The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Dreamcatchers

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

It's Dan Day, an informal lunch where the crew eats with Soder only to return to the Bonfire with love in their hearts. Jay and Bob are never invited to the feast but they pepper Lou, Louis, and Jacob with many questions. | Jacob is saddened with the possibility that Dan would ever be too busy to continue the tradition. | Paco faces reaction to his revelation that his father hid being gay and now lives out loud. | Christine keeps stalling because she fears showing the guys a video of her trying stand-up comedy. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Crison and Robert Kelly. Let it play out, Lou. Oh, man. Turn it up, dude. She's the best. You are so... Why they don't give you your own channel on here from music is beyond me. Probably because you'd sing through every fucking song.

You're right. I hear what you say. Yeah, hey, love the channel. Can the guy stop ruining the songs? Birth is ever alive. Is this the song you play when you take? take your tub? Yeah, I get sass. I promise you

right now there's a bunch of people listening to this who are guys you wouldn't expect the way they look that were like, if they don't know it, they went, that's a pretty good song, though. Yeah, no, the absolutely great song. There's a lot of guys listening too thinking, what the fuck is happening right now? Is this the wrong channel? They kept switching the channel? They moved the channels? Is this yacht rock?

They should give me my own channel here. Big J. Radio. Oh, big gay Radio. No. It's Big J. Radio. And you're right. It's all of your favorite hits from,

who knows, it could be from the 60s all the way to right now. Only catch, I'm going to sing all of them over it with a live mic. With a hot mic. You can't help yourself, dude. He goes, dude, do you ever hear that heart song where she hits that song in a loan? You haven't heard it until you've heard

Jay sing poorly over it. God damn. Oh, God damn. The guy's trying to find the bear bear. and I accidentally found official daddy bears, which is a way different thing. Same guys, same guy. Same guy.

Same dude. That's Jay, if I've ever seen him. He's getting yoked and hairy. That's you, Jay, and like next year. I wish. Tidy Witties. You're going to start wearing tidy witties? No, no, no.

I will start wearing some, some fucking suspenders with no pants. In their shirt. Suspenders in no shirt, for sure. You know why? Like I woke at a Home Depot calendar? We found out that it was, Dan Day. That's why Jacob's all whipped up.

Oh, yeah. I was like, why was Jacob laughing so hard today and smiling? You get to spend time with Dan. It's just a good day. Yeah, it's a good. I can't wait until it ends. I can't wait until Dan's too busy. He's so successful that he can't make it. I hope everything he does goes so that he has no time for Dan Day. I can't imagine that day happen. I mean, success, yes. Wow. I've talked to Dan about it. He says, look, he feels bad that he feels bad that he, but he left the crew. Yeah. So he goes,

he could stand hanging with him once a month for a couple hours. He throws a fucking cheap-ass steak down their throat at old Ted's Montana. They all get the same thing every time, by the way. Huh? They all get the same thing every time. Yeah, yeah, they're like, it's like a fucking red hat society over here. It's the fucking, you guys have tea time.

Can I say something? I'm not taking the dinner because it's too masculine what I want to do. We should all get them hats for Dande. You know what? You guys should all wear red hats for Dand Day. Now, if you need me, I'll be to Brazilian steakhouse listening to Barber Streisand. You guys have your gay steakhouse dinner.

It's not even a steakhouse. It's a hamburger place. You can have a good steak. A good steak? A good steak. A good steak. I haven't had one. I'm just saying, I guess I just said that. I assume you can have a good steak. We took you to Del Frisco. When was that?

We do. I'm sorry, I don't remember. I don't remember back that far. It was a couple years ago. What did Dan get you for Christmas? Yeah. A hamburger? It must have been 10 Dan days since then. It's fine.

What was I supposed to get for Christmas this year? Yeah, what did you get? No, is it? What did you get for Christmas? A very nice, generous gift from the two of you. No, no, no, no. Not us. What did Dan get you mean?

What did Dan get? Well, you just, we talked. Just a mushroom gravy, sirloins, a celery steak? Merry Christmas. Mm-hmm. Wow. Merry Christmas.

Paco, did you get your money? Yeah. I accidentally. Actually, I was giving Paco a little extra something for Christmas, and I called them up, I gave me like a heartfelt message. I was like, hey, man, I just want to thank you. You're doing great, and you really, what you work so hard. And I sent you a little something on memo, but I actually, I hit request.

