The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Failed Influencer

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

On his walk to work, Jay witnesses a heinous act and fails to document it because his has no influencing skills. A homeless woman did something disgusting in the New York streets and there is no video of it because of Jay. | Bobby saw his friend in a different light and realizes that it's sad when people change for the worse. | Jay is an expert on certain subjects and rarely needs to be corrected. Christine remembers the one time he was wrong about a music fact and it doesn't go well. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Let's go. Hi, everybody. Just sitting in the studio staring at everybody on their phones, and I have nobody to talk to. It made me feel lonely. This happens almost every day when I'm enjoying music and looking around and everybody trying to get them to enjoy it too, and everyone's in their phones.

Am I right, Lou? Back me up, Lou. Back me up. Every day, I'm always like, come on, everybody. And everyone's, what are they doing? What are they doing when I'm dancing around? Nothing. In their goddamn phones.

looking down. I'm never on my phone. Fighting for toothpicks. Never on my phone. Not on you on your phone. The internet is ablaze with how you cannot figure out how to turn off your ring video doorbell. Do you know what it is?

It's like black people with their batteries on their fire alarms. Smoke alarm, yeah, yeah. Smoke alarms. Beep. Anytime you see a dude, yo man, check it up. Beep, just in the background. Boop. Hey, anybody got a knock.

One volt, bitch. Anybody got a non-volt battery out there? That's the problem. It's a nine-volt. It's a hard one to come by. Nobody just has a nine-volt anymore. Most houses now they're hard-wired, it seems. Hmm.

Hard. You said hard-wired. Hard-wired. And I'm going to tell you someone's going to make you not hard. What? And I just, I needed you, Bobby. I fucking panicked. I think I got hit here by some.

By some I'm not to explain it But I'm bummed Because I'm gonna tell you this story And everyone's gonna be like You fucking jerk off Why did you not pull out your phone Why did you not start filming

Or take a picture immediately? We all know why Go on, tell them why Because you're not an influencer You're not You have to hire an influencer To be your influencer I do

You have to tour with influencers I do, I'm Dylan I don't Dylan influences me I have to do it yourself I know I want to do it myself Why You're an influence

Thank you. I'm a stupid idiot, you're an influencer. You're not a stupid idiot, you just don't know how to influence. I don't. You're not, and you'd be one of the best influences. Dare I say, better than me. No. If you just picked up your phone...

I tried. I was holding my phone. I was talking to Fanoia while I saw this. I said, I'm staring at the situation going, I should take my camera out right now, and I started to, and then it starts drawing a crowd of a crowd of a time. a crowd of attention in this situation and then I'm like, I don't know,

I'm going to pull my phone out and I'm worried that people around are going to go, what are you doing? You can't do that. You can't film that. They haven't done that in 15 years. I know. In fact, if you don't take your camera outside of it,

you're a loser. You can film someone getting killed, beaten to death if you want. As long as you film it, they don't get upset with you. I've actually heard people yell at people going, why aren't you filming? Why don't you have your camera?

There's somebody being beheaded right now and you're not filming it, you piece of shit? You're going to hate this. You're going to hate that I didn't film this. Oh, no. You're going to be happy I didn't take a picture of it because you would have had a problem with it, but you, for the sake of the show,

you would have wished this was out there in the world. I was walking from our parking lot, as per usual. Cut through the little walkway there where all the people are out. This is seconds after you left me. No, this is today. Oh, today. This is my way here.

Oh, I thought it was today. This is right here. Right now? Right here, right now. 20 minutes ago now. Wow. Took everything that's to tell you this outside.

I was walking about a half a block before you get to Chicago, the Broadway show Chicago. You're so, you're so zesty. Yeah. Those are your landmarks?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm at, yeah, I'm at Chicago. Well, meet me over at the new, we park across New World stages. And when you come out of the thing,

you're right by Book of Mormon. Mormon yeah yeah hey so it's all going on sometimes we go by wicked some of they walk by wicked also he doesn't want to do that too much because then he'll get used to it and he doesn't want it to be like routine he wants that to be a surprise yeah once in a while i pop up on orders you know j hogerson sometimes walks by wicked um well there's that guy whose dad owns churiscaria platiforma whatever it's called yeah his dad owns that remember he he'll see us out there he gets excited bobby got so mad that i didn't linger on that conversation longer yeah

He was like, what are he doing? He goes, the guy's a fan of years, and he's the fucking son of the guy who owns the best Brazilian steakhouse in the city. Better than the one in Brazil. And I was like, yeah, what more could we have done? You say he was a big fan? It was nice to meet you.

We shook hands. We took a picture. Yeah. Keep going. Moved on. No. And then I look back a minute later, and I'm like, Bobby, we should actually go to that.

Bobby? Bobby was back there. We went and dealing with him. Yep. Making moves. Yeah. Influencing. Because I'm an influencer, dude.

I don't let opportunity slip by. Well, I let a big one slip by. I start walking by a thing, and even through my air pods in, I hear. And I look to my right. There was a cobra. Nope. Nope. No.

It was a obese, homeless. Oh, boy. Black woman. I can't tell you if she was pretty or ugly, because the view I got was bent over completely away from me in between two cars

but I mean like with a crowd of people stopping the stare at this between two cars and I just see all I see when I look to the right is her spreading her huge ass with her hands shitty asshole

like just discolored shitty and like that homeless shit where it's like super bright brain Like light brown. Yeah. It's almost yellow, like mustard-y. Yeah, it's ambre. It goes from mustard to brown.

Yes. To black, yeah. But just the mustard part was on her asshole. Yeah. And she spread it. And she had her grotesque pussy and thighs just mush together and just taking a two-gallon piss in the street. And all I saw was asshole pussy hands back of legs. And I was.

Isn't that a song? And I stopped and I go, yeah, my ass. My pussy, my thighs and my legs. Buddy. And then I'm sitting there. I'm on the phone with the way. I go, dude, there's a crazy, fat homeless lady pissing right now in front. I go, I got to take my phone out.

