The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Firestarter with Mike Finoia

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

The New York City building that houses SiriusXM and The Bonfire has a smell of smoke coming through the vents and the guys are not as worried as they should be. During this live show, fire marshals enter to check the studio for smoke. | America's amigo Mike Finoia is on hand to listen to a camper's original song that may be the new Bonfire theme song. | Jacob reveals that he longs to have a family and time is running out because of his advanced age. Jay researches possible brides and adoption options to help his dear friend. Mike will be on tour with Ron White and all his dates are on punchup.live/Mikefinoia. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly Shit straight like 915 you know I mean I love fucking ghetto black chick rap Stay that bitch what I'm a stay that bitch and I like Asian girls who dress like thuggy black chicks from the 90s who dress like thuggy black chicks from the 90s. Yeah. Now? Huh? Now?

Sure. I'll take it away. Any generation, I'm just saying a wigger Asian girl is great. Always looks pretty good. Pretty hot look. Can't go wrong with that. I know soy sauce. I know you do, Jacob. It doesn't make with that. I know soy sauce. I know you do, Jacob.

It doesn't make you Japanese. I'm Japanese. You're like a bento box, aren't you? I do. Imagine that with dessert. Jacob is, now I gotta tell you why, Jacob. I cannot imagine. Jacob can't be a late Saturday friend.

Like that? Because Jacob, he won't mean to, he won't mean to, but he will only, what's gonna hurt you most It's not that he's not gonna attack that box at all he's gonna allow himself like a Piece of pineapple and a strawberry and that's no dip no dip you would do a dip not a chance of dip Would you want your what could you want your own? I know this guy ask a I ask you a question?

When I go to Jay's, like, he'll have the board out and I usually eat all the celery sticks and carrots. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. What are you- Is your dad a rabbit? What are you- That's a good question.

Not my question, but that's a good question. I want to ask you, what are you waiting for? What do you mean? What are you waiting for? Are you waiting? is there a moment where you're gonna stop? There's a reason for all of this. You have diabetes? No. What? You got raped by a chocolate maker? I'm very late starting a family that I wanted and I feel like I have to be healthy if it comes. So you're waiting. So you are, you are. You're

waiting. Yeah. You want to keep as tip-top I feel very bad. I didn't do that. So now I'm trying I'm trying to I don't want to be an You can be an old dad. You can't be an old sick dad. And then when you have that kid, you're gonna start shotgunning you-hoo's No, that's what I did You have to come inside of a woman We need to I want we need to we need to adopt this. You're gonna have to come inside of a woman for any of this. Nah, nah, we need to. I would. We need to adopt a kid for him.

Just anyone. Can you gift a child to somebody? Oh, that's awesome. I think you'd be a great dad, here's a kid. Certain minorities, yes. Really? You can't gift a white kid. No.

No, but you can, there's like a, I'm pretty sure you can get a Filipino kid. Jacob, you think you can train a future athlete? Don't put in no bullshit sports though. Nobody wants to see a fucking black kid play soccer. No, but wait a minute though. Is that like adopting a manatee where like you don't actually adopt it?

No, no, no. It's just the money goes to someone. Or like adopting a highway? Right, yeah, totally. No, that's, that's cool. They got, I adopted Filipino. Yeah, me and Don own a star. Do we own it?

No. I don't, dude, I got that for a film. If you can get to it though, you can go to it. I can't. You should put a tiny home on this. It's called Marshmello. We should get him a little Asian baby. You want an Asian baby, Jacob?

I could probably dark web that for you. We could dark web that. I'll find a nice Japanese girl then you can have the Japanese children you always wanted. Oh. Why, you want Japanese children? He wants to be Japanese. If you get a Japanese baby,

can you name it Sukiyaki Sock Sock Sue? But you can just call it Sue for short. Can you just respond to that in Japanese? You don't have to. You don't have to, but it would be in the world of me. Hey everyone, have you met Sukiyaki Sock Sock Sue? You sock it to me, I sock it to you, batat? And now, batat?

What do you think, would you like a Japanese wife or a baby? We can just get you the baby. No, I want both. You want the wife first. So you wanna make the baby. Did you know that their vaginas go the wrong direction? I wouldn't be opposed to. That's a myth.

