The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Don't Want To Fall In Love w/Mike Finoia

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

America's Amigo- Mike Finoia takes Bobby's co-host seat as Jay spots a Wu-Tang Clan in the lobby yet again. | Jay's asks the callers "what do white people look cool wearing that black people don't?" Many campers call in but only one has the correct answer. | Mike and Jay tell stories of childhood crushes that were all-consuming just for one night. | The guys discover that time is unforgiving while looking up actresses and models from the nineties. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I will tell you guys. Every time I'm just being like, what's the big deal? I start taking for granted. We work at the Great Sirius XM satellite radio. The only satellite radio company in the biz. A monopoly, I'd call it. Dominates in every way.

But I just sometimes I'm like, I know. Yeah, I work here. It's what it is. It's a stupid fucking radio station. Then you walk in. When you know it again, Lou. Wu-Tang Clan in the lobby. Oh, is a clan in the lobby?

Un-fucking-believable. Jacob, do you hear me? Wutang Clan in the lobby. Wut-an clan. That's pretty crazy. It's pretty crazy. I know you love them. No, no, no, no.

No, no. No, I love the Wu-Tang Clan, the rap group. Oh, right. I don't know if you remember this. I call every gathering of black people a Wu-Tang clan. Whenever there's more than five black people in the lobby, it's a Wu-Tang clan of black people. I do remember that now.

I said it's like a murder of crows or a flock of seagulls. A Wu-Tang clan of black people. There was a full Wu-Tang clan of black people once again in the lobby, everybody. And if I looked at each one of them long enough, I could have assigned each one a Wu-Tang thing. That's the method man of this Wu-Tan clan. That's the Inspector Deck.

There's a you-god. Old Dirty Bastard I Zoom died a few years ago. I saw my boy DJ Who Kid. Man, he has got three million. dollars worth of necklace on. Yeah. He always sort of remembers me, I think. I bet if I was like, hey, what's my name?

He'd be like, I don't know, man. Be that player from the hall. He goes, you look like a Sammy. I'm going to call you Waldorf. That's not really what it is. He goes, yeah, well, should be. Yo, you white Dave. Yo, if you have a wife.

You white Dave. You white Dave. My name's Jay, though. Not anymore. No, you white Dave now. I would change my name to White Dave. DJ who could have signed me that. Who kid in my way, Dave?

Yeah, yeah. He'd forget by the next time he saw you. Oh, it is the bonfire, everybody. Faction Talk Series XM103. I'm Big J. O'Kerson. Bobby Kelly. He had family stuff he had to do tonight. Wink, wink.

Max is, I think they're going to the family court eventually, finally. They're going to sort it out. They're going to sort out who gets to keep that son of a bitch. Is Max emancipating? He's emancipating officially. When Matt gets his own apartment? He already has it. Um, here he has an apartment.

Casa de Max, dudes in the basement. He'd be an idiot to fuck up that grift. Uh, we have everyone's favorite guest Americas, Amigo, sitting in the Bobby chair today. It is, of course, Mike Fanoia. Hey, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ay, y, y. He's so tiring

listening to this long songs on the Grateful Dead channel. You think it's too late to start DJing? It's a work week. I do a 60-hour work week. Four Grateful Dead songs. That's just my experiences. Pancho Mike.

Ah, yeah, yeah. Black Lou. You said your Black Dar was on, there was actually somebody famous out there besides who, kid, who was it? It was the famous rapper known as Trick Daddy. No, a Trick Daddy out there? Oh, man.

Shake your ass. Watch yourself. I know it's mystical, but I couldn't think of a Trick Daddy song, so I just went with the mystical song. It wasn't a Mistry Daddy song. It wasn't a mistake. It was a conscious decision to sing the wrong person's song.

But I do believe it's from that same area. Can we, do, if you played me two songs, I don't think I'd know which one was tricked daddy. Yes, she would. Well, this isn't the one I think I would. I don't know this one at all. Nope. No, I hate this. Turn this off.

He has something I know, though. He's got a shake-your-ass type song. Watch yourself. What's his other shit? Oh, is it Let's Go? Is that the one with, uh, if I, that's the song I think, that song rules. That's, uh, They use crazy train?

Yep. Okay. I love this now. Oh, wow. Is that Ice Cube in the video? Jacob, go get Trick Daddy so I could ask him about this song. And my one question will be Trick Daddy. We only have you for a moment.

I have a question. What's with this song? Yeah. Oh, Trick Daddy. So it was Trick Daddy's Wu-Tang Clan? Okay. Ah. Ah.

Trick Daddy would be the old dirty bastard, I guess. No, he'd be the Method man. Okay. Because he's alive. He is living. That is true. The dead guy has to be. Right, right.

That's the one thing meth the man will always have a RODB. There's a little John. Yeah, well, I assume Little John knows true. I told you it's a shake your ass thing. Watch yourself. Or Jizz. Remember the other guys with Little John saying about Jiz all the time? And getting crunk?

Black guys hate gay jokes, but man, they really love singing about Jiz. Everybody just skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skit, skeet, skeet, skit, skit. The room's sticky now. Now everybody's sticky for a little. some jiz. Put on your gloves. A bunch of dudes with the dicks out, coming on the walls.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, that's Twista, Jacob. That's his. I saw you splinting your eyes wondering who that was. It's Twista. That's their chef Rae Kwan.

And he goes, skip it, that's their chef Rae Kwan of his Wu-Tang Clan. Yes. Who does OBE's? Parts. Jacob, final answer your question,

okay? Your master killer in our Wu-Tang Clay. But we're not black, dude. That's pretty cool, dude. What are what's a good? That's not how it works. We're Black Loo's Backstreet Boys.

Blackstreet boys. And I'm A.J. McLean, I called it way early, so do something about it. I'm wearing the gloves. Do something about it. No, I know Mikey decided to go bad boy gloves and hat today so we can hold a baseball bat in a picture. That's it. I know Mike's dressed like Mark Wahlberg and four brothers today. Mike's cold.

Mike's cold. These are necessity gloves. Damn, dude. Remember when fucking jerseys were that long? Remember the... jersees used to go down to your ankles and everything was so cool. Oh, uh, yeah. Remember every way before they started playing and what I can only describe as Nazi wear clothing

for the NBA? Why are their jerseys so tight now? Black, Lou, what happened to black people? They got influenced by white girls. White people got involved. Yeah. Change the rules up on us. But why did black people believe it?

