks. Fun stuff. And they brought these two out

and one was like a country star. And she, and so I think she got like a little bit of a career, but she has to go play country music while the other one just stares at the drummer with like the other, like what a nightmare gig. Yeah, they actually made a- The other one was a Shep, I believe. They made a video.

They have a music video, and it's hilarious. Well, the one that was country music also transitioned. She transitioned to a boy. No, wow. Named George. Yeah, she was Dory, and now she's, and then she died George. Yeah.

What a shitty name to pick too. It's like choosing your man name and going with Gus. Like, yeah, I'm gonna be a guy named Gus. This is the country video that they made. Shitty name to pick too. It's like choosing your man name and going with Gus Yeah, I'm gonna be a guy named Gus. This is the country video that they make this is your song. That's a good song Put this out at the bonfire SXM on all socials. Oh my lord Oh the country star is the one in the In the she's in a shopping cart. Yeah. Oh my god. It's like Quado remember Quado from Total Recall Like the guy had to live life

She has to do all the work and get zero of the glory. Yes. She's now. No. No the other one's the writer She could at least wear camouflage, or it's more about the other one. She's actually... Would that be fair? She could throw a black thing over her body. Maybe green screen her out of that. She's also singing directly into the other one's ear. Does the other one harmonize, or they just push her around? No, she pushes her around. She's the driver.

She is singing. Wait, that's the he now, right? The one walking? No, the one sitting is the he. Wait, that's the he now, right? The one walking? No, the one sitting is the he. Nah, that's just a manly woman. Yeah, the one that should have transitioned did not. No, it did not. And the other one did.

The one sitting transitioned. Well, it looks like the one sitting asked for bottom surgery, but they just removed her legs. She had spina bifida. I mean, God really hated these two. Great voice though. If you gotta say something nice, you have a pretty voice. I love that they just found a dirt road to wheel her around. They couldn't have found a parking lot to do this video and make it easy. You know, can you imagine putting on the snow tires of that little shopping cart for her to get in there? Isn't it funny that everyone just assumes the singer, unless you see it and get her reminded,

that the singer is the one that's standing. Because I said even Jimmy Schubert's joke about it was about putting the other one up in a 10 gallon hat. While you sing, just put it up in a... No, the one sitting is the singer. No, I know, that's what I'm saying. Even his recollection of it and writing the joke, it's the wrong one still, because everyone just assumes that the more able-bodied one

was the one pulling off all the talent. But the way their heads are, it looks like if you pulled hard enough, they'd separate. I know. It looks like they were getting pulled apart and then they just got stuck right at the head and you just gotta gank real fast. One dies their hair red.

The other one doesn't die their hair. That's a... Being the hairdresser must suck. Well, no. What sucks is... The other one just has to have an awful haircut so the other one can have a nice side haircut. Is this real? I thought this was a political statement about the Middle East or something. They can't separate.

What about the other two? Like isn't there another set of twins out there? Oh the blonde ones that just got married. Well one's married. Yeah one is. Yeah but they're kind of cute. But they have the same body. No?

Wait there's a great thing of them driving a car. They have the same body? Oh yeah I have that one too. Yeah that. What if one likes anal and the other likes vaginal? Are they fucked? They have the same body from the waist down. Yeah. Like I think they have like two hearts,

and like one controls the right side, one controls the left. They have one vagina, one poopy hole. That looks good. That's good. And these two are the ones that are married, not this one here. Oh, that sucks.

The one closest? Yeah. He married the one that was farther away? Get on his right side. On his right side. That's just nuts. How do you bang? The one closest? The one closest. Yeah. He married the one that was farther away? Yeah. On his right side. On his right side. That's just nuts. How do you bang?

He's a good guy. Honestly. I mean. I think he's got a kink. I get that same vibe from a guy like this that, listen, he's possibly the greatest guy. Yeah, I think so. But there's also like, would you trust, I mean, that's already done, but like the, what's the girl that killed her, had her mom killed? Gypsy Rose? Gypsy Rose. Like the guy that was with her when she got out of jail,

she was like married in jail, and he was just like a morbidly obese. Yeah. Oh, she left him. Like, oh no, I'm saying, so. She's a new guy, yeah. That quick, I'm just saying, but is the new guy like, like you know, it's the people who jump in with her,

it's like, do you have reasons for this? Oh. Like you just like this girl? You just want a girl with metal teeth? Well, they, she's like, I don't know, I don't know, the people who jump in with her, it's like, do you have reasons for this? Oh. Like, you just like this girl? You just want a girl with metal teeth?

