The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Embarrassing Patchy Growth

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Bobby's health journey this year has included tennis elbow treatment, peptides, and testosterone. Now, he had an appointment for shockwave therapy but got cold feet because he was not prepared to expose himself. | Jay is excited for the SiriusXM "fishbowl" show but discouraged to find out that only 15 people could attend. | Jay had a gig with Shane Gillis and Jacob attended with his nephews. Backstage Shane was busting his chops about having crushes on dudes. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

and now the bonfire with big j o'cerson and robert kelly god he's good oh get excited everybody because monday october the sixth oh one day before my little girl turns 20 fucking three years old god damn christine no i wish god i wish yeah um next monday october six two 30 p.m. on a very special time. We're doing a pre-record in the fishbowl, our first time in the fishbowl for our show. I feel bad about that. What? You should have been in the fishbowl years ago.

What? What do you mean like with Dan? With the show. They like us. Everyone loves the show better with you, dude. And that's why we're getting these opportunities. You mean? What?

My love for you is sickening It's sickening Look at me I wish I was your auntie I wish you had a little me On your phone that you could turn on later night When Christine goes to bed

Hey Jay Hey is that bitch finally asleep Hey Jay Are you in the jacuzzi or are you in the pool I'm in there with you Ah Jay Could you get one of those bento box desserts and rub it all over your tastes

I got to you something Christine got me goose up Six. Is Jacob doing a Jewish thing again? Probably. Is he really? Yeah, young. Another Jewish thing?

Do you say yum? Is it yum? Is it Yum Kippur? Am I saying it right? Yum Kippur? I say yummy, yummy, yummy. For the Jews being slaves, they seem very against work. It's true.

Muff Angool. Black Lou, you're here. But you are the second most absent. Yeah, well. Two slaves, the Jews and the blacks. How come black people don't have more holidays? They know. Well, they gave us new Juneteenth.

And now I think you take off Columbus Day, too, because fuck that you. fuck him um yes our first show in the fishbow we 15 people allowed in now i thought that was fucked up because every time i see kirk franklin right now there's some salsa chick out there uh in the room which i can't believe dj lou's nose ain't pressed up against the fishbow right now uh there's people all out in the hall why why is this why are we again i ask getting fucked we can only have 15 people because of what we say yeah and because we're always trying to be funny right and sometimes that takes us over the edge.

And that's not appropriate for the lobby of a office building. So I agree with them. Fifteen people is plenty. We will have you in the fishbowl with us where we can say whatever the fuck we want and it's going to get crazy in that fishbowl.

We're going to say things in there that's going to make the people outside wonder what the fuck we're saying. They're going to have to draw the curtains because you're going to eat my box. Probably you have to draw curtains because, yeah, because Bobby might show asshole. I don't know.

Depends how good the interview with Marcus King is going. He's going to be performing, too, right, Marcus? He's going to play. Right. Oh, that's good. Ooh, I'm so excited about it. I wanted to do that song again.

It's too late again because I can't, there's no more, it doesn't exist on YouTube anymore. Oh, really? No. Why? I don't have no idea. He played it when he came in the first time to perform. Right.

And fuck, it was so, it was on YouTube for the longest time. Now it's gone. We're also, are we fixed Spotify yet? We have not. What the fuck? Working on it. Who, you, personally? No, no, no.

Is there a team? There's a team working on it. I mean, we took an elevator up to a high floor to get here. Wasn't the big thing that we were going to be a podcast now? Well, we are a podcast on Apple. It's just... Yeah, we're a podcast everywhere except Spotify. Why?

What's the deal? It's just a music thing. It's not... Yeah, so we play music. They think it's like, oh, they're pulling off Spotify. You know, get serious X-M. Right. You can hear all the music.

Get the app. You can listen to a bunch of podcasts, too, not just ours. If you hate hearing the whole show so much... Can you... Wait, let me go and they could sign up for the chance to attend at seriousxm.com slash, and buckle up for this bullshit.

Seriousxm.com slash podcast's month. What? Podcasts. How many S's? Just one too many. Why is it not singular? It's our podcast.

Podcast month. Well, it's podcast month over here. I promise you it's not called Podcasts Month, but for some reason the URL does it. No, no, no, it is. Podcasts month? That's what all the things is? Yeah. That's stupid. God.

Can we get Jim in here? I know he's in the building. Who do we talk to about this? We should have been talked to about this. As people who also have podcasts. We need an earlier show to talk to people. Huh? We need an earlier show to talk to people. Oh, yeah. Sam can talk to people. All this here is fucking salsa in the fishbowl.

Yeah, we got salsa in the fit and that Ukraine dude out of the front that stopped you dead in your tracks yesterday. Go around. I don't care where you go, but go around. I used to like you yesterday. Now I like this other guy. Lily Tomlin, Simms here. What a dumb name for a guy. Lily Tomlin. Lily Tomlin's big couch is here.

I'm going to say something right now, and this is a shout-out to our friend. I'm drinking Dr. Liu, that's his new name for me, Dr. Liu. Because every day he has a hot. He's your wellness doctor, yeah. He's my wellness doctor, Dr. Lou, because now he's healthy for a year. He gets me a body-brain coffee, hot every day. It's like drinking butter It's so good

I'm gonna lay it out right now here And everybody out there Please go drink body brain coffee I'm saying it one last time And I'm not saying it again And I'll tell you why I don't even get the benefit of coffee I don't enjoy coffee

And I hear this coffee is fantastic But it's gonna taste like coffee So if you don't like that tastes You're not gonna like coffee It's pretty good But I want everyone to buy it But I'm not saying I don't get money benefits

From promoting it Neither do I Right but you get coffee Neither of the regs, and we promoted every week. You get coffee. I get coffee. You love that coffee. I'll settle down.

Let's settle down. I do have a Starbucks to my left. Circumstantial. Let's not get carried away. I paid for that one. That one, Lugats. I didn't pay nothing. But it is great coffee.