Why don't they go, no, I think baggie's our thing. It's kind of our thing. And they go, no, no, no, no. You guys want to go real European queef about it. You know what I'm saying? I know you're little Wayne, but I want to be able to see your leg veins through your fucking girl pants and then he just did it. They went real Kevin McHale and went back

to the old white balls. You know, I have a theory in Jay and I share this thought that it's impossible for a white dude to look cool playing hoops. A pro basketball player that's white, there's no cool looking white dudes that play hoops. What about a white guy that grew up playing

with black guys? Like you're Jason Williams. Well, here's the thing. You're white chocolate. Jason Williams and you used his nickname at his name as two different people because you couldn't think of one other one, which is I also understood. Right. I also completely understand. Listen to the time of him again, Jason Williams and white chocolate and that guy who was on the Sacramento Kings for a while, number 55.

Jason Williams played as close to black as you can play. I'll tell you where you can do it. Here's the problem. Rarely are you going to get into the NBA as a shorter white guy. You're under six foot two and a white guy. It's rare you're getting in. You've got to be a coach's kid kind of thing, T.J. McConnell style. Or you're going to be a gigantic guy.

The small, the little guy, the little white guy who was our little Jason Williams at the rec center, I used to play it when I was younger, white kid who had cornrows, names Kevin. He's a little bodybuilder now. He looks ridiculous because he's just all muscles and he's three feet tall. Short guys cannot do bodybuilding.

But he did. And you should bring up pictures of him. But he's on Facebook for sure. But he was our little white. He is his between the legs was like, you know, the back and forth. And so it's as cool as it's going to look. look, if you just put any black guy doing the same exact moves, it makes more sense and looks

cooler. Yeah. But there's nobody... If Erkel did that, you'd think it looked cooler than the coolest white guy doing it. Yep. That's the thing. Like, you're not like, John Stockton, right? The most boring-looking librarian of a man, right?

He wasn't a tall dude, was he? Stockton? No, he wasn't super tall. But I mean that, like, kind of like the flippy kind of hair and even Leitner? No one looked as uncool as John Stockton playing basketball. It's just so bad. Yeah, none of them. The Flying Dutchman.

All a bunch of goofs. What about Hawk? The dude that had the crazy-ass hair, right? So, Chris Anderson. Chris Anderson, no, that's almost the problem. It's the same. Try hard. It's the problem with all things.

If you've got like a fun funky look and you're a white guy, it only translates to music. You can play music and make that look cool for you It will not translate to any other fuck If you're flamboyant white It won't be cool in sports No It has to be music As a black guy you could do some fun shit

Some wacky hair stuff And all that You could put gold teeth in these motherfuckers Are playing in the Super Bowl With $200,000 worth of gold chain on It's crazy It's insane And they can pull it off and make it look fucking cool

Do you know what I mean? Like even when like the white player in baseball where they're chains and they tuck it. It's like a big old black guy's chain, but you're like, oh, that's probably to honor his ma. It's just like, you know, he has a relationship with Christ. It's always like a more meaningful chain whereas the black guy's just like,

I don't give a fuck if this gets ripped off in this game, take it. Take it. Just throw it into the crowd. Yeah, it's just a diamond necklace. I don't give a fuck about it. Tackle me by it. I wish there was like a top 10 cool looking white dudes in basketball

because there's none. Worst thing that ever happened in the world is candid shots of heavy metal musicians. there is nothing less cool that's why that guy if you remember we always have the joke I'm a happy camper

the client of Western Civilization Part 2 documentary the guy from Wasp who's in his mansion that you know now he has to sell like the guts of his car to like to eat

but he's in this thing he's in the pool he's in the pool on a float while his mom rips Virginia Slims over in the corner and he's talking about how these are the glory days

is going to last forever everything's he's he's drinking vodka right out of the bottle pouring it in his mouth remember this? Oh yeah. Wearing though his stage clothes. He's wearing a stage wearing a leather pants and whatever he's wearing like a maybe no shirt or something but he's not because the worst thing, what destroyed everything for me.

I stopped thinking Motley crew was cool so long ago because they would show up on like summer MTV things and have like a visor and a ponytail in and shorts on and a t-shirt and They're like fucking idiots. They're like the worst people. Like, what are you, 80? Yeah, totally, dude. What are you here? Picking up your kid?

Yeah. And they're like, no, man, we're 26. I'm like, well, you don't look, you have no idea how to look except on stage cool jeans and like, flippy, you know, bandanas and everything hanging on. Tons of makeup. But, yeah, there he is, dude. Wow. He's wearing the stage clothes. Dude, you've been playing the long time.

This is one of the funniest things ever. How, I don't forget how long he died. He died, like, soon after this, right? No. Didn't? Is he dead? He's dead. I don't even know if Chris told him.

He might be dead. I thought he drank himself to death. He may have, but no, it wasn't, I know. Remember, like, years ago, we found out he's now, like, selling the shell of his car. Okay. He's, like, offering the cell. It's, like, for $200, you could buy the shell of his Camaro. Did he autographs it?

Yes. He autographs it. That's great. But he looks, also, you see with a young, like, you know, he's handsome here, for sure. That's him now, dude. Some of them have gone country. Whoa. Damn.

He made it. He's still around. But it says he still alive. He made it. He's 67. Good for you, dude. Yeah, good for you. Look like you're...

God damn, dude. 67 years old. That looks like... Damn, dude, that means he was probably... Jesus Christ. What does that mean? He's like 30... Well, maybe he was in his 20s.

Yeah, he's in his 20s in that video. He started to ban. I'm a happy camper. Late 70s, early 80s. Wasp started. We are Satan's people. Does it say you got... it together or?

No. Well, I mean, together is like, you know, as he can be, I suppose. Yeah, he's alive. Yeah. You think he got it together enough to buy the parts to his car back? He had a solo career?

Get the fuck out of here. He's like, hey, I'm gonna need that left door. He doesn't look the same. No, no, he looks like a mess. But play that thing again, dude. He thought it was gonna have been forever. He looks like fucking, um. But if you ever remember, like,

Vince Neil was like introducing something on MTV's like summer, you know, spring break or somewhere, he would come out and you're like, What the fuck is that? Is this guy looking for change on the beach? It's so uncool. Yeah, like warm-up pants and... Well, also, they tease the shit out of their hair.

So what they didn't have, that's what the 90s started to figure out a little bit. Let your hair grow natural. Just put product in it to weigh it down. Don't tease it out. Because that teased out of here, then they put it in a ponytail, and it starts, like, in the middle of the top of the back of their head. And it's like their hair poofs in the ponytail, like in the front, and then the back is just, like, a little rat.

