The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Freestyle Dancing

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Jay sings so well that he is surprised that he doesn't have larger g*nitals. | Sebastian Maniscalco gets his own channel at SiriusXM and Jay and Bobby imagine what it will sound like. Sebastian's podcast will be featured on the new channel with a new name. | The guys try to dance to freestyle music with minimal success. | Some people like to make out with their dogs. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, yeah. Damn, dude, why do I not have an enormous dick? Why do you not have a fucking band? Just I should have a, just a, forget that, dude. You should quit comedy, dude. With that voice, I should be swinging a fucking hammer. Even Black Lou agrees.

He agrees so much he's shaking the camera nodding. Do you have, would you buy a big dick if you? you could. Yep. Yes. Wow. Tomorrow. Cartoonishly big. It would make me understand why women in porn do dumb shit where they're like, I'm going to get quadruple fucking K-tits and they're like this and they're a burden their whole life. Give me the burden with it. I'll say Tim, I want to take this, Tim Dillon's thought that made me laugh so much about when people are saying, Ozampic and Manjar and all these things that are dangerous and scary and we don't know the thing. He goes, well, I've already

done it this way. He's like, I've already done it. I've done life the fat way. So, you know what? Let's tell if we can get to this thin way. However, we got to get there. You know what I mean? It's the same thing. Like, I've done life with this fucking regular old pud. Now let's do the one. I want to have a girl be like, I'm sorry.

I'll jerk you off, but you can't put that in me. I'll go, yeah, I get that sometimes. It's really a massive dick. You're right. Isn't it weird that they can make a vagina, but they can't, they didn't put enough effort. There wasn't enough people trying to go, other way to put it a make a fucking massive beautiful dick no I assume the dicks they make

on a woman becoming a man I assume it's gnarly looking it's Frankenstein I assume it's like a like if a baby bird died like a week ago we look like that like early decay baby bird carcass yeah is what I think I've never seen one but I have to assume it's what it would look like have they ever showed if we ever looked that we had we had we looked it up what it looks like It's Frankensteinish. It's not there yet. It's not there. It still is experimental.

You know, it looks like it looks like an old, old stocking for Christmas. Yeah. It looks like a homemade leather case for a knife. Oh, yeah, it does. It looks like a custom knife case. I mean, yeah. Oh, come on. Just not.

Why can't you, if you're going to put. So I'm saying my point on this being about, okay, I get it. My point was made. All right. Jesus Christ. My point was, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to go that far. What I just saw, I'm never going to.

Unsee. My point was they can't, they can't make a dick yet. No, they can't. But they also can't make a pussy that good either. For how bad the pussy is, I'm not blown away or they can't do the dick. What you thought was, what you thought by now was, they would be a way to really, functionally, easily make your dick bigger. I think that if there was more people that wanted it, look, hair. They just did wigs for years.

technology came in they started they were like wait a lot of guys there's money to be made here the monies they don't understand how much money is the veneers people just got dentures now people get brand new teeth brand new lips tits

everything today something this is a good conversation Bobby this is really good and you're making great points completely the difference is with those places you're talking about people are willing to let go through links because they're not afraid so much

of the situation that they're dealing with. So with hair, people will try getting parts of their back of their neck sliced off and then planted in the front of their head and have them individually plug little sprouts of hair in their head and do all kinds of crazy shit. Your lips, your tits even, your ass, people, even when they go to the tech. Listen, if one person, there is. There's one positive review out there of a person who's gotten Dick,

beginning surgery out there, a guy who's gotten, like, whether it be a pump or something, there's one positive review of it. If that wasn't the dick area, that would all be all it takes. Yeah, but what I'm saying is this, in all these fields, there was sacrifices made. Right. There was shitty tits to begin with. Shitty lips, shitty teeth. No one's going to give it their, you go, I'll at least take this.

Like, what if everything goes, hey, if you're bald and you're trying to get hair, if everything goes, hey, wire, you're still bald. Like, if you're like, if I fuck up my dick, because I tried to do something, my, it's like, now my dick is also fucked up in the same dumb size it was. There's too much risk versus reward. There's guys out there that it doesn't matter as much. I'm not saying get a young 20-year-old who's got, you know, two, two decades worth of banging in this system.

There's got, we, there's guys out there that we could step up to the plate that you're pretty much done. penis though will never be corrected okay so yeah be corrected but i'm saying you're talking about just guys like guys in the average dick range who were like man i really wish i had a fucking wopper to whip out guys average dick range who are kind of done with their banging years maybe you step up be in the forefront of this for the next generation for the kids you say i'm getting pig myself no i'm not saying you you made yourself in that genre i still think you have a couple years of banging left no no oh i think I think there's somebody, some guys out there are like, look, man, I'm done with this anyways.

It's an average size pecker. I'm kind of done with it. I'm going to, let me, let me do this. Make the mistakes on us. But the older age will still make the decision to get hair and still get the decision to maybe do a facelift. All right. So add hair. Because you're not afraid of what the possible go wrong is.

It's so much scary. If you're like, if I lose my dick altogether, damn, how much will I be spending my whole life going, I wish I just had my regular old dick back. How about this? If you lose your dick, then you just get a vagina. There's like a backup plan. Okay. There's a backup plan.

So, hey, if things do go wrong, because we're trying to, we're trying to see if there's something here. And then if it does go wrong, we're going to just give you a vagina. You have a vagina for the last 10 years of your life. This is why we have these brainstorm sessions. This right here is the reason.

Because you have to do the work. You have to have failure to have success. If you've ever listened to Slice Stallone, 100 failures to get one success. So we've got to get somebody to step at the plate that's got, yeah, we're going to fail at this. But we're going to get there. Hair transplants now are amazing. Teeth are amazing.

