The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Fat Beach Day (feat. Raanan Hershberg)

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Some beaches have a "Fat Beach Day" where the overweight can feel free and easy. Jay and Bobby aren't really down with this special day. The hilarious Raanan Hershberg considers going on Ozempic. FOL...LOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly How baby how Hangout with simple Jake and the boys We got special guest in today your home of comedy everybody. We are the boys And we got a run on Hirschberg in studio brand new special Damn, right. That was a horrible intro Fantastic is a intro was horrible. It was fantastic. Oh, what's wrong with it? Can I do how I would have done it can I do the mine after you did it?
Starting point is 00:00:42 I got good Can I do mine after you did it? I got good I'm gonna turn to make sure I see it all We have a very special guest here a very fun guy hanging out with this funny guy funny twice No, I would just yes funny twice. I'm blowing now. I'm in the pressure You're gonna be singing at the Comedy Club at Kansas City June 28th to the 30th everybody in his new special brave streaming right now On YouTube it's the hilarious. we're not Hirschberg everybody Hi was coming in and out of you You were going big bang and I was gonna be bang and then you're gonna bang and then you were gonna go read that
Starting point is 00:01:22 It was a little the little simple Jake and the boys stick and then you go b-b-bang and then you were gonna go read that. I was doing a little simple Jake and the Boys shtick and then you went Ron's here. No, I did not say that. Ron Hirschberg's here. You went, yeah, he's real fun and funny and fun, funny. The fun part, yours was better, but at first you just said fun, that was scary. You said fun.
Starting point is 00:01:35 You corrected it very quickly. I immediately whiffed, I was gonna, it was funny I was going full on. I said, This guy's a lot of fun. I said, got a special guest, Ron Hirschberg's in studio and then you're gonna go back over there, and then back over here,
Starting point is 00:01:48 and then Ronan was like, thanks guys. No, no, I tried my way, just tried my way. Simple Jake and the ba-ba, then you went, we have a very special guest, Ronan Hirschberg's here. I didn't say, no, you're dropping it, I went up. Ronan's here. No, I didn't say it like that. I said it like this. Let me do it.
Starting point is 00:02:05 I'll do exactly what I do. So I have perfect pitch. Ron's here. I do it. I said it like this. I went, yeah, but Ron is right here. I've never heard my name so many times. And we have a special, this is a show,
Starting point is 00:02:18 Ron Hirschberg. I didn't know, I said it like this. We have a very special studio, Hirschberg's here. When Will Sevince brings you up at the set. Yeah. Or when Keith Robinson said my name at the Mark Twain Prize. I'm into comedians. Mar-ar-ar-ar Kevin Hart.
Starting point is 00:02:36 That's really a, that's a wasted plug. I watched it seven times. I'm like, where does he say my name? Everyone's saying he said it. That's like when someone tweets out but they forget, it just tweets it to you, you know? Oh yeah. Keith plugging you is not one of the best comedians ever.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Is it happening again? Is he having another one? Hopefully. We're not good to have you here. This isn't your first time doing the show, but first time with Bobby? No, wait. No, I think I've done it once with time doing the show first time with Bobby. No wait No, I think I've done it once with him. Have you done with Bobby already?
Starting point is 00:03:08 I think with me and Dan for sure definitely the one with you and Dan remember Johnny Depp was in the studio You've been in here with me before I think I did it was once I remember unlike Jay. I remember when you came in We had Johnny Depp and the other guitarist. The soprano's guy, Steve Van Zandt. Oh, they were doing Steve Van Zandt, but it was also the other guitarist with him that he loved, right? Jeff Beck. Yeah, and I saw Johnny Depp.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Who died like a month after. Oh, really? Did Johnny Depp beat him up? Some say it was left to do with that. I think those two, well, yeah. Johnny Depp shitting his bed and he got brain worms. It was him, he was the secret shitter the whole time. It's good to have you here, buddy.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Thanks for having me. We have some fun stuff we wanted to talk about. This all happens, I believe, in the group chat thread. Yes. While I'm gone. Well, you're in the thread. It moves at a rapid pace, though. Well, it's on your phone. It's not like it's not coming up. Well, you're in the thread. It moves at a rapid pace though. Well, it's on your phone.
Starting point is 00:04:05 It's not like it's not coming up. Well, you guys know that I have to do afternoon kayaking every day on a Burt tour, or have parasailing, or adventure trips. I mean, not all of us. Or I have to learn how to tame snakes or something. There's always something, depending on the place we're at. Fan boat, I have to give fan boat tours,
Starting point is 00:04:22 I think, this weekend in the deep south. We have a bonfire Text read and we all throw stuff in there. Mm-hmm that we think that would be good for the show, right? That's what I'm saying by the time I come back from wingsuiting into skis Once I'm back from that once I'm back from base jumping it's Torgasm XL Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought that was me. You threw it, dude. I'm like Jeff Dunham. Can I just say something? I felt it over here. There is a fat beach in Brooklyn?