Well, they, she got out of jail and could like write a book and like, oh. Sure. That's the old flip phone, the old. Yes, we're talking about the conjoined twins, don't worry about it. Is that Hollywood? Sorry about that. Was that Netflix? I? Sorry about that. Was that Netflix?

I'm sorry about that. A lot of things are happening for me. Hey, do you have the picture, Christine, of them driving? Right here. This is it, yeah. Okay, see, now that's the one I love, because in England, the other one drives. That's all I wanted to say.

I've been waiting 10 minutes to say that. Sorry. I'm a hack. Did anybody want a truffler? No, there's nothing better than eating truffles and watching a freak show. Is that a truffle? Is that a truffle?

I believe in it. I didn't know that. I believe so. Ferrero Rocher's. Bobby? I can't partake, thanks. Good one, Bob. Hold the line.

I know, it was fucking 350 pounds. You're doing, you're literally doing a gig this weekend. Yes, so you can have pizza at the place What I'm getting the pizza for max What kind of pizza what the best pizza in the country? Crazy excuse was that what kind is I'm bringing max we're gonna get the best pizza in the world The kids gonna have us one. I might have a bite. I forget the name. It wasn't a member at professor pizza in Chicago It's not the best pizza. It's not the best pizza It's not the best pizza. There's no way professor pizza is the best pizza in the world

You know what I didn't think of that he's a professor Jacob you're gonna treat yourself to a Ferrero share But yeah, I always think nefarious intentions when someone links up because they're like of Ferrero Cher? It's a multicultural version of that, too. But yeah, I always think nefarious intentions when someone links up, because they're like, you're always sort of fans. The kid from the West Memphis Three. Damien Nichols.

Yeah, he got out, like the girl that like was with him the whole time, it's like, you're a weirdo. Well, she helped bail him out. They corresponded, she was just like reaching out to him to be like, I'm so sorry. I'm a psycho lunatic, and here's a picture of my tits. No, she worked for a law firm and wanted to help him.

And then through correspondence, they got to know each other. And then she fell in love with him. He fell in love with her. You see the good people, Ian. And that's why you're always getting jumped in the fucking streets. In a graveyard. You've got to keep your head on a swivel with these people.

I know. But Ian also is a responder, too. When you see trouble, you run towards it, correct? Yes, yes. Or you start it. Or I kick it up in tension. I was on the train. A woman was sitting there, and a vagrant came up

and started yelling at her. So I went and sat next to her to just, you know, defuse the situation without the guy like getting in his face and he just walked away. And he saw you? Uh-huh. Hey. Well, I didn't have a knife at the time,

but I had a bottle of water and I was like, oh, I could throw it on him like a cat. If he tries, I mean, get back. Yeah. Get away. Trying to think of the trouble. Like, I've have run the trouble before,

but I always feel, especially if it's, uh, domestic shit, like couples, goes so bad so quick half the time. The girl ends up being furious at you too. Oh, yeah, and you don't know, like, what the situation is. Or, like, if the girl gets alone, then I'm like, are you all right? Do you need, you know? But if they're arguing together, that's, I mean, the guy's already heated.

Me, Dave, and Lewis have talked about this because both people who have done this and had that go the wrong way before, that there is something to the move when you see a domestic thing happening, is to, you get the guy apart and then start doing like the, dude, this ain't worth it, dude, like over this bitch.

If she sucks this much, dude, like you're gonna let her get you, you're gonna spend the night like the, dude, this ain't worth it, dude. Like, over this bitch, if she sucks this much, dude, like, you're gonna let her get you, you're gonna spend the night in jail, dude. You're gonna go to jail and fuck her, dude. Bro it out with him. Dude, you can do so much better than this fat pig. Yeah, yeah. He's like, it's my sister, sir.

Ooh, I did jump in too early. You know, last night at the, like, on McDougal Street, which is like, I think, you know, like, a new hotspot for this kind of action activity. There's something about that Minetta Lane that, like, there always is a fight there. Like, there always is some kind of, like, weird people coming out of the bars from, like, Bleeker

and then, like, just people walking around. It's just, like, always is, like, a weird thing. And then there's somebody running. Then there's always, like, a guy running, like he's running away, he's running to something else. And then, like, you know,, I don't know what happens, but it's just something about that corner that has some kind of bad energy.

