The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Emotional Performance

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

midroll- 21:19Jay and Dan discover a new, emotional way to perform stand-up.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dance Otter. I know it's not the new intro song officially, but I gotta say, the energy in here when we play it is right. We got Jacob and Lou back together. Damn, they're using a whole routine. I can't feel my face. Dance Lou. I like that hand worm all right. Oh, I got. Damn, he loves that hand worm.

Everybody has to bond fire. I feel good today on a Monday. I just lost a gel from the light and I'm just in my head, in my doomsday head. It causes a fire and we all die. Totally. Why wouldn't we not be able to get out of the door? I don't know. But okay okay you've worked here long enough it's true the doors are oddly heavy here we're worried about active shooters oh man if Christina's the last person in the studio she'd be stuck

here all night sipsing a weekend turn it up little people at home or take your hands off the wheel everybody put your trust in God right now hands off the wheel you are a God Are you dancing out there in your cars Blow second Oh man Oh Man Faction talk series XM 103 I'm big J.O.G. And that's Daniel son Dan Soder. Hello only a couple episodes in the cover guy, but it's good So Daniel sought Daniel Sonder Daniel Sonder. Uh Soder was always what I used to hit with

Soder. Yeah, dude. I told you the story. I got taken off the kickoff team at high school football I just wanted to find a reason to call you Daniel Soder. You your out. You're like you fuck. I go my name you prick. It's so there because it's loser Sit down. You sit when you pee now You're a lady from now That was a week and everybody coming in with can't feel my face Damn that birthday energy. Yeah, bring that it brings coke energy. What do you want to do coke? Yeah? Dan that brings energy. Yeah, bring that it brings coke energy. What do you want to do coke? Yeah Chris you can get super jittery. She keeps scratching

Marks into the wall every time we play it Calls an old page or number that doesn't even work She goes I'll take two CDs please That was the party starting so the CDs as the code for Weed was the weirdest thing in the world to me. Yeah, because I got you. You want a 25 CDs and you're like, yeah, who's moving CDs like you guys? No, me and my friend constantly bring CDs to each other because I want all the great old dead live shows. We always did flyers and different color flyers. It's like green flyers, white flyers, white flyers pink flyers those are

Ezzie Because it was for promotion we'd be like we're promoting we need these flyers Yeah, but how would you tell the dealer you wanted an eight just a $50 back 50 green flyers 50 green flyers now What if you wanted a half ounce, but if you're getting two things at once to hungry? It starts to seem like code for sure. Yeah I'm saying, when they realize it's code, it's not a hard code. That's the problem. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Of white flyers, like, let me guess. Coke. Yeah. The green flyers are weed, let's say I'm assuming. Brown, I, it's probably the head wrong. How about 50 mystic ladies? He knows what that is.

You're getting into human trafficking. So you can you can use that 15 Korean pre-teens 15 holes what I wonder my way to other illegal things Can I have a kilo 50 kilos I Have can I get a can I get an eighth of Eagles in captivity?

Man buying weed used to be super hard if you smoke weed in a time the hardest it ever was for me was meeting up with Wayne to grab my Stuff he would get for me And I would get that little cube and that cube when I first started smoking weed Yeah, the plastic box blasted me I would uh, yeah the big one the tall one sure and I would get that and I would grind it all down Right away, and I would smoke like bowls or whatever yeah, in the beginning I went through my teenage smoking weed in My mid 20s mid to late 20s So you had money by weed but no no the opposite I the opposite. I'm saying more in the other way, like it didn't take much at that time.

Yeah. So I'd buy a $50, that was $50, that's not a weed. That would last me two weeks. When it started lasting a week, I was like maybe I gotta slow down smoking with me. So I mean, that would be crazy. If I brought that for a weekend somewhere, now I'd be like, well, I guess I have to call a stranger.

To get weed. Yeah, smoking weed in your teenage years is dangerous because A, you want to do the most you can. You have that teenage energy of like, let's do gravity-bong hits or, you know, clam bake the bathroom. And then you have shitty weed. Because you don't have any munch.

It's a weird name for it. Yeah, or you clam bake a car where you just don't roll down the windows. What's that called? A clan bakes not what I've ever heard of called. Is that some clan? I mean, I've heard it, it's called hotboxing as well. Hotbox sure. I've heard you call it hotbox.

Clanbaking is a fun thing to get put in. So it smells bad. You guys baking clams? No man, that's the shit. He goes, I don't know if I want to smoke to smoke. What do you talk? It smells like clams Everybody can smell my dirty pussy. Oh my god. Is that what it was? But we you know that's just whenever you hop box a room with Christine and it's clam bay. Yeah Everyone can smell my dirty pussy

But you do that dumb shit when you're young with bad weed. And then now you can just buy it, you know, pretty easy. But I was saying I was getting like good weed from the get go. I didn't ever have a. Are we from humble? I've had I've had under 10 batches of weed in my life, my lifetime. Yeah. That I've had to, and maybe under five, that I've had like pole stems and seeds. Woo, that used to be a whole activity. I know. Get those flat pancakes. I did it, I did it.

