The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Death Cab with Sean Patton

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Fantastic comedian and old friend, Sean Patton is back to talk about his time at Skankfest. His family owns Patton's Catering in New Orleans and their food was showcased at the festival. | Sean can expertly deep-fry a turkey and tells the secrets of not getting burned. | Jay once got dosed with acid by his so-called friends. | Sean knows all the dangers of his hometown of NOLA but still had a harrowing experience with a cab driver who got crazy for no reason. Sean Patton will be performing at @witsendcharleston North Carolina all week! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Right here on the Bonfire, Faction Talk, Series X M103, Big J. Okerson, Robert Kelly. Bringing it to you. We have a very fun guest in studio with us. He's going to be at Wits End Comedy Club in Charleston, South Carolina, this weekend, December 4th through the 6th. For tickets, go to Witsend, Charleston, W-T-S-N-Charleston.com. It is the hilarious, Sean Patton. Jay's going to be actually moving there.

in the next couple of years to live alone and maybe, maybe, South Carolina. No, not Charleston. No? You ever been to Charleston? Although I do like the rich racism of the city. Yeah, dude, it's a Confederate museum. It's there.

It's there and it's open. I spent a day there. Oh, I did a show with a, that was Shane, Tim Dillon, Nick Mullen. We did like a big place down there. Wait, Shane who? Gillis. Oh, okay, that guy.

Yeah, he was a little dust up over at SNL. Yeah, that guy. A couple years back, he had a little dust. stuff but we did it down there and it really does look like they try to really keep it like like like antebellum parties and shit like it feels like it's going to be women walking with like you know lace gloves and little umbrellas and shit but bill murray you might you might also bump into bill murray or danny mcbride right yeah or brett gelman i think breck gelman you remember breck gelman comedian i mean he does more acting stuff he's on a stranger things

oh really he's like the the nerdy professor guy like the hair i haven't seen i've only seen like meg ryan yeah it's just uh man yeah you're just saying that that guy yeah gelman yeah i'm just i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure he lives i do remember he's funny uh he was a comic ryan gossett lives there peter north yeah peter north uh porn star peter north yes nice i'm just i know that's your i know that's your spirit animal is peter north is peter north is my spirit animal i mean i just wish one time my life I shot ropes like that just once they're so big if you could do it once would you would you be okay with that being the end of the seaman the the oakerson line if I just shoot like if you could shoot one Peter North load but then no more load comes out no more load ever again

I really have to pick where that load falls there's never been a more important landing spot for jizz and my life you'd have to be standing you don't be lying on your back I'm just shooting your eye and blind you well i gotta say from the get-go i've never even from a young man been a real like eight nine ropes shooting forward out i mean there's always been a little bit of just a a fallout yeah of jiz i hate and then once in a while you take one sends you send one i would never want to jizz like him what spills give me anxiety and i just when i come i'm like oh fuck where is it Oh, dude. I like it.

I get all stressed out. Spills give you anxiety. I spilled milk. I'll walk away from it. No, I look when the girl's, when the girl's face goes up, and you see he lays it and it's just a bunch of lines across it. It looks like Eddie Van Halen's guitar. He's like, he's the pornographic equivalent of like a Jackson Pollock.

Yeah, and he makes art. I tell you, that was when Adam Carolla, when I said something about Peter North, and he called him, he goes, oh, we've had the decorator in here. The decorator is the funniest nickname I've ever heard for somebody in my life. what he does the decorator he inspired crispy cream donuts the whole empire but i will say that's almost the thing that i admire is i never have it's the it's the force it comes out so much comes out that it has time for gravity to hit it so that's what it happens it goes over them but then really just like falls you know it's like when someone makes like uh your sister's a cater you know

you throw a little when you throw a little chocolate over like uh It's like a croissant. You're just laying it all across. It's like a high-end scallop dish. Yes. Yes. Now you're understanding. I mean, it's like when a kicker kicks a field gold.

There's wind, there's velocity. He's doing this right before he comes. There's so much to consider. He goes, hey, is there an oscillating fan here or something? Because I'm getting, I'm getting, correct numbers. He actually picks grass up and drops it to see what the wind is going. The first time I met Nina Hartley, I guess the only time, at comics comedy club

I asked her immediately about Peter North and she told me the number and I thought it was extremely low she goes most guys only come about whatever teaspoon like one and a half teaspoons but she goes Peter North comes two tablespoons have come

every time and I go it comes more than that you're wrong she's wrong tablespoon is a lot of cum it's not that much cum not for what Peter North does well let's get a fucking tablespoon here and see you can come in it

Like, you think it's a full cup? You think are like a half a cup? A cup is a lot. That's a lot of dry rice. That's an entire lineage. That's a generation. Dude, a tablespoon of cum is a lot. God, remember Nina Hartley?

