The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Damn Dawkins

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

Jay is having a hard time bonding with the new puppy and it has him dreaming of moving to his own room.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey I'm Big J. Okerson and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. Yeah it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okerson Dan Soder. This is SiriusXM Faxon Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder. That's Big J. Okerson.

We have most of the crew. Most of the crew, almost complete crew. We got Christine DJ Liu and our Black King, the Black Tiger Lewis. In Florida, for just a little bit longer, Jacob Atat, soaking up that sun, saying hi to his lizards in between shows. Is this your last New York? Here I come. Are you ready? You're gonna get your last in between show bike ride in? I am and I'm I'm taking a bunch of first-person videos of me doing like feeding the birds and Taking my dog for walks. I when I get back to New York. I plan on watching them like a detective yeah, watching videos of the wife that he lost. Yeah, when this show airs, you're in root to home.

Yeah, I don't think you would call it home as much as you would call it New York. Damn. I would also recommend Jacob, why don't you get a dog? Why don't you adopt Dawkins' sister? I wouldn't recommend it. It's a lot of work Yeah, I mean you guys are in the throes of you guys are in the middle of train puppy training Oh, yeah, which is a lot. I'm just a roommate to Christina dog

Yeah, that's how you feel till they finally learn how to poop outside and then you get back your own little corner of the house We did hear that there's some jealousy growing between you and Dawkins. Really? Where? Where did you hear that? Did Christine feed you that information? I didn't say jealousy. Well, I think we found out who the source was. He just played your hand. I was like, I didn't hear that at all. Christine's like, I need to call it jealousy. I just called it. I just said, Jay hasn't bonded with the dog yet. No, you have it? No Why you haven't just like laid around with the dog on your chest? It doesn't happen. Why?

The dog lays around a Christine in her chest and then when I touch dog it starts biting my hand It barks incessantly and and watery shits all over the house. What do you mean non-stop barking? Yes, when Christine's not holding her, oh man Christine brought us a terminator's highlands Christine brought us to the The stand in the cellar last night. Mm-hmm both terrible ideas. Why? You got stepped on Dawkins got stepped on yeah You got stepped on Dawkins got stepped on yeah No, it doesn't know that does not happen your dog does not just get stepped on

How the throat the feet not like the whole dog? Oh, I got the dog Oh, yeah, I stepped on my little's pa I stepped on the way in It's and by the way you get to a point where they're a dog and you do it and you go well fucking move your paw When you're a pop you're like, yeah, when you, but then when you're a dog, you're like, fuck you, I told you to sit, and then you moved. That was you. I feel bad, I feel bad for a tell cause a tell felt bad

that he stepped on her paw. A tell, I was gonna say names, but all right. A tell stepping on her paw. That was a cool. That's a socially awkward with socially awkward. He just got him about just social media, he's not looking for. He's got to catch him heat from Peter

Wow, that's gonna be great. Now what what then Christine also she did Christine when she's becoming is very much so is I'm a girl. This is my dog and this dog is gonna impose on every situation possibly for everybody How the dog shit what she can't still believe that I'm like that Dawkins days at the standard done and the seller and she says yeah that any dog you can bring around right because it's not a small dog it's he's gonna be a big it's she's gonna be big yeah yeah yeah now it's not you can't bring her but she's behaved you can bring around but she shit twice in the stand last night Christine decides the best place to hole up with the dog of the comedy seller is sitting on the edge of the comics table with her legs out and holding the dog tripping weight staff.

The dog being in harm's way often. I know what's with the dog. I stretch my legs up. Please for love a guy. Lou, potter down. It's a she trippy. But again, it's not even these things happen.. They happen and you should be like, all right, that's it for that. Christine was all like, what? Oh my God, I put my legs out in the middle of where the weightresses and waiters. You were at the booth.

You were in the booth at the olive tree. No, no, no, VU. Oh, in the corner under the table in the corner. It was stupid. I shouldn't put my legs out. It was dumb of me. But as Christine is a manager of a comedy club, I don't know how she's not seeing that the entire staff there is what was way over it. So then, so then you just don't bring dockens

anymore. Absolutely. But Christine's definitely having like the, I don't know what the big deal is. She's what she said. I didn't. She's really, she was really good. I'm like, she's been okay. Because she's twice in the stand. She's at once in the stand and then once on the outside carpet. Yeah, but it was on that green carpet. Yes. And then also shit outside of the stand. A watery shit that Christine just smeared across the sidewalk. That's what you do. Yeah.

They're smeared shit all over the place. When they I smear fucking myrtles wet shit all the time Sure, but not directly in front of the comedy club. We're about to do a show and yeah, that's tough I you know, I think you you brought her out everyone saw her. Yeah, so I didn't disagree with Jay about keeping her home He was just Jay-Kat Jay's getting very angry about the dog And not liking it. He's just not liking it. It's not very good angry about the dog. She's not liking it. No, she's not liking it.

It's not playing her, but the dog is very critical of me. The dog is adorable. The dog is adorable and sweet and the cutest thing in the world. Christine's giving herself far too much credit for how good she's doing with this dog. She's not. She is aloof at best when she's supposed to be watching this dog not eat everything off the outside floor and and pissing and shitting in the house. She's aloof. What do you mean? Like she's just not acknowledging it when it happens or she's just like not she just like

doesn't see it coming. She is poorly timed. What can I do if she's gonna piss in the house? All I can do is clean it up. Yeah. That's what you can do. How close are you? How close are you making? I'm not moving her to a P pad. I can't take her and bring her outside.

There's literally nothing I can do besides clean it up. How is the potty training going? Do you feel like you're making progress? She did okay. I carried her outside this morning and yesterday and that made her go outside. Yeah. And I'm trying to take her out like asking to understand, but I'm taking her out a lot.

What is Justin saying? Justin's just saying it takes time. Like, just keep taking her out. Do the opposite of what the vet keeps saying. Oh, dude, that is, by the way, that's just a problem you're going to run into. We had a vet where we don't, we haven't trusted our vet. Our vet kept calling myrtle him for the first four visits.

We were like, Hey, you're the vet. Have vet kept calling Myrtle him for the first four visits where you're like, hey, you're the vet. Have you look at their junk? Look at this things piece. Yeah, he goes, that's a good boy. It's like, well, she has a pussy. So I don't know why you're calling her that. But I don't see things in pronouns.

Do we have, yeah, he goes, how old school of you? Wow, not progressive. You don't even know what your dog has to do with his face. Or should I say, misoderac. I'm sorry. It is, the box. Or should I say, Miss Soder? I'm like, you know what I'm talking about. It is, it gets, it gets very kind of cluttered sometimes. Like, you have to listen to one person because Katie read these books, right?

But then would be told something else from another book. And it's like, well, then what the fuck is it? You kind of got to just feel for it. But Justin knows how to train dogs. And I'm in the understanding that what I'm supposed to do is reward her when she goes outside and when she goes inside, I'm supposed to do nothing. I'm supposed to clean it up.

