The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Dear Kev, Love Jay

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Jay sends a letter to Kevin Hart and Bobby adopts flamboyant fashion!

James Franco accused his sexual harassment. If James Franco asked his sexually harassed to get busied, then I better learn how to fucking a ski mask. You know what I mean? This is Big J. O'Crosson, and my new special dog, Belly Life from Skank Fest, out now on YouTube. Scott Fulton, Big J. O'Crosson!

And now, the Bond Fire, with Big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly. It's so close Bobby. You get there tonight. You get to not thump down Luke. Luke picked the thump mix everybody. It's about it. You don't like it. It boosted bass. I do like it. But I don't like it when we have 1970s house speakers in here that crack and blow out every time it hits. They kind of ruins the song. No, Lou, they were broken. That's right, Christine, give it another click. We're edging ever so much closer.

I felt like I was in traffic in Yonkers. Close to the Bronx. We're getting close to the Bronx. We're close, Bobby. Close to 1 million views. I have no idea. I have no idea. Thank you, everybody. It's awesome. Who's checking it out, man?

Five days, that's amazing, I think. If you're me, if you're Matt Reif, you failed me. If I was Matt Reif, you've let me down completely. Matt Reif? Matt Reif's already probably at 7 million views Ah That's right get that thumb go we in a couple of quees taking our shirts off like assholes. We're wearing multiple shirts dog We're in multiple shirts dog

It's the bonfire facts and talk series sex at one of three big jokers in robber Kelly Hello hanging out with the full crew. We're all back baby. It's official that trip is over that terrible trip is over I didn't like it did you I don't know if it was allergies or what but I just ate shit as soon as I got to LA as far as how I felt like garbage It all head congestion and stuff Body nobody stink out. I was able to get through it because it was just like congestion stuff, but man What an awful thing and it rained and was freezing cold the entire time in LA Then I'm with the Spokane. It doesn't get any brighter and sunnier there if you were wondering It's the home of suicide and grunge.

It's okay. It's a tough one. Washington state. It's where Twin Peaks grunge and suicide happens. I went to see a movie by myself and took an Uber by myself. And you got it, right? You almost killed myself. You're like, if I had an Ivy-laced brick mansion, I'd probably blow my fucking head off right now above the garage. It was terrible.

Yeah, or your wife might do it Courtney love I don't think anybody got that sick reference. I'm even you Lou the king of grunge. Oh Well a million a million your your your fit was it 10,000 away from a million People know who you are. Nothing I'm checking, but like, you're all right. I mean, you're checking every three seconds. I've seen you look at you fine.

It's almost not. Don't make it something that pathetic. I am checking plenty though each day. What a, but I mean, that is pretty wild. To get a, to get a million people to see your stuff. It's nuts. And how many people, I mean, look at all the people that subscribe to, to your channel. Yeah, that's low. But what is, what how many people, I mean, look at all the people that subscribe to your channel.

Yeah, that's low. But what is, what is, oh, no, no, no. The channel was just started to release this show. Yeah, I watched it just started this thing. You a zilch at the beginning. Now you're at 40,000 people are a member of something that you do, that's nuts. That is nuts.

That's like a minor league baseball team. Fans gonna bump up my IG. That has stayed pretty uh, pretty right in line with where it was. We went up a little bit, but that's fine. I thought the same thing. I thought the same thing when I was doing all those podcasts that my IG would fucking go through the roof. Yeah.

I think they have us on a lockdown, dude. Yeah, I'm probably shadow banned as what it is. Yeah, man, we're shadow banned, dude. We're probably shadow banned as all it is. I'd probably have a couple million at this point, Jacob, right? Thanks for nodding. Nobody could hear you, but Jacob's agreeing with me. I should have millions.

But they have taken me off. Jacob, how did you enjoy this time off? I was in Florida the whole time. It's all you know, I had a good time. I went before you, I think. We we had our show Wednesday and then I left. Yeah. Yeah. Were you down there?

Were you excited for Trump coming? Is that why you went? You wanted to get there. At least you can get a good spot to see him. See flies down the day I get there. Yeah. Plane is always a because he lands in West Palm, which is where I land. Okay.

And his plane is facing the highway. Okay. And his plane is Facing the highway so you and his name is plastered across you see it. Oh, you can't miss it because also because there's crowds That are just waiting for him on the side of the highway like the beat side of the airport. Yeah, it's crazy You there you get a pussy you get a hot dog from girl in the Keeney Just thinking of Florida shit. Did you kill a bully with your shirt off? Mom said a Florida stuff. Did you put a person in the gator?

There it is. Look at that thing coming. Two air force ones, a step back. Yeah. And maybe I mean, they position it so you. You know what's up. The plane is like on the highway. He parks like cribs.

And then he puts like the doors go like up. He goes like doors go up like Lamborghini doors. Yeah. Trump comes in the sole plane. He comes off in a gold golf cart from the back. Rolls out. Shoot's out. He just lower a ramp.

But he goes, what's up, y'all? Haha. And so it is balling that he has his own fucking seven. Oh, in a rally form, also on the highway. So the whole, we have to use a different road. You're a big Trump fan. No, but I mean, just a little bit. Just a casual fan. The plane.

You wait for the playoffs and you get involved. You have a knife with his name on it. You have a nice with his name on it Nice microtech. You want to taste the edge of Trump You want to taste the blade of Trump Is it hard on to get swept up in the man is when you're down there though? I mean, that's Republican down there for sure. It is now. I get a kick out of it I mean there I'm one with I'm like go to the gun range you get swept up in it You went to the gun range. Yeah, you shoot all you have all your guns down there

Well, yeah, the family has a family family has the family guns Yeah, do you find yourself feeling that black Lou is one of the good ones? Do you feel you say that to yourself? When people started asking you how do you justify working with a guy named black Lou? No, he's one of the good ones. He doesn't call him Black Lou because he's blue. That's that blue one and blue too. Yeah, DJ Lou and Lou. Can I say this about the gun range?

