The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Dan Montana's

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

It's that time of the year again! The tri-annual lunch date with Dan Soder and his ex-coworkers on the Bonfire. Jacob and The Lou's meet their hero at Ted Montana's- Ted Turner's restaurant known for it's bison meat and endless pickles. Jay and Bob agree that it's a cheap place and Soder could afford to take the boys out somewhere classier. | Dancing With The Stars has some controversy. Jay contends that the scoring is rigged to keep Corey Feldman from winning. | Bobby wants Paco the filmmaker to move in with him and his family. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah, right here, my cocksucker. Right there. And your ball holder? Let me fix my... I, uh... Oh, Jacobs. What did I say? There was a great...

Was it a body cam video or something, or someone was yelling at kids? And they were saying that they go, oh, you guys... running your little dick suckers over there what a great fucking term for it i mean what a crazy nasty lady but dick sucker's a great term for someone's mouth you run your dick sucker over there it's the bonfire faction talk serious xm one oh three woo hoo it's a uh i'm torn today emotions are a little all over the place. Yeah. I think we're about to find out

we're not as powerful as I'd hoped. You don't know that. I don't know for sure, but I have a feeling we're not going to defeat what Corey Feldman has done to himself. I trust most of you, at least peeked in for the Corey Feldman

dance itself. Your friend was fantastic. Elaine Hendricks was great. Everybody was great. And there's a very strong chance that maybe the crocodile hunter's son who they said in rehearsals was choppy and blocky

maybe did the best dance that's ever happened on this show did you watch it? Yeah, it was insane. He was unbelievable. He leaped over his partner like a complete straddle in the air leap over her.

He jumped off a Jeep. They did everything pretty great. He killed it. Bobby's friend killed it. She's my friend, I swear. I call her right now. I told her a great job she did. I'll call her right now.

I'm going to fucking call. You don't believe me. I'll call her right now. And she picks up the phone when I call. Watch this. Go on. How do you spell Elaine? D-A-W-N.

I only want to. I swear, you think I'm calling, Dawn. I'm not calling. M-A-X. I'm calling. Let's see what she picks up. My grandfather used to do this when he would sell windows. Yeah.

We'll call people. Cold call. He'd call me to pretend that was, like, the office that you can get a better deal. Your call has been forward to the phone. You'd answer the phone because this is not a caller ID, and he'd go, hello? And I'd go, hey, pop, pop. And then he would go, yeah, this guy's saying he would do both doors if we could do blah, blah, blah. And you'd be like, what?

They said they could do both doors. Okay. And he just starts having a conversation is not real, just to call somebody. And he would sell, he was a salesman, door-door salesman. Doesn't even say that should be a job in my lifetime, door-to-to-door salesman. You'd be a great daughter-to-no salesman. Me? Terrible.

No, you're wrong about that. You'd be great. Why, you'd walk up and not be able to talk? I can't cold talk people. You know that. You watch that. It's not my strength at all. It was funny yesterday.

The little Asian lady came up with her beads. Oh, my God. And I've never seen you that uncomfortable. I was bullied. It was so funny. I don't know why it gave me such joy to see this lady bully you. And you couldn't just say get the fuck away from me. you were just like no I'm good I'm I'm all right you got all cool almost coy right I do much better with with like shitty aggression like someone's saying or doing something you know I mean where you can kind of like fire back at it she just keeps trying to give me a bracelet and I was like no and then she's like touching me a lot she kept touching you yeah a lot like leaning on me because her body was on my shoulder and she was like really and then like I don't I don't think she even picked up on the funny that everyone was like laughing at me a good time she was really trying to

to jam it on my arm and then tell me to give her money of course well because if you take it yeah it's yours that's the thing I think legally you owe her money by law here's the problem unless you believe in like the like dragons or anything there's nothing the fear of an old Asian lady the black kids that do it in Times Square when they hand you the CD 8 and when you touch it they let go of it yeah that's that's an intimidation like now you owe me 10 dollars yeah no I don't want this oh come on man you're gonna do you're gonna do me like that that's intimidation yeah I'm intimidated by this lady. I just was because, like, I don't, exactly.

I don't want to be the person on the street who everyone turns around when I go, get the fuck off me, you crazy fucking bitch. Right, and then she just falls and saints and doesn't get up. Yeah, and like, you just killed Red Panda. You're not expendable. You're not expendable. You don't believe in dragons? Huh?

You don't believe in dragons? I don't know. I didn't test her. I didn't test this bitch. What if she gave you that brazenet and it just gave you power? Council power Yeah If you were just

I could see your future By touching you Yeah Dead zone Dead zone to me You were the one And you And you didn't take it

You must take You must take Big duty Big duty for you Law responsibility All of a sudden You just love dumplings Yeah

I have That bracelet gives me Dr. Strange stuff It gives me Portal opening powers Last night dancing with the stars before we get into this

we have to deal with I don't know today was yeah yeah yeah I can feel the energy you can feel the energy when you come in and Jacob faking it

he's trying no he's just trying he's so excited today he tries to pretend he's fine that you're here every day we come in here hey Jacob hey Jacob hey hey

what's up hey Jacob what's going on hi buddy what's up That's what he's taking it for granted That's every day with us He's taking it for granted But then when you come in today

He literally said hi As we, hey guys As we walked in Yeah Well you got to see him today It was Nande Today was Dan Day Today was Dan Day

Today was Dan Day It was Dan Day It was Dan Day for everyone The crew It's Dan Day for you mostly Yeah Yeah Everybody else also falls under his magic spell

I was happy to see Dan I mean you are You are a different human being Oh Christine Paco, I think the two of you are considered pieces of shit because he doesn't invite the two of you. Yeah, you don't get that day.

No, Christine is invited. She has open invitation. She always turns it down. She did shit on the restaurant pretty bad. The restaurant's horrible. And also, I didn't find out about this one until you guys showed up at work. Oh, we bailed inviting you.