I'm not supposed to rubber face it. I'm not supposed to bother. If you're going through the Trish School of Dog Training, that's the old school rubber nose in it. That's the old school rubber nose in it. I've read that somebody told me that they could end up hiding their ship Because it makes the machine to this and she didn't hear somebody told me it's only Justin

No, this is a woman. I'm always resource. I make new friends now when I go out with the dog. Oh, yeah Yeah, people want to talk to you with that cute dog everybody. I talk to everybody Christian also is bad with the Spatial awareness of it lets it will let it jump up on anyone's leg. Here's the problem that we're still facing. No, but it's murder loves the jump. Sure. And I fuck it. She pops wheelies on everybody.

And I'm like, yo, you're a fucking 60 pound dog now. You can't be fucking wheelie in two year olds. You have a Christine. And by the way, that's a thing that we stole. But we, it's not that we, like we, we have tried to stop it. She still does, it's not like we allow it. We pull her down and like hold her down and be like, don's not that we, like we, we have tried to stop it. She still does, it's not like we allow it. We pull her down and like hold her down and be like don't do that.

And she's like, the second we let up, she's like suck my dick. I'm gonna jump up on these. She lets the dog completely control the walk. No good. You don't hold the leash down here. No one show that you lead. Nope.

I'm starting to an all again today. Dan, nope. And today I was doing leash training. Here, I'll tell you what Jade is, nothing. Yeah, so you don't ever walk her ever No, I was gonna take her for a walk the other day. She water shit right in the hallway. I gave her a back to Christine Yeah, he got a you guys still got a takeer for the walk 20 degrees outside. She doesn't want to be outside Nope, he walked her back in the house. He left her with me told me I went and cleaned up the shit in the hallway So I'm doing everything. I'm cleaning it all up, I'm going to Justin's, I'm getting the

training, I'm doing the fucking eye contact drills with her, I'm doing the walking drills with her, and she's going to be trained. And I'm fine with it because I want a puppy. Yeah. Jay has a daughter. I have nothing. Like, can I have the fucking puppy? Can I have something to love? Like, can I just fucking have the puppy? Yeah, I don't want to be in a, yeah, I get it. I totally get it. You're like, I don't want it to be an assistant to everybody. I want to fucking have my dog. Yeah, I get that. I totally get that. And if you keep training

it, the dog will be fine. And then within a month, within a month or two, you'll have a dog that is reliable. And you can got, you know what I mean? But you become a dog way. Huh? Who's taking your dog? No, she said she just don't like the dog. I'm not enjoying being an owner of a dog away. Huh, who's taking your dog away? No, she's saying she just... She's not like the dog. I'm not enjoying being an owner of a dog. That'll be a puppy. At all.

No, because there's also, I had, there's no, in between my schedule as nuts. So I'm home for a cut's minute. Minutes a day. Yeah, I get so it's like, when I'm home, I'm totally at that. And I said like, at night time when I'm done. And I want to like sit there and like Yeah, it would be great to pet her and watch TV. She's literally biting my pants and trying to rip the couch apart and do it. I'm like

And Christine just like Suez and Christine's just like a doof just like staring all like what I need to go Christine She's ripping the thing the shreds right next to you. And she's like, oh, stop. I don't understand why you don't stop her. Mm. It shows very like armchair parenting. Cause she's doing it next to you. You're gonna die over you.

But she's doing it next to you. No. You know, it's funny about that. It's nice to me. I stop her. I'm, I am, I'm in J's position sometimes. We're Katie and I'll be watching TV and she'll just be next to me doing something.

No, Katie will be like, stop her. And I'm like, hey, the knock it off. But I'm like, sometimes I'm a Louvre. I'm a Louvre sometimes where I'm like, oh shit. I didn't even realize, you know what I mean? I feel like I'm constantly, like this is a friend of mine. From my perspective, I'm constantly pulling things out of this dog's mouth.

I'm constantly cleaning up after I'm constantly, that's a puppy. I'm constantly trying to like pull her back and like not have her tug on the leash But Jay is just like I mean, I don't I don't Jake can be very critical What what no? I don't know if you're gonna have a hawker. I'll watch him break it down and fucking 3.5 seconds You got a J terminator aim. Jay's very critical of my dog mommy Yeah, which you know, I mean, I think right now you guys are in the hardest part You're in the the hardest part.

You're in the very hardest part because she's not potty trained. So that's the most frustrating part is having a dog shit and piss everywhere. What I thought you included about my dog. Christine can have dogans. Well, obviously. Yeah, that'd be a weird move if you're like, you take it.

Oh my God. I'm giving you the dog. I want to kill it right before I leave. Why would you do that? That's such bad juju. You can't eat behind it. You can't do that. You couldn't kill that stupid face.

I didn't want to start a thing. I just, I mean, I do think it's just being a puppy. It'll pass quickly. Yeah. Once, once they're older, once Docens is older and like potty train, potty train is massive. You don't understand how big it is. That is how big she is.

Yes, I promise you. Their bladders are weak, they're not built up yet. Mark my words. Single-handedly Christine, we're not gonna get this dog train. Not a chance. It's March 29th. So you're saying by April 29th.

Yeah, I'm not organized. I don't care if things start. No, this thing. No way. No way. What if you lose, what if you're wrong? I don't care I just want to say I'm just saying mark my words. You're just saying it just yeah, I just keep training one I whenever I best friends as a dog trainer. Yeah, I think we're fine unless you ask us another guy that hates him

But that guy's more of a crow trainer. Yeah That's a heater king guy. Yeah, I mean, Jay's clearly not trusting Justin. I don't know much. I don't know much Christine trust Justin. There's no not in that leash. Justin says not time for a not yet. Mm-hmm. I asked you know, I'm not a fan, Justin. Wrong. You know what you should do, Jay, is you should take the dog to get trained by that guy. Yeah, he is better than that. Just see. And like actually Peter fucking fix the dog. Yeah. What a fucking joke. What a fucking joke. Pretty much my days. And this is not jealousy of a dog at all. I'm just saying when I'm home, I'm broadcasting, working, doing shows, and then I come home and then 15, 20 minutes later, Christine's asleep on the couch. She's impossible to wake up. So I go to bed by myself.

the couch. She's impossible to wake up. So I go to bed by myself. And then Christine brings a dog in the bed somewhere like four or five in the morning. And then what I don't know where it goes from there. Then I wake up whenever I wake up. But like, uh, yeah, that's pretty much the flow of things right now. It doesn't rule. That's my last night. We went to sleep together. It doesn't rule. What would you do? What would you change about it? What would you want to see? Changed about it instead of it being my own bedroom perhaps. So aren't you stay? Why don't you guys

split room? Do you guys have two bedrooms? Got them right. Okay, it's done. Dan said it. So shall be written. So shall be done. You know, separate bedrooms. I'm just trying to help you guys as someone that does a radio show with you four days a week. I would like you guys to be happy. No, but I'd rather create the dog. I'm always happy doing radio show, buddy. Yeah, but I'm saying like I guys to be happy. I'd rather create the dog. I'm always happy doing radio show, buddy. Yeah, but I'm saying I want to be happy. I don't want you guys coming in here with heat. There's a bunch of dumb videos I want to watch with you guys. I understand that you're like, I don't want to see you guys hate each other.