Nice. Do you send to you? No, he didn't send it to me, your piece of shit. Oh, you should have sent it to me. I needed the money. I was in Costa Rica. Bobby's been good to you. You should, come on a hard time?

She can't help him out? I sent you a little something extra. Did you get it? Yeah, I did. Great. Thank you. You welcome. I sent them one extra dollar.

Who treated you better, dude? Jay. I don't like that much. You're way more generous than me. You did. Well, I can match it if you tell me. Game three grand. I can match it.

I'll match it. Look, everybody just got pissed. It's not true. Papa crew was like, what? Paco comes in once a month. Sit there and eats fucking stupid chips. He's so entertaining. He just looks at the camera and writes down a note every once in a while.

That's not worth three grand to you guys. Pucko's only here to get stage time. Well, would he admit it? The Christmas show is worth it. I gave him $3,000 every three months, so it's like a $12,000 bonus a year I give. That's great. I only give him $2,500, like, every few months. Oh, that's, you're cheap.

Yeah, I want to bump it up. Cheap-ass. Yes, Black Lou? I'm going to bump it up. Do you guys remember the first year that you both gave us bonus? and Jay you sent like a dollar more just to be sure you gave more than Bobby first of all can I just can I just say something I jumped into the ship

like we do this every I was like I know Bobby wasn't here for like that I have to give them more like to hey let's get we'll get everybody like a hundred dollar a Starbucks gift card I walked in like I have to give them more than I give my family yes the fuck is happening yes you got my sister a dream catcher this year oh my God what she loves it she's a weird

know. Where'd you get this dream catcher from? Yeah, I don't know. Fucking internet. It was purple. She loves purple. From the internet. You've only got it from a fucking, a ceremony somewhere.

You don't know what a dream, you're a cowboy and you don't know what a dream catcher is? You don't. You don't sleep with a dream catcher of your bed? You should. That's crazy. I should fucking close on you right out of your chair for not knowing what. You don't know what a dream catcher is. Have you ever gotten laid?

Have you ever been in a girl's bedroom in your life? Yeah. It's this. This is a dream catcher. You've seen these, right? It's an Indian dream catcher. It catches all the bad dreams. Have you ever gotten your dick sucked by a girl

who looks at her parents' house still? What fuck's wrong with you, dude? Have you ever fucked anybody at Skank Fest? Yeah, Jacob, you should really know to dream catcher. Come on, dude. Yeah, dude. You don't know what that is.

You've never seen this. I've seen it. I didn't associate the name. You believe so much in the Indian way. You've never looked at Christine's earrings every few weeks? I'll get some dream catcher earrings. Oh, I know you do.

You have them. Those ones I got you from the gas station at one time. It was a car wash and the guy's wife handmade them. She did. Yeah. But they were out of car wash. It's because they're custom. What I was saying, we, Lou just mentioned it,

and our holiday show was so long ago and we've been back on air. Paco's dad. We all forgot. He died from age. Sorry, everybody. Update. Pacco's Dad took rage. Pacco's dad.

Paco's dad heard the show and killed himself. That was wild. By the way, Christine just did a pretty tacky move. I like it. I respect it. What is that? She goes, guys, we totally forgot to talk about Paco's dad because she does not want to watch this video. Wow, I didn't even see it. That was fantastic.

That is good. You brought up Paco's gay dad, which is awesome. Quite a hammer to draw. I mean, thanks for saving it for the but how did no one see that coming? How do we not know? Have I not known that? Or did you tell me 11 times and I'm a pothead? No, I've never told you guys this.

No, he's been dealing with it the entire time we've known him, we have no idea. What made you bring it up in front of 2,000 people? Has it a few to be living out loud about your father living out loud? I don't know. It kind of just came out. Did you... Did you... I bet you'll...

I mean, obviously you're gonna get like ball busts online and stuff, but like, like, Like, I wonder how many, you will probably get a weird amount of people going like, dude, this happened to me, something similar to my family side. I bet it's not that strange. The fact that you're the third person I know who has the story is pretty wild. Yeah. Pretty wild. Yeah, a lot of guys are living in, you know, waiting for that day to just be free. Yeah.

But he was able to work up a boner and bang Paco's hot mom. You don't know that. He did. Look at Paco's right here. I do know that. It could have been half full. What? Yeah?

