The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Fisher Cat (feat. Chad Daniels)

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

The great Chad Daniels has stories from his past about boxing, hiking, and becoming a felon at age seventeen.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Yeah baby. And we're bad. I hate these guys so bad. Why?

Why? I told I bombed at the Boston Garden, 14,000 people. I followed them doing improv and sketch comedy. That's your fault not theirs. Yeah, but still, when I hear them, I remember that. Do you remember this I Have lunch with those lead singer I know I know lead singer on Z rock you see you see if you remember me taking a hot one I'll try but there's no reason to hate spin doctors for it. I just remind I don't hate them, but I hate

been doctors for it. It just reminds I don't hate them, but I hate hearing them. What do you represent? No hearing them. Right. The song brings back a big memory for you. It brings back terrible memories of a shoe flying through the air. Wow. 14, 14,000 people. I I've had the asshole chant me stuff before We have an awesome guest who has never been chanted off stage. Oh, oh, we don't know I was gonna say is that true at all. I don't think so. It's got a special available right now on YouTube everybody It is the great hilarious Chad Chad Daniels, everyone. Thank you. That's somebody.

It's good to have you. Yeah, I'm looking to be back. Thank you. Is this first time on with Bobby? Yep. Yeah, that's right. That's what it is. It's very cool, man.

It's good to have you here. The first hour of the show is pretty salacious. We have to clean up. I'm sorry, I feel. Great word. Yeah. Well, it's a great word. Salacious hour. Salacious hour. You get the second hour of the show. Yeah, we's a great word. It's a salacious hour. Salacious hour.

You used to second hour of the show. Yeah, we have a spokesperson model for the show, our name's Lynn. Okay. She's very hot. Then she started it on the fans. You can see your box and her butt hole and all the thing. It's great.

Sure. It's great. And then another girl through her house. What's that cost? Oh, the only fan? Probably seven smackers a month. Yeah. It's crazy.

I'm not a member of anybody's only fans. Yeah, well, we are here, communally as a group. We take it out of your pay. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, you have an only fan. That is funny. I got that my business manager message me one time and go, you know, you have like four only fans subscriptions?

I was like, oh, yeah, they're for my radio. It's not me. It's my credit card. At once for a gay man? Yeah, we got the Json Alice, a year-old package. Yeah, nice. Yeah, I don't know if you've ever dug it on that I don't dig it on only fans. I don't I feel like I'm gonna get caught somehow It would be yeah probably yeah, and I don't know who would even catch me I feel like it makes me nervous well because when you watch porn

Oh, when you go on you it just goes away you just clear your history But you're in only fans thing you're a member. There just clear your history. But when you're in only fans thing, you're a member. There's a paper trail. Yeah, you're a member of this. It's a pastry on a foreporn, right? That's what it is again. You're a member of only fan. And you pay for the individual things.

You're already on only fans. You have an account and then to decide the follow is extra money per month. Yeah, I love when only fans try to go straight. They try to just add like, you know, comics and a fucking pastor. Everything with that. Um, we did the roast, a couple of the roast we did, where, uh, we're on only fans, like the Whitney Cummings roast and the

Berk Rice Roads on only fans. And then they gave me Dave and Lewis Legion of Skanks, like, they want us to to do 25 minutes a week of exclusive content and then we each do 25 minutes of our own. Like content, but they didn't want to point content. I just interviewed content people from only fans that were fans and just let them promote their shit. How does that go though? What do you mean?

Do you get our people checking it out on only fans? Well it was free. So like, yeah, like people watched it, but it was not, they paid us like a nice chunk of money to just do the content basically. I think you are extremely funny, but if I had a choice between looking at a vagina or listening to you,

you pick a pussy every time. Of course. Absolutely. You have a stop thinking about since I told you we were looking at pussy before you got here. Okay. I wouldn't. I really? I don't think it would be a ball.

If it was balls, I would. You've already seen a girl's butt hold it, A Bobby. I've seen two. You don't know. Jadson, are you engaged? No. Just dating. Just dating.

Yeah. Nice. Are you married though, right? I was married. How long you married for? Didn't take 17 years. 17. That blows me away.

Yeah. Because I'm at 16 okay, and you know I'm like 17 and I'm like I'll never not be together, but then I meet people 17 20 years like yeah don't you're on one years notice have you ever had this conversation with yourself lying in bed You're looking at the ceiling and you go 40 more fucking years of this huh? You ever thought that to yourself. Yeah, I was actually I Bob, you just went dead out when he asked. I thought it was a good joking question. And yeah, I hit you hard, you go. Boy, this guy read my diary. My eyes started twitching.

