The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Cool Chains

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

Jacob models a sexy gift and Christine admits to horny behavior as a child.

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of The Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, The Bond Fire with Big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly. Man, if loving that song is gay, shove a fat cock in my mouth. No, you're gay, do I look like that? Yeah, that's a good one.

I won't apologize. I watched SNL from a couple of weeks ago yesterday and they played this song first. Lip Sync, did I think. Lip Sync, I think. Lip Sync, Sync. Lip Sync, calm down everybody in your car. Sync. It's a thing. Is it a Sync?

It's Sync. I thought it was Sync. Lip Sync. Yeah. It's not Sync. Well as doing past tense, they lip synced when they did it. Sync. They were lip synced.

They would say lip sync. I see lip sync and then people get really irate. Lip-sync isn't that like a web thing or something, lip-sync? Lip-sync. No, lip-sync. Now, lip-sync is what I was saying. Lip-sync and there are other words,

like it's, sings always with your lips. I mean, you're right. You're right. I think they, they, they they they named it wrong You can go lip sing They both make sense but lip sync Well, anyway, that's what they were they were lip sync in lip syncing on the show But man if that song isn't fun. I have a real problem with the way bring up the live video

Of the video of them doing it on SNL The one kid sings normal and just like, is like a frontman when this, when Gene Jacket over here, what's the name, Nick Jonas? The looker, every wordy sings, looks like he's pulling it from his, like underneath his left eye. You have to see what I'm saying,

I'm saying, go when he starts singing. Well, Christine, give us the first chorus at least, come on. Treat us right, I mean the song's the song. Now, the guy in the checkered, he used to us the first chorus at least. Come on. Tread is right. I mean, the song is the song. Now, the guy in the checkered, he used to be the sexy one. And then the guy, the, the, the, the, the, the, the sexy.

But he used to, he's not a sexy as the other one. Turn it up, one, look at the way. So he's like lifting weights or something while he sings. Look. It's some Bon Jovi ship where he has to make his mouth move a certain way to get that note. Is it? But it's like his jerky. It's the way I do reads. It's the way I do reads.

I can't do a read unless I do reads. So I do reads. I can't do a read unless I do that. Oh, damn, something good. I can't keep my headphones on if I sing that. If your mother needs a rose. She's a little bit of... She does a face wiggle with every word he sings. And I hate it. I think he's really singing.

And when you're really singing, you have to do the little wiggles. He's syncing. That's real. That's not syncing. They're playing the track for sure. No way. Ta-da-da. It's live.

That's the whole thing with that sono. They actually play the song, right? I mean, there was a major controversy with the one girl. Remember? Oh, yeah. What was it? It was a sister Ashley Simpson. Yeah? What was it? What's up sister Ashley Simpson? Yeah. What a doof. Yeah. Is they just telling like restart or something? She just

danced the herky jerk and wandered off stage. Well, we're watching band performances. Jacob asked for a bit of a replay here on a little bit of an older thing. But you are familiar, Bobby, with the saga of Corey Feldman on the show. He hates us. Maybe a new door is open with Dan being gone and you're in. Maybe he maybe misunderstands. Maybe we may be going. I don't think he misunderstood it. We're definitely shitting on all of his work and art, but he deserves that. But we're also fans and would love to speak with him But he's he takes his music too seriously and and we can't Because it's a person who is void of a talent I'm telling you I am not a good singer at all

And I've had I've never had a performance as bad as the best thing. I've seen him do it the comedy chair And I pull away from the microphone at time because I'm like I'm not hitting that note performances bad as the best thing I've seen him do at the comedy chair. And I pull away from the microphone at the time because I'm like, I'm not hitting that note. I'm just going to let the crowd hit it. But at least I know when the bail. I'm so glad you brought up pulling the the microwave when the biggest move for a non-singer when they're singing is to go and go pull the song. The mic like two feet from your face. What was it again?

How's it going? Well, I can't. No, I'm on the mic like two feet from your face. What was it again? How's it go? Well, I can't now I'm on the mic No, no, let them do the effect again. Is what you wanted? Well, I can't move the mic right Lou. No, just do me. I'm gonna do me Pretend I'm moving the mic sure I think that might be one of my favorite things on earth right now. Can I just hear just one more time? Sure, I think I'm nailing it to be on you are that might be one of my favorite things on Earth right now. Can I just hear just one more time? Sure. Just one more. I think I'm nailing it to be honest. You are.

I think you are. That's why I'm enjoying this. One more, one more. Just one more. For you, Bobby. For me, please. Anything. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Yeah. Well, Bobby. I'm giving to Corey too much credit. Like he goes like, he pulls the mic to the sky also a lot of times He just forgets to put it to his face That was the I want the Corey felt there's a there's a surprising for him to forget to put it to his face. There's a

Which compilation of videos on YouTube they put up like the most disturbing videos ever on YouTube. And one of them, and they always, they're just describing stuff too. It's like when Bjork stalker killed himself and mother put shit all over his face or when so and so, recorded themselves murdering a purse.

And then it's like Corey Feldman performing on that, the first thing they ever watched alive from Mia or evening at the improv. When he came out and lip synced that song from a show in the audience is like what the hell, the reason they put up a disturbing video, which I forgot about this, there's a weird cutaway for a split second.

It's a lady tied down to a bed or something with straps on her for three seconds. And you see it whenever you watch the video and that's why it's like, what the hell is that? Who put that in there? Why is it in there at all? Oh, I just watched the seal the night. I just watched this yesterday.

