The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Devil's In The Details

Episode Date: January 27, 2023

Bobby Kelly tries to change the way he says good night to an audience.

I'm Big J. Ocarson and I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to full two hour long episodes of the Bonfire? Two hours! That's a real commitment to us. Well, it's on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy just go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. What's up, we're back, everybody. It's the Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM103.

You know, it's the Lost tapes. We're talking shit. Probably is coming in soon. Can we ask for a public apology for what he did last week to the room. Oh, he apologized personally, but oh yeah, I don't know. I can't smell. So it doesn't affect me. He didn't the elevator too.

Oh, if he comes in drinking protein, if he comes in drinking protein, it's going to be a problem. It's going gonna be probably What's another great Madonna songs there's a few borderline Fantastic song How it sucks material stupid lucky stars like a very good Rip cherish like a pair of blows cherish is the worst Cherish is great over who's that girl?

Pop it up. Yeah, you guys are You're fucking mine. Pop it up. Preach is pretty great. We all came together on that. I can't wait for you guys to go as a group to this Madonna show and shriek when she does certain songs and you guys all grab each other's hands. I'm gonna cry. Express yourself. I might cry. Express yourself. I might well, I had at one point my room was just form a Donna posters on the wall.

Damn. I loved her. Did you know that she was going to turn into a Ron Perlman from Beauty and the Beast? Why didn't you think about the whole Frozen album? Yeah, she was going to be like Pink Floyd from the movie The Wall. I know, she's to have such great tits now she's a blob. Papa does tom, Dan marry me. You know what the song's about right?

A portion. Well Danny I.L. A forcing abortions on Danny's voice. Danny I.L. More importantly Danny I.L. A forcing abortions upon his child. You piece of... You piece of shit. More importantly, Danny L. forcing abortions upon his child He's me Danny L.O.

No kids gonna get an abortion in my house old no way Not eating noodle. Oh, no, he wants it. We know. Yeah, he wants her to get an abortion Remember I was your single father. I know you become so hot Again by the way the message of the song is wrong. Danny I.L. is right. I'm just fucking getting pregnant by this dipshit. You're just both park kids? Yeah. I remember like not knowing, like I went from not knowing what this song was about to like,

just be like, oh, like I didn't get what keeping my baby, man. Dude, she even stayed hot into to like, just be like, oh, like, I didn't get what keeping my baby, man. Dude, she even stayed hot into that like, she stayed hot up to ray of light. And that's it. Listen, she just lost it after that. Yeah, I'm keeping my baby. You're like, oh, yeah, she's keeping her boyfriend. You better look out, Mike. Oh, okay, this is a very serious song. There's this kid is even gonna scowries a fucking grease monkey Collar makes good money, huh? Luke Howard makes good money. No, not this guy. Not from a Donus taste She grew up in a house over Danny I.L. That guy's gonna be doing all right for himself

Yeah, standard of living she's used to guys probably in a union. What's taking the train for? Oh, cause Danny ILO cut her off. Damn, these are making whole fucking movies for songs. And now they're like, I don't know, we'll put it on. Dude, how many times Christine definitely in a room did this? The shoulders like, thousand times I bet. Papa don't preach. Get it again. Christine din't preach. God. Yeah. Get it again.

Christine dinner's ready. Not yet. I'm a dancer. I must have jacked off to this at least six times in my life. Why is that? Why? Cause it's Sky and I was in eighth grade. Most of the video is Danny I.L.

Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha During the chorus come on I like a take no shit. Oh, stand on ferry. I didn't realize that would always younger Yeah, there's there's that in island trash So go into the city though. Oh, this would be so annoying Man, we picked the wrong time to jump on the ferry. There's a full orchestra and a dancing young pregnant couple What if the end of the video he knocks are off the boat because he didn't want to have the the baby anyway. He's like, oh yeah, we're really want to keep this baby also. Oops! Oh, it's crazy. He took a nasty spill there. I've been losing seed.

Uh... Fuck you now. Danny, I yellow. What is this? I'm keeping my baby. Danny, I yellow. You hello. What is this? This is the story, sir. I'm keeping my baby. Danny, I, hello. You don't run my life no more. But stairs are scary, dude.

There's no guardrails. There's one guardrail. Damn, what happened to her face? She was so hot, looked like somebody bicycle pumped her. Yeah, she looked like Arnold and Total Recall when they go on the surface of Mars. But they have an interesting story. She looks as Lady who goes, two weeks. You should look like Arnold and total recall when they go on the surface of Mars Your station looks as Lady who goes two weeks

Two weeks Damn hey, what's you doing Danny? I hello get out of here bitch of your keeping that baby Yeah, they extended you get to find out what happens He's like you know what I hope he hits her. You're a whore like your mother! He's what's up with you! Your mother's family is so good at trapping gum! He's needed an hour to think about it in different positions.

Hmm. He's the love sir. You know what? I love you. But pack your things and get the fuck out of his house. But you are a whore. First thing is first. Tell me it's not mine.

Cause if it is, that kid is gonna be bonkers. I don't know Google-Yah Grand Kid, you know what I mean? I'm gonna take you to get a new boy. Yeah, it's low. Oh, here. Bobby! We should be... Hi, Bobby!

