The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Everybody Poops

Episode Date: March 18, 2021

A caller topic sparks everyone to tell their tales of doodie mishaps.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle 

Hey, it's Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning Tuesday through Friday You want more bonfire? You can hear our full show every day on serious XM You can go to serious xm.com slash bonfire for a special three-month offer The Bonfire The Bump 5. What's our big hard topic that we have for Mother's Day? When are we doing that, Jacob? Nope, nothing. Nope, just talking to an empty screen. What day is Mother's Day?

I forget. Right? I Mother's Day? I forget. I fucking fine, though. Shit, man. Well, if it's a live show day, we do it on Mother's Day. It's Sunday. Usually, Sundays are Mother's Day. Yeah, I thought so too. It's a great idea.

We'll do it the Thursday before or Wednesday before. Yeah, it's a great idea. What are we land on? Smash your trash, your mom. Yeah, you smash your trash. Call on? Smash your trash your mom. Yeah, smash your trash. Call our send-in pictures of your mom and we gonna smash your trash. No, the whole group decides. Yeah, dude, it's not just us. We're not, everyone's got to decide if we want to fucking bang it out with your mom or not. And don't send a picture. And don't send a picture.

Well, just don't don't send a picture of a Milf porn star and say it's your mom unless your mom is a Milf porn star Then send dirty pictures over Yeah, get nuts, dude, but by the way, it's it's May it's May 9th So we'll have to do it May 10th a smash or trash your mom. Okay, smash trash your mom Smash trash get ready to find some pictures of your mom that are smashable or trashable. Smash smash. No, no, no, I want you to send me a picture of your mom. I want you to send a picture of your mom and just leave it up to us if it's smash or trash. Man, should we have a, should we have a like, they have to be in a family photo. It has to be like a bikini shot. Like you have to, like, they have to be in a family photo.

It has to be like a bikini shot. Like you have to, this is your mom walking on the grocery store. Does it also have to be now, right? It's got to be current. I think that would show authenticity if it's the whole family, Dan. Yes.

I agree with it. I don't think you can put anyone. Yes, smash your, smash your mom. Yeah, you're right. I want it in the family photo. I want to, I want to, it looks like in the streets. you're right. I want it in the family photo. I want to say it looks like in the streets. So I can think about her in the sheets. What? Lou? I can't do it because my mom's dead, bud. Yeah, you got a picture of her. You saw a picture of her. I think I can be able to

I would say you should be able to say like I would say you should be able to say like older photos like 10 years. Oh, I mean, dude, if I'm submitting Trish for this, I'm not giving you a 2021 Trish. I'm throwing that high heat 92 Trish. Oh, so does everybody throw in their mom? But it's got to be above a certain age. But it's got to be above a certain age. It can't be like, look how cute my mom was at 17. It's got to be.

My mom would be like, look how cute my mom was at 17. It's got to be like 43. What if I were to submit trell, I would give you a 92, 93 Trish. Oh, yeah, that's a good 44, 45 years old. Yeah, no, absolutely. Dan, you and Jacob are both right. You're right. As long as the picture within your lifetime. Yes, she has to be a mom.

You had to have, you had to cross the finish line. You had to break through the pussy, like a homecoming banner. So you could be anything. You could be anything. You're a cop in the mustangs. Yeah, you have to. Yeah, it could be some moms.

So yes, send your mom photos for a smash or trash for me and Dan. It could be, if you're 30, this is a picture your mom 30 years ago. That's fine, that works. If you're like, if you're like Jane, you're a young mom. You can send her a 21. We're not judging.

I can send you my mom a 23 year old. Yeah. And that was a tall tree. I can send you one that you're definitely gonna say smash. Yeah. Well, I mean, listen, you said it correctly. We're not going to trash you. It's just really gonna hurt if we do trash your mom.