You know, if I feel bad about Jay is that I always thought it was Dan's little corny restaurant that he likes because his taste buds are weird. everybody hates this restaurant that's not true Jacob I'm sorry to say I like it yeah that's who picked the restaurant

everybody beside you you love it it's your restaurant no we picked it also out of convenience because it's close to here oh you mean convenient in Times Square where there's 9 million restaurants won't you go to bubble gum shrimp yeah I don't want to eat there

there's a Michelin starred right down the street I wanted to eat there at my place Del Frisco's in the building we're at you can take the Lundum elevator down to Delpherson's got scratch he has no family yeah yeah just goes too fancy yeah but he what I mean for our casual lunch that's like a big deal lunch what that's not a big deal lunch Dan makes money for all for everyone fucking money bags Dan Dan doesn't pick up the check Dan's a multi-millionaire he did he does pick up the check there you know it's $49 who

wouldn't pick it up might as well I'll actually I'll pay for Dan day day Me and J will switch off. Paco can pay for Danday. I'll have you know. It's a little more than porting on. Right. A little. I'll give you $80.

You guys can get appetizers. Why do you go to, what is it called again? Ted Nuget's. What is it? You wish. Texas, Ted's Montana grow. Ted's Montana. Why do you force everybody to go there?

I don't force them. I'm going to do this real quick. I'm going to straighten this up. Black Lou, do you like it? it's okay but I'd love to go somewhere else DJ Lowe do you like it all three of our stomachs hurt right now

fucking hurt yeah can I say that's because for the first I get a stomach ache like once a year but now I have one because of the pickles there's community pickles they're half sours

but I ate three bowls of them community pickles is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life but how does that match up with what did Lou and Louie because we are all we're all we all have a stomach ache and the only thing we had

the only meal we had in common was the pickles everyone else had something different yeah because it's community pickles you're not just have a community no they're not I got to take you there I eat community pickles I'm never going to the

I'll never go to that place I want you to Dan's place Dan's Montana it's just it blows me away Dan has money he'll take you to Del Friscoes somebody just

somebody just Somebody just say, hey, can we switch it up for Delfristos? I'm not asking to go to Del Frisco's, and I don't like him to pay all the time. And, dude, be like a chick, be like a chick about it too and say like, be like, dude, can we go to Del Friscoes? Like, everyone will pay for themselves, like lay it loud like that, like insult his ability to pay for it. And then he will pay for it for sure. That's funny if he didn't. Because we all covered.

Jacob with a $150 check just for his meal. Why don't you guys go to Churiscaria? It's right down the street. I don't know that one. That's right. You went there with us before. Oh, is that the. Brazilian Steakhouse, yeah.

That's, look, I don't think that big. It's only $50 a person. Right. Yeah. That's it. What's Ted Montana setting everybody back? Before coupons. And groupons.

And you guys keep running back to him like he cares about you. I heard he takes homeless pimp his new producer out to fucking Keynes and old homestead. They do so much fancy stuff. Actually, they go to... They take you guys to fucking sizzler. They go to a different place every... They have this board that they... Oh, their top...

And they spin it, and wherever it is they go. Oh, my God. Yeah, him and Homeless Pimp are doing the chef's tour of New York. Yeah. They eat in the kitchen. You guys are at Ted Montana's eating canned gravy. All right, if there's guys... Yeah.

I want to go somewhere else. I'll put it to Dan. I always thought it was... No, it is me. You're going to let him put it to Dan? That means he's going to go, listen, I love it, but the guys are complaining. That's how it's getting back to him.

You should all text Dan separately and blame who you think. I don't feel this way. I don't feel that we should switch. What do you get salmon? No. What? That's the one time I'll get a bison burger.

You get a bison burger? You come out of your show. You've come over to my house for Super Bowl parties, all kind of stuff you won't come out of your show and you come out of your show for dan for dan you eat a burger do you know that we eat lunch on tuesdays we all get lunch all of us and except for one person anybody wants lunch with us by the way we're always like anybody want anything anybody want anything come down we got you except for jacob except for jacob we don't buy lulu always says you don't want

anything but then we just put like a like the lid of something with like a bunch of our scraps on it And slide it over to him. Christine did get me. Christine feeds him like a baby. She rips up chicken pieces for them and puts it in front of them. So then Lou just kind of plays and eats. Well, I appreciate it. But normally I bring my lunch and I sit in my office for lunch.

But not today. Today you leave your lunch at home. It's better to sit in your office where you can sit there alone and not be with your friends outside. You could have lunch today. It's chaos outside. I don't like the chaos of outside. Why don't you take your Ted Montana's and go into a different room? So you can be by yourself.

What do you mean? I make my own food and I bring it. I bring it. But when you go to Ted Montana's, I mean, there's friends there, but why don't you choose that day to go be by yourself? Well, you know, I don't see Dan. We don't see Dan that often. It's once every few months.

Because he walked away from you and said he didn't want to work with you anymore. Once every few months. He exclaimed out loud, he wanted no parts of working with you guys. Literally, when Dan said I'm leaving, you weren't even men. mentioned. He didn't say, hey, take care of my little Jacob for me, would you? I just assumed that role.

He said, you know what I missed the most over there? You know what I miss the most? The cabinetry that's constantly falling on your legs. I'll consider putting a different restaurant on the table, but I don't know where to go, honestly. I'm going to bring it up on the race. Del friscoes. Yeah. What's wrong with Del friscoes?

Yeah, that's easy. enough Bobby call down the regs i was gonna call him out on the regs and then he'll he'll change he'll do you guys right he'll do you guys right i don't he's gonna fix it and not treat you like fucking pieces of shit he doesn't want to go somewhere else he likes the the stability of this yeah Montana place he goes oh it shuts them up he says it shuts them up for a while yeah you like the quietness and you love the consistency of it yes it makes you happy del frisco's chaos also it remind you of a day a day from the past when you guys used to go there all the time.