It is? Yeah. Are you sure? Buddy, I swear to God. Pretty sure a lot of people told me that when I was younger. that's a myth it is yeah, are you sure buddy? I swear to God pretty sure a lot of people told me that when I was younger not Japanese I feel like you can like if you so Chinese ones are the other direction Maybe it's no it's Korean North Korean. Okay, North Korean vaginas go side to side. It's the West Korean. Yeah. Oh Now I got it, you know like the border. I do the DMZ. Oh Now I got it. You know like the border. I do the DMZ. Oh

Listen Jacob, so you want to meet a Japanese girl with a normal up-and-down? I'm trying you you put out Japanese. I'm open to anything but the Japanese Here's the thing if you're modian if we adopt a Japanese baby baby for you. It's full Japanese That's awesome. Yeah, but if you have make a Japanese baby half Jacob, it's gonna be half Jacob. That's great. Yeah I do want you know I want to make you think a half Asian woman half Jacob is gonna be able to fight Godzilla when inevitably shows up What are we talking daughter? Huh? Daughter, no, what's up? Would you want a daughter or a son daughter? You want a daughter? Yeah, you're gonna have you the Asian kid that she must be able to fuck it

Yeah, what if you get all what if you get tired of as well be able to fuck it. I don't want to adopt. Yeah, what if you get tired of raising it, you just want to fuck it? You know what? I've raised you plenty. Now it's time to fuck it. I hope they don't play this on my registration for adoption. I think you can fuck a boy baby and get in less trouble. Maybe. Oh, maybe you should fuck a hairless boy, Asian.

Yeah, I think less trouble. Let's do that. Let's get you a boy. You can that see how it goes if he responds well Get your girl girl and then you can kill the boy you get the boy a sister to play with they're yours We got him on the dark web do you do whatever you want with them? Yeah, you can have it'll be as though They never exist. I'm gonna practice dumb. Hey, you're doing like wooden swords comes in a really nice antique Japanese basket How about that? Asian boy, are we talking ribaldry?

Not as easy as you think it is does a stork deliver that point baby. There you go, dude, Japan Cupid We found the site. How's Jacob in Japan? Are you in the 70s? How old are you Jacob? Fuck too old Jacob do me a favor and remember you're not a Hollywood starlet from the 50s. How old are you? It's worse. Just to say you're age? No, I'm saying, I'm not ashamed. I'm bummed when I say it because I've aged out. What is it? No, you haven't. None of these ages. I'm your age. Buddy, why do you say my age? Listen, you think you aged out, but you haven't aged out. Ow! Yeah! Sick! All right, we'll catch you guys tomorrow on the bonfire. Until then.

Spin doctors will be here. Hey dude, check it out. Until then, let's get the lead out. Jacob, we get you a Japanese woman, right? Your age, you want your age or you want your age? Younger. Your age. Unfortunately, I can't have a woman my age.

She's gotta have a baby. It's Japanese, they're my age. That's gotta have a baby. It's Japanese. That's true. What if she's like 3000? Would you do that? But ageless because she's mostly dragon. Yes, I have to say. Okay. Alright. Christine, is there anything in the settings for that? In the filter? Can you filter for part dragon? Ageless half dragon?

Your child to be the king of an empire that doesn't exist anymore Jacob so you you want a girl younger than you? of course you do I'm not one of those guys that doesn't like women my age, but I Women that can bear children you don't want to kind of you don't want a Japanese only an age range You can go with a hip problem with a big old It's like it's like if you're going to go get something that expires tomorrow or in a month, you're going to grab the thing that expires in a month, right? But that's why...

No, I would rather get, if I really love Japanese, I'd rather get an older Japanese woman my age. How come? Because we can do the same things together. Do you know what I mean? I'll fuck any Japanese if you put teriyaki on it. And I would sell that right to my daughter, Syaki sock sock you sue you suck it to you Okerson don't bring your friends over oh my god we came over to can't believe

we're gonna meet little sukiyaki sukiyaki sock sock you sue you suck it to me I suck it to you Okerson what's that I got Okerson. What's that? Sue's fine. Sue's fine. Here we go, you can get a baby. We'll get you an egg, we'll get you a surrogate. What does that have to do with this egg? By the way, I thought it was a human-centered egg. I thought they were showing a nerdy black kid and calling him an egghead. Like hey, you want to get an egg donation?

Want a smart dork? Hey, we get a little black dork, dude. I want to see the product. Are they doing the thing, has they done a thing yet where they can implant it in the man the man can carry the child I'd like to see if we could junior Jacob Jacob could carry a baby That was a documentary real-time correct. We'll stick it right next to his liver Shagans organs are strong. I believe he could share them with a life is 57 too old for a man to have a baby Don't ask don't ask that question.

You think it's gonna take him that long to bed down as an Asian? It says yes, grandpa, it's too old. I'm not 57. Oh. He's not 57. He's 54. She just.

Oh. My dad wasn't 54, he was 52. Do you know what's crazy? Christine's treating me like that. Well, you'll find out on Thursday's show that Asian woman that dressed down Martin Cove boy oh boy my dad wasn't 54 he was 52 but very close his girlfriend was 36 when she had a child I wasn't on board with it at first I was 24 it felt weird to have a baby brother at that age he felt more like my

nephew because of the age difference I find it very hard to bond with him. So you don't have to worry about that. You know what you gotta do? Pick a date that you wanna be a dad and we'll work backwards from then to today and we'll set benchmarks. This is where you have to meet. Pick a day I wanna be a dad.