Because it's all, like, teased out and thin. Looks like a peacock getting set for flight It's so ridiculous looking Yeah, they look like idiots Give us a little more of this guy Hey mom, you want some? Mom don't care Right on, mom

She don't give a shit That's it I'm a happy camper Look at her, dude She's fine Jesus I'm a happy camper The most dead eyes ever

Yeah She looks like a lunch lady Yeah It's weird when you see Anybody like that Like up close to You see like You see like

You just see on MTV, you're like, holy fucking shit. And then you see him in person and you're like, what can black people not look cool in? That white people can look cool in a kilt. No white people look cool in a kilt, so that's not fair. Holy shit. I saw a black dude in a kilt the other night at New York Comedy Club. But he didn't look cool. I mean, no, no one looks cool in a kilt.

That's on my point. I'm saying no one can make that cool. But what do white people look cool in that black people can't pull off as good? Oh, Jesus Christ. I mean. Mohawk, maybe? No. Some black people are great in Mohawks

Right No absolutely Adashiiki Riding a tiger Dude You know you're an alcoholic When your mom shares your alcoholic beverage with you That's great

Yeah In her mind though she's just trying to take a little away from him Liz how I save him I'd rather kill me This how I save him Yeah this dude at the show had a tilt Like a tight kilt Like above the knee kilt

Yeah Well that Will Smith son I know. I'm a jerk off and everything he wears. He does not pull off that stuff. Yeah, doesn't he show up in like half a question mark at shit and whatever? Like weird fucking, yeah, the dude had like a tight.

You are right, though, by the way. Black guys still actually do make the kilt look cooler, but no one looks cool in them officially. No. But what do white people pull off? Colin, if you have the answer to this, 8669-1969. If you could think of something that white people look cooler in than black people. I mean. Cool.

In like snowsuits? I just think I guess technically I would say probably overall Overall it's too vague vague but tattoos I don't know Yeah Yeah well it depends on the tattoos

It depends on the tone of black Also right shade of black That does make a big difference Because there are some really cool Like black loose tattooed head to toe You have no idea Do you have any tattoos By the way it's all anti-Jewish propaganda

What the hell hell does i'm trying to think there's not much i don't know by the way some racist called in right away uh the american flag my wife white guys wear my wife better than black guys um what about equestrian gear no no one looks cool in it right and black people would make that look cooler i wasn't even to say soccer but look it's it's the same look as simple as like what black people will do that's amazing if you just took the two guys the main guys from Revenge of the Nerds. Okay.

Put those outfits on two just like handsome black guys. A lot of the thing was the fact that those guys were white and they put the dorky face, you know, their ugly faces. Well, Anthony Edwards actually wasn't that ugly. Well, you've been like thinking about booger, right? Yeah. He's just a gross dude. You know what I'm saying?

If you put those dork clothes on, if kid and play was like, we're doing an homage tonight to the Revenge of the nerds and they came out dressed in that. they would have people would have been like ah it's so cool they look cool like dress their nerd clothes but they're pulling it off of course if they went to the club that night they're like oh they're doing a thing and it looks kind of cool yeah while that guy's distracting with the violin turns out he's out there trying to suck your children's dicks on sets well i don't think they're going to talk about the child rape probably not busfeld dude huh that guy um Timothy busfeld you don't you're upset about it no i thought we were i was still thinking now you're freaked out about it dude

you are 30-something head since day one. Let's talk about it. No, I know it freaks you out, dude. He's got a weird face. Huh? Okay, his face says what? I want to put your little boy's weiner in my mouth? He's got like...

He's already been punched. That's what I mean, dude. He's got like after a boxing fight cheeks. Do you remember, did you ever see Andres Clay's Brain Smasher when he gives you the brain smasher and your eyes are smush and he goes, Oh, brain the smasher. That's what he looks like. brain smasher.

He's got a mashed up face. It's a brain smasher. Yeah, he looks like a, he's wearing cowardly lion makeup. He really looks like shit. That's exactly. They told me I can't fuck, boy, you know. I'm dead on. I'll suck you boy pears.

I'll fight it right off, I will. I fight it off. I will, I tell you. Put him up, put him on. Put him off. Put him off. Get him out and put him up. My butt. I'm touched. I'm gonna come.

Yikes. Say it slower. There is. Whisper in my air. Oh, he doesn't look as cool there. His wife is... That's the other than do. Black guys also... Black guys pull off the prison outfit way better than white guys. Dude, it's just they're better.

No, I'm telling you, it's as simple as... Grunge clothes. Nirvana. Nirvana. Do you look... Do white guys pull off looking like a scumbag better? Nope. Here's what... Not as far as looking cool as a scumbag. Here's the thing.

Everything looks better on black people. Everything is genuinely, I believe, an optical color thing. I think, listen, I would, the reason I don't ever really try to wear anything that goes, like, deep neck on myself, because it just goes to pasty white. And then whiter, where places where sun doesn't hit that much. But if you're a black, even, you know, you know, it's like a fat black person. A fat black dude can wear way more clothes than a fat white dude. can wear it simply because

polo shirt with a couple of buttons buttons undone you're not looking for like that weird like pasty it's gonna be dark yeah the interior white of like a polo shirt collar pops pops yeah but on a pale pink fat dude it's almost my point if kid in play was wearing the revenge of the nerds

clothes those goofy short sleeve white shirt it would pop on their fucking delicious silky chocolate skin I'm gonna go look at the Wutan clan again if anybody needs me I'll be masturbating in the lobby to a Wu-Tang Clan. Oh, look, White Dave back. Hey guys, just White Dave. Don't mind me.

Hey, guys remember me, White Dave from before? It's me, White Dave. I don't know you guys remember me? First time, a long time? Hey, it's me, White Dave, you guys remember? I would say rock and roll shit, too, but, like, living color proved that wrong. Dude, he wore a fucking wetsuit. He wore a wet suit on stage and a fucking conductor's jacket. Yes?

Yes, Blackwood? No, it's not clothing. But when I see a black person in this, it bugs the fuck out of me. A mini cooper. Ford Mustang. It's not for us. Really? It's just not for us.

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. It's a white person's thing. Absolutely. Ford Mustangs. Yes. I do want one. You don't. You want a Ford Mustang?

I love a Mustang. What year? Well, I mean, like 65 to 70. One time I went to Enterprise rent a car and they were like, we're going to upgrade you and they gave me a red Mustang. And I felt like such a knob driving around. in my red Mustang, leaving Bradley Airport in Hartford in my Mustang at 11 o'clock at night.

Lou, are these not all calls about what white people look cool and then black people? No, they are. Oh, they are? Okay, so it don't make sense. Other than number two. He just wants to talk about something?

Tell you wants to talk about a kid rock video he saw that he thinks you would love. Probably. I love everything the guy does. But before we jump, though, I want to say that we don't have to take a lot of these here. But Eric in Boston says,

cowboy hats. Not necessarily true, dude. It's not across the board. It's not across the board. Almost any fucking NBA, genuine NBA height white guy does not look cool playing basketball at all. Right.

