The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Friendly Fire with Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

In the Bonfire publicity photos, Jay posed with the saddest face possible. Comic Felipe Esparza hangs out for the whole show as Jay educates him on different types of pornography. Felipe is best known for his multiple stand-up specials, winning Last Comic Standing and his recurring roles on “The Eric Andre Show”, “Superstore”, and “Gentefied”. He’s also the host of a popular podcast called “What’s Up Fool?" For tour dates go to felipesworld.com. Watch Jay's new special "Them" on Youtube and Bobby's events are at punchup.live/robertkelly. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly I'll make the claps out because you have mittens on my claps are worthless. Yeah, your claps are worthless at any any concert Well because they're not hitting home. Because you have pink nail polish on. Whoa! Whoa! Trying to keep the good vibes in here, is a shit day outside. It's a shit day, and we gotta really compete with Jacob's vibe of... Yeah, rainy Jacob?

Rainy Jacob is... Jacob's always rainy. Rainy is the same as summer Jacob... Yeah, rainy Jacob. Rainy Jacob is... Jacob's always rainy. Rainy Jacob is the same as summer Jacob. Yeah, yeah. There's always a dust trail behind him. Fiji Jacob and Queen's Thunderstorm Jacob are the same face. How is that? It's the bonfire.

Faction Talk Series XM103, Big Jay Okerson, the great Robert Kelly is always across from me. Hi. I'm right here, baby. Always right here. We have an awesome guest with us for the whole show he's hanging out. He's got a new special, Raging Fool, available right now on Netflix, one of the greats. The hilarious Felipe Esparza joins us. What's up, fool?

Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. Thank you. I know we got you running ragged. You did skanks, you're doing story wars. We got you on bonfire. We went through the whole car wash. He was on my show last night.

And then you had YKWD. We spent an hour and a half together last night having a good time. Yeah? Yeah, we had a blast. What did you guys talk about? We talked about everything. Everything, right?

We talked about him, Tijuana, we talked about his Spanish, he did a special in Spanish. Yeah, nice. Which is awesome. I think I'm gonna do a special in French. You don't know French though? Well he inspired me.

Come and tell him I will try and read it. Dude, he knows Dutch. Don't mess with him, German. Damn. Yeah? I had a feeling he was gonna be some sort of a savant. He has 27 languages. He's not a savant, he's just not a dumb American

like me and you. One language, hello. I know a little bit of everything, but not a lot. Do you know Somalian? Wajili. You do? Wajili, I know how to say hello in a bunch of languages. No shit.

So everywhere I go, someone could hook me up with free shit. Do you like performing overseas? Well, for me, wherever I go, no matter where I go, there's always Latinos. Like, they would just fucking show up from anywhere. Even Australia, too. In Greenland? In Greenland, I've never been there.

But wherever you go, I like to think they still drove there from like Texas or something? No, man, in Australia, when I went there, it was like the most Salvadoran I've ever seen in my life besides Alberta, Canada and Toronto. Wow. Do you think it was MS-13 Nationals or something? I think I was the ones that left during the 80s during the Salvadoran revolution when I asked the guy, listen man, you're Salvadoran bro, you don't sound like the Salvadoran back home. You don't sound like a Salvadoran guy. He said, well, my parents, they had a choice when they were refugees to go to America, Canada, or Australia, and we chose Australia.

We wanted to get as far away from the Salvadoran government as possible. Oh, Jesus, that makes sense. As far as every government is possible. And then they got to Australia and just bred like crazy. Yeah, man. They sound like fucking Australian mate. Hijo la gran puta mate.

Venezuelans too, and Peruvians, and also a guy from Uruguay are big and fucking Australian. But they have the Australian accent? Yes. Wow. But it's weird, they sound like um weird man like como estas mate mate como estas man con mamala mate

I don't know why I thought it was so cool to hear that you did a special in Spanish I don't know why it bugs me when people who don't even if I believe these people have Spanish or Hispanic half or something, but they don't read Hispanic, and then they have announcements on their tour they're doing Spanish shows. So I think Carmen Lynch and Tom Segura does like Spanish shows. Both of those people, they speak way better Spanish than I do.

Really? Well he said, you said you had to go back and do shows in Tijuana to learn how to do it. In Spanish. In Spanish, he said, you said you had to go back and do shows in Tijuana to learn how to do it. In Spanish. In Spanish, like better, like, because there's little words that they don't understand. I wonder if the translations are terrible. Terrible.

The car that is blue that I had purchased on the day of my father's birth, because it's always like, that's how we all learn how like, when it translates, it translates that bad. It's backwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, white car. The car that is white. Yeah, it's blue is after car. Yeah. The car blue, it's like bad. It's backwards. It's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, white car. The car that is white.

Yeah, it's blue is after car. Yeah. The car blue, it's like what? When you say it. Yeah. Because I'm on DuLingo, just to let you know. Well, what's the, what's, what lingo are you DuOing? I'm doing DuLingoing Spanish.

For what? For. So you can yell at your house help and puppity piece of shit. Levanta plato, por favor. I wanna go to South America. Where at? I want to go back to... El Salvador?

Colombia. I want to go back to Guatemala. I had a good time in Guatemala and I want to go back to Cuba, but next time I go back to Cuba... Without Ari. Without Ari. I might bring Max and just go, me and him. To Cuba?

Yeah, do a father-son trip to Cuba. But you're going there just to smoke cigars No, go there to see the culture to see you told us the culture was a dark alley And you and Ari got terrified and ran back to a family. You were little the flood That was because it was a hurricane not a hurricane. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, what was the name of the hurricane over there? It was Ari Hurricane Ari Shafir I I swept and took everything. All the coins.

I left a trail of blood. The storm that it was Ari. That was going to be a storm no matter what, buddy. You don't want to go back to Cuba. You know what I found out? Interesting fact. Pitbulls from Cuba? No. John Liguizamo?

