The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Flankers with Avery Pearson

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Old friend of the show, musical comic Avery Pearson returns just to have Bobby butcher his introduction many times over. Avery is pre-diabetic like Bobby and currently on Ozempic like Big Jay. Bob pitches a product idea of a float/anchor for water fun and wants everyone to be seed investors. Avery wants in on the ground floor and agrees to write a theme song for this invention. Jay invents a similar product to the "Flanker" that turns out to be a bad idea. Avery's special "Give It Up, Avery Pearson" premieres on VEEPS on June 26th! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly We're back We're back enough with a swab. He also wants Starbucks hijack. Oh, I'd love a Starbucks. I am dying I can't do I just can't do that much chick-fil-a. I think can I be honest with you, bro? I had a headache from, I had a headache from yesterday. I'm gonna be honest, Lou picks up the camera. I did jump in the left. I'm gonna be honest, I don't like black people.

That's not true. Oh God, black people are filming. I love black people. It's an overcorrection. I like black people a lot. It's an oversell. How about back to a lot. It's an oversell. It's an oversell. How about I like just all people on an individual basis? I have to go, I think I gotta get my blood sugar checked, buddy.

Why, is that why you're getting racist? I had a, uh, I had diabetes. Guys, I think my insulin's spiking. Oh, I have diabetes. Do you have diabetes, like full blown? I got pre-diabetes, I earned type two. That'd be great if you're like,

I have diabetes, you fucking kike. Do you have to do insulin shots? I'm on Monjaro now, but I've gone through like the Ozempic. Monjaro life. Dude, look at me. I look great. Fuck dude, you do look great. Thank you so much. Sam, me and Christine, both awesome. Oh really? Yeah.

Oh, you guys do look good. But I wasn't going to be like, because you do drugs. Shit. Yeah. He every thinks I'm still fat as shit. Not. Wow. Fat? Oh.

Oh. Um. Gee, that hurt me. That hurt me, and I usually like those ones. How do you say I was doing so good? You're doing great. I actually got stomach surgery, and then they were like, oh, there's this new thing.

That was epic. Yeah. Oh. It came out right after you got stomach surgery. Oh. They tried to put me on a five years ago, but they didn't say, they said this is a pre-diabetic thing and it also might help you, they might help you this way.

You should get out. I was like, nah, I'm not injecting myself with shit if I don't need to. Not knowing that it was Ozempic, they were trying to give me. And then all of a sudden they came out with that after I got my surgery. And I was like, fuck.

It's a miracle. It's a miracle drug, right? I'm sorry. And it says it cures everything. It cures Alzheimer's and heart disease, all was like fuck. It's a miracle. It's a miracle drug, right? I'm sorry And it says it cures everything it cures Alzheimer's and then heart disease all this other stuff my dick cancer is gone Everything's better. Yeah, how about the leeches on your cock? That's still there, but by choice. Yeah, you reopen Squam Lake Here's a lot of leeches in that Lake. Tommy loves it. I know there's dick leeches there like stand by me Yeah, I know there is every time I there, like Stand By Me. Yeah, I know there is. Every time I eat now, I get tired. I get exhausted when I eat, when I'm done,

which has to be my blood sugar. It's your blood sugar. So what I do is I walk, I go for a walk usually, or a treadmill walk, just to get my shit going again. But today, we ate downstairs and I came back up here and I was fucking wiped. What are you eating, Are you doing like pasta? No, I just say like a small it was like a whole chicken chick cutlet

French fries French fries two slices of pizza Ramen and I had a little small portion of a penny vodka and I crawler. Yeah, one night crawler And I'll show them we haven't introduced our guest by the way, sorry about that. Go ahead Joining us on this. That's right, those easy top, bring us in. Can I try? Sure. Yeah, what's up? Joining us on the show, Avery Pearson's special

Give It Up is available, nope, fucked up. Go ahead, Jay. Dude, I've been waiting for this moment my whole life. Here's the thing, Avery. Yeah, man. I was under too much pressure and when Jay goes, yeah sure, it freaked me out. You asked to do something else.

No, you're right. It's not on you, it's on me. It's crazy. Because I didn't expect you to be so giving and, you know what I mean? You think if you said, can I try that I was going to go, no? That seems crazy. Hit it one more time, Lou. Everybody, I'm very excited to announce our guest today.

We love him, You've seen him. Avery Pearson. He's got a special right now. Give it up. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's crazy. Where did they see me? Let me try one more time. Let me try one more time. Let me do one more time.

You love him. He's alive. Let me see him one more time. One more time. Ready? Christine, scroll up all the way, too. Is that everything? We'll get one in the description Let me see him one more time. One more time, ready? Christine, scroll up by the way too. Is that everything? And then the description of the special. Okay, okay. All right, let me, you know what? Is that all in what we have to read?