And I had that in the shower eating cookies. Yeah, no, I don't know. If I don't know if I'd want to go through it again. You don't have to. I think I'm done with listening to girls talk. Yeah, no, I get that. Because you get through all the hard stuff and then finally you get you a little bit of coasting.

Yep, that's nice. A coasting is nice. I'm at the coasting part where I can just come home and not talk or what's up. And I could say bye and not have to hug her and hold her. And you know, see you there. What time? I just go buy I literally walked out of the house and went buy and she didn't get mad at me for it or anything. I was driving

the other day it was last night I think with me and Christine down the skanks. She was Christine crazy. Yeah she was in the passenger seat she came in and leezed me a skanks with me and on the trip she started talking about something about the categorizing all of her jackets that she has available to herself, her jacket and coats. I thought about driving as into something or committing like a heinous crime, like running over a pedestrian,

just to change the direction of life. But I snapped out of it though. I've thought of prison, like I'm like, at this point, I was like, do you give me one of the cables? I wake up and I sleep, I eat breakfast, go back, maybe work out, have lunch, take another nap, try not to get fucked in the ass, or get fucked in the ass.

But you're fucked in the ass, dude. And then have dinner and then read and then go to bed. That sounds not bad. Ask somebody their perfect day and it's almost that. Yeah, bed, that sounds not bad. Ask somebody their perfect day and it's almost that. Yeah, yeah, it's almost prison on the outside. No, you're not wrong, that's what I'm saying. If you give me one of those prisons where they have, I've not seen prisoners

on those lock up raw shows, violently complaining and making a stink because they're cables out in the room. You give me like one of those cable like cell, you have cable and some of them now have the, you can get iPads and shit in them. Not to be far. You ever see a Japanese prison?

No. They don't fuck around. It's meaner. No, they're just better people. Yeah. Oh, it's the samurai. It's so clean and there's so much tradition in prison. Like their flip flops are out front,

every morning they have to fold their, they have to fold their futons in a certain way and face a certain direction and fold their stuff on top of it. It has to be perfect or they get, not they get, they have to sit for like hours, just in a room by themselves to reflect on what they did wrong. And like there's no cry, like their prisons are like perfect prisons, like there's no

bullshit at them. There's a Swedish prison too where it's, it looks like an Ikea set for real. Right. And then they rent out old people so the people that are in prison can talk to them about their problems. And then the old people are like, well, someone talks to us. It's they really make it work in that society. Yeah, it's weird. Like, Prince, like, there was a guy, I forget some drug deal. I was like, he got out of Japan because he was like, I'm not going to that boring fucking prison. He wanted to go like a, he's suck you away. I'm gonna kill an enemy and like, you know, shoot hoops.

Maybe get butt, live on the edge, man. Maybe I'm getting butt fucked. Maybe I'm not. Could you imagine if you're gay in prison, how awesome that would be? Just to be fair. I think it's like the oldest joke of that. It's like, yeah, it's just accepted. There's still going to be some point though,

where you're going to, like the first day you're going to make this is going to be pretty great, because I'm already gay. So I'm going to get butt fucked. But eventually you're going to gonna wanna stop getting butt fucked by everybody all the time. Yeah, the third day you're gonna be like, you guys know there are showers here, right?

Yeah, wash your dick. Please. Yeah. You guys look guys, I am gay, but I don't want every prisoner to wail on my asshole. I thought maybe I'd find a guy I liked. I got a couple. A couple, maybe. A couple couple a couple maybe yeah, I got two hands You know what I mean, but I only got one asshole boys. That's what I hated about wasn't I think it was awes

When they they made the guys wear the little hair clips and then put the lipstick on and hold the guys belt loop It's like really fucking him isn't enough. You have to make him into a raggedy and an Andy It's like really fucking him isn't enough. You have to make him into a raggedy end and Andy fucking those those things are always in TV shows when you get to like actual Like I don't I've talked to prison guards before they say guys do try to rape other guys But it's not as widespread as you think like I don't know if every guy's first instinct is to have gay sex if they're not gay Do you know I mean the scary thing is an actual gay guy who has the physical ability to beat the shit out of you. Jason Ellis' like is the thing like, if Jason Ellis wanted me, he could take me.

He could take whatever he wants from me. Yeah, that is scary. What was that show that we, that we, the show that you liked that we all got into with the B, what's it called? The B? Banchi. Banchi, that was that rap scene,

with that big bald guy. We are alive right now. When he met, what do you mean? Just run life on the air. So what does that mean? I think I say something was great, because that rap scene, that made me come hard. Bobby, before you come on there.