We gotta be honest. We're gonna trash it. Now you need to be honest, Lou. And Jacob, you are a very picky. You're a very picky eater. Guess what guys? We're gonna have black blue back by then. No offense, Brendan. We're gonna have black blue back then and you know, he has lists. But you are so happy that Brendan's not judging your moms because Brendan's probably got a high bar. Oh, yeah, I probably got a high bar. Oh yeah. I don't know. I've seen Brendan with office, without his glasses, without his glasses,

he's at a Tricia's league. With the glasses, I think he might have answered her fucking classified in the paper. Do you wish, dude? You fucking wish for that. You don't know that. I don't know it. You're right, then. I don't know, but I'm saying you wish. If everybody here, the most I'd want Brendan to to say when the fuck my mom were there anybody DJ Lou would fuck my mom now Honestly, I would mind seeing Christine Christine give a thumbs up to a clam smash and you couldn't fuck my you couldn't fuck my mom Jacob you say I

Either one of your moms because you both already told me like they've been with like monster dudes Yeah, so you're just saying because I'm like following Tommy Lee. I'm going to say it. Jacob, are you nervous because our moms got rang like a dinner bell? You worried about going in there and just fucking knocking around like a fucking pinball. Clang a line. Follow the family.

But I'm saying besides that, let's say my mom had some pussy rejuvenation you'd give her a world right? Yeah, dude. I've seen the photos of your mom. Yes. Yeah. I was seeing it. I'm seeing it today. Yeah. He's like, I've seen photos of you. Yes. Mom can get it. Dude smash your trasher mom. It's coming on May 11th on the bomb. Or trash your mom. God, it's gonna be great. Okay. The bonfire at serious XM.com family photos. None of this cheat and shit.

I want to see. No, you can't. I think they should be able to send along a tent. Not dirty pictures. Obviously, but if they want to send like a signal, but it's got to be. to be it's got to look at it's in that same time frame of you being there But but it has to be one a family picture as the main family picture gets you in the door And then you can send another one along you want to try to fuck it You want to try to sweeten the pot a little bit go for yeah, you want to throw a little honey on that sugar?

I say give it a whirl and uh and don't worry this June we'll be doing humber dump your dad Well good it we'll find we'll judge both your that is fair and we should bring in some uh Some of our female friends to come in and judge a pump dump your dad. Absolutely. We will 100 maybe the Adrian Apollucci be great for that. Yeah, Bonnie. Yeah, Bonnie be great. Yeah, we've got your dad. Oh, yeah, I said, a pump, but pump, pump, pump is much better.

Should we get Kiersten in for the smash or trash your mom? Yes, we should absolutely get Jessica Kiersten in here. To smash or trash your mom's because Christine Christine Christine's going to give you what she's going to call the bisexual vote but just piercing comes in with a straight up. Are my ready to fucking bash back box with this chick? Yeah. Jessica's backs.

Yeah, Jessica's a card care and union member. Christine does some freelance on the side, which I did. Yeah, she dabbles. She dabbles, but Jessica's going there working. Yeah, she's putting in the work. She's stay putting in that work. I get a lot of push. I get a lot of push. I get a lot of push.

So then I said to Lou Wittsky before the show's. I'm a little upset I pushed the Johnny Damon video to yesterday because enough Campers had tweeted at us the Wendy Williams clip. Oh, yeah, that we should have played it yesterday and now everyone's talked about it I think we played it yesterday Now we played it. No, we didn't play it all even what's funny is they're gonna break during the break Calling calling Jay last night to talk and I call and he

just picks up the phone and he's like yeah dude by the way I've watched it a hundred times it's definitely far yeah I want to give her every excuse when something like this happens it's so perfect you're like it's too perfect so I go she went she burped and she went like and went like I was like ooh or something like that. You know, I made it noise afterwards But when you watch it and you studied as I have frame by frame dude She sends one out the side she fucking she burps and then cracks it That's a and I think she may I think she may have been trying to cover the fart with the burp And I think she may I think she may have been trying to cover the fart with the burp

