The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Freedom Island (feat. Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Jacob is still angry with Jay from yesterday and DJ Lou offers an A.I. apology. America's amigo Mike Finoia hangs for conversation about actors who find Jesus, cuddling with your woman, narcolepsy, and movies before streaming. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Oh Our last live day of the week It's been a week It's been a week. All right. I've had a great week I've had a great week. You've had a week. I've had a week. Let me fix my microphone in the the studio the New York studio Home I called allie sadik you did. Mm-hmm. I felt terrible. What do you say? He said who's this?

When you were done, you said everything he was like who is No, he was he was like he was dude. No, he was so nice. He's such a great guy I was like look man, you know, I kind of Kind of cleared it up at the end there And then I stuck a video on with a guy sticking stuff in his butt and I just and then you like I got to Go and I was he's like nah man had a hard out and I took everything in my body not to go a hard out Nice. Yeah Why would he set you up like I don't want you to take that bait? Oh, I really wanted to go hard out. Nice. Yeah. Why would he set you up like that if he didn't want

you to take that bait? Oof. I really wanted to go hard. More like a hard in. Am I right? Am I right? But am I right? Sweet guy. It's the Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM 103. Big J. Okerson, the great Robert Kelly. I love when you say that. Joining us. He's the great Robert Kelly. I love when you say it. It makes me feel good. I have shitty self-esteem. That's how I say it when I, ever whenever I promote the Bonifier. Great Robert Kelly. Myself and the great Robert Kelly. Yeah.

I was, do you, we have Andy Fiori here. The awesome? Awesome Andy Fiori? Awesome. I like that. Do you like that? I say the hilarious, I try to say the hilarious for our friends. Hilarious, hilarious.

I would say that. That seems like a good one. And today is no exception by the way. We have one of our good buddies sitting friends. Hilarious, hilarious. I would say that. That seems like a good one. And today is no exception, by the way. We have one of our good buddies sitting in. He was in the building. Why not come hang out with the Bonfire? Everybody's America's Amigo. Don't let me down. A special streaming right now on YouTube.

Edie's Poncho Mike, Mike Fanoia. We've got a new handshake. You want to see it? It's good. It's getting there. We're working on it. No handshake, you wanna see it? It's good. It's getting there, we're working on it. What's that called? Was that called White Flight? It's called, it's called, it's called you got a mosquito on your wrist.

What's up, Mikey? Hi, Bubba, how are you? You came on a strange day. Jacob, I have to assume you went home yesterday, turned the temperature up to 105 degrees and shadow boxed call me fat for three hours. Something, something like that. Check his wrists.

I bet he cut himself. He's just cutting with the pain go away? He's just sitting there cutting himself in his underwear, sweaty underwear. Fat son of a bitch. I don't fucking need to listen to that shit anymore. He had to wrap pillows around a pole. Uh, Jacob didn't call to apologize, so I assume he thinks he's right.

Unless, Jacob, there's something you'd like to say now. That you should apologize to me. Wait, what is that? That you should apologize to me. What did you say? Hang on. Hang on. We're waiting for you to say something.

Jason, I want to apologize for my insubordinate behavior regarding the temperature in the studio on last night's live program. The bonfire starts at the top with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly and what you say goes. If I must suffer a little chill to be a part of the bonfire, then I will happily show up every day and without complaint. Please accept my sincerest apologies and I hope to move past this ugliness soon.

Yours, Jacob, executive producer, Bonfire, 2015 to 2024. That's genuinely how you feel, Jacob. You know what, Jacob? I accept your apology. That is a manly, you are a man, Jacob. I take it all back. That was a manly thing to do. That was. That takes a real man to apologize. That was a manly, you are a man, Jacob. I take it all back. That was a manly thing to do. That was.

That takes a real man to apologize. That was big. That's why Lou missed his lunch with Dan. Why? To make this. Oh, did you guys, you went to lunch with Dan today? Oh, it's lunch with Dan day? Oh, I bet they went to work on me.

Oh. It was divine. I bet Jacob went to work on me. My God, lunch with Dan day. We gotta reset everything. It's not all about you, Jay. Oh, I promised it came up. You came up. Oh, yeah, Lunch with Dan Day, we gotta reset everything. It's not all about you, Jay. Oh, I promise it came up. You came up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man. Ah! It's not all about you. Mostly probably. It's just more about life. And Dan, you just even need the producer on his couch. Yeah, it's a weird threat. I like this shit.

I don't know how much you love Dan. Why don't you go hang on a bookshelf while you're doing the show? Yeah, you can go Wrangle Myrtle while he talks to fucking Charlie Quinn on this couch. Wrangle Myrtle. Have fun with that. Should we talk about, if we could talk about it,

if Jacob feels that I was wrong, we're gonna, it's just gonna go nowhere. So we just move on. Can I be an honest appraiser if you guys talk about it? Are you gonna be honest? I'm gonna be honest. You gonna be honest with what you said to me? I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. You gonna be honest with what you said to me? I'm gonna be honest with what I said to both of you.

All right? Jacob. Did you say the same thing to both of us? No. Look, I love both of you a lot. Of course. I love one of you more. Mm-hmm.

No. But I'm just gonna, you know, you guys should talk it out. Talk it out, Jacob. He wants to talk on the air in front of guests. I don't like that. But Andy, I mean not Andy. What's your name again? Second time, dude.

Well we had talked about the first one. No, no, no, yesterday. They get different interest in Andy. I meant yesterday. I meant yesterday. I meant yesterday. Yeah, Andy was. I mean, I'll pretend to be Andy if you want.

No. Yesterday I get it, but you know, we're all friends. I love Jay. Mike is one of the boys. One of the boys. I would kill for Jay. But I love you too. But you wouldn't kill for me.

No. Would you kill for me? Yeah. Well, you know what? I would definitely kill for Jay, no question. You, I'd be like Yeah, I mean yeah, what you try to talk maybe try to talk about a little bit longer You go are you sure you want this guy killed and if you go yeah, I'm so sure you okay then here We are right. Okay. You were like listen. I need this done. All right ready. I need my wife murdered

Yeah, I want her dead I would use this I would use the hide a body thing or move a body But you're supposed to say that. I wouldn't say that about DJ Lou, because I'm worried he might call me on that one day. Bro, I need you more now than ever. You still got that big car? You just get a text from him of coordinates.

You still got that big old car? You know I got DJ Lou's back. You know, when shit went down, I'm fucking right there. You're like, Lou, are you smoking again? He's like, that's the least of my troubles. Oh, yeah, no, Bobby was ready to kill for DJ Lou. I'm fucking right there. You're like, Luke, Luke, are you smoking again? He's like, that's the least of my troubles. Oh, yeah, no, Bobby was ready to kill for DJ Lou. I'm ready to kill for everybody.

I would kill for you, dude. I'm ready to kill for everybody on this show. I would totally kill for you, 100%. I don't know about your wife, though. But you gotta promise me you don't call me Andy Fiori again. I would never do that. No, because Andy was on yesterday. I would have died.

I was talking about the guest that was on while he was talking about, and I'm yesterday. I would have died. I was talking about the guest that was on, why he was talking about. Yesterday. And I'm old and I can't think. Oh, and let me put this in there. I'm dumb. Okay. Let me throw this in there too.

I'm dyslexic, I have ADD. Dyslexic? And I have all kinds of shit. Dyslexic. Let me put this in there. I've been up since fucking yesterday. Okay. Let me throw this in there.