Yeah. Not Puerto Rican. He's Colombian, right? He's Colombian. Yeah. Wow, he faked the funk. Made the whole fucking career off being Puerto Rican from the Bronx. His father came out and said, hey, just to set it straight, he's Colombian when there's no Puerto Rican blood in our body.

You know what's funny? I don't know why I never pieced that together, but John Legazamo has some through a person through a person connection to my ex's family. She's Colombian. She's Colombian? Yeah, he's Colombian, not Puerto Rican. Motherfucker. What's the point of that?

I don't know, ask Carlos Mancia. Yeah, did he also say that? That's right, he chose Mexican, he chose. He's from Honduras, right? Yeah, his name's Ned. Honduran. I guess he chose a popular culture that's in the neighborhood. It is pretty funny though, that is.

If you were with Naya, he'd probably be Jewish. It's almost like a joke that writes itself though. Like if you go, Carlos Mencia, like, no, he's not Mexican, that's not his real name. And then you find out Ned is the fake, like that's the craziest thing. I thought Carlos was gonna be the real name. Ned Holden?

Yeah, something like that. Really? How you doing German? Yeah, something like that. Jesus. John Luzardo's Ned, not Puerto Rican, crazy. He's mad about it, sounds like. He's all mad, eh?

Stop saying it. I was not wearing socks with tennis shoes for a long time. Ha ha ha. Until he dressed up like a woman in Toe Wong Fu, then like, no, he's Puerto Rican. He's a good looking Puerto Rican. I've been in those shoes for a long time. Until he dressed up like a woman in Toe Wong Fu, then like, no, he's Puerto Rican. He's a good looking Puerto Rican. I mean, out of all the three girls on Toe Wong Fu,

Wesley Snipes, you think Wesley Snipes the hottest? No, I tell you, that's the worst. No, no, Wesley Snipes was the worst. I mean, Patrick Swayze. I thought it was Leslie Jones. Patrick Swayze, it goes John Liguizamo, Patrick Swayze, and then Wesley Snipes. Leslie Jones.

Too short. Leslie Jones. Patrick Swayze. Leslie Jones wore that in her special. Who's that right there in the middle? That's John Liguizamo. That's him. I thought that was Jimmie Lee Curtis

right there in the black dress. I remember. That's Patrick Swayze. It was Jimmie Lee Curtis in a black dress. I remember that. That's Patrick Swayze. It was Jimmie Lee Curtis. You know the rumor. Real Pearlman. It is a real Pearlman. Also a bit of a young.

No matter what, he still looks like Wesley Snipes. And Blade. It looks like Godfrey. I am not black. I am not black. I am not black. Blade. I never seen that movie. Blade? No, that one right there.

Oh no, you don't have to. Yeah, you don't see that. I didn't even get it. I was gonna say to you Bobby, because you were saying that John Legazama was the best looking. Out of the three. Out of the three.

If you had to pick one. Right, but here's the thing. You know what, he looks like Gina Davis actually. He does look like Gina Davis. He does look like Gina Davis, wow. In that picture he's a lot like Gina Davis, actually. He does look like Gina Davis. Wow. In that picture, he looks a lot like Gina Davis. Al Pacino's daughter in Scarface, or his sister.

Is that a compliment to him or an insult to Gina Davis? It's a compliment to him. Him, okay. It's an insult to Gina Davis. Gina Davis, though, she, it was one of those things, too. She went away one day and popped back up, started getting roles again. and you're like, what happened?

Why is Time such a cocksucker? She was just in that movie, where they go to an island with, was it? Don't Blink. Don't Blink. Famous guy, like a Elon Musk type guy. Yeah, I saw it.

You saw it? She looked fucking rough in that one. That was a good movie with Simon Rex. You have a Simon Rex in it? Yeah, Simon Rex is in it. Simon Rex is a big fan of comedy. Yeah, man. And I've met him a couple times.

And then he's also got a big wiener. He did a porn before he did mainstream stuff. Yeah, he did a movie called Rocketman. Yeah. And it's directed by the same guy who won the best director for that movie, I know Noria. Oh, really?

Anora? Anora. Yeah, this guy, that movie is fucking badass, Rocketman, and before that he made a movie called Florida Project about this white chick with a single monster, the prostitute in a Florida apartment. And before that, his first movie was shot with iPhones and Ian Edwards and he played the pimp, it's called Tangerine. Just to let everyone know, Felipe's wife is here. He's his Siri, his AI. Yeah.

And he was on last night, anytime he's like, how am I, how old am I? I'm 54, she's like, no you're not, you're older than that. Fuck, I didn't even know. That movie right there, if you wanna watch a good movie about an ex porn star who goes back home to the Midwest and ain't shit. Red Rocket.

Red Rocket is fucking good, dude. But he actually did a real porn. Really? Like back in the day, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you show me which guy you're talking about? Simon Rex. He was an MTV. He was an MTV guy.

Real world? He ended up being in a, I don't think so. No, I think he was like a VJ. He was just a VJ. And then he, but then he started getting, like he's pretty funny, so he did like the scary movies. Yeah. He was in those.

He's a real cool guy though. He's got a big piece I mean you don't do pornography if you don't have a big piece I haven't seen my porn it's true I'm not talking about home pornography I see porn with little penises but they're just to laugh well that's that's right you're the crucial with us we saw the smallest dick ever smallest ever. Oh my God, you were the best, what about, you said something about him getting hit with an ax. What?

He had a hatchet wound, he had the thing, he had like his stomach made like a dog mouth, you know what I mean, it came down from the nose, it was crazy looking. And his dick hairs genuinely came out further than his dick. From a side view, I couldn't see it at all. And it's not that on the internet or in the world I haven't seen a dick this small before.