Because I've never had a burp I've never had a burp come on that hard in the middle of a sentence I've had a fart burp combo Once in my life and I fart all the time and I burp a lot You do for all the time so rare it's so rare It's a unicorn. Is it really? I've seen you're body. I've sneezing. Cough farted a ton. Cough farting is easy. Wait, no, no, I've always easy practice. I'm wondering if I'm thinking of a sneeze fart. Yes, sneeze. Farts more cut. Burp fart. I don't even know why that would happen I Caught fart I've done I don't push out burps though. Do you know? I mean I do so that may be

But I've only had it happen once there's only one Burp fart combo. I remember I was young, but the sneeze for sneeze farts almost common practice getting millions of those in the world of day Caught farts easy. That's easy. Very easy. Yeah, you're pushing and everything just shoots Let's watch it though listen listen to listen to the sound of it Yeah, it's a fart listen matter of time. She's not lonely. Yeah She's not lonely. Yeah It's not lonely It's not lonely I apologize I apologize

Someone's got that remixed already right deal. Boop deal. Boop It's a matter of dude Listen, it's cut. It's a matter of time. She's not lonely She's not lonely The immediate defeat I Apologize I apologize and she over and then they cut it But she over laughs afterwards and the audience is making like face or so It's like nobody would get that wound up over the burp Do you know I mean like there they overreact everything for sure, but like that fart slid out. I don't know if the burp was created was created to hide the fart

or if the fart came out with a burp she just exploded at two ends. What's the last time you can remember, and I'm talking to everybody on the crew, farting in a situation where you couldn't fart in my getting trouble if you did. I'm trying to think of the last time I've held it. I'm fine at holding it but I'm talking about where I had to let go of fart and I might get in trouble if I'm heard. Maybe a date? I don't know. I've always held it in. I'll never always. Yeah. Yeah. I say I'm like DJ Lou like DJ Lou yeah, no never I've never let one out on stage ever farting on stage. I don't know if I've ever farted have I farted on stage? I'm a part of the stage you've definitely farted on stage dude

I have why why haven't I addressed it? I think I might have been too young and comedy and scared to address it and just be like What's up guys? So anyways, I called a friend, did you ever call a friend? I could see even if I was like going to date or something and the girl ran into a store. I wouldn't even fart in the car. I'd probably get out of the car maybe in fart maybe. I've held on to monster ones that I've had to let go where I'm like, let me just, do you ever try to cut it? Never try to cut it in half or like maybe I'll just throw this out on the side and it'll just slowly leak out I just do that to observe my own body controls the closest thing will ever get to like, you know doing great yoga Yeah, it's like being able to like really like fucking like just what do you quit?

Like just conduct the fart. Yeah, that's really yeah, that's your version of those people that hold themselves up parallel to the ground with just Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in a hotel room. I'll definitely it's like I'll choose by by by hand Hand-operated but hole openings. I'll like control the the flow the time Sometimes I try to push it out slow so it goes long to see how long that would be I've but that's alone stuff That's alone stuff. I've dog farted in public where you try to cut the noise out but then you just get the sound or it's just the hot wind. We never let go one of those hot wind ones. You have to be careful because the doors open. I bet you've cracked ass on subways.

Yes, all the time. and those plastic seats are rough but I'm talking about the no one's like around me uh really yeah like I'm not gonna do it when oh this see this is so Joe in Kentucky online one just got diagnosed with ibs which is I want to know more about because you just can't control your shits, I think. Joe? I mean, I think it's when you have to go, you got to go. Do we have Joe from Kentucky? Hi, I'm sorry.

Kent, it's Brian. It's Brian. Hey, what's up, Joe? Hey, how you guys doing? Crackle, crackle. You sound so buoyant for a guy. I just got diagnosed. Yeah, dude, for a guy that has to shit at any moment at the drop of a hat. You sound very afraid.