It's like an alley. Yeah, it's an alley. It's an alley. It's a classic New York alley where shit goes down. It's my favorite street. Which one, the little Manon? It looks like a movie set. When you walk down, you make that left.

It does, yeah, it's a little story town. It's a weird place. You couldn't pay me enough to live there. I would never want to live there Everybody anybody wants to live in the village now is like you're not from here. Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't wish it on anybody Oh gay riots BLM shit, oh, that's the best on like Halloween even when there's no gay pride, there's always a gay riot. Like a big night, you know? That's Bobby. I'm Jay. And to get our full show, sign up for a SiriusXM subscription at SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire. Support our show. Don't be some jerk off just taking the free stuff. Let him know you want us to be here forever

Oh, we won't or we won't subscribe I Never go I never go to New York on Halloween anymore. I I hate going to the cellar. I used to work there and they're the fucking streets of clothes I did see the funniest outfit ever though. I saw a guy in a Superman outfit in a wheelchair. That's Christopher Reeves. That's a thinker. That was great.

I like that. You put the extra effort in. I used to like coming back, go somewhere else for Halloween and then coming back through the city though, late night on Halloween was fun. That's like the crying girls with the tit hanging out, like holding a shoe.

Oh yeah. Some Asian girl puking into her shoes. Yeah, you see like the aftermath, like the sadness of this didn't go how I thought it was gonna go when I put this jerk off outfit on. Well I've seen that at SantaCon, where it's just a bunch of bros dresses Santa,

you know, and they're like yelling at their elf girlfriend and like some fat girl in a reindeer outfit. It's like, stop! SantaCon was the last fistfight I was in. What? Really? Really? You had no fight with Santa? Yeah, that's when I put the dude through the front glass of our front door of our building.

No shit, what happened? He was inside our building, him and his chick, and she was waiting while he just pissed on all the packages That were like on the floor of my god the hallway. It was crazy good for you. So I had to fight for justice I like that now he could have been a squatter like he wouldn't be able to get him out of there Yeah, pick up a package see I live here. This is his bathroom You put him through a glass window. Good for you.

Yeah. And then it probably looked so scary to him because when I did that, I immediately realized because by the time it got to that point, I'd already like the superintendent was like involved. This old like Russian guy was like going to him. I kind of be like complaining. What do you do? Like, why would you do this? Why would you just piss all over someone's?

And and he was kind of getting their face, and the guy was getting bigger with the superintendent than he was with me, so I just like inserted myself and kept like hitting him down the hallway, and then he went through the glass, and then I freaked out really big, not hitting him more, I was like, look I was talking to the voices in my head. I was like, no, what the fuck?

And all I was doing was because I was trying to help the super essentially, or defend him in some way, and I've made his night way, way harder. That's all I thought about. That guy looks like I was talking to myself, like no, don't kill him. You said you wouldn't kill again. It was so crazy.

When you dress Philly style like a wife beater and like shorts and like flip flops on like Get the hell out of here. I'm trying to relax. Yeah, this dude's taking a fucking piss on my mail. You don't piss inside my house. Yo, you getting me hot when I got my good sweatpants on. Fuck you. The best, the funniest part of that story was that when I first walk out, I just

be walking out of our apartment on the first floor. So it's just I see this guy like shoulder touching like a small corner of our thing. It looks like he's pissing and I walk right next to him and I go, dude are you fucking pissing in my thing? He's like, yeah, sorry, dude. And I was like, sorry, are you fucking? And now the thing is I'm instinctually wanting to like do something physical, but I was like, sorry, are you fucking? And now the thing is, I'm instinctually wanting to like do something physical, but I'm like, but he's pissing. And I can't do anything, so I'm waiting for him to stop pissing, I'm just sitting there flustered,

and then Christine comes out and I go, it's pissing! And I'm gonna say it so loud, so high pitched, like, hey, that guy's pissing! I gotta wait for him to stop pissing! Do you ever see the video of the guy getting arrested while he's taking a piss? He's got a hard on. It's tucked into his belt up.

Of course. And he's pissing a stream. Oh. I saw that. And the cops are just arresting him, laughing at him. No, I haven't seen it. I was talking about the one where the cops, the old video, the cops frisking the black dude,

and he goes, what's this right here? He goes, that's my penis, sir. He goes, that's your penis. sir. He goes that's your penis He's just pissing over himself, uh-huh. Oh My god, that's great This is gonna be a first, isn't it? I filmed him doing all the destruction. If I don't bang you up, my family's gonna bang you up. That's our new James Bond. Listen blokes, I have to take a ring around.

