The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Do You Want Drugs? (feat. Aaron Berg/CrippDaddy)

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

Aaron Berg drops by with comedian CrippDaddy, who faces challenges and likes drugs!

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okreson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Robert Kelly. Oh yeah.

I was gonna tell you to bring us in but... Hey everybody. Hey everybody. How you doing? It's good to be back. It's the bonfire. Me, Big J. O. Oh, I'm sorry, J. Robert Kelly, Big J. O'Crosson in the house with you. Whole crew, we got Black Lou at home, baby watch right now.

And the rest of the crew is here in the studio. Bobby, not doing okay. This our two show day, Bobby dumped in between. You did? Yeah, he had to dump, he had two tacos, and he dumped, not took it dump. I ran up there, I was just with you. Yeah. You had almost no time to be dumb. I was just with you. Yeah.

You had almost no time to do that. I ate too fast, dude. When you have that surgery, then when they make your stomach smaller, you're supposed to eat, like, I have an old fat habits of eating fast and a lot, you know? Yeah. And one of the things you do is you try to eat

little ameals more. So you don't, you know, slow down. So I didn't, I was hungry. She got the tacos. I just started shoveling the fucking taco in my mouth. I feel like it took a nice break between a couple bites. I took a couple bites and I stopped. You really got to go to work on it. And then I went nuts and then I ate that whole, I ate the whole taco and then I went into the other one, and I shouldn't have one taco, dude. I can have one little... I can hear your voice that you're...

You're there, there it is. Get it all out, baby. I wish you had hair, I could hold back. You did. It's not the lonely. I was just dumping in the serious bathroom. It's so big, and nobody's in there, it was just me by myself.

It's great though. There was something big happening here earlier. That would have been awful. Like, Julie Louis Dreyfus was here. Julie Louis Dreyfus would have heard that. That would have sucked. 50 cents crew was in there. That was just dumping.

Yeah, man, that kid's puking in the thing. I did. In Charleston, South Carolina last weekend, that night I drank a lot of white claw, which is carbonated. And gay. And gay. And then we went to the bar. Right there. Three shots to the bar to give the people. And when I, or you know, with to do with people. And after that third shot, someone was talking to me and I was doing that, you know, it's like right here, the puke and I was doing the, mm-hmm, yep, yep, no, totally.

I was like, you know, I actually had to go pee real quick, and I just went out back to the place, and saturday night life sketch cartoonishly, just had fluid come out of my mouth for a full minute. Just over and over again, like so much fluid. Like your possessed. So much, I never had time to get drunk. I didn't get drunk, ever,

because it was just a fluid all came out of me and it was gone And I went back to the bar and they were like we're closing up shop, but I'm like all right because I'm gonna go and watch TV Or I think I was fine. It's very weird. Yeah, when you dump its chunks It's like yeah, it's like balls. It's not that it's not digesting at all Well, yeah, it's just it's kind of in between your stomach and your throat. So it's dry too, sorta? With little clumps of food. They just chewed up.

That's horrific. Is it dry? Like I'm saying, like, it goes like this. And then it plops, and then you go, whaah. And then it goes down again, and then you go, whaah. And then I can see taco.

Excuse me? You saw taco. I saw it. No, I saw it. No, it doesn't resemble anything at that Excuse me? You saw taco. I saw it. No, it doesn't resemble anything at that point. I chewed it. So you chew it, and then it doesn't have anywhere to go because my stomach is smaller. And I ate too much too fast.

I'm digested. So it hurts. It hurts. And then my mouth was watering like, ugh. And I was like, I gotta go dump. Smell my duty. I smell how powerful I am. I don't want to Jacob. It's not what I want I just don't know you heard here first everybody if you want to lose weight Make yourself throw up. No It's the worst why spend the money on surgery when you have a finger right in front of your face

Yeah Why spend the money on surgery when you have a finger right in front of your face? Yuck. Bobby's bulimic. Well, I wish I was because I could lose my teeth and get new teeth like you. Bulimia looks good on me. Teeth. Get my new hot ass teeth. Oh, it's the worst. I, the taco is so good too.

I'm sorry. Baba koala. I don't want to put you through. Hey too much. Too much. you're supposed to give your review. You did eventually go see Guardians of the Galaxy. Well, before that, Jay. Yeah. I mean, I-

I don't want to mix it up. I love you, Jay. I love you so hard. I love you hard and slimy. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's hard and the top is wet. There's a butt coming But you I have a I have a little thing with you dude

You kind of you hurt my feelings. What? Yeah, stop it. I well, you know, I texted you Mm-hmm last Thursday Yeah, Thursday Mm-hmm Thursday yes, and I texted you a few times and you never Responded to me Well Thursday was quite a day. What was a day? What was it? Christine? What was Thursday? Like I know before I left for Charlton Thursday got my teeth Bobby

I know and I was worried about you and your teeth. I was worried you go in, what happened? People go on anesthesia, people go under, you know, what goes on. So I didn't wonder. Well, I didn't know that, Jay. And I wouldn't know that. You didn't know that, actually, Bobby, because I called you immediately from the car afterwards.

I could do this. So he didn't text you back, but he called you back. immediately from the car afterwards. Feelings of a flood. I'm going to do it. So he did text you back but he called you back. You seem still at this. Mind your business. You know what? Christine, thanks for backing me up but he's right. Shut the fuck up.

Okay, I'm going to say this. You ready? No, you called me. You did not call me Thursday I've got a face time to you with my teeth I'm talking about a text Jay Okay, I text a call is this a text is this sure What time does text me I text you at 11.09 a.m. On Thursday, a

M I was in the chair. Okay. And then I texted you at 702PM. I was home there. I nursing a small face. And then I texted you on Sunday. We spoke Sunday. Hang on.

6.26PM. 6.27. 6.27 again, 6.39. Let me go look at these. And then 6.39 PM. And then 6.40. There's a lot. There's a lot of text. And then wait, I'm not even there.

Yeah. And then all these texts I sent you, 339 PM, you have to date, you okay? Mm-hmm. Okay, but you know what that's about. And by the way, I wrote back to you okay, immediately. Okay, but the other ones, dude, are we doing Beards Day? No, no, no, start back.

Okay, let's go back. Your Thursday, 11.09 AM was, yeah, we've gotten to the bottom of some of this. Okay. He sent me a picture of kid from kid and play who looks like hell run over twice. Well, I didn't say that, but he. No, he doesn't. I'm just kidding. But he what he says is he was trying to text me. What he's trying to say is why does Anthony Cumia look like Kid and Play? Which is funny and he does. Unfortunately.

I mean, I thought I was Anthony Cumia on my feed. It was Kid and Play. So not only was I have gas going in my face this time, not looking at my phone. Is he Kid or Play? I figured it was Kid. He's Kid. Okay. Kid. Christopher Kid read. I mean,'s kid. He's kid. Okay, kid. Christopher kid, read.

I mean, it's crazy, right? Am I out of my mind? Am I saying that? No, I see it. Okay. I see exactly what you're saying. I'm not arguing with that at all. Unfortunately, what you texted me was, why does Anthony Chromio look like kid and play?

Now, I was like, I don't even know what that means. And I was coming out of a thing. But I since that moment wrote back to you, or called you with my new teeth. We had a good laugh with your family Then Thursday you sent me a picture of a guy standing in a library With a bag at his feet. I can't scroll either direction and it does and with nothing attached to that just a picture Okay, of a guy with a bag at his feet in a library I don't know if the numbers mean something. Okay, wait numbers are very prominent Jake I mean that text am I correct?