I put through them. So when I moved, talking about finding weed, how it used to be hard, when I moved to Jersey, when I first moved out here to Hoboken, I was living on my buddy's couch, there was a guy that worked the parking garage, and he would sell, he would sell grams, just grams. So you'd have to be like,

I'm so bad at measurements. It's like an eighth is 3.5 grams. So it's like a third of an eighth. So it sucked. It was expensive. He would only do like, let me get three twenties. Let me get, it was $20 a gram. And this fucking asshole and fuck this guy,

he had glass vials for some reason. That's what he gave away. But I remember specifically was the playoff, NFL playoffs, we got money together. My roommate said money, I didn't, but I was like, I'll go pick it up. And they're like, yeah, go get, go get three grams, go get like $60 worth.

Go get nine 20s. Yeah. And so I win. No, go get, go get three grams. Go get like $60. Look at nine 20s. Yeah. And so I went 73 20s. I went and on the exchange, I had winter gloves on and I handed them the money and he put it in. And they like knocked around and slipped out and broke. Oh my. It like just broke on the sidewalk. And this is like near where he works.

The he works at the parking garage and he goes, oh, I see him. This is what we can do. One of those cubes. You mean it was yeah, yeah, it's just fresh Frustrated poor kid guy going like Man, I don't know he's fucking walked away and I'm like taking off my gloves and going and trying to pick out the buds Yeah, it was like a fucking it was like it was like a little thing with you not you're not talking about the cubes The cubes I was talking about your plastic. No, this was glass. Okay. I don't know how or why he had a little glass jar. Yeah, it was like a little maybe that's why he charged so much. Yeah, you also get a nice little uh, nice little uh, a little charge key for the house. It's kind of cool. It goes

I have a philosophy. If I wanted to know any time I get packaging that I know I have the option to keep it and have be useful. Yeah, it's pretty chill. I got to fill it. I like that product. We got a fun little return policy here. If you bring it back, your next cramps $15. Thank you. Go back to that feeling you had.

Yeah. When you're jelly, became your cup. I ever did. I've looked at a lot of it. We brought up on the show. I've looked it up on eBay on the road several times. You think I'm doing it? I keep it when you get the Garfields.

Garfields rule, I'm going to do the Welch's dinosaurs. Yeah. I think I'm doing it? I keep it when you get the Garfields. Garfields rule, I'm gonna do the Welch's dinosaurs. Yeah, I think Garfields sell I would play it. Those are the ones that you do. If I'm blowing money on nostalgia. A non-sense thing. Non-sense. Fucking child things. It's probably good at a point though

that I, one, don't understand online shopping very well. The Christina's do most of it for me. Look at the garfield one What is it about just striking a cord in our white trash hearts? Well, they got you on several things you see like cartoon glasses, and I'm like what are we talking about here? She back to a feeling dude. That's the thing the Garfield But I see this the Garfield Mugs and the other one that was huge to me, I think I told you this before, the Alphan puppets from Burger King.

Yeah. Huge, these Mugs, huge, and the fucking Muppet Babies. The Muppet Babies had like, oh, like giant double tricycles, and they were pretty good toys. I think now it's like Cracker Jacks. Cracker Jacks, you definitely have a little something in there that was like, it's a piece of plastic. But you could use it in some, you know what I mean? cracker jacks you devil something in there that was like is but piece plastic

You could use it in some computer I mean there was some kind of cool ones in there now. It's like they won't even give you something like that You see a little baseball card sometimes. Yeah, you know cracker jacking to be like a little bow jacks in card And you're like but now it's like now it's something in there. It's like got to be super safe and whatever So it's like nothing. Yeah, it's like a password for a website to go across I gotta see why don't we just start making children's toys dangerous and out of lead again. Yeah. It's like a password for a website that you do across across. I got a fear. Why don't we just start making children's toys dangerous and out of lead again? Yeah. And then overpopulation won't be a problem. That's the issue. There's your dinosaur glasses there. There are, dude. You don't remember the Muppet babies though? No, I don't. But those I do use

specifically, and I'm gonna tell you, only allowed in my house for juice. Juice. You fucking put water. You put alcohol, you put soda in there, you're gonna get fucking hit. Milk. Milk and juice I'd say. No. Really? And I'm a milk lord.

I think you're just being, I think you're just being contrary, Dan. I disagree. I think nothing would bring you happiness in sitting in the in style and drinking milk out of that purple tyrant specifically. The contrast of the purple. Uh, Jared actually. Jared, can I tell you something? Yeah. That was the one that I had. out of that purple tyrant specifically the contrast of the purple uh

tarot act can I tell you something yeah that was the one that I had of course it was dude everybody wanted the tarot act all then are you John Edwards are you crossing over second is the stegosaurus then uh t-rex then the t-rex all the way on the left I mean the brontosaurus rules and the brontosaurus but that's your fourth favorite I don't know it's green dude you know I feel like we're going back to child brains Yeah, those are but I'll tell you this though. Tell honest stories though I would have no interest in drinking milk out of yellow in milk Christine I was being I was being a criterion. Yeah, I would drink milk out of it whom I get no drink milk out of my hands

I'm sorry that when you try to put milk in that, your mother hit you with a ruler and said, only juice. No, it was a jab. Oh, really? It gave you just a straight left. If she goes, it was a right. She's South Paul. Come on.