You know what I mean? That's not fun for me. The dog hasn't done anything to affect that. But I'm saying that's that's just an example. Like I would like it to be a clean, you know what I mean? Yeah. Have love like I want to have fun. I don't want to. I didn't bring up the dog thing. But I'm saying you guys like split bedrooms. If you guys want to sleep and do like whatever's going to make it better for you. Yeah. You know, I'm or just cut shows. Why? You said general. I'm trying

to solve a fucking problem. Because this has been the same problem for years now where we keep going in this circle We're inevitably on a on a Thursday show We end up right here and couple counseling and instead of watching a shitty interview from entertainment tonight I'm trying to make Jay and you happier because you guys are coming in here fucking miserable. And I'm not wrong. You are wrong about that. Neither was miserable. Jacob said that Christine said I was jealous about it. No, but you guys are seeing. I said we were at our end. I can't. I'm telling you how I'm receiving. We're half hour late today. That's what our energy was. We're fine. I'm just okay. No fight. Then if then don't split up, I don't spend bedrooms. Then there's no like we aren't. Okay, you guys came in with energy.

Like how I was like, I had to was walk jog from 55th and Broadway. We're in deadstop traffic. Yeah. And the show is late. All right. The fucking dogs a lot. Yeah. The dogs a lot. The puppies a lot. But I love the puppy. It's maddening. It's maddening to have a puppy. It's stupid little face though. You gotta wake up all the time. You gotta worry if they're fucking, and sleepin' in the bed, I would have her sleepin' the crate so she gets trained faster.

Unless Justin's telling you it's cool to sleep. Like we were told don't let her sleep in the bed for the first year. Like don't have her in near the bed. Cause then she's just gonna assume that's where she sleeps. But if you have her in a crate, it becomes a room she learns how to sleep in the crate.

And that becomes more of like, when you guys leave for hours at a time, she's cool being in there. Instead of it being like a weird punishment cage, it's like that's her room, let her sleep in, like, myrtle loves going into her kennel and sleeping. We can leave her in there for fucking eight hours. She's fine.

Because it's her bedroom, like, wheel. Yeah, we don't let her feet touch the ground. It's, you know, we're tendering her up. Yeah, dude, we're in so apocalypse comes. Dude, I'm telling you right now, we've been fattening her up the whole time, ready to eat her. Um, to shake up, we didn't even talk about the dog out of the gates. It was brought up. Yeah, you guys are just talking about, you know, that you're unhappy. I'm just saying I don't want to see you unhappy

The happy with the puppy. Yeah, I was just saying like the way it was coming off is that you that you were a theory Christine never said you were jealous Good back. Pelj. It was a It was a check-up you open the box. I'm fucking I didn't now Jacob good job Jacob fucking open this box. So we're here right now. Lou and Lou were there when he was talking about I didn't say that. That was put upon me. Listen, there's going to be a lot of people they're going to say that I'm a piece of shit for this. And that's going to always bring us down. Why? You're just frustrated. Absolutely. They will. But I think you're old dog. I'll say you live with Christina and a puppy. Go ahead.

Come move on in. I would say you're also work. You live with Christina and a puppy. Go ahead. Come move on in. I would say you're also living with a puppy and a special needs owner. Christine's going to pet it to death. You're going well then that takes care of it. Then it's just a body. Then you can just give her a pillow. And then just give her a gun and be like you should kill yourself. You shouldn't let that happen.

You just let a dog. You just killed a dog. I do torture with kisses. I think if the dog jumped, if somehow the dog got out, you're like, never see a dog jump before. Jump out of the window. Yeah, there's no room. I can't use it.

No, I don't want anything terrible. The dog is not a piece of shit thing. It's a puppy. Yeah, it's nothing about that. I think Christine's a horrible puppy owner. Yeah, and I take offense to that. Yeah, I mean. But we're not gonna have to worry about anymore,

because I want to be so comfortable in my own room. I mean, do you feel any posters? You could put up your own posters. I'm gonna do so much fun in that room. Christine, your church, I can't wait to take in a fucking, your church, your church, you're taking a hike out the window. I just come over and on the room, it says big J's room and like different fog, it says no, no Christians.

It starts tonight. No Christians no Christine's it starts tonight no Christine's dude it starts tonight sorry Christine we're going into J's room to play video games afterwards my friends are gonna come after the game tonight yeah term near timeline we're gonna go watch second half of the sixers game in my room to go in my bedroom that's so for the thought of just Christine being like hey can you keep it down in your room and you open it up it's just a bunch of people partying in J's room. But we need to get you a sign that says J,

but the J, and then the A is like a basketball hoop, where it's like a child sports thing. Of course. I'm gonna get some Eagles blankets. And I'm gonna have a thing that says, an all-star sleeps here. We're gonna get you real child-like. I'm gonna get one. I want you to come with me right now, okay? I'm gonna get you some in your room. I're gonna get you real child life. I gotta get one.

Do you want you to come with me right now, okay? I gotta get him, show me your room. I gotta get my own bowling trophy, isn't stuff out. Dude, get him all out. Go get him. Yeah, dude, that's a fantastic idea. And then by the way, you will have so much pep in your step coming in here.

I'm have a little refrigerator for white claws. Because I think Christine is taking it personal. And what I've learned is, as a flipper and a flopper at night, Katie and I have the opposite problems. She flipper and a flopper at night, Katie and I have the opposite problems. She can't fall asleep. I fall asleep, can't stay asleep. Yes. So I fucking flip and flop. I snore, I grind my teeth. There's a lot of sleep, grinds her teeth, snores like an animal and now has included a dog who has leg kicknightmares constantly. So run through fields or who by the way just sleeps on my

side of the bed like it's their side of the bed. who by the way, just sleeps on my side of the bed, like it's their side of the bed. So, I'm on a sliver on the side of the bed, but then your answer to this is world-class. Well, what I was saying is Katie got to a point where she was just like, at some time, she's like, hey, I'm gonna go sleep on the couch. Yeah.

And I took offense to that at first. I was like, no, I'll change it, she's like, dude. It's not a big deal. I'm gonna get sleep out there, and you'll sleep better in here. So yeah. Christine, don't be offended. I don't wanna sleep with you anymore.

She just wants to sleep. He wants to live with you. He just wants to sleep in a different room. I'll live with you. But I just wanna sleep in a different room. I love sleeping with Jay. I don't wanna not sleep with Jay. We cattle.

