The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Filet-O-Fat

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Conversation about fast food prompts Jay to order fish sandwiches for the entire crew! Bobby recalls who sent him down a spiral of unhealthy eating with monkey bread.

I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on SiriusXM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the SiriusXM app. Go to SiriusXM.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com. we let the world know, dude. You gotta let your girl go. DS is the best in the business. BS, we got dicks like Jesus.

It's time that we let the world know. It's a big day in the world of dicks, everybody. You see dicks like Jesus? Jesus Christ. It's a big day in the world of dicks. Big dick reveal today. You know, in the shroud of Jesus, they have his face and his dick. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uncut. I was excited for you, Jay.

Thank you. Because I know he was a size king. This is... I am a size king. As big as it gets. You are. If I'm gonna see it, I need to see it big. It's gonna... We're gonna get into it today. First things first, we have a little unfinished business from yesterday. We do.

Jacob was a... It took too long to calculate. We couldn't make it before the show ended. But people have been hanging on the edge of their seats wondering, Bobby's meal, which we should go over again, his standard McDonald's order at a time. I'll read it all to you because I actually. Can I say it?

Sure. Just so I can relive it because I'll never have it again. Hey, hey. I'm what? Yeah, you will. Jay, no I won't. No, one day. Well, it just had me do alcohol and crack too.

No, no, no. Can we go back to jail? No, there's no point in that, but I'm just saying like they tell you the missiles have been launched. We can't stop them all. It's coming. No, there's no point in that, but I'm just saying, like they tell you, the missiles have been launched. We can't stop them all. It's coming. Yeah, we're going to McDonald's.

We're going to McDonald's. And you're gonna get, what are you gonna get now? Three large fries, please. Okay. Mm-hmm. Four sour. Oh, can I be the person? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Hi, how are you? Hi. How's it going? Welcome to McDonald's, take your order. I'm sorry, what? Welcome to McDonald's, take your order. I'm sorry. What welcome McDonald take your order Take your okay up. Come on man. All right on this line. You're right three large fries Mm-hmm large. Yeah, can I get two double quarter pounders with cheese two double quarter with cheese?

Is she with you right here? She with you? Yeah, that ladies for you. Oh, no, no, I don't know her You don't know her. No, she's not with me. Okay, this is for you Yes, all right three things. All right, that's gonna come to I'm not done. Okay. Oh, all right. Hang on hang on Carl Carl need the void key. What are you doing? No, no, no what? No, I thought he was done his order was so much doing no no no what why I thought he was done his order was so much but can you yeah thank you this Carl he manager hi Carl how are you buddy hey how are you what seems to be happening here you're not done with your order no I'm not I was not done so so far what you have is three large fries three large fries and two okay we're gonna fix this up and get you home you clearly have a family you're

getting this home to me I'm alone You're by yourself by myself. Okay. Yeah three large fries two Double quarter patterns with cheese with cheese everything yet cheese cheese and just listen leave it open for him until he says I don't know Sorry, what go ahead? Huh? Go huh go, huh? Okay I'm sorry what go ahead huh go huh go huh okay ten piece McNugget ten piece meal no just well you know what make it the meal because in the fries will come with that yeah don't throw my okay hang on a second Carl you know what forget it okay just make it the ten piece chicken. Ten piece chicken. Just a nugget. Ten piece chicken. I want a shake. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate medium.

Chocolate medium. Medium. And that's where you go medium. What? I say what? That's weak. Ain't nothing man. Ain't nothing. Hey, you know your Fat 2, La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la- Mm-hmm. I thought so that's two dollars Mm-hmm and five ketchup please Five we go odd number. Why come you go odd numbers on the ketchup? I'm sorry. What'd you say? Why come you go hard numbers on the ketchup you say why come? Why come? be my lip Why come why come you go? Odd numbers on the ketchup because I only usually use four and in case I want more I'll have the fifth one. So I'm actually I only use even four, but it's just in case okay, can I give you the price now?

Yes $436 you take American Express. Mm-hmm. Okay here. Thank you very much. Yeah Would you like to know your cali account? Okay, here, thank you very much. Yeah, huh? Appreciate it. What's- Should I? Would you like to know your calorie count? I was blown away by it. I don't know it. I'm excited. This is like half an Olympic swimmer's daily intake.

Are you ready for the total, Bobby? This is what you ate in one meal. I haven't thought a bit more than that. If you think about it, though, think about it. Two, two, four hamburgers, but they're small. I mean, a quarter of a pounder is... It's only a quarter of a pound. He's got to get two doubles to have one pound worth of meat.

I'm only eating a pound hamburger. He's only eating a pound of burger. What is that? Now look, I know what you're thinking. Any place where you eat one single pound of burger will get your picture on the wall with some kind of a funny thing. Uh... All right. Definitely a t-shirt. a single pound of burger will get your picture on the wall with some kind of a funny thing. Or definitely a t-shirt. Definitely a t-shirt that says,

I survived Mount Beef. Mount Beef. Mount Beef. Go ahead. And fries, look at, I'm not eating all the fries. No, but you're eating at least over two large fries. I'm eating at least two, probably into the three. Into the three for sure, and I'll tell you what.

But... If you got enough sauces left, you could take it down pretty low. I've grazed back on something I said I'm leaving behind until it was done many times. Grazing is one of my favorite things. Yeah. And when there's a bag of McDonald's fries,

and you shake it and then you can do that, chiki, chiki, chiki, chiki. You know, Christine, I do know her, hi Christine. That chef's taste thing is really, Christine doesn't cook anything, all she has to do is plate the food, but she gives herself a little vig for plating the food and eat several things

before she comes over. Sometimes I get frustrated because she won't even take an eating out of the bag yet and she's already eating it. She's already had a nugget and some fries and I'm like, Christine, bring it over. You can't just start eating there. The chef have to make sure it tastes right.

The chef is a fucking clown who lives in our imaginations. Christine just has to put it on a paper plate. She's not gonna have to wash. But what if it's not salted correctly? What if it's not seasoned correctly? She has to put it on a paper plate. She's not gonna have to wash. What if it's not salted correctly? What if it's not seasoned correctly? She has to taste it. You think she's gonna season chicken nugget? You've seasoned your nuggets at home?

Christine, I try to defend you, but you sit there and just googly eye me. All right, stick up for yourself. She can't. These are all correct things I'm saying. Believe me. Well, Christine's gonna argue it back. She will lay it out there.

What is your meal when you go to McDonald's? We're gonna find out what my calories are? I wanna know what your meal is. When you go to McDonald's, and I don't want you to tell me the motherfucking, you know what I mean? Like what is your order? What is your order?

