The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Flute Rock (feat. Andy Fiori)

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Big Jay tries to convince Bob and Andy that the flute can be an instrument that rocks!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on SiriusXM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the SiriusXM app. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Oh, hey, laughing in the playground. Gets no kiss from little boys. Just rather me and me. No, you don't mean that. Jay's a flute.

You don't mean that. Jethro Toe is badass. Jethro Toe's bad. This part of the song is good. The beginning of it is the gayest I picture Jacob running under a bridge Yeah chasing a butterfly don't track me down with this Put on him 43 Jethro at all it's it's J. J with like a half-man half-course body Sentor J playing fucking this stupid song half-course body. Yeah, fucking Centaur J.

Yeah, Centaur J playing fucking this stupid song. Jethro told me. Woo! We got way into this album. We have an actual album that I put on the record player and just let it play. I love this album. I mean, this part's good, but that flute shit's stupid. The flute's awesome.

The flute's not. The rock flute. The flute has actually Max The flute's not. The flute's awesome. The walk flute. The flute has actually Max tried to play the flute and I said no. I was like, no. Do you also hate Lizzo? You're a good father.

That thin, beautiful icon. Yeah, I got it. Choo choo choo choo. That's cool. I like this part. Bad ass. You know why? No fucking flute.

We'll put on The Teacher by Jeff Rottol. The teacher. Dude, we're not saying, we're not saying Jeff Rottol. You guys absolutely said Jeff Rottol was bad. It was said multiple times. I said it, I own it. We don't like the flute. And he don't like Jeff Rottol.

Then you don't like Jeff Rottol. Yeah, 100% all things. I am owning it. I'm just fine by what I said. I don't like Jeff Rottol. No. It's just some nerd who learned the flute and added it in later.

Just to squeeze it in a song. Stinks. You know the fucking other pan members hating us and I was fucking shit again here's his flute solo it's his name on the door that's his name as we're gonna do it name Jethro do you think his name's Jethro Tulley? I 100% thought his name was Jethro Tulley the entire time I'd say what if Madonna took a flute last night even the gaze you like this is queer Christine Christine if you could name right now who the lead singer

Slash flu player of Jethro tall is I mean I will propose to you on the air right now Ian Anderson you look it up. No you look I saw money I saw money size go to King and Christine's eyes Jay your dinner plates for a second. Oh my god. You almost choked on your You guys saw there actually was me that was love. I thought she had it. I Would happily have proposed to Christine Here I know his picture was up at Red Rocks. Who's Jeff Rottaldi?

It's the name of a farm. I thought it was the dude. I swear to God, I thought it was the dude. There he is. Well, play daddy. Blow daddy. The flute sucks. It sucks.

I'm so lame. What a loser. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks so late. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks so late. It sucks. It sucks so late. It sucks. It sucks so late. It sucks so late.

It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late.

It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late.

It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. It sucks so late. After last night You just want to suck dick now guys seriously. I'll suck all your dick Everybody in here guys if you don't like this part even if you kind of like it Jay's gonna open up Madonna's next concert with the flute I can hear the lips guys please Oh god. Oh god. You know what that is? Aggressive flute pop. I'm not saying this. You know what this is, love? This is just a long whistle. It sucks. Nature's one. Jay, that guy's the Eddie Van Halen of flute players.

That guy sucks. God damn right, yeah. How do you not like that? I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. This is just a long whistle. It sucks. J, that guy's the Eddie Van Halen of flute players. God damn right, yes.

That guy sucks. How do you not like the song? It stinks. Because it has a flute, J. You've changed. J, top three flute players. I'm hoping that they won. J gives the top ten flute songs.

Next on hand. And the train, it won't stop J give us the top ten flute songs I'll tell a Dan will come back You don't want me to do that I can name you ten great flute songs this fucking nun I can well this is gonna be a whole bunch of fucking... Oh, who is that? Who is it? Look at her ass, dudes, Lizzo. Oh, I thought it was Yamanica.

