The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Dumbbell (feat. Dan St. Germain)

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Bobby gets caught on video hilariously falling in the gym.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big Jay Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Sirius XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Sirius XM app. Go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. What a virtuoso. This is making me sad. and Robert Kelly. I'll draw the shades. Full sun, you're gonna look all yellow and weird, your teeth are gonna be all buttery. I'll brush my teeth.

Dude, nighttime. Nighttime lights and smells is when you fuck. You can't. Daytime fucking, that's for someone you're never gonna see again maybe. You're like, alright, this might be the last morning I ever see, is that why? So, I'm gonna turn this on and we just grind this is the one dude fucking body rolls Yeah, body roll one arm up one arm up one arm up on the thing One I'm on a boob Well, you might as well you're missing them tonight for a plumbers union meeting yeah, whatever

for a Plumbers Union meeting. Yeah, whatever. I can't stand you. I don't even give a shit. I really hate you. Oh, this guy. I might cry. His guitar playing is so... Turn it up, Lou.

So good. I might shed one. I'm gonna be bombing in front of a fucking restaurant. Yeah, in the local 1-8-2. Everybody, we have a fantastic guest and for the second half of the show today, everyone, is new special Dan's Fatty Dance streaming right now on YouTube. It is the hilarious Dan St. Germain. Thank you, guys.

Thank you for inviting me back. Sorry, I was drunk the last time I was here. I'm going to get that out of the way. Don't be sorry. None of us knew. We all... I didn't know you were drunk, but I about you enough and but I'm not close enough to you directly that I do the old soda Yeah, just check on Dan, dude

Real quick It's like all day I go I go I didn't feel awkward bridging the topic, but I don't know if he's alright There was a little crazy today You know, it's bad when like Bobby doesn't give you shit, but there was just one point in the middle of the podcast where you just softly put your hand on my face. I was, as a 37 year member of Alcoholics and Autonomous, I have to.

It's one of the steps. It's one of your duties. It's the 12th step. It was like a scene from The Color Purple. It was just this gentle, like, it's okay, it's okay. Things are gonna be okay. I thought I was so slick, too, and then immediately, a half hour later, I get a text from Sender,

hey, man, were you fucked up on the bonfire? Um... Sound good down today, though, you said? Yeah, totally, just caffeinated today. Oh, good. Nice. So, all set. Very good. New special streaming already. How many, when did it come out exactly?

It came out a week ago. Trying to get to 40,000 by tomorrow morning, folks. So we're at 38,000. Let's try to get 2,000 a night. Easy peasy. Fuck that. Get 2,000 right now. Let's see if we get to 40,000 right now, everybody.

Let's mobilize. Oh no, now it's going to get sadder when it doesn't. More set for us. Yeah it does more set for us Yeah, that's set for us if we can't mobilize the people We have to 40,000. Hey, listen everybody if you're not coming to Huntington, New York to see me and Bobby tomorrow Thursday. Mm-hmm click this special right now. What were you trying to mobilize a thousand people? So we We just trying to mobilize. That's awesome. You guys are both on the same show.

It's going to be a great show. It's me, Mike Fennoyah, Louis J. Gomez is going to be there, me and Jay are going to go on together. I mean, it is a show they've been asking for. In Huntington. Particularly they've been asking for it. We thought they were asking for it. I think they were asking for it on not a Thursday.

We just didn't know how many people were asking for it. I think they were asking for it on not a Thursday. We just didn't know how many people were asking for it. I'll tell you how many it was. It wasn't 1,100 people asking for it. It wasn't 1,100 people. A nice high hundreds amount of people are clamoring. Yeah, I'm pretty big. High hundreds. High hundreds.

I'm high hundreds big. We're not getting a brick, but. Dan, you came on a good day. I know. day. I know we're finding a few things out. We're standing by as we speak Waiting for dawn Bobby's lovely wife to Cohen to explain her they share an Apple reading We have a book we have Apple books and one day I went to go look at my books Which are you know all self-help books right because I'm trying to become a better human being Not be the piece of shit that I was anger management Parenting 12 steps. Well, yeah, Bobby's a very serene guy. Yes. He didn't used to be but he is now

I'm trying to change to be a better dad to be a better husband Yeah, why don't you rip off some of dawn's light reading? Sure. Let me just a better husband. Why don't you rip off some of Dawn's light reading. Sure, let me just uh, yeah this is from uh, hang on one second there. Yeah this is uh, which one, maybe uh. Is it all just, is it all erotic? How about this one, sweet disgrace. What's disgrace? That's not, that's not. She has one called Backstage Pass. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just. Unforgettable Lady, this one's good, Wicked. The Rebel. Okay, that's better.

I thought that was, I thought it was. Oh no, no, no, no, it's not the Wicked you're thinking. It's not the Wizard of Oz Wicked. Oh no, it's Wicked. It's something of this. Sherri Lynn really seems to be one of her faves. Here's one of my books, ready? The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shin. Okay. Yeah, I'm trying to, it of her faves. Yeah, here's one of my books ready the game of life and how to play it by Florence

Scovel shin. Okay. Yeah, I'm trying to it's all affirmations. Yeah, you're not gonna get hard to that Yeah, I got Ozzy's book and then uh, yeah bushcrafting. I love bushcrafting Okay. Yeah, and and then dawn comes in with what she leaking out of all my holes What's sweet disgrace about? It's about being disgraced. We can look into it. Oh no. Oh no. So we're waiting for Dawn to call back to answer for her book choices. Okay. That might happen today. It might not. It might not happen. But this, so this was brought to me and Jacob on Friday night. You know Jacob? I just didn't.

Jacob, you are a little. You have no idea, right? I was. Let me tell you something. I watched it four times. I'm telling you, I'm learning about Jacob. Little weasel. Let me tell you, this is one of those videos that circulated, Dan.

Or a good producer. Dan, I want you to know, this is one of those videos that circulated in a way where it was only on Ari's phone. And I was. How did already get it It's a Tino Andrew Santino that That dude. Yeah, you can say cocksucker in this context cocksucker We love Andrew that redheaded and I love him for this, but I understand why I love him for this

That's why you might say cocksucker piece of shit redhead Evil fucking leprechaun. I know, he's pulling off redhead and Hanson, son of a bitch. Yeah, and he was going bald to get a space wig too. Comedy handsome motherfucker. How gross is that?

Transplanting red hair to the front. That's gross. I don't know why, I hope it's not from his ass. Red ass hair is worse on your head. Andrew Santino though, genius somehow of pulling this out of the world. I'll give him that for sure. Well, can I give you the back story of this?

Well, not yet, because I want to oversell this, because there's no overselling it. Ari Shafir, without telling you what this video is, goes, you have to see this video. And he showed, I was seventh of seven people he was showing and everybody laughs hard at it and I had nothing but at that point complete prep for disappointment to be like you're the seventh yeah you're just like this isn't gonna be that funny this is everyone's and I'm starting to get that thing like

the people it's doing it to it goes they want to are you to like you know what do you do you over laugh at it like putting it on life Jacob was howling so I was like no and then when I watched it all I said 80 times in a row is please give this to me I need this for this week on the bar. They were like talking this up man. I'm excited. I can't now Bobby Please backstory on that. What's happening here? Me and on Bobby Kelly take the floor for yours. Thank you Jason Robert. Take it away Jason Ogre, sir. Thank you Me and Donna just got into a big fight morning early wait early that makes it Me and I got a fight to where I and I do it. Me and Don go to a fight to where I, and I never do this, I never walk away from a fight.

I never, I just said fuck it, I'm out. I just left. Just left, didn't say where I was going, got in the car, left. Did you have a montage about Apollo Creed dying? While you were driving your fucking Porsche? There's no easy way out, there's no shortcut home. That song wasn't in my head but now that I think of it, it was in my head.

I bet you were moving an imaginary stick shift on your automatic car. Fucking my friends dead. You're hot, you're hot right now. I'm hot. So I grab my weightlifting gloves. No, I'm like, I'm going to I'm like I'm going to the gym. You didn't say it to her though. No I said it to myself. Okay. I didn't say nothing to her and I never do that. I never leave. I always I'll go through the

argument and work through it. I was so I was like you know what I'm out. I had enough. I went got in the car peeled away peeled up the street and I went got in the car peeled away Peeled up the street and I went to the gym Re-living the fight in your head several times and it's chest day and that one time you lifted up Dawn's chin when she used to wear glasses So I I get into the gym I remember peeling into the spot jamming the brakes on And then I and I angrily pushed the button to my Lexus to shut it off I remember peeling into the spot, jamming the brakes on, and then I angrily pushed the button to my Lexus to shut it off. Did you pull in like, when Kevin Bacon pulled in

to do his dance sequence by himself, when you pulled in, you started slapping the thing a little bit, oh man, he's gonna fucking dance and work out. Exact energy, exact energy. I went into the gym, immediately went. That makes this so much better. This is like security footage, right? I don't know how this exists in the world and being passed around but this is

Fantastic so I I go to the gym and I'm pushing it. I'm I'm I went up and wait When I went up so no no no in the lifting weights. I know what you're saying So when were you when were you going at it hard? Not in this video? This portion, no. But before this, if we had that footage. And I have these videos I use, this Midas guy, YouTube. And that's the guy I always, you know, so it's chest day and I'm pushing it.

I'm doing a new workout. And one of the new things is an incline. I'm a decline, it's a decline. I usually do the incline, and now I'm gonna do the decline on this one, it's a different workout. Christine, if you could point out the decline bench please. And then I,

Yes, there it is, right there, decline bench. So I get the 35 pound dumbbells, right? I'm doing 35 pounds. Now mind you, two years ago when I got the surgery, I was doing, I do 10 pounds. I had to build all my, because when I lost got the surgery, I do 10 pounds. I had to build all my, because when I lost all the weight, I lost all my muscle. I had to rebuild everything.

So now, I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm doing 35 pounds, I'm pushing up. So now it's decline, so I go to the bench. And I forget, I forgot. I forgot, I forgot. Jay, stop covering your mouth. This is so great being, he's already got things going through his head of anger. I'm so mad.

I thought this made me laugh when I thought it was from a pleasant place. This is just like. I thought he was having himself a nice workout and then XYZ happens. This is fucking montage Bobby Kelly. If you could hear me, I'm literally mumbling to myself. Like yeah, tell me actually what the hell I'm doing.

I'm working my ass off. I'm working, I'm out every day. I do four podcasts. I do the bonfire, I gotta go away on weekends. I need this shit. I need this shit right now. Exactly. Dawn, you're yelling at Dawn?

Because, and what are you, you're saying you when she's not even there. And what do you do so great when I'm working every day? So I grabbed the thing but I forgot how to do an incline a decline I forgot how to I didn't know looking it looks more like you forgot. It was a decline No, I just forgot how to get with dumbbells in your hand and they were heavier than I'm used to sure I didn't know how to get my legs up over the bench. So I kept going back to the video,

my phone's on a magnet over a little ways down, so I had to go back and replay it and look, and then I would go back and I forget, I just couldn't figure it out. So then I just said, I was so mad, I was like, fuck it, and I just do it. And then I just said, I was so mad, I was like, fuck it, and I just do it. And then I just. The story makes this video forever.

So if we could at this point just play it for Dan. You have to describe it now. I'll describe it. Because we need the audience to be listening. And we can say, because these are some of the parts you describe here, in the very beginning of it, I believe. You go over to recheck your video.

I gotta check to see how we did it. Make sure you're doing your income I don't I just don't know how to get my legs up into the position Yeah, so you're gonna go check. I'm gonna go check. I got you. Okay, here we go. So you see Bobby doodoo He's over there. He's checking looking I'm looking at my phone. Okay, that's how you do it Just like a 1985 hobo now mind you pause this for a second, I've gone back and forth four times. That's not in the video. I've gone, I keep going back to check.

Because there's other people in the gym too. You know what I mean? Well how this video goes, which I know, I'd say you should have checked the fifth time. The fifth time may have been the charm. Because I don't know if this is what this guy taught you how to get it going. Let's go, I see Bobby checks his stance,

grabs the hammers, and then let's go sit down and hoopsie-do. Oh, Bobby's legs are all tangled up in it. Oh, my. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dude, the leg going on either side of a different machine. Bobby goes ass overhead from backwards. He's just looking around. By the way, I promise you, all this did was made him more angry at Dawn. This was Dawn's fault, by the way, in his head at that moment.

Oh. And then, by the way in his head that moment And then by the way, oh yeah, go start cranking it start clanging and banging quick I don't know how Santino knew to get the footage. I don't know how he did get the footage. Well, here's if you look in the video while I'm stuck. And the reason why I'm stuck is because the dumbbell, the other dumbbells holding my hand down. I can't pull my hand up. By the way, I didn't realize that dumbbell. You almost crashed yourself in the face.

You had to swing it around your head when you came down. Go back. Just go back a little bit. If you look right, right. You almost crashed yourself in the face. You're the swing at around your head when you came down Stop stop stop stop right there If you look at me I'm kind of pumping the thing but it's me trying to pull my hand out from under the dumbbell Dude, it's that dumbbells holding my other hand down It was on it was on my The dumbbell is holding my other hand down. Did you not let go of the dumbbell? It was on my hand. It was holding my hand down. You're 69ing with a weight stack there.

I'm scissoring the fly machine right now. You are in a sort of a pile driver position. You're ready to accept a man from above you. Right here, look, I'm trying to pull my hand out. And it looks, but it. First you ready to accept the man from above you The snapper degrees dude, I'm still holding you still hold that thought you never let go that dumbbell This old Indian guy comes over goes I, are you alright sir? And I go, thumbs up. There's a sad face. Oh, I didn't notice that. Are you alright sir?

Never been better. I think I stretched, I think I pulled a muscle in both of my inner thighs. Dude, could you freeze on the thumbs up? He closed his eyes. No. He closed his eyes. He closed his eyes.

He closed his eyes. He closed his eyes. He closed his eyes. He goes, oh my god sir, that looked devastating. Are you okay? This old Indian guy comes up so do you alright, and I was like yeah, I'm good man I'm good nothing about you was all right there so many things hurt there your legs haven't stretched that far apart in a long time No, it was when you realized you when you realized your one leg was not gonna be able to catch your other leg anymore

The danger you feel like you're in right there is real bad. What are you shoving and pushing? You're in the corner it's like Why it's great because I know you're okay, and I know this is a video of sheer panic yes from this moment here You're like it's going bad. Everything's going bad Sheer panic yes from this moment here. You're like it's going bad. Everything's going bad My father jet ski is how I felt I'm it's happening. It's happening I I'm pulling so desperately because I just want to get my hand out and get back up and I couldn't I couldn't pause on the one we just upside down I mean

By the way now we're putting it out there. Everybody out there listening, campers, please put whatever audio you can. This deserves an audio makeover a thousand times over. Put it to music. Santino put it out. It's on mine too, I think. It's one of the best videos ever. It's on my Instagram too, yeah. So wait a second, how does it exist? Well, because of me and Dom, I was such a, I was a dickhead, it was my, you know what I mean? The argument was on me. Well, this is after made a jackass out of your self energy you're giving now, hey.

This doesn't even know why, did you tell her what happened or did you just go home and go, look I thought about it. I got a little crazy, you just need someone to look at you like a man again. I got crazy. You got crazy I shouldn't have left angry. No wonder she's reading all these books by the way That's why she's fucking being the 300-pagers. I can't even do a decline Well a man on YouTube keeps telling you just lay back I'm gonna do high-pound dumbbells. While a man on YouTube keeps telling you, just lay back!

It was a... By the way, when you get back up, you don't go check that video one more time. You go, fucking, I'm just gonna start banging these. You just have to start doing something masculine quick, and you start just banging out those declines right after. Christine, take us back through the entire video again, please, thank you.

Right there is good. Oh, here we go. Fucking Dawn, gonna tell me I don't do anything. I think, oh, Christ, it's happening. Oh! Actually, Bob, here's fucking dawn gonna tell me I don't do anything. I think oh, yeah. Yep. Christ. It's happening. Oh Actually, Bobby, that's what you look like You look like the picture in the beginning of jackass when they show the the guy on his or the ridiculousness is it's ridiculousness Right. That's the video that the silhouette. What's the moment? Yeah, we're he there's right there where he just I can't get my hand I can't get my hand out and I can't get up and I was I was I was so

Panicking because I couldn't get back up because I'm so angry. It's on does it thumbs up and then a point-and-shoot It's like a thumbs and then and then goes back and then by the way now She's like fuck it. I find you had to do this from the beginning At this point I'm not they also look so light to you Bobby No, they're very heavy. No they're not very heavy. I mean they are very heavy, but you're cranking them because right now your mind is not on that weight at all.

It's just trying to be embarrassed. You're wondering if you should use one of those dumbbells to murder the Indian guy who is the only witness to this you thought. You could have pressed seven days there Bobby. No problem. You were so enraged. That moment right there is the one you're like, do I have to get help? Do I have to ask for help? Yes. I was not enraged. Oh my God. That moment right there is the one. You're like, do I have to get help? Do I have to ask for help?

Yes. I was not enraged. I was actually immediately humbled. Oh my God. Immediately humbled. And I gave this video, I sent it to Dawn. And I got the video and I sent it to Dawn. And I said, here, I'm sorry.

And she wrote back, ha ha ha, 15 times in LOL. She goes, I just laughed for 10 minutes straight. Picking Max up in the school line in the car. Don't let Max see this. No, I would never let him see this. Do not let Max see this. He has to respect you as a friend. He has to respect you as a

Yeah, if he sees this he's gonna start just sitting at the head of the table for dinner and challenging you and see if you say anything He's like, what are you gonna say something? Why don't you go work out? Going back to keep checking a guy telling us even the YouTube videos going Bobby lay back and press the weight What's so difficult about this? Ass overhead, please everyone don't catch it. It's all my story. Don't catch this. We need people to put different music sound effects Voiceovers on your stories. I gotta show this to my wife Listen to it fucking witch cat. All right, I'm checking that out when I get home. It's so good, Bobby.

It's such a wonderful video. Yeah, I mean I didn't get hurt. So how did you make it to Santino? Well, I was on Santino's podcast. We were talking about whatever we were talking about, and I told him about it, and he begged me. I mean begged me. He was calling me up pleading with me,

please I need the video. So I got it to him. But I. I wish. Which gym is this? I can't tell you. My most. That's not the most.

No I can't. I was told. While you're suing him? No because I just can't. I corporate. I gotcha, I gotcha. But it was. Oh my god.

They don't want this. That corporation is wanting to let Indians in now. They just want to let buffoons who don't know how to use dumbbells. Oh man, when an Indian guy offers to save you in a gym, you're in a bad spot. I know, dude. Oh god.

Oh, that was great, man. I mean, I'm trying to think. Unfortunately, my most embarrassing thing ever recorded in any way is my naked picture that girl put up on Craigslist gay site that you guys all had. Yeah, not as gay as this. Is it naked photo view online? It's gone.

I lucked out that this happened to me at a time where just because it was on the internet, it wasn't everywhere. Do you know what I mean? She put it on Craigslist. I mean, we all start, thank God. Thank God it's burned into my head. Our gay friends told all of our,

the big dog comics of the time, to go flag this for Jay, because this isn't, he doesn't want this up for sure. So go flag it. And they did all flag it, after they took a picture of it themselves. I told them on Ari Shaffir's show, that was Patrice's, it was his desktop computer.

If you touch the mouse and the screen comes awake, it's the picture of me with my dick. It was crazy. It would be, if we had that, everybody would have it still to this day on their phones. You say you have a small dick, I heard it's a normal dick though. It's a fine dick, normal, but it's small, not good. And that was after sex and a shower. Half-hard, sticking straight out like a dog that saw a box. Yeah, pointing, it was a putting straight out. It was no hang. It didn't cover my balls at all. Full view of balls. It looked like he was shot with a short arrow from behind.

A little bit of the arrow came through. It just came through. Oh my goodness. He goes, oh no, the rest of this is hanging out of my ass. Don't worry. There's a problem. If it was just not full, it'd be one thing, but it was half full. Yeah.

Just straight out like an attention. But it was not a good look. But arms stretched out, though. So not the fattest picture of me ever. No, he was stretched out. I did it on purpose. Fat guy tricked me. You go like this.

Yeah, you reach him. You sit by that girl. So I had my arms up on the door, Jay. I'm like this. And it was a jokingly picture, because the girl let me take pictures of her. I told you this was always the worst feeling ever, of the payoff of this little photo shoot that happened.

She let me take pictures of her naked. And she was a very skinny girl. And the picture she let me take was her legs together, and she opened up her towel like that, and I took a picture of her. And very small boobs, very skinny. And I was just a fat guy that couldn't believe I was with a girl who wasn't fat also,

like hanging, that I was like, I couldn't wait to show everybody. And it was Patrice who killed me on that because not only did that girl, because that girl was like, well, if you took a picture of me, how do I know I need to have a picture of you? So I joke, you know, it's such a jokey cool thing where you're like, yeah, like that. And that's the one she used. The picture that I took of her that meant so much to me to have this picture to show people who I'm hooking up with. First person I show, oh let me show Patrice.

Patrice goes, it's this bone thin girl, legs close together, opening a towel with no boobs. He goes, that bitch looks like Buffalo Bill from Saunce of the Lambs. And I never unsaw it. Never unsaw it. I was like, that is actually a really bad picture of a naked girl. I'm just showing off like, hey, look who's fucking someone

not morbidly obese. I was so excited. You look like a buffalo. Oh, god. Dude, you're a little. Buffalo, Buffalo Bill. He goes, that's Buffalo Bill, who's that? He goes, that's the Buffalo. Dude, I'll goes, that's Buffalo Bill, who's that? He goes, that's the Buffalo.

I'll never, it burnt, your little pecker sticking straight out, it was red too. A lot of people tell you, you can't unsee it. No, you can't. It was red from banging too. So it looked like it just worked out. It was like a dog dick. Yeah.

It was not a good look. Oh my God. I never thought it. She told me in the same email that she did that and she was going to go fuck Dove David off to get me back. Okay. She posted it on Craigslist with my TV credits in time, which were hilarious because it sounded like a intro you'd get at a comedy club. It wasn't much. It was like, has been seen on VH1, it wasn't even like a particular show. But she put it on the gay part of Craig's life. Yeah, men for men. Men for men.

So it was full men and it gave all his fucking credits. All my TV credits at the time. You know how many fucking young little guys that love bears were like, I'm gonna fucking suck this guy off. Well I'll tell you what I just got at the time, that she said, the one credit that was an actual credit instead of just like a network that I've been seen on

was that she goes, NHBO's bad boy, P. Diddy's bad boys of comedy. Which by the way, does not pay off well. It makes sense now. It's like the Cosby Showcase. You might have recognized this guy from P. Diddy's bedroom. Yes, I like to watch you and usher kiss. That's the most embarrassing, but that can't just be out there in the world.

Oh my God. I wish it was. Look part of me would be like it is what it is. It's got to be somewhere. Someone has to have it. Someone has to have it. Yeah, Patrice's mom, George O'Neill, probably has it in a storage space somewhere. It's on her screen saver now. She just took Patrice's mom, George O'Neill, probably has it in a storage space somewhere. It's not actually her screen saver now.

She just took Patrice's computer? Yeah, she has Patrice's computer. I don't need a new computer, baby. I'm just going to take this old one. Oh, hello. Hello. Hello, Jay. Hello, Jay.

This ain't Jay from Thanksgiving. Oh, they should call you little Jay. That whole weekend that I hung out with that girl, it was such a nightmare. She was a side girlfriend already, which was terrible. Yeah Juilliard chick Story very refined very refined story this girl, you know been going to play in Asia since she was a child. She's a classically trained flautist the whole thing and she You know horse riding pictures of her on horses

with the little hat on. Like the whole thing, she did all that stuff in her life, but a raging alcoholic whore. Like she just liked to fuck, and it was bizarre. But I... Patrice had the theory on those girls. He says the horriest girls, the sluttiest girls, are girls musicians and lawyers.

