The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Dog Steps with Brad Williams

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

The great Brad Williams returns and talks about hanging out with Kid Rock at his house. | Jay and Bob both have had problems getting on rollercoasters when they were fat and Brad has that same issue because of his height. | The guys insist that Jacob can relate to Brad because he is also a little person and uses dog steps to get into bed. | Brad shows pictures of a sexy dwarf who makes 20 million a year on OnlyFans. Go to Bradwilliamscomedy.com for all his tour dates and check out his podcast Heightened Babble! *To hear the full show go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I'm waiting for Big J. to finish his nuts. I'm eating my nuts. It's hard to, a nut snack is hard to get back quick on radio. You know? Yeah, I don't know why there's so many here. A lot of nuts, because we don't have a lot of snacks. Those are only snacks.

I like a nice droopy nut. I do. I like a nice droopy nut. I like a nice saggy nut. I don't like when my nuts are tight. and up into my body It's the bonfire Faction Talk series XM 103 137

I'll get it They don't get mad about that They can't They just change our numbers Yeah they don't care They don't give a shit 137103 Whatever you say

No one cares Big Jokerson Great Robert Kelly Our guest in studio Currently on the Tall Tales tour He's going to be At that Kirby Center In Wilkesbury Pennsylvania

September 17th Philadelphia on the 18th New York City on the 9th It is our old buddy, Brad William. Hey, guys. What's up, buddy? Nice to see you. Thanks for playing that song.

I've been feeling extra white right now. Hell yeah. Fabulous Thunderbirds. Yeah, why not? I mean, throw that up there, throw a little Ted Nugent. I would say, like, George Thorogood. It's like music that plays for a guy to come out from like one of those like dollies, like, underneath the car. I'm like, what?

It's like sometimes just shop music, totally. some guy that's the song a guy listens to because he thinks he's that guy after he gets the divorce he's like once I get divorced I listen to tough enough of my that's right man

I am tough enough I don't need that bitch I am tough enough his wife never wanted to have right I'm gonna get a poster of those Miller lot girls in the damn garage

it's gonna be good you know what I like that Sidney Sweeney ad it's good it's a great question She's got a tits out. It's a great question to ask at our age is, what would you, if you, if we were all Snapfinger single right now. Oh, I mean, no, I mean, no, bad.

I mean, no, I don't want to think about that. What is the, like, what's the, where do you go? Do you go, do you go where it's like people you know, are you going to make decisions, you know some people are going to go like, oh, here, you got a Corvette. I guess it's the old man's trying or whatever. You know, it's getting an ear or something. I'm going full with her. I'm going hardcore rap.

I'm matching my sneakers to my t-shirt. I'm getting a chain. I love it. I think you should go full juggalo. I'm fucking in. I'll do a little bit of that. I'll dabble in a little jug. Yeah.

I'm going full black, go full white. I'm going to start, you know, that's the way it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bitch. All that meth and shit. Yeah.

See, I'll push back on the Corvette thing because everyone talks about how like, oh, the Porsche is the Midlife Crisis car. Now that I'm 42 years old, I'm like, oh, wait, no, that's just when you can afford a Porsche. Yeah. You can't afford a Porsche when you're 20 unless you're on like Twitch or something.

Oh yeah, no, it's always what you come down to. Everything's stupid until you can get it. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, now I can get it? Yes, I will absolutely do. Yeah, fucking Porsche, herpes. It's stupid. So you can get it.

The man purses that me and Bobby have each purchased in our lives. To be, to think of how my ex-wife, when I first met her, she had a Fendi purse or something. And it was that I was like, oh, that's like name right. to spend it was like it was like two thousand dollars something it was something crazy and i was like what the fuck i go you spent two thousand dollars like you're just at a college and all that she was like yeah but i was gonna go i stayed for a vacation the vacation ended up having to get canceled so i got this instead and she and i mean i'm judge it so judgmental bad and she was given like no but they are actually made better they're like a better quality thing they're this that and i was

like she'll have it forever i'm like shut up it's the stupidest thing i've ever heard yeah i've bought bags like that and then I go around and tell people I go, lifetime warranties on these things, they'll fix it right there in this door, you get really good servers You know, the value of it is actually more Yeah, yeah, yeah By the way, her 23-year-old daughter is now wearing it

Totally fine. I remember I bought Dawn for Christmas winter I go, what do you want you? I go, what do you want you? There's a coach bag. I was like, okay, and then I went and coach is low end, but at that time, it was high end. Yeah. I was so infuriated that she didn't wear that all day every fucking day.

