The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Fart Like A Man with Jim Florentine

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Bobby tries to get Jim Florentine on his side in the flatulence debate. Bob gassed the room and insists that's what men do and Jacob should stop being a sissy. Jim is notorious for scat pranks. Jay and Christine educate the group about party drugs like molly and ecstasy. Bob missed the boat on euphoric drugs because he's been sober so long but imagines what it's like. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Bobby likes hanging out with bad boys at cigar clubs. Well Jim I've gotten to the last I don't know I'd say 57 minutes That cuz I I like hanging now that mind you I'm beginning shit about being a doing manly stuff for the last hour by a country twink and a fruit with pink pink fingernails these are the two guys they're giving me shit I had a fart and I left the room I leave because they get all... Jacob gets... see that face? That's his regular face. So when you fart, it goes worse than that.

It's a vacuum sealed room. Even better. Thank you Jim. It's the right guest to have for this. Oh I know. Jim's gonna always stand behind the fart for sure. But I leave because you know these guys get offended when a toot comes out. Not even a loud toot, just a toot and they'll smell it even if it's a little bit. They'll be like, did you? No, you've had some room cleaners, dude. No, I'm not saying that.

I've had some bad ones, but I've had some mediocre whatever. Maybe your worst one was, I mean a minute and a half before Barry Manilow walked into the room. Well, someone's got to let that guy know what's what. Yeah. You know what I mean? You've got half before Barry Manilow walked into the room. Well, someone's gonna let that guy know what's what yeah You know I mean, I'm gonna keep him in check. You gotta take it on yourself straight his shit You don't think he knows what the inside of an asshole smells like? He probably went in and went mmm. Yeah, you went boom. He goes. Oh my favorite dessert Yeah, why do you think he stayed for 30 minutes?

Where's that smell coming from fellas smells like Smells like what I love in here, boys. So I left the room to toot, because you have to, because Jacob and everybody gets up. Now look, I understand Christine, but Jacob's a grown 40-something-year-old man that can't take a toot. He can't take, and I said men fart in front of, I'm a member of a cigar lounge, I'm American.

And a boys club. No, it's the young men's lithium club. And he's got a tree. Which is a men's lounge. And he's got a tree for it with a couple old men. No, I don't have a tree for it. Well, you're not allowed to say it, cause then everyone gets in trouble.

I am a member of a cigar lounge, and I'm a member of the Italian American club. I remember a couple guy things up where I live, where I can go, smoke a cigar, hang out with with other men that you can fart in front of and I say men fart. Men don't mind fart. I mean yeah you are what the fuck but it's fun it's funny it's a it's a thing you know that happens that's not a but you do it in front of these guys and they look at you like you just touched a baby in her vagina. Hey Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, It's like a paw. Bobby? Yes?

You wanna introduce our guest? I will in a second. You would? I will. And I'm gonna introduce it my way. Ladies and gentlemen, in this room right now, one of the funniest guys. He's gonna be all over the place. But you know what?

Before that, he's got a special. You can't please him all. Streaming right now on Amazon, the great Jim Florentines in Stooder. Give it up for him. You gotta say it. You piss me off and I get the shit right. That was good. If Christine's in studio, so I get it, you should haul them in. But if she's out sick one day, you should let them lose.

Here's the thing, Christine has a sense of humor. If I tutored with Christine, she'd be like, oh Bob, and she would get it and probably chuckle at it, not like it. But yes, I get that. But the guy sitting to the left, do you see the young boy sitting next to you with a man face?

Yes. He should be able to take it. He doesn't take it. And see, look at over here. Hey, look at them they over there with the fingernails. The one I do the show with. He can't take it either. Them they, he, she they?

It never makes its way over here. I react to the room falling to pieces. Yeah, but Jay, do do you do in front of Christine? No, you don't know far Yeah, no, and she I did probably start for a while early dating and she said something about it So I do try not to now yeah possible, but in a room full of guys Yeah, it's he should be allowed to like you know you guys are in a couple he should be allowed to let him out. Thank you. You guys aren't a couple. He should be allowed to let him out. Thank you. Once in a while, it's all good. He got ticked off. Whenever. It doesn't matter. It's regular. No, it's not. It should. Well, that's okay. Yeah, that's okay. Whenever they come out, they come out. He's saying this, that there's something wrong with me internally because I have to toot all the time. He's not wrong. You always seem

like you're holding it back. Yeah, from you, from the little girls in this room. Maybe if I didn't have to hold it back for two hours, four days a week, I wouldn't have to fart so much. A whole two hours. Bobby, just open your mouth and put it in front of the microphone.