The world's not going to believe you that this woman was actually pretty hot at one point. She was smoking. One of my favorite porn stars back in the day. Well, she always had, she kept it mad 80s with that hair. She never got out of that until she was an old lady. That was the problem. Oh. She went from hot.

fit like 80s yeah real 80s porn star to vanishing for a while and then you pop back up as the old lady doing porn

I remember having teachers I mean not like this but that this hair this hair that well that that hair oh shit yeah yeah

you grew up in Norland so you have any wild teachers I had none she looks like Judy Gold now oh yeah no it hit her right in the fucking chops dude for sure I remember we had a

there was a teacher I think she was only like 23 or so when we were all senior year. Wow. Then, like, the year. It's a problem. And she used to, like, let people cut up in class

and let people fuck around. She was, you know, a kid herself. And I remember, like, a year later when we're all back in town from, like, I hadn't left yet, but, you know, everybody else comes back from college or at the bar, the night before Thanksgiving, specifically, which is the night

everyone gets blackout shit-faced. My best friend just to her face was like, you're a bad teacher. I'm, like, behind because you let us fuck around. I remember that moment. You're ruining my life. Yeah. It's been like, I like, you let us fuck around and it was fun, but now I'm taking like, you know,

I'm learning about history as a freshman. I will say, God. That I should have learned 10 years ago, you know? I had a gym teacher that was as smoking hot as Nina in seventh grade. What? Oh. That's back when you had to wear gym outfits. Did you have to do that in high school?

That one year I went to a real school. Seventh grade, you had to wear your gym clothes. You had a change into jump house. And they were like little tight red shorts with a stupid shirt. And she wore them, too. She was like Stuart from Beavis and Budin. She was fucking ridiculously hot. All we wanted to do was jumping jacks.

But every, every, every, you know, a couple times. Might I suggest jumping jacks? A couple times a week, my uncle's friend Johnny Pomp would come in. And he was an insurance adjuster. He would just come into school and she'd be like, I'll be right back. And she would go in her office with him. and I guess whatever they were dating or whatever

she was going there for like 20 minutes and I never thought anything of it but recently I've seen him and I was like dude when you used to come in a class he goes I fucked the shit out of every time I went in I just come in and fuck her in her office I appreciate that that's hot that had to happen a lot more than we think

teachers just I'm telling you my teacher's pool what I'm surprised again because I didn't notice any of it but if there was anything it would be the guys we had some guys that were like in hindsight i can see now we're like 40 year old guys 30-something year old guys that maybe they were trying to do stuff like weird with students but i never had in all of my years of schooling one mildly attractive female teacher i was always every time old women old indian women old white women i had a lot of hot chicks a lot i had my

art teacher in high school mrs d that's you're supposed to fuck smoking hot big gazubas italian you don't let a white girl with dreadlocks teach kids She was hot. She's bound to try to teach them everything about internal spirituality. My kindergarten teacher was smoking hot. She used to make me go up and cut her gray hairs out. What? Out of where? She had this black.

Her box. Wow. Because why was she having me cut the mouth? Jersey, Jersey? No, I was in Boston. She would bring me up and she gave me a pair of scissors and she goes, if you find a gray, I want you to cut it out. And I would go up.

In class? In kindergarten. On kindergarten. Yeah, in kindergarten. That makes enough. That's insane. To give a child scissors to cut out grays in kindergarten? It was the 70s.

No shit. A different time. Like a few years ago, I went back, I drove past where I went to, like, from kindergarten to third grade just to see the school. And in my memory, it was this, like, massive monolith. And then you see it. And it's like, that's a, really? It's like a fucking studio apartment.

Do you have to go in the school and that smell hit you? Do you ever walk into a building and go, oh, my God, this is school? No, I'm not allowed within 100 yards of my school. I wish that someone should open a restaurant that serves just like school-style lunch. I don't think that's even school-style. That changed over the years. When I, the shitty school I went to always, the school lunch. Bag of milk?

It was a really sad thing to fucking get school lunch because it was a, you get the box of milk. Yeah, we've got a box. We got a bag. We got a bag of milk. Did FEMA give you your luncheon? Yeah, dude. A bag of milk, you put the straw in, slurp it out. Blow it back up, push the straw through.

We had the box of milk and you got chocolate or regular milk. Yeah, you could do chocolate or whole milk. Chocolate or regular, but all both the bags. But what was really crazy was the, by the time I went to that said, I switched school senior year and went to an actual school that had stuff. I didn't know what homecoming was or pep rallies or any of that shit was. Well, were you homeschooled? No. I wasn't homeschool.

I just went to like a shitty neighbor at school in West Philadelphia. It was just like they didn't have anything like that. No prep rallies, no nothing. You remember my favorite lunch meal was... No sports, really? Remember Salisbury steak? Yes, dude. With the potatoes and the white bread?

