The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Farts in a Jar? (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Kevin Ryan and H. Foley of the "Are You Garbage?" Podcast join The Bonfire as the gang dives into a reality show star's world of selling farts in a jar.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson. And I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Oh, this is a fun one. Their new comedy special is out now and available on YouTube.

It's the R you garbage guys? H. Foley and Kevin Ryan welcome to the show Thank you back to show welcome back Erzy on his pop this refers to this as the wall watch please That's very funny. He thinks insulting you, but that's fine You think he's talking that shit that's straight up. He doesn't get gas station sandwich culture. Yeah. What are you drinking? Bottle of water. It's cold clear water. It's only water from here

on out Danny. I got to do it here. No more sugary drinks. No more nothing. Damn you're gonna get a trotter. Aren't you? He's get a try? I'm not sure. He's real. I think he might get hot. He's already personally Jimself. He's in shit. He might get hot. Yeah, I told everybody, I've tried to keep this guy.

You think I put the weight on by accident? I put the weight on purpose to protect people. Because in shape, 25-year-old Hank was a real prick. Now, is anybody want some back? So when I'm back, I don't want anybody get me. Keep your sisters. Keep your moms. Keep everybody away from me because you were free reign when I'm slowing down. Full. You were in shape. You were in shape at a point. Yeah, one time, even a couple of years ago, he really turned, he really, you know, he really hit turbo

driving about two years ago and put only 200 pounds. I got damn seamless, man. I'm just a little bit brutal. Legitimately, when you sat down, there was nothing hanging over your belt. No, high school and college, I was in college. I was like 180 pounds. I played the cross in football. I'm always I'm always intrigued by that. I've talked about this with Bobby Kelly before. I'm always intrigued by that. Wow.

I've never not been right there, baby. I've never not been some version of fat. So I don't even know what the other side is like. a fat so I don't even know what the other side is like to know how different it is now. Is that true or did you always do you just look at yourself as fat? Because I have like a picture of myself from college when I thought I was fat. People called me fat and I'm like, God damn it, I was fucking shelt. It could be body just won't be it. No, no, I've always been fat for sure. I've been a fat dumb to shape my whole life, will it? Yeah, I've been waiting for someone to tell me I wasn't.

But yeah, no, I definitely, uh, I think I was thinking about this the other day randomly. Jay is that you did some people they look better when they're younger and worse when they're older. You definitely look the best now. Like I'm gonna be at the laugh house and see them like your picture on the wall and you'd have like a Fubu sweatshirt on. Oh yeah, hold on. Here, I'm like, who the fuck is that guy?

Who's fantastic now? Oh, thank you. Yeah, well, that's the beauty of dudes, man. We do just age well. We do age just fantastic. I mean great poor women just wilt into nothing huh. Justin, Justin unfuckable bowl running around the house in a house coat. No one wants your words right now. Chris now. What are you gonna say? Me? I just said thanks, Jay. Oh, yeah, no, not you, not yet.

I mean, you're wilting for sure, but I try to keep you water as much as possible. Now the window over once in a while, get a little sunlight. Yeah, see if you tilt a little bit. Christine, don't let me look up kidney stones later. I'll spend the rest of the night obsessing. I'm sorry, dude. I'm the same way Bruce and Christmas I'm surprised you're still on the snaple I stopped when they switched when they got rid of the glass bottles I can't do it man. They really fucked me up with that shit, but I always turn it

I put it in a glass with eyes always Fucking aristocrat look at that I just put it in a glass Gentlemen That's a pretty boy dude So that's a plastic cup by the way That's glass that's a glass nice thick one Nice thick one

But Irish pub did you steal that one glass That's what I wanted to know That's from the seller I like to know Now this is a Christine special I only know Christy knows what Christine got this from This seller Christine tells you she goes Now I got her from the seller. Yeah pocket it one night throughout my purse

So also got the plastic we we talk about this all the time Jay and I talk about this the plastic red pizza hut cups. Oh, buddy. We got them in the studio somewhere. Yeah, they're fantastic. Unmoving. They make found they make found so do I told you I throws is cups soda cups were going to be that and something happened. We asked to change them for some reason. I don't know what it was, but that's the ultimate soda cup. You see a bar that has that? They give a shit. So do looks like he's in a Taliban beheading video.