Because they spent all the time when regular chicks like, you know, Dawn and Christine were banging, they were studying music, studying, they were just nerds. And then when they finally get to the point where, okay, I did all this stuff, then they release, they just releases and they become slutty. The funniest thing was she would have to give me these confession sessions, because I did think, I was like, I'm like, look, if you tell me whatever, like, I can draw, but just like, keep me in the loop,

you know what I mean? And how many times I was like, you know. Oh, here's Dawn. Immediately. Dawn, you're on the radio. Okay, what is it? What are you putting me on the spot about now? Hi Don. Hi Don. Everybody's here. Hi honey how are you? You're freezing. Well why don't you get one of your books? Why don't you go on

your iPhone and get Rebel. Why don't you go on your iPhone and get Rebel. Rebel? Yeah, why don't you get Backstage Pass and read a couple chapters. Maybe that will warm you up. That was before I got pregnant with Max. Oh, really? Which are the ones for after? Yeah, what was after? Wicked?

Yeah. Gone. I wanted to say this. If you go to the book thing we were joined on, all my books are self-help. How to get better, become a better person. Well, Bobby, why don't you give one of the rundowns where you go, which one's whose book? It's not my reality. This is a fun game, Don. It's whose book is whose. Yeah, whose book is whose, Don. You ready? Let's read this. Ready? Okay. Here's mine. Here's one of them.

You ready? Well, we'll have to guess. Yeah, you guess, Dawn. You ready? Here we go. I forget. Oh, you forget? Okay. They were all, like, vampire werewolves. Nope. Yeah. It's kind of like Twilight. No? Nope.

Nope. Nope. here's one. The game of life and how to play it. Is that your book or mine? That's Florence novel. What is her name? Shovel shit. Shovel shit. Shovel shit.

Here's yours. Secret Disgrace. Whose book is that, Dawn? I think that's why. Christine. Christine, wait, while we do it, Christine, can you bring up a description of the book Secret Disgrace, please? Just a synopsis. Just a synopsis. Here, here's another book.

Whose book is this, Don? 20 Master Plots. Oh, that sounds like Bobby all day. That sounds like Bob. Yeah, that's me. Okay, tell me who's, tell me who who's tell me who this tell me this one is backstage pass Oh hang on Bobby

Yeah, wait Here if you were wondering what's going on a secret disgrace as the story unfolds we see Louise and Caesar Trying to Bob you could be a Caesar in a fantasy trying to untangle the past their secrets and their sense of duty to family and villagers all while wrestling with their ongoing attraction to each other what yeah sure you don't what time period is that what time what's the author what's the author she loves Sherry was the name Sherry something. We looked at it before. It was like the brotherhood. It was a thing. The brotherhood of something. Sherry Lynn. Vampire werewolves. How about this one Dawn? Whose book is this? Irresistible Bachelor. I guess

that would have been mine. Yeah, you're goddamn right. Dawn, good news. That's a series if you didn't know. There's several Irresistible Bachelor books. Then here's one, Rob Lowe's book. I didn't buy that. That's mine, that's mine. How about this, Dawn? Beautiful disaster.

Well, Bob, I think you're missing also one of the best ones rock me yeah what's wrong what do you want to bang motley crew you're laughing about it now what was it about what was it about I don't know, maybe it was about a lead singer. What? Oh, and there it was. We looked it up. I don't know. We looked it up. It's about the book. I'm fascinated by the title.

No, we looked it up. It's about the girl who goes to follow the band The Sinners on the road. Yeah. Yeah, backstage pass. Well, there you go, Don. Yeah. I'm going to have to look through that and see if there's any books I don't remember reading that I can't read.

Just make sure Max out with friends when you do it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Is there a lot of books you haven't read? What's this one? The lightning rod. Oh, no. I don't know what that is.

Yeah, you know what it is. Listen, I'm gonna say this. Take a shower tonight, shave your legs. Tomorrow afternoon, it's going down. Tomorrow? Why am I showering tonight? She's going down. Tomorrow, why am I showering tonight? She's not wrong. All right, listen, listen baby, shower whenever you want to. I just showed them the tape.