None of his movements look cool. Nobody. I just watched, too, we just got diced up last night by the Portland Trailblazers with their Israeli star of Dia, whatever hell's name is. He put up 40-some points last night. Every point looked

Lamer than the last. I'm like, this guy's doing it. Dude, you want to know what's funny? Their dunks suck. Remember Brent Barry won the dunk contest? He had to jump from the half court line to win because it looked so dorky. Dude, I was going to say golf,

but I was just thinking about who won this weekend. Christine, can you look up? Chris Godderup? I was thinking, imagine, like, compare this guy to Tiger, right? If you're going to be like, you know. This is a white guy who just won. Yeah, he just won this weekend. No one made it look poor than Tiger,

because again the polo shirt when it's open you have a few buttons open it doesn't show your elderly old fucking gray chest hair coming out of your pink chest with your stupid fucking lock it on and your golf shirt like here go go uh that's a that's not a recent that guy's not cool he was molested by his father yeah no his recent picture he's a chubby dude and he's like those shirts make your tit fat look worse golf shirts almost give you like an under shadow of like yeah there's a frumpy it's just some guy yeah just a forgettable

oh yeah yeah yeah look at that like that doesn't that's not like you're not putting that on like a stitching of a shirt you know what I'm saying yeah nobody in the world can pull off bowling shoes I'll say that sweating through the see the darker black yeah he's got bring around the belly he's got body sweats yeah black bowling bowling shoes don't look good on any Anybody with any outfit at all whatsoever.

That was a thing for a minute with like the, you know, alien ant farm fucking dork rock. Remember like the shit that fucking we hate mall? To wear it school and shit. Bowling shoes? Kids were wearing bowling shoes to school. Like the hard. You can't go slide all over the place. The hardcore kids that would, not hardcore music, but like the kids that like loved.

Was that even what it was was like dorky emo? They'd wear like Burger King crowns and like bowling shoes. I never seen anyone Were bowling shoes for style Except Ari Sheffier Just stole a pair with me Well that's against my will I was an accomplice

It's stealing bowling shoes But already didn't mean to A couple kids wore those in school for sure But you're right Maybe bowling shoes might be the thing But I don't know Bowling shoes don't look It's not the thing

I'm talking about What do white people wear That looks cool That doesn't look cool No white people look cool In bowling shoes either Loafers Boat shoe loafers

Black people pull it off cooler for sure again here you go no socks you do loafers no socks some short some short pants or whatever it is you don't have to wear socks because again your foot is a dark color that looks good going into the thing not a weird

peachy fucking fleshy ghe of white white people suck white people suck do you're already at first we're doing the reverse Anthony Coomia show yeah black people are fantastic you're so great We should also open the borders.

Yeah. I definitely think you're right about bowling shit for sure. A pink shirt even, a pink shirt pops on black. It's good. It's just like... I saw a dude. What are white people... Let's take just clothes out of it.

What do they do? What do people do cooler? The motions... Complain. That their motions are better than black people's ad at it. swimming got it okay wow

that might be it DJ Lou for the win that might be it only because not a lot of black people swim because they're afraid of the water yeah they even you like white white people age

I've been looking at people at like in their aging spots like looking at like anybody talking in their like turkey neck and their fucking gross cheeks and hair coming out of their nose on the front disgusting piece of shit disgusting gross like almost dead

scum bag fuck yeah Black people don't have that as bad. No. When they do, it just looks wise. Yeah. I'll tell you stories. Dude, white hair or a black person? By the way, if I mean a 50-year-old black person with gray hair, I want to ask him about slavery.

And it's like, I'm 50. I'm two years older than you. I'm like, man, what was it like? He's like, dude, you drove me to school. He's like, I remember when they blew me out of that school with a fire hose. Cornell West, he's an older dude with white hair. He looks cool with white hair. I would look like shit with white hair.

Yeah. If that was like, if that was like, if. If a white person conducted themselves dress-wise and outfits-wise and hair and teeth-wise, the way Cornel West does, we call him a lunatic and we'd get him out of that school. But Cornell-West pulls it off because you know why? He looks wise. It looks like that's what Ice Cube's character and higher learning grew up to be. He's like a black Bernie Sanders. They try to take you and use your talents.

He's great. And then fuck you over on your money. So you say Corvettes. What about bicycles? Mustangs. He said Mustangs. Mustangs. What about bicycles?

White people don't want to cool on it either. I'm just throwing, I'm spitballing. I know so. And then I think about it, I'm giving you a thing. That's how the back and forth works. I know how back and forth works. I feel like you don't. Skateboards.

I can't see these things in there. No, Ray Barbie was a great black skateboarder. He was fantastic. Jason and Long Island's got a good one. Clan hoods. Sure, but I'll tell you what. You can't. Not true.

You don't know who's who. It doesn't matter. You don't know who's who. It goes back with our point, Jason. I understand why you'd say clan hoods. Sure, definitely. It is a style invented by the white. I'll give that to you.

And maybe we perfected the style itself. We could take all the credit for that, all that stuff. But you peek through little bright white holes in a sheet. It's going to pop more and look better if it's black face under it. Absolutely true. Hey. Yeah, there you go. There's Kanye West wearing a clan mask.

It already looks cool. any other clan mask I've ever seen. And I thought some were really cool, Mike. Yeah. Well, see what's funny, too, is, like, ripped arms coming out of it instead of, like, flabby, like, hillbilly arms. Even if, though, I still think it's going to be, yeah, black's going to look better in a clan mask.

Sorry, uh, was it Scott? Was that Scott from Long Island? Adolf. Um, hey, here's one. What about tie-dye? Adolf from Long Island? What about tie-dye? No, no white person looks cool in tie-dye.

Not a one. Not one. Mm-mm. No. Bell bottoms? No, Lenny Kravitz did Bell Bottoms. Pretty great. So did Kendrick Lamar just did Bell Bottoms last year and pulled it off.

Those were weird-looking bell bottoms. Would you say that night that he'd have a hard time getting pussy or anything because he doesn't look cool as shit? No. Thank you. But I was just giving you a little bit of back and forth. I don't know how the fuck that works. How about just a gray sweatsuit? Footy pajamas.

You got footy pajamas at home? But do white people live? look cool in them. Cooler. White people would not look cooler in footy pajamas than black people. Lou said that. Why do you think? We're covering up our disgusting white skin.

Yeah. I just feel like you pull it off better. We like sneakers. We like shoes. Footy pajamas. Yeah, but still. No one looks cool in them. Nobody looks cool on them.