What's your know? What's your, this is the most I've ever fucked around at McDonald's this what's my worst meal? I've got your worst meal at McDonald's you've ever gotten To cheeseburger meal large amped up to double cheeseburgers, okay Which is smaller than a quarter quarter pounder. No It's best this is the difference between somebody who cares about their body and doesn't. It's just... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that things full. How much? One large fry. But at least a spare small. A spare fry.

At least. At least. Right. And we're talking just me here. Because me and Christine do weird shit too. We just grab a couple extra things and be like, well we'll take a bite or two and split that. Yeah. Filet of fish. What? A Big Mac. You got fish from McDonald's? Flay of Fish is a fantastic sandwich. No. Bobby, Flay of Fish, it's... Can I tell you something? How come everybody's shaking their heads? Because...

I mean, this is the crazy shit. Because they're absolutely correct. Are you guys all poor people? Bobby, you've never had it before? If you've never had a Flay of Fish, then I will tell you, you've missed out on, and start arguing this if you want, the best bread in the fast food game. It's the same bread.

No, it is not the same bread. What? The fish filet bread is different and better. No. Bobby? What is it? Why is it better? I don't even know.

Is it Hawaiian bread? Is it sweet Hawaiian bread? Maybe. It's a little softer. You know what I'm talking about, Lou. But there's no way it's fish. Oh, no one's arguing that Okay, all right. No, it's some kind of fish hot dog, but Doesn't matter you know tartar sauce. It's just it's just shark fingernails

Boss my Virginia to would do McSurf and Turfs, where it was like a double cheeseburger and a filet of fish put together. He was a large man. I had, look it, I had that at, what's the White Castle? They had, it's called something where you get burger, fish and chicken. Ooh, one sandwich?

And one sandwich. That's a bad thing. And it was fucking disgusting. Yeah, I can only assume Yeah, I think the surf and turf sounds disgusting. It's gross You should mix the two but a filet of fish sandwich is a really good sandwich. I I just I I want to try it Can we try one? Can we get one? Don't ask look up to the bun look up at the bun thing is different

Yeah, maybe it might be. It's the same thing. They don't have a different bun. McDonald's isn't- It's not the bun that's on the Big Mac. It's not the bun that's on the Quarter Pound or something. Well, the Big Mac. That's a sesame.

Exactly. That's a sesame seed bun, dude. You can't mess with that. But that does not look good. It is, though. It has cheese. Who puts cheese with fish? I could.

Christine puts cheese with everything. What? She adds cheese to every chicken sandwich she gets. She adds cheese to every fish sandwich she gets. Mm. Cheese. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I will not have a McChicken

without adding cheese to it. Cheese and fish is fucking cool. But that's their menu. This is standard. Yeah, just the chemicals go together. It doesn't really taste like any of these things. It doesn't. He's correct. It doesn't taste like fish or cheese or tartar sauce, but somehow when it chemicals go together. It doesn't really taste like any of these things. It doesn't. He's correct.

It doesn't taste like fish or cheese or tartar sauce, but somehow when it all gets together in your mouth, it's perfect. There's no way it's good. I bet if you tried it now, you would be like, oh, this is not good. I was wrong. I'm not even hungry. Bring in some fish fillets right now. Someone get us some fish fillets delivered up here.

I'll crush a fish fillet right now. I would eat one without the cheese or the tart didn't. I'll crush a fish filet right now. I would eat a fish filet. What? I would eat one without the cheese or the tartar sauce. You'd eat a fish, but you'd eat a fish filet? I just want the bread and the fish. It's not fish. It is fish. It is fish.

There's no way McDonald's has fish. I think I've had one. It's probably, what, like, haddock or cod. Yeah. Blackloo, you like the fish filet? Yeah, I actually got into it recently because I didn't grow up eating it, but it's pretty good, man.

I'm shocked and surprised. Paddock. It's not haddock. Paddock. What the fuck is paddock? No, it's Pollock. Pollock, Pollock. That's what I meant.

It's kind of a haddock. It's the same shit. Yeah, Pollocks. That's what fat people have under their armpits. It's a basic white fish. Christine Uber eats us up some fish filets right now. Let's fucking get Bobby. Let's get one of these in Bobby's face.

Can I get a three Bobby's calorie count? I'd like you. Well, I haven't go through my meal yet. Yes. All right, go through your meal. How many? Just one with cheese, one without. I don't want any sauce or anything on it.

One with nothing. Look at her face, the face she just gave me. And Lou wants one. Can't just watch you eat it. And Black Lou wants one. Please. All right, we got fresh just gave me. And Lou wants one. I can't just watch you eat it. And Black Lou wants one. Please. And Bobby's gonna have one. I'm just gonna, I wanna bite it and give you my honest opinion of.

We're eating us off air. Totally. Yeah, Jacob, definitely for sure. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm gonna get four and then gross one for Jacob. Yeah, four regular ones and then one nerd Chick-fil-A. Yeah. And one fries?

Why am I encouraging this bit? People hate chewing on air. Well, won't you want to chew on air? It's fine. I'm gonna do it off air. Okay. And then I'm gonna give my honest opinion of a... That's fine.

That's why I said do it during the break and then give it a... He could also take a bite of it during the thing and talk about it, Jacob. You're referring to two people that go, something about chewing. falling victim to these fucking computer dorks they're not wrong we're not gonna sit here and have a meal on the air it melts in your mouth you really don't chew it you know chew it melts but

I want you guys to try them on the air so we can see Bobby's reaction and Jacob's reaction I do have an annoying chew though I've been yelled at a lot chew off like you guys are gonna be fine do not let Jacob get in your head with this nonsense. No, my chew is disgusting. I sound like cattle. Yeah, but just don't. How? Aim away from the microphone.

Are you drawn to it? Completely finished. The chew. Jacob, the more you complain about it, the more I'm gonna talk with my mouth full into the microphone. It's making me furious. Relax.

I love when Jacob gives up. Because guys, don't snap ever in life, I hate it. Guys, somebody was complaining about you blinking. Can we keep our eyes open as long as we can? One person said that Jay says I'm too much. I don't read. Can we shave your head, Jay? Because we heard your hair growing?

I read nothing. You read so many comments. I do not. You do, that's how you know they're terrible. You always come to us and say, don't read the comments, cause they're really mean, say terrible things. Well those will be emails.

They email you directly to how you suck. They actually send them snail mail, they write letters in cursive. Stop chewing. Stop chewing. Show me compilation. It better be 10 pages of emails about it I bet there isn't I hate those shy motherfuckers so I'm too to so this is just my meal my meal is gonna be the two double cheeseburgers. Two of them. Large fry, small fry. Large fry, small fry.

Large drink, Coke Zero, Diet Coke. You're gonna diet. Always. Always. Yeah, okay. And then 10 piece nugget, four shore. Yeah, sauce. Four hot mustard sauces, one sweet and sour, one barbecue. So four hot mustard and then two other

barbecue and a sweet and sour. So six total. And then I'm telling you some sort of like still involved. And my plan will be I'm probably not gonna eat both double cheeseburgers, but they're there, which makes me happy. Very Christine drug style. I'd like to know it's there.