You could have been throwing up. Funny stuff. Yeah. Funny stuff, yeah. He goes, she was come inside and he goes. Okay. Suck a mite. What?

No. Tate's a boo. Oh, disgusting a pussy. Ugh. I love that your, your accents are so off. Oh, gross a puss. Crosque pussy. Oh, I hate there's a hole in your body.

What the body? I don't know. I just turned into something. We're panicking because it was Dan Day. We're trying to impress the guys back with voice work. We're panicking. We're fucking failing. We're off the rail.

Somehow Christine got us to not show our video yet. Ooh, that's a cheap steak. Ooh, that's a canned mushroom gravy on my burger. Guys, why don't we get the same thing every time? Yeah, yeah. You guys are only worth a $150 check. Guys, I can only have an hour and a half, so hurry up and order everything at once. Ooh, hey guys, I already paid the bill, but I got to go.

You guys leave whatever you're done. No rush. Ooh, yeah, I'm leaving, but you guys feel free to hang out and finish your meals. Obligations have been met. Oh, yeah, dig it. Guys, I'm not going to order because I'd never eat this shithole, but you guys feel free to get whatever you want. Don't bother me to February. Digget!

Leslie Jones, homegirls tight posse is on Rawl Dogcom here. He doesn't switch over. Fembe wants to switch over. Leslie Jones doing Homegirl's tight pussy. Can I delay her humiliation one more minute to just thank Kikiko sending? Oh, my God. I mean, I can't, got to say the greatest thing. Because you love cake.

That might be because I love cake. Because you didn't take your Mangano this week, whatever it is. I didn't take my Mungarno this week. What is it good? My Mongarno. I want to call it her about he calls it. My manjarano. I don't know how they take it and then I throw the needles in my barrel.

It's a fucking barrel. I've heard barrel more than once since. It's bug me. It's a barrel. It's a barrel. It might be regional. I don't know how they keep upping the softness. I'm going to say this.

My God. I love my old Kiki Kiko. Kiki Kiko? I don't know. I love cake. I love cake too. So Kikiko, Kikiko. The new one they sent is like sleeping with a fucking bear.

Yes. It's so soft. Slippery. It's full of claws in danger. It's so beautiful and huge. It's big, which is awesome. It's so big. It's so big.

It's so nice. That oversized. I'll admit, I brought it actually to Florida. You traveled? It was sent there. They were so nice. We got them. We got them when they showed up.

And I'd say I hope that Renee, right, over Kateco? was listening because she doesn't even know that since we convinced another purchaser South O Canada to buy Kiki Co. That's right. I wouldn't bring his name up right now, but go ahead. Why? He's a little hot water. No, he's not.

I know. I'm kidding. Did you hear what happened now? Yeah, it was crazy. That's fucking insane. TikTok should be really has to... They should be in trouble for that. TikTok was, what they do is when you post a video, if you don't pick music, they'll pick a trending song for your video. Or just trending audio. Whatever's trending, they'll throw over

your video and they they picked this trending racist rant it's that went over his actual tour dates for his new tour now I texted him I go dude are you auditioning for microphone at Legion of Skanks did you just get on compound media are you announcing your Kumi your compound uncensored podcast that's fucking crazy TikTok just did that they did it to a bunch of people much people thank God so it's not just word versus versus his everybody yeah thank God But I was like, I was like, dude, I thought you fucking got awesome. But that's cool. No, that's fine.

You're still family. You're still family friendly. Hey, will you come do skanks this week? Yeah, dude, you fucking rule. That one thing about Sal, always will do legions of skanks. God bless him. There it is. Look how big that thing is.

Can we post this? Look how comfy you are. Yes. What colors you get? We got the brown and the mocha. I got the brown. I got the brown mocha too. It's so.

I'll tell you what, the only thing I missed when I was in Costa Rica all week that I was thinking about was my getting into my bed with the Kiki-ko. Yeah, and being around white people know how to swim. That's true. You said there was two things you missed while you were gone. Being around mostly white people know how to swim and your Kikiko bucket. I put it on. Oh, hang on a second.

Dude. What's up, buddy? I put it on my bed and then I laid on top. of it. Naked? I had no shirt. It was just in my undies. Buddy, take your panties off. Try, I'm telling you right now. My mom wasn't in that house.