So black people just by default are going to look cooler. If no one looks cool in it, black people are going to look cooler in it. So now that's why I'm trying to get out of that. I'm trying to get into motion now. Like, what are the motions of something? I mean, that's just... Maybe white people look who are driving a boat. That's what I'm trying to say.

Things like this. Jet skis? I don't think I've ever seen black people do that. Water ski? Let's stick to the... Yeah, okay. So we're trying to get black people out of the equation completely here. We're on the seas now.

Surfing. Got you. Fishing. That's an Asian man's job. No one looks cool fishing. Dude, look how fucking dope that fisherman looks. Mason and Kansas. No one's ever said that.

I bet bucket hats were probably. even cooler on a black dude than a white dude. Bucket hats. Way cool on a black dude. I know. Way cooler. We suck. We definitely just can't pull anything off. DJ Liu looks super cool with his little cabby cap over there.

It looks cool. It's a cool look for him. What about if Black Lou just put it on, it would just be cooler immediately. Yeah, and he can do it like, he can only wear it one way, right? Oh yeah, absolutely. Also, though, yeah, but Black Lou, yes. Black Lou can wear it different ways. Now, he's not allowed to let black, if he would

that black lu try his hat on his parents would roll over in their graves so he can't do that but just know that black lou would look pretty cool in that that's true go back to the phone lines christine so i can see them please what about basketball jerseys nobody this days look cool in it but black people all hundred percent that's particularly because even if you were a white kid that had a tan the basketball jersey now shows that you've tanned in your t-shirt and now you got a fucking pink top arm and tan bottom arm and your pasty white neck going into your burnt fate it's none of it's good you got passenger side arm one arm's tanner than the other i think i found the video or i think i found the answer i think i found the motherfucking answer who i'm gonna go to

him right now and let him say it to you this is great jeff in california last person i'm gonna take a phone call from on this because he got the answer really jeff you there hello hi jeff you're on the bonfire. Pull up a log chair and sit by the bonfire. We're working on it. Working on that. Jeff, going. What?

You know, the old log chair. What looks cooler? What looks cooler on white people that doesn't look cool at all on black people ever? Drum roll, please. Straight hair. Straight hair. Whoa. No black guy has ever done straight hair when it wasn't.

a joke. It has never not happened to be a joke or in between somethings. And when it's in between somethings, it's the worst they ever look. What the hell? You can only look like you're gay. Andre 3,000. You can only, right, it looks terrible. That doesn't look cool.

That doesn't look cool at all. No, it doesn't. He doesn't look cool in that video. And it was a joke. It doesn't, uh, Cat Williams, that part is never look cool, that stupid hair. That's a smart, what a great answer. Remember when Snoop Dog, try to pull off the permed long straight hair as a gangster? look fucking terrible it's ridiculous straight fucking hair that was the

guy right there the yeah the black trinastasio look at him he looks like those glasses don't work either but none of it the whole thing's wrong he nailed it that is great that's by the way by the way the answer holy shit and by the way this said even this though this is how cool black people are how cool they are is that even in this situation it's only for the guys yeah because black chicks look fantastic with long straight hair most of them spend most of their lives covering up their regular hair so they can put on some fake of that yeah which brings me to my next subject the baddies we're gonna get we're gonna dig into the baddies big uh dig pretty soon um great answer it's fucking fantastic a straight hair black

lew do you agree with that 100% agree with that was a great answer has there ever been a time where Are you considered straight hair? No. The only time I considered it was to... When you were in Cadd Calloway's band? Hattie, haady, haady ho. You're playing the plunger trumpet? It just helps with cornrows.

If you want your cornrows to be longer, sometimes they suggest that you permit and then put it into the cornrows and it'll be longer. Yeah, no, I totally get that and that's the way to probably do it and you should do it. And that's what you see a lot of times black dudes when they have that,

It's an in-between thing. But maybe there's nothing that looks cooler than really cool and good cornrows on a black dude. And maybe nothing that looks less cool than them being almost done, not done, or beginning to happen. Yeah. It is the worst look. The hair is so stupid looking when it's fucking Wish Nick trolled out. It's very weird. It's very weird.

I was going to say mustache for a second, but then, no. Carl Weathers got the best mustache ever. mustache helps white people a lot more than black people I think because he's got me thinking hair now and I'm kind of like going through like well you know what I'm saying like mustache is a big big thing for like uh I don't know if it makes or breaks a lot of black dudes facial hair makes or breaks so many white dudes you ever see the videos of like a parent shaves their face and the kid freaks the

fuck out Grow that shit back I was a good example of that is Quentin Grimes player on the Sixers The guy looks like a fucking model He's got a, what was five o'clock good Five o'clock shadow beards In NBA 2K

They make him Sands beard Goofball No kidding Goofball looking guy That beard does everything Looks like fucking genuine with that beard What about sideburns? Is there a black guy with sideburns?

Sure Who? Remember a fucking Shaq used to just have sideburns. He shaved his head and had sideburns. Oh my God, you're right. Ludacris had him too for a while when he had a huge... But white dude's like a Jason Priestley sideburn. We're talking like what looks better?

You're talking about a 902 and O sideburn. I mean, that might be like a... That could be... That could sidecar some straight hair. Well, the thing was when the sideburn was happening, that was the... White people started growing their hair down. and then black people started shaving off their middle hair

and letting the top grow really high. We grew it down. The whites grew their hair down their face and the blacks grew it up. You remember Jamie Fox how bad he looked in the Spider-Man 3? They gave him like a comb over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really?

Horrific. Oh, my God. So, yeah, you know what? Yeah, how white people look horrible, like a comb over. That definitely would not look as good or look sillier. A comb over on a black guy?

Yeah. Yeah. But black guys probably react much better. Black guy hair has much better reaction to like you could just spray paint your head basically. That's crazy. And I know you're right. Like I've seen that. There's a guy outside today that I was signing autographs for that half of his hair I think was paint.

Yeah. That was wearing out. It was coming off. He gave him straight hair and a comb over. Who's this? Jamie Fox and Spider-Man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. a straight hair with a comb over.

Yikes. A comb over. They really just gave him like a white person's haircut. Like an impossibility actually. Dude, I think so... He would need the electricity that took to make him electro to make his hair do what it was doing before he was electro. I think about if I let my hair grow and I had to do a comb over, the nerve of me to

try to have sex with my wife with a comb over, like how do you look at that and go, that's hot? How could a woman look at me with a comb over and go, like, I am wet? They see past it No Someone does Dudes with homeovers Doos with co-movers or

Dudes with comers get pussy dude Melania Trump's fucking Donald Trump Dude No she ain't No like so No she ain't You think he's never dunked this dude on there No he has

Not anymore Because he don't want to now No she's No way What are you talking about They just made a documentary She's the best She's got other shit

Is there a trailer for that documentary Yeah I don't see Yeah Jamie Fah What the fuck dude I can't even do that Why? What's so weird?