Yeah, I just try to be, you're trying to be brave. I just want everyone to know that I miss my family. And I will do the hamburger Christmas. As we, Larry Witchbide still it. You're caught wearing another jacket in North Korea. You know, yeah, I Shoot gum in Singapore. Yeah, what we have in a good time. That was fine. They They banned laughter for a day or something or a week 14 days in North Korea

So far Danny says where are you hold up at? Undisclosed location where I'm always Secret location like close-cars were I met my I met my safe house where are you hold up at? On disclose location where I'm always at. Secret location like close-up. I met my safe house. I was at the farm. I was down at the farm in Virginia. I got the over.

Next year what throws it off to that? That nine. Yeah, that looks like a awful. Yeah, this thing right here. I just take this to a clock tower and I get rid of a star case AR 15 showed up nice looks like Santa wants me to hit targets from over a hundred yards away I'll be delivering the

gift of soft targets here you nursing school bitches should have said yes to my advances there's gonna be a mall there's gonna be a mall with a sale on coffins Your favorite bag a fendi bag a Louis Vuitton bag or a body bag Jacob I'm sorry, you're the voice-traumentalist here. Could you please do an AR 15 tearing through them all please? Did you mute yourself did you just do it for nobody? Fireway

far away. Yeah, dude. Perfect. You're like, I'm in Rambo right now. Yeah. He's like, boy, he's like Michael Winslow, dude. He learned from the best. Everybody duck. I get it.

I get it. I get it. It's good. It's so long. First but blue. Can I bring some of these things up that I want to talk about with the with the fellas here Dan? Yeah, so we got so many one Did you hear about the lady then yourself about the is farting into a jar and selling it? I heard about it. Yeah, I don't know what show she's on

What's what what reality shows she on What's a call? 90 day. It's not one of those birds who selling sunset. Because let me tell you something. Those checks are top shelf. You'll buy a fart from them. I'd buy a fart from that bitch. What a compliment.

Oh, I buy a fart from her. The only thing that bothers me about that is she really farting into it. Or is she just selling empty jars? That's my problem. That's my problem. There's not there's no. There's no. There's no problem. It's a promise made. Unless you're agreeing to be filmed farting into the jar, why would you believe it said? Yeah, you need proof of Lewis said on Rios podcast today, the mean if you genuinely like the funniest

thing for her to do is have a fat guy friend of hers is farting all of them. That's the funniest. Yeah, like the neighbor or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it's also the level of horny that you have to be to enjoy that. To be like, who else, males, males here, and then just sit down and make it in a robe. Oh, another another day my fucking show up Day in the life of a girl who sells her farts in a jar. Oh, she gonna fart in it on Does this the actual her farting in the jar If she doesn't show it up I went viral that it was a wide-face talking about

I'm not a fart guy, but I wouldn't go to her. I don't think. I don't get that. She's not super interactive. But she's willing to fart in a jar. Yeah, for a jar-farter, she's a fucking... Kippy, I think that's the whole thing. Is she's willing to fucking... You're like, you're probably top notch for jar-farters. Oh my god, she is a jar-fart 11.

I live in a regular reality, I apologize. Yeah, so I said you was a 12 I said you was a jar of far 12 but Dan says 11 he's a little handsomeer than me so over a higher standard I want to read a vision or Middle Eastern go a little spice on there. Oh my god, diddle knock you out. Oh, yeah, oh you want to you want to have some ethnic, some ethnic foreign sense and ethnic. What would you, you know, do you think good? Yeah, we go to saffron and Junebug and, uh, yeah, then you get a Japanese fart jar and you go squid and,

sure, yeah, live octopus. Yeah, squid ink and squid and Japanese Doritos. The most to play the TikTok. Hey guys, today I'm going to be showing you a day in the life of a girl who sells her farts in a jar. So I will keep on for a second. Things a roll it. Damn, this is all TikTok.

