The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Firearm Fantasies

Episode Date: September 11, 2024

The Bonfire boys are back from vacation! DJ Lou is extremely excited for Pearl Jam tonight & can’t contain himself. Bobby’s trip takes a weird turn on the way to Buffalo Farms, which transitions into our gun fantasies. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. The kids are back! Look out! Oh, the kids are back. You know, I was wondering what song you were going to pick. You know, what back song it was. You know what, you didn't disappoint. No, I've used this one a bunch, it's great.

It's a good one. A lesser known Twisted Sister hit. It's... yeah, it's actually... I like this song. A lot. It's the sister, dude. Remember when they... everybody wanted to wear... I thought about batting around the idea of wearing football shoulder pads and makeup on my face for a little bit.

Yeah. Because D Snider looked so cool. What an ugly band though. Yeah. They were so ugly and they put on makeup and it wasn't like good looking makeup. It was coolish. Every band from back then is just old Jewish guys. They really are. They're just old Jews. You're not wrong. Dee Snider putting the makeup on today is brutal. But back in the day he looked awesome. I mean... I don't know, dude. What don't you know?

Back in the day he still looked a little fucking wild. Well there's... It's hard to tell which ones are back in the day. That's back in the day right there. Yeah, he didn't... I don't think he looked good at all, ever. Go to the Stay stay hungry album cover He looked awesome on that I mean one oh, you didn't want to wear a no shirt and just football pads no no I was more of a I

Was more of a Bon Jovi, dude. I like that beautiful face and that fara faucet hair You couldn't go for some fucking twisted sister this guy this guy went all out though He couldn't go for some fucking twisted sister? This guy, this guy went all out though. Let me see, let me see. Nah, dude, he was always fucking... Yeah, he was awesome. He never, uh, he never, uh... Bon Jovi never fought for the rights of music?

No. No. He didn't, he just grew his hair gray and started singing to my mom's friends. I don't know what the fuck happened, man. I remember so desperately wanting to get that album. And then all of a sudden he was talking to the fuck happened, man. I remember so desperately wanting to get that album. And then all of a sudden he was talking to the fat pantsuit ladies.

Everything for them. My mother was never worried about Bon Jovi. Guns N' Roses, she was like, what the fuck is this? Two Live Crew, huh? NWA, what? Bon Jovi, sure. Have a listen. Because he was talking about the heart.

No. And shot through it. No. Oh, that's wicked. Come on. Oh. Living on the grass. He couldn't do this right now if you gave him seven million tries.

It was love. He got his voice back. He got an operation. He didn't? Yeah, he got an operation. No, no, he got an operation. His voice isn't back, though. Well, it's not back to what it was there, but he got, he can sing again. No. no, he got an operation. His voice isn't back, though. Well, it's not back to what it was there,

but he got he can sing again. No. Yeah. I'm telling you, Jacob. Jacob doesn't believe you. But he's that way. Yeah. Jacob's a silly goose.

No, I feel like it's over for Jon Bon Jovi. He'd take up a week off. He gets all fucking ripped up. His problem was he didn't write those songs with the thoughts of performing at 60 years old. That's the issue. Well, nobody does. That's a good thing.

Well, some people do. Johnny Cash could have sang his songs until he was 170. It didn't matter. Yeah, but the rock and roll bands. ZZ Top can go and play those songs forever. Yeah, Journey, Short Life. Journey, Short Life, unless you're just gonna get another guy who can do it.

Yeah, a little Filipino. Yeah, yeah phases out Why is it that Filipinos can just sing karaoke? Awesome. Is that true? Yes Filipinos in general Filipinos rock Karaoke that guy has now been someone I heard some weird fact that the journey guys been in journey longer than Steve Perry now. It's true Yeah, like his tenure is longer than Steve Perry's. That's crazy. Yeah. He's actually the guy, but they've never written a song together. And if they have, no one gives a shit. Nobody would care about a new Journey song. There's not a chance.

No, it's going to be some Filipino shit. Like jungles and chickens. Do you feel, and funny enough, ironically, tonight, Lou, you're going to the garden. If you you're going to the garden see project and I go make sure you say hi to DJ Lou you should see me at bleak with a two-mast and sort of garden you're going tonight Space between any words she says You should see me at bleak with a two-mast and sort of garden Tell the doctor, tell the doctor, tell the doctor. That's how I feel. You should see me at Blink-182, Mass in Sword Cart.

My God. You're pretty hyped for the show tonight? Oh, yeah, dude. It feels like my birthday. Why the Garden? Why is that? Is it just one of the coolest places to see them? Yeah.

They always give you a little extra. I've never missed one since 1998. Since every time they've played the Garden, I've been there. And thank you, Jay. You got me tickets. Are you going tomorrow? Yes. Two? Yep. You already had tickets for Are you going tomorrow? Yes, too. Yeah, you already had tickets for that

Yes, the actual Pearl Jam will be the same set list. Of course not guy. They switch it up every night. Yeah, really? Yeah, that's pretty cool. Who you going? That's cool. Justin Silver. Ah That should be a hot sex night. Josh is gonna be there too. Josh is going. It's gonna be a sexy night for these guys. Bring money for extra food and snacks. I know I might might go. If there's a ticket, I might go. Dude, eat your fucking hot dog beforehand. He'll snatch it out of your hand. Josh just happens to be in our section. He's going there alone, and he's in section 106.

Maybe I'll go alone. Christine, look at today's... Is there a pit? Yes. Look in the pit, please. I couldn't get in the pit. Get me in there. You know what, Look in the pit, please. I couldn't get in the pit. Get me in there. You know what, I don't wanna be greedy.

I'll take what I got. Where are you? Did he get you good seats? 106, like fifth row. They're great. Wow, that's great. It's like half court. It's fine, it's perfect.

Individual pit ticket. Are you excited? Do you sing all the songs? He's so happy. No, I don't. What do you do? $4,585. Oh, I guess it sold out then huh for one ticket for one to in the pit do it Checking an hour. What are you gonna do? You got no kids wrong. I do have a kid. Oh, yeah You know, you have no kid that needs something. He pays a rent

You have no kid that needs something. He pays her rent. All right, listen, the thing is, you have no kid that has a kid. True, yeah. Not yet, it's coming. Yeah. It's coming, it's gonna be a Carmel and delicious. Well, the seed in her life is black and Hispanic,

and you know, those things love eggs. She's also half Hispanic, so. Oh. At least soap up. You're gonna have seven kids in one shot. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. It is, at this point, a miracle she hasn't had a child yet. Oh, it's coming.

They've been, what, two months? It's in there right now. He's cross-country, though. He's got, ah, it doesn't matter. He could jerk off in California and hit her egg and fuck her wherever she is. His black and Hispanic jizz is going to do a cross-country bus trip to get here.