Was he in a fire? The casting choice for this was. I'm sorry, y'all. I was in a fire. There is a trailer for Melania. I haven't seen it yet. Let's watch it. Is it good?

I mean, no. Is it a documentary? I don't know. Or is it a biopic? It's like a... It's a doc. But it's made by her? It's made by her and the guy who, well, like, Bezos gave like $40 million to make it.

I know, but he gave them money to make it. That's what I'm saying is that it really probably would be pretty terrible. No, it's like... It's hurting the Red Sea. It's hurt. I check it out right away when the person's involved too much. It was like,

there's a new documentary on Netflix. It's like, I am Gordon Ramsey. It's like the Gordon Ramsey story where it's like exposed. It just like shows him. It's like, oh, it's going to be by him.

So it's all like, here's what I want you to know. It's like Ramsey co-productions. No one's going to ask a hard hit and he goes, you used to have a problem with prostitutes, didn't you? It's like, well, yeah, that was a different.

He's not going to be done like that. He's going to be like that. And then I cooked great. And then I yelled at people. And they loved it. I hate that self-indulgent. Is this Malania? This Melania.

And this guy right here is a director. He's the director, dude. No, Brett Ratner made this documentary? Yes. Shut up. Yeah. Come back. Yeah.

No way. Yeah, dude. One of the Epstein's gone in time. This is an Epstein production. Well, Brett Radner is the one. He had accusations on him a bunch. He was like parties, right? Where parties it is, that's were always a thing.

And isn't he the one that, uh, Lin's he the one that, uh, Lindsay Lohan or something, right? He was, like, abusive to her. Like, I think it was him. Where she came to his house in the middle of the night, like, freaking out or something because he kicked her out or cheating on. Doesn't this picture just make you think it's all true? What? Just him hanging with Epstein?

No. Oh, did the Epstein thing is all true? No, that the Epstein. Everything he did is all true. Oh, probably. Or at least most of it. Here's the thing, all of this. I mean, that picture right there is so damning, obviously.

It's just snuggled up with, like, fucking teenage girls. But the thing is. Jesus cry. And you know, That's hilarious is he's literally looking down the camera. Yeah. Take a picture of money. That is the, I may have said this on Skanks, but that is to me the craziest, realest thing

about seeing the files come out is those emails from people, you know, I was definitely saying on Skanks yesterday, but it's like you think there'd be some kind of codes or anything from these people, some of the smartest and biggest, like, most important people in the world but it'll be like he goes ooh he goes is that girl there she's super pretty well she play with my penis noam chomsky it's like fucking it's crazy

Elon Musk sounds like a retard he's like Elon Musk is like oh I want to go on the plane and you he's too dumb in his genius to see that their message back to him was like oh shit buddy I thought he was calling you and then we thought he was calling you so but dude next time for sure

He goes, you promise? Because I like pretty girls. I like pretty underage girls. I love you. I want to go to the craziest party ever. That's what he said in one of the email. But they all, they talk like fucking children about this. Yeah.

Like getting pussy. Yeah. I love her a lot. J.C. Penny. No shit, dude. It's wild. Yeah, it's totally insane, dude. We're all babies here.

It was like, well, she kissed me? Will she kiss me on my penis? I love being kissed on my penis, Deepak Chopra. Yeah. Those are two real names that were in, though. Yeah, people are really upset about those. He's like, will there be snacks? Chris Christie.

Will there be snacks? Yeah, Chris Christie. All he cares about is food. He's like, are you going to have those little microwaveable pizzas? Chris Christie. We were like Hunter Biden's not mentioned. He's like, he loved adult women. Adult women.

And crack. Yeah. Is this B.Y.O. crack? Adult hookers. That's so. That's what the expose, the exposing is me it's not even the people because I don't give a fuck about Noam Chomsky or Deepak Chopra I don't give a shit and nothing about me would think that they weren't creeps maybe um it's not a shock

to my system at all is my point right just the reality that's like there's some party who still thinks this was like a minuscule part of his life and dealings where it seems like 99% of his existence was organizing and setting up and getting teenage pussy and underage pussy for him and important people all only only And then once in a while he's like, I'm speaking into school. Yeah, honestly. And he's like, uh, buy low, sell high. Anyway, I got to go.

Keep reaching for the stars. Have your pets spaded or nude. That's what we were saying. He's actually just like a secretary. Yeah, he's like, be kind of wine, rinse repeat. Gotta go flossed twice a day. And it's just something about this guy just must have like the gift of like whatever it is that like, because by the way, pulled it off for so long. I mean, the thing.

So long. even in the age of the internet, he pulled it off. The thing that blows me away is, like, when he sees a mark, right, when he sees, like, a potential client, let's say, a new actor, the newest, hottest actor. Timothy Shalamey, let's accuse him. Timothy Shalmy. How does he, like, does he have an approach to? Like, do you bring that up in conversation?

Tim, Tim. First question, I guess, is important. Do you even like chicks? You do. You do. Okay. How old do you like them? He goes, kill fuck Mary.

Yeah, fuck marry kill Pippy Longstocking The Wendy's girl The Wendy's girl and the baby On the cover of the Nirvana Nevermind album The Gerber baby Teddy Ruckspin Who else was

How do you break into that How do you find out that you're You know like hey You got to know I know what you mean exactly How do you get that move How do you get a thing goes It's got to be

How do you cold call It's got to be I want to hear the stories Of the three fucking thousand guys who have the story that didn't bite on it and then had to think back later he goes oh wait because that night when I was making the thing

I was like yeah when I told him that when I was younger I got a prostitute and he goes well you know I got said to me if you're willing to pay you can get anything you can get you know ethnic girls underage girls and then he laughed and I never took it you know what I mean I guess that's like that's like my that was my moment to be like underage

really they do that and then and then Epstein went home and went to salesforce.com and like moved him to to the no sale. But the back and forth is so funny. He goes, he goes, yeah, you can get anything if you really want. If you have enough money, you can get drugs, women, underage pussy like that. And he goes, underage pussy, he goes, I know, right?

Isn't that gross? He goes, isn't that weird? Yeah, it's disgusting. They do that. Yeah, I think it's gross too. It's a sick world. We live in. Abort.

Abort. It goes, it's fucked up, huh? They do that. He goes, yeah, it is really fucked up. What do they charge for some crazy-ass fucked up? up shit like that. I don't know, but I'm sure if I knew it would be $5,000 an hour.