This is one of the best things ever on the internet. This is he comes up. Remember, evening at the improv Bobby, when people go up and they have pausing Christine when they would go up and a celebrity would do three, five minutes of stand up written for them by somebody. Right. He wouldn't do that clearly.

This was towards the end of it when they got too big, when it jumped the shark, when it first started the brick wall at the improv. This is when it got too big. Yeah. Yeah. So he just comes out and he goes, I'm gonna do something a little bit different. I'm gonna sing you my new single from the movie Dream a little dream, which is no hit single,

but written, co-written his brag, which by the way, he brags about in his opening movie they show when he performs live. One of the things he goes has collaborated with and it's like Snoop Dogg, something, something. he's really on this Michael Damian friendship Michael Damian was a soap opera actor who covered the song rock on in the 80s I remember and that's the that's it that's his whole thing he goes Michael Damian helped me write this song and then he dances bat shit like Michael Jackson and does not hold the mic to his mouth to even pretend to be singing half the time

But give him a taste of this and then we'll watch him with Gerry O'Connell in today's show You'll see his evolution that way. Yeah Tonight a bit differently than usual Pause it again Because Bobby also I want to say one of my favorite things in the world that I'm It's a stress that will never leave my life on how to do it myself or watching other people do it starting dancing from not dancing is the funniest thing in the world to me like the first thing of dancing if you're not in a

poll you know if you started like if you're doing a routine and start off in a pose and then you got to like start doing your thing just going like all right so all right, so this is what he does. He's like, okay, so let's do it. Like play the music and he has to go. Just you look like a fucking jag and he is no exception. Where did you get the general from Guatemala, Jack? I think it's like a Michael Jackson rate prize or something. Is it really? Is he, is he, is he a, is it levels? Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah, he's a he, is he a, do you get, is it levels? Oh, yeah, for sure.

Oh, yeah, he's a three, he's a third tier general of the ass army, Neverland Ranch. That's what the patches of floor has been. He's been raped three times. Absolutely, does are fucking, those are duty injuries. Is that the metal on the left side when he recruited McCulley Conkin into the fucking rape mix? Yeah, it's very possible. We'll play this form. I'm gonna world premiere my song that had just finished writing and producing with Michael Damian.

For my new movie Dream A Little Dream with Jason Robards, it's called Something In Your Eyes, I'm gonna do it right now. Yeah! Just starting dancing. He also does not, when he's asked ever about Michael Jackson dance moves, he goes like this. I don't know, what do you see there? I can't. This makes me hurt inside. Look how bad he is. This makes me hurt inside. Look how bad he is it.

Class is clapping with the microphone in his hand. Huh? You wouldn't... You could ask for anyone's confidence I would ask for his but before anyone else. Oh, yeah Bobby you're puzzled you know what I feel like dumping Yeah, you should dump you should allow yourself a dump for this Oh my god. This is uh he's unsettling It's bad because as Jacob just said he's seething with confidence What is that? What was that lady that's the thing we're saying yeah is she in the crowd though on the ground? No, no, no, it's literally a cutaway scene. She's strapped down the pool table with this thing over it's insane because you

should probably do a facial record is where your girl's still missing it's just in the middle of this video for no reason that's behind Michael Jackson's bookshelf it's probably because it's a via just tape from back in the Diggs is so all that Yeah, this is what they had That's fucking horrible. Can I tell you the first time I got a little VHS little 8mm tapes The first thing I did when I got the camera because they were like nobody had him and I got one I'm into tech and I

masturbated on it and I masturbated on it. And I bet you mean on to it by accident or on camera. I set it up on the tripod and I set it up from below. So it got that's crazy. I never saw I didn't know why don't finish that what you're saying. Why was that? I just wanted to see what I look like jerk it off and I didn't know what I look like masturbating from that angle like what if you didn't know what I look like masturbating

from that angle. Like if you walked into a room and caught me masturbating, I wanted to see what you'd see. I'll kill myself. Were you hot bobby or fat bobby? Hot bobby, fine, hot bobby. That's a hot bobby for sure. You just wanted to see yourself.

Fat bobby would never, I didn't like photos from underneath. I never went close. Yeah, I couldn't, I've never seen what I looked like jerking off my underneath But I could probably draw it I have some ideas about what it looks like in the break. Can you please draw it for me? I have a pencil. Yeah, sure But yeah, I can absolutely do that for you. So I

So I videotape myself and it wasn't it wasn't good because there's a point where I just lock my legs and Squish everything together. You give me a music Yeah, and I was terrible so what I did was we use those I remember I was in an improv group with Dane and this kid Owl and this guy Jay out on the monkeys and we would I bought this camera to record our rehearsals So I recorded I'm gonna actually record over it. So I recorded over it, but not all of it. So when we went to watch the rehearsals at my house, we were all sitting there and it was like,

you know, some improv, hands game. And then just three seconds of me jerking off. Shirted and burnin'. It's goin', and you get from my feet up my balls Just three seconds of me jerking off. Shurning and burning. It's going, and you get from my feet up my balls. And then just, and then it just align goes through the street and it's you guys going, someone give us an accent and an occupation. Yes, yes.

And they were the same way you were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop. Did I tell you, if I ever told you that was one of the craziest when I first found some of my old little super eight tapes of, was that what they were called? Yes, super eight, yeah. The handy cams or whatever, and I got like a adapter tape.

