The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Fight A Rockstar

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Jay wants to physically fight with a few different rock stars.

Does anybody here wearing a butt plug? I believe him. Big J. O'Coursen's new special dog belly is out Wednesday on YouTube. Got full Big J. O'Coursen! And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Coursen and Robert Kelly. Ellie He's got the voice of an angel. He was also gorgeous now. He looks like an old fucking mitt Oh

Right here I was so excited to meet this motherfucker. So excited to meet him. I mean that voice. Woof. Yeah, it didn't hold up. I mean, no, he doesn't have a stove. Okay. It's over.

I mean, something happened. Oh yeah, time. I mean, he does. Holy. He looks like the lady that was in the bath tub in room 237 in the shining. He looks like he's trying like the lady that was in the bathtub in room 237 in the shining He looks like he's trying to get about a first like remember. It was a hot chick and then when he realized what he was actually hugging She looks like that actually he has a house in the woods and he he puts candy down My pretty oh

He's a gross idiot He's a gross idiot. I want that what a lady now. He's a fucking ass. He Do you remember this guy wore the shirt that the Grammys years ago gotten shit could have said AIDS kills fax dead Sure, so that's what he did once in his life. It does do that But not all of them. No, not all just the fun ones The rowdies and And Tom Hanks. But he was on SDR show Zoom episode.

And yeah, there it is. He was on, and he goes, we were talking, he was scattered as fuck, he's all of it. But I, that whole day, you can ask Christine. I watch him doing, I remember you at Wembley Stadium, one of the greatest live performances ever. When he was young and just had it and it's Perfect. It's such a great performance. I watched it all day and 18 in life and youth going on and

Sleep business. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like yo, I'm gonna be Sebastian Bach. This was big to me when I was a kid and this is gonna be awesome My improv group out on the monkeys with the great Dan Cook used to come out to monkey business. Yeah. Oh, yeah That was our song to goody and then we came out cuz we're Al and the monkeys get it. I do get it I do get it right it makes sense damn I love it. I love it. Al was the main guy in a Dan cook something at all You're name day. Remember get out get under thumb you idiot something at all. You're like, you know, get under thumb, you idiot.

But he was, so we had him on the show. And in like first five minutes, he was on, he goes, Ralph asked him a question, he was like, has that voice still say, stay like so? You have to do a lot of prep work and stuff and a lot of maintenance on your voice. And he's like, oh yeah, man, you know, you gotta do so much stuff to then vocal warmups and coaching and all. He was the only person I know that doesn't have to do

anything for their voice or warmth or anything just has an amazing voice every time. It's the great Rob Halford. And I went low hanging fruit, pun intended. I said, oh, well maybe it's just something gay he doesn't want to tell you like gargling with jizz or something. And he shut down, figuratively and literally. He shut down and then also just kept trying to turn his equipment off so he was just gone and didn't want to talk to us anymore. And just like, he was like, you can keep those jokes to yourself, man.

It was just like, he just turned quick. What if, do you ever think of this, Jay? What if that is the secret and you reveal it? He's mad and he just panicked. Don't tell Rob's thing. But this is why I told them I'd never say anything. Now he's gonna think it's me. The double up on why he's a cunt is because

we had Rob Halfour on three weeks later and I told him the whole situation and he laughed. I didn't tell him to do this. Yeah, he laughed and said he'd like to be roasted. He thinks it's hilarious. I'm gonna jerk off. I'll have Sebastian Buck. Yeah. That old fucking witch bitch. Witch bitch, but he is saying good man. He does, but tell him I'll skank us. Get him for skank. I say I'm not gonna get in that stupid ring to fight anybody at L not i would absolutely fight suppression book

at uh... but i have to get back to like that hey member of the guy who insulted rob howford on that pocket would you want to fight them and i will drop his blank yes at the time for that i will put one through his chest i promise book that event yeah absolutely let's make this happen the fashion but here's a tale

christine thinks i'm a pussy she's ever backing up in one physical situation i think you could drop it if you lose you have to drink rob's come how's that deal if you lose the loser has to drink the shot of rob's come what if that what if he did drink he lost he drank it his voice came back he's like oh my god i'm playing a renaz again. Yeah. Oh, fucking J.A.A. He's alive to God. My drink is calm. Just like group text to Lewis and Rebecca.

God. God. Get him. I swear to God on my life. I will fight him or the guitar player from the guitar player from three days grace. I mean, that would have to be like you, I mean, it'd be like you Lewis and Dave.

Just attack him three way. Why was it like one dance? What happened? What happened? That was the one in the cruise ship when we didn't even know was the guitar player for three days grace. We were booked to do comedy shows

and live Legion of Skanks on one of those rock cruises. Didn't have a big following at the time yet. We were sort of just getting started on it. Maybe like a two years, maybe into it, three years. Not a huge following. It's also you're on a cruise ship, so it's not everybody there is gonna know. It's a little bit of people.