And I bet they probably have a new girl just flew in from Istanbul and she's really confused and lost and needs help in the world. And she might just be standing right next to you. I'm going to leave you too to talk about it. He goes, fucking disgusting, right? He goes, I know, it makes me sick. I'll see it an hour.

If. You got Zelle? I'll see you an hour. If that. If that. Christine tells me I'm all sold out. in Fort Worth except the Sunday show, which is 6 p.m., so get a ticket.

We'll be out early. It's going to be fine. What time's the Sunday show? We're all going to be six, I think. Whoa, really? I think that's what it said, yeah. What time is it, Christina say up there? Comedy when it's still light out.

Weird. Yeah, it won't be light out. Six o'clock in Texas? Hmm. Buddy. What? It'll be bright in Texas. Stars in night are big and bright.

Oh, because the stars maybe, but it'll be dark out. Deep in the heart of Texas. Huh? 6 p.m. 6 p.m. It gets darker like five now. You're out of your mind. Why?

Texas is different. It's not, though. It is. It's part of the U.S. Would you turn British for us? It's not, though. It's not, though. It's not.

It definitely, what time does it get dark in Texas? Well, the show starts at six. Yeah, the show starts at six o'clock. So then he'll go on later. No, but still, it'll be dark when the show starts. Do you want to make it interesting? What times the sunset this Sunday? 6.15.

No, no, no. That's not typical. Go. Now we're talking typical. Here we go with the add-ons. Oh, look. It's right there. Nope.

This is fine. I was hoping it would come like this. No, it's fine. I was hoping we'd go this way. 6-11, Jay. Look, look, look. 6-11. That's this Sunday?

Yeah. Yeah. I win. It's dark. No, it's not. That's when the sun goes freaking down. No, that's when it's down. No, that's what...

So at 6-10... They count when it's down. At 6-10, it's fucking still up. No. It's not up. It goes behind the horizon. It's still light out, is what you're saying. So 11 minutes.

The sun's gone. It takes it. So you're telling me, like, are you guys ready for a good show tonight? I can't hear you. It's fucking light out. During the video, the opening video, I don't care about that. When they're showing Pablo Francisco. Buddy, it's going to be, it's comedy when it's light out.

I think, no. I've done it. I've done recently. You know, I did a 3.30 show and a 4 o'clock show back-to-back weekends on Saturday. That is so weird. That's light out. That is light out. When I was, dude, when Sebastian brought me to open for him a couple times, we did

bananas in Hasbrook Heights. And they added shows, but they kept adding them earlier. Yeah. So we did like, like two o'clock or some shit. He said, hey, Mike, we got a show at 11 a.m. Why would I do that? You're wearing sunglasses? 95% door deal.

They all got Kansas Sanka for me. But dude, that was like the. hotel wall was all glass. Yeah. So it was fucking bright, dude. It was like actual bright in the room. That's weird. That's the first time I ever had to do comedy where I was like seeing people's face. Oh, it sucks.

Daytime comedy. I mean, it's fine. Once you're in the club and it's happening, it's fine. People are also like wide awake. They're not that trashed usually at that time. So it's, there's plenty of good about it. Sure. It's the, you know, it's the mental manipulation. It's what I had to do with when I did my first special ever, the Webster Hall for my first hour was

you know, you were there for that, but it was I was talking to a Sunday. Yeah. I know. I remember that. I was talking to a Sunday and I was like, I don't know. But then they was like giving you all the good things about Sunday.

He goes, well, people usually aren't like hammered coming to that. You know, they do have to work the next day. Do you know what I mean? A lot of people do have to work the next day? So it's like, it'll be good. You know, so it'll be good. And it was. It was no football season either.

Was there? I don't think so. I don't think it was like a week after the Super Bowl. I think it was February 14th. No, no, no. Well, it was a fantastic. It was late February. Yeah, it was after the Super Bowl.

I remember that, for sure. And it was. It ended up being a good thing. I'll tell you what. One of the really fun moments of, like, being in New York was going and, like, touring all the potential venues with you. Because we got to see some real behind-the-scenes shit of some fucking awesome places. Dog belly is my worst special, for sure, the one I did a Skangfest.

Because, like, it was just, I got talked into doing it in the afternoon. Yeah, well, afternoon. It just sucked. The energy was just wrong for it. It was hot and weird. It just wasn't good. But that was cool to go check out like the back, the underbelly of a lot of these like cool. Oh, yeah.

I mean, we were at Webster Hall? They were like, oh, you want to see the thing we just found? We just knocked this wall down. There's 15 Tiffany lamps back here. I guess this is Al Capone's old thing. Yeah, we got a tour. They said it's so casually like, I guess it's where Al Capone kept all his Tiffany lamps. I don't know.

I don't know that. Yeah, they go do you want to check out Al Capone's old. Spone speakeasy and like we went down there And they had Tiffany. It was behind a wall. Like they've knocked a wall down and there was a fucking like hang in there with like Tiffany Liss Wild. Dude yeah, it looked like a scene from the sting.

Like it was really fucking bad ass back there. And then they said they put one of the lamps in the hangout room and someone fucked it up Or stole it or broke it. And they just keep it preserved all back there. And they don't use it as a speakeasy. It's just like they just show people it when you come. If you're going to do a special day they'll show it to you. It's like it's like a museum of old beer like ads.

It's like a Spuds McKenzie. Aesema wolf fucking like all types of Kathy Arland Elvira With a fucking Kathy Ireland Hold up

What do you think If you had a guess She actually does Look pretty good I think I saw her Yeah Yeah And looks all right

For her age She looks pretty damn good I mean You know what happened The Denise Richards is Crazy That's sad She had split hot dog lip

It's funny Crazy dude She got jelly roll teeth You know who holds Up is Brooke Burke She looks really good.

For her age. Yes. It's always going to be for age. I see Eve or Lori and all our commercials. Kathy are on? Yeah, she's, man. It is just fucking time, though, huh?

God damn, man. Dude. Yeah, that was a bad one. What the fuck happened? Now she's an old black woman? What's that picture? Oh, look. She's on a lobster boat with a drum.

Is that her husband? You know, that's the other thing, too, the supermodel, if you just waded out, they end up with some guy, or you're just like, this motherfucker, look at his shorts. And he's like, and by the way, he's like, I don't care. He goes, in his mind, he's just fucking Kathy Ireland. Yeah, totally, dude.

He hits his buddies when they're, like, she's still, when she walks away, he's like, that's fucking Kathy Ireland, dude. Look at it. This is my husband. Just some guy named Buck. Look at it. I'm teaching him how to tie a knot. Yeah, she goes, oh, God, could you imagine?

