The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Evil Secrets

Episode Date: December 30, 2021

Dan and Jay criticize Corey Feldman and Woody Allen, also-Jacob reveals an evil secret!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocarson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson Dan Soder. Here's the thing I have to buy for you. You didn't do it all. Corey Ham did it all. You said you didn't get butt fucked by producers that would involve all of it

Sounds like you stopped before you got in the deep end. Yeah, you did some You didn't swim with sharks like you did some dude you did some sounds like Hamed it all Hamster experienced It's a hamster ran the gauntlet. Yeah, you did some, you did a little bit. I'll tell you what, I'd apologize to his face, just to smell his dick once, too.

He has really dunked it into some goodies. He felt all dunked into some real goodies. I bet he was good at chatting to check up when he was young. Oh, he was so confident, dude. He was so confident that he was so. He got he'd be a guy standing on the corner. And while she's talking, she was like, yes, I'm thinking about going to college. He'd be like, pop, zap, zap, zap. Hey, I got it. When I get these moves, then I got to like do them for a second, so I can memorize them. So you can't write it down. You know what I mean? It's as good as what it is.

Hey, you mind, you mind watching me and letting me know if my right foot raises? She goes, I'm gonna like do them for a second so I can memorize them so you can't write it down. You know what I mean? It's to see what it is. Hey, you mind watching me and letting me know if my right foot raises? She goes, your left foot, I wasn't asking about my left foot, my right foot. And then I do like a Michael and then I do like a Jackson head thing. And I like move around. Yeah, I guess that's pretty cool. So anyway, I want to get an acting as the biggest you play the bass Everything

Can you follow me follow my lead we did it all parties and stuff He's like, you know, I grew up with Michael Jackson, you know Michael Jackson couldn't have a more damning Michael Jackson couldn't have a more damning documentary command about him. It's impossible. And I'll tell you, it hasn't slowed down his posthumous career when I oduh. There's a musical coming out. The Broadway show coming out. What? He's having an epic shit with you. With you. That's, I think, weird to me like it just didn't like okay like he's able to walk through that. I guess he's not walking through it. He's not alive. Maybe this was just saying there's no defense. So like you can't just take his word for it when

we started this big-ass production you know what I mean? But I mean my correct for the Woody comes on Michael actually moves all over series XM series XM plays Michael Jackson constantly Imagine Woody Allen once he dies and they do that by off where he's like you can't get me from beyond the grave So I guess it should be known that I did over a lot of little kids. Oh, they tasted so nice That's so tender when they like feel You die and then they can just move you coming out. What do you have on doesn't movie coming out. Damn. He does right. He's got something coming out this year. I think it's the first movie

as I said. Yeah. Yeah. We'll get up Christine. I forget what's called but yeah he's got one coming out. Epstein should have scrolled some money away and then when he killed himself like had it like 10 years later we'll go buy a library wing and they're like you do the like, you do the guy's dead. You can't get in trouble. I said this on skanks today, but it's funny that the person who keeps coming up every, like the Maxwell trial thing I read, like when they're talking about celebrities who got named, Chris Tucker's in there a hilarious amount.

Really? He's in every one I see. That was this Chris Tucker too. I'm like, Chris Tucker. Come on man. He's like, you know these kids, is this Chris Tucker too. Come on man. He's like, you know these kids. Hey man. Hey man.

Hey man. Dude, I think this goes well, man. Who do you think is that went to Epstein Island that is just right now their names not out there and they're like, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, I don't know how many, I bet most of the names are out there. But yeah, unless you're just the most forgettable person. However, Dan, forget even the people that are named, I'm not saying Chris Tucker or anything, but he did anything. That was almost my point. There's got to be also people that came to that

island for simple like business deals who didn't want to fuck 12 year olds. Do you know what I mean? I'm here to talk about futures, not children. So it had to happen. That's what I'm saying. Some of those people in that list, like, again, I'm not picking up just for him, but I'm just saying he's a great example of someone like you don't know that necessarily. Trump has always had like model, like girlfriends and wives and shit and done the thing. But he's never a thing with underage in his world, but he's on this. But like, I don't know if Trump really is a guy, like just because he's a piece of shit or whatever, doesn't mean he necessarily fucks children, but I don't know if Trump really is a guy, just because he's a piece of shit

or whatever doesn't mean he necessarily fucks children. You know what I mean? And he's on that ledger, but everyone's gonna write away, goes, of course he was going there to fuck 13, you know, kids, he goes, well, I mean, these guys are business dudes. It might have been the fucking, by the way, and maybe not fuck like, but if he's also appeasing Trump, it's like maybe they were fucking 25 year olds

that week, you know what I mean? Or to hot 21 year old, whatever the fuck it may be. You know what I'm saying? But like everyone who's on that ledger just optics are bad. Bad stuff, dude. Even when they're just like, maybe even buy the property and you're like, I was just looking to buy, I wasn't fucking moving. Oh man.