Vigina is getting better. They're just neglecting the dick. Full disclosure, audience. And I'm glad we have a buffer day in between a lot of dick talk today. Sorry. No, listen, I think this conversation is fantastic. I love this. Christine, bring up pictures of micro penis.

This this I feel like there's no room in a micro penis to do any work take it off your thigh I have a dick I feel like it was like something should be able to be shoved into it and pulled out that's not that my is that mic that's not micro can I tell you something if my dick would get as long when my dick soft and I stretch it out if my hard dick would be that long fantastic yeah but my fucking put that man that might that might be the most me looking dick was now my dick's not three inches that's crazy man I really must have fucking we body dysmorphia because I said honest to God I was like I think that's how my dick looks hard it's yeah I get but I mean that's there's no way that's nuts dude that's only three inches christine you're bringing up children's

penises can you no that's no micro man's penis this is a medical condition bobby people get up children's penises well there's no sound in the videos um hey hang on bobby I'm looking at the picture yeah you like you like Uncle Jay looking at it you like Uncle Jay looking at it this is getting crazy what stop stop stop take that off I want that little boy to come in my face what what what did you just say you know what the fuck I just said I did not I said I said I want that little boy to come in my face the hit song by DJ Lou Roy Little boy to come in my face I want that

Little boy to come in my face I sure do That's the one that's going to take us down Yeah, so weird That's the video's going to come up After you blow up And all the stuff you're doing And you become, you're on like a hit movie

And you got like a like some type Three Picture deal That's the one that's going to come up Once we get life-changing money eyes on the show, we're going to be in a lot of trouble, sure. Oh, I raped and fuck those children. I mean, that's just one of our producers

who said that. That's not even us. That's not even on-air talent. Everybody's done. Everyone's going to get a taste. It's probably going to make Skangfest a lot cool, though, that, like, one of the owners now is actually in more trouble than Lewis has ever been in

for the terrible, racist thing she said. Well, I don't think they're going to talk about the child rape. Probably not. Jesus Christ. Well, not now. They don't like to talk about it. They don't. No one loves talking about it, really.

Nobody does. Nobody does. Why are we not talking about the child weight? We're not going to talk about it, Christine. Is three inches a micropenis? Wow, that's a question that came out. I don't know. It's a small one.

Well, when you looked up micro penis, that's what came up. I thought micro penis is where it's like an actual, like, not just that, but it's like a little, it looks like when a kid is born without a hand, but it still has little fucking, like, they believed, like a hand. was going to grow. It never did. It never did. So it looks like skin tags. Yeah. I've seen people have like the micro penis where it's like a skin tag sticking out of their

fucking body. Yeah. There's different levels. Really? What's what I'm saying? I wonder what the, the, yeah, what is it say? There's got to be a thing, you know? There's got to be a range.

Levels of micro. Yeah. Well, no, I'd say it's probably micro and then just a small, right, exactly. That's fucking. Yeah, but that could be a grow. That could be a grower, not a shower. It definitely is. I mean, well, first of all, I don't think...

Oh. Is that real? That's not real. Oh, I thought it was coming. I think that's... Is that fake? Well, we're watching here as a micro penis get... All right, well, hang on a second.

That got big. Yeah. Yeah. It did get big. Yeah, that got nice and big. I think it's AI. That guy had a fine penis. I think that was AI.

Those testicles didn't move too well. We always want to believe it's AI, don't we? I try to tell myself that Black Dick was AI since the 90s. It is. And everyone's like, AI's not. not a thing yet. I go, you'll see what I mean. It can't be real. I think they're alien penises. I think black people are aliens.

Yeah. And they're from a different planet called Big Dick. That's not a micro penis, though. That's got some stuff. That's a fucking micro penis. And I'm telling you, on Burr-Crecher's crews, dude, two guys pulled out dicks that were just like that. I just had the exact same emotional reaction when I saw it. I go, stop taking pictures. Well, the Asian guy from Hangover has a

micropinus. That's making my wife. That's making my wiener crawl up in my body. It's making mine crawl out. I got to get it back, yeah. That's regular. Micro. Micro. Micro.

Well, regular. Regular. Regular. Regular. Micro. Regular. No. Regular and a micro.

Micro. He used to be fat, though, because he has the underneath the skin that never hasn't seen sunlight in 10 years. Oh, yeah, it's tender. Yeah. Yeah, that's been a fat roll for all of his life. Oh, boy. And look at it completely shading his weird, colored dick and balls.

Gross. It is gross. Somehow grosser than wanting that little boy to come in my face song. Somehow. Where's my face? Where's my camera? I just want that little boy to come in my face. I want that little boy to come in my face.

I'm not your bitch Don't hang your shit on me If we could tell Pacco with that I'd like to work on the video for the song And we just did the thing they do Like when people show up for the rap video shoot And they just like sing along to a boom box with it So they just have that footage of them

Yeah When they do this song We just did that We did. I think we nailed it And I think there'll be other times When we bring it up again We'll maybe get up and be even a little more animated A little bit

But that's when Paco's here And we know the Osmos are following the right thing I'm pretty sure it's just filming my diet Dr. Pepper Couldn't get to move And find me It's not on It's not on the mode

He didn't put it on the mode It is not on the mode It's not on a gimbal mode Oh my god I did see we have to give a big Congratulations to comedian Sebastian Manuscalco Getting his own channel It's serious acts

Oh my god And a new show He's got a new show What is it? What's the show gonna be Eggplanting around? I believe it's called The Sebastian Manick-Scalco show

Oh. What was it? Too many MOOCs with Sebastian? What? I think of fun names for a show. Formerly the Pete and Sebastian show. Now it's the... Oh, they fired Pete?

No, still with Pete and Sebastian. Oh, it's just being rebranded. Shut the fuck up. Is that true? Yes. Yeah. It's still Pete and Sebastian, but it's called the Sebastian Manascalco show?