Do you see this picture you sent that's 30 times numbers what are the numbers read it three five seven nine. What does that add up to? 8 15. No, not that way. How many is that 35? How many is that 35 35.79 3500 dollars that 35 how do you say that? 3500 79 Four decades Four decades of music

I don't know That's how many times I said I love you that day Okay, but that I couldn't possibly know that no Okay, but no but the bag I forgot I'm gonna take the hit on this. I forgot to send the text with the bag. So it's a bag, by the way, because it doesn't even say, in fact, the pictured is of an Instagram post that might be about the bag, but all it says is,

one of our favorites spelled in that queasy European way, favor it, yeah. Features on the brand new QuickDraw is its, and then it has an option for more that you can't hit because of the picture of a post. All right, well the guys from Malaysia, cut them some slack. There was nothing like that.

It's a second language, okay? So you're good. But I did not put the text, I forgot to put the text with that. That's the bag, the text was, hey, this is the bag that I was thinking about for you. And I thought it was not a text at all. I did not put that, okay, so the first one, Hey, this is the bag that I was thinking about for you. I did not put that. Okay, so the first one, okay, Chromio, I got you. I fucked up.

It looks like Anthony Chromio. Okay, I fucked up. Okay, second one, I'm gonna take that. The photo, just the photo of a guy with a bag and numbers. That's cryptic. I should have put the text in. I didn't. The third one.

The third one. The third didn't the third one That's our Sunday third one now. We're Sunday at 6.26 p.m Bobby writes do to be doing beard day At 230 tomorrow. I mean nothing wait hang on that's all 6.27 Then 10 minutes later 10 minutes later you go this is a lot of text that you're ignoring from Thursday and then he goes why do you have to do that? Now let me go back to my call log Sunday here let's get to Sunday. Why put a meme in with a guy shaking his head? Why? Okay well here's the time that I call it Bobby Kelly and that is hang on.

Buh buh buh buh bu buh, buh, buh, buh, Sunday. Bobby Kelly. I got it right here. You called me, you wanted me to want to know? Yeah. 7.52pm. Yeah. J.J.

J.I. Apologize, I'm a little needy. Apologize. I got back to an hour, I believe, when a movie we in Christine was. I'm a little needy. I'm a little needy. I'm a little needy. I'm a little needy. I'm a little needy I apologize I got back to an hour. I believe when a movie we eating Christine was was over correct Yes, yeah, so Susan move was over. I went and grabbed a cigarette and called Bobby Killingback

We made our plans for beer day and then now you're trying to add in the you okay That's from I called Bobby, he didn't answer. And then reached out to me to ask, are you okay at 10.39, at 10.46, I wrote back, yes, I'll call, yeah. I wrote, yes, I'm okay. And then I'll call you in a minute. Well, you know what, this proves, guys,

is that you know what? You're not always right You're not always right Jacob Jacob sometimes you think you're right you're not and sometimes You're wrong to put on roll with kid and play right now roll with kid and play now everybody It's a good lesson. It's a good lesson. Yo Anthony Kumiya looks like me. Ah. He does. Anthony Krolyo looks like kid.

I never knew that what it was. Yo we're doing bad day or what? It's 926. 37. Where are you at? I don't know. 28. I'm still here yo bro.

Hit me up. Where's your text game? 629. You're still not answering. Yo. Are we games. 629! You're still not answering. Yo! Are we friends 628? 29?

What if Bobby was like, I saw the three dots right afterwards, but then the three dots disappeared. And then 10 minutes later, three dots came again, then you sent something. I hate the three dots. If I see the three dots and the three dots go away, do you lose my number? When the three dots go away and nothing comes through, I'm like, fuck you. What were you about to say to me? Yeah, lose. Whatever you ran by your wife, a girlfriend,

and she said, don't send that. There you go. You know what? I, you know what? Better not to say anything at all. My mother told me if you're not going to say something nice, don't say anything, so they changed their mind. I mean, Anthony Cromie, or Anthony Cromie,

oh, exactly like kids. And Cromie might be kids, dad. It looks exactly like. That'd be funny. Some skip down there. Ha. But I'm glad we got that squared away. Thank you.

And I apologize. The subject, just so you know, the subject, she says, big J doesn't answer Bobby's texts. Join the club. This rights everybody. Join the club. it does say that. These are all. I'm gonna take in this clip.

Are you not a good texture backer? No, no. He's a horrible texture backer. I mean, I hear about it when I go out into the world. It's weird because everybody's eyebrows are up in the studio right now, like they're scared, like little chimunks. He'd rather scared. Like little chipmunks. He'd rather call.

Now, it's not what I'd rather call what I'm going to call and we get bullshit for a little bit. I'm not great at the text, but also I get very anxious for sure when I look at the bond fire, we have a group text there. So if I've missed a half hour of something going on, I'm like like it sounds daunting to me to go back and see what we're talking about. Well When I said a joke when you say a joke to somebody over text and they don't respond it's fucking it's deafening when I said when I said this why does Anthony Crow me? It'll look like kid and play and I got nothing from you. I thought you were like with Anthony

No, I understand why you say that. But if I was with Anthony, he would know we were talking about either cause his name's that Anthony Chromio, the way you texted me. Well, maybe not to you. I don't know who Anthony Chromio is and I don't think he looks like kid in play. Anthony, Kumi, I do see that.

You ever do Kya in Slavic? Chromium. Oh, okay. Yeah. Anthony Akumiya. Opio, opio, opian Anthony. Jim on third night. Jim on third night.

Sam Roberts came in and Yoko owned a doll thing Oh no, though, he couldn't have done less of Yoko Oh no, and then he turned into an old man You see him, but was from a child to a grandfather overnight I miss I miss Sam's hair. His curly hair was great. I loved his so fun. He was so adorable as a young little afro boy from the new Rao Chow. He's still in a door.

Now he's just an old man from Woodstock. He's only from Woodstock who loves wrestling that he's in. He's the best. He's so in. Garden's Galaxy. Yes, I do it enough where you cried, and if, if and when. I didn't cry.

At all. No, because you know why? No soldiers were involved. No, no. No. I cry at soldiers. Because it was, it was definitely sad, the way they set it up.

Mm-hmm. But it wasn't, it was CGI animals. I know, but when he said that when he found out they're not going to the new planet, they all gave each other names. They have. Yeah, they all gave each other, what was what's sky?

Yeah, absolutely. They wanted to be yeah, what was the name? It's gonna be I forget their names guy. Sky floor floor. Yeah, they're just fucking Maybe in the stupid like other big dumb walrus teeth teeth But when they found out the little tiny new rockets the little baby Reckons, but I just looked at him like wow they're gonna grow up to be cuts like rocket Probably you know there's gonna little little mean killers first of all rocket is a murderer. Yeah, and a thief Yeah, but like yeah, so that his fault he was thrown to a world he does understand like, yeah, it's not his fault. He was thrown into a world he does understand. I'm not. The only person who cared for me thought turned on him and said that he's a piece of shit

useless experiment. Yeah. He just wants what's in his brain. Doesn't care about his personality at all. Yeah, the guy, the guy was a genius. He ripped his heartless fucking face off. There's genius. We got the voice of the raccoon.

Uh, Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper. Still. Yeah. Hey, you hey can change it come on the you know they're all going to experiment to do everything's a i know what about the uh...

post-credits in the movie bobby oh i didn't stay for the second one because there's too much i only stayed for the first one uh... you don't want to see the second one well it was too long i couldn't stay had a had my kid don't have to see the second one? Well, it was too long. Like I couldn't stay. Had my kids- I had my kids at the lands. Don had a piss.

Yeah. Kid had a, Max was like, let's get the hell out of here. You know, I can wanna sit there by myself. Max wasn't moved by the sweet sounds of Bruce Frankstreet. No, plus me and Max have a thing. Every time we go to Alamo, we have shitty shirt night. We go to Marshall's next home. We buy shitty shirts.