What day would you like to meet your son? If it was you, I would line it up to when the docks bring in the newest batch of human trafficking. What's wrong? Yeah? No, I smell smoke. I suck if we die Christine you smell that that's smoke Christine I mean, I don't want to have to burning not taking the stairs all the way down. No Mmm sort of but I smoke I was like burning tires. Oh jeez I don't know if you noticed by smoke in the building now. I think I'm sure about my god. That's not good No, I know you smell that that's what like fucking gas. Yeah, that's smoke. That's fine

That's fire I'm suing That's a fire guys. Yeah, they said there might be a fire in the building. Well, I guess this is not an alarm guys yeah they said there might be a fire in the building are we gonna be trapped oh that's okay I think it works like the cameras it's totally fine because we have to hire our own fire department DJ Lewis fire-retarded Paco is also the fire department absolutely yes fire for sure, right? Yeah, that definitely stinks. Smells like burning. Hey, maybe we're killing it on the show so much, it's on fire. Woo, woo, woo!

No, I mean, that alarm over there will go off. Oh, shit. And we'll all go down together. Hopefully, we'll be together. Oh, shit, this is July 1, is what we're gonna call it that. Where were you guys on July 1? Where were you guys on July 1? 7-1.

Where were you guys on 7-1? All right, let me ask you a question. I'm a 7-1-er, dude. We're stuck, we can't get down. Are you jumping out, 7-1 surrider, dude. We're stuck. We take it down. Are you jumping out? Are you burning up? No, dude.

I go up to the roof. I'm telling you, I don't know why everybody didn't do this. I smoke a cigarette. And I ride the rubble down. Silver surfer style. Hell yeah, dude. I take it and I ride down to the total bottom. Everyone's going to be blown away.

And then when the smoke clears, I walk out like it was nothing. And I go, you go, another day at work, right? Yeah. Yeah, your C11A on that India flight, that one dude that walked away. Did you hear about that? Did he jump out? I don't know, but he walked.

I think he jumped out. Yeah. Spirit of the owl. See, that's someone who people should start worshiping. That's a god, you know, like you're the one guy that survived the plane. Or he's unbreakable. You know what I mean? But that's the god you want, not some guy that, you know.

He jumped out and then walked away, right? Walked away. That's wild. The plane crashed, everyone died, away walked away. That's wild the plane crashed everyone died He walked away funny if you could have if he Jay really does ride it down like silver surface That's a big yeah, and you see and they'll bring them to go to pictures and they'll like have like people have to digitally Work to bless you people have to digitally work the picture, but then you'll see like through the rubble You'll see pictures of me like really taking it down and I'm handling good What's wrong? You see smoke Jacob? Yeah, I mean I'm looking at the lights to see if it yeah, they're a little smoky. No we got to keep going

Guys you want to be part of the law There we go. Thank you. I think Big Jim would doesn't help that I grew up near Camp Lejeune to tough it out This is not gonna do good for my they told me I'd be fired if I left under any circumstance I hope this doesn't activate my mesothelioma. They also told me if I came out on the air as trans That'd be fired My head hurts I smell it nasty this is giving me a headache Might be a guy. Do you guys want to all have sex? You think this is God saying, Jacob can't have a baby?

Right when we started talking about babies, the room smelled like smoke. You're talking about a baby and then God strikes you down with fire. You're depressing me. Wait, wait, updates. He's going down to grab the fire engineer so we can see what's going on. He's going down? Who's he? Sarge from the front.

Oh, geez. He's our last line of defense in his hands you want the espresso you want you say I don't care smoke why you burn up we burn up in Russia all the time well Bobby and you bring here Jacob if we might be some of the air conditioning something out somebody probably dropped a pot and you bring the smoke. Jacob, if we- It might be some of the air conditioning, something blew out. It's something with the vents. It's probably a dead bird. Yeah, I think something blew out. It's probably no big deal. Somebody probably dropped a pot.

Listen, 37's probably in flames, so what? All right, so we make it through this catastrophe. 37. When do you wanna be a dad? Christmas time? Because if we figured out- 10 years ago. Well, you can't unless there's a Delorean.

Dad's spilt milk, buddy. Can't worry about that. Jacob, I don't understand why you want the girl wants to marry Jacob You want a baby or you want the girl and the baby or just the girl if you had to choose? I? Mean ultimately I wanted both but but what yeah, you don't want to raise a child Like then I'd be happy with somebody who had just the girl would you consider being in a sexless gay marriage raising a child together? But the guy is super into into that dandy shit you like. I'm not into dandy shit.