This is a dumb question, but I like showing my age sometimes and stuff like this Can you not talk in tiktok's is it always a voiceover on everything? Everything I see is a voiceover or a mechanical voice reading it. It's all this time No, you can yeah, you can but it's just that's that's what's like that's what goes viral Is this like kind of why yeah? Why does everybody why does everybody use that same ladies voice too. So my boyfriend said this. They like narration. Everyone is just like it's like the automatic reader right. It's like yeah. That's why it's off sometimes. All right. Go I'm sorry. Some beans, a protein muffin, sometimes even a yogurt less sugar is better. Some hard boiled eggs. And today I decided decided I was gonna make myself a protein shake with some yogurt added to it

And oh I was feeling it for sure while I wait for those parts to develop Yeah, I'm not gonna I would never buy a fart in a jar I I'm not gonna, I would never buy a fart in a jar. I think it's hilarious, but like, I don't want to smell her fart. I don't want her to fart on me. I don't want her to fart in the same room as me. But I would now watch a video of her naked ass hole farting, for sure. And now I think it was hot.

But also not, not think it was hot. I don't know how to describe it. Jay, you ready for it? Yeah. Tum. Tum. Tum. But in the room, in the room, I'd want to punch her in the ass if she did that to me.

Also her just reading literature, waiting for a fart to boil is very funny. Oh, she's like, oh, ding, dinner's ready. Okay, bottoms up. Pr ready. Bottoms up. Crack the jars. Yeah, I wonder what one-long fart that gets her, how much fart she needs to fill up her orders. You know what I mean?

It's just like, you think she keeps, I hate to go sh- Yeah, I hate to go shark tank here, but is there inventory? Does she have too much inventory there or what's going on? You know, or she's producing people that the farts are waiting on a port somewhere because of COVID Yeah, these gotta be bought these gotta be bought for the order by the order Yeah, there's no surplus of fart jars. I had they have to escape it What if she did just have like a fart seller? We're instead of a wine seller was all vintage farts I had they have to escape it's like baby it's like baby bottles. You got a boil the kid canister it's in around it Yeah, how long do they how long do they hold like if you ship them how long's a fart stay?

Well, I think there's some thing in here. She there's a Flower in the bottom of the jar and the flower apparently holds the fart in the jar. I don't know if there's any science behind this at all, but she's clearly reading a big book. So she's really figuring out. Look how many pages that book. What is she reading it?

Is that pride and prejudice? Look how deep she is. It might be. She's deep in. A busy day. She's deep in it. A busy day. She got a Harry Potter. Remi waiting a while.

She's like, all right, I got this. She goes by the time I get, by the time I get through pride, right before prejudice, I feel the bubble lumpin' up. Ooh, prejudice is starting and I'm feeling some tummy bubbles. By the time I get to the zombies, I'm shitting my pants. Get it because there's pride and prejudice in zombies, Stan. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you knew that. I didn't know if you were cultured enough for not to know that. You know, I've seen pride and prejudice in zombies. Yet I've never read pride and prejudice. I don't know what pride and prejudice

is about. And I just know the words. I just know the words that is a title of a book But in it. What pride and prejudice and zombies what are you talking about? Yeah, it's a movie called pride and prejudice and zombies Yeah, it's just characters from pride and prejudice and then there's zombies Let's see how she does this. Did you guys ever see the movie Lincoln? Vampire Hunter? Yeah. Fun twist. Fun twist.

Because I did, and if history serves me, he was a pretty great vampire hunter. I like JFK. He freed the slaves. He was a leaps. Oh, yeah. What about my hot, my Gandhi were wolf man What is that movie rights like the man who fucking Sam Elliott is with Hitler yeah, it sucks man who killed Hitler in Bigfoot. It stinks

Really, I was like it would be good. I know I was excited about it. I watched it. That was very high and I was bored Yeah, but let's watch this lady fart in a it. That was very high and I was bored. Oh, yeah. Well, let's watch this lady fart in a jar. That's not boy. Yeah Then I'm ready to go I go ahead and you know, do my job. I don't need to show you that guys, but Do like they do we want to see Where the rubber hits the road. Yeah, yeah, dude So no, I'm kitchen honey. Let's go. How do you do it?

I want to see the pain, Christine. Going up point. Yeah, sorry. And look up farting in the jar. Farting in the jar. Female farting in the jar. Well, let's see how, let's watch the end of this first. Don't call us gay, Christine.