You sleep in front of Jay. You don't sleep with J. I don't want to not sleep. We cattle. You sleep in front of J. You don't sleep with J. No, you started doing your weird head to foot thing to watch TV and then by the time you get in bed, we're not cuddling as much anymore. Well, you guys got it from the couch almost. I'm a couch back six, seven nights a week. I fall asleep on the couch every night and I get woken up when Katie takes my her to out at two o'clock in the morning. Yeah. And then I get upoken up when Katie takes my her to lock them on it. Yeah. And then I get up and go to bed when they come in. I usually

always wake up out of a deep sleep and I go, how'd she do? It's always what I say. I'm sorry. I had you do. She pissed, which she always does. I just know poop. I this time I was waiting for Christine to fall asleep and then my night starts. And then I just started having J You have like a secret life. Oh, TV shows, series, she has no idea I'm watching. A whole life. Yeah, but isn't that nice to have some like a loan time in your own home? Yes. It really is.

So why do you act like it's just like everything I do sucks? Yep. Wait, are we set a question or a statement? I don't know why everything you do sucks. It just happens too. I don't know why everything I do sucks. Does everything you do suck? Or does it just suck to Jay? I think Jay thinks like suck. I mean, she does. But I like looking at it. I implore anyone else to take a shot at her and see you'll see. You'll see. Dude, a few fast four

or five years and it's just like you married to like a businessman and he's like, she's actually awesome. The dog's great. Jay's like, she's with another girl. He's just like, you married to like a businessman and he's like, she's actually awesome, the dog's great. And Jay's like, Jay's this with another girl. He's like, she sucks, this lady's doing all this fucking dumb bullshit. Not a chance. Do I have to be so far? Just some lady that's like a former roller derby girl who's like, yeah, whatever, Jay, I don't give a fuck. And he's like, Christine really would go along with the program.

And she's like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. Take your shirt off when you fuck me. Take it all off. I'll be just fine. He's like, I don't give a fuck, take your shirt off when you fuck me. Take it all off. I'll be just fine. You go listen right here, her name's like screwdriver, something that used to be in a roller derby. Well, you know what's awesome is, being broadcasters, we really lay all of our flaws, fears,

insecurities, and blah, blah, blahs out there. Good personality traits, some people will think I'm a piece of shit for this conversation. Some people will be like, I feel you either way The next person any of us would find would be so tuned in to that. What do you mean? They would just know already like you're like Like you're assuming the next person Yeah, I don't even mean anybody who's not a fan anymore. I don't eat real people in the world We're gonna pick up a chicken a singles mixer. I don't know, we real people in the world. We're gonna pick up a chicken as singles mixer? I don't know, I would, yeah. I, um, I don't know, the more I'm realizing,

it's like what you make of it. Because like all my problems from past relationships, just keep popping up, my therapist said that one time. He's like, you think this isn't gonna follow you to the next relationship? He's like, your shit that you do is the shit that you do. Right, you gotta learn how to fix it like for yourself Like the way if like like I didn't realize how defend and we've brought this up on the show thousands of times

I didn't realize after 10 years of therapy. I realized how defensive I am about everything I'm defensive about everything I show up late and you guys are like we're late I'm like yeah, I was fucking you know what I mean? So I get that energy totally get that now I realize I do it on such a micro level with everything that the way it affects the way I talk to people and relate to people. I'm like, it's exhausting when I finally found out what I was doing.

I was like, why am I so defensive? Why do I got to back up everything I say? Just, you know, I try to be a good person. Why be defensive? But you don't realize there's shit you're doing that maybe you's probably gonna carry on to the next one. I remember I hope so I never want to lose myself, you know Just want to keep those fucking gonna keep those shortcomings in everything. Yeah. Well, hi Just to keep well one person shortcomings are another person's treasure right not at all

That's how that works. I think that's how it works with garbage. I don't think that's how it works To take things personally. I mean we all how it works with garbage. I don't think that's how it works for us. Do you like to take things personally? I mean, we all do. We're in the age of taking things personally. Look how the fucking Chris Rock will smith slap. Look how that rippled out. Everyone was taking it personal. Dan, we're white people,

we really shouldn't talk about that stuff. True, you're right. Can we bring up a white slap? Do you guys remember, what's a nice Caucasian slap? We get a fashion Caucasian slap. That's a real nice disrespectful thing. But like, dude, we decorate my room right now on the show. I think about it. I mean, what do you want, dude?

I don't know, but I just want to see ideas. Honestly, I think you should get a traffic light. First of all, first of all, hell yeah, back in the world of sleep number bed. I'll be giving my sleep number. If you want to come back around, just know, I'll be sleeping on you. Welcome back. Zero G's been fixed on that, so I can go up

and watch my new shows. I'm very excited. I'm very excited. Oh, I computer's in there. Would you be in the room with the view? Yes, when I sleep, I can look at the water. You'll sleep, go to sleep at the water. Oh my god.

You know if you go in there, I'm just gonna follow you in there. Yeah, that's what I was a lock on the door You can't open I know how to open it you just take a toothpick and you fucking stick it in there. No, there's a work on that door I'll get that door open I do with credit card you waking up with Christine holding you in the small spoon Yeah, he's always small spoon. He loves being small. Really? That's his favorite. It's Australian girl I met called it jetpacking and I always thought that was funny. Yeah Oh, yeah, you want a jetpack? Yeah, you much bigger than I so I just get on your back. I don't love being small spoon. I just lay on my stomach and Christine flops over it

So you get sandwiched and requested you do request it. I Would love it. I would love it. Why are you acting like you don't request it? it. I would love it. I would love it. That's why are you acting like you don't request it. That's a fun thing to be like I don't do that and then it's like it's got to have a cute name in the bedroom where he's like I'm ready for Spoonie Jam Jam time. I guess I don't fucking ask for that and then he goes he goes, you hold it baby it's hold the baby time. Spoon the egg. Spoon the egg. Hope, baby.

Baby one. She has to sing a song where she's like, up on the mountain. You're just out. You're just asleep. Dawkins is taking away from your sleep. The lady sings her song, dude. And then she does the thing where she pulls her arm out from your sleep. You can't wait, these are song, dude. And then she has to do the thing where she pulls her arm out from under you and she goes,

okay, sing that, oh, sleep. Oh, the dude. The day. And then you're like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Katie and I always have like a nice fun good night, you know? I'm like, all right, rock and roll, see you in the morning and like choke around or whatever.

And then she has to deal with me five minutes later to be like She's like shut up. I'm like Yeah, I have to listen to Christine die 14 times and I didn't know I did it. I'm so excited to go get my nose looked at Yeah, open these tunnels dude Let the boys sleep hell yeah, because I also think you're overworked I think you're a workaholic I think we all are and I think you like you like that seller show want to do it. Yeah, cut that seller show It is good. Yeah, I'm good. I think you should have I texted him today good

I'll do a couple more of them and then I got to stop two more you make your own rules Don't make them or dude. I'll Jay needs to take the power back take the power back That's what you're doing dude. I am in 2022 Jay's take the power back. Take the power back. That's what you're doing, dude. I am. In 2022, Jay's taking the power back. Fuck yeah, my own bedroom. Yeah, you got your own bedroom. You're not doing your own bedroom.