Bobby Kelly joins us. Bobby! We're in Melissa. We were just talking about... Did you see the Madonna tour video with Amy Schumer and Eric Andre and all them sitting around Sucking her ass. Kiss another. It's like it's as bad as you telling Dane to start their song over It is it is I mean dude. It's but if they film that it if they filmed it if they filmed you and a bunch of other random Celebrities around Dane and he was like play that song again. That's what this is like. It's them doing that to her

Show please just show him the Amy part of the show. I'm so glad nobody filmed us praying before the show's oh He oh my god god. Oh, I've been in a lot of black Hand holding prayer circles the back of shows in my life the funniest ever was Will silvens, you know will talks. Yeah, and Rob Stapleton. I remember there's a bunch of us in the RS Do a prayer for the show and everyone held hands and lower our head and he goes Yeah, and he goes, wow, you want to weed the prayer and Rob goes now you do it. Will I just want to hear you talk? And he's lowered his head and never looked up again

And will just goes de-ag Guad, thank you for our blessings. Thank you for us hunting rabbit. I appreciate it being a rabbit too. Dia Guad, my lessons. Bobby Toss on your headphones to listen to this because this is, so it's like Eric Andre, little Wayne, Judd Appetale.

Judd Appetale, Jack Black, Kate Berlant, all these people with Madonna and the other one, Kato, Kate Berlant, comedian, who is she, the one that says obviously Madonna? Yes, yes, who do you want to fuck for? And it's just people kissing Madonna's ass doing the truth or dare game from the Diplo, and it's them, they're trying to recreate the moment, but this is for you're about to see the rehearsed part for this announcement of the tour. What's more hateable about it to me, honestly, is the

time before that. This was really them hanging out for like two hours. They just filmed it to get stuff and it's it's bad. It's so bad. It's embarrassing. Like if this video came out and it was us, I would plead with whoever posted it to pull it down. I would, if any one of them asked me to be in this, you would have, I would, I would be in it in five seconds. I would be up to going, but don't, hey, Madonna. And when they go, and when they go, and when they go, Madonna says, dare, you'd be the first one going, ooh! Oh, bitch! You gotta say bitch. I love to say bitch. They go Madonna says dare you'd be the first one going Bitch you gotta say bitch. I love to say bitch high five

Looks like any calls Madonna bitch enough that Madonna some point may have to to go cut the camera. You know, chill out. You know from Detroit, right? You know you keep popping off at the mouth. I'm gonna fucking slide. You've got to catch a motel beat down. You know, you know I can't feel my face, right? She has, look at this. Look at this.

Nothing. I'm feeling nothing. I mean, she looks like she's filled with cake. She could be on that show. Is it cake? Your cut Madonna's cheek. It actually is a lovely cheese cake. It's yours. It's just she could be on that show. Is it cake? Your cut Madonna's cheek. They go, it actually is a lovely cheese cake. How do we never talk about that show on this show? Since I mean, one of our first episodes ever before was even the Bond fire. So Dan Soder show. We did, I said that when I saw

Mike the Stefano in his open casket that I was like, it's such a weird thing. Like dead bodies to be able to make up everything. It looks like they're a cake that made into a person. And then they made a show like years later, go like, is it cake and it is that thing? It's like, is it a real thing or a cake? Yeah, you don't know. It's so weird. Let Bobby watch this for her reaction.

That's a lot of songs. It's a lot. Oh, no, you gotta go back. Yeah, you gotta do the fucking. I have an idea. So. Oh no you gotta go back yeah you gotta do the fucking I have an idea so Love it. Oh no almost there. Oh god here it is So first little Wayne Sucks or Titt

I have one Madonna yeah I dare you to do a world tour and play your greatest motherfucking hits. Four decades? Yeah, a bit. As in 40 years? Yes. Is it all those songs? Fuck yeah. We're talking, we're talking, we're talking. Oh, baby, you're hot. We're talking chopp-a-gun, the island ring the All of nature

I don't feel I can't I know you feel violent don't you feel a bubble in this a violent so violated yeah I feel weird that just made me feel weird but Bobby if I did start singing the song La Isla Bonita You wouldn't know how to join in right? 100% okay. Thank you because this room shut off on me. Yeah, no, I would 100% Damn these cuz what you're all witches Jack black is so out of place. I mean all of them are everyone's airdre all of them are little Wayne Doesn't want to be they had to let him suck our titty or else he was gonna make us think His PR person went over and goes Wayne is gone in five unless he sucks a tent

So much gay stuff's happened. Yeah, well little Wayne is like no your audience little Wayne sitting there while a Diplo puts his ball bag in a drink. That's one of the dares. That's like don't you understand dude? I think I'm towards birthright. Are you sure? Don't you understand dude? Are they on tour with Berk-Rysher? Yeah, I'm gonna do it on my shirt! Yeah! Dude, have your wife touch the balls and she can see if it's me or you. Berk-Rysher plans? We're done here, you gotta go!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! She is okay but Harry up and up in the question. But I don't think I still don't understand the question. So my shoot ears are just bleeding All I know bird is that every dog in the neighborhood is out of my door

That noise you hear but it's my hits it's of every animal in this neighborhood while they confuse that what's happening in this room. Yeah, Bonita! Nice, Bonita! Yeah, dude, that's so funny. Amy calling Madonna bitch too many times. She's like, whatever bitch. Hey, bitch, hey, we know each other, but we don't like know each other. No, I'm real.