Yes. She wore it and then she put it away and I'm like, where's the fucking $500 bag? I just bought you. And now I realize, coach is bullshit because I have a Louis, I have a Gucci, I have all kinds of fancy stuff. Yeah, because my wife's got a few bags.

I take care of her. And, you know, I got a couple of shekels in the bank. And but then whenever we go out to dinner and she just grabs the whatever, I'm like, get that garbage out of here. Get the good shit. Yeah. And then she goes and finds the fake Chanel purse that I got her when I did a gig in Shanghai, China,

and they have like all the, like, there's no copyright laws over there. So it's legit, like it's the same shit. You can't tell. But she's like, no, let me grab the fake one. I'm like, no. Get the, get the. I didn't schlep all the way to Burlington, Vermont and do two nights for you to get the fake purse. Jay's the one who got me into fancy stuff.

Yeah. I'm a bag slot. By the way, I did picture when you said I have a few shekels in the bank, I pictured a vault opening up and still just pots of money. From his generations of relatives. It's like pots of it, though. Like heaping pots of money. But you can only open it if you do certain things on the wall.

It's like when they got mad at the Harry Potter movies because like the bank of Harry Potter, it was played. Jews. Jewish monsters. It's supposed to be Jewish monsters. But I was just looking at like those are dwarfs. Those are dwarves. Everybody seems they want to see?

Yeah, I know two of those guys. Like, I know. Oh, the guys who were actually playing the carchers? Yes. Warwick Davis was one of them. Oh, was he? Yeah. He's the guy.

Yeah, he's the guy. I don't think it's the little people. I think it's the nose they put on him. Warwick Davis. Over the top. Yeah, a little bit. It looked like, all right. Warwick Davis is the Robert DeNiro of little people for sure.

Really is. And then... Willow. Lepricon. And then Dinklidge's Puccino. I started going to Starbucks and saying Willow is my name because they kept... My name's Brad. And that is apparently impossible for a Starbucks employee.

It's always Brett, Brent, Brandon. Bard. I got barred one time. Sharkisha. Bard. Yeah, definitely that one. So now I just go Willow. Willow, that's nice.

And then I walk up and everyone sees a dwarf getting a cup and it says Willow and people are just looking at it like, no way. They went until you leave until they talk about it. Really? That's the best thing is to leave the camera behind so you see where they go, did you fucking see that? There's a little version named Willow. Did you see Willow? Yeah, I think we talk about what we do, like, full

midlife crisis. For me, I'm going tracksuits. Track suits, so new look all around. But high end. But high end track suits, like velour. Like some nice, crushed velvet. Full Armenian. Yeah. I'm going full linen, white linen. I'm doing white linen head to toe

and a fucking dumb hat. I want to switch to a pipe. Little person, track suit, slightly unzipped, Tank, Kango, like you have on. Definitely.

It sells a tough image. It's a cool. It's not a... It's a good look. Yeah, like I wouldn't beat you up, but other guys would. No one should fuck with you because there's someone who you deal with

who's waiting for this moment to get revenge. He has seven guys behind him with nicknames. He's going, boss, you all right? And he just holds his hand up. Give me a sec. Give me a sec. All right. Yeah.

Get some of those glasses that Joe Pesci wore in the Irishman. Yeah, yeah. Just those glasses that got progressively older. You mean my glasses? Yeah, basically. Yeah, you do have the De Niro at the end of casinos. Oh. When he was just like, now I just sit home and look like this in sports scores.

I just hold my eyes real wide. I'm old now. I know I do sports schools like this. De Niro and Pesci. in their last few movies, they always get aged. Like, how are you like, you start off at 55,

and then it's like, 10 years later, I'm 60. 10 years later, I'm 62. Like, they still age them, but you're like, come on, what's the point? The aging down thing they did is so funny. The Irishman when a, it's just,

it's supposed to be like a 20-something-year-old kid, but he walks with a slumped slouched back of a man who's seen things. It kind of ruined me too when they show. There was two movies that happened with Pacino and De Niro. I think the Irishman was one when they showed that they had high heels on. Yeah. Like they had it.

There's a movie that I went to see. I forget what Buccino was in it. We were literally in the premiere with Buccino. And all of a sudden they just panned down his dead body and they have his platform. No offense. I'm short. I'm short. None take it.