We never went there. What's you get you for Christmas these days now that we're not on a show together anymore? I don't recall getting anything. Wow. Well, good thing you drop everything for Ted Montana's. Those must be great steaks. A bison burger.

Let me look at the menu over there, Christine, again. Let me remember this fucking dump. Bobby, I got the salmon and it sucked. Yeah, of course it sucked. It's Ted Montana's. Oh, yeah, formerly Ponderosa. Oh, my gosh. This place was a fucking ground round

around 15 years ago. You know that steak isn't really steak. It's like they put water in it and hydrate it to make it like look juicy. It's powdered steak like astronauts. I bought that shit in the Target parking lot. It's dehydrated. Oh God.

Look at that fucking gravy. He looks terrible. I forget who is Ted from that own CNN. What was his name again? Turner. Ted Turner. That's his chain. You mean the guy who's dead?

Yeah. So you know he put money into this place? Yeah, back then. The guy who sunk WCW's Monday Nitro? Okay, let's go have his stakes. The guy couldn't even figure it out. Stop firing the luchadors. They're the most exciting fighters.

It does look good. Yeah. You know, I don't recall her bitching until she got into the room. She liked what she ate there in front of us, and then when she came in here, oh, that salmon was disgusting. She was being nice like everybody else in the room. Yeah, I wasn't going to complain at the table, and the salmon was not good, but this crab cake looks like it could be good.

We'll have to go back and try it, Christine. Jacob, where's your self-worth? Where do you think you're more than a $13 steak? Maybe this place is beating me down. When's it, when's it, Jacob's time? I will say, I've been programmed to not ask for much. Really? This guy's like, I'll just have a hungry man or something.

I don't go there saying Dan should pay. But you know he's going to. He does, especially when it's all four of us, but I used to pay all stuff. Does he disappear and then come back and they be like it's all set? Or is he thrown the car in front of all? Do you guys all fake, go for your wallet at a point? I didn't fake it this time. I did honestly, like, we've communicated like we're paying this time because he pays all the time, but he paid.

Yeah, because you guys don't mean it, he knows that. I do mean it, and I have paid more than once. Yeah, you know what, usually his, the tip for. him and his other producer is what he pays for the whole meal with you guys yeah because you have to do 10% of that very expensive lunch not yours i say i just i believe it i i don't think it's up to him to buy the lunch think out there's a hey think out there's not a closer applebees right you know i wouldn't do applebees oh really you're more of a chilies guy sizzling fajitas hey know what's great by sizzling fajitas when you come out in the room they're the star of the show has anybody ever done

that has anybody ever done the sizzling fajitas joke has any Lou do me a favor go through the history of comedy and see if anyone's ever done you do the sizzling fajitas you're the star of the show and then I'll walk around fancy has that been done by 75 people on camera I feel like Christine why is the deep cut comedy digs with Big J. O'Kerson did why is the steak shiny because there's just a pile of butter melted on top of of it to make it look juicy where it's probably like a piece of cardboard how much is it for the steak whatever whatever jacob's value is jacob what do you make a year market value

does it say market value market price market price now that looks good i'll be honest with you i like the choice is better at outback man even lewis just turned nobody turns everybody's sick and you think it's from pickles. It is from pickles. Community pickles. It couldn't be Mr. Turner's wonderful bison burger. No, because none of us, no one else had the bison burger. Because the same guy who didn't wash his hands at her wiping his ass cooked all your food.

That I don't know. Christine, look up, Christine, look up if hepatitis B causes nausea. Give me fair real quick. Does hepatitis B cause nausea? Could his stomach ache be cancer? Look that up. I looked up that Fahita joke It's all yours pal

No is that true No one's ever said it Doesn't exist I'll buy it off it for $50 right now 60 Give me $150 and the joke's yours It's a killer dude It's a closer

125 And listen to me I'll even show you You gotta do a flourish Like you're gonna come out with it Like you're like you're the waiter It's an act out And you're the star of the show

Yes And then you maybe like saunter a little bit Now, you can make it yours from there, but like, I'm going to add a little bit at the end, and be like, why are they always going to tell you, it's, watch out, the plate's hot. I heard it. I mean, Jesus Christ. Thank you. It's already killing.

Okay, to $150. And they still tell you it's hot, and you still wind up touching it. And you go, ow, ha, ha, shit. All right, at this point, I'm not going to sell to you. I'm just going to steal the parts you're telling. So, do you want it for $150 or not? I want it for $150. It's yours.

Thanks. So, done deal. I'll Vemmo you later. Thank you. I'll take you. to Montana Ted's Oh, that would be nice. Oh, I'll take you there for $150, dude.

Yeah, can you just get me fucking steak for life over there for that? Is that their black steak for life card? Are they like Spirit Airline? You can fly for the year for $550. Hey. All you want. Look at that.

Hepatitis B can cause nausea. It's a very common symptom, along with fatigue. You've been. exhausted lately, loss of appetite, you're never hungry, and abdominal pain you're all feeling, dark urine, yes, and jaundice, and you're all looking a little yellow in this light. Now, usually it can go mild to severe months, up until months after you appear to have the infection.

Stomach pain could be anything. But it's most likely hepatitis B. Well, it is the same chef, I would assume. Yeah. What's the rating on this place? Is it an A? B. in my

hepatitis B I think A is the duty one, Jay What? Hepatitis A is duty I think B is a duty No A is duty

Let me see Should be D Oh my God, really For duty Yeah Hepitis D D Dutitis A

Christine Look over hepatitis A Has nausea as a common side effect You're dead I was gonna Oh Oh God

fecal oral root, you ingested something that fucking Ted Turner's stupid fucking great nephew fucking wiped his ass and then fucking made your bison burger. Yeah, those community pickles, the guy just grabs his hand into the pickle jar. Oh, right to a barrel. Just pulls him onto a plate.

Oh, my God, just fucking... You guys don't know him. Because you can't... Peppercorn's all over his hands? You haven't been there, so you can't talk. What do you mean? You don't know it's bad for sure. You just want it to do that. Well, I'm judging by the ill faces of everybody in. in the room.

