The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Cowboy (feat. Chris Porter)

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

Comic Chris Porter teaches the guys how to become friends with Kid Rock!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on... What is the SXM? Yeah, Series XM. You can say Series XM. Thank you very much. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on the SMX app. No, say series XM. You can listen on the series XM app. Go to seriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly.

Lou, hit the music dog. 76th, stomping feet, everybody for Philadelphia 76th, here they come, team of the year. One, two, three, four, five, sixes. I think I've got to play the song so we keep the thing it's sports superstition you can call it but it's necessary Joel M.B. your 2023 MBA MVP yep Dan left the show and he took a shitty white center MVP with him and I say good good written to bad garbage yo-kitch Joel and B year 2023 MVP of the NBA they're playing again tonight Bobby I know you're not a big sports guy but yeah the Celtics are probably gonna have a hard time I think and beads coming back I think it's pretty jazzed I bet you tonight would you like to make a bet

Yeah, we can oh yeah show look at him he cries Christ sissy. That's how much it means to it. It's a sissy. That's how much it means to turn it up to the volume of an L.A. Jacob here. It's actually a pretty cool moment. No, who's crying joe lmb 2023 mba mvp Fucking post you won most valuable player in the whole league. Thank you, Jay. Turn it up. Have to be said, Bobby. Have to be. Oh, God. I'm not in the mood for this. Oh, wait. Back it up. Start it over. Crying like a pussy. Hang on. He is a busy. It's beautiful. What a beautiful moment.

His pants don't fit. Oh, James Hard comes over and starts hugging him because he's crying. MVP. Damn, MVP. MVP. Okay. All right. That's not funny right there. That's not funny right there. MVP, damn the P, MVP. Me!

Okay, alright, that's not funny right now. Make more money, make more money, and get another trophy. It's a beautiful moment. He's got slippers on. I would say you don't understand Black Ship, Bobby, it's a beautiful moment. He's got slippers on. I would say you don't understand Black Ship, Bobby, but I'll tell you, Robert Kelly understands Black Ship more than anybody in America, and I'll tell you why. Can I tell you guys a little story? Last night, me, Christine Isabella, Josh Hed had a virus, uh, grab dinner and we went to

go see tonight. Can I just, and just say, the family, big Jay, okay, so Christine, Josh had a mime and Bob Kelly, Robert Kelly. Um, Josh doesn't fully remember it that way, but I short him to tell it went. It's 100%. You know how you know how I know I know it went that way. when. It's 100%. You know how, you know how I know it went that way? Yeah. It still hurts my heart.

It went that way. I know because I remember the exact moment when me and you started walking together and he looked over at us and then real, I, you know, it wasn't you me catching eyes with him. He just saw his, oh shit. Yeah. And Robert Kelly. He said it by name.

He had to say my name two more times. Yeah. Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly. And we went across the street from dinner to go see evil dead rise. We sat down and it was great. We got there. Bobby was finishing up.

He decided he was going to come meet us up for the movie. We got there. We could have said anywhere. There was maybe two for the people in the theater. Um, were they black? I think most of them, yeah. But then, uh, during previews,ple dates with a fat black woman who were not gonna be quiet for this movie but i'll tell you what uh none of it bothered me whatsoever everybody was in comparison really really like timid and just watched a movie and enjoyed it because it turns out

we brought the biggest blackest woman of all. Robert Kelly. Bobby Kelly. The only man in the movie theater on one jump scare to stand up out of his seat. Do a weird like an arm like shivered and then sat back down. Also yelled out loud, I'm leaving several times. And for a good 25 minutes of the movie, Turtle Sheld is face into his own shirt.

He laid his head on Christine Scholder at one point. It was in an armpit at another point. I crawled into Christine's. He did this a lot. He had these hands a lot my favorite like prepared the like What's his name? Kadeem hardest send them down like fucking Wayne Wayne But you I didn't realize you have that much of a reaction to horror. I told you yeah first

Well, I told you that I I'm not good. I'm not good and I need to sit next to you I'll never ever not invite you to it was the most fun I've ever had was two shows going on Well, what? I Want to see this yeah, it's really fun. It's not fun. It was not a fun movie. It was not a good movie Here's a problem with this movie. Here's a problem with you Mm-hmm number one. I showed up late a little late. They didn't let me in. They were like, it's closed. I'm like, I go my, I had a lie. I want my friends

are up there. I'm their right home. Right. And not, you know, we're in New York city. I mean, it's the greatest train system in the world. Nobody, nobody weren't also that late. I was a couple of minutes later, but they closed everything down. Yeah. So I was like, please, I'm gonna have to sit in the car for two hours waiting for these people if you don't let me in. And then the security guard was, oh God,

he went over to the guy and the guy went, oh yeah, I'll do it with a credit card. I just can't do cash. I'm like, you think I was gonna do it? I don't know. Wouldn't let you under what? Wouldn't let me into the movie.

So then I gave him the credit card, then I go, and I'm starving, I haven't eaten all day. So I'm like, can I get food? No, that's done So I'm like all right, so I go upstairs and the It's crazy. They wouldn't so you candy. It wouldn't tell me I get nothing. Maybe not cooking the stuff Yeah, they wouldn't tell me anything. They were shutting it down. I get it dude. Look it You're ready to go home. The doors were locked They called it right whatever they let me in I go upstairs and I told you I need to sit next to somebody I told you that I said I need to be next to somebody you were I was

but I need to be next to somebody that cares about me and Christine I'm not I'm not mad at you Christine you did not comfort me one bit. You, or you have ice cold blood. I was surprised. I was enjoying the shot. I was surprised at one point that you, I would have definitely had an armor around you for one more, for a little bit.

I mean, at one point I took my jacket and I put it over your eyes. Yes, you did. But Bobby does. He has great like a black woman reactions to it. Like, like Bobby has the, like, you know, you see somebody doing something and not noticing, like behind them, like the door is opening.

And Bobby has like, oh hell no. No. He, he, uh, he yells out to do different things and is what's gonna happen to move the movie forward. Oh, no. He goes, don't, don't open the door. He's, he's feeling those emotions. Yeah, but it's like, run!

Just run! Stop! This girl kept having moments. Like, she would kill the demon, and it's like, now run! You don't stop and take a breath. I don't care how tired you are. But that would be called a short film.

Yeah, but here's the thing, Jay. She was given pep talks. She murdered the demon, and the demon was sitting there with a scissor in the face, and she'd be like, we're gonna make it out of here. Stop stopping and go. Stop giving pep talks. Get the fuck out of the house. You said that's your favorite thing to tell you, don't stop stopping. Yeah, that's one thing that don't loves to do are we gonna what stopped stopping

there's a guy with a gun let's go i don't want to talk about it right now i can't argue with you that the lack of real lisman in these horror movies aside from satanic possession and books of the dead and blah blah blah besides all that

there really is a lack of haste in escape. It's very difficult. Like they really, they will sit there with the, what they, I apparently believe to be, is the corpse of something that is extraordinarily supernatural. That they have simply killed with very human natural death circumstances. Adolstic. Adolstic to the eye.

Spoiler alert. Adolstic to the eye, Stephanie. Puts it through an eyeball, and it does seem to do the job for a moment. They're completely convinced, well we got them. The job is done. They're down. Listen, there's a lot of evidence that this thing could be over but you've seen Your loved ones flying around the house already their eyes have changed color their teeth are different their skin's different

You've already seen some wild shit. You go. You know what? Let's just say that or that or immediately start burning everything as soon as they go down Here's the problem what they did last night that really fucked me up Demon possession when someone gets possessed by a demon what is the hope? What's the hope? They get on possessed they get on possessed. They have a couple scars on the neck You know, maybe the one eye is bred for a month. Yeah. But they come back. You get them back.

