The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Deejays (feat. Bob Kelly & Ian Lara)

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

Bob Kelly & Ian Lara learn about real DJ's and also how large Dan's manhood is.

On Big J. Ocarson, I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to full two hour long episodes of the Bonfire? Two hours! That's a real commitment to us. Well, it's on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy, just go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Oh God!

Oh God! Oh God! Oh you're right there! Oh there! Yes, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Damn Jacob! He exploded with passion. That was... I mean so much passion. Wow. Oh, that made something move in me. That was moving. That's made me embarrassed for him that they have that unrecorded. Why? Because I never knew you could come so hard. Yeah, I mean, it seems like he's in pure ecstasy. That's our Jacob, everybody. It's the Bonfire Faction Talk Series 6M 103. Big jokes in Dan Soda, Robert Kelly hanging out all day. We have a guest in studio, everybody. Very happy to have him day. We have a guest in the studio everybody.

Very happy to have him here. He has a new special romantic comedy available right now on HBO Max. Very, very exciting. It's hilarious. Ian Laura joining us for the first time. Yeah. Yeah. What up guys?

Thank you all for having me. I'm good. I'm good. I was supposed to do it last time. We had a misunderstanding. But yeah, Christine was like, I accidentally booked in on naked drawing day Yeah, we had a porn star coming in and the guys were all doing naked art and hack still Yeah, I wasn't even mad about the double book and that was fine because I was supposed to do another show

But I was upset because you guys were like would you rather just come in with the porn star? And I was like yeah, and then you touched me like I you can't come in with the porn Well, we just want to make sure that we're able to plug your special and not just get lost. I'm good on the plug. And that's fine. I wanted to come in and draw the porn stuff. I'm like, because I was doing another show and then in the back of my head, I'm like, well, this is nice.

I'm doing this show and then I'll get to do a fun thing. Yeah. Did you find the porn star was? No. She's nominated. So we just found out yesterday that Jay and his podcast sex drugs and rock and roll are nominated for an avn porn at the porn awards yours yeah congratulations man that's huge we're going out we're going out for the porn awards so he's

gonna go to Vegas for the porn awards the year I don't know why are you not hosting I know who was supposed to host as a friend of ours I I will. Yeah. Can you say it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't. It was Mark Norman. Oh really? Yeah. What happened? No one was going to host the AVM. Yeah. He got it. I offered it. What happened? He shouldn't do it. For the same reason, the tell tells me, tell us told me for years not to do it because it's not an easy gig. Like they don't get it. Like they take himself. Yeah. They take themselves very, very seriously and it's not a good audience like they don't get it. Like they take themselves, they take themselves very, very seriously and it's not a good audience

and like you'll be talking over people the whole time and it's a rough, rough gig. So I'm happy to not be hosting it. Yeah, but you do great. You'd be surprised. I'm telling you David. It's like Skankfest. David's hell has a heart now because it's not.

Skankfest, people who get it, the porn industry, you have to understand, to take this that seriously. They have to believe they're not like a ridiculous thing. I'm sure there's some people that would have fun with it, but you would bump up against those people that aren't having fun with it, and that's what would ruin it. It would mostly be people not paying attention to being like, whatever, this is not our thing.

Well, now you can win it with SBR. I can win. You got, would you get to go on stage make a speech? I hope so. I'm writing one anyway. I'm going for it. You have to name every single fucking nomadiyu up against. I do. And I have to thank of just an insane amount of you. You have to have the music play. They play you on. I'm like, no, you're not going to do this to me. I've put too much into this industry. I've put too much in those sort of clappings

and even know who I am. I'm like, I guess he has. Yeah, this guy's trying to show her. But you look like you've put in a lot into the industry. Yeah, though, you know, that's like the number one lighting guy. Yeah, they're like, yeah, that's perfect. I've been coaxing young girls to get naked and for a gross old man for years.

Oh, you mean him? He's the NDA, he gets the NDA sign. The NDA guy. You know what, he's the NDA whisper The Kendi guy. Yeah, my God. He's the NBA whisperer. I would give, I would give Ed Powers the Lifetime Achievement Award though, if I could present an award to porn. It'll be the guy who made dirty debutants.

The red head with the little ponytail in the small pack. Yes. That guy, that guy made everyone believe, that guy made everyone. I was a kid and I saw this goofy ugly guy Getting these girls the hottest girls before they became porn starts like right starting out and he would just fuck them in a Frutty place. Yeah, like his like in a bedroom with like a weird bureau Yeah, and then tissues on the bureau like I even make a set and then when he realized there was money and seeing monster cocks

Fuck these girls. he'd fuck them. And then he'd blow his little sticky load and then he'd go, all right, get on your knees. You ready for a surprise and you make him cover the rise and he'd bring out Jake Steed. Remember Jake Steed? He had the curve, big curve, he won. And he would just bounce that in front of their face and they would open the rise and go, oh my.