Hey, knock that off. Sandra but we don't like know each other That off Sandra Bernhard doesn't call me bitch this much Go down and we go back What what can I what this is for is their new world tour But don't a tour, which I'm gonna go to She's doing a world tour. Yeah, all hits really all the hits four decades music like a real We're talking all the hits like Really all the hits four decades music like a real we're talking all the hits like Tropical the island breeze all the nature wild and free. This is where I love to be

She sounded like every classic rock station when she goes 80s 90s and now All your favorites and the 80s and today. And on this tour we're going to get the lead out. We're talking about back to back lead. Zefflin. Excuse us in questions. Are we talking two for Tuesdays? Are we talking about lunch blocks?

This tour is going to last a week and a half before our hip pops out She's not even gonna move she's gonna be standing in front of a fan. Yeah, so she doesn't overheat Turns out that she was getting some hot flashes and she dropped did you see you saw when she like rolls down the stairs Right, which you stepped on her own thing or no someone else stepped on her thing She wrote it up. It's so pretty. It's a greatest thing Because if she really is buddy Bobby she takes a fall buddy She she if you watch what she used to do she used to dance have these big numbers with all these young people This is it right. This is a greatest. Oh God if that happens now. She's done for nine months. Absolutely

Ta-da Yeah. It didn't. Whoa! Oh real hit. I do not say another thing that's soured me on strip clubs. She just reminded me Bobby is I don't like also aggressive dancing and when they do that, do you ever have the girls come in? They really like it's like a pounding. They're like putting on you almost. I don't like that. What do you mean? Like I've done my memory on top of you, given like a,

I remember like my, like, uh, like my birth there, something they brought me to a strip club. And I was, I think it was my 18th or 19th birthday. Yeah. And like the girl that goes up, they make you kind of go by the pole like lay down and they go up and like slam down like full thing, like on your like pelvis. They take their hatred from men. Yeah.

Yeah. You don't fucking piece of shit. I hate you guys. I'm it's my birthday. You have to accept you think I'm so sturdy, but you don't wanna say you're not, but you're like, you're actually hurting me. And you don't wanna say that to her.

Yeah. Hey Colleen, this hurts. Hey Mercedes. Hey, when they give you a rough, when they grind on your thing and you have jeans on, and you have no, I used to not wear underwear. As a friend of mine told me, that's the trick, you know, wear underwear.

It's a trick. But I had button flies. Oh, yeah, dude, it was a, it was a nightmare. The trick is wearing basketball shorts is no underwear. I didn't have back some All shorts I had button flies. She was grinding on me was it under your own strip club in Manhattan It was like a Puerto Rican slash 20% black chick. Oh full news. I mean just a booty and she was mushing it Yeah, and did you have to do the thing? You're like how? Oh, that's enough. Did you give any notes? I? No, I did I just took it and then when I was? I, no, I did, I just took it.

And then when I was done, I went home and I had to undo my pants and it was all shredded. Oh, yeah, it was bad. Oh, it was bad. It's like how my, the bottom of my feet used to get on and fucking, and pools, used to get cut up. And then, between the toes. Yeah, then I'd go home and I'd be like,

why my feet so damaged, but you had that on your wing. Jason Ann Doors taught me at a Dean Edwards bachelor party I believe it was that When they had strippers and he came over wearing like you know, I was almost not like dressed like nice or anything But I was wearing like jeans and shoot, you know, yeah To go to hang out friends at a bachelor party. He came over like I thought it was weird and swishy pants I was like when when breaker pants. Yeah warm- up pants. Oh, they were always called something different in different places.

Swishy pants were I lived. But he was wearing those and I was like, what do you guys strip club secret man? You know, when they grind on you that, it's like just your wiener between those, you know, the swishy pants and stuff. And I was like, that seems like all that material though. If you come in your pants,

that material is gonna show it weirdly. Yeah, you're like, I of pie throwing it in your life. You're gonna have it coming through in a weird way. It's like frothy. It looks like a float that they made just mushed up together. So Jason Anders went to Drake Bellroot. Yeah, and then he went to the company. Do you know about hammer pants?

Yeah. Did you have hammer pants? I, it's a very short story. I went to school one day and saw the people were starting to wear the hammer pants. Some skinny kids and I was like, yep, for sure. I went even though they were elastic waist. The only ones that were set in my size were bright gold. My grandmother and her friend, my Anonita, also bought hammer pants because they said they would be good

to walk around the school yard in. They wore theirs. I went home and tried them on in front of my, my mom was like, you know, I got school clothes and she was like, let me see what they look like on you. So I went and put on the fashion show for them and I did all the stuff and when I came out, I had my legs like, you know, I was walking normal,

like close, but you see all the bunched up shit in the middle. And I remember, they started laughing hard. I was like, father and mom, like really hard. And they go, and then my step-pop was like, through the laugh, he was like, they were smoking in the side. Still he was like, what's all the shit bunched up in the middle? And then when I spread my legs open and they saw the pants, they were like sides, still he was like, what's all the shit punched up in the middle? And then when I spread my legs open

and they saw the pants, they were like hitting each other, like laughing on the thing. And they just became my sick pants when I was like, home sick and bit. I never would have had my gold hammer pants. But you would just be like laid up with a cold and then just ready to fucking go around the house, would just be around the house.

Because they were super comfortable. I mean, they were nothing. They were the crotch was way down. So when you like go get a fucking flat seven up from the kitchen when you're sick, it was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, look I'm sick Jason. I had no idea you cut him a sick pant. In fact, the saddest thing was because they were knockoffs, they weren't the hammer pants. They were called Bobby Brown pants at this one. And it was a picture of Bobby Brown jumping in them, humping around to her.