They didn't do that. Like they- You had to get rid of our harm over there was no reprieve. There was no, there was no coming back from that. And then, can I spoil it? Well, you can definitely spoil it. Turn it off if you don't want to know. But I will say what you missed in the beginning, Bobby, did make for the ending being like a little cooler

than you probably thought it was, because what I think you missed was, in the very beginning, it's at the lake, where it always happens out in the cabin. Yeah. It's at the cabin. It's at the cabin, and it's two people hanging out, like a guy and a girl hanging out by the dock,

and they go, hey, I'm gonna go check on so-and-so whatever the hell's wrong with her Let's see what you know hopefully she's feeling better and then they go and she became The girl they thought was sick became one of those things right and killed the two other people And then a very cool the way they start the movie to like the way they show the titles card is awesome I won't spoil that. But either way she kills those people. Then it says, uh, uh, uh, one day earlier in the one day earlier is the whole movie. Okay. So if you, if that girl who was leaving at the the girl who left at the end, that's the girl who was possessed in the very beginning of

the movie. Here's what they did that really was unfair and really shocking. In spoiler, don't listen. Kid possession. Not only one, two. Not only a family possession against the family. Also casual, very casual child death. Dude, casual child death death they just murdered children just

a kid in the hallway just to see a a bloody body of a child who smashed against the wall just be dead sort of in the background most of the movie I wouldn't stop me from leaving anyway I mean if I had a daughter or a son that possessed they're on their own max got possessed in fact a goodbye. I mean I'm on my son anymore You try to belt them down and you get a priest involved but like I think most priests are good this point Gonna be like no, no that's a real demon possession. I don't know. I mean that's not your max anymore No, I walk in max is fucking turning his head around you see you later And the house you can have the house. I don't want the the fucking house they also gave an escape hatch early in the movie they said

we want our mom back and says your mom's with the maggots now so they said she's gone she's gone like there's no hope they took the hope away then let's just get the fuck out they said they said your mom's gone she's dead now the kids the kids like oh i killed my mom then the girl I mean gets possessed then the other one gets possessed then and there's like a little girl left with some slutty aunt and there then they then they then they joined forces as demons to literally literally came one big demon became one big demon and people still hanging around. Listen man, it was a fucked up movie. They did not hold back. This

was interesting the two I will say again not to complain about the realism of a fantasy horror movie but these deadites they're called if you're into the evil dead universe. These like demon and the things they can fly. They're supernatural in every possible way. They could bend their body and contort in all kinds of crazy ways, stick to walls and ceilings. For most of the movie, the front door of the apartment was keeping her at bay. Yeah. But most of the movie was her being on the outside of the door, asking them to let in and just banging on the door.

It's like, that was a pretty good dad, deadbolt on the door. That was a good deadbolt. And they had a dresser in front of it. There's some really funny stuff, though. I guess it was a broken home. The family, the dad wasn't around. And at one point, I mean, all bloody and scarred up, she's telling the little girl, she goes, your daddy's out here with me He's just over there. He says we should be a family again the little girl's like all right

She fake talk to you want to talk to her? Okay, daddy wants to talk to you daddy says he doesn't want to talk to him. He should unless you open the door Mom, why do you have purple eyes? They did make it though in the movie. Like, they were trapped there. So it's not, they weren't like not leaving me. They were like not leaving because they couldn't. That was part of the... Zayl, Bobby's right.

They weren't making moves. They were not. They weren't making, they were... They started crawling down a hole. The stairs were destroyed down the building. Because there's an earthquake. Get down there. But get down.

Climb down, like descend down the rubble. But the demon was dumb at 1.2. She couldn't get in through the door. Okay. And then she's trying to get in and then she hears the cat spoil alert in the ventilation shaft. And she looks up and she's like, oh, I'll use the ventilation to get into the apartment. And it's like my argument.

That's like common sense thing. Well, it's kind of common sense. The vent was on the roof, like the ceiling. Again, the easier solution was to fly into the air conditioning system and somehow navigate through that to get exactly where she wanted to go into the house. But the door was causing a major problem for her getting in. That's what's hitting me there. I feel like at least the door would have been, the door never even broke.

It even broke the front door. But the window's open too. Couldn't she have went out a window and flew around the side and flew into the window? The answer, Bobbi, yeah, is yes. Yes, by lore and what they're showing in the film, of flying into a window is a possibility. They defy our human physics. But the amount of, I don't know what the word,

maybe it's not that, the non-empathy you two had towards me going through this trauma. It was fucking trauma. You're wrong about that. You guys, you gotta tell me, you pegged me all wrong this trauma. It was fucking drama. You're wrong about that. You guys can tell you something. You pegged me all wrong right there. And Christina will tell you this about me. I'm such a mother hen.

I wore every time he said you were leaving. I had an emotional reaction. I'm like, no, no, no, don't leave. Don't leave. You can't put in popcorn over my face. I can't eat this. I can't put in popcorn. I'm fatty.

Well, we went to eat. I was full as possible. And Josh, because Josh ate as much as anybody if not more at dinner and he gets right there. He's like, the biggest box of popcorn. Let me get there. He's just like, he's going. It's amazing. He's got to burn that.

He's got to burn those, that engine's burning all the time. I ate so much those two Josh and Justin. Justin, I don't. I watch Justin do. I watch Justin do much more healthy on a regular basis. Josh is never with me where he's not like going for it all day. When it goes to your house, when it's when you have pizza, I've never seen somebody consume so much pizza and I admire it. Oh yeah. And just you just get slimmer. Yeah, because those guys are really working out a lot. Not wrong, he does.

I never work out sessions. I never work out sessions. Yeah, they're working out. They're, you know, they're killing it. They're burning it, their engines always burning. But let me tell you some, Christine, I love you. But you didn't show me one ounce of affection last night. None.

None. Cold. And the scares, you didn't really even get scared. Well, you were dominating the scares. Yeah, what does that mean? I don't know what that means Your your reactions were so over the top of hilarious and dare I say flamboyant Comey gay funny. He's called me gay. So was it weird as way of somebody going me gay ever. You were almost like comic relief because we'd all be scary thing would happen. It was very scary.

And then you would have some reaction that would be like maybe the scariest thing is when and then you you stood up. I thought you were just going to eject out of the room. What was that one? That was a real battle. That was the event. That was when she came through the event. Well, she came through the event when she came through the I don't show that well no because when she came she came through no when it was she came through the Vent and then she turned around and she wasn't there it was one of those it was the head fake on the head fake Scares so she turned around you like she is gonna be there She wasn't and then it was like right next to Bobby. Here's the thing. I hate it

I hate when they show the person in focus, and then they have the demon in like that bokeh. Just that that that auto focus in the background that really cool headshot vibe. I hate that. And she came through that vent and then she was in the window reflection. It's like, fuck that.

How do you know? Who the fuck's putting headphones on during a demon attack? You need all your senses. You need your senses. You do. There's a couple of film flubs in there. You don't put fucking and their headphones from like 1962 like they're huge cans. Well Jacob let me give you the break down. I'll tell you. Let me give you the break down. They've they've messed with the lore a bit in this film There's an earthquake which opens up a hole in the garage of this apartment building of which the three kids of this lady See that it's an old bank vault underground He opens up two safety deposit boxes this hipster takes records instead of looking for money

Oh, yes, they also give you a little force shadowing. He's DJ in his room He's DJ throwing down a little DJ no offense low, but he takes records. Yeah, yeah There's a there's the 90 little saves you could open up and look for like a Rolex He finds the book of the dead which they've changed the appearance of which I have a joke that is not helping I did not describe it the way it is showed in this movie, but it's not only is that the Necronomicon, the book of the dead, but it's also as well a series of three labeled records. Four. Three.