I always have a blast, but you know, they are nice good wording. I didn't meet. Well, you know what? Okay, I meant. But, you know, people were with, they're all planning for the war. They're all practicing, they're, they're are pluting. You see like the branches from their hats coming over your side? No, I have no issue, but every time I go and there's a, the bathroom is right on the

range, right off the, the range. That's crazy. bathroom is right on the range. Right off the range. And I go in to wash the lead off my hands, the de-letter. Invariably, every time I've gone to the range, Bobby, somebody has just made a freedom duty. And it's so awful. A freedom duty? Yeah. It's so-

It's celebrating freedom with a nice firm stool. Smells like cigars and bud light. It's just constipated and you know, they're gearing up for something that I don't know. They're all like, it's strong. Did nothing make shit from a day of sitting. Hang at the rain shooting at bud light cans with trans people on them.

How about me and Bobby Kelly who are doing his show at the Rhyme and Auditorium in a week. What? Are we really? Can we rock? We have to get Bud Light shirts. We're doing the kids rock. We have to get Bud Light shirts.

I may have to have Johnny Glover make us a couple Bud Light shirts. We have to wear Bud Light shirts 100%. With the trans lady on them? Yes. We can have that done by the end of the week. 100%. 100% we have to wear that.

And we're gonna get shit thrown at us. But I'll see Johnny tonight. He's just gonna off there with that thing. We can have that done by the end of the week. 100%. Oh, yeah. 100% we have to wear that. And we're gonna get shit thrown at us, but- I'll see Johnny tonight. Just go off there with that thing's like, I don't care. I call her she. There is really a thing about a prepper poo. It's just all, it's like rice, dried goods,

just a tar poop. I can't believe I haven't. In fact, I hope I see Johnny takes. I also want a shirt that, this is what we should do. We should get shirts with our pronouns on them. Him, he, just him slashy. Have I not thought to do that yet? That's a great one.

I'm definitely getting a shirt that says him, he, he, he, him, yeah, that her, that her, my pronouns are what huh? I'm getting my gun license soon. My New York handgun. That's tough to get. I don't think it's that tough anymore. Christine pointed out and I forgot. Yeah, look what this is. I'm gonna want to show it to you. Let's get away from the comedy and get into some fucking hard core facts here.

Christine, look up the new gun bill here in New York. Please. I'm gonna read it and now understand it. I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna read it. and getting some fucking hardcore facts here. You're seeing, look up the new gun bill here in New York. Please. I'm gonna read it and now understand it. That sign was so shocking to see. Yeah, but in Times Square, right by the old Starbucks,

where we get dropped off. Sure. There's a sign that says Times Square is a gun-free zone carrying in here will be considered a felony. But if you are there their own starbucks they're in court right now to pass a uh... to pass a law that you can have a handgun yeah i heard in new york not i think in menhattan

new york doesn't want it no but like they're being someone told me they're being pushed into this by a national law supreme court change it the supreme court And then they read. That's what deals with national laws. Look right here, the Supreme Court. Can you guys tell me all this information so I can go to Skanks after an act of the guy I'm smart?

Sure. So I went Dave to think I'm cool. Dave's Supreme Court guns thing, huh? Right? Right? Well, the, Dave, interesting was, I don't know, but an attorney point in his life, but I think, uh,

the first time I heard someone explain the carrying gun, you believe in it, chicken, very big, right? What? You should be able to carry like, if you get a license, obviously, you should, like, conceal carry. I'm not in New York. You wouldn't want to know it. I mean, there's everyone's so angry. You want to kill somebody 20 times a day. You think you should have one? No, I hear there's everyone's so angry you want to kill somebody 20 times a day You think you should have one. No, I hear you for sure, but uh people in the out when you don't live in New York

Mm-hmm you want New York you think New Yorkers should have the right until you live here And you realize how pissed off everyone. Yeah, well, they're killing people almost daily at smoke shops in New York Nox are selling weed and that seems to keep happening But Dave Smith when he got robbed years ago, I think I dropped them off and he got robbed on his way home. What did I get? Hababa, Baba. Hababa, Baba.

What they robbed of a half of a ginger ale. Half of a ginger ale. Hababa, Baba and a, an a fanny pack. His, his bank card that was probably upsettingly an effective thing because his passport and whatever cash. And yeah, it fucking did suck. And he was like the first time I like listen to someone say the argument of like not that if he had a gun it would have been better because he could have pulled that as gun and like, you know, gotten a okay corral gun fight with them. He's saying more like if the, if New York was a place where it's probably possible that this person might

have a gun, like the odds of him getting like robbed, like that, he thought would be less. But who knows? I don't know if that's. Well, the thing with having a gun though in New York, you can't just shoot somebody either. They have to, you have to back away. Like even I have a gun at my house, but if someone breaks in, I can't shoot them. Like they have to be coming at me. I have to back away. Like even if I have a gun at my house, but if someone breaks in, I can't shoot them. Like they have to be coming at me. I have to say please back away, back away. Like, I mean, you could shoot him

and then just drag him somewhere. I'm just gonna, yeah. You're just gonna, you are gonna say that regardless. Well, they say if you shoot something. You gotta go put his penis inside of dawn and then instead of just, I'm just lay here till the cops get here. He was taking her and I killed him.

He has on my Rolex and gone is cock. You gotta dress him up. Dawn, lay underneath this guy, take your panties off. Max, get over next to her and cry. Max, I need you crying, son. I'm gonna put his hand on your throat. Just lie there. Daddy's gonna put some bruising on your arms

and throat real quick. We're gonna say it was the bad man who did that I'm gonna hit you with this dead guy's fist dad this is complicated I know son bear with me on this one yeah you can't kill somebody if they come in your house I what's the law there's a it's a lot I forget I'm cuz I'm stupid I think it's if you feel it's you don't have to use lethal force that's the stand your ground that's it right there Stan your ground law sometimes called what is it can you yeah there you go um provides the people may use deadly force when they uh reasonably believe it to be necessary to defend against certain violence crimes under such law people have no due to retreat before using deadly

force and self defense so long as they are in a place. I think someone told me that if you shoot somebody when they break into your house, you could even say, had a gun, but not only could you go to jail, I think that night, you're going to the police. I don't think you're getting arrested necessarily. We can't say anything to the cops though. You can never, if you have a shoot somebody, you can never say a word to the cops. That's the rule.