Yes, we would get Salisbury steak was one of the possible school lunches. School lunch was never... You could pay for snacks. There was no lunch. Lunch was free if you needed it with a cute, with like a ticket. But it was a tin foil thing, and the top of it had the out. lines of like what the awful food was going to be. It was like an oval for like a piece of Salisbury steak, like, you know, four circles

means there's peas and like, you know, whatever, like some other like pile of shit. I never got, I never got tickets because you had to be a certain, make a, my mother would not go on welfare when she divorced my stepdad. So she had a job. She made me lunch every day. The same thing, peanut butter and jelly, too much jelly, an apple. No such thing. To me, it makes the bread wet.

It's disgusting. It was gross. Your mom didn't toast it? No, she gave me an apple, and then she would write a note in my bag to me. Apple's poison. How much she loves me, but not out of love, just passive-aggressively, just to embarrass me in front of the other kids. Oh, my God. So I couldn't even, I couldn't even like.

I love you to death, even know you pee your bed all the time, love mom. I couldn't even, like, nobody would ever trade lunches. Yeah, yeah. Nobody would fucking trade with me, so I actually had to take other kids lunch tickets. Bobby, no matter what your sexual... Bobby, no matter what your sexuality is, I still love you, Mom. You were the victim. Me and Bobby's a kid, when they would announce lunch tickets up,

they'd be like, I'd come down and we'd go and wait in front of the office, and as kids were coming out, we were like, give me a lunch ticket. And we'd take one lunch ticket from every kid. And then we'd go up to the kids who had it, because lunch was a dollar, it was 85 cents, so you would get 15 cents back. So the kids who paid with the dollar, I would just go, hey, give me the dollar, I'll give you a lunch ticket, you just lending me 15 cents.

Oh, so you weren't bullying them out. You were negotiated. I would get the lunch, one lunch ticket, then sell it to the dollar kids. Right. Get the dollar and then buy my drugs and booze. And then I would be able to get a Salisbury steak. I'd ready to get a rig of lunch lunch. Because I would throw my lunch out every day.

This is, the math here is fucking wild, dude. What are you going to do? 15 cents. So you're stocked up? No, I had the dollar. You had the full dollar. Okay. Yeah.

I got lost somewhere in the math. Yeah. But wow. And entrepreneur, Bubby. Bobby fucking Kelly. You've got to get drugs somehow. But I couldn't believe. When I went to that school that had like the school lunch, like the lunch lady scooping out like

mac and cheese or pizza and tacos and stuff, I used to look at that. They gave you the little thing to bring home, like the little calendar to put on your fridge. I remember going that thing every day. I'm like, ooh, nice. Flay of fish sandwiches or other fucking play. Pizza day? Pizza day was the fucking best. Any of it.

I was kind of fine with all of it. Tacos, pizza, whatever. I was like, hell yeah. We had hot lunch line, which was the variety like y'all are saying. tacos, obviously, and then the full-time pizza line, 24-time pizza. Not 24-7, obviously, but, and it was a dollar. It was just a dollar. We had pizza day, and it was like maybe once every other week that I'd have pizza.

That was the best. Well, pizza was a new thing when you were back in school. Huh? Pizza's a new thing. I mean, it explains a lot why I will forever be shaped like this, is because I think for like two years I ate around pizza every single day for lunch and a bag of chocolate milk. You said the snacks you had to pay for, but the cookies, the three cookies,

stack we actually did not have dessert is that what it is yeah linden to this day oh i've even made christina over the years get a little bit into lindon's butter the butter toffee ones there was you can get there was chocolate chocolate chocolate there was chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chip and a butter toffee one butter toffee to this day top-nuch cookie oh man those cookies were the best i don't think i don't i never what about subway cookies no that was the first cookie i ever was like all right but i've never been a I'm a big I go back to the old most bowling alleys would have a little oven making Otis Spunkmire cookies fresh what Otis Spunkmire cookies fuck is Otis Spunkmire cookies come on baby they sell you don't you don't just sell the cookies they I guess when you're selling Otis Spunkmire

they send you a little oven and little you know not cooked cookies and then you're constantly just cooking little Otis Spunk Meyer cookies you eat enough of the these are pre-packages is what I'm talking about He sponsored Peter North for a while because the Spunkmeyer. No way. The Spunkmeister? The decorator? Does anybody interview Peter North today?

I thought he was dead. He's not. He's still alive? He's alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive.

You know what? When you come that much, anything that's in you's coming out of you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Viruses. Got to be cancer four-time bone marrow cancer? There you go. Yeah. He's ejaculated herpes, actual bumps.

Did you have to get the oven? They send it for free. Do they really? What? Why is this not a gift for everybody? Why is it not a... Oh, you could have it at your house. They send you the oven for free?