It was just, what I'm blown away by, is they're just like, fuck it, I'm showing it. I don't care, that's crazy. Yeah, and then Bert Y'all know can anybody beat that five thousand dollars? Oh And there was a guy his wife was rubbing his shoulders Ryan you got this He said babe, don't touch me. You're gonna win or not But you know, he's right bro, he showed his dick right away. Like we're not even like five hours into the trip,

you can still see La Carreta in Miami man. Like you can see, we were, he was known as a little dick guy the whole trip bro. Oh yeah, yeah. It was so early and it was the first morning that we were there and then this guy was walking around the whole time, yeah. He was just a guy.

And there was two of them. And you're right, there was two of them. this was actually crazy. I think they did the right thing I want to give Bert because Bert's not Bert's very generous I'm sure you did the right thing, but how it read which is actually funnier a guy comes he goes. I'll give $5,000 to the smallest dick on this boat Whoever was willing to show it so guy goes up there and shows his really, really tiny dick. Everyone was stunned by it and Burt goes, all right, that guy's gonna get $5,000. That guy has just gone on his mind, like, this just became a free vacation.

Like he's gonna, or close to if not, a free vacation or he's got, you know, bottomless spending money for the rest of the, whatever it is. He took a glass that's half empty and made it half full. Absolutely. spending money for the rest of the, whatever it is. He took a glass that's half empty and made it half full. Absolutely, and then another guy just came up there and says, I'll do it, and just pulled his smaller, even dick out, and that was the one that like, my reaction on stage was not of laughter. I was going like, I was like, no, dude,

I wish I could tell you if this had not have done this. And then Burke goes, ah shit, all right, he goes, all right, split it between them. Like, oh! Oh! Oh yeah! He alright, split it between them. Like, oh! Oh! Oh yeah! He made him split? I don't think he did.

I don't think he did, ultimately. But in the moment, the initial solution in the moment was split it up, and I was like, yo! That's, he did it, and then as soon as he did it, I'm sure as soon as he walked off stage, he was hit with just a barrel of instant regret. And then probably was like Like oh well here at least this trip is free and then it wasn't it wasn't you had to pay half

He's tough to pay to still watch what you ordered for drinks You still got to eat the buffet and not the don't make rays at the steakhouse I saw him on the another cruise ship the one with the impractical jokers the guy with the small dick Yeah, he goes what what happened, bro? Oh man, this is a free trip, you're right. Free fucking trip. What if that was his thing on every cruise ship, he just showed his dick on the first day?

But it's crazy, he had like fucking tattoos of tanks, you know, almost like American flag and a little can in the middle. So he was like a like a Navy SEAL Two tank tattoos and American flag a little I will say it was particularly those distractions Yeah, man, it was you're right. It was literally the rapper Rick Ross I said I thought many times at my heaviest many times about just heavily Tadding up my stomach because I hate taking my shirt off,

but I'm like, if you make it like a thing, people stop thinking about the big fat body underneath and they start going like, oh, cool picture, cool whatever. Two dragons fighting. Yes. Two dragons fighting over a sandwich. Yeah, unfortunately those dragons, Bumble.

Unfortunately those dragons have stretch marks. Dragons are fat. Why do those dragons have stretch marks? No, are fat? Why do dragons have stretch marks? No, no, no, those are, nevermind. Yeah, and then when you lose your weight on your ozempic, they become iguanas? Everybody should see my stretch marks. Everybody should just tiger strike my whole body

into the stretch marks. Be like a human, the enigma, remember that guy? The guy who's tattooed all puzzles? Well, you know, it's funny, when you get, I got the tattoo when I was skinny, and then I got fat and my tattoo went onto the back of my arm. So the heart that said D and B for Bobby and Dane,

it went to the back of my arm and it was sad. That sucks. But then I lost weight and it came back to the front. That is good. I've seen that go the other direction. Yeah the thing was like a porn star that she went from being like Super like great body and then just got real big but I think she had one of those like a male being I think she yes

Yes, yes. Yes He's not wrong. I love I love though. He at his wife for, she's like, that's right, you're correct. She's like, yeah, man. She, you wanna see a- And she got arrested for meth, too. You wanna see it, did she? Jesus Christ. A transfer, and the meth wasn't working.

Is she pregnant, or is that her? That's very gross. But I'm telling you, go, no, look her up, look her up at her hottest. She was stunning. Jacob, I hope a woman does a flim flam on you like this. No, don't say it. Don't do that, Jay.

Dude, I hope you get flim flam and you already love her. Don't wish that on me. He loves her over the internet for a year and a half. She was like one of the top hottest girls, like Jenna Jamison level up there. And then one day they were just like, ah, she decided to day they were just like, ah, she decided to go, she just decided to go

become morbidly obese. She was like, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like,

she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, she was like, Bang Bros, she was like, Bang Bros, world famous. What's her name again? Carmella Bing. Carmella Bing? Carmella Bing, because that was the nickname

they gave on Carmella Soprano, when they were watching, the FPI were watching them. Oh really? Yeah. I thought it was after Chandler Bing, because that was the nickname they gave on Carmella Soprano when the FPI were watching them. Oh really? Yeah. I thought it was after Chandler Bing, which I just found out was his last name last night when I watched the Matthew Perry documentary. His last name is Bing?

Bada Bing. Chandler Bing was the character. I didn't know that. I didn't know that either, I never watched the show. I don't mind, can I? But that show, Christine told me that show's been translated into every language that Felipe speaks. Friends has been in everything,

so you always could watch it on the road. I don't mind, does it make me bad? Because I don't mind her chubby like that. No, you do mind her chubby like that. I'll tell you why. No, there was levels of her getting bigger where you're like, I don't give a shit, great. And then she just kept going.

No one stopped stepping on the pump. I don't mind, I don't, I mean, all right, maybe I mind that. No, look, here's the thing. No, Christine, go back to that page right there, because that double picture right there, that one, that's her starting to get bigger. I'm telling you, at a time, she was like a thin, amazing body.