First time, though. And I'm judging by what the Toulouse and Christine said, it stinks. Does Dan think it's great? Does he love it? We like it. Dan, Dan, Dan said he likes what he gets all the time. He doesn't change his order in neither of I. Because he's fucking frightened.

Yeah, because if he orders something else, he'll die. What does he get, bison burger also? No. Chopped salad with bison on it. I can't remember the name of it. Bison chopped salad? Yes. So here's what he does.

Bison steak salad. He goes out, he's like, it's an excuse for him to have a healthy lunch, and then he gets to shut you guys up for another month and get you off his back from texting him every five seconds, what you do. I'm going to bed now. Are you going to bed? You have any time he's got to text him, Jacob, are you sure? You guys see him way more than...

than us. Yeah. By far. Yeah. He would insult me by asking me to bring me to this fucking shit franchise. Ted Montana.

I picked it because, like I said, it was close and... Oh, God, he gets a chopped side salad. Bison... Oh, God. He doesn't want to be there. It's the safest thing on the menu. No, he doesn't want to be there.

He doesn't want to be there. He has a chopped salad as his meal means he wants to get the fuck out of there. No. That's not setting down roots. Do you guys get appetizers? Alic blue steak. That's what he gets.

Do you guys appetizers? No. You did. Nobody gets at, that's, that's fucking crazy. That means you're not friends. That's crazy. An appetizer is the friendly thing you do to share a little bite together. Whoa.

What the pickles are to us. Pickles, fine. Appetizer prolongs the meal. He's trying to get this over with. He wants it done. He wants it done. And a salad, see, the thing, if you get a steak, you have to eat, you can see where you're at. A salad, you just quit at any time.

True. You go, oh, my God. So much. He's basically, all you have to really crush is about four pieces of steak that are on top of the salad. And then everything else after that was like, he didn't really want. He wants to get the fuck out of there. I'm not an appetizer guy. Does he ask for a, does he ask for the check and then do like a pause?

Was anybody wanting any dessert or anything? Because if he asked for the check first, like, you go, hey, we'll take the check. Wait, do you guys want anything else? He's letting you know. He goes, I want to go, but like, I guess I'll stay if you guys want to have a cake. Even worse, he threw his credit card right at her without saying a word. Oh. He big dogged you.

He didn't even do the hand thing He just threw it out of her He had a better My back was to her Why? You don't respect women's servers? Why don't you respect women's servers? Could you say you'll never fall in love again? That's right

I don't know I'll consider finding a new place Who consider what he says? Who the fuck you're getting a new place I'm making it happen You're going to a new place Look at look at great new sickness I'm not suggesting these fancy schmantic places

I'm going to do it. Don't call Del Frisco's Fancy Shmancy. It is also a franchise. What, four restaurants? How big is it? It's like, it's very few of it. All over the, all over the country in every city. But it's considered a big.

It is fancy. It's fancy. It's expensive, but it's not. It's fancy. It's not as fancy as you think. I'm saying, all right. It's in our work building, so it's kind of just like the work restaurant, but it is a nice restaurant. Expensive.

It's nice. Well, why don't you go to the Del Frisco Grill down the street instead of this one. That's a little, that's a little more lunchy. It's a guy in a truck. I don't know. We'll take care of before. Why don't you have Dan take you guys to a truck? To a food truck city. You guys can all pick what you like then. Why don't you guys all eat in your office? You're not forced to have the stupid bison burger that all you like and everybody else gets sick there. Yeah, if there's more about being together, why don't we just go to your office and order food in and just hang out

on the floor like hippies? Oh, you hate the hustle boss and assize. Why don't we cram into your office and let's mix all the smells of our foods. It's not you guys. I love being with you, but I don't like the chaos. But, like, home, home, home, like his parents' house home. Like, you know what I mean? Like, seaweed in the bag type shit. Yeah, seaweed or mayonnaise. It's going to be ripe. One time, I was on a...

You ever have a fetus egg? No. Well, you're about to. Bullitt. Yeah. Have you ever had blobfish? If you cut it wrong, you die. Paco says he knows how to cut it right. I was going to ask for your opinion on something,

but now I feel like you're... you're not going to give me an honest one of course we love because christine what's better swanson or hungry man um um i mean hungry man's the name everybody knows got the grow marks on it so maybe hungry man oh you think about getting tv dinners with dan soon you guys are going to take the next step and get take it out of the restaurant back to the back to the chrizzib i'll tell you right now yes your hoodie strings are way too long stand oh is it dead is he texting you now he's texting the group oh the group what is he saying it's the ladies who lunch group had a great time.

Hey man. Are you guys feeling sick? Yeah. See if he says he asks if you're feeling sick. No, they already told him. What do you say? He said, no, you guys are? You think it was the pickles?

Oh, so he says, do you think it was the pickles? And then Jacob fucking wrote it into law. It was the pickles. Because he's not sick, and I know he didn't, I didn't see him eat one pickle. I thought you said the pickles are the whole thing. Typically, we all eat, I'm the biggest, pick a eater, by far. We've heard that before.

Oh, shit, dude. You're a black guy just saw that and called you on the street. Can you say that again, dry? That came out wrong. I didn't even think about that. What is it? No, no, that's going to... Nothing.

Just tell me again. I'm usually the one that enjoys that condiment that they put on the table. He got that clean. He had music in the background. No, he got it clean. So, by far, I'm the one that eats more. of them but this time

the condiment pickles pickle condiments you love pickles yes are you the pickle king do you tick home a little before you it's the one thing I can't say no too Bobby do you kiss it before you put it in your mouth yeah let me ask do you get mad when they slice them up

you're like let me decide how much I can get in there um you know you're supposed to chew the pickle right Jacob I don't know what to say today was a... The company was great. Maybe the food was a little off today. Well, everyone's sick, but here's what I'm thinking.