But go ahead, with your point. You want everybody to buy it. Everybody go and buy it so that Lewis will become a millionaire and do another career. And we... Oh, sure. Listen, the end game is that he gets out of our lives completely. However, in the short term, I'm not going to say body brain coffee seven thousand times, but I don't drink coffee or get money for it.

My time is money, dude. Lewis, balls in your court. Throw me a monthly fee. I'll start wearing body brain coffee sweatshirts. Lewis told me to give you this. How much is it? He told me to give it to Christine because she handles all the money. How much is it?

One dollar. One dollar? Yep. Try body brain coffee. Now with Tonkat Ali. I love it. You just have an overall body brain. sponsorship deal.

I'll take it overall. Start lacing me up in body brain clothing. Give me something. Yeah, but the amount of money he's made already, he should come back and go, hey guys, I want to throw a little bit your way and sponsor.

So I got money now. Now, here's some cash. He keeps informing me when he gets that little ding on his phone that means body brain coffee has been sold. That's annoying. I'm not getting a penny of that. Ding. Titt-a-ding.

Body-bring coffee. Ding. Oh, ads are working. Ding. series xm.com slash podcast go back to it

please he has to read it series xm.com slash podcasts month p o d c-a-s-t-s-t-s

month podcast's month and that's the name of the event I know do we they've made a mistake across the board

is what I'm saying who's picking the people is Jacob picking the people or do we get to pick the people or the people just the first come first serve it's going to be jacob it's going to be all five foot one chicks it's got to be unattainable girls no because they're all going to be little midget so he feels like a giant he's got to feel like a big man in there so it's going to be all tiny tiny women i'd like to pick

a couple varying levels of fitness i like to pick a couple i'd like to be surprised i'd like a little maybe a one milf with little cancer freckles on her boobs cleavage hanging out couple dilfs no doubt yeah holy shit a couple dills serious xm.com slash podcast month for your chance to sit in studio with us, Marcus King, and 14 other people who look just like you. Is it 14 or 15? 14 others. I'm talking to an individual person in this hypothetical.

So they'll be one of 15. But including them, there's 14. I'm telling you there's 14. I don't include them in the 15. That's pretty smart of you. It is. I work backwards. You do work backwards.

I like to work backwards sometimes. You like memento. Do you know what I love? You love chocolate? You love pancake? Okay, go ahead, sorry. I like pancakes. You don't love pancakes?

No. I would seek him out more if I loved them. You like, you don't like, in the morning, pancakes waffles? Sure, but I can, if I go to a brunch place, I can forego pancakes easy if there's other things I like better. Really? Yeah. Like, what do you, if you're going to do a pastry, like a pancake?

French toast. French toast? Hala French toast? Wait, you're asking, I thought, I was giving more examples. You've said the pancake, the waffle, the French toast. French toast or like a Danish. A good pastry. Pancake.

You do pancake. French toast is pretty awesome. French toast is pretty fucking awesome. If it's done well. French toast is between pancake and French toast. Give me a minute. Defending silence, please, if we could, for three full minutes. Christine, please, I'm trying to think.

Defending silence for three full minutes. Unprecedented in radio. I don't know if you've heard the Opie show. What? It doesn't matter. Lou can't stop typing over there with the jittery fingers. The alarm will go off if we do have more than 10 seconds of silence. Wait a minute.

What? Is that true? Are they listening to us? If we have too much silence, we go off the air and an alarm sounds. An alarm? Not in this room. We won't be able to hear it, but in the room over there called B-knock, an alarm will sound. Like, so if everybody dies in the room, they know, is it like for safety?

I want somebody to come barreling in here and be like, and we're like, we're thinking. Leave it alone, bro, we're thinking. Can we go back on the air, or is that it? That's it, dude. We're fired. If you don't talk every 10 seconds, we're fired. Do you know how bad I want to try that to test that? I'd love to know it.

Well, you know what? This room is so loud. It's impossible to have silence. Oh, that's right. Their building's always rocking. And there's a woman. Christine, yeah, Christine's always got a little giggle coming out, sort of. There's a vagina in the room that can't keep it shut.

We don't know. If we had a real heavy, like, live mic in front of Christine, she's always vibrating at that laugh. It's just if it comes out or not. If you go, I listen sometimes, Darwin, when it's quiet, quiet, the dark, and she's, like, going, uh-huh. That's why Dawkins can't sleep. His head's always going up.

Absolutely. It's a girl dog, though. I just looked at her pussy yesterday. How was it? It's still beefy as fuck. Any freckles? Huh? What?

Freckles, no, but she does have like Dalmatian-style spots on her very thin belly hair. So, yes, there are spots. It looks like she has a Vitiligo-Igo pussy. Vita-Ligo. Vigaligo. Vigaligo. Vita-Ligo. Vita-Ligo.

Vita-Lago. That works now in your vocabulary. No, it's not. Try it again. What's the word? Vigaligo. Nailed it. Did I?

Yes. Try it again. What's the word? Vidaligo. There it is. Fuck, Jay. You're such a teacher. And now you have that in your, that's your thing.

And that's the disease where people are partially white, partially, like, you know, spotted cow, Michael Jackson face disease. Dude, what if I get so smart from you that I wind up writing a book and it's successful? And then I just become a writer. I would love that. You become a full-blown author? Who the fuck said that? That's the greatest drop ever. That's when Jacob doesn't believe you.

Give it to him again? Yeah. Okay. That scared me. What was the first thing I said? What was the first time you used to Lou? It was, it destroyed. We're on Zoom.

COVID, I think. It was, it was on Zoom, for sure. We were in 606 apartment, for sure. We were in separate rooms. It may have even been while Christine was bad shit, but it really broke everybody. It was so fucking funny. I said something that just was like an obvious, like, I don't know if it was a lie or an exaggeration or something.