Starting point is 00:05:10 No, no, stop. There's a fat person beach day. They gave them a day. Fat beach day? Where you can go down and- What are they labeled as? Fat people day? No.
Starting point is 00:05:21 No, of course not. That would be great. It's only fat people on the beach. I think it's like body positivity thing. Look at this picture. There it is right there. No, no, of course not Great only fat people on the beach Plus size people Oh, you know, it's probably for safety because I would probably throw a harpoon in her a whale better not breach there I will not get saved. Yeah another member they had this day. Actually the great white population was Tripled in that area. Why does this lady have to be fat, skimpily dressed, and bald?
Starting point is 00:05:48 Oh, because they need a space to be themselves. Actually, she's dead. She actually washed up? She washed up. They found that fat zone. Oh no, she died in like Buenos Aires, I think. She just washed up here. She had hair.
Starting point is 00:06:03 It just all fell off in the ocean. Piranhas got What it's quite the picture that's fucking crazy by the way But why people want to be with each other? I don't want to see other fat people. Oh well It's probably more for the fat there There's a confident fat that I'm always impressed by myself This lady has something about her that I am actually impressed with her like fucking who cares man. I'm always impressed by myself. This lady has something about her that I am actually impressed with her.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Like, fucking, who cares, man? I'm just stretching out. Who needs a towel? But they do make bathing suits that would fit her. No, no, no, but she's a dumb pig who thinks everybody wants to see her sloppy rolls. I will say, sometimes a fat guy who doesn't care is sexy, but it's not sexy when a woman,
Starting point is 00:06:42 like, that's not, her confidence doesn't make her sex to somebody does to somebody does there's a but it's probably gonna be like wow she doesn't care I'm turned on it probably got to be a shade of like Wesley Snipes black though comes looking for that Dougie Doug perhaps the star factor does not go with women here's a problem I have with this photo though why do fat people why why do they have feet? Now he's outside of the community, gets to talk about them like, oh, why are these fat?
Starting point is 00:07:09 Mr. Doot-a-doo all of a sudden. Why do fat people, why do their feet not get fat? Also, they are. They are. But that foot, look at the size of her calf. I think sneakers cut off. If you put that foot next to like a normal sized calf, you'd see how fat the foot is. But you would think that the fat would make it down to the foot?
Starting point is 00:07:28 The ankle is like a sieve. You can't all get in there. That's a fat foot, Bobby. That's not as fat as the rest of her. It should be like her foot should be fat. I think sneakers on socks keep some of the fat away also when you're Give a little advice to a big fat lady The one one beautiful thing about being a guy if you're fat is It seems to work that if you cover yourself with tattoos, I've only done my arms Oh shit, but I don't take my shirt off in public really at all, but if I was covered in tattoos I Would and somehow
Starting point is 00:08:08 There becomes a thing where it's not no one's really spectacle in your fat at that point. It's a great point They're kind of doing that with a woman all it points out is that your tattoos are like life-size pictures of people It's like hey, have you seen my thigh tattoo of Darth Vader fighting Luke Skywalker on the stairs? Why? Real submarine The new towers it's fucking yeah, it's like Ralph Macchio fucking full by standing on the thing in the ocean practicing butterfly kicks. I love that t-rex She's like no, it's a rooster Sucking up people. Yes, there's a whole scape on her body. It's sucking up cows
Starting point is 00:09:00 But that's true about the tattoos I had a friend out fat kid I'm a still fat brother fat kid and I had a friend, I was a fat kid, I'm still fat but I was a fat kid, and I had another friend who was fat but he had dreads. White guy was dreads, this was back when that was cool. He becomes the dreads guy. He became the dread guy. And then he started making fun of me for being fat. He got to his head and he thought he wasn't even fat anymore.
Starting point is 00:09:18 He's like, no, I was fat, now I have a look. I'm the dreads guy. Fat black guys still get away with it too though. Matrice never got shit for being fat. What? No, like he would, you would say something about fat, he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fat.