God, man. Me and Woody Allen did an engagement at a Chinese daycare. Is that should we have not gone there? Son of a bitch dude. I didn't know he wasn't allowed at theme parks. How is I supposed to know that? Who's gonna hold my hand? Who's gonna hold my hand? They're in the Wonder Woman wheel of time ride. The Joker coaster is very scary. So this is it. Rifkin's festival. That's the, that's the New Woody on movie coming out. What Gina, is that a Gina Gertian? What's your name? God, it is Gina Gertian. Do we have to do what he on movies? I mean, everything from the posters, the trailers,

let me already know I'm not going to enjoy anything about it. This trailer, let's see, he's like, what if I told you that shirtless kids love hugs? You know, like, wow, he's just leading with it. Oh, I bet he put himself in this one. He put himself in this one at all. No chance. Damn, do you really want to see it? You're going to find out a few hours.

Damn. Christine doesn't have a problem with the new sex and the city. Everyone seems to hate it. Yeah, you like it, Christine? I do like it. I think they made a bold choice. What was the bold choice? Can you tell it?

Is it a spoiler? I can. It's a total spoiler. So I'll say spoiler alert. Say spoiler alert. Say spoiler alert. Say spoiler alert. They kill big. which is pretty bold. Big sir guy. It's so

important. Yeah, he's on a peloton bike and he falls off and he starts having a heart attack and the shower and like drops his phone and then Carrie comes running in and sees him and he ends up dying in her arms. It's a little dramatic. and sees him and he ends up dying in her arms. It's a little dramatic. Yeesh. Well, damn, I'll tell you what. Well, I was laughing at that because for some reason on Instagram,

you know how they show you the reels. Someone showed me like, or on one of my reels, it was like a Peloton instructor and how they talk. And it's so fucking corny where they're like, you guys ready to ride? Cause we're about to ride Now let's go

It's the rise and grind of exercise. It's fucking dumb You guys ready because I got some hills ready to play now. Let's pump it up now Yeah, fitness instructors general for sure. Fucking hot bimbos. Yeah. Hot, hot bimbos. I'll tell you what, with speaking of like falling off of Peloton, I didn't, not that, but yesterday I fell down stairs.

What? And I swear to you, my internal brain of what my age and body has, it's the different every day when I fell I went down a couple steps probably two steps like concrete hands on the ground the whole thing really spiked my knee kind of hard and I hurt pop right back up and it hurt for sure oh my god fuck but did you walk weird an hour later? No, no, I'm like fine, but that's the whole point I'm saying like it's not so but like But when you go down now, that was something where you pop up from and be like just like oh, I hope no one saw that I was just kind of like I hope I don't need help

Dude, it's like when's a little When's the last time you fell DJ little like fell eight shit When's the last time you fell DJ like fell eight shit? It's been a while I usually keep my feet and also when I fall I go pretty limp like a pret fall Limp pret falls not Is not going limp. That's making a decision on where to fall No, but like you know when you're going down you just give into the fall and you don't you don't tense up so that you don't get hurt so you go down like jelly. Oh I think that is sort of what saved my ass yesterday when I was going I wasn't afraid while falling.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I was just kind of like up up Mr. Step and then I was like oh shit I'm going down. No, no, then you're like, go out, boss. Shit dude with the pop-up from falling is your brain immediately is like, just get up dude, just get the fuck up. Yeah, don't let these people see your weakness. Get up, you drag it up, you have to, that's fine. I don't need this leg. Ah!

Yeah, get up. Yeah, you're like in an action movie, you're like, get up, you son of a bitch. Get the fuck up Doug Christine lay this boring ass Woody Allen Trail or army about a bunch of stories. I won't give two shits about Some people fall in love some people fall out of love. Oh, love is hard sometimes it's on an island Actually, don't know, you know what loves the worst? You look something. I had to...

He always does this. He's always like, they go to Barcelona and then they fuck a lot and drink wine. I wife to the San Sebastian Film Festival. She did the press for them. I love his look. He is so she. I only win because I couldn't shake the suspicion

that she had a little crush on this movie, Dure. It's dude. Well, we put him quite a day today, huh? You did. You were unbelievable. I can't say I wasn't a little uncomfortable about Sue spending all day with Falee. I ran into Sue's money.