Let's watch the end of this first. Yeah, I want to see if it, if it looks like it's possible. Touch the scent and make it last longer. And when I'm finally finished with my jar, I like to leave a personalized note. I want to thank you so much to the 97 people who have already purchased their jar of farts. And as you know, they're on sale right now, 50% off with $1,000. So good, my unfiltered entrance.

What? Hey guys, today's the win. What's the project of a G-Head? It's $2,000 normal. It's $2,000 normal. It's $2,000 normal. It's $2,000 normal. It's $2,000 normal. It's $2,000 normal. It's $2 normal for three hundred it's normally 2000 hole she's down

So 2000 so she's got herself fucking 50 farts. Is this genius though? Because I don't believe But if you but if you tell people you got a thousand hundred thousand dollars selling your farts I think that generates business because people like yeah this then all the leaders are going to get they got well they're just showing people yeah they go oh I guess other people are into this too I'll buy a fucking jar fart this is great so it's like you're gonna make a few people look like morons to make all the fucking rats come out of the cave for sure but if you're also if I have disposable income I would buy a fart.

At least for a joke, open it with the buddies on a car ride or something, I would figure it out. But you're going down a slippery slope. Once you start selling your farts, then you start gotta give away a little, you know, dingle berries and shit. We're speed Davis involved in this. He's like, what's he doing? Is he farting in jars too? He's like, hi, I'm a father in this and it's gonna cost $5,000 But yeah I'll double down, but I'll do half off though But you know if you if you sign up for my only fans, I'll sell it for $2,500 She feels like she's the Einstein of fart jars at this point because she's figured out perfect formula for making the most in the least amount of time, but also causing her the least amount of pain.

Oh, wow. She's sold 175 jars. I wonder how many jars she gets per fart. That's what I'm saying. Do you think she's stopped? Do you think she gives all of one long eat to one jar? Gosh. And then somebody else gets a little fucking like a

rapid fire or squeaker because that's not a big deal. I want the big fart. I can't even putting the cap on is probably like it's got to happen in a crucial time. Yeah, she's got to have somebody working with. Yeah, she's got a hard problem. She has to be sure. She's fart for weeks into like a covered fat of flowers. Ooh, and then you dip in and just and then you just put the flowers in a jar and they're going to have all that far. Yeah, she just never every fart she lays she farts into the vat. Yeah, it's got to be a vat that it's got like an airtight cover to it. I don't know. The only way you can guarantee equal fart per jar. And if you're

paying this, if everyone's paying $2,000, that's not fucking fair. Yeah, you don't, you don't have some good ideas. You got a future in the fart business. What do you want to like about? Jay, you're like the SEC of Farts. You come in and regulate. Yeah, I'm gonna go to Shark Tank with this too, because I got a patent.

What you're gonna wanna do is get yourself an air tank back, okay? Jay gets arrested for insider farting. Yeah. He's like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it by the stock. Sell it now. Like, Jay, you're going away for a long time, dude. Christine, you wanna try selling your beefs

on the internet? No, you're just gonna keep wasting them in the bathroom for free, okay? Okay. All right, so we're gonna sit on all that money. You're sitting on all that money and you're not gonna do anything. You are gonna have to contribute at some point.

That's so good. I like it. I like the idea of like, you know, do your creeps, okay? And this woman is turning it back on them, which I think is smart. Oh, for sure. No, no, she's pulling off a fantastic scam here. I applaud her greatly because I also have no belief she's farting in those jars. Sure

Something going on you just feel bad for the sad guy at home probably married kids Loveless marriage Waiting on the Amazon guy himself with a fucking jar of fart. You know, there's like jokes Yeah, you know, it's like jokes of like fart they have like fart spray like they sell like a novelty place there Yeah, I just put in some some yes some stink bomb just putting it like dripping like a little dropper of it into Onto flowers that's how it's going in the flat she's letting you believe that fart sticks to flower There's no science behind that whatsoever and then the some guys spending his kids braces money on that instead

I'll tell you what I'll tell you what if I was selling farts, what I would do. I would put a piece of Terry cloth, spurt right into that, and then throw that in a jar, because if you've ever, we talked about this Dan, right? If you've ever farted into a towel and smelled it, which I have, it holds it aggressively I would like no crope wipe my butt with the flower then put it in Like a shit a shit flower is not now nobody wants to see that Okay, I question Kim's

I'm the scent of the flower over power the fart I think you're just smelling the decaying flower the scent of the flower overpowering the fart. I think you're just smelling the decaying flower, probably. That's what I mean. Like farting a piece of paper towel makes more sense to me. The flower, it's like, I don't understand why flowers think. Oh, yeah. That's a one.