I wouldn't do that right now. You know what? I would just do a good intro. We don't have, okay, ready? Here we go, ready? Yeah! I'm excited, man. Man, I've been waiting for this.

You guys know him from the Comedy Jam. He is hilarious. He's got a new special out right now too. It's called Give It Up, Avery Pearson's premiere. It premieres on Veep, June 26th everybody. Hey, it's good to have you here. Welcome, good to see you. Avery Pearson here, everybody give it up for him.

Thank you so much, pleasure to be here. Thank you Robert. I said it too many times. I said his name like three times. Disjointed. Let's just. Let me try one more time one more time one two three hey Jay remember I'm the everybody guy Yeah, I'm judging my place of I'm not great at this buddy. I got you. You know what? I'm excited today

We've got a very special guest in you might know him from the comedy jam Everybody every Shit from the comedy jam everybody every shit shit that was good though was that good though great I'm gonna tell that one day well I'm good you just it was that thing it's like if you fell as soon as I told you I let go of the bike I think you could let go and I was like I already let go and then you just fucking start One more time just one. That's all I asked for one a one a one two three and all right Bam, I'm excited today. It's a very special bonfire because we have a very special guest He's got a special give it up on Veep it premieres on June 26th

Everybody, please give it up for our friend, Avery Pearson. What's going on buddy, how are you? Oh, I'm fantastic. I mean, always a pleasure coming on the show, getting such a warm welcome. Thank you so much. Yeah man, I mean, you know, people know you from the Comedy Jam.

Yeah. You play the organ piano on the Comedy Jam, which is fantastic, which, underrated instrument by the way. Thank you so much. The organ piano on the comedy jam, which is fantastic, which underrated instrument, by the way. Thank you so much. The organ piano. Yeah. It is underrated.

It is. I don't know if anyone's rated it yet. No, it's like an acoustic electric of sorts. Is that like your flanker? It's got pedals. The organ piano. Dude, it's a hard instrument to travel with. It's enormous. It's got pedals. The organ piano. It's a hard instrument to travel with. It's enormous.

It's enormous. It's got three full keyboards. It's in a circle, too. It's just that circle thing. So you feel like you're in an organ. It's like, yeah, it's spinning around. Oh, shit. Where do we go?

I don't know, but he just panics with words. No. God bless him. I love it. It has nothing to do with words. It's Jay. OK. You understand, Jay? Listen, stop.

Everybody knows it's you in this room. Hey, this is Jay's face. Can you guys talk when I'm not here? No, talk to your face. We tell you and you don't hear it. I'm not here yet. I'm not here when you guys have these discussions. So I'll start reading.

Start reading and just see my face out of the corner of your eye. Ready, look at me, ready? All right, all right. Just start reading, go ahead. Okay, very excited to bring Avery Pearson's special. It's on Veep's with an S on June 20th. Jay, why are you looking at me like that, dude? Exactly.

It's his big muppet eyebrows go up and I get freaked out. Number one, because they're gorgeous. Number two, his eyes are ridiculously just beautiful. And there's judgment and love at the same time. That's it. That's it. That's it. Special on Veep right now.

Give it up. Give me a little one again. Give it up. Give it up. No, because that's even more annoying because your fingernails are painted. How about if I do this? Do you want to read this part?

No. You read that part. Go ahead, Christine. Christine, you read it. Bobby, this is you. Hey, Rod. Let Go ahead, Christine. Christine, you read it. Bobby, this is you. Hey, Rod! Let's go.

Hey, let me hear my voice. Avery's here. He's promoting the greatest concert. Avery's here right now. He's promoting the greatest concert of comedy songs of all time ever, featuring comedy songs from Jay Farrow, Adam Ray, Beth Stelling, Josh Adam Meyers, Jeremiah Watkins, Luke Knaal, Junior D Guzman, Lisa Ann Walters, every fucking... You were right there, dude! Junior D Guzman.

Guzman, Guzman, it's Guzman, right? Junior, he's the best one, is that Junior? JR. Junior goes to the end. Junior D Guzman, he He's the best one. JR. JR. JR. Junior goes to the end. Junior de Guzman. He plays for the Mets.

He plays on second base. Oh, it's not him? It's not the guy from the Mets? It's not the guy from the Mets. It's not Junior de Guzman. That's funny. That's what I was talking about. I thought he was talking about the Mets, too.

Junior de Guzman. JR de Guzman. JR de Guzman. Go ahead. All right. Luke now. JR de Guzman. Go ahead. All right. Luke now, JR de Guzman, Elemento P. You just skipped one. You skipped the most famous person.