It's actually the guy you like wants to just be with you. Would you raise a child with a guy who uses a brush? With Kirby Allison? Yeah, for a guy who applies a shaving cream with a brush? Yeah, and he promises that the baby will be in a bow tie from the round brush when he's born until he's at least 16 I kind of think that's great, but he uses a badger badger hair brush. Yes for sure Is a sexist gay marriage a gay marriage or is it just sure it's sure Jacob

Jacob can ask you a question You said you just want the baby if you had to choose you want the girl What the girl if you could only choose the girl the baby mean your roommates never held hands we held hands which one one One of only one of them. That's it. Yes. That's the question Why the boy you would you rather have a razor or the baby on my yes? Why was it you'd have to bring them to work? You'd be sitting right there

If I was a single father I'd have to be older not a sexy Asian daughter or a sexy Asian son Or a son using wife, but you have to tell everybody have you met my new sexy Asian whatever Introduced them. I still think it'd be less weird than introducing my sexy Asian son. No, that's less weird I think that's like you're proud of what's the name again? Your sexy Asian daughter your sexy Asian son. What's the name of the baby again? Sookie Sookie Oh Sookie. Aki sock sockie. So you sock it to me. I sock it to you, but hot now, but hot You suck it to me I suck it to you Sookie you suck suck you suck you suck it to me, I a roller skating anthem.

Yes, you're Steve. You need to get on the apps. You should be on like three days a week. I was. No, I told you. I've told every story of the apps. Short queens for short queens, Kings? Can your Asian kid do my socials?

Sure, thank you. Once they're established as a batat. Listen, because Jacob said his big thing as he walks in and people shake their head when he's short Can you look is there a short people dating there has to be? If not, let's make that shippers who wants to have a baby with you I'm gonna want it with a midget. You can't there's no whoa Sorry, sorry the way sorry no, no, this thing's gonna be a midget. Oh, okay, all right. Do they have, oh, I almost said something real stupid.

Listen, Sukiyaki socks, soccie, so you sock, you sock, you batat, needs a mom. What are you gonna say? Are they Chinese little people? Yeah, they're called Chinese. Yeah, no one knows for sure. That's what I'm wondering. Confucius, eh? That is a good question.

I've never seen a little person Asian. Right. That's what I'm wondering. There's gotta be. There's like one in like the Andes. Yeah, one, but it actually works with other thieves in Vegas to rob casinos. That's what's burning in the oh my god.

How can you tell? Jacob, you know, dwarf and Jacob, you could have any one of these kids. Buddy, which one are you going to that could be your kid and your wife. Look at that. They're 40. What a fun place to visit. Hello, Jacob.

Hello, Daddy. Jacob. Look at that. Look at what she's doing with her hand go up go up Friends at brunch I just got an overwhelming wave of depression when I thought about how small an Asian midget penis must be That's that's why you don't see a lot of them. It looks like a half pipe. That must be a 10 year old suicide. Or is it colossal?

No. You think? No. I heard some of them are extraordinarily big. I've never heard of a huge midget dick ever. Let me ask you a question. Yes. Is there a sighting of a huge Asian penis?

Oh yeah, sure. Have you seen one? I've never seen one. No, Christine, look up big, big Asian penises. Whoa. Whoa. That's more Gertz. Didn't expect that.

That's a black dude, by the way. That's not true. That doesn't count, yeah, it's a black dude. Doesn't count at all. Weird. Even the little ones have big ones. Whoa. Oh God.

Oh God. Wow. That's like what you're talking about with like the little feet. She likes to party. That looks like Dante. Why does that look like Dante? She likes to party, dude. Holy Jesus. Looks like Dante why does it look like Dante Let's say looks like dodging the arrow now. Oh, that's gotta be fun fucking a leprechaun midget This show has introduced me to so much. Yeah, yeah, can you tell my life is the first day?

I've never seen I can't I can't Yeah, they're so muscly Hey, can you type it? Yeah Asian penis huge. Let me see this. There you go. That's a swinger. Wow That's AI. That's absolutely that's fucking yeah Look at the weird like look at the weird like cartoon in the middle thumbs up That's so racist you guys immediately go to AI Let me see another one. AI. AI. Look how long these balls are.