Four. Oh, three. There's four. She did the third one. No, she did the fourth one. She did the third one. No, she did the fourth one. She did, he did two. He did two. She skipped three, went right to the end.

She goes, I'm just going to go right to the end. She goes, I'm going to go backwards. She did say that, but with three. Yeah, but those four. I'll bet a toenail kiss on this. Okay. Yeah. I'll bet you two don't kiss on that.

Okay, great. A hundred percent. Christine, look at how many records there were. Christine, Yeah. Oh, but you're taking a kiss on that. Okay, great. A hundred percent. Chris, you look at how many records there were. Chris, do me a favor. Can you look at records there were? And then Bob's got the kiss of zone dead toenail. I think I can do it if I had to.

Oh, you could. I could if I had it. I could suck my own toe. I can. Um, contest. So the guy finds records. Finds records. Wow, that's cool.

He's like, well, I'm a DJ. I grab these and the book of the dead and bring it back home his sister goes I don't like that book of the dead. I don't like the way that looks at all and And so he goes I'll get rid of it in the morning and Then he pulls out the records and starts playing them. It's gibberish and then he very quickly realizes if he spins it with his finger faster, it's a perfectly clear speech from like a minister talking about the book of the dead and blah, blah, blah. But he has it on full blast on like huge speakers in the apartment.

Rattle. If I played as a child played music, just a little bit, I would be screamed at. But nobody comes in and goes, Hey hey shut the demon music off. This mother was not this mother wasn't a good mother before she became a demon. Yeah she was sloppy for sure. So then he plays the second one plays it at that speed, plays it at that speed and then it's the actual incantation that brings the deadites, you know, the evil dead to the forefront in this apartment. There's not.

So what is this book for? I don't know this plot. I've never watched evil. I don't know. The book just like when it opens, it's like starts. So you don't need the book. The book does not help you in any way now. But they have to bury the book

always. They put it away. That's when they seal it. But this is a movie where nobody escapes. You can't escape. It's always there. And then I don't like those until you know at the end of some of them living dead. Any of the living I hate when no solution Yeah, when everyone's every single person dies at the end I can't stand like you wasted my time That's an awesome hard to me when I'll go is haywire Well, I want to do is build stuff from my sweetheart. Yeah, exactly. I know you do I'm with you Jacob. I need hope I need hope when the exercise the reason why I was a great movie at the end She came back it just come into me. He jumped in went out the window and the little girl came back pop somebody's but he was now possessed and out there yeah but he's a pedophile priest

so he died he didn't he showed up to and came against George C Scott in a film called excerpts is three no that wasn't him. That was actually the killer. Possessed by him. Possessed by him, but it wasn't him. It was the devil. Sure. It was the devil. The devil possessed the serial killer who was in prison.

Physically, in our world, he was that guy from child's play. But he turned into the priest just to have a form because he can't be the devil right so it wasn't him he died that that person died when he jumped down the stairs he snapped his neck he was dead yeah devil was still around but he just went into somebody else Jason Miller thank you three there was four records three records somebody's got a three-reference I I also feel like you waited my time for two hours. Like that. On what?

The living dead movie would Sarah Polly. Okay, which one's Sarah Polly? Oh yeah, I know. The one I was into. The mall one. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't look the same.

She changed her look. But yeah, the whole movie goes by. I think finally they finally make it. The end credits. Zombies attack this boat and that's how it ends. Over the credits. You think they get away. What did you want to watch this for?

Yeah. No. It's when the end is, it's the end. Like that. I mean, I mean, Friday the 13th, part two, man, where is that part one? When he comes out of the lake, part one one. I mean that's I mean I get But I'm saying everyone dot everyone dies. They they don't like somebody lived in that they got away There was hope like that person wanted maybe the next person isn't wasn't she was on the lake was that real?

No, that was it was a real yeah, he came out of the lake and grabbed her no, that was a fantasy Okay, I believe you on that one, cause it lost the three records. Lamar and I'm street one. They get taken away in the car and the mom gets pulled hilariously through a very small hole in a door. Bizarre. It's very bizarre.

There's a lot of crap in there. Bizarre ending. Very bizarre in there. But the kids are alive. But they do live. Yeah, just like their lives end up being fine from that point on. Even though they get taken into a dream warrior.

These kids died. A lot of them, yeah. These kids died last night, Jay. They were two of them got away. One kid and. One kid and the sister. Worst kid. Another problem with this movie, Jacob,

I know you like movie tropes and things. Oh, I have another one to bring up after the sit the sisters that's what it is that it's uh... sister comes back to visit her her sister and the kids and uh... when she shows up her big thing is she's a guitar tech and the the lady who gets possessed is like uh... she calls her a groupie a lot

she's got not a groupie i'm. She's like, I'm not a groupie, I'm actually working like on these tours and blah, blah, blah, I'm a guitarist, I'm trying to become lead tech. And she's like, whatever they keep calling her a groupie. And in the height of, like, I think one of the kids is already dead, lots of people are dead. And her sister has already sliced her own face up and done crazy shit and flown around the house. And at one point, she goes, she goes, you let me in the house, you stupid ugly groupie slut.

And she goes, I'm not a groupie! She's still holding onto that argument. She's like, I wouldn't, this has nothing to do with anything. Yeah. Move on. In that moment to have your anger be about the comment of that you're a groupie again like that's that ship that ship is sailed. She was about to be the only female guitar tech head guitar tech in the business. Oh, she was a groupie for sure. She was chugging balls without a doubt. She had an unborn child in her belly for some fucking bass player. Oh, that's right. She was also pregnant by somebody.

So she is a groupie slut. That's a groupie. Yeah. Yeah. It was. It was bad. I mean, when the little girl, when the teenage girl became a demon from the cut from the mom, which I don't know how that happened, but that was so fucking creepy to me that she was just chewing on glass, trying to kill the bugs in her stomach. That was nuts. And then the boy, he became the little boy. Yeah. He deserved it because he's the one who played the fucking records. Some fucking D1 less DJ, that's what I say. I'm doing something I rather be roommates

with a demon in a DJ. No, Fence, you're different. Not like you. I don't mean like you. I want to live with DJ Lou and his brother. So if someone in here got possessed right now, if one of us got possessed, say Jacob just got possessed. No, you know, say black Lou. He's over in the corner. He's kind of acting weird right now. He's probably the most religious of all of us. He's standing up for some reason. He's uncomfortable because we're talking about demons. Yeah, Queen

Omega Blackloo, I don't want to say what I do if you're the demon. I go, well, first thing we'd strap him down. Then we burn him with stuff to see if that helps. Then we have to hang him. We just have to try. Now let's do all that. Let's do it to DJ though or Christine. If Christine became possessed the middle of the night, what would you do? Go on ski out the window. Uh, in the middle of the night. I thought I throw out the window and I get an electric drum kit. You couldn't throw me out the window. Why couldn't you? Why couldn't you throw you out the window? So windows don't open that much.

Christine, you're a demon. You could change forms. Your bones are like fucking mouse bones at that point. Here's what we do. You take a chair, you throw the chair through the window, then you push it through the window. I'm not the chair would not break that window. It's that crazy thick glass, but I'll squeeze her through, trust me.