I was jacked. Good arrest, guys. Good arrest. That's great. You'd have a nice piece to be able to shoot it out like a fountain. Did you mention a guy saying, I'll do 10 years, 20 years? I'm like, if I was to do a week. I hear that when I watch court cam,

and they give us, and then they were sent to spend 62 days in county jail, and I'm like, I just killed myself for that. This is crazy. There's no way. There's no way. I used to cry when I had to go to day camp in the summertime. It was too far from my mom.

All my Judaism will come out in that jail cell. It's so filthy in here. The lights are too bright. There was some video that just came in on World Star Hip Hop. It's a guy-in-here. The lights are too bright. There was some video that just came in on World Star Hip-Hop. It's a guy cleaning his jail cell, like, meticulously. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they go, look at this guy's crib.

I couldn't imagine. That's my biggest fear in the world, like a solitary. Actually, solitary confinement is not my biggest fear. I'd rather slowly go mad by myself than be in a place where you're constantly over your shoulder about butt fucking I actually think of jail as a it kind of seems nice Except for the but fuckers. Just not well, I mean because someone else's regiment your diet Is a schedule wake up get some breakfast take a shower buck fuck go back to your room read some books take a nap and work

Out by fuck lights out time read a book go to bed Take a shower, buck fucked, go back to your room, read some books, take a nap, work out, lights out time, read a book, go to bed every day. That's when the butt fucking's happening again. It's all right, what are you gonna do? Listen, I like to believe, where I tried for a long time, it's like we don't look up the facts you don't wanna know, and one of them was like, I bet that's such a hype thing for movies and to scare people and the deterrent

that it's constantly people getting butt raped in prison. And then if you look at the things, it changes the difference between, like overall, men are more sexually, I believe, assaulted than women because of prison. Yeah. If we got stuck in this room for a couple hours, I'm sure one of us would try to butt-kiss her. 20 minutes. Yeah, if we get stuck in this room for a couple hours, I'm sure one of us will try to butt-fuck you up.

20 minutes. Yeah, 20 minutes. If the doors are locked, if the walls are closed, then man, I gotta butt-fuck pronto. I know. I was about to blow Jacob when the door closed. Dave, play your recorder while I get a blowjob. Dave, you're special.

Oh, yeah. I said this before. Yeah. You were very kind to me, Bob. I really meant a lot coming from you. Listen, bro, I watched it, I watched it twice. It's fucking epic. Thank you.

For me, I've watched your other specials. This is your best one. Thank you, that's what I said. Because live. I threw all in on it, Bob. Well, there's something about when you're live, you're just, I mean, seeing you live is insane. It's just, you're the best.

Thank you. You're the best. And then, you know, sometimes when you go on TV, whatever it is that it kind of filters a little something out. This one didn't. This one actually captured you live at the cellar or any room the way you are. You were just fucking relaxed. I mean, it was rapid fire, laughing the whole fucking time.

And then at the end, you know, I was like, you said it was a little short. I was like, all right, well, special's an hour, but I thought it was perfect. Thank you. And then when you came out at the end, I loved the little thing you did at the end. Everybody had their recorder under their seat.

And you were doing, let me ask you a question. Were you really playing that song at the end? Yeah, we were all really playing it. But with the two, you did the? Yes, I can do, I should have brought that into, because I feel like now that's like a deep fake, but I can't He was there he's my Calls that a high

Well, it looked it sounded so fucking good. I was like dude. That's I guess that real Is he really playing two at a time because you had to do some switchy thing with your hands, right? Put up the conjoined twins Thanks Bob that really I'll tell you I got a lot of great feedback Right. Put up the conjoined twins. Let me show you exactly how we do it. Thanks, Bob. That really... I'll tell you, I got a lot of great feedback, but coming from the comics, it really meant a lot, because I know it's really hard to watch specials, especially since we do them and everything,

but it was really, thank you, dude. And, you know, Ian was in it. He was the... tell everybody who you played in my special. Oh, I opened it. Yeah, yeah, I interviewed you. And then, you know, when he gets hit on the bicycle at the end? Yeah. That's Ian. I was gonna learn the bike. Yeah, Ian was the food delivery guy

playing his next job in my special. What is it, what is the thing that everybody throws at you at the end, and what are they throwing? They're throwing buns at me. Oh, they're throwing buns. One, I was gonna say, they hit you in the throat. Like, legitimately, someone caught you. But it's so funny in San Francisco

to ask people to throw things. It's almost second nature. Just pretend I'm like a school or a precinct or something. All you got to do is say, pro Israel. Yeah, it would have been easy. It would have hucked everything. The real story of the special, not to make it all about me, but we had it at 37 minutes.