And it was closing in like a half hour. So you had to get out of there. We had to get the fuck out of there. So we went and I bought him a canary yellow velour, shorts and shirt. Oh, now what is it? He wasn't like about Bruce Springson's, he say why does rock and roll

have such a big horn section? Ha ha ha. such a big horn section. Ha ha ha. of money on music licensing in those movies though. They play music a lot. I noticed that. Music was a big deal in the first one and the second one I imagined right? Huge soundtracks. They play, yeah, they do a big thing with music.

They buy a lot of music. Yeah, the movie was good, but I did not. I did get, it was sad to see a little bunny, a little, you know, the walrus and the other. What was the other mushy thing that had nothing, huh? The otter and you know, it was sad, but it wasn't, it didn't make me, it made me tear up, it was sad. I got sad because they were being treated so shitty,

but they thought they were being, they didn't know anything else. They were like, no, this is great. We're gonna go live on this new planet. It's gonna be so great. You know, they were just being kicked into like a pen every night. Yeah, but it's like dumb dockets. Jamie, they were just being kicked into a pan every night. Yeah, but it's like dumb dockets.

We were talking about putting a pan, she just doesn't know, she's like, I guess you're leaving me here forever and this is the end of everything? And then we come home and she's like, I can't believe you guys were turned. Yeah, but dockets doesn't have a fake leg and a thing over its mouth and a dead eye.

You think Christine won't cyborg up that dog if it keeps her alive forever? I remember. I remember. You think you think Christine won't cyborg up that dog of a keeps her alive Think you think you know Christine that well that she won't cyborg up a dog. Did you cry Jacob? I could have but I held him back Yeah Smushed your face and you popcorn. There were three times it was like tough three I had to hold it Yeah, one was it with the in the thing what a hummus Jacob's nose if you did start crying about here you go pussy Yeah, I was like that Well, then I want to pants them in front everybody on the lobby I guess it was all the rocket scenes all the rocket scenes. Yeah, okay

I mean like on of lobby and being like Hey, everybody look at my dick and then I just yank your pants down. I'm just friends. Yeah, I mean you baby rocket the little Smart little rocket when he was learning how I mean that was cute It wasn't teary, but he was being treated so shitty friends. Oh you mean you mean being giving a Fucking brain that's genius and that can build anything and you and then they boot you into a fucking Okay, let me ask you sell it night regular raccoon rocket Where would where where he had been out living free fancy free? Yeah, not a member of gardens in a galaxy Yeah, who is American raccoon? Yeah, he would have been nothing

Eating garbage. He was a member of Guardians of the Galaxy He was he saved he saved no because the guy put the shit in his head. It was the escape But he was gonna kill him, but he if he didn't put the shit in his head. Oh, did you go to sleep by way in this movie? No, I Don't I don't know I do not like being, I do not be, like second to you so much on the dancer. First thing, now. You gave me really wet gum before the show.

That's why. Jay, listen, I'm saying, if that little rocket, if that little raccoon didn't have that guy do all the shit to him, he would have been just a regular raccoon. Yeah, but none the wiser. He got to experience terrible shit of them being terrible to him. Yeah, but he got a voice because of him. Absolutely. The regular raccoon didn't talk. By the way, why do they give them all voices appropriate to what they were? Like the walrus was like, oh what they were like the wall risk was like

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like they all like had a voice that went with their thing Like the otter was like such a girly kind of otter was a soft voice And the rabbit was she had a hot voice The rabbit was like yeah, that was the ditty girl right? Yeah, I say girlfriend everybody would have fucked floor Floor is begging for it in the would have fucked floor. Floor is begging for it. In the cyborg animal community, floor is a real slut. It's why they call her floor. They had to keep replacing her bunny vagina. Oh come on. Those ass cheeks. This little kid's little sad rocket talking. Thank you. I think my name

shall be teeth. Because although we all do have them, mine are definitely the most prominent. You should have got this. You really should have. That's what you should have. That should be your call sign. Mine is so prominent. Yeah, I don't know why they have a cute rabbit

wearing a soul mask Creepy and red eyes play the rabbit Because me is lying on floor you're lying on a floor. So your name is for It's stop for a second is that what's your name the author? Is that what's your name could be Sarah Sarah Solman Linda Cartelini is the author. Oh, is it is Is that what's your name could be Sarah Sarah Solomon Hmm Linda Cartelini It's the author. Oh, is it is it? Yeah, that girl from Grandma's boy in Greek Freaks and geeks Yeah, I mean the bunny is a slut Tosia I mean she is getting it from everybody. Oh floor. I saw in the floor

What a dumb crab. I'm floor. My name is floor because I'm always on the floor. Uh-huh. What a dumb crab. I'm floor. My name is Floor, because I'm always on the floor in my back. You're trying to make it nasty so you don't have to cry at it. I made 70,000 bunnies this week. You're making fun of them because you don't want to cry about it. Dude, it's not that. I mean, look, I am a sympathetic cry, dude.

I cry at anything. I cry all the time. Cry twice during pre-tap I Mean is okay both yeah, I got it. We got it. No judgment. There was a little judgment in it I mean I felt a little tone in it though. Sorry. It's alright. Black Lou may have cried eight times during the pre-record Cries what happiness when he was Kevin Hart Kevin Hart was on the show by the way, isn't that kind of an advertisement?

Just DJ Liu accidentally played Kevin Hart for a second and it really did turn Black Louis, they around. Is he drinking like gin? What do you, what do you order? Is it madman? Look at the frame picture behind him. Black Louis. Oh, it's him and Kevin Hart.

Yeah. You know, really he's got a lot of pictures of all of us together with the one he shows off most prominently, him and Kevin Hart. I mean, it really hurts. He's got a lot of pictures of all of us together. But the one he shows off most prominently him and Kevin Hart. I mean, none of you zoom calls his other friends. Most probably is the only thing on the wall. It's the only thing on the wall. They don't have a baby picture. Where's Hendrix pictures? You piece of shit. But Kevin Hart, do you tell people the

you tell people the Hendrix that is him? This is Hendrix. That's the one. That's the one picture he'd save in a fire. Oh, yeah, that's it for sure. I guess that was in the first box. You unpacked. Yeah, the frame is fireproof. The only thing left for the house. Yeah, everything's a museum glass. Hey, Lou, if it was Big J had a show and Kevin Hart was taping a special and Big J was taping a special on the same night same time Who do you go to and you had tickets to vote you had VIP to both I mean did I start at the same time exact same time

VIP to both Think about it and they're very far from me watch this hang out pause for one sec. Hold that think Jacob same deal J to think about it. And they're very far from me. Watch this. Pause for one sec. Hold that. Think. Jacob, same deal. J. There it is. Lou, DJ Lou. J.

Christine. Christine's question. Christine. Christine. Christine. Holy shit. Ask me. Bobby, who'd you go see in your cabin heart?

God damn you. Yeah. Thank you. Black Lou, once again. I'll ask you same time VIP same night, who which clubs which oh god clubs He's not a club Mass the square garden and the comic strip up We're reopening danger fields yeah, that's where garden in the green land. Where does it go?

The village lantern downtown. But your VIP debauch. But you're going to be both. You go what? He doesn't mean it. I'm going to J's. I think what's really going to happen is Christine and Blacklee are going to say they're going to see Kevin Hart.

And then while I'm doing my special, he's going to be pounding her against the high heat radio. Yeah, the VIX windows. And the VIP booth upstairs. Yeah, he's pounding up in a, you're gonna fuck her up in a Kevin Hart in a booth when they put you one of the sweets. He's gonna smush her onesy chest right up against the window. Yeah. By the way, Lou, we were talking about your bullshit edited dream and the car on the way to Guardians of the Galaxy. Wow Christine had the best line. She said he came. Yeah

You came in your dream. Jacob. Jacob dropped real batch in the shower to Christine. You could have a dream come. It's okay It's okay everybody. Jacob who guys let out leg up on the bench. Yeah. I've been having a lot of fuck dreams with DJ Lou lately, where I have him from the top. Did you get it all out of your system in the shower? Nope. And then I woke up and I did beat you in the shower. You just had to, you get it going with your day, you had it, you get it out. I couldn't do it. I just closed my eyes and picture that fucking

dumper walking down the hallway dude And it was fucking cream pie city It's so nice all over the place. I had to take the shower head off the thing and spray the wall down I went I went to see a hole flus and In grabbed a pound of black forest ham and jerked off to it Ham party Ham party And now back to the bonfire with big J. Ocroson and Robert Kelly I'm potty. I'm potty. I'm potty.