My ex wife was a, or is a federal criminal defense attorney and she has sit over and over. There is no use. Like there's she's she stands so firm on like cooperating with the police is a waste of time. There's actually a number you should call the NRA or something and they'll provide you with somebody. You can you should not just say anything to the police at all. Just ask for your lawyer and then call the NRA provide you with somebody. You can also say anything to the police at all. Just ask for your lawyer and then call the NRA if you shoot somebody. Yeah, they go, why'd you shoot this guy?

Look at him. He's in the mouth. And the hamster though, like I went to the fair last year, there was a guy who looked like white, European six shooters on both of his hips, like in hostos with a T-shirt on with no sleeves. Just riding the fucking, riding the T-cups with his kid.

It was crazy. Yeah, she's not in Nashville. I've seen that in Nashville before, just like a guy like with a side arm, but it's like one of those ones, the one that like rests over your belt. Like if there was no holster on it, he would look like Axel Rose.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. A belt, a belt loopless belt, but like, you know, it's like a holster on the side. It was crazy. I want it, I'm getting a gun. I want that.

I'm filling it out. I already filled out the paperwork. I need two more people. I got. And then you have to take, this is the thing that sucks. You have to take an 18 hour course. You have to, this is weird.

You have to buy the gun that you want. You cannot get your license unless you have the gun that you want. You have to buy it. They hold it. They register that gun to you. Yeah. that you want. You have to buy it, they hold it, they register that gun to you. So you cannot have any other gun except the gun that you bought,

but you can't have the gun until you get your license. So when your license comes in for that gun, that handgun, then you can get it. The gun store will actually give it to you, but you have to have your license, but you can't get your license to you get the gun. This is a New York specific New York specific, but yeah, and and in Texas, there's a clearance rack.

Yeah, and it happens. You just go in the bucket. There's something there. I'm telling you, my nephew just got his carry and it's like almost mandatory down there. Yeah. I did the Drinking Bros podcast down in Austin. Great dudes, very fun show to do. But my own pussy shit on it. The guy to my left, he had his keys walled like the way I

have my phone and pass and all this stuff here. Your cross body Louis Vuitton bag. All right, Bobby. I was bought one in the Ruba. You're crazy. I definitely heard one in the Rubah. Are you crazy? I except for Josie, it hurts so much. No, he had his wallet, his keys, his cell phone, and a clip of like a fully loaded clip next to his thing. Yeah. And he had a maybe in hindsight, he may have been fucking around with me. I'm not familiar with the show very much. So I don't know, but the one guy was like a fun love and dude and the guy on the left, I don't know if I was making him laugh,

but everything I said, I was talking about the pedophile hunting videos I watch. And he was like, yeah, because if I wasn't doing this man, I'd be doing that because it was just fucking erasing at the end of it dude. It's fucking put too in him. It's like talking like that. I'm like, yeah man, totally. They suck. I was like, but the thing is, you know, like, also, like, I stopped watching a lot of them because like, they seem to be just catching, like, essentially retarded people. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're mentally challenged people for sure that they're catching. And it's like, they weren't doing this. This is not a daily threat in their lives at all. Like, they are just people who like are sitting there. And you said you were, you said you were 11 years old and you want to fuck.

And you could have said said I'm 90 years old that what a fuck so at that point a bunch but then Andy and the guy was like nah if you're willing to even do it at all man there's just no point in you living you got it doesn't matter they'll find you yeah I do see what you're saying that guy really what's his purpose in life if he's a person who could be lowered in the fucking an eight year old but you know that's what I'm just saying it just seems like they're sort of entrapping people to some degree. And he's like, yeah, he goes, and then something else come up where he goes, now the best feeling in the world is, I guess he was in the military. So I have to assume that he goes, is when a guy is trying to take your life,

and then you take his, it's like the most satisfying thing you've ever said. I'm just trying to take funny over here. I'm like, sure dude, that's great. On air. The guy was intense. That's as intense as he was getting. Drinking bros? Drinking bros skulls.

I had no drink in front of me at all whatsoever. I don't think I was offered a drink, but I will say that guy was terrifying. You say this is yeah, when I'm done with all this, I'm gonna kill pedophiles. That guy, honestly, might be a goofball and was just fucking with me or something, but like, you know what, I left there, I was like, whoo, that was like, I don't think he's far away you did.

No, I mean, it was a real clippable, it was like, I keep looking at him, like, does he leave here and go, like, all right guys, see you next week. Kack, kack, kack, kack. That go like, all right guys, see you next week. Pfft, pfft, pfft. That's like Calta. Rent lets me use his truck when I'm down in Tampa. And I'm driving around and I go into the,

I stopped at a marshals to maybe get a funky shirt. And I'm looking through his glove point. He's got three guns in the car. He's got three guns, one in the middle and there's two in the gloveie. And I'm like, for what? He's like, you never know. Okay, the shit goes down, dude.

I'm like, you live in a gated community that you barely leave. Yeah, but it's fucking garbage friend comes in town and takes his truck over to fucking Marshalls. You got a point? Maybe I'll find a fucking shirt with two different length sleeves. I'm in fucking, like like Japanese writing on it maybe, or maybe a dragon funky. I didn't mean funky like fucked up fucking. Does this show goes on and on man?

I've thought about this for myself. I don't know where you are. There's gotta be, this was haunting me last night. There's gotta be a time where I'm not wearing like long jeans shorts and like Air Force ones and have two heavy hoop earrings. There's some things gotta be- I don't feel like I should stop doing any of these things that I do that I feel comfortable in, but there's gonna be an age where I'm like, you know it's a 70 year old man dressing like me is pretty hilarious.

I tell you, I lost all the weight and every time I lose weight, I go gay. You're having a, yeah, but you have it's a new lease on life. I go, do the outfit I bought in a Rubah, Don almost did not let me, did not, she almost didn't come to dinner with me. Yeah, you're wearing a very fashionable jacket, but you make fun of that jacket on another person wearing it. I would, well, not now. No, not now.