I embrace it. The whole theater went, and stopped laughing. I was like, oh, boy, you got to edit that out. Here's the De Niro coming out. Oh. And it's so funny. Yeah, it's just the old man fight.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You screwball you. Hey, they're big. Did you see that they have a photo? Give me back my word. There's original. I'm just a young boy trying to have fun. Did you see the photo of him in the Irishman

where he's coming to set, but he had his clogs on. When Sandy Claus coming for Christmas, I hope I get a locomotive. Yeah. Oh, it's so old. Now the one that gets me with the height stuff is because, you know, the Odyssey and Spider-Man came out. It's Zendaya, Zendaya, and Tom are like the hot couple, whatever. And the whole thing is like, yeah, did you know? She's taller than him.

She's taller. She's like 5'10. He's 5'8. I don't know how the hell he did it. I don't know how the hell he pulled it off. I'm like, he's fucking Spider-Man. That's how he did it. He stacked two inches of Spider-Man money on the ground,

stepped on it, and then got up to Kiss Zendaya. That's how he did it. Look at those platforms. Look at those things. You're going to tell me you're walking. I know you're shooting a movie, but you must feel a little embarrassed. Yes. Just walking around with five-inch foam heels.

It's just to make him taller for the scene. Not even taller, just to make him, like, not as short as he is. He's got to be a tough guy. I have way too much pride for that. All right, so before I came here to New York, I did a show at Hershey, Pennsylvania, and I went to Hershey Park, and they have quite a few roller coasters that are not dwarf-friendly. Really? Yeah.

You know what else they have there? Quite a few roller coasters that aren't fat guy friendly. I had to sit in the chair in front of them. in front of the fat guy chair for the roller coaster? Oh, when they test it? You have to do it. It's just as embarrassing, by the way,

just as embarrassing to get to realize you're going home from the tester than the ride. Yeah. Happening me many times. There's a line there. It's in front of the line of the people going. So it's all families and dads they're in shape and me

and waiting in line with other fat people to sit in a you're too fat to get on this ride chair. I made my wife buckle it, though. I she throws a tourniquet I was like you'd get this fucking thing on me Now see I think I'd rather be me in that scenario Because at least some people see me They ought like

The crowd would be like Oh come on let them on Yeah Yeah immediately like Dude stop eating you fat tubby They're also like nothing as you're doing here They're like you did this to yourself Yeah

If you didn't do this to yourself You'd ride roller coasters you fat fuck Yeah It's a different vibe That's why I said It's why I love pools so much It's fat man's free roller coaster It's fast

lips, I'm upside down. I can't believe all the things I can do in a pool. Dude, the worst is I'm coming up to the coaster, and then they have the 17-year-old kid who runs it, and they have the height stick. But at Hershey Park, they literally have all the heights labeled. So anything that was Twizzler height and above, I was fucked. So they literally pull out the stick.

You're like, ah, you're Hershey, but you're not Twizzler. You can't ride the ride. It's their stupid Hershey's thing, yeah. You're just a little kiss. It just says, ha-ha. You're just a little Hershey's kiss, right? Yeah, I was kiss height. I wasn't Twizzler height.

And it was on that day. It was on that day when I'm like, I'm eating red vines the rest of my life. Screw you, Twizzlers. Did you? I mean, I had, me and Christine years ago were in Minneapolis at that Mall of America. Yeah. and I bought the day pass for the rides The whole day passed

You can go on unlimited We're like these are fun I was like a couple years ago I came here and I went on one of these rides And it was so fun Let's go The first one we got in line for Was that Teenage Mutiny Turtles

The Shredder or something And they sit everybody on this thing And you sit in a circle It's like this outer circle thing It looked like it was gonna be a lot of fun We get there They lock everybody in Mine closes

Yeah mine close is fine I felt like guy came over is telling me it's not closed enough though and I'm like I think it's pretty close man he's good he's like no

he's looking at something over my head I never know what it is but there's always something right here that's telling them if it's enough or not he's like now he's like can you squeeze in are you sitting up can you suck take things out of your pocket

and then he goes I'm sorry it's not gonna work I was the last person checked by the way it's not gonna work then they have to open all of them again they gotta go through the whole process again That's like debboarding the plane?

Yes. For me? So I get off and then Christine just starts following me and then I yell at her. This isn't it? No, that's the ride. That's not the one. It's called the shredder or something. But it was, I just yelled at it.

