The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Five Ball Facehugger w/Jason Ellis

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Broadcaster, skater, fighter, and comedian Jason Ellis is back to hang with the guys. He might be the most interesting guest because of his experiences. He has seen a man with five testicles, made love to the wrestler China while driving a truck, and received disturbing texts from Marilyn Manson. | Jay plays more clips of misogynistic coffee commercials from the 1950's and that somehow sparks conversation about getting physical with family members. Got to thejasonellis.com for dates on his "I'm Not Gay Tour!" *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Cinderella. Straight out of Philadelphia. Who was Boston ever had? Boston. Boston. The band, Boston. The Patriots.

New edition. Fucking. New kids on the block. No. Yeah, the cars. They're from Boston, baby. Are they? Yeah, they're from Boston.

Who's that other band? Fucking Jake Giles band, Boston. Are they? Yeah, we don't fuck around, dude. Hmm. What do you mean? Hmm. Why can't you trust me?

No, I know there's a lot of bands come from Boston. That was the initial joke. When I say that, don't you never trust me? I do trust you. I'm wrong a lot. And I understand. Now it's like Jason tell us Australian people. Wolf mother, then the guys, the other bands that were Wolfmother.

Hey, you did Wham? Like, what is that? Wham? Wolfmother, don't come at me with Wolfmother. I like Wolfmother. I love Wolfmother. They're bad. Are they?

Oh, yeah. That's real bad. That's like, no shit. Yeah, you're talking crazy shit to me right now. Wolfmother is great. Everybody joining the show with us today for the fucking lost. Change my opinion about Jason. It is the great.

It's a copy. It's a copy of what? Jason Ellis. It's a copy of Ledplin. I'm sorry, we're stepping on your amazing intro for Jay. Jason Ellis. Jason Ellis. That's not a knife.

Oh, man, that's where I'm going to start every showdown. That's awesome. That's not a knife. That's not a knife. He goes, yeah, Crocodod Dundee. That probably has never come up. Buddy, can I just say something? That helped.

You know that help when I first came here. Really? Oh, yeah. That movie made me get, that helped me get laid so much, it was ridiculous. They thought you were there. Because you could say anything about the Outback and girls would go, oh my God, really? And I'm like, yeah, there's a close one. Suck it. The funny thing is, like, you were like a skater dude, but like to get pussy, did you ever go out like in like, you know, like an alligator tooth necklace or something?

Like you over, like overdue the Australian to sell it. I didn't need to because I got two, I was doing a one-two punch deal where I am from the Outback. but I had long, blonde hair, fuck I'm weird old. I had long blonde hair and I was a pro skateboarder, so chicks would want to bang that, but then when they'd hear my accent,

they'd get, oh my God, where are you from? And then I'd be like, oh, mate, the fucking outback of it. You know, crocs, I don't even get me started. Crocs everywhere. I made up drop bears just because I was like, how many stories,

what can I say that, I'm like, if you leave your door open, the kangaroosos, just stampede, trash the place. Most of us sleep with a knife in our mouth. Yeah. Just across. That's not true.

No, wait, what? He told me that when I first met him. Yeah, drop his seat. I went to Australia for that JFL festival years ago, just Sydney, and I will say still my two memories from Australia that were very great memories, was going to Bondi Beach with Jeff Ross and watching what I thought was strange, like young children, like 13-year-old boys, right in the prime of giving a shit about this, not giving two shits that there's,

four hot 20-something-year-old girls right around them with their tits out. They don't give a fuck. It's the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. That's not true. Me and Jeff... I was there. I can't.

I was just acting like I didn't... Oh, maybe they're good at acting because me and Jeff started getting looked at for looking. So we came with our American sensibilities. It wasn't you two tubbies in the swimsuits? I know how to look without looking at nudity you're not supposed to be seeing. When a girl is just like my tits are out,

I'm like, well, you've now opened the door. and you're begging me to stare at those. Jeff Ross back then with hair looked like he'd touch kids. He did have the wild fucking troll kid's hair at that point. He had that, oh God, this guy's here for a reason. Maybe that's why we were removed. But there was that memory,

and then outside of the Sydney Opera House, there's like a food court area. And I was walking down there for lunch one day, and I saw an Asian lady. You know, I'm not good with, like, animals that aren't my pet or especially odd animals. Are you calling Asian people animals? No, no, no, no.

Asians are people now. Okay. Now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They may just say that after COVID, they're people now. Okay, yeah, happy, they're people. They're not just bad-eaten animals that fucking ruin this cut. I don't know what happened. I actually have no idea what happens.

Holy shit. But this lady, this Asian lady, she opened up, she had a burger and fries in a styrofoam thing, and she opened it at an outside cafe. and I mean like a movie 700 birds came down and started individually taking each french fry each one and then the top of the bread lettuce tomato everything went separately and then the burger bun all the way down to the styrofoam it was crazy but it's a well known thing uh Asians and birds well did they draw them no it's the thing what really yeah they're connected well I will say here's why you might be right about that what here's why you might be right about that here's why you might be You didn't know that? What? Asians have a thing with birds. What do you mean?

They have like a thing where it's like kind of connect, like they have a connection. Birds listen to Asians. Like Cinderella with birds? Yes, pretty much. But like more Asian-y. He could be on to something because what was crazy about it to me was that that reaction, if that happened to me, I would have threw the like food off the table and like run like screaming probably, yelling like a lady.

And this Asian lady, this little young Asian, like girl, was. just like shewing in front of her face like she was trying to get like a little bit of smoke out of her she goes oh god what's oh you crazy birds it was they descended on her and took everything she opened up two seconds after she opened it up it was the scariest thing I've ever seen in this lady took it I guess they have grudges though

Asian people always have like a ghost following them so I guess birds isn't a big deal like a grudge a grudge ghost she was you think these birds are scary how about that weird fucking wet lady coming out of the lake covered in fucking strings and vines and stuff. That's kind of hot.

That is pretty hot. I just, when I came in, I just, today, I've been trying to work out, do my best, you know, lifting weights, trying to eat as well as I can. And then when Jason came in, I noticed he has a little fanny pack. I have a fanny pack. And then I punched Jason's arm. There's so much difference between somebody who's in shape. You're talking about it. You're in shape.