I said, and he hit that. Yeah. And every, first I looked at Jacob with. genuine anger. Fuck's your problem, dude. And it was so, and man, it caught us. It was something like, I

think it was you, Jay, and I'm paraphrasing. It was something I said. I think it was something like, yeah, I'm going to start to eat healthier now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was some basic that it wasn't that big a deal. It goes, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, or, you know, I'm quit smoking, some kind of thing like that.

What freaks me out, right? Because it really did affect me like that. I was like, who fuck? It really did make me insecure when he did it. How fast Lou is on that fucking board is, I mean, mind-boggling. He's the Charlie Kirk of boards.

Oh, my God, what? Don't say that. Oh, my God, well, I was saying how much I love. Vidaligo. Vidaligo. You nailed it again. You, God damn. Now, if you can get me to say philanthropist, that'd be a good one.

But that's not a word. Florentha... The people that give money to people. Phil. Yeah. Floranthropist. Phil. Phil.

Land. Thropist. Thropist. Phil. Phil. Land. Thropist. Phil.

Fanlo Lopez I'm frustrated now This is why I'm not a good teacher Why? No, she's right This is what happens I'm good I have a good idea I'm like

You're gonna get it on the first shot When I give this If you don't get it on the first shot I'm frustrated Become a shitty stepdad Yeah, yes Throwing shit He's like fucking stupid

No No no no But I was uh yeah I did a lot of Isabella's like She's a professional ducker Yeah, she's really good Her bob and weave is nice She knows kung fu from you

Her footwork is garbage But her fucking head movement is top notch I love Wednesdays Because I tend to look down at the list And we've done three of our four shows of the week And we've discussed none of this Oh, none of the stuff There's so much great shit on here

How have we celebrated Lou's year of sobriety Yeah We gave him gifts We showed him the gifts and sweets yeah affection love high fives hugs and handshakes it was i did get a little emotional when you when you gave him the chip and that was very sweet of what you said i didn't mean it oh yeah i know you didn't mean it obviously you were mocking me for tearing up actually we wrote it before we came on you had me punch it up a little bit it was a lot longer because what you said to live

so emotional i didn't mean a word of it theater of the mind showmanship it was good to see you proud of somebody i never really see that i have a daughter who's very proud of i don't see you be proud of her but i speak about her and she's great she's funny and man i know it's just nice to see you be proud of somebody i just i've been proud of my daughter plenty times all right well nobody i'd never seen it i'm proud of christine every year at skankfest's what they pull off i've never seen it well i know because it's not an outward heavy proud of her because a lot of it i take as my own doing I'm like, sure, you did all the fucking bells and whistles the numbers. But at the end of the day, they're coming for the show.

I mean, can I say something? It's true. I mean, there's no skank. Take Jay at a skankfest. You have just a fest. Don't say that out loud. Lewis will challenge that. Although, I would take the challenge.

Wouldn't you be curious to see what skank fest is without you? You do a skank fest one year without Lewis, one year without you, and see the numbers. They book a beast lineup. Yeah. It's crazy. No matter what. Christine and Rebecca do. Absolutely.

They do a beast line up. Proud of you. Regardless of me or Lewis being there. But the thing is, it's called Skangfest. I mean, we are the figureheads. Those shows are the most epic shows. The rap battle between you and Lewis was one of the funniest, greatest live comedy things I've ever seen. I mean, because it was good.

It was good. Here's the difference. It could be funny. That's great. It was good. Like, I was watching it like, Go, Jay. I felt like Eminem is, you know, a little black friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, man, you got it. And you had it. That was fun. Yeah. That was very fun. Yeah, the shows are crazy. We've got to start figure what we're going to do for Skank Fest shows this year. We'll get it done.

We always get something done. We have something, and they can. Well, we'll... Well, no, no, I mean, for Legion of Skanks. We always do, like, a big thing. Oh, I think about this show. No, this show is always a home run. It is.

We set Jacob loose. And now that we know he's got his, uh, his, his, He's honing his skills and getting plenty of rest since he never comes to work anymore. We were thinking of doing a live Jacob, a live sitcom episode of Jacob Loves Guys. Yeah, that'd be fun. I do think that's very fun.

Yeah, and we have the actual people who he loves if they're there. Oh, they're there. On the show. All the guys are there. That's the final episode. That's the night season. That's when Jacob walks out and turns off the light

and walks out with, who's it going to be? Tim Butterly, Shane. When I saw It's not It's funny, I forgot to say Jacob's nephews When we had him With Shane this weekend

When we were in that room there Me and Shane really started doing It's like You know Jacob He loves Tim Butterwick now He's moved on But all of his guys Have moved to Austin

Like all the guys he loves He loves guys And Shane was like Your uncle does love guys And both nephews were like No he does He like falls in love with guys That's crazy

That's nuts He loves guys He loves pussy He loves pussy He doesn't I don't think he even Sort of likes dick No

But he loves guys He loves guys man There's something about guys Jacob loves guys Why me can Meltor may be wrong It's the first episode Thursday's song But we have so much fun stuff here

Can I talk to you about something That happened to me today? You can fuck the stupid piece of paper You're right I don't talk about anything on here Waste everyone's goddamn time If you ask me Please Bobby

I called you but you didn't answer because I wasn't in the queue. Well, no, but I don't answer. You are in the queue. If I answer, you're not in the queue. I'm talking to you. Yeah, no. But you didn't, I hate when I call you at prime...

I know J times. I figured out J times. Go on. And I waited until prime J time. What was it? 1135. Night. Day, morning.