I'm having a bedroom. She's got a lock up my own bedroom. They're in set it. Yeah, that's our guest room. Also, it makes me feel super powerful. I pay 100% for the apartment. Christine, this is me, I don't pay anymore. This is me, this is not me being defensive.

This is me actually enjoying myself and saying he's right I wrote the rule so show me done Christine pays for Corn post turn it yep, it's already your room. You know, it's funny is with I stay at I stay at Katie like we haven't moved in Proper yet. We will later this year, but my now my new thing is is when we go to bed I go I'm living here rent free living in your head rent free he's like shut up you stay here I'm living here rent free baby yeah that's the thing to say yeah that makes you you know yeah she's like shut up dude I own this place and you stay with me and I'm like rent free living up your rent I'm living right here rent free I'm living in here. Rent free, I'm living in your heart.

This is the long as you live with a girl before, right? It's the only time I've ever lived with a girl. Ever, ever, never lived with a woman. Yeah, man I'm annoying. I really learned a lot of shit that I do that I'm like, yo, this is only child annoying behavior. Movie with Jay was so weird because I had never lived with a guy and he had like had a family.

Yeah, pinch. So he was just very comfortable with his morning poop. Shitting for 40, just right away, he was so comfortable. He was so used to living in this family environment. Sure, and you'd never lived with a guy before? Never. It's weird when you start living with someone

because you realize how much the morning poop thing I have to do. It's just, I don't know. I remember you were so comfortable talking, you're like, oh, I'm gonna go. You're like, time to go take a dump. Yeah, but I'll say that's a really fast. Really?

I was trying to hide that so long. That's just a man thing. Cause I immediately was like, look, damn to go poop, and then finally Katie had to be like, hey, there's a second bathroom. Can you go do it there? I should have wake up at five in the morning

if I stayed with Christine and like shit before she woke up. Do you want to my date of birth? No, I'm a thing when we first moved in to go. I had to go to a different room to fart one time when I was dating a girl. Well, we lived in a shoe box where you were gonna hear the person shooting you.

I could be outside on the fire escape and hear Christine fart in the bathroom. Yeah. But moving in with a person you realize that you've been faking it with everyone you've ever dated. When you live with someone, what's your never dated anybody? But I'm saying,

well, you know, in a relationship, you're just like, hey, you like keep the good stuff out there, and then when you go home, you do all your shit. Yeah, yeah. And then when you live with someone, you're like, I do this.

They're like, why? And you're like, I don't know. I've regurged on my food before I eat like a fly. I'm a fly, I'm a fly man. I'm a fly. I have four stomachs like a cow or three stomachs I'm in.

Two, three, four, something like that. But I would like eat like super late and she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm hungry. She's like, it's two in the morning. And I'm like, there's like snacking on cereal. And she's like, you know, wake up with heartburn. Or like, I didn't know I flipped and flopped.

I thought I just slept. And then she's like, dude, you don't sleep. You fucking move around. And then now I noticed it. I'm like, oh, yeah, that is why I check the clock every hour. The other night I had one of those sleeps where I kept dreaming. I couldn't breathe. And you wake up like fighting that thing. I checked the clock every hour. The other night I had one of those sleeps where I kept dreaming I couldn't breathe and you wake up like fighting that thing

is the worst feeling. If you ever woken up with hiccups, no. It is awful. It happens to me about three times a year. We're all just be dead asleep and then I'll be like, gah, gah, gah, gah. And then you're like, gah, gah. And like, Katie will be on her phone and she's like,

what the fuck? And I'm like, gah, gah. gah, gah, gah. I don't love it. I don't fucking love it. And like Katie will be on her phone and she's like what the fuck and I like Don't love it. I don't fucking love it. I'm gonna lava lamp dude A street that says J Avenue. Yes On the press of Yeah big big Avenue in J way J way what about a phone on the corner of big and J What about a phone that's lips? And then you could no no I'm gonna go on eBay and get the old football phone from sports illustrious through this at you cuz I love that idea so much That I'm gonna call you on that are a burger that opens my burger phone

Guess what I'm gonna call you from my room in Jersey in the back look across the river Yeah, and even though I don't we don't Use it any way I'm gonna back look across the river. Yeah, and even though I don't, we don't use it any way, I'm gonna get my own line. You can get my own phone line. You just gonna pay extra just to have your own phone. That's where I have my own number. Have I write it down inside my book? Yeah, so my joke book,

this way you don't have to tell Christine to hang up the phone if I need to use the computer. Hang up! I'm trying to go online! Do you have a home phone line? I know. Dude, I can't wait for all the patchouli and all the incense that's burned in Christine's room with the Annie DeFranco posters Yeah, all the weird art. That's like a woman in blood, but also black paint running

Something that sells the yells murder, but freedom, you know, and then you just you just in your room And then you guys will come back together wait up. Christine goes full wait up Christine goes full single dog owning bulldyke. I love it. I love it. I love it The flannel's coming back out good dude put her on your waist put her on your waist you'll be rollerblading with your dog or she runs Oh my god wait to roll I played with the dog. Oh, I'm taking her I'm gonna tell you right now and I sort of got I mean this make sure she's trained or else you're gonna bif and you're gonna fucking Christina do it tomorrow. She's missing the rules Dude that's so funny on Monday she comes in with like one of those you know those casts where it's like out Where it's like connected to her and she goes dockins gotten front of me

Fuck my arm in front of the intrepid Crying as dockins is licking your face. He broke me all by! He's like... That'll be funny. That'll be great. Just heard coming through. She has to come through the door sideways.

Yeah, fucking... Blue, did you grow up with a dog or just went to school with a bunch of fucking possums and shit? No, I had a dog until my parents said that it ran away and it's never coming back. That's a lie. Fuck and killed it. What kind of dog is that? They killed it or they just let it go. Yeah, I don't, maybe they let it go in a field because that was their move.

What kind of dog? It was a my, a golden retriever and part, I don't know, it was definitely a mutt. Dude, Trish waxed one of my dogs because he tried to bite my friend. And she was like, Bob, his name was Bob. We donated him. Again, I got to make a t-shirt from this from the Denver Dumb Friends League.

Greatest name in the history of a pound. And Bob was like one of my first dogs. Bob and Izzie were my first two dogs. And then Izzie died and we got Montana and Bob and Montana were friends. Bob was like older. He was abused. So if you, if you like had a, like a snow mask on or whatever and like walked up, you would get like, he was abused by people and ski masks. Yeah, we think so. We really think so because it's a weird thing to do. He hated the paper. He hated the paper and he hated men in ski

masks. Is that why you guys? Is that why you and him bonded because you were both victims of a anal rape of a burglary? Yeah, from a Denver post. Up my butt. No, I meant burglary. Like someone in a ski mask coming in. Remember? Oh, yeah. I don't know if you remember Dan. You got tied up. Yeah, but that was just a lip. He was, Bob was beyond, was already in the grave when I got robbed. I got robbed. I was like 21 both of you were afraid to ski mask people Was the point oh by the way when I got robbed homeboy did not wear a mask guy was it you raw dog me in the face Memories it is to you. I will always hunt your dreams white boy I yourself up with you please I'm a baby, you're still getting high. Dyer's so bubbly, please. I want you to die yourself, baby.