Dan usually enjoys the pickles with everybody. Everybody enjoys the pickles. And they had the pickles today. Dan didn't have the pickles today. Do you think he's trying to kill you guys so he doesn't have to keep eating at Ted's Montana's grill once a month? He could say something, but I think he enjoys it as much as... Well, now I won't say we do.

I do. I would say he doesn't want to do it at all. No. It's forced. No, he hates it. I guarantee he leaves the house going. I've got to go to fucking pickle day. He thought this would be over months ago. He can't believe it's still going. He's like, he probably texted like this. Like, hey guys, Ted's Montana again. Everyone's like, yeah, dude, we love the pickles. And he's like, okay, I guess. The restaurant doesn't even come up. It's just a given.

You know you're going to Ted. So you're just saying we're meeting at a time and you know what to know? Yeah, we'll meet at the spot. It's called the spot? Yeah. Oh, God. God, you don't want to change it. It's like a whole thing.

He doesn't want to change it. Sorry, guys. You're eating at Ted's Montana again. Sometimes we don't even say this, Bob. Let's just see you there. Wow. He's let you know. He goes, this is the financial value you all hold for me.

I'll inform you if anything should change. Yeah. You're four years into bonfire, financial. That's how much you. When he made, when he made, what did you make, like $50 a show? Christ Almighty. Yeah. Like I said, I don't know what the...

I can... I'll think of a different place. You don't have to think of it. There's an app. You can just go to Yelp. Yeah. Pick five stars. I'm not doing that.

I don't trust any of those things. And I'm a picky person. Where's Ted's Montana? Where's it at? 51st. Christine, look up like a four block radius each direction here, please. Just on a map.

Just on a map. I just want to see what's around. You're trying to find a good restaurant. in Midtown Manhattan. That should be tough. Impossible. It's impossible. Why would they have the best restaurants in the world?

I know they're a great restaurants. I'm not going to go there for lunch. Shrimp. I'm not going to go there for lunch. Too much. Why? You don't have shrimp for lunch? Why?

Because you're white? Oceana. It's great. Expensive as hell. Maybe you're not paying for it. A millionaire is paying for it. I'm not hitting somebody up to pay for money. But it's a millionaire.

Do you understand that a dinner there for him? is like you going to McDonald's for lunch. No, no, let's make it. How about going to go on the Fridays? Like going on a TGI Fridays. I mean, you could do that to it. You could just go McDonald's and we can just keep it moving. McDonald's, McDonald's can only be five bucks.

No, the meals are expensive now. Huh? The meals are pretty expensive. Thanks, Paco. Oh, thanks. What are we got here? What is the thing you had to ask? What was it?

our advice on something. I FaceTime Christine today. You know, I am trying to improve myself, so I want to up my clothing game. I have nice clothes, but loungewear, I bought sweatpants. Mac Weldon, you know the brand?

Sure. So I bought Mac Weldon in my size. Sweatpants? Sweatpants. You could probably wear those at Ted Montanus. See, this is the problem. I think they look like booty pants. What are booty pants?

Pretty shorts? Meaning, I think they accentuate my ass. What's wrong with that? It's not what I'm going for. I'm going for just, I just want to be alone forever? What do you mean? Do you want to be alone forever? No, but there's a difference between wearing stuff that flatters you,

and then, you know, like, gay guys that wear shirts that are so tight, you see their veins, and they look like their extremities are being cut off from bloodthrow. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. I don't like that. Oh. I'm not going for that look. And I couldn't tell whether Christine, over face time, she couldn't tell.

Oh, is that when you said earlier? He said, Jacob got new leggings? She told me earlier you got new leggings that you were uncomfortable with. She said bring them. Don't post those. Oh, my God. Wow. No, no, no, no.

I'll try them on here because she said bring them because I don't think it's blurry there what are you so happy taking these photos she was hysterical because I didn't know

she was doing it that's why get me in the corner oh she's so happy capturing my stupid face those look great

what are you talking about no that's not what are you going for slacks you need to stop dressing like Felix Unger. I don't dress like Felix Unger. And dress a little hotter, dude.

You got the body. Show it. I know that. I'm saying this is too. To what? Too hot? Too much. Half tops under a vest.

Yeah. Don't you dress like Billy Squire, 82. If I put them on, you'll be honest. Yeah. Right now? Yeah, I brought them. That's why I was telling you. Will you change?

studio yes but i don't not on camera all right that's fine we don't have a actually where we go on break we'll have you come in we'll have you model them for our guests too no you know i don't want to do it in front of Colin you know I'm not comfortable in front of Colin yeah that old man has a little queer in them we're gonna be talking Corey Feldman with with Colin Quinn then because we're times ticking away you worrying about your booty in these pants yeah we have not addressed Cory Feldman at all we're in a crisis situation here yeah we're in a fucking crisis situation.

I was very surprised how great everybody else was. Except for Andy Richter, who admittedly said, he essentially said goodbye as he was saying hello. Andy Richter? We're talking about dancing with the stars again. I'm sorry. Listen to how I

had to break this up, by the way. I went home. Got home by 8 o'clock. I had to come back into the city to do Lewis's show. I'd leave like nine something. What's Lewis's show? He did a stand-up show last night at the stand. depraved so I went

he asked me to do that a while back so I said I would do it so I left at night I saw the first hour a little over an hour praying he'd be on that first hour they knew where the money maker was they knew

right where the fucking money maker was um so he was like fourth till he was like kind of in the middle you know what I mean like probably three or four acts after I left so I came home first thing

jumped right on it to watch and a part Part of me, when he started, really wanted it to be, like, a part of me started to actually go, I hope he, like, blows my mind and just comes out and fucking drills it. He was so stiff and did so bad. And then his Michael Jackson thing kind of bombed. Oh, God. Oh, God.

He kind of looks old now. Oh, yeah, the age is hitting him hard, for sure. He can't move like he used to. Not even sort of. No, not at all. And they're also with these pros, which make them look worse. Well, he's the thing. He got the same score, the worst score, as Andy Richter.

