The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Dead Man's Party

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

@thebonfiresxm

Hey, it's Big J. Okerson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. You want more bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! The bomb fire Well before the break we said I've ever seen a dead body in the wild and Well turns out a lot of people are a lot of morbid fucks. Yeah, well the one that I want to ask Well Mac in Florida because I just this man killed himself in your yard

Yeah, yeah, I had just moved in with my girlfriend who I'm still with it was crazy. Um, I encouraged him actually. Well, uh, Lou, play it, play Phil Collins in the air tonight. Will you tell us a story, please? Yeah, it was, were you singing this the whole time you watched it. Why have you seen it? I remember. I remember. I remember. I'm worried. Anyway, Max, so what happened? Okay, so like I just got with my girlfriend and it was this house. It was this dope house. I had like a detached garage and everything was fucking huge. I was like, this is so lit. We were a party and all the time drinking, fucking doing whatever, you know, and we'd be up late and I would hear stuff in the behind the detached garage. I was like, there's somebody living back there. I was like, and she's like, no, no, no.

And one morning, we had party the little too hard the night before, and I remember looking in the mirror, and I was like, God, if you can just somehow get me off of work today, I'd be so fucking thankful. And I went out, I took the trash out and the neighbor who I had yet to meet introduced herself and she was like, Hey, I thought she was homeless actually. She was kind of weathered. She, she, the old lady who does yard work. So she's been out in the floor to sun for half of her life. Yeah. She's like, I got to the show you. Thought that we had left chicken in the Florida sun for half of her life. Um, yeah, she's like, I got to spend the show you thought that we had left chicken in the trash can and it, uh, she was like, I smoked something stinky. And then I noticed that there's actually this, uh, man who has harmed himself behind your

garage. And I like, okay, like I guess I'm getting off work today. Uh, damn. So wait, how did the Chi, did you fling that thing in the street? You'll be playing fun call duty by me Chop chop and roll the rug I Could have just put it in the trash can So my question to you is this Mac like when she also could have fucked that up and gone body then chicken

She could have gone like listen a homeless man hung himself find your thing also. Did you leave chicken? He's like unrelated what no How how long do you think like when you see a dead body like that right where you notice How did you see it was it like feet first and then you looked up what was he what did he hang himself on almost it was like an old corn image loading like except from the feet up exactly I still can't remember what his face looked like it was crazy but he had like blown up gorilla hands and everything look exactly like a zombie from walking dead it was nuts and I was so two questions what what did he hang himself on

I see you know I didn't get a good look at that well like what is a true okay it was a tree yeah there's like a little like cave like Lord of the Ring style he kind of had it made it was nice you go in the garage and steal beer from us like in the middle of the night so you kind of like I think he just got outed like I stole my girlfriend from her like boyfriend at the time so I think this dude was just like live a vicariously through them and everything and like he's like oh shit new boyfriends here and he knows that I'm here I'm outed and he's like I gotta just fucking off myself I't know. I feel like that story just spun out. Yeah.

I feel like it had a mess in the middle of that, man. I feel like you had us for a little bit, and then it was like, what's, where did he hang himself on? And he was like, I think you did it on a fucking tree? It was probably a tree. It might have been a, he was mad beam. He was mad I was fucking his chick. Yeah, that was, that's when,

that's when it completely came unfurled It was when he's like, yeah, I think what happened was is he heard the pleasure moans that I give my lady and it drove I'm like a siren song to take his own life. He had never heard those sounds from her before because I probably just have like a much bigger pipe Yeah, and which I don't blame Mac if he's just like fuck it.. I'll call him with a crazy story and if they put me on I think Mac found a dude hanging in his bed. I don't know. I don't think he did No, I don't know what happened there. I think that was a lot. Well, Mac. Thank you for the call dude crackle crackle crackle crackle regardless Yeah, I feel like you would know the details when you have to be a part of the body removal process If you have to get a body down

The guy's gonna tell you what body down, the guy is going to tell you what went down, you know what I mean? Or like, you don't just, I'm pretty sure you don't just stay in your house and they're like, the body's gone or we chop them down. Oh yeah. I don't know. I could be wrong. I might have been telling the truth. I just can't call it. Yeah, I don't know. It's fair. It's fair. You can't call it which one you would take next man. Dealers. Let's go to the Bay area Steve who's finding bodies It was up guys. What's up, dude? What's up, buddy? Crackle crackle crackle