And they put us in like a small room to do it. And there was a DJ coming up after us. And we were just on there doing the podcast, but 10 minutes into the podcast, the guy came up wearing a kilt and a pirate hat big boy you can bring up who he is Barry stock um he comes up to us and he starts we don't even know what he's saying we're figuring it's like something drunk or funny or whatever and he goes why don't you guys shut up and get this is a music cruise nobody wants to hear this bullshit or he's just speaking shitty at a nowhere right and we're like

Yeah, fuck this guy and we're like okay, dude. We're like fuck how do you fuck off? You know, I mean we're like telling him like to beat it basically He's wearing a pirate hat also so he's walking off. We're just making fun of him more and And then he comes back over towards us and we're like what is this asshole want with a glass of wine That he's definitely trying to throw it Lewis, but as all things go, it just dooshes me and the side of my face and shurt everything with a red wine thing. And it's on YouTube where we all jump up. We all jump up and they kind of get, and then they split us up.

Yeah. Dave jumped up? Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, and then we all jumped up. It was a thing. And then they separated us and then it was like, a whole word deal the rest of the night. And the guy just, why I want to fight him still,

this guy won in every possible way, won he's drunk. So he probably doesn't barely remember this whole situation as how drunk he was. But he did that. It was a whole thing. And then they were begging us to leave it alone. Like the shit people were like, please, like the shit proctor, like come on. Like, you know, it's a guitar play from three days grace. I'm like I don't give a shit

Like fuck that dude. That's crazy. I like right. Yeah, what are you about me too asshole? I got you booked me on this thing and They're like whatever and then they go we leave it alone And I'm like yeah sure and I wait like 15 minutes and then I start going look for him again I'm like I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna hit him first thing and I'm sad on the deck you say the waves Christine is can David Lewis to stop me from doing that I just remember distinctly you walking up these stairs like these stairs that the crew Yeah, storming up them and I'm going J J and he just turns around and goes get Lewis

I was like okay, I need help. This guy can kick my ass. But I go, we go up there and I'm like looking for him and the thing. And then Lewis and Dave come, and I see him. And I start walking towards him and then Lewis and Dave come up with Christine and this, and the guy who runs the ship, you know, theuban captain Stuban. Yeah, I'm so over with Isaac Yeah, come on. No trouble with his big. Wow. Wow and Julie was like hey We're expecting you

So I'm be lining towards him and then the guy who runs ship rock comes over he goes hey, hey, hey, hey guys And we're like yeah, I'm like barely listening to him. I'm my eyes. I'm just keeping my eyes in this guy so I can go over there And he goes hey, I talked to him He just wants to apologize and it's that the whole thing was like ridiculous and and he feels bad about so he wants to apologize and it said the whole thing was like ridiculous and he feels bad about it So he wants to apologize and I went Okay, all right. I'm like if I'm like, you know, we're adults. I'm like if this guy's gonna say Sorry about that and I'll be like, you know, all right fine. We'll call it But you know whatever and he walks us over to him and then I see him

It's loud in this place music playing a band playing and I see him, this guy was just sitting there with his drink. Like he forgot it already happened and the guy from Shiprock Leans in home, he leans down, he goes, what? And he's just telling him something his ear which turns out as the same thing he was telling us that we'd like to apologize.

Yeah, mine fucking you. And we go, and the guy goes, yeah, okay, sure. And we go in this back room and we're all just sitting there and I was like Yeah, did I heard you want to like apologize or something he goes a Pog that fuck you nobody wanted to hear your bullshit show and then Lewis jumps right in his face and then we're all talking and then Hey, doggy, this is a poor doggy. This is a cruise doggy and then they I'll get my own cruise next time dude I'll have my own cruise and I want to invite you dude. It will be the Lewis J. Gomez cruise doggy and they

I'll own the cruise I'm gonna own everything and hand it down to James James will get my cruise ship man They separate us. They do nothing about it and Everyone just goes about their way and I will say I hold the grudge of this day I will fight Barry Stock or Sebastian Bach or tournament style, both of them. And ship at a, at Skankfest, any Skankfest within the next five years. What I'm 50 is, I'm not gonna be able to do that.

I love it. But I'd say right now, if you can book this year, put it out there, let people Sebastian Bach, let him know at whatever his dumb thing is. Fight me. I'm gonna fight John Mayer. Yes. Yeah, that's it. Let's do it. It times up for that motherfucker. Time's up. I'm sick of that song and my damn head. Fathers don't your daughter's what shut up bitch. You get fuck up. You like watches shut up. I have watches too. Here it is. Oh is this it? Let me see. Yeah, I took his pirate off of this point looks like

By the way, you know in the background is you know rich or on a bitch Can I just stop you right here? Can I stop you Lewis's Lewis's body language is such a guy who's gonna fight somebody Dave's body languages. All right, Luke you go first such a guy who's gonna fight somebody. Dave's body language is, all right, you go first. I would go after Luke. But you go. No, say what's the thing about Dave and those both men?