You're in shape. You're right. You're wasting your time. But I am, buddy, this kid is so... We both look good. And also, we look good. You were in shape. But you guys were fat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not the same. Like, I've been a little out of shape and hurt and stuff, but I was never, like, real fat. You were real fat. Okay, you don't have to say... He's been a professional athlete since you were a teeny. I think it's a way bigger accomplishment.

No. It's like me, me making middleweight, that was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life because I can't... 185 is disgusting. I hate my life. Right. So I feel like some people's bodies want to be like 300, 280.

That's us. So when you're trying to be 200 or something, your whole life is, fuck, I want to eat that, but I can't. Right. But I'm being disciplined all the time. It's a fire. Right. Well, what does match. So I respect it.

I'm internally. Are you doing that pill? I'm internally. The shot. I am. Bobby had most of his body removed. Right. You had your buddy removed.

I did it. Like they said, like a fire hose's worth of stomach. I did it the man way. I had surgery. Jay just did the injection way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just gave a little injection. I went in for a four-hour surgery and had it made my stomach into a baby stomach.

Oh, and then remember also? And then for a while you... And then for a while you were... Two weeks later. Two weeks later, they came up for Zepic. Wait, you really... I swear to God, is it? Absolutely true.

But is your one better? Is your version better? They try... Well... That's more dangerous for... Well... But after he's done it and he's done it and he's... he's alive. Now he's in the clear. Your shit is bad for you.

Maybe, but they'll run out of your system. Whatever Frankenstining is happening inside of Bobby. What if they find out of it? Yeah, but when it's out of your system, you get fat again. That's true. What if Bobby finds out eventually they took out his stomach and put in like a ball bag or something. You know what I mean? What's wrong with the extra ball bag? I knew a guy that had five bowls. How many? Five. Really? Is that another Australian story you're telling girls?

No, it was in Pop Springs. Oh, it's a five ball bag. He was a sea monster. It was the C-Malzer in Palm Springs jacuzzi He showed it to you Yeah, no, I grabbed it Really? When I was gay, yeah And you counted

Well, once I grabbed him was like, Wait a minute I went, hey, how many bowls you got going down here? Like, shit's busy And he was like, yeah, five And just moved on with his day? I mean, you feel like if you always got to say that He didn't move anyway

Oh, yeah, he stayed I didn't leave him I'm not, you know, if you got five, I don't care Five is better than I wasn't into a few balls, you know? Yeah, but I'll tell you what, I'd be worried that this guy would produce like a fucking leader per load. Yeah.

This guy's got five balls worth of cum. But they were all little. Yeah, it's like a milk shake. It was like one ball got hit by another bowl from like a long way away. It was like it was like, it was like asteroids colliding, you know? It would seem like it came out like, it came out like, you got down there and felt it. Fuck yeah, yeah, yeah. Did that be funny if it came out like ointment, just like it stays in a tube, his cum just,

just stays in the shape of a day. You could cock a shower with it? Oh, mate, I got that right there. When he came, he shot out of the jacuzzi. Five balls, man. Like a little flower pedal. So, not two regular-sized balls, five little ones. One regular and five different shape, different size, like two decent, and then three, like,

skittles. I wonder if that means it was two balls that were broken into five somehow. Can I just say something? Are you sure he didn't have cancer? Like those weren't little tumors? Maybe he didn't check or whatever? That might have been like three tumors and two nuts. Maybe he didn't care about doctors and he just goes, yeah, I don't know.

Dude, at some point I just grew three other balls. He was wrong with it. He loved it. He didn't say anything, which is another, you know, he's pretty confident. Damn, dude. But he was right, you know, in the gays. If you had five balls, nobody cares. If I did a gay experience, if I did a gay experience with a guy with five balls,

I would take a picture of me, like fanning them out like cards, like a magician. Like I'd grab his ball bag and like fan them. That'd be sick. And that'd be my new headshot. Me peeking over a fucking fanned out five ball bag with a ball between one, two, three, four, shit, five, I guess, over here. So sick. I would rest them on my face, two on my eyes and two in my mouth and one on my nose. Oh, yeah.

And then you put like, like, you super leave over. Like, yeah, the face hugger from alien. You ever put your balls over a girl's face, like over her nose in her mouth? and then she looks like that I think I was talking about yesterday that Beastmaster, those vampire the guys that they back cover you

and they got the weird skin face and you put your balls over the nose and the face and it's just their eyes. I like that. I'm going to try that this weekend. Because you could. I'm going to try that. Don, do me one sec.

Just lie down for a second. I've never done. Get in the bath first, like heat your balls up for maximum. When you heat, so let me ask you a question. I like a nice dream. groupy nut. I like when my balls are like old and droopy.

But they're not always that way. Can I, is there a technique you can get? Get hot. A hot, warm bath will sauna, all those things, dropping balls. He's got to be warm. Because your balls go up when you're cold or when it's for a sport or war. When you're nervous?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I smell different when I, if I have like something really stressful, like a fight or something and I've always, I call it the smell of fear. Like I smell. What are you, a fucking I smell different. You extract a

pharmon from your asshole? It's a different B.O. when I'm fucking terrified. Really? Yeah. But we're going to work out. That sweats a sweat. But if it's, we're fighting tonight.

I get that in the car on the way there, am I, my air? My body's like, fuck. Jason smells like chestnuts. He's nervous.

Is that why it weigh-ins? No one's ever got a crazy bulge? So many black fighters. No one's popping out of those little underwards. I feel like kind of chubbed up for a couple. Connor did. Conner had a fat one. He would always show up with a... Which is pretty intimidating, dude.

You fight with a bono. I've always said if it's like five guys trying to jump me, I'm taking all my clothes off and I'm getting hard. Because a couple of them won't come at me for that. Yeah, you're right. You know? If I'm like, fucking come on and my dick's like hard as a rock. Black guys might deem touching a man with a hard dick is gay.

You might get the gay just from beating me up. Yeah, they don't love that. Was that gay kung fu? It's a good move. I think it would work, dude. It's a really good move. It would keep them at least fighting. Like one at a time.