Starting point is 00:09:32 You'd have to go at other angles, his clothes, what he said. No, sure, but you could get- Fat jokes with him weren't getting hit. No, you can get him with fat, they just were saying you had to find a new level of fat joke. Like he's hurt, you know a fat guy
Starting point is 00:09:49 Patrice is fat as whole life. So as I that's why you're impenetrable with that I've you can't make a better fat joke about me that I can write myself. So that's the easy thing That's why I'm so good at making is this this big pig on the thing This is why I'm good at this is why I'm good at a trash in these animals She's giving us double fingers because she knows what we're saying. Look at her picture, she's already giving middle fingers. Combative because she knows no one goes that's hot. They he. Huh? They he.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Who? It's her pronoun, Joe. They he? It's not a girl, it's a they he. I'm not hurt, they he. I'll argue too, it's not a girl. Fat sometimes, you fat yourself outside gender, transcends gender.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Jesus Christ. Oh, is it a guy wearing a woman's outfit Wow? That's her stand. Well, if that's her dick roll, then I guess that's a he all right What an animal he's not bald there Christine don't Do not fucking properly gender eyes I say they're so fat you can go with the they pronoun That is the more appropriate. How about an it? Damn awake, and I'm here for it
Starting point is 00:10:52 Man, oh is that her as a little her a little anything I? Hate seeing baby pictures of both of her look at her both her legs wrapped up shit. Oh wait hang on I gotta hear this Damn it. I coughed yesterday and broke both my legs She can't since she has lipid demons now what uh, it's probably some she has from being a big fatso Christine to me favor look up lipid demons see if being a fat so is the thing if not, I might to apologize in the radio Find out first before I cause it and also make sure it's not cancer I have to apologize to abnormal fat deposit and connective tissue bubbly go back to the picture fuck this fat bitch
Starting point is 00:11:35 Fat deposit legs up fucking with your mo haircut. I don't want to see this pig on a beach even on fat people day She's doing the karate kid. That goes girl up. She's doing the karate kid. Just hear that girl up, scroll up. She's standing on one leg. Oh, that's not called standing. She's dancing. Busting it open. Whoa. She has more followers than me.
Starting point is 00:11:54 This is very upsetting. Of course, she's braver than you. Yeah, that's true. It's not she, it's he. That's braver than you. You should change your pronouns and get fatter. What's funny is she's like. I fatter look at look at oh look at oh look at you man her feet always hurt yeah what's the music she's loving so much oh it's dj snake
Starting point is 00:12:19 freaking ozuna megan the stallion i feel so thin looking at her. She's actually thin in the waist. I'll tell you what, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll tell you what that's got moves for sure. That dance is better than I thought. That is definitely not correct. But in fairness, in fairness, its thing in front is going, it's that that glop of shit in front of it That you that it puts sort of in the pants and sort of in this shirt it it makes the entire length of the body when
Starting point is 00:12:54 When it moves up She's got she's got all right moves for the big girl it or big. What what is she he? He they he they, what? What, what then? They're here? First base. He they with a big rack. He's like, I'm they. Yes, we know you're many people. Oh, I don't call that a big rack.
Starting point is 00:13:11 That's a sloppy, sloppy rack. That's one of those full plate pancakes. He's got a pretty face. She has tits like novelty pancakes at tourist places. It fills the whole plate, why? Dude, I thought she was Asian. She's just fattened. Oh yeah. I thought she was., she's just fattened.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Oh yeah. Oh yeah, her face has been Asian. I was so fat in middle school, people thought I was Japanese. It don't happen. It don't happen, you can fat your eyes right, Swinton. I tried to use it to get into college. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Oh man, well hopefully maybe her eyes will grow shut and she'll lose some of that. That will lose some weight. Now you get it. Thank you. Yeah, so they have a day at the beach. I'm against it. No. Body positivity day?
Starting point is 00:13:52 I'm gonna go there fat and I'm gonna judge other people. It's body positivity day, I'm gonna go, no I'm fat. Look how fat this person is. I'm gonna go up to him and go like, put his shirt back on. No, no, no, don't wear that. You should wear a one piece there. Do you think the lifeguard every second is running over?
Starting point is 00:14:06 You okay? Are you all right? No, I'm just lying here. Yeah, hey bald them. Hey bald them. Bald them. Bald them. Put away your balls or tits or whatever the fuck.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Hey bald them, can you every five minutes just raise your hand so I know you're not dead? The ambulance, they just keep, the ambulance is getting called over and over again. They have 75 ambulances at the beach that day. And the beach, the whale breach emergency crew. But they have pickup truck ambulance? Yeah, a lot of you is already turning blue.
Starting point is 00:14:35 So I'm talking about though, if the brain starts losing oxygen. The thing about fat people, I feel like every fat person. I mean, we're all fat in this room, by the way. But every fat person thinks someone else. Except for Jacob, sorry. Every fat person thinks the other person's fatter. We all think, the person we look at, like someone pointed to me and Sean Paton the other day,
Starting point is 00:14:51 like, Sean Paton. We looked the same. Bobby just called Christine fat. No, no, Christine. Remember that? Yeah, he did. I caught it. Did you guys all catch it?