You have to, now you have to say it's very fashion forward. I got I got shorts tight shorts tight shorts with a matching shirt. Okay, what's on the shirt, Bobby? Talk to me. It was I believe close my eyes and I'm picturing it. It was a pink pink shorts with some orange flowers, patterned shorts shorts The the short the ropes on the short they were swim trunks. Mm-hmm orange a swim trunk alpha with a short sleeve top Short sleeve top that matched wow you should have got one of those hats. It's an umbrella also You get zinc oxide for your stupid nose your wife should be embarrassed. Oh there. She fucked you on that vacation oxide for your stupid nose your wife should be embarrassed how dare she fuck you on that vacation She was she was like you can't wear that. I'm like honey go fuck yourself And I wore to a fanciest restaurant in Aruba. I look like a jackass

Everybody you imagine you have burgers here, huh? Sorry, this is a seafood restaurant. Yeah, but there's always burgers right There's a good for the kids menu. There's a big thing out now with matching shorts and the shirt with the patterns the tropical patterns You know what I mean? In a Rubah perhaps no in the world. I swear to God in the world the world's starting to dress like you're in the Will Smith summertime video Yeah, that's it. Just got a new short set got to go hang out the pocket shop my short set dude You know it's so funny. She goes if you're gonna wear that. Yeah, there you go. That's what I had to say I go that was where it not just like that. Oh look at that. It's all the Louis stresses in the summertime now

Yeah, let's sit on a dolly and just move through a city with short sets on There's that picture of me. You can see me. I'm wearing a short set. You can't see the bottoms. The bottoms were yellow and purple, I believe also, but there's a picture of me holding my siblings when they were all really young. And yeah, they must be like three, I don't know.

They're all like the youngest ones of baby. And wearing a short a purple and yellow short set for sure Short sleeve with a hood. I'm sorry about that. I My fucking phone just I was trying to send Christine the video. I just panicked But he goes what the hell just happened. All right bring us back Lou I just panicked. What the hell just happened? Alright, bring us back, Lou. I'm out of breath. Something's on my turn.

I made a... I made a YouTube insert video. I made a... Because you know. You know I'm on Instagram. You're on the Graham, dude. Yeah, I'm on the Graham dude new Bobby You can't fucking dress the way you dress it not jump on the Graham dude Dude come on. I did a new photoshoot today in your your full lifetime

You're in all your years of life. Yes, you are Now like to go on but you have bought purchase more clothing with dragons on them Then you ever have in the previous years I I? I go back and forth between dragons and tigers. Yes. Yeah, I go very, very Asian. You pick clothes like Rocky II. I did. Hey, this is nice.

It's got a tiger on. There it is right there. That's my shorts. But wait, I did an influencer. You got the set. Dude, I did an influencer. She hates when I do this because I call myself an influencer. And I go,

I'm a pro at that. She hates it, dude, she hates it so bad. We were horseback riding and I had a cowboy hat on me and people on the four wheelers would come on the road too and they would stop for us, we were on horses. And I would tip my hat every time I'd see them. And I would video-tip myself, tipping my hat, like, as a Macalboy. And then I go, I have to make an influence

of video for Instagram. And she literally went yuck and went back in the bedroom. She's so mad at this video, she wouldn't let me post it. I did not post this video, because she was like, if you post that, I will fucking be mad at you. This is the video.

I'm in the hotel room. There's my goofy right now You're using us to get out on a technicality of getting us out to the world without posting it I will post this in a second 100% you're afraid of her, dude I am afraid of my yeah, I'm afraid of my wife. She'll fight you like a guy. Don. Yeah, it's like Christine Who puts steak and make up over a black eye and shut her mouth? She's not like that No, don don as bald or she broke her nail to fire. She broke her nails ones to ball her fist up. Really? Yeah, she did. She break it off so she could fall for the bats gangster. She bit them and then bald her fist up. Dude, she

yeah, she went to fight me a couple times. Yeah, she'll fight me. I made this video and she wouldn't let me post it though. I mean, those shorts are pretty silly, right? They're nice. They're not as they're not what I was hoping for. The dark colors. What is it? Those like space? Those post it though. I mean, those shorts are pretty silly, right? They're nice. They're not what I was hoping for. The dark colors. What is it, those like space? There's one of those things. I made, watch the video.

I made an influencer video. Here we go. Okay. There's me standing there and here I go. In a room for the last night, wait for you to see my outfit. Yeah! Oh!

Oh! Oh! No one! No one! No, Bobby. No, Bobby. No, Bobby. Yeah, baby. The outfit is awful. The video is perfect.

Yeah, it's so great. What happens? What happens if Black Blue posted from our Instagram? I can't control that. I can't control Black Blue. Dawn, you can't hit Bobby for that. That's Black Blue. I can't control it. I can't control black. Lou. Don't you can't hit Bobby for that. That's black. Lou. I can't control that. I think I sent it to the wrong. I think it sends everybody by I didn't it right? Don't you gonna come sideways of black Lou being from Boston? It's not a good. I made her I made her hold her the phone and I go I'm gonna come up and then you I'm gonna go like this and she's like Just take the video. I go no. I'm I'm an influencer and you have to do things a certain way. It's gonna look like I changed right there

She was infuriated. I've never made a video of a quick change. I loved it. Yeah, it's so good It's so great. I'm gonna watch it 20 times Talk video. Yeah, but watch this look at my What's this? Look at my hand. Yeah, you're... Woo! That's super fast. You nailed it, Bob. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in for the words of Kelly. But Bobby, you do... I'm telling you, it's the length of the ship. It's the length of the shorts. It's the thickness of your legs. And the shortness of the shorts that make that... That you are giving off, that's gay.

That's a gay outfit, that's a gay man's outfit. I'll tell you this, it was hard to sit down in those shorts because they weren't, they didn't fit me the way I thought they'd fit me. No, it's gonna start hitting it up or thighs, gonna start creasing up on you. But I didn't care, I told them I'm wearing them. She goes, just don't wear them, they don't fit.