Yeah, I do too. Which I appreciate. drug style, like to know it's there. Yeah, I do too. Which I appreciate. And then I would try to think, add like a fish filet, or like a McChicken, or a Big Mac. So pick one. Just pick one of those.

Let's say I would do a fish filet. Fish filet, all right, 380 calories. It's not bad. A fish filet? It's not that bad. I mean, the calories aren't that bad. I mean, I can't believe it's fish, and I don. It's not bad. A fish filet? It's not that bad. I mean, the calories aren't that bad. I mean, I can't believe it's fish, and I don't believe it's fish.

It's Pollock. Whatever the fuck that is. Or a pad. I never saw somebody. What did you get? Pollock. I've never heard it. No, it's a fish filet.

What are you fishing for? Pollock? It's a filet fish. It's a filet fish. You only eat it in sandwich form. It sounds like a disease old Jewish when we're getting bokeh-retoned Florida. It's true. And it's got Pollock again sandwich form. It sounds like a disease old Jewish women get in Boca Raton, Florida. It's true.

And it's got Pollock again. Pollock's is going around the nursing home. They're all sexed up. Yeah, right. I hate a Pollock. They're all sexed up. No, no, no. But Jacob, that's my meal. Jacob, give the tally count. I think yours is less than Bobby's for sure.

It's gonna be for sure, yeah. Okay. I mean, three large fries, four sweet and sour packs, a chocolate shake, two double quarter pounders with cheese, and a 10-piece chicken McNuggets, totaled, and five ketchup packs. Five ketchup packs. Here we go. You got an medium shake, right? Yes, I put the...

Your total is 4,230 calories in one meal. Not bad, dude. Is that a lot? No, none of it's what you eat right before winter. I ate that before I went to bed. That was like a- That's what you do, you hibernate. Well, I actually didn't go to bed,

I had to go to bed because I passed out from a food coma and I woke up two days later and my feet felt wet. Is that bad? Incredible that you ate that much. It's wild. That's a shit that wakes you up in the morning. Yeah. Where your first moves out of bed to the can. What was your duty like right after that?

I just have big duties. Yeah? Yeah, my duties are worse now because I have protein, so much protein shakes. Do tell. Well, I will, Jacob. Because of the protein, it mushes your duty up but I mean it smelled but it was I'm saying was it a painful duty or no it

wasn't painful I'm a pretty regular guy but I tell you man the feeling I can remember the feeling I had when I had my two bags because it was two bags of food and we got on that plane, and Dana got the same thing I got. So we both had the same, we both got as much food as we needed, so we weren't jealous of the other one. Oh yeah.

You know what I mean? You guys are a couple. You had to couple's move. Yeah, we were definitely a couple, cause he wouldn't share. I told you off air, one time he got KFC, and he got potatoes with gravy, and I didn't,. I told you off air, one time he got KFC and he got potatoes with gravy and I didn't and I fucked up and I was like,

hey man, can I get some of those potatoes? And he was like, no. Wow. And I was like, no, but I just want to scoop. Give him a little scoop. I just want to try him with, he's like, dude, I eat, this is my meal. Like I get potatoes and I'm gonna eat the whole thing

and if I give you a scoop, I'm gonna be bummed out. I'm losing some is my meal. Like, I get potatoes and I'm gonna eat the whole thing and if I give you a scoop, I'm gonna be bummed out. I'm losing some of my potatoes. Yeah, which I was kind of a dick move, but as a fat fuck, I get it. You know what I mean? Christine is not, she's pretty generous on a share if you asked her for something for sure. But I don't not understand this,

but it is a strange thing still though. She does not, she is upset if she finishes first. Like it bothers her that it's like she gets that thing, that jealousy of like, you still have, you're still able to eat another piece. I hate finishing first. I hate ordering first. I have to order last.

Cause I want, cause I want to see what you're at. I just want to see what you're working with. Cause I don't, like I know what I want. If you order a crazy amount and everybody else is like, I'll just have salad and you're like, oh, fuck every one of you. No, you can't do that. Well, it was because somebody else would mix something up.

Be like, hey, can I get another go? I want that too. Hey, I'm going to get the risotto. Oh, you have, I didn't see the risotto. So I always order last, but I always, I would always, the appetizer was my thing because I would always order as, I wanted that appetizer hanging around just in case the meal wasn't enough.

Like when I went out to eat with you at Mason Pickle, you guys, you guys order, you guys, you guys fat order. Well, I didn't know you were gonna pick up the bill. It made me feel terrible when I ordered all that afterwards. Why? Because I thought I was taking everybody out for food I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that It's just- The big problem we found in our lives too, it's like it's still- Too much. When we were on Osempic, it still shows up

and you're like, what the fuck did we get all this for? But it's exactly, I'm real big on like, this other thing on the menu looks pretty good. Like, get it, we'll have a bite, if it sucks, we'll throw it out, and then it just shows up. And by the way, we do end up not eating it a lot of the times and shit. It's just a matter of like, we still can't just,

like we could never get to the idea that the way our appetite is at that time, me and you can split a fucking turkey sandwich from the deli and be full. Happy. Full. Yeah. But you're still like, I need to know

there's another kind of sandwich we're each getting a half of. That was the fattest thing I've ever heard right there. That's true, that's what the thing is like. It is true. Yeah, but what if I just don't want a half a turkey and if I want another half of something, I want it to be a different thing.

But it's, I think it's- So why don't we get a roast beef in a turkey and then we split up. When you come up, when you come up poor and you don't, we never really went out to eat. When you did go out to eat- We never had extra food. You had to get, yeah, you had to get like what you got

and that was it. So now when we're out there, like when I'm more eating dinner and I'm like, she's like, well, that looks good. I'm like, Dawn, get it all. And she goes, yeah, but we're not gonna eat it. I'm like, yeah, but we might try it and that might suck. I think I'm allergic to this.

Find out. Order it. Order it. Find out if your tongue blows up and you can't top it and that, that, that, that, that, that. It's loaded with peanuts. I got an epi pen in my fucking satchel. Just order it. Find out if your tongue blows up and you can't top it and dig a big big big big big big big. It's loaded with peanuts. I got an epi-pen in my fucking satchel.