And in order to be in Netflix's algorithm to be in the top 10, you have to be 40 minutes or longer. So my director guy and I were both like, yeah, I guess that's something we want to try for. So he added in all that stuff at the end that we were playing to the seals, which we actually did. We went out and we played recorder all around town. But that was the one thing that like,

people loved that part of it where like, I'm playing in this, all the seals down at the wharf, they're like, you know, kind of diving for, into the water and everything like that. So that's a real thing too. And it was so funny how that was the one thing that like everybody started talking about, we weren't gonna put that in there, and we did.

And you know, I'm so glad that people liked it, so. No, the fact that you gave- To the comedy fans and everything, I mean, it really was like, really great feedback for me, so. I thought it was great at the end, because you put that, you actually let us know why you're doing it. Yeah, it's true. That's why we did it.

Which is hilarious, and then all of a sudden, you're by the seals, and the seals are like, what's this fucking guy doing? It's weird, because right next to me was a man masturbating. In San Francisco. It is San Fran, after all. Anything goes. Where did you do it in San Fran?

Cobbs. At Cobbs. Oh, that was at Cobbs? Yeah, we did the background. And not many people shoot there. It's really kind of like an unknown, known location. I mean, we've all played there. It's funny, I know it well, and it took me like until about half, you ended up saying it in the special,

but like, whatchamacallit, it took me a while to realize where it was. Yeah, I didn't know until right now. Did you, were you the first person to shoot a special there? I don't think I'm the first one, but I know it was like we had to redo the lighting and we put it in the background and everything like that. So did they keep it? I don't know.

They should because it was kind of like old and it was very vintage. Well, sometimes I don't know if you remember Faneuil Hall comedy connection. It was this, it was a good room until then, but then Rosie shot her special there and put some gay piano thing behind it and they just kept it. So we all had a fucking performer for this gay Rosie piano That's the cheap of clubs. It's Larry I already did that with cap city already changed the background of cap city when it was old location and they just kept that Like doing an extreme makeover for them they're like, yeah why not? Now Ian special was shot at another great location.

Oh yeah, the cutting room, which is really cool. Yeah, when they did all the guest visuals. I changed the background, the stage. That's what Joan Rivers used to play. Yeah, that was her room, that's right. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's an old classic New York venue. I just did, what was his name?

Justin Silver's show was there. Yep. Oh yeah? I took a nice hot one at the end of that. Yeah, follow Dominica, you can do it. Woo! Dude, you can do it. Yeah, I know, I did.

You just go in front of a white crowd and do this when she gets off stage, be like, what was that all about? Loud. Just whisper it, you go, what the hell was that all about, guys? Am I right or am I right? Is she still here?

Yeah, it was pretty neat. I got to be at the end in Dave's outro for his special and he's in the outro for mine. I filmed like a special intro, you know those like 90s specials where they had actual intros with like kind of a story? So I did that in the beginning. I did a shot by shot remake when the Ghostbusters got their first call and I had the house, the car, the suit, everything and then the outro, Dave's and mine. You got the car? Uh huh. How'd you get the car? And my own logo. How did you get the car, the suit, everything. And then the outro, Dave's in mine. You got the car?

Uh-huh. How'd you get the car? And my own logo. How did you get the car? I got, you know, what? Don't worry about it. What did you get? No, you can rent the car out.

You told me, right? You can rent it out for parties or something. I was gonna say. So I can get the car? You can get the car. Yeah, there you go. You said like, I have a Necto One guy. Yeah, I got a Necto guy.

Now, that would be really cool if you rented it out to take a woman out on a date I mean honestly well you have to have another guy drive it It would be chaperoned Like who would that impress no one yeah the woman like what well it's funny cuz I put my own logo on the car The no-go symbol, but with my face Smoking a cigarette and all these people were like stopping the car because we had to run around the firehouse a bunch down the road And they're like taking pictures and everything thinking it's a real, it is a real car but it has my dumb face on it.