Jay learned a little bit. My matter, you've seen her right. You guys, you've seen her fighting. She's a threat around a bull. Oh, she is a Southball. Is she really? Yeah, we're both with lefty I feel terrible for left-handed writers. It looks like a nightmare sucks. You're constantly covering everything you're writing Yeah, you're lefty Lou Black Lou. Oh, yeah, are you lefty? I'm not lefty, but I agree with what you're saying It's just remember the kids when you watch somebody. I've watched yes managers

Like when they write your checkout at the end of a weekend doing that, it's so awkward looking at you. Oh, just learn the other way. Trying to get your hand over. Yeah, you're like, I mean, I'm lefty. Smudging everything they're writing along the way.

They have, it's so unnatural what they have to do. It's always your hand. Yeah. You look up in your hand and you're like, oh, damn, dude, there's just ink on the bottom of your hand. Because you're writing and you're like, as you damn, dude, there's just ink on the bottom of your hand. Because you're writing and you're like, as you're, here's the thing about it. Right.

It goes like, never thought about it. You just trail your hand on it. Here's the thing about Trish though. She trains all the time and she trains, she trains regular stance, standard. So she can mix it up whenever. That's why you'll never see her coming, Jacob. So keep talking that shit Think that left won't you can think the left the right won't put you down, but it will yeah, yo keep stuff

Did you find them up at babies Christina? I was trying to enjoy my childhood for a second. You don't care about muppets or their babies to the muppet babies is a if you grew up watching that show I did you kind of forget that it's one of the best children shows like Bobby's world people forget about Bobby's like Bobby's world a lot I did like that great children shows when you're growing up because they I don't know if they they probably still do it we're just obviously very short lived one we mentioned on the show before but the adventures of Don Coyote I thought that was a lot of fun San Joe Panda was a sidekick great Don Coyote. I thought that was a lot of fun. Sancho Panda was a sidekick.

Great. Don Coyote. And by the way, when I was young enough when I saw that, that when they were like, I heard then a little bit later, the story of Don Quixote, you know, it's the whole thing. And then I was like, it was made of, it's this cartoon was based off that Don Coyote was like believed everything was grander than, you know, yeah. And, but I was like, everything was grander than it well, you know, oh, yeah And but I was like I was like I'll just don't get out there. You're telling the story

I was like I don't think I agreed with it But I was like I don't think I actually do know it was like you thought like the windmill. He believed was a dragon Anything in the Muppets in space Christine figures Figures not not cups. It's so great to have you clinch your teeth and be like, no, sorry, I was there. She was looking at, oh, you're right. My instinct is to turn around and hit the computer

because I can't hit her. Legally? And they, uh, you're talking about the happy meal ones. Yeah. Yeah. They, I'm saying, they, McDonald's will never give you a toy of this caliber quality ever again. I want you to look up happy meal toys because I feel they McDonald's will never give you a toy of this caliber quality ever again I want you to look up having me a toys because I feel like McDonald's has stayed. Nope, they have a no

Look at those I remember those I have most of my toys were McDonald's happy meal toys Yeah, mine too. Yeah That's why me and Christine love each other I have barbies and stuffed animals but I had two jars of that's why me and Christine love each other I have our reason stuff to animals. I had two jars of McDonald's toys And like those are my fucking toys. I don't remember the second round there The 90s one because I get this is 86 90 the 90 ones are far into me But the ones on top the I feel like I had all four of those and it mattered so much I actually feel like I had Miss Piggy in this pink car.

God, I wish I didn't throw that fucking shit out. Grudge, they all speak. Well, Christine, that means you were getting happy meal at one year old. Oh my God. McDonald's was right by my house. The beef is good for her bones. I'm on it.

Her mom put McDonald's shake straw in front of her nipple, so Christine would suck the wrong thing. No, my dad would do when there was good toys. So like when the when the teeny beanies came out, it's my dad beating you. No, he would just eat McDonald. He would eat happy meals for his meals. So he would just order extra happy meals. So he could get me extra toys.

That's pretty cool, dadding. I'm not a lot. Also knowing that he's getting hammered and ripping butts. Yeah. Sounds pretty cool. Yeah. That's also pretty cool. Well, that's why you stayed a slim man.

He's like, oh, I should have had happy meals. Yeah, that's also pretty cool. That's why you stayed a slim man. Yeah, he's like, oh, I should Happy meals. Yeah child like calorie a chloric intake for a child. Yeah, he's fine. Bring up I sometimes get the apple slices instead of the fries bring up current happy meal toys I want to see what they're gonna be true. What if it's like an iPad? I'm gonna see what they're gonna be trying. What if it's like an iPad? So like, yeah, we just need to throw an iPad. A prepaid 60 minutes iPad. Yeah, you get to iPhone 12 if you go get it happy meals?