And now back to the bonfire with Big J. Ocroson and Robert Kelly. Aaron Burke here. I'm gonna find these guys, your podcast. What do you have called? Some street famous NYC for a new podcast. He's a man on the street. Man on the street. He's a exhaust.

You give him a college intro right there. Oh, we have a very funny guy Aaron Burke here. He's doing some work. Aaron Burke, he's doing stuff and here's the fuck. How are you? How are you doing? I'm being a club and college favorite. Aaron Burke.

Bonfire favorite. Bonfire favorite. We love having Aaron Burke on the show. Aaron, yeah, we were talking about the Leah thing, only in that, like the worst thing it always looks is every girl he fucked. He also would tell them that his wife sucks.

Like that's what they are. Holding that information. Yeah, everyone, it's always like, he'd say like, yeah, if I can just get away from my stupid ugly wife maybe for five minutes, I'll do the whole text to you. It's not good to do that when you're married, you know? Yeah, well, you know, I'm pretty sure

I didn't think all these texts were gonna come back. Don't have to think that they're gonna come back if there's any goodness in you you know You're doing the shitty thing even if you're over the relationship So don't bag on the other person. No, you're supposed to be like my wife is so cool She's fine with this and then the chicks wouldn't say anything because they'd be like other wife's fine with it That's what I know girls would try to get in touch with them. No, they have to know. They have to know. This is why I don't think.

It's relatively known, like me and Christine's like relationships, do you know what I mean? So it's not like, and she's on the show. What? You guys are like not allowed to see other people. That we party. Oh. Don't say that.

I got it. Don't say that part. Don't say party. No, that just kind of like we, you know, we fuck around. So's not like a such a Yeah, like it's not but I could see someone checking on that sure if it's not a true So like if I was telling that and it was was not true. I'd be I'd worry about it being checked on I Had someone think that me and my wife were in an open thing and she was thrown her pussy at me

And I was just like now. I'm not into this. Yeah, comic. Yeah. What was it, Adrian Appaluchie? No. But it wasn't not Adrian Appaluchie. Look, you know Adrian, I have friends. Hey, I heard you guys are swingers and want to eat my bones.

Do you think that's what you would say? I don't know. You're a party with my bones and you can't. If you want to do it, you can do it. That's such a bad job. It's the same alien impression. Really. That's the same million impression. Really? That's how they're million impressions.

He's amazing. And no idea he sounded like a polluting. Thank you. You never wanted to cheat. Look, that's not. If I did, I have a very uncommon taste in women now. So I wouldn't go way I would go way older. I'd go like, I like 60-year-olds.

I'm a throb. Why? Because I like the same thing. Yeah! I like a throb. I want one tit bigger than the other. Yeah, yeah. I want wrinkly elbows.

You got to go to a CVS to get lubed, you three do it. Offeretic knuckles. Yeah, but I wonder if that's your thing. She's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, where it fades and shows you reflection in the frame of her just getting railed by Berg. And his most time is the time you call that big tuna. I just can't. I'm like, put that picture down on its face. That's what I would do. You want a fuck and have her put a record on before you talk to the vitrola.

Hang on one second. There is, and Christine, this will be a good girl's opinion on this thing here. Christine, this would be a good girl's opinion on this thing here. If I had a thing, Burke saying he's, he has fetish now, if that's what you want to call it. Fattish. Fattish, that's not a way we call. Just being a normal 50 year old man. Yeah, there was 50.

Well, his fetish is being in the being fetish. It's being a 3-B old lady. Yeah, 60 is only 10 years old and then what we are. Yeah. That's like if you're 20 going with a 30 year old. It's only five years younger than boss though Then say all look it right and then he's got better teeth so

Yeah, Christine if I so I was in two a second chase got no teeth. I know I saw the last night Okay, I told them I didn't think you needed them. I didn't think so really but these are really good Now I see the new ones. I saw the Instagram. Are you talking and we barely talk? Oh, yeah, that was all no vacay in face too It's so sweet. I couldn't feel my cigarette you guys have a good Kelly family day You're stadium Christine if my if I just had a thing like me I got a hinkering for like Is it a something something you would be a hankering not a hankering if I have a Hangering you guys like pickled hankering

I love a pick a hig or a good out of that place on Houston Street Would you rather me? Russ and daughters. Would you rather meet fucking girls that you feel are like attractive and you'd feel some sort of a jealousy? Would it be better if I was like, when I'm on the road, I'm in morbidly obese,

like chicks, I think. You rather me not do that. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I'd rather you fucking normal attractive women Okay, normal I was a fat shaming A year ago I was obese so fuck you. How's that? I just dumped yeah

I used to fucking motorboat Bobby's ass cheeks on my face. Yeah, we go on the road together fucking bullshit right now But you don't like him. He was morbidly obese Yeah, no, that's but you don't like it because he was morbidly obese average sized No, that's so you wouldn't rather that Really what if Jay what if Jay fuck this six-year-old? Part well 60 I mean I guess that's not that old now Yeah, yeah We were just a woman that was she think is Christine's old Christine's not I am older now like when we first started hooking up with girls

I definitely like you if I'm at met a 45-year-old woman, I was like, that's a lady. But now I'm like, well, she's only a few years older than me. Now she's a girlfriend. Yeah, and she's like, you know. And part of why you sleep with other people is because, it's like attractive to me that other girls sleep with other girls. So I want those girls to,

you know, I want to be like an attractive situation. Like a black loser jerking off right now. Get him hot again. Oh, he's turning it. When every time he looks at the Kevin Hart picture, you know, he's smacking his dick. Kind of sexy. The computer screen just lit on his face again because he's got pictures of Christina on it. Though he's not always asking the ex I was wondering if you brought to your Christine.

Yeah. Berg, the idea that it's like this isn't like this isn't direct competition to you. I just want to fuck an older lady on the road. She wouldn't. She would still be like now. I don't. I think she'd say yeah, but Christine tells me stuff, you know, that tricky stuff. Like do whatever you want to do. Whatever makes you happy. Well then whatever makes you happy But then if you do it then if you do it to trap. Yeah, it's a trap She tells you do whatever makes you happy. Yeah, and you say what? Okay, you all be on Zilla in the basement Then I'm gonna do a hell all right. I'll be out of here in a couple weeks Make you happy I'm gonna hop on Zilla and get the fuck out of your ass as possible.

I don't go on Zilla anymore, I'm done. What do you do, real? Not a house, not a house. My house is great. I'm on Zilla wherever you're at. I stop myself. If I'm driving and I see a nice house and I go, that's a nice house.

I get it out of my mind immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I need to be grateful for what I have and I have a great house. You do have a great house. Yeah, I can't fuck around with that house. I'm getting nervous to buy a house. I don't know.

An older woman I would do. Like an older, I like kind of like a biker chick, like Katie Segal and sons of Anarchy. Okay. Like that. Oh, she's on the girl that's on billions, right? Is she? So, is that the girl that's on?

Oh, it's Peggy, Peggy Bundy. Yeah. Oh, Peggy Bundy. Well, the girl on billions was on that show too. Okay. Yeah. That's what I would go for, the girl I'm billions was on that show too. Okay. Yeah. That's what I would go for. I wouldn't go, I see young girls now.