I brought them over when Lewis lived on 22nd Street in the city. I went over there to show him old footage of I had of like me, Kev Like to Ray young a Kurt go roll in there just like young kids performing on this open mic at the black club and Door on those tapes at one point. We're just watching one and and kind of like laughing and going through and then at one point Just again like the line runs up the screen, something's happening. It's 10 seconds. It's my mom standing in the bathroom

with her back showing no shirt on. And it's my step-up going, tear, tear, tear. And then my mom turns around and her big huge knockers are hanging out, and she goes, joe, come on. And then it just goes back, and it's just like, you know, a guy named Buffy Funny on stage,

and I just had to keep looking forward, like it didn't happen. Like, everybody's talking about your mom's cans? Yeah, everybody. Well, I mean, Louis Dave, Beatrice, probably a baby James maybe. Baby James doesn't like big kids to this day. He doesn't even know why. He's scared. That's why you made him gay.

It's possible. That was, uh, and then also with it. Can I stop for a second? Would you be disrespectful? You're not being disrespectful, though. How are your mom's cans? Oh, they're probably, uh, would be considered great. I'd think because she was, my mom was always like a size like zero or one. She was like tiny and had monster cans.

Yeah, that was a toughy when I was young. It wasn't like a major problem. I normally said, but I could think back and think like, oh, my friends were probably pretty stoked to come by my house because my mom wear like a t-shirt. Well, my mom told me a long time ago, she used to have this shirt that she always wore

and it was the word we, OUI, French, stretch out across her big massive boobs tucked into her tight jeans. And again, remember, my mom had me young. So like- What was it? What did you have you? She was 19. 19. My mom was 18. Yeah, yeah, so like

She was young and and the trademark sign next to the word we and that's because it was from a we magazine Which is a porn magazine From like it's just called I forget was good. You can look it up. Yeah, we magazine and When I realized that years later, I asked my mom I go mom. mom, yeah, that, I go, mom, why do you have that Wii magazine shirt? And she said, oh, you father wanted, he bought so many magazines when he won the competition. No, she said she was asked when she was younger.

To be in it. To if you wanted to do it. And she was going to do it. She said, but because they were like, it's only going to come out overseas like in it. To if she wanted to do it and she was going to do it, she said, but because they were like it's only going to come out overseas like in Europe and stuff. And she said, oh, last minute, she thought about like she thought about like what if my grandparents ever go overseas and somehow would come upon it and a porn store, I guess. And which again, why the law starts to fall apart is you go, so I didn't do it.

But I think she probably did it. They just gave her the shirt. Now, your mom did it. We need to find that magazine. My mom's cans are probably somewhere in a Wii magazine. If I had the, doing investigation, I would say for sure. It's some French guy who's been jerking off to your mom's cans.

You're home. Oh, yeah. We need a medical. Be fed. Look're all you all. Really? Yes. A medical. Be fed. Look at these American people. The hormones in the food. All. Your mom and Bonfire spoke woman Lynn.

Both had both her young moms. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Both young moms with big cans. My mom had my mom had my sister when she was 15. And me when she was 18. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, I mean, she say also with Lynn though. I mean, their moms were horse.

Well, yeah, Lynn's got as a young mom, a young hot mom, and my mom was your mom, was a hot mom? My mom was a hot mom. She was like, yeah, she was like Jackie O'Hot. I showed you a picture, man. I showed you a picture. I did what's your like Jackie, she was like Jackie O'Hot. I showed you a picture, man. I showed you a picture. I did, it was like Jackie O'Hot's good way to describe it. My dad was a good looking guy too.

Big Italian nose, but good looking guy. Lynn sends a nude to a radio show. My mom was fucking a DJ for a very long time. Well, dating him, dating him. Your mom fucked a DJ. A failure. Yeah, she definitely did the magazine. She probably did the magazine. She probably did the magazine.

100% did the magazine. My mom had to go to a home. Odds are she did the magazine. When she was a, had my sister. They made it really, yeah, they had to go because of where Irish Catholic back in Boston. You didn't go home, you had to go to some, none thing.

After you had the baby. Yeah, you couldn't just go home. Oh, and to say, the other thing with camcorder, when I first got it it I did was to film me and my ex-girlfriend fucking and I filmed her blowing me from above and like you know top of her head. Yeah. And I was always with my ex-girlfriend again I was she lost her virginity to me so we were together for a while and it was like I'm not really telling her Like how to be better at blow jobs. I just thought she wasn't very good at it and

I found that when I was filming from the top. I then filmed from the side a little bit like an angle I couldn't see and when I went back and watched that tape later I saw that when my Dick gets anywhere in her mouth where it's starting to feel good, my gunt knocks her forehead bad. It was your fault. It was my fault completely. It was your fault. It was my fault completely.

Oh, you went back like a coach and watched the tape. I went back and watched, I studied. Ah, listen, we're going all wrong, fellas. My fat stomach was getting the way of her chin. She couldn't get down on me. We have to move that gut and get in there on those balls. Not even to give it all you got, like a rare. Dude, I remember I got so into recording,

not with their knowledge, of course, girls I dated. I had like marks, like tape marks, like a movie, like on my poppass song. For certain, cause you know what I mean? Yeah. And I would have endings like I would make this one girl say, like funny thing, because I always wanted to end in my little videos of funny and stuff.