At first, I thought I was interrupting something until I realized he was your wife. Since come in here, my mind started playing tricks on me choose I'm beginning to question everything what I want who I am who in the world am I Pause this this sucks How is it a so boring It's like a comedy for your parents while the fire's going.

Jacob's all in. Jacob's going to sleep outside for tickets. You don't have to do it. I don't know. Jacob's like, don't you understand though? It's about love. It's about intrigue. It's about trust.

Yeah. This is like Jewish Lord of the Rings. Stop. Will he throw the ring in? This is my Star Wars. Oh, good. Keep playing it. Get this nonsense bullshit. Be a fabulous bomb-o player.

Isn't that exciting, word? Not since Neil Armstrong walked onto the moon. A drama. You're ready to stress. My marriage has been freeing. Can I be frank? My marriage is costumably pain. Yes, don't be a fool.

I'm sorry. Who are you? Just a friend. I'll. And yes, don't be afraid. But yes, sorry. Who are you? Just a friend. I'll tell you what, though, pause it. And this is real talk right here. And that is a lot of people are starting to turn my bet in Hollywood on Woody Allen because he would get actors

like pining with them. Now he's working with his lead is the neighbor from the Cosby show and the other chick from showgirl His lead is is the bad guy from Princess bride The big oven Princess bride. Yeah exactly and Steven Segal's love interest in out for justice In conceivable you can't leave your husband for a hot Italian man. It just doesn't make sense You didn't just move the. You blew the second biggest rule of Jewish filmmaking. You made the girl I'm with too hot and now everyone doubts it.

Yeah, dude. His pickings is down. Do you understand that when you're in Italy with your wife, sometimes you get caught by a hot Italian director? Yeah director because that's what this whole movie's about. Javier Bardem also is He's getable. He's every movie he's in it's big. It's a foreign movie. No one gives a shit. Wow, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, his he comes from places his accent comes from a place where you could fuck children. It's fine. Oh, he's he's actually J He's from the Canary Islands. Yeah, there you go to the wall of society. He's married to banana be cruis Yes, right. Yeah, and since and that was his stepdaughter Damn, I didn't you heard it your first. I didn't know that I learned a lot today I don't know and honestly God don't even fact check it

Dude just run it down and move forward your life I've really so much. I've done that my life how much I've locked on to a fact that was unproven and just lives at my Whole life one the other day. Do you know the guy? That's running from the car and the radio had karma police video isn't the one armed man from twin peaks What? I always thought it was the exact same guy. You know, you know, I really? the radio had karma police video isn't the one armed man from twin peaks what was that exact same guy you know i really here's it did you really think that was not i didn't know that uh... i saw that i i just said it told everybody that

a fact that i believed my whole life that my dad loved me and i'm just realizing now might not have been to the cut as to comes to find out. Oh my god. Turns out his love was in the bottom of a bottle. Oh, I think the end. I think the last minute of this trailer is really going to pick it up and it's going to show us where the funny comes.

He goes, what do you mean there's a bomb in the leaning power of P that I have to be now we're talking now we're talking. Get a good. I think Gershaw. Gershaw could probably get Steven's tole at a retirement so yeah I think this could work Starring the voiceover guy drops in in the second one and he's like Starring Steven Sagole What do you mean? We have 30 seconds to disarm this bomb or we all die?

Oh, disarm this bomb You only disarm this bomb? Why are you thinking of an dis sound this bomb? You only have to sound this bomb? Who are you? You're thinking I'm only going to have to sound this bomb? Hey, go think about this. I'm going to sound this bomb. You know, I was just... You sound the bomb. You can say... Hey, Woody, can I ask you a question about this script?

Why do we have to all of our cards on the table. How many cards do you have? What's it all about? Is this everything that there is or is there more? The answers are not always what you want here. My shrink says I'm attracted to women who will hurt me. Have you been sleeping with Philippe? Never.

Except once. Well, twice. It's been very enlightening experience. I've had a chance to look at my life over the last few weeks. That's what I was saying, maybe I'll ever forget that. That was the person who edited this together. That was like the big hit that she goes never. Or once.

No, it's that point of choice. And they're like, oh, that's gonna make you go, oh, oh, oh, oh, toldry. Very toldry. Oh, what are you going there? What do you, dude? Would he cannot be stopped hope he got a seat? I hope he got a seat belt put it on because what he's taking you there You heard it here first. He's disgraced the Judaism and I mean besides them a lasting stuff

Damn dude Jay's kicking him out of the tribe. It was the Scrake the Judaism before he banged his stepdaughter I don't care his movies blow. I'm do J's kicking him out of the tribe. It was this grace of Judaism before he banged his stepdaughter. I don't care. His movies blow. I'm gonna say it. Yeah, Jake, they blow you. Oh, I thought, no, I was saying his movies blow. I was waiting for a defensive some sort. Oh, Jacob's itching his ass right now. I was talking about answers.