Well, it's not, it's not fucking cancer. It's just IBS. So it's, it's like, it's called irritable bowel syndrome. And so you're constantly producing gas constantly like even if you're Empty stomach so I teach college and some constantly I have to figure out all these like root goldberg ways to cover otherwise the fucking the fucking class is over if I just Rip one right in the middle so I'm like constantly dropping things to cover the it's turned into a marks brothers routine dude i'll tell you right now Joe every every day you work as a high wire act in my mind you have you're fueled up

with farts and in front of a bunch of judgmental college kids who are good at social media oh yeah and there's no way to like dip off and just get no place for you can just crack them out. You know what? Oh, man, you should uh, you should work hard enough to get tenured to where when you're an old professor at an Ivy League school You have a little fart closet. You can just go there. They'll call you like how a judge has his chambers Then you can go in there rip ass he's as far chamber

so how did you what were the symptoms of i b s what made you go into the doctor and be like that basically it's basically like you feel all of the time all the time and you're burping and farting if you drink water or have like a sultine that's it like. Like there's nothing, you know, it's not after you don't buy a drink, beer, it's fucking over,

I have to go outside. I have to go outside in my backyard. The family won't let me in the house. But if you, everything, it's everything. So, you take medicine and stuff, but it's just, there's really, there's really nothing to do other than switch, You have to switch up your diet a whole bunch, which I'm just in the process. Now, as far as the shit it goes, is it when you have to shit, you have to shit? No, it's Easter family. It's either like you have diarrhea and you got to go

right fucking now, or it's like you go in there and you sit there like you're in a confessional waiting for the priest to show up and nothing ever happens. So you're and then you're dancing. Dan's asking all these questions. Dan's got all these questions because he'd like to believe that he has irritable bowel syndrome and not just a prolapse rectum from excessive rough anal play. First off Jason I use a squadi potty which softens the blow of my rough anal sports

It's smooth it makes it smoother and easier. It's gonna brown showers lately. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm on the red socks and not the baseball kind I would yeah, there was Go ahead Jacob. Well Joe. What happens if you try to hold it in? go ahead, Jacob. Well, Joe, what happens if you try to hold it in? Is that pain? Oh, yeah. Are you a pooping yada? If there's an attempt to hold it in, sometimes,

I've had to dismiss class. That was a bad, that was an unfortunate day. How did you do that? How did you dismiss your class? Were you like, guys, run? I'm telling you right now Video online later. I'll see you later. I'll post a video online later. I'll see you later I have to go now having a have a nice day. Well a lot of them are kind of checked out at the particular college that I work at. What subject do you teach? American literature and writing.

I can't great. And Walt Whitman wrote, okay, okay, guys, you know what? Just go home and read Walt Whitman. I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here. Just go read it. Don't read it. Joe, if you do hold it in too long, will you explode like a meth lab? Yeah. No, it's more like a, it's kind of, it's more like, if you ever had a water balloon that broke, but only like a little bit, and so there's like a, a kind of, a sort of column of water shoots out at the bottom.

Oh man, you're a leaky balloon. That's what happens. You go full. Yeah, but more often than not, it's the other way. It's that stoved up. I like the picture. I like the picture of that. I like the picture of another woman teacher

when you dismiss the class so you can fart. And you just rip a bunch of them. And she comes in there with a cigarette and goes like, oh, I thought those kids would never leave. And you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no they thought that there was a dead animal and I just couldn't I couldn't best up I was like I was like I didn't miss it. But the main people showed up and inspected the room plus laws like Eagles towns I saw it go under there plus it out plus just just teaching at a small school in Kentucky. So maintenance is some backwards fellows who are like where's where's the critter? Where is it? I saw that thing.

Well, you just described, well, you just described Joe, I've seen him on Nutmares. I've got the, I've been creating a weapon to hunt it. It's finally back, my nemesis. Well, Joe, thank you for calling in and good luck with the IBS. I hope you don't shit yourself in front of your students. Don't shit yourself in your students while speaking of We have now what we're taking calls here couple calls. Yeah, man. I'm ready to get ready to fucking work, dude

Max in New York is online too, and he He an accident Max you there buddy? Yeah, I mean crackle crackle crackle guys crackle crackle crackle dude Yeah, I am a college student and going through midterms and I had a presentation Last week and I thought that I had a hot one that I could release quietly Buddy, and it was neither quiet nor nor a gas. Oh no you had a loud turd because it came out as it was just a pure mess right this is pure fluids it was it luckily I was on zoom but oh thank god dude in person in person you'd become a school shooter. Oh yeah you you just like you immediately had it like that.