Her body will be soft like a demon, you know what I mean? That's what was scary about this movie too. They didn't have it in the house, or like they had it in an old Part building that was gonna be demolished So there was only one flow with people on it left and it was like from the fifties So is this like the shiny had like a shining vibe to it which was creepy as shit like she had to go do laundry In the basement of the shitty old bit. There's a wet like a wet drippy basement

I would have- No, Har involved. I still wouldn't do a basement laundry room. No, I'd throw my clothes up. My childhood was that, and my mom would send me down like get it or switch it over. And I mean, it was- Freak you out every time.

100% of the time. And I had not one time did I not run up all four flights of stairs to get back to our apartment. I had to do that. Ran up. Weirdly enough, that basement though, I turned it in like the garage part of it. Like I turned into like a hangout thing that ended up liking in some weird way. But with friends, I don't know if I'd spend the night down there alone.

That's called drugs. No drugs. No drugs. Drugs will make you like demons. No drugs at all. Nintendo. I think it was one of the nights where me and a buddy's whacked off. No drugs drugs drugs who make you like demons no drugs at all Nintendo I Think it was that was one of the nights were me and a buddy's whacked off in the same room

Yeah, the garage has good memories. Why did you say no drugs sex? Yeah, you guys sucked each other off the same thing is my I want to suck to each other off Nintendo and I think we jacked off in the same room. It's the same you for you as mushrooms or drugs. Look, I'm just trying to scratch an itch man. You're the base. It just jerked each other up on a five gallon. Oh, scratch the ditch. Paypal.

Well, our five cent review is, uh, I don't know how good or not the movie was, but Bobby is fun to go to the movies with. That does sound a lot of fun. Har movie to be there with. You get as excited, like, when he got into the galaxy, would you be like cheering when they like get through like, you know, adventures? I do, I love that type of movie, I love that. Yeah, I love it.

You know when we used to go, did I tell you that before? When Keith used to buy 40 tickets, to any Marvel movie that came out here by 40 tickets out of the gate, and then he just sell them, because he doesn't have enough money to just spot 40 tickets. So he would sell them to, who's coming and then you just give them the money and we'd all go as comics, like the first,

whatever, like a Thor movie or. Darn Tay was involved in that all day took over after the stroke got you you need both hands to use fan dango so yeah we did that we went to what was the one with when Hans solo was back with Star Wars that big one yep and I remember I remember we went to the first one, the first showing at midnight. Then there was another showing after that, because it was so big and he bought 40 tickets.

It was so funny because we were 40 comedians. So as soon as Han Solo, you walked up to Princess Leia and he just hugged her, because she's ugly now. They were like, ah, you motherfucker, give her a kiss, bitch. Give that fat bitch a kiss so that we just ruining the move for everybody. So we were leaving and Keith, there's two guys walking up with custom hats. C3PO and R2D2. Wow.

That had lights. That literally lit up and made, and they were going to the next showing. And as we're walking by, Keith goes, God damn it, I can't believe they killed Han Solo. Oh shit. You heard oh no and then the hat went boo boo boo boo Oh He ruined it for the ruined he saw this stupid hat when he was the one where he dies. There is son killed What a dick move That's so shitty

Yeah, they were well it was funny because me actually shouldn't do that It's actually a dick move. I think when they line people up Outside the theater waiting for one to end because you hear people talk about it was when they walk out like an Evidence believe you're gonna even gonna think about that sometimes just I think he's in on very much purpose He saw the hats and was like I'm doing 40-year-old dweeb Can't believe they killed Han Solo. No! People will be the people who will be the best. People will be the people.

My friend and I always laugh about this moment when this was those first shitty prequels. Yeah, all those are bad. So we were in the mood. I can't remember, maybe it was the dark night and then the prequel came up for that. And you first heard Darth Darth Vader. Yeah go For the first time they just cut it into the trailer and there was a nerd behind us who went

Like you singing What was the thing we watched a long time ago? It was like when people watched the trailers of those movies, they go, Oh, I didn't meant so much to this torque. I love that. People mountain dead, remember? We still remember we watched that, the girl melting down to Harry Styles. Yeah.

Listening to it, was it sign of the times? Did you ever see that? You should bring it up. Chris to you for Bobby. It's so goddamn funny. She's just Severely overreacting it's her first time listening to Harry Styles new album. She's a big fan And he's just like the music starts right away and she goes oh Just like squeezing her own like tits almost like it's just no way to control her so I don't know I think sexual about the song.

Like having a one-ass song. 1670s of it, it's so funny. She's like, she's making like ugly faces of happiness. She means it. I love the previews. I was so mad that I missed them. That's my favorite part. It's what's coming up.

You want another one that I was bummed you missed too? Even though it doesn't look good, and I feel like they're gonna make the very last one just be like a one off whatever movie. It's a new Indiana Jones movie. It looks good, I thought it looked good. It doesn't look good, they're relying a lot on technology

because they're gonna do like him, young and old. They show in the trail or him jumping on a horse at his age now and riding through subways, it does not look good. Because it's got to be so faked. You know what I mean? He probably can't even get on like the thing that they need to pretend as a horse to project a horse onto.

He is elderly and frail. He can't ever get an atrocious horse That's what sucked about the third one with Sean Connery. No, no third one was great first one was great third was good second one was weird But kind of goofy and temple doing was fun temple. It could can't be cool. You know, it was whatever But the fourth one was a terrible because Well, because they had the they always be shy of the boops this the cg i was terrible they have those and those giant what the fuck was that there's no such thing as giant ants

yet you didn't really fight a lot of supernatural stuff too much to do in what and indiana jones first one first one of us super natural i mean it's super you have to be a little shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah which is you can you out that's all i need it's a little bit of truth to make me go I believe it. This was like space aliens in that I'm on the third that was stupid

But that when the ants and they were driving over the big ant piles and fucking on the motor student Fucking Indiana Jones. He's a good-looking guy. They'll look at him. Good looking guy That's the aging back. Oh, is it that's not bad, dude I like this right here was what bothered me a lot. I Like that actor too. I like that Harrison 40's fine. I like it. I like that Hey, look at a 79 year old man riding a horse away from a train. I like it He's a great he's a great bad guy too. I'm gonna have a hard time suspending disbelief on this one man. But what happened to his son? Where'd he go? Why is he not in this? Charlotte Boops? Yeah, I mean I know he's a life. Yeah, there was a son. Yeah.

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you why I love it. I like when they just get rid of a kid and pretend they didn't have them with the experiment didn't work out How about Rocky? How about Rocky five? He has all that Milo vent and then they come together and he's there for his last fight by the time when he finds a Donus Creed he never talks to his own son ever again. He visits him at the end Does he yeah, but just to be like oh, hey, yeah my son told my new black son told me that I should come say hi A lot of this CGI in the background looks

Comical, yeah, you know what I do love this such a screen the bonfire screen burn We've had our logo on this TV so much as burned in the screen. So now you see the bonfire right above Harrison Ford's face Pretty sure we've done it every studio we've gone into. And here's what I'd say. It gets some LED TVs in here. Where do we use an old plasma? This is crazy. Where do we get these?

A Costco? We're just lucky to have microphones. Bobby's looks like it's about to collapse. Yeah, they're all going down to some degree. I was going to... Hey, you know what they got really good equipment Nashville It's two studios above a fucking hockey arena. Let's go any flawless equipment any friend I have who has a podcast has better gas digital

Working with far far better equipment. Yeah Absolutely, it's created the LA ones though. We were staying as a kid just get this out there in the working with far far better equipment. Yeah. Uh, absolutely. It's created, the LA ones though. Uh, we were staying as good as, get this out there in the, uh, ether when it gets cold. What's that? When it gets cold, Jacob, you will love this, buddy.