I got I was always too late to fashion. Like parachute pants. I was late on the game because I didn't have like money. Yeah. I remember my real dad, we, we connected again at some point and he goes, what do you want to, let's go to the mall, get you some, and he bought me a pair of parachute pants. But was that Marshalls or Bradley's?

I think it was Bradleys. Mrs. B. Remember Mrs. B? Bradleys for sure, Bradleys wasn't an aqua, the Marshalls would have like the slightly irregular stuff. Maybe it was Marshalls, but there was only like six pairs left and it was too small. And I put them on, I wanted them so bad

and they bought them for me. And they were too tight. And I actually went to school the next day with them on and they split in school. There was some embarrassing, because I remember I was walking in and people were looking at me like weird. Not cool. No, because I couldn looking at me like weird. Not cool. They're all like-

No, because I couldn't really walk like regular. I had a kind of like robot in and then in recess, I went to do a move in my the back just split. And there was no, there was no, you couldn't sew them back up. I started with the rest of the day. And then your mother didn't come to school to get you. You just got one. You're the rest of the day.

No, I remember the first time I got really heavily acid wash jeans and first they were almost like white. Like they were like so washed out. And I went to school. My first period was band practice for school band and a bed over. I think the pick up a drumstick and just blasted ass right out of it. And then I walked home like half crying. Because I was just like, so embarrassed. And I just left, I didn't even ask.

I didn't say can I go home. I walked out of the door and never just kept going home. And then got your pants and came back. No. You just went to stay at home. Day was over. Oh, that's great. What a mature decision.

That is crazy. That's a good thing. Jays removed himself. So what do you feel? My parents, my mom and then when you get that mad dad, I was like, I can't even my ass came out. They even even ask why you didn't go back because everyone's gonna talk about my ass blasting out.

And how old were you in this happened? 14 maybe. Okay, so you were in like big boy underwear. You weren't wearing like Superman, tidy whiteies anymore. I bet I was wearing tidy whiteies though. Tidy whiteies, yeah. Probably tidy whiteies still. Tidy whiteies, yeah. Probably tidy whiteies still. I got my hammer pants because I was on the tail end again

at Pier 1 imports. What? You can't buy fucks for it. It's French, sir. Yeah, you can buy like wicker baskets. I wanted hammer pants, but they didn't really sell them anymore, but they had them at Pier 1 as like an island type of pants. Like they had them at the end of the poppasson.

I'm gonna poppasson. And I remember I bought, I brought a Navy green, I bought a white linen and I bought the tan, the khaki one. But they were women, but you really couldn't tell, you know what I mean? The white ones was see through, that was embarrassing. But you sent me to school in, in definitely I forget if it was underwear or essentially her tights and so they were unisex or something oh my mommy still she sent me school and something and called it unisex

she was like I was wearing a woman's blouse or something I was wearing a woman's turtle neck but I was never ever being young and being like it's cold out my mouth like it's a turtle neck I'm like this feels like a lady's and she goes it's unisex unisex I hate that I don't think it is I'm being like, it's cold out my mouth, I was like, here's a turtle neck. I'm like, this feels like a ladies. And she goes, it's unissing. Unissing. I hate that. I don't think it is.

And I just remember having my smart little lady turn. And also, I like, you know, son raised by a woman bitchy energy. You're gonna make it after all. Let the sun hit your face girl. You don't need no man. Whatever, walk to school. You don't need no man. Whatever, hold on to school. It was a little fucking, I remember being like, mom, this feels like a woman's.

She's like, what the fuck did my mom put me in and say it was you to sex, I can't remember, but it was something. My mom used to dress me in my sister's underwear. And I'd go to, I was in Catholic school. I remember pulling my pants down because y'all went to the bathroom at the same time and All the kids saw my little pink girl underwear What the fuck?

Your pink on top of it. Yeah, they're a little pink. There were a little a little pinky like little girl underwear I didn't know I was I think it was a first grade And there and I remember the kids were looking at me and the none actually said something to my mom Yeah, no diesel out. Those priests would have gone bonkers. They go, oh my god, it's like finding out it's got a caramel center. He sure is out. Oh, fucking little boy and little girls underwear.

Well, it looks like the lard shined down today. He's about to get the business. Oh, four-ob, little Robert. Well, it looks like there was an explosion at the flavor factor. A boy and girls underwear. I never thought chocolate chip could be his swirl. What a mashup. The breeze was just like,

not since Lincoln Park and Jay-Z, have I seen two worlds collide so perfectly? Never fucking sweat so much see it a boy and Where Jay's breeze just became like half Scottish I bet was either I think it was full Scottish Yeah, we just got a mush towards the region. That was like Zimbabwe Are you a girl are you a boy? Bobby I gotta go back and oh here we go. Jacob's been one. No, no, well that too, but you mentioned the prayer

circle. What do you, you, Dane, and then you, Huddled? Did you, Huddled? Yeah. And it was serious. Yeah, God is always serious, Jacob. I don't know who's not serious about the Lord, say to Jesus Christ. I mean, I bring it up now. Yeah, we we would say I would say a Prayer who would get it going who would be a guy's prayer circle time? It was it was probably Dane at the you know, it was damn like guys get together. We got into this together we got bring God into this. But yeah, it was like let's get to get a stand. We're going to stand in a circle. We're going to hold hands.

I'm holding your hand. You're holding my hand. We're in a circle. The day in hand. The day in act that's a perfect. Everybody's everybody's God was different. Sure. You know, um, yeah, it was me, him and the other comedian.