It's happening. It's it comes out. It just leaked it like poured out, right? Oh yeah, it was it was it was a soup. It was how much what now here's my question because how much is a soup? Because I've let go a solid and lugey size amount of poop in my pants. And then that'll fucking make me tighten up and run somewhere. Or did you let out like a...

Yeah, if it's super. If it's super, it's gonna come out there. So here's how it went down. So I let out a half heart just to kind of see where I was at. Sure. Sure. That realized that it was soup coming out. I was in the middle of a presentation,

so I couldn't necessarily like run out. Sure, but could you clamp and... I had to hold a light clamp as much as I could, I was in the middle of a presentation so I couldn't necessarily like run out Sure, but could you clamp and hold a like clamp as much as I could but I mean Eventually, yeah, then eventually you're already it's like yeah, it's like you're in the middle of a contraction Oh, dude, yeah, you let go about I would probably say an espresso with change in it is probably No, that's what you guys say it's like a fluid with like flakes like shit flakes like gold shlogger That's what you guys said. It's like a fluid with like flakes like shit flakes like gold shlogger You didn't go to the bathroom and it's like your ass almost coughs it out. Oh Dude, yep, it is I have both puke and chat like that I've puke like that at a bar before where I've just been like

Up and you're like I'm fine You gotta run outside and like comes up and you're like, I'm fine. I'm fine. You got to run outside and be like, oh, I'm just, let it go. But dude, shitting during a presentation is an all-time test at your poker face.

Oh, dude. Oh, it's not great. It's not great. So, oh, man, yeah. Dan, I've got a lot of, I've got, I've got, good, Jacob, I'm sorry. Well, how much longer after you got, like, a load in your pants,

did you have to go on with this presentation so you could finally clean up luckily? Luckily, it wasn't that much longer, but I had to do this thing where you don't want to sit directly on it See you just have to like lift yourself up slightly Oh My abstract too. Yeah, dude. It's that's I did the same kind of sitting when I shit my pants at Bob when I was how sitting for Bobby Kelly back when he lived in Hell's kitchen when I was in the cab leaving the seller I felt the shit and I got in the cab to go up to Hell's kitchen and I was writing like that the whole

time and then when I stood up is when everything was like oh it's happening it's just make a duty yeah I had to make a duty. You know, I'll tell you of things happening like the what you're saying, Dan, but the throwing up. When I take like the vitamins, whatever I take every day, it's like six things, maybe, right? Yeah. And as a kid, I was always terrible taking pills. I'm still not great. However, I just have gotten used to it to some degree but sometimes it just catches you know So I usually just put all six of my mouth and take them with a big swig of water and it goes down fine Especially if my mind is distracted to some degree what I'm doing it But the other day I put them all in there. I just felt them like spread around my mouth

Where it felt like they weren't all in the back of the throat so it is so I still try to take a big gulp of it down This is so funny. I was holding my cup up like this Water I tried to big big gulp down, but. Dude, this is so funny. I was holding my cup up like this. Drink water. I tried to big gulp down, but my gag reflexion. I was like, yeah, pop. In the glass just threw up the water. I drank and just like all shut back out. It was so awesome.

Dude, have impuked pushed back up into you. Is into a glasses in your mouth. Oh, Max, thank you for calling in. I'm glad you are laughing about it and don't want to shoot up the school. Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack I thought I've surprisingly thrown up a lot from alcohol, but the one that I remember the most was high school me and my buddy split a bottle, a yager. And I was like 17 hammered, and I was laying down in my friend's room, and I got up, and I had to puke, and I tried to stop it with my hand,

and it just shot out, but I kept my hand there, so it just went like, it just like, son, it just shot everywhere. And I just remember being like, oh, I have to just went like, it's just like, son, it just shot everywhere. And I just remember being like, oh, I have to open the door, it was just. Did you ever, this goes to everybody. Have you ever woken up with puke next to you? No.