No, I did not. I'm saving here for last. I made a judgment call. My bad. Elemento P from the god damn Comedy Jam, and of course, Lisa Ann Walter. With appearances by. with appearances by Jackie Torn Jeff Ross Lisa

Liza Liza Liza that chubby lesbian chick the first one's an I. Iza Liza. No it's an I no no I I L is the first two letters Elisa come on. What is there? You're on your own yourself. Yeah, Liz. Uh Schlesinger no lies back to the beginning lies a Schlesinger. No, it's an I L in the beginning Eliza Schlesinger I'll take it. Yeah, Eliza the cheese fucking fuck that. Yeah, Eliza Schlesinger.'ll take it yeah Eliza fucking fuck that yeah Eliza Schlesinger yeah whatever she's hot for the record I love her I love her too I love her too I would love to make love to her okay I don't want that I'm kidding you're great anyways I love her comedy but then oh my god the next guy there Sal volcano

Michael chickless what? La brothers Steve Byrne or as I call him Steve Byrne's hates it and Rachel Bloom. That's it It is amazing. Thank you so much for coming on Why don't you tell us about Yakov Smyrnov credits? Yakov Smyrnov will be the at the great American comedy festival in Johnny Carson's hometown North Fork, Nebraska. Nope, nope, nope. North Fork, North Folk. Just read this part, just read this.

North Folk. It's a change of today. Hey guys, check this out. We had him on yesterday. He was a star on the show. He's been a star for over 30-something years. Yakov Smirnov will be on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon today Tuesday June 10th it'll be his eighth appearance he's off page first time he's off page with Jimmy Fallon he's done it seven times Johnny Carson you know what back then he was told what health he's cut loose

Bobby's in a good mood. He just found today. He was tall. Oh, well congrats buddy Yeah, but I also found I might have diabetes cuz of you what I didn't give you diabetes Well, you told me I probably have diabetes. You definitely have diabetes 100% are living with diabetes. I have it, then Jay has it too. Yeah. No, no, no. Thriving with diabetes. I am tiny.

I am a shell of what I normally was. You look fantastic. You do look great. Everybody here looks so good. Now, do you have to do that drug, shoot it up every day? Once a week. Well, that's it once a week

It's once a week. It's a little shot in the old tum tum. It's called subcutaneous. What that's what it's What no what the gut is called the subcutaneous? No, you know when you shoot you inject like that subcutaneous. I just do what Lily tells me to do I don't know a subcutaneous shot. It means goes below the skin Subcutaneous it's so You're subcutaneous. Guys, you're bullying me, calling me subtenious. You cannot wait to write a funny song about subcutaneous injections.

Oh, dude, I cannot wait. What a fun word to rhyme things with. Subcutaneous. Anious. Phelanious. Phelanious. Hey, have a look at this. His big fat penis.

No? You can make it. Anious. In the make it. In the anus. How tall are you? Okay, easy. 5'11". What are you? I'm 5'8". That's great.

I'm above average. Jacob is 4'8". Oh, shit, dude. Are you okay? No, you look great. He's a forfeit but not in heels. Oh When he wears heels, he's like Dude, I support you Yeah, when he says what he'll just cry he'll open doors for you. Yeah, all reach. That's me I want to be he's got a tight little body though sweet

You can really toss him around and I work with what I have. God damn right he does. Are you married? Me? Yeah, oh for sure. How many kids you got? To the game of comedy. Thank you so much.

Yeah. You got any kids? I got two kids. Yeah, you come for realsies twice? Yeah, twice. That was a nice. It worked right down the. Right in the vagina.

Right in the hole. Right in the vag canal, you left it in the vag canal? Yeah, I got a map. It was great. Leave it in, right? Right, leave it in. Just leave it in the hole. Right in the vag canal, you left it in the vag canal? Yeah, I got a map. It was great. Leave it in, right? Right, leave it in. Leave it in, just leave it in, and start around.

How old are your kids? Five and eight. Five and eight, oh my God, wow. Those were his last two loads. Yeah, married, right? Come on. Are you in LA? I'm in LA, yeah.

You love it? I do love it, I loved the, I lived in New York for 10 years, it had a great time. How do you feel about the Mexicans? Wow Wow Jay Wow you put them on this by seriously Palestine or Israel The Greeks Your hardcore pro-life like blow up an abortion clinic, right? Yeah

He goes you actually think Hitler had a lot of good ideas. Now, what's your favorite breakfast cereal? Hey guys, I wanted to promote this special and you sunk my career before it started. I don't know what happened. Quick question, are there rocks in your bag, your backpack, the throat, ice? Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I love America. I am Canadian. I am Canadian. I am, yeah. You've technically called ice on a bunch of people that work in your neighborhood. I guess my question is, what's Lisa Ann Walter like? She's a gem.

She's an absolute gem, and you really should check her out on Veep's on June 26th. What is Veep's? This is new. Veep's is a website, and they basically have a lot of live concerts. And so there's a bunch of other comedy musicians that have specials on like Reggie Watts

and Kat Cohen and Wills of Glendale. And so it's the perfect home. Is it a comedy or is it also music? It's mostly music. It's mostly like enormous live shows. So you could see whoever you want around the world, pretty much Beyonce does, like everyone. so check it out. It's pretty cool So you know there's one about Bo Burnham where does he where's he been dude that guy just I mean

I have no idea, but he does whatever he wants the guys. I think he's a genius like he's just incredible I really you know look up to him, but he got into film He started directing and you think he got everything just because he's a white man How many times are you gonna destroy him? From my career? No, I know you think Bo Burnham's funny, you think Bo Burnham's funny, but you think he definitely killed somebody

to get to where he's at. Absolutely. And was raped viciously. Yeah. By me. Oh, right, and you think Reggie Watts got to where he was because he has an Afro? Uh-huh.

Other than that. Can I say something? Yeah, sure. I really feel safe right now. Oh, good. It Oh good good because we Think Reggie was a talentless hack you told me earlier my question is Will you prefer piano organ I mean Generally a piano organ is always my number one choice now Reggie

Right down the hole two shots two kids Reggie watts is I know that, right down the hole, two shots, two kids. Reggie Watts is, was doing the gig on TV for a while. Yeah, he was, is that, House band? Husband of the Tonight, oh shit, what was it? No, not the Tonight Show, what was it?

Colbert, oh fuck. No. Colbert? No, not Colbert. No, that was his name. James Corden? James Corden. James Corden, yeah. So now he's off that. He's off that.

That's like golden handcuffs for guys like you you right? Oh, I'd love to do that You came here so much fun really I'd love to be a sidekick on a late-night show and yeah We're actually looking for a house band for the bonfire. Oh, I'd love to do it. You're in Wow that was good Start show us what you got. Okay. It's about it's moderately size, you know I came too serious and thought it was cool. Then I looked around and I looked at this fool sitting next to the right and also to the left and guess what? Here comes a guy named Jeff.

No got that wrong but instead I'll make it up. Check it out. All I want to do is just end this song. It's a nightmare for me. My name is Avery right now. He's got a special on the on that so hard Reggie Watts Yeah, really remember when you said earlier Avery that your career goal was to really shove it right up Reggie. Watch this Perverbial it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really, as long as I stick it to Reggie Watts, I feel like I've done my part. I mean, I feel like you took my role. You got it. You took my part. What is that thing he uses? How does it feel to be me, Reggie Watts? Huh, you like it?

What is that thing he uses to do that, his thing? Looper. Oh, Looper, yeah. It's a looper? It's a looper, yeah, he just like puts a beat, and loops it, and then he does, sings. Bobby, you should make one of those that floats and call it a flooper, yeah. It's a Looper? It's a Looper, yeah. He just puts a beat and loops it, and then he does, sings. Bobby, you should make one of those that floats and call it a Flooper. Oh! I like it.

Jacob's supposed to laugh at that more. Jacob, not Jeff. Jacob, Jacob isn't here. I was typing. Oh. My bad. He said, what's the machine that Reggie Watts uses to make his noises? And he said, a Looper.

And I said, Bobby's going to invent a floating one called the flooper like the flanker dude is that callback from a previous moment yeah Bobby is well I we're all on ground level of a Bobby idea though granted it's not my idea so if you hate the idea no it's Bobby's but I'm getting behind it I'm listening well first of all that's no way to sell our idea to people that might be future investors. I have money and I'm considering... Yep. You live near a lake?

Sure. Is it infested with leeches? I mean, probably. Then have I got a story for you. Bobby, take it away. Tell me more. Well, you ever been on a lake? The guy from the intros.

You ever been? Yeah. I also fart. Oh, wow. No, I'm kidding. They get mad. Relax, Jacob. Oh,. No I'm kidding. They get mad. Relax Jacob. Oh listen.

Oh. Sorry. Can I switch seats? No you don't wanna switch seats. You wanna hang on to that. I'm having a good time. That's a vanilla protein. Oh I can taste it.

Listen. So you know when you're in the ocean. Yeah I do. You know you're in a pool. You know you're in a lake. You're in a little float right? Yeah. Enjoying yourself.

I like it. Then you look up you're like oh shit, I'm all the way over here. I gotta go all the way back over there, cause that's where I was comfortable. Essentially shipwrecked, lost at sea. He really did fart. Right? Yeah.

And then. God damn it, Bobby. What? Did you really just fart on a guest? I didn't fart on a guest. You did though. I did not fart. Did I fart?

Let's keep going. Did I fart? I think so. There's nothing, there's nothing. I didn't Let's keep going. Did I fart? I think so. There's nothing. There's nothing. I didn't fart on the gas. Is there is nothing like an honest guy. That's what I admire about you.

Yeah, Avery. Yeah. He's such a sweet person. Yes. I'm going to ask you one more time. OK. Did I fart? Something was different. That is the most LA. The air quality changed. That's the most LA response I've ever heard. You know what I'm gonna start doing?

Yeah. Me and Christine bought an air purifier for our house, which is a ridiculous purchase I'm realizing. It doesn't make any sense. It's, if you just move it five inches to the right, it goes air quality 14%. It's just a constant, it's like, what do they say with apps, how they work.

They keep you going by like, you're looking to see what's the color now. Oh, it's blue, it means our room quality air is getting better. If you light a fucking match, it goes to air quality like zero, it just reads all that. So I'd like to put one of those by your ass so Jacob can see it coming right behind you.

I'm fine with that. I have one million dollars in my pocket. I didn't mention anything before I got in here and I was looking to invest it in some sort of device that has to do with water. Okay. And I'd be interested to know if you might have an opportunity for me.

It's weird that you say this. Okay. And I'm glad that you came in not only to plug your special, on Veep. Veeps. Veeps-a? No, just plural. Like several Veeps.

That's for our Spanish friends. Okay. Because they're in trouble right now. L-Veeps. Yep. So you're in the water. You float around, right? You just want to stay in this one spot.

You don't want to bump into this family. You don't want to wind up in Venezuela. You don't want to wind up in Venezuela. You don't want to be on the dark side of the pool. Cuba. Right? Right? Right. Right.

He means where the black people are. Oh. Yeah. It's loud over there, dude. Yeah. And nobody's going underwater. No one's going underwater. Here's the thing.

They can't get their hair wet. They can't. They can, but it's a thing. What if you had their hair wet. They can't they can but it's it's a thing What have you had? I think it takes days to drive What does a boat use if it wants to stay and fish in this area? An anchor what if you had a float? Okay with an anchor float anchor

float anchor flanker flanker flanker flanker but not only for the ocean, not only for the pool, not only for lakes all three in one

no more sliding off to Venezuela or Cuba when you're in Aruba no more going over to the dark side of the pool where the people you don't really like are. Avery, keep your eyes on Bobby and not over the shoulder. Christine's showing you all the times it's already been designed. But it has not. You keep your eyes on Bobby. You look at me. I'm here.

It has not been designed. For the last and third part of my plan is lakes. Lakes. Lakes. Because sand on the ocean, metal in the pool, what are you going to use for a lake? Because it's mushy. There's no sand at some place except for Squam Lake, Little Squam, the association that I am.

Most lakes have mushy stuff. But I figured it out, Avery. Okay, I'm with you. If you want to take that million dollars. I'm reaching. If you want to become a full partner, ground level with me, Black Lou, DJ Lou, and my man Finn Jay.

I've heard of him. You can be in right now. Is it a yes or it is a no? I want you to know first of all, do not confuse us with Obkursko or Runico, the two companies who have already seem to have been actively pursuing this venture. They've only done oceans.

I have one question. First of all, it sounds sound. The logic is there. Everything is there. Physics are there. What is it called? Lake. Look at me.

Oh, float. It's not Bobby. Lake and nothing. I know, but you did the fingers thing first. I'm going lake, pool, fingers. I'm going Lake Lake Pool Ocean Ocean float anchor. Float was a good recovery anchor float anchor fly. Anger flanker. I'm in. You're in.

We got another ground level. Yes, Lou. What's up, Lou? I have a good idea for a collaboration. Oh, what is that? We need a jingle. We need a Flanker jingle. We need a slogan and a jingle. We do.

This is why you produce. You're on that side because you produce. Listen to me. Uh-huh. We need a jingle for the Flanker. Okay. It's not only for the ocean, not only for the pool, and for the lake. It does all three.

The flanker and also if you order now, you get my project. That is a night wig night wig. No night. Jay Jay stay back. Night Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay Jay JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ JJ I'm gonna try to jingle for that. Well, I... It's a wig for the night. Well, I got this sore and it feels like a canker. You know what I need? This guy's flanker. Flanker, available at Target, no? No, no Target yet.

Okay, let's workshop. Let's direct to consumer. Oh, direct to consumer first, and then maybe if we get the deal with Walmart, we will. Do not confuse this with Jet Tribe Compact, who's already sort of figured this technology out, or Tuesto, who's also, and Skaggacoust. See, here's the thing with these things.