Is it just three? Yeah, just three. It was like whoever it was, usually out. It was out of bed. I think it was more of a like, all right. Thank you for, uh, but we, I think we did that. We did that back. I think it was a thing from back and out in the monkeys.

From where you were, when we were in Boston, when we would do a shows together as me J and Al and Dan as Alan the monkeys yeah we used to get together before because I was in AA I was in AA so we kind of had that you know higher power thing J was you know Irish from East Boston projects so he had he was an Irish Catholic, he had the God thing, and Dan, I don't know what Dan was, but yeah, we would do that. All right, let's go. Thank you for getting us here.

Let's have a rock and show. Yeah, let's rock these faces. How you doing? Guys, let's hope pussy just rains down on Dan. It's hope Dan gets caught in a torrential pussy storm. It was basically, we were like, it was basically what we're asking for Let's kick ass. Yeah, pretty show pre-showed But it was for like 16 people at the uncle cool

God help us rock this crowd pre-show Dramatics are the funniest thing. Yeah, I can't even drum it up the funniest thing. I can't even drum it up anymore. I'd rather be in a conversation till they go, they're gonna call you on stage in a second. Yeah, because the idea, the things I used to do, and I feel like I made decisions to be dramatic. The first was my first new faces,

or when I did new faces in Montreal, wearing clothes I shouldn't have been wearing, because a manager told me to, doing that I didn't want to be doing I hate that because he told me to do bits that were, you know, what's my sitcom gonna be and everything and I did everything uncomfortable But I remember standing in that back hallway before I went on looking at Isabelle's baby picture Just being like we're like head on the wall. You're like Gotta do this. You gotta take care of my baby. I need to get a development deal so I can take care of my baby.

That's why every time I go on the road with Dan Santramane, I make him interrupt me because I stand backstage like this. Yeah. Yeah. When I get against the wall, man, he goes, dude, look, dude, look, look, I'll call you.

Hey, there. It's time. I guess it is. Oh yeah, is it awesome o'clock already? Did they know? Did they know that a murderer is walking in the mirror? Is it already? Yeah, I guess a client. I mean, I think it was obviously the first one's shadow boxing.

Shadow boxing's bad. There was a comic rich Brooks that I went into a placement time and he asked me to please stop talking to him because I had to ask him questions. He was the booking the show and I'd ask him questions. He used to book Broadway and yeah and he was doing the thing where you clasp your hands behind your head and do a handstand. What? Like an elbows and handstand against a wall. Yeah, yeah. He's upside down and I just had to ask him questions and I'm like, Hey, is the order exactly what it says and the thing

He's like I'm doing something right now, and it's just pre-show routine is to do Upside down yoga. That's so funny. The thought I want to get a picture of someone that's not related to me at all and just hold it So that out of town MCs can be like, who's that and I go I Don't know what the fuck you say your sense a no be like, who's that? And I go, I don't want to talk about it. Bring me up. And then I'm like, what the fuck? Or say your sense, I just, my comedy sense. It just hurts too much, you go. Someone I used to know.

Just bring me up. I just bring me up. A real good picture man goes, this, it's, I guess nobody. Doesn't matter. It goes, it goes. Are they, they're not there? Yeah. Who are you looking at?

A reminder. Just bring that. Bring that. Okay. I was just, what is it, prevent? Is it love? Was it love? Was it a love lost?

Was it a love refound? When you say good night, have you, do you have a thing you do? No, I scurry off. You don't have a thing. You, Jay, do you have a thing? I know yours cuz I used to open for you. What's mine? I know mine. Do you really want me to say it? I don't know what I do. I know my

I open for you for a while and I don't remember what you used to do I don't like the tone you have right now so I don't know I was I don't like singing. I don't like it. You're singing I got a snappy one so I don't know Bobby open that door I was like oh fuck days. Why did I open it in this door? What do you remember what you said? I want to go

Bobby first off this is Bobby fucking murders. Yeah Bobby fucking kills But Bobby used to this is like 10 years ago Bobby used to go Fuck I want to say it correctly. He used to go I'm Robert Kelly and now you fucking know that good night. Oh I don't know you mean an actual like that. I give a whole fucking speech, but I might yeah No What is it? Kelly I want to fight this I want to fight this

Dude the fucking devil's in the details man again Dude wait, what no, I know no I'm not saying that that is not true, but I'm saying I'm saying first of all I'm saying I might have said I'm Robert Kelly Hang on I'm Robert Kelly Those who know for the know you guys you know me. I love you guys. You don't now you fucking do there We're talking about this Home sweet home place guys You know how much we love it. It's Sunday night. I think you guys are coming out.

I'm Robert Kelly. You guys are knowing me. Thank you. You guys are dope. Now you fucking do. Everybody up in dance order. Thanks for hanging out with me and my crazy voices. Thanks for hanging out with my insanity all night long.

