The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Fancy Boys

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Jacob and Bobby Kelly like to follow the style of a real dandy!

I'm Dan. And I'm Jay. And this isn't just a podcast, everybody. We're actually a radio show over on SiriusXM. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the SXM app. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. Too special to tell you here, but it may involve sex. For our stand-up tour dates, go to dancoder.com and bigjcomedy.com.

And now, the Bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Dancoder.com and bigjcomedy.com. And now the bonfire with big J. Okerson and Dan Soder. Welcome back everybody's bonfire faction talk series 6M 103 big jokerson dan soda kicking it with Bobby Kelly. Jacob brought to our attention on Monday. A fashion icon.

Icon. I guess his icon, where he follows this guy. His idol, you'd say, is fashion idol. Yeah, yeah, idols are better word. It's the person he wants to dress and look like. Yeah. No. No, he just, no, he follows his lead.

This guy gives you lessons on shoes and suits. It's classic men's style, which anyone can, it's the style that has lasted the longest because it doesn't, it's not a fad. Yeah, he doesn't like cursing, so I'll try to watch my language as I explain this to you. Who doesn't like cursing?

This guy's gonna show us. Oh God. So he's a fashion person, and he let you know his thoughts on cursing. He's a gentleman. He's a gentleman. And Bobby knows it too. I know him. Oh God. Jacob is a deduced. I won't show me it. Don't show me it. I just want you to give a swirl of brandy while you take a

So for Andy and cigar. Of course he loves that shit. He probably also jerks off of the gun up his butt I bet when he puts on shaving cream. It's got to be with a fucking Video it's a beaver. I believe weaver tail. You know, he's got a crisp fold on a paper though. Beaver brush. Beaver brush. It's a necessary. I own a beaver brush. Yeah, but here's the thing.

You can do what I do and take a big razor and look in a mirror dry and just scrape the hair off and then go the other direction. Damn. And then you splash a little something with alcohol on your neck. Oh, you know what, you're in a frissel. I'm a frissel during the field.

Yeah, where do you buy a creek? Yeah, what are you doing? Civil war Jay right now my guys that my guys at a tower now, but I think we get it all agree I've got the best manicured beard right what haasty black loose got a good beard also Me and black I got the best white beard in this place White champ black glue you're the intercontinental dude. You got the white belt. That's right. I'm the TV champion Yeah, this guy's really into like classy gentleman stuff and I have just said some very un-Gentlemen things And I apologize to that to you Jacob cuz I understand you're one of his students I didn't want to bring him into this world. I bet this guy likes to get his dick kicked when he fucks

You think that he's the guy from the video. I do He has classic every time it does does you thank you, ma'am Thank you, ma'am you can't be a pretentious and push this kind of bullshit unless there's a darkness in there somewhere He's involved in child trafficking probably I bet you he's a gentleman and there was a time and a day where a gentleman Walked this earth and I admire Jacob for trying to bring this Earth and I admire Jacob for trying to bring this But do you think he has a screen? Yes, no, no, he doesn't he uses a safety razor. Okay. Well, I want he how he looks

Jacob described this stuff to me and how he looks is you know in movies like when they're in England and you're like I could fuck up everybody in that in that place Absolutely, you know when you're like oh old time fuck up everybody in that place. Absolutely. You know when you're like, oh, old time you think I'll go back a time and fuck, they're all timing. I'd fuck up. You're like, have you been the king back in the day? Yeah. Immediately you see this guy, you're like, the way he walks is like very brittle.

And he's like, hello. He over a nun's heat. I think he's very well spoken. Does great under the, but I think he walks oddly because he's trying to walk distinguished and I actually think it's very well spoken. Does great underrease, but I think he walks oddly because he's trying to walk distinguished, and I actually think it's bad for his posture. Do you think he's one of those guys that also was like, well, fuck me up with Queensberry rules?

Like, he's boxes like this, where he's like, put up your, share a lot of homes. Put up your fist to coughs. He actually thinks every move out in his head and acts it up before you do it. Finally, he's like, very nice to meet you, Daniel. I get waiting for you. And this head, he's going very nice to meet you, Daniel. And then waiting for you.

And his head, he's going to make move to the left, and punch to the shin kick. Obviously, he hasn't seen the sun shining in on that. He's going to eat it into my eyes. Go go like him. Well, wait, show him. Throw back his pants. I think this guy, I think he puts a napkin down

for all the drinks like this. Yeah, he's forgotten. He's forgotten the first rule. It's a very originalist. Yeah, I think I'm going to strike. He would always use a coaster. But there is no coaster. I'm saying he's got a nice cocktail napkin underneath of it.

Yeah, I'm sure. Christine, can you bring him up? Does he eat his olives for his drinks? Here he is, Jay. This is a highlight video. I'm kidding. This is shaving. Kirby Allison.

Love him. What shaving is one of the things I look forward to? He's not wearing that. If you do it, prop down. Ironic. He's not wearing that as a joke. That's what he wears in the morning. He's that's the peacock suco.

That's the the morning of time. So walking around. It's a running robe. Is it? Oh, he that's a robe. Yeah, it's a robe. It's a fitted robe. Damn. It's a running robe. Oh, he, that's a robe? Yeah, it's a robe. It's a fitted robe. Damn. It's a, this guy wakes up with greased hair.