And then just pull their cheeks apart to get it around this fucking fat head dick. That's when I tapped out. Oh no, I stayed with it. That's when you drew the line on the opening. I like when he had the regular guy dick. Yeah, I was art with that. But then when they started doing the other stuff, that's when I was like, I don't wanna.

No, he still fucks him always himself too. You have to be like a horse breeder to fuck and just grabbered cheeks like it's an animal. That's not not that he doesn't seem that big for as far as like monster cox though we have a guy who's judging from a photo no there's no way you don't maybe that's a foot I didn't I didn't I didn't I wasn't a good Jake's teeter no it's huge it's huge but now it's like unrealistic now. Oh now there's guys with like That's right. That's what I that's my generation. Yeah, it's like 15 and a half inches and like the girls like Yeah, yeah, that's a

New Lexington steel used to say he didn't know he had a big dick till he did porn. It's 11 inches. He said he didn't know Yeah, wild sometimes you're not you don't realize how fast you are till you run with other Yeah, wild sometimes you're not you don't realize how fast you are till you run with other I think it's a new same boat quote. Yeah, he said I didn't think I was fast and then I ran alongside a friend Christine's gonna check it every one I say look at that. That's that's that's a Tiny penis There's no way you're walking around with that though. Oh, it either was in him, but not thinking that is huge. Yeah, you don't go like, I wonder if this thing's big.

Hold on, is I uncomfortably move it between my- He's a tall big guy himself. So he probably just thought he was proportionate for him. He doesn't know if he's not checking out Dix. But apparently I've learned, women don't like huge dick now. That's right. That's right, tell myself.

I'm out now. I heard it's out. You're changed. That's what I keep here. Big Dix are out. No, sorry. Huge dick right that's right tell myself That's what I keep hearing big fix are out. No, sorry Big dick sell Sorry guys, sorry weirdos. Yeah, sorry. You know, Dan terrible news for you dude You've got to sign this you've assigned this to me look danger Until he assigned me a plane is gonna big juicy fat ones Not true at all. You got a big neck down. I don't.

Let me look at my eyes. Look at my eyes. Don't look away. Do you have a big cock? No. Looking how much you try to keep his face here. He's like Lex deal. He's like, it's average.

I don't have. He's like Kurt Metzger. He's seen everyone knows Kurt Metzger. Hold up your pinky. Yeah. Hold up your pinky. Yeah. Look at that.

I thought that was a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. Yeah, hold it. Look at the size of that dude look at that Like six three it's not that it's a pinky nail look at the pinky nail It's the nail Me Jeff do coke so you dig thumbs up cuz you get so much pussy for your fancy Oh, yeah, I have a fantasy about your big juicy throbbing cock. Yeah, like me and Jay talked about that a bunch of times. Okay dude. You're a big juicy. Okay dude. You're right. I probably ice it around. They think you're a big fat awesome dick. Jay. Okay, you can tell because you give a menu description every time. You've got a laminated menu description.

I think if you see it with a little hints of garlic, it's tenderloin, and a nice aoe-wee. I mean, out of this room Dan probably has the most perfect dick. Yeah, do you have a perfect big dick? Yeah, why do you do this pretty penis? It's pretty? Terrible nut sack. Beautiful penis.

Yeah, I bet your dick is like, if we were to be the easiest to draw. Yeah. Yeah. If we all draw it it would be the easiest to draw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If we all draw it then we just tell us who's closest. Yeah. Yeah.

I do, will you please? Yes. I don't know why, but I think it's really straight. No. No. No. Little hook on it. I bet I guarantee.

A little of a fade. I really, I think it looks like a sneakers box. Just like a little lump on his arm. Just get the veins. Yeah, a little bit boss A little lump on his up the veins Yeah, you guys lean out like it's sleep on a like a gray how bus nap Do you ever just lay down and just fucking like goes across your belly? No belly up my belly I think same you have a huge fetus. No Well, so when it's sons grower got you no you have you also show all this

He's projected on this on the last I can see it. Yeah, you're you're weak mind it Dude, do me a favor hold up your index finger. No, none of this stuff makes sense buddy. Please look at that look at oh my god Oh my sweet Lord Wow crazy. Oh my god That is a fucking widow maker right there. Yeah Dad, do you mean if you're holding your palm up? Oh, Jesus Some of my bitch You'll be a favorite take both of you. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god poor Katie Poor Katie. What are you doing? That tiny little woman? What are you doing here? We, uh, we looked at porn music. Like, like, with porn stars try to go honest and make like real music, like, like, jerk digger and boogie nights. Well, that's what they

all believe the outs going to be. And in fairness to that, Carter Cruz, I believe, has a career DJing. She was the DJ for, uhk-Ryche was fully loaded tour. She just saw her births rose. She's great. And she's a DJ. I think she has like a solid career like DJing. She got actually a new porn anymore. What is DJing now though?