That's right. Is Pete still on it, though? Yes. Yeah. Oh, good. So he's going to take care of Pete for that financially, so that's a very cool, what he's going to do,

and so Pete can't say the things I'm about to say. What the fuck, dude? That is outlandish. They built that show for a while. Listen, when we first got in the Series X-M, they were all about Dan, and they thought I was a problem for sure. So they offered the thing,

and they were like, well, the whole reason they wanted to do was because they heard our tape, our demo tape. And then when we came in, they just started going, like, they were like, Dan, Dan, and then they were like, yeah, we'll give you both little shows, and maybe you'll cross.

And we just kind of all were saying no to that. They still did that until he left. But our six test shows were called the Dan Soder Show with special guest Big J. O'Kerson. Oh, shit. And it was a tail tuck for me, but I ate it because I was like, well, when they see what we got, like, who gives a fuck? And it did.

That's how it worked out. We did the six episodes. But, I mean, Pete Sebastian is said, that's in stone. That's been for years and years and years. I mean, I was, since Lou was fucking 26 years old. They were on my network, my podcast network, riot cast. I was with them the whole time. When they picked it to me.

Yeah. It was the Pete and Sebastian. It was fresh off of filming American History X. It was Pete and Sebastian. Right. It was Pete first and Sebastian. Now it's just Sebastian. Rebranded.

Not even with Pete Correlli. And the whole raw comedy is turning into Sebastian Comedy Radio, especially Manuscalco Comedy Radio on Sirius XM99. You know, Rich Voss is going to be snugging up to fucking Sebastian. Oh my God. Do you hear how this is written? This would, if I was Pete, I would be irate. I'm talking like Pete now.

Go back to that, please. Where was that? That was a good, Pete Correlli. Launching April 28th as the channel's flagship program, the Sebastian Manuscalco show will feature Manascalco alongside contributors, like his longtime friend and comedian Pete Correlli, it doesn't even sound like he's the co-hosts of the show. It says, with contribute, well, saying it, like,

he'll be alongside Pete sometimes, sometimes somebody else. It says that right? Celebrity drop-ins and recurring segments. Oh, my Christ. Wow. Look at how nervous Lou is right now. The show will take over the online feed of the Pete and Sebastian show. Whoa.

Wow. Damn, dude. I mean, listen, I'm sure, absolutely, and if I were Pete, I bet Sebastian has made sure Pete's doing just fine. You take care of your fellow Gindaloon. Paizans take care of each other. So I'm saying I understand. I get this completely.

Do you think I wouldn't? I would take a $3 million a year to go be a white boy in corner at the Kevin Hart radio show. I took way less than that to do this. Yeah. I think so much less to be not Dan. But this is the bonfire with Big Jogerson and Robert Kelly. Right. I'm saying if it was like the Kevin Hart fucking comedy.

I can't wait until the next contractor. It's just the J. show. It's not even just the Jay Show with contributors. I'm so not sellable in some like selloutable in so many ways and then so many ways I am like completely. To me again being like the number one guy is not like my thing anymore. I'd say I'd be third Mike on something that was like tons of money.

I'm like yeah, sure. Who gives a shit? You know what I'm saying? That that ego thing is kind of going on. was replacing Hardy and everybody was vying for that spot. I remember was Craig Gass, Jim Florentine, I think. Jim Florentine, Craig Gass, a Fittsey, Greg Fitzsimmons. Greg Fitzs Simmons. So funny, man.

They were so funny. He was so good on, though, they ended up giving him a show on the network. He's hilarious. I mean, physically, thank God it's radio. I think it doesn't require any heavy lifting. It looks like fucking piquie blinders with AIDS. He is. Greg is so goddamn funny, man. He's fucking hilarious.

Have you So Pete must be Pete wouldn't do this if he wasn't getting to take care of I know Pete Pete must be being treated right Yeah First show premiered today No next

No not next April 28 April 28th Make sure you check it out It's a funny show But the Sebastian Manuscalical radio channel launches middle and next week Does it say? So is he picking all the comics that are on it or is it just the change of the thing? Like do you have, is he going to pick

his people? Or is this the way honestly to spend the money that they won't give me and Bobby, you think? Do you think it's the way to just go, hey Sebastian, don't do anything, could let us just basically sell us your name for a bazillion dollars? And then so me and Bobby can look like jerkoffs in the contract negotiations. It is hilarious that they have a homegrown shown here with very talented people, but they really are just keep going out trying to find Someone else. Oh. They want someone else.

I can't wait until they have the Mike Suarez network. Did you turn it up? I just turned it all the way down. But you did you turn the heat up? Yeah, I turned it up before we left and then I didn't turn back down. I thought you, I thought you were doing a bit and you were going to take off your shirt and say black people rule on your chest. Yeah. I'm going to take off my shirt.

I don't know if you saw my face, the cameras had my face. I thought that was a bit the whole time. You go, I'm hot. You guys hot? I'm like, ah, shit, fuck, Bobby's going to nail me. Fucking Bobby's gonna goddamn get me, you son of a bitch. You, motherfucker. To answer your question from before, Bob, yes, Sebastian has say on what comedians will be played on the channel.

It's just, it's got his name on it, and then it's got regular comedy clips of stand-up. So he can say if you're not on it or you're on it. Robert Kelly, why would I do that? Why would you do that? Why? Sebastian. You're going to do that? You're going to do it when you could have not done that?

Why did you have hot choppelopolis with my shmellios? My first impression of him was just being... Just have Samana's sake, like a man. Me and Fanoi going back and forth about Sebastian Manuscalco being confused about parking lots. And he goes, wait, you're going to make me pay to bark? I don't know why that line is it. So if I'm going to park, I got to pay.