And if you're smart, a guy who can be hard and fight at the same time, because I've lifted weights with a bone or it's like hard to, you can do it, but if you count, it makes it go down. So anything that where you're like too busy in your head, your dick can like start to leave. If you can be super hard and throw punches. It's great. If I'm watching that guy, I'm not jumping in.

I'm like, okay, this guy is for real. Well, you know, it's the line. If you remember. I'm just, I'm still at, I lifted weights and had a hard on. I did it for the radio. What? I did it for the radio because I was like, I'm trying, I was still research and development for like the dudes of the world that were, you know,

retarded like me. And I was like, because I invented the reverse chicken wing bowl where I like, I got on my dirt bike backwards and my chick blew me while revving the bikes or vibrate your taint. You're really at the end of sex. Because it was just funny. You were at the end. You did it all.

You were like, listen. You got to the downloadable content. Oh, there's a new mission. Maybe we could try me backwards on a dirt bike while you suck my dick doing 80. I feel like it's today's. I don't know what's going to get me hard. It's today's live stream. I was doing stuff where I don't really want to do it, but it was something to talk about.

Am I crazy when you said you hooked up with the wrestler China that you were, she was on top of you while you were driving? Am I crazy about that? Yeah, man, in the truck. She jumped on me and she had the feather scarf on. So she had this big feather scarf. And she's, you know, I get in my truck and I'm driving her to, we went to a bowling alley. And I'm going down the freeway. And I remember, because I think I just got divorced.

And I was like when I had half and half the kids. So I got the fucking kid seat in the back. And she's in the front. And I'm driving down the road. She'd been drinking. I wasn't drinking. And she just jumps over and straddles me while I'm driving. It's like an F-150.

So it's pretty big. But she gets on top of me and the feather or scuff and how big her shoulders are. I can't fucking see the road, dude. And I'm like, I'm like, look, I love, like, this is wild. It's out of control. But I, well, I can't, we're going to die for sure. Like, I'm pretty good driver, but I can't see the road at all. You got to get off me.

You could ask for a worse, you could ask for a worse airbag than fucking thick-ass giant. That fucking steering wheel ain't going through that back. That clip would have saved a lot of people's lives. You know, I didn't, I have a joke about it. say it anymore but I really meant it when I when I I hate her pussy I didn't see people said it afterwards they go wait you were hanging out with China I'm like yeah and they're like how is their pussy and I'm like what are you talking about and they're like you didn't see it I'm like see what and they're like a big clip I'm like I didn't see him being clear my joke was like she got

a sweet cock though but I never saw her but she I didn't I don't remember going oh shit yeah I mean I don't think it was a click that would throw people but it was it was a it was a sizable It looked like a little, little ding ding. I enjoyed her pornography very much. I really liked it. She's like a nice person. She just had like, uh, trouble. She was like serious alcohol.

I couldn't, couldn't, she couldn't be sober and look you in the eye. Really? Yeah, like, she's nervous. She's drinking and she'd be like, hey, stop drinking. And it's like, can't, can't look at you. It's the problem with Dark Side of the Rings is that like, I don't remember all of them so much. She goes, yeah, well, she either had like an abusive dad or like a super supportive father. She had a lot of those two.

She had a tough one. Yeah. Yeah, she had a guy, but as I'm saying, I know, when she was on the surreal life, you kind of got to see that show, which was, like, pretty exploitative. Right. I mean, watching people go through, like, the, I mean, the end of their lives on their shows at some point was crazy. And then the only people what works out for is, like, it made MC Hammer and Webster, like, like, the it couple for, like, five seconds. Oh, some people got a little bit of a job out of it. A little bit.

Could have you branched off from that into Road Rule's real world and then become, like, something else because some of those guys have 20 year careers from being on that fucking I was on road rules. The real world people from the back and they're the O'Gs, none of that. There's a lot of it didn't. It would get them a little bit of something and then go away very quick. In fact, I'd be curious to see like right this moment what

the, like Daisy De La Jolla she was on Rock of Love and then she was such a standout on it that they were like, well let's give her her own show, Daisy of Love. And then they did that with that girl New York that was on flavor love I love New York and she becomes a thing for a minute

these people must be like yo mom buy a house I got my own VH1 show and then quickly go like what the fuck is Tiffany New York Pollard doing today is that her right now I mean that's sad as shit

she looks great what no what are you talking about no oh oh I swear I got I thought it says new career I thought it says new cancer and I was gonna be oh now I feel bad for laughing at her

but it's career I just watch the thing on Puck. Remember Puck? Yeah. Yeah, he looks terrible, but he looks terrible, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, he's still Puck. He's just still that. He's still that fucking weird dude.

Absolutely. But he's like, you know, five kids or some shit. That's crazy. What is it saying she's doing now? That's what I'm trying to see. Oh, my fucking. At the hard rock. Waiting for some dick.

How old is she? 41. Damn. I'm fucking. I know, but un... Oh, she released a song, and she has a podcast, and she's working on some music. You guys should have her own.

I would like to ask her about... She was studying for anthropology and journalism and TV and film. She did that Corey Feldman that one-off. They tried to do like a Howard Stern-style talk show. Did you ever see that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you've never even seen pieces of that? You should bring that on. Corey, Feldman famously walked off your show, didn't he? Yeah. I love that. Why do you walk off your show? I called him out a little bit. On what?

You know, everything. Really? It's terrible music. I just, you know, I think I was being cool with it for a while, and then when it got, he got real cocky about it. And I was like, well, dude, you're not, you know, you don't really know what you're doing. You know, and he was like, what are he talking about?

I'm like, what do you mean? What am I talking about? I'm not trying to be mean. Like, you don't, you're not good at it, you know? You're clearly off, you know, like maybe take a pill or something like, you know, and he was like, you know, fuck yeah, and we were going to be friends, because he gave me his number and shit. And it was just too much.

That was the other thing. It was like, here's my number. We should fucking get, you should come to the fucking angel thing. And I'm like, I don't want to have a fucking angel thing, you're weirdo. Like, he wanted you to be at the one of the fuck parties. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I don't know. Do you still have his number? Probably. Let's call it. I'm not doing it. I'm not a part of that. I know you guys did way better work. What if he did was a call?