So they're probably like excited and they go home and they're like, what is this horse shit? This guy sucks. Any girl that would impress would be far too heavy for your small frame Ian. Well, you'd be surprised. I like them big. But the best part was he rented that car, and then you told me you left your wallet in there,

and then they didn't get back to you. That's what I love about it. Yeah. Boo! Sorry. Who are you gonna call? We're on a case. Not us. What's your name of your special again?

Wild, Happy, and Free. Where is that? Comes out this Sunday on YouTube. On YouTube? That's great. Yeah, my podcast page, YouTube. I was at Skankfest when Jay shot his special. Oh, that's right.

And I was like, wow, this is like during the day. I remember like all the things you had to do like during the day, everything. It totally looks like a cool late night set. But you have the best opening of any special where it's like right, it's happening. Just right in the middle. I love that. Yeah, I like that too. I saw a couple other comics do that and it's like for that one

Cuz I had the one before that was more like a big like, you know, yeah, they're like walkout thing But um, yeah, and I just did my last thing and Denver Comedy Works, which would agree. Oh, yeah, man. That's great I got shushed by Ari at your special Was in the green room. I was just getting a fucking water and I was talking to somebody goes, shh. I was like, what the fuck? I wish she was there at Keith's special. Were you there?

Oh, my God. Keith's special was fucking nuts. That opening is great. I saw Amy show me the him coming out with the cane. It was really good with that little old man helping him. Yeah. I mean, Wanda Sykes. With the cane. It was really good with that little old man helping him. Yeah, I mean Wanda Sykes You know at Keith's special is just fucking a bunch of Philly the Philly black

There you go, yeah Yeah, okay Keith, okay. Oh, he's oh gee. Yeah, don't hurt him It was a special. Yeah, I'm in it. Yep. I gotta be heard just shut your it was pretty wacky It was nuts distracting heckling coming from your very close friends and underlings Yeah, that was wild. I was at your your special at I was at your special at Webster Hall. That was the first special I ever went to as like a comic. Oh really? You know, cause I went and saw, man, who's I,

I think I saw Norton's at the Skirball Center when I was like 19 in college, but as like a comic going and was like the coolest thing in the world. And you had that band and it was just, everything was set up so perfect, man. That was really cool to be a part of that. Even just as like a fan in the back. Thank you, man. The first one I went to, like Specials as a comic was, such a weird one, because it was like a changing of,

or seeing what Bill was about to do. It was Patrice and Burr did back to back half hours for HBO at the Skirball Center. And I went to the second one, and the first one they were like, I guess Bill went first, Patrice went last, and then they were switching. It was going to be Bill first, and then Patrice, and I was like, oh no, I'm sorry, Patrice was going to go first, and Bill was gonna close, the one I saw. And I was like, ugh, that's gonna be tough for Bill,

like following Patrice on a half-hour special. I mean, Bill destroyed that half-hour special. That was crazy to see that. I went to Colin's special, the first one he did, and he's like, I got you, I'll buy tickets, I'll buy. I don't wanna be that guy. I got you, you do not buy tickets, you'll have tickets. Okay, great, so I brought Don, we got dressed up.

And I'm like, I'm expecting to walk in, Mr. Kelly, this way? I walked in, I got my tickets, and I'm expecting like, you know, this is Colin Quinn, hook me up. And the lady just went right there. Second row to the last behind a fucking camera The fucking Tourette kid from Stern show was behind me Spitting in my wife's hair

Furious I was fucking furious literally behind the camera with this fucking spitting asshole behind me and my wife Wait that guy's name was twitchles right twitchles. I opened for him in Jersey one time. You opened for Twitchles? It was wild. What is that? Yeah, I had no backstage, nobody got me. I called Quinn the second I left, you motherfucker. I was gonna buy fucking second row.

I go, fuck you, next special, I got you, I got you. I go, I'm not fucking going, I'll buy, I got you, I'll make up, I'm so sorry. I show up, I run, I come from all the way from Westchester. Takes me an hour and 40, I get there. Somebody's waiting for me. Robert, come on in. Wait right here, we got you.