Mm-hmm. We should absolutely ask Jim. Big Jim, I know you're listening. We want to do a Miami trip. We want to do a week of shows in Miami. My man. Uh, I'm there. I got the outfit already. Open studios. Now look, we're not hours to turn them. trip we wanted to do a week of shows in Miami. I'm there. I'm there.

I got the outfit already. Open studios. Now look, we're not hours turned on. I got to go down there and interview, who is this today? Anita? That was crazy. What are they making him do down there?

It looks uncomfortable. He's like, now Anita, you're a Spanish singer. He's like, oh yes. And I have a deodorant spray for pussy called pussy, and he's like, tell me about that. It was, it's mind-numbing. By the way, I just want to hear him talk about Miami. They're like two, three guests a day while he's down there.

Anyway, we want to do it right. We should go down to shows in Miami for a week. How fun with that. I'm an I'm a big fan of the Cuban sandwich the Cuban coffee. Cuban Cubans are my favorite Spanish people. Is that racist to say that? Yeah, that's a white guy. I'm sorry. You know what? I'm sorry Lou, black me up is a bet. Okay, sorry. Build that wall. Believe a little ramp for the Cubans. But I think we should go to my army. I think one we ball out. I think we get a fucking a house with a pool hot tub.

We get a convertible. Cady. Maybe we get a convertible. Cady. Big fat cat. We all of us fit in the cady. But guys, at night we go out. We hit the not night life. But we go to a nice restaurant we hit a cigar bar go down to south beach we could hit south beach a1a beach front avenue hook up with some gay guys

we could probably dance with some gay guys there's a yardhouse down there if you like appetizers we could go some gay guys do some hot dance until we sweat through our shirts Jacob you're in right did you just write a note to yourself that make this happen? I'm having a deal, dude. You're the producer, right? I want to get you a mesh shirt. Yeah. A mesh shirt?

Yeah, I need to see it. I want to mesh it. A mesh shirt, just what it sounds like, a shirt made of mesh. Why? It's going to be tucked into purple denim shorts that are very short and a big ass belt. Yeah. I say, I say not big short and a big ass belt. Yeah, I say I say not big I say thin disco belt thin disco belt, but you do like the idea of short denim

Sure purple denim. There's a mess shirt I wear that for the show for sure Half shirt half shirt Me on yellow after yeah, Jacob you we're gonna have to pull you away from pussy to get you to do the show those days. But I think we do it. I think we do it. I think we do it when we're gonna go live on a Thursday.

We go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, all live for Miami. And then we go, we get to live life. Then we do two shows on Friday. We do a couple of shows. We do some shows. Maybe do a live show down in Miami for the Miami fans. We do a live bond for our perhaps, yeah. And we all dress in the same outfit.

I like that. Yeah, we all have mesh shirts. Okay, I'm not going to do a mesh shirt. I want to see you. I'm not going to do a mesh shirt. I'm doing it. Yes, you're going to do a mesh shirt. But you could definitely talk me into some kind of a loud button down or something.

Look at this one. It's conservative man. Nice. You're saying I should wear that one? Yeah, I'm not. No. I won Christine have, I want her to have a thong on whale tailing big time. You know what I mean?

I want the short slow and I want the top of your fat ass sticking out. I want, will they gonna make Miami Vice again? Were they gonna remake that as a TV show with the original guys? Oh, that had been great, Tubbs, Terris, Philip Michael Thomas. I don't know, but that's show was great. The outfits on that show. The music. I mean, the shoulder pad, sports coats, that still gets me going.

When I got out of rehab I got a rehab I actually got pleated pants neon green with a neon orange Tight shirt with no sleeves like like rocket. What you was it? 80 was it 87 that works 86 86 that's all about board and I had suspenders I had I had green suspenders Yeah, so I had the suspenders on the pleated pants no belt and I had the tight orange neon shirt with no sleeves There was a kid named Aaron Landon our school that came one day in full Don Johnson outfit And I'll tell you what he looked like a jerk off, but I respected what he did I did we were friends enough We went back to his house and he took it off and put on regular clothes and we got EL fudges. I don't know why I remember that, but I do.

I worked at the gap when it was all pastels. Yeah. I love pastels. All the T-shirts and pastels. Yeah, Bobby can't wait to get to Miami. He's going to show out. Oh, I can't wait. Bobby's going to have on such short shorts. It's going to be unreal. We're going to have to work. We're going to have the unit to keep his ball bag inside those things. We're gonna have to work, we're gonna have a unit to keep his ball bag inside those things. Oh, we have to do, we gotta get DJ Lou, we gotta get your girlfriend down there to run with her people. You know what I mean?

It's not her people. Oh, that's her people, buddy. She's put her in again. You think it's not her people, but it's her people. She's gonna be wearing yellow skirts and dancing in clubs till the sun comes up. DJ Losing a bit of sunblock on. Yeah, Black Lewis gonna leave his family. He's running from his family and Florida. That's what he's gonna do. He's gonna sleep in and fucking partay. But I think we should do. I think we should get a baller place down there and like, like a pool. It'd be great. Jacob, you're so excited, I know it. Remember, you thought radio was gonna get you nowhere?

Look at you now, dude. I remember. Look at you now. Look at you now. We could go to like the bird cage. What's that? A burlin on the burlesque shows with the drag queens. Oh, a little look, Kaja Fall.

A little look, Kaja Fall. Watch some dude sing, share. We could do that. I say we should also. We could do 40 minutes or half an hour actually from the keys. We're gonna do a quick little getaway. We could do it, no.

You could do it. You guys could do a show down there. There's actually a great comedy club down there. Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, it's good, I love it. Kids are a little weird though. It's a little. Keys are weird. We could do something in Miami.

Little more Miami proper. I thought they'd get a fishing boat. Well, we have to work also. Oh, no. That's a no. That's a fish. No, no, no, it's not. I don't know.

I think we should plan to do something every night. We should do like a fun thing. Yeah, but not fishing. I love fishing, but fishing will take it. We'd be tuckered. We'd have to get up like really early going a boat. That was to be like day off. That would be our day off.

Yeah, me and you were going to day off. We'll get a nice boat. We'll be with the boat. You guys hang out, smoke some weed, listen to some tunes, we'll catch dinner. What do you box in me out for? Oh, you can't catch it. Tell the actually he goes, me and Jacob are doing this.

He goes, you hang Jacob, what do you do? You hang back with the ladies cook. Ah. Wait, I just don't take you as like a fisherman. You're not gonna go. Fuck that, dude. Me and DJ Lew are gonna go kill someone and put them in the Everglades.

Where's the glades? Oh man. We can have Jacob's kosher parents come to the show. They'll come. Yeah? Nice. I can't wait to make Jacob's parents. What made Jacob?

We'll see. We'll see that day. Oh, it's good to see cars I get down there. I'm gonna tell them disappointing facts about Jacob that they want the glies. I'll be like, you know what? Jacob's crazy. This guy eats cheeseburgers like Wimpy from Papa. He loves cheeseburger so much.

My son's been having the cheese with the meats. Oh boy. That'll hurt my dad. If you want to hurt him, that's how you hurt him. This guy doesn't give a fuck about being kosher. It's crazy. He sees meat with cheese on it. He has for more cheese. You can't you can't. He's trying to restore his forest skin also. You don't like bacon either right? You don't eat bacon? I don't eat it. I don't like it. I remember that a couple of years ago you like to eat it. You

hate to smell a bit. Go eat turkey bacon now right? I've never eaten it. I can't. Bacon bits. What is that that's bacon? Bacon bits? That's bacon. Chicken's never heard of bacon bits. Bacon bits. What is that, that's bacon? Bacon bits? That's bacon. Chicken's never heard of bacon bits. It's bits of bacon. No, I know what it is, but it's bacon. It's bacon. No.