You know who, dude, who's the guy of fucking hard rock Nick. Do you know who that is? He's like, he, I think he died. People just, people say that he. he went to a shooting range and shouted himself but he went he was on the show and he did he ended up being on tom's show as well but we had him first and he was this dude that

he was like I own the hard rock I'm hard rock Nick and I mean I got millions of dollars and he's this short little fat guy yeah yeah and he came up I got him on the show a couple of times and the first time I let him go like he's like I've got 40 million and there's 60 million and I was like you he's like got a Mercedes-Benz I'm like you Mercedes-Benz is an equal class. Well, the other one's in the shop and I just let him go on all of it and then the second

time he came in. If Jay had a son, that's what he was. I'm so fucked up. I'll tell you what, though, that kid would open so many doors for me. For all the listeners, please, you got to Google that. I can't believe him. Yeah, he's amazing. But he came in the second time and at one point. I just kept calling him out on stuff and I go, so for instance, how tall are you? And he goes, I'm 5A. and Mike Catherwood was next to me a good friend and co-host and he goes, I'm 5-8. And then they both stood up and Catherwood was like clearly like three or four inches higher.

And I go, do you see Mike Catherwood being taller? And he's like, no, well, no, I'm 5'8. He's like probably not like. He's like seven foot tall, man. It was in his eye. He wasn't, he wasn't lying. He was seriously delusional. He's convinced himself.

Like, yeah, he was positive. You know what's really funny about that? He was talking to like young girls and shit. So that's why I later. If you went around this room, There's a few people in this room who believe that Bobby Kelly is delusional for saying that he's five foot eight. I'm five eight. But we've measured a bunch now.

We've measured him a bunch now. We've measured of a bunch now. But it seems like it matters. I've been measured by the medical. It matters to Jacob. Why does it matter? Because Jacob's 5.1. I'll tell you why.

Wait. Because they want me to be part of the. But that's way bigger than him. So who can't? They want me to be part of their Short King community. And I'm not. Wait. I'm 58.

Is 58 the border of Short King? It's, first of all, 58 is the perfect. height for movie star accurately. Look it up. That's a perfect hype for an insecure, small person who can be beaten easily by a bigger man. Now listen, if you were any smaller, I'd fucking question that. It's just the way it is.

If I didn't punch your arm and just feel steel, I have a problem with you. I have a problem with you. I said he could jujitsu everybody now. I'm like, dude, you cannot. Oh, did you read what? Yeah, Tim Butterley, I told me yesterday. Tim Bodily, who's come to skankfest, you fat pussy. It's the most triggering thing to anybody that trains in the world when somebody like that says that. Lewis is

convinced. I actually didn't hear him say it, so Lewis said it goes, I think he's joking. No, he's not. I know. I watched it too. He said, he said, I'll fuck. I can fuck all you guys. He said, I got annihilate whoever the host were.

I forget the podcast. And he goes, bring it on, anybody. Bring it up. I'll fucking do it right now. He thinks he's some type of badass. Dude, that would be so brave if somebody just picked him up and did like a rampage jackson. I just kept like slamming him on the ground. That's the, there's like, it's not a couple of people.

It's, there's millions of people out there that would pick him up and put in and smash him or start on the ground and submit him like and they're nobody's and they don't have any belts it's like a different there's also people that are just built real strong and fast yeah like and when you start saying well i've i've got blue belts or something first of all if you if you're not a black belt then you're whole catching people in your submissions you're not going to get anyone in any of them if they fuck it like i if you get me in a triangle and it's him i will push out of it why because i'm way stronger and i'm not a fucking moron and for those dudes do they have to

they go foot over, they hold your head so now they're telling you, here it comes because that's a wipeout, that's what they do. Well, it's almost the point of what I'm saying, it's like Jonah Hill, it's like I mean, LeBron James, if he never took one day of self-defense training at all, if you just unleashed the two of you want each other in a room

like, he's going to kill you fast, man, he's just a monster to you. He's like stronger, faster in every way. I'd suck up LeBron. No, you don't mean that. Yeah, I would. Because you used to fight a lot when you're a kid, right? So you're dirty. I would just get naked and get hard and then attack his leg

and suck his leg suck his knee. If you suck him off, you'll be honest with it. That's my technique. I'm going to suck your dick right now. Bobby, they usually back off. Do you want to lose?

How badly do you want to win? Because to me it's like, will I suck your dick and bite it off to win? Yeah. Well, I will say this, though. I'm going to bite it off and make it a little change purse. If you recall, though,

LeBron James wasn't a French maid's outfit at a P. Diddy party. I know. That picture. I don't know if it's going to scare him, what you do. That might actually. entice the relationship. He's like, oh,

this is going to be fun and business. There's more chance it's going to go in your mouth than you're going to have him. Oh, business and pleasure. Mm-mm-mm. Yep, there he is. Oh, wow. Wow. Look at him go. I don't care. Look at him wearing that is, that's like, you know, fuck you a freedom. Yeah, he's on the Sixers now, so I agree. It's the house. It's the house he took the photo in, you know.

Is it Pete Diddies? Well, you have a problem with the house, not the outfit? Wait, who, who, you even wore a dress? Wait a second. That's second. Those aren't. Those ones on their side aren't really big tails. Let me answer Jason's question, Jay. No. It's pretty freeing.

Okay, yes, I have. No, one time when I was young, my mom dressed me as a little girl for Halloween, which was very... Would it like a summer dress? It was more of a skirt. Right, because summer dress is like when you lift your legs. I notice this, if you wear long shorts in the water, it grabs your legs a little bit. And if you wear short shorts in the water, you can move your legs better. So I was like, I'll wear those.

I don't care what it looks like. And I was like, wait a minute. A dress is like a t-shirt that just hangs over your dick so your dick doesn't show. So when you lift your legs, it fucking comes up way easier. And I was right. For sure. And it is more humiliating for as you kick somebody in their face, you're going to make good contact because they're staring right down the barrel of your balls and asshole.

Yeah. Well, if I have to wear a dress to win, so be it. I got that. I understand that. But back in the party day. wearing like chick stuff and getting a bunch of chicks to do stuff to me dressed as a lady fuck yeah did that like I said you're at the end of it I really never talked to that I stopped at a threesome and stuff in my butt so it's also I don't think I was close that was the wall that's the wall

I hit too I was close three some things in my butt yeah then I got married and wha-wamp we're right yeah well I'm in that now you know yeah everything's just up your butt now no no more butt What? Even though you're constantly presenting? Presenting. Even though you're always presenting. I sleep on my knees and my chest. You got me killed that way.