By the way, it's the same dick. He's got 83 year old balls. I love that Christine's like, look at the balls. That's real. No. That's real. Also though, these guys are like I'm saying, these guys are like Cambodian. They're more like swampy Asians. I'm talking about Asian Asian

I'm talking about your Raiden type of Asians, you know, I mean they control the electricity Sub-zero, I'm not talking about some big fucking finish him some Filipino You know talk about ones that would deal with cobras and monkeys. Yes, you talking about real Chinese Yes, you talking about real Chinese Chinese now Yes, I'm right there. What's that one in the middle? Yeah, what's that? I hope the fire marshal comes in

Guys you smell smoke like yeah, we're causing it All right, that's Yeah, we're causing it. All right, that's a pretty big Asian penis. Anyway, stop. I'm done. I'm out. I'm out. Get it off.

That's a good Asian penis, though. Christine, get it off. Jacob, I know. That's a really good sized Asian penis. OK. All right, good. No, but you guys have to admit that. I know.

It is. It is. Get it off. Just so you know, if you guys look at it for more than 10 seconds, you're gay. Can you get it all off? Yeah, it's too much. Hey, you know what?

Real quick, before we get on the get the clock Lou Lou had a song He has a brand new song we were supposed to listen to a theme song a bomb place He has a brand new bomb bonfire theme song. We're supposed to do these says really good We should somebody sent to us somebody said to us Okay, and we should take a listen to it and see if it's good always looking for a theme song for the Friday or the Lost tapes episode. It's a show. Yeah, I there's a for Saturday hang Derek Sellers, and he's a real musician I don't really know that much about him except. He's from the south and let's just listen. He's blacks all right what I don't think That's true. He's a from the south that doesn't mean he's hates blacks Asians. No well maybe he thinks Asians are little weeners

Yeah, but you should show him, maybe. He thinks Asians are little weiners. But you should show him. But do me a favor, Lou, can you email him unsolicited those pictures that we just sent you to prove there are big Asian penises? But don't explain anything. Thank you. All right, here we go.

Yeah, just click We Found Your Wallet. Dick J and Bobby, slinging comedy Jacob and Christine always laughing Who can forget the Loos? One's black and one's DJ blue Kicking all the logs, screwing all your mums Stand up for the soul, it's time for Nice video!

Gather round the wire, go ahead and light your fire Get your ass ready For the bonfire Wow, I mean That was a ripper Jesus Christ, that guy could sing I enjoyed that I enjoyed that a lot That was AI

No, what? That's not Chinese penises That was like a Chinese penis That was so. No, that's not Chinese penises. That was like a Chinese penis. That was so good, I guess it was a Chinese penis. That was fantastic. Good job. You think that could be the theme song for Thursday Lost Tapes? We can give it a run, see what people think. Congratulations. What's his name, Derek? Derek Sellers.

Can we ask him also, when you congratulate him, can you ask him if he would mind being called Suki Suki Saki Suki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki Saki mind being called? Suki Suki Suki Saki Suki Saki to be a soccer team. Sorry wouldn't mind. Thank you How old if you had to adopt a child how old is too old? 40 12 all the child. I'm a single parent. Yeah Yeah, like if you're gonna adopt a child do you want like a baby do you want like to change diapers? I don't know to the show. No, because I think that's too young. He said I don't listen to the show.

What does that, that's why you're saying that. Jacob wants to get a girl right before she starts her first period so she's confused and frightened in the house and Jacob can have a hard time explaining it to her. He goes, that's because God hates you. That's because you had the sin of being born and you have to suffer that.

I'm here to cleanse you. I'm here to cleanse you and I'm here to cleanse you. And then just raise it like Carrie's mom. Just see if you could torture an Asian kid until they have telekinetic powers and destroy a school. Or your way. I mean, what the fuck? Plan B, I guess?

Okay, or you guys do it your way. Why do you want a girl and not a boy? Come on, you know. I always wanted a girl. Plus, I thought you talked about that. I thought you were. Come on, you know. I always wanted a girl. Plus I thought. You talked about that. Jay, stop. Why? I was a disaster as growing up.

I kept thinking, I don't know what to, I don't know what to tell a boy. So you wanna finally own something that you can beat up. This is what you tell a boy, ready? Don't fuck other boys. Well that, I know what not to do. On the master arm. Yes, I get that. Listen, Suki?

Unless they're hot. Yes, Bobby. You can jerk them off. You just don't fuck them. Dude, you want to go to like recitals and shit? You want to be that? Oh my god, some chicken up fucking. I go and watch my niece ice skate. You got that.

You don't have to all the time though, right? Jacob, you want to take somebody fishing? You want to put the... Yeah, get a boy. I could take a daughter fishing. No, she's not going to want to go. She don't know that. Well, you put the...

And she's going to be a lesbian. Then you got your whole other world problem. Yeah. Now you're going to have to deal with some angry Puerto Rican girlfriend. Yeah. Domestic violence. And she's going to cut her for sure. Yeah, dude.