What's the difference between that and? It's small. It's small. It's a little crispy pieces of bacon. A little smaller. Are bacon bits real bacon? Some of them are. Not the bacon.

Not the bacon. Bacos are definitely not, yeah. No, bacon is dog food. It should be, it's the colors wrong. Yeah, they were nasty, but we had it when I was young. For sure, for a salad, Bacos. But they're not called Bacos for sure. I believe so, yeah.

Yeah, there you go. Bacos, yeah. So I remember it. Baking pieces. But it's not bacon at all. Bacos, yeah. I think bacon is my favorite meat, buddy. It sucks, you don't like it or you can't have it.

I don't like it. You've never, you've had it and said I don't like it. I have had it. Have you had, have you had the like the, the thick bacon? I mean, no. I don't know what I, it wasn't, I don't know what steakhouse,

I'm gonna steakhouse, you still have a bit of it. Yeah, like that thick cut bacon, it's like, it's almost like a white meat, it's like a pork. I don't like it. that. I tried to mistake Alice. You're talking about that. Yeah, like that thick cut bacon. It's like, it's almost like a white meat. It's like a pork. I don't know. Like a piece of pork with fat on it. Do you not like pork at all? No.

Yeah. I like you thought about it. Pulled pork sandwich now. Nope. Winner strike you at all. Rib? You like a rib? No. Christine also feels this way, by the way, about pork.

Except she loves bacon. I do a bacon. How about bacon or anything? How much do you love bacon? Do you love bacon? How much? Would you eat it off Bobby's toe? If I wrap my dead toe and you couldn't tell where the toe was or where bacon was, because my toe does look like a piece of bacon. You don't know where toe starts and bacon begins. Alright, you stop when you think it's my donut. You got yourself. I actually get kind of like I don't like to eat lamb, I don't like to eat duck, I don't

like to eat veal, I get a little grossed out by eating like other, like I eat cow and chicken pretty much. Cow and chicken. And I feel bad about that too. I don't feel bad about anything. I love like what is a fragua? I've never had it. Oh, it's so great.

I tried it, I'm disgusted by it. I was in France in Perry. And... Gay Perry? Gay Perry. And they, at the the table they come with bread and instead of butter they bring

fronclaw and you smear it on the bread they think you told us that they get oh god you said it spreads like butter it spreads like butter and it's

the best do you like it Jacob? I didn't eat it because I just don't like the thought of it but when I worked at the friend restaurant I mean that was it's what everybody what do you like the thought of it, but when I worked at the friend restaurant, I mean that was it that's what everybody What do you mean the thought of it like the thought of what they do?

Yeah, I mean it's a liver of a duck. Oh, that's the problem It's a lot of people that promise the inhumane way they Feed them. I have no problem with that. I was they did it in I was they did like you know they make the Caesar salad at the table Yeah, I wish they did it in. I wish they did like, you know, they make the Caesar salad at the table. Yeah. I wish they did that before. I think these stuff to the duck's throw. They just they just blow it in there with one of those like fireplace squeezers. Yeah, the force feed it with it. Put a tube down its throat. Yeah, it's pretty horrible. I don't want to watch that happen. But I will eat. I don't like the result. If the result is delicious, I think Christine, the only reason I haven't had it in a long time

is because we share food a lot, and especially we get like a Parmesan, but Christine won't eat Ville Parmesan. I love Ville Parmesan. I'm not a big, I'll eat Ville Parmesan. I'd rather have a chicken Parmesan. That's normally what we get, which is fine. I don't complain about that, but there's times where

if there was not Christine involved, I would get field parmigrant. You like lamb? Don't care that much for lamb. I love lamb. God, do I love lamb on the bone? Beef lamb gyro. Ooh, it's good.

I don't like go. Yes, I've had go. I've never had go, I don't want to try it. I want to go to Morocco and go to they have a thing called lamb alley You should it's just the alley where they just put they cook lamb in the ground in these ovens Yeah, it's gonna be like fur on it still now. Yeah in the story of they hang the whole body up Yeah, it's just you see the they take the skin off It's gutted, but the whole animal is there with the eyeballs.

Of a lamb? Yeah. Of a lamb. They're full lamb bodies with the eyeballs bulging out in the window to sell, that's how the marketing... Greeks are just heavy back savages, are they? Really are. It's crazy.

It's just a fucking garbage trash, people. Just olive, oily, drippy, fucking. I agree. Feta, mother fuckers. I had a pig's head. Feta's my favorite. I had a pig's head. You ate it?

Yeah, it was just a hat. You ordered a hat. The whole thing? Yeah, you just ate it. Why were you waiting for a rescue plane? What happened, yellow jackets? You can order. Yep, that's it right there.

100% in Montreal. I went to a restaurant and you could order the head. You don't have to? It didn't say you have to have that. Is there a kids menu? It's so good. Really the meat and the cheek and the... Oh, I'd go, you know what?

Do you have chicken fingers? I just liked it as... I bet it's actually because it's fingers. Oh God! This is fingers of a cowardly man. That's not what I meant. I've had chicken feet at a dim sum restaurant. Why? You just want to try. You're fine with it. Yeah. I've had chicken feet at a dim sum restaurant. Why?

You just want to try, you're fine with it. Yeah, I tell you for such a, I would say you have a pretty hairline gag reflex. Yeah. You get the gags pretty easily. Yeah. I'm surprised you can even choke like holding that in my hand, but it makes me start wretching.

It looks like a hand of a girl I did at once. Is that a monkey paw? That brings you good luck. Ratching looks like it looks like a the hand of a girl I did it once Is it a monkey ball that brings good luck? I can I can eat anything as long as it's cooked I don't like I don't I can't have you tried bugs? Yeah, I had grasshoppers Not that chocolate covered or something. I'll eat I eat them with teriyaki teriyaki grasshoppers not bad at all How do you put it in your mouth? You know a lot, most of the people in the world they eat bugs. Yeah.

Yeah, that's like a protein. That's why we're American, they're savages. Don't even listen to Trump's speeches, buddy. I've got him on transcribes. I'll send him over to you later. My nephew was in Japan and he did this whole tour and he said he ate crickets and grasshoppers. I said, why?

He said, well, it's pre-fixed. It's a preset dinner. Tor and he he said he crickets and grasshoppers. I said why he said well It's prefix. It's a preset dinner. You don't want to be insulting to them. Yeah, I do I have no problem. I mean I'm not eating over Do you ever get there's bugs in my food? I would send this but you should give me the meal for free Get it out of my face. Yeah. Did you ever eat like, I- There's a fly in my sautéus. You're welcome, sir.

Hi. Hi. Uh, extra protein. Hey, hey. Fuck, dude. I ain't as blue as I was. It's going through my spine. In Japan, I ordered fish and it came whole fish on a steak.

And you just ate it like a like a lullipop. Oh, that was a bones. That was, dude, you pick them out. I'm not an asshole. I'm not an asshole. You take a bite and if there's a bone, you pull it out of your mouth. You wouldn't need a whole grilled fish. I love that.

Nope. And the bone thing he's saying, like, to me, the goal is to not get bones in your mouth Bobby saying like you take a bite and you pull out the Bunch of bones That is so good Jay Jay look at me Jay look at me. Yeah one of the best thing one of the best fish I've ever had in my life So as you feel a bone is the meal over The whole meals over and I'm gonna stand over a trash can, do this for a while.