I wish Kiki Kiko would make a pillow for presenting. We didn't do it on Skink, so I would like to show. If you could find those coffee commercials, misogynistic coffee commercials. Do you want me to just pull up the Sinaijew? Yes, you can. No, it's not just, yeah, they guys are what it was called. They didn't age well. You can do the 70s or the 60s and 70s ones,

but you could probably find them individually if you just look up massages. I'd like to see some other ones I'm unaware of, but it makes it look like in the 50s, if you were a woman and home all day and you didn't have coffee ready to go, like you were going to get the shit beat out of you. Yeah. It was going to go real bad for you. Yeah, it was a simpler time for men.

I mean, how hard is it to make a coffee? though. Now? No. Back in the day you had a good. It was hard. Bitch just make me a coffee. You had to percolate.

And then I won't have to beat you. It's not that. It's not rocket science. Yeah. You know? Listen, the message was clear. I'm like, fucking, you know,

these days just press a button, you know? Yeah, if you can't press a button for me, then maybe you should get a beat down. Make sure the kids are washed and at the door and hanging. If I don't, if I don't come home all night. Where'd this roof come from?

I'll tell you what it came from. It came from my hard work. It came from the, uh, the, The women ruined fun. Right, that's the other thing with women, is they ruin fun. Chicks with her fun ruining.

Right, really just ruin it. Making this shit coffee. Roll-hagging out, having fun, and then fuck, dude. Wipe the seat, our eyes. It's fun when you sit in my piss and you go, what the fuck, it makes me happy. Yeah, I'm one of those guys. I don't even need bitches, you know what I'm saying? Like, I just live by myself.

Yeah, you fuck the FT Do. Sure. getting married for the fourth time well yeah but that's not that's nothing you know there that's just like I like to branch out and meet new people you know but yeah I don't need her you know I don't need women at all I'm very

secure with my man I've been home for two days alone and I got very sad last night oh I'm lying you know that oh yeah I know I'm very I was home alone last night and I was just by myself and the first hour I was like fuck yeah cooking some stuff

paper plate, no napkins. And then I just shut off. And I got to drink and I drank out of the fucking container of milk. And then around one o'clock I was like, nobody's here. And then I got into my third Ip man movie. Oh, wow. You did the movie thing. I did the movie thing.

And then I was like, I guess I'll go to bed in a king bed by myself. I slept sideways just to fill up the space. Wow. Do you have any toys? You know, hardest to present when nobody's there? Right. No, that's when it's the easiest, dude I do all my presenting when no one's there

When I'm in a hotel room by myself I sleep, if I sleep naked, I lay on my stomach and I reach behind and I pull my ball bag way out. Wow! And then I lift it a little bit and grab my wiener and I stretch that out until it's past my balls and then I let my balls fall on it, like a little turtle

coming out of my butt. And then you just wait for somebody to come in. And then I just pray to God that where I move the bed is going to be the first thing, the housekeeping season to come in. She found some of these. commercials the first one we already saw but go down a little bit so I want to see if we could find like I mean that these things they always say this is extremely creepy please this is just how important

coffee was to get right my wife the crew the first beautiful weekend after we got married I took my new bride sailing wife I said marriage is a democracy but a sailboat isn't here the captain is she's cute she's pig tails She's nice picture I think she's kneeling Yeah she's kneeling She's definitely making a face of kind of like Whatever you say sir

And they do have the flag with like the 13 stars He's wagging a finger You crew First order Maxwell House coffee He went me captain You crew Because they're dumb they can't understand

Unless you dumb it down back then Why do you think I'm not completely about this. I'm just yelling and I go, can you believe with this, everything's changed? Christine, you can't talk to women like this now? Yeah, you can. Hey, hit play. Jesus Christ. What the fuck, Jay? We'd all have to pretend like it offended us too.

We'd all take her leave like, Jay's the man. Blue can, good to the last drop. Maxwell House. Smell it. That's the way coffee should smell. Now you learn it. Then he throws it in her face and burns her hair. And he's going to go, did you fucking finish my cup of coffee? No, honey, I thought you were making a cup of coffee for me.

You think I made a cup of coffee for you? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Come here in the cabin with me for a thing. Guys, I'll be back in a second. You crew, my captain. So far I've seen nothing wrong with this.

No, listen, it's just instinctual. As guys, we all are going like, man, it must have been awesome for it to be like this. But as human beings, we got to go like, no, no, progress. How far they've come? You know what's so funny, too, is the whole time she's smiling and looked like she's happy. What was the last time you walked in the house and saw a smile? Oh.

You know, if you come on someone's face and they look at you like that, you got yourself a winner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see the movie of Session, that's what I'd like to think. I want to find a woman that when I leave, she just stares at the door smiling until I come home. Oh, that's not creepy at all. Yeah, that'd be great. Covered in her own piss.

And I'll go, she's so into me. She could wait for me if you go, she just stood and pissed in place until I came home. Whoa. Oh. She wants jizz, dude. It's so rude. I mean, I just wait for the load to hit her in the face.

What is happening? Can I say something right here? This is, this subliminally is him getting her sucking. his dick. This whole thing is sexual. Him touching her chin, picking her face up. I mean, look at that photo right there.

That is a, if you go, well, hey, man, what are we watching? I'd be like, wait, you guys are all watching that. When he moves his wrist, there could be a cock in her mouth. Right. This whole commercial is have coffee and then you suck my dick. Yeah. Wow, that's cool.

If the coffee's good enough, I'll let you suck my dick. Nice. That's the 50s. And then you can have cream in your face or your coffee. You like your coffee black, but you like your face. with some cream. Hey, close your eyes and leave room for cream. I mean, this is so sexual.

It's nuts. It would be a good little Maxwell house wife and I'll serve it at home, too. Bobby, let me know if you get a boner. I'm going to bring him black guys to fight you. This reminds me of Cape Fear. Like, he was just going to stick his thumb in her mouth. That's a good one.