Okay. I mean, it's pretty much well. I will say in her thing, like she is like, like changing it up every day and like actually doing it in real time. Like she's changed music every day and like actually doing it in real time like she's changed music every day. She was actually. She's not the carrier bunch of milk crates for the record. Oh, no, no, no, it's all digital. It's just a laptop. Just a laptop, right? It's pulling into the laptop with, uh, yeah, most clubs just give you the machine.

That's so funny. They are here. Just hold this laptop. Just go up there. Yeah. But you know, I saw like, uh, so the one I only watched that took a big name one in a small place with Steve Ioki and watching from behind, he does literally nothing. He gets play on a playbook and then go or playlist and goes out and screams. Then when he comes back over, he acts like he's coming in the like, because he tries to do it at a time

where it'd be like, eh, boom, you know, whatever the bass drop is, he acts like he's coming in the like because he tries to do it at a time where it'd be like Boomed you know whatever the the bass drop is he actually still they're not doing anything that they're doing nothing It's all done in find Steve aoki videos from behind huh? It's all pre-recorded right? I love that you just show you you can find videos as people fake DJing get a Steve aoki from above I want to It's great. I want a drone shot of him DJing. It's incredible directing. But don't even put that at summer fest. Oh, whether that is 2015. Yeah, back in the day, they used to have to bring their records. It's cypher sounds. It's a real, these are real different kind of DJing. That's why I said, that's different screen like I always thought DJing was like juice, the movie juice. Yeah. And that kind of DJing made sense to me. I don't get the EDM thing being DJing but

It's just noises these weeks you have a scene a DJ like turn up a party like the party's dead and they'll just get on Yeah, I'm completely my mom last Christmas Dead and she put on Dean Martin. Oh Crosby Kaleiki Marker is the thing to say I go this is then everybody put their keys in the bowl and the party was back on I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.s, the artists now. Yeah.

The artists back then they used to DJ for the artists, but I've seen, DJ, like I've seen Cypher Sound and say like, he's everywhere. And then he'll just go on, couple songs, start mixing, everybody else. But that's different things I'm saying. That is like party DJing to thing with this. Like we went on mushrooms, we walked over

and watched the dead mouse, and I just don't get what's happening. I don't get it. And he's like, top five, right, in the world. Yeah, easy. Yeah, there's like 80,000 people watching. The funniest thing that happened to him, was that when we were there,

was that thing that happened? Didn't like his computer thing go, he sits in a big cube, and it went out and it had the thing that was like, you know, error message 405 on his big For a cube the whole cube is a video screen shows and it was like doing that thing We had to take a mouse and like X out of something What's fitting gay wheel? Yeah, yeah, he's like get ready to be trans fuck 404

He's got to take his helmet up and then look at Everybody gets close your eyes for a second I'm gonna rush shit. I'm gonna, he's gonna take his helmet up and then look with the gloves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There it is. Hey, everybody, can I close your eyes for a second? Yeah, hold on. All right, hold on. Now this has happened before. Now, I think my, I think my girlfriend's kid was looking to pour on it or something.

On your giant cube. They do these first and then you can see from behind. Okay, fast shots. 100,000 people. Can you find DJ screen goes out? That's the funny. They're all sweating and like I Saw a test though. You've seen T. I saw I see him in Vegas is like No, I was at the club. He was just there. Yeah, um, but it's insane. It's like the women You told us Michael Jackson and he's playing he's like play

So was that kid from a poly Paul Paul G, what's the guy? Paul D. Paul D. I saw him in Vegas. Yeah. And he, it was like 30 deep of just fives and sixes. Really? My audience. And he was just, I didn't think he was doing it in my audience.

It's all of our audience. Yeah, he was, I mean, they love them. They're flipping out over this guy. Oh, yeah, so Polly D makes ton of dough. Yeah. Britney Spears brought him out on tour to once and that like changed everything For her over him for him. Oh Here you choose you yeah, and he was he's like older like he was already like in his late 30s when he did Jersey short Mid 30s and being yeah, he's in his 40s for sure So nice stacking cash and he's like I'm gonna move the vaguies

These guys motorcycles like in his he's got one of the apartments where his motorcycles are in it Oh, they drive out of the elevator It's pretty not to do he's got like a he's got a multiple like Lamborghini isn't he the highest paid DJ in the world? No Testo makes like a hundred million dollars a year. Yeah, it's probably one of those goes international guy No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah much work. He is one of the top seven. Yeah, seventh. Yeah, which is the girls were flipping out like Elvis. They I mean, they weren't even listening. They were just trying to touch him. He's a guy from TV. He was he of it. He's trying to be cool He was just looking at him loving it smiling put on it. Oh another shit record He was on a show though, but let's see oh cuscat is number six. I want to see what It's a little loud for me guys. That's a little loud

Seven 11 million a year 11 million wrong with that Dead my oh dead mouse coming at six 11.5 son of a bitch. I got to pick the helmet. million. Nothing wrong with that. Dead my O. Dead mouse coming in at six. 11.5. Son of a bitch, I gotta pick the helmet up. How do you travel with that? I don't know, you gotta break it down. Steve Aoki at five, I thought he was a top three. Yeah.