So I worked for the gas company out there and we had to do a job when they were taking down the old Bay Bridge Yeah, that's right on the shoreline and I was waiting for my journeyman and I was walking around the old smud building and I was always one of those guys like you're on a hiking shit and then you'd be like, hey what if I found a dead body? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that. Turn around the corner and at first your brain doesn't want to process it. Like I thought there was like a dog with shorts on it that it died I'm sorry that is fucking Halloween. No I'm not gonna lie Steve that's just a hilarious

description on how to find a body like that. He don't work. Should we go set a party dog? Here's the corner. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, dude I think I found Spuds brother Ralph Ralph McKenzie, Ralph McKenzie I'm a little different than Spuds So yeah, you were saying your brain processing it? Yeah, because what happened was the head was cut off at the neck The arms were removed at the shoulders, and then the legs were clean cut mid-tie.

You found a nug, dude. You found a human nug. Pretty much. Yeah. So you think the way you say it was like, it was like surgically done where it's like, they removed them like, Yeah, it was clean.

Like when they reported on the news, they said that like wildlife had eaten it up, but they were clean cut damn So you were the first person to discover it. You know, it's crazy is you're the first person to discover it and so the police are like It was animals That was too clean of a cut. Did you be it by the way? If I'm gonna want to discover it and they were like I go it was animals Like that was too clean of a cut and they go. How do you know that? I go now your eyes?

I gotta get out of here. Hey they go how do you know that ago they're as ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm just knowing myself, I would just be saying the word fuck over and over again. Uh, it was, it was a, well, the disbelief at first. And then, uh, like the shot kind of said in later, but even the next day my boss goes, Hey, you know, when that happens, you should call me. And I'm like, right, is that happens again? I'm suspect, man. Like, yeah, yeah. Now, you got to find one body. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That is a, that's it was a guy it was a guy's body I don't know yeah they said it was a male I didn't look under the shorts really oh first thing over them was what it is penis oh dude I be so curious what happens what that penis but then if on the off chance a jogger just sees you poking at the dick with a stick it's okay and then you go I'll tell him I just found this I think kill him I just want to see I was just poking a dead man at the way there You want to see too? You know that's when I see a dead guy's weener. Yeah, you're good. It's jogging shorts. So it's like you just got I was gonna pull it out. I'm just pull those umbrows this side a little bit

He's a horn in this thing pretty big listen pretty big. Listen, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what, missing a head, arms, and legs. This dick is involved to some part of the problem of what this person's here. He didn't get here because it's small. Steve, when you found that, it was under the old Bay Bridge they were tearing down, right? Yeah, so there's a smud building there.

And there was actually a lady walking around that off that building but the thing was this body was tucked up into a rock because I went around behind the building to take pictures so she had walked around it I don't know for how long just right right there. Do you know if there in the hall that ain't it? Yeah did you call it in? Yeah I called it in damn head No head yeah, so that was a bit I think I'm a torso shorts monster cock

All right, son. I don't think we need that description. No, just here for the sketch guy Yeah, don't need a sketch of this. Can I can I see can I tell you how I see it my brain? Okay? You'll definitely and when I tell you when it gets hard, I bet it like bounces I bet I bet he did a lot of putting the girls chin on his shoulder and then a lot You could but dimples are still I'm just telling you by the arm over looked in the back To me by the arc on this thing. Yeah, I studied this I studied this torso Dude they were there Steve were they able to identify the body of who it was No, no There was nothing there. Yeah, accomplished damn dude Dude's A.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S arms, no legs. Mm-hmm. There's a dick or vagina still present.

Sure. There's not a psycho. Shhh. They didn't mutilate them. Yeah. Just the arms, legs, and head. Okay. Or would you rather come upon the pile of legs that had the arms.