No. So, DJ Lou, does that mean yes? Is that a yes from you? DJ Lou? I'm sure I have, yes, is that a yes from you? Do you? I'm sure I have. Yeah, probably really? Christine never Christine Jacob now someone tells me Jacob you never woke up in a see yeah, no.

No, I mean, I girl I was dating through up as she was driving a car and it went in the vents. As she was driving a car and it went in the vents And it wasn't her car she borrowed the car from the people she was staying with and it cost Hundreds of dollars to clean. Oh, I did everywhere all over the front of the car Someone driving next to her saw that and is told that story for like 15 years Just the blackout it's inside. So you can't even turn the way to weepers on The first time you kick on the heat with that thing in the vents To just move move hey the bitch in the camera won't move

Do we have somebody good shitting your pants stories, they're shitting your pants. I really want to hear Tanner's. You want to hear Tanner? Cause yeah, this is exactly the nightmare. And there's never women in these. Where's the women shit your pants stories? Um, a notorious RGA in high school, we had a Spanish teacher who was crazy old that audibly shot himself.

He was wearing depends, but the noise he made followed by the meekess sounding sorry had the room dying. Oh, sad but hysterical. It is true. That is both those things watching the bed, but just like the tourist RGA tweeted us that, but if you are a high school student and you watch one of your teachers break as a person, it is always going to be funny, but you also realize the humane in that moment of him just being like, sorry. I've done it. I've done it. I thought in World War II.

I've got money cheeks. My dog thumpers my only friend. Should we listen to Tanner? Yeah, hell yeah. From DC. Tanner, you're online through the bonfire. Faction talk. Hey, Crackle Crackle boys.

Crackle Crackle dude. Hey, so I got a great story. So this happened way back when in Tucson, Arizona. Bear down. Shout out to Stronk. Shout out to Strong. Shout out K from A Day. That's that.

So I was working. I'd been at this a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident.

I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I'm going to be a little bit more confident. I also have IBS, so, you know, we're driving and all of a sudden I, the urge hits me. I gotta go. Didn't say word, got off the freeway, pulled into a Taco Bell at like 8.30 in the morning. Didn't even park the car, just left it completely out front,

like basically e-brakes slid into the thing, left the door wide open. Spend a good 10 minutes in there, came back, obviously didn't say word. But the best part is we get to the training and they go, hey guys, you guys are actually late. We're going to have to go out and breathe schedule. I'm like, can we please just go in there? No, sorry, you got to go back.

So drove all the way back to Tucson. End of the story is the girl did not show up to work the next day. I felt awful that my having to shit out of Taco Bell at 830 the morning just completely turned her off from ever working there again. So she goes, well, either he's robbing that Taco Bell or painting the sides of the toilet. She was there for a while. I thought it was more like, look, I wait, I like when the breakfast burritos come fresh off the press. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah a breakfast marina you're welcome bitch head back up to fucking dude you should have told her you should have for ibs now in the car just plant pretend your robbing places bring like pantyhose with you

when you pull up you go can't live forever just pull it down and run in there she's like what are you doing what the fuck are you doing and then you know you're like a manager botched it but I got out of there with my life just go to this to this training. Oh my god. Oh my god. Poor girl. How about a uh, uh, I just called in Tanner. That's the day. Crackle Crackle dude. Bailey and Oklahoma. Line seven. You're all with the bonfire. What's that call sign Dan? Pretty good. You're on Factor Talk 103, serious X-Helm. All right, so like a few years ago, went out with to a bar with a bunch of friends. And we went bar hopping and we went to one bar and I went to the restroom, started taking