Now, I will say, oh, he moonwalks right away. I will say Corey Feldman is trying to dance. He's just not good as kicks or garbage. The, by the way, the two judges of this show, maybe the two gayest men I've ever seen in my life. It's like insane They're like bullish gay They're the kind of gay that'll get in your face

And you won't fight them He'll have to oh god He forced that in Yeah absolutely He's like well let me do the Michael Jackson thing For a second She goes okay for like a second In the middle of a salsa

Make sure you push me far away So I'm not on camera So Wow So he eats shit He gets the same exact score As Andy Richter Who went out there

And that's why I said he said basically goodbye As he was saying hello He just was like Ah you know what dude is I'm not a great dancer at all He goes I just thought this would be something fun to do And you know it's a paycheck He says it's a paycheck and he's like And it was fun it was fun

It was fun it was like it's over already This was fun Yeah it was fun so it's like he knows Look at us turn this up You know how hard it is to get fat guy sequence No but you do I do. Not that I wouldn't have needed him.

I'm just saying I never purchased them. He doesn't do anything. He's but at least he's hamming it up. He's hamming it up a little bit. He owns it completely. Yeah, I'm glad that he's making faces. But I'm saying he does this move where they do the fucking little chicken dance, like thumbs out to the side thing.

That's your grandfather at a wedding. They're being silly. Yeah. And he still gets the same exact score as Corey Feldman who believes he put the work in. I love that Andy's sweating from the beginning They go, I heard you have a I heard you have a background of music And dancing, he goes, yeah, you can say

I gotta say he, I think you're wrong I didn't see this, he's much worse than Corey Yeah, he's just a pole Yeah, he's doing nothing I'm saying he does nothing Yeah, yeah, he should have got less of a score than Corey Corey should have gotten higher Who got, but he got after Corey, right?

Oh, was he before Corey? He was after. Right, he was after. Yeah, I thought he was going to, I was like, it'll be funny if Andy Richter beats him, and he didn't. He didn't beat him. He tied him for the worst score. Everybody else is substantially better, I think.

There's maybe a couple tens, but then it goes, like, way up. I mean, if people on here who are just like, it's kind of a dumb show, you could have a major dance background as a celebrity and be on the show, which is just ridiculous. Like, one of the girls. was like in a thing was it maybe it may have been your friend

or something was like she was in a rival dance school with one of our pro dancers when they were younger so they were killing it that was me oh shit yeah that was me show the crocodile hunter's son

look at the crocodile hunter's son I liked his he was great but can I say something yes I think it's unfair dude because Corey got nothing except lights if you look at the crocodile

hunter's set they made a junker I mean, just in your brain, you're like, there's a fucking jungle on the floor. Well, I'm going to give you something. I think I have a conspiracy that we're going to blow open right here now. Okay, because this is not fair.

Buddy, a conspiracy that we're going to blow open. Okay. And that conspiracy, I'll tell you what it involves. The show is from the get-go rigged. It's rigged from audition, from not audition, rehearsal. Remember we still have video of rehearsal? Right.

They're rigging it from that moment on. That's why they're definitely telling you that's when they're picking the order. Because there's no reason this guy, oh, he happened to be last and he had the most magnificent dance. This guy looks a professional dancer. Yeah, it looks like Lion King.

And when they set it up, they set up with him going like, he's having a little hard time with his framework. His framing isn't good, but like, he'd see, he's starting to figure it out, right? What is it? He'll figure it out. So I thought this kid was going to come out there

and be nervous and do it. This kid should be on Broadway. Watch this. Crocodile Hunter, son. This is amazing. He's sitting on a Jeep. Paco, watch this for the first time with your pants up. Okay.

Oh, wow. That, I mean, that move right there. What the fuck was that? He comes out and slides on his heels. It was great. Dude, go back to that. That's in bat shit. Jay wants to do this at SkangFest.

So bad. Could you imagine how cool that would feel? Yeah. You need slide. for that though you need special shoes wow he is look at his energy by the way this song sucks shit so much and then on america's got talent

a little boy comes out and plays it on guitar and sings it he's nine years old he's a guitar prodigy I would have booed him if I was there live this song stinks wow he's really good yeah he really is like a Broadway star he's even got the big cheese if you would have told me he was the

pro and she's a celebrity he was the celebrity I would have said I believe you think his dad would be mad that he's so zesty Oh, for sure. You know, you're supposed to be a crockle hunter. Not a fucking skim dancer. The hell are you doing? What's that?

Just a jump over split. It's if you're a crocodile hunter, not a butt pirate. I mean... That's... Wow! Crazy! My lord! They did...

I mean, he throws her around and shit. It was... Listen, give him the fucking whatever. the disco ball what's the stupid award the mirror ball give it to him because that kid's going to win the show hands down we are not going to get Corey Filman to win this show but can we keep him

and I'll say what's funny this is another thing that fucking hurts is that when Corey Haim got his nine and we can think maybe we can go back and see the judging when they go back when they give them the nine the audience is just kind of like you know

good try Andy Richter got a nine and they sort of booed the audience like liked him so much with the same score you got his Corey film they start booing they're booing and it just I mean that's obviously just goes you how stupid

fucking reality shows are because they like him more at the gates people love fat guys people love a fat guy no buddy how many people get put through when America's got talent because they're terrible

at what they do and then but the crowd like laughed yeah the crowd laughed at their fat thing they did or enjoy whatever the crowd enjoyed their fat thing and then Simon goes I'm sorry, but you're just not up to snuff for where he's got talent.

And the crowd starts booming and booing until he changes his answer. Because they just want a person through. It has nothing to do if they're good at the thing or not. Do you remember comedy knockout that show? Yeah, I'm a two-time champion. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a champion, too. I'm a champion, too. Two times.

I wore my first, when I came back, I wore my first trophy around my neck, like a necklace. It was this big. I won because I was fat, and there was, like, four fat gay guys in the crowd. Nice. And it's all on audience loudness at the end. And they loved me. And, of course, I was going against Rich Voss, who they eliminated immediately.