I'm so moved, I love you. I'm such a little tiny man. But my friend, like, cut through my yard and Bob tried to, like, bob went after him. He'd him. Like, when it got, he had a snow jacket on and like, you know, the fucking army dogs or whatever, he got my friend Nick's arm and like, my friend Nick,

like, had to fight out of it and then jumped over the fence. And then he came back and was like, you dog tried to like bite me and my mom was like, the second she heard it. She was like, execution. She just took Bob to the vet and had him put down. Really? I will never forget that day because she's like, I'm taking Bob to the vet to get put down

and I'm like, there's got to be another way. We don't, he didn't bite me, buddy. He tried to bite him. It's, he can be reformed. And she was like, no. And she took Bob to the vet to get put down and Montana was like two years old. So he's still kind of puppy energy. He was just sad at the door to the garage,

crying for an hour. And it was like one of the most upset I've ever been because I was like, stop Montana. And he was just like, no, he just fucking knew. And then my mom just came home with a collar. And I was like, oh, Jesus Christ, Chris. Christine's will let Dawkins eventually bite a child's face.

Oh, cool. Well, you'll get sued. That's all I got bit. Yeah. Cause when I got the dog to bit my face didn't even get put down. That's why I thought I was fucked up. Jesus. She's not the thought was fucked up. Jesus She's not the reason if you put your hand in her face. She thinks you're playing with her

Just start fighting. That's not the nipping. That's puppy nipping. You know what's just so funny about this? Mm-hmm It's very funny about this and how not I don't know if irony is the right word But when you guys came over and we watched UFC and you were playing with myrtle Christine the whole time with myrtle was going like this on her face And her door was going like that and we're like, alright Christine you gotta stop doing that or else she's gonna think. No she just encourages horrific behavior. And then Mertle was like trying to bite her hand and I'm like, Mertle stop. We had to both be like, you know that playful but you're really trying to get a point across voice where you're like,

okay alright Christine seriously stopped doing that Mertle was gonna bite your hand and you were like, look at her And by the way Katie does that to sometimes she'll go like this or like slap it and we'll be like what's up We fucking doing this but the older they get she knows when it's playing when it's just you know, that's the end two in the morning after Seven hours of broadcasting and comedy though. I don't wanna have my hand bit. I wear the pet the dog. Yeah, you just wanna love something. Yeah. And your new room?

Yeah. I couldn't love how to sleep anymore, so I'm gonna go to the dog. Now I can't let the dog either. So now? So that's a loving me. But now, I got my own room dog. And that's what's up.

Don't have your own room. Kind of carpet. I don't know, dude. First of all, Kathy Island poster. Done. Done. I'm gonna make it my room that I carpet. I don't know. First of all, Kathy Ireland poster. Done. Done. I'm going to make it my room that I wanted when I was a kid. Can I have it where it's the, can we, I'm just outside, asking.

Please. Can we get the beer poster where it's all underboob? Yes. I'm going to do the- Headless underboob, ladies poster. Five naked girls air brushed into pink Floyd. Love it. Love it.

Love it. All sitting back to back to back to back. Absolutely. Uh, a bunch of Bob Marley poster a bunch of different emoji faces showing different expressions. I would say an emoji pillow. I don't know how to get a pillow of you in cell. Yeah. All right. Us holding that sad balloon. Yeah. Holding up a sad balloon. Uh, and the and from that when we had that Asian Transporn star and I go she has a big-ration dick to me pillow also. Oh, yeah, dude. Always fun to have a throw pillow So it's gonna be so great, dude. Yeah, dude not even not even sacrificing television size D.V. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's really In the small room I have a new lease on life, dude. I would, honestly, guys, if we can meet in the middle,

I'm just gonna toss this out there. Bunk beds. No. How do you feel about bunk beds? No, no, no, no, I'm telling you. Christine's death whales at night will go through walls. I can't just be right above her. I need to be a full room away.

With a living room in between. Yeah. A room in between. No. A room in between. No, you just need to fall asleep faster. No, stop it. Don't say crazy things like that. Tell him what, bunk beds? No, that's a fun idea.

Then you could pop down. You could pop down and back. Christine, what's going on down there? No, I don't want to climb when I go to bed. How about all of a sudden? After eight years old, you don't want to climb, getting into bed. You're gonna hit your knees on wood.

Oh my God, it was hard in college. college. I had we had in our dorms We had the beds that were our desks were below So you had a problem beds. I dude the amount of times I busted my ass drunk and we trying to get up in that stupid fucking bed Yeah, it's awful standing on an office chair that's got roll. That's got wheels on it on an office chair that's got wheels on it. Okay, put all my weight down on the next one. Does it move? Yeah. Of course I wasn't getting laid, so that was easy.

Yeah, that's super easy. Beating off in a captain's bed is weird though. Yeah, yeah, I have to worry about that. I can make my room my own. I'm not getting laid there either. I would say get a canopy. Ooh, maybe. Get a canopy bed like a hot chicken high school.

Yeah, that's not a bad idea for posts Maybe put some draperies some fun. I love I would go like black silk now It's right against what I want to I don't want to lose that view dude. I'd say what I want on the outside of on the outside Yeah, pull curtains. Yes. Yes. You could put the curtains down and shut them forever for it Yeah, that's a pretty awesome idea. And if you do it right, you can have it where you could shut the drapes on your forever for it and then just have that view and play your switch. Oh my god, that sounds so amazing. That's what I've been looking for all these years. And then you could shut the blinds. I tried to fill all of these voids with Christine. It

didn't work. No, that's not true. All I I needed a canopy bed, a good view on my switch. Mm-hmm. Thank you for the switch, Christine. I got you the switch. I found the apartment with a good view. I got you a double. What was the other thing? Yeah, I also got a canopy bed.

Can I get a canopy bed? If you want, I mean, we can do a canopy bed, but block the art. No, no, no, no, this is nothing to do with you. No, I, you're not, you don't have your own room. Oh my god, This is embarrassing. She's so looking at me. She's sleeping in my room. I can't open. Guys, this is you can't open it locks. Guys, is this crazy or not? Do she think she's really going to

stay? Wow, dude. This is all quartz. You know what's going to be even more fun designing your bathroom. No, bathroom could just say don't care about that. Really? No, I don't care. They're pretty. They're pretty. Looker mirror. My bathrooms aren't designed well. They're designed great, but I'm saying Jay wants to put his own flair. No, I don't know. Bathroom. I'm just in and out there. I'm the dark most of time in the bathroom anyway. Yeah, for you to do that weird shit, re-shower with the light off. Yeah, it's crazy. And well, there's light. Have you brought that up to your therapist? Yeah, once you didn't seem to harp on it. I don't know if you're

therapist. I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm saying go with the change. Maybe I'm saying go to the fucking bullpen because you bring that up to a therapist and they just glaze right over that. You're like, I don't think you heard what I said. What are you showering the guy? Do you think it is? I was like, uh, self-hatred and and all that shit like that. And she was like, oh, and then I was like, uh, divorced and all this stuff. And she's like, yeah, back to the day to day. Yeah, no digging whatsoever. Stucklusses keep the surface level. Been about it over a year.