I already put the gas in the car. I drove here myself, and now I got to pay you to park? What did he call him befuddled guinea? Befuddled Guinea? Why are we? By the way, Nate's a befuddled Southern boy. All their stories is basically kind of ending. And then a thing happened.

I was like, what? But Nate's just the other guy from the story. When Sebastian's like, when you go to someone's house and they want you to take off your shoes and like Nate's the guy who like just loves to take his shoes. You know, he'll do the opposite thing of Sebastian. He's the guy on the other side of every story.

Of Sebastian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're black and white. Do you want to hear what his channel will sound like? Yeah, we do. I know I do, dude. Please. Why would you do that?

You're listening to Sebastian Maniscalco comedy radio channel 99 oh that that's a nice touch wait shut the fuck up dude is raw dog it's raw dog yeah shut the fuck it's old raw dog

what yeah it's replacing raw dog sebastian took raw he's not raw I made that by the way that's not real what oh thank God you fucking asshole oh you didn't know you're an asshole I thought it was obvious you know how it was

hilarious but I was I was fucking Fucking, ah, you piece of shit. There's another one. This is Sebastian Radio. Why would you do that? Oh, oh, oh. Damn, dude, I want to pitch like segments.

All right, the next four hours is just about pizza. Hey, first person to call him that says Nyaki correctly and can spell it gets a bag of ravioli. Blum tomatoes versus heirloom. Let me ask you one question. Do you gravy or sauce? If your ma didn't kiss you on the mouth, until you're 15, you're not at the hell. Damn, my person's getting sharp.

Fuck, I'm good. You think he's going to approve of me and Bobby on the channel? Yeah. I was on Raw Dog. What if Sebastian is single-handedly responsible for making me and Bobby Kelly lose our income from Sound Exchange from Raw Dog Channel, plays 99?

I got a whole new act I'm working on. Can I talk to somebody about that? Who the fuck could I talk to about? I'm going to change all my jokes to Italian jokes and clean them up. Dude, I know you will, too. You will sell out that hard right away quick. Total Italian, dude. I will assume, hey, let me ask you a question.

Bobby's going to get one of those. He's going to get a twirley mustache. Hey, let me tell you something. You ever scare somebody he's so loud? It's like the piss the pants monster. Hey, it's me, Bobito Killini. I scared somebody who's so bad they turn retarded. Oh, oh.

My grandmama told me back in the old. country she used to say this. Oh my lord. Yes, Bobby's going to get so much sound exchange for that. You don't mean in. Hey, Jay, why don't you just shut your face and join the party, huh? I mean, stop being an outsider.

Fuck is wrong with you, dude. You're fucking stonauts. I remember when Wap used to mean Italians. Now it means wet-ass pussy. I say, what's the difference? What's the difference? What's an Italian but a wet-ass pussy anyway? Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh. You know, you know, you know, Rich Voss is going to go from Jewish to Italian real quick. Oh, in a fucking heartbeat. And this true your head,

you Jew, motherfucker. You only exist out here because of me. Dude, I was coming on my wife's face. I had to stand over a fucking face. I'm a legend. Yeah, you can't get Voss around the Sebastian. He's going to just blatantly ask to go on the road with him.

Yeah, I know. It's got to be uncomfortable. have a 70-year-old man ask you that. Hey, take me under your wing. What's uncomfortable is your, their age is not over-exaggerating. He is 70. He goes, take me under your wing and realize it underneath that wing, I'm going to need a lot of naps. Do you have any soft-shell crab?

I'm going to need some, uh, my teeth can't tear bread. Oh, shit. Son of a bitch. Well, Rod Dogg's gone. Now it's the Sebastian Channel. That's crazy. Why is it crazy, Jim? Why?

I didn't know everything always takes over. What did Call Her Daddy get? What was that channel before? Oprah. Call her daddy has her own channel? Yeah. I thought they just took the podcast. No, she has the Unwilled Network and the Unwell Music Station.

Yeah. Unwell, she got a music station? Yeah. What the fuck is going on in this building? You got nothing. And it's like Channel 4 or something. It's way low. Shut up.

I'm going to break something here. How long have you been here, though? They've been here longer. How long have you been here? They've been here longer 12 years Oh sorry it's not You've been here longer than everybody

10 years What's it been? 11 years 11 years Wow You know what Are A RNA still here? Is Jim?

Yeah Where the fuck is Jim? Is Jim here? I want Jim to come in If they're not using The room Where they have all these cameras Hooked up to

Can we make that a smash room? This place needs a smash Something bad Every time I hear new news Of this building It makes me want to smash Dude Well this room is a smash

If you kick something, it falls apart. Yeah. Hey, everyone. Why don't we give a whole radio channel to a guy who doesn't have a comedy audience? He has his own specific audience and make that audience the only audience now at an old comedy channel, God damn. It makes me angry. It's gone. What did Kevin Hart take over?

Richard Pryard Radio. No, you take over Jamie Fox. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Damn, dude. Buried him. Shut up, Foxhole. Shut up, Foxhole.

Shut up. Yo, man, I think it's a good thing. You're trying to get on. Listen, Jay. Oh, my God. Let me tell you something. Sometimes you can beat them and sometimes you join them. I'll tell you this.

You know what I'm saying? You give me $2 million a year. I will be nameless guy on my phone next to you on the Bobby Kelly show on Sebastian Manuscalico Radio 99. I want to tell you this, though. You better be liking some Frank Sinatra soon. No, I'll be the contrarian guy and you guys can bust my balls all the time. You'd be mean to me.

I'll be like the Jacob guy. Jake. Look, if your face is bugging me. Guys, Blue A wears his hat sideways Like a little fucking kid from Little League I don't know, guys I'm just trying to hang out, right? No, why you put your hat on, fucking correct?