I got a small penis. Why would you not sleep last night? Let me throw this in there. I'm gay. I'm what You sleep last night cuz do we I had yesterday's, you know Tuesday is my big day and then last night we had We do ykwd, but of course Keith was on mm-hmm 830 spot. He shows up at 920 Shows up. He's like yeah, I got a spot downstairs Not one spot, two spots.

Before he can join. Before he can, at 8.30 he walks in and go live. Did he come up those steps to tell you that? No, I was waiting for him downstairs. Oh, thank Christ. I was waiting for him downstairs, and he's like, I gotta do a spot. So he was 40 minutes late?

No, he was on time, but had to do a spot, and then, but he told me one spot. He really had two, he had the Village Underground, too But he told me one spot. He really had two. He had the Village Underground, too. Oh my god, that's seven hours of walking. It's because there's a lot of walking in a small block. A lot of walking. So I had Aaron Berg upstairs, and that was fine.

We were shooting the shit. And then, of course, Joey Roses. Joey D. surprised, just came up, had two bottles of liquor in his hand. He was all whipped up, which is a big surprise. Came up with a little thing of- But who's gonna booze with him in that scenario?

He boozes by himself. He just gets tossed, two bottles of whiskey. He had a little bottle, and then Liz was like, you're a pussy, he had a little bottle of Maker's Mark, and she's your pussy, and she gave him a whole pint of Maker's Mark. Jesus. And he drank it all. No, he didn't drink it all.

I think he drank a couple drinks. We had a great time. He came in, it was great to see. I started the fucking podcast with that kid, so it was great to see Joey. He came up, and then Keith came up at 9.40, or 9.30, whatever the fuck it was, and he brought Reggie.

And the more people you add to a podcast, the longer it's going. And how he talks too, how slow that was. And then by the time we were done, it was 12 o'clock. Crazy, crazy. Yeah, you called me pretty late. I called you late. Got in the car, driving home, didn't even eat,

went to write the bed, and then I had to wake up and do the regs this morning at 9.30 in the morning. So you slept, you just had to wake up early. I slept a little bit, because Dawn was in the bunk bed, so I fucking slept. I don't sleep. When she's in the bed, I sleep nice. Was the regs worth it, really?

Was the regs worth it? I don't know, dude. I'm fucking, I just do what I'm told. You don't sleep good when she's not in the bed. Louis tells me what to do, and I just do it. That's where I'm at at this point. Yeah, I don't want to fight anybody. So if you get home and Dawn's asleep, you can dive right in that bed with her asleep

and conk right out? I need somebody next to me. Really? I love... Do you sleep out on the road? I sleep sideways. I sleep in an angel on the road. I don't. I sleep sideways.

I wake up all the time. I love sleeping with my wife. The road is my hands down best sleep. The road is awful. Oh, my legs can go wherever they wanna go. No, I like being next to my wife. She's curled up. I give her a little hold.

When I get in the bed, I give her a kiss. And then I roll over to my side. The dog's in between us. You know, the dog that doesn't shed. And that Kikiko blanket, though,. I tell you what it's changed the game Yeah, that keeps that kikiko is like being hugged by fucking strippers. It really is it really is it's a wife I mean, it's it's helped It's helped man if I think you cook oh

I think it's right, but chicken Chicken cutlet if that thing could peg me Chicken cutlet? If that thing could peg me. It probably could. Just got to spin up a corner. Get a corner and tie in a few knots and stick it in my butt. Yeah.

It's that easy. So yeah, I've been up all night. I make a pillow person to cuddle with when I'm on the road a lot. Sometimes I do. I throw a pillow between the knees. Yeah. A little hugging pillow.

That's the other thing too with hotels. I make just a fort of pillows all over, and I just get different... And they're preset for different this, this. I could, uh, so I'm laying back, side, tummy time. I just... It's just, like, an already made, like, six pillows, little fucking gauntlet of things

I can choose. Get a little Tetris, comfortable Tetris piece. You could have three girls, one have three girls one girl one big guy these would be some fluffy chicks I like when I like when hotel beds have that dumb pillow that doesn't matter don't want to throw on the ground but it's a longie I don't touch it log roll you can't touch that dumb pillow I thought right between my legs can't that's the jizz pillow you can't touch that they don't wash it's blanket the only one can't touch that. They don't wash it. That's the AIDS blanket. It's the only one they don't wash.

It's okay. They don't wash it, people are drooling on that. Yeah. People, ugh. Well, I'm just putting it by my dick and balls. Yeah, you're the problem, you're right, you're the problem. You know what, I just realized the Between the Knees pillow, that's a game changer.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how I didn't do that my whole life. The Between the Knees feels good for some reason. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't know I don't know how I didn't do that my whole life the between the knees Feels good for some reason Yeah, I think you're supposed to do that. I think it's like actual back support or something Is it your side sleeper or you're back or you know Tommy? Yeah Tommy inside Tommy inside never back really I'm a side. I'm a side fall asleep on the back

Yeah, but flip over what I'm good. gonna side. Fall asleep on the back. Yeah. But flip over when I'm... I have fallen asleep on the back, but I tend to, if I'm going to sleep, if I'm making an effort, like I'm going to bed and now I'm closing my eyes, it'll be on my stomach. You're so adorable. You really are. Yeah, but you have the bed that props...

You got the nice adjustable. That's on your back though only. Right, right. Yeah, of course. Thanks for watching TV. Is it bad that when we stayed together, I wanted to, like, sneak in at night and just see you guys see what you do? Mm, you would've been bored.

You had it in your fucking mind. I just wanted to sneak in and be like, what are they doing? The first two nights, Christine's knees were in my rib cage. I asked her to flip over so I can cuddle her. She said, no, I am comfortable. What? No way. And then she left the light on and left the closet door open,

locking everybody out of the house for three nights straight. You didn't say, no, you're comfortable. You didn't do that, did you? I swear to God, you did. I didn't know he wanted to cuddle. I was comfortable. He said, flip over. I said, I'm comfortable. When your man says flip over, you flip over, Christie. She goes, I'm comfortable. Back off.

You could park a fucking pickup truck in between Lisa and I the way we sleep. Really? Well, we could do that. We do, I do the first like 10 minutes maybe under together and then there's the, this is uncomfortable touching. And then we do the roll or I do the roll away from her and she's happy. You do the give me my dead arm back. Yeah you can.

That's underneath her. Yeah exactly. There's that eight minutes of I love you so much and then there's seven hours of I want nothing to do with you. Get the fuck away from me. Yeah, I love that. When we were in Aruba, they fucked up and gave us two beds.

Best week of sleep I think I've had. You guys stayed in separate beds and you didn't push them together? No. Nice. Kept them apart. That's fucking dope. I used to think Dick Van Dyke was weird, but maybe that isn't it.

Nah, dude, I think it's great. I don't understand the point of sleeping with people. Like, I like fucking, and I like, then we go to our respective chambers. You do love fucking, don't you? I do love fucking. Dude, you stay as fucking. I'm always fucking.

I'm fucking right now. You're fucking, man. That's what I heard about you, dude. You stay as fucking. You stay as fucking. That was my likes and dislikes in the high school year book. Likes fucking, football, Seinfeld. You do you stays fuck it. Yeah, that was my likes and dislikes in the high school yearbook likes fucking football Seinfeld no, but it's I don't I don't like the no you fucks. I don't like cuddling with I don't it's okay

I love my god. I don't mind cuddling like At least even to fall asleep, but it's not gonna stay like that all night. There's no way I think girls Young girls love to cuddle more than young guys, and then it flips at some point. Yes, I use the word flip, not a word. I like it. It's my word. It's your word. Flip it, and then when you get older,

I think guys like to cuddle a little more, and women don't want anything to do with you. Am I right, Christine, as a older woman? I love cuddling. I didn't know that. I was just asleep already, uncomfortable. Well, you lost your opportunity. I got the kick in legsling. I didn't know that I was just asleep already, uncomfortable. Well, you lost your opportunity. I got the kicking legs now.

I kick. Like a two-year-old? I like that. I got the jimmy legs. I move around a lot when I sleep. Don't show me that, dude. Just fucking frog kicks. I do.

I really do. You're really good. Last night, at one point, I woke up, and I was literally a sliver. We have California King bed. I was a sliver on the corner. Dog, big space, Christine. That's what the bed was last night at one point.

And I just got up. You got up, just said fuck it and got up. Yeah. And went in the other room. And then watched TV. No, went to the bathroom, smoked a cigarette. Just like, you know, got my day going. How early?

Not too early. Did you look at yourself in the mirror and lick your lips and go, yeah? Like nine, 10 maybe? Nine, 30, 10? That's not, that's the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you talking about,

you drug addict? That's like... That's how I woke up, I'm saying. Right, yeah. It's 22 p.m. Yeah, but I was like feeling like pretty lousy all day, so I was like pretty exhausted. I didn't sleep the night before at all.

I like when in the morning, Max will come in in the morning and jump into bed with me and I'll fucking give him a big hug and we'll lie there together. I like that, you know, because that's gonna go away. I love fucking, I love hugging my kid. Is that bad? I mean, saying it like that is.

I love fucking, I love hugging my kid. I mean, I love, I do love hugging my kid. I like to hug up on him. I like hugging up on him. I'm gonna get out of here I do love hugging my kid. I like to hug up on I like hugging up on I'm gonna get out of here and hug up on my kid That's the one thing that I don't like about not being a dad. I don't get to hug up on a kid Yeah, if you do it's gonna cause problems weird if I start hugging like that you come over man hug up on max You'll kill somebody for me. Do you hug my kid come over tomorrow at 6? I'll kill your wife hug your son You don't have to kill it yet, but they meet the man who would kill for your father. Yeah, okay

Do we look exactly the same? He's not gonna know we should do that one night. We should switch. Yeah fine Jesus Christ, let's do it cuddle with Lisa. Yeah, you'll cuddle at max. Yeah, I just come home Lisa's got five sins in She's smoking cigar Yeah, I just come home, Lisa's got five zins in. Fucked up. She smoking cigars? Rippin' zinzers. Rippin' bats. Like, listenin' to fuckin' Aerosmith. Kelly Zinza. You love that Zin.

I do, but I'm getting, it's not working as much anymore. I think I'm gonna quit. Yeah. I think I'm gonna, yeah, I like the fact that it was keeping me away from smoking four cigars a day. Because I have 700 cigars. Everywhere I go, people give me cigars, which I love. And I got really good ones, too.

It's not like I can just throw them out or not use them. I have a box of cigars from... You can't even give these things away to Kid Rock. I have, I know those. I have, you know, they have the Rogan cigar, which you can't get, you can't buy it. I have a box of those in my house. And they're just amazing and then he actually said in there you FBI truths No, it's it's actually cigar tobacco and FBI truth cigars who shot JFK and testosterone

comes off in equations So famous Goes these are North Carolina tobacco Ivermectin and Tony Hincliffe's cock ring And the original COVID virus But he actually sent me a box. It was only four made Called the mothership. Yeah, and I have one of those boxes, you know, which is I love that I have I have really high-end unique boxes of cigars, but I was smoking too much. Yeah.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go back to little baby cigars, maybe. Yeah, just smoke more. Yeah. Get that zinc out of your mouth. When I smoke. You're a cowboy idiot. You don't even get the spit. You just go, yeah. No.

Look at that. Karaokey. Third base coach, third base coach for a little bit, too. I just don't wanna go back to food. Use sunflower seeds. You can't. Huh? You can't, though. No, dude. No your stomach my stomach now you as every year that goes by Your stomach goes back to normal. Mm-hmm. So now when I don't eat a lot, I don't eat a lot I've just programmed myself to like I know when when I was fat, I just didn't know when I was full

I was full a lot. I just ate past it. So then this thing made it so that- Because you give a shit, dude. You want it more than the next guy. Well now I know when I'm full. I feel, I'm full, I'm done. I could definitely eat more, but I push my plate away. That's what it is now.

I could get fat again. I know a guy who actually got the same surgery and became fat again, which is just ridiculous. Dude, the guy who, I said that guy who used to work at the cellar years ago looked exactly like me. So weird. And I knew one day what happened, he was a big guy. I know who you're talking about.

I mean, our faces looked so similar. Really? It was so weird. Same haircut, like everything. Well, I guess maybe at one point I, no, no, I definitely had this had to wear the same haircut even. And one day, fat guy curse dude just wore the same big and tall store t-shirt. It was like a Guinness, brown Guinness shirt.

And you just know, you're like... It was one of the graphic tees that fat people could wear. And we both wore it one day. But then that guy went on Biggest Loser and got flat out in shape. Treaded. You got big we both wore it one day. But then that guy went on Biggest Loser and got flat out in shape. Treaded, he got big. Gained it all back.

Gained it all back. Gained it all back, 100% of it back. He was going around doing speaking and stuff, engaged, when I saw him. He always comes to see me on Stress Facts, where he lives out in Jersey. Great dude, Mark is his name. Yeah, I remember him, he's a good guy.

Oh, I wonderful remember him. Great, great dude, man. But it was so funny to watch. I saw him one time in shape, and I was like, yo, this is fucking crazy. And then I saw him again. It was starting to come back. I'm like, well, you sort of look more like me again And then I think next time I saw him. He was like all bad He had that Guinness shirt on again, but I think he got a hot chick while he was thin and she stayed Oh, I think I did that. I think he did that

Yeah, I had a guy walk up to me today, and this is the sucky part about having so many stages of my fat, having six fats, that he came up, last time he saw me, I was Skinny Bob, right? He didn't see me get fat again. So I think the last time he saw me was like 2008, and he came up, he was like, dude, you're looking good, man, good, it's good.

Put a little weight back on, huh? That way. I actually, I lost a middle-aged woman, I did not. So he hadn't seen me since. I remember you better. You're like, no, I put on a lot, lost more, and now I'm, that's his, Jack? Yep.

Look at that. He lost a lot of weight. Don't we look a crazy man alike, though? Yeah, looks like you, looks like your older brother. He worked at a, what is that? Seller, he was a server, I think, at one Yeah, it looks like you. It looks like your older brother. He worked at a... What did that... Seller. He was a server, I think, at one point, and then became a manager.

Holy shit. Didn't he come back? It was a chef. I think it was a chef. Look at him. He looks great. Wow. I mean, a different person.

And then he, I think it went right back. I knew a... If you go to a social, you'll probably see. A girl who got the surgery and she just kept eating shit food, like awful hot dogs, fucking popcorn, all this nachos, and she just got like fat in weird ways. Well, Ralphie Mann I think blasted through two weight loss surgeries. He had the ring, the, what's it called? Come on.

I know this. The lap band. Thank you, Jacob. Glad to have you back, baby. I love you. The lap band, he ate through two of them. You can eat through those. Geez. Yeah.

One day it just gives and pops. Well, it's a ring that goes. Well, it's just, at best, basically what was happening, it seems like you would just get fat on either side of it. Right. You have to have it tightened. Yeah, I know. You have to have it tightened,

you have to go back and tighten it. I know somebody who got that done, yeah, and then they just didn't get it tightened now Like almost immediately got it tightened like one or two times then just didn't and I'm just like I think they got it removed Ultimately because I'm just like you have a foreign thing in there. You just gave up on completely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a it's a That I can't gain the weight back. I can't do it, you know, so even last night when I went home I didn't eat yesterday. I forgot to eat.

I got home, and, oh, Bob, my brain. I still order, like, a fat guy, too, though. You guys know if I could... Yes. Yeah, it's just like, give me that, do that, and I just have a couple things. But last night when I got home, I was, like, ready to just make a dish out of nothing.

I just started taking things out of the fridge. And then I looked, and there was, like, five different meals in front of me. And I was gonna watch TV. What are you making? Uh, cereal au gratin souffle? I'm making, uh, cereal tuna fish crab cakes. And, like, butter parmesan?

Okay. Mm-hmm. I did make crab... Are you making salmon toast? Ha-ha-ha-ha. I did make crab cakes one night with tuna fish mayonnaise because I was watching the Food Network and they... Oh, you made instead of crab meat, you did it with tuna.

I was like, dude, I think I can make... I was watching the Food Network. That doesn't sound bad to me. It was bad. It was not good. Little fried tuna ball? It was not good. Yeah, all right.

It was not good. Okay. I'll take your word for it. It was not good. But I took everything back in. I go, what am I doing? I just put everything back in the fridge. Grab a bag of chips. And I went to bed, and I can't eat chips.

Oh, fucking food addictions. Food addiction is the worst addiction, I think. It really is. I had a sex addiction. Well, because it's the most accessible thing to feed. And the most acceptable, because if you go, I'm on the road and I go, all right, I'm not getting wasted, I'm not smoking cigs anymore.

I'm not sucking off dudes. Let me get a pizza. If I eat if I eat On the road like shitty. I feel like people are looking at you like Yeah, I think it's judged. Yeah, I don't know if it depends. It's no one's stopping you if you're like when you look good No one stops from doing it if you've realized that's the thing by the time of someone find out. It's too late I think I just loved food right out of my great body into a terrible one But by what by people do you mean like people that work at the club? and by the time someone would find out, it's too late. You're like, god damn, I just loved food right out of my grape body into a terrible one.

But by people, do you mean like people that work at the club? Sure, yeah. But they don't have, it's not like they're offering good food a lot of the time. No, no, no, I know, but I'm just saying, I think if you went in there and you were like, just say it's like, ah, we're gonna pick, I'm like, it's a fat guy's move too,

the excuse with the order. We'll get some nachos and the pizza, for the room. For the room, by the way. For all two of us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Four plates for the two of us. For the room.

You're gonna have some, right? The host, you guys can have some, like totally. For the room. But you're always good at that. You do share a lot of, if someone comes in and serves, it's like help yourself. Oh, that's all I do is just like you're your master appetizer order

You know, you know exactly you'll look around the room and go boom boom boom two of those two of those one of those and It's usually a perfect amount unless Josh is there Hey, what's up, I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, aka The Rooster. I'm Big Jay Okerson. I only have one aka. I'm a cowboy. Look, if you love the bonfire, which you know you do, this is just half of the show. That's right. This is the podcast version, everybody. So if you want to hear the whole thing go to serious xm.com

Slash bonfire to get the whole thing yeah, you get tons of other entertainment, too It's not just us you got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show You've got all kinds of other shows and you know what tell a friend, but most importantly this show Yeah, this show just go to this show do something resembling anything I Just go to the show. Do something resembling anything. I used to eat, I used to sneak though. My thing, when I stopped sex addiction, cause on the road I would go in,

I'd find a massage place, I'd find, you know, I'd go on the internet, look at local hookers, and then I'd have everything ready to go if someone wasn't gonna meet me, or if I wasn't gonna meet her, and go back to the room, and if I can start dialing, I'll go right to a massage place. And then switch'd have everything ready to go if someone wasn't gonna meet me or if I wasn't gonna meet her and go back to the room and fucking start dialing or go right to a massage place.

And then switch to food? When it switched to food, I started. You started fucking food? You were. I started fucking food. You were microwaving cantaloupes and fucking them? He goes, maybe I should start eating this food. Ah, I should've stayed the fuck in it. Could you imagine if you only fucked pizzas?

What a better solution to a problem. Dawn would never get mad at that. Why didn't you answer your phone last night? Sorry baby, I was nuts deep in a pizza. She'd never find out because my dick still smelled the same. She's doing the laundry when you get home, there's just pizza rolls in your underwear.

What is this? Don't, don't look at her. Don't look away. She meant nothing to me. I remember one night I was in the hotel on a Friday night and I had a towel over my stomach as a napkin. Oh wow. I had $50 worth of Chinese food.

That's a bad scene. Oh dude, it was a good, dude let me tell you something. I remember that night waiting for the food like it was a hooker coming. And then when I got the call, excuse me sir, I was like so nervous and excited to meet the guy. I gave him an extra tip. I went back up with the brown bag of,

and it weighed like 70 pounds. And I got in the room and I took everything out, had the thing paused, ready to go when I was watching, got everything ready, made my plate, and then hit play and then started eating. Oh. I still do that. I love Oh, I still do that. I love it.

I still do that, ritual eater. Ritual eater, yeah. Always. Yeah. I gotta be watching something. I never just eat for fuel. I eat out of fear. Like just eat for fuel and keep going.

The thing my mom did to me, I think, if I was leaving the house, she'd go, here, take snacks in case, and I'm like, in case what, in case the world, like. It's literally how you live your life. Mike has a tactical bag and most none of it filled with weapons each thing a new snack or water bottle snack in your bag right now 100% no way I have a gator trail mix that he doesn't enjoy it's a trail mix I don't like it's easy look I think I have three drinks that's a Navy seal bag see for the most part

I'd rather not eat something. I don't Like Gatorade I'd rather just not eat what water okay? You're staying hydrated cheese cheese that you stole from downstairs I Mean what those are serious? You get more I'm sure I get cheese dates right? Hang on, I got more. You got more. All right, there you go.

Gum, a Clif Bar. Clif Bar. Clif Bar. Another Clif Bar. Another Clif Bar. Cause you can't buy just one. No, of course not, it's a Clif Bar. Two packs of gum, three packs of gum.

Yeah, you never know. I'm a fucking hoarder. A coupon for Clif Bar. An IOU Clif Bar, cause I ran out. Rain check, I got a Clif Bar rain check. Advil. Advil. In case eating hurts.

Jesus Christ, how long are you out during the day I'm going I'm going to the train and going home no I know he just altoids likes to have snacks around I like altoids I'm always ready the man likes to be stacked for some snacks you know it's my problem remember when Keith used to always get altoids that was his thing he always had a can of altoids on the table I do one that I you know they always have chalk on the table yeah at the seller yeah I took a piece of chalk and filed it down to a perfect altoid Oh, and I stuck it in his altoid case. Yeah, and I got a call at two in the morning. Yeah motherfucker

You don't know altoids cause your friendly chalk, it's okay, then he had a stroke Related that one's checked who knows I don't think it, never came back to me, so I guess we're okay. That's totally cool. That same guy who called me fat today, indirectly, he's like, how's Keith? He goes, yeah, man, stroke, it's bad. And he started talking about coffee. He's like, I told him, man, coffee, coffee's the thing.

I think he was drinking a lot of coffee and that's probably why I had a stroke. I'm like, yeah, it wasn't him drinking three bottles of wine, having pasta, not taking his high blood predomitication, and popping... Taking Viagra. ...whopping dick pills like the Tic Tacs. Yeah, it was the coffee.

It was the coffee. Guys gotta stay off that coffee. That coffee, man, that gives you a stroke. That's the best. Remember Eddie Van Halen always said that the tongue, you know, he smoked until the day he died. Yeah. And they were like, he has a, he had the tongue cancer. And he was like, it's such a smoker's thing.

He was like, no, it's the metal, the certain pick that I use when I would put it in my mouth, like it was the thing from that. He goes, not the cigarettes. You have mouth cancer and you don't think it's the cigarettes. He goes, nah dude, this pick, this one kind of pick gave me cancer. I have picks made of tumors. It's made of tumors

It's not the burn mark cigarettes Can't do a show without smoking a cigarette not that no, it's the best He goes no, no, I know you guys probably all think it was cigarette you go watch There's great like not footage. Maybe there's footage But there's definitely like like interview things where he was like no a lot of people think that was cigarettes, but it wasn't Yeah, Jackass. It's's funny like I never thought of him like I always wanted him to be like the coolest guy I love Van Halen. Yeah, I do fucking love Van Halen, but your stories. He was kind of a fucking dick I mean he was a fucking genius. I Give people like that like they say Steve Jobs was a dick

It's like yeah, he was a dick and he invented the greatest shit ever and I didn't Steve Jobs was a dick. It's like yeah He was a dick and he invented the greatest shit ever and it was a dick You don't get a pass for that though. Yeah, you kind of have to be a dick to be that Fucking amazing at something don't you think I think you give it pass to Eddie No, what was your dick? What was your dick? I heard smash all the time and he was just kind of like not a good dude. You know, he got sober Maybe he was great. But I mean David Lee Roth probably... David Lee Roth was a fucking horrible person.

He used to come to the cellar all the time. He lived above David... That was his landlord. Was his landlord when he was studying to be a Hasidic ambulance guy. It was so weird and he was taking helicopter lessons. Yeah, he was an EMT. I think he is an EMT. He's an EMT for Hasidics. Yeah, so funny. He came through the cellar How many fingers am I holding up?

He came to the room one night while I was on stage and I go I go Dave how many girls you've been with him one night He goes five Fucking cool, let Fucking coolest dude ever. I like my best celebrity interactions downstairs at the cellar where it was when no one realized that Cuba Gooding Jr. went to the bathroom. So when he was coming back from the bathroom, I go, excuse me sir, can you say,

and then there was Doughboy? And he goes, and then there was Doughboy. And I went, Domino's motherfucker. And then everyone was doughboy and I went dominoes motherfucker And then everyone was like oh fuck. I can't believe you said that's cool Um and then the other one was a when Dennis Hoff remember that'll creep The bunny range guy yeah, he used to come down you guys a scuzz He brought Ron Jeremy one time another scuzz and but as a young comic you're like I want these scuzz to see me I want to let me I want to let me come and scuzz. But as a young comic, you're like, I want these scuzz to see me. I want him to let me come and scuzz it up at his place.

But then when I leave him, I'm gonna be like, what a piece of shit this guy is. Thanks for letting me have sex with all of your prostitutes, sir, but this is fucking, you're a piece of shit. Send these girls back to their parents, now that I'm done. Now that I've finished, get them out of here, you fucking sex trafficker.

But Ron Jeremy was narcoleptic, if you remember that. He falls asleep. I didn't know that. That's a weird thing for him to have. He falls asleep all the time. You sure all the blood just didn't go to his huge cock? You'd think, maybe.

Maybe just pass out. You don't remember, uh, while I finished telling you this, he was passed out, um, in the corner. So, like, not the corner, like the corner that's against the stage wall. He was passed out there. Near the kitchen door?

Sort of in the light, yeah. Sort of in the light. And I saw it when I first got on stage, but no one else really was seeing me noticing it. And again, I don't think people knew that Ron Jeremy was in the room. That's why I like the surprising people with this. I go, everyone, that joke was so funny.

It murdered Ron Jarrett. And then everyone's like, no reason. That's great. I didn't kill Ron Jarrett. But narcolepsy, dude, I drove with a guy, I don't remember his name, dude. I did a gig forever ago in Florida, opening for Bobby Slayton.

He was not very nice to me. With this guy, Joey something, fuck, fuck I don't remember his name. He had a cool name too, but he was a local comic down there, wore a suit on stage, big fat coked up party guy. A little older too. He knew Bobby Slayton and that's why he got the gig. I think I was like feature hosting or something. Whatever it was, he got me to come back to his house

one night and then we went to some strip club. It was such a weird, the whole thing was a weird hang. He's got a cabana house, one of those houses where the backyard is just like, you know, tiki torches and a pool and all that shit. And just there, when we went to his house, he put a robe on for a little bit so he can do that. What?

It was very bizarre. But when he was driving me at one point during the day somewhere, every time we were at a red light, he'd start snoring. Oh, wow. Fall asleep. And a couple of those times, I had to give him the, I'll start talking to him like a question.

Because I didn't want to go, hey, you're falling asleep. It was so awkward. And I mean, it was so scary. And it was like Florida. So you know, there's avenues where it's it's like stretch and then you stop for a while it's all big roads yeah and every time we go the road you go and you're like oh shit this is terrifying because they also to be jolted awake and have to drive and trying to act he's definitely lives his life trying to pull

off it's not happening so they have to wake up and be like ah so! You're going? Maybe you should have spiced up your conversation a little more Jay. I will take the blame for that. You know sometimes. I only have so much to say about Coke. Play with the radio a little bit. I only have so much to say about Coke and strippers. I don't know that much about. I know a lot about strippers. It's a new show. You know Louis J Gomez. It's gonna call Skanks. I don't know. It could be big. It might not be. I drew the year for it. You see the thing thing is, it's called Legion of Skanks, but it's us. We're the Skanks.

Oh. I had Terry Hatcher one time at The Cellar when I was hosting. She was sitting right in the front. Worst tits in the biz. Yeah, they showed her tits. I mean, she's so sexy. They finally showed her boobs in a, I forget what movie it was.

I think she waited to mom. I think she waited to mom, I think she waited to mom age was the problem, right? No, her tits are just bad. Where was she? She was pretty hot. Really? Yeah, she had bad tits. Wasn't she tangoing cash?

There you go. I don't know. I don't know, Bobby. I don't hate those, yeah. All right, right there. All right, I get what you're saying. You know what I'm saying. The split goes pretty far between.

Oh yeah, they're heavy. You'd think that they were gonna be better than that. Bell bottoms. I'll give you. For those not seeing it. That's the one right there at the top. I mean. They look like Bobby's robot tits

from his original Skankfest. Fat Bobby, fat robot? They look like bags of pears. Yeah, they're a little, I mean, I'm not gonna say they're bad tits. They're not bad. But for her, I was expecting a lot more. Agreed.

They're a little Emptier than you'd think they'd be because this is coming off of Phoebe Cates tits You know what I mean when you started seeing like women's tits in movies get the little titties Yeah, but she had great titties Phoebe Cates in that Terry's bush. Yeah, she had a big bush, too Well, what was she that's a throwback? That was fake. What was she tangoing cash cherry hatcher? I thought that was her hottest to me. She was hot that yeah. Yeah, that was fake. What was she? Tango and Cash, Cherry Hatcher. I thought that was her hottest to me. She was hot. Yeah, she was hot. She was a...

What's her name? The Clark Kent Show? I never watched that. I mean, come on, son. I mean, they are just like... Al Natcharal. They are just completely like, those tits aren't gonna get bad.

No. No, those are fantastic boobs. They're probably, when Drop Dead Fred comes by, those things are just, oh, your boobs have stayed right up where they were when I met you. Is that how Drop Dead Fred talks? How great was that movie? I don't remember.

I love that movie. I fucking love that movie. Was it? I only watched it once. Oh yeah. Was that Yahoo Serious also? No, that was not Yahoo Serious. I thought it was.

No, it was the, he's actually crazy now. He said something Yeah, this guy he actually said something in the can't to some fan was recording him and he said some fucking apocalyptic shit And then about the government in the world and you know They they have you watching this shit, and then he died like a week later or something like that What yes, Mayo they killed they killed drop dead Fred? Yeah, that's what they... Oh, God damn, he has figment of your imagination eyes. He has panlabyrinth eyes. They should be on hands.

Young Frankenstein eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, eagle, he's got eagle eyes. Too late. God damn. That's weird. Man, Yahoo! series is still around somewhere in the world. I know. Is it still getting any work? What do is still around somewhere in the world. I know.

Any work? I hate it. Probably Australia. Hated that movie. Young Einstein? I hated that. That time of movies was a weird time because they made so many shit movies. There was only, there's no streaming services.

It was only the theater. If they were going to spend the money to make it, they got to put in, that's why I say it all the time. The action movies we saw in the theaters, there won't be another new Jean-Claude Van Damme, like karate action guy that's never existed. The action's all now like explosion, blah blah blah. But I wonder if things come full circle, I wonder if like we're ten years away from like a resurgence of ninja movies again. I love ninja movies.

I love ninja movies. Like AI ninja movies and shit? No, I mean just like people getting back of ninja movies again. I love ninja movies. I love ninja movies. AI ninja movies and shit? No, I mean just like people getting back into ninja stuff. Like Wu-Tang ninja movies or like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? That's Kung Fu is what you're thinking of. I'm talking about ninja. Am I being racist with my... You're being a little bit racist.

I mean how dare you? Their eyes go up, the other ones go down. Whichever way they tape them. They climb trees and pump. No, Ninja, they had a lot of Ninja movies with the claws, puff of smoke. Revenge of the Ninja, Ninja III The Domination, my favorite, and then Enter the Ninja, American Ninja.

American Ninja was a good one. American Ninja, there'd be Michael Dudekoff. How do you fucking pull that, dude? Because Michael Dudekoff, the only other thing Dudekoff the only other thing he was in Only other thing he was in Bachelor party with Tom Hanks He plays like the weird kind of like one of their weird buddies and not like a month and then he goes on to play super serious American Ninja for a bunch of movies. I gotta get high dude

No, I got a stash. I knew this information far before he does culture math Like he's not like literally knows this this to this. How do you pull? I showed Christine I showed Christina. I forget his name actually by show Christine the day a character which by the way You guys say this Walton Goggins characters coming back. I'm on there hasn't he hasn't been in episode Three four five six and seven so far. He's coming back, dude, and when he comes back, he's in it. And he's the co-star. When he comes back, dude, it's him and Raylin. And he's doing his own thing. But he comes back as an anti-hero.

Like you're rooting for him. But there was a, he says he's guided by God now or something. Wait till Michael Rapaport comes in. He's fucking great. Oh, really? And the woman that played, oh dude. Is he Slap Ari? It can woman that plays... Oh, dude. Is he Slap Ari?

What is he? Was he Slap Ari in this movie? But I showed Christine yesterday. I was able to pull the guy who was like the dentist who they were trying to protect in season one. Yeah. Like the guy that's Cameron. It's Ferris Bueller's best friend from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Yeah. I did a movie with him. I did Ghost Town with him. Alan Rock. Great guy. Alan Rock? Yeah. Great guy. What else was he in other than movie with him. I did Ghost Town with him. Alan Rock. Great guy. Alan Rock? Yeah.

Great guy. What else was he in other than that? Me and him did Ghost Town. He was a ghost. Speed, I think he was in. Was he? He's in a lot of shit. He's never like the guy. He's like...

The other guy. He's like the other guy. Friend of guy. Yeah. Yeah, it's like one of those you see pop up was like, who's the nerd friend? Not Skippy, not Mark Price from Family Ties, but remember there was Boner, Stabone,

and what was the other friend on Hogan Family? Eddie? No, that was Growing Pains, not Hogan Family. Boner Stabone was Mike Sievers' best friend. I'm thinking of, I think, Hogan Family's nerd best friend. Skippy was Family Ties. Boner and Eddie were Mike Sievers' best friends. I don't know Hogan family's dork cuz that

guy's in a lot of things he's in a commercial I was in jail I was in jail when you guys were watching this no I was doing drugs I know I was being cool on the streets when you nerds were home watching Hogan's family you don't remember boners to bone nah dude I was fucking Steve Whitting I was deep into I was deep into fucking street fighting What do you play his name was Bert and didn't he die? Died early that guy with the glass something let's go to the bone Oh boner stabone Maybe owner died early fun fun thing little remember boner stabones actual first name No, it was hilarious

Sylvester still his actual name was Sylvester stabone. Yeah Yeah, you know what I love about that No. It was hilarious. Sylvester, his actual name was Sylvester Stabone. Yeah. Get out. How do you remember that? You know what I love about that? Do you remember the cocaine episode? When they do the serious episode of a show and it was like Mike, Boner, and Eddie go to this hot girl's house.

And Boner goes, hey Mike, you rich people go to the bathroom together. But it was really just them going and doing coke. And then they stopped. Remember when they would do this on shows? And they would break the fourth wall and go like, hey everybody, I know we were joking around today. But coke kills.

And they ruined it. Yeah, we got the, we have the 21 Jump Street. I don't know a whole lot about AIDS, but. Yeah, that's what I, what was that, the fuckin', Arnold got raped or molested, or his friend got molested. Arnold got out, Dudley got full blown fucked in that bicycle shop. He was never right since.

Boner died? What'd he die of drugs? Yeah, I'm trying to pull it up, but he was found dead in Canada. The article is just not loaded. Oh, and that's right, he died in Canada. Boners to Bone. He started to look like John Fraschanti from the Peppers a little bit there, huh? Oh Jesus. Oh no, what happened? He got junky.

Well dude, think about that. I mean, growing pains growing up, Mike Siever was the coolest motherfucker in the world, and he turned into like a Christian. He's a lunatic. No, no, no. Who's Mike Siever? Kirk Cameron. Oh, Kirk Cameron, yeah, he's a, yeah. He was the coolest growing up.

He's a lunatic. He's a god that he's a Christian fucking whack-a-dew. If you don't believe in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, I guess he is a lunatic. Yeah, well, believe that. Him and Willie Ames got fucking, him and Willie Ames, I guess they got fucked by the same priest because they guys, they're nuts.

You guys don't wanna go to heaven, he's a lunatic. Yeah. Yeah, look at him, piece of shit. He's crazy. From atheist to Christian. Do you know how mean he was? He's such a weird Christ nerd, that this guy, do you know they had that girl, they put that girl, Julie McCullough, the playboy girl on the show to play his girlfriend

And he wanted it written out immediately he wouldn't interact with her on the set and everything He thought she was like a piece of shit tramp and then she had to work with them It's so fucked up is that what did she was hot did she play boom boom Berkowitz was that her name because they was a girl On growing pains whose no no she was actually she was his girlfriend on the show. It was like a serious girlfriend. How fucked up is Hollywood, though? If you really believe in Jesus Christ, they ban you. But if you fuck kids and rape women, you can have a long-lasting career.

Hell yeah. That's crazy. It's Hollywood. It's a man's world. How about Tracy Gold? Tracy Gold got fat, had an eating disorder, and got through it so quick that as soon as Scrawling Pains was over,

she was able to star in the own TV movie about her. As the after? She just stars as herself, like yeah. It was a pretty rough year. Oh yeah, I remember her. She was his, that's right, that's right. Yeah, dude, Kirk Cameron, man, what a fuckin' Christine, look up, now we've seen her face.

Look up nude. There's no way there's nudes of her. She'sboy girl. Oh, she was the whole thing. Yeah, as long as we go Oh, that's nice Yeah, I love one that's blonde on top and dark black down the bottom me too That's a good you're like that that was her famous picture right there with the beaver God man Look at you she goes. Oh me who Whoops. Very sexy. She was great. Oh, I love the tan lines. Tan lines. What?

Back again with the handshake. Boom, scat, boom, scat, boom, bang. Dude, that is good. What's that called, the ceiling fan? What do you guys call that thing, the ceiling fan? Nude with the boots. Oh, whoa. Oh, no.

She got balls on her. What is that? I don't think it's real. Why not? It's soft core, probably. What is that? I don't think it's real. Why not? It's softcore probably. No, that's something in her dude. That's bed and breakfast porn.

Look at that bed. Yeah, yeah. What a horrible fucking- This is softcore stuff. They're weird titties. Don't you dare. That's not softcore dude. That's real, yeah.

That's in her. I remember seeing this. It's softcore. Is it softcore? I thought you weren't supposed to show the- You can't be a, there's also no such thing as a scream queen anymore because those movies just get no play anywhere. Those kind of horror movies.

Yeah, you can't. Remember Lenea Quigley? I loved her. She was, Lenea Quigley was the naked zombie in Return of the Living Dead. Remember the punks, the punk rockers? Yeah. And she was the first one that got turned. She was naked in a lot.

She's pretty rough looking now, Linaquigal. She still pops up, but like when she was young, she was great. They don't really have... They have guys more naked in movies now than girls. Thank God. And I think I speak for all of them. I say thank God for that.

About time. Let's not get... Sick of imagining. Hang on now. Hold up. Guys, we're taking a wrong turn. That's a great... I'll tell you what, when they have a flapping, when they have a wiener out in a show or something,

I look at it as much as I look at the female nudity, because I'm still blown away. They're willing to do it. You saw the end of that movie, right? What's Saltburn? Was that Barry Koenig? Is that his name? Just runs around just dancing with his wiener

whipping everywhere? No, I didn't see it. Oh, tree yourself. What is Saltburn?, is that his name, just runs around just dancing with his wiener whipping everywhere? No, I didn't see it. Oh, tree yourself. What is Sultr? What is that about? Guy with a wiener that. About a rich kid, oh no, yeah, it's about a rich kid who befriends sort of a loser kid

and he brings the loser kid back to his family's estate. It's one of those, every other kind of movie, he weasels in and becomes, the family falls apart somehow, he always ends up being the good guy. He's like a piece of shit. That's a plane movie, right? Well except for this part. Oh Geez, I'm always a dick was here who walks around like that. I'm so about Muslim here for this This kid worked it out. Oh, that's a fake wiener dude. No's a prosthetic that can't be his wiener. He has something on it No way. I'm telling you it's real. No, I'm sorry to inform you Bobby

Do you know I actually did a movie where I did a dance like this in a in a g-string? It's a cocaine wiener. Yeah, he's doing coke and his it's called dating games I played the gay roommate and one of the scenes I had to dance around in a gold g-string Did you do it? Yeah, I did it. why they had to put makeup on my bum and ev Did a shave my little cheek not that much though. I don't have that much hair on my bum Yeah, man, you really want to act dude. It was a fight. I moved to New York the first month I booked three things and I booked that movie do you got a mouth fucked by Epstein in two seconds I never said to me like to be in like phantoms or something. Dude, I do it. Not even anything good.

I do it now. Tarantino put me in his last film, I'll suck everybody off in the cast. Go visit him? Yeah. Dude, you were on our TV the other day. Low on order, Bobby. No, was I?

Yes, you were, sir. I'm a fine actor. Yep. Look at this guy's wang. Yeah, this is a big, long montage of Dork. To be honest, what's he doing? Doing coke, dancing around? He's celebrating, he's celebrating in his new manner. This is the audition. He had auditioned.

This scene. I bet there's Wang out. That wouldn't blow my mind. He also fucks a grave. This is not how he pulls his wiener out and fucks a grave. Really? Fuck the dirt. What's he going to do with this? He's going to bang the box. I don't know what I forget what the rocks are, but he's also a little guy. So you know, he's got no body weight on him. So his cock is does it make you feel better if he didn't have a big cock Um, yep, why would I don't know? I don't like seeing a big wang hang I do for some reason if I'm gonna see you let's see I want to see the smallest of the small Or the biggest of the big you don't want to see the middle

I don't care about a middle. You don't see yours No, show me something where I can, show me a dick that makes me feel better about my dick, or show me a dick that I go, this is obnoxious. It makes sense. Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah, show me one smaller than me

that so it can fit in my butt, or show one that's bigger so it can fit in my big fat mouth. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I wish Ali Sadik was here for this. No, stop, I am so glad he's stop. I'm so glad you Apologize, I just felt a little bad, you know comic he case I know but I get you I get you getting that it's just second time hanging out. Jacob at the end was like He's a devote. He used the word devote. He's like he's a devote Muslim. I was like what? He was a why what happened with you?

We brought up a couple things at the end of the show yesterday fine show really great show and then We brought up a couple things and I think I asked him one time you never did some gay stuff for and he's like You know like you know like see other guys dicks ever You said you went you went no No, and then we showed him this That's. He went, no. No. No. And then we showed him this. That's how we ended the show. Yeah.

Well, he was doing a science experiment to see if he will piss if he lights a match in front of his dick hole and pees while he's pumping gas up his own ass. Will he become a human flamethrower? Wow. By the way, this guy's got a swinger on him, huh? He's got a big one on him.

It's an old stinky dick too. Oh yeah, for sure. That thing smells like old soup. That's a stinky gas thing too. What is that, diesel in there? Anybody pulling out a gas thing from the machine and going, is that corn on there? The fuck is that?

I tell you what, harder than it looks. I tried it yesterday on the way home. Oh. Yeah, harder than it looks. Didn't work yesterday on the way home. Oh. Yeah. Harder than it looks. Didn't work out. No. It seems like it's thin, that nozzle,

but it's really got grip. If you're gonna start, you have to use the diesel one because it's a little thinner. Oh, and I bet it's cold, too. Oh, it's cold. Yeah. It's very cold. Cold metal up the can.

Wait, was that a Kirk Cameron I saw on your closing page? Did you make a book? A children's book? Oh, I bet those are great. I swear to God. A children's book? What is it with religious people? It swear to God a child is book. What is it? Yeah religious people?

It's called uh, it's called God hates fags Yeah, God bless chick-fil-a Hey guys, we crew cameras new children's book God hates fags On the correction bat. Yeah, your mother's your mother's an abortion whore your sister's an abortion So your daughter's in a so your sister's an abortion slut and how to deal's an abortion... So your sister's an abortion slut? And how to deal with such things at holidays? You're a mistake. Freedom Island.

Freedom Island. Freedom Island. Pride comes before the fall. What an intense thing to have kids read. What's he say? Let's see this on Fox News. Oh, why are libraries so scared of Kirk Cameron's book? Let's say you want to host a drag time story hour

with seven year olds. You obviously can use your public library for that, but you can't read a book about God at a public library. And the actor Kirk Cameron just learned that. Dozens of public libraries refused to give him a slot to speak to kids about his new faith-based book called As You Grow. One Rhode Island library told him, quote, we are a very queer-friendly library. Our messaging does not align.

OK. Look how serious he looks. For coming on. So they wouldn't let you read this book? This book was banned in libraries? This guy wore a piano key tie. He used to wear a bow tie. He would slide into the room with his socks.

Tucker used to wear a bow tie. He got rid of that. Willie Ames went bad shit, too. Same exact way. Controversial is this book. Well, it's a book that teaches biblical wisdom through the seasons of life to children and the value of growing the fruit of the spirit like love, joy, kindness, patience, gentleness,

self-control. Get that bullshit out of here. Yeah, fuck you. Bring that gay clown in here. Hate speech. Get that bullshit out of here. Yeah. Fuck you. Bring that gay clown in here. Hate speech. Get that gay clown to dance in front of these kids. I like queers. If you'll excuse me, Kirk, I have a couple of lady boys dancing behind me here getting

ready for a children's show at 3 p.m. It is funny. You could use that as the benchmark for anything. Oh, you can't do this in public anymore. You could have a big fat man dressed as a lady read a book to your kids in the library. But yeah, that's literally how about this? No one goes to libraries, do full drag shows, repurpose them. How about one goes to a fucking library? Have the drag queen read his book and see what works and set herself on fire. Now Christ said anything that's not a man and a woman is bullshit you better work

You know what I say to that you can sacrifice your sacrifice Humph for a bump and all that jazz You know who else went nuts? The Stephen Baldwin. I follow him on Instagram. Well, just not too, yeah. He went- Remember, he was, at least now he's just doing religious. Remember, he was, for a while, he was skateboarding for the Lord at like 50.

Just eating shit constantly. But now he's doing- For the Lord, the Lord will go like, ow! He's just eating curb for Christ. He's doing sexy faces to music. Oh, people are fucking nuts, dude music and then throwing in Jesus. Dude, it's uncomfortable. It happens to everybody.

Dude, Randy Quaid lives in a dumpster like peeking out from the top constantly. That's where he goes. Yeah. You don't think we're gonna see Kurt in the bushes of the hills? Oh, Metzger? Oh, absolutely, dude.

Kurt's be a person covered in blood, naked when you turn a corner in the Hollywood Hills. Kurt compound? Kurt? Hey, I did something bad. He just hauling Kyle's head? He said he was nothing without me. What's that?

Stephen Baldwin, How I Came to Christ. Stephen, his Instagram, him dancing and singing, and he wets his lips, it's almost sexy. Who's this lady with droop eyes? Sexy for Jesus? Droop eyes, droop face, she has a dick nose. Wow. It looks like her eyes are melting off her face.

Her nose looks like that celebration dick from before. Ha ha ha ha. Ah, thank God for that microphone covering half her face. My God. Oh Jesus covering half her face. Ugh. My God. Oh Jesus, he looks horrible. Dude, he looks way worse. Bring up his Instagram, Mr. Christine. It's so weird.

Look at the, where's the sexy one, yeah. Top right, top right, no, the top right. Right there, that one. Look at this. Turn it up. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] He's just dancing, puckering his lips, holding up a symbol. What's the symbol?

It's a little girl. It's a Pac-Man ghost. And it says, Be blessed today, my friends, and know that when walking in true power of almighty, then you're free. And if you don't know that, Psalm 91, no ordinary love by Chaudet playing, by the way. That's Justin Bieber's father-in-law. Who is? Stephen Baldwin. Justin Bieber's father-in-law who what? Stephen Baldwin Justin Bieber's father-in-law. It's hers. Yeah, I believe Haley Baldwin's his daughter Look at him. That's pretty low any kisses and shit Biebs is on his way over. Holy Ghost DJ

Yeah, he when he does like little speeches on his Instagram. It's pretty wild. I promise if I find Jesus, I'm gonna do it nice and quiet. And I'm not gonna put songs on my- Don't find Jesus. I'm not. I lost him. I purposefully, no I'm never gonna do it. Why do you hate Jesus? Oh my God.

What did Jesus do? I hate them all. Oh you love the earth, wind, water and fire. Much more than Jesus. I hate people that force bullshit. Bobby you love Jesus? But why Jesus, right? Hang on one second. Only why Jesus? That was funny funny yesterday your question. I should have stuck to those white Jesus or black Jesus

Jason Ellis question is what threw us over the fire that would really really put us on tilt. I forget the question I remember the question smelled the same as a jim Prison shower. Yep, that didn't lying to what I said did Jason Els' backyard smell like prison showers? Jay was sick yesterday, so he's asking questions through me. And I didn't read through them, I just went with them. Oh no. One by one. Well, you'll know better than that now.

Yeah, I did that, and then I talked about gay sex, and then I brought up a guy sticking a hose in his asshole. Oh my god. You did double down. When push came to shove, you doubled down hard. Well, you love dicks, don't you, Ali? No? Well, here's another one.

I didn't know Jacob's break hand was don't do gay shit hand. You gotta just say it. You gotta just say it. Stop before our guest gets upset. Mike Fanoia. Fanoia. He's gonna be at the Brokeridge Comedy Club in Long Island June 28th and 29th. Zany's in Chicago August 1st through the 3rd. For tickets and all their tour dates visit MikeFanoia.com.

Don't forget Robert Kelly at New York Comedy Club in Stanford Connecticut this Friday and Saturday. After that he'll be in Port Charlotte, Florida, St. Louis, Timonium, Maryland. Magoobz? Magoobz? Nice. And you can see Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Flat Black Cussy Cat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar.

For tickets and all tour dates, visit PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. Big Jay's gonna be at the Summit Comedy Club in Fort Wayne, Indiana May 17th and 18th, Friday and Saturday. They're a fine improv. June 7th and 8th for tickets in all of the tour dates.

Go to bigjagcomedy.com. We'll be right back. It's the block. ["I Don't Care What They Say"]