They sat me, first of all, next to one of his Brooklyn friends, dressed in all Pierre Cardin, fucking pinky ring. Looks at me, I was my fattest. Oh, fucking mock turtleneck. He fucking, he looks at me, this fat fuck, I go, I'm in here, he's like fucking motherfucker. Angry, so then I look right next to me as a fat chick,

she immediately puts her arm on the thing to claim her fat space, so I'm just holding my tits behind a fucking camera again. Fuck calling him. I think you didn't take the hint. He doesn't want you there. You might be right. Yeah, the first one he's like,

Jesus Christ, this guy's doing it again. No, no, let me hook you up again. All right, give him them shit seats, and then next special we'll see if this idiot learns. I did the whole show, I was just going on each side of the camera, giving him the mean mug, hoping he'd see me, I just wanted to go fuck you. Actually I had a major moment, I forgot,

pretty embarrassing moment. The camera that goes over the audience at the bill, and Patrice thing clunked me right in the head. Came right down, they put me back in the head. It was crazy, they were like oh we're so sorry, I'm like that's crazy, I was just in the audience. I wasn't in a place I wasn't supposed to be. They brought the thing down

and clunked me in the back of the head. Wow. They didn't see your highlights? Wow. It was before my highlights. That's like a great personal injury attorney. Have you been hit in the head by a boom shot at a special? Now it's all drones. The technology has taken over.

Ah, shit. Well, that's cool. Like, you know, the cameras are so important and all that kind of, you know, like saying like this special quality camera and all that kind of, but regardless, however, something's not gonna happen right, you know? And like those HBO specials, they look the best.

I mean, they throw a lot of money at those specials. They look like, you know, it's almost like a painting. It's that good, but... Well, back in the day when they shot, especially they used to have a truck out front and wires, like, you know, wires coming out of the place. Now they can just shoot a special with these small little cameras that are pretty amazing. How many cameras did you have, Dave?

Maybe four or five. We had a bunch. There was like some that, like, there was a focus problem. I don't know exactly how many we had, we definitely had like some some problems also some audio problems But you know the director Scott was really like he was really cool because we got the coverage and that's the most important He's coming to shoot just to I wish we had shot more one of my favorite parts is right at the beginning when he Was on stage with you and you walked up to it. Yeah, you said something. Welcome to the special.

Yeah, welcome to the special. Then you started, that was great. Yeah, and Scott did road work too, right? Mm-hmm, yeah, Scott's great. He really is, he really, it's hard to find people, you can pay anybody to do anything, but find people that are passionate about doing it is really tough, so when you're making this special,

you want somebody to actually, there were so many times where I'm like, you know what, we can just shoot it again. I mean, like honestly, my mom doesn't need care. You know, like she can sweat it out a week. You know, I'll just throw more money in. You, Bert Kreischer's good at that too, as well as you.

But you're good at finding people that like, could be a part of your team that like are really into like what you're doing. That's like a huge thing. My web person Aaron is awesome too. Could you say to anybody, yeah, Aaron, we've known Aaron for years, giggle chick.

And also Victoria, who is part of Bert's team. Yeah, no, it is. When I was doing it with Louie, there was one point where he was like, no, we could just use the guy Joe did. I was like, no. I mean, that guy's great, he did a great special, but I want you to fucking do it.

I don't care if you use an iPhone, if you need to save money, use an iPhone, but I need you looking through the fucking lens, because you see something, you're different than that guy. He doesn't know me, I have no idea who he is, you know me. And he was like, you're right, all right, let's just do it your way, so. And then he spent a lot of money.

Yeah, well that's the thing. Then they charged me right up the ass. Oh my God. I didn't make any money on it. You know, in fact, they probably lost money, but it's the thing. Then they charged me right up the ass. Oh my God. I didn't make any money on it. You know, in fact, they probably lost money, but it's still like, at least you can see it up there. It would be one thing if you spent all that money and then like, it's like, you know,

could have done this, like you said, like on the, you know, just three cameras set up with a friend and a cousin. It's also the back end of ticket sales is gonna be great. That's what they all say. That's what they all say. That is an amazing ticket.

I think that's the beauty. That's Valhalla for all of us. It's the VH1 pitch. I'm telling you right now, you're gonna get more people looking at you. No, but the beauty of, especially like a Netflix, I say particularly, is like everyone at some point of the week, every week,

just clicks on the homepage to go like, what's new out there? And you just watch, and you'll just, it's the same reason I love serious XM is like it'll just get eyes on it that might not know who you are or ever like followed you before. So that's great. Well listen to this, I'm sorry to cut you off,

but the first message we got when they put the special up was from Netflix India. Like somebody in India had seen it, he also reviewed it. So to follow the suit on this, it should have been that morning a call from my agent. We've booked you at the Taj Mahal Comedy Club. Listen, we got him down to this. If a million people show up, you get this.