I'm with Kathy Ireland. You just come over and see her in her frumpy sweats where they're ill-shaped ass now. How old is? She fucking mom pussy. God damn it. Jacob, you were wrong. I guess. She looks horrible.

Brooke Burke looks good. Maybe it was a few years ago. Does she look good? Well, bring up Brooke Burke. I can tear her apart too, I bet. I'll find some flaws. Yeah? You think Brooke Burke's got to bring up Brick Burke?

Batter up. Who else you think looks good? Catherine Zeta Jones, I'll nail that pig to the wall too. For a 67-year-old. Is she? Susanna Hoffs. Look at Brooke. Wow, she looks pretty damn good.

She looks pretty effing great. You want to know how her legs are. I have, uh, she looks like, Tom, what are you talking about? She looks pretty great, except her face. No. What are you talking about, dude? What are you talking about, dude? She's got fucking, are you kidding me?

She's got the same face she always had. Dude, you can write fucking, uh, five line poem double spaced on her forehead. MLA format. In 17, Helvecta. Times New Roman 12, dude? I mean, yes. Okay, fine. She looks like a glamorous lady, but I'm telling you there is a crazy amount of real estate on that forehead.

Eyebrows to hairline. What's going on? Is that what they call five head? I'll give you another one. Heather Graham. I'm going to say probably not. I'm going to say not, too, and I'll tell you why, too. Blonde's.

Christine pointed out years ago, and she's right. They age with the sun. Whoa. Like the sun just takes them apart. It eventually burns them into a fucking squiggly, yeah. She looks great. Well, you're wrong. Not really

Yep You think that's Roller Girl dude Look what she has to do to keep that fucking mom bod She says she's gonna be roller chair girl She never had kids Huh She did not have kids All right so her pussy's tight

Oh she's not bad She looks great actually She looks good No she's a pretty lady She's a pretty lady She's a pretty lady Someone you were talking about Was a smoking hot chick at one point

She was rolling She was rolling She was gone What about um You know who's in show Nev Campbell's in something knew how'd she hold up she was ugly always no she wasn't yeah no she was hot in that weird like wild things yeah nah nah i didn't like her never like nev campbell she was on a show called catwalk i

watched when i was younger and she was ugly in that too you're crazy well you never saw catwalk you never saw catwalk she looked like a boy next to uh denise richards well denise richards is different nev campbell's like you're different it's like your fat friend nev campbell's like your fat friend's little sister who you let's suck your dick when you're both teenagers. You have a crafty on her one night in the summer? And it was all you could think of. Yes, totally. I had that with a freckily ugly ginger girl named Meredith.

She was just the girl at my friend's trailer park camping site. That's hilarious, dude. And there was some dance, and I was just like, the whole world was Meredith that night. And then as soon as you get away, you're like, God, she was rancid looking. The whole world was Meredith that night. I know exactly what you mean. Meredith, you are my whole world right now. Meredith.

I don't want to put this kind of pressure on you, but you're everything to me. Meredith, I just died in your arms tonight. Dude, one Halloween, I went trick-or-treating with my cousin and this chick that was in his grade, and I just, we started holding hands in the dark. I didn't even, and I'm like, oh, my God, tonight and every night is Erica. And we kissed behind the shed, and she didn't know how to kiss. She went, like that, like the fucking lady in Kingpin. You're so stupid. It's so hot.

This is awful. I'm gonna come. I'm too fat. People usually don't kiss me. Blah, la, la. I got candy in my teeth. I was like, oh my God, you already started eating it? Everything was Meredith.

Everything was Meredith for a night. Yeah, Meredith wasn't that super psyched back on me, and that's what hurt even more, because you're like, I thought I was taking a shot down and going with ugly Meredith, but Meredith thought I was too fat and ugly. She flipped the script on you. She flipped the script on me. Meredith, you must have not read the script. Meredith.

Why? You know, Mary, you didn't read the script? That's a little. What about, I'm trying to think who else. Is Meg Ryan looking? Whoa. Look who's prettier now. Oh, Neff Campbell for sure.

Without even a question. Is that Neff Campbell right now? She looks great. She's beautiful. She looks beautiful. No, that's what I'm saying. Who won? Marathon, not a sprint, ladies and generally.

I'll tell you why it's the marathon. Is it right? Because what Nev Campbell did was she looks like she at least didn't do a bunch of fucking shit to herself. Denise Richards is like, my whole thing is hot. My whole thing is hot. So I have to keep this hot So as soon as her cheek bone doesn't look like it was She has a doctor go put a cheekbone in

And suck her fucking inside thing out Yeah it's everything They put a wishball A rotissory wishbone They're like I need I need different nose under my nose Dude she looks like a puppet Yeah she's crazy looking

She looks like madam My God she looks horrible dude She does She looks so bad What happened her? And by the way that's a phenomenal picture of her If you just see her like in life She looks like a fucking corpse

Man Huh? Denise. Denise Richards, yeah. I know, I was trying to find the... Man, Kathy Ireland. What a bummer. How about Elle McPherson?

I bet she's not very good either. Because the sun? That weird voodoo thing you said earlier, that tarot- She's not a blonde. Was she a blonde? Yeah. She won't know. Yeah, then it probably, then the sun probably baked her fucking stupid face.

Like a fucking, like a blueberry muffin? Oh, the goddamn muffin. What about the British model that was in Austin? powers. Oh, yeah. It was so gorgeous. Elizabeth Hurley? Elizabeth Hurley.

She's weird because she's hot but not. Yeah, she looks. Whoa. Is this her? Yeah. Fuck. Like, yeah, yie. Man.

What happened to the girl with you? I don't want to fall in love with you. She looks like a... No. She looks like an IKEA. Like a human IKEA. Did anything happen to her? What was her name?

No. No. No. I want to fall in love. With you. With you. I don't know who that is. It is.

What? Hellen a Christian. Let me try it again. No. Wait, you got to go a little deeper and then the whole thing. No. Do you don't understand if I do like this? No.

Let's not do it? What if I said like this? I did my speaking voice too and I went, no. Oh. No. Fucking Christ. God damn it. Who's that?

Time is a motherfucker. Who is that? Dude, that's fucking. No. Really? Damn, you wouldn't write that song for her now. No. You go, no way.

No, please. Holy fucking shit. Man. What about Elizabeth Hurley? Pam Anderson's the ultimate. Elizabeth Hurley. Yeah, remember this? Yes, of course.

If you can get to the park, Christine. What part? That's her. Yeah. No. I couldn't watch this video on my family. Turn it up. No.

I want to fall in love with you Squam-weigh slide guitar Scooey Want to fall in love