Thank you, Jay. Thanks for protecting me and my family. No, no, but he remember that when the big ball guy took him down, he made him get on his knees. And I was like, Oh, he's going to suck his dick. This movie, I can't watch the show anymore because he sucks his dick. I'm out. I can't come back. I also don't believe there's a lot of that forced suck my dick. Like, no, you'll never come thinking there's always a chance this guy just it's gonna lock it throws it all away and goes like you know What is Dix in my mouth? I've already been humiliated. I'm biting this guy's cock off That's what I'm saying, but you wouldn't you don't want to aggressively put your dick and someone's mouth who doesn't want it in there What if you're what if your intention is I want to bite this stick off and then you're like, I kinda like this.

Yeah, because what? I was good at this. He goes, well maybe after the salt wears off. I'm pretty good at this. It's pretty delicious right now. Have you ever been arrested? I have been arrested. No shit.

For what? I got a DUI while back and then also, I took a chemistry class in high school and they taught us how to break a circuit with salt water. And so I went in and I took a chemistry class in high school and they taught us how to break a circuit with saltwater and so I went in and I made a saltwater solution and then I sprayed it into the dollar changers in pot machines. Yeah. Or soda machines, whatever.

And then what would happen is all the change would come out and if you push the button for Coke, all the Coke would release because it cut all the circuits in there and we broke 13 of them and so we got felonies and all that. You're felonies. They are. I was 17. You're a genius. Thank you.

I mean, that's the coolest fucking arrest story I've ever heard of my life. You've got trouble buying play stations with fucking quarters quarters. Yeah. What me and my friend did back in, we actually put bras on our head and we made a woman. Shut up. And then we fucked her for like a couple weeks. No, that's crazy. Who did you? Did you for the record? No, neither guy fucked the Wyatt nor the other one. Fuck Lisa. They didn't. They could have, but they could have

they could have they could have they didn't. We're science. They felt they felt they could have, but they didn't. They didn't. I like stories like this. Yeah, you never saw weird science Yeah, the original weird science. Yeah, they could have fucked her at any time. They didn't You never started like no, I have a minute I'm with you. I'm just taking a different angle. That's weird. So you like breaking bad Crack it's a pretty cool. It's a pretty bad ass crimeFRIEN. Yeah. It's a pretty bad S-CRIME. It was great. And then the 13th soda machine was going to make it a felony.

And we were like, no, it was just 12. Someone else must have caught wind. We were doing it. We told some people. And they go, well, this can of grape soda, the only pop machine it was from was that one that we're talking about. Because we had just a backseat full of sodas. I think it's unbelievable.

It was more about the sodas than the money. It was actually just more about beating the system. Yeah, yeah. And then we sure didn't. The cop car had one headlight, so we were driving behind. We're like, no way this is a cop car. And then sure enough, we, we, we, did you give him a ticket for having a headlight out? Could you tell him that?

We did tell him that. You did. And I go, listen, we'll trade you. Let us off. And we'll let you guys off for the headlight. But it was my little lead coach. So if you walks up to the, I grew up in a small town, you know, and that was just like, hey, coach, the coach is the cop, the male man.

Yeah, absolutely. And your math teacher and my dad, and your dad, how did they catch you? He actually saw you do it? So My idiot friend had his football jersey on which the number is basically glowed in the dark That is name So you were the genius your friend was an idiot So then somebody was getting ready for they were unveiling like a new I get like meat enormous or whatever at Burger King or

whatever had that. And the manager was across the street getting ready to open up at 5 a.m. for this new big reveal of their burger and he saw us. All the cops. Damn. What was the sentence? What happened to the happening? I had to mo a bunch of church lawns.

Oh, community service. Yeah. And then we had to pay back. We had restitution, which I did actually go to the bank and get rolls of quarters to pay. To pay back? Yeah. That's a good move.

I took them in quarters. I shall return them as quarters. This is exactly what I took. I got my first time ever getting pulled into the cops. I didn't get arrested, but they pulled us in was we were pulling an all-nighter. I think I was like 11 and we came across a canteen truck and a canteen truck like back in the day, these trucks would pull up to construction sites, flip up on the sides and they would have coffee and

teas and sandwiches, cigarettes. So that's how they would just go and they would be a mini store. Lunch truck they call them call them. Yeah, so we found one and we broke into it and we stole Five cards of cigarettes. There was just cigarettes. We were like kids and we smoked it was like fucking like you know Christmas and we took Candy bars and then we took some type of Chocolate fucking we just stole a bunch of shit to go hang out all night and smoke of chocolate fucking, we just stole a bunch of shit to go hang out on that and smoke. And the fucking girl ratted us out the girl. Mike, the girl I was dating, ratted us all out.