Yes, sir. Let's see, open your mouth and put it in front of the microphone. Yeah. What? I want to hear if you hear any of those crazy things that come out. Because you're doing something

to make yourself this gaseous. This is what Jay's doing. Now Jay is a master manipulator. Watch Christine's eyes go up and she giggles because I'm right. You understand what I'm saying? I can always count on Christine to tell the truth without saying a word, master manipulator.

When he finds himself losing something, he'll switch it up now He's switching it up to my my noise. Look at her. Look at her. She's fucking loving life right now You have loving it here. He comes look he's holding his finger stance You have against your intentional issue because in some community college class use your hands I never went to college He uses his hands listen, you're a guy, you fart, it's in you, you toot, you let it out. Guys, yeah dude, that sucks, what are you doing?

But it's a chuckle. It's almost like an instant joke that we have inside of us all the time. But you got all carved up inside what we're saying is and now because you're fucking, your throat goes directly to your asshole, There's always, there's noise either coming up or out. The back. Listen, that is not the surgery I got. I did not rearrange. I'm listening to your mind's out voice. That's not me by the way.

That's DJ fucking Lou. Is it though? The god damn genius that he is. Hang on Bobby. Oh wait, hang on, your tapeworm's talking. What's that? Timmy's in a well? Here's the thing sometimes we eat like in between like You know breaks and stuff and sometimes when I eat I have a little sound that sounds like this

That's actually your sound no But it is basically that's a little No, that's not it. I was gonna say. But it is basically, that's it. Right. It's a little, you know, something that comes up. Which I acknowledge too. I think as a man, if you acknowledge your shit,

your faults, or your farts, that's a manly thing to do. If I'm in here just squeatin' them out and going, oh, who is it? I'll own my farts, right? And you need to deal with it. But this little cold little fuckin' beanie baby, he gets all fuckin' sassied up if I do. And he gets all whipped up.

So I have to go outside the room to protect him. It's almost like you guys are in a relationship where you have to leave the room to let this go. But who's the man? You. Thank you. You're the farting man. I just remember doing O and A

and every time Jim Norton had the worst gas ever and then like A-list celebrities would walk right into that room and then I gasped. And they just took, I think Slash came in one time, he was like, whoa, when I was on the air. And they took it. Anthony took it, Opie took it. We're talking to a guy who almost had a fucking airline land a plane because your gas was so bad. They were they made my life. Jim. Oh, yeah. An announcement over the fucking. No, no. She came to me. It was me and Stutter and John.

We were farting on a plane. Those little 50 seaters. And she came over and said, look, I know what you guys are doing. And if you do, I already have. They're ready. Like it's terrorism. I already know to find a captain and you do it one more time. We're landing the plane. So I almost made an emergency landing in Kansas City

And we held them in the rest of the flight I just like before 9-eleven I'm like I should have landed the plane like that would I would have been on Good Morning America I would have been a legend you would have been legend. I know One regret in life nothing else. Yeah, that because of this fucking woke culture We live in now we're afraid fart, and he's part of it. I don't think farting is part of woke culture. I mean, that's the only time I stopped it is when they're gonna land the plane,

where it should land. And you shouldn't have. Other than that, I'd never. And you shouldn't have. In hindsight, you should have kept going, landed that plane. I know. You'd be a rock star, you'd have the merch you'd have.

Do you enjoy? I know. They, land the plane, bitch. I mean, all kinds of. Land the plane, dude, land the plane in general. That's great merch. Sick merch. But you missed out on it, didn't you?

I panicked. Bobby, do you love another man's farts? I know you join a lot of these clubs with men clubs, so you can be around men's farts. Is that part of the reason you joined? First of all, you asked the question, and you answered the question in the thing, you sly little bitch.

If you don't, you said you joined clubs to smell all the guys' farts. And then you asked the same question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why, right? I mean, it's like, it seems like you want to be around guys and you say, guys' fart is what we do. So is eating those farts the price you pay

to do man stuff or is part of man stuff? Like you actually like do you find yourself enjoying the smell of another man's heart? Because you're like oh, this is what my father was bad and now this is what fatherhood must be no That's first. This is my smell with the love of a man I'll tell you this, hurt people, hurt people, hurt people. Hurt people, hurt people. And that's what you are, you're hurt. Can I tell you something? One of the most emotional moments I've ever had in my life

was realizing the one time I ever, once and only once only, I smoked a cigarette while taking a shit, and that smell combo, I realized, is the exact smell that when my father would open the bathroom door when I was, be there on the weekends, be like throw me a roll of toilet paper,

and I'm like it's the smell. It's his shit and cigarette smell. And I had an emotional moment, I'm like I couldn't learn that from him because I had to find out by accident years later. And it made you feel good. Now when you're smoking shit, you remember your dad.