They don't come with a little baby shovel. Ours has come with a baby shovel. Oh, so you didn't even tell me there was a shovel. There's a little baby shovel that comes in the bag. Is it cute? Huh, it's adorable. What color is it? It's red, but it's shaped like a heart.

Does it have a face on it? Like you're just like, ooh, it adorable. What color is it? It's red with a shape of a heart. Does it have a face on it? Like you're just like, ooh, fill me up. It's like a fish shape. It's a fish. Oh, that's cool. Works for the ocean. And what is the color, like the branding?

What does it look like? You're gonna get orange, you're gonna get blue, and you're gonna get yellow to start. Can I say a quick? They used it in Aruba, with love from Aruba. They went to your place and made your thing. I know, Jay, I was in the ocean and I saw millions of them. And my wife's a piece of crap

because she doesn't believe in my ideas. We would have been a millionaire a long time ago and I wouldn't have to sign on so many goddamn partners now. I hate my wife, I'd like to have Sanker, but guess what I bought, it is your flanker. It's not bad, it's not bad. They're coming together.

We need, we need. It's a workshop, you don't just get your head off the top. Avery, can I just suggest something? Please, yeah. If you're ever in the ocean and you're floating away, instead of screaming something. Just say. Instead of something, anchor.

That rhymes with anchor, flanker. Instead of. Getting that rhymes with anchor flanker. So instead of Having anger instead of have an anchor. You should have got yourself a Flanker you stay in put where you want No more taking an ocean jaunt You're not gonna wind up come from Aruba. You're not gonna wind up in Cuba You wanna hear my fraud night wig I still have to sell listen June 26 I still have to sell. June 26th, Veebs, Avery Beard.

Special's called Give It Up, it's on Veebs, and it's amazing. Thank you so much, yeah. And he is one of the new top members of the Flanker Association. Well, I was a seed investor. Seed investor. Yep.

Maybe if your day one isn't that big, you can Jay stop we have to focus on flanker. Okay, there's a side project that you're on we're not on if they order now though They'll get it. They do not it's not associated with a night wig. We need night wig Night wig no, no Baby is crying. Don't use spanker. Just throw her in the ocean and use the... Flanker. We don't want to kill babies.

No, no, no. Oh, fuck it. We've got to make it like... You panic so hard getting away from night wig. Everyone's got a wig for the day. You never hear about someone's specific night wig, but who's got time to say all that? What do I know? I'm just an idiot. I think I'm gonna have to be on a plane soon.

You do. Where are you going? Austin Tejas. I've heard of it. Yeah. What are you doing there? It's the new comedy Mecca. I don't know if you know that.

I'm making my pilgrimage. Okay. He's doing a small podcast called Joe Rogan. I've heard of it. Me and Lewis are doing Rogan tomorrow. Very nice. And then we're doing Story Wars and the Mothership. Very cool.

And then I go to San Diego for three days. Oh. We're doing American Comedy Club. Very nice. Great collab club. Yeah, the angle out. Angle out, everybody faces forward. Do you do stand-up too?

Yeah, I do comedy songs and stuff. Can you do 45 Minutes in front of Jay, Friday or Saturday? You have that in? I would love the opportunity. But can you cry three times? I mean, yeah, my mom loves me. I can cry more than three times. You can hit that emotional note.

I know, definitely, absolutely. Good, good. Here you go, Jay. Can you bring your Uber driver into the back door and say he's the coolest? Can I get him a seat in the sold out show? Yeah, I could. Thank you.

Perfect, he's in. Uber driver? Yeah. Oh. So Flanker, and so you've had the seed investment, right? Well, we have the investors. We have the money now with your money. Right.

We are ready to go global. Oh, look. We're gonna start in Aruba, we're gonna go over to- Jamaica? No, we're gonna go to, we're gonna do the ABCs. Oh. Bonaire, Carousel, keep it Dutch. Then we're gonna go up to St. Martin,

and then we're gonna go up, and then we'll maybe go to one of these, maybe to Florida, and we get all the old people, and then we go over, we kind of hopefully take over Florida, and that's when we go on to Shark Tank as a group. Right. We're all gonna go on. That would be fun. Yes,'s when we go on to Shark Tank as a group. Right. We're all gonna go on. That would be fun. Yes. You and I are coming strong. We got everything set and Jay just keeps pitching. I think you're gonna be out

there with you. I'll let them know that also if anyone has a thing if they go I don't know it doesn't think it's enough like the flanker doesn't think it's enough. What does it come with? I'll go if if you order now, you can get Nightwig, which I've uniquely named. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Don't hear him sing. Yeah, we're not gonna, hopefully they buy it before we get to Nightwig.

Yeah, yeah. Nightwig though. You'll see. Yeah, so there you go, dude. It's gonna be. Okay. Well, I think we're gonna make at least a million dollars back. Dude, we're Night wig though. You'll see. Yeah, so there you go dude. It's gonna be. Well I think we're gonna make at least a million dollars back. Dude, we're gonna make millions. Yeah, you're probably gonna at least,

you'll get your investment back for sure. It's called passive income. Oh, because they're just sitting in the lake? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't pay you when they're stuck in the middle of a lake. Oh, that's super passive. Because their anchor is stopping them

from being able to get back to shore. Because. Okay, hey, hey. You going to make money while you sleep. You're going to be sleeping. Go to sleep right now. I'd love to. Good night. Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. I feel like I'm wealthier.

You hear it? Yeah. Yeah. No, another, oh, fat lady just bought another flanker. Oh, another, this kid was like, mom, can I have a flanker? Is this fat lady black bobby? Because I'd also like to see, let her know for a couple extra dollars if she orders now.

I'd be happy to throw a night wig. No, no, no, no, no, no. What did you conveniently name that? Which I conveniently named. How many seats is it? Like how many people are floating? Can I tell you something? Your spirit and your energy for this product is unmatched.

Because I have to sell. If I can't sell you as a main investor, I'm not gonna sell the people, right? Of course. Here's the thing, my friend, Avery, look at me. Look at me, but look at me, look at me. I see you. But I want you to look at me.

I know you see me, but I want you to look at me. I'm looking at you. Look at me. I am. Now you're looking at me. You're right. Look at me. I wasn't four times. look at me. I am now you're looking at me. You're right look at me. I wasn't four times look at me

You just hit me with something what's that? Not only do you get the flanker uh-huh? For 20 extra dollars you get a float oh This is my wallet you get a float take my wallet the float well once again optional night wig gets no respect, huh? Take my wallet the float well once again optional night wig gets no respect, huh? Night wig, please You know what I'll take my night wig business elsewhere. I didn't realize this was a day wig only place All right real nice Real nice. We're gonna have a float day wigs are white

So I've I've shortened that to wigs Hey wigs are white. So I've shortened that to wigs. Stop! Hey, stay with me, Every. I'm with you. We're gonna have the flanker optional with the float. Okay. So you can get a float with it.

Float with the float? Wait, I thought the flanker is the float. No, the flanker is the anchor for the float. So it's just an anchor? For the float. So you're not selling it with the float? I thought it's a two piece thing where there's a floaty and an anchor.

It's optional. Some people have their floats already. I did not realize until this moment that Bobby's just selling a bag of sand. I didn't know. Until this moment, I didn't know Bobby was simply selling a bag of sand on a rope. I didn't know that.

I would apologize. I do apologize. Come to my podcast. I'm telling you, I apologize greatly. I did not know that Bobby was gonna sell you exclusively on a rope with a bag of sand. I thought there was a whole- Waterproof bag with sand?

It's not that. I thought it was a crazy floaty. The ones that include the float with the end. I think the ones on Amazon include the float. And that's where we're different. Buddy, sky's the other side. Us over here at Flanker, we don't care about what you're floating in.

We just want you to know that you won't float away if you have something to float in. Because here's the things, everybody loves a different float. They're forcing a float. And the float that they sell here's the things, everybody loves a different float, they're forcing a float, and the float that they sell you with the other anchors aren't good. We're gonna optional, we'll have floats.

Bobby, you're literally selling the thing that mafia people will kill people. It's just like, hey, tie this to someone's ankles or a baby's ankles and throw the thing. I'm gonna be honest with you, now that I think about it, Nightwig is actually least offensive of all the things pitched here today.

I gotta tell you something, Nightwig is doing okay because of Flanker, I'm starting to think is the way to kill people. Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you something about this show. You're gonna tie a Flanker to Dawn's fucking left leg and throw her in. Hey, this way you won't go away in the ocean.

Can I tell you something about this show? I was there in the moment of conception. You were. Do you remember that? Of me and Bobby? Yeah. When you asked him on the back porch. When?

Oh, at JFL. I was right there. Wait a minute. It was you, it was the three of us. At JFL outside the Nasty Show? Correct. Yeah. This isn't the first time.

I was listening to the conversation. Can I ask a question? I was like, do you guys need a third host? This isn't the first time I met you. Jay, come on, let me in. I have an idea for a night you guys need a third host? This isn't the first time I met you. Jay, come on, let me in. I have an idea for a night wig. Avery, this isn't the first time I met you? Sure.

Okay. I, okay. You were there that night? I was standing right next to you. Kind of outside, yeah. It's so funny because he asked me, he's like, would you ever do this? I was like, dude, I'll fucking do anything with you.

Yeah, I know. He had no idea that Dan had already said goodbye? I really had no idea. But then when I talked to him later, and he's like, you can't say anything to anybody about this, I go, absolutely do. I actually said, look, I hope you guys are the best together.

I hope Dan sees the light. And you don't have to, in my brain, I'm like, look, I hope you guys keep it together, because you guys are bringing it together. But then he knew that he was already gone or whatever. And he told me not to tell a soul, and I didn't tell anybody. People, then people were walking up to me,

hey dude, congratulations. Because this fucking mush mouth can't keep his trap shut. He kept going, got him, got him, nailed it. He was telling me about Josh's wig and all the stuff. I go, do not tell me, I wanna hear it on the show. So we talk and then he calls me and he goes, yeah. I go, don't tell me. He goes, all right, cool, I fired him.

And he said literally, when he said it in life, he put his hand over his mouth like, whoops. I know that move. You do a very good strong person to dainty. You go real quick, you go like, because we did Toto on the Comedy Jam, that was the first one, you make dainty cool. That should be on your book.

I make dainty cool? Yeah. You really do. Yeah, you're like, oh, I'm big J, and then check out this little thing. That's his beauty. I remember this one, guys. Oh, you're like, oh, I'm big J, and then check out this little thing. That's his beauty. I remember this one, guys. Oh, here we go.

You feel like your day wig ain't that big. Why don't you get yourself? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stop, stop. Listen, dude, listen, check it out. Avery Pearson special. Give it up on, premieres on Veep's June 26th. Make sure you check it out.

Super fun. Make sure you follow him. Concert of comedy songs. Also shows. Me and your favorite comics. Yeah. And then the album will be out a little bit after that. Do we have all our ad reads? We forgot all our ad reads yesterday and today.

So hand them over, Luke. Do you want me to do one? Do you have a bunch of ad reads? I misplaced. Oh, no. None today. We don't have ad reads. They were being fired.

Maybe I left them in the Twitter. How many did they have Sam? Bennington zero Sam one Really? Yeah, wow Competition just ad reads means of the advertising is happening on the show. We have none Sam Roberts has one so I guess we're on the way out I mean, we're literally the hottest show on the channel It is why though I keep a lot of irons in the fire and why nightwigs will be my ultimate. Okay, that'll be my retirement

Let's let's figure let's focus on that. I understand. It's a wig After six o'clock for the night In the summer it's after nine o'clock Don't you care? In the summers. In the summers. In the summers after 9 o'clock. What am I not getting? Why won't no one just hear me?

What about the solstice? Maybe someone comes up and says, can we talk about the solstice? No. Why won't someone just hear me? Check out Big Jay. You're going to be, where are you going to be this weekend? This weekend. I'm going to be in San Diego.

You're going to San Diego the 12th through the 14th. He's got, is the story wars are sold out right yes sold out that's sad but you should have got tickets next time. We're coming to LA in August. And then he's going to Charlotte Tacoma Sacramento for tickets and all the tour dates please go to bigjcomedy.com go check out his special on youtube.com at slash at big J Okerson they them available now right now so check them out this weekend and also go to punch up dot live slash big Jay Bobby Kelly's gonna beat the Empire Comedy Club in Portland Maine July 25th

and 26th 25th 26 yeah baby Wow you caught that on his ad how'd you catch the number he just told us that side tell me more about this night wig if you don't want your dad to think you're a pig when he goes to sleep okay sorry no this is let's Empire comedy Empire comedy club that's gonna be July 25th and 26 Rochester, New York Tampa and emails PA Coming up very soon for tickets and all tour dates go to punch up that live slash Robert Kelly a special live in the village Underground now streaming on his punch up dot live page. That's right. And tomorrow Tomorrow gonna be down Jay's gonna be gone. But don't worry. We were with

the legend Ron Bennington is gonna be sharing. Oh wow, love the thing. I mean, he's the best in the biz. He's so awesome to come in. I'm jealous that you're not gonna be here because us three together would be fun, but Ron's the best. So tune in tomorrow and check out our podcast. We're gonna be getting swole with Joe Rogan probably.

Yeah, right, we're gonna be swole. Yeah, me and him probably could do some old man style exercises together where we toss each other up in the air Yeah Hup! You know he doesn't let you guys play with his toys He doesn't He doesn't let me touch any of his toys No

That's why when he goes in the bathroom I drag my nuts across the werewolf Ha! Cool That's so stupid Yeah It is pretty cool We'll see you guys tomorrow.

It's the bonfire. The road rises like a limbus above the serenity.