She felt guilty or something, went back to the people. I've no time for that. You were leading 11? Dude, I smoked it 10. I started smoking cigarettes. That's such a weird look. You look the, when she shows a little Indian kid, he's like, he's like, bang a little dash,

just like smoked cigarettes, like, they're like, skinning, like, skinning a snake. It looks like a little kid, but he's actually 72. Yeah. He can break dance. That's fucking hilarious. It's so crazy. We had a thing like that too, where we had a private high school

in the town I grew up in, and they were, you know, come over rich kids, and they're like, oh, and they were, you know, come over rich kids, and they're like, oh, enjoy your rectangle pizza, like, all, talk shit about our lunch, and we're like, all right, yeah, we'll enjoy it, and then we went that night, broke into their cafeteria and stole all the food. I mean, like, trays of chicken,

that was like, anything, we weren't gonna eat the shit. This is the good and the boxes of candy, and this is allegedly, by the way, because I don't know what statue limitations are, but it's 10 years. So we go in, we had the football tacky gloves, with the little screens on the outside of the window, we took the tops of a soda can,

and we make little slits so we could remove the screen, and we used our tacky football gloves to raise the windows up, snuck in, and just had basically like, we were putting out a fire with buckets of water, except it was just boxes of candy bars, trays of chicken, cappuccis and eaters. You're all in black. Are you a thief?

Are you here? I was comedy like you're... Dude, I didn't even check in to get into this building. You came in through the window. I just came, I just climbed right up here. I free ran up here. Comedy is like a side thing for you to scale your- I still have two plungers from my hotel and crawled up

the side of this building. You're a cat burglar. It's going to be a thing, follow your tour. Your tour is like a series of break-ins and follow you around. Oh shit, do you remember when they found that rapist doing- Oh yeah, Vince Cham? Yes, that's right.

Vince Cham, right? Yeah, that's right. Vince Chan, right? Yeah, that's the name. I believe so, yeah. That was the right. That was the right name. Yeah, he would go, you know, there's Jacob. That's great to see that they found it. He would go, so they dialed it back yet.

He would go, he was a college comic, essentially. And he would go, like, get booked in these colleges. Back in the day, there's not a lot of, a lot of, they would block, they would, you'd go do like a, a knack a festival in front of all the Back in the day, there's not a lot more. They would block, they would go do like a knack a festival in front of all the colleges in the country or regional. And you'd get booked for all of them. So you'd be gone. We didn't do really clubs back then. You would do, you wouldn't really middle for something. You just go do colleges for

a few months. He was college comic of the year at seven colleges I went to him with I was Loved him I mean I was a big college. I made a lot dude. I saw them hand him awards Yeah, I saw them hand him a handmade awards students with macaroni necklaces and shit I was on the magazine knack a magazine Knackers made of the years, Bobby, doing this. I hate with two pen lights in your nose. Let's put it like that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, girls there were pretty fun. Back then. Correct. Fun. Let's just say fun.

But legally fun. Yeah, legally fun. And now those girls are too old to become spokesmodels for the bonfire. Those girls are all. Those girls are off on a 22. 42. They just get awful armpits. But those degrees went for nothing.

You just list the degrees they got. And they all. All those degrees went for nothing. Use list degrees they got. All they remember seeing Bobby Kelly. They all tell a story when your comedy central presents comes on. You guys are going to believe that. He used to have hair and abs. Yeah. He said he wouldn't touch me.

He just wanted me to play with myself while he watched. He said he's going to jack to it later. And then he ate my mac and cheese. And then I went to the bathroom. He took my food left. He took my lunch punch card. But this guy, this guy, it was frowned upon to hook up with the students. I very rarely, I hooked up with the students.

Wow, that was a really audible swallow before you thought about your next sentence. I can't wait for somebody to rewind that when you listen to this lot. That was like a Twix commercial. He was right. Now I didn't really, I didn't really do, I don't really do things like that personally. I did it.

I never, I never, we'd never suffer that at an age, but I would see. That's tough saying. It's so fast. But it's college. I mean, no one's under age. Well, yes. Yes, they're all, least away from from home. Oh, no, I forgot Bobby

Fuck the one 13 year old genius Indian kid Ask for an ID you just have to ask how smart they Did my taxes Little Andy I can't pronounce the whole name. Little Andy. He's a genius. He's going to be a nuclear physicist, they say. Colleges were not my jam at all.

They were so fun. You know what the, what were the, the people that, the advisors? The RAs. Yeah, the RAs and the people that would advise the student group that picked the comedian, they were, they were on your ass the entire time you're at the college, like, hey, you want to go get a drink after this? Are people going to get in a cycle?

Those are the ones I hooked up with. Yeah, I'm sure. Those are the ones, I mean, I remember one of them, like I didn't hook up with her the next morning, she did my door at the hotel, the college hotel, cause they booked it. They know what room here is. And she just said, come to my room.