Ha ha ha. He'll put it in an ice tray and mail it by the time it melts. His black and Hispanic jizz is gonna do a cross-country bus trip to get here He'll put it in an ice tray mail it by the time it melts damn for grand for the pit come on You've got the money. You're a millionaire. I'm not a millionaire. You're a thousandaire. I am a thousandaire definitely a hundred air I'm a hundred air for sure. This is already in the thousands. So a thousand air it dude four thousand dollars to see a band I don't really like that. So a thousand air it, dude. $4,000 to see a band I don't really like that much. $4,000 just to stick it loose face. That's not true. I don't not like them at all. I just don't like the, if it had to describe it, I don't like the catalog.

There's songs that I definitely like by Pearl Jam, the ones you hate probably because they're like, you'd think they were corny. If he does Even Flow, I'd be stoked on that. I love that song. That's the one thing I can guarantee. They'll give you Even Flow. That's my favorite song. Oh, really?

Because you can sing it. Everybody can sing that. Even Flow. Honker rap like Biggie Flash. Get him an evil fever. Should I spend four grand on a pit ticket? Do it. I mean, you definitely shouldn't do that,

but you can get a ticket for like five bucks. Don't listen to that nickel chaser. Where? Just go get it. In their section? Jay, look at me. 106? Look at me. Do it. You're a fucking grown man.

You work hard. Get that ticket. I do like smoking butts in the pit. Ah, drop it. Smoke it, man. Do it. I'd be so happy if you came. That'd be great.

Come on, dude. Four grand. What's that to you? You gonna take it with you? You're gonna be dead in 10 years, dude. Yes. That is true. Um, 10 years, dude. Yes, that is true.

10 years, I've lost my hype on a house, so I do have enough money to get this pit ticket. Do it. Stand alone in the pit. How long did I play for? A house is way more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a house is way more money. Two hours and 20 minutes. Wow. Dude, first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A house is way more money. Yeah. Two hours and 20 minutes. Wow.

Dude, first of all, you can stand. I've seen you stand for 17 hours in the same spot, smoke three packs of cigarettes. There's nothing to do with the standing. I don't want that. Your legs are fucking ridiculous. It's not to do with the standing. It's the standing there by myself. Dude, you're not a me people.

You're a jovial guy. I didn't bring enough weed. Oh, dude. Oh, no, I guess I did. There'll be weed there, dude. No. Come on. And if you're not having fun,

you can switch tickets with me and sit with Justin. Wow. And just send you into the pit by yourself? Yeah, where I belong. And just sit next to Justin while he drums and Josh eats. Both of them with their shirts off. How much is two tickets in the pit? We think it's cheaper.

It might be. Really? Doesn't it drop when they realize nobody's buying this for $4,000? You'd think so, but it's day of and we're a few hours away. The UFC just dropped tickets dramatically for the sphere. Their tickets were like four grand

and then nobody's buying them. So they just dropped them down to like 800 bucks. Some of them were like 2,500 bucks, now they're 800 bucks. The four grand ones are like 2,000. Nobody wants to pay that price to go to the UFC in the Sphere. My niece got Taylor Swift, they wanted like $10,000 for a seat.

Nobody was buying that in the day of, think she got it 250 I'd spent really I'd spent 10 grand on Kelly Cox and you really would too I would if it was right up front and she might look at me and go come up for four grand you could probably get it to your house that's true in Katona Katona I'm willing to vet she'll come sing both of those songs. She only has two songs Bobby She's got many songs, bro named three You got since you've been gone. You got the fucking My father fucking left me. Hmm. My father my father fucking left me. What was that on?

Yeah, you don't know that song. You know the know the deep cuts. You got when I was chubby. Can you look up when my father was fucking gone? And when I was chubby? And see if you could fact check this? I'm not seeing those titles. Christine's not seeing those titles. You know you just trashed her for not being able to look up the computer stuff. No, I did that. That was weeks ago where I did that. It holds up.

She's got a Listen anything she does I'm into yeah Yeah, I'm telling you probably get her to hang out for Jesus Christ substantially less than ten thousand dollars I got a fucking delete my my porn just came up. That was terrible Christine. What's uh? What was it? It was I don't know if I want to say you have to, then you have to. I don't have to. I mean, that's not a law. Oh, it's not a law. It's the law of radio friendships.

Is it the law of radio friendships? Well, let me check. Torts. Yeah, right here. What is it? Article 2. Oh, shit. I forgot about Article 2.

It was stepmom on a bus. Okay. And he started playing with the titties. City bus. City bus. Other passengers. Other passengers, real bus, real situation on the back. Maybe they rented it, I don't know.

Could have been a set up crew. She's in the back, very beautiful blue sundress. Okay. And then he reaches over and she stops him, which I like. I like the coy stuff, you know, no this is bad. And then he does it again and then he pulls one of her big juicy mom boobs out, which I love, no offense Christine. And then she's into it and then she opens up her skirt opens up her legs and she has no one around and then they

Kind of go at it. It's all from third person. She come to I don't know like sexual assault. I ever make it that far. I know it wasn't sexual assault You shoot it was just reluctant and she didn't want it on a bus, but she was afraid to stop him No, it's a stepmom. So she could have said no But she's in fear, but then if she's not a father fighting on then it's a stepmom, so she could've said no. But she's in fear that then if she's worried about the father finding out and then it being a whole deal at the house, so she just had to accept it. It's borderline.

And let it happen? Yeah, it's borderline blackmail, yes. Okay. But it's not assault because he knows her. And he's an end of. Feels like assault. End of age, it's not like a little boy, it's like a teenage boy, 18, 19.

And I mean I could tell about the hand it was an older hand Christine how much for two tickets they're actually 1358 each but I think you have to buy both of them by both of them hmm get it dude oh no when you it goes up to 1735 still each each. Each. Each. That's two tickets now, less than the one ticket. That's great. Why is, I don't, that doesn't make sense to me. Hmm. Lou wants to go in that pit so bad.

Uh huh. What if I buy, should I make Lou's Christmas present? And be taking him to the pit? And then Josh and Josie can sit together and gay off in the seats? No, those two. It's kind of worth it. Sucking each other's hot dogs. Totally, totally.

Just, it's going to be Josh, like, Josh is going to be his eyes closed and be bopping around like that. And Justin's going to be doing like a weird dance. It doesn't make any sense. While me and Lou are just fucking, I'll get him back smoking cigarettes. I'll smoke weed with you for sure. Okay. He's going to smoke weed with me? That's good. You can get him back smoking cigarettes in the bit. I'll smoke weed with you for sure.

Okay. He's gonna smoke weed with me? That's good, you're gonna get him back on the weed? Yeah, yeah, yeah, well just for the show. He only smokes during the shows. That's the way drugs work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I had leadables too.

Well, he does weed, always. He just doesn't smoke it. Three weeks out of Skankfest, yeah, roll those dice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I gotta ruin my fun, Bob. I'm sorry, buddy, do those dice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I gotta ruin my fun, bud.

I'm sorry, buddy. Do your thing. Smoke some weed, kid. Have some fun, dude. Get those fucking, what are those? What should I do? Cholesterol things back up again. Do you have it on my thing?

I just have it up on the computer right now. Because of you, I've been going, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I? That's the dad song. You on SeatGeek? I am on StubHub. StubHub? You fool.