Funny for Fido tomorrow night. She's fucking rocking the flute. What is it, dude? It's her being 100% that bitch. Oh, god damn it. Wow. She just took a DNA test, turns out she has no knees. Funny, funny part all those dancers are dead. I've never seen less definition in knees in my life.

My god. Everybody on that stage has passed away from diabetes. Looks like she's wearing an out, looks like a cut like a mascot costume. Oh my god She's beautiful though. I love that. She couldn't she's not beautiful. I say what does song that hits me? By gangs She's making little fat girls feel happy I'll tell you what one of the saddest things ever the most connected I ever felt to Lizzo and just felt terrible for her

Was when she danced on that one award show and the screen the stage was a video screen And right where she jumped you just see a black square a black guy. She's broke it You can find that Christine. It's so funny. Look how out of breath she is. Oh I mean, she's dancing and singing the flute buddy. It's like a hundred extra pounds. You they better have a hundred they better have 16 super sturdy Reinforced Shays lounges in the back of that. Oh that's a good one. Come on faint. Oh Hey boys, you better triple bolt the stage tonight. Yeah, we're gonna pick Lizzo up like a float in the Macy's Day parade Must have oxygen tanks like the football sideline. There it is, there it is. Look, go back to what happens. Go back, you see it happen.

She just killed the left. She starts jumping. Boom. I think that's happened to her more than once. You know, there's some nerdy white electrician guy. She fucking broke my computer, man. Yeah, well that's a $17,000 monitor crazy I told you this was gonna happen see if you find the other one there's others more than one that's happened to her yeah obviously I'd be like hey guys whoever's designer thing was hey let's not do that's not do the stage screen for me no why it's

the coolest technology is I love the technology guys we just like I don't know just not do it right under me maybe guys we got to do soundcheck bring the elephant out to walk on the stage get the bar out here is it holding up holding? Holding up! Holding up, boss! Yeah, we're good. Whoa, whoa, whoa! All right, we're good, guys. Take the elephant out. Nope.

Okay, never... No. Nope. Nope. Oh, God! Let's just have her lie on a couch with a flute. Can't believe J.Lo's flute. How many great flute rots?

Ten, you said. Ten. Ten great flute rots songs. Okay, now... It can't 10 great flute rock songs. Okay. It can't all be Jethro Toll. But I have to name a couple, because they're not all flute songs, Jethro Toll. I wouldn't call Aqua Long a flute song by them,

but Locomotive Breath we just listened to, yes. Okay. Cross-eyed Mary, yes. Those two, I'm gonna take from them. Okay. What's it? Truth Hurts, 100% that bitch. And she plays flute, that right?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Three. Three. One more Jethro Toll, Bungal in the Jungle. Three songs. that bitch and she plays flute that right yeah okay okay three three one more Jethro Toll Bungle in the jungle you're getting all from the fucking stupid you could say any combination of words Jethro Toll I'd have to take you on faith I have no idea a list of songs that have flutes so I could tell you them popular songs with flu take the word popular out just write flute songs scrapper jet that's gonna be like it's all

Okay, Brahms third symphony Great. Oh, yeah. Oh moon dance. I'll give you spill the wine by war. I'll give you spill the wine You can name them now you're looking down under I still might kiss your penis No, he doesn't Yeah, Jacob back off Beesies man down under I'm not counting sure shot. I wouldn't count that though I like that I know but that's a sample sample. I won't count. I'm not trying to cheat here I'm gonna see if I'm gonna kiss Bobby's penis or not, I forget if that's my winner or loss. You're gonna look at the name of the song

and say I knew that, that's it? No, no, not that I knew it, if it's a great song. I don't think a lot of these are also great songs. I'm not gonna put moon dance on things, I don't care about moon dance. Spill the wines, Rad. Spill the wines, great. What is spill the wine, let me hear it.