I have a one girl, she went, that's all folks, at the end of the day. After, right, I go right when I come, I want you to just look into the camera and go, that's all folks. It was fucking hilarious. Oh Josh, Josh, I tried to get the little bugs, the bugs bunny thing, the little round thing, wam, I know, I know, that's it.

Josh Edomire's, oh my god. Oh my god, yeah. Josh Edomire says one of the funniest videos in his phone. His ex-girlfriend is like she's laying on the ground and he just drops like his balls in her mouth like regular speed. He drops his ball back in her mouth and then it goes slow motion when it pulls it out. Just a ball, a testicle emerging from her mouth and it just goes naturally. And you see Josh's bag just what it's the funniest. It's a bad hard on description, but one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

I thought I'd throw up just a Josh nut. Oh dude, hairy nut. Do you have backlighting? No, it was definitely in prompt. I have so many of those videos somewhere. I don't know where they went, because when you got, when you got, I think they're in my mom's attic

with her slut magazines that she was in with your mom. What if my mom and your mom were in magazines together, just on different pages? Why destroyed? My mom was in De Bonet, an Indian magazine. We know it's funny, I destroyed those videos. I was going through them looking for the comedy sets that we did when we were younger.

What I had was videos of me and my ex-girlfriend fucking. And for the briefest of moments, I was like, oh nice, I should go through, and then it's like, oh no, this is child pornography now. Oh yeah, you were under age. We were both, but I mean, like, I didn't like a... So we can't watch him. I would destroy them, yeah.

I was all legal, mine was all legal. You were already over 18. I was over 18, yeah. I was thick-hot. I didn't think of that. Yeah, we were... For an hour, if you're both under age, but you still have it.

Yeah. I owning the image I think of her underage would be as old as anything. Yeah. So I was like, oh shit. It's like, oh yeah, we were like, we were teenagers. It was wild. But like, how are we able to even do that?

Well, you're the technology, wasn't you, a fault? Don't be a problem. It's like giving a kid a whole hope at one point. I think people get in trouble. I think kids are getting in trouble for that now. Like having a friend of the girl in school You know, I think people get in trouble. I think kids are getting in trouble for that now. Like having another girl in school send you a picture of her coach or something. Like I think you get in trouble.

If they want to come out, you can get like, yeah, charge it for that, for having child pornography. I, if I look back when at Max's age now, I was starting to fool around. I was starting to do things sexually. But back when we came up nobody taught you about sex You didn't talk about sex nobody sat you down I was just like in Boston, Irish Catholic. You just you just never dealt with it

So you learned about sex from you know HBO or playboy or your other dumb friends who are older than you and Thank God, I think by this time I already had like whipped my packer out at some girl. 100% 100%. I remember we went to a... She wanted it though. You didn't see how she was dressed. Well, we liked each other and she took me and she goes, let's go over here. Me, her friend and another friend of mine went to a bush in front of somebody's house. And it wasn't even like a bush hiding like everybody could see us. And she was like, you show me yours. And I'll show you mine that little thing.

And I remember she showed me her little coach. And then she goes, I want to see your bum. And I said, no, and she got mad. And then I showed her my, my bum. And she goes, let me see your, your front. I was like, no, absolutely not. And then she says, I'm going to she goes, let me see your your front. I was like, no, absolutely not. And then she says, I'm going to tell you mom that you showed me your bomb and I got scared. And then I showed her my little ding ding.

She bullied you to show her dick. Yeah, she sexually assaulted me. She know the story started with you going, you go, I whipped my, I whipped my packer out for some of that age already. And now you said that woman bullied you in a corner and forced you to show her your dick. Of course you would tell that you saw your butt. They're going back, I guess I thought it's haunted. But I'm glad that Max, I mean, he's bringing it up

a little bit like I told you, he has hard ons now. And I looked over the other day and he had one of the morning who was using it to hold his iPhone up to watch YouTube videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he goes, that's perfect. I was like, it kind of is. I mean.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, but he's not sexual, which I'm happy about. He's not, like I haven't caught any weird stuff on his phone. Yeah. And he knows what not to look at. And he, like I let him listen to rap, but if it says, you know, he can't listen to the if it's gonna have I mean well that's super young still

He's 10 like you started. I know they're such a route, but they're so bangin I think I banged a fortune-year-old in like next year Like I think 11 or 12 I was banging Was that's good good that drop is jail worthy because bang a 14 year old next year. No, I know the next year from right. Well, I was. So I am so glad I don't want that's the one of the biggest regrets in my life is the sexual. I just it's gonna be fucking that 14 year old next year. That's gonna come back and bite you in the ass. they are gonna play this a court. I got what's that I did. I was just I was I was 11 or 12 or something like that. We had sex.

I didn't know that. I'm not gonna go back. But uh, but I'm so glad that Max isn't into that. Like I don't like I know I'm gonna have to have that talk with him at some point and let him know what's up. But I don't be a kid for a bit man. I don't I'm so yeah, like I don't want him to it's like you don't need to know that stuff. Like we've talked about there's a couple things that we, man. I don't, I'm so, yeah, I don't want him to, it's like, you don't need to know that stuff. Like, we've talked about,

there's a couple of things that we talked about, and I was like, Max, you don't need to know that yet. Yeah. Like, when we watched TV, I remember watching the exorcist in first grade. I watched, I saw like, Lady Chattel, these shit on HBO. Nobody was home. My mom was at work, my stepdad,

the evil stepdad was at work. We were home alone, me and my sister, and she was wherever the My mom was at work, my stepdad, the evil stepdad was at work. We were home alone, me and my sister, and she was wherever the fuck she was. So I'm watching like Lady Chattily porn on the TV, and nobody, you know, so now it's like, I'm so glad that we don't let him. He's never been involved in any of that. Yeah, that's good.