Dude, I'm mad at you. Why? What have I done? I'm not, I don't know if the word's mad, but I'm a little, I'm a little, what's the word I'm looking for? Perturbed? No.

Disappointed? No. Let downointed? No. Let down? Let down. Okay, what did I do? It's what you didn't do. Can I fix it? You can fix it, I guess.

I don't know if it can be fixed because unless you have a time machine. So whatever this is is set in stone already. It's not set in stone, but it happened. Okay. You know, we took a couple weeks off. I took a week off, you stayed on. You had, uh, uh, Fanoia.

Fenunzio. Fenunzio. And, uh, and, you know, we, I, I, I think I called you and texted you a bunch of times. And I never got a call or a text back. I tried to call you back several times. Never? We missed each other. Every time I'd go outside and smoke a cigarette in the morning text. I try to call you back several times never missed each other Every time I'd go outside to smoke a cigarette in the morning. I would try to call you we missed each other a bunch

I I got I'm gonna tell you right now cuz I keep logs Christine and Justin were both there when I try to call you from the car heading up to Maine Thursday 330 320 p.m.. Yes, that was Uno that was a drive. That was a drive. That was a drive. That was uno. Yeah, but your calls aren't going back two weeks. Hang on now.

Hang on now. He did something. He did do something. What do you think is going through Lou's head right now, the anticipation of seeing if I'm gonna buy these tickets or not? It's all he can think about. I'm gonna buy these tickets or not all you can think about I call I sent you a text message

I sent you I called you left a message called you left a message called you left another message voice message Left voice messages. Hey, do you call me? Hey, dude, what's up? I got to talk to come then I sent you a picture of Max's poop, which I don't send out. That's a, that's, and I wrote. I looked away from that quick. Miss you, I wrote miss you under it.

Yeah, was that pre-chopped? That's pre-chopped. Okay. And Max was like, dad, and I was like, hang on, I gotta take a picture. I wanna send it to my friend, Jay. So I literally sent my kid out of the bathroom in the tiny house so I could take a picture of his poop

to send to you to say I miss you. That's more of a, there's an inner house problem happening there. The issue happens before the picture goes out. That's true. I do agree with you. And then. Although I wish, maybe I wish I was close enough

to my father to share our turds, but I'm not. Well, he didn't know I did that. But he wanted you to see what he'd accomplished. Well, he, because we're in the tiny house, it's like, Dad, this might have to be chopped up. It didn't. Okay. It went down, thank God.

But I sent it to you. I was like, oh, this is gonna be fun, send Jay. Just a big old pile of turds. Just a big, big Max log. Big Max logs. Which is, to me, that's like sending a box of chocolates. That's like, hey dude, and I wrote, I wrote Miss you underneath. It is the ultimate Bobby-uh. When you send a picture of a big shit. Mm-hmm. Of your kid and write Miss you underneath,

that deserves something. Yeah. Something. How about, how about uh, like girls I think it's funny to send pictures of turds I hate that okay I didn't know that you like that girl turds I hate it who there was a girl justy Dodge used to do that she's just like text like group sex she would text us like a picture of her shit and I'm like I hate this no I don't I almost don't like, group text, she would text us, like, a picture of her shit, and I'm like, I hate this. No, I don't, I almost fucking divorced Dawn when she left this little skid. I went to the bathroom on today, and I was like, you gotta never

enter your fucking wildest dreams. You make sure there's nothing except white in that toilet. I don't wanna know you poop. I don't wanna know at all. When she poops, we don't get any of that side of the house. You and Christine would break up pretty quick. No, no, Christine. You don't leave sk that side of the house. You and Christine would break up pretty quick. No, no Christine. You don't leave skid marks.

I have. Oy, oy, vey. Oy, vey. I don't wanna. We've lived together for like 10 years. I've lived with Dawn for a lot longer. I'm sure you've seen a skitter too. I've seen two.

We had a talk about it around 10 or 11 years ago, and I saw one this year, and she was in a jam, she was in a rush, so I kind of cut her some slack, but we still had to talk. I've had it somewhere bordering 500 times, and just cleaned it myself. No, no, no! 460 of those.

Oh, no, no! My heart's breaking from jade right now. Thank you. I think the world should feel worse for me. Well, I mean, here's the thing though, is that you didn't call me back at all during vacation. We didn't talk at all. I know.

I did try to call you back though a few times. The one specifically I was calling you for, I was gonna laugh at it, I was like, I bet I can make you disappointed me all over again if I just remind I was telling the story of Us that great video footage we would have had from slipknot night with that couple and then I just didn't film any of it Terrible influencing, but here's the thing dude a text message a phone call I get I'm up in the mountains You're aware traveling. I'm up in the woods, dude, a text message, a phone call I get, I'm up in the mountains, you're traveling, I'm up in the woods, but a text message is forever.

A text message is, it's there. A text message takes nothing, no effort, no, there's nothing, you just have to, they made it so simple for a text message, well you can just give me a thumbs up a kiss a heart that seems disingenuous Yeah, no, but I would have taken it at this point I would have taken it at this take you should take it this way though that I don't do that as it's not I when I when I get a hold you I want to get a hold of you like I'm not gonna

Just be like you're good man thumbs up. You're good. You're fucking good. Oh, whatever the fuck you just did Emotionally inside I caught it Yeah, but that was good. I've also had a Whatever the fuck you just did, emotionally inside, I caught it. Yeah. But that was good. I've also had a... It was actually like a lousy two weeks. Why? Well, the week off week off was.

You had a lousy week off? Yeah, I just operate better, busy. Dude, I almost quit. Do you agree, Lou? Oh my God, I didn't know what to do with myself. Yeah, it's not that I don't... I still have to like work and do other things. It's like my downtime is just like, it's dark.

Feel like just looking in front of a mirror and be like, what have I done? How have my life here exactly? And I don't even know why. And then I just get bummed out. You know, I was thinking about it. Now that you put it that way, I was actually starting to look at jobs,

like, you know know hard days work for good days pay I was up there like you know I don't need much you know I was letting my beard go I wasn't shaving my head I was waking up going for walks going in the woods fishing I was doing all that shit. I was like, maybe, maybe up here is the way to live. Oh yeah. You started to get a little hillbilly in you. I was listening to the country. I had country station on. At one point I was listening to, I put a religious station on and it started making sense. Oh no. Well like sermons or Christian rock. Christian station. You know what I mean? I was like... No. Why would you listen to the Christian station? I don't know. It came on and it just made sense. Well you do love the Lord. You know what? And that's gonna be the

fall of this goddamn world because people like you, you witch, you're gonna fucking take us all down because you got nothing to believe in. Because Christine doesn't love the Lord. She doesn't love anything. True. But bags and you. Right, Christine? Bags, the dog. Yeah, the dog. The dog bags you. The dog bags. There's 30 more things.

There's the dog bags. Skankfest you. Skankfest me. Nah, wait. Dogs bags. The dog bags Skankfest. I think. Her phone. Yeah, New Jersey sweaters.

She likes those Long Island sweaters. TikTok. Yeah, TikTok. Island sweaters. TikTok. Yeah, TikTok. She loves TikTok. TikTok. So it goes the dog. Any food. The dog, bags, gang fest.