Ooh, skanks. Today? Yeah. Oh, you did. You called exactly during skanks. Oh. was today we do 11 to 1230 most Wednesdays on Zoom oh I didn't know that I was wrong with j time I thought it was you waking up going out looking at your pool patting yourself on the

back I was already working I did it kid and then going back in and yelling at Christine where's my coffee I don't drink coffee put that away and I still do say things that Christine it's pretty funny I'll be like you know I own that tree I do that do I look in the back I go I own that rock wall yeah i own a slave wall power wash they got a power wash yesterday it was awesome yeah i love i love owning trees and rocks um it seems ridiculous like buddy wait i own this thing dude when i bought the land in the hampshire there's a big huge glacier rock in my backyard and i just sat on it and i smoked a pipe like a douche and i was like this is my rock my rock bob rock bob rock so i called you this morning i

had to go to game day shout out game day great place you want to do some tea you want to get on it quick and easy do you want it all done by chicks who sort of flirt with you my lord and i'm glad you brought that up so i went in i'm pretty sure i could bang the fucking practitioner the girl at the front desk yeah there's something we're on hugging levels i've been there three times well i'm on i was almost on a different level today with hug buddy i went in two months ago three months ago i went in and I had a tennis elbow. And they gave me something called gain waves. Okay.

And they basically rub, they put a cream on your arm, and they rub the area. And I think it's, I'm not quite sure, but it's electric, current going through breaking. Even Paco's making a face, like, this is some fucking hibbitty-jibbitty bullshit. And he believes in all kinds of mysticism. Yeah, I know. His grandmother pulls chicken gizzes out of people's stomach with no scar. God damn right. And then heals them.

Cali Ma. Yeah, and then spits blood in their flesh. face absolutely um it's gain waves it's it's an actual thing and it goes on and it it breaks up scar tissue and it did help my tennis elbow and i went in and they gave me a free thing and how do you know you're it helped it you're fucking you're four because i'm it's a four damn damn forehand came back yeah fuck it's all right you're not a tennis guy yet strange because i also have suffered from tennis elbow well you get it from lifting right because we don't stretch i got it uh pretty rough we were playing basketball regular at least

something happened it's the worst and it felt like it was like yeah like like run down like whole arm almost so so they brought me they brought me in the room they did this thing blah blah blah so i think i told you about it a month and a half ago i went in and they were like i'm taking uh uh surro i don't know what the four some peptide that's supposed to help you sleep better help you uh you you know achieve better you know help with visceral fat help with other stuff this peptide and uh and it also it helps you it's supposed to help you with your wiener you're supposed to have wake up with thick thick thick fucking yellow white loads no it just gives you morning wood it gets you your your sex drive is a little uh it helps with that so i was like oh great so i went in and i was

like hey man this stuff isn't really giving me morning wood like you said it would like i was kind of excited that i was going to start waking up yeah let me see see. Does this help at all? He literally said every day. Does this help it? Hey, watch this. I can do this thing where I have a piece of spit stick from my tongue to the tip of your wiener.

How's your morning wood now? How'd the morning wood? That's because you're using the peptide with a needle. I'm supposed to push it in your pee hole with my mouth. Don't be weird at I'm your doctor. So I went in today and he's like they do gain waves. He's like, you could do it on your penis. Guy told you that.

Well, the guy who runs it, well, you know, he's my guy. He's a cool guy. But the woman... Game Day hasn't spoken about my penis to me once. And I got to be honest with you, Bobby, I think you're going to get raped by a doctor. They haven't mentioned a word about my penis. Well, the lady who does it, the nurse practitioner, is a Russian woman, a red-headed Russian woman.

Size queen. Got it. Kind of cute, right? You know, you know, she comes in. You want to... Me beat you off. I do the gain waves on your penis. I give you electric beat you off.

It will help you with the... You know, it helps you with the circulation. Yes. Big, big fat boners. So I'm literally talking to her. And she's talking to me about doing this gain waves on my penis. Me it? And he's like, I'll give you a deal.

You can go to the first one for free and blah, blah, blah. And as she's talking to me about what it does, I'm kind of trying not to fill up because it's kind of arousing me because you know I haven't had my penis touched I grab it at the base

and I tickle top well I'm gonna have to take my dig out in some building which is kind of hot you know what I mean there's insurance companies all kinds of other stuff and just me on the third floor

in a building looking out of a Starbucks and a target and somebody's you know gain waving my penis dude just getting beat off by fucking electric waves well I'm thinking I know what she did to my elbow

an arm if she's going to do that like fix your dick the same way there's no way i'm not going to get a heart on right no way no you're fine so and she's going to rub this stuff up and down my penis doctors never make mistakes so she's doctors no she's nurse practice interesting so never heard of this before but let her do it she did not she'd not take the hypocratic oath let her try she goes i'll go prepared the room yes because he loves the she listens to the show he's like do it for a bit it'd be a great bit totally so I'm like thinking of you

Jay would love it if I go in and do this and all right let's set it up I'm gonna do it and he goes okay and then I go what else I do he goes well you have to use this penis pump twice a week and I'm like what you heard him so he pulls out this really I mean you know

does it have the ball ball ball in he goes it's a medical grade penis pump this is high end this is legit This is not like some shitty podcast. The Lamborghini of penis bumps. It is nice, right? And he pulls, apparently I get this too. And it's supposed to give you maybe growth.

Your penis will get not taller, but wider. Okay. And the function will be great. The scar tissue, if there is any in your penis, which happens. Why? Because of bending it or the blood, your scar tissue over time on, you know, things, because your thing fills up and, you know, pushing it in or bending it. You'll build up scar tissue.

tissue when you fucking around corners i wish i could no that's what happened you dick when you get a curve in your dick it's called perone's disease yeah that's exactly heavily explored on the show early days yes exactly perone that's exactly it's scar tissue so i'm like okay great and then the girl who takes the blood is this smoking hot spanish girl nice i mean just hot i think she's singing salsa right now in the fishbow so she goes there's no money in salsa she's like okay i'm going to sit up through them and i'm like okay great And I could feel like me edging. I can feel like the top of my penis slithering around

because I'm getting so excited. This is going to be awesome. And then she goes, I'm going to get whatever her name is. I got to get her. She's going to shadow me. She has to learn. So she will. No.