I wonder if these all have sexual little things hidden in it. A honeymoon story She was my own true love Oh pause it That's another thing that comes up also They have no problem in these commercials Some of them are like diet pills or smoking even And they would pitch it as like

You want to stay slim and attractive for your husband, don't you? Well then do the right thing and smoke I love that she's intelligent Because most of them aren't Yeah this one happens to be an outlier This one knows algebra Yeah I don't know if she was made in a labort but this one's figured something out she's beautiful and smart which you don't get too often

yeah but she's not so beautiful that she couldn't be smart you know what i mean yeah yeah her teeth are a little far she's like she's like pretty for someone who's smart yeah he couldn't make a decent cup of coffee so on on honeymoon and man i taught her wife i said this is maxwell house there's one thing I'm a bug about, and that is good coffee. So Maxwell House comes in a blue can, says good to the last drop.

Man, how dumb is your wife? Are you smelling it out for? It looks like this. Do not freak out, it will be the blue one. It's like he's talking to a cat. I never knew that they wrote the stuff on the products for dumb women. I didn't know that. I didn't

know the slogans for stupid women at the grocery store. Why did you pick these chips? It says it's delicious. This is my dick. This is where the giz comes out. I taught her. Look, one scoop at a time, and she's watching. She's like, okay, should I write this down?

Should I write this down? And you will always brew me coffee worth waking up for. Best coffee ever percolated coffee. Now taste it. See? Maxwell. They're all looking up at cock in these videos. Too freckled.

Yeah, she doesn't look happy either. Oh, she's a main. Eight. She's a New York, too. There it is. Be a good little house, Maxwell House wife. Yeah. I want you to find the one with the construction site. The one with the construction site and the one with the parenting. All the women are looking up.

Yes. They're all looking up and they're all in the... It's because we're so huge. All some of us are. All right, relax now. I'm 5'8. Talk to these people over here. They're so 58. It's crazy how 58 you are.

Yeah, one of them I found, it's a guy... Wait, that says 58. is a short king. Oh, don't worry, Bobby. Wait. You're still a king. Did you just write that or is that really what it says? I said, what is a short king?

And that's what it told me. That's fantastic because you guys know, you did measure me and I did have a medically approved measuring. I'm 5-8 and a quarter. No. Yes. Jacob, nobody's... I don't know if that's true.

First of all, I can't hear him because he's so far down. I heard an echo. Look up at 5-8 and a quarter is technically still a short king, please? No, it's 5-9 and above is a regular... man. Everyone under that is not full man. Okay.

It's written in style. We've done with us. Let's move on. I want to see more dumb women. Let's just see five, eight and a quarter still is considered a short king. It says it's right in the sweet spot for short king. Oh, nice.

What does that mean? That means like your... You're the king of the short kings. Yeah. Just go low. All right. Well, if I'm king of the short kings, shut your face.

Is that your decree? Pass that note down to Jacob, please. That is my decree. God, man. I mean, if we lived in the 50s, we would have been just garbage. Well, no, because the food would have been not making you fat.

I'm not talking about physically. No, bad people. But here's the thing that's very possible. We could have been bad. It's possibly we could have been bad. I know that we were garbage in the 90s and days. I was going to say, you went pretty hard anyway. We weren't pretty hard.

But think about back then. I mean, you were on, there was no cancel call. Men just, men were pieces of shit. Women were like second class citizens. They weren't even. You punched was, you, that's, you know, had a bad day. Wasn't it like you can't, you couldn't rape? Wasn't like you, wasn't like you legally couldn't rape your wife like four years ago?

No. Four years ago, they were like, by the way, you can't rape your wife. It's not cool. Not cool at all. I still think we have a long way to go. We do. I mean, a girl with that beak, though, you better make a good cup of coffee. Yeah, agreed.

Yeah, it was like Alice the Goon from Popeye. Jesus, H. Christ. I know women's hairdoes back then was so stupid. They all had these dues. They all had dues. Right. That's why you had to go out and fuck some slut who wasn't dressed like a fucking paper doll. Yeah, their head smelled because they never showered their head.

Just a smelly, three-week-old fucking hairdo. Oh, man. When did everyone start shaving their babe? and they're butthole. We looked that up before. 70s, is when that first was kind of introduced at all. Yeah.

And then it kind of caught on in the 90s, I'd say. And that's with low-rise jeans, I would say, is the thing where that really became a thing. And it's going back to growing the bush out, I think. I think it's a thing. They say that. I think probably a higher percentage in the recent past, but I think...

It's a mixture out there. I think women still think you're just supposed to shave your pussy. Like, that's just like, well, no, you have... Like, you shave your armpits, you shave your pussy balls. It's so funny. I'm saying stuff like I've seen recent new pussy and you're like, no, I've been out there.

It's a mixture. You're actually out there in the water swimming. I'm at the beach looking at the menu. How is it? How is it? I guess it could have changed. Here's one of my favorite ones right here. You've seen the same pussy for years?

Here's one of my favorite ones right here. This is the construction site. Oh, nice. Does he hit it with a board? You got to play it from the very, very beginning to start talking right away. Wear a hat, stupid. It's really like, ugh. Our first

House nearly never got built. My wife was so bent on helping the builder. Woman, I said, leave that poor man alone and make us some coffee. Way too hot for you. Not that kind you've been buying either. Instant Maxwell House coffee. Red jar? Good to the last drop? Maxwell House. The instant that tastes like coffee. Be a good little Maxwell Housewife and we'll be happy here for a long time. Maxwell House coffee. It must be it were else. And go, No, go.

Play this one. Smart woman. He's putting a new floor down by herself. Wise woman. She's using Kentile vinyl asbestos tile. She's just getting cancer. Save every way with Kenile vinyl asbestos tile. She's just getting cancer.

That's it. Harvey? We saw this one already. The one with the kid writing on the wall. Keep going. Keep going. That's fucking crazy. Keep going.

I'll tell you where it's at. We could put it all. Keep going. You're doing so good. Keep it going. Keep it moving. Look how neat the kitchens are, though. Can I just say something?

Yeah. Look at how neat that kitchen is. Yeah, that's when women used to listen. Keep going. I don't listen. My kitchen is spotless. Keep going. Keep going.