Most foods, although I am picky. Yeah, food, sweaters, bags, bracelets. She likes jewelry. Jewelry. Yeah, then you. No. No. There's more.

TI, the show, Friends. Friends, more. The show Friends. Friends, yeah. Okay, so Sex and the City. Sex and the City. So TV shows. And then me. And then you. Yeah.

Yeah, but for what it's worth, Christina on my list is behind Pearl Jam. And Pearl Jam's 755th. Dude, I was having such a good time. Me and Dawn, behind our houses are woods. game 755th. Dude, I was having such a good time. Me and Don, behind our house is our woods. And for four years, there's a buffalo farm at the top of the mountain, there's a mountain behind us.

Whatever, mountain, hill, whatever you wanna call it. And I wanted to go in the backwoods and go up to the buffalo Farm and check out the Buffalo. Every year on this weekend, on this Saturday, they have some type of band, they hire, they fly a band and they do a big thing at the Buffalo Farm. You can hear it through the woods, like rock and roll. So I told Don and Max, we're going in the woods,

we're hiking up to the Buffalo Farm. And we did, we're going in the woods, we're hiking up to the Buffalo Farm. And we did. We went up in the woods, bushwhacked all the way up to the top of this mountain. Me, Don, Doodles, Max. And we came out, you could hear the music getting louder and louder, this band was rocking, playing, you know, whatever music, you know. And then we come out through the the we came out through the woods After hiking for like an hour or something. It was a Christian

Gathering I didn't know it was a Christian gathering and some girl with the bluest of eyes and the hayst of hair Just walked over to me without blinking. It's like hello I was like welcome from the woods He was like, hello. I was like, oh fuck. Welcome from the woods. Don was like, I'm not coming out. I was like, come up here. Max, they're gonna kill us. I'm like, Max, they're not gonna fucking kill you.

You found a, you happened upon a cult. It was the scariest shit ever. And Max was like. If you didn't have a family, you'd just join. You would be wearing a white robe right now, and you'd go, sorry, guys, I gotta drive back after the week. Dawn was like, it's like true blood. Yeah.

She's in the bushes. She's going, it's like true blood, Barbie. It is weird. I go, that's vampires. They don't come out there. She goes, they're daywalkers. That's great. I had to fucking call them up. I'm like, just get the fuck out and we walk. Dawn's messing up her vampire lore. It's all over the place.

We just welcomed you out of the woods. A stranger. We walked out of the woods and they welcomed us, except for there's two dudes on, there was these two redneck dudes on bales of hay just staring at us. Yeah, they're gonna make Bobby the May Queen. But I tell you this I

New York is a carry. I mean New Hampshire's a carry state. Mm-hmm Your shit I was carrying. Yeah, I was carrying for the first time in my life. I flash your heat I have my 38 my Ruga 38 in my backpack and my little thing right here. Yeah, there's something about Carrying a gun. Yeah doesn't make you afraid of a bunch of fucking stupid religious people I wasn't afraid of nothing start shooting stigmata holes in their feet I Wasn't afraid I wasn't afraid of fucking Tigers Bears back off you moonies I was like fucking bring it on bitches

I'll show you the Lord When I meet my two friends Christ and the Lord would say do I have a what you have like a hip holster? I have a hip holster. I have two 38s. I have a little baby ruger that you'd love it's cute It goes in your little Gucci and that's what I take hiking I take my little 38 carries eight shots in my backpack Then I had my my 38 Smith and Wesson when I went out. If I ever live in a Carries state, dude, I'm definitely gonna do all day long,

when I leave the house, if it's at the tank top or a suit and everything in between, double desert eagles under the front of things like that. And I will show them way too, I'll get in trouble for showing them a places And someone's gonna be like hey, man, you're cutting in line. I'm like I didn't cut in line He goes yeah feels you did cut in line I go well Why don't ask my two friends if they think I cut in line and I pull them out like the the cross arm is the way

To do it. Yeah, I always picture you having Sonny Crockett's rig. Yeah 10 millimeters. Damn, right? That's what you need yeah double double under armpits buddy there's something about carrying a piece on your hip and I only did it twice yeah there's something about it that makes you feel so safe and so that you don't fear anything. Like the woods, places you go to. I mean, not that New Hampshire is the, look where I'm going, it's a bunch of thin, flat white people wearing khakis.

You know what I mean? It's just a bunch of gray hair. Everywhere I go, the people look sick. They're spooky, but not scarier than bullets. Yeah, they're not. Yeah, but it does something to you. It makes you feel cool. There's only two places I wanna pull, or three places. I will accept pulling a gun out when I inevitably hold it against someone's chin in life

For a reason that is undeserved. I'm sure I'm overreacting without a doubt Twin under the armpits does it you? I'm willing to you know in a waistband enough that when I pull it, it's a real shoulder motion of pulling it out, or right center of the butt crack in the back of the pants. These are all things I see myself in the pull out underneath the chin, and I want to know if they have the same thing to say now. I'll be asking them, wait I didn't hear you. Could you say it again

into my microphone and then it's right underneath your chin and then I get to say like cool things where I'm like hey you have a daughter right? I want you to think about that little girl when you answer this question for me. Where's Rodrigo? And he's like what? Because I'm just making up a situation where it doesn't exist. This is just a guy on the street who accidentally like need me or by accident. He tripped me by accident and now I'm asking him where Rodrigo is. Wait a minute, you're pulling a gun on somebody

who tripped you by accident? Yeah. Okay. Well he didn't apologize. I was like, hey dude, and he was like, fuck off. And then that's when I get my immediate retribution. Fuck off, whoa, I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right there.

Can you say to my microphone, I like that line, that's gonna stay for sure. And then I'm gonna ask him to think about his family. Are you gonna put the microphone under his chin or by his mouth? But, uh... Are you gonna make him suck it? No, I think under... Like the bad lieutenant?

I think under the chin, and then maybe at some point, while I'm talking to him, I trace his lips with the gun. Like a sexy finger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I trace his lips with the gun. And then I... Whenever I say before I yeah. I trace his lips with a gun. And then whenever I say before I let him go, I blow him a kiss. I go, maybe we'll meet down the road again someday.

And I walk off. Well, I don't think the kiss is going to work. I like the sexy lip thing where you kind of pull the bottom lip down with the steel, and it kind of flaps back. These are all. Maybe you kiss the gun. gun don't kiss him because then it gets weird these are all it depends on my motion here okay if I'm pulling the gun out I like from behind or from the waistband I like if I'm pushing a person back against something and hands there and the gun is

like palm I'm sorry like palm down with the gun you know I mean gun turned sideways but under their chin okay I'm holding him against the wall that was a push forward I like that if I'm pulling out from the underneath the armpit yeah that's a grab by the shoulder and then the gun goes under here. Both of them, I will inevitably trace their lips like a cock. I trace their lips like a cock, can I make a suggestion?