No my dad was a terrible deadbeat for most of my life, and also, uh, no, not at all. I've never smoked and shit again because of that smell. Oh, sorry. It was the opposite of what you're thinking. Well, you know, sometimes you make mistakes. Listen, dude, I'm just saying that farting is a kind of our thing.

Well, Jim... Farting is our thing. Can I ask Well, Jim. Farting is our thing. Can I ask you, Jim, because I know this is what I've always been impressed with, with Soder when he was on the show here, even Bobby. I have a hard time, like I don't wanna do gross shit in front of girls, if it's even your girlfriend or Dawn or whoever, it's not because I think

we're gonna have anything. Pause your phone real quick. I still want them to guy guy stuck a toy gun and another man's asshole in front of a room full of that was a bet well I need you to specify where it's yeah I don't know that's not me doing anything I'm just pushing a gun on the man's ass I'm gonna throw up yeah I mean that is probably the top of gross shit in front of women that's right there. But it was, Lewis was the one getting it up his ass. But you're putting something in the guy's ass.

Yeah, well, I'm just facilitating a situation. Okay. It's not, different situation. No, no. But Jim, you were a classic coxman in comedy. Everyone knows it, but you were also not afraid to do the gross things in front of the girls, or were you? Were you more, like S it, but you were also not afraid to do the gross things in front of the girls, or were you? Were you more, like Sodor I said would fart right

in front of Christine. I said the reason I don't do that is not because I went Dawn, I don't fart in front of Dawn so because she wants to be with me in any way. It's just that I don't want her to think I'm gross, you know what I mean? I wanted to think I'm like an alright-looking, not disgusting human being. I would never fart in front of Christine. In fact, when I saw somebody do it to Christine, Josh, when he just ripped one in. That was different.

Josh is an animal. I was insulted for her, and I would never do that. I hold Christine precious to me. I would never do that. But I would never expect if I did to, Christine would be like, oh god, Bobby, and it would move on. You two with Jacob and you.

Not me. Jacob really puts on a show. I mean, Jacob puts on a fucking Broadway musical. Black Lou's got involved in the showmanship a little bit. Black Lou does like your farts. Yeah, but Black Lou will take it a little, he'll take it more than Jacob. Well, he's not gonna make a scene.

Jacob wants to file a petition, go to HR. Jacob wants to fucking get me fired when I toot but Jim Can you think of the point? I was guessing was do you think of the grossest thing you've done in front of a girl and still hooked up that night No, I will be respectful around women. I will hold them in except for my sisters, right? Is that a noisem? But other than that no, I will if I'm in a room for a while when I will hold back I'm saying has there ever been a moment where you did where you were being the guy in the room like

Doing that kind of stuff and still scored the chick is you probably not long hair Jim Florence I that's that was right before my that was my steroid era. Yeah, you know were you taking steroids? No But you know guys had steroids. They get like 50 home runs. It was my steroid era As soon as I cut the hair I went back. I got off the juice. It's funny I don't it's the change in the people but like Bobby's stories when he tells us Wild stories they are funny cuz it's like it's so not Bobby now But everyone's dad's now which is a lot of the difference in those things Just like we're in the cigar bar Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I was worried because I was getting it That's only like a three Yeah, but to him it's an 11 Jacob wants to take TJ's hot sauce important his nose right now. I wonder if he could go to HR over your farts I mean if I absolutely I'd love to be in that meeting I would just blame it on my baby's stomach.

Somebody here went to HR over me for talking about that they were being, I was making jokes that they were being mean to me. Making jokes about it. I was like, oh, he was in here calling me like a little fatso and how much he loved Dan and your little fat friend, which is not, you know, it was a joke, clearly.

And he went and made sure that you can't mention his name anymore on SiriusXM. Ridiculous. Yeah, pretty weird. Yeah, ridiculous, but farts. Farts all day long. Farts all day long. All day long, we should do this in the fishbowl.

Fartfest in the fishbowl. Jacob, you're producing. I would like to get that, what's that camera you showed me one time where they have? Toilet cam? No, the fart cam, where they can see the farts company have you seen that so funny have you seen that Jim no? Oh, we should get that for the if we can get that camera He we should get that for this room, and then I so far I guarantee That little that little chipmunk over there is squeaking little protein farts out the whole show I

Get it. Oh, this is great. Thermal camera. This is so great. So. It looks like ghosts. It just shows you, but it's the best one, it's women. It looks like little ghosts. I love the timing of their farts too.