Yeah, I love ordering. I mean, I still do it now. And I can't eat. I can't eat. I should be splitting shit with Don all the time, but I still get a meal. You gotta get your own thing. Well, I know that he's gonna order Carbonara

and he's not gonna like it, so I get the Kashi-A-Pepé. Ooh. And I know he'll do it. it so I get the kashiya pet bae And I know he'll die then she'll get the chicken palm and then we'll get a pizza Dude, you know your fat fuck when you get a pizza appetizer when you go Let's get the pizza and you know like for the meal. You're like, oh, no, no just Just like a dick around why pick what I'm gonna actually yeah All right, so I won't bring the bread. No, no no no bring the bread to it with the cheese and the oil Are you nuts? Yeah, of course bring the bread

Bring a pizza you got shamed, but it was like you did order an appetizer and an entree and the guy was like me you and It was Brian we were a cheesecake factory a cheesecake guy goes, what did I say? I ordered like a- You ordered the Thai lettuce wraps. No, but what did I get for myself? Oh, I got the- The Renee specials.

The special they had there. It's the half sandwich, a cup of soup and salad. Love that. All on one plate. But I ordered that, but I said, we'll get the Thai chicken lettuce wraps. Also, it's like an appetizer for the table. Sure.

And he goes, the way he said it, he goes, okay, he goes, so two meals. And I went, well, I mean, one's like appetizer for the tag. What? What a weird way to put that. Because he goes, one's an appetizer, and the waiter's like, oh, it is an appetizer. He has to go, oh, it is an appetizer.

Yeah, what? Yeah, that was a dick move. Dick move. This is a dick move, because lettuce wraps definitely could be an appetizer. They are an appetizer. They are only appetizers. I've actually gotten like the risotto meal as an appetizer.

What's a risotto meal? Risotto, you know what risotto is? Rice. It's a rice dish, but it's more like a main meal. I would get that as an appetizer. Sure. For everybody to have a little risotto. Oh, the concept of right now, if you're meal,

if somebody's like, your entree is spaghetti, I'd be like, no, no, no, no, spaghetti goes beside something. Yeah, spaghetti's a side dish. It's a side. Yeah, it's great. And by the way, I want that side dish to be an impossible to eat myself amount of spaghetti.

Yeah. But that's not the main thing. What's going on here? God damn, mind's wrong with you. We ordered pretty fat. Better kill an animal and throw it on there. We ordered Greek food. The sheer heaviness of the food sometimes

when it shows up. It's just me and Jane. It's like two huge bags that feel heavy in my hands. And I'm like, what's wrong with us? Because why are we doing this? Because there was a time in your life where you couldn't get that. You had to get, you ate. She was a girl, she was always able to get it. You took enough dongs, you'll get all the food you need.

You couldn't get that without blowing a guy or handjobs. But she was divvying those out. Oh, let me just say, if the cost of food is hand jobs and bow jobs, Christine was eating good. Christine was jerking surfers off at most of these for sandwiches. Totally. Finger my ass, that's for love. That's for love.

That's for love. But you can get a finger in the pussy for food. I'd like to get a bimba pit bull and I'll suck you off. We stopped ordering extra meat and extra cheese on everything, which is good. What do you mean? Like, it used to be like if we ordered sandwiches. Double meat, double cheese is an order?

Extra cheese, no matter what. Now, like, we ordered cheesesteaks. With what, for instance? Double cheese. Cheesesteaks. Cheesesteaks, gobs. Like, anything that meat and cheese comes on, like extra meat, extra cheese.

Not burgers. Not burgers, but like that. Or doubles. We used to get this on, like extra meat, extra cheese. Not burgers, not burgers, but like. Or doubles. We used to get this place, I wish I miss, the Hartstale House of Pizza, probably the best pizza in Westchester, one of them. And they have a pepperoni, but the pepperoni that curls up, the one that curls up,

and then the oil from the pepperoni is in there, like a little bowl of pepperoni oil. But they're babies. Babies. I don't love that oil. I love it. But I know you're talking about the curl up in the oil. The little bowl of oil is nice. It makes a little bowl of pepperoni oil.

Grease. It's like pepperoni soup. And then he would put the hot honey on top. And it was a thick Sicilian pie. And when I was at my fattest, we would get yeah, and I don't know if I mean it's Saturday night We're gonna watch a movie and that pie comes with and they have chicken wings that are just nuts Italian chicken wings That are nuts that and they have a terrier. Yeah, there it is right there. Oh my god I would get I would get the corner piece

I mean, I'm looking at that like a chick I used to bang. God, I miss her. Buddy, I mean, it's so beautiful. And I remember biting into that corner piece and that pepperoni, the bowl would just drip out in the back of your tongue of that oil. Oh God, it was sexual. Bobby, I've never been more envious of a guy's ex-pizza before. But man, you had it so good, you didn't even know it. I had it so good, I didn't know it.

All I had to do was eat one piece and I'd still be together. You should have just been more appreciative, you could have stayed together. I should have had just one and then we'd still be together. But I had to eat most of it. Damn. This next segment is brought to you by Metro. What is not a yada yada? It's a fun way of saying something serious.

No BS, which is important during tax season. Metro won't screw you over with surprises, trick secrets, gotchas, or bullshit. Switching to Metro means saying no to compromise. I would wake up and then Don caught me eating. This was in my act, but this is a true thing. She, at the end of the night, we threw it away. She's like, just throw it away, we're done.

You told us that, she said this on the show already, but please. She caught me eating pizza out of the garbage. Out of the garbage. You said you told us this, we talked about this extensively after the show. Sad, it was a sad story. No, but we were No, but you said you placed it on top of the garbage in a way to know like you kissed it and apologized like,

I'm so sorry, you have to be in this dark, but I promise I'll be back for you. I need you to keep quiet. I'll be back. She's gonna know I didn't kill you if you make noise. She's gonna come throw fucking soap or something on top of you. So just be cool And I promise I'll be back. Do you know fat fuck I am I went and pretended I was asleep for 45 minutes to get her to Go to sleep to get her to go to sleep. I waited to hear this And I snuck out of bed like a fat burglar. Yeah, you just slide you slide sideways Like I cheated on it on Dawn.

I'm trying to get out of the horse bed. Oh man, she probably would have rather you talking to a young girl on the phone than see you eating pizza out of the garbage. I mean, Dawn has caught me doing a bunch of shit, but that was probably one of the most, when she was just confused. What the, she came out, what the fuck are you doing?

What are you doing? And she slapped it out of my hand. Pizza on the garbage. I can't imagine her face being caught. I actually went, I said nothing. And she slapped the pizza out of my hand. What? I'm making sure the pizza's gone. What? Nothing? I don't care.

I turned into a fucking nine-year-old. I. What, nothing? I don't care. I turned into a fucking nine year old, I was like, nothing? Nothing? You went dumpster diving in your own home. Sad. I mean, dude, Hardstale House of Pizza, Pepperoni Man, listen to me. Try, eat it, and then you tell me you wouldn't eat that.