Spill the wine! Hurt in a love song. That's a good one, yeah, that's a good song. Hurt in a love song, Marshall Tucker Band, for sure. How's that go, how's that go? Hurt it in a love song, Marshall Tucker band for sure. How's that go? How's that go? Herding in a love song. Where's the flute coming on that? I think the larger point though Bobby, the flute and these songs are complimentary at best.

They're not the fucking lead instrument. Yeah, he's not playing it like Eddie. Which makes me sick. It's not fucking Jimmy Page in the flute. Jeff Rowe told, bring up a video, Ian Anderson playing flute. He rocks it. That's the other thing, too. It don't look cool when you're soloing.

No, he does, though. He's an asshole. Ian Anderson? You formerly known as Jeff Roto? Till five minutes ago to Andy? Imagine being in a rock band and having to take a seat while a guy plays the flute. Yeah!

Satan! Exactly. There's no way to make that look cool. No. Well a guy plays the flute There's no way to make that look cool no unless you have a bunch of rats coming up behind you That's the only functionality By pipering That's the only functionality of food, really. Pipe ring. You're viscerating a plague. He's saving the world from plague. If you're trying to bang kids, or save the world from a plague. OK.

It kind of coaxed a genie out of a bottle. Everybody knows that's the main instrument of a pedophile. LAUGHTER I briefly dated a Juilliard. I briefly dated a Juilliard fl I briefly dated a Juilliard floutist and let me say it's a, it's called floutist. It's uh, it's not an easy instrument to play. Huh? She was with it.

But nothing to do with that. She's a good flute player. God. Come on. What a stupid outfit too. Yeah! This is so... J's putting up his lighter.

Woo! This is so uncool. That's the worst. Now, well first of all... This is so dumb. First of all, you're watching him do a concerto. Look at how serious he is. Christine, bring up a video of him doing like...

Fucking... Looks like the greatest American hero. I think it is like the hardest. I sw- I- I- Can I try? Ow, god damn. Yes, I love it. Let me tell you,'m gonna start giving you these is there more than honest list But stop right there cuz I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna get genuine good song

I'm gonna get Steven to dip a flute for you. I think I know where you're going in Malibu pink Ten I have to come up with right yes good songs. Are you going and I know them hang on down down under is great Inarguable Listen, I'm not a savant with these songs like you guys, like music guys. What is the Down Under? What is that? Come on, I come from a land down under. Just say, there's a flute in that?

Of course. Where's that go? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Stop this right here. Stop. I want you to close your eyes I was about to air flute again close your eyes close your eyes and play that song right there And I want you to tell me what you think when you tell me what you're doing the outro Tell me what you're doing. I'm close. What do you feel it visualize? It ain't bad I yeah, I

I love this song I picture a bunch of little kids at a park. Yeah following one goofy man Yeah, yeah, why don't you play with my down under right? We're children play and men plunder. No, I raped and fuck those children You say what I can't believe the things you have said I mean Maybe just sing a song and we won't have all that I'm gonna get you a gold dip rose. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. I didn't say that you did say it focus Let's focus in yeah focus land down under agree. It's agreed. Okay. I agree I'll give you going up the country. That's a great. I can't eat going up the country

I don't love this song is awful. I don't love that one. That's one. I hear a little bit of that That's my top ten worst songs. That's your top ten worst flute songs worse songs That's fuck fuck this song. I'm sorry I'm gonna make up a song Flute and sure shot it's just that it's the sample though You are the woman firefall I do like that song That's sure shot That's a sample this that sample okay sample, but that's cool. Sure. What's a sample? Yeah?

What's it sample of I don't know someone playing flute. It's gotta be something funky Yeah, some type of funk you are the woman by firefall as a Right's a good song is that it I think that's the song is a short shot Helen for Judy It stinks it's basically I hate this it's Skip ahead. Here's what it does. It calms me down too much. Oh, this is what Shore Shot's taken from. Flute music is what you hear in a fucking spa. Yeah. To relax. How long for Judy? This is when you try to get your shit together. That's why Jay likes it because he likes his eyebrows waxed. It's spa music. Yeah, I don't like this. This is all from sure shot This has nothing to do with this is all flute. Yeah, I said you are the woman by firefall was another food song again You gotta hide your loving ways by the Beatles. Come on Beatles are overrated

Herd in a love song Marshall Tucker, but keep going down Oh god, this list is all tall. Hang on. Oh, System of the Downchops, do we? I'm not gonna count that as a flute song. Solitude, Sabbath? There's flute in there. Yeah, keep going.

Fuzzy signs off on it. Keep going. So long, Frank Lloyd Wright, the song I always skip on Bridge Over Trouble Water. Bobby, such a shitty song. There's an outside shot of him at the Kitcher Pina. Yeah, such a shitty song. There's an outside shot. I'm gonna be sure penis. Yeah Howling for Judy that's hilarious the original song is on the short shot for sure shot is on there, too locomotive breath for sure

There's nothing you're gonna make it. Did I say locomotive breath? Go back up come over and kiss my flute. You ain't got it. Hang on. What are we at? You should count we will rock you and you have to say it. When you kiss the tip of my penis, I want you to play it like a flute. I want you to go, boo-de-loo-doo. Yeah. I'm not counting.

I'm not counting we will rock you. I'm being fair here. Somebody needs to kiss Jay's penis, Jay. And that's somebody is you. Hold on. I got that backwards mouse. There's no way he's kissing his penis. Well, I'm not sure. I just know I tried. I tried. You there's no way he's kissing his penis well Had two little stints in the hospital trying to do that

Hang on Go up I had ten California dreamin spill the wine Down under I'd That moon dance. No, but I don't like moon dance. I think like you are the woman firefall You are the woman fire play that I want to make sure it's the right song. I don't want to not I don't want to fraudulently Not kiss Bobby's penis. Yeah, because you're honorable. That's why that's fair. This is it dude. Come on. Wait wait wait wait Christ now let it play You don't mean that Andy the intro is Andy sweater t-shirt combination says you like this kind of music I know I'm telling you right now Bobby compliment Jay Jay came back in this life

But he in his other life was a middle-aged woman in the 70s. Yeah, Jay was rota I'm a handsome woman. Yeah, he was. A very handsome woman. Jay lived in Cleveland. Oh, God. You are the woman that I always dreamed of. Next. So what are we at? We're at four. Oh God. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa or five? Five. I would say five. You're going back to five and we're going to count you are the woman. Okay. What's this? This is Can't You See and you're- I mean, I'm not- It's a great song. It's a great song. But let me hear the flute. Nobody knows these songs

for the flute. Exactly, my point. You're like, Jeff Rotolos. Yeah, you don't know you- The flute is the center of the thing. No, this is what you do love right here He has flew everything What's not a lot of flute there? Oh, it's not first and foremost at all And then the flute goes away It's gone. Let me say this part sucks. No now see how much better I love that I didn't say the flutes chords in the guitar that was in the army here No, it was our 10 great songs or I kiss Bobby's penis

Yeah, you're a flute you said the flute is the shit you gotta hide your love away Yeah, that is true hey you've got to said that the flute is the shit. You gotta hide your love away, correct? Well, our guitar is really in this instrument. Yeah, that is true. Hey, you've got to hide your love. We could start a pretty rad air band. Well, not the way we can't come together on music. Because guys, I'm going to want to cover a lot of flute heavy shit.

Christine wants the air keys. Yeah, I want air keys. I will fucking take out the air axe at a show We should we should do that at a live show. We should do a whole song We should do the whole thing You're gonna flute you're gonna play the flute We should start that we should start the comedy jam, but air comedy jam. You know, Matt, Josh. We play songs in air.