Because you have to... Because you get on a program where they... Oh, you have to... So you have to eat cookies all the time. Yeah. That's fucked up. Well, you're going to get cookies delivered to you a decent amount. But the owner-to-Spunk-Meyer oven makes a good mother-bun. I could see them starting to sponsor like...

Doesn't YouTube or like Instagram, like... Like Stavrosis podcast. Dude, Skank Fest. The Spunk-Mire stage? Yeah. Oh, my God. We're off right now the Otis Spunkmire Foxen Ring.

Yeah. And those cookies are not full of T.H.C. They're not. I love that this oven just has an on switch. Oh, yeah. Fuck you. Push on. It's making cookies or not making cookies.

There's no temperature. It's an adult, easy bake oven. Next year for Skangfest, y'all should put a chapel just to see who goes in there. That would be great. Like chapels like in. Bobby will go there. To Bobby have his meetings.

I'm going to start at A.A. meetings at Skangfest. I encourage it Do you know somebody that could design a mini version of the classic chapel? I guarantee in the south of someone. No doubt. I got to say, your sister.

Your sister. Yeah? Watch your mouth. She's a big girl. She could fucking beat my ass. No, no. That food was the best food at Skangfest. She knows what's that.

It was fucking, what does it call the man... Muffalata? A muffaloata. That's a sandwich, probably. Yeah, but I want to say manfalati. Did you say kudos to the chef for making me a sandwich? Dude, that man, Philippe... I'm going to let you say.

Malfiliti? Mifalidi. Mifalidi. Whatever you want to call it, brother. Mofasquito. Mascuilada. Spunker. It's a Muffalada.

It's a classic old Italian sandwich. That was fucking great. All the food there was awesome. Family Canada company, yeah, my sister's going to do over. Misfilto is fantastic, but it is an Italian sandwich with the olive is the thing. The olive is the thing. The olive top of knot. I love Italian sandwich, but if you make an Italian sandwich, but if you make an Italian

sandwich with too much meat and too much bullshit that thing is perfect muffillatus with the G or what did I I mean the classic one in New Orleans is that central grocery but they do but you know the family business does a great version of it as well it's a classic it's I'm surprised

Joey Roses doesn't have a fucking drunkenly made version of this he never heard of that until we got there Joey doesn't even do sandwiches Joe sandwiches is limited yeah Joe open a sandwich up and moved to Austin where there's no sandwiches did he move to Austin yeah this explains a lot He moved to Austin, and he got a house in the woods of Pennsylvania.

He grabbed five, two tight leather jackets and moved his ass to Austin. He actually put his bike and helmet on Facebook Marketplace. You shouldn't see the outline of your short sleeves through your leather jacket. That means your jacket's too tight. We shouldn't know if you have a belly button hernia when you have your leather jacket on. When your winter jackets is closed, I shouldn't see your belly button hurting you. I remember when me and Soder were doing Edinburgh, we were doing a campaign. character. There was a Joe de Rosa Parks.

I'll let your imagination know what that would do. Joe de Rosa Parks. Not sitting the back of the bus? Yeah. What the fuck, dude? What? You want to sit in the back of the bus? Oh, come on, dude.

It was just civil rights de Rosa. Was your sister always, was she interested in cooking? Did your family have, like, a line of cooks in it? Yeah, I mean, it's a culinary family. I mean, it's... Are you a cook? No. I mean, I can, but I'm not...

Did you want? work for the business at all? For everyone, it's family business. Oh, no, so you can't cook. So you grow up. I can cook. My sister can, too. You don't like it?

I mean, I'm just not as patient. Yeah, as a Mexican. That's what I feel like, that's my problem. I'd like to cook, but I don't, even right down to, like, the, setting out all the ingredients. I don't find that fun. Cooking, like, TV show cooking is great. Like, oh, here's exactly the, I don't know they say hello fresh, but that's not fun either to me.

Yeah, I'd rather, I'd rather do it from, like, we're going to make it, let's make it. Yeah, growing up in a catering. family, like, I can cook an insanely good gumbo but I can only do it for like 20 servings or more. You see what I'm saying? Like, I only know how to make mass amounts of shit. I also have a similar thing. I only know how to make

giant stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I can deep fry the fuck out of a turkey, but I can, I'm better if I'm doing four at one. Deep fry the turkey is a dangerous way, right? It's dangerous, but it's so fucking good. Is it dangerous just because of the jumping oil?

Or is there an explosion possible going to happen? People always put too much oil. They forget that oil actually expands once it gets hot, you know, so it'll spill over, grease fires. Well, they forgot. Or they never knew like me. Or they put in a frozen turkey, which is basically a mini nuclear bomb. The water hits the oil. You got to dry the turkey off 1,000 percent, salt and pepper it.