Porsah, all day. Porsah, all day. Yeah, it's just a torso. I mean, the second you see a head in hands like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, open it in a bag and you're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, but if you're an attention whore, the head, the head, the other stuff, the head arms and legs, though, much bigger discovery. Like you're, you've done made a much bigger discovery. Yeah, that's all the identification of the person. Yeah, you're going to find the person. Right now, it's like, they're just gonna say,

some people found a torso. But when you got the fingerprints and the faces. Yeah, I wonder if like, I wanna find the heads, I don't like this. I wonder if on the news that night, you know, they're like, a body was found under the bay bridge and they're like, fuck! Someone found my fucking, I hid that under a rock.

But, Brythan, did you ever see a fight about you? You say no, right? No, I've never seen a body Fucking nerd That's how you get into the bonfire dude. We got to show you a dead body Then you got such a tweeter. We got a touch a tuna with a stick. You don't touch on the hand We're not forcing you to do gay stuff. Yeah, it's not a gay thing. It's just Jacob. You have a question? Follow up with Steve. So Steve, they you saw it. It was clearly murdered. And then nothing ever came of it. They never found out what happened. They never found out who the person was. That was it.

No, I mean, that's's that's open though. I mean I don't know some it was some more ass bluster The certainly wasn't my girlfriend's father who was gonna sue me. Don't worry about it down in the bay They're fucking I mean finding a body under a bridge is very Batman-esque I mean if you see you can never get away with murder, but clearly you can oh my god Yeah, do you take off the arms and legs in the fucking head? Peace out come out. Oh, you got a dong in the fucking I mean the people who leave Incredible amounts of evidence behind they catch someone their old men half the time the golden gate right the golden St. Killer whatever the old St. Killer. Yeah, that was the one that Pat knows what right is wife yeah yeah that's fucking crazy will Steve thanks you're calling in and

I hope you don't find any more dead bodies the rest of your life oh me too if you do I hope they're identifiable yeah and go nine arms go nine arms um all right I mean I'm thinking Ben in Texas. Okay Ben and Tejas, what's up? Take that fucking mask off dude. You don't need it anymore. They say dude They're rugged out there the rugged outlaws of Texas. Hey Ben you what's up, dude? How y'all doing good man, so you found a dead body. How did you find it?

Well, I'm a dead body, how did you find it? Well I'm a pumper, you know, check all field wells and all that. And come out to a well location and there's a truck sitting there. And you know, I'm looking at the well pressure and all that and I drive by I'm going to the meter and I was heads back by the headrest and everything and you know I mean I was like it maybe you know he's on a helix I mean I thought he was taking a nap yeah the mouth was open and you know hat still, just head cocked back. And I was like, well, I guess, you know,

truck was running, and I was like, well, he's just pulled in here and taking nap. And it's, anyway, I go by my business called the water haulers. And like, y'all know who this guy is, or like, no, he was there, you know, blah, blah, blah. And come back the next day, and the truck's still there. I don't know who this guy is or like no, he was there, you know blah blah blah and Come back next day and the truck still there damn and oh

Yeah, some bitches still taking a nap. I Drive by my way, this is a long ass mother fucker His sleepy piece of shit sleeping by my goddamn well I'll get a job you fucking do get it. I said Jesus man must be driving all that So what happened when you showed back up where you just like what Ben honestly when you saw that truck the day you came back Where you just like? Oh fuck he's dead? Oh? He was a loser taking that turns out he's a coward That's exactly what I say when I've kind of come up over the heel

Yeah, you know Son of a bitch now I got a call somebody that's really where it's not even that's not even it's not like Fuck the humanity of it. It's just when it fucks up your day where you're like oh he was dead Isn't it sad that you have to call it in and not like, like someone, no one even knew where he was that day to even look like, like do a loop on that area or something where you might see his car? Yeah, it turns out that it's a fiancee live right, you know, down the road and trailer house or whatever and I mean, it really they got into a fight and that's what that's really used to drive up

to look at the there's like a big overlook where you can see it. Oh geez how did Ben did you find the body? Did you like walk up to the truck? Yes yeah that second day I was like shit he shit, he ain't sleeping. And so I drove up to the truck and you could see splatter on the... Oh, we're shot himself. Yeah. Yeah, he had a shot gun laying across and the seat and a big hole in his shirt for he just try to sell from the chest. Damn. He took out the, he went to fucking. That's the tough way to go. Cheshire, what did he want his brain?

