The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Cruising (feat. Ian Fidance)

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

Bobby returns from the worst cruise possible and tells Ian and Jay all about it.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bond Fire you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. The Dunham late and the breakfast had to wait when the girls of November came slashing. Robert Kelly. Sleep by eleven o'clock, and don't in one of fuckin' front of Maximus. To windy outside to smoke my cigars, and I'm sitting with a bunch of old blue hairs. Don't forget Maximus.

If I see another fuckin' buffet... Oh! There he goes! And... Oh, there he goes. And Bobby wants to go see gay acrobatics. That's fantastic. Where is she? Broadway show, too. Where's your partner? Jordan? Yeah. Well, like I say, in the mirror every day, I am enough.

She's not here. I thought she was here. No, she was gonna come but then uh It she ended up standing in my apartment and they got fucking take out because we recorded right before this I thought she was come we were joking right? Joking about what when we made when we said you had to choose one of the other oh, yeah, no, yeah, well I chose No, no she uh she designed not to come Before that Lou let it play and give it something We're listening you can put it headphones on you can hear it's the story of Bobby's cruise vacation. He just took Then I went home, hey!

Calded his brothers were gambling all night But Bobby has to stay away from vices! I did, I couldn't even have food He played some slots and then smoked his stupid cigars I couldn't even smoke rice at guys Just when he thought he was having some fun His son yacked all over the public pool No, shut it down Shoud it count?

And everyone knew it was you And he stole something from duty free The second they got on the cruise, Calthus starts a fight with an old lady who's got cat face It was a nutty situation They just went up, right? That's what you're thinking. What chartered crews were you booked on, Bobby, that you went and made some money? I went on a vacation cruise.

He went on a cruise. Family and my family. This wasn't a gig? No. Why would you go on a boat with strangers if you're not getting friends? It wasn't strangers. It was my friend, my culta, and his family. But just you guys. well, my family and his family hundreds of other people, thousands, thousands of other people. And also, they went, as he says, he went with his

family and Calta and his brothers and their families. Really, it was just Bobby, his family, because Calta would give a little, he put on a little show and every restaurant they seem to go to, it seemed like Bobby and his family had to eat away from everybody else and then Caldwell go Oh, this is a travesty Bobby. I swear we're gonna work this out for the next restaurant You know, let's not make a scene right now. We just got here and like you sit over there with your family They did they said by themselves that when Thanksgiving and every meal they went to what then why'd you go I Went to relax. It doesn't stop relaxing at all.

It just brings up the best point and I never, this is what a cruise ship is. Yeah. You paid to be around crowds. Yeah. You paid to be around a crowd of people for a week. Well, it's basically when we go to a rubah, right? We don't really, we usually go on vacations where I'm working, like a. Well, it's crazy. It's basically when we go to a rubah, right? We don't really, we usually go on vacations where I'm working, like a rubah, I'm working. You know, we don't, we haven't been on a vacation

where I just wanted to take time off. I didn't want to talk into a microphone. I didn't want to work. I didn't want to do, I didn't want to be funny. I just wanted to go and be a regular Joe and enjoy my life and just, you know, get off the boat super slowly with behind everybody else and wait in line and pay for every single water you want and pay for every single soda you have to get.

I did get behind on the way out. I had to go back up. I was telling Jay just before we exited the boat, Max goes, where's my watch? She left it in the safe. Right when we leave in the room, I go, did you check everything? She goes, I checked everywhere, everywhere. Like fuck you. Stop asking me.

Cause I'm a maniac when I leave a room. I check everything, every room I ever stay in. I'm just, because I've lost a lot of stuff. I forgot to, I go, where it's in the safe. I go, did you check the safe? She goes, that wasn't my section. I go, what the fuck does that mean? Working at a restaurant?

I go, what do you mean, yes, section? How I did, I did all my side work. I'm in the weeds. I said, did you check the room? Yes, I checked everything. You even yelled at me when I asked you, like how dare you ask me? And all of a sudden the safe was my section.

I had to go all the way back up, go to the safe, Rumbkid didn't work, had to get the dude, he had to go in, then get the up. And you had to prove to him it was your room. And then the people were like, Where is it? Where is it if you were just a comic working, they didn't know, and they didn't let you go in three?