Here's a girl, here's a woman doing it. She bends over to crack a little ghosts. I love the timing of their farts too. Here's a girl, here's a woman doing it. She bends over to crack a little ass. Blah. Nice. It really is perfect. Thermal camera shows a fart coming out like a little puffed of smoke. It's so funny.

We're watching this, they're showing the people in real camera view and then they show the thermal cam but every single person has a movement, some type of movement they do before they let the toot out. It's not like they're just walking and tooting. Just crack a fart and leave the ATM. The guy walked right into it. I bet he toots too though, doesn't he?

No? Nope. Look at this guy, oh he's pushing it out. There it goes, little step. You know what it looks like? It looks like the surface of the Sun Little explosions Is Sun flares Sun flares coming out of their asses girls fart we have to get one of those

Christine is a girl how many times you say you fart publicly a week I? Bet the dog park is just you cracking them constantly I bet the dog park is just you cracking them constantly So much but I mean definitely like when you're walking around the city far nobody knows Anyways Christine just writing rats walking around the city is hilarious Look at I understand that and I love the fact Don will fart twice a year and I catch her What she and it's by accident. Like she was trying to. She dropped her phone off the bed and she went to go get it and it came out

the little like this. And I was like, yo, she's sorry. Christine is I've heard things at night time now that she's lucky that I have like a, you know, a night of sleep and just forgetting to get past it, because in the moment I'm like it's just like move and I'll be like oh that reminds me I'm gonna break up with her in the morning. Thank God you smoke pot. Yeah I go to sleep and I wake up and I'm like oh yeah and I remember the end of the week oh I was supposed to dump her this week. But you try to get her to remind you this is something I gotta remember I forget what it was. Do you remember did I tell you something I had to do?

I always break up with you I forgot it's already gone her asshole cast gypsy spells We have a dog who goes for it So what I'll see is the action of Christine will roll over a crack ass And then the dog like jumps and likes smashes his face in her asshole It's our dog also loves to fart She farts and then smells her butt. Well, the worst is it. I had Kelby, my old dog...

What happens in that motherfucking house when I'm going on weekends? My old dog used to sleep on the pillow next to me, and I woke up one night, and his ass was writing my face. I saw his asshole just open... and it just shot just dog fart in my face. I felt like it was wet too. I just saw his asshole open first and then frr,

and it was the worst, but the best thing ever. I mean, I wouldn't change a thing. I think farts are hilarious, funny, and amazing. Yes, they smell, but worth the smell, I say. And the worst the fart, the better. Did you puke a couple times I want a from Jim's gas Yes, listen Jim's farts are I look at I don't know what Jim's putting in it but we do know what he's putting in his ass, but

Whatever whatever whatever seal meat she's eating whatever whatever shark she's biting into fermented She's that the smell of old trans jism. I Mean Noren's farts are putrid. Putrid, like terrible. Why do you think it was, honestly? You just had a bad stomach? Dead cum? I don't know.

Yeah, it's been like that for years. I like doing it when I have to ballet my car and I leave him in the car, and the ballet's gotta sit in it. One guy's like, whoa! As I walk the way. I gotta leave the windows up. I know he's coming to take the car.

Seals shut. I do almost something more obnoxious, but with a better smell when I get in my car. I smoke in the car, so I always spray something when I get out. And the guys in the parking lot, I park it. I get out of the car. I turn the car off. And then I fog it with this probably very toxic spray,

and then I go, thanks guys, and then they have to get in it and just be like, shrieked and all that, like, light solid shit or whatever. Jay shows up, hey, where's Juan? He died. Yeah, he died of noxious gas poisoning. He's killed five people in his garage.

Oh yeah, I love that stuff though. But yeah, fucking uh. Listen dude. Sam Morell used to have a great joke fart in the elevator It's hilarious and the door opens and someone else gets in that's not hilarious at all anymore. Well, that's what happened I ran outside to fart and I as soon as I went outside and I was letting it out Some woman who had a radio show here He was playing Ozzy no more tears and she stops right in my face goes. That's beautiful. I was like, it playing Ozzy, No More Tears. And she stops right in my face, she goes, that's beautiful. And I was like, it's Ozzy.

Cause I didn't know if she was talking about my fart or Ozzy. And then she just stood there and talked to me for a minute and I had like a little toot left. And I went around the corner but then there was a woman around the corner. I got bashed by women cause I was trying to save her, him, sorry, for you.