They're the dogs, dude. I'm out of the set. I'm a little fucking. But look at Dave's, you gotta see Dave. Well, look, Lewis is the first to be like, at all costs, like, let's just rock. Okay, he's rocking, but look at Dave. I'm slightly more measured, but I fucking, you know.

Yeah, Dave. I think yeah, but Dave is just mimicking what Lewis is doing. It doesn Davis swinging sides side he's that's what he's see he looks at Lewis he's like yeah he's swing but he's talking to shit though of course he is but he's waiting wait wait Lewis go and now I'll go now right after and fair as a Dave I make no move whatsoever you make no but it's watch Lewis at the end turns around to go back and Dave is like whoa we're going back we're going back well this guitar is an asshole I'm realizing one thing he's doing right at the end.

I'll trade it ready. Why she's going let's go wait let's go back. What is he's doing the he's doing the yeah yeah yeah yeah with his hand. Yep that was a lot he's going up in the air you're all that's that's what he's walking away by the way. I wouldn't be murderously But you know, he might have not been he might have actually he might work on Sesame Street. Oh, sure That might be just an interesting You guys are being wrong there. You guys are being mean. You know, I just said I'm funny. Jacob if you look closer, there's Google eyes on his knuckles

Little grainy. Yeah, he was trying to teach them a lesson of life. Barry Stock from Three As Grace. Listen, fan campers. If you can get hold of these people, let them know. I'm looking for them. I want it. I want all that smoke. You just put marching orders out.

I want all that smoke. Bring it all on. What are we waiting for? It'll be great promotion for my new special dog belly coming out April 5th. Dude, I can't wait I talked to Ari about it today. Yeah, I'm excited. He said he says it he watched it without the sound Yeah, he's like I'm telling you man this special hilarious But visually yeah, it looks great amazing it really was awesome those guys

Fucking schuler and Abrams do. They're so good They made it yeah looks perfect. I fucking love it. So I'm excited for you guys to see it free on YouTube April 5th free Free for absolute free my specials out there too, but you pay for that. Yeah Well, are you making me put the Venmo and PayPal thing up there so people can donate but I can't. Ari, as a whole, sonnet in his, where he's like, I think he gives, actually, he goes, I put 43% of my entire net worth into this. So please do it. I'm like, wow, what a weird way to know your percentages. Is it?

Is it? Is it? Is it? I mean, the guy does take three months off at a time to go to South Africa or whatever, South Asia, Southeast Asia. He plays it. Fast and loose.

That's such a good job. I mean, my idea for your promotion for the album, but it's not gonna, because I'm not here, I'm not gonna be able to pull it off. Oh, the pre-imposed, the Chris Rock. Pre-impro show like Chris Rock. Oh my God, that'd be good. I want Leslie Jones online too.

We like, let me tell y'all something about Big J. How about if we get Lenny Marcus instead? This is what Leslie Jones is. But I'd like Lenny Marcus to do it as Leslie Jones. I just wanted to host. What are we expecting from Big J tonight? I have so much. What could we say? Let's go over to, we have Chris to step in, oh, on the line here.

Chris, your thoughts is the big day for J. What do you think is going to happen on this? You should do it by phone. I wanted to do it in person because I wanted guests. So I wanted to like loot DJ Lou and used to be my guest. What do you expect tonight? Is this going to be classic big Jay? Are we going to see things we've never seen before?

I had so many shitty questions. And then the post show. Because you have to do it live and it sees it as moms. The post show is nuts, right? I didn't see the post show, oh, cause you have to do it live and it sees it as moms. The post show is nuts, right? I didn't see the post show. I saw the pre show only. People were talking about a special, but nobody's talking about his outfit, his shoes.

His shoes were trouble so many. I could not stop. Yeah. The shoe, he was wearing like hot topic. White boots, yeah. He, Avelala Levine outfit. And she doesn't wear those anymore. I mean, no.

It was crazy. There was like a 60 year old black dude wearing high heeled dark martens. Not T-boots. Ha ha ha. Son of a bitch was, he was dog whistlein. I mean, pretty cool. I mean, they are cool, but I mean,

they're cool. I don't know, a 65 year old black dude. I mean, dude, I mean, that guy, they look cool. Yeah. That guy. That's a 23-year-old parodatic. I couldn't, here's the thing is that you don't want to, take away from the jokes, but I couldn't stop looking at his feet and the thing at his back pocket.