What are you talking about, dude? That's so cool. One girl's going to watch another girl beat you off? No, dude, I don't mind. electric glove i didn't here's the thing is i didn't prepare anything you should smoke the joint so at the no dude i didn't trim you know what i mean it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a nest down there like it's wild down there you should be like you girls mine if i get myself going a little bit first kiss each other but i think i think shadower but like front face-to-face

shadower it's it's just crazy my hair like i would if i knew i was going to do this your hair i would I would have showered more, like scrubbed and trimmed everything, made it nice, and you know what I mean? I'd say my balls are always fucking prepared for a game day health pair of girls going down and sucking my balls and dick. Mine right now looks what I think Edith Bunkers would look like if you pulled her pants down. Oh, really? Yeah, I just. Just, you let go wild. I just, because I haven't trimmed it.

You know what? I don't do that ever because I trim it for me. You know what I mean? It's got to be about yourself, your own self-care. I know, you're right. And I don't have a trim. When I whack off, even, I like to feel super smooth balls. When I reach down and grab my bag and juggle them around a little bit, super smooth.

That is one of the zestiest things I've ever heard you say. Well, you understand. I'm talking about a hotel jerk. You know what I mean, where you're laying on the bed. Yeah, I know how to jerk in the hotel. I never go down on my balls. Never. No.

Oh, sometimes when I go wide leg, I love this. As I get older, I feel my ball. one of my actual beans, like, taps my asshole a little bit, and I find that very, so then sometimes I'll grab the middle of the bag. Are you, are you, gyrating? Can I please finish this? Sorry. I'm just trying to get the info as you go.

Can I please? It's making me uncomfortable. And I'll grab the bag and I'll stretch the bag up, right? I'll hold my wiener out of the way at this point, move the bag up, and then release the bag and see if one of the balls taps the asshole again. How? I don't know if this is all right. What's got you confused, Bob?

I just masturbate in a hotel. I've never tried that. Not to say that I'm against it, but I've never pinch my balls up and then drop them like a water balloon on my own asshole. You're letting your balls get all kinds of hairy. If it was all crazy hairy in there, I assume my asshole and balls would never touch either.

I don't have hair. I have little hair. I'm sure I have hair in my ass cracker asshole a little bit. She's not fingering my asshole. Who? the lady's just going to see my bush fat and my cock right but my balls are always shaved but my it's not my balls i'm worried about it's i don't have a hairy sack i have a nice little sack it's not really that hairy it's never been hairy but my bush fat huh let paco feel

no okay now listen i'll tell you why don't think of it as paco think of it as a girl remember we saw last week i understand that And I was trying to do that before aggressive male Paco got up. His aggression. He's like, bro, I'll fucking, I'll hold a couple of nuts. Dude, he had alpha male Austin aggression, and I didn't like it. He was. Yeah, he did not.

He was going to hold your balls just to tell fucking Joe Rogan he did it. Yeah, I thought he was going to have, you know, L.A. You know, laugh factory guy, Filipino girl sexiness. Would it make you feel better if my fingernail polished fingers were the ones holding your ball bag? No. You sure? Yes, but no. Okay.

Yes. I know. You prefer it to be DJ Lou. No, I don't want those little Irish fingers on my testicles. Why not? Because I feel like I'm molested by a priest. He has priest hands. I think he's a little bit gentle.

Okay, now, Black Lou, he's got tiny hands. No, I'm not doing that either. Do you want more chocolate on you? They're going to his whole hands. They could probably fit in your butt. Oh, my God. Black Lou's hands are perfect for ball holding. Trust me, I know.

Like, they're not big hands so that they're going to, like, fall off the sides. And it's going to feel like a, like, a candle's melting in his hand. Yeah, he's a nice little, little, little, every finger. fingers the same type hand. I do like that. So I'm ready to go in, but I'm all, the guy was like, hey, the guy said this. I didn't even think about it. He's like, good for you, man.

You're always ready to go, huh, for people to see down there? And I was like, oh, no, I'm not. Like, I, this is why I haven't, I usually do trim my bush fat. But I have four razors in the shower because Max keeps using my razors to trim his shit. So I have to keep. His what? He's got pups. Right?

So he's using my razor to tree I don't know He's 12 He's got a fucking fat patch No one That's crazy I'll show it to you right now You want to see a picture?

I don't Okay I don't That's child pornography That's uh That's no 12 years old You don't have to start shaving your beans or anything

I'm telling you right now It's not it I'm not I'm telling you right now He hit puberty early Sure And it was shocking He has a full patch. Great.

And he, I don't know where he got it from, but one day he just trimmed it off. And then he started trimming it. And I'm like, dude, you got to... So I gave him my manscape. I said, this is yours. Don't use my stuff. Because I use it to do

my face in my head sometimes. I think he's a private dad-son talks. Well, what are you going to do? And then I showed him how to do it on my penis. No, I've never showed him how to do it. So I have like four razors that he keeps you he just keeps using mine so I haven't trimmed it in a minute because I need to get a new one because I don't trust it now because one time I did shave my head and then I got pimples

on my head and I'm like though that's from his bush fat so uh I'm sorry that was too much so I'm we know Paco's uh checking the timestamps is what he keeps walking around for because he wants to make sure when they subpoena him he's going to know what they need you can't make this a clip you freak it's such a fucking louis stanker they just start confessing about the things you've done so anyways i haven't i have it's not like it's it's hair right it's hair and then there's my you know it's just not an it's not cleaned up you know it's not if i'm going to have my penis out to uh a nurse practitioner and a young spanish girl i need it to look it's best i mean when i go in there understood i don't want to be the guy i don't want to look out in the

crowd at you know in stanford fucking new york comedy club and she's in the front row with a bunch of her hot girls and she's seen my old man fucking weird unshaven homeless dick you know what I mean I want her to see no he's got a nice piece buddy I get the nerves for sure so I canceled it you didn't do it at all I can't I couldn't

I wonder if I'm gonna go back can we call live on the show my game day oh are they open today Wednesday yeah they're open they're not open Monday and Tuesday I think yeah they're open on Wednesday can we call them on air and ask them if they would jerk me off with the electric glove it's not just I'm gonna say they're doing that

in Stanford? Game waves. Stanford. Stanford. They're game waves. In Stanford, they're willing to whack everybody off. They're not whacking anybody off. They're using gain waves on your penis, too.