I'm not attracted to them at all. I don't want that. Not that face, but you know, her face. She looks like she's in my mom. Road hard and put away wet is the expression. What's the girl from billion? She's older now too. Maggie Siff.

She's pretty, I mean, that's my type of girl right there. Really? She doesn't have a hand, Joel, for me. That's what he's saying. I like men. I mean, I like men. No, no, no, she's cute. Yeah, she's cute.

Yeah, I wouldn't, not sexy though. She's not sexy, no. I get it for a job. She's a wrong face. Yeah, I'm crazy. No, and that's like, look at Paul C. I'm Adi, a Lincoln honor and shit. She's even old.

So, she's getting his gross all over. Look're gonna grossing her up. What is she? 40 40 something. What's the what's the old that should go with? 70 70 yeah Martha Stewart you wouldn't do Martha Stewart and those Some like that how will she oh bring that up. Did you see that I do that? I saw a picture that yeah people were outraged at that Why cuz people don't want gross old ladies on the sports Outrage exactly I guess is the answer who's outraged by this? Yeah, she looks great or everything is good on there

I just picture Snoop Dogg fucking or something Bobby did yeah probably did Yeah, he may have slur the old fucking saucy you think yeah Yeah, probably did. I mean, he may have slurred the old fucking sausage. You think? Yeah, she looks pretty good. She's slid my dick in my sigil for digital. She does look good for her age and this thing, but it's also incredibly photoshopped.

Yeah. Scroll down on it, but she does have her gut hanging over her leg. Come on. She does for sure. Yeah, look, she looks really pretty. She looks like a very rich woman that can... I fuck her. Yeah, at all the stem cell treatments she wants.

You fuck her there. I fuck her there. Yeah. I'd probably fuck her rougher looking than that. Two or three notches down, I'd fuck her. Well, I'm telling you, she's walking around five or six notches below this all the time. Yeah, I'd probably fuck her. It'd be really fun.

You go to a fancy house and stuff and then... Well, Martha Stewart for sure, but I'm not saying that I'm saying this lady, but she runs like, you know, a bagel shop in town. You got it. She's not gonna tell anybody. I'm looking at her. I don't like when the lady's knee is big, the biggest part of her leg.

You know what I mean? I do know what you mean, because they have swollen joints and brittle bones. Yeah, I don't want that to cut off. Gross knees are a turn off. I've seen a hot chick with real ugly knees and she gets ugly all of a sudden. Oh, man Why did a plus they have why do I even tell Hannah Gatsby to cover those fucking cartoonish-leab Balloon-like elbows on our new special thing. You see that she's still doing stand-up that lady

She got a new special coming out and she came waiting our elbows are all fat She's getting more way Someone write me elbows I didn't even do a Australian accent He did a fucking Manchester accent You gonna fuck me elbows, are ya? Hey, Paky Blondies Don't take me elbows You should wear big teleboats

Look at this fella What a charming lad I thought her whole thing was she was quitting standup. That was the first thing. That was before her second sped. Oh yeah, TIGNATARO! Has anyone seen her? I haven't seen her. It was easy going down because she did add boobs. And no boobs! Slitty right back like an amy sandwich.

I forget who said this weekend, but uh, whoever was saying she's's she's gone back to now just being a hack like a shitty hack Comics that's what she was good. Can I hear she was? She is a hack. Can I hear some of it? Fuck back shit. I've had three main reconstructions. My patella a spongy. It's actually quite painful for me to kneel. That's why I can't sleep with men. Oh, being pop in Minneapolis. I don't know if she said it to line. Go back because that's what I'm angry about now. She says the line. You can't see this at home, but put it out. She goes, uh, that's why I can't sleep with men. Then she goes, hey, watch out. She's a corner heart.

Slate with men. Can I just say something? No, J-Wake! J-Wake! Fuck, dude, I really didn't like that. I'm mad, I'm mad, that's my act. I'm gonna start doing that. You can't. You can't. You can't. I'm gonna do that. I was 350 pounds.

I was heavier than a fridge. I got spongy knees. I got spongy knees. That's why I can't have sex with men. Me knees were bought in a very brief. She's boss. She's boss. That lean-in is a boss. She's boss. She's boss. That lean in is a tell.

It's Ari, so I'm he wants and I go, man, I was expecting more on that. He goes, I could tell when you leaned into it. Like that. I get it for that life. That's the trailer joke. Let me hear one more. Okay, I might check one of these waters. The three.

Jeff and notice white women are different than black women at the movie theaters. Also, did anybody talk about why do you have a blue background, blue shirt, blue jeans and blue things? So they can make her thinner. No post. Yeah, you think they green screen something out of there? You think she's fatter than this? Well, they put her in a...

She's hefty. That's a jungle atmosphere behind her. I'd rather fuck Jim Gaffigan. And they look exactly the same. She starts doing the Gaffigan voice. Why is she so happy? Why did she say that? Let me hear a little more.

But, Jenna and I will experience the same occasion. And I will say, this is what happened. And Jenna will say, where the fuck were you? Just for the next hour, we're going to feel good together and then we can head back out there and be the mass extinction event that we are. I didn't say who it's a feel good show for. She sucks shit, man comedy is really bad now. There's always been a handful of good comedy,

but it's most of it's not that. I saw him last night, he was hilarious. I want to just say this, I want to say this. I like her. I like that she's a little heavier, and you know what, those glitters are really good. I want to just say this. I want to say this. Yeah. I like her. I don't know. She's fantastic.

And her, I like that she's a little heavier. And you know what? Those glasses are compelling. Nope. Nope. I like that last one. Where the hell were you? Yeah.

I get that. These are the same thing. Don, the other day, I mean, relating to, I want to talk about comedy being relatable. Bobby's hand. I, I don came in with a story the other day, I mean, relating to, we want to talk about comedy being relatable. Bobby's Hannah. I, I don came in with a story the other day and I was like, where the fuck were you? That's not what happened. So I get that.

That's, that's relatable, right, Luke? Right. Black Luke, back me, black me up, right? Right. All right, there you go. Black me, you got Hannah Gatsby. What's up, baby? You in?

I don't know why I like Hannah Gatsby. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm watching this special though. Oh Yeah, you have to feel through how terrible it is. I think can I just do one more thing sure Can we hear the first joke Christine? I mean maybe one more time I don't want to spoil the punch time it goes like this Jad head forward. Just take just made a face hang on crazy. This is good stuff. Well, I haven't been raped. It was good stuff. Oh, see, straight. Okay, we got him. I have dragged you through a bit of mishit over the years.

But it's time for some payoff. This is going to be a feel-good show. Or is it? No, it is. I got married to a woman! That's what this show is going to be about. It's going to be a romantic comedy. Yucky. She is really terrible

One second what Bobby. Don't get away. It's no good matter. I am though. I am getting mad Dude Bring it the word yucky is such a great word See you know what I mean like who uses yucky. That's a funny word man. I'm gonna think of funny words You what did you puke? What did you dump out? That's a funny word man, I'm gonna think of funny words. You what did you puke? What did you dump out? Well, I'm relating to her because you're both married. Yeah, well, I used to be I like it. Yeah, we got we got let's get a little more Just a little more yucky. I love it. This is gonna go into the knee shit now. Yeah, I've read three new rain constructions. I'm here almost Three new reconstructions. Come here, one more time.

This one more time, please. My petilla spongy. It's actually quite painful for me to kneel. That's why I can't sleep with men. Please. It's something, too. I'm not okay with it. If you like this for real, I'm actually not okay with it.

Jay, Jay, I'm... Jay, you haven't been mad at me since I met you. We've never really had a problem in 30 something years, you look at me like you. I don't, you can't mean this. You're gonna fight me, dude. You can't mean this, you respect this. You don't like the word yucky? No, you're right.

If you say like this, watch, if you go, hey, where are you from and someone goes to Australia and you go, yuck, then that's fun. Party. How about this? How about this? Ask me, where are you from? Where are you from?