This doesn't look interesting to me. And I've told you you I like his movies before But like it's very first few movies. I think you'd love now you said you're a hand in her sister's head Did I had to watch? Oh, I did not you say you did too you see you watch every year flag day you told me yeah hand in her sister's day as you call it You love it. God you love you love it so much hand in her sister's day You walk in there and then you then it so much had it her sisters day you walk Remember and then you then you Google calendar share it with us. So we know

Her sisters days whoever I was dating when Vicky Barcelona came out I got talked into seeing that and I had to oh my Christ I was like oh yeah, oh fucking hey, huh? This is a pretty fucking crazy situation guy I would focus lying Canadian. Oh yeah, huh? I bet they don't know about that, you know I got so I took a girl to see a walk in the clouds with Kiana Reeves and I was So bored and shoveling so much popcorn my mouth at once that I started co I started choking and coughing out It was a coughing scene fit. I had in the middle of a very quiet Love movie I'd to leave go out in the other like and get it

Came back in with the fountain you came back in with watery eyes, but not the emotional kind the I almost face death kind Hey, so that got pretty nuts. Yes, the almost face death kind. Yeah, I saw the end. Anyway, so it's going on with Nio. That's how you sit back down. What's up with Nio? Oh fuck, I was tired. Jacob, what are you gonna do for Christmas? Go see the new Spider-Man movie? We had tickets, but then my nephew got COVID and then all his friends got COVID, so we bailed. But not you yet. I'm probably going to have COVID yet. No, I don't.

Even after you molested you nephew Even after that Wow, I guess you kept it all behind them instead of going mouth to mouth You don't even look them in the eyes you piece of shit. Yeah, motherfucker, dude. You don't even know how to If I had an uncle molest me they better look me right in the eyes Yeah, better break me down. I want you. I want you to ooh and all with me make me love it I wanted to tell you that I broke down. I haven't talked about this yet. I broke down and got discovery plus Okay Streaming service because we watched the trailer about the new

Petophile hunter thing words the girl doing it. There's a female proposing as a young girl to do it. And they're catching them. I guess more a little more police involvement and stuff. Is it is the, let me ask you because it's on discovery plus and it's not YouTube. How much better is the production? Significantly better production. What I will say though, results wise seems relatively on par with the YouTube, I guess we'll call them amateurs now. But what I will say is what the YouTube people are able to accomplish in a night or two of going back and forth with somebody, it is taking this girl of going back and forth with somebody. It is taking this girl several weeks and weeks of interactions with guys while they multiple times just masturbate and finish in front of her on

FaceTime. She said to sit there, it's crazy to just her inner watch. She said they're in she they show her watching and then like another girl like part of the team is in there holding her hand the whole time. She's squeezing her hand hard. She's like, oh my god, so because then when she goes, she goes, she's watching someone and not she's okay. She's like, okay, so that was super hot. And then she like, well, say, all right, hit me up tomorrow. All right, bye and click it off.

She's like, oh my god, oh my god. You like, I don't think you have to do this. I don't think you have to show that far with it. Volunteering to watch someone mastermate in order for like a setup is there's a- No, not volunteering. It's not volunteering. These guys will just call and be like,

look what I'm doing. And it's just like- No, but I'm saying her volunteering herself to be like, oh, yeah, you know, and then sit there and watch and just watching a guy that you have zero interest in, just being be like oh yeah, you know, then sit there and watch and just watching a guy that you have zero interest in just being like Oh, yeah, is this what you fucking need? It's also the point to She's putting herself in so much like thing exactly like you're right

Like to just put herself in the bed and then I get in like thing exactly like you're right like to just put herself in the bed and then I get it again all isn't all the crime for that though becomes like intent at that point right because it's like whatever she's like 30 something or whatever have you watched it Jay-Loo? Nah I don't have I don't have I can't hear what you're saying you don't think pedophile hunting is a good thing you You think pedophile should be left alone to their own devices? Okay. That's a weird take.

Well, look. It's a great country man. You wonder if this girl's in Jersey, but this show does show I'm taking them down for sure. It's like, and by the way, the ones they're showing are really like, these guys like, they have the blurred voice too now. They go like,

or this goes, it's crazy, you're true, because I'm around kids all the time. And she's like, why? She's like, why does he go, it's crazy to because I'm around kids all the time. And she's like, why? She's like, why? What are you doing? He goes, well, you're not teacher.