I did that for you. I appreciate it. No more, no more. Now you farted on a lady, and you farted on did that for you. I appreciate it. No more, no more. Now you farted on a lady for you. That was for you. No more, dude. No more, I'm being me. I'm being me.

2024 and the rest of 25, the rest of 24 and 25. Bob Kelly's gonna be Bob Kelly. No more am I holding. Which Bob Kelly, the older Bob Kelly? You gonna start wearing overalls again and getting bushy everywhere you go? I might. Nice.

I might. I might, I might. I'd like a little dance with young Bob Kelly. I might get a space wig like Soda. Hell yeah. I might get my hair back, start dyeing shit up. Oh yeah, your little poofy MC search hair. Get my bush fat cut out, get my dick back fully.

You're back in the game, dude. I'm back in the game. I'm back in that game dumped on max I might move in with you guys. You got a guest house where you guys are going No, where do you live? You never why are you you're a jersey, but you have a big house Yeah, dude, I'm moving with you do we'll start up. We'll start creeps with kids again But without wives or just bang chicks on the road and no one's gonna complain about any farts in the house. Nobody, because you're a fucking man.

Luke's down with them farts, I bet. Yeah. And he gets mad. He's like, what'd you eat? I'm like, you've used that line a million times already. When he rolls down the window, like in the car, I'm like, you're ruining the joke. You realized that.

The joke is to keep it up. To keep it up, as long as you can. You just stepped on the punch line. Told you. First day of school, Max set his alarm. It went off at 6 o'clock. He hadozed two minutes later. He farted. I mean could be in the Boston Pops It was just wha-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa and then he went alarm number two and I was like I got a good one I got a good kid. That's right. That's what you know. That's really yeah. I got a good kid

I got a good one. His mom's upset He knows the funny of the fart, baby If you know it is a tough thing with the stuff It doesn't it doesn't sound like Luke is enjoying the fart humor as much no he is cuz he does it when I say oh It's it's okay when you do it. God. It's just not what I am I learned it from my dad my dad would like eat this onion soup the night before of onion soups He knew that made him gas and he would drive me and my sister. He was low enough. He was low enough He knew that would give him gas. He didn't love onion soup, because he knew that made him gas. And he would drive me and my sister to school. Oh, he was loading up. Oh, he was loading up. He knew that would give him gas.

He didn't love onion soup. He just knew that was the food. No, he just knew it. When he'd drive to school in the morning, and he would lock the windows in his Cadillac, so we just had to take it. My sister's like, and we were in high school at the time. She's like, I'm going to smell like this all day.

Meanwhile, I'm like, good. I'm like, this is great. She was disgusted. Now we know why Jim Florentine is Jim Florentine. Yeah. Does it make more sense that when I was eight years old, my dad took me in a car ride and told me that marijuana's from the earth and it's OK for you?

Yeah. That's much more telling of my life. And you paint your fingernails and toenails whatever you want. Yeah. That's the rebellion, the smoking pot. That came from smoking pot for so long. What is?

That my dad smoked, because I was like, oh, this is probably why he sucks. It's because he smokes pot. No, he would have sucked more if he didn't. Probably, yeah. He said, no, you don't understand. This is what kept me not being abusive. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

You smoke pot? It just kept me unmotivated. No. You don't smoke anything? No. No drugs? No. No, you drink beer, though, right?

Once in a while, I don't drink that much more either. But but is that because you quit or you just didn't we're never into it I always just got buzzed so I had enough balls to go talk to girls. I was shy So I was in a club or whatever like that a few beers I mean a few drinks, but I never got drank to get drunk, right? And then I did Molly a couple times but never did coke smoke weed a couple like from 12 to 17 I smoke weed and I stopped. Because you've been in the rock scene for a long time, you think you'd be into-

Yeah, I've been around it a lot, yeah. But you never- No, even with like in front of strippers, doing lines, I'm like, no I'm good. Get called a pussy. But yeah, I guess I am. I've never gotten into that either, but Molly for sure a couple times, pretty great.

What does Molly do? Oh, you'd have loved it, Bobby. Yeah. Can you not talk like the same voice as my addiction? Yeah, dude, you'd have loved it. Bobby, you'd love it. If there's one thing you said, listen, there's always going to be something you miss.

To me, it's Quaaludes. I was always told by what my personality and the things that I like in that regard, Quaaludes would have been a drug that I would have loved, but I missed the boat on it. And now you can't go do Molly now Bobby, but if you did you would love it. So I'm talking like that my Bobby and then see yeah, it's not an addictive drug, but it's No, you could do it one time and have an amazing night. Yeah

Can you please stop talking with the voice? Okay Like you and your wife should do like if they go to their cabin up in wherever. Oh yeah, in your tiny house. That place is gonna look huge. You take it one night, both of you guys. I'm not letting Dawn take a drug that's gonna let her see you fork shit and how shit. No, that's not how it works.