There's that. You know my kids here, Jesus. Was that another farting a jar of person doing it the real way? I can't find farting in jars. So you just showed us the girls ass hole? Thank you. That's a girl farting if you want the butthole move. You know, Christine, like Christine, what? That was a, what was they saying? It's Christmas time. That was a video of a girl farting. Oh, well, I can't find farting into jars. into jars and you said you know what to get me for Christmas this year You

We were doing gifts. They said no gifts Chris D. Oh, yeah, that's what I'll do this year Chris. Let's do no gifts Let's do Joe of the jar of farce I've let's get to a jar of farce. I've actually had a girl fart in my face. Jacob, two Farts, please get it from the petty cash. You got it? You got to spend his cash by the end of the year. Come on, what do we do?

Guys, we're going to spend these Farts like today. Today, I've had a girl fart in my face. Not on purpose. All right, by accident. Yeah, we all have. Yeah, I was about to back there doing my thing. And I remember seeing that there was no sound. The moonwalk.

There was no sound. It was like I was seeing it in space. And it was like watching it open and shut. Just went like that. And then like a split second later, I Was like did you fart? Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't even go. I didn't even hear like like this sound like the Now she was on her knees and it was just like Zipped out. Damn it's what that's like the time I got to drink a Guinness right from the line. You got a Right from the line Just came rather but no one even than barrel that's

Yeah, yeah, that's right from the back. Yeah, dude. That's right in your face. That's pretty fucking cool I Was farted on by a girl every day. Oh Probably yeah, I not one that I remember but it's probably happened for sure I know I can't smell you son of a bitch. I can't I can't I'm nose retarded and you know that Stupid son of a bitch. Yeah, I can't smell Nazmia you're joking. I don't know. I just can't I have to be like really up on something to smell it like really really up on it and for That's what you think his fart don't smell I Have listen, I would guess my fart smell but my girlfriend says my fart's don't smell and I trust her unless he's just trying to let you feel better

He's just also a very nice lady. She's nice. Yeah, so she's probably just being nice then he's just being nice But can you know she's a nice. Yeah, so she probably just being nice. Then he's just being nice. Let Katie. No, she's a nice lady She goes, okay, then your farts fucking reek, dude You're a nice nice lady. Oh, justine to Jake just chase fart stink They can They can and they will I also don't fart in credits to of course you very much at all Really after all this time,

I was throwing up in my girlfriend's face. You kidding me? Really? Yeah. Would you argue? I'll keep the magic. Show spicy over at the Holy House. Yeah. If she's sleeping, if she's sleeping, I'll rip them. But like, uh, Yeah, most of the time,

I was like, real still like it wasn't you afterwards like the better something for you You go truly trying to keep it alive. I really commend that. That's that's you do you go in the other room Jay Do you just go into the other room and fart or do you like fart do you have like a fart pillow? Yeah, probably go like my big. Oh Probably go like my big. Oh, I'm going to go to the corner and just won't make eye contact with the people that you had in college. I'm just going to weed with the ones. Yeah, I'll just be around the corner and I won't look at you.

I recently, Christine laid out a deep sleep. I mean, five parter when she was asleep the other night. It was. Oh, I went through every emotion of I went from Funny to we should break up till I was proud of her to like Where was the crescendo Man it keep oh there was a crescendo I don't know there but there was definitely there was a dot on the eye at the end. There was just one last

but There was a couple of fucking sustained notes in there dude and like any I'm talking it was an eight octave fart like Mariah Carey eight octaves like to lean D on in Vegas it really it really was not that never lost steam at all yeah like one of those for sure stinky no no not that I remember but I actually actually when it happened I then I Could coon wrapped her in blanket that I was above So I really put it in there. Yeah, I tied her all together in her so she stood in it probably for a while Damn, yeah, I think her legs still smell like it. Yeah She's like to this day on the wrong wind, I smell it.