I think he goes, dude, yeah, you got to get a picture of that. You got to get something of that. And then I just see there's like 12 people now, like, you know, business people. They're like, oh, my God. And they're kind of like staring. And I was like, oh, I can't be the guy who pulls the phone out. Now they're going to say, you can't just film someone's pussy in the street. I'm like, but are pussy's in the street?

I think I can. It's legal. I think. It's 100% legally. If you're an influencer, you're news, bro. I know Christine filmed a guy raping a guy on the street before. That was awesome.

What? Christine filmed. I'm going to say it against me. Here's me. Christine filmed a man raping a man, both homeless on the street in New York, a block from our house. And you didn't...

I went to get the cops who were also on our block. But you filmed it? Yes. Yeah, I have it. I don't want to see that But we don't know You do want to see it I don't know if I want to see someone being a man

Raping a man Yeah It was wild You're right You do you want to see it I think what happens is It looks like And Christine described it pretty right

She goes It seems like the one guy's pretending Pretending Pretending the fall asleep Jay? Yeah I do not want to see this Oh fuck

God damn it You got you You got you I know I know you don't want to see it Hey I'm not going to show it to you it's disgusting vile and that's not who i am so yeah one guy acts like he's falling or asleep almost he's just laying on the ground and then another homeless guy climbs behind him pulls the butt of his like pants down pulls his wiener out and lays on top of him and just starts like humpfucking

him in the ass not to defend the guy on the bottom but that's what i do too when i get fucked in the ass by a guy you just pretend to be asleep i pretend to be asleep yeah and i do it i usually do it on the street. Yeah. So it's like, hey man, I just took a nap and a guy fucking me in the ass. It's not my fault. Look, win-win. But I'm saying at the end of the day, it wasn't my fault. Yes. Dude, why? I didn't cheat on you. I was taken by a man. Why didn't you? Why do you care? The things you say, the things that you do, the things that you do, you're on, you broadcast skanks. You do, you do story wars. You do the bond You have your stand-up.

You have two specials on literally just talking to people that's being videotaped. You say the most outrageous, hilarious shit. And yet you have a hard time. You turn into fucking Clark Kent when you fucking leave a microphone. You're just a dude with glasses walking back to your, just a normal, mild-mannered man. Why? I don't know.

Why can't we turn you into Big J. Okerson? Why do you turn into, what's your Jewish name again? A share. A share. Jay, a share. Muzzle Tuff, by the way, for your holiday. Thank you. Why can't you be, why can't you muster that thing up?

Where's Jacob? How long's this fucking Jew celebration go for? Two days. God damn it. He's gone. That's three shows. Yeah. Yeah, he's wearing a, he's somewhere wearing a hat and a cape.

Fuck, I know. He's doing something so Jewish and weird right now. Dude, you know what you do? Can I... He's sucking a baby's dick. You can do... You can... No, no, that's part of the bris.

I know. I've seen one. bro you can set your phone to go hey hey Siri hey Siri stop or whatever you want to call it and it will automatically bring your camera up and you just hit video it automatically bring your video up you can program your phone's going nuts my because you said it hey Siri yeah but this weird it's off my phone is off 100% look off no ring no nothing okay yeah shut up

shut up Jacob got you in spirit I love that you You, how do you find out that my ring thing is bugging people? I don't even know where to look for that. Oh, people send me just messages. Oh, really? To love me to turn his fucking ring phone notifications off. I love that, I love that people have, like, little relationships with you. Hey, dude, I need this to change on the show.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, they give me a lot of ideas on what we could do better. Fucking loser. Dude, I'm going to go to a fucking text message. You know, he went to his chick. Jay responded, man. He's going to take care of it. Shut up.

His wife's like, enough. I don't respond to these things. You don't? No, you should respond. Go, I got it. I'm going to talk to Bobby tomorrow. Does show critique? Actually, do a three-way with me.

Give me your number. We're going to call you. Well, I was wondering with my stuff. I was like, why do I know that noise? I don't have a ring video door, but I goes, oh, it's Bobby's phone. Yeah, I know he's got a delivery. I got, you know how many rings I have? We're so many rings.

Or Max is outside, whizzing on the house. That was a fun one, though. That was a good one. That was a good one. We saw Max take it a piss. And then Don comes out to yell at him for taking a piss. What a fun video that was. He's just hanging a side house piss and Don comes up.

What the hell are you doing? Dude, you have to get over it. I mean, that lady, it was, by the way, she was, that was the, if that wasn't the beginning of the piss, it was still the, the early middle of it because it wasn't like, she wasn't down to like the, it's turning into like, you know, two small streams like coming, you know, it's just dripping out. This was still like, and I think when I walked by, I think I felt, it might be phantom. You felt pee? I think I felt like the fucking shootup on my, on my calf. You got a piss calf? I think I got pissed calf.

I don't know if I did. Yeah, you did. I don't know. Yeah, you do. I was pretty far away, but I just like, phantom felt it. Buddy, do you know, here's my influencer brain going right now. Here's what it is. I have piss on my shoes.

We have the video. Well, you have, first of all, you have piss on. one calf. The other calf is always covered. Yes. One calf is always displayed for everybody. And I turned to look at her exposing my up-caf. Right. Your up-caf, is that what it's called up-calf? Well, the exposed calf. Is the up-calf? Yeah, yeah. Well, you can't expose both your calves because they're too delicious. It's too much. It's too much for the people walking around. No, I'll be like a pied piper. There'll be a trail of 55 people behind me by the time I get here. And the people get hit by the bike land, they won't be in attention. They'll get, there'll be murders.