I'd eat that out of the gutter. If she threw it in the gutter, I'd fucking go outside and wipe it off. Well, I told you, I had never eaten out of the trash, but I was, I told you this with Dave Smith particularly, I would volunteer to throw everything away and then eat over the garbage as I was pretending to throw some things away. I've done that. So holding the plate there and I'm like, Dave only left like two more bites of that fucking burger. I might as well just boop, boop, and then take one more swig of these fries.

And then when I throw them away, I was almost like, I'm sorry, I couldn't save, like, Schindler. Like, at the end of Schindler's little, I was like, I'm sorry, I couldn't save all of you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jesus. I felt so bad, like, sorry, wasted French fries.

Oh, look at that, that could have been another French fry right there Oh, look look the jumping jacks. I didn't do today. That could have been five more fries. Oh Why didn't I just walk to work instead of taking the car? I could have got so many more fries God It's my own personal Holocaust the French fry Holocaust of 14 Laura Lane I'll tell you what I could still put down though is and at my fattest Was the thing I put down the most of was ice cream

Really dude, I can eat. I remember we're at over a very quick ice cream There's a place up in New Hampshire called Keller House. It's old been there for a five set 80 years old school Like Swiss looking building all that shit make their own candy make their own ice cream and the scoops that they were given out at the time with a size of your head and Somebody we were getting scoops and I was like dude. I I'll eat five of these. And they're like, there's no way. I mean, dude, five big scoops, no problem. Really? Here's my problem with giant ice cream.

One, they make it unpleasant to have with you until it gets down to a reasonable size. Like, I love a, I'm a big fan of drumsticks. You know, the ice cream cone drumstick? Love a drumstick. Love it. When you buy the big one, though, they put, there's like a four inch block of the ice cream cone drumstick? Love a drumstick. Love it. When you buy the big one though, they put, there's like a four inch block

of like ice cream on top of it, that like most of the time I just grab that with like a paper towel and throw that, it's just insane, it's too much. I want the chocolate and the stuff that's inside of it and the cone and shit with that. I don't understand like the big, when they give you that with like on an ice cream cone,

like big scoops when you go to a place like it's not fun to eat until it's down to a reasonable level you guys get a bowl you're flipping into a ball and this taking the whole thing away I mean look it oh you get a waffle cone wait you did what you what Jay just said he doesn't want you you found a way around way to enjoy it. Oh yeah. I would find fat tricks on how to enjoy anything, dude. I remember- Priced things never been- actually sweets in general were never my real, like, thing.

My thing was always stop from that. Stop yourself from eating a full fucking large pizza. Stop yourself from getting two sandwiches to, you know, from like two different kinds of cheesesteak and eating the whole thing. You know what I mean? That was my thing was always to stop excessive, like, savory overeating. I've never been like, I like ice cream and everything,

but I'm like a few bites of ice cream. I'm always ready to bail. I could drink seven gallons of milkshake, but it will kill me inside. I'm not a big sugar guy. I like savory first. Yeah. You know what's a bit of fat fuck too?

Yannis is a fat fuck. Yannis has potential to be just a fat fuck. We went to Joe's Pizza one night just to get a pizza so we ordered the pizza cheese. As we were there we got two slices each. Went back in, got two more slices each. Finish that, pizza wasn't done, we got two more slices each. No. Buddy. Six slices each you're at. We got six slices each and then we ate the pizza I don't understand you when you ordered a pie and it wasn't ready. Yeah, they were making a fresh you bought slices to hold you We got we got two We got two the slices, you know the the while you wait slice. Yeah, so we got two while you wait slices

I always assume you have to wait. I think you have to wait for the while you wait slices I don't yeah, no it just came out. He cut a piece he dropped the fresh he there was two missing already So he gave us two of those when our front gone in seconds went back in got two more Gone went back in got two more. So 10 slices each We got no we got two to so we got six six each But then you ate a large pizza and the pie came and then we ate that. What's I'm saying? So that's four more slices each.

That's 10 slices of pizza each. Yeah, dude, not a problem. Not even like a, we actually contemplated getting like a pepperoni at the end. Cause Joe's pepperoni is my favorite, but not a problem. I never felt that feeling of like, and you didn't go and immediately have that like, your belly hurts and all that kind of shit. No, I mean

I'm sure I did but The ecstasy and the drug it because you know, I was a drug addict for a long time. I was an alcoholic for a long time So the dopamine Dump that I get other that thing that happens when I ate that much of Getting high that thing that happens when I ate that much of getting high was what I was trying to get to. I wanted to eat so much that I was fucked up. You know what I mean?

So I didn't think of it as a bad thing. I thought of it as a good thing. I'm in a hotel room by myself, sad, lonely, fucking eight tickets sold, you know, and it's Thursday, you know what I mean? Motherfucker, you put Korean barbecue near me, or you put any Chinese food, I'm ordering all of it. I'm less like this now for sure,

but forever in hotel rooms. Like, again, the ritualistic eating of it, like it was the real, like, again, you're coming off of a high of doing a show. You know, assuming it went okay at least, and you're like, well, what a big thing. Then I said, there's that moment where you're back at the hotel,

and you're like, huh, no one gives a fuck here. That's for sure. And like, and there's only thing, like I gotta have something to look forward to, and then something deliciously terrible for you is coming. It's the, it's the, it's almost like getting a hooker When you order food at the hotel and you can see and you hear that It's that you I open the door like hey, what's up? I spring yeah out of the bed if I'm alone on it. I Really am like yes, but I have I have whatever. I'm gonna watch cute up

Especially when you're when you're watching the ubreeds guy and you're like where is this guy and you see the cars like outside And then all of a sudden you when you hear that doorknock you're watching the Ubreed's guy and you're like, where is this guy? And you see the cars like outside and then all of a sudden you, when you hear that door knock, you're like, oh, he's inside the building already. Kind of look in the mirror, you get yourself nice. Yeah. And I don't open the door too wide, cause I want him to go and it goes, this is for a family of 12. And I closed the door real quick.

I went to West Palm and the Cuban food. This is one of my, probably one of my favorite foods in the world is Cuban food. And I took everybody out and we got everything. We went to the Cuban place, it's open late, and we got it all. I was just like, dude, I'm that guy. Just get it all.

Get it. Try a little bit of everything. Yeah, try a little bit of it. We sat down on a fucking- Now look, sure, we're probably gonna eat tons of it, but just tell yourself you're gonna have a little bit of it. Try a little bit of it. We sat down on a fucking- Now look, sure, we're probably going to eat tons of it, but just tell yourself you're going to have a little bit of everything. Here's a problem too, is I didn't know I was fat. Even though you guys were calling me fat?