Someone's outside. Fire marshal? Fire marshal's outside. All right,. Go check Christine. Go check it out. Buildings on fire. Are we dying? What's happening? Christine? What? What? No, I think I could do. I'd be a fun dad. You need to. I think you'd be a I think you'd. I know the fire. Why the fire marshals are a goddamn model. Yeah. He's so hot. The fire puts itself out. Yeah, we can't see him This guy walks around the building just gets wet can we talk?

Why so they can come in come on in we can break just let them come in I'm not even smelling it right now. Oh, so it's fine. Then never mind fires Come in hi guys What's our area? We're live. We're live you can come in we can just talk We'll just be how you doing. Hi, sir. How are you? Fire Marshalls, I like the fire Marshalls. Sorry guys. I take fire. Seriously these guys these clowns. Yeah, we're What's up, buddy? How are you?

Yeah, right up in here. It smelled it smelled it smelled it bad. Smelled it bad. You smell it? Guys unrelated. Do you think sukiyuki socks? Saki sukiyuki sock to me. I sock it to you, but that's a good name for an Asian adopted child. I mean, it's up to you guys. You don't have to answer. You don't have to answer. Yeah. He's You don't have to answer. I'm asking everybody. Sir do you have children?

Do you have children? Yes I do. You're a child, do you have children? No you don't. Do you guys, boy or girl, if you had a choice, boy or girl, what would you pick? I have two girls already. So you'd pick a boy. No but he likes his girls.

Of course he does, he's not going to say that. I love that the building could be totally burning down if the handsome boy on the end doesn't have any father figure Jacob Maybe you can adopt him Do you want another one? He's tall than Jacob that's not gonna work do you want an older older brother? All right, let us know if we need to jump out the window Do you want an older, older brother? And if they want a dad. All right, let us know if we need to jump out the window or there's some type of parachute system we can use. It smells like burning rubber.

He's gonna ride the building down from the top if something happens. He's just going up to the top, but I'd like to parachute down or maybe, I don't wanna take the stairs, that's all I'm saying. You give me a parachute, I'm throwing it out the window. I would immediately. And I'm rotting the rubber.

If we were gonna go down, I'd immediately start smoking all your cigarettes. Oh, yeah I'm gonna draw the way. No, I wouldn't let you you need all your guys I think you just want to smoke cigarettes and do drugs the buildings on a fire Hey young man, you're doing a good job, buddy Take care. Thanks guys for coming in. Thank you. Yeah. I mean what a cool fire Marshall guys that yeah, I thought they were gonna come in What a cool fire marshal guys that here. I thought they were gonna come in

How about just suit your axes and shit taking a first of all? I don't think that those guys are fire marshals I do Listen to bald dudes with the proclaimers glasses Yeah, and and matching khaki shirt first of all it said fire engineers for the building lets me know. What does that mean? They're engineering fire. Yeah, I don't like isn't that a job in the matrix. I think that kid's kidnapped They're actually the guys who used to do the video and the way they exited the video they gave it became fire people Hey guys, there's fire stairs goes. Well, I know what ain't the cameras. They're not on last week They were interns that call her daddy. I love that they came in and went yeah, we don't smell anything. We're good. Yeah No, those guys have train noses. We're just a bunch of idiots smelling smoke and seeing smoke.

That kid was giving the international distress signal with his hand. He's like, can someone help me? It's very rude to say he has trained noses. They were not that big. They were nice noses. No, he have trained noses. Bum boom bow.

Have you guys put any thought into what you're bringing me on Sunday as a house gift? None. Wow. You're doing tiff-a-tat? Oh, I think I was gonna give you a house gift? None. Wow. You're doing tiffetette? Oh, I think I was gonna give you a bag of my old porn magazines. Oh, thanks.

Thanks. But I took out anyone that's got bad bindings or something I got rid of. Thanks. These are full front to back unjizzed on magazines. Bobby, yes? Jay, give him the grill daddy I gave you. You have an extra one.

I'm sure Mike has a grill daddy. He strikes me as a grill daddy guy. He doesn't have the grill daddy. I gotta miss his grill daddy I gave you, you have an extra one. I'm sure Mike has a grill daddy. He strikes me as a grill daddy guy. He doesn't have the grill daddy. I gotta miss his grill daddy. Do you not have a grill daddy? No, in fact, right now we're grill-less because we're shopping for a grill. Right now I gotta buy you a fucking grill.

Just give me back the plant I gave you. Let me ask you a question. You're going to a party without a grill on Sunday? It's not a party. It's no party. What is it? It's a house judging. It's no party. What is it? It's a house judging. That's what it is.

Mike wanted me to come to his house and he's been completely panicked ever since I said yeah. I was like, yeah, you know what? I'm home this weekend. I'll come up on Sunday. I wanted you to see all my houses. Do you want to cancel? No, why?