Please. Instead of the kissing at the end, which I think is a little uncomfortable because it doesn't make sense with this whole thing that's happening. But I'm letting them live. Are you gonna let them live? Do the same thing, trace the lips,

pull the bottom lip down with the barrel of the gun Let it flop back and then lean in And say I'll see you something maybe I'd like to say I'll see you soon and then give him a little lick Face like a little face like on the side like like almost like a dirty like a dirty perverted Oh, like I like that looks like I'm a psychopath at that point Yeah, looking at doesn't make a second pair and then taste him and then tell him what he tastes. I Salty. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he goes your fear is sweet But what about the way I tell him when I ask him about his family and I don't say I want you to think about

Yeah, her. Yeah. Oh think about little Marcy What if he's gonna be dancing at that recital with no dad there to cheer for her What if he goes I don't have kids I'm gonna go what I'm not back. What do you have? I'm like a hell of a get an aunt. I'm pretty close to well, I'll beg all right picture that hand with yours At her dance recitals my aunt 78 years old pick All right, you know what just get out of here Pick. Okay. All right. You know what? Just get out of here. Pieces here's a problem with this scenario too. Is that you're in a carry state

So you pretty much gonna have another guy that's carrying So what if you do that whole thing then he takes his gun and then does it back to you? What if you're both it's okay in this situation. I think I've taken cover behind a car Okay, and I make a phone call to Christine and I'm gonna say something like, I'm like, you might have to tell him to move the dinner reservation back to 930 while I shoot like over the car like without even looking like, can I make another suggestion? What's wrong? Yes? So you do the whole thing to his lips? Well now we're in a gunfight I thought, cuz he had a gun. Well he pulls the gun at the end and he goes And he pulls it puts it under your face, and he does it to your lips. Hey, buddy. This is Carrie state

I got one too you take the gun and you just start sucking it ooh And freak him out. How about this like this is this what you wanted how about I? Pull out a gun and I go, well my gun's not loaded, there's no clip in it. And then when he pulls his gun out and he's like, you fool, I do some kind of a Statham-esque kind of quick, something where I click the button that releases his clip and then I turn my gun underneath upside down and it falls into my clip.

And now I'm back to rubbing the dick gun on his lips What if he does that back to you and then he's rubbing you on my what if it's just you guys? Rubbing each other's fucking each other's mouths with guns Just you guys fucking each other's mouths with guns is fine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Say goodbye your family Think about that little girl Girl yeah Say goodbye your family think about that little girl Yeah, oh I think that's it. Yeah, I think we forgot what my gun fantasy is Just me another guy fucking each other's mouths with guns while we shit-talked

Each other about what the future is gonna be I stopped I actually stopped carrying it though cuz it got you get a little weird I'm gonna pull it out. Yeah, it's I am exactly well I realized I'm in the lake regions of New Hampshire. There's nothing really gonna happen But anytime someone's just like miss I'm sorry by waiting for like 15 minutes for you to take my orders goes Oh, well, I'm pretty busy and I'm waiting for like 15 minutes for you to take my orders. She goes, Oh, well, I'm pretty busy. And I go, well, how busy are you now? And I pull it out.

And maybe if she doesn't turn around right away, I make that face where I go, and then I put two in the roof. But what if somebody's living upstairs? What if there's a family upstairs and you take a little kid's head off? What's the square footage of that place? I'm trying to play the odds. It's around 700 square feet.

700 square feet, square feet two bullet holes from the floor Poor people kids are playing on the floor old toys. They got from a place. So it's I'm trying to think of the layout of This place I'm trying to think of what the ceiling of the fucking place is gonna be underneath It's like is that a family room? It's probably a family room and it's probably has no insulation because the building's old because it's up there. Building is old. Yeah.

I hear they're stealing gas from the place next door, too. Ah! Yeah. Two in the ceiling, and I danger the kids. I don't want to hurt children. Why don't you do two on the floor? Huh? Two on the floor.

Go the other way. Who's in the basement? Nobody. Oh, that's the pedophile ring is down there, probably, that I helped break up. Pizza gate. Isn't that where the pedophile ring is down there probably that I help break up pizza gate Isn't that where the Herman Cain and everybody fucks kids with pizza, I don't watch politics. I Heard the word pizza gate. I think there's aliens or they're taking kids

Sperm and making they're injecting it into celebrities knees. So their knees are good. I just kind of pi-roos the thing. I don't have a subscription anything. I'm telling you right now though, when I go hiking and I go hiking a lot up there, it's so terrifying in the back of your head because there's shit out there. There's just stuff out there. And chances are, everybody says nothing's going to happen, blah, blah, blah. They're more afraid of you. But I always carry like a knife or bear spray or a bell. I'll put a fucking dumb bell. So a ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling,

that's supposed to whatever that does. It keeps the quiet place monsters coming. But when I had that gun, the last couple hikes I went on, walking around town, I didn't wanna do, that was too uncomfortable for me for some reason, but walking in the woods with that gun, fuck the bell, fuck your bear spray.

Don was like, shit, I go, don't take anything, I got it. We're good. I'm looking for bears. Is that open carry or concealed? What's the longer? I think it's, I don't know. Is it open carry in New Hampshire? I mean, you walk around like a boss there.

I think it's open. I'll tell you what, I would hike with you every day if I can get, what's one of the guns where there's another thing you can hold up by the front? Tommy gun. No, not a Tommy gun. Oh, a handgun?

No, no, no, like a rifle, but it's got another thing up here you can just hold like this. Oh, like an AR? Sure. Or like an M16. M16, M16, yeah. Yeah, something like that, like a Rambo gun. I would walk around there

Yeah, and I'm like hey religious cult are you guys ready to meet God and then you'll be like Jay calm down And I'm gonna hold an m16 with one hand and shoot wildly at the floor and make them dance dance for God There's my clip there's the thing with the holder in the front max actually actually, Max shot one of those. We told you we joined the gun club. We're at the range pretty much every single day. You are raising a school shooter. No, I'm raising a goddamn American. I'm raising somebody. That's what he's going to say after he shoots up to school.

He's not going to shoot up to school. It's going to be Max just calmly walking through the hallways. Oh, beautiful. For spacious. For Amber. through the hallways. Oh beautiful for spacious for amber. He got NRA certified last week, him and Don. They both took an all day gun course and he shot a 30 odd six. He shot one of these, M16. He shot the AR, and he shot the fucking Clint Eastwood magnum. Damn. Dude, he shot, the magnum was crazy to see him.

He's 11, and he shot it. It was great. He bought a 44 magnum. I should definitely... He bought, he shot, no, I didn't buy it for him. Oh, you got it. It was my uncle. No, they stole it. No, I didn't buy it. I'm not buying it.

I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it. 44 magnum. I don't want it. I have a tiny house. I'm not I'm not buying. I'm a buying a 44 Magnum. I don't want it I have a tiny house already have a kid's gun I can't have a handgun in my possession in the house because it's illegal Well for one is just gonna be I'm saying even if I was in a place where it was legal It's just there's no doubt Three four times a year. There's gonna be something where I'm walking around the house Like hammering my points home while I'm pointing the gun at Christine yelling at her and then constantly going back and forth between her and me

Spinning it put one bullet in it. Yeah It's faith. Yeah, and it's gonna be lame when they come in and just see two dead people in a bunch of white claws on the floor I got whacked on white clothes Yeah, he shot that gun right there to the left. Yeah. Yeah, that gun was nuts. No wonder he's got hair on his weenus. That gun's nuts.

I love that gun. Do you feel lucky, Dad? Do you feel lucky? Then we watch Dirty Harry, every single one of them, every night. Yeah, it's weird because last year he was into camp, into hiking and stuff like that, and fishing. I was like, Isabella, one year it went from like Legos to makeup and from your son it went to camping to weapons of mass destruction The weapons of mass destruction it's a it's guns

Weapons of mass destruction is like fucking you know well listen to that spray dude you get a bunch of kids hold up terrified in the school library And they're gonna go why did you do it and he's gonna go I always take it to the max It was kind of when I saw dawn shooting the 380 it was hard It kind of got me a little hot just seeing her fucking throw down a whole mag Yeah, just to get a clip just and then I'll call it a clip. It's a mag. It's a mag clip Is you know kind of you know to call it that what is it? It's a mag magazine magazine You don't call it a clip on the range, dude. That's just, you know.

Oh, I will. I'll call it a clip all day long. Dude, I want you to come up there and shoot. Yeah. Oh, I'd love it. Two at a time. I don't know if you can do that, but I'm pretty sure you can do that. No, it did get me hot, though.

Can I try it behind the backer? Seeing her little flat ass. She was on her tippy toes at first yeah Yeah, shooting her little gun. I watched Christine shoot a 50 caliber that's hot where in Denver or outside of Denver with a Bert Bert Christchurch into that football players house right number his wife flew out of the oh yeah Oh, yeah, yeah

That guy his uh, not going to say his name, so I don't think he likes that. I keep talking about his wife getting flung out of a fucking dude. Every time it comes up again, I always hear that he goes, she didn't get flung out of the front of it. I go, I watched it happen. Of course it did. You went over to be found. Your wife was get cartwheels in a dude buggy and then was thrown out, spit out the front of it.

Why is it that people why is it that people he doesn't want to like admit? wheels in a dune buggy and then was thrown out, spit out the front of it, toey. Why is it that people, why is it that people, he doesn't want to admit what happened? Was he embarrassed about it? It's the kind of thing where it's like, you know, it's like the people who care about what they care about, you know, it's the same thing. As soon as like a school shooting happens, somebody who cares about guns always comes out and goes,

whoa, this kid was a nut,s rule, let's not change that. I do like guns. No, no, of course. I do. I do like guns. I think I wanna get my gun permit, carry permit for New York. Don't be loaded up like Tackleberry.

I'm on the inside of my calves and my fucking thighs. I got a thousand rounds of nine millimeter at the foot of my, by my bed at in New York. No, Florida. I'm gonna wear a garter belt of throwing knives Will be my thing also You can have a cane with a sword in it. Oh dude. John poppers got a cane with a sword and I loved it That's so neat Like a fucking European spy it is I'm I'm trying not to, you know, I get addicted to shit quick.

I get, you know, like even stupid sins, I got my, you know, once I'm into something, I get into it fully. You gotta make a John Wick room. I can't, I can't. That's what this guy was doing. You gotta make a room where it's like you go and it's like, oh, that's a nice ottoman,

but you push a button and the ottoman opens up and it's always lit up with the starkest white light Around all of your cool weapons. I can't I can't I do it I have I have two I have so many guns in the tiny house I had to get a lock thing so they keep them safe, but I have too much ammunition I have a thousand rounds of AR ammunition. We have a tiny house Yeah, like there's no place to put it and I was ever so close to buying, I want a repeater. I want a Henry repeater, but I want the new one.

And I was gonna buy a SIG. I'm like, I'm five seconds away from spending $2,000 on guns. Save that, I say get for the top of the house one of those tripod guns, you know what I mean? Oh, I love that gun, god damn it. Oh yeah? What are you fighting, Native mean? God damn it. Oh yeah? What are you fighting, Native Americans?

That's the gun on the west right there, baby. But you can get them all tactical out now. So it looks like a new, like a newer gun. Yeah, dude, you get a scope on it. You can get, it's called a quiver on the side to keep the bullets. Nice. Yeah, I wanna get the tactical one.

It's, I think it's down the bottom. Ah dude, look at that thing. That's badass. Yeah. Chit-chit-pum, chit-chit-pum. I want a shotgun. My garter boat of throwing stars. Go to, Christine, go to the beginning of the movie.

Go to Ninja III, The Domination. I wanna show you what I'd like my thing to look. This used to make me, I used to watch this part of this movie over and over again as a kid because I've always, it's, and they, a lot of action movies did this move, the getting ready, like getting all your do-dads and what have yous together, you know, Rambo screwing on the explosive arrowheads

and the tying the laces and everything. This was just a mild-mannered businessman who just opens up a thing inside of a cave that has electricity, it's lit up well. Yeah, but yours would have snacks too. Yeah, for sure, without a doubt. Yours would have your favorite treats. Oh, things like your Flamin' Hot Bugles.

I didn't know they made those. When did that collab happen? Ninja III The Domination, the beginning with it. That ninja getting ready was everything to me when I was young. There is something about, I love John Wick when he smashes the floor to get to his golden nuggets. His nuggets.

Yeah. Who else had a room? That was great, Peacemaker. Peacemaker, the Kingsmen, Kingsmen? Yeah. When they went to those. A room of weaponry is so cool. God damn, I would love that.

Supernatural had that too, didn't they though? Didn't they have like a room of like. Yeah, in the later seasons. Yeah, in the later seasons. I would love to have that. They had an HQ. Some wall. Yeah, the guy whose wife got flung out of the dune buggy, he was in his house, it was a frame,

it was such a beautiful place. And, but they were, he was making a John Wick room for his things. Yeah, but it was still like shell. I want a secret room. I want a room that you have to go in and tilt an ashtray over and shh, like a Batman room. And then as soon as you go in it, it starts lighting up.

But it lights up in sequence. It goes like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Like Iron Man suits? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, Bobby, now we are thinking on the phone page. lighting up but it lights up in sequence it was like yeah like Iron Man suits yes yes yes Bobby now we're getting an apartment in New York Christine the beginning of Ninja 3 the domination open you have to buy it what or it's on Paramount plus I have to sign into Amazon they don't have it on YouTube just the opening not the full the opening the trailer trailer ninja 3 domination is the

third they had to do something with the girl from breaking they made breaking one and two and she fucked her way somehow to a three-picture deal with like going Globus productions and And that was it she made breaking one breaking two and they were like I guess make her a ninja They make her a fucking ninja That's right, she was a ninja in that. They make her a fucking ninja, that's what it is. The movie starts where a mild-mannered, business-looking guy goes into a cave and opens up his ninja equipment, goes and puts on his ninja clothes,

and then just goes and starts murdering these mafia guys on a golf course and then gets into it with the cops. Cops kill the ninja course and then gets new it with the cops cops kill the ninja and then This girl the girl from breaking happens upon the ninja while he's dying and he then puts his soul into her and then uh She's possessed by this ninja who pops out at random times when she has to kill it could happen Yeah, the sad part is she ends up fucking one of the cops

and he's one of the ones that killed the ninja too. So it's a real, you know what, no spoilers. You know what's so funny about all that? There's no ninja one or ninja two, by the way. Ninja shit, like the Chinese star, that can't even really kill you. It's just gonna hurt real bad. If you throw it hard enough, I bet it could kill you.

