The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Die When You Die

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

Jay starts the show with an aggressive song by the metal band Mudvayne which leads into a discussion about GG Allin. He was an infamous punk performer who is known for his putrid acts on stage. Bobby can barely watch clips of Allin singing his songs while nude and doing unspeakable acts. The guys interview Jacob about one of these acts. | Jacob had old man energy on the last show, so he showed up with a list of "young people slang" to try out in conversation. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Don't fuck me. Yeah. Look at fucking Jacob. Calm the fuck down, Jacob. The studio's shaking. I like that. Don't motherfucker dig.

I like that. Don't motherfucker dig. Don't motherfucker dig. This song is lit. Huh? The song is lit. This song is before lit, dude. Jesus Christ.

It's bussing. It's bussing. No. I was listening to... This is from the 90s, dude. Who is it? Mudvane. Mudvane.

What a good name for a fucking metal band. You ever see Mudvane before? No, I've never seen them live, but I've seen what they look like. They're fucking maniacs. Yeah, it's this. Yeah. Jacob.

Is this goaded or what? I almost fucking jumped over the table right there. You got young words to bring Young Energy to studio? That's exactly it. Yeah, yeah. Jacob didn't hide his sheep very well. What is it? It's not the word.

It's the physical energy. Hey, man. Does he have a fucking sheet in front of him, a word sheet? He's a sheet of young people words, yeah. Are we all fam or what? No. No, you're the fam. No, no one's looking for that.

No. And no one's looking for it forced from a 65-year-old. Can I ask a question? Before his neck injury, was he something different? No. Oh, okay. Well, no. Okay.

Uh, no. No. Okay. I would like to point out that just two months ago, even under your suggestion, you asked me to come in and smile and throw, and give some great energy to the room, and I did it for two days, and you both told me to stop because it was creeping you out. Yeah, it's fake.

Do you believe what you were doing was positive movement forward, or do you feel that it looked smarmy and sarcastic? I wasn't not trying to be smarmy. You had a painted smile on your video. You fake it till you make it, right? Is that the term or not? But I'm proof that you can't fake it. That's a term for recovering alcoholics that need to just get through it.

I sincerely tried, but the weird thing was when you told me to stop that it was creeping out, it was actually sincere. You have the personality of a guy who inherited a funeral parlor. Yeah, you have serial killer personality, like energy. When you smile, it's dangerous coming. something horrible is about to happen. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm dangerous. What? I mean, you know. Is that on your word sheet? I'm dangerous. I'm dangerous. I give, I give off bad boy. See, that's my right thing.

See that little purse you do? That little thing. That's your smile. Right there. Look at that little purse. That's your smile. Yeah, that's what I was doing. Jacob's going to have ear plugs in it, Marilynnezz and Rob Zobby.

Oh, no, no. Are you going? I thought we're all going. We're all going. We're recording a show. You're gonna you like Rob Zambi and Marilyn Manson? He doesn't know. I saw Rob Zombie before Jay did.

Oh shit. Shots fired. In a room no bigger than this. What's up? What are you going to say to that? Oh, where like CBGBs? No, long, uh, Long Branch, New Jersey. Cibgibis.

White zombie. Yeah, white, but they used to play CBGBs and stuff. Oh, I thought you're just making him old. No, no, no. CBGBs existed when I lived here. I performed it at once. You did? What'd you do?

Rock and roll? No, stand up, stand it. I know. Very small. I know. So all this stuff I said. isn't like I'm being real. Oh.

Oh. I thought you'd be here. Oh. Yeah. Okay, now hearing it back like that, do that lens? Through the funny lens? I did a show for John Joseph. Oh, God.

There who was the lead singer of the Cromag's punk rock group. Wait a minute. John Joseph? Not the guitar comic. Oh. The guy who wears a dungary shirt with buttons, snaps. John Joseph, lead singer of the Cromack's. Awesome dude, badass dude, but it's so funny.

His whole thing now. was like veganism. He's also friends with Steve-O. And he's like, he's super like vegan, you know, not eating meat and he writes books about it and all this stuff. Tell you what, you're supposed to die young. I was watching a little bit. I was showing our friend Michelle the G.G. Allen documentary that they hated.

Yeah. I said he got to see her. We were showing her the G.G. Allen documentary. That's a, but she never heard of him before. And it's like, thank God that guy died in this. fucking 20s or whatever it was. I mean, what a shit? Could you imagine having the answer for that as like an older guy now and be like, I don't know, man, heroin? Like the answer's heroin. That guy was problematic. I feel that way about Patrice. Nobody would have liked vegan thin Patrice who actually

started doing clean comedy. You know, men can be mean. Do you remember G.G. Allen? Nope. Not at all. I probably do. I don't have the memory, but if you show me, I probably do. I don't retain anything because of my ADHD, I don't retain anything. This is something you'd retain if you knew G.G. Allen, what you know it is. Let me see. Right, Lou? ate his own shit.

All kinds of stuff. Oh. He was a punk rock, quote-unquote, performer here in New York, basically, and he fucking, you know, he's like a lower east side guy, and he just, yeah, he'd be naked on stage up with the smallest little dinger.