And I went to her and she was like, you're doing me. Something like that. I think you fucked a lot of them, but I bet you got your dick sucked by a lot of fat college girls. Yeah. When you caught your car, there are a lot of nurses right now every time you're a Comedy Central Special.

I just feel like I knew your energy many years ago. And it was just like, and you didn't know up when I was in the road with you I know we I hooked up at Mohican son when I got the flu Those are two those are two chub chubs from college Those are two chub chubs. I met at a Rhode Island college came to Mohican to see me And then we went back to my room and played. What was it? Trust me

Baby stomach You know, we played trust me. What trust me. No, I know you touched their right near their pussy and said you trust me I don't know if they gave never made much sense. They would they did it on me. They would trust me trust me Trot then they just grab by each of the makers And then and then one of them had the deep flow that you've got to tell me about within minutes. I was just on the ground with 105 feet. Just by myself shivering and sweating. Well, these tubby's were in my bed. The sugar in her saliva sped it up. She fucking blow it in your ear.

And then I remember we were coming. We were driving home the next day and you kept I was like I'm freezing shivering in the backseat and you kept opening the window to smoke you cigarette and I was like Jay, no sure it's fact girl suck the health out of you. I'm smoking a cigarette You could not not smoke you fucking cigarette for an hour and 40 minutes back to the city. It's longer than that give fucking cigarette for an hour and 40 minutes back to the city. It's longer than that. Two hours and ten, I'm sorry. That's crazy. Yeah, but they had the guy who would, there were some guys that would go to colleges and

bang, didn't give a fuck. Well, so what this Vince champ fellow did was he would do the block bookings where you'd go college to college to college And he would perform it at college and correct me from wrong about it So I was I was the story was he'd go to the next one the next night do the show and then drive back to the one the night before and Rape the girl. I guess he picked the other night and then he would just go back, and then he'd go to the third city,

and he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like,

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he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, all this international string of rapes, and I'd like to see Vincere's store in big. He goes, wait a second. This is the seven city with this bit of rape and my favorite comedians were. I mean, great skit.

Yeah, it's hold on a second. You know I was fun to find that about Chad this summer. He's got a big dick. Didn't, no, I just assumed that. I, let's see the way carries himself Quietly good athlete. Let me tell you something. He is good athlete. He's the cowboy of comedy. Yeah, he has cowboy energy It does I don't know what that means you're a confident. You're a confident. It's a good you I saw you came in we all Looked like fools

Some of us very much kicking the ground and not making contact with the ball, trying to kick field goals on the brassicas, on the brassica universities field, with the coach of the team watching us do this. We all failed and one man came in and four comedians made his not like shithead assholes and Chad Daniels came in and booted I'd say about a 35 yard or at least. I think so. Yeah, we were deep. Wow. A 35 ball. No, you just kicked it out soccer. Uh-uh. Do you play sports? Yes. Would you play?

I did play a play receiver in football till 10th grade, but they never threw us the ball. First of all, adorable. Well, that doesn't really count because they never threw me the ball. And I didn't, I didn't kick it. But then I boxed after that. And then I played a little bit of basketball, a little bit of hockey baseball. Did you box like professionally, like golden gloves, types of stuff? I did golden gloves. Oh, no big deal. Oh, and two. Same guy, same guy beat me twice, but not, but not as badly the second time. So, but I didn't, you like, you're learning. Did you go into the second one with like the Rocky II thing goes, it's possible, dude,

I can do this. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I'm telling you, man, so, Lanky dude, from about a half hour from where I grew up, thumped me. Three one minute rounds, my coach goes, should we not do the third round? Oh, you're a coach? Yeah, I was like, there are people here I know. So I'd rather just take a beating,

went to church the next day, cracked up lips, two black eyes, and I had head gear on just to let you know how badly he beat me. Is that, you said, Lanky is the reach, right? The reach just kept catching. Yeah, and I didn't know, I didn't know you're supposed to do

I thought you went in and like hopped around a little bit you basically in golden gloves run to the middle and start throwing And I was like I guess I'll just run around and he caught me and then I was like falling backwards and it was just Where was he Distroid him another town. Yeah, he was from Wapatin, North Dakota. Was he a white dude? Puerto Rican? What? Native American guy.

Oh, fuck, we can't fight that guy. Oh, wait. Well, where were you? He was 100 years ago. Dude, he has the horse spirits on his side. Yeah. He's got the fury of a stolen land inside of him. Yeah, he's got white man rage.

And then all of a sudden, Kevin Costner showed rip from Yellowstone shows up to Tonka He rises up and you see a gigantic ghost bear come behind him. You see him put a blood hamper on his chest Swipe under his eyes for protection They actually just whispered you look like Jim and then just started to beat the shit It was It was wild. You are the son of the son of the son of the man who took my land. I'm telling you, I've been great, great grandfather raped somebody with my face. So great, great, great, great took all the buffalo away from my people.