All right, man Is this like this? Is this good? Buddy, listen, let me if you play for the Phillies, then get a fedore, you fucking Funnook. Forget about it. You know I don't play for the Phillies, man, come on, come on, come on guys.

Guy wears a sweatshirt like he's going to fucking UPS every day. Get a fucking suit tie, you fucking snow nuts. Oh, you still got the good stuff, B? All right, he's wearing men. What the fucks are men? He's wearing men. What's the fucking July? This fucking guys wearing fucking bids

And he's fucking in July Shut up Shut up, is that real? That's the actual That's the deadline article When you like tweet the deadline article Shut the fuck up dude It's a perfect photo of him

I think it's great They say I'm doing radio What The radio comes down From a satellite In the sky Why Why?

Why? A, EI, OU, or sometimes, why would you do that? I'm so excited to see what he does with the channel. I have some ideas. I'll tell you about Tom Papa's fucking bread shows definitely making its way over there. Hi. Now, stay tuned for breading around with Tom Papua.

You're Italian. It's okay with you? Hey. You still got you, fun, Rio. Now, his show. channel. Oh, is this him? Hey, everyone. Stay tuned for me. I hope he's sitting on Pete. I hope he pan back. You see

sitting on Pete Correlli's back. This is my human chair, Pete Correelli. You show him respect where I do not. Let's hear it. Look at this promo piece, people. Look at the digital background. Hey, it's Sebastian Manascoco here. Hang out with me on Sebastian Manascarco's comedy radio. I felt what serious ex-sacemic is a broader canvas.

to do a lot of the creative ideas that I have kind of sitting in my brain. It's not only a comedy channel, but we infuse comedy in a lot of different areas, whether it be sports, etiquette, lifestyle. We're going to add some music, not listening to. Dancing to. It's right, people. A dancer. See some dance music on his channel?

I guess. Then they can't complain when we play music. There's a lot of things. You're not allowed to complain. I hope the fucking hire-ups listen to this show. You're not allowed to yell at me for listening to music. Jay, this is not. this is not your channel

that's his channel fuck and they're gonna be doing a lot of other things other than comedy well I'm really glad you said it before I kicked the fucking doors open and didn't think about that this is not our channel it's not your channel this is a lot of people will say it is our channel though I mean yeah people were say

well there's a lot of other things on this is the faction talk that's the Sebastian Roberts Sam's on the channel sure you got Bennington's on the channel but the sweet lord's calling him you got wow what the Fuck, man. God damn it. I'm just saying there could be a vacuum.

All right, listen, man. No, there's no vacuum. A power vacuum. There's no power vacuum. The show is going on. You have that other show? What's the other show? Eddie Trunk.

Eddie Trunk is on the network. I'm just practicing. And I have a feeling there is something sports over here, maybe? There was? All I know is whenever I put on the channel, we're not on. Well, I think we only replay right after our show. That's perfect. That's actually good.

And through the weekend. Yeah. Enter out the weekend. Well, this is going to be Sebastian all the time. Oh, 24 hours. Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian. And a little bit of Bobby. A little bit of Bobito.

Hey. I can't wait until I walk in. Oh, hey. Where's Pete? I'm sitting on them. I thought you were border. Hey, Bobby. I'm down here.

here, I guess I'm a chair now. What am I doing down here? Why? I mean, Pete is hit, dude. Pete is one of the funniest fucking humans walking. If it's the Sebastian Channel, why can't the show still be called Pete and Sebastian? Branding, I would say, I would guess.

And the channel is not going to change all that much. It's just imaging. I don't know. Somebody's a company, man. But he gets to pick everything. He's not the boss. He's not the boss of the channel. Lou, no one needs fucking sound effects over there. Stop auditioning, asshole. I'm not.

But he put together two trailer pieces. He did for nothing. Or as Sebastian would say, Lou Gats. This is Sebastian Radio. Why would you do that? Three. Bobap and Fuggett, yeah. Oh, Lou, we need Lou over here.

My cup of coffee. We're going to do, want some sack? Sankta? You guys don't know the Sank a bit? Lou, Lou, let me ask you a question. How much would it cost to take you away from us? Minimal. Nothing.

Maybe a $100 cash tip a week. Like his current pay and a $100 cash tip a week. I was going to give that to him anyways. I don't mind giving a little 100 bucks. It doesn't tell me no problem. I tip the lady in the bathroom when I'm taking. and a whiz. No, I, uh, I used to...

This guy looked at me, he called a tricolor cookie, a piece of cake. He caught a tri-color cookie, a piece of cake in front of my dad and my mom. What the of? I couldn't believe it. Lou, why I should tell you that? I do a little whisper, Sebastian. Why? So how, so, uh, what if they're like, yo, bro, we're going to pay you, uh, a hundred, uh,

$100,000 more year. No one's going to pay me. That's number one. Okay, but what if they were? Well, is it cheap Italian? Damn. Or the Jews that run this place. I work for...

Jesus Christ. What the fuck are you? He's Jewish. That this chew your head, you do. What a fucking? Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. It's okay. Yeah, I put an A on the end of it.

I always forget you, one of those fucking Jew guys. Why? Because I have four swast to get tattoos, Bobby. First of all, I keep them covered. But they are great. First of all, four? You keep forgetting it. the other one. Oh, right.

They said that'll fade through time, though. Yeah, if you son your asshole. That was good telepathy right there. We were both thinking asshole. That was called, that's called radio camaraderie right there. Unspoken, we both knew assholes. I just spit-take on lose face, body brain coffee. Dude, to help you think. Dude, if it gets in your eyes, it's good. Dude, if it gets in your eyes, it makes you see better. You won't need glasses. Sosmosis.