Was not. And then there was the jokes. Drunk drove me nuts. And then let's not forget. Then there was the jokes that he clearly didn't run by anybody Good Lord apparently you're gonna be fighting three people I don't want to fight Chris rock Chris Rock is a comedy legend for sure

I just think he had like ill thought out bits. Yeah, the Beyonce GZ bit. I mean come on He just did it., everything was done. It was all been done. Everything, all this has been covered already. Yeah. I said Seinfeld, kind of the same thing, like they're not out in clubs, they're not seeing what everybody's working on.

They're doing it so they're like presenting. Yeah, but I don't think you have to be in the clubs to know the concept of a pretty woman can work at a shitty place and get a famous boyfriend not vice versa. It's just been covered. I think Kanye wrote a song about it. Yeah, Kanye wrote a fucking song about.

And there's rock steals from Kanye. Any question marks? Yeah. The background was nuts too. I mean, the whole thing was nuts. Well, it's funny realizing all those things you got to figure out now that I did the self-producing special thing. Like, backgrounds are such a...

Remember Nick Cannon's first special? The background was all, like, every, like, you know, foot. It was a great of just individual lights. And when he walks around, which he never stopped doing, Nick Cannon, you're gonna have a seizure. Like, the whole thing starts like trailing, and it, like, makes your eyes hurt. Yeah. Very, very bizarre. You need, I always say the planist background

you can get, like have something up, shoot some lights on some shit, let that happen. But when you, like, who had, like, they ain't had like a drum kit behind them on his first. I'm like, dude, you didn't even play the drums. What do you fucking do it? And if you did play the drums, like Joe Piscopo, you stink too if you can play the drums. What are you fucking doing? And if you did play the drums like Joe Piscopo you stink too if you're gonna play drums Don't go back down do fucking get off. I hate that when they incorporate their other talent

Show me one talent a time you ask. Oh, it's how I feel when Conan O'Brien website a guitar Well, it's cool. You can play guitar, but stop dude. Be a funny guy on TV. Yeah, you're making me uncomfortable. He's like, if you don't mind now, I'm going to go jam with the chili peppers very seriously. One of the funniest things of all time. Do you remember that clip that was pretty viral clip I think of Tom Green show when he was back in Canada, like when he was a little bit older and he had the guy from Jackalon who we've had on SDR before too, Jesse James. Yeah.

He does a thing, he made a guitar that took a buzzsaw, and that took a chain saw guitar these days. And he came out on Tom Green's show. The King prankster, himself, and he came out with the thing and started cutting off pieces of his desk and cutting things into his desk and Tom Green gets genuinely pissed like shut down so he doesn't do the interview anymore and then but part of that move was he was going to go play a song on drums

he's going to play drums while this guy from Jackal play guitar and then eventually he goes like yes whatever I guess let's go over and play this stupid song now whatever watching a guy miserably reluctantly play drums is pretty fucking a little Tom Green Yeah the buzz saw guitar. We're gonna have a drum off with me and my son Max. Yeah, maybe Me and yeah, your son Max over here. Jack. I could play a little drums. I heard your drummer. Yeah, I played one on TV. I saw Who I like your drama did you yeah, well you have a kid at the house. We're kind of kid you get I don't have I mean my kid is in my parents house, but I said it's an old blood wig. That's my advantage Which is falling to pieces you got the acoustic now, right? I got the acoustic at the house. You got rid of the digital I got it's not digital. It's electronic. right? I got the acoustic at the house. You got rid of the digital. I got it's not digital

It's electronic. Yeah, I got it was digital. It wasn't there. It was in the clouds. I'm getting one I'm gonna get it you get in there which one a really good one. Okay, get the roll and TD roll and TD 50 Yeah, $9,000. Okay. Yeah. Oh shit. All right, when I get a house I'm telling you when I get a house and make it a really nice one. I just want to dick around I'm not very good at drums, but playing along with the Playing along with like the my own music and the headphones is just so Fucking fun. I love it. I get on once more Max is better than me now to be honest with you Really? Yeah, Max. He's into metal too. He's into like double pedals and his teacher was high teacher.

I don't even know how to attack any of that kind of stuff, double pedal stuff. I could play high hat, bass drum, couple of tom's, floor tom, but a rowing, yeah, V drum, that's what I had before. I said, I lost it in that flood, but that thing was so fun. That's so funny that that's a real statement.

I lost it in the flood. Yeah, it sounds like so. Yeah, God came and took it back with him. How does it come out? I lost it in the flood. Oh the great flood of 2006 or whatever was. Welcome Jesse James Dupree. This is the Tom Green show. Yeah, this is the Tom Green show. You walk out. It comes out with a chainsaw. That's not a guitar. Yeah, Yeah, right at first. It's just a chainsaw. I thought it was the guitar And he cops a piece of what he types Tom and He hates this Tom Green. This is a guy who spray painted the cover of the front of his dad's hood to be his parents fucking

Yeah, and I love Tom Green Big Tom Green, he did a Legion of Skanks during quarantine was awesome But it's just weird to me that he got mad and Watch how standoff as she gets he's like no whatever. It's a place to do a song or whatever He's like that pissy about it because he probably bought that desk with his last He's like that pissy about it. Because he probably bought that desk with his last $5,000. It's like MTV bucks. Yeah, dude, we got a great desk and now he's got this.

Yeah, he's lost his testicle already. He's lost Drew Barrymore. Yeah. How you doing, bro? Well, I was doing all right. I'm actually to be honest with you. Way better desk. This is fucking rock and roll.

Yeah. Oh, look at this. way better desk Oh Isn't it weird hearing him like get that tone just odd Yeah, I'm so figured with it. I hope so, because you're gonna have to. Oh, no. Oh, huh. Isn't it weird hearing him like get that tone? I'm just odd. Well, I wouldn't know some comics who get like that. Turns out. Turns out they don't have a center human.

So I'm gonna get around. Oh, a little upset if you do the small, little funny thing. You do a little thing, they might get mad and try to fight and call everybody up. Try to turn the whole business again. I'm gonna fight you again. Again.

You play on it. What's up? It was a good move for me. I thought that would have been if he should have went, it's crazy. You didn't go with this. Cutting up the, I know you think you just beat it. I think it was pretty cool that he did that for four-time green. And he's like, ah, pay for another one.

And when someone says that, especially he goes, I'll pay for another one. You think you'd be like, he's like, ah, pay for another one. And when someone says that, especially, he goes, I'll pay for another one. You think he'd be like, he's like, oh, great. You know what I mean? Or whatever, make a joke back. He goes, well, I hope so. Because you're going to have to. Yeah, because you're going to have to be. It would have been funny if he wrote J.

That's the wrong. Go play it. That's terrible. What the bitchie still gets. All right. No, I've actually got a single bill to the record company. What's that bitchy still gets? Um, alright. No actually, send a bill to the record company. What's that? That's what record company. Okay, no, I hope to prepare it for pay for it. It'll be awesome.

I'm just off right now. No, I mean, no, I'm actually kind of really pushed off right now. Are you angry about this? I'm not. He told me to do it. No, no, no, no. It's such an unnecessary discomfort. The whole thing is just unnecessary discomfort. Well, it sucks that he tried to get the other guy.

Are you happy about this? Do you try to get the producer involved in it? It's like, dude, but then he goes, he told me to do it. And then he has to go, no, don't think that about me. You know, this is, look at the cameras. But then he goes he told me to do it and then he has to go You know all this is look at the cameras. Oh, yeah, cameras with like 7,000 pounds each You have two guys moving around yeah, no shit. I think the what you're gonna call it the daily shows all on iPhone 14 I know It isn't a weird thing to get you trying to be a little crazy with your song This is what your whole career was doing like fucking with people.

If this was David Letterman, a Carson, I would be like, okay, this is bad. But my bum is on your lips. Yeah, listen, if Carson daily got like that, you go like, that's a weird kind of bitchy tone to take about it. However, Carson daily isn't like out there doing pranks on people. But you know they had the desk day when the desk showed up. It's here. Oh my god. And they all went on this. Oh, we have this custom built. I picked this draw on the front. I had to tell you what custom built desk for an internet TV show is already a way on

necessary expense. You're right. Just get a desk. A desk. I can't. A desk would work. A desk. A desk. And it should be. You get a little restoration hardware. Maybe an Ethan Allen. Yeah.'t work a desk. And it should be a restoration hardware, maybe an Ethan Allen. Yeah, Ethan Allen's expensive. It can't be expensive. It can't be expensive. But at least it's not custom made. So if one day you have on the guy from Jackal, who's going to clearly change all up your desk, he showed up with a chainsaw. Would you think he was going to do juggle? I mean, he had one chainsaw. And he's coming out and he lit it up on fire. What do you think he's gonna do? Cut his own arm off. What is he? He's going to cut something up. You fucking moron. It's just so funny to have this tension and they have to do the song together.

He played it. Come on, go out. Every not even cut with my little socks. Yeah, I know. It's probably really funny, yeah. It's really funny, yeah. Does it get a laugh normally or? Oh, yeah. Okay, that's all kind of f***ing. Oh, that's cool. So tell them, tell me about your little rinky dink show

that you do. Wow. Actually, actually, it's just the f***ing damn rock and roll show. Just full tilt to get to our bass and drums, change song if you will, whatever it takes to get the job doing. Yeah, yeah.

He still tried to be kind of a cool guest too. He's like yeah, you know Yeah, he's being like sweet and jovial and he's very sweet interview him on on SD on He brought up this story did he talk him he talked about this I believe so yeah, I asked about everything he was like yeah, he's like Like what are you gonna do? He was kind of just like arms turn up up about it. Yeah, but if he came in here with a chance, I, you guys were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please, I don't know if you should. He wrote, Dan. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Somebody from Tom Greenstein knew this was gonna happen. Yes 100% right 100% yeah

This wasn't really like a guest in just I don't know if I believe that desk was custom made I don't know if he just like because it's one of those things like you know Someone goes, oh did I fucked it up? I'm so sorry I fucked it up. You want to make him feel bad? You go well to replaceable so that's my father's yeah, yeah, it's my father's time piece Yeah, he was a swatch watch he goes my father's. Yeah, yeah, it's my father's time piece. Yeah, he was a swatch watch. He goes my father's watch watch. Yeah, you know, because you get a, he got the, hey, don't wear any stripes. I think what stripes and logo.

No, all the TV stuff. Oh, by the way, by the way, no chainsaw and desks. He goes, we didn't say no chainsaws goes, but he should have told me no chainsaw and desks's upset. No, because it would be funnier. It's not just awkward. And I know that Tom Green's sort of thing too, but it's, it's watch. That's funny though, but somebody definitely didn't know. I mean, he definitely didn't know.

He wasn't telling you, but he doesn't have, but he doesn't have, and you can see Tom Green's thing when he's doing it. He's like, he's not, he should be, if it was a work, he would overreact it to it. I mean, I'm not sure if he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not, he should be, but he doesn't have, but he doesn't have, uh, and you can see Tom Green's thing when he's doing it. He's like, he's not, he should be, if it was a work, he would overreact to it actually

happening. He's almost sitting back looking to people off camera going like, what the fuck is he doing? His anger's building. Yeah. Every second too. It's like, he would have been angry out of the gate and kind of say, it's actually getting worse and worse.

Yes. He's getting more maxed. This guy is not like, I give him some level of apology he wants. Yeah, and this guy's actually kind of like, trying to be cool and it's, you know, he's, He's like, I'll get you a new desk. I'm like, you're gonna have to. Yeah, it's,

You have to because my mom said, Yeah, my dad said, if you don't buy this thing, he's gonna beat up your dad. I'm like, this like, I feel stuff. Yeah, and occasionally, in occasionally myself. Occasionally, I'll slip up. Fuck myself. Cool.

OK. Well, you know, I mean, are you all right, bird? Are you OK? What should I do here? You're a producer. You've been in television a long time. You produced the Jerry Springer show. What should I do here?

Yeah. Yeah. Should I act like this is cool? Like this dude came out he's up our desk and I don't And they go on have some interview where I'm really nice to him about a little rock and roll band Or should I just move like this big in solo is his little you song things little hey, yeah That's a little rock and roll band. He's a little rock rose his little penis and his little chest people to care about Jack I'll care about Jack with Johnny, radio guy in Kansas City. I know Johnny.

Forever. It just is, I'm not his thing because I went in there. I didn't know they were really good friends. And it was weird. I did the show. Craig Glazer used to be the Stanford Suns guy. It was a lunatic. Check it out.

Sanford Suns. Come on. Check it out. And him and Johnny used to teach you how to do radio. Oh, he came in Well, you want to do is you want to talk about the show? You have a joke ready Just do a joke. I know it's uncomfortable for you comics to do a joke But that's what the people want. It's not he had no idea. It's not what they want it all No, but he would bring me on Johnny dare and then talk the whole time and then Johnny dare goes

Which is a question. So we are I'm pretty there promoting show. I'm performing a show every night. I'm there goes which is a question so we are there promoting show I'm I'm performing a show every night on there yeah he goes I was out of your metal guy goes you going over the raceway tonight see jackal and I went no I started laughing and he goes I guess why is that funny I was like I don't know it's like I'm not going over to see warrant or rat eat or something like that you know and he was like a if it's wrong with Jack and I was just kind like, what's wrong with Jack? I go, no, nothing, dude, I'm just like, kind of fucking around, and then we like,

move on, and when I leave, Craig Lazier goes, he's best friends with Jackal. And I was like, oh shit, and he is. They are co-owners of the full throttle. Tour. Saloon. I've been a sturgis, I play, really, they're co-owners of that together so I'm like

So I just like insulted his friend to him by laughing at the idea that goes to jackal But in hindsight I've always been like why would you ask me that? Why would you put me on that spot? If I can't like you know you're asking me about jackal I don't think the guy in jackal would have been upset by that question like now is jackal still touring? Yeah, we're still out there man yeah correct that club is probably that was the old west of comedy i do miss it did you have a little one by the airport play every one the only one i didn't play was west port the original original room the one downtown uh yes what i did the first one i did was in legends Mall, which was on the Kansas side of Kansas City.

Yeah. And then we, and then I did, I did that several times and then over in Park, the very last one. So I played the original Westport. So I'm at the airport and this kid picks me up. And I'm like, I thought the owner was picking up. I got to take you to him. He's your owner. Who, who, who's your open guy, right? No, he's just some kid. Oh, wow. Pick me up and then he takes me to a street and there's a guy in a convertible, Porsche. And it's Craig, but he has an ankle bracelet on because he's under a federal, whatever.

Sure. He can't leave like the perimeter of town. So I gotta put my suitcase in this fucking two-seater. Doesn't really fit. Then he takes me to do seven radio shows. Yeah. So I got to put my suitcase in this fucking two-seater. Doesn't really fit. Then he takes me to do seven radio shows. Yeah. Seven, and he's talking on every single one of them.

Yep, he goes on everyone. He also would sexually harass every woman who worked there on the way. And if they were on air, you could hear, I wish I would have took out the recordings of every radio show I did with him. If there was an on-air woman, you could hear how much they fucking hated him. They would look because he'd be like, oh, the rack like that, you know, you got a, and they'd be like, okay, Craig, like dude, like, you know, I'm doing traffic and weather on the ones. Can you stop talking about my nipples? I know what the weather is because I can look at those nips right now.

It's cold if I'm looking at your nipples, you know what I'm saying? We're making out, I have a wild saw, if we screw it up, I got my wing around. I dimmed it. That he brought me to the club. I'm like, I'd like to go take a nap. Probably the club to meet his father. There's just some a giant. Stanford.

Dude, yeah, just some old guy in a suit. It was just walking around like that. I'm dying. Yeah. And then I went to the hotel finally, and then he brings me back. There's literally a bullet hole in the window from shots being fired the week before I was there. And so I'm the kid.

The I mean, dude, it's red necks and ghetto. Right. That's it. There's just red necks and ghettos in the show. And it's just that's the West Porter. I think was it's NASCAR jackets and shorts and some black chicks and black dudes, right? And the host is on stage bombing, bombing. And some ladies in the back is a table of big black girls in the back talking.

And he went, hey, shut the fuck up, bitch. I mean, she starts swearing and takes, you know, the beer stands, takes it, throws it at the kid's head. This is by a center meter. The kid just ducks his head like that, smashes on the brick wall, shatters, hits the guy, the redneck on the front who's wearing jorts, hits his shin bone, cuts, I don't know, an artery or something. Oh shit.

I think it's a order. As the dragon, the woman out, I'll kill you motherfuck a little mom. He goes, ladies and gentlemen, your headliner, as the dragon, this woman out. Robert just brings me up. Pants, brings me on stage. I go on stage, I'm looking at the guy's shin bleeding. Louis, you could see his pulse. From the Virgil.

Yeah. Good job. I go dude, you should go see somebody. You're really bleeding, but he's like, I'm good man. Just come on, let's go. So, tape it up. Dude, I had to fucking do 45 minutes of the worst. And there's like 19 people there. I mean the worst the worst

I have nightmares about going back to that. That's why the porn star was there the last night I was leaving She was there some porn stuff that was from that town hanging out with all of them and I was talking to her She's like, you know, it's talking about like I love to eat ass and I was like well, that's I go that's my thing Like I love it. I'm gonna ask loves be eating, I love to eat ass. And I was like, well, that's, I go, that's my thing. Like, I love, I haven't asked loves to eat. I love to get my butt. This is sexy butt. This is back in the day, boy. And I had a nice ass. I was like, I love that she goes, I'd eat your ass.

Like, at the table, like, we're talking about, oh no, I wanna go to Waffle House after? Sure, you guys, she's like, I'll eat your ass. She goes, I gotta do this thing. And when I'm done, I'll come over and I'll eat you butt. Like that, I was a great. And I went back to the hotel and I showered. And I remember I trimmed it.

I didn't want it, I had a little couple of rogues. Okay. I trimmed it. And then I went and I sat on the bed on a towel, naked, because I wanted it to air dry. Sure. And she didn't come. And so I went and I kind of washed it again.

I washed it probably three times and then I fell asleep. She never came. Bitch. And I woke up, oh, so sad. I woke up with my little Staminky had gone back inside. My nuts were tighter.

I had this perfectly clean ass sleeping. I slept on the towel, but it was kind of damp from washing my ass three times. Why did you keep washing? Because I just felt like, you never know if she's coming. I don't know if she's coming. She never, I've never seen her again. I used to do our art at that club. I hooked up with a weight staff there once, the girl, beautiful girl. And that was the one I told you that I, it was like, I showed her everything. We were talking about not having game and stuff and not reading signals. She came back to my room after the show

and I showed her, I was out of YouTube videos or whatever the equivalent was at the time that I remember showing her garage band things I did. I dicked around with all my computers at the time, garage band. It's just like guitar riff five and drum beat four. It was like, I was, I was doing what to do.

And that's when I told you I went to the bathroom to piss at like seven a.m. When I came out she was naked in the bed. And I went, so what now? And she was like, dude, she's like, what do I have to, come on. But I'm, and then one time me and David waitress there brought us into the

green. She's the one to tell us that they have to sign. Um, when you work there as a waitress, you have to sign like, uh, you won't make a sexual harassment claim against them. But she said it's, it's always listed as like, cause you're going to be running these comics who were a little wild and they say some things and blah, blah, blah. It's for him. Of course. Cause you, and they all knew that they go, Oh, oh yeah, now he's like a touchy, grabby kind of guy, but this girl was what she goes, and I don't know why she went to the bathroom to show, we weren't fucking her anything, she wasn't blunt,

she was gonna show us her titties. And she wasn't showing them for like a novelty, it was like, I think in a sexual nature of least like, check, she had an A cup titty and a D cup titty and there's a thing like it it did not look okay. I think my mom has that. It wasn't your mom though I think. I brought Christine to meet him and she got picked up in the while it was a Mercedes when we went. I used to get picked up in a Lotus all the time but he knew Christine for 10 minutes of a drive and Where the first radio was was

Westport right next to where the old club was is where the radio station is and He's like, ah, this is where the old club used to be and Christine was like, oh really that that's so cool. And I get just met her. He goes, yeah, he goes, but then the whole neighbor started to change before you know it. It was just a line of n words around the bed, but he says the word around the building. And it's like, okay, you're really throwing that flag out there early, like to a girl that you've never met.

You think that's such a chance for Christine. Who've been like, can you not act, you know, whatever, make a weird thing was so odd. How comfortable that guy was. Well, they are to study him. So I knew what to expect. She was there for that. I mean, look, the guy has his own, uh, YouTube channel where he just tells you stories of sexually assaulting or, uh, harassing staff, girls and comics.

He was the one's the best one in the world. Do you remember he offered me, he offered me a guest spot, even though we said I wasn't a comic. So that's the way he gets pussy. That's his only monetary. One time. I blew you up a vibe man. You said I'm a guy with a back.

I know we got a break in a second, but one time I was there and there was a girl outside crying when I went smoke a cigarette. She was supposed to come to the show. And I was like, I almost made some total mackain. You just cigarette her something like, okay. And she was like a pretty girl, but she was hysterically crying. It was nothing about like, let me swoop in. I was just like, hey, are you coming to the show?

Like, what are you saying? She was like, I was coming to the show. Me and this guy have been seeing just how to huge fight and broke up like right here. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. And I was just like, well, if you want to have a drink or something, like I can get you into the show still, I'll get you a drink, you know, feel better. And she was like, oh, that'd be nice.

She just came in and she like smoked pot. She had a couple of drinks, crags in there the whole time. Nothing about this woman. She's not really giving off like I'm looking for anything other than like, I'm just really genuinely doing a nice, she's like, this is nice. Thank you. I'm like, if you're a fan of my stuff, I'm looking for anything other than like, I'm just really genuinely doing a nice, she's like, this is nice, thank you. Yeah. I'm like, if you're a fan of my stuff,

I'm like, please, my whole means like, and I remember one point, like, he just how brazen he was. She had like a tattoo, like, right at her belt line or something like that. And he's like, what's that there? And just, I mean, finger in the front of her pants and just pulls him down to like, bush,

airy, what's that tattoo? And I don't know what his magic is, but she was just like, bush, airy and what's that tattoo? And I don't know what his magic is, but she was just like, oh, it's like a whatever sign of like, she just didn't even get faced by it. That's boss hogging fucking energy. That's his confidence. I guess he just goes for it.

That's Southern confidence. It's Lewis and Clark confidence. It's Kansas City Fucks. Hey, what's up with that? You don't shave your bush, do you? Nice beaver. Ha ha ha ha. All three brothers dead and father dead. It's done.

Family is going. I don't know if there's any legacy in that family. No, it's gone. I don't think any of the brothers had kids. No. And they were all the dad died. So that's just different since it got watched. Just like that last club, we went to it.

Had that whole outdoor area. I had no problem with any of the clubs. I had a great club. I had no problem with either of the clubs. I club. I had no problem with either the clubs. I had a he had lined me before a lot of people would. I it was one of those like Wednesday to Sunday. I was at a time, but at a time that it'd be, yeah, but you know, there was a time of Wednesday

or Thursday for me. I also one had a very little kid at home. I was young myself. So in my mind, I was like, what's six days. I don't have to wake up to baby crying It's six days alone. I live with Billy burn or we shared a I was sleep in the living room a wooden sofa That he got from his father's dentist office. I mean, so we could a hotel. You're like oh, yeah Sweet and hotel getting laid Clean in my asshole for girls and I'm showing up. Oh, there's a fucking appendix

press across the street, say no more. Ha ha ha. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to SiriusXM.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy. slash bomb fire for a special offer that's

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