And he would eat his own shit, throw his own shit, piss on people, rape on stage. Rape on stage. Did a whole Jerry Springer where he was like, I mean, if you could find the him on Jerry Springer, he's like, sometimes you got a rape, and then they know not to get raped in life later. Because they got raped, they'll be stronger for the experience. And then there's a guy in the audience, he goes, do you agree with that?

He's like, no, I don't think you should get raped. And he's like, but it'll make you stronger for the experience. And he goes, I mean, I may. He just wants to like him so much, the fan of his. He's just like, I mean, when you put it like that, I guess rape school. It's just a sense that makes no sense ever. When you learn a lesson? Look, when you put it like that, sure, rape is cool.

He was suss. Oh, my God. What is he wearing? Sox on his hands? What's he wearing? Just awful gloves. Did you find attractive in this man? I identify with the things that he says.

I mean, I'm not saying I want to be raped. I'm not saying anything like that. She doesn't want to. She's 17. Yeah. She's a 17-year-old. Right. That's fucking disturbing.

But she is totally cool with the idea that some girls are going to get raped and that'll teach you not to get raped. Was this the 80s? This would be the 90s. 90s? 90s. Shit, you could, that's crazy. He looks like 58 in that photo.

Oh, he's, I mean, he was littered with drugs. He was just a mess. And he's dating a 17-year-old? No, no. That's not his girlfriend. He's a fan. Oh, he's just a great-year. She's like a huge fan.

Oh, okay. It's kind of when Marilyn Manson went on Donahue. He did same thing, he brought a couple of fans in the audience, and he was like young. So he was, he had the whole looking stuff. And he's like, I think you should raise your own children. Which, by the way, Marilyn Manson always handled these situations pretty good, actually. Let me ask you guys about this guy. Is this at the end of his career right now, or is this at his height of his career?

I don't know how long his fucking career was, quite honestly. And did he really rape somebody on stage? They say, I mean, there's tons of video of him beating the shit out of chicks and stuff. There's a video, he did a speaking engagement. like he would do these weird engagements let's see he says 93 so he died 93 so he has really quick he died at 36 I guess he was 36 following accidental heroin overdose

here's the thing what sucks again being older and watching his thing he's just a fucking scared pathetic fucking junkie is what he is you know whatever tortured by whatever bothering besides just drugs I'm sure he had something fucked up his brother who's still alive just always rocked a Hitler mustache

Merle Merle Allen It's a good It's a good Nazi name Merle Merle But um

Oh the lyrics What's really funny To sing Gigi Allen Lyrics And just like Pleasantly sing them Oh Bro

Was that his brother Um That's his brother Merle Yeah he's straight Always raw He still has it now And he's an old man

Yeah Wow Merle But yeah He was like I said he was like a sad Junkie of a guy Right

You know what I mean In hindsight And he used to say he's going to take a grenade and blow himself up in the audience and take as many members of the audience as he can with him.

That'd be great. That's what he always said. Yeah, but he kept saying he was going to do it and the date kept coming up, I think, and he kept kicking it down the road. He was like, nah, today's not the day. And then eventually he just OD'd. Because he was never going to do it.

You know what I mean? He would have to push that, kick that cane on the road forever. He's like, all right, wait a second. Is tonight even a full moon? It isn't. No, that's waxing crescent for sure. Hey, did you get the grenade? Fuck, you didn't get it?

Where did you just get a grenade? Army Navy store? Army Navy store, yeah. The back of an Army Navy store when you talk to the guy for a little bit. Yeah, it's like fake watches down to Chinatown. You know where I can get me a grenade? You think you're going to get something a little bit a little heavier? You guys got your eyes on a little heavier back there?

You can play a minute of this. They bring her dad out. Oh, God. And her dad is so annoying. Is he annoying? Yeah, he is annoying. No, I mean, he wants his daughter to not be into this on-stage rapist. Yeah.

For sure. But he's like, it's the perfect dad for this. It's not a dad who just shows up picking a t-shirt and things. Like, I don't want my daughter doing this shit. It's, of course, like a suit and tie. It's the guy. This is the guy that made her go to this guy. Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. He does something to me. I've just asked for it, especially if I get myself. Wait a second. Why do you think a woman ever? has to be raped. If I, you have to know what to expect. I mean, you know, I mean, if I don't

You know, you go to the thing, expecting trouble, and if you don't, then I miss the 90s in the 80s girl. Yeah, she goes, look. Just the old If you don't get raped, don't be, don't do rapies. Don't get stuff where you can get raped. Yeah, man, you got to

go out with people and not get raped. Yeah. Yeah. If you go to a concert, you got to think to myself, I'm probably going to get raped. It's going to happen. Nothing on with that. Chick have brain rot Oh God Jacob's a bit's bombing

Dude They gave me the machine You want me to use it It's bombing so good That it's so bad that it's good Yeah it's coming back around It's coming back around It's so stinking

It's not hitting me I'm seeing him grab the paper And look and pick which thing he's gonna use That's the part that it's really sucking But it's getting to me You stepped over salty before I said he was salty No that's not a hip word

It's not a hip word Bitter, upset or jealous By the way Though I know Using the word salty Is you being a joke for you, Christine? Using the word salty, though, now shows how old you are because that's not a new young person's word at all.

Salty? Yeah, that's for a captain of a ship. Salty. I will point out, Lewis printed that out. Yeah, throw him right under the bus, won't you own it? Why do I have to take the grenade for his words? Lou, wants you fired so he could step up a seat. I told him to be the young guy.

He said, no. He's 40. Yeah. He's the youngster in the, in the... the room that's fucking according to petriece that's like black 73 yeah one time is limited dude he's dog years left once you start like sit like a young guy too you sit like my grandmother it's a low chair okay wearing a your boyfriend's size jacket every day let's hear let's hear this 17 year old let's get to uh where her dad comes out yeah yeah john mankowski he's actually

raped for real this is when jerry springer was a different kind of show, though. We're back. We're talking with rock performer G.G. Allen, who, if you've ever been to one of his concerts, you'll certainly remember it. He is violent on stage. He does things which, well, he does things, everything from defecating on stage to raping women, to going into the crowd and beating up on the people there.

His argument is they pay for it. He also says he's the audience as his enemy. He hates the audience. It's funny that you could even Like you could never even say that on a TV show now No You can't even have this guy on a show He defecates and he rapes on stage

You can't have it on you don't blanket on YouTube Fucking 90s were nuts Perry Como of this generation What? Now I want you to meet Liz's father It's a weird balance though The 90s because I don't think you should be able to rape on stage But I think you should be able to say

Raped on stage Yeah Does that make sense? That does make complete sense You should not be raped on stage at all At all, ever. You know what? You shouldn't be raped anywhere.

No, Rave is not good, but you should be able to say it. You should be able to say raped on stage. I don't really, well, aren't they, isn't this like he has sex with girls that jump on stage

to have sex with him? Have you seen any of the clips of people getting on stage? He grabs me, like, he just grabs someone and start beating the shit out of them. And then they'll beat the shit at him sometimes.

It's pretty fucking great. We've got to watch some footage of the concerts. But bring the play, play John Mankowski. And her sister Sarah. Oh boy. John said it scared the hell out of him when he realized what G.G. Allen was all about. Liz's sister, Sarah, says G.G. Allen is dangerous.

John, as a father, what worries you most about her going to the concerts? What's going to happen to Liz when someone takes Gigi's philosophy to heart and doesn't realize I think that if she feels this is a joke or a game or it's harmless or the moth playing at the flame, maybe one of the people who really think that rape is a cool thing is going to take that seriously. And I don't want Liz or my daughter Sarah or any other young woman or any woman to be raped. It's a heinous crime. Very good. Well said.

Well said. Double points. That was definitely a double points answer. Bring up some footage of him performing and just throwing dokey on people and shit. But there's one thing where he did a speaking engagement at, or maybe he was supposed to be a news. There's two things. He was supposed to do a musical one-man thing at NYU, and he just starts, like, throw,

like, smushes a banana up his asshole, and then starts throwing, like, the mush from his asshole, like, into the audience. And it's just a bunch of, like, 90s college kids at NYU. Like, they think it's kind of funny at first. This is great. And then he's like, all right, people start getting naked. And they're like, no, no one's going to get naked. Hang on a second.

He goes, no one's getting naked at all. He's like, oh, you guys make me get naked by myself. And he's throwing him. more fucking butt banana at them and then he goes something about it he goes all right i'm going to start pissing and then everyone just gets him and runs out of the room then he throws a chair at them and then he gets arrested the other one i forget where the other place he's doing a speaking engagement is but a girl comes up to the stage he's like talking about beating and raping chicks and then a girl comes up to the stage and just like challenges him in some way and he just beats the

shit out of her on stage it's fucking wild maybe he just didn't like performing now he says he loves it's what he lived for. He's just trying to get off stage as quick as possible. Yeah, well, apparently, he always had the shit, so. But if I, I mean, fans of his that are kind of like, well, you kind of learn where to go to not get shit on you. And here it's the thing, to some degree, I understand what they mean. I do. To some degree. Yes, because I didn't go, uh, Marilyn Manson at the time when he was doing what he did, I would have never, I wouldn't have wanted to be close to him, like, cutting himself and all the shit he would do like that.

Dude, I don't even want to go to a Gallagher concert. I don't want to get watermelon on my fucking shirt. Never mind banana ducky. Well, I'm saying Marilyn Manson would blow like snot rockets and all kinds of crazy shit when I was younger. So I would never want to be in the shot of that at all. I mean, not off stage all the time in any way, but just like, it runs as fluids in general. I don't want to be around that. So no interest in it.

But if you were like, could I be in a fucking booth right behind him? Like a glass booth? Yeah, like watching every single bit of it. I want to see all of it, but I don't want to be a paw. I don't want to be anywhere near it. Like a zoo? You can just watch him. Yes, I want to go to the CBGB Zoo and watch this guy.

Dude, his little dinker is so funny, though. He's got a little dinky? It's the funniest. It may explain his anger and rage. I mean, it's such a little pecker. And he's not really fat or anything, so he doesn't even have an excuse like that. Well, he's on drugs. So this is just a little shitty room that he's playing.

He's naked right now? He never played anything but his little shitty rooms He just dove into nothing He's wearing a thong here This don't count I think he takes it off Let me skip Well, this is YouTube so

I've never heard of it Was his music good? What? Okay Oh, the lyrics were great There was the beginning of the documentary It's like It'll be like

I met this girl I met this broad But she was a guy Die when you die When you die You're gonna die Then it's like some N-word Byron likes a pig.

Die when you die when you die, you're going to die. It's nonsense. It's as bad as like, I don't think it is technically white supremacist rock. It's like punk shit. But it's like, it's just like, it's so over the time. It's so bad. It's bad.

Bad music. Bad music. But the lyrics are, I mean, hilarious. Oh, my God. Look at his little time. tiny ding ding. Treat yourself to his ding ding. Oh my God.

Oh my God. It's less wiggle in. Do we get some close captions so I can get some of these sick-ass lyrics? Ugh. That is such a small ding-ding. It's the second thing over from the left. Hide your penis. Fluff it up a little bit.

Yeah, but for two hours? I don't know. You can take some. I can have a Niagara back then, but. Ew. His ass is all brown. Yeah. Oh, my God.

So, it's all right. His ass cheeks are like yellow. Can I be honest with you? Please. The more I hear some of the music, it is a little more musical than you'd think it would be, though. Well, the band's always good. No, no, the one guy in the band spent time in jail,

one guy, the drummer plays naked, and he went to jail for showing his leaner to a kid. This fan just came up and pushed him over. Yeah. But that's what he wants. He, like, encourages all of it. He's actually wearing cowboy boots, which is wild. And a collar.

A dog collar. And a dog collar. I don't think that's weird at all. A dog collar? A dog collar? He's just mushing it. It's a wet duty, too. It's all like...

Oh, throw out. You think heroin guys have good logs? Yeah, no. That's heroin, doo-do. Yeah, that's... And this is heroin behavior. Oh, he's fucking... He's eating it.

He's eating it. He's eating it. He's eating it. He's eating it. He's eating it. Get it off. Get it off. Rock and roll.

Oh. Oh, he's licking it off. Oh, he's licking it off. Gigi Allen. No, dude. This guy's a fucking animal. I thought everybody had heard of Gigi on me. He's the guy with the shit guy.

No. I heard of the fucking... He's rubbing it all over his body, and he's throwing it to some people in the audience. Oh, fucking leave. They do. Oh, he's rubbing it. They do all start to leave D. That's disgusting. Smearing his duty.

They just leave him in a room, and they all pile into the hallways. They want to kind of see what he does. Now he thinks he's taking a piss. This is a fucking grossest thing I've ever seen. How does this place stay open? Yeah. How does a club let this go down? Oh, the Stanlets just do

His Legion of Skanks That's a valid point Oh, look at that guy, just miserable Who'd have thought that Hitler-emostage guy could play the bass for real? It's so funny too Black Lou, no, you wouldn't go to this one? No, he's good...

But what if we were gonna... But what if we were gonna broadcast live from there? Then yes, of course, for work. This music has to be really good to put up with all that shit. No, this is not... It's good considering all that's going on. It's better than you think.

what I'm saying. It is strangely like... Again, that's the band. That's the band. That's not him. No, no, I know. I'm saying, but the music they put together, I'm saying, is like... Yeah. Arranged better than I thought it would be for the song. I mean, I don't like punk music, and that was like... Oh, man, imagine me and the cop having to fucking arrest this shit stick. Duky face? You have to fucking get shit on your uniform?

Oh, yeah. You bring up the video of him beating up the woman? Oh, yeah. Is this that... This is NYU. And he's got a... His penis is very... small. Oh, he's sticking stuff. Now he's smushing a banana up his ass.

Oh. He really gets it in there, too. It's performance art. It is performance art the end of the day. Oh, God. No, don't you see what it is? Ah. Oh, he's shoving it in his asshole.

Oh, man, that must feel good, though. Dude, you're the banana and his asshole society. And that's just it, dude. Society's just fucking smearing. Oh, he's throwing it at the crowd. And they're laughing. A bunch of 90s teenagers.

This is fucking gross. There's not even instruments or anything on stage. No, it's just him. This is him bombing at a college. Oh, yeah. This is when they don't get you jokes. One guy who just came with him naked. Oh, God.

What was that circuit you were on, the college circuit? NACA? NACA. Yeah. Is this NACA? I guarantee he booked one NACA gig. Oh, God. He goes, we know what the cissies are now.

He really commands of the crowd. Oh, he puts a nut. Is that another banana? They don't care. I don't understand what this is, though. If there's no band and he's not going to sing. Dude, they have to spend money. The colleges have to spend their performance budgets,

so this will happen. He's like, I'm going to piss, and everyone just goes, ah, I'm out. Yeah. All these kids have good clothes on. But then he starts throwing chairs and shit. Then you see the cops bust in. Yeah, he was a maniac.

Yeah. This is mentally... Oh, shit. I'd say Colin if you've ever seen Gigi Allen live, but the odds of that, I'd say, are low. Yeah, whoever saw him live is dead. I'm trying to find him hitting the woman still, but it's just crazy the videos that are coming out.

Just do a tax woman. Oh, what is that? It's him covered in blood and blood. Lying on the floor. Blood and shit, this is not my thing. But, dude, laying in blood and shit and still what? Cracking a beer. Hell yeah, bro.

Hell yeah, we're still a dude. End of the day, still a dude. I like to sit back on my own blood and shit and just smoke a nice stogie and have myself a brew. Is there anybody like him now? Manilamance was probably the closest at a point But he was never that life Nobody ever got this kid

What was the movie that the trans ate her shit John Waters movie What was that? Oh, Pink Flamingos She ate her shit in that, right? Yeah, she had her own shit She picked up a doogie and just ate it Yeah, live performance

There's people out there who do fucking sick-ass performances But they just don't get big and there There's so much stuff out there that you don't know I found I almost went to get their name already They were in my algorithm for a minute these two girls who perform like heavy metal and like with almost without a fail every show like their tits and pussies are out at some point remember the uh was the pink there was a pink flamingo club in the east village you remember that place um what's his name used to wear who's that crazy do you uh rob uh crazy guy um he's kind of sick now he had a twin brother oh oh uh you mean rick shapiro rick shapiro used to perform though we used to go over there and see him perform there every once over there they had weird shit Or been duki on his face? Yeah, no, one girl had an onion in her pussy the whole time and then it popped out.

Yeah? Yeah. Did they use it? No, no, no. She didn't cook with it. It just came out like halfway through her act. It just fell out. She had like an onion bit and it just came out.

So was it out on the set list, like time for the onion? Or it just fell out? No, she let it come out. It was a performance. I think you have to push an onion out. I don't think you let it come out. Well, whatever. If an onion can just fall out of your pussy,

You got bigger problems. Yeah, it was cute. It was definitely cute. It was time for the onion bit. If you need to, Jacob, write this down. If you need, if an onion can just fall out of your pussy, then you have a bigger fish to fry. Now wait, you have the biggest fish to fry. Or we should have a fish fry.

John it's all down. Jesus, Jacob. Oh, here he is. Here's where he beats the shit of the girl. It's in Boston. Makes sense. Yeah, well, it is the only place where I think it's a fair fight with a chick. It's not illegal.

Back in the 80s, 90s, you could hit a chick. It was 89. So he's just in a house, it looks like. Now it's a college show. Why didn't I kill myself sooner? Why don't you kill yourself soon? Oh, my God, he grabbed her by the hair, and he's beating the shit out of her. He's dragging her.

And then these Boston kids fuck him up. You know what's funny? You know what's great, too? That they, I think what she is responding to there, by what she says even, I think he was doing the thing. I think she was like, kill yourself or something like that, because he's just whatever awful shit he's saying. And he starts doing his like, I'm going to actually, I'm actually going to kill myself and take out a bunch of people. And then it's like, and then she goes up and goes, why haven't you done it yet? He goes, why haven't you done it yet?

And he just grabs her by the throat and flings her around. It's funny too that this guy's... You are the one. This guy's a big pussy, too. As soon as the other guys came in, he just started cowering. Fucking dumb pussy. It's not the butcher babies.

That's what you're thinking it is. No, I don't know. I know the butcher babies. They're just hot. The band I'm talking about, I don't know what it is. They, like, just, like, they're... Sometimes they just, like, perform with their shirt off. That's hot.

Just do the show. Nashville pussy used to... The two girls used to fucking, like, dike off on stage. I like that. Go look the other one's panties and shit. There was the girl who pissed in the guy's... on the guy's feet. face at a concert. What was that girl? Remember she got in trouble for that? They're a fucking cover band.

Right. That was a cover band? They're a fucking cover band. And she took a hot, hot, a long, a long bathroom piss. That wasn't a, I'm just getting rid of a little bit because I have to go. She went like it's the whole thing. Yeah, she was whole than that. All the piss. I still follow her on Instagram because of that. Yeah, of course. She got a lot of trouble for that, right? No. No. She's doing great. She's got two kids. Oh yeah? Lesbian couple. In fact, they, uh, it's probably the they can do is because like when a brass against it's uh why would I know that other a fucking cover band other than they fucking was she uh is that her thing or was that just a thing no she just did it yeah she just did it there yeah yeah no it's not a thing particularly that was

gross and she was a lesbian so she's like I don't give a fuck I have guy face that's what all women should do piss on guy faces is this them yeah it's just them doing a cover of killing in the name of yeah just they have like horns in the band It's dumb I'm trying to find it uncensored That was fucking gross Way bad

I'd rather see somebody Piss on somebody Than somebody fucking throw shit I'd rather see I'd rather get pissed on Then listen to trombone Renditions of fucking great songs If you talk

If I You'd have to let her piss on me To get me to this concert She's coming I'll piss on you go I'll look at your pussy All right She had a nice body She had a nice little

Dumper on her Pretty good When she took a piss Pretty nice body Yeah well you don't want to see Janice Joplin piss on somebody Oh my god Dude you imagine that

You would have seen her big dangling lips You know they were meat as shit Yeah look at she's not bad She got a nice rump No she was cute She's got a nice little rump No no she's not a bad looking lady at all Anyway

She pissed on some fucking fat farmer's face She's standing over You know The whole band is like What the fuck's happening Oh that's a hot Yeah, everyone in the band is a classically trained Woodwind player Oh, you can see the steam coming off his head

It's cold out Look at You know it's really funny Zach De La Roca did this to me himself Same song When we saw him at the garden I ran up on stage and he took a fat piss on my face Have you ever been pissed on?

By Zach De LaRocca, dude By anybody? Yeah on? Sure. Really? Mm-hmm. Wow. Wow. What, like, what, like, did you like it? Shows.

Huh? In showers. Oh, you got, like, not on the face. No. What was that SDR one? Why is Paco here? Oh, yeah, what am I talking about? Poco, why are you here? You're saying, hi, I have to pick up footage. Oh, hi. Hi. Hi, Paco. Have you ever been pissed on? Yes. Of course. But, yeah, no, on SDR show.