Puh. Puh. Puh. Puh. Puh. Puh. Puh. Puh.

I love it, agreed. It's so good, man. I'm telling you. You're the palette that said, I, I, I, white fish salad made you nauseous. You're gonna eat a fucking scrotum stick is crazy. Because that's a fish. You're talking about, you're asking me to eat fish mush. That's fish mush. Fish, white fish salad.

White fish. Salad. White fish salad is fish mush. That's what it is. It's fish mush. Do you like tuna fish salad? I do, I like tuna. Fish mush. No, it's not fish mush. Fish mush. No's what it is. It's fish mush. Do you like tuna fish? I do, like tuna. Fish mush? No, it's not fish mush.

Fish mush? No, it's not. Because you can make it as mushy as you want and I choose not to make it mushy. I've had it with you at a restaurant and we had a pretty mushy, man-azy and oily, which I will say can't go back. Haven't made tuna fish since we've been there, like made it myself, but I won't make it without oil ever again

It was fantastic. This is disgusting all these things. You don't like see their little no What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten DJ Lou? I could veggie burger I said this before I think that when the fish has an eyeball as soon as I see that eyeball I gotta leave I ate the eyeball the building. Yeah, I, I gotta leave. I hate the eyeball. With the leaf, the building. Yeah, I can't eat now. I ate the eyeball on the pig. What? That's the lie.

That was pretty good. I ate the eyeball, I ate it and it was the wrong move. I'll say that. It was like a marble. It was so hard. There was none eyeball left in there. There's an eyeball? Yeah.

Yeah. In the pig, they had the eyeball. It cooked up and it gets hard, and it was kind of gross. That was gross, that was too far. But the cheeks were great, the inside, I've had brain, you've had brain. Oh. Uh-huh.

You do, that is so good, look at that, that looks so good. Cabear's meat looks better than I think it's gonna look, but I can't pull it off of face. Yeah, the eye gets cooked into the thing and it shrinks down. Don't you think pigs are adorable? Like, how can you do that? Yeah, I disagree with that also.

I don't think they're adorable. I do. You think they're adorable? They're so cute. I have one on my ranch. You'd like to have one on my ranch? Yeah, my ranch. Don't get, can you dream ranch. You know

There's no such thing as little pigs. No, I know I know that right, but I still want I still want to rescue one and keep it. I would punch it away for me That's why they have those noses. They're very smart people punching them. They're what? They're smarter than dogs. Yeah, how smart are they? They end up on a Bobby's eating his eyes and cheeks on a fucking plate and Morocco. In other countries, they're eating dogs like they eat weed pigs. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Pigs are so cute. I wonder how would you try dog if you were in another country where it was okay to have it? I'll tell you this with that kind of food damn we have to break our guest is here

And now back to the bonfire with big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly Better than Jordan playing ball at 22 Yeah, motherfucker the who-to-beetle stones the Ramones trekking you to What's that? Not the stones. Nothing. There's not a lot of people on their list. Yeah, maybe not the crew But let's chill out with the stones and the Beatles. Let's relax now. I mean this is No, this is great. Hey, maybe I'd agree with him who he fucking invited us back to the house. Like someone in the room. Like, like, someone who's, you know,

in the room right now. He knows what I do. He's just naturally cooler than us. Listen, it's gotta be the story everybody. I'll tell you this, he's gonna be at Levony Live in West Nyak this weekend. The fourth through the sixth, after that Tampa improv,

the 19th through the 20th, everybody's the hilarious Chris Porter. Well it has a new special out too. There's no money in babies. It's out now on YouTube. Not in this economy. And it was produced by Chris Rock and P. Diddy. He's a Fabio babies. Keep your babies. It's all black names. Martin Lawrence executive producing. Chris Kizzih, here. Chris Robbins. We played Kid Rock when you came in because that was, it seemed like, I mean, you particularly, it seemed like almost every other comedian that was on the show had a story of like, oh,

you've never gone like a eagle hunting with Kid Rock. Some of those are some. Yeah. had a story of like, oh, you've never gone like a eagle hunting with kid rocks. Some of those are some of the things. Yeah, he even make you a custom rattlesnake belt. Yeah, you didn't get his custom rattlesnake belt. He makes. He don't own the kid rock Confederate flag, Rob. That's what I smoke weed in when I'm sitting at home.

Yeah, is it racist? Yes, but super comfy. Like he didn't cheap out on it. I feel like he gives you things that other people gave him. He goes, you don't have one of Willie Nelson's hats that give you by Kid Rock. Yeah, yeah.

So you're, let's just say that you're friends with Kid Rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've been friends for a while. We didn't have to say it like that. I mean, so I was like, yeah. He was living Nashville. Oh my god. Christophe's in LA. Yeah. No, he found say it like that. I mean, so I was like, you live in Nashville. Oh my Christ. It's an LA. Yeah. Damn it. No, he found it was weird.

He, uh, he booked me on his cruise and I just thought maybe they called the agency and we're like, we need a rock and roll comic. But then I ran into Steve Trevino at the comedy. So he was like, bro, I was hanging out with kid rock and he did like two of your bits and like, quoted you and said you were like his favorite comic and then cut to I was On the boat we're drinking and I love that I love that but now I'm upset that Steve Trevino's hanging out with us Everyone's got a kid rock Holy shit. Who the hell is Steve Trevino?

So that's he no comic that hangs out with kid rock I guess But is that against kid rock it's against Oh, maybe he was building a wall around them. Okay practice wall maybe he was building the wall around his Home in Nashville maybe what what what what can I question dude see. I know Stevie Very funny guy. Let me ask your question. How did you become friends with him? How how did you do it? Not like the story of how you be how you do it? Like when you when you get his presence how do you not do what I did? And me and tell him everything I've ever seen him in and and been at that he's done and my appreciation for it. And me what I did where I just pulled

out stuff from my pocketbook and just trying to get a money. I just pulled out stuff from my pocket book. And just tried to hand him money. I just tried to. No, it was worse. I pulled out a cigar that he didn't want. Yeah, because he only smokes one cigar. And there are like little mini cigars. The little, apparently you know him well. Yeah, it's just that silly, linty smokes.

We could have used that, maybe. It was all Bobby. Not to go off from his, only one of my favorite stories forever. It's the worst. We could have used that maybe From his only It'll be one of my favorite stories forever. It's the worst. Yeah, do you want to say? Yeah, I just know you tell you Because it hurts me Jay Saw him get that little cigar hand to him he goes cigar guy. This is my end. I already said goodbye though I already said a man cool. He's a guy man. Yeah I was like yeah, yeah back and then yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, back.

And then I was like, so I'm leaving and I take literally a half a step away and the guy comes over with his cigars. He has a guy. Yeah, I'd already left after going, one time you played a sturgis, I saw that, that was great. And you played all the instruments on stage. Do you remember that night? That's why I was my five minutes weather.

Remember when you said I want to be a cowboy? Is that true? It's like the total Chris Farley show, though. Yeah, yeah. He goes, are you like a cowboy? Is that, is that magic really dead? Um, and then he comes, so I, I have, I'm a big cigar guy. Yeah. That's my thing. I don't do drugs.

I don't have weed. I don't have mushrooms. I don't have things. I don That's my thing. I don't do drugs, I don't have weed, I don't have mushrooms, I don't have things, I don't cheat on my wife, I don't have the other things that I could bond with him. Yeah. But he, I... Cheat on the wife thing, by the way, you said faster than everything else.