Yeah, she was winning a lot of awards. But you know what? I like a chubby girl, proportionately chubby. No, I take that, this is fine, but next to it, something terrible's happened. The gray dress? There she is. Oh my God, I really, Jacob,

I want you to get flim flam so bad like this. I want you to move in. You move her in. There's probably a thing you can go to, like an evolution of Carmella Bing. Or a de-evolution? Well, it's an evolution. But to you and me, it's a good.

Look, her pussy got fat. Go back to that picture. No, she's a little cabin for you and me look her pussy got fat go back to that picture No, she's a little cabin for it now I mean The sides of her pussy are coming are coming over the lips We don't have that over I'm not a porn star From a different genre You know she went from regular people and she got big and then for skinny black dudes who like um big yeah

White chicks, but she got a real real skinny motherfuckers love big lady like that They want them to like sit on their face Jacob. Yeah Can you go back to the one with a little cabin that you created with Scan Around Her Vagina? That was nuts. That's not the cabin. That's not the cabin. That's the cabin. It's right there, man.

Can you zoom in on the cabin, please? Wow. Yeah, bro. You see your hands? You have a little chimney right there. Ooh. I mean, wow. God damn.

That's crazy. It's so bad. I've never seen that happen. I didn't know that happened to vaginas. What, really? I didn't know it became a cat. You can grow the beef around it. I didn't know that grew.

I thought that stayed the same. That's what happened to the predator. It does look like the, remember the vampire's in-blade, the mouths, the way they open, like the big ones? Yeah, that's bad. And she was so hot. Looks like the pods that the aliens came out of. She was so hot.

She's still hot. She's still hot. I mean, I wouldn't touch that, but I'd probably gag if I went down there, but I don't mind it. I, here's the thing. Based on this picture, I would do this. Of course you would. But the one of her in the dress, nah.

Which dress? The gray dress. The gray dress is. Well, the gray dress is just a little. That's nuts. Why would she wear something like that? But it's still coming out of the beings though, so you gotta close your eyes.

She should wear a hoodie with like a chain wall jeans. But you're right, I've watched, I said we were talking about that yesterday. Thank you Christine. Yeah, you're thin now so I can make these jokes. It's okay. But it is funny, I said I got to meet, for a few months I knew her before she died,

Jessie Jane, if you remember her. Yeah. And the last time I saw her she was in Tulsa, she lived in Tulsa, she came to my show with her boyfriend, the one that she died with, they OD'd together in the house, but she was like, you could see,

she was like, from the second she walks in, her mouth's moving, she's a mile a minute, and she seems all fucked up. The boyfriend, I don't think he was anywhere near his bed, way younger than her, and you could tell, he's saying nothing, because he's just like, he's like, his hands sore from high-fiving his friends for being with Jessie Janes, you know what I mean?

So he's like, he's stuck in that, and then they just said they died together. Who let this happen to her? I don't know, I mean. I bet you, is she married? I wonder if she's one of the married porn stars. Yeah, you think it's her love fat? I'm surprised how many.

He's probably got money, she didn't have to go and do it. Wow, if he's got money, you think he was like, hey, here's money, go get morbidly obese. Hey, do me a favor, go get a case of mac and cheese. I don't think she's married because she was arrested for meth, so. Yeah, she's on meth? Yeah.

It's not working. I don't know if you saw that picture, but it's not working. No, man, she's eating faster now. Okay. It's just fucking double fist skittles. That's crazy. What a transformation.

Yeah, I mean, I've had it, so I can't really. They have, that's gonna go. I can't really be too amazed at somebody becoming fat. There's porn stars that have gone the other way, which has been fun to watch. What? Sometimes, sometimes they get thin from being the bigger girls. Brandy Talor, I think.

Yeah, from Ohio. From Ohio? Yeah, the little. You guys are brothers, I mean. Yeah, from Ohio. From Ohio? Yeah, the little- You guys are brothers. That little guy from Howard Stern, Eric D'Amitio was in love with him. He was in love with her, that's right. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, he was. I remember. He went, from Ohio, who the fuck knows that? Why do they always have a fucking mugshot? Is there a porn star who hasn't been arrested aggressively? No. But yeah, she was like heavier when she was younger and then lost weight.

She made a comeback for a little while. Do you wanna hear a sad thing? This might be sad for you, but I'm here as my friend. No, no, no. What's up? That people used to ask me why I would get, I got like regular porn magazines when I was younger, but I really got the like XL magazine or whatever, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, This would be the one that I could get. Possibly could get. You wanna hear a sad day in my life? My stepdad, when I went into his drawer to see his porno, like get a porno, started jerking off, he had a fat girl, fat girl porn, and it bummed me out.

Really? Yeah, because then I looked at my mom, I'm like, ah, my mom's fat. You know what I mean? My dad's into fat. Your mom's a fetish. Yeah, my mom's a fat girl, ah, my mom's fat. You know what I mean? My dad's a fat girl. Your mom's a fetish. Yeah, my mom's a fat girl fetish.

It made me sad. I could show you, Christine, look up Samantha 38G. These are the names of people I would regularly masturbate to when I was younger. Big girls. Not much younger. Samantha 38G looks like your mom's friend who came over and then started fucking you.

It's weird, I'm into that now. I'm into mom stuff now. Listen, sometimes I circle back to Sam 38G. You do? Sometimes. Yeah, I don't mind it now. I mean, I don't know about that. 38, it's more like-

She also looks identical to a lady I fucked years ago named Barb. Dude, her body looks like a face. Yeah, but you know. Yeah. She looks like she bids for storages She's the auctioneer yeah, she's not the better. Yeah. Well can't just be big black cock fat girl porn Bobby That is not a life. That is not a life realized. I don't mind

I think it looks like somebody like one of your homies like your mom was hot. Yeah Exactly That's exactly the mother big jenny's bro And I would look at it that way when I was younger and then also with the reflection of like oh And maybe you know said if I find any kind of like place in life Yeah, and I cross her path like maybe if I just talked good this would work out Yeah, when you'd see like a Jenna Jameson stuff, you're like, well, that's not gonna happen. It's not me, I wasn't the quarterback in school.