I think maybe switch. Do you feel like you've gotten anything out of it? No, I feel like switch is just probably not gonna happen. Yeah, but you switch to just find it. All you got to do is just find one that works. Yeah, I gave it a year. I just feel like this lady wasn't trying. Well, I'll probably stay with this lady

because I'm bad at that too, also being like, hey, so one day I'll just ghost. It's about Jay, it's time for your session. Yeah, I'll let her think I killed myself or just moved on or I'm better. And then she's gonna be like, another one. It's just dammit. Keep losing them. Jay it's time for your session. Yeah, I'll let her think I killed myself or just moved on or on better and then She's gonna be like another one Just damn keep losing them and then she goes and put the notch on her bed post

Yeah, that is what she does The whole post god damn lady people kill themselves. I'm doing my best She goes yeah, but you don't see all the notches for the people that haven't killed themselves I don't know I went to school for day-to-day therapy, not like a life therapy. I don't know. It's hard. Yeah. These people have been through so I don't know.

I feel like it's really cold outside. She's like, stand side more. I'm like, all right, I'll call you next week. Yeah. Good chat. Here's money. That was good. Yeah, dude.

I have a therapist. I'm like, wow, about to go. You're a great dad. I know, right? Talk to you later. All right, rock and roll, dude. She's like zero problems. All right, you take everything as it is and you give it as it is. And you're like, it's metal, right?

All of the sudden, the good is that she's aware of the Christine's completely batshit. So she's always my side on that stuff, which is great. Well, I don't know if that is good. I don't think, yeah, I think you want someone to push back on you a little bit. Well, she can't, when you're making sick ass points. I don't think, I don't think you want someone to push back on you a little bit. Well, she can't, when you're making sick-ass points. I don't, I don't think.

She's like, wow, that does sound. I don't mean to be horrible. I don't, doesn't mean to discredit the whole thing. Thank you, doctor. But I don't think she's good. She's a doctor who knows what Christina is. No, I think she's a doctor that just tells you what you want to hear.

Oh, you think I wanted, you think I knew the word succubus before I spoke to her? Yeah, she goes, Jay, we have a, we have a medical term for this. It's called a bummer. Yeah. She's a bummer. There's someone who drains your energy completely. We call that a drain.

It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It conference in Florida to speak on it. Would you like to hear one of my lectures on such a thing? Yeah, some of you might be dealing with a Christine. This thing, here's a few helpful hints. Get more than one bedroom in your place. Get a forever fort. I wish I could just like be new pussy.

I'm not entertaining. That's impossible. By the way, that's everybody though. Everybody. There's a question. I just be. There's just vaginal juvenation. You know what's funny about that?

I'll put a lemon in your snatch all day. I think the thing you want, yeah. Pucker it up. Yeah, keep it ready. Salt it. If, and if, like, let's play this out. Let's say Jane, you break up. You take dockens, you move on, you know,

you're back in a beach town with some, you know, goofball that wears pukachels. You think I'm leaving New York City? You're not leaving New York City. Let's say you're in Brighton Beach with a Russian. Jay would move on. I think I can't make it Manhattan about Jay. Fine, you're in Manhattan, you're in fucking Upper West.

It's just, it's Village. Is this how it is all the time? Yeah, okay. Is this a Christine? She can't make it in New York, I don't know. Well, the idea of me turning on her, it's like just trying to help. I've been working by myself for years without you.

I go. All right, Frank Sinatra. You made it here, you can make it anywhere. Totally. But you, I would think you'd get a new, do you think you would get a new woman? And then immediately be like, I miss Christine for this.

I miss Christine for this stuff. No. No, no, no At all no, I that I miss Christine with a new girl like if you had a new girl and she like She would do something annoying. She would inevitably do something Oh, yeah, I was saying what if I broke up with Christine where I miss Christine. Oh, yeah, of course Yeah, but like yeah, yeah with like the new girls 10 years exactly. That's what I'm saying We're like so comfortable that if you were to get into something else Some girl would be like yeah, I sleep scream or whatever You know and you'd be like oh I miss Christine and she's like

Yeah, yeah, she's like can my pet snake be in the living room? You're like oh fuck there's the good news I can go no well this has been a fun couple of weeks and Having sex with you is great, but you know you're bad at that your company wasn't good, huh? You know you're bad at that No, no, no, that's what I'm saying like I'm saying in my head and I just never call them again I tell my boy guys to keep here's a picture of them don't let him in the building Lewis goes I can't start a different festival called skankier faster with this one Christine I the nobody Besides the team it does skank fest should do skank fest that is for sure

Besides the team it does skankfest should do skankfest that is for sure Class got keep digging to find a nice compliment class operation. It is for sure this year October Do a fake this job? We don't need to talk to each other and do skankfest though Dude that's so funny if you guys have that like cold professional You know we're like Jason. He's like Christine. Yeah, She's just holding a 60 pound dog, like it's a small dog. She's like, dockens you remember your father? She's like, oh, all right. This is holding a fat muscular dog. Huh?

Dockens? It doesn't have to be cold. She's a good gal. Did her give it, you giving her a shoulder punch as you walk away with a lady that's like 90 pounds and giant heels and thick eyelashes and she's like we're gonna go fucking suck nice seeing you're Christine Christine yeah she's like all right say goodbye Dawkins and Dawkins like oh look who you

want and then Lewis is like so what's your name she's like name is Bambi do you know that you can only get Narcan three times in a week? I'm gonna come and go through it a month. Don't worry, I know it's one time here for a couple of minutes. I always try to explain that to Katie, it's like, this is how much I love you. That the thought of any other woman I know when I would not with anyone else, I'd be like, like, can you be here? You know? Any time I like fantasize about a woman on TV, I'm like, I know the second I busted like a nut if I was like with Sophia for garra Yeah, I don't buy it also, you know, I don't swing for the I don't think I'm showing up with a Sophia for gara

I think her in her 50s sure you could do that. No, I wouldn't Yeah, we're talking about Sophia Lorene You could get yourself a young hot chick. Jay, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm sure too. I guess I'm sure. Got some Jitsy girl that's like,

some girl that's like six years older than Isabella. Yeah, she's like, you know what I mean? She's like, Jay's daughter's lady. We're getting our eyelashes. We're getting our eyelashes that go to our foreheads together. Hey, we want to look like glam chop together So we got it to the fake eyelashes. It's just got to stop. Yeah, it's the style man Everybody's I know I saw an NYPD officer with it and legitimately made me laugh from the cop space