If you don't want to, you don't have to. Jay comes with a leveler and a monocle and a tape measure. Yeah. He goes, I'm coming over, yeah. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna see if the house has good to, you don't have to. Jake comes with a leveler and a monocle and a tape measure. Yeah. He goes, I'm coming over, yeah. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna see if the house has good bones. It does have good bones. We'll see. I'll be the judge of that.

I'm going over every part of your wall with a stud finder. This thing doesn't have enough studs. This thing's gonna fall apart in the winter. I'm having new mulch delivered. I got a whole bunch of shit to do. I love, I love good black mulch. It's the shit, dude right away when it's fluffy. Oh man. I don't like my mulch too dark I do but I do like a nice brown mouth a dark cedar mulch But you know the darker the mulch the thicker the dick

Silly you grew up with a lot of dark mulch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah a lot of mulch in my neighborhood I think my graduating lot of dark mulch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of mulch in my neighborhood. I think my graduating class, 70% mulch. Didn't you go to prom with mulch? You shared a limo with some mulch. No, no, no. I went to a, I turned down a Mexican girl to prom. That was so weird. Maria Guerrero's she was pretty too She got a bad haircut late in the game. She got bangs

She did like a she did a weird hair. She had long great 90s like curly top pony thing Hispanic girl, so she did all the slutty gangster makeup and shit. She looked great cute chick very nice girl, too Didn't really have a lot of friends or anything, and certainly, because I was nice to her all the time, she wanted to go to prom with me, but I was already going with the grateful dead hippie girl

who got molested by her uncle who was having sex with me. So I took her. Who took your virginity. Took my virginity, she stole it. It's so funny that they allowed a 22 year old adult into high school prom. Yeah. Dude, that's hilarious.

And a dead head taboo. That's crazy. She's selling fucking nickel bags to everybody in the parking lot. It's like we're all 16. Look at all those teachers I was like, she's like, I'm gonna suck this boy's dick later. Yeah.

My girlfriend was older. My girlfriend, I think, was 20. Yeah? Yeah, Kristen. When you went to prom? Yeah. How old were you, 19? I was 19. I think she was 20. Yeah? Yeah, Kristen. When you went to prom? Yeah. How old were you, 19? 19, I think she was 20, yeah.

She graduated two years before me. You were 19? I was kidding. Maybe 18, something like that. We actually didn't rent a limo. We rented a Mercedes to drive around, like a luxury car, because I didn't want to rent a limo,

and we pulled up and somebody's limo was there, so I go, yo dude, here Here's 20 bucks drive us around the block So cuz you get pictures taken in the limo Yeah so we drove us around the block and we hung out the top of somebody else's limo and when they took the pictures of us coming up and we came out and they were Snapping photos of us getting out of some of the defense of my Bobby. Yeah of my Bobby right here. Yeah This cunt wasn't happy enough with the fucking

Mercedes you rented that she had to have a fucking. Now she had nothing to do with it. You wanted to hang out at the sunroof. I wanted to get, you get the, we couldn't pull up and get our photos. Pictures, the big grift. We wanted the photo, they were doing limo pull up photos. I wanted that, I didn't have that.

You couldn't pull up unless you were in a limo. And you rented a Mercedes. I rented a Mercedes. Oh shit actually you weren't here the other day Bobby and he's having a hard time dealing with this it got exposed grew up very wealthy I did now with two loving parents. I took care of him very well never been in prison My father's a Vietnam vet is this how I got addicted to drugs that it was for never no my stepfather used to beat me up The whole thing's five years. There's no drugs ever.

There's no drugs ever. The guy's fucking... This guy's... Mike, Mike, Jay, Jay. Jay, what's going on? I'm just talking to Mike. Well, I'm trying to fill him in on the story. You know, you told me some stories before, so I just wanted him to catch up to speed. Yeah. This guy over here.

So, Bobby, I'm pretty, pretty sure, had a perfect childhood, perfect life. Jay. So it's all a lie. Jay. The whole thing is made up. Hey Jay. Yes.

Jay. Yes. What's going on? What are you talking about? Talking to Mike, just about your childhood. Yeah. Oh, he's very difficult. You had a difficult childhood.

I had a difficult, I didn't have a dad. My dad was in Vietnam. Even sober. My second dad was, you know, abusive physically. Your dad died in Vietnam. No, he was abusive physically. My dad died in Vietnam. No, he's alive. He came back a drug addict. I never knew him.

Are these not true stories? These are not true stories, but don't. And then I started using drugs. If you freak him out though, but if you call him on it, it's like then he realizes and it fucking sends him into a spiral. I started drinking when I was 10. That sucks, that's crazy.