a piss and felt like I had to fart, went it out and just completely filled my underwear with shit. And like packed bar, I'm like, oh hell, so I go run into one of the skulls, like kick off my shoes, take off my underwear, and like throw them behind the toilet, walk out, totally run into one of my ex-girlfriends that was pissed off at me and she

starts cussing me out yelling at me and then I you go oh I let your apology later behind the toilet in the bathroom grab I bought you a locket go look for it but long story short after the end of the night took a random girl home and still got laid so did you have put thing got laid in the same night. Can I ask a question though, did you still have poopy butt? Because anybody that shit their pants knows, the blowback, the ricochet of the poop is the worst part.

It goes on your cheeks and stuff. Did you have a chance? I was like a, I'll spend like 30 minutes in the bathroom like, you can't have. Okay, okay, okay, no, I understand that. Because I didn't know if you just went in mud can't have. Okay, okay, so you're just focused. Because I didn't know if you just went in mud-budded to fucking

that happen. You can get you can get J.O.K.R.C. and clean. I call it. It's a different kind of inspection. Yeah, you're like a wolf in pulp fiction. They call you and someone shifts their pants but how do I clean my butthole?

I'll let him know. I'll tell you to. I'll be there in seven minutes. I'll go, okay. What's the problem here goes? Okay. I'm gonna say out of the gates. This is a five-flusher So it's a there with a system on about to use Underwear underwear in the house If not do we have a t-shirt that we can cut in time to knots for a for underwear the wolf Christine, I don't know why I find it hard to believe you've never shit your pants.

I know you have friends. You've told stories of them shitting their pants, but you've never had a shit your pants. I have like an accidental at home. Oh my god, I can't believe that happened like twice in my life. And it's been my four times ever. Two of my four times ever were at home. It's like because you get really Two of my four times ever. Two of my four times ever were at home. Man, that's all I wanted.

It's like, because you get really confident when you're by yourself. So it's like, I'm a girl. Like, I don't like farting in front of anybody. I never want a fart in front of anyone. Like, I don't fart in front of my girlfriends. It's not something I do. I got a little loose with Jay almost. It's like thinking I could have a silent and it would smell or thinking it could be silent

and it wouldn't and you're like But at home when you're by yourself you just kind of like let it go and so I think that's why it like happens Yeah, you're You play a little faster and looser at home I've ever with like like a like I fuck it. I can let it go I had a friend that had to shit down by the courthouse in Brooklyn when I at like fucking 2 a.m. it was gnarly. Oh man. Oh man.

Go having to go into a place to shit with that look on your face where you're like. No on the grassy knoll by the. Oh outside. You just had to go. Yeah. It was like got off the train. You're gonna shit on the train. Right when producer you're right. Oh, man. I've been I've come home with some hangovers Where I've the second I've walked in the door. I'm like if one of my roommates is in the bathroom I'm gonna shit in the trash can like I've made that decision before

Oh, I guess that's gonna happen the trash can no no no every time I've made that decision before. Oh, I guess that is going to happen. Is the trash can? No, no, I didn't have to. No, no, no, not every time I've been lucky, but I've like gone into the house being like, if this roommate is in, if Vecchio is in the bathroom, I'm going to shit the trash can. And then I'll immediately take it out. Christine, by the way, you said that with such a, with such a thing of like, oh, my God, finally somebody else with a shitting in a trash can story. No, I was said it like I was surprised to casually walked over shitting in a trash can.

Uh, yeah, but she's like, oh, Christine's like, oh, you normalized it. So anyways, I do turn that into a story. Finally. Okay, then yeah. Me and a girlfriend peed in my sink one time because there was one bathroom and it was just like I've Ped here. Yeah, peeing in the sink here. Oh, yeah, oh me too. Okay, cool guys Just we're here for you because you gotta go sit in the fucking sink like a child I've to make sure the windows closed. It's a whole thing. You have to hold your triceps strength alone is impressive knowing you have to do that This push up. I'm a dancer. Oh

Pretty much everything we do know You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM!