The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Flame Throwing with Luis J Gomez

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

On his way to Skankfest New Orleans, Luis J Gomez is back to have one last hurrah with the guys. | Big Jay had gigs in Tampa and found the humidity unbearable because of his burly fashion choices. His opening comic took him to an NFL game because the opener always wants to buddy up to the headliner. Bob remembers hating an opener because he was a flame thrower. | Jay professionally grooms his ears and checks everyone in the room for hair in their lobes. Luis J Gomez "You're Making This Worse" is his new stand up special directed by Robert Kelly out on YouTube now! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. 90s hip-hop ruled. I'm not just saying that because I'm old. Bobito. Did you, uh... There's a new, like, M&M guy out. Mm-hmm. There's a new white rapper that's fucking really good.

Have you heard of him? Well, it's vague. He didn't say his name. I don't know his name. There's a white rapper. He, but he's like, he's like Eminem, but he's fucking killing it right now. Dickie? I don't know.

You know me, Crackamico. No, he's great. He's fantastic. That's the other one. He's so good. Is he British? No.

He's a white dude. Looks like Eminem. But his, his, um, he's got a new, uh, video on, uh, on YouTube. It's fucking, he's so good. It's like, I was like, oh, you expected to suck. But it was actually really good shit. He's like depressed. You're not giving me enough information.

I know. everyone go go out and try to find the white rapper who's good because I know that's actually very small fucking pool no it's huge at this point name six right name 70 white rappers

70 MC search one Pete nice one two you lost count of your own count after one number three M&M

three old machine gun Kelly that counts okay four I'll give you that All three of the Beastie Boys. Young Black Teeners, all three Beastie Boys. 8 and 10.

Thank you. 10. That's a lot. All right. Listen, the point is... We got to start this motherfucking show. Everyone is the bonfire. Faction Talk, Sirius XM, 1.03...

You should put the music back up, Lou, for that. Sounds cool if the music's up for that. I'll do it again. Hang on, everyone. Act like this all just happened. Everything's going great. You enjoying that body brain over there? Let me tell you something about this body brain.

When I get in here and I wait to take my first sip, and when it goes down, it warms my soul. Isn't that a fucking peppermint paddy commercial? Well, Jay, we have the CEO of Body Brain in here right now. That is true. It's like when Stephen Singer comes in and just hawks over us. I'm the CFO. Everybody hates Lewis.

That should be your... That should be your... I hate Louis J. Gomez with Stephen Singer. That's a good move. That's a thank you, Lou. It's the bonfire. Faction Talk Series X-M. 103

Big J. Okerson Robert Kelly it's Skankfest week so why would we not have the man who thunk it all up

right in the motherfucking studio the CEO of Skangfest am I correct CFO CFO I just spend the money CFO of body brain

He's got a new special available right now called you're making this worse directed by our very own R.K. There's also what they say about my Roland Skankfest. And of course he's going to be at Skangfest.

Good plug, Christine. He's also going to be at Skangfest in New Orleans, November 13th through the 16th. I think all four days. After that, he's got Nashville, Columbus. He's doing all four days this year? Miami's Burg, Ohio, and Batavia, Illinois. All coming up, you can get tickets on

his website. It's the fucking Puerto Rican Rattlesnake. Lewis, Jay, Gomez. Lewis of Skanks is the website. You know, you say it like, it'd be weird if one of the Legion of Skinks

wasn't at all four days of the festival. Dave, one year, just came one day. Stop it. I swear to God. Yeah. His wife was pregnant.

Yeah. Personal issue. But it was... The baby was in the hospital. Yeah, it was a whole thing. No, he had to go. I can't believe he came for the day. But the baby had no respect for him.

The baby was like, he was like, he was like, dad, really? But I had to see medical papers before I let Dave go. Yeah. He was like, he cried. and I was like, I don't just need nothing to me. Crocodile tears, dude.

Crocodile tears, show me paperwork. And it turns out, it was legit. Did he just come in to do skanks? Huh? I think he came in from one. He came in, like, he cranked that as much as he could in that day. No, his, like, his child was in the hospital? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's what it was, right? Like, just born in the hospital, yeah. He shouldn't have even come. He was a bad, he was a bad move for him to even come. That's correct. That's a baby. That's a baby. son right now you came when your child was born yeah I did I jizz in the bathroom it's the

greatest story ever yeah is it great it's not a great story it was it's a low moment for sure it's a very funny stop it's not a low moment it's not a crazy but you know what open it to the callers I uh call it 866 755 55 call in 666 969 is this is this crazy I went to the hospital my son was being born we knew my my son mother was being induced, so we knew when we were going in, it was going to be a long process. So when we got there, after we checked in, ran to the bathroom, cranked one out. It wasn't like while she was fucking giving birth.

I jerked one off because I knew we were going to be there for a while. My jeans were rubbing against my dick. Oh, I remember those days when you were young and your jeezed you rubbed against you cocky and like, I've got to go fuck something. My dick has it rubbed against my underwear in fucking years. Sorry to hear that. It's in right now. I wish I could show it to you.

Anybody named Levi turns me on. It wasn't that, here's what, here's was not the part of the story. You were telling a story about the birth and the hospital, and you threw that in and just steamrolled over it. And we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? And you were like, what? Like, you didn't even acknowledge the fact that you jerked off in the hospital. That was like a throwaway.

I believe it's not the first time he's jerked off in a hospital. Hmm. No. You jerked off in hospitals after that before it? He's got to think about it at least. I mean, I would say probably if I, if I had to guess, if I had a bed, I've jerked off almost everywhere. I've jerked off in the bathroom as X-M. I've done cocaine in the bathroom of a series X-A.

You've jerked off in this building? I've jerked off in this building. Wow. We'd get fired for that, wouldn't we? No. Yes. Stop it. Well, yes.

Yes. No. If you got caught. In this, well, I mean, if Jacob complains like a bitch to HR. Stop being a pussy, Jacob. Can't just let us fucking jack off. I'm just in the, I'm in the women's room jerking off. Let me be.

What are you going to tell? Is it a being a rat, dude? I'm cool, man. What are you going to do, tell? And I hate that. It's not cool, man. That's what chicks do. Be cool.