We play songs in air. Lip-sing and air play. Oh, great idea. The air. Give it up, everybody, for the air comedy jam. He was, unfortunately, Josh, you can't hire a real drummer that's going to have the stick work of air drumming Bobby. Bobby throws both of his sticks up, does something,

catches them, and then goes, it's crazy. You've never seen anything like it. Good luck finding a trained drummer who could do that. So if we count, you've got to hide your love way. We're at six. Okay, we're at six. I'll tell you what though. Foot loop.

Argue me, heard it in a love song by Marshall Tucker Bands. Not a great song. Let me hear it, let me hear it. Go on. It is a good song. I love it. I'm working it serious for this. No, this is copyright infringement Got it fucking the worst instrument

I feel like I'm watching a kid show in the 60s Together Because my friends, friends play together. Let's watch the cartoon. Let's go, let's go to the park. Any kind of color or gender, we are friends. Guys, come on down to the park and grab a ball. We're having fun today. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Hey, let's all be nice to the new kid. Hey. Hey. Let's show him around the halls. It doesn't matter what color he is. We're all the same inside.

Your parents make rules because they care about you. I know you think they're making life a drag. Yeah. Don't use drugs. Herb song. Come on, Bobby. Herb song. Herb song a love song.

We just made somebody crash. Hey guys, I know sometimes you get down, but you know what you can do? You can turn that frown upside down and look up at the sun and be grateful for the air and the friends you have. Hey guys, I have to go home because my uncle says this is our alone time before my mom gets back thank you are we not counting no you're not that's song I love song great to all right we won't leave it okay all right sure shot. We're at seven no no tell the tell loving the Rockets 87 Rock you so that's seven we were rock to very dream theater wait a minute. Where is we do you realize it's mostly flute Let me hear I don't know where it is on that. I've buried this down like a bunch of little just play and show them

How much flute there is in it, please There's no food. We're talking about listen All I hear is fucking shredded In a drum beat and then there's a whole bunch of flu There's no flutin this are you crazy where you don't know the song You have to wait for the flu part there's no flu the only flu to singing okay damn

what is that that is no flu you're an asshole there is the whole outro is just flu no you're hurting my ears the outro is exclusively flu I hate you Okay chop suey, so we will rock you's in chop suey also. What's chop suey wake up Stop flu, please show them that there is flute involved. There's no flute yet. I can't take any more fucking flute songs.

What are you talking about? There's so flutie this song. I'm so glad I don't have hair, because it would fall out listening to this shit. Oh. And here, wait. You have to drum the build up. Do do do. And here it comes, dude. This is great. Yeah, dude, the fucking bass player also does flute. Same time. He has to flute one of those harmonica things. And here it comes dude. This is great. Yeah, dude the fucking bass player also does flute same time

He has a food or those harmonica things Ready? Oh god here comes and the flu I don't think you trust my brass instrument in my hand. All right, so chop Suey's in. There you go. You can't. You can't. Sue on this list without seeing Jeff Rotol. You can't.

That's good. Well, locomotive breath, bungle on the jungle both are in there, and that makes it to 10. 9-10. Bobbie, sorry. Your penis stays dry today. Oh, God. Bobby, my sincerest apologies, but your penis stays dry.

It is terrible. Well. Do we have time, Jacob, you think? Do the letter? You said we got a letter. We got a letter from Lingus. I was saying we should look at the, we have a very few left spokesmodel.

You should tell Andy what's happening. Andy, you know what's happening. I've been listening. We're doing the spokesmodel thing and we've got a lot of. Mostly penises. Mostly penises, but some. Yeah.

Some hot ones. There was like four pairs of tits though on like a pussy and a butt. Well, let's just see. Well, if I may. Yes, James. I have a statement to make about this. Okay.

What you got? And you need some flute to get you on the mood? I say this on behalf of not only me, Yeah. But on behalf of Lewis and Lou. Okay. I don't like this at all. And by the way, I would appreciate,

because this might be incendiary, I would like, I prefer if you let me get through it, because I know it's gonna trigger something in you. Hold comment. Are you doing this respectfully? Wait, is this the letter? Respectfully. Q-up up.

This is me. And then I have a follow-up because before I wrote this and then our beloved Lynn wrote a letter that I would like to read as a follow-up to my own statement that I say I wrote. Yep, take it on faith. I wrote this first. Okay, I'm with you. Okay.

Flute. Take it on flute. I want to express my displeasure at the decision to expand the bonfire spokesmodel position and turn it into a contest. At face value, the contest is about us picking individual spokesmodels for each member of the crew. But in reality, the contestants are picking us. You turned the carefree life of having the wonderful Lynn being the spokesmodel for all

of us into a high school popularity contest, telling us who they want to be a spokesmodel for all of us into a high school popularity contest, telling us who they want to be a spokesmodel for. We got to share. Mega Hottie Lynn. But this was not enough for you. Why Lynn is the only spokesmodel that matters. I will direct you to her most recent Instagram video post, which Bobby hearted along with me, just as an aside. In her most recent video post, the video is a, in the video she is hanging a fixture

over her bar at home in shorty shorts. Lynn has an ass that could create peace in the Middle East. Why would anyone want to fight after seeing that ass? 2. Lynn is handy. She is a beautiful woman who uses power tools. Remind you of anyone famous, Jay, that you had a crush on as a child I'll give you a hint she was called the tool time girl. Tim Allen, Bob Vila. You had

your very own tool time girl and she wasn't enough for you. You ripped her heart out, threw it on the ground, and did jump squats on it. Lynn gets shit done, and although she claimed otherwise, the fixture was also quite level. Beauty and craftsmanship. If this isn't the essence of what the bonfire stands for, what is? Moving on. 99... My god. Well, you're interrupting, but I'll allow this.

It's pictures of that. Just go back around. Showing, Christine's showing naked pictures of Linwell. Jacob's trying to read this sincerely. This is a serious moment. Again, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't interrupt. Jacob can't read with a heart on. I don't know if people know that. I have the blanket over me.

99% of the entries have been for Christine and Bobby. Bobby has had so much cock thrown at him that he doesn't know what to do with it. None of us are into cock, except Christine, but it's nice to know that cock is into us. Lou, Lewis, nor I have had a single dong send our way to this point. Don't send them now, by the way. You had your chance. None of us want your sympathy dongs. There's nothing sadder than a pity penis pick.

Like the Matrix. It's almost over. Like the Matrix. Jay decided that the original movie wasn't good enough, so I would like to congratulate Big J Wachowski sister on his decision to make yet another sequel to The Matrix, because in his mind, like his sisters, more is better. I hope in the future, Big J Wachowski sister will come to the conclusion that more isn't always better. Sometimes more is just more. Now I wrote that and I want you to know out of the blue, a couple of days ago, because I've been sitting on my thing, I got a letter from the beloved the beloved Lynn and this is what she says Dear Jay

I had fun at the show in December you were so nice to me and hilarious as hell as always. Thank you so much for the experience. Pretty positive so far. Was so cool. However, while you're one of my favorite comedians and as much as I'd like to, we both know I would not work out for you as spokesmodel. I am not your type. Can't grow a bush, blonde, and I'm way too vanilla for your interests. Plus, I got pointy elbows and I think Jacob would appreciate me more. I seem more his type. I've never had an audible smile before. Jesus Christ.

I heard it. I heard his smile. His face cracking. I'm just reading what it says here. Look how fucking cracked. That was a fucking Grinch smile. Curled three times. Excuse me.

Sorry, my apologies. Excuse me. He can send me pictures of iguanas in Florida. I can send him gifts. It would be perfect I think Jacob is my height too. I adore that boy Did I feel good? It's it's I know what she meant she meant it from the heart. Okay, she's Texan Okay, they say that about men nice. So yes If Jacob declines, I'd like to apply for Christine. Not gonna lie, it's mostly because I enjoy

Christine audio drops the most. They make me laugh. Plus, she is pretty. And kind of reminds me of Jennifer Tilley for some reason. Moving on. Full disclosure, last year I'd have chosen DJ Lou because I smoked SIGs in the shower and we had a good conversation on Instagram last year. But I don't want to try gas station oregano tuna casserole ever won't work actually I blocked that out too is it actually they fucked Bobby up yeah it was bad it's a wretched yeah can't be black Lou because I don't know how to dance and he hurt my feelings that one episode but don't tell him I said that please geez Oh geez. All right. Well, what did he say? But do tell Bobby I said this and bless his heart But I ain't gonna want to be his spokesmodel because his bitch ass

Nondorogatory won't respond to my DMs. What? I was gonna send him tiny furniture for his tiny house and He says she builds furniture Daddy I didn't get a DM from her it's in your junk I didn't get a DM if I got it I have a guy who runs my things oh your guy handle he might have been supporting him

your guy just took her this son of a bitch might have just responded with a thumbs up moving on I'm so sorry well you had your chance. What? Wait, too late now. Does this say next that he's cut off now forever?

Well, there's more, actually. Oh, Jesus. And he says the word nugget a lot, and I don't know what it means exactly. Oh, it means nugget to people who don't speak Boston. Right. P.S. There's also not an E.R ER at the end of the word saw

Bobby's also not a movie yesterday there's also not an A in the word necklace necklace I want Stephen Sanger to bring Jay a necklace did Bobby see that movie yesterday? Yeah, he saw it. I have an idea. PS, not that it's important, but I wanted to tell y'all, now I have a five and a half year old son and a one and a half year old daughter added this because y'all seemed unsure about my kiddos ages on the show and I have been feeling the need to tell y'all my oldest is not three. I graduated school at 17 while pregnant.

How cool is she? So cool. How damn it, is she the coolest? The fact that she waited till 17 in that part of Texas, pretty great. Fucking awesome. The fact that she's not directly related to her, the father of the child?

You equate cool with teen pregnancy in in this case a hundred percent I'll tell you what thank you if you snap back like that everybody should cry out to before their mid 20s Thank you for your time and patience and for reading this if you do bother reading it. She's so small. She's very humble Even though the spokesmodel title is just a bit. I really like it. It makes me feel pretty, so thank you all for that too. Love, Lynn. God damn it. Jay. Some of y'all fucked up.

Jay. Yes. Jay. I know. I think the answer is clear. It is clear, I think, Jay. Do we just go back to one spokesmodel, Lynn? Does Lynn just win the contest again and we don't have our own individual spokesmodels?

It is weird to faction everybody off. I don't know, Lou starts smoking again. Sounds like he's back in the running. At the end of the day though, at the end of the day though, Christine essentially just has a bunch of dicks to pick from. Why don't we do this? Why don't we give all the dicks to Christine?

Lynn said to me, Christine, if I had a big black dick, could I be your spokesmodel? Oh. I think it's all the dicks. Lynn said to me, Christine, if I had a big black dick, could I be your spokesmodel? Well, it is kind of fair. Did you answer her because you answered your DMs? I didn't. I just remember now. Can I have a girl and a boy? Christine, can you please scroll up and let's see

if there's anything new also from that? On one level, it's kind of the move that you didn't respond. You blew it. What is that? I mean, because I would, like, my fingers can't type fast enough to respond to people. What does that Lynn think I'm into? She's's too vanilla you don't like your bonie elbows obviously she gets she fucks on camera how do you feel a girl look like that

told me you didn't like my bonie elbows I go trust me I could get around it yeah we'll do your elbows here I need a regular Casar all yeah you're out loose but she's fucking possum yeah Yeah, she will he possum All right, well, how do you feel right now Jay? I feel like I want to put a flute Would you like locomotive breath coming out of Lin's hoo-ha? I think we have to discuss this further next week. We have to take a break, but I... You know my...

I think you know how I... We have to... Maybe we'll think about it. Everybody knows how you feel. We have to take a break right now. We'll take a break. Hey, everybody. Thanks for listening.

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