You're like, let's do this. And I don't find most of them attractive. I just wish most of them would get their arithmetic down. You know, math is a pretty important life skill. But because there's like a team downstairs downstairs like kind of monitoring all of this What's crazy is like you show like the people? It's like a war room for anything because she'll have to go on the line So she goes oh my god, it's crazy. So like you've been able to like hook up with students and stuff and he's like

No, no, no, I would never do it. I don't want my students and you see like everyone in the room behind her going Okay, good. Who near miss everybody No, no, I would never do it in one of my students and you see like everyone in the room behind her going, okay good Who near miss everybody? We thought we had another whole thing going on, you know, because But the whole show is is them going through all of this crazy shit and Finding clues and little pieces. What's cool? Like what kind of car? He drives my dad drives at this and he's like Drive a white car It's like and then they're like all right. We have white car.'s like, drive a white car. You're like, and then they're like,

all right, we have white car. Okay, white car, white car. And it sounds like he's definitely, he said he lives near outside T-neck, white car outside T-neck. Okay, what else do we have? Find him. Yes.

Sometimes I like to wear blue hats. You know, I can just give you our full name if you wanna come by my house. No, that's probably too much. I swear to you, like, so we have to have three weeks of digging and testing. Jeffrey is his real name. He did give us his real name right up my upfront. Like, he's like, yeah, I'm so here.

I'm gonna fucking care what I'm pretty psyched about. I'm pretty nuts about it, dude. I'll just come right to your house if you want me to is you mean nuts You're only to kill your family. I live fast and lose Dude, honestly, I give zero fucks and I'm trying to bang you so You are my name or Fuck you. I'll send over my social right now. Yo, yo, for real. So I give zero fucks Yeah, I'm pretty fucking

pretty. I was, I was spent out like a lot. That made me laugh so hard. Yeah. All right. First really, I give zero fucks. I'm a job to song down. I'm a pedophile, dude. I live fast and loose. What's up? Where do you live? Do you, do you think when they're playing this song to you, they're putting one of those things on my fours? Cause like, it's not necessary. Oh my god., cause it's not necessary. Oh my God, but that would be really cool. Hold on, just in case you're like a snitch or a cop, can I just say to you, like, the city is yours.

All right, that's cool. They're the old band. I think I always wanted to do this. It puts this lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again. Did I do that price now, just like them did, no? Oh my God, I mean, it's definitely something that picture of your underage pussy, but also like a do you want to play a game? Yeah, I probably just sound just like a lot. I know you're 16 shit. I was hoping you were 14

But anyway, I'll take your 16 year old pussy. Hey, man if you get a peach and it's bruised You know throw it back whatever 16 I could rock and roll Do I say I'm like Sam Elliott? I know our girl I sound what's this hey me who I like your style. All right, it's pretty cool He goes I it's weird. There's no ever deep voice. I'm more nasally in Jewish as you can hear them right now You're hearing is a high-pitched squeal what they're hearing is good. Did they, do they, have they caught anybody on the show? Yes. Yeah, they show, they show like news reports, like a local teacher was saying,

no, he's taking them down. I think it's like a legit operation for sure. It's just, she's, she's doing too much. You can get these people with much less. You think you could come in and like bar rescue her pedophile hunt. Well, I say what they yeah, I definitely get anyone. I go, we can we can get much more people much quicker for sure.

You come in and you go, what is this? This is shit. You're watching them jerk off five times. Watch them jerk off one. Then you got the evidence. What do you do when you fucking weirdo? But also what it does, Dan, is it adds production. It adds production like

Drama to the show so that's just kind of interesting. Well, because they do that now. It's like It goes you're I'm driving around I'm waiting outside of a actually a grade school right now like Did it ends and then it's like goes to what would be a commercial if there's commercials on it Yeah, and then it comes back. It's like arm outside of a school. Did it any goes picking up my daughter? And it's just like oh, yeah, it's like oh Like for they do that that they think the the the YouTube's don't have those Devise they just walk right up from the get go and they go you're a creepy weirdo, huh?

Anything. Yeah, what's wrong? They just started they start poking them doing hey leave it alone dude. You're like look at a creepy weirdo huh? Yeah, what's wrong? They start poking them. They're like, hey, leave it alone, dude. You're like, look at you, you weirdo. Yeah, I don't think all this is good. This is good. I got caught. I needed this. I needed this.