Not me. Not you. But everybody else. You fat fuck? But everybody else. I didn't know I was fat. You don't know how big you are That's surprised again. Also because you've lived I said this is a big thing for me. I've never ever lived

Where my belly? Isn't like hanging over when I sit down, you know, I mean like I've never had anything Besides that so how could you not feel that difference is what's interesting. It's because you you progress It doesn't happen. It happens over time so you progressively just change and The woman you live with my don never said anything really now. She's a catalyst. Oh, she's gonna say hey, Bob You're fat tub of shit. What was the catalyst to say? I'm gonna get I'm gonna change my life Do you want me to tell you how do you get-

What was the specific, if nobody mentioned it to you, and what made you finally make a decision to get the surgery? I went to the doctor and they were trying to put me on meds. They were trying to get me on ozempic before it was ozempic. Dawn had to put a cot next to the regular bed? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and um, and um, ozampic type of thing. I was pre- all the stuff I was about to have to take.

You know. And I didn't want to take, I'm like, I don't want to take any of this shit. And then, uh, I lost- She's cut me open. I lost 20 pounds. I lost 30 pounds. No, 25 pounds, I'm over there.

And I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. And I remember I asked the doctor, it was like a Rocky movie. I was like, give me one more shot. She was like, what? I go, give me a shot. Give me, give me one more shot. She was like what I go give me a shot Give me give me 30 give me 30 40 maybe 60 days. Give me a couple months Give me a couple months before you put me on this. Give me a couple months. Let me see if I want to I got it

I think I can do it. You're washed up kid. I ain't got it in you. I think I can do it. I Got it in me Mick alright One more chance. I'm gonna do it. I got it in me, Mick! Alright. One more chance. Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna move the chicken, chicken around. I'm not gonna eat the chicken. I'm gonna run around with the chicken. Chase the chicken?

But Bobby's chasing chicken sandwiches. So he always catches them. These things are simple to catch. I went and lost 25 pounds. Went on, what was the fucking diet? The South Beach diet? Nice. What's that? South Beach.

Um... Fucking Cuban cum. I think you can eat, you can eat, you can't have it. You have as much Cuban cum as you want. You can, it's true. It's all protein. And if you have it with hot sauce. Delightful.

It's delightful. If you're covered in cum, you're not getting with this guy. Okay. No, whatever. Stand by that. The, the, so on the South Beach diet,

I believe you can have, you can have potatoes, cause it's a root vegetable. So I was just having potatoes and meat and vegetables. That's it. And it's a little bit of fruit no carbs No sugar no carbs and I I lost all this weight and then something Something happened. I forget what it was because it was something like these things would happen

That would just I know what it was. I went to see fucking Mike Calta that piece of shit I love him. Mm-hmm. I went to see him and I lost weight and he was a little bummed out he was like fucking bummed out that I lost weight because now when we were together we were two fatties and we I mean we were I mean dude I mean me and him ate fuck like the movie Fatso I mean we ate I mean dude we ate seafood towers as an appetizer, but not the like the main seafood. The real one. Do we king crab legs?

I told you, we had, we had a seafood tower. They called it the SS minnow. It came out in a boat and two people had to carry it out in Key West. And you guys had that while you figured out your main course. It was six lobster tails. OK, six lobster tails. It's a lot of lobster. Oysters, I think like 20 shrimp dude

We ate that shit like it was nothing and He I went to see him he picked me up in the morning and he brought me to this place and I'm like dude. I'm doing good. I feel great. I ordered some veggie omelet and he's like do you go try the monkey bread? I'm like dude. I'm not eating monkey bread. I don't fucking, he goes, just try it. He goes, order the, give us the monkey bread. It's literally a cake.

It's monkey bread. And I was like, I'm not gonna eat the monkey bread. And he's like, dude, just try it. That's what we had at the Maison pickle, right? Monkey bread. Yeah, it's insane. But it's chocolate sauce in it. So there's chocolate and powdered sugar on this one.

Oh, you fuck. So it's, so we got it. I'm like, dude, what are and powdered sugar on this one. Oh you fuck So it's So we got it. I'm like, dude, what are you doing? I can't the devil Oh, you cock sucker even Jacob at the break and have some monkey bread at that my mason pickle buddy I I was like fuck you. I'm not eating and he goes just try a little piece. I don't want I'm doing good He's a dude just a little piece. I want you to I was like boom I took a little piece half a loaf I ate half of it Yeah, of course half of it that weekend we spiraled on fucking it all and within a month

I was 38 pounds heavier you got a groove back That That tub of shit brought me back into the I mean That's crazy I that's awful, I mean he didn't want I went I love company That's it. I mean I told people that and they were like he's a fucking is that your friend? I'm like it's one of my best friends and he Brought me back into the depths and I gained all the way back and more I went from to something to to three something

I almost was at three something. Does he have weight concern? Is he worried about his weight? Yeah, dude, of course. I'm saying yes. Okay. Why this one? Because sometimes people, that's the thing like if you

don't understand like food issues, like I've never been mad at it, but I've seen people, Josh Adam Myers, a good person like that. Like we're on the road. He's like, come on, you can't have some of this cookie sundae that I got back from the thing. I'm like, buddy, I can't. It's just too late and I can't go, come on. Cause he doesn't know that he's making a decision

that's really bad for me. Cause I'm not like one, have whatever his natural thing is. And two, he's right. I'm not going to go like put in three hours of doing crazy fucking exercise at the gym. So like, he's just gonna like, what's the big deal? I go, I know it's not a big deal for you, but like I know it is.

I get these and fully get it. It's so hard. Like I remember like that night, that weekend was such a devastating weekend because we went, I mean, I think we got barbecue and then we got pizza. Don't want to rather if you cheated. Yeah, it was bad.

I mean, then I went up, I went up to 260 after that. Two fucking 60, 360, sorry, 360. I remember one of the things that really made me lose weight. I told you this, when they were doing the drafts and they were doing the linebackers and they were reading, you know how they read them? Oh, the weights. when they're reading their weights I was like I'm heavier than all of them

Like yeah, I had that for sure with like the linemen Three three that was much more than like when you're bigger than like offensive linemen in the NFL You're like damn dude And then I go and then you look at them and you go well I'm built like them That's the scary thing about those kind of athletes, like a Fletcher Cox or these guys who look like they're fat guys. And then you see them, Jason Kelsey is a great example. Like Jason Kelsey looks like he's just gonna be a fat guy.

But when you see him with the shirt off, it's not that he's not also like shredded and yoked, but he's a solid, it's a different kind of 300 pounds. Yeah. It's muscle. It's a lot of muscle. Sure. And I was 5'8". Let's also keep in mind I'm 5'8".

Yeah. I am. I'm the height of most women. Oh, fuck. That's so goddamn funny. 5'8", 3'60", dude. 3 fucking 60. Christ, that is. Five, eight, three, 60, dude. Three fucking 60. Christ, that is, that's a lot.

It was a lot, man. That's heavier than my heaviest. Yeah. I didn't know you were that much, like, maybe shorter too, I guess, sort of thing, but I was like, I didn't know that, but yeah, my worst was 340 ever. And I'm 6'3".