Cars, I mean, those are pretty good, dude. Yeah, those are pretty good. They're pretty good. They're pretty good, but I will say, because the cars themselves are the characters. From the movie cars. I know, but because the car's a guy, it's a little chintz. Show me something guy is it's a little chins show me something better

haha it's a little chinti oh Christine first of all you're on happy meal duck get off McDonald's pro McDonald's propaganda let's get to an off brand list of what are current you at the watchdog yeah are you by do current versus I wonder what burger King's dropping burger King had some decent toys for a little bit Depending on what marketing. I can't get anybody out there have kids that would know what current who buys the kids happy meals anymore You feel like a piece of shit if you get your kid happy meal probably not it probably works exactly the same as it did when we were a kid My mom would give me McDonald's. I was so grateful for I was like this is gonna fuck a toy fucking rules. Oh, no people are still Getting there was one there was one specific look this up McDonald's happy meal toy where these animals had weapons on them

It was like in the fucking 90s. It was a cartoon and they were like military animals like lambs and shit And there was a toy like I fuck how would you search remember I just remember being the dude you just gave me a real Flash so fucking excited. I used to get the shit kicked out of me on the wrestling team I was telling that story about the guy that made fun of me crying as the wrestling me Which ones no Go go down what one directly below that in the second row to the right No, fuck they were like lambs and it was happy me. Oh, yeah It was happy meal toys and they were. They were like lambs. And it was happy meal? Yeah, it was happy meal toys,

and they were like soldiers from the 90s. Fuck, it was like a cartoon, I think. I don't know, dude, I've done a lot of drugs. I could be completely creating this, but I'm pretty sure. I just remember losing a wrestling meat and being like my mom's like, well, go to McDonald's and I was like,

if I get that fucking lamb with the bazooka, I'm gonna to be like, God damn mine. I know. And I just got in the shit beat out of me at a wrestling tournament. And I was like, this is going to be pretty cool if I get the fucking toy that I want. I just really knocked around a memory for me that when I was young, young enough and I'd say at that time of the world at 8 or 9 years old maybe 10

11 I was able I could have walked to McDonald's myself damn and but I didn't have a lot of money You lived here mecca, I would I almost feel like I should remember the date because The saddest thing in my life was to go to McDonald's when you find out you could Music's great. I remember the birth of the 20 piece McNugget. Yeah Like it was a day landed on the moon You being a little Christa you being a little a little chubby kid listening to this fucking Incredible whole quandering music as you go dude. I was already living a life of this is before the four piece nuggets cubby kid, listening to this fucking incredible Hulk wandering music. As you go, dude, I was already living a life of this is before the four piece nuggets. So the four piece nugget was the kids meal. Yeah, that was the kids meal

one. Then the next was like, uh, it was you can get six or 10, I think was, it was the ones. And then they released that 20. By the way, I believe was saying, like, here's a nice thing so your family can off to the nuggets and all I thought about was how it's going to be mine. Sitting alone outside, like getting it from McDonald's, not sitting in a McDonald's by myself, I knew that looked weird. Finding a place in the neighborhood. You squirreled it.

You're just a fat little squirrel. He took your little nuts and you ran into the neighbor And dude that was OG recipe hot sauce hot mustard sauce OG recipe Barbecue sauce when it was thick so runny now. I tell you right now. Yes, I wish we were best friends back then So I could have had some nuggets with you buddy. I would have been so upset if you were there with Damn, I didn't have a hard time making friends. I was fine with friends. I didn't really only know how to get away from my friends so I can feel fat. That was your first parking lot time. Remember that woman on like my six-cent

pound life parking lot time where she just fucking ate fast food in her car by herself. Me and Christine crushed and McDonald's together in a parking lot before going to my mom's house. That's very... The best McDonald's I've ever had in my life was a truck stop going down to DC I had a big Mac meal in a flare fish with a large sprite my dick moves Right think about that. Yeah fries. Yeah, that's Jason. Yeah, so dip it. I got catch up Hey, right in that parking lot, Jacob. How fucking gross is that? Is that like me getting a lot lizard for you? Selling me having a lady come in my fucking 18 wheelers suck my dick in the back bunk. Jacob, you have known nostalgia for McDonald's who looked at the dude. You're like, my man. Flee a fish is great. It's all

full of When we were kids, yeah, they didn't like but do you feel like if if you bit in with you, I'd say McDonald's cheeseburger, done right. Hot, fresh, made with a little bit of give a shit, is a delicious taste. So it's delicious. Of course, yeah, with those hit you as delicious when you bit in the middle where you'd be like, I don't like the taste of this.

No, I didn't go crazy for it. Please tell me the statement sponsored by Wendy. Yeah. I'm talking about McDonald's. No, I was just ho- Yeah, I was talking about McDonald's as pieces of shit. Now Wendy's shake up.

That's a whole other story, right? I just thought about that. You break a young Kapoor fast for the third Wendy's. I was thinking I was like, what was our split? I'm gonna find. Dude, I had these. I had these as crazy. Yeah, I remember the little mermaid ones.

I mean, those were, it was huge. A lot of them was from the 80s. Yeah, it was, it used to be a massive thing. We're like, when you were younger, it was better. It was better. I remember the hole in the toes. The toes from hook. Yeah, she found cars, what else?

But, no, that was on their site, which by the way, we gotta go on their site anyway. Maybe it's a good transition. Videos that you want, we want to watch last week. There's a video might be audio only, but like, it does, that's great. Okay, all right. The space jam ones are pretty good.