It's more like you guys are gonna put on music and listen to music and yap a bunch probably and then maybe fuck, maybe not. Cuddle. 100% she'd walk off. You're gonna be a faction after the first time in your life. She would walk off into the woods and become a lesbian and open up a deli somewhere.

No, you guys are gonna go lay down, you're gonna lay down outside on your however much land you have. I find her in some dyke bakery somewhere making her fucking rum cake. Well you can't let her realize her dreams? Yeah, no. I don't want Dawn to do anything where she's gonna

actually see something. Are you always gonna stand in the way of her dreams? I don't want Dawn opening up any pathways to peace. Now, I told Dawn she should smoke. I wanted her to smoke. She used to smoke joints and do shit and she just doesn't do it. I go, smoke, do whatever you want, have some fun.

You took her cool away. She did. I'd let her do it. I'd love smoke, do whatever you want, have some fun. She took her cool away. She did, I'd let her do it. I'd love for Dawn to do a drug where I just come home and she's like, I'm gonna suck everything. That would be fantastic. I've been thinking about dosing Christine now, just not telling her, here's your diet coke. Have Ari do it.

Molly. Yeah, she can't have Molly. Christine can't do Molly. Can you? No. No, she shouldn't. She shouldn't do Molly. I mean, it was. Can you? No. No, she shouldn't. She shouldn't do Molly. I mean, it was a lot of fun when I did,

but I found a way to overdo it. What do you do? Now let me ask you, when you do Molly, what is the immediate feeling of it? Euphoria. Yeah, euphoria, you got feelings. Like you got feelings? Yeah, they came out.

Your feelings? And yours would come out too. Your feelings, yeah. How long ago did you do this? Yeah, they came out. Your feelings? And yours would come out too. Your feelings, yeah. Did you start, how long ago did you do this? Probably 15 years ago. Yeah, you start, like I don't know if you remember, but like you wanna start texting. Yeah.

It's a big thing, the big thing you have to make sure on your phone is that people in your life either know that you're on it or whatever, cause you're gonna just text like, dude I know, I actually don't reach out to you enough, but it's like you're one of my oldest friends in the world and I'm my big thing my big thing is telling people how long I've known that's like a big thing for me it's like so I could get on Molly in this room I would be like G.J. Lew it's crazy man's

like I know it's not just the bonfire dude I know you before that what is it like it's gonna be 15 years we've known each other 15 years you think back at 15 I'm that. Can you start doing it more yeah I tell I'll tell you my entire life story, and then I'll ask Jim I go Jim We do hear all that you know and I go nice so born in Philadelphia I Love chatting I did that when I when I did coke I would do that I would I would fuck it I remember I was dating this this chick who lived in the projects

and I did a bunch of coke and I went to her house at like two in the morning, threw rocks at her window and told her, see I just wanna let you know, I know that like I was playing it cool, but I really liked you for last year, I didn't wanna say anything, but I fucking love you, I really, I think you're beautiful and I love you and I love you so much and I'm so glad that we're dating and I just went on and on and on and she never talked to me

She's like I don't we're not dating who told you that? Why are you screaming outside of my parents house? Because I realize now I should have said the thing you got it in this life You have one shot say the thing you need to say it was in the projects. It was singular parent. Yikes um One shot, say the things you need to say. It was in the projects, it was singular, parent. Oh, yikes. No, it is pretty great. But you get like this warm feeling, you wanna cuddle, right, you just lay there. It's not so much about the sex.

What did you say? Who did you open up to? My girl at the time. Really? Yeah. And what did you say? I can't picture you being emotional. What do you mean? Because you're not emotional.

You're talking about the guy guy I was talking about. Like this is the guy guy. He's the guy, just get up. Who cares if you broke your neck, just figure it out. Yeah, that's pretty much, yeah. I have logic. You have guy logic. Yeah. You have man logic.

It's called common sense. Yeah, common sense. Right? But what did you say to the girl? I don't remember just how much I love her and miss her when I'm on the road. You said that to a woman? Yeah.

Did it? Idiot. It feels like it still bugs you. Yeah, cause then like a week later when I was on the road, she's like, do you miss me? I'm like, yeah. You know, there's a little pause in there.

She's like, you told me last week. You're like, I just, I'm Molly. I go, well, I'm not on it now. Yeah, I know you're like, yeah, I know, and now I realize I just left yesterday and I'm coming home tomorrow, fucking relax. Do I miss you?