Starting point is 00:15:00 Christine, you're not fat. I know he was, he doesn't refer to women. Whatever, Bobby. Hey, look at, he, they is not fat. I know he was, he doesn't refer to women. Whatever, Bobby. Hey, look at, he they is not fat. But someone said me and Sean look the same, we are both insulted, you know what I mean? Cause you both think, you always think the other person's fat. Oh, that's so funny, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:15 Like, no, no, no. Cause we're all looking in the mirror, and for some reason the mirror just shows you what you wanna see, it's like the Harry Potter mirror. You just see what you wanna see. I didn't know, you don't know how fat you are either, until you get thin. And like I didn't know when I watch my special now
Starting point is 00:15:30 and I see how fat I was, I didn't know I was that fat. And guess what, nobody told me how fat I was. I'm sure you got some hints. I got what you did to me, my pants, the fact that my butt and penis ever, Yeah, I'm sure there's a couple clips. I was tired 20 minutes into my special. Why do I have to be positive about these people's bodies? Body positivity, it's funny,
Starting point is 00:15:51 because my special, I talk a lot about body positivity. Nice. It's bullshit because you can say all you want, no one's fucking you anymore than they did, you're still getting fucked less. So it's why pretend like, you know, they're still gonna just like your picture and then fuck a skinny person Oh, no exactly what I'm saying like the body positivity goes, of course, I will go to the beach and
Starting point is 00:16:12 Hey ladies. Yeah, you know, it's like isn't as bad as positive you can be I won't go up to you and be like, yeah No, these guys too. Hey dudes, it works in like a range body positivity like this. I don't understand these girls should be on a range Excited about this is you would like it Grazing yeah, let him graze they're gonna suck up all that seawater. Yeah, but if you see like an anorexic like that's also gross gross Also gross Also that that's the thing the body positivity thing is not gonna be a bunch of fucking bulimia It's always always that a lot of hot people now use body positivity Like am I supposed to be positive about this? I'd rather find the big monsters quite honestly, I'd rather get a hand job from her. It's just the other
Starting point is 00:17:06 It's like a different eating disorder. Yeah. Yeah, I'd rather get a finger in the ass from that thing Yeah, I'd rather I get a knee in my asshole Well, I don't know if that's a girl either But what nobody's like this there's so many few people that are like this. Yeah, go the other way I've seen them at the gym working out. I've never seen them. Get off the treadmill. But there is fewer people that go way too skinny than there is way too fat. Yeah, we definitely don't have an anorexic problem in America.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Some call it an epidemic. These children are anorexic by the time they're 11 now. There's lots of that, but nobody's looking at them being like, let's have a fucking anorexic beach day and be excited about this body Yeah, yeah here, but nobody congratulations for finding a bathing suit that doesn't fit you fat piece of shit Hey, what's up, I'm BK burglar Bob Kelly aka the rooster
Starting point is 00:18:04 I'm big Jay Okerson. I only have one aka I'm a cowboy. Look if you love the bonfire, which you know you do you this is just half of the show That's right. It's the podcast version everybody So if you want to hear the whole thing go to serious XM comm slash bonfire to get the whole thing Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment, too It's not just us you got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show You got all kinds of other shows and you know what tell a friend, but most importantly this show Yeah, this show just go to the show do something resembling anything Yeah, they have a day they go to the beach and they can all be fat together and they run out of hot dogs at 1130
Starting point is 00:18:43 in the morning Yeah At least this is actual body positivity at least it's not a hot girl talking about like yeah Oh, you're some bullshit. You know this is like you're just asking a lot from the world. What's a body? That's what I mean though a body positivity day. What do you how do you enforce that at a beach? But anyway, can I say something you go do you think fat people are unattractive? Yes, you're not welcome here You're not welcome here. He goes. I'm not gonna go poke them in the stomachs and laugh at them Can I just go to the beach also? Yeah, but if you go to any beach any day in America, it's fat Yeah, I mean every day. Oh my god. The Sun must be exhausted
Starting point is 00:19:20 This woman's belly. What did you say? Not where I'm from? I'm on the beach in California I mean you're really it's like I I still go back I'm like a size 10 and I'm fucking disgustingly huge out there you just go to the beach in Jersey and you're like fucking Go to Beach in Maine York Beach, Maine. It was all fat fucking whales in the beach. No, that's the move dude Wherever we went where we had Daytona Beach during the day. I felt pretty good in that ocean when I went I was like, oh, this is a gathering of the jugglers But don't you want to go to beach and see like hot people?