Who are these top three? Top three DJs. David Ghetto, yeah, David Ghetto. Shout out to William Floyd in his family. He makes music. He makes the best George Floyd. George Floyd, yeah. Oh, he was Floyd in his family. Was that a fucking. Yeah, I'm going to fly this family

The fucking he had the full back from the 49ers and 94 yeah, where he's like George Floyd Shout out to his family Swedish house my off. Yeah, I got to break the money up three ways though. Yeah, true But they sold out like Wembley when I was like a hundred thousand. Yeah, who's two? Scrillex Grillex is like the hip hop EDM sort of yeah, I Thought they'd make more than that

It's not bad. I mean, it's not bad, but I thought they would make you know, yeah It's a hundred million it's a yes to a fresher. This job. Yes, though is the king. Yeah, he's a king It's a pressureless job. You think soo is the highest. He's a king, yeah, he's a king. It's a pressurized job. You think so? Yeah, absolutely. You got to fly with that mouse head? No, I mean, that's one guy. Tiesto. It's a pressurized job.

The job, the work is done at home. You just go and present it. It's like staring at someone while they're listening to your record. You know what I mean? Like, are you just making them awkward? Or you just trying to make them feel better? Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Yeah. But I heard, I do know DJs that that be like you couldn't bomb as a DJ really How do you bomb because you just you don't get the audience like for some reason like you play it yet They just don't want to yeah, not need the am I don't know about it. Yeah, they're all drugged up And yeah, they're there They're like bring her shows Yeah, you have a juice. Yeah, if you pre-record are juiced. If you pre-recorded, do you know, because if you pre-recorded your set

and you're bombing with that set, it's like, where's the ability to come out of that with like different music and play something else and add something into this set? What, I know. You're talking, and you're talking with a pre-record track. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene.

Ah! I've seen a site's computer. He has like playlist where like one of them will be be like like party started and the other one is like if the party's not work It's like levels to the oh he's got a break glass in case of emergency Yeah, like yeah, I see that I'm like break glass in case the phone gate there DJ Lou has your DJ that you assist ever bomb Das Oh, yeah, I've bombed bomb lot really. I brought a I brought all hip-hop They said we like dance music and I brought all hip-hop and they didn't like that They wanted dance music like like freestyle. Yeah, so that didn't do anything for them

And I didn't have any backup so wedding. No, it's a friend's birthday. Oh, thank God. You only ruined a birthday They're wedding but did they not dance? No, the only thing they wanted to hear was it's a birthday. So you played hip hop anywhere and they were just like this socks. It's all a hat. He's playing in cold-ack black. They wanted to hit hands. Hands, music. Yeah, they wanted to hit that.

See, they bomb, I'm sorry. The DJ's like, I, they, they'll be like, I couldn't get it going. Can you get the party? Did you, did you charge him? No, I give it to him for free. I don't get that. Did you apologize to the bomb? You go, ah, this is, you guys probably can't handle this. You say sorry. Did you say did you charge him? No, I give to him for free. Did you apologize to the bomb you go

Oh, this is you guys probably can't handle this Sorry, I left all my love boosh at home I didn't have the capability I didn't have internet. Oh, I had a pre-plan playlist and it was like sometimes I run slow sometimes I'm quick These kids and that's what we like back then, but I didn't know that they've evolved to dead mouse. All right, everybody for a little nice and smooth. Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. A horrible song.

They used to love it the 90s. That song sucked in the 90s. Not. Yeah, you go nice and smooth. I'm going to hip-hop junkies every time. When you packed up, you're like, this is a mistake. I might have been the last time I did it. This was like seven years ago.