No, I'm asking you, where are you from? Canada. Yucky. Eh. No. It's funny, you're laughing. It's not, he's laughing at you. He's laughing at you.

No, he's laughing. Let me try it again. Let me try with Jacob. Hey Jacob where you from? Yucky I'll tell you what keep keep making jokes look at Bob You're gonna be eating with a Malaysian staff under underneath the cruise ship You know what I said that's the yucky That's the yucky. The yucky. The yucky. The yucky. I'm gonna be working the yucky yucky.

I still love it here on the Norwegian Queen, yucky. She is just atrocious. She was a pee body winner. You can't, that's not good comedy. You can't win an award that'll be and still be an every woman. Yeah, but you guys have to take this into consideration. The other two sucked also. No, Jay, is that comedy is different for everybody, man?

Yeah. Some people do it funny. Some people like different comedy. You know what I mean? Like, Hey man, there's rock bands that people like and then there's disco bands people like. It's it's it's the industry's job.'s job if they can, if they're possible to, to phase out at least hacky. Does that make sense? Oh, then I wouldn't work. But, but, Jay, it is so mad. It makes me laugh. But she should have been phased out because she wasn't funny.

She wasn't funny at all. But they said, I'm saying, the story on her was she was a hack in, just like a shitty comic in Australia. And then she did that one woman show and called that attention because she's screaming about being raped. Yeah. And then that's what got the attention.

Yeah, and then she is famous for, she hasn't had a breakout acting role. She hasn't had some kind of a thing, like that comedy, that she is not a comedy. Douglass, I have no idea, that was another like just nonsense thing. What's Douglass? Her second special.

Oh, I didn't know she had a second. And then this one, I mean. What was the second one? Was it Jackie? Bring up a trailer for Douglass. Let's see how much Bobby picked himself. This is so bad. Bobby, you want to take a break. You want to take a

break in P first in case you cis yourself. Hey, man, I mean listen, everybody has their own thing. This is crazy. It's not good. This is like this. Let me see the old guys are going now. The old girls are good, but like these little people, some people just are in good, or they have nice tits, I don't understand how the business works more. She likes blue. Let's hear duckles. Had no plans to make it in America. If you're here because of Nanette, why? Hang on, stop. How do I know and just how? What does that mean?

I was thinking self-aware because it's a second comedy show and the first time she lured you in with a comedy show at the end she was screaming you about raping her. Yeah. Men. Yeah, man. Okay. The wildly popular trauma was going to be in the context of comedy, I might have budgeted my shit a bit better.

Did I win and put all my trauma eggs into one basket like a fucking idiot? I might budget it my shit a bit better Did I win and put all my drama eggs into one basket like a fucking idiot and now here we are We define the so far so far the what I will say she's doing well is throwing Knowledge meant the ideally what now because I've already done this thing where I screamed about rape, and that's what made her famous. Yeah, right. And now she has to go be funny, and I don't believe it's going to be. Again, she's not, I'm not her audience, for sure. Apparently you are, Bobby.

Well, I'm just saying, let me hear a little more of this. Sure. I mean, can we, I just a little bit more. Water torture. If he's Bobby's Kevin Hart. Can you just, can I hear it a little more? All right, I hope she comes up and you can take a picture with her one day. Yeah, I'm out of business.

You guys can do a close swap. I give her my old clothes. Let me, let me just a little more. Let's just see. You can taste. I've made some concessions for you. I'm not a monster. Illuminum?

Mm-hmm. Why would you say aluminium? responded fuck off That's all I've made some concessions for you. I'm not a monster aluminum Why would you say aluminium when you conflite it aluminum? Stop it America Because you're is the best most inclusive second person plural pre-season like like Gallagher he's your Gallagher jokes that's true though that y'all is like

all the pronouns in one do wait a second do y'all I never thought of that and that's pretty insightful she solved the whole we just call each other y'all because that's everybody did you ever see in Todd glasses half hour special when he makes, I let him people attack like,

then saying somebody's a genius, Todd Glass makes fun of George Carlin. He's always like, yeah, George Carlin. I don't know, he goes, I mean, the guy was good, but he gives him some shit, he goes, by the end though, I mean, it was just, what's he, he goes and makes,

please everybody get on the plane he was on the plane fuck you I'm getting in the plane he goes you know what the fuck they meant George relax you'll turn to the 15 minutes get on the plane I'm gonna get in the plane and it's just and it's just like Todd Glant, and just talk like shut up. Yeah Donkey and just talk like That's what fucking a Gallagher's whole thing was like yeah word play and conjunction It isn't if any with the words and then dude dead. Yeah, but he had a watermelon the end just to loosen things up. It's true This this is I mean that dude y'all that's a pretty good joke. It's terrible joke And I guess the audience you should also bring tarps

I don't know why she she for her spit talking and elbow knees but a lot of us you smash this sith white man head at the end all right oh my spongy knees

spongy knees I'm popped in ovarian uterus cyst I think cryptaddy's coming in is there any more is there any more uh don't I'm sure I'm sure this probably one more I think Cryptaddy's coming in. Is there any more Joe? I'm sure.

I'm sure this probably one more. Can I have one more, the final hurrah? Let me just hear this. Oh yeah, I forgot. She also says she has autism. That's her next. Oh. One Ally.

That's it. That's it. That's all of it. Do you see what it is? It's like she makes fun. She doesn't really mean that Jay She doesn't really think that the South is an ally You know she's doing it tongue-in-cheek style, I would say hell yeah, we have our other guests coming in Yeah, I'm a three hours, but we don't have an elevator. Yeah, how'd you get a mile of it?

elevator's down going down the hallway What time what what's up man? What's going on man? Hi buddy? How's it going Jacob come help We got there you go. What's up, dude? How's it fucking down? Who? Introduce him Jay. Introduce our guest. Well Aaron should introduce him dude. Absolutely hilarious All the way where do you come in from outside Outside of Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Outside of Chicago in a very special van. Drove here today, got here.

This is a very special van. Very special van. It's got one of those ramps and everything. He's in town, this is like his make-a-wish. He always wanted to come to New York, do stand up, do radio, we made it happen. He's recording his album, Tomorrow Night at Stand Up New York at 8 p.m.

The one, the only crypt daddy everybody. That's all I need. Thank you guys for having me. Do you know the guys? Yeah, no, I'm all aware. I know people and things. Yeah. Who's the Philly Longbeard behind you that you have?

Oh, that's my fun, boy. Oh, good. Gotcha. Thanks. Nice. He's your handler. Yeah, nice that's my fun boy. Oh good. Gotcha. Thanks. Nice. He's your handler. Yeah. Nice. Bobby Tamburrow. Very funny. Do you think the word Yucky's funny? Yucky. Yucky? Yeah. Yeah, I can be funny. There you go. Thank you. You like Hannah Ben? Can't speak. Well, I mean, it's funny when I see Hannah get through due to

because it's, oh I like feeling sorry for her. Oh yeah. that's right, Crypt Daddy. That's coming from Falkhanna Gatsby. That's a lot, I say it a lot. I agree. Crypt Daddy, you should be thankful you're not Hannah Gatsby. Every day. That's how I wake up. Dr. said at least you're not Hannah Gatsby. He goes, well, I have good news and bad news.

Well, you're never going to walk again. But you are not, you're still not Hannah Gatsby. You go, all right. Well, you're a guest, you know but you are not you're still not had a gas paint Guess you know you learn you learn to live I just stop myself Bob. We want to ask how you got into chair and then you stop yourself You clandered with your teeth because everybody looks at crap. He's been with a long month. Come on, Jesus grunts like a jigsaw movie. Because people must come up to you and be like, Oh, thank you for your service. What happened in Iraq? But what happened? You know, fucking God just

said, fuck you in particular. Yeah, what? This was God's underwear. Oh God, this is God. Not my God, but you are God. No, you're God. Oh my God, my God, my God doesn't like small people. So, what nationality, that's what I was gonna ask.