Yeah. And it was morbidly obese, you know what I mean? I'm still probably considered morbidly obese. Yeah, that was my, that was just, I, six. And I'm six, three. Yeah. And it was morbidly obese, you know what I mean? I'm still probably considered morbidly obese. Yeah, that was my, that was just, I was done. I was, I can't. That's when you, so after, basically after the Calta trip, you said I'm gonna have to take a different measure. Well, no, there was months after that,

but when I realized, oh my God, I'm a fucking addict, like what he did to me, if that was heroin, yeah, I mean, if that was a drug or alcohol. That was terrible. Oh, it's because he was just a lonely fat guy. He missed his fat friend. I understand. You know what I mean?

He didn't want it. Well, that's what Josh used to do also with me and Christine. It was difficult with me and Christine. We're trying to lose weight because Josh comes over and then says something that I don't think he felt was insulting, but it was highly insulting. He would get bummed if it was like, ah, let's order something, something. Me and Christine like, yeah, we're not going to eat that. They go, come on, I come over here to eat like shit.

Like you guys are the ones I'll come over and eat like a pig with, and then I'll hang out with Justin if I wanna have something, you know, that's good for you and something else. Yeah, his fat couple's gonna get him. Yeah, he's like, I'm coming over guys, let's be fat pigs together. And can you pay for it also?

I mean, you can't blame him, you trained him that way. Those guys can eat. You know what I mean? An entire pie for themselves, no problem. They have no qualms about J, Justin and Josh. Yeah, and they do that, and that's the frustrating thing with in-shape people like that. Justin will eat, he'll do like go too far,

he keeps offering it to you and you're like, buddy, I'm good, like I ate, we're good. And he's like, oh, I gotta keep, oh, now there's this here, these are my weakness. And he does all of it. And then he sits there and lifts his shirt up with his abs and he's like, oh, I'm keep on now. There's this here. These are my weakness and he does love it and then sits there and lifts his shirt up With his abs knees like oh, I'm such a pig Such a fat that's the whole code and after fucking Bob of the Love sponges wife

He goes. Oh such a fat pig fuck suck a dick whole code and get pieces shit fat pig You're as great shape as you could be at 70 something years old Nothing makes me a big fat pig. Nothing makes me fucking angry than skinny people. Telling you they're fat now? Yeah, when they, after they eat, they're like, oh, I'm so look at this. Go fuck yourself. It's one of the very few Howard Stern moments where you're like, if you were with him, you'd

be like, dude, suck cock. How about that? He's like, I'm a fatso now. I'm a big fatso. Looks great. You're fucking thin. Like- He looks great. Suck cock. How about that? He's like, I'm a fat so now. I'm a big fat so. Looks great. He's fucking thin. Like, at every step of his thing,

he's never been fat. He's definitely been like, he's definitely been out of shape. No, when he was fart man, he was way out of shape. Out of shape. No, he was fat. No, bring up fart man. I don't remember.

His ass was terrible. I remember the whole thing. It was, but his stomach, but in the last whatever, 10 years he's been shredded. But I guess my perspective. He's a Mick Jagger build it. Yeah, he's shredded now. He looks great now, but he was.

No, he looks fantastic. I'm just saying, I don't remember him ever being fat. I remember him being like an out of shape. Dude, look at that. He's fat. It's not fat. Dude, that's fat. Bobby.

Fat? Wait a second. He's six foot six, six foot five. Dude, that's fat. Bobby. Fat? Wait a second. He's six foot six, six foot five? Yeah, dude, look at that, dude. That's a fat, that's a fat man. Well, one, what's him called tiny? Dude, look at the stomach. I would murder for that stomach right now.

Actually, that is my stomach right now. I would kill for my stomach to look like that. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe it. Yeah, he was fine. I mean, I said he's out of shape. He wasn't in shape, but he's not fat. He's out of shape. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. I, Jay, I'm sorry. Thank you. You're right. Thank you. I'm sorry that you felt you had to apologize. You don't have to apologize. No, dude, I didn't want to apologize.

You know why? It's dick day. It's big dick day. It's big dick day. It's big dick day. It's dick day. We have to wait for our guests now to talk big dicks. I think our filet of fishes are almost here. Is that what it is?

There's no way. I mean, I'm gonna be very honest with you if it's good, it's good, but there's no way. I love a fish sandwich. Have you ever had a real like English fish sandwich like a fried? No. Oh. Like fish and chips? Fish and chips, like a real, you fish sandwich like a fried? No. Oh.

Like fish and chips? Fish and chips. Like a real, you never had fish and chips? Sure. You have? Like real fish and chips? No. No.

I mean, do I- I don't know. What do you mean real fish and chips? Sure. Like an Irish pub? No, because they had fish and chips from Long Island. But like I've gone- Long John Silver's. Fish?

You've found out? No. No. Like- says it on the've long John Silver's fish chips. No, like it on the sign, like English fish and chips. Like, yeah, they speak English barely. No, you want the beating that you use? Have you ever had real fish and chips? Low? Yes. When I was in Leeds to see Pearl Jam in 2014 with the, the, uh, the malt vinegar.

Yep. Oh, sure. I've had that. That's great. Here it is. Oh, nice. Sure, I've had that. That's great. Here it is. Oh nice. Oh good before our guest gets here we could settle this score once and for all. There's no way this is I mean I've had real fish and chips which I love. This is not fish and

just stop looking at this like it's fish and chips. Fish fillet sandwich from McDonald's. Listen I've had I've had fantastic wagyu beef so I don't know what this burger's been bringing to my life. Yeah, you make a valid point. Who got a soda? Who did that? Huh? Me. Why?

I wanted a soda. You have a soda in front of you. It's not a fountain soda. Is there a difference? Yeah. Is that sugar? Oh, there's fries. Who ordered fries?

Who ordered fries? That's Lou. Lou. Who? Lou. Oh, Black Lou wanted fries. Gotcha. It's okay then. I thought Christine was getting upset that we were found out that she ordered a secret fries for herself. I'm telling you the smell of McDonald's fries is like hair it's just crack. Christine do you ever stop? Better enjoy yourself. She's gonna be homeless in a

couple months when you get your house. That's true. That's true. All right, this is, I mean, I'm hoping this, it's a fish, a filet-o fish. I'm gonna tell you something right now. This is not the filet-o fish that I grew up on. I had a filet-o fish when I was a kid, and that was before I liked fish. Well, one of us was in a paper wrapper back then.

Yeah, but it was thick. It was a big piece of fish. This is thin and small and dinky. This is not the one, this is the- It's good, it's the same. We've had them not too long ago and I'm telling you, Bobby, wait, wait, wait, big moment. Yeah, wait, wait.

Hang on, black blue film you. I'm gonna say right now that the bun, the bun- Is lovely. The bun smells good. It's lovely is lovely. The bun smells good. It's lovely. Okay. The bun smells good. Take it in.

And it smells fishy. I have it here. And we got, it's got cheese on the bottom. It's got a heart. A tartar sauce. Healthy portion. God damn right it does. I mean a good portion.

That's part of the whole thing. Did I get tartar sauce on my nose? Not yet. He's going in. He's going in. I'm gonna bite this corner. Whether you first and then Jacob Okay, ready. Yeah You got to get

Tartar sauce in your mouth. I will okay, so I'm talking dirty Mm-hmm. Oh Mm-hmm, right Right, no, you don't mean that you don't mean that don't spit it out. You're gonna make everyone upset Mm-hmm. Right. Right. Nope. You don't mean that. I'm just discussing. You don't mean that. It's disgusting.

Don't spit it out. You're gonna make everyone upset. Don't spit it out. I'm gonna spit it out. You don't make everyone so upset. You don't like it. Spit it out. No. I'm not gonna make me upset. I'm not gonna make me upset. You're gonna ruin our fish.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's just like water, water paper. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. You're just making a thing up. It's not fish. Bobby, you don't have to finish it.

I'll swallow it, but it's disgusting. Don't swallow it, but just spit it where we can't see it. No, swallow it. You'll get through this. It's fine. Something the rest of us like. There's like a, it's wet. It tastes like a wet newspaper.

Why do you know what that tastes like? With a hint of fish. I mean, it really, it tastes like wet paper. Fish flavored new newspaper? Dude, it tastes like wet, I mean, ugh. Yeah, it tastes like, there's not even any, I mean. It's good. It's not good.

It's really good. It's one of the worst things I've ever eaten. It's so good. I mean, dude, you eat fucking gas station macaroni and cheese. Can I tell you this? What? Right here.

Big, big McDonald's faux pas. I certainly know for sure that Christine ordered hot mustard. They do this a lot. I said hot mustard. I don't want your fucking shitty honey mustard. Hot mustard. You know what I want. They don't want to give it to you.

I also ordered a fucking drink and they didn't send a straw. No, there's a a straw Oh, there's Let me tell you something there's your fucking I'm gonna tell you right now that that is not a good piece of fish dude Who said that was gonna be the case? Promised you a solid piece of fish. You said this is gonna be a delightful sandwich. It's delightful Jacob now if you would please How? So take cheese just take the bottom off Delightful sandwich. It's delightful Jacob now if you would please they fucked up my order how So take cheese just take the bottom off yeah, take it off. It's plastic. There's a section that doesn't have it Welcome to flavor country Jacob flavor country

Jacob now go on let the flavors dance think of wet paper. Don't do that. It's delicious. Yeah! I like it. It's delicious. Bobby? I like it. You overreacted for no reason. Try another bite.

I'll try another bite, but I mean, it tastes like wet fish. Watch how easy it is. I'm going to make Bobby and Christine feel bad in one shot. Tastes like my childhood. And a hockey track. Mmm. Mmm. That's sad. Mmm-hmm of sandwiches. Mm. Mm. That's sad.

Yes. Mm-hmm. Bobby. Come on, dude. Let me try this. First is first. No. What is it?

We got to talk about drinks, big dick. It's one of the, it's a shit sandwich. You don't mean that. It's Gabba's. You don't mean it? Say you're sorry. No, I'm not saying I'm sorry. It's one of the, it's a shit sandwich. You don't mean that. It's Gabas. You don't mean it, say you're sorry. No, I'm not saying I'm sorry. It's shit.

It tastes like cardboard, wet fish cardboard. Really? Cause really what it does is it funds a house to take care of sick children. How does that make you feel like? You know what, I hope they die so they don't have to do it anymore. You motherfucker.

I hope they're all dead. How dare you? We should take a break anyway. Yeah, we gotta take a break. Yeah, we should take a... I'm loving fish. I'm hating it. We have Shane Torres coming in to join us

after the break, everybody. Ask him if he wants half a fish sandwich. He's not gonna wanna eat. I'll tell you what, while it tastes delicious, fish sandwich at my hungriest is no one's gonna go. You want the rest of my fish sandwich? And I'm gonna say yes. Your burger all you could do. Your fish sandwich. I'm gonna say yes. Your burger, I would do your fish sandwich.

I'm not eating seconds on. So what could we say we learned today on the podcast, Bobby? I wanted to say as your friend that I love you and I'm thrilled to see that you no longer eat a two double quarter pounders, which is a full pound of burger and two fries, a 4,000 calorie meal, mind you, on your regular order at a fast food restaurant. That's, it's pretty wild. It's pretty wild that I did consume that much food.

There is no more of that going on in my life. There's no yada, yada, yada, Jay. No, no, none of that is not happening. You have no time for yada, yada. You are into nada, yada, yada. Am I right? The same way Metro by T-Mobile brings you nada, yada, yada. You are not into the yada-yada. And we found out today that you found the fast food fish sandwich to be a whole lot of yada-yada. It is too much yada-yada-yada with some yada-yada-yada sauce on top. No. If you don't like tartar sauce on fish, then I say get out of my country. You're yada-yada. And I don't like yada yada. I want not a yada yada. And you bring too much yada yada in my life. I say you're getting, you're not a yada yada. He's not a yada yada. You're all not a yada yada. Let's just call the whole thing off.

Listen, you don't have to take yada yada in life. Don't take yada yada from your wireless provider. You don't like that fish sandwich? Don't eat it. You don't want any crap from your wireless provider. Don't take it. Get your NADA YADA YADA from Metro by T-Mobile. There's no contracts, no credit checks, no surprises. And again, NADA YADA YADA. Stop by one of over 6,000 Metro stores nationwide and check it out for yourself. What did you learn today, Bobby, on the show? Well, I learned that I got caught eating out of the garbage, the garbage, the barrel. The Gabba Gabba. Yeah, the barrel, the bin, the dumpster, whatever it is is you ate out of it and you're an adult I got here's a problem Jay eating out of the garbage is one thing getting caught

Eating out of the garbage indoors. Yeah of a house that you own. Mm-hmm. That is The naughty yada yada No, that's yada yada Thanks. I'm the other garbage by a woman who's supposed to be sexually attracted to you. That's Yada, Yada. And I'll tell you what, I get, guess what I get none of. I get no more. Yada, Yada. Yada, Yada, man. Let me tell you something.

She's holding back on the Yada, Yada. Well, who needs Yada, Yada? No, not when you got, when I when you got right here, you got Metro by T-Mobile has no contracts, no credit checks, no surprises. And you know what? Nada, yada, yada, stop by one of the 6,000 Metro stores nationwide right now. Stand up garbage eaters. Take back the night. Nada, yada, yada.

Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robberkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Clap, clap, clap. Clap, clap, clap.

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