Jim's voice doesn't have, it's not the tone of love and affection. Yeah, I love you, I love you deeply. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. I'm gonna do Molly again in my life. When you do it, let me know. What does it look like, by the way?

I don't even know what it looks like. Like meth. What does meth look like? It's like crystals. You can take it in a pill. Yeah, like a little capsule. It's a capsule. I remember I got in a little white pill.

So it's a pill, you pop it, and then all of a sudden you feel great. About an hour. What was it made for, originally? It was made for like depression, right? For kicking ass into your arms? Yeah, like psychiatric treatment. Yeah, psychiatric treatment. America, fuck yeah.

That you can get high on it. Like you can get high on it. That's what it originally was for like depression and stuff in the 70s. Oh yeah, MDMA, yeah. MDMA, yeah. Acid too, right? Wasn't acid for like salicylic acid?

I think so, yeah. Really, and acid, but acid does something totally. You could have a bad trip on that, right? Yeah, I don't wanna go, like the thing about Molly is it's relatively foolproof, I think, in that it will be positive. Do you know what I mean? You might get a little lost in it, but like, positive.

Well, how did you? You're not gonna see stuff, you don't hallucinate. But how did you do too much of it? It's not see stuff, you're just like, I have to hear some music right now. And you don't stumble over your words. You're not slurring or anything like that. Are you annoying?

Not really. I'd say if people are... I don't think I would be to you because of however I metabolize drugs and shit like that. But if you were not on it, you can get somebody who's really on it and come into a room with someone really just going like, the back of my hand, and you're gonna be like, all right. Not nearly as annoying as someone on Coke. No.

That Coke is bad. It's more subdued than that. I think there's heroin in it. Is it the day after, because I didn't do it either, you have all your serotonins used up for like a month. They say it's a good day. The next day. It's for three days, but like yeah miserable I've had that not be a problem

I had to be a major problem and molly's a drug you're supposed to maybe once twice a year if you do it and we got To a point like during the pandemic where we were doing it like weekly So i'd like recover from it and then just almost immediately do it again And then you're depressed and then you're high again and you're depressed. So it really fucked me up. It takes away It takes all your serotonin and just drains it out of you and like pushes it where you like all your happiness is there for the night That's and it takes like three days to rebuild it to rebuild your serotonin Yeah, you can get like serotoninin deficiency syndrome where it doesn't rebuild completely. Jesus Christ.

Can they just make serotonin and you could drink that? I wish. That would be fantastic. I think that's where you have to eat those things from babies, right? Isn't that their thing? Yeah, that's pretty. The Illuminaughtii?

Yeah, yeah. And then some of the stuff I remember used to have speed in it so you couldn't go to sleep. Well, that was funny. So you'd be up to like six, seven in the morning. I've done, the first time I did Molly, we were pretty sure because we didn't test it. Now you'd have to test everything.

But we didn't test it and it was most certainly by all accounts like mostly just meth. Because that was the night I'm talking about particularly when I went around to everybody who worked at KS Digital and was like, here's everything about my life from the beginning to the right now. And then I would just move on to the next person and be like, here you go, all right.

You didn't catch any of that? Let me start all over again. Yeah, I went hard. It all has meth. It's methodioxyl methamphetamine. So it's like, if there wasn't meth in it, you would just go to sleep, but then it's cut down with like other shit.

The best ones were heroin back when it was ecstasy, but now the fentanyl thing is like crazy. Like I'm terrified of fentanyl nowadays. Fentanyl, like, a really small amount, it would just kill you. They say, but then people are addicted to pure fentanyl, so I'm like, I don't know where this comes from where you can actually, like, use fentanyl

but also die from a salt grain of it. Yeah, it's bullshit. Is it bullshit? No. No, fentanyl's pretty deadly, for sure. I think it's, like, tolerance, like, anything else, but for some people, if you've never taken fentanyl before, they No, no, fentanyl's pretty deadly, for sure. But I think it's like tolerance thing like anything else. But for some people, if you've never taken fentanyl before, they say like a fingernail size, not a grain of salt.

But like, basically the amount of like, if you had that much fentanyl, like a Molly pillow of fentanyl, you're dead, for sure. Holy shit. And they'll mix it in, the drug dealers will mix it in because it's cheaper, right? Yeah, they say, but it just sounds like you're trying to kill people.