And then made him sit in the crowd with the kids that he just made fun of. Look at his hair. Why, you got a purple afro. What's wrong with your face? And he had to sit next to all these kids that hate him. But they loved me because I was fat. Yeah.

I was a little chubby, fat, cutie-pituity. Yeah, you were. I was the girl I went to The Puerto Rican girl Older Puerto Rican girl What's her name Adrian? No, what's her name? I don't know who you know she is

She's an older Puerto Rican comedian Pige's Rodriguez No no Not that old But she leaned into me At one point She goes I really want to win this

And I went why She wanted this so bad I don't know if we got That's why she didn't get it I don't know if we got enough votes To get Corey to move on You don't know Because next week, well, everyone goes through next week.

We're going to see him dance one more time for sure. And it's over. Voting's over. Voting's over. You get one more time to watch him dance for sure, and then it's double elimination. So it's double elimination, theoretically, you think. Andy Richter's going to be gone. Andy Ritter's gone, and it'll be him. But it might not be him.

Either Andy's going to stay or he's going to stay. Next week. If you're saying it's rig, they need one of these chuches to become better. They need an underdog. Yes. So one of them is going to stay You know what I'm saying? Yeah

One of them through votes, whatever that bullshit is Is going to stay To come back and have a Like a run and then lose Okay So it's either going to be Andy Who probably doesn't want it Andy's like please just get me out of here

I think he's ready to go I do not want to dance and sweat every week I want to eat I want to be great craft services Yeah I can watch I'm fine But you know you know Corey wants it

So it might be him. He wants it. We might have enough. He just want to get humiliated at just getting eliminated immediately from a dance. He thinks dancing is part of his triple threat.

He's so unlikable. Did you see his post-dance interview? Oh, yeah. He's like, I have scoliosis and this is going to fix that prayer hands. Oh, he starts right. His speech, he starts crying almost. He goes, and I was probably never going to address my scoliosis,

but now I have to do that, and that's good. And it's helping me so much. Thank you. This is such a miracle from God. he is a knob off and a half it's crazy how bad he is how long has he had scoliosis since last night um since last night um so the rigging i have to show you this christian you got that video yes so told also that uh hilarious baldwin's dance is funny because they cut to alec baldwin in the audience and he looks miserable well he looks old as fuck i don't see it but

looks old as fuck he's super involved in her behind the scene shit too she is a former dancer so she killed it also she did great um so this uh i had christine record because where she thought thank god to record it and she's right because uh on one of the first acts i think it was the first act i never watched the show before really to see how it all works the judging and shit on one of the first X, they go, you know, they come talk to them afterwards and they go, now we need our judge's scores. And the one judge goes, seven and the second judge, Bruno, uh, says. He goes, seven, seven, he shows it. And then on the board, it says, uh, so the one guy voted seven, the other guy voted eight. Now he said seven and holds up a seven. And then they come back and they

go, oh, she says like, and she just says it. She says it wrong. He goes, so seven and an eight from you, she says eight, which means it's on a teleprompter. And then when it goes, I'm trying to think of what's the other wacky thing of it was. So, oh, yeah, then she gets a thing in her earphone. She goes, oh, wait a second. Wait, what's the, oh, I'm hearing that Bruno actually scored an eight. So that changes the score to 15, and it's just they're trying to cover their ass, and she is

that maybe the dumbest person in the world. Julianna Huff is dumb as shit She's really stupid She doesn't not read well on TV When she's talking And she's like a weird cover-up But that means the scores are done It's like weigh-ins

Like they've scored them somehow somewhere before And this is just like Doing it for camera or something I don't know Do you know what I mean? Watch It and you'll see what I mean Is this live? Yeah

That's why this happened That's why we recorded it Because I bet they'll take this out I'm trying to find it in the the explanation is terrible replay he puts up a seven they record it as an eight he says seven too and then she says eight he pulls up a seven yeah and says it and the screen says eight she goes that's a total 15 but did you see him the guy with the seven originally looked at him and went seven and then he looked at him like oh shit i was supposed to do an eight oh no rigging now watch

now watch how they try to cover it's bad it's it's a mess what no he didn't no he didn't no he we watched him put in a seven what we watched him put that in and he goes oh yeah I guess good for you what the fuck come on that's crazy

that destroys the integrity of the show and the show has so much integrity I'm glad you said it you think that's crazy that is nuts that means the scores are predetermined they know who they're going to have Hi, you have any thoughts, Lou?

Should I reach out to our mole? The white man fucking with some bullshit. Should I reach out to our dancing with the stars' mole and see? Yes, please. But can I ask you a question? Now, let's figure this out. So does this have any effect? What does that do?

Put them in first place. So they're in first place. So their first, who's second? It's only with one dance and they kind of score. It seems to be pretty rough. It seems to be you get five, sevens or tens or whatever, you know, shit like that. Right. So there's like first, there's, there's four people with,

or there's like, there's two people with 15s, like three people with 14s, five people with 12s, two people with 10, and the other two with nine. So they would have had 14 and been tied with somebody else. Yes. They would have been one person standing at first by themselves. Can they have, so they're going through no matter what.

Everyone's going through to the next week. Except, I mean, but next week they eliminate two people. Yeah. And it's the lowest unless they get voted up. Yes. Right. So it's up to us. Solely.

So he is not helping us at all. Corey Filman is not lending the helping hand of this. I thought he would. Black Lou? Some news? Just a reminder, you have to vote during the show while it's airing. Oh, yeah. You will not let you go out.

Shut it down afterwards. Well, what's the integrity of that? If they're already cheating, how they're going to be honest on the texting? No, probably not, actually. I would say no But we do have a better shot of that We should try Because if people

If they're aware that people want him on the show They'll try to find him to keep him on He's not going to win anyway He's terrible and there's really good dancers on this So we just need him to stick around Until they have to go Cory Feldman is clearly We couldn't even make an argument

That this really good dancer fell And isn't as good You know, it's still way better than he is But you know that Dat fan won Last Comic Standing Right Through fan Audience shit.