If two million, there's a billion people over there. So you're like. A billion people, you get 13 rupees. Yeah. Which is under a dollar. So that was the thing. It was like, yeah, no, this is international now. You're gonna be playing India. You're gonna be playing. You can be playing that be crazy. You should have an international

fucking white tigers next to you like the David Tell extravaganza Magic Wonder show having some kind of crazy amount of 17 people doing a dumb dance as you But it would be really funny just the exchange rate of like like you said like 17 rupees. Okay, what is that in American money? It's like five bucks. Now I can't do it for that. But you're a king there. But you lived like a king there. You get a Dunga Din Boy for a month. Do you, is there, was there ever a price,

you think, in your career where you would have done, like a Tom Rhodes, like he went over and made a ton of dough in Amsterdam and was like the king over there. And lived there, though. Yeah, yeah, was there something that could have taken you? I remember Patrice was thinking about England at one point. And he's gonna move to England.

I have no, if they were like, you'd live like a sultan in another country, I go, ah. Eddie Ift moved to Australia, became huge. Arj Barker is still massive over in Australia. I don't think that's for me because I gotta be in the States for my mom. Like I can't even go, like, I mean, I can,

but I won't go, like, out of the country because just in case I have to get back. But like when Tom did that, we all thought it was the coolest thing that like he moved to Amsterdam, we got a TV show there. But like, when you think about comedy back then, this is like 20 years ago, I guess you could say, right?

Probably. At least. Because I remember I was doing the Insomniac thing too. It's like the amount of touring in Europe is so much more. It's their better audience is there. They probably you probably actually could, you know, tour around all of Europe now, not just like three places like England and there and there. So, you know, in a way he was like way ahead of his time Tom, you know, and he's a really good guy and really deserves, you know, like the audience,

the international thing and then coming back to the States, you know, now it's like two different things They don't really mesh. Yeah, I would say that Theater to a mall. Yeah, exactly And you know, I think comedy is more international not because of because of all these platforms But still back then I was always like man He really kind of like set the pace of like, you know, you're an expat, you know, you're over there and then there's like What's his name a bunch of guys who moved to England?

So I don't think that's as exotic as moving to like, like you said, like a, you know. No, it's not as exotic, but I mean, I was saying more, like forget even like now with like having a beer for your mom scene when you were a younger comic. Was there something that would have, or were you always like, no, I want to like make it happen here.

Could you have been drawing anything to somewhere else? Like I don't, there's no money that could have drawn me to somewhere. No, Stan Hope was the guy who was always going to England, and they really were on him, like, you know, like, they really, like, would review... Well, that was when Bill Hicks got big. Yeah, they would review every one of his shows,

and he would tell me, it's like, you know, these people, like, you know, it's like, I'm just like, you know, you know, it's not like a... it's not like a theater show, you know? It's like a comedy show. And they kind of, like, I think because of Bill Hicks, because they loved him so much, they were trying to, like, you know, it's like a comedy show and they kind of like I think cuz of Bill Hicks Because they loved him so much. They they were trying to like, you know use him as the bar of what like a great American stand-up I'm gonna move to Papa New Guinea. No, that would be good. I'm gonna be here. I

Think we got about a cruise ship. Yeah There's the best of both. We gotta take a break. We got a great show in Finances here special coming out next week. Yes, April 21st What's the name of it again wild happy and free and where can we get it? YouTube comm slash B&E and pod and of course we got Dave David tell is here with his special right now hot cross buns You have to wait to see it and of course we have Dave. No well she was scrolling I read it He's gonna be a at Treasure Island in Welsh.

Where is that? Minneapolis. Minnesota. Sold out by the way. Thank you. Is that a casino? Yes it is sir. Nice.

And the next one not as sold. West Virginia. April 26th. He's going to be all over the place. Make sure you go to DavidTel.com for all his tour dates. We'll be right back. Here's the bonfire. Those announcements really took it out of you. DavidTel.com for all his tour dates. We'll be right back. It's the Bonfire. Those those was good.

Those announcements really took it out of you. Well took the whole wind out. I think you took it out of me. I think you I don't know what I did. But that was I don't know your eyebrows go up and I get nervous. It went crazy. Yeah, it went crazy because of you.