I've never been talking to his about, I've been talking to his about some point. What did you say? I think especially when she was like 16, when it seemed like made sense. I mean, nothing, I wasn't like a bird's in the bees. I was more just like, there's like repercussions for everything you do. It was when I said basically, I'm like, so if you do things like, it's like, don't bang black guys.

Yeah, yeah. There's gonna be repercussions. You're out. You're out. Um, no, it was like just the idea of like, like what is she's heard guy talk a lot in her life. I mean, she really grew up around like, would be like Patrice even, you know, sitting the hair like when she's a little kid, she's sitting there here Patrice pontificate the other night.

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me what he wanted. Tell me why there was a girlfriend's ain't shit. Right. Bobby, you got to get you know, don't eat some pussy in front of you. That will show her her worth. Right?

Vaughn, come on, we let Don eat you pussy. What we're in the middle of chicken coat on blue, chill. Yeah, like he's, but here's the thing, let me, because you have a girl, right? But I have a boy. Yeah. So I'm kind of like when he does start to bang. Well, you're going to be the guy. You're going to be the guy. So like she Isabella wouldn't have come to me if like Carla might be aware if she's had sex already. I

don't I'm not aware. You don't want to know. I don't want to know. Like the things I want to know, I know, which are like almost enough for me. Like I know she's home safe. Like when she's home safe, I know she, I never discussed with my dad when I started. No, but I'm sick. But you know, I know, I know, but that's what I'm saying. A girl, a guy, yeah, you're, he's going to come to you. I'm saying, is it about with me, like if she's, she goes to have those things. I don't know if she had, but she would go to her mom for that.

Right. Like the, the last I know, I said about her mom for that. Like the less I know, I said about her being home safe. I think it's always for her. She gets home at four o'clock in the morning from something like, if I'm like, yeah, let me know in your home safe.

She'll call me if I wanted to call me. I don't want a bit of stigma to it too. Like I don't want him to be weird about, like we were in, when we went to Belgium, there was somebody with a, you know, a boo bout or something. I was like, dude, it's just press man. You max, it's just boobs. I don somebody with a, you know, a boo about or something. I was like, dude, it's just press man. You max, it's just boobs. I don't want to, you know, because boo.

Is your punch him in the arm, hurry, boner, he gets. No. I don't want him to be like freaked out about boobs and having to be the crazy, you know, it's just a boob. It's just a vagina, you know, stuff like that. But what he does come to me, I don't like, I don't even know like what, 14, when's a good age to start? When do they start doing it?

I mean, it's, I mean, it's like fifth grade. It's weird to have that. I like me and my friend hummed each other in elementary school, but I didn't think about sex. What school grade? Like from kindergarten to like, first grade to like, sixth grade. You guys hummed each other in kindergarten?

I humped in kindergarten, but I humped her, and we met in first grade, and it was like our entire elementary school, we did this, but it wasn't like, it was just something we knew we weren't supposed to do, and we did it. It was not like sexual. Jay.

Jay, let's rock, Jay. I've Jay. What's wrong? Jay. I've seen California stories. Far fetched. What do you mean far fetched? She met her and her friend, Hampton, kindergarten, the sixth grade. This goes to a long line of Christine farcical stories. What's first? Kids, he's Jay.

I would have I would have built a whole school something. I would have built out of the word for us to go to. I would have I would have built a whole school's hump in I would have built out of the word Fossil to I I didn't say the whole school was something you did say that. That's actually the exact word you said everyone was That's what you say I didn't say that absolutely I would reroll the tape because I didn't say that we don't have the technology It's actually digital It's in the air. It's going already out It's out there. Get it for you Monday. I understand what you're saying.

I didn't say that. Yeah, you've got to go. Everyone was doing it. It's used to tell me also that her and her friends would have fight club like fist fights. And then it's, break that story down to nothing. We were trying to get it and we'd fight. You didn't believe it.

Blood and blood out fight. First of all, if you asked the story 50 times, it's going to be different, all 50. And but I've got it whittled down to, there's like, it's like slaps to the body. It's come down to now. At first, you may have seen like, there was gang members, like, you know,

holding switch blades and getting face tattoos while her and her girlfriends would fist fight each other. It's not what happened at all. It's not what happened. I never meant to paint that picture if that's how it came out and that's what he chose for me. You're seeing movie The Locke?

It's like a cholo. Hey, you're a cholo? They call me little puppet. Hey. Did you have pig tails? Did you have pig tails in a moped? Yeah. But that's, I mean, yeah, good.

Jacob, when did you start messing around? 12 what did you do? Let's look what did you do just beating off? No, no, no, no, no, no Me missing around Jacob honey, what are you doing in there? Messing around, mom. You would say that as a kid. Just messing around. It's a good cover.