We have been called for many years because of you. God damn damn dude. When he wanted a fucking eagle land on his arm. Where's the guy that eagle took him away? He just put on two leather bracelets. Got carried away. Now take me, talk, talk and doon, Tom. And he hands you a torqueer's knife.

It's just for you warrior. They cut your hand. They ain't getting beaten up by Native American. Jesus, that sucks. Why? Did he have braids? No, that would have sucked. I don't know what.

Getting beaten up by a guy with pig tails? That would suck. Yo, yeah. You can't, I hope you can't find a way to make this race just at all, but I feel like Native Americans have dense hands, like dense fists. Yeah, from punching sand. Yeah, this is ours. No!

It belonged to me. It belonged to me. No, I assume by making fires with only natural ingredients. From punching horses in the side. Man. I wonder if that show like that show band, she you said where there was also like a Native American element to that, if you remember.

Yeah, oh my God. Yeah, I was one of the bad. A seal is ever. Is there a dark side to the native, uh, the native people? Is there like, did they have their own like, I know when you go on, like when you go to Mohican son, Casino, this is quick. They have a green, but they have their own like I know when you go on like when you go to mohegan son casino They have the green yeah, but they have the police chub chub and chub chub from University or whatever

They're like Yeah, dude, I actually went fly when I went to Reno I used to tell fans like I want to go fly fishing So one of these guys was like I'll pick you up at like five. We'll go ladder fishing. I was like, I don't know what the fuck that means. So out in Reno, five o'clock in the morning, I'm in front of the, and nobody's out Reno.

It's just a dead town at five o'clock. This red neck dude picks me up, couple teeth, truck, and these fucking ladders in the back. And we drive. Lewis Chagom is your son. He's the same terrible since he makes. Hey, you're a stranger. Pick me up and take me somewhere wherever we go. Well, I like fly fishing. So he's so blindfold me first. He took it. I want to be totally surprised with me first.

I don't want to, I don't want to know where we're going. He said, and yes, I'd love to meet everybody. You want to introduce me to today. We're driving for a while, a while. And I'm like, I'm going to get, he's love to meet everybody and want to introduce me to you today. Okay. We're driving for a while, a while, and I'm like, I'm gonna get, he's gonna murder me. He goes, we're going to the reservation. I was like, oh God. They're gonna murder me.

I'm gonna be, he's gonna kill me on a reservation. There's like nobody. And it looks like when you go out into the reservation into the desert out there, it's like Mars. It's another planet. And the sun starts coming up. Everything's red rock and there's this lake. And you're like, this is, nobody's there. It's like Mars. It's another planet. And the sun starts coming up. Everything's red rock and there's this lake. And you're like, this is nobody's there. If you're willing to hang from a hooks from your tit meat and a thing, they will accept you as theirs. They will welcome you.

So then we get to this lake. Nobody's there. The sun's coming up. It looks like I'm on Mars. We take these ladders out into the lake and you're supposed to walk them out and then you climb up them and sit on them and so we did this I'm like this is out this is the weirdest thing I've ever done about this is not fly fishing this is just sitting on the ladder in a lake we're not on your land tonto we're up on ladders but then I look over and all of a sudden just these trucks started and I looked over like a hundred dudes next to me on ladders just fishing. So he's like, let's go and there's this part of rock, this big rock and there's Indian dudes on it. And he goes as soon as they leave, we can go up and we'll fish off that rock. It's a good spot. So

they leave. We go, we go jump up on this rock and we're fishing off of this rock, they come back and they don't talk to us, they didn't say a word, they just stood right next to us and had conversations through us to the point. Are you enjoying our fish? No, not to us. They were just talking, but neck, like right next to you, like get the fuck out of here. And at one point he goes, we should go. And we kind of backed off, climbed off the fucking rock. I'm like, that was a situation, right?

He goes, 100%. Yeah, 100%. They did not want to say it. I'm about to colonize your ass. That's not my parents used to have conversations at dinner. Yeah. They'd go, hey Chad, can you tell your father to colonize your ass. That's on my parents used to have conversations at dinner. Yeah. They'd go, Hey Chad, can you tell your father to stop chewing so loudly?

He was right there. He heard it. You're from Minneapolis? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You see how rural that can get out there in small town like I'm just watching that fargo show now for the first time And like it really is like a Did your town like everyone knew everybody kind of pretty close. Yeah pretty close. Yeah, we're a couple thousand people in it about 13 Wow, yeah, that is small man It is a win like that was Valdez Alaska where I said everybody Valdez Alaska where everybody in town Came to the Civic Center for that comedy show.