Starting point is 00:19:54 I'm not a beach person off the fat day. You're right. I'd rather go walk around and look at a Hot people for sure my also point is being I don't give a fuck if it is all fat people either like what's the point of these kind of situations like the body positivity goes what am I changing right and also I wouldn't insult these people to their faces I'll laugh behind their fat backs as I always would right like what are you still or they're stopping or on radio yeah but it's like if I don't these women are I want to insult them personally. So funny, like, I'd never make fun of them. Yeah, but it seems like every, to their faces, everybody. They agreed to be in the fat beach pictures.
Starting point is 00:20:32 Everybody needs a fucking day. Everybody wants a damn day, that's what it is. Everybody wants a, we want our day, so we all go down to the beach on fat positivity day. And it's funny, if you look at that photo, there's a skinny couple walking in the background. I'd be humiliated to go to Fat Day for something I thought I needed to be a part of Fat Day.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Well, I'm pretty sure it's just them. I'm probably, yeah, it's probably just four fat chicks with tattoos. It's the person we were looking at. They were like, are you, who goes? And they were like, they go. I know they're not from around here, but this is the New York Post my friend.
Starting point is 00:21:05 This is only hard hitting facts. That's true, that's true. I take it back. This is the New York Post. The height of journalism. A space where people can be themselves. But the thing about being like having a day, it's like, okay, maybe it's not wrong to be fat, but it's definitely not right.
Starting point is 00:21:22 That's what I'm saying also. Let's not go the other way. What makes a difference is that you can eat potato salad out of a bucket on fat so day. Being obese and fat is, you know, you see some chick with a big spoon. It's unhealthy as shit being that heavy. So it's like to go, it's like you can go to the beach today and no one's gonna say something to you. How often are people being mocked at a beach? These girls wanna go down there and just kill a seagull
Starting point is 00:21:52 and eat it on the beach. Yeah, that's what it is. They don't wanna see their things. He goes, finally all those skinny bitches are gone. Now we can bring our extra large cooler. Also, you might. I'm trying to cool off a six foot sub in two parts. They think it hauls in the sand just pouring ice in them.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Also, if you see one really fat person at a beach, you're not going to say anything. If you see an entire beach full of fat people, that's a bit of a... That's a concern. You're going to take a photo first. You're going to take a photo. You're going to think of a really funny saying. It's only a spectacle when they get together. Individually, it's fun.
Starting point is 00:22:23 A beach full of just fat... Oh man, that would be a great flyover on a helicopter, wouldn't it? Fat beach, she goes, what is this, some kind of a... What are those, jellyfish? She goes, is this some sort of a fucking protest of some sort? Are they spelling something? What are they spelling? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh China would evade us the next day.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Yeah. China should come now. Look at these fat people. That's what I'm saying, they saw this. What are we gonna do? You guys love eating blubber? Yeah, we love their food. That day, it's gonna be interesting that day
Starting point is 00:22:53 when the earthquakes hit all across New York City. Oh man, I get to be. The earthquakes are because of these people? Yeah, or when they get together on beach day. Yeah, there was beach day that caused the earthquake on Saturday. There's a reason it coincides with the pride month. They said that's a very purposeful thing too, because that's when you got to get your fat gaze out there in their short shorts.
Starting point is 00:23:12 Fat gaze. Fat gaze got to get out there in their short shorts. Look at this lady. Oh my God. You're so right about the tattoo. It's a life sized tattoo on her thigh. Oh, absolutely. It absolutely it's actually all recipes you know I forget. It's a favorite thing it's like a KitchenAid mixer. Yeah it's our life size. It's how to make a good sauce. It's a normal person's life-size tattoo. Shrimp scampi. It's bottomless out and breadsticks from Olive Garden. And it says keep them coming underneath keep them coming damn what does it say I'm so self-conscious at the beach yeah you should be but now that I'm with 42 other people that look like me I'm so excited what's berries what is
Starting point is 00:24:03 that is that fat clothes I bet yeah it's the vintage store curated for curves oh like a moomo for yeah yeah like mama Cass is old stuff yeah it's all old DXL shit because the moomoos specifically for pregnant people I guess I think the fats were Moo Moo. Yeah, I guess Wives were you know pregnant women wear Moo Moo's yeah, it's like fat beach day are becoming powerful. What what are the residents say? It's okay. It's very ugly clothes for fat people. Yeah, what was that feet thing? I'm not saying fat people feet and hands are gross, but it doesn't seem
Starting point is 00:24:48 like the fat makes it to the hands or feet. The way it made it to the rest of their body. Well, yeah. There's not as much fat ability there. The ankle is hard to get all the fat through. Yeah, it's like, do you think the foot would be, you wouldn't be able to see the toes or the hand, the fingers, it would just keep fattening up.
Starting point is 00:25:05 But it seems like it stops at the wrists and the ankles. Oh, god. Not there. That's a muffin foot. She got stung by a bee. When you finally do break through and have fat on your feet, that's like, that's when you're fat. Well, it's now with the 600 pound life girl, right?