Buddy, here's what you do. This is what I'm thinking. As an influencer, you show the video, but you have us talking over it on the show. Bonfire. We're promoting the show. We're going to get millions and millions of views of us talking about her commentating on her pissing, right? Almost like a sports event. We do it like a sports event. Here she goes. She's pulling up. And just millions. And then we have the bonfire down the

bottom. And then we have the serious XM103 and what time and where to get it. And the website, we have all this millions of people finding. where we are from one video, one opportunity that you see. How many opportunities do you think you're going to get a big obese fat woman pissing in the street? It's only the second time I've seen it. All right, so it might happen again.

It could possibly happen again. It probably is going to happen again. But that was years ago. Years. It was over by Times Square Art Center where the, what was it, it was called, it was a laugh factory for a minute. Yeah. And I was walking there one time in between two big fat black ladies who, this was not

homeless. They were coming from a club or something. They were dressed like that, but the one was holding the other one's hands while she lifted a skirt and took a fucking street piss in front of everybody. I love how girls take care of each other. It was nice. Yeah, we guys don't do that. Guys don't hold each other's hands while they piss.

Depends. I have friends that would do that for me. Oh, I'd do it for you. I know. All my friends would do something like that for me. Justin Silver nursed an ass cyst I had once for a whole weekend. You put hot compresses on it? Yeah, but that's Justin.

That's almost what he wants to do. anyways yeah that's not the fuck that's not him doing something for you that's you doing something for him i've always fancied he was the florence nightingale of our group he's been waiting for you to go can you take care of my asshole i'm really bummed that didn't film it we're all bum i should have fucking filmed it it was so grotesque it was so it would have been the best thing i mean think about how viral the video went with the guy wiping his ass on the pole quote unquote uh that that my asshole first of all first of I went on the train today.

They don't have the overhead poles anymore. Those would be handles. The handles are on the doors. They don't have handles on doors. Have they got rid of the overheads? Yeah, they got rid of them. They have like little ones now, but they don't have like, remember that when we grew up, they had the pole that went straight across.

Yeah, yeah. They don't have that anymore. Is it straps? That's what they do with the airports. No, they don't have straps. It's just like a little thing and then it's separated. You're supposed to hold on to the poles. Yeah, but do they know that there's bumass all over?

I didn't hold on today, but I'll tell you that much. Yeah? He just rested your neck and the side of your head on it. No, I balanced. By the way, that's how little I think about it. The times I've been on the subway, I'll hold the pole with my elbow and just have my head against it like this, just chilling. I don't even think about it.

Yeah, I do now. I don't think about it. I actually touch. Maybe that's why I got Sties for a while. Maybe I had bum-ass juice in my eye. Are you shaking hands with Lewis? Or just simply shaking hands with Lewis. Yeah.

Why do I keep butterfly kissing his asshole? It's just his ass to mouth technique he uses all the time. Yeah, the train is fucking disgusting. I was on the train, two maniacs today. One guy on the train just screaming, talking to the police going, fuck you, fuck the cops, screaming at himself and the reflection. Freedom of speech. Yes, it is the First Amendment.

Not what Kimmel did, but what he did was. Yeah. What Kimmel did is not freedom of speech. And then there was a part. You know they have the scaffolding and it has the roof over the scaffolding, but the scaffolding sometimes it's such a wide sidewalk. There's two. There's two lanes, right?

So one of the lanes was just a dude with a stick, just angry, swearing, spinning the stick like Shogun. And all the people were coming up the other side who saw him doing it. But it was just funny to see people not noticing him and then being in that. and you kind of corralled in there like cattle at that point so they had to just stop and go backwards as he's spinning his kung fu stick trying to murder people I'm starting to think they could probably napalm this city and we'll be all right

they uh it's it's I'm gonna vote for that dude Zipzab Zarzan I'm voting for Zipzab Zazan No mess with Zoltan I'll tell you what I'm you know I was against them Socialism Marxism

And now you left socialism And well I still don't like that And you know he won't condemn Hamas you know against all that no what's he say they're pretty dope pretty dope good name he's like to make good music cool name yeah he used to make him you got to be able to separate the art from the artist he was a rapper who zipzzab zzab zazer and was a rapper really oh please bring up his rap are there some of his raps available 100% oh that makes me so happy he was a rapper and uh but his today i found out he wants to make prostitution legal really oh that's good that's good

Let's bring AIDS back. We will if he makes prostitution living. I think we need to get scary AIDS back. Not the one you can live with forever. You want Tom Hanks AIDS. Yes, Philadelphia AIDS. You want skinny, pot belly, weird knuckles and fingernails. Show your lesions to freak everybody out AIDS.

Yeah, you want Mickey Rourke AIDS. Yeah. I want fucking Magic Johnson living well into his 90s. That was false, by the way, him giving blood to children. Huh? I said that a couple weeks ago. I said he was gay. There was a video of him giving blood to children.

Magic Johnson? Magic Johnson it was not right I looked into it straight transfusions it was uh it was he came out and was like yeah I would never do that I sneaks in it bums me out he's making sperm donations that'd be funny just a bunch of kids running around just waiting for AIDS to kick in I know but they got a fucking sick handle they got us oh is it christie is it the rape yeah okay nice am I gonna is this gonna fuck me up I don't know are you one of the guy you related to one of these guys no I'm not possible all right here we go this is nice nighttime yeah this by your buddy this is one rape doesn't happen during the day dude what's not date

bum rape it's bum rape that's true they weren't going for coffee first and then decide to decide the right in front of the deli the dollar and a and a solid dollar pizza place yeah i don't know if it's still held up but when it first came out they were doing all right and so remember the ninth precinct is around the corner from here okay the ninth precinct who's always willing to deal with local problems yeah they did not rush over there when I told them what was going on. Well, he was guy on guy rib. Yeah. I told you the time me and Patrice were in front

of my house. Me and Petrucer were in front of my house. He just dropped me off once in a while and there was a gay bar across the street and we pulled over. He'd always chat with you for a little bit. You know, he always had some shit. And there was an old guy, there was a car rocking in front of us, in Toyota.

And all of a sudden this just old guy stuck his head up. You know, this gray hair, you know, probably 60. Was he the one in the front or the back? he was in the back seat and he was saying he was on top okay oh god he was on top and the you guys fuck like that a little young twink stuck his head up and then we were like oh we were kind of just like oh shit and then uh patrice called the cops it's called the cops we're like people having sex in the car in front of my house and they showed up like 10 minutes later and the cop got out of the car

he saw the car all steamed up you know shaking he got out of the car walked over tapped on the window looked in and then just about face like a dance and went right back to his car and left he's like not getting involved in this not getting involved with what i just saw so yeah well they had a similar reaction here excuse me sorry i'm sorry what was that christie's listening to books on tape all right so you see he's pulling his pants down what and then he's sucking his asshole a little bit well you gotta you have to yeah you know anything about ass fucking you have to suck the asshole a little bit. He's getting it wet. Nice.

Give him a little slap. He's a slap. Wait a minute. I don't know. Another slap. A couple slaps. This is hot. He's tuning him up.

Now, suck his butthole a little more. Yeah, you have to. Good for him. And then pounding into his butt hole. Uh-huh. Wait a minute. What? I know.

She didn't get the common shot. She's not a great director. Yeah, you're not good either. You did way better than me, Christine. Take a kudos. That was a good job. I wouldn't have even done that. I think there's a,

their videos I'm trying to look I started filming one time a couple that started fucking outside of my hotel they started fucking on a car I pulled my phone out and started filming and when they looked over to saw me filming I like when he even looked sort of my direction I'm like oh god oh god no I wrong even though they're the problem and I'm totally justified in doing what I'm doing did you delete the video no oh I have the video still it's not that good oh there he goes there he goes giving the biz I mean he gets right in there though yeah i mean that's pretty impressive well i don't know if you sucked his asshole till it was soaking wet so it's probably a smooth

energy i'm just thinking out loud guys christie i have two more videos i'm just trying to get them you have more videos of like after that of the same encounter but it was after what we just saw i may have been right before oh you just had before no it's definitely after i think there's one from further back i think before i zoomed in yeah I'm just trying to get them onto the computer. Now, when he, when he slapped the ass a few times and then licked it. It was wild, Bobby.

I mean, I saw so much wild shit living on fifth and fucking second. Were you smiling? Like, what the fuck? I just, I couldn't believe what's happening. I was like, I have to film this. Well, what type of horrified were you, though? Were you happy? At first it's funny.

She reached out the front of her leggings. And then you're kind of like, oh, my God, this is so hot. Oh, my God, I'm wet. God, I guess you could do whatever on the street. first it's really it's pretty funny and you're like what's going on you want to film it and then you're at my thought I go oh my god if that was a girl like

I mean the guy would be pulled off and fucking like beat to shit you know what I mean so you're such a feminist it was a guy getting raped you're like he deserves it he probably deserved he's raped how about if it was a girl homeless licking a passed out guy's ass still technically assault but way hotter

way harder if you had a girl homeless licking some college kid who passed out of the street's ass that wasn't a college kid. That was another homeless. Oh, you're just painting a new scenario. How is he homeless? How do you know he's homeless? Because he had nice jeans on. They were sleeping on the streets. Oh, okay. Oh, you think this might just be a guy who pet. Christine said they were both homeless.

I think he's got socks. He's in socks, Bobby. You said, look at the feet. He's got no shoes on. Okay. That's how you know. Yeah. He's got no shoes. But the guy... I mean... Now, I'll tell you what he does have, though. A shiny clean asshole because this guy is really going to work on. And now, look, he is proning up a little bit, if I'm being honest.

Yeah, that's what I do when I pretend. In the massage pile, like, I don't like this. One of Christine's early working theories was that this is like a cat and mouse game they play. He's like, do these guys know each other? Was that a white guy's butt or a Spanish dude? No, they're both black. That was a black guy's butt. I know, very light-skinned.

Very light-skinned. I know. The Terrence Howard got his butt-fucked by the Wesley Snipes. Yeah, he, uh, it was definitely Lenny Marcus and, uh... Leslie Jones. Oh, buddy. You think Leslie Jones butt-fucks Lenny Marcus? I do.

Now that you say I can't get out of my head I can picture it vividly I was flying to Houston It made me so sad I was flying to Houston Why because Travis Scott killed those people No not that I didn't even know that was in Houston I barely know Travis Scott

But here's the thing You didn't know that was in Houston No It was the talk of Skangfest Because it happened the same day as Skangfest Two miles away Yeah I was at the dude lounge just chilling There was no dude lounge there

There was There's been one every year of Las Vegas For me This wasn't in Vegas Where was it? This was in Skankfest South Oh Skankfels Houston

Yes Okay now I didn't know that There's no dude lounge You caught me Bobby I have a question for you I'm gay No sorry I'm sorry

I jumped a gun I'm gonna walk you through this right now What We said that Travis Scott thing happened in Houston Yeah Because you were flying Houston I'm sad

I don't listen to you Why is the Travis Scott I don't listen to you Then you said I was probably in the dude lounge. I'll tell you why, because I was in the middle of my story, and then you interrupted with this guy, because you, you know what I mean? So I was still thinking of my, I'm in the middle of my thing, and then I got interrupted with this, and then I was just trying

to get out of that, and I just said something to get back to my story, because now, I forget my story. You don't think that, but now I just remembered it. You don't think that Las Vegas is two miles from Houston, Texas. I do not. Okay. All right. Then we're back to where you're apologies you are on a plane in Houston going to Houston doubt the lounge because I'm a I live lounge life sure I get there early you indulge in lounge life I live lounge life you get there early to go to the lounge if I go to the lounge it's because I'm like okay it all worked out I'm here early I try to make it not I go to the lounge at least two hours wow yeah why yeah because I love it why I don't know

No, I love it. The foods, whatever. Food is fine. Fine. But I have my little thing that I do when I get my food. I have a certain way to make their food a little better. Oh, really? I make little, I make, I take their food and make my little things.

Oh, you're like Molly Ringwald and Breakfast Club, right? Explain yourself. You don't remember when you said Herber Lunch? It was not Molly Ringwald. It was... This is the other girl. The homeless girl. Nope, it was Molly Ringwald.

Nope, it was not. Is sushi? I can't think of her name, but it was the... Ali She's who you're thinking of, but it's no. She brought a weird lunch and started putting like pixie sticks and stuff. I'm talking about the overdoing, like the... Remember, she had sushi and she had chopsticks shit. Why would you question him?

I don't know. I mean, on something like that, why would you even go into that realm? I jumped the gun? You jumped the gun, dude? I didn't think before I spoke. You don't question Jay on this type of shit trivia. you understand he's a savant jay is autistic with music and movie stuff you know how tired i was this week on legion of skanks because of that crazy day on monday was that uh last they were talking

about the munsters last night yeah and they said uh they were like oh it was like louis is like i'm herman munster dave's eddie monster uh jay's grandpa and something like they was going to that and i go no i go i'm the rest of the body of thing and then right away thought to myself and everyone right away was like thing that was the Adams family and I was like I have to go home guys you're off your machine it was a thing it was 10 minutes to show everybody going like

whoa man Jay's never and Dave was like when's the last time we had to correct I mean you didn't have to correct me I caught myself I think the last time was when you said there was absolutely no way that dirty work was by Steely Dan oh Christine remembers hers that's nuts that she, that's not that she has that on like that.

It's the one time. She's been waiting for this conversation to happen in the future. She brings it up, she brings it a couple times a year. She brings it up a couple times a year. He's so adamant, so sure of himself. By the way, it's very rare. We do have to admit that. Ask Christine, here's why I don't feel bad about that.

Here's why don't feel bad about that at all. Why? Why don't you ask Christine why she knows that for sure? Why do you know that for sure? Hang on. Because the information. Hang on, let me ask her. Christine, why do you know that for sure?

Because my ex-boyfriend said that song reminded him of me. It was fucked into her, like all information into dumb bitches. It has to get fucked into them by a man who knows something, and then they know stuff somehow. If God forbid, we want to fuck you again, if God forbid we want to fuck you again, you will have to recall the information that we have fucked into you. Can you fuck that out of her?

No. another guy can fuck it out. Okay. Any information I've fucked into her has to be fucked out by another guy. I get it. And then he can start fucking his stuff in. Christine, it's about a, at this point now

with how many years like Christine's been around me? Christine's like a year, six months of really being into another guy of fucking burning eagles, jerseys, and wearing whatever that guy wants to wear next. Yeah, yeah. A year and six months.

She wouldn't like hang in there. Yeah, I didn't do a good enough job of Christine as that. Christine's friend had an Asian penis. Fuck her into lifelong fanship of the Pittsburgh Steelers and a love affair with the city of Pittsburgh itself. Wait a minute, wait a minute. So you were a Steelers fan at one point? No, no, no, no, her friend.

No, I was a Patriots fan at one point. You were? Who fucked you, Bill Burr? No, she was a Patriots fan, she was a Jets fan, anything that would get her possible dick. And then that's what it was. She was like in New York. I was like, my family's from Rhode Island.

So all information that is related to anything interesting to a man is things that has to be fucked into or fucked out of a chick. Now, it's it. Some people fuck it in there good. Her friend is, it didn't matter if she married another guy today who was a diehard Bill's fan or something. It would never work. She's too committed.

She's got tattoos all over of it. She's put this thing into that. Christine is nowhere near. Like, she'll never put an eagle. thing on again if uh if me and her like went separate ways for sure yeah yeah yeah that's oh and another guy can fuck new fanship into her and then she'll just do the same thing that and it'll be like oh hey look now we all have raven stuff and there's raven's things everywhere and the decorations like at the house it's not a bad quality to have right uh a guy would like that they can get stuff

fucked in you for sure if you're malleable i'm not giving a shit she has no allegiance to any football team for her father do you just call her malleable yeah she's malleable okay um But do you get what I'm saying? Like her father. She's like, I am. I'm very, I'm very playable.

Her father, her father didn't like put me anything in. Do you know what I mean? Thank God. Like Isabella. That didn't fuck anything into her. Isabella, Isabella, like,

the concern is like, her Eagles fanship is like, I'm a fan because like we root for Philly. Yeah. And with my dad. Yeah. Always. Sixers, she's a real,

legit fan of. She follows the Sixers. Eagles, not so much. So I, The day, I'll be very worried the day she, I see her wearing like a Bucks jersey or something. And I'm like, what's that all about. Yeah, you know what it's about.

Yeah, yeah. She's going to be, oh, this is my new boyfriend, Tampa Steve. I'm like, oh, you fuck. My dad wasn't a sports fan at all, but my uncles and my cousins all love Dodgers and Lakers. And I watch a Sixers way more than the Lakers in my life now because of Jay. But I told you, I feel, he bought me a Phillies jersey. And I was like, I feel like a poser and a trader wearing this. You'd be a poser if you wore a Dodgers jersey.

But at least that's, like, what I was raised with. You weren't, though. Name three players from back then. Don't do that. She can't. Nobody can. It didn't matter. Still, I never loved, like, a football.

You can't ask, fucking, a girl that's for stats from when she was a kid. Do you think names are stats? I also don't wear Dodgers jerse. Whatever they are, Jay, you fucking snobby douche. You think I'm snobby because I don't think names are stats? Well, you bring up fucking people. Dude, who is the fucking pitcher? Who gives you shit?

No, she's saying there was no real allegiance back then either. She hated the fact that they watched baseball over the stuff she wanted to watch. She hated. She ruined my TV schedule. Listen, if Fluffy shows, she gives her any shade, she'll dump you. Oh, yeah, yeah, she should. She'll dump you? Fluffy.