Bobby, believe it or not, the most popular kid, I was not. You weren't? No. Are you sure? I know it's hard for you to see now because you see my knuckle gloves. I see you pay for it. You weren't wearing those back in high school?

Those are knuckle gloves? I know that you see me wearing these fingerless gloves. I thought they were the gloves like, I know that you see me wearing these fingerless gloves. I thought there was a glove like them like What's in the movie? I'm just really seeking Susan. Yeah. Yeah Madonna gloves. Yeah. Oh I'm not wearing my wallet. My wallet. That's cool man has the things his boy toy on it From the Madonna concert, okay, we went to go see Madonna you ever watch porn bloopers? Yes. Fucking hilarious, bro. It's great.

But you know, here's the problem with these and you'll probably agree with this. There's not enough of them. No. There's four videos of porn bloopers. It's a girl falling, wearing high heels. She's upside down on her own squirt. And then the girl, the guy that farts right in her face when he gets a rim job. And those five blacks, do they get into a when that one guy didn't get a turn.

And then the girl trying to squirt, I believe, on a tub and falls into the tub. And then that one girl that she's blowing that guy and the chair breaks, she almost breaks her neck. I've never seen porn bloopers. There's only five or six porn bloopers. One of them was, I remember one was, it was all like pussy and dick

and then his dick just slips off and she's so wet. Bro, that motherfucker goes right in her ass by accident. You can hear it go, ah, ah, ah! And in the background, we're not done with the shoot. Can you please come back, please? We already gave you your two Gs. Those are called oops compilations. I know this.

You wanna see a funny compilation on porn? Friendly fire compilations. I know this. Do you want to see a funny compilation on porn? Friendly fire Compilations are hilarious. That's like, you know guys all jerking off on a girl together and just hitting each other in the legs and stuff and like some guys react some guys go like What's funny is when a guy will just keep jerking himself off and go like, ah, come on ridge What's funny is when a guy will just keep jerking himself off and go like, Oh, come on, Reg or whatever. One of them was Lexington Steel, the old one. It was, what's the name?

I remember the names of the stars. They came a lot. Titi Boy. Oh, yeah. That fool would just pee on Chase, bro. Well, my tour is called Peter North American Tour. I was going to ask you that when you mentioned it. I was like, is Peter North the porn star? Yeah. I was gonna ask you that when you mentioned it. Yeah, yeah. I was like, is Peter North the porn star?

Yeah. He was one of the most good looking porn stars. By the way, I didn't know that he comes, because he comes so much. When I did Adam Carolla's show, he called him, he goes, yeah, we've had the decorator on the show before. The decorator is one of the, I didn't know that's what he's called, the decorator.

Ha ha ha. Peter, but uh. What do you do at paint houses? But there's one where the, Anari Vax is doing a blow bang. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. of the people today, the ones that we interviewed on. We actually did an SDR show too, where we interviewed a lot of them. But this was my friend Frank, who's a genius. This kid, black dude, good looking, smooth, got pussy, but he made a compilation of VHSs himself. Like he would rent porn movies and then makes,

and so it would be Frank's compilation of big ass gang bangs. A mix tape? A mix tape. Of pussy? Yeah, and there was would be Frank's compilation of big ass gang bangs. Can you make a mix tape? A mix tape. And he had one with the- Of pussy? Yeah, and there was one with the gnarly Vax blowing a bunch of guys, and one of them's Lexington Steel. And Lexington Steel, I don't know if you know,

which I also heard this about Godfrey from a girl years ago, that he scream comes, when he comes, he goes like, ah! And- Is there something wrong with that? Because I actually do that. That's hilarious. I scream come, but! Ah! And uh. Is there something wrong with that? Ah! I actually do that. That's hilarious. Oh man, hilarious. Ice cream come, but only when I masturbate.

By myself. I know, I've done the, I've done the uh, the let the steam out. What's that? It's like when you're gonna make a noise, but I don't, and then you just go, tss, tss, tss, tss. Like a Javplit.

Yeah, yeah. Tss, tss, tss. Tss, tss, tss. Take it, take it for a Yeah. Take it for a walk. Take it for a walk. I do the, I do this. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Fucking. And then I fall. Lexington Steel, while he's doing his scream come, fires the first shot directly over her head, right onto another jerking off guy's leg, and just his reaction, he just goes,

come on, Lex. It was so, like, genuine. You ever hear Jacob come, it's the same sounds he makes when we do the workout. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ah! Ah! And then he actually says,

Lou, straighten your back. Yeah. Sometimes on those bloopers, you can see, I saw a compilation of a cameraman getting hit over and over. Oh, hit? And he's like, just filming, bro. Like, this is his fucking Vietnam, bro. He has to fucking keep fucking filming, bro, till y'all cut.

And he's fucking, they can't cut, and next thing he's wiping the fucking camera. He's got a helmet and a vest on, this is true. Good shot. That blooper reel should have Creedence Clearwater playing over it. Fortune's like, bing bing. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful.