I mean, you've been Spanish. Valdese Alaska. I went to Valdese Alaska. Famous only for the Exxon Valdese. Valdese. I love it out there. When I tore with Louis last year, we did the top of America and we went through all these. We actually camped out.

I was like, dude, instead of going to these fancy hotels, these national parks they have, let's take this tour bus and just pull the fuck up. So we would take the bus and we actually camped out in the Badlands. Oh, nice. Which is fucking, like I said, it's like another, it's like you're on another planet.

Is that where the ground looks all cracked? It's what, it looks like Mars. it's like you're on another planet. Is that where like the ground looks all cracked? It's what it looks like Mars. It looks like it looks like you're on a different planet because and then when the sun goes away, there's no light pollution. So when you look up, you can see fucking galaxies turning. It's like, it's nuts. Yeah, that's it. I mean, it's just we camped out there.

We put you were in a tour bus. That's the one part that people hated, is that these people were all in like tents and campers and then fucking disco bus, Louis, and me pull up with Ron on with the juiciest guy ever. And he just got out of where are we? Why are we doing? Why is this just loud?

We're not harsh birds with you. Oh dude, he wouldn't. I love him. Funny, hilarious. I'm looking at the universe turn in the sky. And they were just talking about fucking like pulp fiction. Now it was a good movie, but I don't, I'm like, shut the fuck up and look, look in the sky. Yeah. Like a lot of this country is like that shit. Did you grow up pretty, did you lot of wilderness stuff? Yeah, I tried to. I'm so like that.

Look at him. I'm seeing it. I get a hands man. I don't think that's true. But my son Isaac, we went to the boundary waters, which is a chain of lakes that separates Canada in the US, and then we'd go hike in Montana. Wow. Which was, we went hiking in Montana one time, and there were these four Russian guys. We could see the guns out of their out of their waistband for bears and they were starting to set up camp by this mulberry bush and I was like hey just guys guys know there's bear scat right there which

means at night they're probably going to come and eat off of this bush so you probably don't want to camp here and they started screaming at us like you're trying to get our campsite trying to get our campsite and I was like no campsite, and I was like, no, never mind, go ahead. And then my son and I went fishing on the other side of the lake and two of them started walking towards us. And I was like, god dammit. I go Isaac, head up into the mountain because I thought for sure they were coming to be like,

listen, we talked about it and you were trying to get our campsite. Thwap, thwap, thwap. But Jesus, they came over to apologize. Yeah, I mean you that's an option too. Yeah, but I don't know Hey, got I want to say Russian accent scares me like fuck son. I made my story I showed you that movie red dawn and said take notes We're about to put that in action Did you go hunting? I never hunted no, no. I use it as an excuse to go to school late

because all my buddies hunted, but I never went. Jacob likes to take a life with his hands. No. He's moved to small animals, people are next. No. People are coming up pretty next. I haven't shot anything yet. I've been on, but I've been wanting.

He's dying soon. But didn't catch anything. Okay. Piguana hunting. Dear hunt. Oh, sorry, that doesn't, I didn't catch anything. Okay, iguana hunting deer hunt. Oh Sorry, that doesn't I didn't count that as Well, you get a shoot iguanas and Florida. A glana life is nothing because they're So you're supposed to if you're invasive like Mexicans, he'll shoot you. Yeah

Yeah, he's like a meek up Jacob's like a minute man, but for iguanas Keep it on board or six. You just hike you, you just, you don't hunt or anything. Never hunted. Fish? Yeah. What do you fish? Walleye mostly. Oh nice.

It's a big fish. Yeah, it's a nice fish. Yeah. And you can't be set up camp and camp at overnight. Yeah. So we'd hike from one side. It's called the bear tooth pass. We'd hike from one side to the other.

It takes about eight days. No, you didn't have a bear spray with you, right? Yeah, and just noise makers mostly. Yeah, yeah. You got to have something in Montana. Yeah. That's brown bear. Where'd you take? Who was he? Took like, was it Joe Lister? Something where he was like, you guys went somewhere and then coyotes were just wailing.

We went up in the cat skills. We went up, it's like a two-hour hike up to this old hotel that's ruins now. It's just the actual stone of it is still there. And then you go down the other side, which is in the woods, and then there's echo lake. And it's a primitive campsite. So like hikers, you can keep hiking through, but hikers made little sites. So we went up there and went the other side.

And I told them about like this, there's a rattlesnakes in, you know, big thing, a lot of rattlesnakes on the hikes. You gotta be careful for that. And bears, definitely, I showed them how to hang a bear bag with all our food at night. You can't bring your fucking snacks and your tent. And we, I, you know, Joe and Ari,

how to hang the bear bag. And then we had, I cooked up a filet, and you're on dinner with rice. I made this we had, I cooked up a filet manion dinner with rice, I made this great meal, we cooked them, we smoked cigars, we were shooting the shit, we were fucking gossip about every comic in the world, we had a fire, and then we all went to bed. And at around one 30 at night, a pack of coyotes,

which I have never heard a pack of them came through like 50 yards away. And it sounded like somebody was being, like, just murdered. That's fun, isn't it? It is it. This. We heard this. 50, now, it's four hours away from our car and anybody.

Like, so if anybody gets hurt, two hours up, two hours down, to the car. In the dark. In the dark, yeah. And it was dead silent and then it just stopped. And then you heard Joe, let's go, hey Bob, what do you do about that? And I was like, I don't know. I mean, Christine heard that in the hills the one time.

It was horrible sounding. It is. It's Hollywood. You got like, we had an Airbnb there and like I was like what is that? Just that's the coyotes and it's sadons crazy close. It's it's that but they won't fuck me there They don't fuck with humans they they very really will fuck with you unless it's like you by yourself. I think your baby They'll take a little thing guys. I don't have these masculine stories, but I have Performed the gathering the jugglers three times

That's more that's more terrifying. I would say so. I'm not getting my way through that through amputees and random assortment of fat clown people. That's fucking frightening. You shit. I made it out of there alive with my money. A belly full of Fago. Yeah, man.

You ever hear a Fisher cat? That's frightening. Fisher cat. We have one of those. We have a place up in the woods and We had a Fisher cat like a couple like maybe 25 yards away from it. We're enjoying the You know fire we're hanging out. We just had s'mores and some shit and then this Fisher cat just starts screaming right next to us And I'm the only man. I'm like, you know, I'm the guy. And I just didn't, I was, my wife was like,

what is that? I was like, I have a fucking, I don't know what a fish or cat is. I play, watch this, fish or cat. It's one of the worst sounds ever. Absolutely. That. That.

No thank you. Right, right, right next to us. You know what that is, Lou? It's really cute. Yeah, when I visit my in-laws in Massachusetts when we get out of the car you can hear those screaming in the woods complete darkness It's like a easel. Yeah, it looks like a easel family. Yeah, they'll kill a fucking dog though. They'll take your dog and eat it Really? Yeah, they'll yeah, my dog would fuck that thing up. No, your dog would, that thing would take your dog. Now you think so, but no it wouldn't.

Look at that thing. No, only one way to find out. Yeah. Come back tomorrow. Yeah. Deed dog versus fish or cat. Should we gonna take a break? God damn it.

Yeah, we have to take a break. How do we do this all the time? I don't know. Chad Dale's everybody is new special, new special mixed review special. Is new special, is new special. Mixed review special. Is new special. In Valdez. Is new special.

Mixed reviews is streaming right now on YouTube, and you can see him on tour with dates coming up in Tempe, Arizona, Springfield, Oklahoma, City, and Houston, Texas. He's going to be shooting his next special in Minneapolis. March 2nd, what's coming up for tickets in all their tour dates, go to ChadDangles.com. Yeah, go check them out. One of the funniest guys out there. Where are you doing the special at?

Thanks Fitzgerald Theater in St. Paul. Fuck yeah, it's gonna be fun. That's great. If you've done, you do your specials all over the world. I try to. Yeah, this is the first one home. This will be the second one, but 10 years ago on the day, it'll be.

Oh really? That's fucking awesome. Go check them out. Make sure you get to a special ChadDangles.com. Big J. Big J is going to be wise guys Salt Lake City 11 through the 13th. Show at the Thursday. Show added because he's one show. Please buy tickets to it. Yeah, there's nothing worse than adding a show. There's five people and then a cancel show. I've been told we should add a show because tickets were moving good and then had to cancel that show before. I don't like that feeling. He's only me do that. I didn't want to add it. He's shooting his crowd work special at Comedy Works in Denver, one of the great clubs. Yeah, it's a great club. She doesn't use me.

January 19th through the 21st for tickets. Another tour dates visit bigjcomedy.com. And Robert Kelly is going to be at the comedy works in seara toga springs that's this weekend no low ticket alert no there's a lot of tickets it's a hundred and saddened saturday we're not adding shows after that he's going to be in Wisconsin chicongland providence for tickets and all toward dates go visit robber kelly live dot com and uh... we'll be right back what if you've been slept we come back with Chad Daniels, everybody.

It's about to fall in the face. I want to find out what I'm doing. Hey, everybody. Thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com com slash bomb fire for a special offer that's right and go to big j combie dot com and robber kelly live dot com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you

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