Milk? What? What did you say? What the fuck did you say? crazy milk Well, don't what did you say? Fuck did you say? No, no, what did he say? Bobby? You're a bad boy. You're a bad boy I'm not bad anymore. No, not even that more. Yeah, you turn you turn the corner magically before we all met you We all used to have could have been killers We all used to have could have been killers That's the biggest days be really bad kid I used to rob stores and I killed a guy once and I used to carry On a gun he goes when did that happen? He goes when'd you meet me? 86 hey, how did you know I killed the guy?

Hmm, huh? What how do you know you killed a guy? Hmm? Huh? What, how did I know you killed a guy? Yeah. How did you kill all of your night, dude? Nice. You performed in a kill box. What? You've killed many guys. Hey.

And some girls. Aw. I heard you killed on Saturday. Oh. Saturday was good, I did not kill. Did you go in the pool? I did. Yeah.

Saturday, dude. Hey, did you teach, I know, did you teach him the pool rodeo game? He was poor rodeo Wow, dude I mean, yeah, poor rodeo was on Saturday when it was invented No, it wasn't it was invented a couple years before it was meant to be mine. Why don't you mind your business Christine? That's my business. Hey, she's like she goes Oh is invented when you were at your heaviest You know what

And business I didn't see you do any Pool rodeo is my business. And business is good. I didn't see you do any pool rodeo, by the way. She doesn't. No, she lays on her float like a fucking. No one's good at it. Dude, I love suburban Christine. No, like a suburban housewife lady with her hat and her sunglasses.

What is it? I love it. What, like picture float? Pool rodeo. Pool rodeo. Oh my God. So you get one of those, you know, those balls the kids have with the handle on it and you sit on it and What, like big triple? Pool rodeo? Pool rodeo? Oh my god. So you get one of those, you know those balls that kids have with the handle on it and you

sit on it and you can like bounce around like a pogo ball? Well, that thing really fights to stay above water. And if you push it down with friends and get your legs over the handle and then hold the handle with your hand and slowly walk yourself to where your feet aren't gonna touch anymore. When you let go, you say go, you're now taking part in pool rodeo. And somewhere in the next one to five seconds, you are gonna be face first smashed into the pool water

and flipped upside down by this thing. Jay did 20 seconds. I did a 12, 12. Was it 12? I thought it was 20. The most you got on Sunday was what, five? I got half a second and then I did a full circle. Bobby wouldn't let go.

I forgot to let go. And it all went up my nose. And then I quit. I got like half the pool in my ear, dude. All you saw was when Bobby's face goes down and then the thing is, and then you just see his knees hugging a ball and then he's going back in.

That sounds like so much fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. But, but if you're over 30, guaranteed you're sitting on your nuts the whole time you're fucking. You can, if you don't get on it right,

you can in fact sit on your own ball back. I'll tell you the worst pain I felt with it, I found out I had it too inflated the first time I tried it. And when I did that I pushed it down, I tried to get over it, but it was so inflated, fighting to get above the water that when I put it between my legs, still I couldn't let go of the handle

and the ball through my legs starts firing up to get above the water and I'm holding the handle still and I was just wedging myself with thick, thick plastic. It hurt so much. That hurt, that was uncomfortable. I know we have to say goodbye. We have to say goodbye. We have to say goodbye. The show shot by today. Michael for no, I was gonna be a mohegan Sun in Chicago

I didn't know there was a mohegan Sun in Chicago. There's two I know she fixed it Mohegan Sun in Connecticut then after that Chicago Bloomington, Indiana All this month for tickets in all dates punch up dot live slash Mike for no, Mike Also, it's fun thing Mike's on the road. A bunch of dates this year. Ron White, just did the first one. He's opening for Ron White. Yeah, Ron asked him to do it.

The whole second half of the year with Ron. That's awesome. Very, very exciting shows. Thank you, thank you. So make sure you look for, if you've seen Ron White, look for Mike-iness to do you. Yeah, go check him out and scream it out. He's fucking hilarious.

I love you. Check out his podcast, Are We Old? Wherever you get pods and follow at Mike Fennoy FI NLIA on all socials And of course go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly for all Bobby's dates Empire comedy club in Portland, Maine July 25th and 26 for now After that he's gonna be in Rochester Tampa and emails PA for tickets and all the tour dates visit punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly And make sure you check out big J

He's gonna be at the Comedy Zone July 11th and 12th after that in Tacoma Los Angeles Sacramento for tickets and all the tour dates bigj comedy.com or punchup.live slash Big Jay Okerson make sure you check him out the bonfire tomorrow we're back tomorrow oh I forgot what today's like Tecayona and Launders oh yeah we got a very special show tomorrow. That's gonna be fun. I'm as hot as I get. See you tomorrow. Bye.

Alright Jacob, let's get you a baby on the dark web.