I even recommend blow drying it for a little bit because I'll get a bit of a crispy skin once it actually. And then three minutes a pound at fucking 350 degrees. Keep it at $3.50. Don't let it go too high. Don't let it go too low. But don't you have to slowly put it in. You can't just drop it in. You don't drop it in, obviously.

But just, you know. What's the guy? Didn't Robert Kennedy Jr., like, burn his half of his face off, just dropping it in? He's a deep-fried turkey. Dunk! Yeah, I've seen some pretty bad. I've had some pretty bad grease burns over the years.

That shit will just pop and catch you in the face. And you're like, well, that sucks. That's the new slag. I hate cooking bacon. He just snaps in your fucking eyes. cooking it naked the way you love you can't do that you know i can't do that don't it's snapping my weiner bobby bobby why you're gonna your house and you've got a like a like a range on the floor why do you stand over your range like that

you're not supposed to do it that way so you don't have any like do you cook for yourself at all now oh yeah dude i mean i got it like the air friar is my favorite thing i've ever it's replaced almost it's like the total gym for cooking it just replaced everything but like I mean, my sister, it's kind of funny because my sister's got her master's in sociology. Really? Yeah. And then, but I mean, like,

Bufiladas for Bobby Kelly. I mean, but the fucking, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the South doesn't really encourage positions for people, like her who want to help, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was in floodplain management, and she was trying to convince, you know, fucking idiots in the flood zones of Louisiana. Like, hey, let us come in here and raise your house for free. Yep. And they were like, government ain't going to touch my fucking shit. She had guns pulled on her all.

And so she was like, I can't, I'm trying to help people and they just don't want it. That's a wild thing. The raise your house. And my dad was getting to a certain age. And God helped all those people. Yeah, exactly. God was like, well, fuck him. She took a little business, yeah.

After Hurricane Sandy, they did that in Long Island. Like, they'll raise your house for free. The catch is you got to move for about three months. Yeah, yeah, dude. It's funny because my dad was an excellent business owner, but he was that old school guy where he just like, a lot of favors, a lot of handshake deals a lot of and it worked you know he did he did well my sister's coming in way more like new school like no you're signing shit no we're gonna talk about this no we're

gonna discuss it's like Tommy boy yeah he goes me and your father had a handshake agreement that's fantastic I'm gonna be up your ass for about 40 grand in arrears that I see here we don't do the paperwork yeah that's gotta be where you catering too like you have such a relationships business for sure oh yeah dude like it's such a relationship's You have to have, like, your suppliers for meat, blah, blah, blah. It's not like you, they don't go to, like, uh, the pigly-wiggly to fucking shop for a catering. No, especially in this, in the city like New Orleans, too. Like, they've been in business for over 40 years and doing well, you know, and that, but there's hotels, there's corporate fucking, there's restaurants, there's so much goddamn competition.

I guarantee, like, there were people when Skank Fest was happening and being like, why aren't we doing that yet? Oh, really? I go patents has it, so. Fucking patents. You know, they're, those enemies in the South. Was it great, though, to do Skank Fest in your hometown? That was fun. It was a good time.

Did you do, did you go home? Did you see your family? Oh, yeah, yeah. My parents came. Mark Norman said he literally didn't tell his family he was coming. It's classic. That sounds like Norman. I go, did the same thing.

He goes, no, I didn't even tell him I was coming. He did the same thing for his wedding. Got married. He just didn't tell people he was showing up. Dude, I mean, you know, it was fucking the craziest thing that happened to me at Skankfest. There was one night where I was walking, we were all, everyone, like, you know, we had to all be out of that venue at a certain time. And I was walking up to where Ubers and shit were, and people were trying to hail cabs. And I'd been told my whole fucking life that you cannot hail a cab in the city.

You have to call the cab. And that's any time I'd ever use the cab, I did that. So there's all these skank fest, all the kids, like trying to have a cab. Like, guys, you can't hail a cab, you can't watch. And I did it, and the fucking cab just pulled over. For you? And I was like, I guess you got to be from here. And I just hopped in.

But as we're driving away He was driving us to I was going to the quarter Where the after party To the strip clip And as we're driving The guy goes, what was that? The cab?

He's like, what was that? What's going on? I'm like, oh, it's comedy fest He's like, should I go back? I'm like, yeah, there's going to be like 3,000 people leaving, I'm sure And he goes, you think they like pussy? I was like, yeah, man.

I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. And he goes, you know, I could get pussy, right? I'm like, sure. He's like, should I bring some back? I'm like, man, you should bring back a whole truck to all you can fit, please. He's the catering of a pussy. And then we get to a, we're getting to a stoplight, and he goes, are you fucking with me?