Horsen off. What was the first time you messed around with a girl? I get a be agent. What? You got a be agent 18. That's it. 20. All right. That see that's I'm good with that. That sounds that sounds righteous, right? I wasn't good with it. But I mean, really? I was so. Yeah. Who was the beach? What was what was his name? Who was he? And was he good? No. she really good

I was a friend it was the the sister of a guy that I hung out with oh Man did he know that his sister was blowing you? Yeah, he did I get I don't know where she has a one time very cute. Yeah, nice. That's great And it was a weird experience you didn't like it if freaked out a little bit. No, it was that it was thrilled I didn't only happen the once. Yeah Damn, well, it wasn't we like you in a car you in a car hair car You're like your car your car. What kind of car was it? That I don't remember but it was not like a modern car today

It's like one you could actually do that in my no stick Shiff in the middle now. Yeah, did you have the driver of the airport in the morning she can go back to her house in Canada Jersey she has to go back to Australia because she was only there for the summer So Niagara Falls, oh wow Niagara Falls. Wow. I mean, she was a. It was not hersy. Yeah. Did you remember where where you took her? Like you have to movie parking lot.

You after the movie before after the movie. I the one thing I ruined it. I drank like the whole thing of soda and I'm out. He's so bad. Did you pee in a month? Like it was it was getting and it was a took away from it, but it was still great great rookie move, but you're working up low you get There was the only time we we hooked up. Did you try to hook up again? I didn't really Yeah, you seem to have that happen a lot things go great and then it's over. That was your friend. Remember your black queen you could have had Well, that's two stories, but most of the time I keep going

right but you got me there. Did you that was your friend friend? So you couldn't even go tell somebody what just happened. I didn't tell anyone. You didn't tell anybody. He knew I went out on the clock. I'm sure he knew he knew I went out on a date with him. Yeah but he didn't know you forced a head down on your popcorn. He did know that his sister was a pig piece of shit though. He did know that. He did know that. Fucking blow a guy. Yeah. Did she swallow? No. No. Oh, what'd you do? What'd you do? Like napkins? Napkins. Okay, good for you. You just had car napkins? Oh, I mean, you don't have napkins in your car. No. Jacob, he had a... What if a car nap... What if a car nap... The Tots do.

The Tots always carry car napkins. That's right. I didn't realize you guys were all getting sucked off on the road, man. I didn't realize you guys were such mobile blowjob, guys. He had a monogram fucking car napkins from blowjobs. Can't slow me down, dog. Are the okresons finished? Or are they in your mouth or nothing?

Yeah. No, it would be in my mouth or all over my pants or on hand or her face or something like that. All those things could be a possibility. I wasn't thinking. But that's a good thing. I think 18 is a good age. If Max has his first sexual experience, maybe 16-car license.

You got a license, you can drive. I'm not expecting you to have your license for two years and not get something in your car. You're gonna go get a girl pick her up, drive her out, and fool her out, I would think. So 18 is probably good, 16 and a half. I would be happy with that. I don't wanna, I just don't wanna,

I don't wanna, you know what I mean? I don't wanna. Because when it comes home and says it happened or you know what happened, you're just going to see that little boy going, Earth day, it says it, it says it. Dude, is that the dude? And you're going to go,

oh, my little boy's a man. Dude, you are going to hear this on my plate for Jay, did you see it? Did I play the audio for you? It almost made me leave Moon Tower. I almost quit the business. I almost quit the business and then wet and did earth stuff. Because he missed max so much. I missed him so much. Don sent me this stupid video on earth day.

Listen to this. You ready? Ready? This almost made me leave. It's off day. The Pinch into save the planet the only one we got Now that was from this last week in earth day. No, it was not that was for 43 years ago He's not being tired. They just found out they're living really close to some power lines It's what day. I want to go pick a can. So Bobby was like, some example to Max Terrible after run. That's go home. Max is really good.

You speaking in tongues. I mean, by 18 is good as a parent. I guess he won't that for a kid. But man, that was too late for me. Too late for you. I think 18 is a little too late. I think 16, 16 and a half, when you get your license, you should be able to bang. You should be able to...

I only 18's too late. I was 17. Not too late. Actually, I was 16 turning 17, so I'm good with that. I think that age is a hell of a change. Almost 17 years old, yeah. You said 16 and a half,

that's about what I was here. That's a great age. I'm hoping for that. I hope he doesn't, you know. I know he's gonna say, he's starting to ask me stuff though. He's starting to ask about why in the morning I can't piece, just, it's straight up. Tell him HPV's not real anymore. Use a condom unless your pull-out game is strong.

Okay, let me write that down. Hang on, I'm gonna, I just send them to you and Christine. I talked to them. They're gonna get you high and they're gonna show you some good news. You're gonna do a gravity ball they're gonna show you some good news. You're gonna do a gravity bong with an onker semen Uncle Jay. You're gonna walk the dog. It's gonna seem like three hours. It's only gonna be eight minutes. We should go to, we promised Jacob a while ago, but before we put on this video, Jacob,

I'd like you, if you could one, you're wearing a button down shirt. I'd like those sleeves roll up a little bit. And I'd like you'd like you to it makes the watch pop. I like you to undo one more I'd like you to do one one do one more button because something showed up for you today, buddy in the mail That's right. We got gifts. Yeah, his chains showed up. No Remember his double necklaces. Oh, it did we went gold right or silver. Okay, nautical star Nautical star, this is gonna be great. I think you should unbutton that button. You have them. Yeah, one more button should be I think you should such a rookie shouldn't he untuck for a chain Jay I think I'm talk for a chain. Oh

You did Jason. Oh, yes over here. Yes., Robert. Hey, hi, Jay, right here. There's Robert Kelly from the bonfire. How you doing? Big J from the bonfire. Oh, G big J. I think you should untuck and let it dangle. Let the shirt out a little bit. It's untucked. It's untucked. Yeah. I say all the buttons. Let it loose. Now, one more just so it shows the chains coming in and out. Okay, we can try that, but I'd like, I mean, I think, I think open, open where the chain is just

on the white might be nice. We could play with it for sure. Jacob, come over here. Let me put this on you like a princess. Let me get a little video for the fans. Open the gram. For the gram, we're gonna do this for the grand, ready? Okay, Jay, come here we go.