Yeah, space jam ones. Star Wars. They're pretty awesome. Damn, we really underestimated the technology. The look at those. Wow, I don't't where I say better. OK, you know, I take a lot of platforms though. My little pony.

You show me the Scooby Doo one, please. That's weird that they did soul. The Pixar movie, because it's a really like that. The Scooby Doo. Yeah. Should we start eating happy meals again? I'm down, dude. Who are those?

Christine, you want to see if we eat happy meals? What's going on? Christine, do you want to try a fun diet? We eat one time a day, whenever, only the contents of a small happy meal. Hey, they already did that already. It's called super fun. No, he didn't. He didn't.

He didn't manage me. No, he would eat there three times a day. Is what he did. That was his thing. But he, or whatever, however, two meals a day. But whatever, the breakfast and I think a dinner meal. Shout out Morgan's, we're lucky. He's the one that hired me to do man some.

I think he got in trouble. I went out on a few dates with this woman that she loved donuts. She was great looking, but for a short window of time she she loved donuts, so she just thought to herself I'll only eat two donuts a day. So I'm within my caloric window Yeah, and she did that for about three weeks. Okay That she traded. Yeah, then she started it had no nutritional value So she had to she would got super sick. Yeah, and the doctor told the doctor told her, yeah, these are empty calories. But for two weeks, she was just surviving on like two or three donuts a day.

I can't tell you the... I crush vitamins. So I crush vitamins and hit the chloric intake, which is Christine. Look up the chloric intake of one happy meal, please. But that, it sounds better on paper than I think that actually is. Cause like a weekend, she's probably like, ah, I'm hungry, but she was happy but she had to be ordered off of them. Cause she thought she wasn't doing anything wrong.

Yeah, I mean, she's living in a seven year old street. Yeah. Oh, I remember that, the transformers that were actually the stuff. I would say that is the, I would say that's the number one happy meal toy of all time They were McDonald's burgers and stuff that transformed another stuff, and I think that hit a generation Big enough for like ten years before you know what I mean?

There's a lot a lot of people that remember the Christine the calories please in a happy meal I Miss the old styrofoam containers, too. I don't give a fuck about the earth. That's not nice. Dude, Duncan used to have... I used to bury mine so no one would know I ate when I think gave back to the earth, right? You used to be a trick when I'd go on car trips.

You buy a medium ice coffee for Duncan and then you ask for a large Styrofoam and you put it in and it stays on ice. Oh yeah. Hold drive. Use more plastic. Use more. Or styrofoam.

We have a cold back then. We have a few clothes. Two parents saying that the toys are shit at McDonald's these days. And also Ryan and Virginia figured out what Dan's cartoon was. Dude, let it, dude, put him on first. Just my brain.

Sorry, my chair keeps making this noise. It's very rude. Oh, that's fine, dude. Hey, what up, dude? Barnyard commando Yes, fucking yes, dude nailed it Can you look barnyard commando happy meal toy up dude? That's exactly I love the show. Hell yeah later. Thanks dude. What a perfect call. Thanks Guy knew when to leave fucking nailed it 10 out of 10 call again Run pal

I walked in and shook me up and fucking give me a salute I can give you a solo. I'm going out. I'm going to do two, sir. Yeah, dude, Barnyard Commandos. I fucking remember getting the shit kicked out of me and wrestling, and then so excited to go to fucking McDonald's to get that. I guess a new Barnyard Commandos.

I wanted the sheep with the fucking Rambo headband. Versus sheep. Right there. Got on the left. That's so great. I don't know why. I just was like obsessed with it. Are they wristbands or the wristbands? Yeah Got on the left. That's so great. I don't know why I just was like obsessed with it. Are they wrist bands or the wrist bands? Yeah, I think so.

I don't know. There was some 80s shit. Oh, no. The ones on the left. Go to the left bottom. See the photos, the second row, all the way to the left. No, on the bigger... Yeah.

Left of that one. There you go. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. Yeah. Oh, you won. This guy. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. Yeah. No, you won this guy. Yeah. Yeah. On the left. Damn dude, Barnyard command issue.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I spoke to a lot of pot. But anyways, thanks dude. You know, they're not familiar at all. No, that's 100% it. It's the sheet with the red Rambo headband. That was your dude. Yeah, dude. That was the one I was like,

I got to get that one from McDonald's. Christine goat, because I saw it with the nuggets. Let's see what it is with a cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. Okay well no no no no the happy me out okay there we go wait wait it was there. 539. 539? Yeah. Okay so 410 with the nuggets. Five 29. Yeah, Jacob again, they're, that's you're going to be vitamin the fuck up. I mean, you're going to be taking like, I say vitamin up.

No, but I'm talking about like AIDS cocktail. Like I'm talking about like, I've been, I'm talking about it in the band played on kind of, you know, I mean, you're taking a whole rocks glass full of pills for three weeks. If my total color can organic is one happy meal and let's keep in mind, I'm gonna have all of all the toys. Oh my God, you're gonna have a weird room. He would have a weird...

I bet that'll tap you no toy room. Oh man, dude, did I ever tell you about the toy? I had no attention to the baby care about the frogs. They're nice, they don't bite. When Joe was dating my mom, he had this coworker, his boss. He worked at the post office. He was a mailman for a little bit. And I loved nothing more than Joe would come home and be like, fucking dog almost got me. I loved it. When he worked for the most office,

he was miserable and it brought me so much joy. But he had this boss that he was like, kind of friendly with, this old gay guy. And he was like, you got to come see my house when I decorate it for Christmas And we went to his house in Denver and it was like this small house We walked in and he had a room of just Barbies and it reminded me of smithers on the sims and I started laughing Dude my mom got so fucking mad at me for laughing because I was like I just couldn't keep it. And she's like,

dang, I guess some of those things were going to pull me out and be like, this is Joe's boss. And I was like, dude, that's fucking crazy. It's a room of armies. It's fucking crazy. I've always like,

insane. Yeah, dude. And she was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, you know, doing that yell, English. She's like, you fucking suck it up. And shout out when you go in there, dude. Oh my God.

If I would have had a sibling it would have been over I had to hold it in Christine today post the video you know my Instagram Me my dad. Oh man. What a fucking fun video you sent me. I was on the road in Addison Dan captioned this for me By the way, thanks Addison you are awesome that what a fun club Yeah, I'll say like I'll take a lump as Addison does rule. Oh, yeah, dude You send me the video of you guys you send me this you go. I'm gonna put this over cats in the cradle And I'm like perfect dude my dad doesn't know But then I read the I mean

So catch in the cradle so I have a cigarette hanging out in my mouth? I love it. Do you got a dill sweatshirt on? I'm wearing a sweatshirt that says dill might even overthink my plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's as great as clearly and behind an industrial building. Oh, dude.

I love it. You can go to see J's profile on Instagram at your big dill. Any letterman wrote, never took you for having a dad kind of guy. Oh, shit. Dude, oh, dude. Bargazzi. Benjolong's DC and Gary.

Yeah, last time I was my dad just told wacky stories. I love it, dude. I love the part. It's crazy. Oh, my God. What's crazy about Nate just taped his special. Yeah, yeah, in the round, right? In the round at the celebrity theater in Phoenix,

but he, it's just funny because Nate's us, like he's our buddy. Oh, yeah. And then just to see him now, he's like, come on down to the Nate Bargitzi tour. We're playing this arena. And you're like, hell, yeah, dude. I remember doing Junior's last laugh

in the Eerie Pennsylvania with Nate. Oh, yeah. I know, actually, I've asked me how the special went Yeah, I've been so wrapped up in my own bullshit. You got a special coming up buddy skankfest big J comedy dot com Sorry, skankfest is sold out but States come see common big J Bison dot com you can come see shows. Yeah, you can see shows you can actually see Jay leading up to the special I'm doing yeah, this is my one this is my last weekend before the special in Madison

up to the special. I'm doing, yeah, this is my last weekend before the special in Madison, Comic on State. I don't think I've done this material there at all. So I'm one of the, I'm gonna run it several times, maybe every show. I can't say that, but club of all in the country. Oh, it's great.

No, I'm excited that's the last place. And then I have a week off. And then, but Ari's bullying me. Ari's calling clubs on my behalf saying, hey, is it cool if Jay comes in and runs, like sets here a bunch, like on short notice, and I'm like, oh, yeah, of course. And I'm like, okay, dude, stop telling people I'm coming.

I love Ari. You gotta find the line for this. And yeah, he's meticulous with it. Yeah, he was great. I'm so happy he's doing it, man. Like, he's great. Yeah, he makes me feel calm, because he just knows from doing his own stuff too.

He's like, yeah, of course you have to have like a person who does this. And I'm like, oh, okay. You're right, it does make sense. So we do need somebody who does that. I was almost good at, when I did Edinburgh in 2019, when I did the French festival, I was almost gonna do like,

I got talked into almost doing like a show Like one of their dope, you know like an emotional like I was almost like people were trying to talk me into it like the lady that was like promoting my shows was like Well, you have to have an angle you've got to tell a story so this got to be some emotion behind Yeah, you're still riding that Hannah Gatsby wave. You got to scream at people for injustices My butthole was my butthole Daddy makes you drink daddy mix y'all drink just dangling. There's children There's two pages at the border

Funny to you Now what it was was like it's supposed to be sad. Sorry guys anyway I'm gonna do like an emotional thing, but I wasn't going to like put the people around me are talking to I talked to Ari and Ari. Daddy! Ari goes, can you see me now? Ari was, you're little boy. You're little boy, it's done good. Look down the bar. Look down the bar, I'm sitting right here. Ah! Ah!

Let's keep running your emotional part of Gary. Sometimes he goes, I think about like, maybe I can handle one sip, right? I go. One sip. One sip that leads to another. You know what it leads me to? Back sip. Back to my two-sips, three-sips. All the da da da da da da, down to a thousand-sips. When does it end? You know what it is? I keep the kid. I'm trying. I don't know if I'm better than you. It keeps ramping up when I go, have another. Sure, of course, I'll make that birthday party.

I'll be there, have another. Have another. Oh, what's that? Have another, have another, have another! And then I wipe off a fake desk, a desk that's been set up. If I could clear it off every Always another what else I'd be you No, it goes by

No, it goes by that I don't mess them The 90s I know what I say if he's right now The nine right know what I wouldn't say to hell with you The last thing I said to Was you tried your best? Dude I like the quick snap at it. I don't know how comedy is the best. Yeah, I go. I go. What is that? What is that the blue wire than why you tell me it would have been the green wire Is that that bar that I really is and then my mom came home and saw that I was trying to print out a

porn picture and we're looking at you guys and you know mom I have to go When so lucky with that. Dragon himself death, from our 14 years old. Three years later, three years later he'd be in the ground. He'd been returned to ash. Who knew he goes, I'd always say to him, pop, why don't you slow down,

why don't you slow down? 14 or so supposed to have that kind of response. So 14 years old! The only time we had a serious meeting about it was I was just talking to this lady that was promoting the show. And she was like, you thought about it? No, no, no. The one meeting we had where she was like, you should make an emotional.

I was like, well, I'm going to do jokes. And she was like, it's not going to win any awards. This is the fringe festival. It's supposed to be the fringe of funny, which is super sad. Yeah. And then Ari was already just nailed at home when we were walking and I told him about the meeting and he goes, you have an hour of jokes. Do those.

Yeah. And then I was like, yeah, hell yeah. That's, he's like, and then I found out that that's like a common thing over there. And then I got to go watch those shows and I was like, holy shit if I were to try this. Oh, so I did, that's why I was not understanding why Scotland is you have to do an emotional show. Well they just like it. They like it a lot.

Because it oversees a stupid place full of assholes. Do you know how we just leave as well enough as it is. But do you know how we make fun of the French Canadian? I see a French Canadian. But you know how we make fun of the French Canadians when we're like just for laughs, like how they do like that. MAMAMOO!

Vols for Futsu! The thing, the thing to make fun of like British comedians is that there's a point where it gets serious. We're all ties together. Hannah Gatsby, that's where she did. She won the French festival. Of course she did. It's bullshit.

Front the back. Not just British. I heard like kind of a broad in general. Like they come up, you come up with like your one man chef. Yeah, it's like, that's what it is. It's like, you're trying to consistent hour of funny things. Yeah, but they like, it's like they work towards a different goal almost.

Well, they do it. I think they tour with it than they do a new hour. They definitely were like, you'll, after my first show, I didn't go that great. And I got off stage in that lady who told me to be serious. I was like, you just did stand up. Yeah. I didn't know I was standing up, but you went, that's not I thought we've talked about. I was like, I never said I was going to do that. She's like, you're sitting there with that. And then I didn't really see her much after that. Yeah.

Louis with the music I Why don't you go ahead and know I'm trunkingly off the whole other one. Hold on you have to have it ready And it has to be the transition right. Oh, yeah, I gotta go from it right go over there more like under here Jay you did a show of this I would be there tomorrow I would love to do an emotional no, you have to do 45 minutes of jokes. Maybe you do this for not 40. Do 40 and then you just rip it for 10. I almost want to just do a segment of it

and leave it in there on a, everyone who knows, no, if you know, you know, one of those, if you know, you know, it's somewhere, oh, that'd have you so great. Because my mom and a stupor one night, call me by my father's name. Hahaha Shouldn't be a surprise.

She missed him, I missed him. You know. I'm supposed to take on that kind of responsibility. You're supposed to be taking care of me. I was a little boy! Oh! Damn. But I had to be a man that summer and take care of her.

Nice. I guess I'm paying the price for original sin all these years later. Stop my phone! I was born, mom! Can't kick. I got one. In from a joke and do it. Yeah, there you go.

She said that's the last time she's ever gonna let me live at home. And I said, mom, don't worry about it. It was summer. And the smell of chlorine is usually supposed to bring happy memories. For me, it's a high school indoor pool on a Saturday morning. Dude, still on the lawn. Crisp fall there. I, still on the lawn. Crisp, fall in there.

I'm not there to swim. I'm not even there to take a driving class. And there to watch my father's mortal enemy. Strip down to nothing but a fucking speedo. You shouldn't make me watch him swim, mom. You shouldn't watch me. I should have to walk to the water be so fast water and then I realized that that left so fast

that roses all the roses I'm freaking love it please do a emotional show I'll do one I got one ready Tell anyone just do it just bust it out. Guess what Cleveland you might guess what Cleveland you might get ear hole but sad I just watched you suck off a stranger on only fans. You can't give me a hand job Reminds me that same kind of lonely. I felt sitting on the stairs waiting for my dad to drive by. Headlight it's him it's gone. Headlight it's him it's not on and on and on and like this all night. Sitting there for the whole community of rules finger in my hand. The whole commandeer didn't rule that and I did it dad! I didn't watch it alone!

It doesn't matter much now. Hell, I didn't even like wrestling all that much. I think I was just doing it to be closer to him. Anyway, this one time he farted, Christmas Eve, and I asked me if I saw this duck go under the fish. And uh, yeah, just back into it. Just right back into it. Oh, I said Santa.