I think you've a stopping thing. You've a stopping the ride. You guys are my best friends, and I appreciate you not calling the police. Oh, here come the police guys. You're going to be cool, right? Yeah. This guy tried to fucking child bro

Not cool We was lovers not enemies god damn it But this lady do you have a I guess like a peek in an episode or something Christine? Of it. I mean the guy whacking off a firm and she just sits there with the face, I'm just like, it's great, it's cool. It's pretty cool. I like your form. You really fucking tug it down here. And she'll never, ever, ever be honest enough,

but I know for a fact, if some guy pulls out like a heavy pipe on one of those videos, in their mind she goes, it's disgusting piece of shit needs to be in jail. Fucking fat dick though, huh? Yeah, my god, for sure. For sure it goes through our mind. It's fucking fat dick though, huh? Yeah, my god Sure fucking for sure it goes through a mind That's what never we aren't that argument if I said that on the show before I go if you were doing all top sees

Oh, I did I would the hottest naked girls on your table even when you go All right, I'm gonna be making the first instance of those like fucking wow those titties All right, I'm gonna make the first answer How many times you've done that with the bump of an elbow to your coworker, go, look at your plus, dude. Good close, this girl's busy, dude. I bet that was nice when it wasn't ice cold. Yeah, dude, it's crazy.

I mean, this hammer blows the head. You can still look down below the neck. Yeah, right, I'm gonna throw a bag over it. Do your thing. Whatever, dude, scoop those brains out and get after it. Anyways, I can't leave you alone with a body after I made that joke I can't good conscious. I can't leave you alone with that

That's not leave you alone But you get it you get what I'm But Yeah, for sure. That's why I don't watch naked and afraid ever they don't acknowledge the naked enough doesn't mean enough They really don't they just kind of act like it's normal. Yeah, that's what I hate about it. I wouldn't be out of that. I go, it's just, oh my god, like, can we fish for five seconds without you having a raging hardcock? Well, that's, you know, help me all day with it. God, God, you're so fucking mean. This fucking sucks. Oh, this is it. You see, yeah, yeah.

It's called undercover underage. Is that the name of the show? Yes, yeah Yeah, for sure Hello everyone welcome. Hi, how are you doing? What's up, dude? Let's have a conversation From scary bodies. Sorry. I thought that was a clip It's somebody talking about it. They're breaking the dove. Did she pretend she's 11?

No, that's somebody else, I think. No, maybe it's her. She does have to be 11. Oh, wait, undercover underage, is that one? Is that the blonde one where she dies or her? No, undercover underage is a, that's the, oh yeah, she does different characters. And by the way, she immerses herself herself in the cat she loves doing the characters and

then she goes to get uh... like visually face time molested by the she goes there's no issue as i'm saying about all the work to she does this she goes they have to really memorize to be goes okay did we say her favorite thing was horses or win mills i fucking forget this is casty this isn't l. It's so fucking unnecessary to have all this going She's bad news bad news. I fucking wore the pad No Egyptian guy pulls this off in five minutes while he's waiting for a fucking Wendy's drive through

He's like hey, I'm a 15-year-old Kid anybody want to fuck me? like, hey, I'm a 15 year old kid, anybody wanna fuck me? And then we're like, yeah! Whoa, dude, that is a bad thing. You wanna meet it right now? Do you wanna meet it right now? Absolutely, I do.

Guys, a little bummed. We got the charges on a lot of those petafiles were dropped. Good news is I have a tape for SNL of all of my characters. So I'll be submitting Lulu. I'll be submitting little Julie. Oh, it's so funny. Yeah, Jacob. What's up, Jacob? You'd love this lady too, Jacob. You'd find her hot. I mean, as an adult, adult her. That's the other problem too is she's an adult and she keeps doing these things. So she's in pig tails and she goes, the guy wants to

picture my legs. He says, because he keeps asking for underwear. So I tell him I'll do legs, but it's her legs and her panties in the picture. And she's a pretty hot mother of three. And it's like, oh, you bitch. You're sitting him and you're sitting in a legal age hot picture. Why should bring this up. Uh oh. Oh, okay. Jesus.

Well, Dan, you're a decoy something. No, I mean, about like, you know, all tops, the use and all that. Uh oh. Okay. Well, you know, I was always. Big confession. Yeah, dude. You're gonna drag this up for 13 minutes and have a soprano's ending?

Yeah, dude, he's go to black. What happened, Jacob? So then I just completely lost my mind and I took the knife and... You know, I was always into Bonnie and Clyde. Mm-hmm. Like, I was in a fascinating story. I was thought Bonnie Parker was very attractive. If you see the pictures of her. And if you know their story, like when they, when they were, were shot, apparently it was crazy. Like, I think Clyde barrel was shot like 40 times. And And I think they said Bonnie Parker was shot like 25 times.