I go back off. You went to a meal with her like that? Back, dude, I went to the nicest restaurant in Aruba. Everybody, every man there had slacks and a dress shirt and a nice watch, and then I rolled in. And walks fucking tootsie in his bag, Hag. What's booty Kelly in his bag, Hag? Well, you're son.

And your boy? No. But I, yeah, Max had a tiger shard on him. Everyone putting your tiger stuff. We're going the nicest place in the room. Get on your tiger clothes. Everybody we're going out somewhere nice. Why didn't you have Max in a matching outfit?

I, but she didn't buy it. Well, I, I, she wouldn't go for it. She has half control over that. I bought that off the rack two months ago. A TR? I bought that off the rack. And two months ago, I got a wear of this. Oh, was it custom?

No, I was wearing this in a rubah. She goes, ugh. And I just bought it. And it was on sale. She forgot about it. She forgot about it. Packed it. I packed it.

She didn't pack it. She didn't. Here's the thing around 2003 when I was shredded Bobby sexy Bobby Puerto Rican Bobby I bought four pairs of tight little small swim trucks Were you I recall this black blue red and canary yellow yeah, and they were a speedo type. Speedos. With a little fringe. I recall this. And fringe?

Yeah, there were speedos. They were very small, with a little, little, you know, little, little fluff to the, you know what I mean? It wasn't like a speedo. It had a little. Almost like a boxer brief sort of. No, no, no, more like a 1970 shorts. You know, like a rocky, member rocky shorts.

Absolutely. I know he's talking about it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Rocky, when you're on the beach running, no exactly what you mean, like umbrose, like some real shorts. Short shorts.

It'll be hot. If you were a chick, your lower ass chick could become out of the bottom. 100%. Yes. I bought four pairs. Four pairs. Black, blue, blue red canary yellow

Okay, and we showed up at the Bacuti. It's an all-adout Place in a Rubo I felt fantastic all adult like it swingers. You can't have kids Just can't have kids can't have kids. Yeah, yeah You mean swingers you can fuck well, I'll just an adult place. I mean like no kids nobody under probably 20 something. I mean, like, no- No kids. Nobody under probably 20 something at that point. Yeah, well, yeah, no children. They didn't want children at this place. It was great. And I went in-

But that probably also means 18 to keep out. This is back in the day when no sunblock, we had oil. Yeah. I go to the- Carried oil. I'm talking, yeah, exactly. Dude, you should go out in the beach, oil, sun. You sizzle yourself.

Cancer. Yeah. You change. I mean, now I would actually probably be- Exactly do you just go out in the beach oil sun you sizzle yourself answer you change I mean now I would actually probably be I'd probably get fired Because of you know, hey, what are you doing dude? You can't look you can't be that dark You know, I mean to be like what are you doing? I mean no, no, I just went tanning. No, no, no, no, dude You have to grow your hair out to prove it. Yeah My old friend's roommate well to this day. He'll still help puts hair out to prove it. Yeah. My old French roommate, well, to this day, he'll still help put oil on to get it. And yeah, carried oil himself.

Yeah, that's like, you know, Ralph, it's one of my favorites, fun facts about Ralph Sutton. He modeled years ago a couple things, which is so funny already. Like boots. Yeah, neck bolts. Three-quarter sleeve blazers. Hot rods. No, one of them is for a carat oil tanning lotion

and the name of it is his character is Bronzo Centuole. Have you ever seen him before? Now bring up Ralph is Bronzo Centuole. I'm trying to find him as it, I just bringing up it. That's actually the brand. Can I say Bobby, the greatest thing of that video you did is one of my favorite things is absolutely the hand the hand fade to black. Fan and the black. Oh yeah. And then the pullback. Oh it's so great that she couldn't get down because she's not an influencer. And then the pullback, but the part that she couldn't get down because she's not an influencer is I mean, when I pull back, I need her to take a step back.

So you get that real distance? I gotta get that distance and she couldn't get the distance. She, because she kept bringing the camera. You want to almost see like a drone like, rich away. So I was like, keep your, don't move the camera. You take one step back. I directed that. I don't want to start in a minute.

I don't want you guys to have a domestic tonight, but just know that you probably cost you millions of views with that. Well, no, and I would have got out of the shadow band with that. That's Instagram. That's, that's,

you probably got to leave our shadow band because a million views on my YouTube thing, my Instagram went up like 4,000. It's like, that's a small percentage. Are there bots watching this thing? Where's the real people? Dude, when we went to a rubah I immediately went for my canary yellows and

They weren't in there and I'm like where am I she goes. I don't know She left them She she left them back at the house you years ago left them at the house six years later I found them in her underwear draw. She hid them in her underwear. No, she was wearing them because they were for women You know the bobby you're taking that wrong. JJ. She's been among those who are made for a woman's butt cheeks come out of the bottom of being attractive. I'll tell you what, I found them. I found them again this weekend when we got back because I was in a ruban. I was pissed again. I got mad again. And I found them. And I'm going to wear them this summer. Are you worried? I don't again, I got mad again and I found them and I'm gonna wear them this summer.

Are you worried? I don't know, I don't know, but this vibe wore shorts. How about my son calling me a... Sure, no, his friends are gonna say it and then he's gonna have to defend that. But he's in karate. He's in karate. He's in karate. He's in karate.

He's in Kwando, right? Yeah, he's in Kempel. He's in Red Parker, Elvis Karate. I Keto. I took in Kempel. He's in Red Parker, Elvis Karate. I Keto. I took a Keto for a minute. We know about that. I took a Keto and it was like, I was so excited. There was like weapons in the class.

But I only went like twice. There's a too far of a thing to stay with. But I saw a thing hard to kill. I'm like, what does Steven Seagal do? A Keto? I'm in. Yeah, don't dress crazy, Bob. I think hard to kill. I'm like, what does Steven Sugal do? A keto? I'm in. Yeah, don't dress crazy, man. I know it's fun.

I know it's become a fashion, it's become a playground for you again. And that's gotta be awesome. I performed a niac this last weekend at the mall, the levity live, and I walked around the mall, I brought my daughter one day. Why don't you tell me I would have killed I'm five minutes away Oh really, I didn't know I am five minutes away. I would have come out and saw you

We didn't RSVP the invite you got a social media invite. I'm sure But when I was this week in that mall I really I'm always like ooh a mall go walk around and whatever they never have my shoe size Maybe a pair of jeans, but I'd probably have to try them on and I hate getting in dressing rooms, I hate it. Do you know what I mean? The mall just wigs me out. So I get the new lease on life. I would try, if I lost the way enough to do it, I would try every style.

Do you know what I mean? I'd go get a preppy outfit. I would get like, what do you call it? An American Eagle or something. Finally see what the gap hubbubs all about I don't know any old Navy old Navy. There's a performance fleece. I would what does that mean? What kind of perform? I perform I want to I want to get crackies a leather belt and tuck Talk oh a braided belt. I want to tuck. I got the braided belt. I just got the braided

I'm gonna do the thing I belt. I just got the braided belt. Are you going to do the thing? I would go back and point the belt down. I would do that again. But I want to get the khakis and then get the shorts leave white shirt for the summer. Right? With a v-neck. To show some of my loose chains.

I don't even care. They're not even expensive chains. You're just a lot of loose next stuff. I want to get a golf shirt, a pullover golf shirt. I would like that with a sweater where I take the cuffs to the sweater and fold them over each other around my neck. Oh, look at that. Yeah. The extra-lodge V-neck sweater with the five shirts underneath.

T-shirt, a wife-beater, a t-shirt, then the button-down shirt, a tie, then the vest, then a jacket over that. I'm going to go buy a suit, and when I say I want to buy a suit, I want my friends to not say, have you heard about that one that zips right up in the back like a bear pajamas? Bobby wouldn't even suggest he goes, why don't you go get a beautiful suit made? He goes, dude, just zip it up in the back, you you're good to go this guy's getting chicks in the commercial dude I saw a guy today I looked over at the red light waiting across the street and there was a beautiful pair of women's black high heels that went up to women's yoga black but fancy like high end type of Gucci yoga type pants. Nice curves that went up to an Adam and almost type of jacket gold buttons a gold belt a little marching outfit kind of marching band with a

Gucci almost like a little square roundish square box bag on a gold chain all the way up to the shoulder pads that pointed out and then the face of Ian Edwards. Really? I was gonna say it's a Grace Jones. Dude, it was the sexiest girl in the world standing next to me and then, but it was a dude in the head. It was a guy. It looked like two chains. Like from the neck up, I swear to God, it was a guy it looked like two chains Like from the neck up. I swear to God it was a beard beard mustache dreads It was a dude but with the sexiest female body in the hottest female outfit

I've ever seen in my life Good ass great ass Unbelievable legs beautiful feet you didn outfit. The outfit was fucking phenomenal. This is a black lady gentleman I assume. This is a black lady, I didn't ask the pronouns. Maybe a lady gentleman, a lady gentleman's advice. We don't know. Full beard.

That's the gentleman part. Yep. You were enjoying the lady part. I enjoyed the whole thing. But I wanted to talk. You talking about yoga pants, You wanted it to talk. We don't know yet, we're on the fence. I'm not saying it.

Did they tell you? Did they tell you what they want to be called? Here's the problem is that she wanted nothing to do with me. They want nothing to do with me. I thought my Japanese jacket with the dragon on it might get a little, oh, I like your jacket. We might have connected them fashion a little bit. Oh, you probably noticed the dragons and tigers on my jacket. Like we might have connected them fashion a little bit. You know what I mean?

Oh, you probably noticed the dragons and tigers on my jacket. I tried to walk in front of her a couple of steps so she would recognize that. So she might, oh, he or she, what are we saying now? What is it? It. The bud light.

You don't say that. I don't know. But you could also, I think that with a finger point is acceptable. Very attractive human being. Even if even if even if he said, was the face, was it an attractive dude? Good looking dude. Good looking dude man.

Like good looking guy. How in the pants in the yoga pants, did you not, are you assuming there's a tucker going on because I feel like you'd see weiner in that. You would but the jacket, the adamant type of jacket, the military fashion jacket, it was longer. Went over just over the bum bum. So you can see these really beautiful legs. So there might have been a whole like sausage

going down one of the legs. 100% sausage. If you're not gonna take care of the beard, you're not taking care of the peepie. I mean, don't you like that guy? Yeah, it's very similar to that, but a blast. I would smote his little pecker. Jonathan Vaness.

Remember they tried to say Jonathan Vaness was funny and it turns out everyone just wanted to feel good about themselves for clapping for a guy in a cape and a skirt. It was the comedy festivals for a minute. I'm like, why are you, what's, we just want to look at this, right? We just want to look at it. I mean, there's something interesting about like fashion wise.

This guy had, I think it was Gucci everything. Which even though, I mean, everything was. What's inside? Not John's, right now. No, no, no, no, one in the one in front of the Chinese suit place that I was heading to before the show. I have to get my suit. And yeah, gorgeous.

So what did you, did you say say? I tried to, you're lucky this is a gun freeze on. Yeah, that's it. Well, yeah, something like that. Yeah. But except, yeah, Billy Porter don't give a fuck either. I mean, you got to give a guy credit to, I mean, put that outfit on. I don't tell me what I have to do. Hey man, hey man. You have to give him credit. No, I don't.

No, of course. Listen, dress, have you wanna dress? But that's wild that it goes up to a guy's fate. Yeah, that's fucking weird. I mean, all you have to do is. You impressed with the body. Did it seem, because you started to enjoy the heels. I enjoyed the flag.

Was the petite, was this a petite biological man before the turning? Yeah. It was. It was, no, well, I don't know. Yeah, but because the high heels, I mean, that was still lettuce. Because that's the giveaway.

They were nice shoes. They weren't like huge. The shoes? Yeah. No, they weren't. Like it wasn't like, no, I don't know. I just think that excited,

she thought maybe you liked large, feeded women. I don't know. I'm just, you got a big foot, Kristi? No, I no, it's like I'm excited. She's not maybe you like large feeded women You got a big foot Christie no, I'm nine totally average man's not No, it was I mean I looked down I was just standing I looked over and I looked at the show I'm like wow and I as I panned up. I was like oh my god and then the the pocketbook and the jacket I was like wow the pocketbook and the jack out wow Hey Kelly Kelly That's my new that's my new gay thing by the way Kelly Kelly a little bonfire a context on that Bobby You know that's Gerry O'Connell over reacting to food that Nikki dinky made really Yeah, that's the idea.