I didn't know what to do. I just yelled at her. I'm like, stop following me off. Now everyone knows I ruined both of our times. My fat is now ruined both of our. She's like, I'm not going to ride a fucking ride by myself. I'm like, well, I bought the day passes. I was at Bush Gardens in Tampa,

and I got on the roller coaster with Max and Don, and my thing wouldn't close. And I was like, I'm just going to, it's cool. You guys, the kid goes, I got you, man. I'm not kidding. Was there an extender? No, it was worse. Oh, no.

He went, Helga! Buddy, this fucking fat, huge Russian woman with bangs. Don't worry. I get you in Costa. I swear to God. She was literally just sitting over there waiting for fat people. She came over to my... Oh, she's like shoulder blocks you in the chest to make it go in.

No, she leaned on the bar and went, one, two, rift. And then my stomach just shot up and became my tits. I love that. And she went, he's good. Go ahead. Buddy, I had a lot of carnies would do that for me when I was a kid at the neighborhood carnivals. You throw your hands in here, do all the U-Hus. No, it's going to be good. They would give me...

I would get all that same, like, I love that when they come over. and they'd go, now, dude, we got you. And they meant there, they go, we got you. And they'd get somebody else come over and he goes, this guy didn't give a shit, just put a cigarette in the mouth, they go, Kank! And you're like, oh!

And you go, it hurts a lot. He goes, it won't when it starts going because the thing, and I'm like, and he was always right. Now I did, then I started getting used to that pain, I'd be like, I go, when this thing gets going on, this is going to be so much fun. I can't breathe right now, but.

See? I was on, when I was on the coaster, this coaster was a kid's coaster, so it didn't go down, and it took, like, left. So every time I know why there's a There was a weight limit on it for a reason for safety

Because every time our car would take a left hand You could feel it pop up Off of the Don look back like I don't know if we're gonna make it I kept having to lean on one side See that's that's what I'm thankful That for me it's just being too short

Because they don't send Helg out there To grab my ankles and go like Give me a pole Give me like an extra three inches Yeah, just like, no, you sit on the lap It's okay I wear you like baby Bjorn It'll be fine

I ride with you today Okay Yeah, yeah You'll die Dude, I die Have you ever gone They have the spinny Not the teacup

But it's a thing You spin No no no It's like one car you go in And it just spins around But it matters Which side the fat person's on Yes

As centrifugal force You're talking about It goes like the scrambler? It's just one, like everybody, it's like five different cart. And you get in a car. Yeah, you're thinking of the Tiltor world. Tiltor world. But the Tiltre world or the scrambler all to, when you go with your kid, me bringing Isabelle as a kid.

Yeah. That's what I was killing your child. Well, I brought Max on one, and the guy didn't put me on the right side. Oh. And at one point, I heard Max literally go, Dan, I don't think I'm, please, can you stop? And I was like, I'm trying. And he's like, it really hurts that. And I'm like, I almost started crying because I was hurting my son.

You're hitting your child. And I just looked at the, it was so funny because we're in the middle of redneck town. You're doing a bad job, too. And it's all Spanish died running the rides. Yeah. And he was just laughing as I just seeing poor Max's head popping off. Bobby, a true father, you're supposed to hold on to your part and pull yourself. That's what I was doing.

Isabella, when I was going to scrunch her on those rides, you feel like, you know it was right away. Two, it starts going. and you're like, shit, we're on the wrong side. And then it's a full-on, like, hold did not kill her. I was too fat to hold myself. Do you understand me? Yes. I understand.

I tried my best not to kill my son. And he didn't die, but it was close. Yeah, at that point, he's the Boulder and the kid's Indiana Jones. He's just running away from it. Do you know the comedian Dominique out in L.A. black comedian? Probably if I saw him or her. Her. Okay, probably.

Very funny. She was on Chappelle show a couple of times. But we were out in Germany one time doing gigs at a carnival. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. We went to a carnival and we sat on a tilt-a-whirl, that exact ride. And they called the person over to give the old shot. And it worked, except we didn't realize until it started moving.

And I mean cooking, that when it did was my, he put down, like it went on my shirt. You know what I mean? It's locked in, but it's locked in on my shirt. Which means it's not locked in. As soon as it started going fast, it just comes like, like that and so and just two fat people desperately trying to hold on to this I mean we were so scared not that would you hurt yourself other people on the ride around the ride you would have hurt yes yes you mad just a boulder of careening fat flesh yeah a poor german guy

getting killed by a chubby jew trauma of theme parks yeah it was all it was like troops it was all like the troops guys so he's the u.s. oh shit so yeah so you Yeah, I'm going to Germany in December. Why? To laugh at Auschwitz? Yes, absolutely. Is it going to a meeting? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

The whites are all coming together. I don't know if you heard. We're taking it back, man. You show Hitler that eugenics didn't work? Go piss on his grave. Does Hitler have a grave? I don't know. Okay.