I didn't get any on me. Did you get me? No. In your mouth. Do you feel smarter? It was a swish, so you didn't feel it. Lou, $100,000, he says, Lou, I'm going to give you $100,000 extra a year. I'm going to give you 100 Lodge to leave you stupid friends.

I'm going to take away from Pete's salary to give it to you. Now, Pete's already my chair. I just want you to come here and be my human desk. I want to make him an offer. He can't refuse. I'm a Pete Correlli guy. So if it was a Pete Correlli show, I would be helping them, provided that it didn't interfere with this show.

That's not what we're asking. That's not we're asking. As it stands, I'm helping nobody, except for you guys. No, you are helping us. You're helping us a lot. But that's the question we're asking it all, though. Yeah. We know you love it here.

I do. And you want to, don't, you would not leave to split time. Yeah. When we know you're selling. But for $100,000 more a year. First of all, you're selling T-shirts to make a little like... I know. I live with my twin brother.

I know. I need a vertical move. You're standing on. the fucking highway ramp selling fresh mango on the weekends. Well, last week, I went in the bedroom with your brother. I thought it was you. I'm sick and tired. Oh, my God. Your brother played me

like a straight-up fool. He came in here acting totally whack, and I did not know because you have identical penises. So by the time I found out it was to, no, listen, hear me out, dog. No, no, no. Don't get fucking crazy. I love that you added the splash

of black in there. Oh, yeah. She's black and ending, you know. So you got to get out of there. So what if they gave you like $150,000 extra year to do both? This is radio. No one's going to give me that ever. How about $200,000 and you get to sell your shirts?

On the Sebastian show. That's upwards of $200,000, $203,000. $200,000 and $3,000. Do you have many more shirts at show on Sebastian's? If Sebastian was promoting your shirts. Dude, you would love that so much. That is real quick. Sebastian back on your shit.

Quick guys, I want to take a break to plug my friend's t-shirt. It's going to be loose. Sturdersauce.com. Stir to sauce, would you? The fuck kind of people are they? What are you doing? You're sitting there? You're letting the sauce burn on the bottom?

Hey, I told you, you're going to fucking plug his shit. What if Pete has to change his accent? Hey, Sebastian, let me ask you a question. Now this is the new show. I'm really happy to be here. Pipe down, chair. I'm sorry. I'm just down here. My knees are hurting. Can I get a beer or something?

Chairs are meant to chair, not talk. I know, I know, I know, I know. I just, I'm a little parched down here. Maybe a beer or... Pete, yeah. I got to leave room for celebrity drop-ins. I'm right. I understand, but we haven't had one in like three months. I've been down here being in your chair.

Pete, eat your lasagna. I'm trying to watch the car. You know what I mean? God damn. I am so excited for Sebastian Radio. I was looking forward to getting my shit off a Raw Dog. I don't know if I agree with their fucking morals over there. Well, Raw Dog is the one that plays all our shit.

The other one doesn't play any of our stuff because it's clean comedy. Yeah. You have to be crystal clean. Yeah. Maybe that's the way we go, Jay. Maybe we take this show and our stand-up. Crystal Clean. Okay.

Let's do it. Well, we're thinking outside the ball. box for sure. Let's do it. No more swearing. Nothing. Nothing. We go crystal clean and then we run this place. I say we go crystal clean and then leave and go work for Nate Land. We'll do fantastic over there. The clean, oh my God, Bobby, we'll be doing corporates. Oh, corporate money so much. So much corporate stuff. A merch would sell. Yeah. It'd great. There's just many not good ways to clean up my material. We can clear. It has to be all new material.

Let's take a joke. Let's see if we can clean it up. Give us one of your jokes. Okay. Try to give us the cleanest one so it makes it easier. We'll take an older one. Yeah, let's do an older one, ready? Okay.

Oh, this is a good one. Yeah. So this black prostitute is sucking my cock. Okay. And then she gagged. I thought she farted, but she actually shit a little. Right. And I don't want to give away the punchline, but...

Okay. So we change the beginning from black prostitute. Okay. Lady of the night. Okay. Because it adds the black and the prostitute in there. Oh, I don't think, Lady of Night, I think would almost imply you'd think it's like a white woman coming in a ball gown. You'd have to say, you'd have to say Lady of the Night.

Of the evening. No, like Lady of the Night and then maybe midnight, if you know what I mean. Perfect. Yeah. Lady of, so try it. Lady of the Night. Lady of the night. Lady of the night.

So I was hanging out with the lady of the night Or lady of the late night If you know what I mean Midnight was better Like if she didn't smile I couldn't see her Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope You took it too far Okay

We gotta go back a little bit Well we're scrubbing this So it's like this lady of the night Midnight If you know what I mean Those clean crowds love The you know what I means Okay so I say you know what I mean

Yeah you know what I mean yep Okay You know You got it you got it You got it. I tell you what, I'm going to stop this bit, and it's worth stopping it to just tell you, like, I just did a really good thing. I just did a really good, good thing.

I swear to you, in my, I think comedy is boundaryless. So I think of so many things in my head, and I'm like, if we keep doing the bit, Bobby, I'm going to just say one of the things and just throw out there like, and then we're going to live or die by, and it just seems like the stakes are too high. So I try not to it. Buddy, I got the Sebastian show I'm going to do. I don't know what the fuck. You're talking about it.

Yeah, you're trying to sell me out. Jay, say everything you've ever wanted to say on the radio. Bobby's making his way over to Sebastian Radio. Hey, guys, how you doing? Bobby, what are you doing? Oh, God. I was working for that fucking piece of shit over there. He's got a party mouth.

You know that, right? He's garbage. You know what he said the last time about the fucking Vems in the days? Oh, my God. Does Chick-fil-A use paper straws? No, they don't. I thought they hate gays. They do.