Yeah. Thank you guys for taking a little journey through this crazy hand of mine. Everyone, I love you so much. You remember Whitney Cummings post where she was like a comic takes you through a haunted house. Oh, yeah, that is their mind On dance soda and you guys have been walking through a jungle of sadness Welcome to the light good night And we are the truth Yeah

I give up. Yeah And we are the truth Yeah Yeah, yeah, I get a sappy one. What's yours? You know, you know, I said it's so I like me saying it because now crowds are gonna be like Guy like me couldn't get out of Philadelphia Yeah, no, no No, really I want to thank little kev No, no, no, really, I want to thank little kev Keith Robinson all the guys are believed in me all the guys. Yeah, give a speech every time that they start playing music on me I should be washed up on the Delaware River. Yes. Yeah, that's the you're in the right vein with that I see I should be pumping gas

I don't know if you think you can I'm so sorry I suck Sort of that's why I said I go for you guys I'd be pumping gas and fillies Nah, it's cheese dick, but it's real nice. It's not the end Everybody from now on just knowing you're listening to this I mean this soap I'm never saying it again So many questions that's bad for you, you're the dog is I go So you guys I think No, it is but I just say it at the end of every I say I go and I say this at every show

But I mean it if you guys want to keep here in my bullshit. I'll keep coming around and doing it for you until I can't Even though you guys have been amazing It's we I didn't know I honestly Christine I didn't know that I honestly Christine Christine thank you. Thank you. Christine. Thank you very much. Christine Scores in the aisle Oh, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Christine Dude, I had no idea that you did the dirt you did the dirt digler. I'll keep rockin and roll it

I had no idea that you did the dirt you did the dirt digler. I'll keep rockin' and rolling I should do air kicks afterwards And I'm gonna keep doing these jokes as long as you keep laughing Everyone with me I'm gonna start closing my shows with the Whitney Cummings tweet Yeah, I'm gonna be like thank you guys so much. You were so fun Commitions did not sign up to be your hero. It's our job to be a reverent and dangerous to question authority and take you through a spooky mental haunted house So you can arrive at your own conclusions stay focused on the people we picked access to moral leaders. Thank you good night I was gonna give you those a message. I like that one. Can you bring up

uh the best part? We have to written out. I'm going to start reading the the apology from Wilvickie. But uh Christine, if you bring that up, the funniest part is just right under their mark, Marin just tweets, eh, eh, eh, being funny to the list. And then she had to respond like, ah, got me. Oh yeah, yeah, maybe add to be funny to the list. You got ratio.

Now I can't say that anymore. What do I say? I don't know. You gotta come over to the new one, dude. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. Okay, come over. Let's fucking workshop a little bit.

I'm gonna do it now, ready? Yeah. Hey, guys, all my time, you be you, I be gonna do this. Okay, let's fucking workshop a little bit. I'm gonna do it right now, ready? Yeah, guys, all my time, UBU, I be me. No. Okay. I did it. How about this? How about I change it up? I'm gonna be keeping me, you guys keep being you.

I don't mind it. And we'll keep showing up here together. That's pretty good. It's pretty good. How about this one? All right, that's it. Peace out. I like that one. I like that one.

Me saying peace out. Peace out. Not only do I not like that, your peace is very like it was so robotic. I got it, ready? What's this? You guys, I'm Robert Kelly. Bing, bing, bing!

Yeah! Here's mine. Thank you guys so much. You've been so to right. Yeah. What? I like it. And then you go and then blow out a fake gun, a finger gun. And then I go guys watch out. We got to take this to evidence locker. No, you handed to the host as he comes up. He's like, thanks. I'm gonna keep trying. Let's keep rockin' a roll.

I'm gonna keep trying if you guys keep trying Keep rocking and rolling I can't not see my little speech at the end. It's my tell me give it up for the fucking staff and tip to staff goods. That whole little speed. Can you say it again like just fully like from the beginning? Yeah, top the bottom. Yeah, let me hear it. Hey guys real quick Before I get out of here, I bet around plus for your weight staff. They're out there killing it Comedy club services a shit job, man It's tough you got to navigate these things and you guys are all drunk assholes, so make sure you take care of them and For those you listen to the bonfire and leasing the skanks pause for a pause guys are all drunk assholes so make sure you take care of them. And for those you listening to Bonfire and Legion of Skanks pause for a pause.

We only get to do that because of you guys because you guys give a shit. Oh no! Oh no! it's true And if it wasn't for you guys I'd be I'd be pumping gas and food out here right now So I say this to every crowd and I mean it from the guts I'm pumping gas and food out here right now. So I say this to every crowd and I mean it from the guts. If you want to keep hearing my bullshit, I'll keep coming back and doing it for you until I can't anymore. You guys have been amazing, I got you.

I'm talking about all of them. I turned around at the end. He got me at the end too. I Trigger He got me at the end to At the end is nice I like that you be this song I didn't know I had to add one of these now to my show I go if you guys watch billions stop yelling to feed out Cuz honestly it is annoying Dance order back on more Uh, because honestly it is annoying. Um, Dan sorta got more.

Dude, that's so fun. Dude, you should have a good one. I'm gonna change my to bang bang. I'm gonna go like, bang bang. I'm gonna go like, you guys, I rock this crowd, you rock me. Bang bang. I'm out. That's it. Or maybe do like the jumping full arm swing guitar stroke. Yeah, that's a good one. I don't know if I can do that though. I got a bad right knee. Do you guys think I can do the jumping full arm swing guitar stroke. Yeah, that's a good one. I don't know if I can do that though.

I got a bad right knee. Do you guys think I can do the thing where I go? Thank you very much. Good night. Yes. Oh, just a fist up. Yeah. And then everyone loses their mind.

I have a full blown mic destruction at the end. Like I mean, no, no, no. I mean like a spiky on the ground and just wreck it. Just destroy it. I mean, you got to sell out five shows to do that. Yeah, you're going to half sold Sunday and you break the mic. They'll be fucking angry. We're just feeding back. We can't turn it off. Smash the part. We want to see you on a Sunday you fucking ruined my day

That sucks damn dude. Oh man. I did not know you guys have saying that saying that out of context is Yikes, it's because of you. God, dude. I love it the people Hurst it became because it's funny how rehearsed it became because it wasn't oh ways and it kind of piece together It's never hers the wrong word.. I mean, it becomes like a bit. You just do it and do it and do it and then you're like, oh, I try. I try. I try. I try mine.

Yeah. And help me with it because I don't remember it because at the beginning, I, I, I felt like I was bitten by a jellyfish. There you go. I know you can say for those you listen to YKWD. For those of you guys who listen to YKWD and Calton and you hear me on Calter and Kelly and the only reason we get the only reason why we get to do this is because you people Listen into those shows

without you guys Do not be pumping gas at a juby hall in Massachusetts All right, I'm sorry. I'd be sucking I be sucking dick at a juvenile in Massachusetts. Guys rock and roll. Keep it tight. Bang bang. Bang bang. I can't you know what you say.

What do you say? I really go like this. Raise it goes. That's it by. You walk off and then it's just the kid. 100% 100% and by the way, I'm not saying I'm right. I'm wrong. I go like this, I go, I get the final laugh and I go,

thank you very much, good bye. And then I just grab my fucking shit and I run. Everybody's uncomfortable? Bye. You're like, all right, that's the last one. Bye. Yeah, I go. I go.

So that was just in a Sacramento. Chattano's punchline. We're Pablo, friends. It was a great weekend. Such a cool stay. Did you bring it up? Because I'm going to bring it up every show. I took it morning and every show.

I'm like, I'm going to redo the Pablo Francisco meltdown. Do you have anything I can get out of this? You have anything I can get out of this? You're in good hands with all state. Get to the job of what's that, sir? That was, you've seen that before, right? No. The Pablo Francisco meltdown? I've never seen it. Oh, dude, it The Pablo Francisco meltdown. I've never seen it.

Oh, dude, it's damn it. I've never seen it. It is sadly hilarious. There are two, there are two clips. There's the short one, which you just kind of see him in not in the right state. And then there's the long one where you're like, oh, you get to watch the whole. That's the long you play the longer him come off the tracks. Is it drugs? Yeah, oh, yeah He gets caught in a loop of his own impressions its sideways. I know turn up Okay You want to go home? No, I want you to see it right here right now. Are you? Holy shit.

You want Steve? Okay. What's that, sir? He doesn't think this or Jackie Chan could get the fuck out of this. You want to turn me off? Whoa! That's bullshit! Are you turn off, motherfucker? That's bullshit! Is it becoming black fuck up that bullshit? So big you can fucking dance with it fuck yeah

The guy said it like five times Mr. McGoo? Mr. Poo. Pablo Francisco is on crap. What's that, sir? He's bombing hard. What's that, sir? I didn't hear that. What's that?

We got like it, I like having it out. He didn't fuck me or that. First signal is that he's wearing a button down shirt with track pants. You just put a plug right down. OK, I ain't leaving right now. What's right here? Right, Steve?

That's right. That's right. Steve's going to try helping me out of this right now. Was there right here, right Steve? That's right, that's right. Steve's gonna try helping me out of this right now. Just to the right of the coat. What's your getting? What's that? What's he just did a line of coat? That is what he got in the helmet.

I was there right here right now. I know it's gonna come to leave right now. Dude, it's crazy because the dirt diggerler scene where he's out of his mind where he goes, you might have said this, can I say this? Kind of look right into the camera and say this. It's that energy, but he's on stage at the punch line in Sacramento and these guys are like,

you just hear those like, people from yellow and shit. And maybe, he doesn't like, shut the fuck up, man. And he goes, okay, you don't think I can get out of this. Okay, here's another unfortunate thing in the impression. You down the chopper. Oh, dude, it's a wild ride. I had a great ride.

I wish you were on TV so I could check it. You are. That's a good fan line. I mean out of the crowd line I give him nine out of ten I wish you were on TV so I could turn you off. I go that's it that we had the show on that that was it you got to crush myself right now I want to win guys let me tell you something tell you right now if you know me I love you You know now you fucking do That's how it's ending bang I see you guys later. I promise I'll keep coming back as long as you I go like this. Thank you very much. Good boy. Thank you very much. I'm done now. Goodbye. I Want dad to have a new one I'm you right up for you. Okay. I'm good at getting emotions out. Yeah, and you guys Okay, I'm good at getting emotions out. Yeah, and you guys

Feel like the father that I was You guys this laugh was a hug from a dad that I never had I love you Always remember yourself, and I remember that God loves America. I'm gonna go real pro America real pro God America first Play the rest of that Christina. I'm probably to see the funniest part when he falls. Why is it me and Kurt Metzger differed over big time too? Maybe a little bit with you to now you like to watch someone each at heart. I have a I don't have a large stomach for it, but I can watch it. Oh, man. It's my favorite. He's the most polite drug addict I've ever heard though. He's like, what's that, sir? Sir? Yeah.