He's still alive in Argentina. Oh, he's fine. Don't tell Voss. Oh, okay. Yeah. Voss is a little sore back. Bonnie, I'm going to Argentina. to finish the job.

He's not of a grave or a market. That makes sense. That's why, isn't that what they did? Ben Laden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it's because they didn't want us to know that they just made a deal with them. They did the same thing to Patrice.

They did what? There's an armagh grave. Tupac? No, Tupac has one in North Carolina. Does he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they bury him? Part of him.

Part of his ashes. are in North Carolina, were spread in a ceremony of Malibu. They burned him and they didn't just cut them in half. They quartered them. Damn. Give one to his mama. Lumberton, North Carolina.

Wow. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I guess his mom had a property there or something. I don't think he was there. Oh, it's at her house. Yeah, it's at her house. Are you going to get...

Creamated? Yeah. Hit me. Hit me, let him fly. You get a light one match. Light Brad up. Put all of his remains in a in a tic-tac box.

Actually, carry you around? I'll be one of those like, like, Andrew Nizhouli and Billy Bob Thornton, like we're carrying each other's blood around for a while. It'll be that, but just all of my ashes. Didn't Much McCall do some weird? Didn't Machine Gun Kelly and that chick do some weird,

like we bite each other? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. blood. Yeah. Nah. I'm good. See, that's the thing about... How fast did you guys do anal?

That would be my question. You're already drinking blood? You guys already butt-fucked. Yeah. All right. Wow, that's usually like a year-old. Night one. Yeah.

My wife... This is too sweet. Yeah. It tastes like orange juice. My wife drinks mine. She just shrinks. It's contagious. Shit!

No, see, I don't fear... That would fucking suck. If you just started shrinking, you're like, ha-ha. Your juice is like beetle juice dust? He takes you to a closet. There's a bunch of little girls that he's done it to over the years. I would hate that. I need my wife to stay tall.

How tall is your wife? 5'7. Wow. That's tall for me. That's tall than Jacob. Yeah, fuck you, Tom Holland with your two inch taller. Gay-ass Tom Holland. My wife is a foot and a half taller than me.

Don't care. You have a kid, too, right? Yeah. As your kid? I procreated. Is your kid? Dwarfia, yeah, yeah. A dwarf?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to speak to her. I always don't know what to say. Class. You know that. It's hard. I know. I do that with black people, too.

I don't know what to say. It's true. It's a hard hour or soft art now. Which one are we going with? Hard or soft? Anyway. I was talking to, I was talking to a comedy this weekend about that, like the transition.

Because I was alive during, you know, some of the changes, a lot of the changes. Oh. And one of them, I was like, you know, it was colored to black to African-American, You were around for colored? Yeah, my grandfather used to call the, I was, yeah, 1970. My grandfather used to call who?

My grandfather, used to call. The neighbors, he'd be like, the neighbors. Buddy, you have to listen back to the show and hear how that sounded. What I said? You stopped on N. You go, my grandfather used to call the, neighbors, neighbors.

I know if you didn't say, maybe. You just moved on. Oh, my gosh. You moved on. I messed up. I messed up. Wow. Listen at the show again

They're on the edge of our seats I saw black blue He shook his head We couldn't believe what you've just done He bawled his fist up Fine Cut that clip right now and play it back for him He actually called the neighbor's

Colored One day is a color I go It's not that anymore He goes what do you mean He goes that's bad And now say it And then he said

He said I said no Grandpa's not what they call now Sit down neighbors with a hard art person I was talking to so for you guys it went from the N-word to the N-word

to color to black to Africa African-American Yeah, Africa He's so nervous right now He's got the yips I gotta say I wish so much Can't say that either

I wish so we can go back in time and erase history of everything so we can go back and have Black Lou's name the show just be Africa. That'd be so fucking funny. DJ Lou Jacob and Africa, dude.

Africa? Africa's only into white women? That's so great. That's so fucking funny. Africa was late. What you get into this weekend? White bitches again? All right, all right.

Well, you know they just discovered that they can actually take the gene out for huge cock? There's a question for, no, Down syndrome, right? Yeah. Is there, if that happens with dwarfism, would you? They're doing it, yeah.