I'm like, I am not fucking with you, buddy. He goes, you sound like you're fucking with me. And I'm like, I'm not fucking with you. And then he reaches his fucking glove box and pulls out a gun. What? He doesn't point it out of me, he just shows it to me. He goes, do not fuck with me, man. And right there, I'm like, Jesus Christ, and I go to get out, right?

I go to get out. If you know the city, we're right by the... You know his accent's changed since he got the gun. I know, yeah. I'm trying to hide his actual... He was African-He was African-eer than that. Because there's ice raids right now. I'm trying to hide.

But, like, we're by the World War II Museum. I try to get out in the fucking... He's got the cab doors. You know, they can lock, the child lock. And he goes, you're not getting out, man. I'm going to bring you where you need to go, but don't fuck with me. I'm like, all right, cool. And he just puts the gun down.

And we, in four minutes of... just silence and he drops me off I just put 40 bucks through the little slot I'm just like take it I don't even care interesting I get out and I just look at the license plate call the cops did you call the cops I did call the cops and they were like and when the cop was like there is a possibility he does have a license to carry I was like okay but I mean she's like I'm just letting y'all know she let people know that she threatened people with it does he have a license to threaten people yeah it was fucking wild dude I was it was but it was also one that like that's how wild that weekend was

was the next night I was like oh yeah that did happen of course oh yeah yeah so much going on and I told it at the storytelling well that is that's great it is interesting I've never really been to that city before much and yeah like the what was the other like there's people got to really stay on your toes out there

because it's not scary city like you're expecting New York or even like a Chicago or somebody that's such a different thing there's one guy that got up in the people keep getting drugged by like the shot girls yeah oh yeah that's like and apparently that's like the thing that you should know about like like they fucking the shot girls give you shots you get woozy and then two guys

walk you in a car well that was the thing i was telling rebecca and i think i even made a video for it for sky fest where i was like scangfest was fun but Vegas also like protects stupidity right it has to you have to be able to like go to Vegas and be the dumbest most irresponsible version of yourself and especially on fremont street especially in old Vegas yeah whereas new Orleans, unfortunately, kind of praise on stupidity, which I love about it because it's like you see some crazy awesome shit, but like, yeah, people, but I feel like we got the, because we went to that one spot and people seem to be, they had their, their alert on. Yeah, yeah.

Because it was just one guy who got fucked, right? Yeah, from what I heard, yeah. And it was like. Another guy said he did, but we think he just got a prostitute. I mean, dude, yeah, like the things they'll do, they do the, uh, and these same like they're fun but I've seen people get fucked up over them like that there's I'll tell you where you got your shoes at I'll bet you I'll bet you 10 bucks I can tell you where you get your shoes at

and you'll be like whatever and they're like on your feet and if and they want the money or they'll go I can tell you how many letters are in your name right now I can tell you how many letters are your name without even saying your name and they'll get like aggressive if you say I'm not giving the money for it because it's your name yeah yeah there's all kinds of little fucking and they get really shitty if you're like no thank you oh yeah yeah you know I mean then they'll be like fuck you then i'm like sorry i just i know what this is i know in new york we have the guy remember the guys would come outside the comedy club and tell the comedians jokes for money

you're like please go away you guys with the monks with the bracelets i haven't seen those guys in a while it's been a while they come out they go what's the best guy donation donate you what the you know a little fucking dumb rap yeah there's a it's always interesting to see like the the recasting of certain of the crazies and certain neighbor like especially like west village I think there, a lot of them are gone. I remember down there for the longest time, there was the guy who had, he wore like an adventurer's hat

that had like birds and shit all over, like fake birds over it. Yeah. And he wore like a little thing. And he was always handing out flyers for something. Unofficially, always. Housing stuff. And he would just scream at people.

Just screamed in the street. There was a really nice guy. But he got weirder as the years been on. He was like a black dude who had like some like short dreads. Then the dread started getting covered in tinfoil. Then his teeth and everything started getting covered in tin foil. He's still around.

Yeah, is he still around? He would shine shoes. He was a really good dude. He was wearing a spaceship on his head now. Yeah, now. Yeah, it's really. It's all... A constellation, bro.

It's so bad. Yeah. You really watched him go, like, extra crazy. I mean, we had a football catch with this guy back in the day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, he wasn't that way,

and then one day it started to be on the tinfoil shit. And the golfer, the guy who hits the... Milk cartons, yeah. And then gets mad at people in cars who get hit by the... the milk cartons who were like what are you doing yeah he's like fuck you you remember crazy mike of course crazy mike you know he would come in he would come in jostle around uh salt and pepper shakers in the cellar and then just leave again yeah he was like a world class musician

by your real name that means he likes you he was like a world class musician though at one point yeah he was like one of the guys like he just went nuts he was a guy I went crazy but he was like a guitarist and all those places down the west village he went he went nuts after noam took away all their performance spaces. They made them comedy spaces. So much less salt shakers to move around. The jostle. Well, there was the one guy in the wheelchair