Dirked off at airports? Was that old school? Yeah, it's old school. What are you going to tell? You know where you're going to do, man. You know where I jerk off in the airport? I go into the family bathroom. Oh, I go to the family.

I smoke weed, too, in there. Oh, I don't ever do that, but I'll, my few airport dumps. I've taken place in the family bathroom. A dump. Yeah. Yeah, because it's a solo bath. It's a solo. Yeah, and then a poor family goes in and go to smell your fucking cheese with.

Change your baby in my funk. Dude, or my weed smoke and my cum. We really legion of skanks up the airport. Either way, your baby's getting it. I was in your guys' favorite place this weekend, where Lewis Films is special. It's the best. Side Splitters Comedy Club. I'm wettie.

I know you have stories, but I really do want your review of the club. Great club. I will say this, though, why you, I'll say why I understand you guys love Tampa, you and Lewis particularly. Yeah. And I never got that affection for it right away. I remembered why. When you don't have hair, the humidity doesn't do anything. But I looked like a fucking six-year-old boy all weekend.

because no matter how much goop and glop I put in my hair, it would just fall down like a little boy because of the stupid humidity. Jacob, don't take offense to that. Listen. Yeah. Goop and glop? No, looking like a six-year-old boy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, first of, so, humidity for bald people, it sucks. Our heads get sweaty. Everything is slicks or hats get soaked. You have hair to stop up your sweat. Yeah. Me and Bobby just soaked through hats all week. I mean, Tampa for us is just, we're dripping into our own faces.

It's like we're melting. It sucks. It's for lizards. Yeah. You're right. It's lizard weather. We're saying the Jews? No, very few Jews in Tampa.

Found that out. No, that's the other side. Yeah. East side, all the Jews, all of us went to the west side. Who's us? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean?

It looks like us. What's us? I'm Jewish. He's a Jew. Yeah, but you're not a Jew-Jew. You're not a practicing Jew. I'd rather be on the Jewish side I don't like when you say something about the Jews

He gets very Jewish very quick What the fuck does that mean? What are you saying? He's a Christmas tree in his house I had a guy in an audience I don't think knew that I was Jewish And he said Somebody that at a bag goes

Yeah this Jewish girl And he goes, does it matter? I was like, ah shit It's like you're Israeli or something Aren't you? He was like yeah I go You guys always give a fuck too much Israelis are intense I know

That was one of my favorite It's Palestinians as they live in tents. Remember, remember Mustafa? Wow. Hold on, guys. Bomb dana.

Bomb, body brain, right in your face. Hot body brand on your face. Do you remember Mustafa? I do. Israeli guy that used to be the security at the seller ended up becoming security for Chappelle. He wanted to beat me up one night.

I believe it. Well, he was very easy to set off because I forget what was gone. Keith Robinson was on his flip phone. It was how long ago this was, obviously. walking around, talking to somebody, and Kevin Hart got Mustafa hyped up that Keith was talking shit about him,

just fucking around. But Mustafa didn't take a fuck around. And to watch, Keith, who, by the way, whatever age he was, he was always 50-something, Keith, like just the way he was like... Keith was born 50? Yeah, he was talking on the phone, and Mustafa went over and put him in a full Nelson

and picked him up off the ground while he was on the phone. It was the most humiliating thing I've ever seen somebody do to somebody. Yeah. While Keith just went, Mustafa, no! You can't fight five cops, but one of those...

Not one Israeli, not one Mossad member. Yeah, he came at me one night. Remember his hot chick he used to have there all the time? The blonde with the cans? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're as good at describing women as yours, white rappers. Yeah, she was a girl with tits. Big, bigger ones, though.

I said blonde. But she, I used to talk to her all the time. I used to be like, hey, you know, always give her hug and a kiss. Something happened somewhere where he thought I disrespected her. I don't know if she said something, but he came up to me and he just started fucking yelling at me. And I was just like, hey man, hey man, chill out, bro. I immediately bitched out. There's something about that accent and anger that fucking is like, I just don't want to, I want nothing to do with it.

But also, like, there's like old school. fucking you know Jesus fucking crusade anger in his face well he also felt like he was as important as anyone there because no one there nobody was faint like Colin Quinn was by far and wide the most famous person hanging out there

yeah by far and besides that so he didn't feel like he wasn't like a oh hello Mr. Robinson for Keith Robinson it was just stupid Keith if he has to throw him in a phone else he will I want to tell you about this weekend so you like the club

I like the club a lot You love it Better than the other place Yeah yeah yeah Yeah I mean in shape alone Like the shape of it Yeah I love shapes

I love shapes But the uh Yeah Alone that was great But crowds were great Yeah it's a little kill box It is right Isn't it fucking crazy

When you kill in there It's just that low ceilings Their pork and cabbage egg rolls Were good The smoked fish dip What? Wow They have what

They have food Locally made I thought they had just Popcorn No but they It's popcorn heavy that place. Yeah. Without a doubt.

But Green Room needs some work, but outside you can sit, and it's awesome. Outside is great. The audience would have never known that, Jay, unless you told them. Well, I like to give my real critique. Everything else fantastic. There's a clock. Well, the Green Room is... I thought you meant there's just a clock.

There's a clock. You can see from stage. That's important. Well, they used to have a couch, a bookshelf with some random books and a photo of Smoky and the Bandit. It was fucking cheese fest. and then BT took it over and cleaned all that shit and then when we did Lewis's special

they made it even better they painted the wall black they put the lights up so now it looks fantastic yeah it looked weird not weird it was always cool but it was like a weird just straight up brick wall before yeah but it wasn't brick like a cool brick wall like in New York yeah it was just like they they put the brick up in like two seconds

and yeah it was a terrible brick wall but now the green room is gabage though I agree with you he's got to do something with that I don't want to I don't want to be It's like a small office, right? Yeah, it's an office during the day. Somebody's office and they stick a mini fridge in there and just stick you in there.

If you have a guest spot, everybody on the show can't fit at the same time in the green room. No, three people. And that's not... Mike Alta. That's two people. Two Mike Alta's. Two Mike Alta's. Do you imagine having to be this close to Paco and Dylan?

Just right in your face like this. I brought Dave Temple and Dylan. out there with me and they had a they had a kid a local kid host very nice kid I'm not going to say his name because he's a he was a ball of anxiety

the whole weekend he and it's just a funny story to tell because he's great kid I like him I mean preface always by saying I like him very much very nice kid funny did a good job all weekend but if you say it one more time I don't believe that you like him yeah what are you guys waiting for i'm not saying it again i do like him

he did a very cool thing actually but it was just a funny like this is great so uh over the course i did friday i did calta it was great and he tells me to come to he's like oh if you guys are here on sunday come i do a tailgate for the bucks game it's fun there's food and like you know free drinks just come hang out have a good time I said, can I bring you the other comics? Sure. Of course, we'll pick you up in the sprinter van the day of. I love that he has that.

Yeah. He just has a, he bought a sprinter, and he has a guy that he just hires to pick him up and drive it all the time. Yeah. It's like my dream, just to have a big fucking sprinter and hire some dude. Very comfy. Some gardener during the day and a fucking sprinter driver at night. Yeah, you could do it.

Let me see seven people in that at least. Seven people, hang out, park right in front. You should use that as the greener. room, by the way. He would lend to it. That would work. But I was happy to be outside. But, so yeah, I did Calta on Friday. He said, come to this tailgate

thing, great. I can bring you the comics. A couple days before, I'm starting thinking, like, oh, maybe we'll go to the game. I've never seen the pirate ship stadium. They're playing the Patriots. It'd be really fun to watch the Patriots get smashed and come back and talk shit. Yeah. And I go, that'll be really fun.

And I go, we'll get to, I go, maybe I ask Bert. Maybe I ask Kreischer, if you can get a hookup for tickets. I text Bert, and then the kid hosting goes, he goes, I have, like, a hookup for four tickets if you guys want to go. And I was like, yeah, it's like, you and the three of us? You have, it's like tickets?

He goes, he goes, yeah, I got, right? You already have me? You're going to buy? I don't want to buy tickets. He's like, no, I got a friend of mine owes me these tickets. So I have four tickets. And I'm like, great, that's fine. And I really don't care where the seats are.

I just want to go see the stadium and stuff. So I'm into either team. So we'll go after the tailgate. We'll walk across the street and go to this game. We're at the tailgate. Poor kid. He gets there. He's like running pretty late.

And all we want to do is see the pirate ship in the stadium, like, does the cannon shot. And the game starts, and you're hearing it from outside the stadium. Like the cannon's going off. I'm honest, everyone's going nuts in the stadium. We're waiting for this kid to show up. And then so I tell him I'll get his part, pay for his parking right across in the thing. I'm like, just come here, you know, and I'll pay for your park.

So he comes over there, and then we walk over to the stadium. I go, where are the tickets? Section 310. I go, all right, so that's all the way up. Okay, row AA, which is awesome. Row A.A. I know from several stadiums. It's the very, very front row of the bowl. So we're up in the highest bowl, but we're very, very front row.

That's awesome. So we're looking around where to go. We start going up escalators because we have to go up. We go all the way up these escalators, and we get to the very top of it, walk across the whole thing. There's no Section 310, which I kind of saw this coming. It's one of those stadiums where it's like two sides. Yeah. So you have to go up.

So you have to go all the way back down to go back up. you go down an immeasurable amount of ramps walking it's not a circle no it's a back and forth back and forth it's where Bert does his 5K in the stadium because that's the thing is running up and down this ramp and I'm going down

oh I also never mentioned didn't really plan for the weather and thought I was going to go to the show right afterwards so I'm wearing very much like this jeans boots and a hoodie a hoodie I'm profusely sweating under my glows. It's awful. You can't take your hoodie off?

I'm doing a, I'm wearing a tank top, it would have, no. So, well, that was the whole solution we're there. Yeah, it is Burke country. Yeah, it's true, I guess. But we get all the way down. We walk across the thing. We go back up, the escalators at least this time, you know, all the way up. And we go to section 310. And I go, row double A. So we walk up to the lady, Technical. a where's row double a like but I'm looking at the front row and it just says A and I'm like

hmm I go oh maybe it's this little section here she goes no that's handicapped section I go where's double A the way double A works in this stadium is it goes through the entire alphabet no and then the alphabet starts again no but only up to D because AA is four rows from the top of the thing. Now, this is a pretty funny, hilarious thing. I mean, all of us looking at it after the walking we've done, it's like, oh my God. It's so high. It's so, and, you know, straight up. It's so steep, too. You feel like off balance when you're that high up at a stadium? I'm afraid of heights. I can't sit there. Yeah. And this, I have no, it was fine. Again, I don't care about the game as much as I wanted to see the place, so it was totally fine.

but what was funny was it took me back to a moment that Ari Shafir called me a few years ago and says hey I have three extra tickets tonight for Billy Joel everyone I was going on with like bailed so we're going to Billy Joel do you want to come yes well who else should we invite

we get Justin Silver Sal Volcano Salvo Cano goes oh he goes no I might be able to get us in the VIP entrance of Madison Square Garden fantastic he makes a call we do that we hey we can go in the side we go in that entrance they all hey Sal hey and Ari gives them the tickets

for us to go in and Ari is at every twist and turn Jewish and he doesn't spring for good tickets and they looked at the tickets MSG and they had a little meeting and then they came back and they said we're giving you guys these other tickets that were like closer to the stage and they basically said they were like yeah we can't

As the people who are here, we can't let Salvocano be, like, roaming around the second bowl. It's going to blow people's minds. And, buddy, it's nice because the recognition is up through the roof, but I mean, every step of the, I think I counted them, 75 steps, with someone going, BJ! No, and I'm like, sweating in a hoodie, I'm like, hey, what are you doing up here? Oh, man. I almost never fly first class. The amount of times I walk past people are like, Lewis, what are you doing going back there?

It's nice back there, actually. I like it. It's fine. It's pretty cool, actually. There's nobody in the middle, so I don't even care. I actually have more room than you now. I told Don, I go, I'm flying Skankfest first class. There's no way I'm walking by Ian Finance,

whatever his fucking name is, him in first class. No fucking way. We'll say if we could even fly, if all the airports are shutting down. No, don't do that. Christine just took a deep breath. Christine's freaking out. Dude, this kid... Not after 2020.

I bought, I got like waters for everybody. Yeah. These big smart waters, but they make you take the lids off. I hate that. And then we're sitting there. It's this kid. The host kid, me, Dave Temple and Dylan. I'm just sitting there.

It's like hot as shit. It's looking like it's going to start pouring at any second. Pouring. And I'm in the clothes that I, at the time, I believe I was going to wear that night. And I was just, I was just bumming about it, and I was hungry, but no one's going to go get food.

Dylan eventually, he eventually Dylan broke down and went and got some food. But I was like, I'm not leaving this seat, dude. It's crazy what it took to get here. And then at one point I looked down, and I'm like, ew, what's all that? Because I'm like, it's wet all underneath my feet. And this knows the kid,

and this kid wants me to like him so bad, and I do. But he wants me to, and I'm watching this happen. And then I looked down, I realized, he just kicked his water over, and it's just pouring on my, And then on the way back, you know, sometimes got some... Wait a minute, you had boots on in Tampa? Jay always his boots on.

I had boots on. You dressed like you're in fucking Alaska. Right. And I was wearing boots walking down that fucking crazy ramp was not. My feet were destroyed. You were size 15 boots. 14. I mean, picking up.

He's going down sideways. Dude, well, you know what it is? Like, the boots, I also wear I'm loose, so the thing is, like, every time I'm stepping, like, your foot's, like, rubbing on the bottom of the fucking... Jay, you can tighten your shoes and take off your hoodie. You can also wear sneakers and wear a t-shirt. I should have just worn shorts and sneakers.

Yes. I thought I had to go right to the show from the game. I just timed it back. You just put a bag in the car and change. No, I went back and showered and everything, because I said sometimes God puts a little something in there. And I'm not religious, Bobby, but you are?

Yeah, I appreciate this. As I was going home, feeling the sticky of my tank top, I mean, gross, longer, a foot longer

than it was when I put it on. You gotta throw it away. And my fucking, and I could just feel how soupy my underwear are, but I brought four days of clothes. And what will we pass by? A DXL, big and tall.

Oh, nice. Do me a favor, kid. Pull in here for two seconds. underwear tank top shower problem solved yeah my head you still go to big and tall huh you still go to big and tall my I like the tank tops from there very specifically the underwear I actually ended up throwing away they were awful I hate when people say that what you still go to big and tall you're still fat that's what that's a problem is skinny as shit that's what I know I know but as a fat guy it's like what yeah I still go I knew my guy at DXL you see Jay is you have

skinny legs though Bobby you kind of have you don't have fat legs I got fat legs for me I have good underwear now shout out sheath underwear but like all like my old like Haynes boxer briefs they would get like stretched out in the thigh and stretched out of the waist

it was just like you can't do cotton they gotta be some kind of calm I've had to throw my underwear I have to say the word my clubs I've thrown underwear out at the end of the weekend because the band is just sweat doing it I used to throw out my socks just because I didn't do laundry often enough to keep up with my socks, so I would just throw out socks

and then buy new packs from Models. My underwear have to say words on them like for combat or training. Yeah. You have to wear tie jock straps. The one brand I would do a while was, the one brand I worked for the longest time was Nike Pro Combat.

Combat. I was like, it really hugs the legs up, though. You don't get any that chaf, that thigh sheaf. But I brought that story, because I thought also, did You guys must at some point had like an opener just like a great guy

but they just keep whiffing every step of the way I mean I brought I travel with mush Mike Suarez a lot Oh yeah well that's different He was fun though I electrocuted him in a mall once What?

You know those little electrodes you can put on your body And it's zap you I put two pairs on them And I just turned them all the way up And he just kept going He had a heart attack It's fucking 300 pounds The guy was so

mad at me, he's like, sir, you cannot do this to him. He's just going I go, there's a hurt, he goes, no, it's and his whole body would convulse. I just mean things like, there's got to be stuff like, I definitely feel like I've been with somebody like opening for me and they're driving and like their car

breaks. Dude, I had a guy in Canada opened for me that he was just like, dude, it was just the most annoying person ever. He just kept on yapping, just wouldn't shut the fuck up. All about himself. Like, just, and I'm like, we're driving hours and hours and hours and at one point he's like i've had that with you he's like he's like oh dude this other

guy that's going to open for us tonight uh we're going to go pick him up in his hometown was like an hour out of the way like off of the door i was like no i don't want to do that at all and he was like he was like oh he was like also we'll go have lunch with him is that cool it i was like no i don't want have lunch with anybody i was like i just want to go sleep it was like please and then he was like all right and then i fell asleep at the corner and i woke up and we were at the guys place and they made me go to lunch anyway that I had to pay for because I'm the headliner oh it made me furious fuck you zahan there was a guy there was a guy called rob steen that used to book shows in boston like up in maine in New Hampshire so he was the guy when you first started

headlining you'd work for him and he would always pull he one time he he planned to get his car fixed on the way up but didn't tell me. Planned it. He was like he showed up and had a reservation to get something done on his car. She's like, dude, I got to pick you up at like 12 o'clock. I'm like, why are we going so early? It takes a long time to get there. We had to go to Maine. I get it. All right, fine. And then he just

pulls into a garage. He goes, it's going to take a couple minutes. I got to, something's going on with the engine. I found that he, it was a planned like transmission something. We were there for two hours. In this fucking, I'm just sitting in his car. Then we get to the gig in Maine And it's in the middle of fucking nowhere

I'm the headliner This local comedian This older guy with like a huge head He just did this Leno Jay Leno competition In Maine in New Hampshire And I guess he was a finalist Not didn't win

Just a finalist And he went to the club And he was like I was in He just said Jay Leno Like he was on it He took my room I had like a suite Took my room

I got a meal at the restaurant at this place, he ate my meal. So I had to pay for my fucking dinner. I got so mad, I go, I'm not headlining. Go fuck yourself. He's headlining.

I'm middling. So I just went up in front of him and fuck it. Because I don't even know what he does. I just know that he thinks he's the shit. So I go up, I fucking destroy for 25 minutes. I do the best shit.

I got marshmallows. I do it all. I'm fucking the stool. I got, I got fucking fake buck teeth. Oh, a goofy vampire. I literally, I go, thank you. And I did the, I planned it to where I got the big laugh.

I thank you, good night. This guy goes up, dude. He had a puppet. He had a fucking puppet. But he didn't know how to do, he didn't how to do the ventriloquist. He didn't how to do the ventriloquist. His mouth was just moving like regular. He was just going, hey, how are you?

How are you? He was just doing the voice. Hey, what's going on? I don't know. What are you doing? I don't know. He bombed for fucking 10 minutes so bad. The room was silent.

And the kid that booked me, he's like, you have to go back up. You have to go back up. I'm like, fuck you. No, he's got my room. He got my fucking dinner. Let him bomb with his stupid puppet. I wish we could find this guy to watch.

It was the worst puppet, everything, not one fucking joke. And he didn't even try to, like, mush his lips together. He just talked also. He just talked the voice. It was just him. I want him having to go back up. I've been doing like 15, 20 minutes and getting the room back.

And then we went, and this is the part that fucks me up. That's just for the ladies. Well, we went. My part of the store is for the gals. We went to a diner. How did you go back up there and save the day. This is what bugs me about these people. I went to the diner after, and he didn't face him one bit.

Oh, that's great. Didn't even, he was like, yeah, good show. I was like, what? I go, I was a job or, though. That's just a guy who needs his money. I was like, dude, you fucking stink. Every city has one of those guys, too, the guy who books, shows. like when you had an hour you can do shows

that play was Paul Solari was a guy in Philadelphia but I was thinking about weird things when you get to a place I had a guy who the driver for a club in Kansas City one of the times he drove me to radio and he was driving me home he goes do you mind if I stop somewhere okay if it's on the way and I go yeah sure and he pulled up and he

went to go try to fight the firefighter that was fucking his ex-wife he came back in the car like slam the door he's like fucking asshole guy I forgot. I forgot. What's up, buddy? On the way back to Boston from Maine, I carved, I hate Rob Steen in his door inside on the car.

Shut up. I swear to God. I carved it into his, I hate Robstein, into the door handle with the handle, and I got pen and I put it in there, so it was like a tattoo. A fucking douchebag. He actually just hit me up a year ago to do a gig for him. And? Well, I wouldn't be up there this summer in Maine.

If the price is right, baby. I worked a sausage factory with that guy. It was a, they had a bar and behind a sausage factory. And that's him right there. He was famous for doing stupid human tricks on David Letterman. And he would open, he would close with his flame, his fire sticks. And we were at the sausage factory. What is that?

And he, just fire sticks. He would juggle and tell jokes. But he, the stage was two feet by two feet. The people were right up on you. He's just, and people are like, whoa. He lit the stage on fire. He dropped on the sticks, and the stage is just on fire. He's like, oh, sorry.

I had to go on stage. The stage was still smoldering while I was on stage. Bobby had to go up and save the show because that's what Bobby fucking does. He hung up and killed. I looked a fire back. There was going to be a riot, but I was able to calm him down.

I lit the stage on fire again. There's his sticks. Every story ends with Bobby coming in and murdering and saving the day. I want to see if any of this is funny. Go to the end of the video, see if Bobby comes on. Sorry, everybody. Sorry. I want to hear it.

Here's the thing. I remember him being all right. You know what I mean? But that was early in the... Here we go. So it's physical impressions with the fire stick. I almost punched my microphone. I had to follow this at a sausage factory. You should have went out why he was doing this. It blew the fucking flame out.

I did that with a magician one time. I bumped into his table and all his magic axe fell, and I picked up this table that I guess is a trick. And it went, floph, floph, and all the trick part just folded out. I go, look, there's holes in it. And I just heard from the back, my illusions. And you said, don't worry, sir. I got this.

I'm going to go up there and save the. I had to go up and kill after that. So, uh, what's up, guys? Magic show's kind of a little bit short. Marshmellio, dude. Look at my vampire teeth. I got silly teeth. I'm fucking a stool.

It's so funny. The gigs that we did back then that we wanted so bad. I mean, I wanted so bad to be on the road. And you look back at these fucking hellholes. Well, seem romantic. I don't know why for like five. seconds when a guy's like

I mean you see him come in he looks like he hates life like the road dog hates life miserable comedy usually stinks and everybody's saying things and you look at there and he's like what is this he goes this is my very reliable super ugly shitty car and this is all of my clothes in the back yeah he made like

he made a curtain rod in the back and they're all just his shirts are hanging up when someone's proud of like fucking makeshift horse shit in their shitty car that they have to basically live in never impresses me It makes me so sad. It makes me so sad.

Look, look, I got a hot plate that plugs into the lighter. I got coffee right here. What do you need? I'm on the road anyway. That's always the thing. I'm on the road anyway. So, like, that was Craig Gass. I'm on the road anyway.

So can I keep all of my belongings of your house for four years? When I walked in, I'm Voss making a hamburger on his portable, form and grill that he carries on the road with him. I don't think I've ever been sadder in my life I was like we're in a fancy hotel He goes yeah but you can just make your hamburgers here They don't have turkey bargers Dude boss where we gonna eat dude

He took everyone's food back with him You got everyone else's food bagged up On the road he brought it back to his We were on the road the three of us Yep Some casino or like Buffalo or something It was upstate we did a real I mean great casino

We were all getting Yeah, Shenica. Yeah, yeah. They gave us, they let us go to this amazing steakhouse. We had the best time. Everybody killed. Awesome show. And then we go up to the steakhouse on the house.

We ate such a, I mean like kings. Yeah. And Voss, listen, dude, he did this in Vegas too. Me and Keith, we were there for the weekend at the cellar, went up to the Rio to the top. They have a steakhouse. We got a seafood tower. amazing seafood tower he took the crab legs home and on the plane no on the plane i got a photo of it

he took the king crab legs on the plane he has a little bag a refrigerator bag with an ice pack that he keeps he he put the legs in the ice bag because you can go through customs with water if it's frozen and he had crab legs and then he opened him up on the plane and he ate crab legs on the fucking plane in coach I would fist fight if there was somebody sitting next to me eating crab legs on the plane

he ate them on the plane buddy he he had to open them I have them still he yes or was it just pieces of crab well it was cracked it was crap dude crab legs but it was it a fucking big old leg with the shell on dude

the shell on it Listen to me, dude What's wrong with him? Buddy, I remember we did Cripes with Kids. We had a Kate, Deb, the best. She was our tour manager. Every night we had it cated to the max. It was great.

Every night he would take home food. And one night I came offstate, I would eat after I came off because I had to go up last because, you know, I had to, you know. You're a clean, you know. But I come offstage to eat. And I'm like, whiz, there's a whole chicken. There was a whole chicken.

and I go, where's the chicken? Did they throw it out? He put it in his duffel bag. He took a whole chicken and put it in his bag. Why do you have a duffel bag? To take food. You took a whole chicken home. I go, dude, we're 20 minutes from your house.

That's fucking crazy. I almost never take home food. I was going to say, even when I definitely was broke and everything, like pride would have let me, because I see how it looks. I remember, and he merrily admit this and say, Harris Stanton at Patrice's Thanksgiving's was one of the funniest things ever because at the end of it,

Patrice's mom would just be like covering everything and just getting ready to get rid of everything. And he would take it, he would bring him like a garbage bag's worth of leftover food and walk out with it like, thanks, y'all. I would be like, I go, ah, this looks bad. You never take home anything from a restaurant?

Christine will. I never do it. I never do it because I'm never. going to, I'm never going to go back. I never had the leftovers, that's the problem. I'm just going to bring home a restaurant. Garbage to put in my fridge that I have to throw out two weeks later. That's exactly. Anytime I've

ever brought stuff home from the restaurant, it's just being thrown out. Yeah. It's just taking space in the fridge and nobody's eating a half a hamburger. I dated a girl once she would take like the food afterwards and then she would repurpose it and like make different meals out of it and like fucking.

Wish you have a TikTok? Talk. Hey, everyone, this is burger soup. You guys have had burger hummus? It's fantastic. It's juice made out of chicken wings. This is croutons made from stale bread I brought back. Have you guys had bone marrow bread?

Have you had several different cuts of steak hot dog? Have you had chicken ham hot dog? You know, anything can be a sandwich. There's something about taking food home, especially now. Like, I'm at the age where me and Don't split. Me and Don't split shit now. Like, we'll get a, we'll split a hamburger. Because I'm not eating a whole hamburger.

I just don't eat it because of my baby's stomach. And it's just a waste of food. Shut up, Bobby. I have a baby stomach. Bobby. I can't eat a whole hamburger. Bobby, I watch you. No.

here's you're forgetting I'll get like we'll get an appetizer like a salad so you're more than a hamburger we'll get a clam chatted we'll get wings and we'll get you loosened up that get you loosened up a chakouto replay I can only eat half a hamburger after that yeah you can't just pound a half a hamburger

well because you're saying that you're like you do the halves thing but I go me and Christine have done that a bunch you get two things and you go I'll have half of your chicken sandwich you have half your bird first of all imagine I have dated girls Karen Margolis, my ex-girlfriend, she was not a sharer.

So I'd order something, she'd order something, and I couldn't eat, like, I was like, but I could eat, I mean, technically more than half of yours because I'm a guy. I used to order and then tell Dawn to get what she's getting, because I wanted some of that too. I'm getting 75% of what's on the table, but... I'm depending on you not to be a pig

and eat all your food. If someone I'm with, if it's just two people eating, if they order the same exact thing as me, I'd be furious. I get mad. I almost yell out I go don't do that because that means now

if you want this also let's get something else to pick up each other if a girl orders the same thing as me like that's a test she's not the one she's not the one

she's not the one don gets the fillet I always get the other steak if don gets the fillet I get prime rib or I get like you know rib eye

because I want some of that fucking filet and she if she eats the whole thing I get mad yeah I think you meant I think you meant like a mounts you're saying almost she was

And just like him, I'll have the large side of bashed potatoes and the extra mac and cheese. No, we went to the comedy cellar dinner last night. Who did? I did. Keith did, Norton did. Colin got stuck in Vegas, couldn't make it. So we had the dinner last night.

It's just a mean dinner. Why? Was Esty there? Esty would... No, it's just a mean dinner. We're just vicious. I was just... She was there.

Esty? Kristen, remember old Chris, the old manager? She's there. She's mean. Liz was there. I got the buttercake from downstairs at Del Frisco's, which is probably my favorite dessert of all time. And Liz...

We did this on the regs. We made the joke because you said, her, you love the butter cake. It's like, it's not actually cake, Bobby. It was just a stick of butter. It was a slice of butter. This cake is so good. It's butter with cream on top and ice cream. It's a butter ice cream, too.

It's a buttered be canned. Liz actually, she took it and gave it out to everybody and left me a little tiny piece. It's like, you're just such a cunt. I did a bold thing today. What did you do? Hesitin to tell you. You didn't paint your fingernails.

No, a Chinese lady did. I think Chinese. One of the Chinese is. I don't think that's a thing. It's called one of the Asians, Jay. The Orientals. No, it was a grooming move, though. You trimmed your bush family.

You met a teenage girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think I got her on the line pretty good. Well, she's definitely afraid to tell her parents. And that seems like good grooming. No, a personal hygiene grooming thing I did today. You trimmed your asshole. You shaved your asshole hair.

Nope. You trimmed your ball hair. No, you did that. I do that anyways. I do that anyways. Ball deodorant? Nope. You trimmed your armpits?

No, but I will tell you, you're on the right path, though, with the trimming. Trimming. You trimmed your nips in your chest. No. You waxed something on your body. You know. You are a gay little bitch. What do you do?

Your eyebrows? Would you wax? Yeah, well, I would always do that. Well, he threads his eyebrows. He doesn't wax him. I wax him now. Well, I don't mean, again, in Asian. What do you...

You need Asian people. Is it the same Asian place? Yeah. See, the amazing place is everything for you. Yeah, well, nails and eyebrows, yeah. Nails, eyebrows, and hand jobs? No hand jobs, Bobby. Some of them are actually respectable workers.

All of them have a price, Jay. I'm pretty sure she'd whack me off. Every one of them have a price. All you have to do is go two hours, just legs. And then around an hour and 20, they get tired, and they just jerky off. Two hours just left. He had to take a dance and get out. My fingers are tired.