Through audience. It's possible. There's a billion of them, and why do you keep side-eyeing popcorn when you say it? Because I don't know if he knows him, and he's going to throw like some type of Chinese star. Oh, they've definitely eaten soup with sticks before together. Because that makes sense, right?

Soup with sticks? Hey, here's a bowl of fluid and sticks. Now fish it out yourself and eat it. It's all wet. He lives in Jersey, and he does comedy, and he has a show that he does in his basement. He does? Yeah, we should do it one night.

A stand-up show? Yeah, he does a stand-up show in his basement for Zoom. We should do it. We should all go by me, you. We should get every, we should get like Colin. In Jersey? Just go do it. Yeah, in Jersey.

I think it's in Jersey. I have no idea. Yeah. He doesn't even know what you're talking about. Oh, no, I do. I'm telling you. Oh. Yeah.

Got you. Yeah. I keep looking at him just in case it makes it move. I'm still nervous around Paco. There was a kid who was doing shows in the basement of his building up in Spanish Harlem. and Louis would do it a bunch. Oh, yeah, no, I did that. Yeah, that was actually...

Jason Cantor? Yeah, he did it, not in the... He did it in a building. Yeah. And they had like a community room. It was a huge... But there was 200 people there. It's not like a shit show.

It was like an amazing show. It was like 200 people in... No, but it was like you had to know. It was in the basement of a fucking building. Yeah, it was that weird, like, what's that show that they do? The comic show when nobody knows where it is. And then all the show. Yeah, don't tell show type thing.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was good. This is in his... house in his basement that i would i would do it paco's house no not paco's house way to commit to that i like to you committed to that paco great news bobby's coming over paco doesn't have a house do you live you have an apartment right paco no i rent a room you rent a room in a house house with a family yeah do you have to take care of their kids no they're on the bottom floor i bet their kids take care of you

I never knew I just stuck my tongue out and did a fuck motion No, it is radio, we didn't see that Everybody see it now Yeah, we see it now What is the family Half, like the dad is British Are they you? No, they're all white

They're white Yeah And you're just rent a room in their house Yeah, well, so they have the bottom floor in the basement And then the second floor is where like the brown The help works Yeah, kind of There we go

The brown people? Do you say brown people? Yeah, because the four of them are Mexican and I'm the only Asian. Are they in the business? They don't know that, though. They think he's Mexican. They think five Mexicans are much theirs.

Do you live with people you don't know? I mean, I know their names, but they don't speak English. Only one of them does. So you live with strangers. Strangers. Yeah. And you just rent a room. Yeah.

I knew that about him. It is weird. I didn't know that about you. A lot of people, it's not that strange of a situation. A lot of people do that. Yeah. But I could not. do that. Are you saving to bring your family

here? You work for gas digital. You do a lot of shit. And they make fucking knockoff starter jackets. Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. You can't get an apartment with other comedians? Why? I don't know. To be around people you know instead of workers? Sometimes that kind of sucks in its own right too.

Really? I don't know. I've only lived with, like, friends. Do you have like a communal kitchen? Yeah. With dude, but dudes, you don't know that don't speak English. Yeah. So what do you do? We just take turns. So like if they're using it, then I'll just wait. Then when they're done, I'll use it. But do you, are you learning their language? I know like cold is Frio.

Okay. So why do you use that? El Pollo S. Frio? Yeah. Heated up. Chlor is hot. Is this expensive or is it real cheap? Super cheap. Super cheap. Like $125 a month. Are they a puzzle, that your name's Paco and you're not Mexican? Kind, yeah. They've never really asked, though.

They just know I'm not one of them, because I don't speak. I'm Paco, and you are Ching Chang Rodriguez. Do they ever share, like, a male with you? Like, they wave you over and use hand gestures, and they grab rice and put it in their mouth. You eat. I think that's an Asian thing. You eat, mouth, mouth, me, me, won, you eat. and you're like eat

do you do that no I'm not sure what kind of Mexicans Bobby was yeah I was like that sounded more Asian than anything it was Aztec Mexicans oh I was doing Mel Gibson apocalyptic oh fuck oh my fault oh I was doing it's more of a Mayan thing yeah I was doing more of a Mayan Mexican it was a Mayan

dickhead fucking asshole you're gonna come at Bobby and pull the brakes on comedy when the guy's clearly doing a Mayan accent yeah fuck dude I gotta learn more that's my fault so you guys never seen a Mayan before probably the family downstairs yeah you don't deal with them uh not really i mean i say hello and everything you know but now the family upstairs these guys are all are they family do they know each other or they just no they all work

together where do they work at like a printing company i believe right so you you're selling arches on an off ramp so you just you just you just go home go to bed shower and leave see kind of yeah Are you poor? That's a decent amount. You don't make money? I mean, it's all right. All right. I'm not killing it.

I mean, do you make enough money to get like a one, like a bedroom? Oh, no, not that much. Could you take out seven of your closest friends to Ted Montana's grill? Yes, he could. No, I couldn't. No, Paco, you could. You could. It's $11 a stake over there, dude.

That's $77. Yeah, yeah. That's his rent. Oh, sorry. For the room. What's your rent with four Mexicans? $900. That's crazy.

That's not. Are you, are you doing to tell me $150? I'll let you live in my garage for $500. Boom. Where's your garage? Fucking upstate Westchester, best. Years are going to pop on your moped. Yeah.

I have a gym in there. You have to train me three times a week. But going home, going to work, it's all downhill in that Vesbado. You're going to feel the wind in your hair. That's right. And there's a trail all the way down. But you do have to shower in front of Don naked. And then somewhere, somewhere around the area, you can get your hands on Ryan Reynolds.

Don't do that. Attack him and say, Bobby Kelly sent me. This is the bonfire.