Okay, he's not going to use paper straws for those. Munga, manja, hunkabunker bunka, wonka dunca do. Slap-a-dapa-dapa hunker dunca hinkabinkabink. Oh, geez. Do you think that he, I mean, he's going to play a lot of, if he's playing music, he's going to play a lot of Frank Sinatra and stuff like that. Yeah, what music is sensational?

He couldn't be caught dead at a concert that wasn't some guy in a tuxedo singing. Now it's the EDN king. Oh, yeah. Did you see that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I saw it. He is unironical.

loving it. Loves it. You know that music still at his age thumps out of his car. By the way, I listen to very age. I listen to age appropriate music at inappropriate volumes. Yeah, David Cross, way too loud. I present. I present Christopher Cross. Yeah, yeah, no, it's exactly. But I go obnoxious all over the place. Yeah, this is different. Well, I'm glad that we got some fresh blood here and it's gonna add a little a little uh what should I say

a little spice to the to the serious XM who's that is that Pete is that Sebastian calling that's oh that's the beginning of this oh this is great yes Steve Ioki my heart just went through my chest by the way Steve Ioki looks like he was made

with AI he looks like what fucking 11 races is that guy dude Sebastian's so stoked to be part of this oh my God can you believe he's dancing like that. No, this is the video. This is the official music video. Go to, there's like videos of them making it

where Sebastian's so excited. Or the live episode where he's outside at a big festival and Sebastian's faces on the big screen. Right, and they play it, yeah. It's insane. Sebastian says a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Not just does your father have to dance.

He looks like he's faking having fun there. He's not. He looks like he's, it looks to me like he's like, I'm doing this, but I have to do it because of the song. Dude, this is his tucked in t-shirt, fucking thick rope chain dream. When he grew up in Chicago, he would go to those dance clubs where they played freestyle music. Of course. You know.

This is this, dude, this is an Italian guy who still owns a lot of bottles of Dracar. Dream. Why is Dracca bad? No, it's not bad. It's just like it's Italian guy from the 80s and 90s. Polo. Polo was not. That's it.

This is Sebastian. Yes. Let me hear it. Ooh. You remember this? I just heard it in the bathroom. I love Lisa Lisa. Is this Lisa Lisa?

Yeah. And cult jam. Lisa Lisa in the cult jam. Pawn on the bee in my heart. I should dance like that. Why would you do that? Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God.

Bobby's feeling it. It looks old, though. Not in his mind. He's not. I know, but whatever you've seen. is in what the world's seeing right now. I don't know. Should you put a wall in his mouth maybe?

He's spinning. Oh, he's his eyes are closed now. And he's really, he's getting down. I think he's playing with an invisible orb. He's in 1987. He is right now in 1987. And I don't know if he's grinding on a girl or if he's in a circle of his buddies.

Either way. He just had a weird tit thing. He's swimming through the crowd. He also knows all the words, which I find devastating. Oh, man. You had to... By the way, the reason it doesn't embarrass Bobby

is because he's always had to do this sober. Because he had to get sober before dance was created. You know how fucking hard it is to dance sober? It's impossible. I'm doing it right now, bitch. It can't be any harder than what Bobby's doing. You never got laid once, because of dancing.

It was despite dancing. It was definitely despite your dancing. Black Lou's going to put this out there. Oh my Christ. Come on, dude. I hated that. Can you please send that to Sebastian for me? Oh, no.

Sebastian is going to love that. You got to dance to Sebastian's song. Is your potter? I know you dance like that. Bing, bang, bam. Oh, God. That felt good. I felt like it was in AA dance in St.

Mary's in Lynn, Massachusetts. Did you just close your eyes and danced by yourself? You danced by yourself at first, but when the girls saw you dancing, then they'd come out, and then they surround you. You start dancing by yourself? When you open your eyes, all of a sudden you're surrounded by women.

Jay, women. I believe you. That's not how it would have worked out for me, for sure. Jay, you don't know that. I believe dance is inside of you. It is. And I believe you've got to let it out. I don't know.

We should start wedding crashing, Me and you. I've been downing myself more lately. We crash weddings. I've been downing my dancing more than me. It's the whole thing I thought of. We do a thing, me and you crash weddings. We go in, we hang out, meet chicks, blah, blah, blah.

We dance. And that's kind of a thing that we do. Here's my concern. Yeah. At one point we take it a little too far. Yeah. And what if I don't hook up with the girl on the very first time? But I like her.

Yeah. So then what if we got to go hang out with their family on like an island or something? Well, if they're rich, we'll go. Yeah, but I don't know I already think the mother is a problem She seems all sexed up and hoary That's great, let's go The one kid seems like a gay artist type

I just think it's gonna be unsettling What if the dad is like some type of senator or something He's got power Plus I already got sucked off in the bathroom By the one girl here So it's gonna be, I feel like she's gonna be clingy The whole time You know what you're right

There could be like some aggressive boyfriend type of guy there Some jock You know Harvard Yale type of dude That's gonna try to fuck you up Yeah, but the thing is, I'll probably end up getting it. Yeah, but then the thing is, though, like, the girl would probably see that, like, you're the good person and that person's just who society wants her to be with.

Right. Because they want to keep money within money. But you learn probably at the time it's the substance of a person that matters. It's the substance of the person. It's not the fun we were having. It's just, yeah. And then that Will Ferrell scene. Right.

But we'll never know. We'll never know. We'll never know. That's what I thought Christine was going to hit the music. I was sorry. There's a few different. I don't like this music. This is, I tell you, I watched a lot of the Coachella stuff this week.

They always just have two stages of this happening. Yeah. EDM was like the most popular genre. No, this is involved. You have to be doing very specific drugs. This is probably, I assume it's cocaine. Exocene. Meth Molly.