They did somebody else would have went to your room for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll grab that for you. It was, yeah. Oh my God, you were working on this cruise as a comic and your iPad was left behind. Let us get that for you. It was oh my god. You were working on this cruise. Yeah as a comic and your I've pad was left behind. Let us get that for you. We will ship that to you immediately. It's okay. It's not so sorry. Right now you're just some jerk off who was on the boat. Yeah, don's iPad. Yeah, a lot of guys kids watches around the boat.

She left her iPad on the boat. So I've been watching it all day. Tour the Bahamas. Yeah, it's by Cuba last time I saw her iPad I got the watches I went back up I got the watches, but you still left an iPad. She I didn't know about the iPad till today She can't believe it. I can't find my Section Ian She's mixing section Mixing fucking sections! I go, I go on your phone and go to find my iPad. It's on there.

She goes, she goes, I don't know, I go, do you leave it on the boat? She goes, no, I didn't leave it on the boat. I don't think I brought it on the boat. And I put it on and it's literally taking the same route we just took. It's on the fucking boat! Oh, it's on the boat, all right.

It's on the boat, she left it on the boat. And now it probably is a swingers cruise. Just getting covered and calm. Oh, it's on the boat. All right. It's on the boat. She left it on the boat. And now it probably is a swingers cruise. Just getting covered in calm. Having such a better time than Bobby. Yeah. So much. You're a better time that iPads enjoying itself. I didn't I didn't really. I said we should bring we should bring Don and Bobby and I'll bring Christine. We'll just go on a swingers cruise. But don't tell Don to were there. Yeah. And then still wonder why a bunch of girls are coming up and touching her shoulders a lot. Oh my god. The fuck is this shit about? Was everyone playing apples?

We're gonna accident. Did you just get a bat? I don't know. I'm not good at actually. That was a filly. Neither one of us. They're so don't be in with us on Monday. He'll do voices for you. Is he coming in on Monday? Yeah. Oh nice. How was the cruise worth it? Did you enjoy it? I did not have, I did not have, today I was exhausted. I need a vacation from the vacation. I need a vacation. I knew it was gonna join for you when,

but you don't tell somebody you're making a grave mistake with a vacation after they've already got a colon. You just did for an hour. You now, you went, and now that you're back, I'm like, I knew that was the, but the moment while you were gone though, just so you know, I said it every day constantly to a lot of people, Bobby's in a cruise for some reason.

I don't know what the fuck, he's going to go on a cruise. I liar, I liar, you didn't say, hey, are you sure you want to go through with this? You didn't say that to him? It's right, you already got it. And he's going with Calthus, I think Calthus three steps better friend than me to him. So he was. little bit more.

Yeah, but sometimes he needs someone a little bit more. I know, but he assumes that I'm just being, I'm showing Cald to Chelsea, because I'm not number one. That I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, the crew's gonna suck. And he's like, oh, he just hates when I hang out with Mike and don't think about it.

Here's the thing, you're a young buck. Yeah. I've been doing this for 30 years. I just wanted a time off Every cabin everything I do is always beach everything I do is always based around stand-up or at the time It's of course. I wanted to go be a fucking human You pick the worst one to do worst piece of humanity to be a human Like I see that he's not wrong. You picked the worst thing to do to be a regular human. I can see that he's not wrong. You picked the worst thing to do to be a regular. Go be a regular person in a Fiji. Do you know what I mean? Go be a regular person. Go

to go to, you know, a bo. I'm saying, what are you? Jennifer Aniston. Go to go to the college. Go to San Juan, my course. I say outside. I chance you go to a cobo though that by the time you get to the resort, Max is involved with the cartel. Yeah, I'm not going to Cabo with a 10 year old. No, not with that 10 year old. No. Yeah. Not with a guy constantly dropping his glasses down a side eye in people. Hey, your meal, have you problem?

Yeah, problem with your meal, is that he's a peeper? Dad, what's the Colombian that time? Dad, is this sugar? I got so much of it. I just grabbed it. You can grab anything here. They don't even care. Yeah, it was maybe in hindsight. Oh, no. Maybe in hindsight. He backs him with a fucking tongue.

Yeah, but maybe I should have, I should bring him a couple then have a movie like Bart and his own cruise. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, the time. Yeah. Oh, they call him the bouter. They Yeah, the time. They call him the bouter. They call him the tank. The tank and they call his father, the Rickshaw. Bobby was so starved for anything on that cruise. What do you mean? Just anything to make him feel alive that he went to these horrific. I, I'm gonna say this right now.

I'm gonna stand by this. I love Broadway in any form. I cried, I cried at the Lion King. I cried when they came out in the crowd. Have you seen the Lion King? No. I could not move. No.

Huh? I went to one Broadway show, the share show I took Christine for. I will go see anything. I love it. I love it. I like to play them with the opera when I saw when I was young. I thought that was cool.

Lemmezerab board the shit out of me. That was all in Philly though, the farest theater when I was younger. They used to, my grandmother would take me to see those two only and then we would see the share show. I've never, besides that share show, seen anything on Broadway. And I'd like to, there's things I'd want to see. I should always, I was just broke when like the novelty ones came out that would have been

fun. Like the rocky one I should have just went to see. Right. Yeah. It's ridiculous. There was roadhouse for a while. Oh, I should have so. Saturday fever. Yeah. So I'm like, I should have gone to the, you didn't see wicked. You didn't go to see any of this this I'm a guy there would be like Broadway sucks and I know if I win I'd be like I want to do this all the time I'm a Broadway queen I'll fucking admit it right now I love when I when I go to see Broadway I love it now I love it I love plays I love it. I love plays. I love play.

I love Broadway because I'm living out rent. I hope it's the end. I'm going to go see West Side Story when they did a revival. I would go see West Side Story in the dark. I'm going to say this though. This show that I saw on the boat was one of the worst. Yeah. Of course it was a boat show. Show.

No, that's not true. I've seen there are good boat shows. What show is it? Rock City. This is rock city. This is what it was. What is rock city? This is the show on the boat.

That will be. We're going to show you. Okay. Sit down. What's that little whipped up? Bobby, what's that circle in the middle? Is that the snake pit of rock on? Well, that's where they come up from at the beginning. Is it yeah, they rise from the bottom of the stage?

They rise from the bottom of the stage. Play this right now, please. This is now it says rock and big letters in big AC DC type Yeah, here we go. And they got a live band. Oh A lot of horns for that rock. Is this all Chicago covers? Now we saw the second production of it at chance. Living with that? Yeah. So this is new. Here we go.

Yeah, look at that. We're having a lot of dye. Think of the horn section, a live drummer, and runner. No, no, no, no, no. This is totally worth it. Here we go. The smoke's coming. Smoke's coming up from the hole. hole to the crowd couldn't be less electric

They can't be there. They're looking their heads. It's just heads The band is miserable. It's the god damn place on fire. What's the smoke? I mean the band is behind every why all the smoke? Here they come. Here they come. Oh my fucking Christ What were they doing? Do these guys were all kissing pecker in the back? No Bobby All right, this is not the one. This is way better than what I like is that this girl's dream of doing this and look at the audience couldn't be less

Giving a shit. I'm a woman got kicked in the nuts Less giving a shit Emma woman got kicked in the nuts Oh Look at the choppy guy in the back This is like if they packed up the Jersey Turnpike and put it on a boat. Ha ha ha ha on the cruise, because he thought that that's what it would be. Max actually said all these guys are gay. Yeah, even the girls. Yeah, even the girls are gay, guys.

Oh, wow. But look how dramatically they are with their heads. Watch their head movement. Ready? Watch this. Oh, yeah. Oh, they're all in their positions. Madly look how dramatic they are with their heads watch their head movement ready watch this oh Yeah, oh, they're all in their positions thrust Oh, here comes the dancers oh my god, what are they gonna go into next? The crowds so old no one's holding their phones up and no one is clapping Yeah, but they don't have phones.

Like, they have flip phones. They have jitterbugs. Yeah, it's hard to use a phone when it's attached to the wall. Ha ha ha. Yo, none of them are clapping. None of them are moving. They can't clap, they'll hurt themselves. There's empty seats.

A lot of empty seats. Front row, nobody wants to be a part of that. I mean, these people are clapping. They can't give in their lives to them. They can't applaud. You can't do your wheelchair on the front row nobody wants to be a part of that. I mean these people are fucking given their lives to them They can't applaud you can't do your wheelchair on the front row Jay So reminds me of the turtles coming out of their shell to work Oh, this is bad. Yeah, so don't know these songs So guys look at the way the rock like your son walked off put his sunglasses on indoors and left you behind look at the way the rock

He's like well my father's one of them's So wait do they only just do this for an hour? It's a 45 minute show and they play music the whole time they go from one song to the other no way they go It's a medley show. Yeah, this isn't a Broadway show. It's a concert Bobby. Yeah, that's what they good I thought it I thought they would have lines no, they describe it as a concert a rock concert But it's they have dancing too. They do talk a little bit right they go maybe I'm gonna take you guys back to 1985 with a little man Name David Coverdale Had a sexy and leading him Tony Ketayn dancing on the front of a Corvette. I need you this here. We go again I need you to find the cruise director lady

Julie the no the yeah the Julie of my boat that I was on I Gunned to her head you have to see her she's barbed Donna. She's incredible dude. It just visually She's a sight to be seen. What are you gonna look up her LinkedIn? Oh? She might they might be video of her oh like welcome to welcome to the, wait, this is a, like, program. I have video of her. Oh, I'll send it to you. I have it.

Bobby, what other, would you put that camera phone on your shoe? Bobby, what are the terribly homo-erotic showed you this hurt? She is. I got it right here. Bobby, what's that? What was the other homo-erotic show you went to?

Meanwhile, Bobby's heirloin. I'm a blowing a guy. Like this is definitely straighter. Oh, yeah, I guess you say in finances here everybody filming a special at the cutting room in New York City Sunday December 3rd. That's this Sunday. Yeah, yeah, dude He's gonna be doing two shows seven and ninth and vice well, I gotta say I The tickets are sold out totally now. Yes, but we're opening limited seating in the balcony So there's gonna be about 20 balcony seats left for the nine thirty show Two shows mm-hmm and is this the brand new hour. Yeah, are you excited? I'm fucking pumped. Yeah, who's open so excited I'm fucking pumped. Yeah, who's open so excited. I'm so ready Fucking the the bitch of bitches the one the only Jordan. She's open for you. Wow. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be really fun

How long are you doing? I'm gonna do Probably between 50 and 60 and then cut it down to like 45 to 50 You know, I'm fucking we'll get get those few last remaining tickets that are now or the opened up tickets, right? Yes. E&Fidance.com, it's F-I-D-A-N-C-E-E-NFidance.com. Yes.

It's funny how many people I know who've known you for a long time, almost say it right, but still think it's finance. Always. Yes, it's pretty funny. Or if you're Derek Ains, it's for dance. It's for dance. It's for dance. It's one of those names though.

You gotta cut people slack. I know, I used to see Finoia would get Mike Finoia. He still gets it. But he would get like, shank. I'd stop him from like getting so angry with people. Getting Finoia care. I'm like, I'm like, Finoia, I go, dude, there's 17 vowels. That was a good one, you stepped on it.

It was a good Finoid, but I gave it to those two I mean I'm doing the phenoid phenoid thing for years, but I like it too Bobby's Bobby still on cruise ship time I'm just talking to old people You two queens are talking way too fast So slow it down You know it's funny. Yeah, chill dude. I'm a cruise shut up. I'm cruising Go ahead

We have a call I will say we have a caller on the line. It says he wants to defend the cruises. Thank you I hope it's I hope it's Mike. It's Josh I have any cruise right over 30-5 years Josh you there What's going on guy?. Hey you're on the bonfire cruise talk. Pull up a floaty and jump on in the public piss pool. Yeah. Yeah. Come on to the buffet and get yourself some chicken and some rice. Get some chicken tandoori and a slice of pizza. A little better than yellow. A bit as much ice cream as you want. You want to defend your fruizes. It's a line that you go on. You wanted the fan of cruises.

It was a line that you go on. You probably can't say, but- I can't. Oh, he said. Oh, I can't. The celebrity. I went on celebrity cruise, but I went on the not the greatest ship that they have. Okay.

I went on the, I don't know what the hell it was called. The pontoon. What's that? Josh, when you go on cruise, do you go with family or do you go alone or with a girlfriend we actually it's our annual Christmas cruise we go every year in December for a week and we go around and you know it's like we do a seven night cruise we just who is it though who's on the cruise with you it's it's a family cruise but you know we all have our own private time but you know it's like my brother is why my father

and why all the kind of do why this cruise rather than let's all go in on a cabin let's all go get a beach house sick as you're a myrtle beach yeah well because you have a kid it's well you don't want to you go to my little beach you're gonna get crabs let's be honest okay eating a man your pants again well it's both no you just it really is you just have to go in with the experience of making your old crew is experienced Bobby well isn't it limited

I want to know what the fuck else you spoke to me? I went on the constellation, I believe it was called, and it's the lowest one. That's an older ship. That's an old ship. I think I messed up by going, I should have, did a little more research. I think if I went on a better ship.

Look up celebrity constellation in the entertainment. I would have, I would have had a better time. Yeah, I was in the corner of the world. That's great. Yeah, we were looking earlier, the real Caribbean, the icon of the sea. I would have I would have had a better time Yeah, it's what we were looking at the real Caribbean the icon of the sea. Yeah looks like it's a lot going on But how good could it even be Josh? Hey, those ships are really fucking amazing. They have everything do you have kids? I'm leaving on Sunday on a cruise on the Odyssey of the sea. Do you have kids? I? Do not oh see that is a little bit better like Bobby

Couldn't even have some alone a fuck time with his wife His sons the he's a bell of the ball Bobby, did you notice how large the bathrooms were when you were on the ship and the bathroom was so small I could smell my wife and the bathroom was so small, I could smell my wife poop. Go up to like the deck where like the, you know, the wine bar is or something. That's where you have a little 10 minute with your wife.

Man, I can't use the cap. Oh, the wine bar bathrooms. Man, I just, man, I just, man, I just say, sure as a sober person, it doesn't that seem like hell being stuck on a floating thing with hundreds of people you don't know in the middle know where I went meetings alcohol and everything

I want to know and I'll say it again, right I went to meetings do they have them on I know but I even so it's like yeah But I'm in a comedy club with a bunch of shit people too every week different you can leave you can walk away This is like your I just I think I'd feel claustrophobic. No, I don't get an alcohol. That doesn't bother me. I'm not the addiction part. The only thing the addiction that fucks me on a boat is the food addiction.

That's the one where I can have as much as I want, but I did think I made my stomach a little bigger this week, the last six days, because I ate like shit. I felt like I was swollen. My ankles hurt. You walk off that boat and you feel like shit. You don't feel good.

Please click on one of these celebrity constellation entertainments. Oh no. Oh, is that, don't click on that one. Don't do that one. Oh no. I thought you would do it in the one. Okay. Okay.

It's again, what's happening on stage isn't badness, I thought you were doing the one okay It's again what's happening on stage isn't bad necessarily here. It's just the I've never see it looks He's practicing in an empty room because no one's not the lights on Go to the other one We're gonna move forward on that one yeah, but it's like I feel like I'd watch this and be me yeah yeah I get it all right now what look at this guy like a week what's this guy I mean God bless you did we could be a lot here's a thing dude you're life the way you are you're a maniac you just fucking go you're jumping on a bike smoke and cigarettes blowing guys I have a wife and a kid I'm 53 I'm gonna I'm gonna a different state I've done it all I've've- I've ridden bike smoke cigarettes and blue dudes.

I've- Have you ever done it the same time, like Ian find it? No, I didn't have a basket on my bike. I did have a basket on my bike. I did, you know what I'm saying? You're at a different stage of life. No, totally. So, like, you're-

Like, when I was your age, like going on a cruise at all, I wouldn't even fucking do it as a comic. I guess I'm just saying, if you wanted it to be with family time and everything, I would stay away from also including thousands of strangers. But my thinking was this, right? We go on a cruise, they just go and do what they want. You know what I mean? Like you're just gonna go,

Max is gonna go and be with some kids all day. And Dawn's gonna go get her. That's a crazy thing to feel like. She's gonna go get pedicures and massages and go do her thing and go by the pool and get drinks. And I'm gonna be doing my little thing. You know what I mean? Have my time.

And it's when the reason why there's so many other people involved, what are you doing? Where are you going? What time is this? So there's, you know what I mean? Like there was no, there was kind of, I didn't have that. The frustration I would feel,

if my dinner time was dictated by a crew, by a group of people, and then when you got to the place, you weren't sitting with them anyway. Yeah, I had to wait. No, that you weren't sitting with them anyway. And it's like, we could have went to dinner, whatever we wanted to go, whether it be

earlier or later, it's just like we were, and again, that's the thing about being like a little beholden to other people. Yeah. You know, plants is tough. I learned a lot from this cruise though. That's why I think I could do the cruise again. But you can get separated and back together with one week on a cruise. Yeah.

And that there's no such a thing as a time. He told dog he's separated. Do you want to call him the air and apologize, Bobby? What? Do you want to get him separated anymore? Bobby? Do you want to separate anymore? I mean if you want me to I will you should probably tell her that we talked to you and you're back together now You saw what was out there. She's abusive. She's abusive She's not gonna answer. She doesn't answer the phone. No, she never answers the phone But you know what the thing is can Can I say one thing? Sure.

You know what this holiday season did bring me? Thanksgiving? Gratitude. Oh, I know what it brought you. In our house, it brought me a lot of photos. I took a lot of photos. In our house, some of our family holiday traditions are really...

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or SD cards and no hassle. Or is so easy to use even set to set up. It's amazing. My son has one. He took it out of the box, took it in his room, Dean who asked for help. He had it going hooked up to the one I gave his mom, his grandmother and they were exchanging photos. Not like that. The app walks you right through just a few steps and boom, it's ready. Now grandma can see just how- Look at my phone holder. What Max did on his cruise and all the crazy stuff he did. Oh, man.

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and the perfect gift to give somebody. So go there right now before they're gone. That's auraAURAframes. com with the promo code bonfire terms and conditions apply to see by the way uh... barcratio the well's fargo center for the and for the days he was in philadelphia did every dream philadelphia thing you like but if you rang the six or so he was like he was like commentating during uh...

in house arena like during the flyers game they had them down on the floor was a body because he's not even from philly now because i do a form everywhere because he's celebrity i don't know that is really bodies a party guy celebrity so does that but it doesn't bother me it's just like it will never mean as much to him as it would to me i know yeah that ball that you can't get on uniform and like do like a play for

Yeah, dude he burnt professionally has one assist in his career He's is this stuff. Oh, yeah, he also won the 50 50 rifle What what so he bought all the 50 50 rifle things and he won the 19 thousand dollars And what he did it. Oh, no, oh my god He looks fantastic Yeah, there it was you doing all the stuff that doesn't bug you at all What would your dream? Bug you at all. What would your dream like hey sports team is open to you

Let's do something fun that you think would would be enjoyable. Oh, there's nothing that's fun about necessarily I just want to know them and then when I go when I say I'm gonna come to a game to sit with my feet on the Core I want to ask you a question out and I have two three games Jay Wow Jay Seriously, yes, that doesn't bug you at all Look at me look at me at me, look at me. Yeah, look at me and be honest with me. I know you love Bert. I love Bert, we all love Bert, Bert's a great guy.

Yeah. Oh, look he's with the Eagles stuff. Oh, look at me. Wait, wait, wait. He's taking him to jacket. Oh, wait. What? He has an Eagles jacket.

That doesn't bug you at all. They gave it to him. That doesn't bug you. The limited edition princess day in the house. Well, he's got a stuff by Superlikes. What's that, day Wow, oh my god, his wife got eagle stuff. She hates the Eagles Oh the dude that his assistant got an eagle jacket. That's not a special jacket. He just got a jacket dude that dude with a beer That's the princess died limited edition when they released what? What is explain this to me? What is this?

Years ago. She took a picture wearing a photo for Eagles. Jay. Oh miss Pat was on the show good Limit addition when they released what explain this to me. What is this years ago? She took a picture wearing a photo for Eagles Jay. Oh miss Pat was on the show good. Oh, she got a jacket too Listen, she's in a land of fact listen. Jay. This doesn't bug you at all DJ J. Jeff was his DJ. This doesn't bug you at all. Oh, that's great and it's oh, it's only $89 Let's get it for Jay the The shut up. That's a knockoff. Oh, the, uh, Yeah, bird has the one she actually wore. And so the question, Jay, does it bug you? But no, I'll give you what you want.

I can give you what you're looking for here. No, that thing didn't bug me because I don't give a shit about the flyers. Yes. It means nothing to me. But, um, if that's safe at Salaris, that's all 50-50s. If that same thing was going on, if he had that kind of... Listen, the access backstage right now, the Wells Fargo that he's got going, yes, I wish that was me also.

This is Preston Steve's show. He's going on. But where's that story? He's doing all your famous dreams. But if it was a six years game, I would have been pretty bummed. So now when you hit it big and something I don't get upset when he is like when you hit a page and they want you to come, it's not going to be the same. It's never going to happen. I will never not pay for my tickets to Eagles and six years games We for sure

You read a book. I'm already so positive HIV Why Hey, Gene It's no longer death sentence Bobby. Please. I don't care. I don't want I's not going to die, but I don't want to be at those weird fingernails in that pot belly. No, no, but share straws. But yeah, I don't want prep belly. Share some straws.

Share your straws. Yeah. Share your straws are really cool. Yeah, sure. You could. Why not? I've tried. And I look like a fool.

You tried to swing dick. Not swing dick, but I mean, I've tried to be like, hey swing dick not swing dick, but I mean I've tried to be like Hey, let's just draw it right up as I'll pay For my seats, but like give me the hook up to get the seats that I want for a handful of games a year Mm-hmm, and it was essentially just like no Like it was like you kind of have to like wait and get in line for that when someone gets rid of their tickets and that's actually why are you doing this in that be like JB and like because I'll tell you people go on real Caribbean.

Does it upset you people going carnival. It's not the same thing. I'll tell you why because we're doing a radio show and I want some honesty out of this guy. And second of all, you know, I've had other dudes and I've been where he's at. Look, man, I've never made it as big as Dane or even Billy or some, and they, you have a dream as a comedian and as an actor, whatever, that someday you'll be able to do this.

So someday you'll get this. Like I'll be able to throw the first pitch out at a Red Sark game or something like that. And then when you there's so many games that you're making me sick to my son. I really hope you get AIDS and it doesn't work out. Listen. You know I got offered. I understand. I know I know you're saying. I understand what you're coming from and that's a good place to come. I'm just joking. I don't want to get it. Of course. What I'm saying is this. You're special. Get it after the special.

But if you do it's no longer a death sentence. But what I'm saying is this you're special get it after the special but if you do it's no longer Deaths us, but what I'm saying is this he is that I felt that and it sucks because you know that that thing that you had in the back of your head Somebody you know no it's all got it Listen, I always just thought I was shit. I'm never gonna get enough. It's like everything's a fucking gift I agree with that. Cancer, yeah. Kav has much more, because it's like sixers Eagles where I see his access where I'm more envious of that.

Bert's thing is just not necessarily what I would have, I don't care about flyers, I don't care what hockey. And I'm happy, I wish what I had for the Eagles, what Bert has with the Tampa Bay bucks, they show him on the screen, he comes out and yells, he's probably on the field, like that's fucking pretty awesome. Yeah, like, you know, there's certain things that have had, I mean, burp played Fenway, not a dream of mine, but I can watch that and go, wow, that's fucking, he's a comic that

played Fenway, that's nuts. No, it's not, I don't care, but that doesn't, that doesn't matter. It's the axis, you want to be treated as Fenway. When you go, hey, Maximus, you want to go see a, you want to go see a thing, I have a phone call you make and then it's like, of course, come to, listen, Sal, when we went to see Billy Joe at the garden, it was like, we had regular tickets, we bought tickets, but when we were like trying to figure out

who wanted the other tickets, like Sal was like, so he goes, yeah, I'll go with you guys. And he goes, let me know, what night is it? I'm gonna get a set up so we can go through. So we just walk through VIP, still having to die. That's fucking rules. I don't, like, I, I, I done the,

the comics come home every year, Cammy, anything, and I know Cam, I know his family, I know his son. I couldn't get a free bronze ticket if you say, and I've murdered. And I've walked up after killing in front of everybody and then met the owner of the Red Sox. And he going, you're amazing.

You're unbelievable. And his whole family and I was like, hey, nice to meet you. That's great. You don't have to think like, I don't have the thing to go. It's like, hey, what good. Why don't you give me a lot of words?

You just say, yeah, I don't have that. Hey, I'm such a fan of yours. It's amazing. You know, I love the Red red socks. I'd love to come with games sometime. I did. I did. You did. And he just he just was like, he's like, oh, that's great. Thanks for being a fan. We'll see you later. Really? It's no, I didn't, yeah, I don't have the, I just don't have the thing. I guess I don't have the thing or the, like the person to make the connection. The one thing I don't have is the fame. Like, you know, that helps.

Yeah, but in that moment when they go, you're amazing, you, you, you, you said, hey, I'd love to come to you again. I'm just saying, I'm just being honest. Did you say it in that moment? No, so I didn't say that. I'm just being honest. I said, you, you have dreams coming up in your hometown

of being a hometown boy. And sometimes when they, when other people that you know get to be the hometown guy It's like fuck no you're right. That is from Delaware That is me. You're right. I said for like like kev is like heavenheart is Philadelphia He's a game was Boston bur is Boston right, you know, I'm 53 And there's a thing like there's a chance like and the probably is, I bet there's, I bet there's height videos that have existed where it shows like Kev. Yeah.

Saying something and the place will go like, you know, it's like, uh, Bradley Cooper sitting in the owner's box all weekend with, uh, with Jeffrey Lurie during that crazy bills game, you see that and you're like, fucking Bradley Cooper. Oh, man. Right, I know we have to break the world. We're all griping about our failure. Yeah, good life is full.

Bobby's on the shittiest fucking cruise. Shipp-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p You're a very positive guy. That's right. Yeah. You know hardcore music is better than punk. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like punk music. punk's always been like an overall let down to me because it's actually much more bubbly than it's supposed that it looks like it's going to be. Do you know what I mean? Punk looks like it's uh...

Oh, I mean like the big ones, I was like, Rance and I knew it. It's like, Ruby, like, Ruby Soho. That's like punk music to me. When you actually hear them, Oh, it's kind of actually lame. Yeah. Uh, sex pistols, even.

It's like, they have a song or two I like, but overall it's a little bubbly. This is like hardcore punk rock. It's like small, it's like short songs like punk rock, but they're like musically better this is this is the complete opposite of the crews I just did what you're about to do is the exact opposite but you want to hear the verse of this though when a when a girl comes out wearing jeans and a leather jacket sip in like so sip in like so Ian finance is going to be filming a special the cutting room New York City this Sunday everybody seven and nine thirty they are opening up some tickets in the balcony.

It's a small venue. Small balcony is not far back. There's still great. His historic venue to see it's. It's a great. That's why I'm doing it. I love it. Joe Rivers used to have a residency there. For now. Yes. Get tickets at Ian finance.com. Robbie Kelly is going to be in Daniel Beach, Florida, December 15th and 16th. Also, Jacob, you're going to get a Jacob's sighting everybody. After that, he's going to be in Fort Wayne, Indiana for New Year's Eve one night, two

shows. Get your tickets now. Then Sarah Togas brings New York, Wisconsin for tickets and all toward dates. And there's a lot of them, robbercallylive.com. And big J. You're going to be in Houston, Providence, Pittsburgh, New Year's Eve for tickets and all tour dates and there's a lot of them robbercallylive.com and big J. You're gonna be in Houston Providence Pittsburgh New Year's Eve for tickets and all other dates bigjacomity.com get his our holiday show sold out

oh you know yes I just did Pittsburgh improv great club by three two one three while I was on fire you got ripped see you guys tomorrow hey everybody thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo and updates coming to a city near you. Grab a little. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A