Hold on. Mm-hmm. Yes, present. What do you think? Being, now Big J is taking the first chain, which is a rope chain, I believe. It is a rope chain. It's a rope chain, silver.

Is there any type of thing on that? There, I think it's just a rope chain. Just a rope chain, which is pretty ballsy. That says, hey. Well, no, because it's just a rope chain just a rope chain which is pretty ballsy that that says hey well no because it's it's a complimentary piece right to this bad boy and then you have what is this bad tell me what this bad boy is this is the nautical star a pendant wow can you see that you sure can I say oh? Oh you not a present man. It's beautiful. Oh, that's beautiful. That's beautiful I mean that first chain right now is already changing him in a big drastic way. Is it yeah? I fuck you if I I've never worn to that first chain changed everything this second chain is Is gonna make him I mean not to use the he's gonna be off the chain get it. I do all right

I hate doing little fingery things with my big fat hands. Yeah. Oh, I hate it. Yeah, you need yeah You're fingernails are small too everything small. I got it though. Yeah, I'll go for you. Hey, it was One more body. I'm telling you one more button one more button really Yeah, good for you. Hey, it was five percent One more body. I'm telling you one more button one more button really yeah one more button I say all the buttons can we just do all the buttons? Flip it out dude. Flip it out. Let me see. Let me see look at me that looks good Let's get it out there. Let's get it out there on the internet. I got it. I'm saying that right now. Wow. Take those glasses off. You got the sleeves up. Nice. Can we try it with the whole thing open? I mean, we can give it a shot. Give it a shot. Just unbutton all. Get a few more of those buttons for me, Princess. Now, usually the male talent would be here, but I'll be the male talent

today. So, uh, I'm just gonna see what you're working with in a minute. I mean, with the belt. No, tuck the belt in. No, no, belt. That'll show. Show the belt. That'll show the belt. Show the belt.

Tuck the shirt in. Tuck the shirt in a little bit. Just one side, just one side. One side. That's it right there. Leave some of it out. Put a bag it, bag it a little bit. There you go.

I don't know what you want. Bag it, pull it out a little bit you want a little bag That's it right. I mean, that's it good shirt out You look great, man Damn dude, all right, let's do a little photo shoot right now. You ready? Yeah, look at yeah Grab them I grabbed them I grabbed them I. I think you're singing singing to me Other hand, so we can get the show the other hand bag. Go. Ha show me those lips Maybe the jacket comes off the shoulder a little bit on that side the shirt comes off. It's falling down

Yeah, make it a shish. Yeah, get it. Dovetail style style like it just naturally It's come off your shoulder a bit because you're singing you're bringing so much Not got the mic. Yeah, no, there you go. It's it. Thanks cream. Thanks. But that hand should be up You should be doing something with the other arm. Yeah, like that. Yeah. Oh Fuck me running that is I think I got it That's it. That's it. I just did a lot of christines. She can get it out there. Can I just say some right now? I remember you because I feel like I'm I gotta see the pics. Yeah, I mean yeah That I mean you're real deeper out of the gate, huh? Yeah, really it's because he's final approval. Wow. I mean Jesus Christ

Wow, wow Wow, we we those chains work, buddy Never into jewelry, but I'm actually digging this looks good. Yes, see we see how you look in the picture Jacob those chains work buddy Looks good. Yes, see how you look in the picture DJ Lou your thoughts Pretty hot. Dude pretty hot black Lewis black Lucena. He's saying no to this. You're crazy. You're crazy You look at a model that's a model pose that I captured just captured out of you. Yeah, I mean I mean look at that Jake. We do a little something else for me also while we're here take the glasses off and hang them from the longer

Hang it from the longer chain Yeah, it is it's a thing. It's a thing now For the pendant yeah, give me a little something Bobby you're ready for a picture this I got you Bobby content. I got you Bobby. It's Bobby Let me see influencer Bobby is right here. Let me see. Can you do me a favor? Yeah, it's all right Glasses glasses. Yeah, let me try to get on., glasses, yeah. Let me try. Let me get one. Let me get one.

Look at now it's hiding the pin. Can you just put the glasses and then you mouth a little bit? Now that, now that I'd like. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. like this watch. Yeah Trust me make the thing look at the camera give a little fear slip just put like this watch this Can't do it right you could try Bobby's doing it you could try. I'll do it. I'll do one I'll do one ready. I'll do one. You can sell it. You're real when you do it. I'll do it ready No, Jacob. Yours is gonna be more thoughtful Bobby's being sultry I want yours to be like

Don't just say the same move. It's just different eyes Look at me show you're hanging out you hold them hold it and think about something think about like something you think about J's walking over right now to help him with the glasses That goes in your mouth. You're holding these. These are glasses we're talking about. I'm not gonna put my mouth at all but you want this is the the movie before. Yeah like that. Yeah like that. Like you think it. Look up and think about something. There you go. One, two, three, just go. Think. Oh yeah. There it is. What's the world on the back?