No, dude, get your dick in that thing. Mom or not. You got it. I've done that with the ones in my apartment. You got, you see how the grooves go, dude? Oh my God. It's like getting masturbated by a hundred mermaids. But I was just almost naked and I went,

like a little baby sow? Like a little baby. You made the same noise when Dan shows up, fucking that stupid restaurant you go to. But a joyful one. Yeah. The others are misery. It's 3.15.

I wonder if he's not coming. He goes, sorry, I'm like guys. He goes, it's okay. Yay. I got our favorite table. Do you guys have a favorite table? We have gotten the same table. Oh, my God.

Yeah, you know why? Because nobody's in there. DJ Ludo doesn't even want to go anymore. It's pure obligation. He feels bad for Dan at this point. Yeah. Black Lou and Jacob would be. run to that. They've run to that. Run to your white boy, Blacklou.

Go ahead, Blacklou, run to your white boy if that's what you want. We might be going to... Run back to your other white boy right when you're done. And then if you can come back to this white boy, I need you at 5 p.m. Wabbleby dabbley. It might be going to a different place next time. No. Why did you suggest something? Because we made fun of you. Who suggested was it?

It was mine. You know why it was yours? Because you hate it. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It's great.

You know, Dan can't smell. It's great. Look at me. Jacob. I loved going there. Jacob, Dan can't smell. He could eat dog shit. It's true. Hamburgers.

And he wouldn't even know. He doesn't taste his food. So you have to tell him what's good. Yeah. Now my guess is now you make him change it. I bet Dan's going to make it to something in the lobby of his building so he could spend as little time as possible. Guys, I saw you order. He goes, I'm actually not that hungry, but you guys enjoy.

I'm going to head back up to the place. I got to call. Hey, guys, I got to walk my dog. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'm happy staying. I love it. You should go there still in tribute,

Ted's Montana. Why don't you go there more? Maybe I will. Maybe you should. Maybe you should. It's affordable. I love that Dan is rich. And he takes you to an affordable lunch.

He takes you to a fucking low-rent Ponderosa. Ponderosa was already low rent. I picked it first. Why don't you pick like Del Frisco, something really nice? There you go. That's what I would do. That's what I would do. No, Black Lou, this is you.

This is on you. You got to come. big throw something big in them we're going to let him pick i think at del frisk goes say keene steakhouse that's nice they have a good say they have a good afternoon burger dude yeah get the mutton chop at keens here's how you find out if dan is really

into this pick one of those high-end places and if he's like wherever you want guys and no problem you know he's doing it out of love if he goes i don't know about that i got it i got it smith and waleski it's right here smith and wilensky

steakhouse go show bring it up bring it up christie the mafia boss got show out in front of that place. That's not true. It's true. Sparks. Was it Sparks? Yeah.

Oh, sorry. I thought it was some things. I always thought it was old homestead and I had that wrong. Every time I went to old homestead, I go, the guy was shot right here and it was like, sparks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. Maybe it's just the connection that makes the food taste so good. Now, why don't you? We just have such a good conversation.

I'm surprised you barely eat. It's funny. It's so weird. Dan never describes it that way to me. All the fucking eyes gazing you do. How do you even get the food? You know he calls it? I said, I asked him, I go, dude, can I talk to you about something this afternoon? He goes, sorry, I got kid duty.

Wow, wow, wow. Fucked up. Wow, you're a grown man. You have gray hair. Well, Christine, Christine, fucking fantastic. Everyone did it because I'm not going to get into this with only 15 minutes of Christine's comedy. Why? Because it's not enough.

No, we have more than that. No, we don't really. We have 20 minutes. We're not done with this Dan thing in Smith and Walenski. get a respectable place. Show them the menu. I get it. It's a nice, I'm sure the food's great.

Great. It's fantastic. You see the food's great at Ted's Montana's. For me, it's great. I love it. I love what I get. Is Ted's Montana a chain? Because I've never seen one anywhere else. I would say it's a upscale chain.

I think it has a few restaurants. What? You got to stop saying things like that, Jacob. Maybe upscale is a wrong word. What are you talking about? It's nuts. Well, compared to Burger King. Do you think Dan?

It might be above Applebee's. It's like cheesecake factory right under. I would rather go to Cheesecake Factory than Ted's Montana. And I hate the name, Ted's Montana? Ted, uh, from CNN. Fuck him, who's that? You go to a guy who was on CNN? Ted Turner.