No, no, he's not leaving the house yet. He's already got ready for the job. Oh, so he's primed. He's just not pulled out of the garage. Yeah. He's wearing a robe over his. It's at home robe. Yeah.

You don't even have an ad home robe? No, dude, I don't, I'm not a fucking boxer. You don't have it. I have it. Do you have an at home robe? I have I have sweats a sweatshirt. I have a robe. I never use I'm pretty much with this guy's appalled by Selena robe I'm on my life you'd be like these watching he's like watching this man makes me want to kill others So lazy Jay when you're in the securities are coming out now, Dan. When you get out of the shower, put your robot. Don't dry off. Just put the robot.

Wrap it around you and just take a walk around the house. Do you have slippers? You have slippers. I want you next time you take a shower. I don't wear those either, though. I want you to do this. Next time you take a shower, I want to scrub everything nice. Rinse off.

I do. Shut the water off. Stand there, count to 30. Let the water drip off you. And then take your hand and wipe down the excess water. Come out, put your robe on, slip into your slippers, then I want you to walk out to the kitchen and put the kettle on and make yourself a cup of tea. Okay. Okay.

Is that a spa? That sounds like heaven to me. Exactly. I gotta tell you, usually I'm just, I have that lufa glove and I cram it up my ass and all my holes, I brush my teeth in the shower. I mouthwash, I rinse it all off, I throw a towel, I got a bath sheet that I use and I fucking do a whole

thing like that, do a shimmy and then I sit down and on my still semi wet body throwing all of my underwear. Dude, I, because I'm always showering because I gotta go. As everyone that listens to the show knows, I put an arm against the wall and have a detective cry in the shower. Yeah, when I'm done solving, I slowly dry off, apply all my clothes so I leave the bathroom fully dressed. That's weird. What? That's not true. That's weird. What? But I lived with KDK. I was have my underwear in the bathroom again. It's the issue with like like this

Weekend when we did the Airbnb there's a lot of people staying at this Airbnb. Yeah Real a real world situation, but even like on those tours like that is the only time I, and I hate, ever since I've discovered socks that underwear, which is many years ago now, it's very difficult because I have to, I mean, how much I open the leg of my underwear, it's like try to get my foot in without touching it, in the bathroom so I can like come out at least and underwear in a tank top,

but I do hate having to do that in the bathroom so I can like come at at least an underwear and a tank top, but I do hate having to do that in the bathroom. So you do fully dressed, you do socks then my first thing I get dressed is socks first thing. But that's very gentlemanly. I think Kirby would agree with that. Socks first thing, how dare you? No, no. Kirby would probably cover his private first. Really? Well, I'll say what? Good job, Kirby, because you're going to drag some kind

of bacteria up from your foot, and you're going to get a ringworm next to your dick, next to your gentleman's dick. Bob, your thoughts? Ah, yeah, my thoughts are this. A gentleman would have a bath mat down that's clean when you step out your feet of dry. Your feet dry off as you step out on a and then when you put your under aisle and you let it pull out. No, that is. You might not get dead toenails. That's how that's

this guy's dude. I want you to try air drying one night. I want you to try. For senior dry. She lets it all too. She really goes wide knees and just lets her box just air out. It's the only way to let it dry out. You don't want to get fungi in there. For sure. Put your robe on. Put your slippers on and just walk around the house. And don't even tie the robe. No, that's not going to happen. No, just a King's walk. Yeah, I saw Jay's cock and he was confident about it. I know if you below dries his, his balls and asshole because he doesn't want to feel even a least bit damp. Oh moisture. By the way I appreciate it. If there was a plugged in

hair dryer in my bathroom at all times I'd probably blow dry my balls and asshole for sure. You know. Take a walk on the sun. You know what I have in my bathroom? Jacob would love this. I have, it looks like a barrel and I take my robe. Trash? No, it's a little higher than that. Trash, pal. And it's a little, it's, and hit me after design.

Yeah. No, it's a little later. It's, I put my towel in and I put my robe and it's a towel heater. So when you get out of the shower, I take my towel, it's warm. I don't mind that. I dry off with a warm towel, then I put my warm robe on.

Oh, you look serious, bitch. And then I tie my robe, I look in the mirror. When do you put on your crown of like leaves? And then I slip one foot into my slipper and my foot into my slipper. Do you address the people in me? And I walk out into the kitchen, I hit the button on the electric kettle. Dude, what do you, did you see this in a coffee commercial? No, this is a crazy person that Bobby's just had a bus station walk

at watching a coffee commercial talking to himself, gone, don't forget to take it off. He's just repeating what the commercials say. I love Bobby's lifestyle. Do you've never in a hotel checked in a nice hotel? The you lock the door. You block the bottom from anyone getting in. You move the bed so you have an advantage on if bad guys can.

I always even one like his monsters won't get. Yeah, everyone knows that the ghosts can't get you if the light TV's always on like cartoon networker ESPN or something with the volume down and one light on the place of monsters don't get turn off, turn everything off turn just one light on in the room. Take a shower with one light on in the shower. Can I tell you why I already on the I you don't know

this about me. I don't think yet, but I shower in the show. Can I tell you why I already on the... You don't know this about me, I don't think yet, but I shower in the dark by the light of cell phone reflected into the sink, giving a nice romantic... That is it. That damn dude. I gotta like that. I didn't know you did champagne roulette.