Gabriel and Glaze, she should run for Gabriel and Glacios if she could. Absolutely. Oh, my God. Yeah, you like Dodgers. He's playing Dodgers Stadium every fucking year. Have it. You get to go. Bring your uncles and show them how cool Dodger Stadium is.

I dude Alright back to my story It's not gonna fly now because we went off the rails Houston Do you watch more Butt rape? Not yet I do want to watch more Yes

Hang it yes I do Put a pin in it Absolutely Please bring more butt rape That's great I'm very excited about that But we're talking about I saw

So I'm in the lounge All of a sudden I bump into Lenny Marcus Why love Lenny's one of my close friends It's weird when you have to preface things With that Go ahead Well because we're not as close

We were close for a long time because we were at the cellar every night together. Then he started dating Leslie Jones. Well, so I say, hey, what's up? Oh, well, yeah. And then he's like, hey, I'm over here with Leslie. We're going wherever. Come say hi. And I was like,

you know, I know he wanted me to come say hi because he'd get in trouble if he was like, I just saw Bobby. Well, where the fuck is he? You know, he wanted to avoid that. Why would he get in trouble? She doesn't want to talk to us. No, I'm friends with Leslie too. I know Leslie. Yeah, it's weird because when we see her outside, she doesn't give a Fuck about you.

When did we see her outside? With Lenny Marcus. And she goes, hey, she goes, hey, it's Bobby and Jay. And she turned around and went, eh. No. Yes. She did? Yes.

I don't remember it. I know. You don't. But anyways. You think she's your friend. And she's going to be upset if you don't go see her. I don't think that. Listen to what I'm saying.

Listen to what I'm saying. I don't think she'll be upset with him. Like, you just talk to Bobby and he's over there and he didn't come over here. Like, he's trying to avoid some uncomfortable whatever with her. Just come over and, you know, give your, almost like a mob boss type thing. Come over and show your love, whatever. This makes me sick. Well, hang on.

This story is making me sick. It gets worse. It's going to make you sicker. So I walk over and she's be, we're in the open, doubt. There's no private in the doubt to lounge. Yeah. Did Lenny places cape over her shoulders like James Brown? I walk over and there's two red stanchions just around a table.

There's just a table. Where are stanchions? uh stanchions the um you know the velvet ropes okay with this it's called the stanchion okay um i didn't know that well i taught you something fun fact it's a fun fact so but it's like weird because it's like she's almost like a museum piece because we're it's like oh they had her blocked off they had her blocked off with two red stanchions two velvet ropes but they weren't you know it was just a weird they kind of just put them there but you it's not protecting you it's just making you look like Obvious.

Nobody would have noticed you. Yes, they would have. Probably. Well, Robert Parrish is dead, so it can only be one person. That's a good one. Play for the Celtics. Holy shit. Is that the big chief?

Oh, shit, it's Leslie Jones. So, but I went over. I walked over with Lenny. Hey, she got up, hey, what's up? She gave me a hug, whatever. I'm sitting there, you know, small talking. Lenny comes back with an orange juice. She goes, what the fuck?

Where'd you get that? He's like right over there he goes she goes and he's like and he just he had to go back and get her one And I was like fuck you like one of her other bitch boys it I was like that made me so sad Lenny had to I know you know I mean Bobby get on all fours and put my feet on your back the worst part It's like my entire life but Lenny was Lenny was on the outside of the stanchions too his seat Which was fucking crazy crazy it was crazy it was crazy it was crazy You love it. I don't.

I felt bad for my buddy. He's like, you know what I mean? Your buddy's gone. He's gone? Your buddy's gone. He's gone, gone. He's gone.

Damn. He lives by the coat of Leslie Jones. Yeah. Their friendship makes zero sense to anybody. Yeah. I don't know how it happened. Huh? I don't know how it happened.

He needed work and she thinks a Jewish writer is going to be the thing that pushes are over. I blame me. I blame me. I blame me. I'll tell you how. I was on sex and drugs and rock a roll. I had a little heat going on I'm on TV

I got you know special Came out live from the village on the ground It's on punchup live com right now Punchup.com right now Punchup slash rubber Kelly With lots of content It is fucking

You know I had a little heat going on And me and him were kind of Working together hanging out And my heat faded And she picked him up from me If I was more successful

If I parlayed Sex and Drug to a show, Lenny would have been with me. And you respect that? I could have took Lenny with me. You respect that? It's not respect. It's like I wasn't there for him.

My career kind of went down a little bit, and her career was going up, and she grabbed him from him. But take Lenny with you for what? To get your arms shoes to the airport? Just to save him from doing that. But what would he be doing? He'd be helping me write stuff, or maybe, I don't know. You got right from the perspective of a fucking 60-year-old Jewish guy? Sometimes I do, Jay.

Do you really? Sometimes I feel like I would love to be like, here's what I think. Okay, now, so my wife's crazy. She's premenopausal. Yeah, dude. I don't know. I just feel, I mean,

my wife's behavior, so much sugar. I just feel like if I was more successful, Lenny would have been, stay with me as friends. Oh, shit, here we go. I got a little bit of Bobby. Well, this is when Lenny was writing for you, right? Oh, I don't know why I thought you had

like Woody Allen comedy or something on. No, that sucks. Well, if you were going to continue with your Woody, I was going to have his clarinet underneath you. Oh, cool. Sorry. Why, you guys heard that? No, we didn't hear.

Jay thought you were bringing up a video on. I thought you were going to bring him talking. I was like Bobby Kelly's comedy. Now, now, if you just listen right here, being from Boston's crazy. He revealed your curtain. You're not Oz. No. I was just, I just, if I was a little more at that time, maybe he would have hung out with me more,

and he would have missed that opportunity, and someone else would have went with her. and now he's getting orange juice for her. And then you'd be doing what? Telling his black jokes for Leslie? No. Why, motherfucker be crazy. Bobby, what is this new thing you're doing on stage? I only know how to write one speed now.

I only writing Leslie's voice. I like a pinky to the first knuckle, not the second. I get very anxious with the second knuckle. Fuck Palestine. Fuck Palestine. They don't beat no pussy over in past. I mean, look, Lenny's a great writer. We should go through her hour and be like, that's Lenny's joke.

We should see which one is her joke. Is he written like big stuff? He writes for all the time. He's her writer. Right. And she's doing borderline nothing. Has he written for stuff before that's been like big? Yeah, her show on TV.

She had that... Went nowhere. Was he written for anything that's been good outside of Leslie Jones? Dude, look, you're going the wrong way with this. I wanted to have fun with the bit, and you're putting me on fucking trial, so go fuck you mother. I'm not defending Lenny. I'm just trying to tell you that it made me feel bad to see my friend, to see my friend being a... Bitched out.

Well, yeah, I guess. Being a gopher for Leslie Jones? It just bummed me out. It was like, you had to, like, dude, you had to go get an orange juice in front of me. Yeah. It's like working from Mars Day, I feel like. We were, like, friends. We would go to lunch every Tuesday.

What happened? She said no more white people hangs for him. Yeah, we can't. We don't have, yeah, lunch just ended. I would meet Lenny every Tuesday after therapy and get lunch with him at the Jewish diner up there to the point where, like, Colin and Keith fucking despised it. That's when. They hated it.

Sorry, Bobby. That's when Leslie needs me to lotion the parts she can't get to. Well That's so sad Bobby I can't right now It's time for bubble bath Phil Leslie She needs me to scrub a lower back

She can't read it It makes me sad dude You know what I mean I could have maybe Took him out of it No This is what he needed You think so

Yeah This is what Lenny was born to do Take care of Leslie Jones Take care of Leslie Jones For some reason Oh my God Who treats him like I've never seen her be nice to him.

I mean that. I've never seen her be anything other than like, get over here, bitch. And he goes. He must like it. Remember when we were here in the lobby? And he was like, he's like, I'm waiting for Leslie. She's four hours late. He was, uh, he must get off on it a little.

I don't know, man. He's married, right? He's married, kid. He must hate being around that wife and kid, huh? No, he loves his wife and kid. Yeah. Do you think as with Leslie Thuring? She goes, I'm going to make your kid and wife broke?

Get my orange juice. Give me your orange juice. Get yourself another one. Jay, dude. Yeah. It's my friend. Who, Leslie? No.

Apparently not. She's not my friend. You've proven that fact. Yes. She does not enjoy you. Did she really not say hi to me? She's disinterested in us. Stop it.

She looked back into this. She made a grunt face. She went, mm. You sure it wasn't like a urefect? Do you know what I mean? Because she stood up and was very happy to see me at the airport. I don't recall you. I don't recall you even being that day like that was surprising.

You were like, yeah, Leslie. Oh, really? Yeah, she sucks. She's a horrific personality. I mean. I worked with her for several years at the cellar. She would be there all the time. She never took, like, knew my name.

She was just like dismissive of shit. I bring her on stage. She just sucks. Yeah. She's a shitty person. It was like the you're nobody to me, so I don't know what I'm going to fuck about Leslie. I remember Leslie Jones when she was, when she was, in the black circuit when I was young,

still trying to, like, grind it out in the black circuit. Is she from Philly? No, but she would be at shows in Philly. I mean, people with a, man, Tony Roberts, he said he wouldn't fuck her with, he said he, he goes, Leslie Jones, he goes, I wouldn't fuck her with her dick. Yeah, I don't know, it's just sad to see,

you know, financially you get into spots where you're like, I got to do this, because it's got to be good money. He likes it, dude. He likes being dominated by a big black woman. He does. No, he does. He does.

Wait a minute. Can I say something? Are you sure that was the video you caught that wasn't, that wasn't her? No, is that? You sure that wasn't Leslie and Lenny on the streets that you, the video? No, but I'm all, but I would say I'm now that we're talking about it, I'm 80% sure that black woman pissing was Leslie Jones. With Duky and her butt. You think she made Lenny clean up the street?

Oh yeah. Damn. Do you think Lenny's seen the naked pictures of her on the internet? Yeah. Yeah. How do you not look at that? One of them are getting butt-fucked, right? Yeah.

Yikes. It was interesting. I know. Just to see that. I know. I got more of a boner from watching those two bums fuck on the street. It's a wise-bats. It's always interesting to see somebody you know get fucked in the ass.

It's very rare. I know. I mean, you're seeing Lenny Marcus get verbally and like emotionally fucked in the ass. I'll say this. Her asshole wasn't as bad as I, it was not as bad as you would think it is. It was bad. Sure. There was no, like, nuggets.

I thought it was Godfrey's asshole. His asshole's awesome. Was there no nuggets? No, no nuggets. Nope. It was actually not a bad asshole. If you bring it up, you'll see it wasn't as... Think of her asshole right now and then look at it again.

Okay. It's not as bad as you would think it is. How about the full nude? I don't want to even talk about that. Why? Because that was as bad as you would think of this. Because you're embarrassed for the first two months you thought it was Dennis Rodman. Is that why?

you thought Dennis Robin was doing a silenced-in-al-lamist move? Not as bad as you think it is. Let me see. Not as bad as you think it is. No nuggets. You know what? That's Lenny.

It's not, that is Lenny. That's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yeah, it's not, I mean. But go to the other ones? There's no nuggets. There's no, you know? I was looking to cry.

Do! Can you another one, please? Do! Just you living on. Yeah! Yeah! We'll go back to the other one. Go back to that one.

No, the one before that. Nope. Oh, boy. You're talking about her tucked away pussy. Right, go, go. Right? No, you went the wrong way. The pussy one.

The closer by the pussy. That's what he was looking for. Jesus, what? Look, look at the black eye on the pussy. It looks like a piece of, like, candy that was run over by a car. I know. And there also is, like, it's like the dust on it. Yeah, what is the dust?

I think it's gray pubes. Is that gray pubes? I do. No, because it's, it's like, it's. It's on the labia. You don't get, I mean, it's on the inside lips. You don't get pubs on the inside. Lanny, bite my gray pubs off.

Okay, would you like me to leave the dark at once? Could I dye them like I dye your beard? Could I, could I please just, I'll wash the gray out of your pussy. Let's die them like your lower back hands. Bring that pussy back up. Bring that pussy back up. It did make me sad. Her pussy?

No, the fact that he. Just when somebody who's famous or whatever and you have another guy who's your friend, like even if you did that to like Dylan in front of me, I'd like, no, that sucks. What? Then if I fucking bitched him out? You were like, where'd you get orange juice over there?

And just look at them like, go get me an, not even words, just what the fuck. I'll go get you one. I'd be like, go get your orange juice, you fucking loser. You know? I mean, I didn't say that. I think you would bust balls like that with something. I would bust balls with you.

I'm not going to bust balls with her. I don't want to get my ass beaten I don't want to get my ass beaten Danny Braff I wouldn't even do that to Danny Braff If Danny was like Where did you get on? I'd be like I'll go get it

But Danny would be like Let me get you on I'll get you on You won't take that one No no for sure Of course Lenny was wanted his orange juice Here's thing that's like Dylan

Don't just a lot of that I almost like feel bad I don't want him to feel like yes to do that Like if we like order food Or something I'm paying for the food and like we get it And we're walking like two blocks It's fine buddy

I don't have got in my hands It's fine but like That was like Lamar. But Dylan's not like a, but Dylan's not my bitch. I wouldn't treat him like that either. Yeah, like Lamar this weekend, you know, he was like, I'll sit in the back. I'm like, you sit in the front. You're bigger than me.

I can sit in the back. That felt great for you to say, like you did him a good, so I'm insulting him. Yeah, I called him fat and I did a good thing. You're absolutely right. You're disgusting. Nobody wants to sit next to you. So just sit in the front. Don't bother anybody.

Plus I wanted to sit next to Sam Jay's girlfriend. Smoking. That pussy is tucked away and I will say that's got a lot to do with nobody wanting to fuck it. Doesn't it look like a shingle? It does look like a goddamn shit A little bit It's like but not like a Spanish tile The outside

Her upper pussy area I will say The color of her skin Underneath her where it would be Pussy hair above Yeah I gotta find compliments here Yeah

It's nicer than I thought It's nicer That's what I meant When I saw this It was nicer that you'd think it would be But the sum of the parts Is horrendous Yeah

And maybe if she smiled at me once I would know her face other than that fucking crank mug she always fucking has on. Yeah, she was nice to me. When I showed up the other day, she stood out. Oh, hey, ooh. Maybe you get next to her and Esty at the fucking Yankees game. Shut up, dude.

Yeah, Leslie bring me to the game. We have plenty to talk about. Is that Lenny or Esty? Esty. Me and Leslie have so much in common to talk about. I love when Jay goes off. Yeah, fuck. Yeah.

What was Israeli army? like oh you're so crazy leslie you want to know crazy things oh what a fucking wretched situation that would be apparently you can pay you have to call the i guess lenny would do it you can pay lany margis to go get your fucking orange juice if you want you have to pay to get you can pay to get uh that service anybody can get that service because i looked into it after i was like this is crazy I've never seen, and I've been at the airport with Louie, Dennis Leary, and there was never a, in the open, sectioned off with two stanchions of like, don't, she, you know, she looked like some type of museum piece that people are supposed to, like a really shitty book signing. You know what I mean? Because she was, you got to keep her away.

I don't know if the last time this happened, you could take that out, get a time marker. Did it feel good to say that? Yeah, you can cut that out of the show, but that's pretty funny one. Well, please leave that in. That was funny. Leaving our laughs afterwards, though, and let them know we cut something out. Definitely. But it was great.

And just know, whatever you're assuming it was, Black Loo's Laughing. Whatever you thought happened right there, Blackwood's laughing. That was nothing. to what Kimmel did. Nothing. We didn't even on the Kimmel level at all. But it was juicy. Oh, that was a good laugh.

It was, yeah, dude, it was a little sad. I hate when that happens when you see a... Because Lenny is... I'll say this, and you have to say, Lenny is very funny. One of the funniest guys from New York. He is... He kills every time he goes on.

And, you know, he's definitely a killer when he's on. Every time I have to go off after the cellar, it sucks following Lenny. He murders. what are you doing I'm giving them room for to cut that out too no Jay

you are you no back in back in Lenny Marcus is a killer oh he's on the Mount Rushmore that's not what I said No we took the other part out

No I'm not saying I'm not saying he's the Mount Rushmore You know It's not a tell Colin and Lenny I'm saying that Nick Apollo And dude I've been watching Nick DePaolo lately He's coming up in my feed

Nick DePaolo is fucking hilarious some of his new stuff is really really funny he he man he's so fucking funny is he coming to skank fest i have to look i don't remember off the top you gotta get he is fucking he makes me laugh we ask so it may have been a conflict on his end if he's not there oh really look at the line out let me know louis drunkenly booked tristan bowling on skanks last night just you know young kid from aritona very funny kid very very funny yeah nick de paolo's been coming up my feet a lot and he is he I mean it is real he is

fucking a great joke writer joke writer and he's also looking back at the roast when he was on it he was fucking hilarious on the roasts really funny Lenny no not Lenny Nick Napollo I can't believe you don't think Lenny's

a killer I haven't seen Len Marcus do comedy since Todd Lynn had sight and was alive yeah well now fucking murders really does so somewhere between 50 and 65 he figured it all out okay I'm gonna believe that

you are a fucking like Lenny you of course you can't not like Lenny You of course you can't not like Lenny