They're never long enough to get in. You can't, you throw a Chinese star at somebody, first of all, a jacket's gonna stop a lot of that. Is this the part? Yes, Christine, it is the part. No, no, no, go back. You gotta see when he opens up the fucking, yes. Here we go.

All right, we're watching... What is this called again? Ninja 3 The Domination. Ninja 3 The Domination. He's walking in a cave. Starring Shoukashugi and Lucinda Dickie from Breaking. And he is not Japanese, by the way. Shoukashugi?

No. I believe he's Korean. Is he? I don't know, I'm just making that up. I know you go to fact check my little things. I was. Shoukashugi was my dude. Yeah, see, here fact check. I was sure the shoe. He was my dude Yes, see here's what you're looking for Bobby. He has to touch a secret spot of cave

There you go, and he pushes it up and slides up and then you'll be surprised about there was light in there the entire time He's got electricity going there. Yeah, does he have to pay that bill or is he just knocking into the look at all that fun ninja stuff! Yeah, none of that is deadly. What?! Dude, you can't get killed by a fucking ninja star. You don't know that for sure. 100%! I'll throw one at you. Get somebody in the throat. In the throat, maybe in the jugular.

Maybe. Maybe. You'd have to hit him in the side of the throat. Everywhere else you're not getting hit. Chest, you're not dying. I'll let you throw one at my chest. And don't do that. Why? Don't.

I'll let you throw one at my chest at Skankfest. No! To test my theory. What are you gonna wear? I'm gonna wear triple fat. I'm gonna wear your clothes when you did that, uh, pee-ditty thing. Damn dude, I would be looking for... By the way, this, where he keeps his ninja stars, seems ridiculous. Just have him hanging there. Yeah, what if you fall? Oh, also a

bunch of nails. Yep. Dude, if you fall, if you trip on something, which ninjas do, you're gonna stab yourself with all those nails and then ninja stars. He's so weighted down. Well, now... And you're gonna hear him coming. Those ching ching ching ching ching. Ninja's rule. This guy knows... There they are, dude. Produced by those two Jews. I love how they're all very Jew-y names, but with Japanese style writing, lettering. Well, Menahem and Golan. Menahem, Golan.

Globus. And Globus. There's a great documentary about them. They're just vicious liars. They lied their way into getting picture deals with people. It was insane. Really? Every movie that you've ever heard of that's by this company,

which are just straight 80s action movies, all the missing in actions, Delta Force, all that kind of stuff, Commando, these things, I think Commando. That might have been a bigger one. But it's like these Golden Globe, Break-In, all those movies, was this company, Golden Globus. But how they got funding for the movies, they went to Cannes Film Festival

and they lined the streets with posters that was looking for things for Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in Missing in Action. And they just put like stars names, like made fake posters all over, big like how they do the Moon Tower posters on the light posts. These huge posters that were just like the wrong Tower posters on the light posts, these huge posters

that were just like the wrong names for these shitty, I mean these movies that were so, where you know, it's like Invasion USA starring Burt Lancaster. It was pretty wild, but yeah, there's a great documentary on that and they just got all these things, but they gave this girl,

they thought she was gonna be something, the breaking girl. You think she was doing something she is with somebody she's like with producers and Lucinda Dickey boom it's so funny cuz you can't you can't make those movies anymore we were watching Dirty Harry and just the dialogue you couldn't you couldn't make it you can't make Dirty Harry and you couldn't make any of those movies anymore I know that I mean it's they told me I couldn't make a white version of menace of society because all the n-words I Go I'm just gonna it's fine though. We're just remaking the movie word for word and shot for shot just with all white people

Why is that crazy? There's a scene in dirty Harry Harry where he gets a Spanish partner and then the old fat, there's always a fat, fat white guy, old fat white cop, and he came up and he rattles through every single slang for races that Harry doesn't like. And then as he's walking away, did I forget any? And he just says the the the Spanish one really the old ready

He said the, uh, n- ****ers. Naggers? And they said the old, uh, the old ch- ****inks. I think I just said it. Oh. But he said the whole thing, and Max was like, he's like,

Dad, that guy's- Mine must have been blown. No, he was like, that guy's racist. I. No, he was like that guy's racist. I'm like it was a different time son No, he's not racist. It was just a more fun time Things were fun What happened Lucinda Dickey from breaking and ninja 3 domination? She retired from acting in 1990 lives in California with her husband Craig Pelligian a Co-executive producer of among others the reality TV game show survivor, so she's doing just fine

Kelly but she was I mean it was light. Is this her him? Now go to her go to her IMDB. I Bet it's me she's retired in 1990. I've never heard of her until 1987 She made some bucks three picture deal now She's retired in 1990, I've never heard of her until 1987. She made some bucks. Three picture deal, now. She just married Rich and had a family. She married Rich, yeah. I wish I could marry Rich.

I think she married a rich Armenian. She was cute. Kelly, she was cute and breakin'. With her little stupid hair. She was in Grease 2? No. It says girl greaser. She was a girl greaser in Greece to that's before breaking back down. She was a background somebody, right? Oh, she in me. Oh look at the timing of that in

1984 she farted out three full movies break in break into a ninja 3 The Domination She's out and then she did a Terrible movie called cheerleader camp. I'm guessing and then a Perry Mason TV Movie and she's uncredited by the way it got shittier for as it went on Yeah, she came out she had a bit part in Greece 2 and then three starring roles in movies And then and then right to like a bit part and And then write to un, not even credited. Damn dude. And she's done.

Done, but goddamn, I love Ninja 3 The Domination. She's hot, do you have any photos of her? Now? Yeah. I'd like to see what she looks like now. It's K-E-Y. You think she held up? No.

No? You know who didn't held up? That chick from Baywatch. Which one, Tiffany Everthamison? Nicole Eggert wolf all of them? Well, yes I mean she is cancer now, too. Are you watching that whatever excuse get cancer schmancer? Yeah, whatever do Your schmancer stop eating. Yeah, get away Get a hat I'm kidding

Did you are you watching the new Baywatch thing on Hulu is how people are watching the big news room? Everybody says Jeremy Jackson used to smell the bathing suits. I'm like, yeah doesn't blow my mind. I saw that too He was a little kid right? It's not Jeremy Jackson. I don't think they're saying Jeremy Jackson. Is that the right name? I think it's the kid who played a hobie. They're talking about son, the son. But that wasn't Jeremy Jackson. Jeremy Jackson was a... I guess the son was smelling bathing suits, but what do you want to... He was a little tiny kid. I would absolutely have done the same thing. I don't know about that.