I don't mind that little show. That's VIP, that's VIP. I don't mind it at all. I gotta go, what happens in here? I feel like... When Christine walks in when I'm in the shower Ruins everything she brings in the light from the room like Like Christine what stop now you just made me look like I'm rubbing on my body like close it

I'm listening to Howard Stern and soaking. Oh Come on put your robot in the hotel you ever get the hotel room those are really I'm not trusting that shit It's a brand new role. No way. It's a brand new No chance to bring you over Most of places these comedy clips with us. I'm telling you I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm Chuck Berry. Oh, Fought I want you to thought. Oh, you give it a thought Look that thought you put the robot you go out into your bed Maybe take a seat for a second and read something. It's Christine She tick talks with her be right down in the chair the beautiful chair in your hotel room with your little flippers on Can I be honest? I think it looks low I think it looks low fish and unattractive and that's why I wouldn't do that to Christine.

You don't look you look sophisticated and royal and regal. That's now Christine looks That's so good for your skin. Yes to dry air dry is good for your skin. It's beautiful for your skin And I don't use soap on my head ever do I use soap on my head? What do you use? I use nothing I just let the water hit it just the water cascade off it's it Man, that's why I had a whole pan. I could lick you in there for the tastes Oh man throw a little water and fucking the starch in there you got a gravy Fuck you never lied in a bed naked with just a robe on in a hotel in the middle of the bed and just had the light Like just one little dim light on.

Yeah sure, but I'm usually mone crying. But getting into a getting into a cool Oh On the road on the road in a hotel getting into Where the sheets are still cool Naked under there and let my like dinger flap around the sheets and everything. I do love that. I do walk, but I'm gonna tell them. Sometimes I lay with my legs open and lay on my belly

and watch things naked and I reach back and I pull my beans and dick out. So they're pointed down, like away from me but you see my legs. And then I'll reach back behind my butt and knock my nuts around a little bit. It's funny, you play with your dick You play with your dick the way you used to play with GI Joe legs to put in cars

Yeah, yeah Did I do I grab my dick from behind? I pull it away back and then I make it feel like it's bigger than the balls And then yeah, and then you start to close your legs a little bit and when you close your legs you see which ball goes like boom first like like knocks up Do you think you have stitches as getting older now? I'll catch us in a situation where my if I close my knees together We were watching UFC at that air being beautiful and I'm telling you I kept switching which legs I had crossed and when I'll cross

I feel one nut just the position will be like it'll go you'll pop up between the legs now It's like man, that is fun. No one knows Balls are good the older you get they just they become fun. I really enjoy I've only I've lived the life of tight balls for some reason And now I'm getting that loose hang and I don't hate it people hate it I love I've had a I've had a turkey next a second remember he said yeah, you got to just a dragon I got a dragon ball bag. I know because I when I saw you changing the your baby suit, I did see the back of your balls. And I know they were hiding. They're long enough to have hit your big enormous fat car. I don't know. I have a okay. No, no, no, no, no, do people are talking. Your balls,

hundred prisoners down in the Mississippi. By you. You put them in there. Get the dance so to ball down here. Find that pretty. I'm enjoying my old nuts for sure. I love my old nuts We never we've moved away from Kirby Alice. Oh, no, don't think by the way this guy I already hate him and I'll say this that he's got a weak chin and how dare he tell me how to act But he owns he owns Jacob being a gentleman. Not how to not how to he's not teaching he's teaching the hackiest gentleman bullshit. What is it? He, he, he lives the lifestyle. He, he, he, he lives the life. He thinks he actually, it's like when you get a gangster rap and you're like, that actually do his back guys are real crap. No, this guy lives as a kid. He went to, he said that he would go to high school or college wearing a suit. Damn, he got beat up or he got made

fun of a lot or he got sophisticated pussy. No, no, beat up or he got made fun of a lot. Or he got sophisticated pussy. No. He'd fuck the, fucked up viola chick. No. Any fraternity worth their weight would have kidnapped this guy. Any fraternity worth their weight. But he also feels like he could be,

he feels like he's got mastermind energy. So he's like, Yeah, I planned on you kidnapping me. Dude, no. It's like over there, no chick, no chick wants to deal with this guy. You got three degrees to the left and he falls. You got a very attractive wife.

Yeah. You what? A attractive wife. That's a beard. No. Yeah. I mean, Christine, is this anything, is this a world you think looks awesome?

No, not my deal. We were saying Jacob kept saying Christine would laugh at this. I always watch these videos as if Christine's watching with me Because I love because I know she loves like a caveman and these guys are like a James Bond type That's just like You know just sweating sexuality and like dresses well and knows what's up and is doing it. This guy's a knob Yeah, but trying to like emulate like an actual sexy man. She's letting her fucking feelings go, dude. She's letting it fly. And also,

Jay just caught a stray. I said, man, like rugged. That's what I meant. Well, but these guys, like, you can't get hurt here, caveman. Yeah, I don't care. Call me caveman, whatever. But every guy used to be this way. Huh? Every guy used to be this way. Most men with this black guy. Black people weren't allowed in the house, but I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah, war suits denied. Well, two Shay. People have suits back then.

He was like, the black guy with the Boston accent. The final lesson of this week is going to be how to save the inward problem. Yeah. Okay. Bobby Jacob, I guess you guys want to go back to a better time. Sorry, black Lou and Christine. We move forward and to a lesser extent. Lou, if you find your feelings towards gay Chris, be a thing. Chris. Christine, could you imagine being with this guy and realizing that you left shit streaks on the toilet bowl?

This guy, what would he do? He'd give you a crack, because that's what his attitude is from. But Kirby Allison? Yeah, Kirby Allison would give a woman a good crack if you used to. You wanted it, right? You know, I know we're joking around, but it's like one of those things that we've done on the show where later it turns out that what if he catches like a huge domestic abuse case and you're like, well, it wasn't character.

Well, let me say this. Investigate him, because I'm looking at him and I think he's case and like I'll say I was in character. No, let me say this investigate him because I'm looking at him and I think he's hit women I'm yeah, but what what did he hit them for just American psycho like boredom? Oh, this is family right there as much as you make fun of this guy The other guys I watched the gentleman's Gazette makes him look like Zach Wilde. Can you please show can you show gentlemen? Gazette please show Jay got gentlemen's Can you please show can you show gentlemen because that please show Jay got gentlemen's I might have to tap out here. I mean, Jay got gentlemen, but gentlemen, because that I might Gentlemen, you know that is play a little more curvy Allen before we play gentlemen's Gazette

But gentlemen's Gazette he's right in it does make Kirby Allen look like a hell's angel I do watch that one mainly because I'm fascinated by the one guy who seems to be devoid of any masculinity at all Preston I can't stop well. I can't stop well. We got I can't understand. I want to watch this guy society like that I'm gonna see what this guy does maybe we end up learning how to be masculine Kirby the man By the way, I'm looking at a shower behind him there and the guy brushes a teeth in the shower, which is due to is that gentlemanly? And you called me caveman. Just a caveman. Just what I guess. Oh, yeah, I remember the caveman who used to brush their teeth in the

shower. Jacob goes under the elephant trunk. Jacob just has one for you guys like even then Neanderthal walked Even cave people built a wheel Right technique and the right products this could really be something that you don't dread and want to do quickly But you actually look forward to and enjoy every morning a proper wet shave Doesn't have to take 30 minutes you can do it in as little as five to 10 minutes. I bet he owns talcum. Yeah, absolutely. Who doesn't? I mean, what's going on? I bet whenever he goes to whatever homecoming, whatever school he is, he sings in a quartet. Oh, when he pulls his comb out, he's definitely in fluid. Barber side, like that. Yeah, barber side that he has to. We get it. He's not rocking roll to you. Do you think he's rocking roll? Maybe she get a, get it he's not rocking roll to you Do you think he's rocking roll?

Maybe she get a yeah, he's not rocking roll to me. This guy's rocking roll to you In his own way. Yes Because he lives his own he goes on his own path Jacob more and more I'm starting to think you would have been mad about Elvis showing his hips I was always like who would be mad at Elvis for that and be like Jacob or he's like what is he doing? It's it's making me dizzy before you know you can't crack a bitch. Yeah. I have a special shaving kit from England all right. It's a traveling She do you open it like a fucking hitman opens a rifle case? Don't plug it into our American outlets. It'll explode. No, it's a it's a mini Don't plug it into our American outlets. It'll explode. No, it's it's a many stainless razor handle that you could put your mock five on yeah, and it comes with a German

engineered nose trimmer that you made of two bones And then it has a fingernail clipper and it's It's like a British gentleman's travel kit. Damn, you brought the EU right to your head. Which I travel with all the time and that's what I use. Yeah, yeah.

I'll get you one, Jacob. Do you want one? I have a fleshlight that I could also put a can of my deodorant into, so it helps me when I travel also. That's pretty sick I don't like my mouthwash to open up and the things with my mouthwash in the flesh. You I can fuck Jenna St. Clair's ass And then put on some degree and go about my day How funny is those girls got to go around and hock their flesh lights and then go to the exact replica and they really have to look It's like yep, that's every's every flapping fold of my stupid gun. You know

I never even put my face this close to it. She goes man that is one big clip I got on me huh. He's got it's like Jimmy Carr with one 500th the likability. I would not wear this. I mean I'm I dress more like you Jay. I know but Jacob now I do want to get you a morning robe. I wouldn't wear the road. No not a morning robe. I mean in around the house. When you come home you will then take off your outer jacket and put your walking around to smoking jacket of sorts. It's a smoking jacket. I really do want to smoking jacket. Because I'm a member of a gentleman cigar club. I hope you walk in with it.

You think you're gonna fucking come ono. For your sluggish, uh, Bobby, what's... He goes, Dad, you're right. Look at that. Look at the red one. All of the first one. Oh my lord. Damn, Bobby.

I want that. How much is that? I'll tell you what, goodbye. I'll be having one kid if you wear that. Donald is gonna force you to give her another child. If I buy a house, it will have a room that's like wood, like a wood paddled room. And that's where I will have a smoking jacket sitting there.

It's when I sit in there, I will. Sure. Cool, that's cool. I'm gonna have a trampoline room. You say Don's gonna have another kid? Yeah, good luck. Yeah. Just 50.

She'll find a way to do that smoking jacket. I'm gonna pull it out. I'm gonna smoke a jacket for a pussy. You're gonna hear it like a Pepsi dropping in a fucking machine and then Her pussy enjoys old stuff Her pussy's reading a Kindle by the fire Man, go play a little more. I only hear a little more of this jerk off some bullshit. I like him Jacob sticky guns buddy I'm with you. I can't believe he's wearing a tie at home. It's so weird

You're out of his face. That's how he's dressing to leave he's already in his In his new reporter getting makeup done He's protecting his clothes with a fucking paisley fag rag. Can we hear could we go a little further than this? Yeah? little further than this. Here, yeah. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little.

A little, little. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little. A little, little.

A little, little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little.

A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. any of these things so far. You have a lot of, you have this. First of all, he shaved his face bald like a lady. I hate the sound though, it's just being made. Hey, watch me shave. Hey, he just watches you shave and he goes, thanks. I just, you know, these videos are made for you

and gay guys to match the way. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like it's come. Oh, we're gonna watch the video. Ooh, looks like baby had a spill. Oh, what's that? you got a milk mustache stranger Go to the other one go to gentleman's attic. What's called? Gentlemen's Gazette these guys are he's wearing a Rolex dude. You see that Kyle. He's the coolest guy on you want Preston

No, Kyle's cool. Yeah, Kyle's too cool. His shirt was all wrinkle you know shit This guy no, that's Sven Ruffiel Schneider That's the guy who runs trying to get to see us To that sounds like a character name. That sounds like an old Karate class or something that's so very many. No, that's Sven John. That's friend. That's John Claude. I learned it I had to learn it Give me some credit guys don't make fun of him this on to the show for all of you. Yeah, this is Gregorio Vargas Actually an international gentleman that travels only by balloon

No, I'll show you We're gonna trash his name. I mean we are gonna say his name anyways Sven Guggenheim. Want to make omelets with Jack Pippin? Yeah, of course you do. Hello Bean Duck Puts, Worth it. Look at these. Jacob, you watch this? I watch everything. Yeah. That is insane. He knows it all too. I'm telling you.

This is crazier than me watching petafile hunts and fucking rock and roll true story documentaries. If you think about it, it's kind of like, this is his pedophile hunters. But, this guy looks like he lives in a time where the cars don't have roofs ever. Why? Why, I thought I'd pick him up in the best driving car, right? You have to turn the car like an airplane.

Yeah, it's one of those things where the invention is still so new they have to say what it does. The driving car. It's like left sort of and right a little. Hang on Sally, I'm going to go start the car. Now it's a combustible engine and I know you've never heard of this thing before but the coming out of Detroit. There's some accordion thing that has to go behind it all the time. Oh you silly girl, there's some moon up in Michigan. They have Henry Ford.

So everyone's going to have one of these. If this doesn't work we'll take my big wheel the universe. You know I heard if you don't have pubic hair the devil can crawl in. What's it called the big bike the penny farthing? Yeah, the big bike. That's what this guy looks like. With the big. He just does also looks like he's wakes you up waving a knife.

Yeah, you know this guy has for entertainment a hulu hoop. Yeah. Oh for sure. hula hoop. Yeah. Oh, for sure. He travels by open umbrella. Ha ha ha. He has a picnic basket. You got to get the B-roll of these guys walking. It's insane.

Just play him. Yeah. To stay cool and look cool in classic menswear, regardless of how hot your surroundings might be. He thinks that guy looks cool. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Here's this alcohol stings almost as much as that boy's punches. How much money? How much lunch money have you lost up to? Oh, remember back in school when someone would pay a girl to pretend they like you, and then she would just be setting you up to get beat up by her boyfriend and all of those friends. Why? I didn't know that people could even be halfway decent until I was 20.

When I met her. Remember the school shower, when everyone held you down and shaved all your dick hair off? Oh, I remember seeing the prettiest girl in town Laugh as I was under a hailed storm of punches from the cool boys. I don't have a beaver tail back then Remember the winter getting snowballs thrown at your face all the way to and from school Why I thought my mother had named me pussy until I was 12 I wish I would have figured out large brim hats back then. Oh, I used to love the nights on prom when I'd stay home with my mother. Make soup.

I wish I knew the trick of dressing like a ghost so everyone thought I was dead. Oh God. So, in terms of several of our videos, we've seen that some of our viewers want to embrace classic menswear, but are worried that the climates in which they live might be too hot for this to be practical. Well, we've got good news. Now you need fret. He looks crazier and street clothes. Yeah. Wow boy, his hills have eyes boy. Wow.

Hey, this guy's got a thousand yard stare. This guy's not okay. Yeah, banjo playing should be in the vicinity. It looks like if you say the wrong thing as you're a date with him as a girl, if you say the wrong answer, it looks like his right, like to our left, his right eye, like twitches up a little bit. Mother doesn't like jelly. She goes, so I'm thinking about going to grad school. I've already got two jobs. He's like woman in the workplace. Why would women work when they can stay home and take care of the babies? Yes. Oh, I don't want to have babies. So God gave you all that equipment and you're not going to use it. A garçon, if you wouldn't mind. Hi, man, please have a few finest shots.

What do you mean my name won't get passed on? My legacy. What about my legacy? What about my watch? Who am I going to give it to? But if this is to work out, I want you to birth me a boy. Yeah. When I'm at home, I'll either talk about press L. I they're talk like Preston like he's a pussy crusher or I'll say

Ain't there do my homework? I mean one of the two he's but I love it. Yeah, there's a chance this guy low-key just sucks plus like a champ so fun This guy's a fuck good. You don't know.. I would, I would actually bet that he eats pussy like a mother. Nope. I think you're completely wrong. Really? Absolutely. I bet he does.

No, he's in something weird being done to him. Look what? I don't know like carving Bible verses in his back or something. Something just crazy shit. Would you mind doing Jesus's letter to the audience? Slowly. Three people in here in the room. Can you read my scars?

Oh, fucking nuts. Yeah, this guy's got like a red dragon tattoo on his back as like the whole thing. Everyone knows the punishment is coming. The punishment will be real and the punishment is coming. And the way he's giving his upon us. Don't you understand your modern, horish ways have brought upon what I can only call hell on earth

She's like stop on let me add up here stop on my tentacles or watch the dragon be released Because would you like to hear about the new summer line for men? Yeah, oh You and your horish ways. How come every time I meet a girl. She's not as good as mother It's too much effort. I like the small creature comforts They're like Bobby like you said a towel warmer would be pretty tall. I want one of the greatest one. Yeah, so good You have to get the right one though. You got to get the barrel. I'm start with a bad day How do you feel by I think I wasted my I see when I look when I'm zillow porning? I'm seeing a heated floors I see when I'm when I'm Zillow porning, I'm seeing heated floors. It's a big thing.

Yeah, that's great. Those are great. They've been into the some into the, it's crazy. The grout into the tile. We stayed in an Airbnb and that had one and they had a fucking six hour and it was one of the stepping out of that shower. When you come out of the shower for sure, I can't, but I mean, I almost like feel like you wouldn't want like your living room floor to be here.

No, it's just bathrooms. It's like just bathrooms. Yeah. It's like toaster of in coils. It's just bathrooms. Yeah. There's like toaster of in coils under the floor. Yeah. I don't think you do it like a living space unless you're crazy.

Yeah, your feet would get hot. Well, you don't have tile in like a living room. Yeah, it's got to be on tiles. Yeah, it's on tile because tiles cold as shit. So when you, I was in a hotel in Amsterdam when we did that Louis thing and you come out of that shower and you put your feet on the floor It's like magic. Yeah, you feel like a better person. I thought the best thing with this this stuff that you get a towel Lormor a robe you feel like a better human being. Yeah, you treat yourself right of course. Yeah, you're finally saying I deserve this

Not that I deserve it That's how I feel the first class flights. Sure. That's how I feel about first class flights. Yeah. And as we've talked on Legion Skanks before even I like to walk into that lounge and just like just go and take a little sudden a little frittata. Sometimes I don't sometimes I don't eat you know why? Because this is my place. I just want a nice chair to sit in and not job. And when I walk to my gate, I want to walk onto that plane. I flew out of Detroit and I got there early and I went to the lounge and made a egg and bagel sandwich. Okay, I ate it in a way where I think several people in the lounge were like, I wish he

didn't have access to this lounge. I do feel like there's a lot of posturing in the lounge because yeah, I do feel a lot of people. I'm sorry. I'm going to want to Arnold Palmies with my fucking egg sandwich. I'm doing it a lot though too. I really am like when I'm eating my sausage link with my fingers, I'm gonna walk to Arnold Palmies with my fucking egg sandwich. I'm doing it a lot though too. I really am like when I'm eating my sausage link with my fingers, I'm looking around and I'm like,

everyone's using a knife and fork for these. Yeah. I think that isn't kind of like finger-feeling. They're performing for each other. Come on. Right? My bagel, they look at me like I'm a monster. The Delta Lounge is stepped up its game.

Well, it was flagging for a little. They got, I mean, I went a LaGuardia new Delta Lounge. Yeah. I mean, but they had egg bites. They have a line like a club. Yeah, they had egg bites, but then they had an egg quiche potato dish. Mm-hmm.

Oh. Could I tell you something, the last time I went and visited my grandmother, it was like, you know, it's super depressing at this point, to go up there and see her just allowed me to better. I swear to God, No really. I was kidding No, you bring your snacks from the lounge fuck her. I was leaving and I left I bring a parfait for my Nana. No, I went up there and spent like, you know

Katie and I went up there for a couple days and then Katie flew out early and then I left a couple days later and I had to leave it like two in the morning because my flight was at like eight in the morning or whatever and I was like I'll leave a little early and then I just hung out in the Delta lounge and it was awesome. I was just making myself a little plates of food. I was the only one there was like five in the morning. I was like, but sitting at a gate, time ticks by, sitting in that lounge, it flies. I think I had like two hours in the lounge. I always go two hours early all the time. I was sitting the lounge. Can I tell you what also, LaGuardia has,

I think there's one, I had this recently. One or two gates, leave from the lounge. So one of them when I went in there, I was like, you know, they always tell you where your gate's at and how far away it is. They go, oh, this one in the back of the lounge there's where your gate leaves. Are you out of your mind?

It's where it got in my mind. I don't of your mind? It's where you got my life. I don't know if that's true. New Delta Liner procedure. New Delta terminal at LaGuardia is like a spaceship though. It's beautiful. Yeah. Christine, look up what you need to look at. You need to look at it in the Delta Sky Lounge.

I mean, if you could walk from the Sky Lounge into a plane. Yeah, and by the way, and you cut off the, you know, where the people are coming from, the actual thing that come in there. That's like Chicago, you got to walk from the hotel. Used to be able to walk from the hotel through security in the hotel into the airport. Remember that we stayed there? We made a mistake on that one though.

No we did. And now because it wasn't like that anymore, you can't do that anymore. You can't go through the thing to Delta. No. Remember we were there. It was like, hold everything. We got the airport hotels because that reason yeah And then there was nothing by our hotel and it wasn't more convenient for the flight

Am I right about this? I don't think you are I Promise you I think you dream that Maybe yeah, that does sound like a dream thing We're like oh walk from this to this. What did you look up Christine? You can't go from the lounge I'm fucking gate if it is possible. I'm just gonna fly wherever that gate does it goes term no no Well, there's no terminal D anymore. It's all C There I don't think it's true. I promise you I did this I I sure yeah, I feel like like Christine's are looking just staring confused face. I

Don't think it's I don't think it's I don't think this is real I think you want life. I fucking hope it is. I don't think I think you want this to be real But I don't think it's real. I think it's real. It's not I don't here's thing I may wear my beginnings. It might not be LaGuardia. It might be like Newark or JFK. I'm fucking that's not JFK. Hey Newark. And it's not Newark. I don't think this is what, where'd you go? I don't remember.

I do. So here we're out right now. You just don't believe I don't remember where I went. Where were you four weeks ago? I was in Sarasota. You don't know that for sure. I do. Four weeks ago exactly.

Actually, I was in San Diego. Okay, you've already changed the place. Well, you said four weeks exactly. Okay. was in a standing okay you've already changed the place well you said four weeks exactly okay do this no way four weeks ago you were here listen me listen me dude that's true too but you're doing tricky shit now dude listen to me there's no way you go from a lounge into a gate hundred percent dude there's no way in fact I'm now I'm back to thinking it is in fact LaGuardia, I love you so much.

It's not your losing your mind. Damn, please, step in on this. Because I'm trying to think there's the main lounge is right next to security, right? At terminal C. You come out of security, the lounge is to your left. Is there another lounge further in connected to a gate? Yeah, you had a special lounge.

Will you on some special? Will you read vested? I'll tell you what you are you're adorable right now, so I think I want to believe you just cuz you're cute Searching without letting me see the screen. I want to Searching I want to watch this fucking psycho. Yeah, play the cycle for a second so I can find out this actual situation There's no way there's no way. I'll bet you how second so I can find out this actual situation. There's no way. There's no way. I'll bet you, how much you own a bet? $10,000. That doesn't exist anywhere.

Anywhere you say? I'm not saying anywhere. I'm saying LaGuardia. LaGuardia? Delta. I'll bet you a thousand dollars. Delta lounge, gate, access. Here's a airplane going by

Can we watch this dude? Yes, please play the dude in today's video we'll be sharing six categories of essentials for crafting outfits that beat the heat as well as 20 you look at tips on dressing well as 20 and you look at that. You look at that. I would look good in that. I would look mean. I look like a dickhead. Do you look great in a linen suit?

Oh, you look fantastic. Is it breathing though? It looks so nice. It looks like a great Gatsby. I would love it. Yeah. I would love it. Just if Katie ran around my room,

throwing all my shirts into the middle. That would fit your body. There's one for every day. Oh, Catherine, get down here. Oh, you're like a spring breeze. That's why I'd say shit like that. I'd call Katie Catherine, a of all. You'd be Danny Boy. Shut the fuck up, dude, I would be Daniel.

Danny, Danny Boy. No, what? I'm a fast- if that's Southern. Now if I'm Southern, I'm Danny. But if I'm north of the Mason Dixon you call me Daniel Daniel I'm Daniel Edward yes Yes Richard yes Daniel Edward Richard Bartholomew Bartholomew so that is a long-fucked Nishil it's what though

Longfuckin Nigel it was a He finding this Jay You're gonna stay in it the whole show is gonna be quiet cuz he's gonna be looking at fun Christine she's looking for something that doesn't it is can we watch old? I don't have eyebrows face. Yeah Sometimes the light was a trans lady Like she a, like a, it looks like a woman. Man, I bet if this guy can just fight though, it catches us on the street. He can't. Hey, uh, my holding my hat, dude.

Dude, I'll pull his wicker head over his middle of his face. Dude, him just lighting all of us up. Yeah. Just comes outside while we're smoking and he's like, Hey, quick, look over here. Baaah! And then he whips his napkin in your eye. He cleans his knuckles off with his pocket square.

He takes off his jacket and then puts on his paisley rope. He has a fighting vest? You don't mind if I wear my fighting vest, do you? He goes, now, gentlemen, please put him up. Queen's very rude. He has certain cuffs he puts on his wrists. Oh my, I haven't had a confuffle in quite some time. Go fuffal!

Oh, a little dust up. Ah, um, raise your hands and combat, I dare you. Mm-hmm. Ah, mm-hmm. Are you wearing shinguards? Ah, I hope you have your family order. Your family in order, I gotta get out of here. Play.

Push. So I thought I gotta go what? What was that? Play. But today we're really turning up the heat. After all, the standards of classic dress were developed in regions that are generally cooler than some other parts. Is this the kid who immediately left today

who's taped his butt cheek shut and broke his glove? A little hair came off too, and some skin. Some will that evolve for the weather realities of London, England wouldn't necessarily be as at home in life or Texas or look now, India. This does mean that some aspects we commonly associate with classic style might not be ideal for excessively high temperatures, but even a cursory glance through period-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-of-fear-fear-of-fear-fear-of-fear-fear-of-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fear-fe Were you raped by a ghost? It's good. Did an ink you biscuit you? Why are we doing this? Why do I have to dress like I'm gonna go on the Titanic?

The result of a plantation haunting? Yeah, she's like, I want you to dress like you would die first in a boat crash. I feel like Deadpool when I watch these guys. Yeah. I feel like this. I love this era, but I would not want to fuck chicks in this era because they wore so much shit

that you know they're rumors. Just they're assholes. Did you get uncut them out of their fucking day? They put their waist together like a ham to cut the netting off them. I've had smelly waders box from like a just a skirt and nylon's. Never mind a boostie A. Yeah, every 14 layers in the summer. Everything below the hips has been in a crock pot since you got ready. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it.

I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it.

I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it.

I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it. I used to eat it prove my love to you. Oh god, I'm almost gonna die and I fought the jabs You gotta go to work on one of those boats. That's a giant wheel I think either they're developing a Categorath in the east that could show your face honey. I don't want to eat your pussy in the car It smells like gasoline. Oh, he's that's the funny thing. There's old black and white stack films. They show it's like you know You're gonna be on you're gonna be on stack film. Why is that muff so big? Yeah, you they show it's like you know you're gonna be on you know you're gonna be on stack film why is that muff so big yeah you know

it's on tames you remember me see you always remember I've recognized that muff anyway why millie Hansen look at you walking in with that big old off as I live in grief Doris why you had the biggest moth I've ever seen. I know all of Chester County. Why, no, sunny, that's why I grew up. Yeah. Sally Donlands back again with that big Harry Moth. Big old Moth.

I heard her box is so acidic she can melt the nickel. I heard she never drowns. Couple boys I fought within the war, so she was a real good tie. Didn't know she went around like a carousel. Oh my god whenever you open their post you up at your scope Jesus Christ now you know this is only for baby Megan It's definitely no my mask and miss well. Why is there so much white stuff down there already? Well Have a bit of a infection down there. It's the days muck, gentlemen. Well, it seems that you've worked me in the quite a froth.

Well, you got me screaming over here as a Johnson boy. It's called Baby Powder and Lust, my friend. I don't care if you're just baby powder and pussy sure. Hey, honey, you ever been to France? They called out a cappuccino. Yeah. They're getting the drink. they called the old rabbit doglet well apparently you've never been in the junk y'all past closet oh you got my pussy like a rabbit raccoon oh no it looks like the dogs are about to get you out of here I gotta see a thirsty kitten before he'd be, oh my God, dude, that's so disgusting.

Oh, I think that's it. Is that it? Woo! Robert Kelly, always so fun, happy. The bill box available right now at luick.com. You can catch Bobby on tour with dates coming up in Connecticut, Sarasota, Lafayette, Tampa, and Salt Lake City, get tickets at Robert Kelly Live.com. Big J's gonna be on the road coming to Nashville St. Louis and

Louisville for tickets and other tour dates visit big J comedy dot com comedy Carlson going back there for the first time in a while I love that club that is great club Dan Soder of course gonna be at the Rio theater in Vancouver. That's part of the JFL right? That's February 24th and 25th after that you can get your insult lake city Toronto and Buffalo Also, I just I'm gonna do time on Ari show at the more theater February 23rd in Seattle It's where any better climb does the thing for even flow. Oh, I can't do it. Yeah Yes And also yeah, I was out in L.A. doing promoting the special man listen special dog belly

Probably not and also yeah, I was out in L.I. doing promoting the special man looks in special dog belly Live from scank fest gonna be April fifth I believe is the tentative date right now April fifth. Where can they find it? It's gonna be on YouTube fuck yeah, dude. It's great cuz then fucking everyone can watch it. It's not blocked Yeah, no, that's what I mean. It's a great So fucking watch it everybody go watch it dude.. Go watch it. We love you guys. We'll see you, by the way, have a good day. Tuesday next week. Yeah, have a good present.

We have a holiday next week, right? Yeah, so we'll see you on Tuesday. To see you on Tuesday everybody. We love you guys. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for listening. That was just a portion, a tiny sliver, a morsel of the entire show. You want the whole thing? Go to seriousexempt.com slashbondfire for a special offer that is tremendous. It's so good. It's going to make your family upset with you. We're going to lose money over here.

And you can go to bigjcomedy.com and dancoder.com for our standup dates. and dancecoder.com for our standup dates.