Starting point is 00:25:23 Like, her fat, like, something broke through and she started getting fat forehead No, she's got a cave person having a meeting in there. I don't know where we should go next Tammy. Oh my god This woman another one can't wipe her own ass Another woman, another one, can't wipe her own ass. Yeah. No chance. The way she dances, maybe she can twist her body. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:25:47 Look at that right there. She can wipe her own ass. That's a pretty. I feel so much in shape right now. It's kind of awesome. How do you get to it? Watch this. It's so light.
Starting point is 00:25:56 She's flexible, dude. Black Lou, look at happen. Remember what I said? Did you get to a point where a girl, it's like there's a level of fat that can still get, I mean it's pretty fat, the level of white girl fat that'll still get in a good looking black dude, but then it's, there's just a, you hit this one pound over a certain thing and then it becomes right back to fat white trash dudes.
Starting point is 00:26:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a skinny white trash dude. Yeah, fat girls usually go lesbian though. Well that's a new thing now, right? skinny white trash dude. Yeah fat girls usually go lesbian though Well, that's a new thing now, right? Yeah Lesbians like each other gaze and lesbians are way more fat Tolerant than yeah, they don't have any Mateo would beat the shit out of it Men with hot like boyfriends all the time. Mateo would stab her on the beach. That's a type though.
Starting point is 00:26:47 That's different types, but yeah. I assume Mateo would never fuck me. Mateo would throw up if you went to that beach date. Well, there's certain gays that only date people that don't look like them. Liberace, that's the Liberace gay. But definitely there's fact tolerance with the other gay community.
Starting point is 00:27:03 I feel like more than, you know, I feel like a fat guy can do much better in the gay community No, there's no bit. Oh term for bear in the straight Shape no, no, no, no, he's not wrong by the way, there's Young hot guys that are looking for like a very much time. There's not girls too guys that are looking for like a very much time there's not girls too there's not girls looking for that too in the world but less but bears less and less vocal can I say something bring up bears bears or not they're fat but they're solid there it's a it's a for a crusher it's a he's a bear that it's a fat
Starting point is 00:27:38 solid guy this is there's nothing solid about this. I mean, that's a wooly mammoth. That's not a bear. That's like, I mean like. They found her in mud. But like, you know, but like, yeah, not this. Yeah, but no one's, oh yeah. Look at these bears, show the bear. I mean, that's the only way. Those guys are big. They got big shoulders and chests.
Starting point is 00:27:59 That's a bear. Those are bears. Look at that guy has that little pecker. He's got a little heart on. Look at his little fucking heart on. Jacob, look at it. You watch Modern Family, what about that guy? He's like a bear. He's not that fat. It's got a fat He's proportionately fat and his boyfriend is very attractive
Starting point is 00:28:12 What remember the more? What's going on hot like gay but gay guys sometimes flirt with me online like for clips and sometimes women do and the guy gay Guys are way hotter yeah I can see that coming. You got guys flirting with you? Yeah yeah actually a lot I think I really I think they consider me a bear a sloppy bottom bear yeah sometimes they say shit where I'm like this is really inappropriate but I'm a man so I don't I'm like this is sexual harassment I just don't want you to fuck me and shit you know hey man
Starting point is 00:28:46 but i'm like it's a nice compliment i hear you you're like a girl in the 50s yeah yeah i'm like oh thank you and before you ask if i'd rather fuck a guy or this this
Starting point is 00:28:58 really? yes alright wait wait stop stop i think that line is homophobic honestly yeah homophobic honestly Homophobic thing of ever just know I hate gay more than So Matteo Matteo or her Her beautiful trans woman or her huh beautiful trans woman. That's a trans guy. It says now
Starting point is 00:29:29 What isn't it like that isn't it like that that it hurt him him it it's he they mm-hmm Yeah, but that's not trans. I think trans goes by the way. It's fine There's a three panel cartoon on her other leg The tattoos are ridiculous. She actually went to tattoo polish. She goes give me this wall But none of it makes sense there's a dog and a cowboy a lightning bolt that says taking care of business did you choose your tattoo yes this whole side of the looks like a wall of a comedy club wherever writing their names and shit that would be a great tattoo just have a whole comic side her thing says you deserve a life worth living but doesn't deserve it enough to lose weight so she doesn't die
Starting point is 00:30:06 She should put it not talking about she should put for the next six months. That's what was gonna kill you Bobby That was the the gut the gut one. It's called visceral fat. It's the ones pulling on your heart the whole time So you thought about getting a I've been thinking about I did know as I'm big before it made us feel pretty sick So we said fuck you up. There's the other one you can do this made but yeah getting Ozempic? I've been thinking about it. I did Ozempic before. It made us feel pretty sick, so we stopped taking Ozempic. So they fuck you up? Fuck you up. There's the other one you can do. There's many, but yeah, there's other ones that have side effects and shit.