Yeah, did she took some bullets, took it to the fucking it was a it was a mad scene. Like there was no, there was no police. After they got shot, people just came up like a, like it was a, like they just went up and started cutting off piece of pieces of their hair, taking pictures with them, taking pieces of the car. There was no, you know, courting off the area. And anyway, they took them because there was no autopsies back then. They just took them to, I think it was a taxidermy office in town or a or the local morgue. And Jacob, did you rate a stuffed Barney? I'm just saying my point getting to all this is, you know, you know, there are pictures of them dead on the slab. And if you can extrapolate, like,

yes, she's bullet-ridden. But if you can picture her, picture her the body alive. I mean, pretty, pretty hot, but not, you know, I don't care about that. I hear you saying, I'm not saying. I hear you saying. I'm gonna follow this road a little bit longer

and just ask you a question. Did you, did you say I'm gonna I get all this road a little a little bit longer and just ask you a question Did you church nothing autopsy photo? Absolutely not never. I'm just saying like it confirmed. I understand I understand you got to look past the bullet holes in her head and in her Absolutely, I absolutely understand what saying Rest all that it's just Jacob say it's a horrific. It's absolutely fine, dude. It would have been fine. I would have looked at a naked head. There's no slab. She got stabbed 150 times when she was younger. I don't get off a massacre scene. I'd be like, oh, there's that pussy in person. What? If that's all you have, like, I don't think it's hot that she's dead. Quite the opposite. I didn't think so. So you said up. I wish I hadn't brought this up.

Oh, she never nice city, dude, you're right. Oh, God, but picture her alive is what I'm saying. Why? She wouldn't fuck me alive. Boom. No, hey. God, why picture alive?

That's when she can say no, am I right? Knock on me up there. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Come on, dude. Pain, pain. Yo, dude, alpha-fi beta for life. Picture a lot that's when she can that's when she could say no my right knuckle me up there Come on dude Alpha Phi beta for life yo bro yo bro they shot the shit out of them Yeah, they they were pieces of shit. They didn't hit those titties though No, I don't think I think Clyde Barrow. I don't know that Bonnie did any killing a Clyde did all that now they, they're both pieces of shit. Christine, can you look at Bonnie's pussy, please?

Is she just getting this one side-tit? It can't be the only thing. It's not in there. Can we get a full fat thing? Wait, I'm not done with these dead tits. Only waste of. Guy, don't know that. Come on, bud.

You don't know that first fact. Thank you. They also have Dillinger on a slab lab like they have pictures of him. It's crazy. The amount of I think is not sure if his weeners on it might have his weeners like legend there. Oh, there she is. There she is. There she is dude Bonnie right there. She was a topless dancer. Now look at that. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Just be like, yeah, okay, cool. Oh, look at that. Kathy Bates, hey, you need a bunch of movies. Hey, so Jake, you saw her boob in the autopsy photo and just were immediately attracted. No, no, no, I wasn't attracted to it.

I just saying I remember pictures, you know, like her posing in real life when she was alive and thinking, oh, she's really, Bonnie was really pretty. But then, you know, the only picture you do have of her naked is Jacob, you're dancing around this thing. And the answer is yes. In fact, you did in like her titty. You didn't jerk off to it, but you liked seeing her titty.

It was a great titty. What? You didn't imagine her alive and then get attracted. You saw the tit and you were like, oh, no, no I had never knew about that until like just a couple of years ago. I Didn't know there was an autopsy photo Of the two of them until I read it. Jacob. There's just be always like rotten You're trying to make a joke now and I

You're gonna go this way, but I will not In Jacob Jacob photo. I'm just saying I used to go on like rotten dark on those crazy when the internet was first Going you go on those crazy websites and these have things like that it would be like hot chick Hit by train so our bodies all over the place and you still be like damn what a waste. That was a hot ass You know, I mean I'm searching I don't go searching for it of course you don't famous and I was just reading up on Bonnie and Clyde like you know we want to like the read about them totally do the internet will just take you to where places I don't you body starts to do the body does with the body do Jacob I had a friend

growing up that ran a funeral parlor and sometimes I'd find myself downstairs Just on one of those dead corpses just taking a nap feeling comfortable have my head on the chest of a man It's not sexual not at all. It's not all creeps nothing creeps me out more than Any anything dead like dead dead people photos But you know, it's the hot chick Unless you got that was a train. Jacob saying whatever. Well you want to get whatever. This picture two-puck on the table if you want to whack to that Christine you

want to say to the one you air-drop that over to Jacob. What you send that to with the show. I'm not aware to that's the point. Yeah, there goes the team. No point. I don't know why I brought it up, but because Dan said something made a joke about autopsy. I don't know anymore. And you're like, I'm attracted to. I said, are you talking about I said I said in an autopsy I I said in an autopsy if a girl came in that an amazing