Somebody called Game Day Paramus, you can speak to Renata, please? I like to ask Renata. Bobby says they whack them off in Stanford. That's not what they're doing. Please don't do that. You're going to ruin my hookup. And I'm not going to get the game waves done on my penis. Is anybody calling Paramus?

No. No? So I'm going to go back in a couple weeks. I'm going to make sure everything's nice and neat down there, right? Now, should I go clean? Should I leave a little Hitler mustache? This has been a big point of debate in my life recently on Legion of Skanks because this came up.

I'm a balls down to the Bick Razor, the balls, gone. And then the base, and then the base all around, just base, just so you get as much, it looks so you get as much length as possible, because, you know, the bottom half inch or so. we'll have hair on it. Christine, can you bring up dick moustaches or different versions of dick hair so we can see maybe I can look?

Oh, buddy, I would just do nothing and just get rid of the ball hair. So get rid of ball hair? No, I have to trim it up because it's coming in from the sides. Do you have very, very long? I don't have very long. I don't have a lot of body hair.

I have a lot of body hair too, but down there, as you get older, it grows less and more in certain places. Ooh, maybe I make a heart. That'd be funny. That would be funny for sure. A little heart? How funny would that be if I made it into a heart?

Oh, what if I made into a G for Game Day? I'd like that. Let them see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do we got here? Or have, like, it's smaller writing where it says, a hello doctor or something like that. Blacklow, would you mean favorite,

you call Paramus Game Day Health and ask for Renato, please, if she's in? Dude, it's called Gainwaves. I got you. On your penis. Yes. They're not masturbating me. I want to ask if they do it there. Okay.

All right. On air. Her name's Renata. please. I know your face. Because we're not available. Do they have just a photo? I just want to see a photo. Is that the game waves? Is this what it is?

It's not showing anything. No. Game, yeah, game wave. Ooh, she's hot. Oh, that's, that's, maybe I do the heart, Jay. Do you trim the whole thing? You have no hair above your penis? No, no, no, no. I have hair above my penis. Does it fade in nice? No. No, I've never had great dick hair.

Yeah. I want to... But I've also, it's never... But the shape of my body would not lend itself to me shaving my above dick hair in any way. It doesn't make sense to, like, make it a small, like, patch around it. It's better just... It just blends in with my body hair, pretty much. I just don't have a lot of hair.

Yeah. Oh, God. I don't want to look at real cocks hair. Yes, you did. Oh, my God. That's what you were asking for. No, I wanted an anime... The cartoon version.

You know what I mean? Like, if you're going to show kids with... to do. Yeah, that thing. Text my girl, Renata. Mm-mm. Oh, there's a good one. Wait, that's not her.

What about that one? What about the, maybe just a little vertical Hitler mustache? Go straight up. Bobby, Bobby, you're just starting to think about gay things here. I would go, if anything.

Can we go back to you holding your balls up and slapping them into your asshole for one second? I don't slap anything to my asshole. You let it drop. I let it drop into my ass long. I plinko it. It plink goes down my ass cheek folds. Christine, are you leaning over to throat?

Patchy growth, that's a bummer. That's what I feel I have. That's what I have. I have patchy growth. And I can adjust the patchy growth. It sounds disgusting, by the way. It does. It's patchy growth.

Christine, don't make eye pose at me like, hmm, you have patchy growth. I can adjust it to make it not patchy growth. I can adjust it to make it not patchy growth. So if I went in today, everybody who saw patchy growth, and maybe that would have been my nickname, Patchy Growth Kelly, and I don't want that. Christine's the only person to see my penis

with any regularity in life in this room besides me. I have awful dick hair, right? It's not awful, it's just not very thick. It's not like a bad. That was the nicest way ever to say it. Not awful, it's just not very thick. It's just not a thick. Justin Silver.

Thicker bush would be, like, more preferential. Dustin Silver's got, like, great thick dick. It's thick. Yeah, I used to have sick. So it's like, so what he can do, because he's built good, he can shave around and just have like a, like a rising moon of cock hair above his dick and it looks like. And then a weaner's like sprouting out of it, like a palm tree. It's like a horse mane. Yeah.

Yeah. I have, I think, I'm not sure about this, but I think as you get older and being heavy. I think it kills your hair I think that does because you're a lot more rubbing probably that said though also is going to be said for as you lose weight though the hairs will now come closer together creating a thicker hair situation

like when fat people are bald but when they lose weight they look like the hair came back yes that would be the theory ultimately you're stretching we've stretched these already not like thick hair I've stretched it to the limit at a point, you know what I mean? So it's the hairs, the follicles themselves are stretching apart. As you lose weight, those will come together a little bit. So I do think my dick hair is a little nicer and thicker than it was when I was fatter.

I'm going to go back in. I literally ran out. I was like, I got to go. I'm not going to do it today. I got to call my wife. I just said I'm going to call my wife. They think you're gay. That's okay.

I'm fine with that. Blacklow, anywhere, Renata? I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. But what if I, like, like, Like, what if I come? I expect you to. Yeah, but isn't that bad?

Am I going to get in trouble? That means you're a virile man. But isn't it, am I going to, if she's rubbing up and down on my thing, and I... I think you hit her in the face, she'll go, oh. She's Russian. Duh. Neat. I don't know.