who would move the wheelchair with his feet. Oh, yeah, yeah. You remember that? He'd be in the wheelchair, but he'd be, like, walking it, and he'd like, what are you doing, dude? What about the one guy that's just in a trash bag? Have you seen that guy? He's just in a trash bag, and he just... I actually saw him prepare. Came in regular, took all his clothes off,

took his bag out, got naked, he. He took his bag out, got naked inside the bag and he just lies on the ground and that's it that's his whole gimmick. One time a couple blocks from the cellar there was like an old man missing a bunch of teeth who was like a little short guy who would always come up asking for money and then one time we were a few blocks

away we saw him get into like you know nothing amazing but like a reasonable Nissan Central or something like you got to a car you got a Honda? He did he had like four teeth only he looked apart and every possible way but then he didn't like change his walk or anything he was just like all right going home long day of bumming that was a fun thing about the first time I've when I lived the first pilot season thing I ever did in L.A. I was staying right in Hollywood you

see these guys pull up get out of their cars and just slowly start getting dressed and 10 minutes later they're Iron Man and they're walking out to go on Hollywood Boulevard and just like take pick and it was and then you'd see them like come and take smoke breaks on our block and it was like... Well, it's like the guys down at Times Square who are like, you know, Elmo and all that. That's like MS-13 guys. I went to the subway once

they were just in the corner with their, like, heads off in the elm. And they looked like they'd fucking murder you just counting all their money. Oh, it's like a racket like anything else says. Oh, they'll walk up to you and take a photo and if you don't give them money, they'll fucking kill you. Elmo will fucking stab you in the gut.

The territorial things of silly things is so funny. Like the, what's the fish concerts has? Like the whatever mafia, the Noss. the Noss Tank Mafia people What is that? It's like the guys who just run like the Just those little dips that you see out there

Like selling Noss balloons You know at like fish concerts Like that's wrong Like people have died over that Not from the drug Yeah They die from like you're selling this on turf Where it's you know what I mean

Oh like there's turf wars Between people tell them nitrous balloons Yes That's fucking my favorite thing ever I'm saying there's the top of the ladder on the old like drug a fucking tourist and then put him in a car because everyone, the guy at Skangfest guy

didn't end it's like pantsless in his car hang out with Doug Stanley Blah blah blah It actually worked out You're in a hotel room between Doug Stanhope and Yamanika It's crazy up there

It got crazy crazy That's a big thing they do I just watched a bunch of documentaries on that In Colombia they do that There's like a little squirder, and they hook up on Tinder with dudes, go out to, like, dancing, go back to their place to fuck them, and the guys wake up like two days later. But these guys don't, the girls don't measure it. So some guys just die because they just go and squirt it in there.

And the guys don't wake up. Oh, just from the root. Yeah, there's one guy actually woke, he woke up 12 hours later, passport, everything's gone. And then he said, fuck it. got his friends, they all came down Founder. And tried to get the cops to And they were like, listen, this is Columbia, you fucking dickhead, it's not going to happen.

At gathering of a juggalo's, there was like a rumor going around. They're like, hey, be careful. Like one of the guys out there squirting, like a super soaker at everybody, there's fentanyl in it. Jesus. That's like, that's wild. Like, you should take him down like a guy walking around with a shotgun. Just anyone with a super soaker, maybe question.

Also, when you said these, the way you said it, you go, these little girls squirters. And I was like, okay. Yeah, how do you find out so young, Bob? Are you creep? And then it's going and squirting in these guys' face out. First of all, I didn't know it. Underage girls could squirt. News to me, weirdo.

It's a little sweet breath. You remember people that have fucking acid and those little sweet breath bottles? I, the only asset I've ever done is I was drugged by my friends against my, without me knowing on. Ari Shafir. Is that Arish Fier?

Yeah. You got Shafired? Got Shafired. Man. Didn't enjoy it. Where the fuck do you think he is right now, somewhere in Argentina? Wherever the sun is. He's following the sun, south.

Wait. Is that what they're doing? I keep making it as a joke, but I think they're following the sun. He just made his new house with a jade axe head. Wait, wait, that's the only time you've ever done a hallucinogenic? A psychotropic substance? No, I've done mushrooms before. Mushrooms.