Body even though you're looking at a dead body and doing your job you you're lying if it doesn't go through your mind in some capacity This girl is built dude something like there's some acknowledgement of her body. I Wouldn't be anywhere near an autopsy. I'm not cut out for any of that. I don't that's why I either At the movies where the guy is so casual about doing an op-sop topsy that they have a sandwich in their hand. Of course. It would totally freak me out, but you know, this is what it is. But for Barney, you'd put a little lime under your nose and you get in there and shoving it dead pussy. That's chill. That's cool. It was giving you a little history.

That's all right. I say write it on a piece of paper and put it in the mailbox for Santa and see what happens. You could definitely fuck Bonnie Parker now. I wish you were going to get into the break with this. I want to pour talent. My rose skeleton, if that helps you.

I did. Jacob, I wish I could show you the gut. Do you know the other person? I only know one of the person who's super into Bonnie and Clyde. Christine, can you bring up the guy from Love After Lockup? The Bonnie and Clyde have left their lockup. This is the only person I know. And his car has Bonnie and Clyde on it.

Jacob, you don't watch the show, but you do still, you still watch it, Lou, right? Yeah, I saw the whole thing. You're talking about the fake Indian guy that cuts his hair at the end. Of course, yeah, he cut his hair off. The rumors about the guys, the more when Marilyn Monroe came in, I heard rumors. That they paid people paid to go jack off to her.

Where's old wives to work? It's all. It's all. Maybe. Jacob, this is these two. These two are. Bonnie and Claud. Don't they don't they don't they call. It's all it's a maybe you know, Jacob these two these two That guy was Bonnie and Clyde don't they don't they don't they call other pictures wait there's there's a yeah, yeah, it's all over and go to his body

Clyde pictures Christine they were down there. There it is. There they are. They don't look like Bonnie and Clyde. No, dude, you have to see your dead. It's different. Yeah. Even they put her on that slab. It's way different, dude. Look at them.

God, she is so unappealing looking. If this part, we had taped us on a Thursday, we would have asked Lou to take this out. He never would have done that. No. Just what? Fresh out into the years, dude. Is it either?

You want to admit to the people Dude you're such a neck row You're the Like I only like live people I'm such a pirate I'm ever all I'm ever hot for live live Dan's a total klepto and you're a fucking total narco, man I'm a clever or a necro necro necro Do not a naga necro you're such a necro And a funeral I won't go near the casket No, you'll probably want a second's tit

Yeah, I need you a client there fucking bang it out. Yeah, you're worried you get to start feeling it up make everybody uncomfortable Dude is you call it Oh, I read it. Oh, oh you call your casket's fuck tubes Yeah, hey, I'm gonna get nasty Pitched in one it why was she laying down the whole time? Oh, yeah, why is that coffin so inviting? What are you doing for Christmas day, DJ Lou? Oh God. Going to my sister's house trying to avoid the Omnicron. Why?

It doesn't. It won't come in there. Did they put lambs below the door? How do you know it's not going there? I think it is going there, but I'm going to try to distance myself. There's a lot of trumpies at this event. Oh, Christ. Oh, God. They don't believe in it. But I do. Jacob, Jacob, for Christmas, what are you doing? Lapping at a

Jesus statue? That's what I do. You're ha ha ha ha. Oh, I know it hurt the whole time too. You're gonna be cool. Black lily, what are you doing? A very wider, a very black Christmas this year? We were gonna have a big Christmas, but now we're gonna have a small Christmas, so it's mixed Yeah, it's mixed you had to pick a few white few blacks The immediate ones yeah All right, I'd like to keep it black heavier if I could possibly on that side few of the whites more the more of the blacks. Let's get some good food this season.

Hmm, what do you say? Hmm. Me, I couldn't even guess what me and Christine are giving each other or cooking or eating for Christmas. It's your present. Oh, great. Well, I have to wake up at 7 a.m. tomorrow to go find out something expensive for Christine.

Ooh, I hear. She knows that she wants perfume almost punched her right in her left tip. That's right Jacob. If I end up killing Christine and you look at her left tip and there's a bruise on it, that's from me Jacob. Damn dude. I want a bruise that left it. Yes, chin out.

Your favorite dead titty. DanSoda.com. Big Jcom, the dot com. Come see me in Providence.com. BigJComedy.com. Come see me in Providence. I'm assuming that's it. Yeah, New Year's baby, go hang out in Providence, a comedy connection in CJ, bigJComedy.com for tickets.

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