I thought that's how you guys like, became a man. When you became a teenager, your father had to pee on you. That's not your culture? Aloha. Is it Matt, now when you say pissed on my face, how about pissed in my face? Yeah, like someone stood over you and pissed in your face.

I forget her name. But she yes, she took a fat piss on my face, in my mouth, in Ralph. In your mouth? Me and Ralph, yeah. And was that a sponsor? Was it like money involved? No.

Did you get a lot of views? on that? No. So it wasn't even fluencing? It wasn't... We got a butter fucking box with her in my face. That was kind of cool for a second. Hmm. She peed and you...

I got to watch her butthole work while she was peeing. Okay, well, there's a positive to everything. So, and when she did it, did you hate it immediately? Honestly? You didn't mind it. No, it was way worse. Dude, I drank...

I drank Gigi Dior's decan. squirt and that was that almost made me throw up immediately oh that almost me throw up immediately it was sitting around what is it what is the difference between piss and decanted squirt Christ only knows but oh well the it was piss fresh out the puss this was squirt 20 minutes at least after so it doesn't get better with age like piss has to be fresh from the tap I don't know but do that's where it was so really that freaked me out and Gigi's going gorgeous. He's gorgeous, but just the decanted squirt.

Yeah, I couldn't even get past and go, well, Gigi's hot, so it's from her. Oh, is that you? Yeah. And that you drink? Oh. That was a squirt. Do you want me to fix the cubs up, Shannon? Oh, you're going to throw up.

I almost. How much did you take? How much did you get in there? Nice. A nice gulp? Yeah. Oh. That's just a shock glass on a little.

Wow. It was wretched. Yeah, I would imagine that somebody, some... She's laughing at me. Of course, she's laughing at you. You can't believe he did it. You're a fucking fool. Oh, look at...

Ralph was trying to pretend like he doesn't love it. Oh, poor Jay. We really let it open up in the room, you know? God damn, you wanted to be fucking liked. God damn it, Jay. I fucking love you, kid. You're so talented. Did anybody tell you that you're going to be

a really fucking sexful comedian in? Oh, I think that's funny. Did you not believe in yourself? I think it's very funny. It's fucking gross, man. It's disgusting. Yeah, but sometimes you got to do disgusting stuff, it's funny. I mean, yeah, sometimes you be...

I have my limits. I've never done anything. Duky. Duky. Any put, pep, like, uh... Pop-pah. Like, anyone's piss? Like a guy's piss?

Of course not. That's gay. Right? Off limits. Anyone's fucking poop. What if you did something for skanks? You know, they have to do that. You get guy piss and two girl piss, and you have to mix them up.

You have magician Gomez mix up the piss cups, and they have to pick a cup, and they have to guess whether it's the guys or the girls. And if they win, they get immunity. What Jacob is typing. He's writing that down. He's writing that. Oh, look who fucking jumped on things. Ooh, great game idea. Dear Mattel.

Jacob here again. I wonder if you could tell the difference between girl piss and guy piss. I wonder if there's a difference. I don't know. Maybe. If there's anybody in this room that would know. I've never had guy piss. Nah, you know that guy.

Never had guy piss. I watched a memory video today that was Jake our old intern drinking Ari's piss for nothing. Why would you drink that piss? For literally nothing. That's going to be the worst, just cheese and coffee. Just a hot East Village hippie piss. Weird foods that nobody else wants to have.

Yeah, I know. Carrots. Yeah. Carrots and sage. He goes, well, it's just the leftover junk from yak spleen that I had to have on my fucking 75-mile hike through the mountains of fucking who gives a shit. The mountain of who gives a fuck, Bill. That's grasshoppers and granola. Oh, his poops on those trails must have been nuts.

I think out of anybody, he would be the one to do some wild stuff like that. Joe? No, fucking Ari. Eat shit? I don't know. He would eat it, but he would definitely... He'd play with it, I bet. He'd play with it, maybe make something with it.

His own shit, he'd play with for sure. Yeah, reenact the scene from Ghost. Dude, I would never. Spinning a shit wheel, making a... vase. When I clean my shit off of the bowl of a toilet with like the scrubber brush, I react almost as bad as if I had to do it for somebody else's shit streets. Yeah, I don't like shit at all. I don't like it. I remember

I had, I did, fuck, I was going to a massage lady years ago before dawn. And she shit while she was massaging? No, we, she would give you a massage and, uh, She was kind of like a hippie. You know what I mean? She wasn't good looking, but she wasn't bad looking. Want me pulled doo-do at your butt? No, she was white.

She was white. Do you want me to pull doo-doo out of your butt? Kind of hippie-ish. Like, hey, man. Hey, man. Want me to pull doke out of your butt, man? I knew you'd get it. I knew you'd get it.

Can I go back to the Asian one though? I like that. Okay, go ahead. Oh, put dudo at your baho. She gave me a massage, and we wound up, you know, she wound up, you know, she wound up, you know, doing the, extra stuff at the end and then she was like you want to have sex and I was like I was so wound up I was like fucking yeah and I remember she at least leaned over the thing and I I put it in

but it was not the vagina I put it in her poopie and I pulled it out immediately and I I smelled something what did she say she goes wrong hole and I was like yeah she took that great Yeah, she did. Well, I think she had a, I think she took it in the bottle. Oh, it was so gross. I was so disgusted with myself. I just, I took you three minutes to come. No, I came as soon as my dick went in her asshole.