So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. He's got a helmet and a vest on this crew That blooper real should have Creedence Clearwater playing over it Do you remember points I saw I watched it for when they did the they replicated sitcoms Yes, they did like sitcoms. I got into for a minute. They do all the parodies are so funny parodies That's what they're called the parody ones. Yeah, that's what uh, China found herself and eventually

What was she in people say I talk about China too much in her pornography days, but she was in a Soup that I did an AMA They said they said I bring up China too much. Why would you ever do it? Ask me anything? I had to do a Promote Special. She played the girl that blew Bill Clinton in the movie, right? No, no, oh, maybe. She may have done that, but she played She-Hulk in the superhero one, which is a funny one to play because not only can you not suspend disbelief that this is China, not in fact

She-Hulk, it's that also when you fuck in full green body paint, it starts coming off. So, it's like her pussy looks like the Ultimate Warrior's face after WrestleMania 6. And the guy's dick looks like he got bit by a zombie. Yeah, none of it makes sense. Don't make me angry, you don't like me when I'm angry. Dude, I didn't ask me anything,

and it was just them putting up whale videos. There she is. Oh, god. Yeah. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr She would go on Regis and Kathie Lee and say, I like that I can be an inspiration to all the girls out there. And her life ended with her getting bukkake gang banged in a ring. Oh, oh it's so hot. Everyone watch that Japanese board,

they block the penis, but they're into, I don't know what they're into, like bus groping chicks. So there's videos of just Japanese guys groping school girls in a bus. I don't like the school girl one, bus groping chicks. So there's videos of just Japanese guys groping schoolgirls in a bus. I don't like the schoolgirl one, but there is one of like this blonde girl on a train, glasses, you know what I'm talking about, Lou?

Absolutely. And she's on a thing. You guys talk together? And it's all, I would. And she's on a train and just one guy starts touching her butt and then another guy, and she keeps pushing the hands off, and it just keeps more and more guys

And it's I feel bad watching it. You're disgusting She got paid. I was it was crazy. The Japanese used to be into the art of sharking Sharking was and I don't know how real or not. I think a lot of it was real now Maybe shocking is a different thing. We don't wanna walk in on that. Well let's talk about the fact that this is the early aughts. When the early aughts before, the Girls Gone Wild culture hasn't shifted yet

till we realized what a terrible time the 90s were for ladies. But at the time we were like, don't they all wanna be naked in front of us? Remember that? We should all yell, if we yell show your tits to any lady, you should probably do it, right? What t-shirt contest?

Exactly, that was the culture of the time, for sure. You didn't even have to date him, you just needed plastic beads. Absolutely, but sharking was, they'd run up to a girl just like, you know, walk into her car, leaving work, and just like, just pull her titties out and run off, or like lift her skirt up and pull her panties down

and run off, and the only thing that that is because I think it is fake because I think there'd be bigger reactions than this their reactions to it very much do seem to be like come on now crazy guy out there like just putting their pussies away like a handful talking about Japan though they they make their girls walk ten paces behind them. So they're just like, ugh, another day, another guy. Pull my box out on the street. Yeah, the Japanese guys are like, hey, you take this. Christina, I trust you found a video of sharking. But I know they have vending machines

with soiled underwears that you could buy in Japan. They have what? A vending machine where hot chicks leave their underwears there, and you could buy them. Does it have a picture of the chick with it? Yeah. And it smells just like them. But they also have lo mein. You can get hot lo mein out of a vending machine, too, which is great. you could buy them. Did it have a picture of the chick? Yeah, and it's not just like them But they also have low man you get hot low man out of a vending machine

Yeah, which is great same vending machine Guys underwear with pee on it you could buy it and also Kylie Jenner's cosmetics But we should get a vending machine and sell peed underwear from like from all of us like famous comedians peed underwear Cologne's what isn't sharking. That's not sharking. That's not your fault. That's off the script. It's kind of a library. That's hidden camera.

I don't like hidden camera. I watched, that's the library girl, is the career in my time of doing SDR show, even where like, talking about a career I saw go there, we're have her on, it's like she just got kicked out of school at Oregon University for masturbating in the library on camera We had her on she was brand new when we went to the AVN Awards whatever was two three years ago

Yeah, I mean like they held off like the you know They had to block off people so like they can let her and her people I mean she was like the belle of the ball. Oh damn. Yeah, but I promise you she's all fucked up She told me on a zoom that she would shit on camera for $500. Did you think she's fucked up? Yeah, inside I'm sure. Oh look, there's her mug shot, don't worry. Who's that?

Kendra Sunderland her name is. She's hot. She's a library girl. But she went from masturbating in a library to now doing, and Lou, I apologize for using an industry term, big black cock gang bangs. Yes! And she's great at it.

She said she'd shit on somebody for how much? No, no, no, no, no. She'd shit on camera. She'd shit on camera. For $500. Just take a poop. Yeah. For $500.

I was asked, it was during quarantine, I was asking her on the show, like, what are the craziest requests you're getting? I'm like, OnlyFans now, because you're just at home. And I was like, anybody ask you to shit yet? And she was like, no. She she's like that would be a lot of money a lot of money and I went like how much money and she said $500 and Christine wouldn't Venmo her for me cuz I don't know I tried to have Christine

Venmo or immediately but she didn't so but she's over to ask question would you put that under business or friends or family? Question yeah, what do I use the annex or the chase? How do we play this one here? What little emoji would you use? Did you find the porn bloopers I? There are yeah, I have a little bird friendly fire compilation is Cuz that's that'll be good audio because the guys react for sure. I've seen the one, the porno with the, the, the, they have no torso. No. Yeah, like, like there's a section where like everybody has like porno for people

who don't have no arms or legs or limbs. Oh yeah, amputees and stuff, yeah. Amputee porn, yes. It's a hot chick with no legs, just hanging like this and they swing her. And they never seem to enjoy it. They hang her? Does she have to hold herself up or she has to hold herself up? They never, they also never seem to enjoy it. They hang her? Does she have to hold herself up? She has to hold herself up. And they also never seem to enjoy it.

They just do it. Yeah, they're booked for it, like a thing like, hey, look. People want to see this, so if you wouldn't mind. Do I have to smile at all? No, it's fine. You can just sit there and be legless, really. And just swing? As long as you're legless, honestly, everything's fine.

Like a spider plant on a porch? Yeah. It's just a compilation. Yeah. What is this? Bloopers. Yeah. Porn bloopers. I know.

I'm telling you. Me and Felipe, I think, know all of them. Oh, I don't know this one. Jesus Christ. That looks like you. Oh, new porn bloopers? Those are new ones, eh? I don't know what that is, though.