But, um, no, I try not to fart in front of Christina Ton. You guys, you guys, you guys, I'm sorry. All of my friends, all of my friends, well, I did fart in front of her a lot at one point. And she was like, I don't like that that much. And I was like, oh, all right, then I'll be self conscious about it forever. Oh, damn, wow, there you go. Yeah, it's funny.

A lot. So do you fart in front of your girl? You let them rip? It's a good time. You used to use to and then now I'm kind of more cautious about it, because I realize it's not cool. I thought it was funnier than a little bit. And then I was like, you know what? You're right.

As far as keeping this spice alive, I'll let them go if I need to. And sometimes they slip out. So I'm not like overly cautious, but I will avoid, you know, like letting them fucking fly. Yeah, I got to get better at that. Maybe the face throw is not that great of a thing. Yeah, it was very funny for a small period of time. And then it went from like, kind of like the way Jay reacted to Christine's fart.

It went from being like, aha, they're being like, you're gonna keep doing that? Yeah, I saw that cover a mile down the road for you, Daniel. I'm surprised with your free farting, even in front of Christine. Yeah. We talked about this a bunch, but yeah, I turn out to,

but a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a both the, I mean, you know, you got to learn, you grow. Yeah. Yeah, we don't rip them in front of each other anymore. Yeah, so I cannot breathe. But core porkers need, it's better now we got a bit of a bigger place. So it doesn't happen quite as much still a little bit, but when she runs off and has to do whatever in the bathroom, I genuinely tend to pause whatever we're watching. So then I just hear the amphitheater sound of a fart into the bowl when you're sitting down. It's a, it's a tuba blast.

Yeah, dude. It's a tuba blast. Now, I mean, did you guys fart around your parents a lot growing up? Was that like accepted? I was a non-farting household. With the brother maybe, like, I mean, till like, fart in front of my mom was, I mean,

I'd rather slap her. That's crazy. Oh, really? We was hysterical. No. We stepped on a dog. Yeah, that was always it. That was always it.

And I was the opening act. That was right before the crowdwork. He go, was fucking lay a couple out. Oh, my dad ripped an epic fart one time in front of me and my cousins when we were playing with him in San Francisco. It was like a minute long. We were like, I was like a magic trick.

Yeah, you're like, Dad, keep going, keep going. Oh, dude. He held a note like written Houston. He's like, oh, dude, the star's got his finger on his ear. I'm not using it. You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it?

You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it?

You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it?

You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? You're using it? in front of people that much. I really honest the guy was again, fat guy shit. I was like, oh, I don't want to be the fat guy. You can't be doing that. Yeah, Jay's made me exactly. Jay's given me the perspective of someone growing up overweight. You don't want to be the fat smelly kid. So you can't rip where I was I was the big-headed skinny kid. So I was like, hey, take me down. Yeah, goofy skinny Dan, ripping the farts. Yeah, yeah, I'm ripping the farts. Don't look at my giant head, listen to my butt noises.

Yeah, no, totally. And my thing was like, when somebody else farts, inevitably for a second, someone's gonna look and go, is it you? And I could gladly say it is certainly fucking, I need to have all the powers for me to go, nope, it's for me to go.

Nope, it's not me at all. My teeth are brushed. I have mouthwashed. My asshole is clean. Everything's shiny and lotioned. Follow the day. They never leave you though, Jay. They always thought it was us.

They always thought it was the fact that. Yeah, fully. Did you notice your amount of farts change when you got heavier, when you got bigger, where you like less farts? The production's definitely kicked in the high gear. Sure. Yeah, but I need like,

is busy. Yeah. I'm like Amazon. He's running Model T's off this. Yeah. Yeah, you got worker, you got workers that can't even take piss breaks because there's two reports. I'll tell you what, no union, no nothing. Always cranking them out, but never when I was a kid never in social situations You strict me so that could you like your thoughts on fire at a certain point tried once or twice always went poorly never went the way I One really I think you'd be a master, but I was the guy that I was the guy that tried absolutely

By the way, follow you said you were in shape when you were younger So like you know, but like a fat guy code like for sure is when I meet a fat guy who smells terrible, like has the smell. I you really want to pull him aside, I'm big dude. This is the product you're spreading a really bad word here about us. Like why would you come out smelling like this? It's a big boy. You know, it's really something else. Tough to put your finger on.