Yeah. I love it. No, I left. I was like, ugh. I had a, oh, I was, can I use your bathroom? I ran to the bathroom and, like, took a shower. I scrubbed my, it was just so gross. That means she had.

Well, you popped off at least. That means she had a poop in her butt. You know what I mean? Like, she had to poop. Or it's the leftover. What? It's the leftover from a poop. Yeah, well...

It's after poop, but it's still, like, lining the tube, you know what I mean? Like I came over too early? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life hasn't just drained the tube completely. Fucking, ugh. And this is before bidetes. Right now, Bobby, you could fucking accidental anal me, and I would tell you if you buried your nuts against my fucking starfish,

I mean, if, when you pulled away, your nuts getting stuck to my butt cheeks for a second and then peeled off, nothing. Nothing would be on your fucking dick right now. That's the bidet. Huh? That's the power of the bidet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.

I thought about that. I would be ass-fucked. The bidet is kind of like a... A water dick? No, if your asshole was a minority report, the bidet is like pre-duty. It stops the duty that was going to happen before it happened. If I went into jail, day one,

I'm going to have to really like fucking... I'm gonna have to fucking really dirty my asshole up or something. They're gonna see what's going that fucking... When I change into my fucking little orange jumpsuit, they're gonna see like that white tooth sparkle on my asshole. You're just gonna have to get pigtails and hold onto somebody's baby pocket. Dude, my asshole is like a deep pussy. No ducy up there.

You get a nice hot, wet ass pussy? I was such a fucking deep, wet ass pussy. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. I hate poop so much. I don't like poop either. I hate it. A kid came back with poop for the scavenger hunt on Skanks the other day.

You had a massage parlor whores poop on you. She was a masseuse. She didn't work in the house. She was at her house. What? Yeah, she was at an apartment. That's even weird. No, back in the late 90s.

You could rape on stage. You could fuck a masseuse at her house? Yeah, they had like, Alanis Mars that was on the radio. Yeah, New York was a very sexual town, bro. New York was a fucking, I mean, sex was rampant. I mean, the peep shows, underground strip clubs, you know, massage parlors were fucking, it wasn't just, it was, you know, regular girls at massage parlors.

And a lot of them were, like, in buildings. Paco moved here with a dream of breaking into that business. Disney, fucking Disney, am I right, Paco? It really is. Disney strikes again, dude. You got a foot locker where you used to. to be able to watch someone get gang bang by a donkey. Yeah, sex is done.

By donkeys would be a gang bang. You've never had anal sex, have you, Jacob? Wow, he has. 25 once. Huh? Once, when I was 25. Giving or getting? Did it take him a while, Black Lou.

Yeah. I was laughing at your humor. Did he come? Did you find the prostate? Were you large enough for him? Right away. Were you large enough to his liking? Did you fit well?

I mean, I'm asked it a second. A second? You put it in a cane right away. Yeah. In our ass. You came in her butt? That means she fucking... Well, I was wearing a condom.

Oh, boring. Sorry. Why, dude? That's not AIDS in a butt? Why do you think that? Because it's a gay disease? I think most age is in the butt, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

mostly in the butt, I think. Mostly where there's blood going to be transferred. Yeah, I think so. But you take prep. Or at least your computer thinks you do. Yeah. Well, Hulu thinks I do. Did she ask you to do it, or did you just do it?

She did. She said what? She wanted to try it. What did she say? I'm you. Hey. Hey, where do I put this goddamn thing? Thanks for coming over.

Where do I put this cockamamie thing? Don't mind all the dolls in the bed. I'll get them off. It was a while back. No, that's an anti-Nazi book. I know it doesn't look like it. You've never seen a skeletal map of the Titanic? Do you like bow and arrows?

Run, rabbit, run. Now the chase begins. What did she say? Do you like fucking in the ass? She said that. Yeah. And what did you say? Yes.

I mean, what was I going to say? Was the question mark that? I'd say so. I got it. Did she say she wanted to try it or she just wanted you to do it? I got the, well, if you're asking me out of nowhere. Well, I mean, she might go, I think I want to try it. Yeah, that was basically.

So she never done it before. That was her first time. Maybe his penis was so small. You'd know. You'd know. Maybe his dick was so small. I'd be like, it'd be better in my ass. That's almost the question I'm asking.

I've never in my life had a woman suggest fucking her ass out of, without some. discussion or something. By the way, and I mean a discussion that like, there's going to be some anal sex tried. If a girl out of the blue just went like, you should fuck my ass, I would exactly go.

I'm like, oh no, my weiner's too smart her. She's like, at least make me feel something. Pain, joy, I don't care, but make this for nothing. That would fucking bum me out. I'm sorry that happened you, Jacob. Man, you turned it so ugly. Yeah. Well, Bobby started it and then I really piled on.

Yeah. But Bobby did point out that she probably thought your penis was too small for her big, huge vagina. Yeah. How old was she? My age. I was trying to look up a term about my hurt feelings of what you just said, but I couldn't find one. You're all up on your feelings. That's not on the list.

No, no, it's not. Shook? But that's just shook. You were shook. I was shook. Yeah, you was shook. Yeah. That she thought your dick was so small.

It wouldn't fit in her big vagina. I never considered that. Maybe you should try my asshole. I want it on record. I mean, monster penis compared to G.G.G. Allen. Well, we don't know what he looks like hard. Yeah, you don't know what he looks like hard.

You might have a grow or not a shower. You can extraply. Guy can have a monster of a shower. No, you're wrong because nobody's that angry if you have even halfway. I don't disagree with that. Yeah. I don't disagree with that theory. Yeah.

You had a big don't. He would probably have to eat shit, a piss. Yeah, medium dong. He would be just working at a... He would be a lawyer. Right. And if you had a big fat dick, maybe he's the same guy, but you don't have to pull out all the fucking dukey and piss

because really the story is all about your big, huge flopper that you perform with him all the time. But no one's talk. All the dick talks, negative. So now it's self-deprecations. Why all my jokes are about being fat when I started. You go, it's like, no, I'm eating shit. Hey, look, I eat shit.

Don't pay this. My little stupid weiner, guys. Is that the girl that you fucked in the ass, Jacob? Oh, sorry. I was trying to find more of his dinger. Jacob, when you came and you had to pull the rubber out, I know that you're very neat and you're very a clean freak. No, I'm not, I don't have any rules.

I mean, I'm not like Mr. Clean when... With sex? With ass sex. With sex, yeah. Any sex. Did you pull your wiener out in the condom, stayed halfway in her butt, then you had to pull it out like a balloon? And then it hit you in the eye?

And then it hit you in the eye afterwards and you got pink eye? And that's the story how you got pink eye that one time? No. That's not the story? That's not what happened. Then how'd you get pink eye then? Answer the question, Jacob. There was no pink eye.

How'd you get pink eye? You just farting your face while you were eating pussy from behind? Try to think of ways you get pink eye. I can't imagine. I thought it's all from behind pussy eating farts. Isn't that the only way you get it? And then Eskimo kissing one of those people. We got fucking farted in their eye.

Oh, there it is. Great. Now I got pink eye. that's my weekend what'd you do with the condom do you double bag it did you double bag it

just threw it in the trash and let the shit condom in the trash for a couple days dude looking zebra striped gum she was that at your house or hers mine was your mom around

she fucked her ass you came immediately you fucked her ass she came immediately and then didn't make her come no you can't Not then. I can guarantee that.

Of course not. I mean, that was just too much. That's got to suck for a girl to get butt-fucked and not come afterwards. Yeah, two strokes, and he jizzes in a condom, and then he takes it out and says, you want tea? Go wash your pussy. Oh! Damn. Jacob, I don't realize that was the young you was so fucking...

Oh! You were so fucking... No, suck it, bitch. Damn, young Jacob doesn't take any shit. Now, suck it, bitch. No, suck it, bitch. No, suck it. Now, suck it, bitch.

Oh, my lordy. Yeah, I would have fucking G.G. I've watched every documentary they have on him pretty much. Can I be honest? I didn't know who he was. I still thought. I thought you meant G.E. Smith, the band leader from us? And the Saturday Night Live band?

Yes. Can I be honest, too? When you said G.G. Allen, I was like, oh, this is going to be some cool band. This is, like, really cool, obscure shit. They're cool. Well, I mean, that's the grossest thing I've ever seen That he has his own handprints of shit on his ass But that was just the Philly show

What? And he's covering his dick Why is he covering his dick? He's tucking his dick Because he's having a man pussy now And now his little dinger He hates his life, Bobby Yeah, he should have died Bobby Kelly's going to be in Port Smith, New Hampshire July 25th after that Saratoga Springs

September 11th and 12th and Brooklyn, New York Whoa Brooklyn, Brooklyn, New York on September 26 For tickets and all other tour dates Go to punchup.org slash Robert Kelly. Check out his new YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy. And, of course, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Plyssie Cat Lounge at the Comedy Seller.

Also, listen to, we don't do anything. Listen to you know what, dude. The regs, all Bobby stuff. Bobby's out there busy. Busy, busy. With all my other friends. We had Shane on the regs today. Filled in for Joe List.

Oh, nice. Big J. Ocasin. We'll be in Winnipeg for the Great Outdoors Festival, July 19th, and then he's going to be at the funny bone in Richmond, Virginia. Whoa, mushy mouth. July 24th through the 25th. July 24th through the 25th.

After that, he'll be in Long Island, Royal Oak, Michigan, Albany, Virginia, Beach. He's going to be all over the place. He never stops working. One of the hardest guys in the business, but you've got to go to his website. So hard. I am one of the hardest guys in the business.

You are. Some say the hardest guy with the business. BigJComedy.com. It's not big, but it gets really hard, Jacob. And go to YouTube.com slash at Big Geogist for his live feed. Somebody sent me a video of you just stoning out on your live feed. What do you mean? You were just fucking going.

We're watching something? Yeah, you're watching, but you kind of went somewhere. It was fucking hilarious. The one I just do with Finoa? I think so, yeah. Nice. They're fun. Yeah, they're very fun.

I'll be right back. Not that you acknowledge me when I'm in the chat, but I do watch them. I've never seen you in the chat. Because you don't look. I have to look. Oh, there you go. It's the bonfire.