Ted Turner is his place. And the signature is the Buffalo, Buffalo Burger. That's what it's all about. Yeah. Well, I'll say where they have a better burger. It's a big chain. It's an enormous chain of shitty, shitty stuff. Yeah.

That's where they put an improv. oven. It's a bonefish grill with fucking burgers. Go back to the menu of a... Look at that. You think you're not worth a $72 flamignon from your boy? You've got to go somewhere where the price is, it says market price. That's where you know Dan cares about it.

That's where me and Bobby take you. Yeah. We take you, we make you earn it. You have to earn it first. We haven't gone out of dinner in a long time. Yeah. We can go out to dinner, but you can be sure as hell that we're not going to. going to take you to Ted's Montana.

Hell no. It's going to be like maybe the Brazilian Steakhouse. That's not. Plataforma. We've done Platiforma before is great. Do Platiformia. You want to do platyforma? We'll take you to Plattoformer if you stop going to Ted's Montana. Not that you have to stop your date, but you have to go somewhere different. Well, you are going somewhere different because Black Lou made it

a thing already. He said he can't do it anymore. No, he can't do this bullshit ass place. He said, he said, Dan can pick. We want you guys to pick. Tell Dan, he cannot. pick. Yeah, you guys will do the pick. It's about you.

Yeah. It's not about him. It's best spending time with you guys. Mr. Chow's. You should go to get attorneys and Mr. Chowell's. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that's overpriced for no reason. That's not for me. Huh? Why not? I don't think I would enjoy the menu as much. I guarantee Dan picks the seller. I hope he picks the comedy seller.

Hey, the Olive Tree Cafe. I'll meet you at the Olive Tree. But can you do it after the show because you have a spot. Yeah. And then he also gets 50% off then also if he does a spot.

You could probably host and get all your food for free if you wanted to Dan, this is a place This is where you take people you give a shit about That's right Look at that, look at that steak Yeah, that's a once in a year thing What? Once in every three years would be enjoying

Smith-Melensky, what are he talking about? It's a goddamn fucking businessman's lunch That's a weekday for you Absolutely, absolutely, I do This is what you take? I've never gone on the weekends to a steakhouse ever It's always a weekday there is a place you take friends.

This is a place where you sit down. You're going to catch up, you're going to laugh. Yeah, you're going to have, but you're also going to have unbelievable service. You're not going to have somebody with a stupid apron with flare on it. We laugh. Do they have flare on their aprons, little buttons?

No. They don't have a little buffalo somewhere? It's kind of rugged looking. He performs. It's a cowboy lifestyle in there. He performs for you guys and you laugh. He gives you your little taste. And then he takes it away from you.

Yeah. Like he took it away from you. We laugh. Yeah. You laugh and then you don't. They wear ties. It's a cowboy. What is it?

Oh, that plays steaks. The CPK uniform. Yamanika works there? This is why Christine only has been invited once because she has nothing but bad stuff to say. She won't eat it at a shitty place twice. Yeah. She learns her lesson. That's why you've only seen her with one black guy since we worked here.

You were the black guy here when you worked here. Once. Can you show me the waitstaff at the other place? Smith and Molinski's. Yeah, I bet they're all white. I bet what? Absolutely. These guys know what they're doing.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I was like, I'm getting in trouble for saying my word. No, these high-end places always put their fucking waiters in all-white for some reason. Yeah, because they don't spill shit. They're white waiters in white uniforms. They're not. Oh, white guys. Go on.

Ooh, I can't believe Christine got us. We have time. She flim flammed. No, you really want to go in on this. Okay, you're right. You have time. You're right. I want to think of things we've done the past.

I'm mistaken. I'm mistaken. I'm thinking of things we've done with a three-minute clip in our lives. Where how long is it? Six minutes or so? Jay. I feel foolish, I said that. Yeah, but you want us to fucking jam in it?

No, I don't. There's no way. I know, I know. I've never seen it. I haven't seen it in, I haven't seen it in... Nine? I haven't seen this one. Perfect.

You've never seen this. This is a brand new clip for everyone? Yeah, you've never seen this. Oh, God. because you saw the one I had on DVD, which is The Bringer Show. It was two. Oh, then you did see this.

I only have two. What's the other one that we've never seen? It's on a DVD, but I think I can get it. I can apply it. I have a DVD thing. It's sort of a Bringer show at Broadway in 2009. Oh, please bring her. Are you hosting?