I'm a Mexican in white. The Mexican in white? Yeah, I was born. Maybe you said Mexican in crippled. We were just a Mexican in crippled. Yeah. We have Mexican in crippled. You J, you might. And said Mexican, you don't need to.

That's what happens though. They don't know this. That's why we should build a wall, because this is what happens with white people in front of Mexicans. Yeah, they're wearing a sitting over their Mexican rapist. What about their Mexican insurance burdens? No insurance. No. No, it doesn't have insurance. You have no insurance. No.

And that's why you became friends with Canadian Aaron. Yeah. Who's now a citizen who walked away from the office? Yeah, I'm like, I'm out of here. Free healthcare sucks though, right? Uh, it was okay. If cryptid he was in Canada, they'd still make him use crutches. You think so?

Yeah. I'm pretty sure he'd have two of those guys. I'm pretty sure now they tell me to kill myself. Yeah, it goes, if you could just get out of the way, I have a guy with a broken leg, I got a treat for free. A, this is going to cost too much. What part of Canada are you from? I'm doing, I don't do Canada.

No, outside Chicago. Oh Chicago, yeah. Oh shit, I mean, I'm sorry. Chicago's like the Miami of Canada, you know, in a way. Yeah, we're like, we get a little fun there. It's gonna fix that. Yeah, there we go. You should go speak its south side Chicago schools and tell them the danger of gunplay.

Yeah, we should get a video clip and go, is Chicago is dangerous. This is what happens when a half one is to be a blood. And I didn't know what running drugs on the street would be like. I was just trying to buy a Louis bag and all of a sudden the mob broke out.

Well, congratulations to come in to New York, man. It's pretty how long you're doing comedy for. I've been doing it for a little while now, but I was like four or five years. Four or five years? You got a special coming up? You're doing a special? He's recording it.

Where are you recording it, buddy? At the stand-up New York. That's great. Are you doing a whole hour? I'm doing as long as I can. Oh, yeah. I'm just feeling pretty good with when I head going right now. It's roughly, it's been doing all right.

You got any jokes about being in the, uh, the, the, being black? Because yes, I do. That's good, man. It's awesome. Ain't jokes about being in the chair. I'm going to say yeah, Bobby. I would have been really nervous since you were about that. We're just assuming he did.

We're doing all these jokes. Yeah. It's gonna be ours. Have you ever met a comic who isn't even mildly chubby who doesn't have fat jokes about them so Some tell me the chair comes up You can't be fat to disay mo Yeah, and he's world. Yeah, today's well I don't know if you saw they're gonna have to change things on airplanes because of fat people now. Oh, no

Well, although Nick Moellin told me this was a pretty funny like misuse of a video that video that came out of the Fat lady like having a hard time showing how she can't get through the seats in the aisles of an airplane but That video apparently look this up Christina. This is right Apparently that video is a fetish video that's made of for like people who like to Jerk off to a fat woman trying to squeeze through something. So and then they took the video and politicized it for like to make like see how fat people are they keep it became a walk through the aisle but that

girl's like purposefully doing it. Yeah if you zoom in in the back row there's a guy just jerking in another guy's shop. I thought that was just how Spirit Airlines works Be I don't know if that's true, but yeah, so no I don't I don't like in being fat to being Especially quadriplegic in a wheelchair. Yeah, however We both don't have the easiest time getting laid at a club, you know what I mean? We got to be able to talk cryptaddy me and you we got to be able to lay the charms on you know what I mean What did you still mean now that? We got to be able to lay the charms on you know what I mean What you still mean on that

That's I do just my hey, can you fuck yeah, no how Do you know show dude just show man loves another man gently and passionately Like do you do they have to lie you like how I mean I'm trying to ask this without being an asshole I'm like how do you like Hannah Gads me? Is this guy? Is this guy have to pick you up a leo on the bed and like be there for the first couple and then leave? Make sure you put popsicle sticks inside of your wiener and tape. Yeah, it's a series of

Rebbers and paintings. You have to travel with the crane. This friend's gonna work on like a machine in the back, but all these crazy things. Come over here. This is a challenge. This guy works for Industrial Light and Magic over here. My good drag is our now the fire.

Bubbles and I, I see members of the Broadway you. I worked on Wicked for four years. I can get you fuck Hey kid I worked on Avenue Q I'll get you hand job bow jobs whatever you need kid You never snuff a love of guess that was me Do you have a signal you have a girlfriend? Yeah yeah yeah Oh really is she right? Go on She what?

She what? She what? She what? She she right? Is she? Go on. What? Is she what? What? What? Does she stand? What? How do you say it? Is she right? Why do you say what you were gonna say? Remember when she loves Hannah Gatsby?

Is she, uh, Donna, then is she not decaf? Like you? Listen, is she, is she in a wheelchair too? She's a woman, so she's, you know, okay, she's not in a wheelchair No, why wouldn't she be in a wheelchair? Why is she or is she why why would she do because you are You guys I'm not my tongue. I was gonna see you guys play murder ball together. What do you get to do a murder ball joke?

That does look really good. Murder ball. Really fun. When I watched, what was that show where the guy, oh, the football one, Friday night lights. Remember the first season he gets like his back cracked and then he has to go on a wheelchair and he learns how to play murder ball.

It's not that easy. Prestige, you remember that from the Friday night lights? You said you watched Friday night lights. Yeah, sorry, say that I was re-priding at lights when they play murder ball. It's not that easy. Prestige you remember that from the front of your lights? You said you watch foreign air lights. Yeah, sorry say that. I was read my lights when they play murder ball and his buddy is with them. His buddy's like an asshole. I got no wheelchairs.

I know he's in a wheelchair but I don't remember the murder ball. It was great. It was just wiped off to the coach. You said you played murder ball. No. Oh, sorry. No, sports were out the question for me.

God made me. Have you been from when you're a baby you came out Well, I'm telling you what I can see do you have to be with somebody all the time like someone has to be with you to help you with everything Well, God is with me all the time. So it's okay So hey Jesus why am I most why am I most perilous times if need was there only two wheel tracks in the sand? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Donnie, I was pushing you. I'm the entire time. Yeah. Because I was ghost because I was ghost riding you down the beach. I was standing up back to your wheelchair.

Listen, so no, do you have to have somebody with you? Is this your, who is this guy? That's Bobby Timber, oh he's coming. You're coming, right? But you're just coming in with him. You don't have to, like, talk him in tonight, right? Yes. I help him out there.

His girlfriend's gonna talk him in. Bobby's gonna watch. So your girlfriend, is she a comic-till? No, no, no, no. What does she do? She's regular. She adnurse. She ad She's regular. She does regular things. She a wet nurse.

She a rehabilitation nurse. She met her. What does she do tell you what's in your cupboards? Still macaroni. Still a lot of macaroni. We're gonna get rid of this macaroni, huh? That's open for us in Chicago once. We had like deep dish pizza.

He could eat like a normal. And then he opened for stand hope to stand hope loves. And where'd you open for stand hope? We did that at the fuck, we was at, it was at like Toys Make Henry and out there. And it takes a while to get you up on stage because the chair and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like you'll'll intro and you'll be like, please welcome crypt daddy

And then you need like an urban show like do do do do you need music or something? Yeah, there's a good there's a good minute or two to do We had a guy in Boston who was in a wheelchair He would go up in me and patrice and a bird we'd have to go and pick him up on the stage and Then you'd have to pick him down And one night we forgot him in the club. We were out in the parking lot shooting the ship for like an hour. We looked up. He was just in the window fogging up the window waving like, hey guys, you know, white

snake came on and this horrible story. You're the still the night. Almost a guy. The insurrection. Was that the forech hand guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The forech hand guy that was in the wheelchair and that said that, you know, he was one of the main like, let's go.

He was the QAnon guy. Yeah, he was like, he was one of the people leading the charge of like, fuck you cops. Yeah. You're not going to get in our way. We're taking the government back and fuck you, please. And then just at the end of the document, everyone it shows, like everyone's gone and the streets are quiet again of DC. It's just him on top of the stairs

waiting for the cops have to help him get down. And while these guys are carrying is like heavy cheer on the things he's like, you guys are fascist pigs. You're all fascist, but it's so funny. They said they had to help you, can't not help him. You guys seem to say thank you. He's like, that's right, carry me down.

You piece of shit. You patsies. I talked to a cop the other night in the audience and he was there. He was a cop working that day, had three broken ribs. And I go, so what was it like? Was it, he's like, it was scary. And he's like, I'm a Trump guy.

And it was scary. And he was working. Yeah. It's be crazy to be there. He's like, how was it? He goes, we took back. He's to be there. He's like, how was it he goes? Yucky We took back. Was it was a yucky? Things get pretty Yeah, yeah, politics get really yucky. Yucky. How would your girlfriend, Crypt Daddy?

Hello, old, old, Neuf. For what? Yep For what social security and Medicaid? Yep, exactly. Do you, are you a checker? I think all of them for what, one of those over 55 living places? We're talking about how we like older chicks. Jay doesn't, me and Bobby, like, like 60. Oh, yeah. Well, I like a 50. Yeah, I, I, I'm about a 60s hot till, you know.

Yeah, not hot too. You were all in on 65. I'm all in there. Michelle Fyfer's smoking. Oh, smoking. Not anymore. Yeah, she is. Smoking hot, dude. You say you wouldn't? Michelle Fyfer, I would because Michelle Fifre smoke oh smoking. Oh, not anymore. Yeah, she is smoking hot. That you say you wouldn't Michelle Fifre.

I would because Michelle Fifre. But I'm telling you, you're going to be disappointed by that. Like the like the sagging her ass is going to bother you. No, come on. Oh, I'll tell you who's hot as shit. Still look at Robin right pen. Just Robin right now. Oh, it should look at her right.

Look at Michelle. Look at her. Michelle Fifre smoke. She's still hot. It's too hot That's not her right now. That's her. That's too hot. Where was her up? She's gone through the spectrum second on the top? Yeah, still good. That's still good. Yeah, still good. Yeah, I don't know. I look at those lips. Look at the lips I'm gonna say this Bobby too thin for me. Yeah, not for me. I'm telling you right now. This girl boils chicken at home It's not good. She's doing all lady stuff Now this girl boils chicken at home. It's not good.

She's doing all lady stuff. Let me see your pussy. Yep. See, is she making meatballs? It's delicious. Robin Wright. Oh, come on. I never thought Jenny was hard to begin with that much.

She's smoking hot. She was at the pussy cat one night. Her son came up to me and she was a hammy. You're really funny. I was like, cool. And all of a sidewalk that she goes to my son. I was like, oh my god. Smoking hot. In real life, too. you have to meet these people in real life.

It's a totally different. She was at the stand one. Mike. Good sense of humor. Did a lot. Did a lot of. Why is it still coming out? Just comedy club so much. She loves comedy. She does really. Yep. It's up there. She loves comedy. Yeah. She loves comedy. Yeah. She was there. She was like a Chloe LeBranch, newer son from like,. She loves comedy. Yeah. She loves comedy. Yeah. She was there. She was like a Chloe LeBranch newer son from like her son loves comedy too. And drugs like I guess they went to this fancy rehab or something. That makes sense. That's a new each other. But she was yeah, she's great. Criffin, you drink or do any drugs or smoke pottery or anything or none of those things possible.

Depends. Depends on the whole. I don't. That's a sketchy question to ask. It is. Do you want drugs? Is what I'm saying? Yes. God.

I've been here for all lesson in our way. I've been making what do you like weed? I'm fucking whatever. Really? Yeah. Oh, there was people trying to sell us acid on 46th street out of a car. Yeah, don't buy it

Don't do that. I didn't but I got it on camera where we just walked by and they're like you want to buy acid? Two girls and a guy and showed me this acid look like I had a homeless guy walk up to you day go Hey, man, you got money. I was like I got nothing dude. I got no money. He goes you got Venmo Yeah, I was like what the fuck did you just say to me? Yeah? You just say to me. I did, you got him. I'm on the gazelle. He's like, you have a fucking phone, you cocksucker. They all have phones in there.

Yeah, you get free phones when you're homeless now. Is that true? Yeah, right across from the stand, there's a place that gives them out every day. I get advertised on Facebook all the time. So you're on social security, you get a free phone. Oh, wow. What's the thing? Is your phone free?

No. No. You look at a free phone? I mean, I could. I just like to have some kind of dignity to myself. I'm sorry, dude. I didn't mean to say it like that. Wow, Bobby.

I mean, come on, Jay. Wow, dude. I apologize. These Hannah Gads be free. I'm sorry. You have great hair. You have great hair. Look at it.

Wow. Bobby, your love of Hannah Gads be. Really Crypt Daddy, you're great here. You have great hair, can you? Well, Bobby, you're love Hannah Gadsby. It really, that's where your goodness stops. Yucky, yucky. Yucky. Oh my god. Crypt Daddy Gads, it's going to be performing, actually, recording a special album. An album.

Yeah. Album recording in Stand Up New York tomorrow, Wednesday night, that's May 24th at 8 p.m. Get tickets to standupnewyork.com. Have you performed the club before? Uh, yeah, I think we've done a few. You might stand up New York? Yeah, no, not that one. Never been New York. I can gaslight people into believing it, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've been a standup New York? It's time. Yeah. He's never been here. Never been

here. This is the first time in New York City. Yeah. Never came here. No. For like a school trip. No. School trips weren't really wheelchair friendly. Is this scary coming to this big crazy city? I mean I coming from Chicago. It's not super different. It's just like it kind of reminds me of when I would leave my parents house because they were yelling to go to my friends house Where their parents were also yelling wow, you know what we pairs are yelling about probably you may about me We ran out of straws shit did your parents definitely bring up over you the only divorce fourth word's true. It wasn't because of me, was it? It was mostly because of you. Your father couldn't deal with it. Brothers or sisters?

Oh yeah, I'm the oldest of four boys. Next question, you asked this one, Bobby, because it's offensive. Bobby, your thoughts on siblings? Are they regular? I'm sorry, dude. I'm so sorry, dude. Yes, me okay. Yeah, damn, but he's probably the best most talented one right? Yeah The rest of her in Juilliard. Yeah, all three are well-known stand. Well, you might know them. It's Christel Lea.

He's a way-ins the way-ins brother. The other dubs, the daddy family. Marco daddy. What is your other brothers and sisters do? One's out of high school, so he's just kind of fucking around. And the other one's a tattoo, I would just call it a roundo. That's cool. Nice.

Did you tattoo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. And the last one, he's still about to be in high school. Oh, good man, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, okay. And they must love that you do stand up, man. That must be cool.

Yeah, no. I think my one brother he's the one that gets to brag about me the most being a tattoo artist oh yeah fucking that's great man it feels cool and and and where do you live in Chicago who do you live with yeah we got out on our own we got our own place right doing shit what's good to see in New York man that's awesome you're doing your special yeah and everybody should go check this out man it's the 24th it's an 8 p.m. tomorrow stand up New York get your tickets now it's

gonna sell out cryptaddy's doing an album recording and it's gonna be it's gonna be awesome man come on we'll come back and say goodbye to everybody Aaron Berks here too. Don't forget him. He's got a new man on the street show. Street Famous NYC is available at patreon.com slash street famous NYC. It's the bonfire. Hey everybody, thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on. I step down your crackle crackle, I stink. I'm gonna be back.

I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.