I've never done acid before. Acid because it was so synthetic. What did you think? Did you, yay, nay? about the LSD? Oh, I hated it because I didn't go into it with the thing When they told me that they had just done it Yeah

Or that things were flipped around That it ended up being me who was drugged When I wasn't involved in Oh wait, this was Skankfest Houston, right? No, this was a Legion of Skanks They were trying to drug Lewis was trying to drug Ari And Ari Shane

Shane told Ari what was happening Ari at the last minute switched his beer with J's and then pretended to be on LSD and they were all making fun of him we drugged you we drugged you and he was like yeah you drug me I fucking drugged Jay and then Jay's face

was the saddest face I've ever seen I was like why would you guys do that to me I didn't even know we had LSD here at all I wouldn't fuck with that they all know I've never done an episode before wow he actually said not to do it yeah back when Lewis said he goes

several times Lewis said we're gonna not that night several times before that we're gonna drug we should drug Ari because Ari's done it to people and you know taste of the medicine and then I was like no no No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to get involved in that, dude.

I don't want to be involved in that at all. And then when they told me that night, when I was like, hey, why is everybody kind of like chuck? I'm not in on the joke. What's happening? Why is everyone kind of laughing off camera, off microphone? I said this to Lewis. And he goes, you didn't even know he's going to do it that night? No.

Oh, my. And I go, I go, what's everybody laughing? Because what happened was I was talking and I'm noticing that everyone's, like, it's a fucking feeling when you're doing a show and, like, you're saying something and you look over and everyone's doing this to each other, like, hey, guys, like, I'm talking here. And I was like, is everything all right? And then Lewis just says to me, he goes, we dose to Ari with acid.

He's totally tripping balls. And then I hated that right away. But then I looked over and I was like, all right, well, look, I guess if we're going to do it to somebody, or at least it's Ari, he was not going to get upset by this, I guess, really. And then he said, like, no, I switched it with Jays. And I was like, that's what I'm, all my finding out of it. So, no, I sat up for like 26 hours I was awake,

just upset with my friends that would do that to me. That's how I handled it acid. Wait, wait, wait, wait, 26 hours post? Or like, total. All together. from the time, yeah, I was up for 26 hours. Did you feel it at all? I don't know.

I mean, I felt definitely like, no, but I was stuck in was like the cycle of thought that I was like, I wouldn't do it to them. Yeah. And they did do that to me, so we're not friends anymore. That's like it. That's what I kept weighing out. I go, I'm not friends of these people.

They're not really my friends if they would do that. Did you have Xanax handy? No, I didn't even think to do anything else. I literally sat on a couch. That was a, that was a big go-toe back. back of someone, yeah, someone was going too hard. You give him a Zanbar. But I wasn't going too hard.

I said I wasn't like going to his bad space. I was literally, I was just bummed. I was just sitting there watching TV for like on the couch, bummed, yeah. That was like an epidemic in the fucking late 90s, I remember early all. People just dosing with the... That's wild. It'd be like a vizene bottle or soon. It was mainly the sweet breath.

Remember sweet breath? Yeah. It was a sweetbread. The Colombian, like a vizene bottle. Yeah, and just dosed each other and like, what the fuck is that? I remember people dosing people with vizine in their drinks and apparently it makes some shit their pants. That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, saline, saline solution. We should do that

to Lewis. Make him shit his pants. Just shit his pants. I'm in. Louis shit his pants. Now that we have verbal recording of it. Oh my Lord, it's okay. They can't trace this back. Sean Patton is going to be at Witt's End in Charleston South Carolina. This weekend, December 4th through the 6th, that's Thursday through Saturday? Yes, Thursday, Friday and

Saturday. For tickets, go to witsendcharleston.com at WITSendcharleston.com for tickets. Go see Sean. He's absolutely fucking hilarious. Thank you. Don't forget to go to our help us help the hungry right now. Help Series XM in the fight to end hunger and support Y Hunger's annual Hungerthon. Donate, donation drive to go to series.com. Don't move it slash a hungerthon to see the items you can bid on. And one of the items you should be bidding on the only item the only is coming live on this show you're going to get so

many extras none of the other shows are given extras we're going to be given extras you get to sit in on the show Peter North will come on your face well one of us is going to try to come like Peter North on your face Bobby will make you a Miffeliti yeah I'm going to make a mufflingo

I'm gonna give you I'm gonna cover your face like Peter North except it's just barely your chin a little Jacob's gonna sit on your lap and you can use him as a puppet for the whole show All these things are going to happen if you bid to come in here on the bonfire. We have to win this thing. Bobby, this weekend is going to be an Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. That's Friday and Saturday.

I'm going to be in Omaha this Friday and Saturday. Come see me. And we'll – well, I'm going to do another live stream next Thursday. I'm not going to here next week. No, I'm going to Canada. Oh, that's right. So enjoy the pre-record. We got some guest hosts next week.

Then you're back. Then I'm back. Then you're back. And then we're before our break. So we get one more week before. And we have the actual Village Underground show, so make sure you get your tickets now. Oh, yes.

Live bonfire. Comedyseller.com. December 16th, 7 p.m. is the show. We'll see you guys there. Enjoy the pre-record tomorrow, and we'll catch you next week. Until that, crackle, crackle. Thank you, Sean.