I'm nervous, like... To get jerked off in public while a lady watches an old Russian lady whack you off? But I don't want her to shadow. Yeah. They are close for the day, unfortunately. there you go oh five o'clock yeah man they have hours that are they must be making you go to the website you can go to the website look up game waves uh erectile game waves i want to ask my place if they will whack me off while another one watches and can i pick the girls now she

because i'll tell you what the flabotomous is nice too and i think i might want her to watch because she gets like she gets like a bitchy face i want her i want him yeah it's almost like when you go to fridays and there's a waitress shadow waitressing the other waitress absolutely it's what's like that's what's going to happen i want to have i want to get whacked off by someone being shadowed which means they've trusted that person to be the person who's really good at whacking off because you get to learn from the best they're not going to say you to learn with like the shittiest whack off person but here's a problem you got to go in i'm sure that maybe they might have a thing like a dick mask what do you mean like a dick mask they put over you right like a like a condom that

goes over you i should ask because if there's a condom that goes over your bush fat i don't care and goes over your penis, so they covers everything, and they're just, you know what I mean? Reaching under there doing this stuff? No, just, so it's like almost like a face mask for your cop. I'm going to grab her wrist. You're going to squeeze her tits? He's going to start tweaking her wrist.

Grab her wrist would be fucking, I would freak a chick out so much. If you're trying to do some medical treatment to your wiener and you reach over and grab a wrist and bite your lip. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there. Oh, Bobby, this is you. fucking beating your cock with a machine in your house. No, that's a blowjump machine. Typing gain waves, erectile, whatever.

Because I don't have erectile dysfunction. I get a boner. I'm fine. I jerk off. Yeah, sure. Jay, I don't get erectile. I have, my penis works. Yeah, Tom, sure. Jay, I jerk off all the time.

Yeah. I'll jerk off right now. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I will. Pocket good over here. Open your mouth. you can only come if he's Oh my God, it's so weird

How eager he is to suck it Oh, he's a people please You're going to judge him Yeah, you're right Wow, sorry Paco I guess stand up for yourself more That would be cooler Is there any video of it?

Oh yeah Getting whacked off by two chicks It's all over the place Christine, look up Wacked off by two chicks No watch one Lady Watches woman Wack off guy

And you can type in the word Electricity if it makes you feel better I would really like to see the process of game waves for the penis I too can I watch the girl watch the other girl watch you whack off as she's shooting

up with peptides I'll take it don't aim it at me though you're on all that tea dude what if you lay a rope that fucking blows my mind what is that I think this is it what was that

was that a vagina or a penis what is that the fuck is happening what is that no it's your dick dude no what is that that is your dick no where is it where's your penis it's inside that machine oh it goes in it yeah she's jacking you off of electricity wait a minute no this is linear shock oh thank god i don't want that i mean i do now but wait this isn't even his dick yeah see wait go back to that can you see that you know his inner thigh see how he used to be fat and

there's a little like see that i don't want her to see that on me that that that that darker skin on the I know he's talking about I might I suggest Bobby that you open your legs crazy wide for no the lights are too bright in that dude

just give her a real like it goes I'm sorry I don't want you to see I got to stretch out so you don't see all my folds and stuff is that better for you now Bobby

I want you understand right now if I was undressed yeah my balls would be hitting my asshole and then I would grab in the middle of my

Bobby look at me I would grab Bobby, please. All right, wait, go ahead. Bobby, we do a show together. I would lift up my ballback by the seam in the middle. And then... And because then they both, like...

You see, the nuts kind of hang. Yeah. And then you just drop them. And then they go, babong... On your butthole. Okay, so what is that? And that's how it's done. Where's my camera?

Not how it's done. That's under his nuts. He's holding his nuts up. That's his nuts. That's under his stuff. This has nothing to do with his dick. Where the fuck was his dick? Yeah, his dick was...

Oh my God What is this? A cartoon about it? I love animated Let's watch it Alright so Does it end with him shooting stuff in the guy's face? It's not a base of pain free and it's simple You just go get whacked off

But this guy's get whacked off by a guy That's different Yeah I don't want the guy to do it It's probably cheaper though With the guy to do it? It was free actually Sliding scale I think He said I'll do it for nothing

After hours I was so I literally panicked and ran out I was like I gotta do it another day I can't do it because I didn't want I would have let the Russian lady do it because I don't care she's like my age

I'm not my age but she's in her 40s but the young hot new girl too I met her that day and you didn't feel comfortable asking be like can you just do it I'm not I don't want her to come in no because that sounds like I want her to just jerk me off

you know what I mean she needed to teach this girl how to do it like they give me a deal so that the girl can have practice on a penis, right? And probably nobody, this is a new thing that they're doing. So what am I going to, you know what I mean? Yeah. That's being at, like, Friday's be like, hey, I only want you as my waitress.

I don't want her learning. You know, how do I do that? And, you know, if they're both in there and they're both, you know, doing stuff to my penis, I probably, I probably just blow, you know, what if I just, if I blow a load, my dick's going soft. Nice. me hard to do it right for a little bit you get it you can't just if I'm one and done as soon as I as I if shoot it I'm out I'm done you're a person dude no I'm done it's not getting hard you're a normal person what you gonna do yeah fucking fucking pop your cork dude

two chips were whacking you off yeah what if they start going like does it still does it it still does it work if we suck it too what if that oh my God did you even consider what if that oh no I didn't but if that happened I would fucking spend all my money a game day. Why don't you think about what if that? What if one was like, what if was it?

The fuck was that? Crystal Methan Prostitutes from my biggest experience. I'll be right back and then one started sucking it. Like secretly sucking my dick. Secretly? Yeah.

I had that at the dentist once. I used to go to the dentist in, Matt Frost used to send all of us to this dentist from New York Entertainment out in Long Island. and she was kind of a big chubby lady

she was cool but her assistant was a Spanish girl very nice girl and you know I went a couple times and then one time they cleaned my teeth I spit out and she just started making out with me Ew it was hot as shit What a weird time though

I know weird time but smoking hot This just girl leaned in and just started She was fucking making out with me You need a filling She was Spanish Ah you need a feeding stupid Yeah that's kind of right stupid you open your mouth it was hot dude i'm gonna kiss you because i actually don't know how to do

dentist stuff and then the doctor came back in and we just almost got caught which was even hotter really yeah and then she left again and she gave me another smooch it was fucking wild wild like if that never better before i knew her i went there you knew her from going to the place i went like two times we kind of you know me back then hey who i'm making her laugh blah blah she just wearing overalls with no underwear it was that time that was that bobby it was fucking that's my favorite it was Las Vegas Bobby that's my favorite Bobby overall is just way chicks can reach down the front and beat him off in his dungeries what an animal what a goddamn wretched animal so I'm gonna go back in a week or two and uh get whacked off am I gonna do it but

should I what should I do uh well if you're gonna come fast I just think of something else but then come back to it and I'd go like what I would do I'd ask everything with my face like grab like the side of her ass and then just raise your eyebrows at her like this is good

because she'll let you know if it's not I'm not gonna grab I can't grab her ass she's a nurse practitioner as soon as you get the first zap be like oh god do you guys party do you guys party? I don't know what it means oh

Oh, God, do you guys party at all? Oh, kiss, kiss each other. Oh, oh, oh, God, kiss. Go! Oh, how! Oh, God, oh, God, kiss. Kiss each other. Oh, God, do me now.

Oh, hey! I'm going to do it in a couple weeks. I'll let you know what happens, but I'm going to definitely prepare. Is there anything I can put on? Can we bring the machine in with you one time so I can zay? We'll do like the, we'll see if you're psychic, like the beginning of Ghostbusters. Like, a couple of wavy lines. Like, today is not your day.

Oh! Is it two squares? I didn't know I was going to be getting electric shocks. Hey. It's Ghostbusters, Christine. Yeah. Yo, Christine had the best night last night. She had probably, since we moved into this place.

I think I'm having a heart attack. Really? You know, it's funny. I was smelling burnt toast earlier in the show. shower. Can you have any heart attack? We both died today. I think I was like, I think it might be having a stroke.

Every time I say it again, my hands go numb. Christine had an amazing night last night. She got to see something that a lot of people will never get to see in their life, unfortunately, because of licensing and issues and things that couldn't broadcast this. Thought about doing it on my live stream, but I couldn't do it. They've released episodes now, full episodes of rock and roll jeopardy from back in the day. on VH1 You want to see something impressive?

What I? Three? I miss three. Two full boards of rock and roll jeopardy. Really? Two or three things. One of them, they said I was wrong. It said it, like I said, the answer was the word someone.

It was like, match the two songs together with one word. And it was like, I need like blank and blank to love. And I was like, someone. And then the answer was somebody. but then later in the game they came back and said you know what someone works there also their songs called those things with someone so i was right there even when i thought i was wrong

i was right and christine got to watch that and i thought this was a story about christine no how did this become about you christine and dillan had to want now here's the thing dylan dylan wasn't impressed a lot Dylan wasn't impressed with what i was doing so much yeah because he has a mustache and he's thinking about his next thing well he just kind of said it if it makes sense he said it that he expected this it wasn't he was just like yeah sure i know i've gone the road with your bunch it's no we all know that this is what you do you're a savon you're you're you're literally have autism with music so i uh yelled for christina come outside because she needed the witnesses no you called me yeah called her out you call me on the phone oh right

yeah he goes are you in a meeting right now and it's like no not for like i go outside i go i said you're going to want to see this that's what i said the word you need to I said you're going to want to see this. I go, okay. And I go, and I go out there, and the first thing I say, I go, I just think you're autistic. I go, we all think this is just an autism. It's not a, you know, I think it's like a. Do you understand where this comes from?

This comes from just a lonely chubby kid on the floor. Yeah. You understand? This is the beginning of a movie where they, how did this guy become that? And they just cut back to just you with Cheetos in front of a TV, with music playing, just with your little feet, flipping in the air in your underwear just by yourself for day after day

after day where back then it was bad, it was sad but it became your superhero power later in life. Right. That is your origin story. To make you... Some people learn computers. Yeah. To make you, you have to be a little

chubby little lonely kid. Sad for sure. Sad. Dad gone. A little bit of abandonment issues. You have to have women? Women issues for sure, without a doubt. But now you have a superhero power. And Christine, at one point, this, I leaned over. Probably towards the end of round one of Jeopardy.

I leaned over, Rockinroll Jeopardy, I leaned over to Dylan to explain to Dylan what was so impressive about the last thing that I got right. And then I turned back over to say something, Christine, gone. She ran back in the house. I had to scream for her. I go, wait, where fuck you're going? Get out of here! Get out of here now!

And she had to come back out, and I was like, and then she wouldn't sit down, and I was like, you have to sit or I'm not hitting play again. Sit and watch what had happened. This is amazing. I was trying to put the yard back together from the power washing, you know? There's time for that whenever. You were doing man work? There's time for that whenever.

Huh? There's time for, he was putting cushions back. There's time for that. There's woman's work. There's time for that whenever. Masaginistic Bob. I was in the zone, man. I was going.

Dylan didn't give a shit. He calls me out like, oh, I'm sorry, does Dylan, like, know you better than me now? Like, you think Dylan's unimpressed that you call me in? She tried to escape. We all do, Jay. When I looked this way, she was... We're trying to right now.

I heard the door close. I didn't even know. She slunk out. We're praying for the clock to get to six. And then I said, oh, there's this game called Lyrically Correct, and I was going to get it, but I was like, none of your friends are going to want to play with you. Nobody's going to play anything with you, music. Nothing.

You know, when I first came onto the show, and it was like, you were picking songs of the binging? I was like, oh, let me pick a couple. And it was like useless. Because I would pick a song, you'd be like, it's not good for today. And you'd have a song that matched the fucking weather outside and the thing we said coming up the stairs.

And that had something to do with last week. And I'm like, fuck it, I'm out. You pick the songs. You pick them. I even called you when I was, when you weren't here. I'm super impressed. You would be impressed if you'd watch me play Rock and Roll Jeopardy. I would like to see a little bit.