Yeah. You go, I don't do this, I don't do that. I won't do this, don't you, my wife? I don't do the bit. Hi. I'm just saying that's the one you want to do the most. My wife. It's a slippery slope. I, I, I, and he passed them cigars.

Two of them. I'm like, I know what those cigars, those are, those are short stories. That's a Fuente short story. I have those. I love those cigars. I know what those cigars are. That's a cigar guy cigar. Yeah. And I had my favorite cigar in my bag. It's a big cigar. It's called long live the king I have I'm going here. I go I'm sitting there, but I didn't know it wasn't my pocketbook my I have my little

My sissy pack on yeah, and I'm worse my nurse and I kept zipping it and unzipping it But I was too close to him Look at a little bit there was a there was a bungee cord bracelet I was just gonna look autistic a little bit. There was a bungee cord bracelet in there. Block going on. And then I finally found it and I pulled it out and I kind of did this, like a magician, like I was presenting him with, I was like,

I did that. Is this your cigar? Is this your cigar? Yeah. And then, and he goes, I think you were looking for this. Yeah, you think you like those, but what about this? Yeah. And he went, and he goes, I think you were looking for this. Yeah, you think you like those, but what about this? Yeah.

And he went, nah man, I'm good, I won't even take it because I won't smoke it. I only smoke these. It's a problem for me, man. I go, yeah dude, I got a pro, I got like 700 cigars in my, he goes 700 cigars, we were paying you too much. Yeah. And I was like, oh that hurt.

And then just vanished into the night. And then the capper is always my favorite this. As Bobby's sitting there under one rain cloud that's only falling on him while he's holding the cigar. I'm still holding it because I'm in shock. It's fucking, it's free! It's free! You give it to somebody who does like cigars later!

I'm just taking throw it out when I leave The fucking take to the gun you give in the moment where he gets to go give truck a cigar. He took it Give me the moment and give me the story Yeah, you take a story seems better and retrospect. Oh, it gets so much worse. This is the the saddest part to me coming up gets so much worse. This is the the saddest part to me coming up. Um, Jimmy, please, uh, while Bobby's sitting there, as I say, holding the cigar, Kid Rock now, no more in his line of vision. And Bobby's thinking about how he's gonna awkwardly go back into his purse and and put his cigar away. One of Kid Rock's other guys goes, dude, if that's because Bobby also said, this is a big

thing we forget every time too, because it's important. Bobby said, I brought an extra one of these for you to kid rock. I want you to have it. I lied. It was the only one he brought. And then he said the guy, he goes,

he goes, oh, do you get an extra one of those? And the guy just took it right out of Bobby's. This is, I don't know who this guy was. I don't know what he does. Just some guy goes I'll snag that. Yeah. I don't know you're just handing him out. Are you just a guard guy? Thanks. Took it and then walk not even like thank you just walked away and then went like back into that little huddle where Chris was and then I had to I had to walk that way and then I had to walk that way

and then I had to walk back through like a guy excuse me to them like Chris again, excuse me. I know I just say about you four times and you reject me. If you keep calling him Chris Rock, it's gonna cause a problem when we go to his house. If we ever get there. His name's Tucker Carlson.

Oh, what is the name? Bobby. Bobby. No, sorry. How do you have remembers who you want to remember? I called him Bobby too. I walked up. How do you not remember? Is he one for you to remember? I think I called him Bobby too. I walked up. You did? You should did.

I go, you're a Bobby. Yeah, but that's also like how he would introduce himself. He would have been even weirder if you would have called him kid. I have the same name. I thought that would fucking bond us. No, but it wasn't that he called him Bobby. Bobby's great. This is a good thing about about Robert Kelly here.

Is he came in and definitely did because this is, I think because you're his friend, he's holding back on this a bit, but when Bobby told me the story, he goes, he wants to go, Hey, Bob, hey, he goes, I want you to have this my favorite scar. So he really like a,

it wasn't like a like a Bobby, it was like a Bob, Bob, it was my shitty Boston, I should have rubbed his head. It was my like you were his uncle It was my shitty Boston confidence Babo here you go kid Mabbibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibib to walk down that 15 fights, fights the stairs by myself. I know, we were already outside. Yeah, Jamie's right there. I'm like, where are you? He's like, we're out front.

I'm like, where? I was like, I humiliated myself and ran down the stairs and Bobby's like, so did I. We went down different stairs. Terrible. Oh man, I took the absolute opposite route. Well, I was on the boat and I tried to go backstage because he does like the first

show when you on the cruise. Yeah. And I'm just Wayne's world my way around the cruise with my laminated. I'm like, I'm going anywhere. And I try to go backstage and they're like, you can't come back here during Kid Ruck. I'm like, I'm an artist. And they're like, yeah, that's not high enough. And I was like, fuck you and fuck that guy and I walked away and Later on that night I was at a country Some somebody else was performing and he showed up with a little entourage and I just was like Well, this dude's such a big fan. I'm just gonna grab a beer and stand behind him and see what happens And I literally did that in about 10 minutes later He and I he just kind of looked back behind him and saw me like hey you

Come here and we were friends ever since that was the end of it. So can I so what we should have done I'm I'm trying to learn because I'm not gonna do good at that Because you came here. I'd grab his finger. I go don't fucking call me over like a goddamn dog And he's gonna make that's just what I do and I go we're not gonna be friends are If he did that you and you would have sucked his finger. You're not gonna lie to you. It's a it's a it's a you would put his finger right. It depends on it depends on like I really I don't like

after shows is a big one with with girls or women particularly that are like they're like Oh hey come come here. Oh yeah I hate that. Jay hates. Jay hates women it's a thing. No, I don't want to do that since in Adieu. She was like, hey, here, come here.

And I looked at it, I was like, what? She was like, I want to take a photo. I go with an ass. But whatever they're going to do, it's going to be even more debauling to someone. Whatever they're debauling us, there's a husband who's getting it way. That's always the thing.

They always like, hey, come here. My husband's too much of a facet ass for a picture. He's like, why would you make him feel like that? And now I feel like this. Yeah. And you wonder why he needs boner pills. Yeah. Chris.

So we want you to help us become famous, we become friends with famous people. You just go up to them and you talk to them like they are, like you're talking to him. Okay, so just pretend, pretend J is Chris Rock. You did rock. Kid rock. Yep, that guy.

Or even Chris Rock, because I'm a man here. You know what? Let's do Chris Rock. No, actually. Come on, Chris. I heard you a comedian. Comedian, comedian, comedian. That bitch.

She's a bitch. All right, pretend he's Chris Rock. And you're gonna walk out to him and you're gonna be friends with him. How do you do it? Hey, man, how's it going? Who is I'm Chris. I'm a comic, you know big fan Comedian, huh? Yeah, so many comedians so many to get to know why would I have time for you? Well, maybe you don't you know, I was just coming over to say hey hope you're good. Hope you're having a good time It's got a colony all right well Yeah, if they're dicks you leave them be I'm sorry. I gave you the rock celebrity Tom Hanks Tom Hanks

I tried again. I was gonna do Jordan rock. All right. You know what? Can I be you? Can I be Bobby Kelly and you be Tom Hanks? Hey Tom me! Oh this guy! Good to see you got off that island there with the horror with the AIDS. That was a movie. He just clapped all his movies into one movie. Oh yeah. I was in Washington DC where you made out with the horror and the movie with all the songs.

Can you discover Elvis, that was crazy. Oh man, remember that movie where you killed that guy? That was crazy. How'd you get back from the 1930s? Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer.

That's right, and go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you. Go on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, Crackle Crackle, I stink.