Yeah, I mean, it's a there's sweat and something they ate, but whatever it is, they're just not thinking ahead. You know, I mean, yeah, I've had that. Yeah. And if I feel comfortable, you always want to pull somebody's side and tell them. I do that with everything. No, boogers, bad breath. I always give somebody a heads up. I'm not going to walk into a room with a booger in their nose.

I wouldn't dream. I wouldn't draw. Garlic salt on pizza is one of my favorite things to put on pizza. In my life, if I was doing anything in the world besides eating pizza and being home that night, there's no fucking way I would put garlic salt on something like I'm like no, no you wouldn't take that out you wouldn't take that out for a walk would you not even sort of, no I wouldn't even know it'll be coming through my pores it's it's coming through my pores in 20 minutes. And then on that guy, I'm sweaty, garlic fats over here. And it starts going, the second it happens, you be like,

maybe an hour, it like, it grow, it gains so much velocity, so quick that it gets out of control. You taste it back of your own throat. Yeah. What do you guys think's worse? Is it garlic breath, bio,O. Or just general fact I think I think B.O. is fact I see that's what the fact I think is it's B.O. For sure now I'm talking B.O. like like where it smells like hoagies. I

never get that I will get I will get a fact guy almost homeless guy kind of sent if I haven't showered in a couple of days and I've been laying around. Yeah. I might pick up a little homeless thing about me, which makes it. I want to sleep down to the bridge for a week, you know, I tend to get a little right. Which got you thinking about there. That reminds me, Dan, I think I got to make an appointment to get some new Botox and the

old pits, dude. Make sure. Oh, really? Yeah, make sure oh really yeah make sure Yeah, oh yeah, it It's the most effective thing I've ever had done by a doctor I don't know they were doctors Whatever it was Never under armpit sweating problem for months and months and months now

Did you had a buddy real big problem with it? And then he said he started shaving his armpits and it really worked. I've never heard of all things. When I was younger, I used to do that. Yeah. That didn't work, right? I think it may have at one point, but like then I started getting like the worst thing is when you, again, that was fat guy arm. And you realize a lot of times that hair was stopping you from getting a rash of your arm

doing this thing. And that, did I forget, so amazing, these things that are so big in your life at a point, and then aren't anymore two things. That happening, crotch rot, getting the thighs rubbed together when I was young. The worst. And every time I went to the beach and get that. Yeah, because you walk in like wet shorts and it was the, it was a night and that and the underarm of the same thing just feeling like

fire. You're under I haven't had these things happen in 20 some years. But like when they happen, I was going, summer sanitarium to our Metallica kid rock and system of a down, when you might grow up and want this bus thing with 94 ysp and we went in this bus and they dropped a something a mile from the venue. It was the new Raven stadium, I think, and the walk there, it was just a hot sweaty day and I was in gene and just the walk back, it was fire between my legs. Is that so it's the worst feeling in the world?

For some reason I was an eight year old and I had a narrow home. I don't know if I got it from my dad, silk boxers, but I was like, yeah, look at you, you're old. You're a bald shorts. Damn dude, you looked like you were probably there was definitely a pedophile that saw that. Dan dude you looked up you were probably there was definitely a pedophile that saw that was like Okay, all right, Red she Sorry

I'm down to get molested, but it better be open it better be an open relationship You can be mad at a nice card It'll be a real nice man. It's kids too advanced for me Yeah, you have a pair of silk boxers and it felt like someone little firecrackers down there takes full-size candy bars again him in the trunk You know what I mean? Yeah, it's got a really put in the effort Well, dude, are you garbage one of the best podcasts out there? It's so good guys To the best guys so funny. Thank you. We love you guys. Two of their new special out right now on YouTube. Make sure you go check it out. The R.E. Garbage Comedy Special with H.Folly and Kevin Ryan out right now on YouTube. Go watch it. We love you guys.

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