Starting point is 00:30:29 I want to do it. Now, if someone loses weight, I always wonder if they're on Ozempic or not. Sure. I can't trust anyone anymore. You don't have to trust it at all. What do you mean? Take Ozempic, man. Like you see a friend who loses a bunch of weight, and you're like, did they use Ozempic? Because they don't always say.
Starting point is 00:30:43 You know what I mean? I knew about Ozempic before I got my surgery, but they brought it to me for what it was, a pre-diabetic thing, which I didn't want to take because I didn't want to, I just wanted to not be diabetic. I don't want to take. But if I knew Ozempic was an option or the newer ones that came out,
Starting point is 00:30:59 I might have not got the surgery. Because that was, yeah, it's easier. Sure. Oh yeah. A little easier, yeah. Well. It makes you really, it can make you feel really sick. It's easy, but when we stopped taking the surgery. Yeah, it's easier. Sure. Oh yeah. A little easier, yeah. It makes you feel really sick. It's easy, but when we stopped taking those Zempick, it was we jumped up to the dose we would have been on,
Starting point is 00:31:12 I guess, for a while. And it was before we did that skanks weekend. And man, just like. What's sick? Like nauseous? Nauseous, run down. I threw up almost everything I ate. That's gross, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:23 It was bad. People say it was Zempick. We lost weight though. You did, yeah. Sure. We're supposed to throw it up, gross. Yeah, I don't You did yeah sure what's the throwing up? Yeah, I didn't throw up I didn't have a throwing up issue at all, but I would definitely get the nausea and like but I mean it works I mean the new one works better. They don't throw up right? There's like another there's a didn't they take the stuff out of Listen to dr. Gales Well, you're listening to Dr. Gale's lunacy. Pep pods. I just remember. He goes, they pulled, he goes, I figured it out.
Starting point is 00:31:46 He goes, this is just the weight loss of ozempic and no side effects. But I have the only one. It's like handcuffed to a briefcase. You have to shoot a needle in the eye. It makes you not hungry at all, right? Yeah, it takes away your hunger. That is interesting food. Isn't that kind of bad?
Starting point is 00:32:03 Like you feel like a robot, like an alien? I don't know. That seems interesting food. Isn't that kind of bad? You feel like a robot, like an alien? I don't know. That seems like hunger is part of society. You think so. But no. And it's very how that happened I thought was the most kind of organic thing. You're just like, because I didn't see how that would happen.
Starting point is 00:32:14 I go, I don't know what you mean. So it's like, I'm going to not eat two cheeseburgers when I order fast food or whatever. And then it's just like, you could order it, but you're just not going to eat it. Well, how do you fill the void with that fat chick oh you're still filling it you'll just naturally no matter what if you'd have probably didn't work out or do anything like
Starting point is 00:32:35 health-wise from it you'll lose weight because you'll just like you are you can still fill the void you can go order McDonald's every night of the week you're just gonna eat less of it. Probably under the calories you would need to eat. The problem with it though is a lot of people are just taking that and not working out. And what happens, why Ozempic is bad now, they're losing fat and all their muscle. I've seen that on people. Yeah, and they look like shit and it really fucks your body up because you need muscle around your joints. Right, right, I've seen that. So when you take Ozempic, you have to lift weights. Lift weights, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:07 And walk and keep your muscle as you're losing weight. I've seen that where the skin looks weird, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, any kind of weight loss, that'll happen. Yeah, well. I mean, eventually they're gonna come out with a pill you just take. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:17 And it eats body fat or something. I say do it. If you can get it, do it. You can get it now pretty cheap. My girlfriend doesn't want me to do it. Why? I don't know, I guess she thinks... Skinny bitch. Yeah, I know. I don't it. Hey, you can get it now preach it my girlfriend doesn't want me to do it Why I don't I guess she thinks skinny bitch. Yeah, I know
Starting point is 00:33:29 Yeah, all right, honey, well I'm gonna go talk my friends over at Fat Beach Day Who's this That's an article about a zempik, but she's not thrown about her shrunken, but we go up and also cancer I think is one of the side effects. I saw once Drunken butt we go up and also cancer. I think is one of the side effects. I saw once Thyroid that's not good. You get cancer from snackables and shit true. It's literally the same probably pretty shitty for you Yeah, everything we eat is fucking cancer, dude. I know this lady here I'm not gonna take this as anything about the ozempic butt because well don't wear the same exact underwear Yeah, don't we don't wear your fat ass underwear. It looks like her ass actually looks pretty good Slim down. I mean, I don't think it looks great either either option. Yeah, don't wear your fat ass underwear. It looks like her ass actually looks pretty good slimmed down.
Starting point is 00:34:06 I mean, I don't think it looks great either option. Yeah. I don't think you lost organ. Take it over to fat beach day bitch. Like I'm a model round butt by not doing any squats or something. Yeah, she's just gonna take this and figure. She's just gonna take this and have a figure? I think you do an age. Why don't we get a figure? People wanna take, inject something and lose weight and feel better and look a little better in clothes. Listen, I, as a thing, I don't picture myself getting yoked in any kind of way when I was taking it. It's just like, I just wanna shop at a mall for clothes
Starting point is 00:34:39 and feel comfortable. And then when I see myself in pictures, not be like fucking devastated. I don't think I, I don't think there's gonna be a't think I'll, I don't think there's gonna be a, probably not, but I don't think there's gonna be a part in my life ever where I'm just like, oh, everyone's shirts are off, let's take pictures. I feel like my whole life, someone will take a picture of me,
Starting point is 00:34:54 I'll look at it, I'll be like, this is disgusting, and then a year later I'll look back at that picture and be like, I never knew what I had, I look great. And then I just, and then I just repeat that process every year. Every year you're just looking back at the picture laughter that you hated at first, but now wish you were. Dude, I feel that way. I feel that way now.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Every time there's a picture of me, I can't look at it. How old are you, Renan? 40. Oh, you're 40, yeah. So that is the same thing. That is funny. Like, what's now is doing comedy long enough to, like, see the insane youth change on my face in doing this Yeah, well, I'm unrecognizable to myself from my start of comedy to now like I think someone tagging you in a photo without letting
Starting point is 00:35:34 You know, I would rather you fuck me and give me AIDS You tag me unannounced in a photo that will ruin my whole life before the next show you do somebody fucks you and gives you a Least you don't tag me. It's the worst when someone tags you, especially if you're doing stand up. If you're doing stand up and you see a fucking photographer in there, you know later you're gonna get a picture where it's just the worst.
Starting point is 00:35:54 I hate when they, because they're always from the side. I always from the side and low. Let's get to chin. I tell them I go fucking hang yourself from the ceiling you cocksucker. I literally get, I beg them I go, please don't, and if you had a bunch of pictures where I look fat and you cocksucker. You're not fucking post-hack. I beg him, I go, please, don't, and if you had a bunch of pictures where I look fat, and you're gonna do whatever you're gonna do with them
Starting point is 00:36:09 anyway, just don't show them to me. Don't go through the things. Yeah, they'll send you 12 of them. I know, and you just stop. You'll just have the gun in your fucking mouth. What are you doing, stop! Especially the side, it's the, they're always side low. I totally know.
Starting point is 00:36:21 How are you the club's professional photographer? When you, when you, we were doing the FX, the sex drag thing, I had a fat actress tell me how are you the club's professional photographer when you when you were doing the FX the sex drugs thing I had a fat actress tell me how to take photos You have to you have to bend over so when everybody gets up you put your hands behind Bend over and lean forward and stretch your neck out and smile like that So it actually condenses your body women know how to do do that. And it stretches your neck out. Women have... Now, there is a fat pig with information. These sloppy animals are out here fucking up our beaches.
Starting point is 00:36:51 No, you really... It's like a stretch out. Yeah, you have to... You stretch your neck out and bend your body in half. Because then you don't get the double skin. And the mewing. The mewing that Kimmy showed us. Kimmy Congdon. The mewing. You put your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Watch, watch from the side. Look how it works. I'm gonna not do it on three. I'll do it and you can see the change in my neck. Ready? I mean the slightest of changes. I mean. You do have a giant tooth there.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Yeah, watch on me. Ready? In a picture it changes. Yeah, right here, watch. I'm also across the room. Yeah, yeah, I see it tightens up a little, yeah. It's, yeah. Good for pictures. I get the part with the goatee.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Good for pictures. Yeah, you. Yeah, a little bit of healing. Is that just toned up? But flat across the top of your, like try to get it all up there. Don't make an O with your mouth. Like that.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Boom, yeah. There it goes. It did nothing. Ronan Hirschberg's special Brave is streaming right now on YouTube. He's going to be at the Comedy Club of Kansas City June 28th through the 30th for tickets and all tour dates. Go to Ronan Hirschberg, R-A-A-N-A-N H-E-R-S-H-B-E-e-r-s-h-b-e-r-g renanhershbergcomedy.com uh... check him out absolutely fun and funny
Starting point is 00:38:11 and fun again he's three funs fun funny and fun and fun fun fun uh... we'll be right back to say goodbye everybody it's simple check and the boys!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.