Santa can't do that. His ass hole isn't that big. I remember the first Christmas I left my mom alone, because I had to visit my dad. She drank by the Christmas tree. Our neighbor said he found her around seven in the morning. Out front, she had been fighting with my hand on the phone. I said, that's not how Christmas is supposed to be spent. When you're a single mom and you got nothing but your boy which boy is God

Dude I will at let's do sad Okay, I get another one just black box theater We're coming for you We do like one night like at the triad and you guys just do it We can't tell people. Oh. No, you just gotta spring it on them one day. You gotta get over.

Oh, dude, if you could hire an actor, if you could hire an actor that look like Gary to come out and just throw you a football, you're right at the end of your set. Oh, you get it. Here he comes out and then you guys do a scene together. He's got a son. You look over at a guy walks out with a spotlight. Catch. Catch. And then you do that.

I go, and I hold it and I look up at him like I was black. Damn! Oh my god! Give him the Emmy, give him a Grammy. Alright, I'll me do another one. Okay, hit it. I said if you think of it as protein instead of cum, you'll get it down easier. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Come. Come. Come, hey, come. Spend your summer in Ohio. Ha ha ha ha ha! Well, if so much fun together, you said to me, that's my dad, 1986. He said, come up there, my stepmother, not used to children. I don't even know if she wanted kids at that point.

She would lock the snacks up in a closet. With a master padlock, to let me see it it to know to shame me. I was a heavy set kid for sure but to lock the snack lady come on. Come on. I'm trying here. I'm just a little boy dealing with his father being gone. Can't even sink my sadness into a little Debbie nutty but... Little Debbie nutty buddy. It's funny, I think cost 25 cents for a single pack. Splinter my family in the 35 parts. Hahaha! Jay!

On 35 parts. I locked that cabinet. Yeah. Cause you just won every award. 35 parts that's spl in my family little Debbie Remember little Debbie used to have those motherfucking oatmeal cakes too with the cream inside what the hell is in that cream? Yo that creams a motherfucker is that stuff is it the same thing as stuff? I bet little didn't find is hell. Yeah, I'll tell you what for a fat boy. I ain't got a fat person's palette

I cannot tell you was in that stuff Thank you. This has been an evening with Big J hookers. A lot dude, your headshot for that show, I have to be you with chains in a padlock on it. Holding your heart. Or now like the thing with the fishing rod in my butt crack and it's like swing little Debbie's in front of me and I'm reaching out for it. Like a little lady.

A little snacks. Holy shit dude. Let's take it. I know we'm reaching out for it. Like a little lady. Yeah. A little snacks. Holy shit, dude. Let's take our first break. Let's take our first break. Then let's come back with... Oh, can I read you when we come back? Can I read you the post my mom posted the other day?

Yeah. It's me laugh so hard. When do you want to talk about that? Tell him, let's give him a shout out right now. It's amazing. It's why we opened the show. Oh, no, it's not. No, we tried to open it. It was Princess we opened the show. Oh, no, it's not. No, we tried on it was

Princess for title, but she pulled all over music We got a all for non religious music. Oh, yeah, we got a gift in the mail That is one of the coolest gifts we've gotten here on the show From Matthew David Matt Davis that Davis sent us mix tapes bonfire crackle pulloos of mix tapes He pressed them on the tape. I'm not gonna read his letter because I don't you know, but it fucking it's amazing These things are the lead or these letters like every time I have sex with a woman against her will I feel an immense sense of guilt when I watch your guys laughs get me through that dark time I watch the light leave a child's eyes, I hear Jacob's evil laugh.

I am a bringer of death, but even I need a chuckle from time to time. Nay, an instrument of evil. Uh, yeah. It's just a man who does that. I am the devil's hands. I don't wanna read any of his 50 page manifesto. The devil's yet.

But they do mention us a couple times. But they make a reference to a Corey Feldman joke So but he Matt Davis sent us in mixed tapes and they are actual cassette tapes and the track list thing is bananas It's a hell of a mixed tape. It's and I'm gonna read it to you guys. I'll read you the The line of it. It's air wolf intro is the intro so the airwolf theme song into Princess Vitara into Sean Fury into Summer Rain into Chet Hanks into into into locomotive Kurt into DeAndre T Brown into the Browns into Lisa Gale into butterscotch swirl into Amy Biabi baby baby into bad baby Biabi into Gary Closing little red book beep do Corey Feldman that's this is a music encapsulation I want to go road trip. Do this is so cool and he did the art I'm gonna listen to the way to the cabin

The cover art that will take a picture of is a AI and he typed in the words Bonfire Dan Soder big J big J. O. Creson weed bonfire and other key phrases and it made us I mean it looks pretty much like us just a little evil So awesome. Yeah, so that thanks Matt Davis. This is fucking cool. I'm gonna find really fucking cool I'm gonna find a way to play a tape. Oh, yeah, cuz this fucking I have a CD of or I've Tape player my house You know, I'm so retro so I'm in the straight city point I need to know the real deal before you come off One question

Who you e-s-s-s-s-t Who you e-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s He's religious now Yeah, he is Turned it all around Yeah, cheers. Turned it all around. you