Oh, wait, go back a little bit because it's right after that. Go to these. This right here? Yes. Stop right there and go, this is where it picks up good. Asians, zero respect. In the six, 60s, zero respect.

Buzz respected them. The commercial you're going to see here is like I told you that everyone goes, they eat the Chinese food, like whatever the, you know, fucking prep meal is. They eat it, and then they get bowl haircut. They go, oh, there was a western with James Kahn and John Wayne, and he had to get into the back door of this building, and there was a guard. He goes, I got an idea, James Kahn. He goes and gets a pot and empties the plant out and just puts it on his head and walks up and goes up and goes up and, Oh, I hear a tool. Go watch a dishes.

It's so fucking. And the guy bought it. He's a guy. Go ahead. Go ahead. Play this. Mother. Boom, boom.

Today, so I have an exciting story to tell about beautiful new Ford Mustang car. Oh, wait, go past this one. This isn't that. This isn't that. It's just that voice. Right after this. Right here, you leave it here. You do too.

Inside Post ride. Crinkles you go room room when you get Mustang car free inside post rice crinkles Her idea of child raising was called permissive everything mine wasn't good kid he's terrified I said you've experimented with everything from my son to my coffee I want instant Maxwell house coffee good to the last drop Maxwell house the instant that tastes like coffee Be a good little Maxwell house wife and don't experiment with my son or my coffee. Don't experiment with my son or my coffee. Is that mean, like, we're hitting the kid?

I know, what did that mean? Fuck yeah. I think it might be the 80s one that has everybody turning Asian. To present ancient Chinese panties. You're going to go to 80s? No, you'll keep going to go with it. But it's like, I mean, good God. I mean, they're endless.

There's a 30-minute reel that's just all 50s coffee commercials. There's one after another. and they're all this dad. But was there an uproar? They hit the kids. I mean, hitting kids back of the day was totally legit. I said that's my problem with the Michael Jackson movie. What that movie showed me was that he got hit

of basically a 1970s kid amount. Yeah. He got his ass whooped. Yeah, he got his ass whooped. Getting who up back of the day was you as a pack. All the parents were fucking dance, you little piece of shit. Dance. I got to be in front of other people.

Yeah. Other parents. I remember my friend got beat up by another dude's father. Wow. And the father was like, thanks. What? Dang. He was doing...

Fucking Boston softings, man. That would never happen in the Delph. Dude, you get fucking... You used to be able to get whacked. My mom dragged me down the street by my hair one day. And the neighbors were just going, hey, Kathy. Hi, Bobby. Hi, Bobby.

What are you going to give him a whoop in? Yeah. What did he do? Do you ever hit your kid? I did. I spanked her on the butt a couple times. I think he told me that, yeah. Yeah.

I punched her a kid a bunch of times. You hit her? him like for being bad? No, it's boxing. Training. I just love to say that. Yeah, I punched most of my ex-wives too. Training?

Yeah. Okay. Is that how you got off? If you moved me to calm, you got, let me hit in your face. If I wanted to lie about it, if I wanted to lie about it, I should have said I punched Isabella because if I go, it's like, yeah, I smacked her butt and you go, what was he goes? Training. Training.

Train. Yeah, it was boxing, but I keep going in her ass for some reason. No, yeah, definitely when she was like a little kid, you know, getting out like a fucking, like, she can't go to school or sit down or nothing like that, but just like, you know, the send the message. Yeah. And then, and then I just like watched enough stuff

that was just kind of like, you know, don't. All right. Yeah. And I really didn't. Yeah, I never hit. I mean, she has no memory of like being, like, she's not like a kid where it was like, and then the way the wrath would come down.

Like I said, it was like, you know, we played Lego video. games together. I pushed Max, not like hard, but like, I was trying to tell him, like, go down to your room, and he was kind of just kept turning around and, like, no. I pushed him in the back, not hard,

a little, but he just fell. And he went, and then Dawn was like, what are you doing? I go, fuck all you. That's what happens. That's what happens. That's what happens. When you're raised by a lady in the house all day. You're out at work and she's home, teaching him how to fucking feign injury. Fat fall.

Oh, you're a beautiful. Those videos are terrifying. When you see body cam videos of like a woman, like, not realizing she's on body cam video, and like dropping on the ground and being like, you just punched me in the face, you're crazy. And so, like hitting herself. And you're like, yikes. I went to New Zealand, my mom's sister, because my mom's from New Zealand. And we visited family, and she had a son.

His name was Breton. And he was a fucking, like, insane child. I think he was like a year younger than me. And we gave him a boomerang from a show. Australia to New Zealand. So he had a boomerang in the house. And he pretended he was going to throw it at me. And I was like, that's weird.

One, because it's in the house. And two, like, I don't know. Like, I don't know to catch a boomerang. Like, because I'm from Australia. What the fuck does that mean? And then he threw it on the ground and went, ah! Why did you do that, Jason? And my fucking mum was walking in the room and saw it.

Otherwise, because I was standing there just in shock. I'm like, wait, what? And he's holding his head. And I'm like, wait. Jason, the fuck did I do? I'm just standing here, you psycho? And then that day later on, we were playing soccer, kicking the ball up against a fence,

first one to kick it over or something. And he attacked me because I did it first, and I punched him in the face, and we had a bit of a fight, and that's I never liked Breton. But I made, that's my cousin. And that's the movie once we're worried. I was going to say, dude, New Zealand, Australia.

It's such a tougher fucking life. His sister, I made out with her at a dumpster, at a, what is it? What is where cars are all smashed up in? Junkyard. In a junkyard. Yeah, I made out with my cousin. That's a lot.

Just wanted to leave on that story. I felt like I felt like there was no sting on the end. I was like, let me... You made out with his cousin? With his sister. So I made it with my cousin. Your cousin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit.

And you knew it at the time. Was it first cousin? What is that if it's your sister's... Wait, your mom's sister's kid. That's first cousin. That's hot. Relax. I didn't fuck her.

