The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - DIY Dateline and Playing Goonies

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

Jay watches DIY pedo hunters online and gets to know the inner dramas of the group. It turns out Dan thought he was a Goonie when he was a kid playing in the neighborhood sewer systems.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com @BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com #CrackleCrackle

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocarson and welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Dude, dude, dude, dude. All bodies are touching. All sweat combining. People were in the studio

It's live. It's Monday. It smells like Ben gay in here. It's Ben gay in here See what I did right there. What smells like that? Thanks Jacob Christine's mic is not the CBD stick See oh Jesus. Why do you always do this in close quarters? It's maybe the rudest thing I've ever seen your person You know what you ever stopped doing this one of my favorite parts about not having a sense of smell is not having to smell Christine's Onto lotion It makes my eyes water like no, but I can't it's weird. My sense of smell is so dead that I can kind of

Get little hinkering of it. I'm completely watery. Yeah. Did you throw seven innings today? What did you, 75th time she's done this? Did you have to tie her bomb in her shoulder? Well, I thought it was just tiger bomb that wasn't okay. I didn't know the CBD stick was also not okay.

You're just putting on crazy powered menthol shit. It's not the CBD, Chris D. She's like, what about the CBD? The new Newport lotion. Yeah, that's so mischievous. Yeah. What are you talking about? Salums? Yeah.

You guys are salim-like. Are you even salums all over you? It's my eyes water. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm gonna put more on. I'm unaffected because I walk through life not smelling the roses.

Nothing, Lou. It's a pretty strong dog. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, Lou. It's a pretty strong dog. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it's one of the, I'm sure I've missed out on a lot of experiences because I can't smell, but these are one of those moments where I'm like, absolutely unaffected.

My face gets like cold tingles. Like it's on me. If you start violently vomiting, that would be fun. Yesterday, my myrtle puked on me out of nowhere at like big puked. Really? Where you going? Oh, you'll be able to fun. Yesterday, Myrtle puked on me out of nowhere, like big puked. Really? Where you going? Oh, you'll bully a wolf.

No, no, no, no. I was telling a passionate story to Myrtle. To Myrtle. To Myrtle, I was sitting down. When I was a boy, you remember all those people? You remember all those people you told me to kill? You didn't. But she, I was talking to kids in the morning,

we were just sitting on the couch for a second. And My and my little eight then got up on the couch next to me And I'm talking and then she's gonna Just like a clump of she just ate so the food wasn't digested just hit me right on the hip I was like oh you fucking bitch it went in between the cushions. I was like you fucking ass old bitch That's never coming out. What is that? Was that microfibers wait? No, no, no thank God Katie's Couch is not microfiber. It's cleanable. I we live no, no, it's like a Not like a great couch puts on a shitty couch. It's like a polyester mix with shit

I don't know. I don't know. I just I cleaned the hell out of it. It's gonna be dog puke forever I'm gonna do about it. I don't know. I don't know. I clean the hell out of it. It's gonna be dog puke forever. You can do about it I think right now I said when a dog may puke something like Carpet like installed carpet like toss that carpet. It's over. Yeah It was just such a clump. It was like a snowball. It was in it. It was all her food. It was just dog food dog food Well, I could be speaking to Justin. It depends. That could be a lot of things, which is a bunch of kibble. Yeah. Or she yak up like a

fucking a foot long, a steak and cheese foot long. No, she didn't have a side plate of veggies either. It was just. It was kibble with duck dust on it. Black Lou and Jacob via satellite. Via satellite. Black Lou and his home studio. And Jacob in his kid deck. It's so nice I'd be willing if if Lou led with his chest on financial advice in that studio, I would listen to it. Oh, of course. That's how nice that home studio. You should go full anti-vax, Blackloon, that room.

Oh my God, dude. Corner the, yeah, yeah. Trust me, there's a lot of openings in the anti-vax community right now. Yeah. You got to get into it. Yeah. Yeah, they need numbers. Dude, anti-miss, calling yourself Mr. anti-vax and dying of COVID is like the funniest

Andy Kaufman joke. If you found out that guy wasn't dead, I'd be like, that's fine. There's definitely has to be a zillion conspiracies on that. Oh, that he's like, they were killed. They were. And they said it was because of COVID because they wanted it to people to give X You how much money could you like let's say We get fired from here. I can't do comedy be out of the out of how much money do you think I would could get Pretending to be like are you alright getting?

That's stick that CBD in their little It's rough. Yeah, it's. Yeah. It's rough, yeah. It's an obstacle. It's an obstacle. Point being, do you think I could get paid? No, I'm probably, both of us are two public figures. You could probably make money going to a conference and being like, I was a government sniper that took him out.

And then this guy's fucking awesome. There's no one challenging it ever. Yeah, and he's been like, what? And then you're like, dude, sorry. It's classified. You'd probably never even know about it. Well, he was challenging it ever. Yeah, and he's been like, what? And then you're like, dude, sorry, it's classified. You'd probably never even know about it. Well, he was a radio host. Yeah, that's really funny.

And he was, yeah, this was a radio show. Like pretty, I think he was just like a right wing radio host. And yeah, Daytona Beach. In Daytona. You have down Daytona. It's where we go in the summer. It's just fucking, it's exactly one of those things. It's like why we watched the Jake Paul fight.

That's the guy? Yeah. He looks like a tell of Angela. Silver Fox though, huh? I mean, why? Well, I'd be honest. When someone's got the silver hair coming off the tan skin, it's a look.

Can I tell you this? Yeah. But that nice of a suit. Had I just had his radio Yeah. With that nice, that nice of a suit. Yeah. Had I just had his radio show on working at a liquor store or a gas station? I'm probably still picking up some of his ideas. Buddy, if this guy just got vaccineed, he'd be crushing older at like nice older house. Oh, yeah. What's that place called in Florida while we've got the village? He'll be fucking like hot like 40 year olds. We never watched that documentary series on the village. Can look that up Christine? Oh about the

Yeah, my friends mom lives there. Is it about they all fucker something? It's just like about how it's like basically a dorm room for old people. It's his dorms for old people and they party Yeah, he's party and right around and golf carts to get fucked up. Yeah, there it is the villages There's a documentary series that someone did about it that we should have seen. A series? Because I bet, I do. I let Trish loose in there, like the Tasmanian devil.

You think she can go? That is that. Should we pregnant a month? Yeah, she's gonna have a reverse hysterectomy. She's gonna be pregnant. She's gonna take me back in there. Stuff me back on my two big, I'm gonna shoot out gonna put it back in there. Stuff me back on my shoes. I'm gonna shoot out. Throw it back in there.

You fucking punch him in there. Just use a local, I'm fine. It's called local anesthetic. It's called some kind of heaven. Is the name of it. Yeah, it's just a movie. It's just a movie, sorry. I'm not an idiot.

I'm an idiot. No, I'm a fucking idiot. No, I'm a fucking idiot. It's easier to get people to hunker down and check out a movie than a series. You're right. We should both watch this. If a series sucks out of the gates, it's over.

We got a lot of television watching to do with each other because we should watch this, but we also need to watch Marlon Wayans, new HBO Max special. Sure, it's Jeff. Let's never forget that he bumped me from stress factory, a whole vindictive dance. It's gonna be a gem. We want to cool out your trailer right now pull it up It's him sweating a lot the not sweating. It's one of those things that's edited the trailer's edited where it's like

Shows him early on he knit cannons. He definitely knit cannons and takes layers of clothes off as the special anybody want to take a Over underbet with me? I'll say three times that one of the cuts is just him making like a noise or screaming. That's good. Or a face. You say three? I'll say it three and I'll take the... That's a noise, shit.

That's a noise face combo or just a noise interface. Is it just a combo? Just not, not like a sentence, not a joke. Just dancing or a noise or something. I'll take the over. I'll take the over. Lou, you want any action on this at all? No.

God damn it. You know, I'm good radio and dude. Yeah, no, because Lou, if Lou is, he's like, listen, I scratched that. Now, move on. I scratched that itch. Next thing I know will is kidnap to find the fun. Chooses. He's like, I got to get

back into that. He goes, let's go. They got a one. What's a good name for us? Jersey strip club. They all go to. He's down with the fucking wet noodle. He's down at lap dances. And he says he's gonna break his hand unless I fuck your go get him out of there. He goes, hey, got roughed up in the back of lap tuna over on 73 off the tuna fish I'll fucking the tuna boat. That sounds like a Jersey So I'll take over on that then he just goes wow dude when they edited one of the first edits of my HBO Special that they gave me was me at the joke about my dad dying and they go, my dad died of alcoholism. That's awesome, whatever it's in the joke.

And then it's just me going, wow! That's like, another joke. And I was like, what are you guys doing? I said it back, I was a little spicy about it. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? My dad, I know the joke. And don't make it look like I'm walking around

Jim Carrying up my father's death row. Oh man. That's a lot of loss. I don't remember the trailer. They put out whatever the previews and they put out for Comedy Central for my hour. Yeah. Netflix doesn't have those.

Yeah, they don't do that. And well, they did a preview for... Oh, no. They did your cool bank heist. It's the heist. Yeah, it's not your right. They do it when you scroll over to it. They do give you a little bit of it a trailer, but uh like I said, I honestly

If I ever get a Netflix thing and I'm gonna make my trailer on purpose all like it won't be things at all I'm gonna film those noises just for the intro. That's so funny Like work with the audience. I go guys. We're gonna film the intro quick now goes Like work with the audience I go guys we're gonna fill the intro quick now goes He just like me just like me just like fucking flex in it out In a hilarious new special where he's not afraid to go there, but you need this guy right here. Oh, yeah You need the slamming noises or it's like Netflix presents. Oh! Oh!

Slap daddy's gonna suck you! It's Big J. O'Kristen and he done did it again. Like you've never seen it. Woo! Woo! Have a time. Bam, open, bring me up. This Labor Day beeps in noises.

Y'all remember this dance? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Blistance What if I'm gonna bitch I'm fucking her like Jay ochersens back To a new song. I said I told you twice! What? That's... She ain't okay, she... She done did it again.

Netflix. Did I do it again, yo? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, with his getter done. He's like, I ain't from one. He's from one. He's like, he's from one. He's like, he's from one. He's like, he's fried up and served it. We've talked about this before with some fun of Dragon Mode. The city moves fast. He's like, oh shit. Dude, he just did two.

Maybe I'm just old school. So we did that in a car ride driving to Junior's last laugh in the you know like fucking ten years ago. Now he's doing shows with Foxworthy like in South Dakota. I call him like where he going. He's like flying up new show with Jeff. I'm like oh dude you're one of the new blue collar Jeff. I didn't like that one bit. Did they make him? He said Jeff Foxworthy. Okay I was gonna say he said Jeff. were they okay? I was gonna say because he said Jeff You're thing he can say Jeff if you're talking

Why wouldn't do that to me said Jeff Fox every so great guys? Yeah, he goes yeah, I'm hanging out with Michael Michael Jordan What's fucking guy? Yeah, why don't I think bow and I could be by like 6 p.m. Bo Jackson? Yeah, my friend what is that crazy weird Yeah, man, it's Wait, we're gonna one of Kevin Hart went through things like that. I've just like a few days of like Absolutely, this is Dwayne Wade and he like wants me to hang at his house a lot when does the rock become Dwayne? Yeah, yeah, Kevin's definitely the age.

Cause he remembers the rock as a wrestler when you watch wrestling. You guys are the same age and he's a year younger than me. Yeah, and he definitely watched the rock, but it doesn't matter. And now he's like, what's up Dwayne? He's like, man, my fucking, I took a shit yesterday. Shut the fuck up Dwayne. Yeah, shut up Dwayne. Buh-hoo, Buh-hoo.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. That's a, uh, uh. Big J is not Kevin Hart. Shut up, don't you? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What was the big jail? Oh, we got to get you be sure All right, let's watch the trailer for Marlon Lane three. I'll take the I'll take the under I know I was looking for something I'm sorry. I got fucking I got menthol brain dude get through it's Christine's napalm It really is huh? I can't put more on I say lather up for the last hour Let's see if you can get through this like a kung fu contest You can lose that he could do everything so go lather yourself up and roll around the fucking lobby But if she just walked in and it was just radiating offers. He's like

Yeah, he gets a cool if I shit in the middle of the table, right? Everybody hey who's the radio show that bought the that brought the pine tree with him So it's horribly distracting. Let's watch this trailer then. Please. I'll tell you all the story. You promise you ain't going to judge me what happened. That's how you know it's bad. Well, what happened? You threw it. Jared, you threw something up to the table. Come on. Jared, you threw something up to the table. I mean, that's just been done a thousand times. I have never heard it. I think I've already lost I've been already up to three things. It's been on for 11 seconds

Slap Yeah, I'm just going to I'm going to cash out right now already Yeah, just go money. Thank your buddy. Look at that here before parking He became the hot one over the years. Yeah, Sean was always a hot one now. it's Marlon. Yeah, he's taken over as the hot wands. Well, the other one doesn't do anything. Sean, yeah, he still does stand up. He wears makeup when he does stand up on stage. Like concealer and stuff?

I don't know, concealer and stuff, but like puts on makeup just for like a club show. So the lighting looks good? I guess. Damn, I didn't know someone else's. I didn't know someone else's. I didn't know someone else's gonna laugh at this stuff. This is her guess damn I didn't know someone else hot one I didn't know some of the laugh of this stuff. This is her this is her humor. I didn't know I didn't know that Other people were doing that I come out of the green room and I've napkins I have clean eggs in my I come out I go yes

Can I help you is this pop it out? Yes? I'm about to go on mm-hmm. Yeah tell them I'd like a light at 42 Get my glare. Yes, I'm about to go on. Yeah. Tell them I'd like a life at 42. Can someone get my glare? Yeah. Alright. Done. 23. You missed a win. That's it. Yeah, that's good. Did I spoil them? I know I shouldn't have never told them kids I had money I should have raised them in the projects They need more government cheese in their life My project took so many pictures of me my brothers found out things about me. They didn't know I did phone rings Zuzu Kenan Sean

Stupid what do you think stupid dammit? Let me ask you something when did you learn how to snorkel? Damon When did you learn how to snorkel? I love my father now was a man, but as a kid leather pants in Miami I'm even for a spankin for good shit. I get scared Mom, huh? Did you walk there from the hotel in the rain? Hey guys, sorry, someone carried me with blood right before the show. I think there's a method of the man is that make it look like you

Just spend it all up there. I'm telling you there's a method of the man is that make it look like you just spend it all up there I'm telling you there's a method of the man. That's you know. That's what's gonna happen. Yeah, it's cool when black dudes do it White dudes do it. You're like is he unraveling Fixed like yeah someone you'll cut and let this guy boot up the Robin Williams you're like oh my god He is on massive amounts of okay Black dudes are like damn he really put it all out there Take this go get some ice cream. Oh my god Like black dude you're like damn he really put it all out there I love this is so much without saying shit And I see some young brothers outside they want to rob me and they be impressed like oh shit Wait, oh little man, I got a cousin that small man, so I know that shit be real

You got that little chain on you know, and you're gonna see it and I like those sneakers you got So as much as I love you You know what it is H.P.O. Max Suck our dick. Oh my god. It's called you know what it is. You know what it is I spurted out when I was making those fake titles. I didn't you didn't know what it is. No, it was a fucking the goofy Yeah, a saying like that. Yeah Wow, I had no idea Monday's right

That's gonna be my next HBO special actually it's gonna be Mountain goat. I think we've already said big J. O. Okay, send cuz I've done said before because I said it therefore I'm just gonna use all the things that I used to finish school papers out with. Dan Soder, in conclusion, here in force. Therefore, this is all civilized and high school members. In conclusion. And after all of that, oh man. Yeah, so anyways, sorry, Straf Factory,

they wanted that. BjS hour. Don, I'm gonna name my next thing, Donda. Dude, please play Track 1 off Donda. Do you listen to the whole album already? I have a listen to the whole album, I'm a voice and I have it's 20,000 songs. So I'm only seven tracks.

Oh, yeah, I'm only halfway through I think right now. But dude, this made me, the second we put it on Katie and I both start laughing because it's when you listen to it just think of black sheep when they're going road road road road Oh damn is that Jacob Winslow? Is there a is there a lamb in the room? Oh is that a voice? Is that the voice? Oh by the the way, we went away for the weekend. Michael Winslow fucking moved on. He did. Here's a airplane going by.

Dan, he moved on with the audience vote. He was the one of the audience move forward. Shout out to the Sensei. Here's the Dandas on It's that for two minutes. It's of two four minutes. Yeah, no shit. No, I take that back. It's 53 seconds a day. OK, that's cool. Well, so for the rest of the day, I was just going, Trish, Trish, Trish, Trish.

Trish. Yeah. Teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, teri, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom, lose mom. Back his mom, back his mom, back his mom, back his mom.

Back his mom, back his mom, back his mom. mom lose mom lose mom lose mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom back mom He is a genius because he found a way for you boobs to buy an album of him saying his mom's name I am a genius Just the first song. Yeah, it's only to his mother. I mean It's still ridiculous, but that's great He doesn't mean the whole album sucks guys over top genius Damn, dude. We got to get you on we we gotta get you on either variety or billboard, writing critiques of albums and just decimating artists.

Before I listen to the album at all, you just go, no, stupid, named it after his mother. You could have been like a hot dude the way. I'd love to grow a handle like a flamboyant mustash. You start reviewing music. There's another world where little Jason Oakerson goes to a private school and gets into writing is just one of the harshest literary critics known to

Man so many people think my music tastes is they literally think it's like corn limp is getting stuff is what I listen to yeah But it's so funny like a listen to other monster energy during rock than that There's a talking Benjamin I don't know. He slapped the board. I don't know. People are falling apart, dude. But you were saying, I mean, it's not loose fully. You got fucking Ben Gay in his eyes. He's blind and he's two men down and he's blind. The end of the action movie, he's got two fucking pistols against the entire army. No, but people think about I always want to, I want to do music reviews, but only

complain like how it's just too far away from like corn and limp is good. That's your, I'm like Kanye West, like sure, it's like, it's innovative lyrics, it's storytelling. Uh, some people say done and it's finest, but it's like, where's the boom, da, ba, da, madouze happening? Where's the part where's the boom da badam, the do's? Where are we? Where's the part where the crowd separates and we all smash together and hurt people? More mosh pitting, more white people with dread,

scatting, more cuts and, yeah, it turns of a DJ mixing a guitar. I notice nobody in the credits this entire album has eyebrow piercings. And like, what's the fuck what gives? None of your producers even have quasi-medicine names. Like scabs. Like scabs and knuckles. Oh shit.

Donda. Donda, sorry I'm just singing my favorite song. Dary, Dary, Dary, Dary, Dary. Trish Patricia I'm gonna get a patty patty patty. I'm gonna get to know all 27 tracks that out He called my mom patty Mills and it just made me laugh I Gotta get her a Brooklyn that's Jersey. I gotta give my mom a patty mills.

Patty mills? She'd never know the inside reference. She's had that out of sight. What a great nickname for my mom. Fitch? Yeah, perfect. So it's where Katie calls her now. She's called her Patty mills.

So when she does talk about the real Patty mills, she has to specify. She goes, the actual Patty mills got traded to Brooklyn. I was like, oh, I didn't think my mom is gonna play for the net. Um, I watched that Marlon Man's thing with you. Yeah, we gotta watch that. We gotta watch that other thing and then there's You gotta see something positive though. It's a scene in Rambo. Oh, yeah, there's a positive I will say though. They showed far. Well, they

Wasn't strong punchline stuff. I would almost they showed him talking far more than I thought they would if I were to I would say it's gonna be Nick Cannon's third special bad. Yes. Oh, no, no, it's gonna be bad. Yeah, no, I've already I've already been seeing it get He did impressions of people in there that I don't know if those were good impression no like his name the Damon Wands I sort of got like I'm gonna show on Wands impression he goes how could I Possibly take he is just like there's nothing got distinct about his voice then Kim calls in and I'm like I don't really know a Kim Wands if I heard she's like what you doing? Maulin that sounds that sounds everyone just me that that's how she sounds it sounds like Damon was it sounded like he was doing Damon doing blank man Yeah That's how she sounds. It sounds like Damon was, it sounded like he was doing Damon doing blank man. Yeah, he was doing my Christmas.

He's doing my Christmas. Or that he's doing, he's doing Christmas. He's doing the remember the homeless guy from a living color? He's like, I wanna see my pickle. Yeah, he was doing that. Yeah, he was doing that.

Damon Wayne. Hey, boo boo boo boo. Did that, your Christmas Italian rule. We used to read Chris Italia and Pete Davidson. Chris trying to get Pete back He's just come back and play Oh, we got the guy from Sicily through in your pieces. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't feel like the stale's dope anymore In ancient hell

I'm kind of dating Miss Marvel Not the actress like the actual hero. I'm feeling super awesome. Justin Silverman me laughed so hard this weekend because I have now sunken in, I mean, balls deep into, that's not the right analogy.

No, that's the worst analogy to use in that. I'm all in, I should say, I'm all in watching the pedophile hunting. Yeah. You love watching them get tracked and I just, what the, I'm intrigued by the whole thing, because one, there's not one of these pedophile hunters that is a person that is likable in any way,

but they're using all of that unlikeability on exposing these pieces of shit. Yeah. So I appreciate that, but the weight of your enemy. But they bully them in a way of like, you're doing it to make an interesting, which I'm watching by the way, an interesting YouTube video.

More than I think they really give a shit about helping kids. Because I think with the way they do it, that's the problem. Yeah, it's all self-gradable. Well, I think we found like there's just too much in trap minute, like they get a lot of arrests out of these guys actually I was wrong about that a lot of arrests. I bet extremely low convictions

Yeah, because people they're confronting say it's like well She asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime first and it's like what's already fucking ruined there But then the guy just goes is that right Richard? Didn't you say here? You want a sucker ass? Richard? Why did you want to why did you say you wanted to suck our ass Richard just because I wanted to suck our ass did I ever found a pedophile that just leans into it yeah not leans into it but just accepts it completely in fact one of them because he's such a big galute bully it's like this fucking guy well yeah of course one of them that's what I wrote it one time he goes because the guy said somebody went in the slather the grown barbecue sauce so they gave him they gave the guy said somebody went in the slather of the grown barbecue sauce. So they gave them, they gave the guy barbecue sauce

every time. Gross on a grown lady. Completely. Sticky sugary bitch. I don't want to fucking. They brought him a barbecue sauce and he said, he goes, every time I say something that you know is illegal and disgusting,

drink barbecue sauce. And I'll be like, I think my, you're only eight years, I mean, these are young. It's, these people are gross, but it's like, you're only eight years old I mean, these are young. These people are gross, but it's like, you're only eight years old, or I don't know if your body can handle what I would do to you or somebody get. And then you see the guy go, yeah, I just pounded. But they caught that guy twice.

But they started doing hot ones challenges. Take a bite when you said you wanted to suck her little butt. You went, what is this? Is this a... Is this ghost pepper? It's fucking stinks. This is the guy. This is the guy who caught...

It's a Reaper. It's the guy that caught EDP445. The big, throw it out of the big fat, throw it out for Eagles fan. That screams constantly. We've watched this video as a zillion times. He skits us out about the Eagles. He's a big morbidly obese fat black guy. Yeah.

And he got caught on one of these pedophile things by the, it's the same guy that caught him as the guy I'm talking about. Cross over episode. But he got nailed because he's got plenty of videos dropping hard and bombs like, I mean, with like aggressively. And also, by the way in his things he in his catches he does that like when he gets them there he makes a lot of jokes he goes what's your name

I got a Steve he goes yeah he goes I'm gonna call you Stephanie because you're gay dude It's like really it's so fucking fun but the way he looks and everything I want you almost to find the guy It's a it's pedophile poachers, but I just want you to have Shane hunt him down and bullying those shit We should send Shane after him, but it's a big get him it's a big boy But when you see him with me me laugh is Justin silver came in the room while he was watching he goes I don't like his Patrick's a pedophile Hunter from this day in Patrick Okay, it really does look like him, But he tries to crack jokes the whole time. And then he makes them laugh because they're nervous

and then he gets mad at them for laughing. How did they laugh to they laugh like are you laughing your bosses jokes or do they laugh like they actually find it funny. No, they drag them out so long. Yeah. These things, these questionators

reading over and over again, the chat logs and everything. They keep this long. It starts becoming, I think, just surreal for the guys happening. You're like, well, there's nothing. It's one of those like, you know what I mean? When you're like in a three hour traffic jam, when you have to be somewhere in 15 minutes, you know, you're like, well, it's almost a freeing nature of like, I don't know, it is what it is now so he just like do you sit predator poachers? Yeah, do any of these guys just walk away? No, camera because they wouldn't air that one. Yeah, because that's what I mean, you just walk away like fuck you.

No, the fuck you, I got an 11 year old to meet at 11.15, I was stacking them, but the indie and get it? Fuck it, the inner drama, the the Indian guy That we know and love The Indian guy used to be with these guys. He's now on his own. There's a fracture. Yo my guy by the way They have merch that says my guy. I'm not I've looked in dude. This is crazy I want it so bad because he also has my guy the big Patrick looking guy the big bully guy calls getting the cops Fried pickles. I swear the first two videos. I saw that I go this fat shit. Is that like he celebrates? Like towards the end of the videos. He says get order the fried pickles order the fried pickles

I'm always like all right guy and by the third when I was like it's the cop show up shortly after oh he says order the fried pickles Oh my god, that's he makes's the guy. He makes them not run. It makes them not run. Yeah, he goes, hey, so can I get the fried pickles? One of the pedophiles is going to be like, dude, you should, uh, surely watch it. You're eating kind of a big guy. But you, I don't know if that's healthy.

Listen, I don't know. I don't know. You're not going to take any advice from me. I'm trying to fuck a four and a half year old, but I wouldn't eat those fried pickles. Yeah, I think it's the fried pickles not. No, dude, he makes fun of the other fat people. Dude, the fronk pickles not. No, dude. He makes fun of the other fat peep.

Dude, he is, because he want to kill such a bull. He's gonna kill them too old for you, right? Fuck, okay. He's such a bull. That's why we're gonna have a shame go after him. Oh, yeah. And then shame him just team up and destroy all of us. He's like, he also does things like he lors you.

He goes, and yeah, like you've sent, like, you've masturbated to pictures that underage women have sent you before. That's not illegal, right? That's true, like, it's like, either of the, and he goes, yeah, he goes, that actually is illegal. He's just keep moving on, just like these weird traps. So he's trying to have like, Ryan Reynolds energy

while he's busting these pedophiles. He's trying to be like that snappy, witty dialogue kind of thing. Do you go, where'd you meet the first underage girl you ever talk to? Tick talk. He goes, yeah, tick talk times ticking out on you, buddy. It's like he just tries to lay all those out there. Oh my god, he's like a bad James Bond.

It's like my dentists. It just works in a fucking pedophile puns. He goes, oh, I bet. Yeah. New bile, you know that. He just always goes back to it. Tender bodies. We'll get out of here.

Maybe some chicken tenders. Well, I'm gonna watch that. What is some point? Rapstar, Fred goes crazy on me. It's gonna be a good one, buddy. These kill time in a hotel, like you wouldn't believe. How many would you say combined time wise? How much time have you think you've watched

of this guy over three hours? Oh yeah. Yeah, but here's the thing. It's like when I come back to the room at night Time wise how much time have you think you've watched of this guy over three hours? Oh, yeah, yeah But here's a thing it's like when I come back to the room at night And if there's nothing that I'm pressing I want to watch instead of like reruns of cartoons I just put on my and I play like solitaire on my phone till I pass out we get that It's a background that I just look up when it's like when they someone says something like really crazy look up Like what I Was at Macgoobies in Timonium this past weekend and was driving drove down

brought my PlayStation because I was like fuck it. I was playing Ghost of Sashima I was like I'll bring it with me and I'll play in the hotel room got to the hotel room two hours to spare before the show And I'm like fucking great Let me set up the PlayStation. I set it up. I left my controller in New York. I left my controller right on the coffee. And I was like, been there. Shit. Walmart, dude. Right. Exactly. There's a target right down the street. Go to target. Completely sold out of PlayStation 4 controllers, only PS5 controllers. Which I should have no PS5s. I know. I should have checked if they're backwards compatible. So what I should have done. That's where I blew it. I should have checked if to have no PS5s. I know I should have checked if they're backwards compatible

So what I should have done that's where I blew it. I should have checked if to see if ps5 controllers can work on ps4s Look that up Chris cuz ps4 controllers can work on ps3s if you use a wire. Yes, so There's you know, but I don't think so well regardless I Looked up found found a best buy Go to best buy no problem Regardless, I looked up, found a Best Buy, go to Best Buy. No problem. Sold out. Okay. Went to the front, to the point where the lady was like,

you actually have to go to the front to check and it was a long line. So now it's taken longer and longer as I'm going from places. And they had a few in the back. Zero. I've put these sold out in the store. Okay. Then I go to GameStop.

Oh, well this is a home run. Easy home run. Easy home run to the part where I left my cell phone. You get to use one worst case scenario. Exactly, I left my cell phone still attached to my rental car because I was like, don't even need my phone. Stupid.

I got out of here, locked car, walk in GameStop. The guy has immediate, shaky hand nervous energy. Long, he had like long thin hair and like a beard. Please don't tell me you're here for a PlayStation 4 controller Dude I walked in and immediately went hey man. Can I get a PlayStation 4 controller? He's like we're sold out and I Just this is exactly how I said it. What oh fuck me are you serious? What is this fucking? 2015 you guys are sold out and you go sir?

Your language Wow, and I went you're kidding right anyway It's not just trying to cover my own end over here And he was like one of those super you know those nerdy people that don't look like they're so socially awkward They look up to the sky like I Yeah, I'm not I know why I start and that's when you're like oh, okay the old clinical term was retard Yeah, he is but now you can't say that but you also can't jack off a chick to make her not feel sick anymore well he's he's gleaming the tard he was right on there that guy was like this guy was grinding the railing on tard right

there one push he's full on he was like man when he and it started to make it just made me laugh like he was like sir I was like no c, and when he, and it started to make it just made me laugh. Like, he was like, sir, and I was like, no. Cussing, we're talking about Cussing. I should have done- Sir, it's the bad word you're making me uncomfortable. Six immediately made me laugh, and I told the stories, like, you should have fucking gone full. Translating the game, stopping, going, stop calling me sir! That's not my shitter!

Stop calling me, sir! Check my pronouns, and fucking carry PlayStation work controllers for my house. So then I gave up and just went to the fucking, I was like, damn, did you came by PlayStation 4 controller and tomonium and it turns out they stopped sending them out. PlayStation wants you to buy PlayStation 5 so they stopped making this.

They don't exist. I know. It's fucking crazy. Also though, shout out to Matt Brown, who was guest MC in on the first show Nice and Matt was like I live five minutes away and he wouldn't got me a controller brought it back for the late show And I was like, oh, and then I got and you know what? Alright, let's talk about that. You're aged by the way though And that is an unnatural attachment to having to get that video game. You did a real

Actually not really it would target Best by game stop all down same street But why was you were doing them? I was like, oh, I was on it. You weren't on it. Yeah, you know what? I'm trying to play a cool one. No, honestly, I was on my way. It was on my way to go play video games. For me calling him a nerd, I'm a bigger nerd. I'm 38. No, no, no.

Fighting to get a PlayStation 4 controller. No, he's a bigger nerd. But he was probably also mentally challenged I mean, I think we're closer than I wish we were but I'll tell you what I don't like I like my mentally challenged people to come at me all like like impishly like no, no, I'm saying like very like sweet I'm sorry that I like I like a little parental advisory on mine. I don't like I don't like a bossy I Like a bossy sass. I like one that's gonna come in like because if you're just gonna keep on doing that

We're gonna take shit the plate. Yeah Dude come on doing anything supposed to be like welcome the game stop. Yeah, hey man He goes what ah man really shit you want one you want a guy. It's like what's rule number one party Oh man, really shit. You want a guy that's like, what's rule number one? Party. You know, this guy is so much fun. All right, Peter Butterfalken, let's fucking do it. Where's his PS4 controller?

Let's do it with the other sister. Man, right. What? I think Dan's on to something. This is just anecdotal evidence, but I think there's like an entire generation of kids now that they don't have social skills. They just, they in the house all day. Well, that's true also.

You just don't know how to interact. And they're pale. It's hilarious that the generation of kids not going outside the plane anymore is created what looks to be like retarded kids and with super pale. And they just get their hairs cut at home. Oh, with flowbees.

I bet I bet. They all bowl cuts and just like, they dress odd because they're just wearing comfortable for the couch stuff. Do you think our muscles are all tough from taking Charlie horses and like light bullying? Do you think we're like tougher for, like if you hit them, they'd be like,

oh. Well, don't you remember like young people, like you know, like the, the Pete Davidson and down like age, people like, brought like wearing like sweatpants. Oh my God, yeah. So like a nightclub. Yeah.

If you wore pants, if you wore sweatpants to a comedy club before like 2013, 2012, they'd be like, you're like a fucking professional. Or you were already laying. Yeah, you're like, it was even one of that. It was, or you already like, you just came from a hospital. Yeah, you're like, either just out, you have a bracelet on your wrist,

or you're a cool black dude. Black dudes got away with sweat pants. And then, they didn't really though. But it was the younger guys that brought it for white dudes to wear sweat pants. Yeah, it's crazy. I think they don't, they definitely don't sweatpants. I think they don't. They definitely don't get out.

I think the idea of getting together and having a catch out that side would never compute to them. Oh man, just to go. Stuff like that. We still crawling. We still crawling tunnels. We just find tunnels and crawl into them. What?

Yeah, dude. Where the hell were their tunnels? Just, you know, like, drain, drainage tunnels and shit, and just go fucking crawl through him. Becky's giving fucking metal figures, she gets it. Trainage tunnels. Yeah, dude, I was gonna sub her. So there's like fucking drainage tunnels

all over the place and shit. Like for irrigation systems. Dan, I know what you're talking about, man. Yeah, black glue gets it. We used to pull up manhole covers and climb down there and see what's going on. Yeah. Yeah, blackwood gets it. We used to pull up manhole covers and climb down there and see what's going on. Yeah, that sounds like mutant interternal activity.

We do that too. Sometimes we went down in the sewers. Yeah, no need for a crown. There was a drain right over by Alicia Park that was big enough that you could crawl down in and we would crawl down and drop down and go through the tunnels and shit and see what was going on. hell yeah, we did that all the time when I was a kid. That's crazy.

It was fun. Isn't that where like shit is? Uh, no, it's the, it's the, it's the, you know, I mean, yeah. No, Christine, I'll answer for you. Yes it is. Yeah, but it was the dream from like the reason. This is like, Dan, that being super psyched to get a controller. It was where P, Pennywise was basically.

Yeah, I thought that was like, sewage. Yeah, whatever. it's called a sewer You crawl around with some sewage, whatever Yeah, it's fun Dan you your system your immune system should be able to snort co-fit Dude, you should read it me. Well, too shit. I mean, that's crazy But I don't think we're looking for mutant Ninja Turtles down there? I know, we were kind of like, it was always always like,

it was the same thing. One kid who were on a do it, and then he'd convince the other kids, and he'd be like, he's all right, fuck it. And then he was like kind of spooky. It was never like crazy deep down. It was like there was no, that's where the pirate ship is. I wish.

Do you push these kid ships? I would. I would. I wish, no, but we just like crawl around most of the time and like where the drainage pipes were like down with like the runoffs And then you like crawl around and those and then crawl around You like in shit Like you would like squat down and walk through you know like hitting the sides of your hands. Yeah, don't touch anything down there I mean, yeah, but we would you tell like my mom, dude Crazy I did it wasn't shit on the walls. It was like rain water that was running down

I'm like saying don't go to a there wasn't You play shorts because you're gonna get sick, but there was never human shit It was no there wasn't a time. I'm being I'm telling you the drainage. I don't know what it was we never it No one never came out covered in shit It was like leaves into I mean probably there I'm not fucking crazy for this. I think y'all are fucking dorks I don't think you're crazy. I don't think you're crazy. I'm just saying I don't know if I'm I'm not one to crawl around

Listen, I don't think you're a door. I think, but I was a dumb little kid. I was having fun. That's what you did in the suburbs. You just found, you just owned it. Crawler and shit, dude. Crawler and shit. Crawler and shit. Crawler and shit, crawler, dude.

Same thing. We had a fun little group. We'd ride our bikes all around, and then you find places. You guys would ride bikes over to the sewer. Yes. And then go where we belong. That's where we started smoking bikes over to the sewer. Yes, I think go where we belong. That's where we started to go to the cigarettes. In the sewer. It was, it's like, it was a tunnel. There was a drain. It was a tunnel. It was just a tunnel that was by our bus stop that you could crawl

through that was like where this rock quarry was that was the runoff from the rain. So there was no shit in it and you crawl all the way through and then you're under this like great and you're, it was fun! You guys should have not gone to school and went to see that dead body. I would have done that. I would have done that so much. Like there wasn't walk, there was like an inch deep stream in the middle. So all you had to do was keep your feet up on the sides and then you could like run...

I'm kind of like this. I'm quite fat. Yeah, I'm kinda like that. I'm a goony. Yeah, we just go through stuff like this. I'm quite fun. Yeah, I'm kinda like that. I'm a goony. Yeah, we just go through stuff like this. You've been listening to... SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings

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