It's a double-sided dildo. She's gonna fall. Oh, god. Why couldn't they? Oh, Bobby, that's a woman's vagina I know what that is Jay little kind of truth. I say I love the podcast why they why they giggling I don't know but that woman's belly is why I wanted to get fucking stomach tattoos. Why is she okay with that?

What's happening this is better than the porn Joe Rogan I'm gonna tell you something. Can I just say something? If you were attractive to someone as a fetish, because you're riddled with stretch marks and grotesque body, I still would be like, the problem is, I know that there's people, there's girls out there who would not care, my shirt was off and go like, I think you have a good body or something like that.

But it's not them. It's the scrutiny from the people that and go like, I think you have a good body or something like that. But it's not them. It's the scrutiny from the people that will be like, gah! That hits way louder than someone going like, no, come on, you're fine. Yeah, dude. I mean, listen, this is low end porn. Is that Christine?

We're watching low end porn right now. This is not. What is it? This is like really low. You watch high end shit? Well, I mean, you can just. I'm exclusive low end porn. Oh really? Yeah. I like lighting. If there's aend shit. Well, I mean, I'm exclusive low-end porn. Oh really? Yeah, I like if there's a time and date stamp on the bottom I'm in if you if there's a low battery warning happening in the top if it says recording. Yes, you like that?

Absolutely. I don't like I'm telling you know what I go to now is not like the the hot Carmella Bing years or stuff like that It is amateur. It's a lady amateur, but it's I've told you for it's a lady she could be anywhere from gorgeous to Not because it's just a lady at home and her husband filming a bunch of dudes come over to fuck the chick That's the best amateur porn. It's very real Unless it's not real you got to be able to suss that out. No, I need I need the fantasy of it I need a trained I need the story granny. This is the one I was talking about

I mean, let me tell you something dude. I've I have to not watch the loose sent this from his favorites Yeah, dude. I have it blue. I have it. So I have it's hidden in my bookmark secret Cuz that's the one I I go to when I treat myself and I have enough time to make love Oh, she's I do this and I have enough time to make love. I do this. But I watch, dude, this is what I like. It's a slow roll. It takes a long time to get, I mean, she's beautiful.

I'd be skipping ahead a lot. This is a beautiful woman on a train. She's a hair's up, she probably just came from work. Maybe a designer, she has glasses on and she's on a train full of Japanese men It's a it's Bobby is Bobby and black lose favorite pornography Asian guys rape woman on it's not right. It's not right It's not rape. It's not rape. It's not rape. It's not rape. It's not rape. They're groping. Oh, she's oh I get the joke It's late because they're Asians Got it that was good that was good, but don't try to work SNL with that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can't well

I get a shut this off. I can't watch this why I'm getting a genuine boner from a guy Are you gonna friendly fire me? I'm gonna say sorry dude. Don't friendly fire me not on my good national Fire Felipe are they blocking the vagina? Because if they're not, it ain't Japanese. No, they're blocking the penis. They don't have to block the vagina. Okay, they're Japanese. Yes, they do.

They block the penis. Oh, they do? Oh, I didn't know that. I thought they... Sometimes the cum splatters make it outside of the digitization. Did you see the one where there's a Japanese news agent and she's telling her news and she's telling her the weather

and everyone just jerks off on her. And everyone just passing by and just jizzing on her. Yeah, I saw that one. That was like the original. A party raining. That was the original Bukaki video. Jacob, put that in the notes. That was the original Bukaki video.

Type that in, Jacob. Jacob, throw a pop in the thing real quick if you wouldn't mind, if you wouldn't mind for me. What a long point- That's funny, but have you seen the one where they cut to, there's one where a guy pretend to catch a bunch of chicks shoplifting, then the other guy have to have sex with him.

Yeah, or the pawn shop. They bring him in the back? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I watched all that when I had a belief somewhere that it was real. But the Bang Brothers ruined that for me because the Bang Bus. I really thought that was real.

Because the Bang Bus was infuriating. Because it could have been so real until at the end when they go, hey, could you, oh, I dropped a dollar right there. Can you grab that for me? And then they just be like, later, you dumb bitch. And they slam the door and drive off. And you're like, you guys would be in prison if this went. They really pulled a star-vros halkeus.

Bye, bitch. Bye, you stupid bitch. Thanks for fucking me and all my friends, you dumbass. Yeah, that was the ones that made me feel uncomfortable. I like porn where they did bad stuff, and at the end, they were like, this is my wife. And we've always, they gave me the out, where it's like, we've always wanted to fantasize

about a guy coming over from the mafia and attacking my wife. You jerk off to couples therapy? Yeah, I just like at the end, when they kind of break character and go, it's all right. What you just do is okay. We love each other. Bobby jerks off to a guy asking his wife about her day. Instead, no, no, no. It doesn't matter.

Let me hear about your day. Ah! Lex! You know that boogie nights? You know that scene like Bang Buzz where they bring a chicken to the bus? Yeah. In that movie Boogie Nights, when B scene like bang buzz where they bring a chicken to the bus. Yeah in That movie on boogie nights when Burt Reynolds brought in Roller girl And they brought a random guy from the street without the first time somebody did that was somebody were doing that now No, no, so Reynolds in the movie boogie nights. He did a bang bus scene

That was before that way before right now, but that kind of that kind of porn Was around before bang bus that they really they got the idea for as soon as the internet came out That seemed like a pretty quick thing. Yeah, but want to believe that you go cuz hey nice to meet you Want to go fuck me in this guy and like people were like, okay You go it can have this could happen for all of us possibly and then everyone got sexually warped It can't 20 years. It can happen for older gay guys at a park. You're goddamn right it can. At a park, at a McDonald's, at a Starbucks bathroom.

A truck stop. Fucking Bobby's basement. Yeah, man. Wait a minute now. That's what? You ran it out. Son stuck in dryer. Bobby's bathhouse.