She's the fun bonfire context in the tell you. Nikki, when we fell in love with her, was because I'd watch her go up there and just try to do her thing for Wendy Williams, and the Wendy Williams show, and Wendy Williams, one time spit her food out on air. She throws hot sauce on everything she makes before she tries it. There's one time spit her food out on air. She throws hot sauce on everything she makes before she tries it.

She eats the unfinished product a lot of times and she's like trying to stop her from like doing that. And she's just like shitty too, right? Say almost across the board. Then Gerry O'Connor would sub in for sometimes. And before we even watched it, I go, I bet he gives her everything. And I'm telling you, she goes,

this is a macaroni and cheese, but the cheese sauce has five, whatever's of carrots in it. He's like, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm,

mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, in cauliflower crust pizza he's like he reacts like a mongoloid.

I want the bonfire fans when we do a first-life show to I want them to chant like that when we come out. We can get it going for five minutes I know. Yeah, when the music drops out just like thank you, thank you to our audience. Thank you the crew. Okay, let's get in a hot hop Look I want to make this poor Christina's a picture of Harry Styles in address, and I don't think This is anything to do with what we've been talking about. I think this guy is so good looking women are so into him It's so easy for me said I got to give myself a handicraft Yeah, absolutely and it's not easy for me. It's actually it actually made him look cuter if he asked me

Yeah, I think absolute he dresses and they always go like he looks awesome He looks like a goddamn asshole He dresses like a shitty doll from the 60s. Yeah, that last time look at a fucking ash tree I had to make in summer camp later. I don't even know. He does this anymore. I think it was just I'm gonna do this for a few months Cuz I got it. It's getting too easy. Yeah, yeah, you're too good looking when you just dress Yeah, Brad Pins did the same shit He did dresses for a little while. He wear it Yeah, yeah, he he wore dresses wear skirts. No Yeah, I don't remember that I'd wear a skirt though when you wear a skirt in the summer. No hang on I would neither

Having you would you get me this coffee mine? Hey guys don'ts pissed I put on a poodle skirt the other day in front of a family I went to her family's Thanksgiving with a poodle skirt on cheese piss Yeah, wow P-war skirt There's also like that the person like that you saw on the street I wonder if they were just a cross dresser or somebody that would want to be referred to as street. This outfit was too high-end to be, you know, a cross.

This person was going somewhere, very important, because this outfit was a fucking 10 out of 10. The pronouns know why. And then it probably works in fashion. But then when you got to the neck, it was just a black dude out of 10. The pronouns know why. And then it works in fashion. But then when you got to the neck, it was just a black dude with a beard. It could have been like a Philly Long beard. It looked like one of Keith's friends.

Like comedy expressed. Comedy expressed. I love it very quickly. Comedy expressed the argument came. Could comedy express beat up the Boston comedy scene? You tell it Lenny Clark, what common form? to express beat up the Boston comedy scene. That's it. Tell her letting clock work coming for him. Yeah, you come for me. Of course I can.

It doesn't matter. Keith gave me Kevin Hart's wrong number. Oh, Jesus. To do promotion. I was going to ask him if he can give a promo for the special. All right. And Keith goes, this is the last number I have for him. Keith got his current number.

They talk all the time. He takes care of Keith. Yeah, how does he get the rent paid? Yeah, son of a bitch. I have for him. He's got his current number. They talk all the time. He takes care of keys. Yeah, how does he get the rent paid? Yeah, son of a bitch. I have his number. Do you want it? No. Why would Keith not want to give it to me?

I have it right now. Can I call it? No, no, no. Let me call it. And say, you don't have it. I have it right here. It's going to be done again. Let me.

Hey, this is Kevin Law. You're going to be going to be going to leave it. It's gonna be done again. Let me Hey, this is Kevin lot Wow I lost fucking Captain America and Show's killing me It shows killing me brother who's next Tom Green? Everyone Yeah, keep giving the wrong number.

And then my manager was like, well, write something to him. And I'll get it to his manager at least, Dave. And I was like, fuck that dude. I thought, that's weird too. Hey, can you see if you can get this to Kevin Hart? Tell me who's my mom. Money for pizza.

Why doesn't he, what was was last time you talked to Kevin Montreal he came into my storytelling Last year no two years That's not that long ago so you guys are still friends no, no, there's no it wouldn't be like he wouldn't recognize me in a fucking mall That's what I'm almost the point I'm making isn't he getting a show on serious He has a channel has a whole channel. Yeah, has he ever been in the building? He gets the whole panel outside He gets a whole panel. Yeah, his face, you know the screen. Sure. It's a 12 panel screen

But he gets the whole this shows one panel we get and it's still Dan It's gonna be dancing to If they turn things over you need you need to do a photo I mean look at him but they had the green screen him until he was ever here son of a bitch. Yeah So let me ask you a question. You guys are still friends. Sure.

And if he could, you want him to tweet out, hey, go check out Jay. Now, have you put him in anything? Have you tagged his social media? Oh, I swear to God, I thought you were saying, like, have you ever given him an opportunity? For what? Did you ask him to be on Z-Rock at all?

Did you even put it out there? Did he turn down skank fest? That's why he goes, can I'm just going to ask you if you could please just commit the skank fest for two nights. Skank fest tickets available right now by the way, Vegas again. Barely barely any left, buddy. That's it. It's gone. Wow. I'm gonna go check there might be one days. Really. The all access are gone right? All access are gone but there are some one days left.

Yeah. Every year it's beautiful. Sounds good to be a great one. But yeah, Kevin Hartz probably not gonna be there. Spoiler alert. I hope it doesn't slow tickets down. Have you tagged him anything? No.