No, I brought people and I was doing my time. It's going to be fun because it's going to be fun because she's going to be nervous. You're going to see all the ticks and nerves. I will say, from what I recall, it was no worse than anybody girl particularly starting comedy that young into that was like her what was it what is this said is like your fifth of 10

this is probably like my somewhere between five and tenth time on stage how many times you get on stage before you said hey producing might be better for me I think somewhere between 20 and 30 because I'm trying to figure out like the amount of time

that I did it and I was trying to go like two nights a week so I think it ended up around there, but it was when I got the job at comics, when I got hired at Comics Comedy Club, I kind of made a decision. Did they make it for you? No, no, no. I mean, I don't think they wanted comics working there. No clubs really do. Yeah.

But I didn't want to, like, be a comic that was also working behind the scenes. Like, I was like, I need to cut this. Good choice. I thought being a comic would be a really lonely life. And I would, you know, it's, I knew how hard it was. Like I already had already worked in comedy for three years. I knew how hard your lives were. Right.

And it seemed like a lot to go through. Did you have any sets where you killed it? Were you like, this is, you felt the feeling that me and Jay feel every weekend? I don't know about killing the doing. I had a bomb. He was just shaking his head, no. I had a bomb at Tien's, the Turkish restaurant that like was, I was like, I don't know if I could ever do this again. We just grabbed the mic and start fucking working the room.

No, there's a Turkish restaurant. You hate the Turks. Open mic. I know, but there was an open mic at the bottom of the. this restaurant in Hill's Kitchen, Tangines. And, oh, man, I just bombed for like 10 minutes straight with a bunch of dudes just staring at me. It was so awful.

You don't have that on tape? No. Because I thought I'd only done, like, five minutes. And they said it was 10 minutes instead of just getting off stage. I tried to fill the time. I can get you tape of 10 dudes staring at it if you want. But this was also, this was like the first show I ever produced in the city. And, you know, my friends were really supportive.

The first time I did it, I did well, and that was fun. What about the other one? Are they supportive on the other one, too? Yeah, they're both, these are both like, so it was like bringer shows. Yeah, yeah. This was a, yeah, this show I produced with my friends. I had the guy at Catcher Rising Star.

It was in Harvard Square. It's like where cross comedy was and Mark Marin and all those guys. And you had to put your name on the wall. You just wrote your name on it. And then six months later, you got a spot. My first set ever, and it was a bringer show. And I brought my whole family. Like 15 people showed up.

My grandfather, my grandmother. And the guy came up to me before the show. goes, hey, make sure your family doesn't laugh too loud at you. I don't want to mess with the other comics. And I didn't know what to do. So I just went up to my family. I was like, hey, guys. Don't laugh.

You know, don't be that supportive of me. Like, I didn't have even say it. I was like, you know, the guy asked me so you're not like, don't overdo it. Don't overdo it for me. It was like, fuck. And then the guy brought me up and I did my stupid jokes that were terrible. And then after you went, Robert Kelly, people are so different from me. My first thing's dating.

Like dating is weird. Whose phone's going nuts? Mine, not mine. It was totally yours? It was not mine. It's mine. I'm sorry. I don't like...

Here it is. I'm waiting for it. What? You have a lot about this before. No. Is that you're waiting for? No, I'm waiting for you. I'm sorry for this time.

No, no. Look at me. No, I want a real one. Come on, Jay. You got it in you. Look at me. I'm getting it together. Okay.

Allow me to gather myself. Sorry, I blamed you. I sorry I didn't believe you. Thank you. When you said it wasn't you. Thank you. Because you've been known to lie. No, no, no, no, no.

No, that was the Jacob. No, no. No, I said anything to you. I want a solid apology with nothing at the end, period. I want a period at the end. I? Yes. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you

when you said it wasn't your phone. Thank you. You did touch your phone. No, no. You touched your phone afterwards, though. I touched my phone because you're, you immediately look at me with your big eyes. Bobby, your disapproval, your disapproval. Your disapproval.

Yeah. And I don't sip on water all the time. It's Christine sometimes, too. Remember that guy? It's for sure me sometimes. It's 100% a lot of the times. You guys are both pieces of shit. I got castrated by Jeff.

What was his name? John? Forget his name, but he did not enjoy your drug. Oh, my God. It's not even mine. Look at the staff over at Smith and Wilinski. Wow. Now that's class.

Yeah, they have vest. They have double-breasted vests, red ties. Thin fat don't matter. Vest. They look fantastic. Now, that's a waitstaff. And there's another thing, too, you'll see a lot in the weight staff. And this is a big deal in a steakhouse.

Old. They're older because they've been there for fucking 35 years. And because they get paid good money. They get paid good money because they're professionals. Not like at TEDs in Montana. This would stress me out. Why? It's just too much for a lunch.

They have lunch? Black Lou, is it too much for you? Black, Lou is it too much for you? Black, Lou is sitting in a nice place, too much for lunch? You're going to be in and out the same way you'll be in and out at Ted Montana's. It's not too much for me. You know, for me in these establishments, I'd have to say, though, I don't see a black face in that photo. Right, so you know the service is going to be a little nervous.

Oh, I thought you're going to be a little nervous. I'm sorry, I thought we were going different directions. We were going different directions. We were going different directions. I didn't know. Just a quick body. I'm supposed to know where he was going. That's all right.

It's all right. It's all right. But the service isn't going to be better. I just want to be treated well. There's a couple of Chinese Pacos, my friend Gil. Yeah, you got a couple of Mies. Mexicans. You got a couple of Bobby's in the background.

Yeah, everyone's, for the most part, bald. Yeah, you got like three Mies. I'd tell you, that's what I'm. I do like about when I go What's that place I live in LA? Dan Tanas. I love that place. That fucking Italian place.

Like the people, the waiters are always like it's a fucking 55 year old guy. Oh, I would have had such a great time if Josh wasn't with us. This is our thing. We do it.

Can I have some of yours? Give me a little yours. Now, have a little bit of mine. I don't want what you got. But you have it so it can make me have a bunch of y'all. It was fucking crazy.

Yeah, but you got a thing that nobody wanted. You got fucking like a, Like Parmesan yak. He's like, I know, it's good, though. Try it. Let me have a lot of your chicken parmesan. The word, just feeling him stare at my meal.

Are you going to eat most of your salad? He was staring at my meal the whole time, waiting for me to offer many, and I was like, I'm not giving them any. Oh, do me a favor. Leave me most of your burger. Just leave me a little most of your burger. 51%. 49, poor brother. That place was awesome.

The one guy on the staff, the guy who's squowing down, looks like, there I say, a fucking polite hire for a fucking special needs kid. That kid came over to my table smiling that much, too. I don't want what he's bringing. Give me somebody else. I don't like his stance. Yeah. Yeah.

No, he's tough. He looks like a bug influencer. I'll tell you who I want. I want that fucking ginso between the Asian guy and the guy in the chokehold. Yes. I want that Paco dude, too, because you know he's fast. Paco dude's fat, but he's too. He's like bowing all the time and shit.

I love a bow. No, but it's a lot of a... I want Paco to stop bowing to us. His energy... I would appreciate that. Yeah, I would appreciate that. Yeah, I would appreciate that. His energy is already apologetic, and I don't want that in my food service.

I like confidence. I like his posture. He's not going like... No, but he's like this. He's going like, he's like, oh, no, chobo. Just I bring a steak. Is it good? That is a good Paco's dad, by the way.

Thank you. That's what he sounds like. He's good. He's good. Oh, you like a... Mu-la-ma-ma-ma. What? Oh, my kiss man.

Me, me, no, we don't like a pumpkin. I like a zucchini. Puller, smack me face with ding-dong. Paco with his mother right now, so he don't see it. I drive my boyfriend around on a moped. We both wear gigantic helmets on our little heads. Yeah, we have baggy pants, but no shirt. Hang on.

Turn off the dance music and stop dancing in living room. Paco calling. Paco's on the phone Hello son Hang on a second He's my son calling Hang on Eh eh eh

Hello Hello Paco It's me your father Dad you already told me Oh that's what I told you Yes Tell you get over here What are you doing

It doesn't sound like you're shaking your ass Whatever you are Paco This is my son Chinese Paco Sorry guys Sorry the guys are dancing Oh guys dancing Everywhere Paco come here

Kiss guys with your dad I can't really. Two Christmases, but which one's more fun, really? Oh, man, we're going to really dig into Christine's comedy. I think there's going to be a lot of nuance we didn't see last time. Would you ever do it again? No. Never?

You wouldn't just try it for us one day? Why? I don't know. Just do it again? You already did it. Yeah, I did it. I got it out of the way. I bet you're not as bad as you think you were.