Remember we got into the fight and then I went to the gym and I fell? Yes, they didn't see that before? No. Ari Shaffir spread it out to the world. I died. What? Oh yes, out to the world. I die? What? Oh, yes, we died.

Why am I laughing? It's the top five funniest things I've ever seen on the internet. Me and Max were watching it, and we were both like, Oh, no. Like, putting subtitles on what he was saying, what was going on. What? What?

By the way, I just put that out. Dorn, I just put that out to the listeners I told the listeners to have fun dubbing this over You were doing subtitles. Yeah What was one of the subtitles. He goes, oh no my legs aren't near each other anymore. It's very you can caption this thing all day it's that good. I'll tell you what whatever you guys were fighting about it was immediately over his head when that happened. There's like a new beautiful thing

Also every time you watch it and also you're in a bad spot here Bob because I said to you You can't let max see this max now knows he's on your ass He's in an age and a size where he's on your ass now, and he's coming for that big piece of steak at dinner Didn't max try to sit in my chair that night Absolutely, it's an organic disrespect I listen baby shower tomorrow morning cuz when I get back from Jim and Sam it's going down. Okay, Caesar's coming home You got it What did you say? I said I can't wait.

Are you serious? Yeah. I love you. Goodbye. I love you. Bye. Bye, Dawn. That was good.

All right, we've got to take a break. Dan St. Germain is in the studio. He's got a brand new special that is out right now. It is on YouTube. Dance Fatty Dance. Sweet baby. Dance Fatty Dance. Dance Fatty Dance. Of course, me and Jay are gonna be this week, Thursday.

Thursday night. Thursday night. There's a great night to come out on Thursday night. I'll be honest with you, a lot of people think the weekend's when you should go out, but really Thursday is for the people who know what's up. Thursday's the new Friday. I heard Thursday's the new Friday.

I heard people really, like I just like to do Thursday and Sunday, and I like to do Friday and Sunday. Well, there's no pressure to have to do something afterwards. You can go right home, because you have to go to sleep quick, because you have to wake up probably early next night. Yeah, you have to wake Thursday and Sunday. I don't like to do it. There's no pressure to have to do something afterwards. You can go right home because you have to go to sleep quick because you have to wake up probably early next day. Yeah, you have to wake up in five minutes.

Listen, Thursday night is the Friday. Now look at this way, you got Friday off. Friday and Saturday is all free. And a lot of people are saying Friday's the new Sunday. So really you're coming on a Sunday. If you don't buy tickets, we're done. We're gonna look bad. I'll tell you what, if we don't sell this thing out,

I'm just taking a brick from the actual building. I'm gonna chisel one out. Big Jay is going to be this, Levity Live, the 22nd and the 23rd, Las Vegas, Jacksonville, Virginia Beach, go to Big Jay Comedy. Let's not forget the 24th everybody. And now up on my thing, I have a link up on my stories for Big Jay Returns to Urban Comedy night. Yeah, but 275 in Brooklyn right now It's not gonna be any urban people there as of right now. There's no urban people there Because I think he thought I was gonna sell the tickets for it But we've hit a bit of an impasse on that one. I will say

Robert Kelly's gonna be at laugh it up in Poughkeepsie March 22nd 23rd Houston the comedy mothership in Austin and then of course San Antonio for tickets and all tour dates Go to Robert Kelly live.com Boston get tickets to Boston. I'm coming back to laugh Boston Look, I'm a Robert Kelly live calm for those tickets. Well, we'll be right back Tell it do it do a camper gathering get people to go out to Mike's roast beef. Yeah, I'll do that I think somebody come to Mike's roast beef come to rise. Well, I'll buy half of you. No, no, no, don't say that. That's a crazy thing. You just say I'll buy the first ten people in line. Ten people in line get a roast beef sandwich on me. We'll see you guys...

Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual SiriusXM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. That's right. And go to BigJComedy.com and RobertKellyLive.com to check out our stand-up dates. Coming to a city near you. Crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle, crack