She just had these like giant eyelashes. She's like There's no fucking department regulation against that I have to if I was with somebody in their 20s they'd have to be such an old soul for my level of hang there's a lot of fun things going on but also there's got to be a lot of chill yeah you need a woman that was molested by a grandpa yes or even uncle turns out yeah you need to check that was dittled by an older uncle say she could get all your mass mass references Yeah, no, I don't need to get I like bringing my references to a new spirit. It's just more like it's not like like Ralph's got

so many stories Ralph Sutton Has got so many stories of like I use so many these printing things where he's like, I brought these two girls who I have three swims with on this trip to wherever. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. And he'll go there and it's like they have three swims and then he goes a bit like no, or whatever. And then he's like, all right girls, it's just, you know, be on my wall. Be disrespectful and like, be out overnight. Like, please be here tomorrow. You know, when I wake up or whatever.

Not when I wake up. I'm making it sound a little more sinister. It's more like ridiculous to me in the sense that it's like, okay, now go be young and have fun. Just give your sex to me. You guys find having dinner at 4 p.m. and then having a 3-7 at 6 p.m. and then I'm gonna be out.

Lights out at 9. Yeah. When you guys come up-some at 6 p.m. and then I'm gonna be out lights out at 9. When you guys come up, be quiet if you bring home other guys. Guys, if you're gonna bang other dudes, just do it outside. Just nodding the same room. Which is sort of what's being said. At 100%. Like, just don't fuck here. Dude, there's been so many hot guys that have been like, wait, so this dude just brought you here?

And he's asleep? Yeah, yeah. And we like to have three-some. Wait, so this dude just brought you here and he's asleep. Yeah, yeah, she's like yeah He's like cheers, and we like to have three summers goes all have some of that. I love it. I don't have any body fat Want a fuck so I that sounds bizarre to me so I couldn't that it happened to you And Ralph just being too old fucking sharks, but we're different. We'd be such different Mine's gonna be like you want wanna come over fuck watching movie? Maybe fuck again, unless it's like

the tenth time we fucked, then the one's fine. Then I'm one and done, then we're good. But just the idea of being over 40 and just trying to be with a girl in her 20s, it's like, I wanna go all night. You know how they always do that with like the midnight crisis? Where it's like like a guy gets divorced

And then dates like a 23 year old named Bambi who's just like let's I think I've used that name twice But just like girls like it's like fucking Duke. They're always man be so like I just want to fucking do coke And you guys like yeah, it's like you don't want that right? No, I don't want that you want a warm meal in a good TV show Right, but I could sacrifice some things. I could order food every day if something else is that awesome. Do you know what I mean? If they can't cook or some shit, fine with that. It's gotta be something,

do you know what I mean? There's gotta be the dreaming thing. Yes, some sort of a hook. That's all. I don't know if under 30 long term could work for me. I said we have to be like an AAU coach. You have to bring him along. It have to be an old soul.

Like I said, someone who was like, again, that means trauma. That's just a different way to say that they've had a lot of trauma. Or got there, or got there, you know, they had to get narcane back to life once and I don't touch like, like drugs like that anymore. Mellow.

My buddy, my buddy texted me because I'm at side splitters in May and he was like in Tampa and he's like, dude, I'm coming to the show. I'm like, you bring that fucking bitch that was in Orlando and I'm not letting you in the place. And he's like, oh, I don't talk to her anymore and I'm like, cool. So you just ruined that one weekend in Orlando.

Yes. Where she just came backstage crying, going, why did you say NAR can? And I was like like cuz I was joking It's like my best boyfriend died of heroin and he was asking for Narcan and you're like I didn't do you think I know that you don't do heroin Yeah, I don't know maybe don't jam an needle in your head. Don't do heroin Do you think maybe if you were better he wouldn't done heroin? Maybe if you love the more he wouldn't have killed themselves with drugs Maybe if you were better. That was when Jacob came out

That was Jacob came out the next night. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I remember that. You know, didn't Joe DeRosa, let's go back. Joe DeRosa said his dream relationship, at least how he saw it was like someone that he could be with and get married to even.

But like, I don't know if he's telling me, things about kids at all, but he wants to be with, but like, have their own, he still wants his own apartment. There's a lot of people that I've never lived together. There's a lot of people that think that way. I'm telling you the more and more that KDS to go sleep out on the couch,

I'm getting that Brady, that Brady Bunch thing where they had separate beds. Yeah. When I was young, I was like, why would you see little beds? Yeah, exactly. I'm like, why would you do that? And then you get, you start touching 40 and you're like,

yeah, fuck that. You should have your own bed. Oh my poster. Do we, we joked around about having each of us having our own queen size bed? Mm-hmm. It's, I don't know. It sounds like a fucking good idea to me.

Christine and the dog are getting a completely paid for. I mean, I'll come over there. Oh, fantastic. Missed. I'll hop over to California King. I'll hop over to Katie's bed and give her some snugs, give myrtles and pets, and then just fucking,

step over, get into my bed and fucking flip flop like a fish out of water. Reflip in them floppin', I'm grabbing them, turnin', I'm breathing, I'm fucking sion. I'll wait until my eyes are bloodshot with the insanity of the crazy noises Christine and this dog make all night. Then you go to your bed. I know so many older married couples that just sleep in different rooms

I can name three of my friends parents who are still married that sleep in different rooms. Hell yes I don't think it's as negative as you see in my wife sleep in different cities It's crazy and that great you've been doing it for years. Look how great your life is. And we're doing, I'm doing fantasy. I mean, you're way on the up and up. Yeah, I want some paperwork goes through. Yeah, that'll be a little different, but, you know, I dot some ice cross from cheese, but the end of the day,

I get a notary in there. I sure think it's a little bit different. But, you know, what do we do? I have a little leave the council, I'm going to bat over these stuff as paperwork. Little boom bang boom, pay a guy some cash. Get out of there. Retainer paid, big bang.

All this is gonna be so good for us, Christine. This is gonna be so good for us. Holy shit, it's already, almost 3.45. We're almost been doing an hour already. Yeah, Christ. Christine, you're gonna be so happy in this room. It's good, you guys are gonna love your own rooms. Let's take our first break.

Let's take our first break and come back. Let's just call it a break We don't know what would happen. We're gonna take a break and let's see how we both feel after it. It's the bonfire For this D.I. home Oh, you did make no dealer. Oh, There's poop and pee all over the floor! What? I'm pee- You're snoring like a 400 pound man? Ha ha ha!

Oh! Okay! I guess I'll pee in my room! You're snoring like you played in the NFL in the 70s? Ha ha ha ha! Did you try to complete this wall away from today? Ha ha ha! Did you try to complete this while away from today?

You've been listening to... SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows. Always on SiriusXM! you