I used to hear- Well, I heard something too about getting, it's like physically addictive, the fentanyl, where like coke isn't, so it's actually like getting people more hooked on drugs. See, I like this, those, the best times I've ever had of like Molly is when it's been those like colorful, goofy pills. Those pills are, the press pills,

I've always found to be the best. Wait, you mean the movie Molly? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, those are the best ones, but I assume there to be the best. You mean the movie, Molly? Yeah. Yeah, those are the best ones. But I assume there could be fentanyl in all of it now. You have to test it all. Oh, wow. I mean, listen, I'm glad I got out of the game.

It's me and you go to Tiny House and fucking take Molly, dude. I can't, no. We'll wind up fucking. You and Jim, dude. I agree. Well, I'll wind up sucking each other off in a triangle. We'll call it the New Hampshire Young Men's Club. Yeah, the Young Men's Club. What do we put the word club on it? And cigars. Cigar

club of men. Young, oh look at that Medusa one. I'd take that. The ecstasy. That's crazy. I thought the press pills were all ecstasy but they I think they just call it Mollie. Yeah that's the yeah. It's like the new word. Wild. It's wild. Bobby would be so emotional on it he would hold in his farts. Oh my God. Now this is wrong. I mean, he'd be apologetic. I'm sorry.

You called Jacob, yeah. Jacob, you know what, Jacob? I love you so much and I tried to do the right thing. And I went outside the room, but when I came back, you hurt my feelings. And I didn't want to get hurt. And then when you hurt me, I wanted to hurt you because that's what my stepfather, Billy, used to do. He used to hurt me and I realized at a young age if I hurt him

They stopped doing it and I was just trying to get you to stop Jacob because you I love you man I love you so much and I admire your outfits and I love that you wear a bunch of stuff when you get cold You don't complain you just sit there and I love that you have a stoic face like a Romanian fucking asshole And you just I don't know if you like me or not, until I ask you and then you say you do. And I love you man, I'm so sorry. And Jay, I love you, and Black Lou, I love you. And DJ Lou, you're the fucking greatest. And Christine, you're so pretty.

Oh wait, then you're gonna be like this. Wait, wait, wait, is that Pink Floyd? Yes. Oh God. Oh God, I don't know who's in the band. I know Jay does. I know he knows every member. And the ones that left and came back. And I don't know really who they are, what I know Jay does I know he knows every member and the ones that left and came back And I don't know really who they are what song this is

You'll like that song Jay was playing coming back from the commercial you like Jay, you know what? This is a good song. It is I get it. It is all see you understand that I would bad bad bad bad boys Playing with boys Jim Florentine new special you Can't Please Them All is streaming right now on Amazon Prime. You can also check them out at the Funny Bone in St. Louis the 21st and 23rd through the 23rd of November. Dunnellon Theater in New Jersey November 29th and Laugh It Up Poughkeepsie. You love those boys up in Poughkeepsie. November 30th for all other tickets and tour dates please visit jimflorentine.com and make sure you check out our tickets the Bonfire Holiday Spectacular will be Tuesday December 17th at the Village Underground special guest is confirmed

we have an amazing show lined up it's gonna be awesome. Lenny Kravitz. No not Lenny Kravitz. I guess whoever it is now has to live up to Lenny Kravitz. I asked him to say that. Oh, I guess whoever it is now has to live up to Lenny Kravitz. It's Ryan Reynolds. Lenny Marcus. It seems like Ryan Reynolds, Lenny Marcus. Ah, yes. Lenny Marcus, but he's gonna be jumping out of Leslie Jones. Oh, shit. He's gonna smell like farts.

Make me feel so good. And make sure you check out Big Jokes, and we'll be at Houston Improv all this weekend, Saturday and Sunday. November 24th, he's gonna be in Philly, it's almost sold out so get your tickets if there's few left. Stanford, St. Louis, West Palm Beach, for all the tickets and tour dates go to Big Jay Comedy or punchup.live slash Big Jay Okerson.

And Robert Kelly is going to be in Morris Plains, New Jersey, the dojo of comedy November 22nd and 23rd. After that, Beacon, New York, Kansas City and Batavia, Illinois, all on deck. You can catch Bobby every Tuesday night, including tonight. 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar. For tickets and tour dates, of course, go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. I know what you're thinking to yourself. How is the show at 7 and it's 6.45 and you're still here?

I make it. Movie magic. I make it. I take that train, baby. Hollywood magic. Yeah, you do hustle your ass're still here. I make it movie magic. I take that train baby Hollywood magic Yeah, you do hustle your ass out of here It's the bonfire Did you fart you farted somebody else farted it wasn't me That was me It was Jim. It was you was it you it was you I'll take credit of it

Was it you know wasn't me wow it was you terrible was not me