Right? Any kind of meth-based drug. Yep. And some kind of MDMA. And it's fun when you're on ecstasy. I don't think it would be for me still, though. I don't know. Here's the thing, it's like you,

I think if you were in a space where you could loosen up and dance, you would have fun. I just don't know what drug would ever get you better. Not to this music, though. I'd still want to dance to music that I liked. This would give me a panic attack at any level of high. Why don't you just try right now without drugs? Just get up.

Oh, because I just saw what you did. Yeah, but why don't you just get up and let it get into you? Give me a better version. Does your mother know you dance? like that. See if it happens. Jay right now is standing up. He's going to try. Do I have to dance like you? No, buddy. This is, dances inside of you. Not my dances inside of me. But I'm only doing what you did. No. Try what. Try what. Try to shuffle. Dude, do your thing. Feel it and see what comes out. That's what I mean, I'm not going to lot of you. I can do the foot thing at this point now. Well, let's just see what comes out.

Does it kill you that I know how to do that now? It hurts me a little bit. Turn that shit up, Lou. This is what I feel like I have to only do what Bobby did. You got it. No, do feel it. feel it stir the pot stir the pot yeah one two three

oh yeah he's like dancing from his soul yeah yeah feel it uh boom come on get in it

go somewhere else go somewhere else you're in another planet a planet a dance everybody dances I really hate you just bullied me to do anything you wanted to do

I hate it. That felt as bad as watching my old comedy. You get that? Does your mother know you dance? Christine, do you like to dance? I mean, I... Not in my house. I haven't...

Yes, I like to dance alone by myself all the time I'm around the house. No, I'm talking like dance. I used to love going out like this. You dance alone? You dance alone a lot? Oh, if you're like to dance alone. You had cameras in the house.

It's like full-blown recitals. Jay, we can do this. I wouldn't. We can get small. But I actually am upset with her for never thinking to once film that at all. Why would I do that to myself? I'm trying to. I showed everybody me bombing in front of black people who didn't like me.

Well, you made a career of comedy. I just produce. Yes, well, producing. Producing that video would have been great. Do you have a video of you dancing? No. I mean, there is a video of me being like one off everybody else in a performance at El Camino, but that DVD got stolen with my friend Chelsea's computer.

What's the dog do when you dance? Fucking barks and fleets out like it's fireworks. She chills and just watches you dance. I mean, sometimes I dance at her or sing at her. What? Oh, man, that dog's going to. That dog is definitely when you leave. Is that, you know, it's funny.

As she says these things sometimes, I'm like, It has to look at Dawkins gives me in her eyes. Don't leave. She gets me alone. She gets very like, she's like on top of me. She goes, dude, it gets weird when you're not here. This lady's cookey. Yeah, and also she must even feel it.

She goes, this lady is 100% different when you're around and when you're not around. I mean, if she didn't rub my belly the way she did, I'd fucking run away from this house. I don't make her dance with me. Am I my favorite thing in the world? I don't know why she does it. For the last several weeks, now it's clockwork. When I come home and I go, give me a kiss in the face. she gives me one, like, comes over,

and she's like running around, so she comes over and just like, licks my face and then runs off. And I go, get back over here, another kiss. And she goes, and she goes, and by the third one, she goes like, ugh, like, she doesn't get, and by, like, the fifth one, she comes over, and she goes like, br-r-r-oh-oh-oh.

She's like, making noise with this. I couldn't even guess what's going through her head. I'll tell you what's going on. But her keep coming back, and I'm like, what? I've been with this crazy lady all day, and I don't need this dress. I got, so her singing,

you're trying to make it out with me. Ari, when we did skanks, it'll be on the Friday Night Hang episode. Lewis brought his dog. And Ari, like, he's done with everybody's dog. There's a full-blown, like, French kiss session with him. Yeah, it makes out with the dogs. But Lewis's dog loved it.

Yeah. I mean, kept jumping back. Would jump over Lewis to get back to Ari to French some more. Yeah. Like, it was like one person was trying to leave on a train, and they keep jumping off. And someone goes all aboard, and then the dog would run away,

and then come back and take Steve. and one more with Ari? Yeah, because his breath doesn't smell like protein and dicks. That's true. Body, brain and cock. Body brain, cock and asshole. That's the name of the creamer. Body brain coffee and cock and asshole creamer.

Yeah, I love, I don't make out with my dog anymore. Like, I used to let her kiss me, but I don't do that anymore. I get a couple kisses in them out. But I do, you know, doodles. I let her lick my face. She's so fluffy, her hair is so fluffy. like a teddy bear. But when I go into the bed and I have the Kikiiko on the whole bed, the new one is so good,

by the way, so big. And she'll go, I'll go, and she'll run and jump on the bed and, like, flop, like fly next to me and stretch out right next to me. And I just rubber belly. And she just gives me kisses on the cheek. And I fucking love it. You're the best. I do.

They are the best. Oh, wait a second, dude. Guys, I just realized we've done the first half of the show in radio. Andy Studio. Oh my God. This got gay. It's the little gas they pump into this room. Makes you say a bunch of gay stuff. No. It's happening. You know what? Let's vent this place out. Let's get a commercial break. Vent this

place out. I don't even know. I can't even read right now. Bobby's going to be on the road in Mohegan's son. What did I do? You're Bobby. I don't know. What was I doing? My legs hurt. Oh, you should see. What was happening? Where do we go? Look on the internet, guys. What happened? You didn't.

Wait a second. Is this the channel that took over OutQue radio? The Gay Channel? Bobby Kelly is going to be swinging his buns in comics this weekend. In Connecticut, the 17th and 18th. I'm going to be in Kansas City after Nashville. Big J.comedy.com. We'll be right back. Stabon.

I feel weird. Christine's going. I feel weird. What just happened back? I don't know, dude, but you look cute.