So I got some... Just the front of my legs. I got something waxed. You got your bush fat. No. All right. So it's not your bush fat. It's not your nipples.

No. Your back. Your whole back. Your whole back. Your belly. Nope. Your pussy and your crap. There's no other place.

We've named all of the places. I know. You got your ears done. He's your ears waxed. Yep. You should get them lasered, bro. I'm gonna, but... Burns a hole through Jay's head.

The laser just goes right through. It just hits a calendar on the wall. Yeah, I will tell you, it still currently hurts. Let me see your ears. If I can see, ooh, they look hairless. They are hairless, though. Were they were they were they was there like hair like crawling out of them yeah no but what she got I always all I really wanted or needed to get which I will say was like painful yet also satisfying was I wanted to get like behind whatever like the triangle is that comes out yeah behind here is whether it's like it feels like it's a lawn yeah like it's not coming out of my ears at all but it feels like a fucking toothbrush almost and I was like I want to get rid of that hair and she was like yeah but she also did the outside of my ears a lot, which bummed me out.

You didn't even realize you had outside of your hair? You just had fuzz. Fuzz, it's just fuzz, for sure. You should leave the fuzz. I'm sure, but. Because now that's going to grow back thick as shit. You're going to look like the little kid on the Munsters. Not if I get a laser, right?

But they, uh, but she, when she put the wax on and then stuffed the fucking, you know, the strip, like down in the ear hole. And I felt like, and rip it out like that out. Oh, yeah. Just tear out your ear drum. It was great. You can not keep that and get custom headphones made with that little thing. That strip? Buddy, when I, I knew I had to get my ears done because I was on a plane.

You also have your ears done. I had my ears laser. Because I was on a plane and I, you know, the little air that comes from the top? I do. I felt the hair is moving in my ear. Oh, shit. And then I looked over at the girl next to me and she was just looking at me with disgust. I had like

fucking hobbit ears coming out I could I could feel the wind hit my ear hair This is some like old white guy shit It's bad Oh I gotta stay on top Look at my ears how are they Yeah but you're Puerto Rican

Let me see Let me tell you take a look Yeah they're not bad Get in there dude Get a light I hope it's fucking terrible It might be dude Oh that's great

I might see some like Just fucking bugs Jay's going in the ear What do you got Going behind Uh Certainly Some hair

Oh Oh some Longies. Oh, give me a picture. I want to see. I want to see. You want to see?

Yeah, take a picture. Let's see. I feel very naked right now. Pluck one. See if it hurts. I did this with my asshole once on Legion of Skanks and I didn't feel as naked

as I feel right now. Yeah, your ears are somehow... Yeah, weird. It's very weird. More vulnerable than your asshole, I would say. Was it light? Because you're not supposed to... All right.

We don't kind of everyone get around my ear right now. What is happening right now? Thank you, Jacob. You got a hair, dude. How much hair is in there? He said, wow, why are you saying, wow? This is a great Christmas present for you. Nice laser treatment.

You see the Long East Jacob, right? Can you grab one, Jay? No, stop it. What do you mean, oh, God? He said, oh, God, for it. This is fucking crazy. What are you guys talking about? Everyone's putting their ears on the line tonight on the bonfire, just so you know.

I mean, you have some long. Oh, my God. What is happening with my ears? Yeah, please. Lou, I want to see your ears. Stay there. What's in a black guy's ears? Oh my god, they're all around the rim.

Your headphones. Right here, look. I don't know what I'm doing. Look, look, right here, dude. I'm going to show you. Ow! You pulled on my ear hair. Because there's a lot of it, dude.

It's like a mustache in your ear. That's the kid. Get your hand out of my ear, dude. You have your mustache. Oh my god. Yeah, dude, you got to get your swag. Do you know what I'm going to bring back? I'm bringing back wet willies.

And I'm bringing them back tonight, boys. Oh, don't do it to me, dude. You're going to fucking touch my brain. There's nothing stopping you anymore. You're going to finger fuck my brain. Oh, shit. Getting the, but the laser, I don't know. Women are so much stronger, can take so much more pain.

What? What? Your wife isn't listening. They get, you sure? Yeah. These bitches are weak. Yeah, they're fucking. Because they get their boxes and assholes lasered.

Sure. And their legs. Their whole. Women get their legs. Give me the laser. It doesn't hurt that much. It hurts. It hurts, dude.

You thought so? I thought when, in your ear? In your ear, dude? Hang on. Ow. Ah, shit. Your hair. Lewis, sit still Lewis.

Ow! Hang on. Oh, almost zapping. Oh, there she is. Oh, one more. One more straggler. There it is. The other one.

The other one. Go, go. Go. Bam. All clear. You miss one. There's one in the back right there. Yeah, it hurt, man.

She gave me a, like, a tennis ball to hold and to squeeze because I was a bitch, man. She, inside the ear, laser, and you have to shave it down. You have to shave it because if the hair is gray, they can't do it. It will do nothing. The laser picks up on the black of the root. Did you hear that, Lou? Lasers can only find black. Black people can't get laser because,

it kills the pigment in the skin. Well, by the way, when the... Makes them white? What? Lou, we figured it out. Let's just laser the backside of your hand at first, like a tester. Just like a test strip.

He lasered his beard. He was white from the nose down. What's unpleasant, which I assume the laser kind of has that thing, too, is that almost like the thing that's like... It's a strange sensation because we remember doing the joke, Jacob last week, about the ear talking? it does like when she's putting like the wax and like the piece of paper in there

to like on top of you really have to it's like it's very shooting up your spine oh okay I don't think any of this is worth it and then pulls it out huh? It's worth it not to feel your hair in a windstorm I'll tell you what you don't I don't think I do I need it I don't know stop it yes it's not pouring out of my ears it's literally I've never had any bitch not one

say you just had you just had three bitch tell you you have air your men your your your your old white men who are self-conscious about your ear hair no I've never noticed any of your ear here right didn't say anything to you but they saw it hey why are you coming at me with this fucking energy Jacob who the fuck do you think you are I'll beat your ass dude he did call you a bitch before you came in that was crazy you see the way he's drinking body brain he drinks a huge couple of us I'm gonna send you guys the body brain song that Crack Kimiko made we haven't premiered a real premiere

at a skate fest but I feel like The bonfire should have the body print song. Yeah, I want to hear it. I'm going to send it to Chris. Actually, Christine, you have it in your text messages. Yeah. What the fuck? Oh, yeah, no, you'd, what you would benefit from, without even getting the waxing,

because you don't have tons of hair? Did you think he had tons? I just think. I would say it's about 10. Yeah, but they're long. They have long. They have long. No, no, no, no, no.