Yeah, you got it. I got it. What do you think is worse? A DJ bomb or a comedian bomb? A DJ. For your, for your, Hike. A DJ because you can always,

as a comic, you can call another comic and you're out of it, dude. Yeah, you'll out of it. I just, you can't call another DJ, but like, dude, I just bomb. Yes, it goes, well, after you're saying there's 40,000 people listening to me right now. I do dude when I should've got out Screams

You guys not feeling this? Yeah, man Scum Stupid world dumb shit. I'll tell you this DJ Lou asked him to DJ my sister's wedding and he had a full blown panic. I never understood the panic, but he did a full blown panic. You just didn't want to bomb in front of Jason's family. But the best part was, here's what he thought, by the way, when I was very happy to let

him off the hook and be like, don't worry about it, we'll find another DJ, was Lou goes, because I don't know what to do. I'm trying to figure out like what clips to pull and stuff and I go, clips to pull. He's like, from the show, I go, do. I'm trying to figure out like what clips to pull and stuff. And I go, clips to pull. He's like, from the show, I go, do not play show clips. Am I sisters letting him? Wait, you're DJ Lou? Yeah.

Oh, that's dope. I was like, I've heard him so many times. Yeah, DJ Lou, the DJ, but he, Pat, I was like, don't worry about it, buddy. Then by the end, he was like, I don't, I've never even DJed. I help another guy who's a DJ. Ha, and when I was so drunk, I'm like I'm better than this fucking slug I got you to kill himself I think that long ago

So DJ your sister's wedding. Yeah, I think so really yeah It's a loose fault. Yeah, it was one of those things I don't know I'm very well was one of the things you see like a Facebook post and it was like I don't know I just think I'm not made for this world and the world would do better without me. And then I just like, I read like it was entertainment like the comments underneath. It's like, don't do it, dude. Dude, you have so many people to love you.

I'm coming over right now. Don't you're scaring me and I'm like, smoking a cigarette. I'm like, wow, what's going to kill me? It's like, I want to do DJs. I don't know what will my message be, because hey, don't. Yeah, dude, wait and nail that chicken dance in the middle of my sister's wedding.

Yeah, honestly, I feel like your message will probably help more because it would be like, big J. Okay, so you want me to live? Maybe I'll send it. I go, hey, I might need you for DJ something one day. Oh, my big guy, keep your chin up. I guess I'll stay.

If you put a go, find me for him in the thing before he goes out. Yeah. Hey man, click on this link to help out his family. It's the funeral. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. He's the case. Oh, you're still there.

That'd be a funny thing to write when someone does a threatening suicide post. It's like typing like way later. Throw all the comments. am I too late? Yeah. People go, are you still here? They still, he's still messaging? Okay, everyone good, good, good. Did I miss it?

I don't wanna make sure I missed it. Did I miss it? Yeah, I think so, but I think I might just be to cry for help one of them ones. I don't think he did. You never went back to save, he's still alive. He's still alive. I'm gonna mention his name the other day,

like he's still with us. It wasn't the memory. I'm back on the ones and twos of life. And I'm mixing together God's sweet sounds. When I see him, I'll be like, hey, DJ Lewis said he was way better than that bullshit you were doing. He goes, well, I came out of the darkness. I will say in fairness though,

DJ Lewis credit, he didn't work the audience or room at all. That's what I'm bad at. He just played music. Working the audience? Yeah, I get stage fright. How's your mic game? And hip hop party, you gotta have a mic game. That's why I'm not good at it. Yeah, no mic. Yeah, no mic. I'll be good. I'll be good. I'll be good. Yo, you pussy's digging this a lot! Let's get it up! Biggest up! Biggest up! Red light! You, DJ Lou featuring MC Bobby.

MC Bobby Lou hit that track right now ladies and gentlemen take your skirts and put them over your head fellas take your shoes off you take some. Let's not that. All right. Down down, do me down, do me down. Grab that old lady, don't let that old lady in the corner stand there. You gotta stop the music and talk shit. You remember when you got on the mic in the airplane?

I always tell that story. That was a crazy story. When we were going to Aruba and he was in the front and I'm sitting in the back mid-flight, it was a tell flight we got delayed and like mid through the flight, Bobby just gets on the mic and starts like promoting the show

but he's kinda doing like bits a little bit and it's killing like in the airplane. It's like I swear to God. How'd you start, you God? It's like I'm just kidding, dude. Dude, I was panicking. And the show sold out, though. I was panicking.

From people from the flight. Stupid, a rubber ray was like, I'm getting delayed, delayed, and I'm negative, Nelly. And Dawn's trying to be positive, like, we're never going to go. It's never happening. It's not going to work. The plane, the guy with the yellow vest.

She's like, and Max is is like Max is mimicking me And then you start you we're not gonna go now and don't like see what you did. I mean it was awful It was like five hours exactly by the way everything you sing is very reasonable to me. Yeah, I feel like that's my behavior to me too And then fucking sucks everything sucks Any time you see the yellow vest guy, it's like fucking me. I was that guy. I work for the at the time you see the yellow Vescai, it's like fuck me. I was that guy. I worked for the at the airline. You were the yellow Vescai?

Man, that's good on planes. We were like, okay guys, you thought you- You even got a say in that, then they see you. And they know, they know the problem. You thought you were gonna see your sister tonight. Yeah, they're like, just go out there, walk around. And come back down. No, no, what that means.

Yeah, some button light doesn't go on, so they can't take off, because of the rules. You know, we need that means. Yeah, some button light doesn't go on so they can't take off because of the rules You know, we need that light on Christina to flight had the land real quick because the bathroom stopped working Just land set the whole day back like five hours. I had a lady shit on a shit on herself in the flight had to land I say guy say plow through it. Yeah, she shit on and then like and we're not going to your final this day You go come on Happy yeah, that's good question. We're gonna stop them. How do you shit on yourself? Well, she was a no-deleted if you're sitting down Oh, that's healthy because I'll tell you right now if you if I shit myself and you make me land the plane early Because I shit myself. I'm crying

I'm gonna sit my mom's gonna lie. I go, no, she's the lingerie and fart. It wasn't me. It was gonna go, wasn't me. I'm gonna be like this as they're gonna go, I'm so scary. And I'm going to explode. I would try to just clinch cheeks the whole time. It was visible shit, like she ran to the bathroom

who was visible shit in the bathroom. Oh, snail trail. Yeah, it was very bad. It was like an emergency. Like they took coffee, they started. Yeah, it was very bad. It was like an emergency like they took coffee. They started pouring coffee all over to take the floor. Floor team farted so bad on the plane.

They threatened to land it. No, really? Yeah, as far as was so fucking bad, they were like, whoever's on the way, whoever's doing this, we're going to land the plane in Atlanta. If it doesn't stop and he was cracking up. Yeah, it's our Florida. But he had such bad gasses.

It was fucking the plane. Jesus Christ. That's what it is insane. So, but when did you get on the mic? Why did you get on the mic? Yeah, I don't know how that happened because a rubra was like, Hey, dude, promote the show. And he knew all the flight attendants.

So they can. Every week, right? Yeah. So they came up to me. They're like, you're doing the show. And I was like, yeah, they're like, well, they did, we're gonna bring you up because they wanted some levity.

Because we were all, this is minute, we're like two hours into the flight. Everyone's like, it's falling asleep. Hey, you just hear it. We have a special guest. Where you got Bobby. Yeah, Bobby. I was kind of harranged into it.

So you're college, like a college show intro. You want to be like, I want from Robert Kelly, from Tourism and Comedy Central. Seeing them on things, and then also as a movie in the gym afterwards. If they were to give me the mic on a gun, I want you to know that you will meet your maker today. I know.

But he's got this great, and I have decided to take all of your lives. He was making fun of like the airline, like he was making fun of like the airline and that was killing. But then he was like, and shout out, like he gave Mia shout out, but it was like the wrong seat. He was like, he was like, shout out to this guy

and it was like some old Indian guy, like sitting there. I'm like, why are you shouting out to me? I know I'm gonna be going with you. We had it met yet, that's why. I had it met him yet. I didn't know out to me. I know. We had it met yet. That's why I had it met him yet. I didn't know. You know, you're just assuming the Indian guy was a guy and this guy's like, why am I getting this? Oh, it's just a bunch of white dudes from New York and Boston and then two

black dudes and I picked the wrong one. That's so funny. You just up there killing and the and like everyone's like, what the fuck? If I was trying to go sleep It's a way to go too far on a plane speaker too. You just take it too far. Oh Yeah, look at this lady's tits. They look like about the shoot milk guys. No Air in burger This guy in 3d wants to suck the guy in 7 a.m.

Okay, you're gonna love this crowd. This Asian guy is gonna probably fly the plane. This one's over here playing the violin. Yeah, dude, that's gotta be horrible. You can't afford even more space, huh, dude? You didn't make it in life, anyways. Look at this lady, what are you wearing in a bandana? She was like, I have cancer, you okay?

Yeah, we all have cancer. I had TV dinners too back in the 60s. Now, my mom always told me you wanna meet a fine ass when you take you ass in first class I'm a grown ass man. You guys you guys think my sets bad. This is gonna be a flight you know 93 Let me just just last one in wait Hold on, I'm sorry I'll get him back. I'll get him back. Okay guys. I get here one more. I should have brought you up Not even fuck it. Dude, I never seen anything like it. I was like this is it would have been him though It would have been the Indian guy would have got up. Yeah, like people came to the show and we asked him

How'd you come they were like we were on that flight? Yeah, I worked it worked It worked. Should we take our last break? Let's take our last break. We have to I know we have commercial commercial We have commercial hanging out in Laura the new special romantic comedy available right now in HBO Max also Robert Kelly's new special kill box out now I was gonna say big J's live dates, but then I was plugging special Big Robert Kelly special. Whoa, dude.

Big body. Too soon. Yeah. Louis CK dot com go get kill box. Big J going to be in San Diego, December 29th through the 31st. Jesus, I can't talk. After that, he's going to be Chicago Sacramento, Rhode Island, and Boston for tickets. And other two or dates visit big J comedy dot com.

But let me add that I will say also that the Legion of Skanks looks like it's gonna do. I believe it's gonna be the comedy store. More details as we get them, but New Year's Day, New Year's Day, January 1st. Me, Lewis and Dave are gonna stay in LA and we're gonna get something done to do a live Legion of Skanks out there.

Wow. So that should be a lot of fun. They're already doing the New Year's at the comedy store. So wow. Wow. What a great idea. The Texas State University thing. Wow.

I love that so much. Dan Soder is going to be in Sacramento February 2nd through the fourth. After that in Vancouver, Salt Lake City in Toronto for tickets and all of Dan's tour dates. Go to dansoder.com and vote for the SDR show on the porn awards. Let's win this thing. Let's bring it home for America. tickets and all of dance tour dates go to dancota.com and vote for the SDR show on the porn awards. Let's win this thing. Let's bring it home for America. We'll be right back everybody. It's the bar fire. I'm like a towel. I hold the back of towel. Oh, it's a back.

Boys are back. We're talking about all the anger online, anger online, and Ian for being on taste buds. And he had a red sauce versus white sauce. Yeah, it wasn't misunderstanding. Yeah. I feel like it was spun. Because Dorosa made it seem like I said that barbecue sauce

was red sauce, but that's not what I was saying. I was having a conversation with Pam about how I don't eat any sauce that's like white, like blue cheese, ranch. Just cause you're racist. Yes, that's what I was telling Pam. And then she was like, so what sources do you do eat? And I was like, I only eat sauces that are colored red, like hot sauce, and I use barbecue sauce,

which is burgundy, as a red sauce. But the comments were like, you gotta kill yourself, you're the worst person. Did he thought you might like spaghetti sauce? Yeah, yeah. They made a grave. Yeah, they made a grave. Do you not do Alfredo?

No, no, no. Carbonara. No white sauce, no. No. No. I don't know. There's a real thing though. It's a real because I posted it online.

It's a real thing. I got like a hundred. You have to have that. But what's a real thing? Like it's called male phobia. Yeah, male phobia. Oh really? I have the opposite of that.

Yeah. I run towards ranch in a mail. He really does. I am, male. Oh really? I have the opposite of that. I run towards ranch and now he really does. I am, dude, it's a problem. You know that you never had a chicken bonafatuna? What is that? Chicken bonafatuna, try color tonalini. Are you a chicken man? I've got a chicken. You're a chicken wings guy?

And no dunking in there. No dunking. Just hot sauce. No dunking, no barbecue, yeah. You ever tried the dunking? I'm a freak out by it, but I don't even want to see it like It is the pool. It is the lake cream. It is the lake cream. It is my wife. No sour cream, no cream. No

No. Hmm, that's interesting. I feel like in this conversation I'm realizing how much I enjoy all the white sauce. I'm such a little slut. White sauce is I love it. I like the red sauce is too. I love the red. I love the red and the white. I'll get street meat. I like the brown sauce. Brown sauce. Brown sauce. But you guys understand I was talking about the color, but they also made it seem like I was disrespecting Italian culture. Yeah, well, he's gonna do it now.

Yeah, I don't like that they call it a gravy, by the way. I don't like that. It's not a gravy. It's a sauce. That's gonna be the always fight. Is it steak and cheese or cheese steak? Is it sauce or gravy? I don't like that they call it a gravy by the way. I don't like that. It's Philly. It's not a gravy. It's a sauce That's gonna be the always fight is it steak and cheese or cheese steak is it sauce or gravy? It's steak and cheese Steak comes first. It's cheese taking gravy. No, it's not does not what's the most what what could you have without the other one?

Yeah, are you gonna make down to this and get a burger cheese? Oh Wow, dude point on all the cameras I was saying Do you mind if you sign Ian's pass for me so I can have a marker of this day Good where's your stance on mustard, no, not even a yellow mustard. Honey mustard. I don't want to go through this again. I want to email From here no one gives a fuck what you don't this show. This isn't a bunch of weirdos Yeah, you know, you know, you're like a honey mustard. No honey mustard. Honey mustard. No Mustard with it with it with it coconut. I just don't like the consistency of creamy shit like you have out now

We're talking like a sweet and sour sauce. No, Paul and Asian. There's no sauce. You're gonna find the sauce I just don't know what's the difference to the consistency between like barbecue sauce And not mayo Like like like mayo it's thicker like these other sources are too light that creamy. I love a nice creamy Crama You never had a like an aoli you're right. Hey, they all these Mayo based god damn right it is What about it? Thank you for admitting it. So let's go back to calling it what it is Zesty mayo. Yeah, what about garlic and like

Garlic Really I allow foods I get barbecue sauce at Haasau. What? Really? They can be barbecue sauce there. What about that hot sauce there? I don't know a guy, but that hot sauce in Halal Clarks does not fuck around.

No, I'd be like a drop, like just a put it a drop. They ruin it, like they poured out a thing, you can't even see it. I watch man versus food a lot, and I will tell you that whenever time the guy pulls out is a secret ingredient like a chemistry set thing to put droppers into it. I'm like, fuck that.

Why? Burn it all. Burn it all down. Burn it all down. There was a sauce, there was a place called Wings to go where I grew up and it was a- Shout out Wings to go. Shout out Wings of fire. It's like a one off place.

But it was a, it was like suicide sauce. And the homicide sauce was you had to sign a waiver. And I'm like, why? I don't understand why signing a waiver. I'm saying, why would you eat anything with it, like possibly? Do you really hurt you? McDaniel love we go to wings of fire

and he would get volcanic. And he's like, hey, back, I'm eating volcanic wings. I'm like that's uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm having just regular buffalo sauce and I'm like Sweat a little yeah I had a Serup was a pancake wing with and they would give you a side of real bacon with and they would give you a side of real bacon, crisps and you could sprinkle it on top. What's a pancake wing? It was just like syrup, wings, like made with syrup.

That doesn't sound right. That doesn't sound healthy. Dude, syrup? Of course it wasn't healthy. Fried syrup, fried syrup. When they get the wing and then they make the sauce and then they dip it the wing in the salsa and then they give you a side of bacon.

So when you ate it, it was like bacon and pancakes. Like breakfast. They dipped the wings in pancake mix? No it was wrapped in pancakes and then it's also Pancake wings are also guns. Okay, maybe I Missed red the pancake thing maybe it was but it was done better. It wasn't like a pancake. It was like you see Up, yes, it was possibly a side arm because that's the other choice. It's either a pancake. It's either wings or guns or 38 Special wings or guns. That's Denny's 38-spech wings or guns that's Denny's

Dan that's blockers dude blockers mother plucker you mother plucker look at that that looks delicious Denny's will make me shit my pants, but I will go on a pinch yeah Yeah, I hop make me shit my pants. Yeah, I go food poisoning from the chicken soup but an eye up Yeah, never get the chicken soup at three. They never shit as pensioner. Why his huge dick plugs. Yeah, put it in my butt hole. I go not to bury us all not today, but all not today, not today, not today, asshole. Not today. We never listen to the porn stars music. And now we have one minute left of show. We'll have to get to it tomorrow.

But I bet this guy, particularly is what I want to see. What is Dennis Parker's relation to pornography? She banged. He bangs. He bangs. Yeah, same time as a golden age of points. That's what happened. That was a song. He bangs. He bangs. He bangs. He bangs. He did fly like an eagle. She banged. He did fly like an eagle. And he was in porn. No, you're not. You're already might. Let's hear it. It's a little taste of his music. It's called like an eagle. Yeah, play it. Get to it.

Oh, man. We don't have anywhere near enough time for the hookers. This is going to be. Well, we're going to do it tomorrow. Ian Lars, new special Romantic comedy out now and available on HBO Max He's awesome. Go check it out. It's amazing. Yeah hilarious Thanks coming back and hanging we're sorry we're in dry and circumcised Bobby's good though. Yeah, he's fine. I'm not as good as naked stock. I'm not as good as naked

Bob you're a draw Bobby naked. Yeah, we can do it. Yeah, it's only two shapes We got a great ass we found now. Tilted eyes got a Tush. Robert Kelly's new special kill box. Out now. Wait, you have a great ass? A trapezoid and a triangle. Yeah.

He's putting body good body parts on people. It is. He's frank, it's not in all of us. He's like Bobby has a great ass. Dan got a huge dick. Bobby's got a juicer and Dan is just fucking... I bet he has back problems. Yeah, I heard it.

He's got such a big ol' fuck ball. Dan has a pencil attached to a sausage. Ah, killbox, bigjcomedy.com, go get tickets for San Diego, also just announced Legion of Skanks on the first day. New Year's Day comedy store. Uh, and Dan Soder, of course, DanSoder.com, he's gonna be in Sacramento, February 2nd to the 4th,

Vancouver Salt Lake, Toronto, danSoder.com.com don't fuck around we'll see you tomorrow like that last live show of the oh yeah oh he's hitting it on the countertop that's not doing jumping jack very average and I do but I I'm grateful for it thanks for listening don't forget that the bonfires are radio show a full show we got a studio and everything you can listen to us on serious XM or on the SXM app. It's basically the same thing. Go to seriousexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer.