The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - DJ Lou Falls For A Cam Girl Online & We Have The Transcript. Plus, Corpse Posing...

Episode Date: July 20, 2018

It was a monumental week on The Bonfire as Big Jay & Dan find out that DJ Lou got duped by a cam-girl on Bumble. Tune in as they re-enact the chat session transcript between Lou & "Olga." Then the guys discuss the fight between Motley Crue's Tommy Lee and his son Brandon and realize that the world-famous drummer sounds just like their dads. Finally, caskets are so 2017. The new trend in wakes is "corpse posing" which leads the Bonfire crew to discuss how they would like to be posed and remembered when they're gone.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Ocasin. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM95, or on demand on the SiriusXM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM.

If you're in a real discussion about real life shit it's more fun to get into the life stuff and We had this whole meeting and then Lou tells me outside a story that I am just Perplexed but I mean it's such a great story and just such like so lay it out there. How does this guy? I describe Lou as a genius at radio. He's unbelievable. And I guess if you're a genius at one thing, you're gonna suffer another stuff.

And this is a real, ridiculous thing of not common sense. He brought this to the table, very awesomely, I think. Lou, if tell him what happened to you on Bumble, I'm so shocked that you've never you didn't see this coming a mile away i was on bumble and uh... this girl named olga twenty two from queens directed me to uh... instagram and we can instagram message on there what did she say on bumble to get you to instagram

oh well i'm not on here a lot. Message me at her thing. Oh, fuck, say. Oh, Jesus, Jacob. Jacob just did it. Just for fuck's sake. Because Jacob asked me, I was just getting ready to say sort of like, I've done so many things where you reach out to like a thing on whatever, like, you know,

like a thing where you might be able to get late or something, you know, and when it comes, even like people on social media historically, back to MySpace would do that. MySpace would be like, hey, I like, it's like someone, they're hitting on you. And it's being in comedy. You're like, oh, maybe look at that.

It's paid off finally. And you click it. And it's like, please go to, you guys, I want to talk to you, baby, on, think, go to XXX free cams, XXX stuff. Well, Lou did talk to her. And we have it all right here. This is so exciting.

Welcome to Bonfire Love Theater, the Lou Witsky episode. Oh, man. This is gonna be heartbreaking. And you've agreed that she's Russian, yes? No, that's your racist thoughts. She's Swedish. She's Swedish? Oh, I'm sorry, Australian. Oh, yeah's your racist thoughts. She's Swedish. She's Swedish? Oh, I'm sorry, Australian.

Ah, yeah. So I'm one of those good things. All right. Lou, look at this picture. You're retarded. Well, let me set it up. Let me set it up because I'm looking at the profile. And her name's Olga.

And she has, she's following her for years. Yes, Lou, I really want to fuck you. I want to smoke cigarettes with you and your brother She is she's following 46 people and she has 50 followers. She has 11 posts They all look like and she's like all every picture is just an excitement Tits it and one sleepy look I am sleepy lady. I am to lazy to be lazy Luke does have a fat cock. There's no way he doesn't So this girl's my dying to fuck me. Oh my god. I bet this girl wants to hear me complain about gout at three in the morning

Lou you're gonna go on a date with Ariana Grande I mean, it's what it looks like Listen Lou, I get it. Why in the fuck not. She's hot. She's really hot. We have the transcripts So we'll see you invested a lot of time talking to her on this thing. I'll do a little. Oh, I. That's so cool, McCool. Oh, is that, is that fucking sunglasses inside Luthor's? By the way, Luthor, she throws this to you that what's going on here really early of the game.

Hold on. So we're gonna also first page. So get that back to him. I'm great, thanks. How come New Insta? Why, the letter. Yes, it's for you know smiley face Look was oh nice smiley face hard. So where are you from?

Smiley face smiley face. I'm from Jersey you and Queens Yes, but originally from oh she is Sydney. Oh, yeah, but originally I'm from Sydney. She's got here a better week ago Wow, you're staying here long. I think I lose small talk, Lou. And you're going to see the sights and stuff. Yeah. Hard to say, but I'm already falling in love to the place smiley face. So how old are you?

You got to say, around 40, but I'm really immature Well, you're a doll. Why do I sound like Arty Lang? Can you make my voice not that? Yeah, make you come on you like older man She's thing. Hey, she's just a number perfect and smiley face get off me smiley face smiley face, get off me, smiley face! Perfect answer. So would you like to hang out some time Miss Olga? Oh, you would love to, but I'm working, smiley face. Where at? Hmm.

To be honest, with you after my... Jesus Christ. This is so crazy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is my so crazy. I don't know.

This is only the first finger swear. Oh, ready? Here we go. So, by the way, you have to, my parents died in a car accident. I got a... I got into cam modeling gig to support my baby brothers and make a living.

Is that a tan off to you? What are you supposed to say to turn on your ass? No, you're family dying to carac. That's fucking boar of the ass. Something black. Well, Lou says actually is no way do whatever you have to do. Thank you for understanding. Sorry to hear about your folks. It's all right.

It's really hard to trust guys these days. They will easily, oh, Jesus. No one, by the way, Lou, I just want to keep saying this. Let he who out there hasn't sounded like this much of a jag when you don't think you're going to be reading this to the world. Oh my God. I mean, if you read my side beam, but if it was funny enough, I would give it to the show I swear to you. I mean, this just gets great. I mean, the car accident, dead parents immediately is worth this entire endeavor

It's all right. It's really had to trust guys these days They will easily judge you because of you with without knowing the reasons of what you do. It's hard to trust anybody You can print that line. I'm happy with that's a Lewinsky quote you can start you to You can still be a good person and have a naughty job a naughty job I mean naughty girls need love too Dude is she's just on her couch and she just goes got one She's just on her couch and she just goes got one She's on a big white leather couch and Miami and she goes hey, I think I got one

Dude here's her so she sends a bikini shot and she is very hot Yeah, and she's really her I'm sent by the way Dude, oh my god like sent like it like I just took this free. Yeah. Oh here it goes So she sends a picture it's your eyes. Well, yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm like I start working now Do you still want to talk to me in my private cam? Sure you are lovely lovely He's pulling punches with a girl is gonna go cucumber snatch on a webcam You're lovely and I don't judge. Oh of course flower

I'll follow you to the forest. Can you meet my one simple tam faced? Go ahead. I'm gonna see how fucking Chihuahua jumpy Lewis to this girl just laying out her whole sales pitch. Uh-uh. And everything he responds exactly she goes, yep right. And everything he responds exactly she goes Yep Got him. Oh these guys walking in like a fucking Pull me into a little gang trip... Yeah, she is very rash. How quick Lou just gives information is great. I'm sorry, but I'm...

But I'm gonna start working now. Do you still want to talk to me in my private camp? Sure! You're lovely! Can you meet my one simple term for... Go ahead! I know that you want to meet me, but I need to be careful to meet no people. I have to protect myself too

You see I'm just new here. So I will only meet you in person once you meet my one simple turn. Oh, I understand I understand Needs an adult themed show online. It will cost you $1.95 American to get in. Can you handle it? Am I worth it, baby? Smiley face? No problem, yes! Yeah, all caps, yes! Give me your email so I can generate a trial link for you. Just subscribe as my viewer is using that. So I can wave my poor minute rate. But I can't do anything about the mandatory $1.95 for the site's maintenance and stuff Anyway, baby smiley face. Here's me. Here it is. He just gives us email completely right away

Check your email now, baby smiley face. She has a problem with smiley face. She's really overdoing it Just let me know if you're in baby or if you have problem signing up, I will be waiting inside my private camp just for you, baby smiley face. Security on my card is blocked, my purchase must be an overseas transaction. Your credit card was like, hey, dude, stop. Dude, this is great. Your crib card was like hey dude stop dude. This is great Security on my card is blocking my purchase must be an overseas transaction. I have to fix it Can we do this later honey? What's your card baby? I'm already waiting for you inside already

Smoking hot picture. Can you please sign up now so I can assure that you will watch me later, baby sad face Try me chin mark trying to change cards Okay, baby. I'm patiently waiting for you kissy face. Oh blush face heart eyes Do you still me when you're in baby give me your username so I can find you inside okay, baby kissy face? It has to be later my bank is blocking me. I have to call them. I'm sorry to find you inside okay baby, kissy face. It has to be later, my bank is blocking me. I have to call them, I'm sorry, I promise later. But what con did you use baby? Damn it, Visa. From what bank?

It's a small bank that won't let me buy stuff, but it's a strange or far away purchase. There's nothing you can do, hun. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, who turned the tables now, bitch. do on Yeah, who turn the tables now bitch Okay, baby, let me fix it for you, baby. Okay check your email now, baby smiley face Okay, okay, baby. I'm waiting for you patiently. Just let me know if you're in okay

smiley face and give me your username. Smiley face. He sent it back. I hope it's the best part. He sends back the website and he goes, not working, buddy. Oh, come on. What does it say, baby? Yeah. Yeah.

Buddy, when did you do to the body? You've been edging the whole time he's typing this, by the way. He's just going to probably get her out of wherever she lives, settle down. He's been doing a lot of base squeezing because he doesn't want to pop before he gets on with her, but he wants to present the best he can. And he's all like, already several times, now he's starting to min it away from presenting his dick to this chick. Oh, sorry.

I got a brief from my diaper. that's not a type of I meant to call that is it really yeah well I was gonna write baby that it said bunny I'm like well I'll do oh yeah hell yeah just just improv it you let the fucking you let your your autofill serenot the burger at you what what no no call her bunny that'll wet the whistle What did it say baby can you screenshot it for me sure immediately does that it's a blank picture it doesn't come up Is it because I'm on a cell phone sorry? Okay, baby. I will fix everything just for you. Just wait. Okay, baby. I mean the baby is no problem, honey

I Hate to break character here, but these babies please I'm not I can't I started the doctors to me babies. Okay, baby. I will fix everything just for you Just for just wait. Okay, baby. No problem, honey. Check your email again now, baby smiley face She's doubling down with the babies and smiley faces. I appreciate it. It's still declining my card How about how about the Gita pre part pre- Oh man, I'm How about the Gita pre part she goes like she's probably did this before she typed it to it Jesus yeah I just how about the Gita pre-paid reloadable card babe I

Can't do little work smiley face. I have one I'll go load it I guess that will work smiley face. I have one. I'll go load it. You had one already. I didn't read ahead to see that. I have an I'll go load it. Thank you so much for your patience, buddy. Now you've committed to calling your buddy.

Now that's your name for her. All right, well, here's where she's, she knows she's losing her fucking, uh, her fish is getting off the hook here. She feels it. Okay. Thank you for having so much patience, buddy. Okay, baby. I am patiently waiting just for you.

Smiley face. Next text. Just let me know if you're already now Okay, baby smiley face next text. I'm going to start my show now, baby Hope you got to hope you still watch me later. I'm going offline here now. Maybe I'll go online again tomorrow smiley face next text. I'll just email you my invite link to my private web game. Hope you watch me next text Bye just check your email. The babies are thinning out big at this point. I was like this mother fucker These fucking guy be by just check your email one last smiley face one last Hail Mary next text. Alright, the email to the link you can, baby. If it still doesn't work, just try all the links I gave you. Okay. Now go online, now in my web page. I'll wait you there, baby. Smiley face. You got it. Thank you. Yesterday another another hour later from that scene hey You lied to me from if it is you lied to me princess You've fucking lied to me princess yeah, it really says you lied to me princess

No more bunny days are over That was yesterday now. Now she's princess. Now you know, you are your pieces shit. You're a bull. You're happy in that now you're a cunt. Nah. You lied to me. Strountly fizz. You lied to me, princess. I waited for you yesterday.

I didn't perform well yesterday because of you. Thought you were different. Frountly fizz. I got charged every time I clicked on those links It says card denied and charges you anyway. I spent $60 and didn't see shit Money there is $60 I told you it was $60. Shit! $60! I told you it only cost you $1.95. $1.95. Can you screenshot me what you did yesterday? And then a picture of her face. This girl's 14.

And then it goes, I'm not mad at you. I don't think it's your fault. Everyone gets scammed. I'm not saying it's your fault, but I fell into a trap. I really don't get it. You'll make me feel sad. No, you're lying to me. You didn't fill up all the links. I gave you a frowny face. I'm sorry, baby. You the performer. It's not your fault if someoneady is taking my money while you perform. From the face. I believe you. I really want to meet you in person. It's back.

It's just like that he's back in the office. I believe you. Oh, fuck yes. Uh, now what, what did she say? I believe you. I really want to meet you in person. Okay, then make it work. Really?

Me? I'm the one going to make it work? Do you really think that I am worth it? Yes, I do. Next, next. What can I going to make it work. Do you really think that I am worth it? Yes, I do Next things what can I do to make it right? I Know you were laughing so hard at the premise of jizz are doing science with all these top scientists, but um I think I want to watch the show. I recommend watching the show. I'm saying it's funny that jizz is doing it

That he's the guy that I'm with by the way, it's the reason I'll saying it's funny that Gizza is doing it, that he's the guy that I'm going to be, by the way, it's the reason I'll watch it. I probably wouldn't watch the show if it was like exploring evolution with Tommy Lee. Oh, dude. Is that a real thing? No, God dammit, do I want to watch that? Him go, whoa, that's pretty awesome. Yeah, yeah.

What's up? He goes, he's out here. So good. Are you saying primates could fuck like regular mammals? And then like Tommy, it's not always about. We're part of evolution, you chicks get hot. Ha ha ha. We did, we did, we did tits grow.

Ha ha ha. Wait, when did that fish crawl out and get tits in my right? Yeah, I mean, I got a big dick. My son beat me up. Do we talk about a son beating him up that happened? What a long time ago No, like a couple like a two months ago his son beat him up knocked him down Why cuz he was fighting about Pam really? I didn't know you didn't I thought I think as you covered this fucking

No idea. I don't think now. I've never heard this I think as you covered this fucking no idea. I don't think no, I've never heard this word. Bring it up. Tommy Lee's devastated some blames fight on father's alleged alcoholism. I want to see him sober happy and healthy. Just you fucking dropped him. There was a physical altercation that happened between Brandon Lee and his father, Rock legend Tommy Lee on Monday night in an exclusive statement to people, Brandon claims the fight was fueled by his father's alleged addiction to alcohol. Dude, is that weird? Is it that Pamela and Tommy's kids are 21? It's nuts. Yeah, that's an old jerk. That's why he said you like, oh, I thought you'd know about Tommy Lee's family life. He's talking about his son's statement. He says, laugh my ass off. I'm happier than I've been in my entire life.

I have a few drinks here and there because I'm fucking retired and enjoy my life. I work 30 plus fucking years. I deserve it. You didn't arrange any intervention. You barely spoke to me while you were here. Just cover your ass. So that's fighting. That's him to his son.

Is anybody surprise at Tommy leaves a bit of a Gary yeah dude he's a total Gary with a big shlong and fucking money just a rich Gary yeah there's there's much more like benefit like narcissism yeah dude he's like I tried calling you on your birthday but you didn't pick up dude that's you're fucking what you're a terrible dad he goes yeah I said I was going to come to your fucking baseball game and

I didn't blow me loser you catch come just like your mom did you're my dad baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby that's how your mom sounded huh you just said clips you just said clips of the sex take to a son pierce Morgan You mean me back. What? That's the funniest. What a Gary.

She, too, it's wants me back. Oh, man, go with the picture Tommy Lee. Oh, look at that. It's showing finally. God damn it. Look at that. That's crazy. That was like the last five years.

Hey, TMZ, maybe get your facts straight before you go reporting bullshit. My fiance and I were in bed with my son busted Assaulted me I asked if you wanted to taste of his step mom. Yeah, I said no I need they punch me and I was like not cool bro I asked him to leave the house and he knocked me unconscious you ran away from the police. That's the truth I was split and gash and my son came in and I went yo Let me pop it downstairs a little bit. Let me pop a load and then I would fucking be your dad I was hammering some hot muff. Yeah, this fucking psycho comes in he goes dude. I swear to God I would have fucking never had that baby if I knew he was gonna punch me while I'm getting some scoosh

I Go bro. I'm busy right here, but her mouth's open then he comes in and just starts whaling on me bro I go no, we're supposed to wail on her bro supposed to give her a Lee trying You're all beer fucking punch me in the side of my head dude. I'm your dad Do you come your dad on your sense? Does that mean shit to not like your fucking dad dude who covered your ass when you did blow when you're eight? Dude who covered your ass when you did blow when you were eight What happened you're fucking asked but your mom remember when you tortured that neighbor's dog

Play him on my roadie Dude he's not allowed in the city bury all those kitten heads you kept in that nap said because you're sick ass dad We've been doing My naked swing Black Lou you're gonna have to answer for this one. Why do black people do things now? Where they do funerals where they have the taxidermy teenager typed that in Dude these are fucking into this has much more than once. Yeah, it's like they're like they pose them like The reason one had the reason one had him playing video games and he's like chilling and he's got sunglasses on his face. Jacob how do you want to be posed?

I'm thinking you are probably running from a shark and or do you want us to put you inside a taxidermy shark. Yeah, we can have you like yeah, we can have the whole open mouth and it's you popping out. Even in death, I don't want to be Posed as being eaten by a shark because you'd be posing my nightmare. What about you? What about you writing what about you writing the shark surfing the shark? Oh, yeah? I just ring my fear Or you put like the like the bit in his mouth and like you've mounted You're riding almost like Aquaman.

Yeah dude, I think that's bad at. You control him. And I tell you this, we make sure that we, you know I'm pretty sure we can do some work so you look all fucking shredded and then you're in a board show. Oh I just simple shadow work. Yeah, the muscles there, we just gotta flake you know.

Yeah, to make a bar your stuff. Well I'll be honest, you're dead already. We could probably just suck all the air out of your body and make your skin really hug tight to those muscles. We're talking about 2% body fat dude. Here's big problem. Your eyes will be the air out of your body and make your skin really hug tight to those muscles. We're talking about 2% body fat, dude. Here's big problem. Your eyes will be bugged out of your head. Yeah, your nephew's gonna fucking lose it. See, I like to bake, so I thought maybe my body's actually gonna look like cake.

So wouldn't it be ironic if he posed me baking cake? How about naked cake? Shirt cake. How about how about naked cake? Shark cake. I like that. Didn't seem funny enough. Let me work on it. I like you writing a shark like that.

Yeah, there you go. That's a gaming one. You baking. I am happy with it. Black Lou, how do you want us to pose you? You got to have Dallas Cowboys shit. Oh yeah, it was Jersey, my Jersey my own surrounded by just like authentic made just made you. Yeah.

Surrounded by number 21 21. All right. You can take D. Ones. Yeah, definitely surrounded by only the white cheerleaders. Okay. And I want to be taller before I die. Yeah. You want us to give you that surgery. We're open here. Well, we just make your legs longer. Oh shit. We don't have to add that on. Nope, nope, nope. You can't start.

I can't start. Come on, that's a great idea. You can't, why you never even experienced what's like, his dead body posing is so much better than mine. I'm making a fucking cake. Jacob. You're not running your shark, dude.

Jacob, just chill. Blues, probably gonna die before you have statistics hold. so you could just take the idea when he's gone But you guys are looking for surgeries when I'm just saying Just cut you in half at the waist and put you on another dead guy's legs who's got long Yes, and we're gonna put jeans on you. No one's gonna notice you're gonna be in jeans or whatever you're gonna wear Say that You're gonna be in jeans or whatever you're gonna wear. This thing, I shouldn't say that. All right, you're right. Lou Itzky. I'm gonna be burning the kilts

and then you're gonna see that my legs are black. I want to be in the water. Whoa, it's J. I have black legs. That's loose old legs. Very, 36 length jeans. That's my dream. That's what I'm gonna put. I'm gonna get done on my license.

Me and Dan are gonna donate you and black Lou our legs when we die. Are you ready for some bird legs, Jacob? You are gonna be fucking tiny torso, long legs. Look at Goddamn gazelle. Goddamn right. You're being able to prance. Lewitsky, how are we posing you? Just nothing fancy. Rundi MC style. Okay. On a low stance. Yeah. Be boy stance. That's just good. Pearl Jam shirt, button down. Yeah. Metat cigarette in the mouth. God have that blue metat. Headphones on. Hell yeah. Blue metat. Okay. Solid table. Do you want us to kill Will and pose him with you? gotta have that blue metta headphones on hell yeah that's that okay solid table

do you want us to kill will impose them with you or just stand behind me and then jump out all all get out we can have will act like he's in bombed lu and then jump out of people who's gonna die first well whatever one dies is not the one that jumps out jay okay this is simple so i thought we were worrying about lose funeral here.

I don't know. We're talking about take on the responsibility. It was brothers. Yes, we do because we care about the width skis. Christine, how do you want to be posed? Can I have post mortem lipo? And then get, yeah, so I want my like stomach fat put in my butt. Angle, duck face.

Okay, you want to Instagram hoe? I'm a moral. You want to find home a moral? You want to finally be Instagram hoe? I want to finally be? I'm a moral. You want to make a Instagram home a moral. You want to finally be Instagram home? I want to finally be what I've always wanted to be. You want to be big lips? Just big old crazy lips. Do you want to be taking a selfie?

Yes. Yes. You want to make everyone that comes through, take a selfie with an bomb, Christine. And your other hand's a half sucked blowpop? Yeah. There you go. Hey, boo.

Hashtag all this. I want you guys to have me. Oh my gosh, you're a sky. Roman definitely coming to your funeral. Yeah, I want to look like you're a sky. And ball me to Sierra. Say what if she died out and bomb her in a different way?

I'll be in my office. I'm gonna prep her. I'm gonna prep her. How many funeral orders you think do that? Totally happen. Dan, hey Dan. How many funeral orders you think do that? Totally happen. Dan, hey, Dan. What are you doing in there, bud?

It's Roman. But it's almost time for the funeral. No, it's Roman. Hey, bro, I'm looking for my lady. Oh my god. Hey, bro, are you spunking on my chick? No, bro. Jay, how do you want to be posed?

I'll tell you what I want. Because if we're doing things we've wanted to do, if we're going to make Lou and Jacob tall, here's what I want to do. Can you actually just make sure that my rigor mortis sets in when I have like a fist grip on it? And then just hang me from a basketball and that. Like you don't think I'm dunking me. Do that.

Just give me your legs. And if people actually bump into me and I'll swing, like I don't think this is lifeless swing, but stiff as shit. Yeah, cause you're fucking yacked on someone And you know what every person that comes to your funeral you can poster eyes Yeah, I'm gonna open my legs wide like I'm going over I'm like Vince Carter on the seventh of the Russian Hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire you can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6 a.m. East on Comedy Central Radio.

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