What is the world about? Thank you. Thank you. Luke for the motivation. I think I got it. Oh My God Oh my God I mean oh My God look at the eyes of smokey. I think someone's gonna be getting some Lynn but hole pictures to for himself tonight I think so she posted a long fire. I saw that God, she's stunning. She's beautiful. Yeah. I read it endlessly.

Well, now she's gonna see you working with those. Satchamum, you can go to the Instagram right now. We're gonna put those photos up for you guys. Sexy, sexy Jacob, I sent them in the bonfire thing. So we're gonna put those up. Influencer Bobby took these shots. Not only do I take great shots for myself, I take great shots.

So if you need some influencing tips, please hit us up at the bonfire. I'll help you out. Bobby, always prepared to influence. I am very pleased. I never not prepared to influence Jacob. Those chains, it's the thing. It's a whole vibe with you right now. We need a bracelet. Lou? Louis? Other for the other wrist. We need a leather bracelet. I agree. I agree. It's not maybe not a chain like some kind of a leather bracelet. Yeah, a leather with a infinity something. It's like a braid.

Can I pick the bracelet? Yeah, but can we look up for our Vados? Don't. Don't forget, when we take a break, by the way, I have to draw with the undercarriage of me, Jack, and off looks like it. I have the pencil right here. Oh, there's paper. I was all over the place. It's more here.

Two questions for Lewis, if I may. One, what do you think's in my chains? And two, what are you going to tell his son? I lost the money. About your chains? Is Lewis gone? I lost them. Do you still have them on them?

He's up there. Hi, he's up there. What's there it's up dead can't hear him I don't know how my audio yeah change your audio glory there you yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we yeah we wow hang on that was a DJ Lou thing that's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how it's how Hey, hey, DJ, you and the Bumpers were going into another round. Give it up for quantum. Coming in number 10 on the town, down today. Where are you? Well, there we go. Low. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Now batting Mike, Mike, Mike, Piazza. Black Lou. Black Lou Black Lou Come in echoing I don't know how to fix it. Oh, what happened?

Hey Lou, let's let's just hear him talk echoey. What's wrong being an stadium? Why not? Yeah Hey Oh Hey, oh I kind of like it. I like it. I like it. Oh We're also not really not really not we're not set it all though. DJ Lewis. DJ Lewis in the weeds I'm just gonna get out of it. I have to do it from my computer. That's why I'm in the week. Go ahead. I'm off soon Is that better now? No, Jacob has nothing to do with the equation Actually was him I'm off. All right there. We go. We're good Well, it's somebody's mute somebody has to mute right?

I mean daddy is a J I'm doing Carol is a J My computer's not my computer's on camera No, I mean we're working this out. What the fuck would camera have to do with anything? Wait, it's such a nice flow going. Damn Jacob. You got cool looking and dumb as shit Yeah, you really dropped off the scale damn dude. You guys fucking figure it out What's up, Jake? Jake's back. Jakeakes back jakes back oh man I really love Jacobs new thing get those pictures up door in the break and watch it start raining pussy on your door in the show call in ladies if you'd like to talk to

Jacob after seeing these pictures and give him a little something on the new look we got to unbutton those two top he buttons the top buttons on the collar we got to get those undone. No, I like when they stay tight. Mmm. These are buttons that the button down collar. I know, but you don't use them. Yeah, cool.

Cool guys don't use the buttons on the collar. Mmm. I don't mind the collar staying tight, person, it's a personal choice. Personal choice, but I say on button, it's for a tie. Listen, I'd give it a whirl without a button on top, but let's put out what we have right now. I think the second half, I think by talking back from commercial,

some lady's going to want to call and talk to you about it's going on. Are we able to take calls today, or are they going to sound like they're coming from a spaceship? Calls will be okay. Yeah, we can do that. Sure. Black low. How do you feel about Jacob's look now that we can hear you without all this crazy

shit? Shit. He looks fantastic. Black low. How do you feel about Jacob's look now that we can hear you without all this crazy shit? He looks fantastic. I think we need to change his name to Jacob Depp Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake for a second. DJ Luz hit in 15 different buttons. He doesn't know what's going on. He's freaking out right now. He's like, remember an airplane when the guy was just spinning around with the phones in his hand? It's a twist there. It's a twist there. Oh, the gay guy.

No, I didn't see you had a sexuality. Although now, I think that's what you first knew defend. Man, I love that he's saying it like a gay guy. Everybody made a brooch. Yeah, I do. Are you feeling the feels from that Jonas Brothers song? You don't have three people, so you're lashing out at us because you feel gay. I'm not the gay guy You guys are gay. I'm not the gay guy. You guys who do gay stuff. You're the gays

You you promise me alcohol and dreams you sweat when you get around naked guys. You don't even have crackers workers. You guys have your laughs boys. Have your laughs boys. Well, take a break. We'll figure all this out. I got a draw. Picture my grondle. It's the bonfire.

Is the crackle going to, is the fire going to echo? How many plates can I spank? I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do fully work. That's good, Bobby. That's good. Thank you.

This is Big J. Eauker, center of my new special dog, Belly Life from Skankfest, out now on YouTube. Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousexm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. radio show. You