I'm totally relaxed. You had an intimate kiss. Which I think is worse I'd rather suck your dick Than make out with you, Jay I disagree I did four I played doctor with a third cousin

So it's not weird The third cousin is not as weird Yeah, I could have got her pregnant Yeah and then had a kid with a hair lip And one eye that didn't work Not third cousin, totally cool I was in a foster home Totally groovy

The worst foster home I was in Lawrence Mass I hated being there It was a... You had the fuck a family member It was this fat The father was like a security guard Fat dump

and the wife, she was just like a kind of rough, bull dykey lady, and they had two kids redheads. Ugh, fucking redheads. And the one kid, I was sitting there just... I don't know it's a redhead, but go on. Whatever. I mean, Jason's kind of a redhead. Yeah, a little bit.

Not good people. Historically. I mean, every horror movie, redhead, he's the fucking bad. Malachi? Listen. Chucky? Chuckie. I mean, it's...

It's a dull. There's a factory behind it. Those are all of those. So I'm sitting there, this kid fucking, their little kid and an older kid. The older kid, you know, he was like, what, like maybe 10? Yahoo! Serious?

Jumped on my lap. And I was just trying to play. I'm a kid, too. I was, you know, 14 or 15. I'm just, all right, I don't know how to play with kids. I'm gonna, I just get out of jail. I'm gonna foster home. I'm homesick, I feel like shit. And he jumped, I'm like, hey.

And then he just slapped me in the face. And I grabbed his hand, I go, don't do that. And he just started. crying and he goes he hit me he's grabbing and the mother they don't know me I'm a fucking you know they came in and just you need to go in your room you can't touch my kids I was like I didn't touch a shit kid it just went down him from there shit kid the mean kid and Christmas story mean kid and Christmas story redhead's I mean it's a fact yeah yeah that's all of them know I think sometimes sometimes they're nice sometimes they're angus's friend in the film Angus who's just

rooting for his fat friend that kiss a girl find God, I'm Angus I really are I really fucking saw I saw myself on that movie That's one of the first movie As a kid where I'd be like I had an emotional reaction to

I saw myself as Angus Kelly and Bad News Bears Really? No, yeah I did But it wasn't true Oh my God that is you Jay Yeah

Holy shit Buddy Totally That's the little Jay That's the way You should dress now By the way Dress like Angus currently

Just baggy fucking jeans and a flannel. I think he's a big comedy fan. He's a big comedy fan. Yeah, he's still acts and stuff. I've looked at everything. You do, message him. Don't connect. Wink, wink, wink. I understand what you're saying. You want me to message him? You want me to blind message him like I did Jerry O'Connell.

I don't want to go for it. And the lead singer of war on drugs. I ruined friendships with, you're probably way better at playing it. I'm not good at playing it cool. So if I like, like the person, I like to ban the war on drugs. And I met them, the lead singer. And he was, like I know who you are, comedy stuff. So we like exchange information and then it just becomes all blue text after a while with once in a while

him giving me a reassurance to a psycho text of going something like, yeah man, I'm gonna get to a show at some point, for sure. We call Jay Thirsty. Jay's Thirsty when he meets somebody famous. Really, you like to talk to them a lot? No, no, no. If only if I can, celebrity in general,

no, I don't want to come here's my text would be fine but if you break the seal is broken jay gets thirsty no no but i don't start doing oh i don't okay okay i just i'm just the seal gets broken like as he texts he texts he texts him and he's it's official like this celebrity has now inserted his name as this here is here is my number we are kind of friends you know by the way if he gets a if he gets a if he gets a dm from somebody and then you hear and then the fingers the thumbs start going it's not You just go for it. It's not, well, no, because the ears hitting.

It's not an abundance of things in a row necessarily. Why it's so much blue is because, like, it just becomes quickly, like, whatever, whatever I'm asking, whatever I'm saying is it's either, like, usually inviting them to my thing or saying or mentioning that I'm aware they're doing a thing. And maybe they'd like to have me at that. Oh, okay. And it's like, and it's just into being like a once or twice a year. Yeah. All me. And then eventually then he goes, yeah, dude, just like.

you know, just move back to LA so it's, you know, we'll catch up though for sure and you're like, yeah, yeah, all right. So you don't really like people, you just like connections? No, no, no, no, if it's somebody, if I like to foster, if it's somebody who I'm not a fan of? You know, if you talk to somebody, that's weird, because you're nice to me, and I can't do anything for you. That's for sure.

No, no, no. Yeah, but you've probably had something because you've met so many famous people. I can't text, well, I've had that word, but I can't, I won't text them. Why? I just don't, I even feel bad talking to Tony, and I've been friends Tony for fucking 40 years or some shit. But like Manson's was a friend of mine. He would always call me and I would never call him. Because I'm like, why?

Marilyn? Hey, man, what have you been up to? The only time I called him is he told me after my fight. I had a, my last pro fight. He was like, make sure you FaceTime me after the fight. And I was like, okay. And that's because he said, make sure you call me after the fight. Otherwise, I would never, he would send me text messages like creepy.

videos like he's in a fucking cemetery some chick with like Hitler hat on or whatever and I'm like oh cool man like he's like is this a good Christmas card what am I supposed to say to that? First of all yes the answer is yes to that be honest he even says videos and stuff where I'm like I don't know what to I don't know

like yay good nice work like I don't there's no none of the comments I could think of would make any sense to the video I think I don't want to actually don't want to even celebrate this video I feel like you're being racist I'm not so fucking I'm not giving you a thumbs up on this video,

you fucking weirdo. Like, why are you sending me this, too? It's like midnight. Like, do you have to fucking send her a bunch of weird racist chicks? Like, I'm like, fuck, dude. Like, I don't know. Do you want to have lunch at Spago tomorrow

and watch me cut this girl? Dude, after my fight, I phacined him, and my face was real fucked up too. And he was with some chick, like, witchy, you know, tattooed chick. And he's like, yeah, man, your face is fucked up. And I was like, yeah, man, I won though. He's like, that's crazy.

He's like, well, you know, I wish I could, like, share this with you. And he just ran a giant bag of Coke across the screen for a second. And this girl just had that look where, like a Lewis girlfriend. You know what I mean? Where it's just like, it's just there. Just eyes following a bag of Coke. She's just there. He's just there.

You don't know if she's there. You look, it's here. She's doing hand to help me gestures. yeah like if you were on mushrooms she'd scare you from time to time in the room like whoa where the fuck did you come from you know oh fuck