Would you do it? Would you do it? Like if you were going to have another kid, would you do it or would you not care? So now we're actually kind of going through this. Really? Because they don't have, they can't take the gene out. The gene for acondroplasia, which is my type of dwarfism, has been identified. Wow, I'm getting sciencey here.

You old nerd. Yeah, I know. But now they have injections. Now they have injections. Now they have injections. it you could take and it keeps your growth plates open and it's not a

cure but you get taller but there's debate on how tall you would get I don't want to do it with my kid because it would be like an everyday injection and I'm just I don't could you get to a respectable little person height like Jacob?

Could we give it to Jacob to make him solid 5 foot 3? Can we give it to Jacob like he takes Rogain he can do this and become tall? I mean, solid, man. If you get tall enough, you don't have to take Rogan anymore. No one's going to see the top of your head.

That's true. Bam. That's true. That's why I wear the hats. So you're not going to... No, no, no. But, like, if we could do it from the very beginning and, like, take the gene out completely, then I might. But, yeah, that's a tough one, man.

Now we're getting some dicey territory. Six. I had to talk to her first grade class two weeks ago about... dwarfism and diversity and stuff. I've never been more nervous to do... Because my kids in the class. It was only like 18, 20 kids. And I'm just like, oh boy.

And like, I got to take out all my... Like, all right, can't do my jokes at all. Yeah, and just talk to kids. But it was great. I was trying to explain that like, yeah, everyone's different and that's good. It's like you don't want to eat the same food every day. Like, you want to eat different types of foods. It's better if there's different types of people.

And one kid just stands up and goes, I like tacos. And then they all just started talking about their favorite food. foods. And I'm like, all right, I'm killing this. This is going great. Did you bring lollipops? I brought, I, I did bring props. You did? I brought oranges. Why? Because I brought, like, the tiny cutie oranges, and then the big oranges, I'd be like. Using those examples of things?

Yes, that was my, that was my divin day. Cudies are better. These big oranges are so gross and stupid. Nobody finishes them. No one likes these. The little oranges, they pack all the power into a tiny amount of space. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. There was microphones on Epstein's Island.

That's funny. Did you, your daughter's six now? Yeah. Has there already, I mean, there's been conversations with her and stuff? Or does she not even understand what's happening yet? She knows that, she knows that daddy is, we say medium size. He's a medium dad. And, I mean, let's be honest.

Not medium. To her. Yeah, to her, medium. She is She's starting to become aware that she is also a dwarf Because we took her to the convention This past summer in New Orleans And that was really

Really interesting for her Even more interesting for the people That were in New Orleans drunk off their ass They stumble into the wrong hotel It's like, there's a hundred midgets in here Like that, like that Like I started walking down Bourbon Street Just like voodoo is real

I thought it was like I thought these conventions were I didn't hear regular size Yeah yeah yeah I don't know why I never pictured the family part of those conventions, from what I understood it was just fuckfest. Just little person fuck fest.

It's a lot of that. Yeah. But it's a lot of that. I try not to, you know, harp on that part? Go to that part anymore. But yet, it's a lot of, like, family stuff, and, like, you talk to doctors and you, there,

it's a lot of great stuff for the families and for the young kids. But if you're a young adult, if you're a single teenager, yeah. Fuck fest. It's absolute. Can regular guys go? No, you're not getting like. Oh, you asshole. You're not me.

You're not me. He wants to go. He wants a dwarf to hold his cock. It'll finally look big. I was going to say Jacob. I was going to say Jacob. Dude, I was talking I was on Mayhem Fest. It was so funny.

One of the girls was the oompa lupa. Yeah. She was also a stripper. She killed my bus with me. Got butt naked. Yep. Was dancing around. And I started getting, I was like, I was going to do it.

I go, I'm going to do it. Making it like it was all my decision. I was like, I was like, I'm going to allow this to happen. And then I was like, so... Like there's a law. If you're this height and under, you can just have sex with that? I don't know what I'm like... In my mind, I thought it was like the slam dunk...

That's Epstein's Island. That's crazy. I thought it was like the slam dunk choice of mine. Not even considering... It's pretty. It's up to... Not even considering if you looked in the mirror. Right.

Because by the way, she hopped off of doing the dance because that's what it was funny about. Like, you know, she's just like climb up you, basically. And she does the dance. And then she was like, I had to go. And she just like, took off. And I was like, oh. Yeah.

I thought you... Oh, all right. Oh, you thought the stripper liked you? Yeah, she was kind of like, what? Yeah, I thought this was the one. I still fuck hot guys. She still fucked hot guys. Yeah, she did.

She's little. She's not fat. She was not fat at all. Hot dwarf women have their pick. One of the richest women on only fans is a dwarf. Really? Erica Calabresi. Calabrizi?

Yeah, she makes like $20 million a year. Wow. What is that to her, though? I mean, that's so many steps stools. Do you understand? That is so many steps stools. Did they have to pay her in gold coins? That is so many pedal extenders for all the Ferraris that you can now own. Classic little person mistake.

He got a bed that was too high, so now he has dog steps. Oh, that's that you, dude, you and I park our cars in the same garage. I did the same thing. Hell yeah. I did the same thing. I got to get, I had to get dog steps on my new bed. Fantastic. Yeah.

It's fine. wife wanted a big old bed I want a big old glamorous bed I'm like sure I'm making a couple bucks now let's do it I would have a Japanese bed

called it a day yeah just right on the floor would have been great but no she got the big old bed she goes I want a king size bed

he goes this isn't a king size bed this is a full yeah and you can still roll over and be like I have so much room I don't get why you need the king size bed

I've had this in my dorm room this isn't a king size bed she got a bed Like Queen Elizabeth's bed? Yes. It's massive. And then it got installed while I was on the road. So when I got back, then I was just, I was like, all right, cool, the bed's there.

Went up, saw the bed. I was like, oh, no. I don't want to take a running start every time I got to go to bed. Oh, dude, it's really. You got to get in the ring like fucking. Ray Mysterio? Yeah, the slide. The stomach slide onto it.

That's the best. Get some satin sheets. I went to wrestling last summer. Yeah. The little person wrestling. Yeah, buddy. The fucking greatest wrestling match I've ever seen. I love that.

Oh, yeah. And they're all, like, leaning on the, you know, the wrestlers lean on the top rope and talk to the crowd. But this guy was just on the middle rope, leaning. And they're so mean and hilarious and funny. Yeah, they're awesome. And I actually bought the, what's the corner thing they call? What is it? Turnbuckle?

I bought a turnbuckle, sign by all of them. Nice. And I got in a ring with them. Then you masturbated to it. And then I took, I got to take one home. Bobby, it seems like a long, it seems like one of those long stories of, like, I have little people friends.

I have four friends. I can say the M word. He goes, dude, I saw a little person driving out there. I let him get right in front of me. Hero. He put his signal on, and I gave him one of these, and I gave him my movie. There's Erica.

Yeah. Page seems to be, like, shut down. Yeah. Well, she probably made so much money that she's, like, screw it. Done. Yeah, she probably made like $40 million. Black glue.

What the hell was that? that noise, you piece of shit back there? He went, oh. She doesn't look that, she doesn't look that small. She doesn't look that dwarfy. Is it because of her monster tits? No, I mean, am I crazy? She didn't look, how tall is she?

I mean, I don't know exactly, but she's probably my height. Yeah, dude, you could tell by the head. Yeah, Bobby, she's definitely, I mean, but wood, dude. Wood, what do you mean? Yes. Yeah, there you go, buddy. God. She's hotter than most of the chicks I've been with. I know.

The funny thing about little people is, though. Name them. Sarah, Jessica, Maria. The funny thing about little people is why, it's great she has those big, huge tits in that gorgeous face because technically from behind

her and Brad look exactly the same. They both have awesome asses. Bro. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. You guys both got fucking follies, dude. Crips. Cannot go to prison.

Damn right, dude. No, no, no, no. I can't go to prison. That prison is better than any push you you get on the outside. Absolutely, dude. I'm not going to prison. I didn't go to any ditty parties. Same reason.

Damn right, dude. Terrified. Understood. But see, here's the thing. So before I met my wife, I've dated several dwarf women in my past. And people ask me, like, do you prefer one side as to the other? I don't. But here was my only rule when I was dating dwarf women is they had to have a bush.

You had to have a bush if you're a dwarf. with me with me. I can't have size two feet. You can't be a baby. Yeah, I can't be holding those up in the air and look down and see a ball. No, no, no, I can't. Your Sesame Street character underwear, I've already taken off. I've made a lot of concessions.

Please have a bush. It has to be a bush with a little gray in it. Just a hint. I need cancer freckles on your kids. Richard de Midgett was always bush. I appreciated that. I always appreciated that. It's good. It's just a little reminder. Hey, you're with a woman, you know?

Yeah. God works in mysterious ways, but you're above board. Yes. Thousand percent. She's beautiful. Hey, man, you know, I was in the wrong industry. I could have gone on only fans. Nick Novicki's married to a little person. She's very, very pretty, too.

Yeah. Nick Nevicki's wife. Yeah, we saw them in the convention too. The thing is, I've known Nick for, geez, like, I'm 42 now. So I've known him for like 35 years. No shit. Yeah, but like way before we were both comics.

From conventions and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go to the conventions, you hang out, you meet, you end up being Eskimo brothers. It's just kind of how it works. Not a lot of choice. Did your parents bring you to it when you were younger? Yeah. That's so funny.

So it's what your parents dropping you off. I goes, all right, go fucking suck all your little people friends. Don't drink too much soda. Not a lot of candy. Yeah. Is their child guaranteed to? to be? They have two kids and I believe they're both little people.

I don't want to put too much nicks shit out there. If two people, two dwarfs get together, it's not guaranteed that they can still have a regular. Correct. Right? It's just a... Yeah. Right. It's, I think it's 50% chance it's a little person.

25% chance the kids average size and then 25% chance. Both the parents pass on the dwarf gene, in which case most of the time the kid is unfortunately still born. It doesn't make it. And that's like the worst. possible outcome obviously. But a 100% chance if you could rap, you can sidekick Kid Rock. Bro, so

I did a show in Nashville. I did a show at the Rhyman Auditorium. I'm going back there in a few weeks. And we got the call. Hey, Kid Rock's coming to the show. Nice. And we're like, all right, cool. So he sets up on the side of the stage and he watches the show

and then at the end of the night, he's like, hey, you guys don't want to go to the White House? and we're like funny you know Bob that's very funny he goes no no I call my house the Southern White House do you want to go to the house and I go do you know your history because the Southern White House that's very specific

He's like I'm aware I'm aware that's why I did but I said yes so we go up there and we party at Kid Rock's house and it's a replica of the White House it is it is and then there's so many eagles

It's not even a joke You made football players? Yes They're just all there Statues Yeah, yeah There's statues everywhere Thank God

It'd probably be dangerous for a little person The good old place was covered by actual eagles That's all Just take you away Brato! That's how he protects his house from a little bit? Yeah, so we're all sitting in the hot tub at the end of the night

And we're drinking bourbon And then he looks over at me He's like, so what do you think of the house? And I had a little too much bourbon. and he goes like, how do you like it? And I go, yeah, it looks like an elevated fudruckers. Dude, that's what we, we should have, we should have fucked with him. And we were invited to the White House.

We fucking sucked his balls too much. Oh, we sucked his dick and he blew us off. Yeah, he barely cared at all. Terrible. Yeah. I'm terrible at it. At one point he was drunk and he goes, do you want to FaceTime POTUS? And I'm like, that's funny.

He goes, no, no, no, I could do it. It was like at 4 o'clock in the morning And he did it And he phasedime He didn't pick up But yeah It was It'd be funny if he picked up

He was with a little person too Hey I had no idea Oh my god This is amazing Smother hands Smother than me So nice

So good You got a new special out on YouTube right now I do Live on Short Street We shot it in Kentucky Yeah We did a different name For the special

But we shot it in Lexington in Kentucky, the theater, the electing opera house is literally on short street. The street is called short street. So I'm like, oh, okay, I have to do this. So yeah, and if you see me on tour this year, I already have a different hour. I already have

a new hour from the special. So watch the special on my YouTube channel. Enjoy it. And then, yeah, come see me on tour and see the new hour as well. And your podcast, height and babble. Hyten Babel with my buddy in opening act. J.B. Ball. If you like cutting edge, political commentary, do not

listen to this podcast. That's not what we do. That's what I thought I was going to be like, is it a little bit? Yeah, no, it's a lot like what you guys are doing. We just find weird stories from the internet. Hell yeah. We talk about him.

J.B. Ball is a 6'3-black guy, or as Robert's dad called him, Mm-hmm. Neighbor. Neighbor. Neighbor. Go to YouTube.com. slash at Brad Williams' comedy to check out the special and the podcast. And, uh, yeah, Brad Williams' conference.

Comedy.com for tickets to all his shows. Again, Tall Tales Tours. Coming, the Kirby Center at Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania, September 17th, Philadelphia on the 18th, New York City on the 19th, Burlington, Asheville, Nashville, Nashville, Cleveland for tickets and all tour dates. Go to Brad Williams. Brad Williamscom. Thank you so much, Brad for hanging out with us. Thanks for having me, guys. We'll catch you guys live tomorrow. Tomorrow. Back on the bonfire.