Did he play linebacker? Did he want his brain to get steady? May for sense. I'm Friday night lights, the C.M. Region have my brain studied, put it alongside the junior sales of the world. And I ask you two a question based on this. Sure. Would you?

I always thought it was gross to get shot in the head. I mean, if you had to choose chest or head, what would you pick? Chest is dude. Here's the thing about chest. I think you might survive. And you're like, you're doing that weird Tyson. head what would you pick chest is dude here's the thing about chest I think you might survive you're like you're doing that weird Tyson shock on blast no shock on blast I mean there had to be yeah head use of your band this is this person there was no way that they were

waiting awake for one millisecond after that thing went off right. Oh Jesus. Oh God. I hope not. I mean, like I said, his head was back, you know, by the head rest. Yeah. I mean, the shotgun was still laying across, across from just like you just shot it and dropped and that was it. Yeah, that's fucking tug. Did you once you saw it? Was it like one of those things where the second you registered what happened You just like I feel like I would just turn and walk away. I got fuck this I saw it went through his pockets. What do you have in his pocket? Denseen is what a flavor what tapes are you keeping in the glove? Yeah, you flipped down the thing is

Seenies that that's a lot of our beefers for a fellow Bigger's jippy-seedies out that's a lot on be for for a fellow Some logons Yeah, we can jane That's not shotgun red You know how to get that gun bad better not tell you sir I think he punched his hard out. That's what he tells the cops. There's little brain little brain and scope bone on the old barrel I'm wrong about that. Yeah, officer. You might ask what you're gonna do with that gun I mean, I guess I'm his kin since I came upon him and all so a little bit of a finder's fee perhaps

Yeah, as a gun enthusiast I was gonna ask and if he did catch the make of the I mean I feel bad, do you know what it was? That kind of look like your rimming and compaction either 12 or 20 gauge. Is that get your juice going? Yeah, they have Jacob you more of a son of a bitch. Huh?

He goes man. It's a pretty sweet gun to do it with. I guess I that's a lot of power kicker right at your chest. That's like getting kicked in the chest by a horse. Oh yeah, he died on, he died instantly. He was done so. Make no mistake. He died instantly.

Gun goes boom. Night night. Guy shot him back himself to the next decade. Yeah, well, man, did you? Jacob, you're so morbid. But Jacob, you're so darn. I feel bad, I shouldn't have asked. It's so hot, no, did you Jacob you're so morbid? Jacob you're so dark. I feel bad. I asked I shouldn't have asked it's so hot So no, it's so hot curiosity Jacob stop you're so darn well brand of shirt that he put the hole in yeah

Do you think what did he load the shell what kind of shells were they? Did you steal his feelings? Yeah, damn it Jacob Texas law His gold feelings Ben did you I mean did you get the day off work? Shit no That's Texas white on upper management. Oh Did you go to the funeral you go to the funeral for the guy? Yeah, dude

You know with the end, though. You knew him in the worst way possible. Well, Ben's like, Ben's like Texas hard. He's like, well, I don't know that man, and that man don't know me. Oh, he have nothing to do with me, nothing. Did you call the cops and then wait for the cops there, or are you just left? That's siphoned his gants, and I left. Siphoned that is gants.

I feel like I can pull and that is gassed. I feel like I can pull him out that ranger. Put a fucking put the gun next to him. He looks like he just did this in the field. Yes, I fit his gas. So when you called the cops and they you just had to wait around and then for everything to be processed, right? Oh, yeah.

And there was probably 30 vehicles that showed up because you know listen kind of East Texas. I mean nothing's really going on around there. So I mean every Tom Dick and Harry showed up and I mean everybody's asking stuff and upper management shows up and why the hell didn't you run them all when you see them the first day and oh fuck that you forget you forget that there's some dickhead that's in management that's like you know Ben if you see someone on the property and you can't recognize their tags you should probably follow up with them and not wait until you see them again it's like dude Ben says I can tell you to get the fuck off his land if you coming up like that. Yeah, I did You go sir. We got two ways Ben's life stories play the law Sir your entering a whole world of pain you don't want to enter it I then Ben's definitely like brush the jack like a

Overcoded side. I bet he's gone from riding a horse to then while the horse is still going, getting off and running. Yeah. To like save a child in a lake eating care. Ben, thank you very much for calling. And took a trophy. I hope I hope you don't see, you know, I hope, you know, I hope you processed it. It's like, I keep saying it's, hey man, best wishes for another Corpseless life. Congratulations, Ben. Good job. Y'all guys keep, y'all guys keep me going and keep me laughing. So I mean, thank y'all for everything. Oh yeah, dude.

Thanks, Ben. Thank you, Ben. Crackle Crackle, dude. Thanks for listening. Glad, everybody. Crackle Crackle. Later. Man, that's a guy who doesn't, he's so tough.

He's not affected by seeing a dead body. I would be like, and then I went back and I noticed his chest was blown out. Yeah, Ben just looks anyway. He's halfway through that soda when he killed himself. Sound of a bitch still fizzy. Yeah. Do you find a good dead body? Has to unite you. But that's what I'm saying with with Ben and in Oakland. Killing by yourself. Selling a person together bonds you for sure true you really got to like you gotta believe each other is gonna get behind it I'd much rather me and you

kill somebody then you know that I killed somebody like you if that was much loses me oh for sure I definitely put up a wall of judgment the second I find out you did some dirt like that and I think that we've learned anything for sure For sure it is that You got to take off those legs arms and head legs arms heads and toes Head arms legs I'm none of these guys you can tell in their voice, especially Ben from Texas, it didn't affect

the rest of his day at all. I bet he barely told people afterward. That's why I asked for it. And I'm from the actual lab. Ben had to go punch a fucking bull into behaving. He's living a different life. Yeah, do that man's out there on the frontier? Me? I would be a hand fanning myself by

Solic. That's what I mean. Yeah. I go, no, no, I would have a lot of nights where Katie's rubbing my back as I sit off the side of the bed and she goes, just get it out of your head. You know, I should have checked out in the first night. What if he's still on the first night? He's like, well, man. Ben, it's like he jogged his memory just now. He has holy shit. You know what? I just remember that sort of bitch blew his damn chest out.

Remember, his heart was on his lap. I was thinking about his novelty plate of skylover. I felt was weird, but eyes were rotting and some bitch. Can I show you the gang this video here? Yeah, it's a real quick thing and we'll put it out on like social media stuff. Yeah, I'll tweet it out at the bonfire. SXM. Jacob, yeah, bring that video up to you. Bring that video and so was this driving tour from Providence? the video up to this video. And so was this driving tour from Providence?

Coming home, coming back to New York, sat Sunday day, all the road we saw in traffic with us. And we filmed them going by. It's an ice cream truck. Have you watched the Jacob? I did, but I don't understand what I'm looking at. It just looks like a truck driving by a minor mist something. Yeah, you did miss something. Yeah, play it. Well, you got to go to his face and what he's driving. What he's driving there is a truck. That doesn't seem to be prepared to have ice cream in it at all. No brand name, no nothing.

It just says ice cream truck. Pause it. Oh, this is a generic ice cream truck. It's got to be, it's just a guy that looks like he's not an ice cream guy for sure. Yeah. You know, white truck, it's an ice cream guy that looks like he's not an ice cream guy for sure. Yeah, in a white Truck that's it's an ice cream truck and it says ice cream truck on it But not like mr. Softies or mr. Whatever. Yeah, or whatever's best or advertising for other ice cream Dr. Tingle nuts and whatever the fuck you want to call it. It looks like it was painted with a paintbrush

And then on top of that in blue it says ice cream truck ice cream truck What is suspect is fuck? Yes, it is and the guy is like It looks like when kids try to sell ice cream on the street. They make a sign They're like yes a sign, but the guy is it's pretty menacing looking he's wearing like Freddy Krueger coveralls Do you think this could be from a movie set? Nope. Okay. I think we just watched and did nothing to stop a pedophile killer.