Fans have, but you haven't tagged. Have fans tagged me? And saying he should promote it. Yeah. Really? Yeah. But why don't you? Uh-huh. What's something out there? Say, hey, what's up? My friend, Kav, how you doing, buddy? Uh, you know what I should do. You know, it's funny. First of all, what you're saying is crazy. First thing's personal. What you're saying is bad shit. But let me finish. You don know you don't know Jay You don't know you're off your rocker. I mean wait a second first of all Christine. I'm an influencer Okay, that is fair. Bobby lives in a different world. Yeah, he's in Florida jet setting I'm an influencer. I know what what works Bob. Okay Bobby jets here from white planes Why don't you do this dude? Why don't you do this? We do a little video at the end of the show today

where you like, hey man, I really wish my friend, little Kev would hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm listening. And then you go, maybe it's the way I'm dressed and you touch the camera. Oh, and then we have to add one where I pull away and I'm dressed more like Kev. The dress like Kev.

Yeah. What do you think? Or what if I wear Kav's size clothing only? Hey guys, I hooked out a little bit. I'm getting this Fabletics outfit. Yeah, I wanted this to give. Oh, there you go. Let's get you in one of those.

I mean, look at that house. Wow. He's got a spiral staircase to some room that he's never been in. Yeah. That's crazy. I guarantee he's never been in that room. He never doesn't even know what that room goes.

Isn't it? His lawn's perfect. Perfect lawn. That's an LA lawn. Damn. That's an LA lawn. Look at the lounge shows that he's never sat in. He doesn't know those things feel like.

He's never been in that pool. I guarantee it. No, he's been in that pool for sure He's gonna show off that bot and His pay was well she was on matches alpha if I have to say something negative You are gonna see a big gym big gym can get it can put you in touch with them She think of will you want to hurt me? Is that you try to do you trying to hurt me? You put me in touch with them? It's so it's just like that's insane It's so, it's just like... That's insane. I'm piercing. Too many.

Kev, you're listening. I know you are. I know you're fan. Kev and Hart is a camper. A black blue, your thoughts? I actually love to... You can talk about black HQ. You can talk about black HQ. A load of couples shows for the Kev and Hart channel. Mm-hmm. If you want me to try to put a word in for you,

I can probably get in touch with them. Black blue? God damn it. I'm promised Mike down. You told me to call him put a word in for you, I can probably get in touch with him. Black Lou. God damn it. I'm promised Mike down. You told me to call him Kevin. So it's whatever. Dude, what if I call him Kevin? He goes Kevin. And yes, I'll do it.

Last time I saw Kevin, he walked up to me at the Kimmup Hughes with the Zoll Security Guards. It's one of my favorite stories. Airport, right? The airport one was the one before then. Okay. When he came up to me, the airport and I kicked his Louis Vuitton black everything bags over yeah the whole tray He had the whole cart and Bobby kicked the cart like that the cart like the all of them off the car I kicked all his bags over and I looked at his friend who probably murder me

This black dude that had like a tear-tired Tattoo and any I go pick those up And Kevin not and he goes go get him he. I go pick those up. And Kev went, not and he goes, go get him. He had to go pick him up. Well, I think I made a UEF at first and he was like, Kev was like, no, no, I know, I know. Well, he came into the cellar

and he came with the security guards, but these guys are not fun people. No. And they're just hanging around like mean. And I was like, guys, guys, it's a comedy club. Loosen up, we're comics. And they just looked at me and they guys, it's a comedy club. Lucin' up, we're comics, and they just looked at me and they go, uh, get out of the way.

I had to sell her, and I had to move. Like I had to get out of the way. Get out of the way. And then Kev saw me, and he walks up, and he whispers in me and he goes, I don't like you. And he walked away. And then he changed his number apparently

My bottom lip quivered a little bit. I was like Bobby I will end you You won't be the first body under my park pavers Damn It's hilarious that is the audience for his last Netflix special as more access to Kevin than I do I'm gonna I'm texting him. I'm tweeting him right now. Okay. Right now. Please call your friend, Jay.

Please. Don't even call me. That's gonna be awkward. No, I'll say. Don't call me. I'm just gonna put your phone number on Twitter. Yes. Well, now, don't put the whole number.

Put most of them. You're putting nine numbers and just leave the last one. Yeah, leave. If you try 10 times. I assume a lot of people won't 10 times. Please, with praying hands. I put please with praying hands. Retweet. How about retweet?

Mm-hmm. I'll put the odds. No, no, no, no. I want a personal tweet. All right. Turn it up, Lou. Please. Make a personal tweet.

Okay. Tweet. Just call. With your. It'll. Okay. with your old friend friend big J big J big J Okerson from back at the laugh house two F's left with two F's like you assume Two F's laugh laugh for L.A.F.F. or L.A.U.F.F. L.A.F.F. no one makes it L.A.U. stop the music for a second Lou We're gonna stupid ask question is that was that racism Christine cuz I didn't like it of course it's L.A.F.F.

Lou please the music Is that racism, Christine? Because I didn't like it. Of course, it's L-A-F-F. Lou, please, the music. Is that Philadelphia? Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. South Philly. South Philly. Sorry. I'm going to play more center city. Say he says you guys used to play video games and stuff.

And you were on a first name basis. And with you guys would play video games and together talk shit talk shit please make this kids dreams dreams come true come true with his old friend Kev with And put Kevin quotes so he doesn't assume I just call him that old friend I don't want him to know that I call him kev. It seems like a little familiar I'm from Kev. Yeah, it's too familiar Kev Kev love Seems like a little familiar in the live-room. Kav, yeah, it's too familiar. Kav.

Kav. Love. Robert. Bobby, I'm gonna put Bobby. Okay, yes. Bobby. That does. Bobby Kelly though, just in case.

I said it. Without the Kelly part? I put Bobby. Oh, shit. Fuck. He's not gonna know who it is. Yeah, I'm no, but it says Kelly at the top. Okay. It says my name. It's out there. It's going to happen now. Probably.

Hey, everybody. Thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to serious xm dot com slash bonfire for a special offer that's right and go to big j calmy dot com and robber kelly live dot com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you i stepped on the crackle crackle i stink