Is it Jeremy Jackson? So he was he... Oh, I guess his name... I'm thinking of somebody else. Jeremy Jackson confesses he smells... But it's the same kid. It's Hobie. He would smother dirty swimsuits, of course. He looks good.

He's jacked. He looks like a Navy SEAL, god damn it, he looks good. Yeah. Kid's jacked up. But man. Why would he admit that now though? Why would he, in this climate, why would you even? I would usually sneak into the,

because he was a child, and he's around these girls who are wearing nothing all day. It's not a mind blow to me. He just smelled it and threw up. I can't believe, look at it. He's probably not admitting to going in there and beating his dick in the fucking dressing rooms and shit. He smelled it and just smelled Tommy Lee's jizz.

He grabbed their dirty bangs. I smelled, let's just say I smelled every pussy on Baywatch, yes. He said that? Well, it says believe. Oh. Wow. What do you think he said? Cunt?

I smelled every cunt on Baywatch. All right, dude. Easy. You see the rest of that? Adding he found one Baywatch babe's scent irresistible. You know what it was? The old goofy one. No, it was Pammy.

I bet it was the goofy one with the flat chest. Dude, Pam Anderson Baywatch. Pam Anderson Baywatch was like a drawing of an angel I bet I bet it was the goofy one with horse teeth and I bet it smelled like apple pie I bet you oh no that one you think it was yeah she took care of it nice you know Pam didn't take care of a cooch that girl really did have some fucking piano keys for teeth though huh yeah she did was her name Alexandria something Pam Anderson was at the whiskey at-Go every night just laying it down.

Oh my God, what a pig. Smelled like tequila and jizz. Oh, I bet she was a real fun slut in her day, huh? Stunk. Can I tell you, since we're doing 80s, I read a fun trivia story. My favorite music video of all time is Hot for Teacher. So I was looking up what happened to the kids that played the young Van Halen. They only have one story. They list the kids, but the guy, first of all the kid that played young Michael

Anthony who looks exactly like him was actually I think Scott Farguss' henchman in A Christmas Story. Okay. He was a very short kid. He does look exactly like a little version of Michael Anthony but after he got The Christmas Story he he got the audition, got the part, showed up at a school. It was a school they used for all the movies. It was an actual high school that wasn't in use and he was a massive Van used for all the movies. It was an actual high school that wasn't in use.

And he was a massive Van Halen fan. He was 13. And he told, he went with his mom to the set and he said, I don't, my only mission is to, is to hang out with the band. So the kid had balls, man. He saw the Van Halen's trailer, knocked on the door and Alex Van Halen opened the door and said sup kid I'm playing young Mike Anthony. Can I hang out with you guys cuz yeah come on in and then Michael Anthony said Why don't you get us some beers have a drink with us Wow so he had his first beer with Michael Anthony David Lee Roth came out and said who the fuck's this kid? Why is he here? But then but then what happened to the error of not snitching on everything well

That's right Jackson self snick this kids like and then they gave me business and then they said they said they wanted to see My dick to see if it was like how big it was and I showed it to him and David Lee Roth loved it They're telling these stories like it's not a big deal, but they're terrible things and then and then Eddie Van Halen was like Do coke off this girl's pussy with me and I did that it was a it was such a cool day Talked to Eddie Van Halen and he said can you can you play me the beginning of? eruption No, I can't remember as long. It was running with the devil. He said Hung out and played him the entire

song just just to him in his trailer in the Van Halen trailer I think and then this kids lying completely why why how great is that every kid says with I mean this would be scandalous now but back then how fucking cool is that Alex Van Halen just said have a beer with me He said he was wrecked on one beer, but then when they shot the scene, it was Miss Canada runner up, who was a chemistry teacher. And he said, he was nervous to touch her legs because the director kept saying, feel her legs. And he looked at his mom who was watching the whole thing.

He said, do your job. Great story. I love that. I mean, even going to a concert back then, even concert footage back then, it was always a girl with her boobs out on somebody's shoulder. Cameras now. It's over. Oh, come on. It was cameras back then.

Rob Zombie was the last bastion of that, that I saw where you go to Rob Zombie concert and titties would be coming out on the shoulders, but even that's over now. Done. It's done because you think it's like you're gonna do it But like nobody really wants to be on someone else's like footage like that Everyone's it's not even just one camera every one's a snitch but that kids being a snitch telling that story I feel like he's no he just told it as an adult and he said it with fun memories And they're all he's like he's a boy listen

That's would be like it's like coming back and be like you know when I was eight years old my fucking teacher Let me suck her titties and fuck her pussy Yeah, okay, that's not right though Yeah, if he snitched on the set or right then he'd be a snitch, but telling it when he's like 50 No, it's the same thing the same thing that girl that lady went on Stern years ago with the uh, no listen, it's an awesome time for the kid I'm not debating that I'm just talking about far cry between Child rape and hanging out with Van Halen and having a beer is there Is there though, yeah, I'm pretty sure there is dude you can't fuck a kid

I would have done I mean it's weird too because The girl on Stern years ago One of the groupie girls came on and she was like Oh and then I was like 14 or 15 and I snuck backstage I don't know if it was losing her virginity But something was like At 15 years old she got gang banged

By the Allman Brothers And you're like, okay Is that alright? But I think even when you do the sweet sweet Connie by the Allman Brothers and you're like, okay. It's like, is that all right? No. But I think even when you do like the sweet, sweet Connie and we're an American band, I think at the time she was like 16 or 17. These like groupie girls were like kids.

Yeah, there was a time where- They would pass them around. It was a thing where you could get backstage by blowing the roadies. You still could. You can't. Oh, my shows you can You got a finger pop Christine at the back door yeah

You gotta blow Dylan my roadie That was also Pre SNL Phil Hartman is the voice of Waldo The I'm not like other guys. Oh, yeah, and my socks are too loose. That's Phil Hartman. Oh it's hilarious I didn't know that. It is weird now because rock and roll you can't be you back in the day rock and roll was fucking crazy now you kind of have to have your shit together to be we're gonna take a break yep we're past break time.

Sorry. What happened, Lou's still waiting to see if we're getting these tickets, he's freaking out. No one told us it was time to take a break. Everybody, Robert Kelly is back. I'm back, we're back, and Bobby Kelly's gonna be a stand up live in Phoenix this fucking weekend, September 6th and 7th.

And Hilarity's in Cleveland September 20th and 21st. After that, Skankfest of course, Vegas, co-host New York, San Diego, California, and you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge when he runs with the devil at the Comedy Cellar. All other tour dates and tickets, visit PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly where you can also get all of his content including his latest special kill box. It's actually uh two autistic kids that open for me at the Village Inn, not the devil, but they are the devil. Running with autistics. Big J is going to be at the

Addison Improv Dallas September 12th through the 14th Omaha Funny Bones September 20th to the 21st after that he's going to be at Skank Fest with me and everybody here in Spokane, Poughkeepsie, he's gonna St. Louis for tickets and all of the tour dates. Go to bigjcomedy.com. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire, we're back!

We're back! We're back! We're back! We're back! We're back! We're back! We're back! We're back!

We're back!