A child murder? I bet there's kids terrified inside that truck. Jacob, you're not concerned about this. Help me, Mr. And then you're just driving by and Justin's like, I know, look at this truck weird. I Know I find it very disturbing. I would definitely wouldn't buy ice cream from this guy And I would never want any of you know my nephew's are nieces to either

Why are you getting freebie? Why are you getting small businesses? I was gonna say it is funny His thing is like I wouldn't let it buy ice cream from it goes. I don't think there's any ice cream in there Jake it was almost my point. I think it's mostly I think it's mostly Dread in nightmares. Yeah, yes, you're not gonna stop rocking out for them Okay, that's very no one's telling you to I would have rolled out a window or go, sir Are you a murderer? I couldn't he went by too fast, but we were able to slow that down that video, and you can see that is not an ice cream guy. And sure as shit, there's no ice cream in that truck, just the souls of children.

Yeah, there's this blood. Is that a brand of anything on that? Dude, I bet the bottom, the floor of that truck is like a fucking cattle cattle like a slaughterhouse. I feel like it's just, yeah, it's just fucking blood. It's just their drain. This is a level with a drain in the under. And he's like, I gotta clean out the good.

It's been painted over so many times, but you can still tell there's blood on the floor. He's probably got a necklace, a little tiny fingers. I say we get one more, we'll have time for maybe one more? I was gonna say Dave one more body story Dave. Yeah, let's do it. He's still on His Dave's still on Davey there Dave Portland or California David California California No, it's had a party. Yeah. Oh, yeah, hey, hey, what's up guys crack a crackle crackle crackle day All right, so um, I just got home from dropping my graph from work and I was driving home and uh As I was driving home, I know it's that there was smoke coming from the area where I live

So I meet it thought was oh shit. I hope my house is on fire. Yeah Um, once I pull out my street. I could see that wasn't the case it was I I live just a school of children. Oh thank god that my question my apartment school Well, I lived it was kind of like off of the main road So it was known for people speeding up and down the road 24 set up and so a few houses down a guy had crashed into a tree. And I got there, it was just, it was the aftermath.

It's car-flowing in bulk. Wouldn't be things. And so when you're there, the flames are still going on the car? No, no, no. The neighbors had put it out. The flames was already out, and he was already already it clearly there's no fire anything but his leg was out of the car but where we can see he was trying to get out but he was trapped inside the car and

the rest of them was just all completely charged oh how charred are we fucking fully like black and charred are we talking about like damn I thought you were to say spawn chart. No, and like a deadpool. Like I said, his leg was out of the car. So his leg was completely fine. Weird. Untouched.

Really? So what was it? Was it like, yeah, was it just like, Goddamn, that was a great drought. Was it the jeans? Was he wearing like jeans? What did it look like? Was it just like a leg of all the stuff

yeah he was wearing shorts which is completely a cat normal cat and then work the rest of the body that was inside the car was just completely chart black damn you know he got now you got mountain vassu vist uh... spotting on his work and for them that i want to describe it like key ex key wrecks arms. Yeah, also up and in

Yeah, just kind of like Damn, milk it to his chest kind of thing. I don't know damn That's crazy. Did you It wasn't an open casket, but they did leave the one leg hanging out of the casket Yeah, they're like hey guys, we well he was already cremated. So it's kind of a 50, 50 deal. Yeah, he gets to his, so hang the leg out. It's like a gag. Yeah, you can go by and give him a foot pound up in heaven.

Go by, you can slap his go bulldogs tattoo with the bulldog wearing the jersey. His calf tattoo, his, his high school football coach, calf tattoo. When you, were you driving by it? When you saw it? Right, yeah, so I pulled out my street and then I could see like all the neighbors around the car and the fire department hadn't got there yet

and I asked them what the hell happened and then they said that he just as soon as he hit the tree, the car went in flames. Dan. And then a few neighbors tried to run out with you know what garden hoses and like fire extinguished trying to put it out and it it just like over swamped the car they said and then he was just i mean it's done yeah he was fucking i wonder if he was

trapped in the car you know what i mean yeah i mean jake up this is not right for? Let me check out this is not trying to find a price. Jacob, this is a man that died. It's crazy to live in like that. What the fuck? Stop it. Jacob. Wow.

Okay. Pretty cool. I do that as a family. Good job, Jacob. Could you conceive or he was clearly trying to get out of the car? Because like I said, he has one leg that was out of the car. And he was just on the able to get out. Yeah. We just reach him back.

He's reaching back in for a soda. He goes, oh, you know what? I got enough time. I got time. Let me grab a backpack. Oh, that's fucking damn it. It's great. That's stick.

There's actually a few years later. I actually got a job as a body removal service. No shit. Really? So you're just pulling bodies out of places? Yeah. So what happened with sitting at home else I took a blunt the dome piece I was watching the first 48 and as we do you already have the right attitude for the guy for the job

Yeah, yeah, and I'll see in the guys that were like show up on crime teams like the pick up the dead body It's not like damn like that's something I could do so I pick up the dead body is not like that's something I could do. So I literally like started like calling a bunch of places like, hey, are you guys hiring like body removal services? Well, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Did you Google this to find the proper term? What was I, what led you down the path of finding out how you're going to be a body removal expert? Pure sensuality. I mean, I really know what to look. So I just I just literally Googled like body removal services, like mortuary services.

So there's a bunch of bunch of list pop up. And of course, I'm calling everyone I want to tell me now. And then there's one guy called I was like, yeah, you guys hiring and you'll when, when can you come in? And that's when like reality setting like, oh, fuck, where did I get myself into? Like he goes, son, I got a 350 pounder and central that I got to pull when can you come in and that's when like reality said and like oh fuck what did I get myself into like he goes son I got a 350 pounder and central and I got a pull out of a four-story walk-up if you're if you're on board you're on deck those are the obvious but what we're all thinking no one's gonna ask you have ever a hot naked chick dad you had to move

no man they were all just no either did any of them stay so long they were gelatinous? No, man. So what I thought was, I thought I was going to be removed from body, some like crime season stuff, but it wasn't the case. It was like, you have to be like state certified and all that shit to do that. So it was just people who died at home from like quote unquote natural causes, no matter how old, young, old,

and then it was basically an on call 24, seven job. You can just be sitting at home and then my boss was called, I said, okay, I got a body for you to pick up and then me and my buddy would go pick it up, go pick up the van and Just go pick up whatever The kids may be and then you wear it. What are you taking to a morgue? Do you take it to a?

Yeah, so we take it to them we take it back to To the funeral home like the morgue and then and then you and the more the more guy off feel or feel their boobs And butts and then you guys play you guys play mortal combat with the dead bodies and do all your finishing move all your fatalities do you practice flying elbows get a lot of bodies that two of that people don't hit their bodies the science yeah my mom wants to do that should I let her do that oh yeah someone's gonna get a shaved Trisha or a table. No eyebrows. Oh dude, Trish is just a body choker.

Don't let her do it. Just a bald trident. No, no, no, no. All right. All right. They're just, I'm a, it, it, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to control her estate at the end. So I'll change it.

Just a little bit of science though. I go listen, I'll give her hair to science. And then I'm viking funeral in that big. Maybe your feet. I'm gonna go train with a bow and arrow and then when she dies, I'm gonna send her in the middle of the lake and light it on fire. I tell you what, it's gotta be a number one shot.

Even though you could have more than one flaming arrow, the first one, what do people with what do you think is dramatic moment? And you hear the sound of fire going out? Who goes, and it was gonna be like, dude, I was the moment.

And you know what, I gotta keep my eyes on you. Because you matter, if the second one hits everyone's like, I'll tell you my breaking moment is around the fourth miss, where it is go. All right, here we go. She can pretty far out.

I go, I go, I go. She can pretty far out there. See, this one or the next one, or I'm done. And then I have to say something ceremony. Oh, I go May you rest in Valhalla. I love you God damn it god damn it. It could someone gonna scheme you And they're like pull her closer just bring up 20 yards closer get that boat get that boat wave that boat wave that boat out We've got both you just you just give her

Under back this way a little bit. Okay. Okay. No, there's you coming. All right. Here we go. I should do close I don't want to bring the fire all the Hold on hold on. All right. This is good. May you walk with Thor and Freya into the guards and Fuck this. I Know we have to go, don't we? One minute wrap up. Hey, go at dancer.com. He's got a bunch of dates listed now.

BigJComedy.com for all my dates. Thanks for what they called in. Thanks for what one that listened. We love you guys. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM! you