Well, he does go to get a guy's face and then each shit immediately. Oh, Jesus. Oh, get set. Oh, all right. Now we got some people on my side, Bradstee. Are you crazy? Just sober up. Arnold Schwarzenegger's back with get down get fucking down

All right, one person right now. You're gonna fucking leave right now. It's pretty good. Okay, fuck that bullshit I You can do is Dr. Phil Dr. Phil get ready Dr. Phil's we're back. Are you ready? Are you ready to fucking do this? Can be any aren't so straight all right fuck that that shit. I hate living right now, right? Get, think over. D, come on, bullshit! That's gonna be awkward as shit when the other guys on stage go. You take over, and he's gonna be like,

I kinda can't, it's a captain. I gotta, I gotta four more dates with this guy. Turn. I suck really Shit and he's carry I didn't understand that joke. Oh, she wants cove Sharing is clear. Sharing is clear. No, I don't want to get that too fucked. Alright, there we go. Yeah, there you go, baby. You can do it.

No, poppers are thinking, get out of this. Yeah, somebody in this club is still trying to sell glue. Yeah, hey guys, don't forget the Tiffany Hatch will be here next Thursday. You know, while this guy's having a breakdown on stage. Do I just want you guys need anything else? She was, I'm almost done. She was, I'm sorry. You know, while this guy's having a breakdown on stage. Anyway, just went, do you guys need anything else? She was, I'm almost done. She was, I'm done working. She's got some money, sassy poppers.

You guys want me? Do you guys want me, Richard, prior wings? I know, is that? You want some Rose Ambar hummus? You guys want some Billy Burr Buffalo? Yeah. We got our Rodney Dangerfield's in Salinas. We got the dang cook so to pop.

It's sweetheart. All right. Are you good hands? Are you good hands with all the state? Are you good hands? All right, fuck that bullshit. What's that, sir? It's very polite.

What's that, sir? What's that, sir? It's here. This is a suburban, a little sports, and it goes back. Leave me alone. We have to get out of here. Get is a very unfortunate. There's bad leave me alone. You have to get out of the way up. Get down. Get down.

Okay, no one likes to make it more. It's been good. I'm gonna run a plus receiver right now. I'm gonna run a plus receiver. All right, thank you. What's that, sir? How about Steve takes over right fucking now? Get ready.

This, okay, it so because I'm black okay No, man, I'm right now. I'm staying right fucking here How about I leave come with you something on Dino right there What's that sir? Right keep I forgot it keeps leading until he falls there. I forgot that was him. Who covered you suck my Dingo right there? What's that, sir?

How about you fuck up? Oh my god, Dingo right there. What's that, sir? How about you fuck up? It's him. It's him. He said suck my ding You're sponge you're sponge you what do you say? You're Back up there's another angle there's another angle of it How about you? You fucked up. Oh, how about you, you fuck, oh! How did they get him back up?

There's another angle. There's another angle of it. You can see you're watching so far. It might be the end of this video. Dude, he is in straight party attire. He's in like a Hawaiian shirt and track pay. Yeah. Wow.

That's the party attire. That's co-cad. That's like co-cad going to the store. How excited was this? Where's the this video? And he was like he called 17 comics at once. You know what the fuck I saw tonight. Do you know? I'm like, Dan, Dan, Dan, you know what happened? Look at this. This is it. Why don't you take my ding-dong? No

What's that sweetheart? All right Are you gonna have are you gonna have the the phone? Oh my god, dude This is recent this just happened. No, I like a few years ago We hope he's all right. I think yes. Here it is all right. Yeah, he's good now How about I leave here? How would you suck my Dino right it? What's that sir? How many you Head on the stage

Right here. We're not getting off right now. We're just where to go We're staying here. We're not the second he goes. We're staying here if you're in the audience you go That guy, damn, that's my favorite son the internet of all comedy. That's it. That's better than prior It's better than that's better than Chris Tucker's first deaf jam. What's that? That's been live and concerter. Sorry sir. What's that sir?

Here's what's that? Why don't I go shoot? Whoa. If you think for a second, what's that sir is not going to be said 100 times when I'm in sacrament. What's that sir? What's that sir? What's that sir?

What's that sir? What's that sir? What's that sir? What's that sir? What's that sir? What's that sir? Um, what's that sir? As always, thank you for hanging out with us, man. Uh, rock. Kelly live.com. I want to thank all you guys who listened today. You guys who know me. I love you guys. You fucking do. You guys do killbox at Louisie K dot com. Go download it. Big J is going to be a Connecticut. He's going to be in Connecticut on Friday, February 3rd, and the Wilbur in Boston on Saturday,

Saturday, February, February 4th. That is the boat. After that, you can see Nashville, St. Louis, other cities coming up, bigjacomity.com for tickets. Danny Sotter is gonna be in Sacramento. Excuse me, sir. What's that, sir? You're gonna be in Sacramento, February 2nd,

through what, what's that? Why don't you suck my, why don't you suck his ding dong? February 2nd to the 4th in Sacramento February 2nd through what's it? Why don't you suck my darned you suck his ding dong February 2nd to the 4th in Sacramento. What's that sir? After today's gonna be a Vancouver Salt Lake City and Toronto He's getting some stamps on that passport for tickets and all tour dates go to danceoder dot com Hey campers. I dare you to go to big J. Comedy or danceoder dot com. Yes bitch live dot com and by take us Yes bitch do it. I dare you Yes, bitch. I'm gonna tell you live.com and buy a ticket. Yes, bitch. Do it. I dare you. Do it, bitch.

I dare you, bitch. Thanks for listening. Don't forget that the Bonfire is a radio show, a full show. We got a studio and everything. You can listen to us on SiriusXM or on the SXM app. It's basically the same thing. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. anything. Go to seriousexam.com slash bonfire for a special offer.