They're long. It's all over the place. In that triangle. I've never noticed it before because no one looks. It's that old Asian woman. little mole hair It's all on that peninsula Do you have a nose hair trimmer?

Yeah So I can use that So why did you use it? I do So why do you have to get it wax? Because when I do With the ear hair trimmer It sounds like someone's taken down

A fucking fern in my lawn It's I wanted to get it Gone gone Instead of missing shit So she did it It took a little bit That was the worst part When I got my laser

It did hurt She went in with the trimmer The little tiny trimmer and it sounded like I was shaving my beard. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I go, is there a lot? She goes, I don't know, zz. It's right in your ears.

He's like, are you chains? Are you chainsong of yellow pages in my ear? Oh, no, it's just a little tiny thing making a buzz? It didn't feel that way. What did you say, Jake? Is it one laser treatment and you're done? No, I had to do six. Oh, man.

Because as you, hairs grow back, and the ones she missed, you've got to go get and you just keep going. Are you putting a full telephone point? and a wood chipper directly in my ear. Yeah, it was bad. But yours you can wax, but what's going to happen, they're just going to get longer. Well, no, I realize I have used my nose hair trimmer.

Once in a while I go from nose to ears, it's like bugger to earwax. It's very weird. Then the mouth. Yeah, then the butt. It's your boogers in your way. I'd swallow it. Mouth ear, nose, butt.

Jacob, how do you handle your nostril and your hair? I don't have any ear hair, but I have a photo. How do you know? You literally can't see. The same one, I'll pluck it. Bobby? I have what? Check Jacob's ears, please.

You got it? Nobody knows how many ear hairs they have? How would you ever know? There's no angle you can see your own ear hair. You need an honest friend. You got to go and do the thing and see if you hear. Stay there. They're fine, then.

Turn to the left a little bit. Right there. Stay right there. Come on. I mean, you got the one. It's uncomfortable, right? Jacob, is it uncomfortable? Yeah, that one.

That's the one. Look, look out. Look, look, look, let's there's one. Just one? I'll take it out. I'll tell you what, he's got one on, it's weird, he has one on each side.

Thank you. Really? One. Interesting. Wow. I understand where that confidence comes from now. The man's got impeccable ears. Christine looks like she's wearing fur ear plugs.

Christine has full caterpillars wiggling around in her ears. Christine's wearing ear muffs. Christine's ears never get cold in the winter. I'm hearing. We know. Oh, shit. It's good that you did that, though.

It's time, but you definitely get the lazy. I mean, it's been five years. I have a couple that just grew back, which are annoying, that I can pluck. Well, the reality is I can just, when I get my eyebrows done, just have this lady work the fucking year. But imagine never going to have to do it again. I know. That's great. He's go to esthetician school.

Get your eyebrows. Get your eyebrows. Shut up, bear. dare to be bear. Why doesn't you want to you have your daughter do it? Have your eyebrows lasered.

My eyebrows? Yeah, you'll never have to do them again. No, it's crazy. Yeah, do them. You have your eyebrows laser. He kind of likes the process. He likes going in and having the conversation

with the old age. Look at him. Don't do you face. Because what happens... She says my eyebrows are nice. If you get a tan the little dots where they lasered,

you'll have little dots all around your eyes. I don't want that. Yeah, you don't want that. You don't look like an alien. I'm looking face laser. I keep my lasers. What's that, Lou?

We have to break. You want to jerk off Lewis? What do you want to do? Show me with your hands what you want to do? Wack off Lewis. Wack off Lewis. And then break his cock. And then suck it.

And then suck the bottom part? Strange. Okay. Well, Lewis is going to be the fuck. What would you call it? What's the main person of a Marty Grawl? Like the Grand Wizard of Skank Fest. No, no, no, no.

No, no, Joe. The 13th through the 16th. After that, Nashville, Tennessee, Columbus, Ohio. Miami'sburg, Ohio, and Batavia, Illinois. For tickets and all tour dates, of course, go to Lewis ofskanks.com. That's L-U-I-S. You know it. Lewis of skanks.com and Body Brain Coffee. Please, Christine.

Body-Brain coffee is available right now at bodybrain coffee. We've got to give the Bonfire promo code. Yes. How about you just give us free coffee? Oh, for the fans. Yeah, yeah. 30% off. Let's do 75% off.

75% off. That's not possible. And then also Lewis is special You're making this worse Available right now Streaming on YouTube.com slash Lewis J. Gomez comedy If you already saw it go there

Comment, like, get in those comments That helps it And share it Share it, share it Even if you saw it already Make sure you're in those comments Telling people how much you love it And all that stuff

And of course Bobby It's going to be at Skank Fest as well This is it, this is the week So stressed After that he's going to be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, November 21st and 22nd. Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, December 5th, and 6 for tickets and all of his tour dates. Go to punchup.com slash Robert Kelly and check out that YouTube channel.

Get your tickets now because I'm sold out. Both of those shows are almost sold out. Vinnie's, Uncle Vinnie's. Comedy Connection and, no, I'm kidding. I have a lot of tickets left. Please go. And make sure check out Bobby's YouTube, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. And every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. The Fat Black Pucs to Get Lounge. and the Village Underground. Yeah. Catch him live.

Catch him live. And Big Jay, the Gramacy in New York for Story Wars on Tuesday, November 11th. There's only a few tickets left. It's tomorrow. Only a few tickets left.

It's going to be an amazing show. And of course, New Orleans Skangfest. And he's going to Salt Lake City. For tickets on all the tour dates, go see one of the funniest guys walking right now. BigJ Comedy.com is where it's at. YouTube.com slash at Big J. Okerson For his special Them They.

And there you go. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.