I bet it's not going to be that bad. Can I see a little picture over it? Just a photo? I think I said to these things. She had like, she just, she was around comedy months. So she had like the most basic, like how to do like a hacky, been done on a girl set. Was she dressing like a young girl comic slut? No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, look at you. I didn't know how to like, end. You know, it's like I'd say something that I thought was funny, but didn't really know how to like end a joke or form a joke. So you're, I had, I had, I had, oh, blah, blah, and you had he. Oh, God. That was the first podcast I ever did Was Ari's podcast about having threesomes And it was just like a really kind of intense

And it's, I mean, I don't know how he got through it Because everything I say, I'm like, It's the entire Here every single day Yeah, I mean Well, if you listen to that, I definitely got better. What? Maybe.

I've been to your house You've scared me with He-he-he-he-he-he. Well, it comes in for almost everything. Are you guys hurrying? Because I made some food. There's nothing to laugh about right here. Bobby, guess what?

I got Montadella for the Shakura. They didn't have more adela, so I just got playing a baloney. Do you see the light behind the liquor bottles? He-he-ha-ha-ha-ha. What is that, I'm sorry. Oh, my. I mean, you tell you what, you look good though.

No, you look good. You look good. You have nice little tight jeans on, low cut. Oh, this is Christine. I'll tell you what, after this show, Christine got hammered and partied up. This was fun, Christine. Oh, yeah, I got fucked up. That was Desmond's.

Desmond's was a shit. Look all the hands clapping. Fun, Christine. All of our friends. Was that the beginning of the show? The clap right there is at the beginning of it or is at the end? I think it's in the middle. It's in the middle.

It's in the middle. Mm-hmm. because it was really mean. I produced with my friend Tim Porbein. He was a musician, so he played music at the end. At the end, were you, like, going up to your friends. Good job. I thank you very much.

Were you on high? Oh, yeah. You know, I don't really remember the end of this one. I remember the end of my first one in her own set. She was already blacked out by the end of the set. My favorite and her mess of people were like, like, that was your first time? And I was like, uh-huh.

You know? Like, I did well. First time doing well is. important for a quitter. I'm a quitter. So that first one would have went bad, I would have never tried it a second time. You ever quit? You ever, like at the beginning, quit? Yeah. Like, be like, I'm done. Yeah, the day before, two days before I met Keith Robinson. Oh, yeah, you told me that. Yeah, I quit. I was out. Word didn't spread, though. You told me that story just before Keith came in and went, that TV's too small. I know.

Ooh, I know. Every day I sit there and haunts me. I don't even watch that TV out there anymore. It's stupid and tiny. I can't see it. Yeah. I'm like, well, I might as well as well, I might as well, phone doesn't make a difference my fucking phone TV god damn son of a bitch ooh show's over show's over baby week's over what a great week back

what a great week back no guests just really getting into each other again you know yeah it felt good man felt great felt good to see you again we'll go through Christine's thing on Monday

somebody remind us it'll be on the sheet yeah I'll upload the I can get the other one uploaded over the weekend. Chinese Paco. I can't wait. Thanks for being here, buddy.

He's growing a mustache too. I know you know that I appreciate you by the very generous gift that I gave you more generous than Bobby's. Well, he does more for you than he does for me. No. Absolutely. No.

You get full-body or back rubs. Oh, that's unrelated. I tip him different on that. Oh, okay, sorry. Wow. Oh, Dan Soder, right now on Raw Dog Comedy is doing my grandmother. Run, Jacob.

Run. Jacob, Jacob, there's no time away. Get over the raw dog. Run, run, Jacob, run. Dan Soder's doing my grandmother. Yeah! Can we see it? I hate Danday.

Fuck Danday. Bobby Kelly's going to be at McCurdy's comedy theater and Sarah Sota. All of his tour dates. Punchup.org slash Robert Kelly. Check out the YouTube. YouTube.com at Robert slash at Robert Kelly Comedy and of course every Tuesday night

7 p.m. The Fat Black Piscuituituituitat Lounge to Comedy Cellar. And Big J. For all tickets, another tour date, it's bigjaycom. And go to YouTube.com slash at Big J. Okerson for his specials.

And he goes live all the time. He just went last night. Enjoy the pre-record. Enjoy it. Tomorrow and we'll be back with you live. Monday. Monday. We're back for a while, too. Crackle.