You ever watch Son Stuck in Dryer? What? What? I use this a bunch of different names. It goes keyboard search. You know what the stuck porn is not good at, which bums me out, because stuck porn, I kind of like the concept of it.

They're never visually really stuck. You can be, the whole time you're like, oh, she can get out of that. She could totally get out of that. Like I would like the bed to be on her. You know what I mean? When she's under the bed and stuck? Yeah, like they're not stuck.

Oh, because they're stuck in a dryer and they can't get out. Yeah, but yeah. Also, anything point of view I don't like, I don't like someone talking to me behind the screen. I did see one with a window, which actually played, because the window came down and got locked and the mom was stuck and the step-sons came home

and they didn't really like the mom and she was yelling at them and they were like, yeah, we'll help you. And the one went out the other side and the one was on this, and she was yelling at them, and they were like, yeah, we'll help you, and one went out the other side, and the one was on the other side, and she started yelling at them, but she could not get out of that. I can see. And then they fucked her.

They did a bunch of stuff, yes, but. Bobby, you into snuff films or something? I don't see any of these things. Not a snuff film, I mean, she was just stuck. I like a stuck, but I like a real stuck. I like the woman being treated like a piece of garbage by 15 black dicks, but. No, I don't like that. Because she wants that. I don't like that, I'm just saying, if you're a real stuck. I don't want to have to... I like a woman being treated like a piece of garbage by 15 black dicks, but... No, I don't like that.

...because she wants that. I don't like that. I'm just saying if you're gonna do it, I like it to be real. Like, I want you to be stuck. I don't want you to be under a bed where I know you can get out of it. Do you like the ones where they have a girl, like,

chained up and it's just her butt and pussy through a wall and her legs? No, I don't like that. You don't like that? I don't like chained up. I don't't like that? I don't like chained up. I don't like chained up. Did I ever tell you this? I know I've said on the show before,

but I was following, I said, another big thing I love, again, it's the downfall. If someone's done something mainstream and then they go to porn, we're interviewing Farrah Abraham soon. She took a dump on camera, it's crazy. What? Yeah. I didn't even give her 500 bucks.

It wasn't me, It wasn't for me. It was, but that, someone like going from like... Is she coming in here? Something else, I believe so, right? Yeah, next week. She's coming in here, and the girl that... Said she dumped for 500? No, no, no.

Oh. A girl that's already shit on camera. MTV's team mom. She already shit on camera. We watched it, remember? Two foot, a straight unbroken dump. Oh, yeah, that was a long one. Thank you. That was beautiful.

Yeah, it was. Not so much sexy as it was an impressive shit. Yeah, I haven't had ice cream since, but yeah. How could you? No. Certainly not McDonald's ice cream. No. The way that comes out?

Yeah. But there was a girl on, remember VH1 Tool Academy? That shows up for a minute, it was just like, we're taking dude bros and getting to treat their girlfriends better and they bring the girlfriends in at one point and they stay in one place. One of those girls started doing porn. Her name was Cameron Adams. She always kept changing her name, but maybe the last one was Cameron Adams, the girl.

But she wasn't even very pretty. She had a crazy body, but she wasn't even necessarily pretty, but she started doing porn. She did one of those backroom casting couch porns. That was the first one for a while. Then, so I was like, oh shit, I followed her on Twitter because she would post like naked stuff. And it was just the fact that I'm like,

man, this girl was just on VH1, and now she's doing this like with regularity. Then she did one of those like, she started doing like maybe a couple more scenes, and then she ended up doing one of those chained up and 15 guys fuck her and take turns and pass her around kind of thing. Then, like one day she just posted on her, do you remember this story, Jacob?

One day she posted on her Twitter, I don't know why I'm laughing, it's fucked up. She goes, oh God, she goes, another idiot in the industry fucked up, so now we all have to go get tested again, and then three months later three months later her next post She goes I appreciate all of you being so kind during this very difficult. She got AIDS We I watched her get AIDS in one of these scenes Jesus Christ. I know and that's what makes it hot No, that's not I'm kidding about I'm kidding about

It's the downfall Oh my god is also no longer a death sentence Bobby you bigot. I don't even know if that's a downfall there she is She's kind of she no surprise surprise. She's been arrested She looks like She doesn't like Ty Rivera. Wait, was that a picture of the guy who gave her AIDS? Who's that old puppet from back in the day? Remember that?

What was the puppet for the kids? Woody. Howdy Doody. Howdy Doody. She looks like Howdy Doody. Yeah, her body was nuts though. Is that her now? Or she's dead?

Is she dead? What did she get? Oh. Michael. So yeah, guys. Did she get magic AIDS? By the way, So yeah, guys. Did you get magic? By the way, look at this six degrees of Kevin Bacon. The guy on the left played Anthony Weiner

in the parody porn thing. He had unprotected sex with her a few weeks ago who had just been told she has HIV. The scene he did the Mark Weiner parody thing in, that girl Sydney Leathers, that was another one. She was the one that got him in trouble actually. The one he sent the dick pic to and she posted it. And then she was like a, she had worked in politics

or something three days later, full blown pornography. And she was hilarious, she came into it like chubby. She wasn't very hot, she was cute. And she did a scene, but it didn't matter, it was hot because of like, oh my god, this is crazy, this girl's doing this. Then she got in crazy porn shape. No one cared, no one worked her.

Really? Yeah, Amy Fisher did porn, remember her? The Long Island Lolita? Yeah, she did porn. The worst one was Tonya Harding. That was bad though, cause that wasn't made for porn. And she was a blocky, gawky idiot. Like, if you really just saw that female female athlete body come in with her midget ass

Sorry, Jason may have Miller came in and I made that microphone the other day I fixed it. Oh Jacob that was passive aggressive as a motherfucker Jacob. I don't know what you're doing right now The way just cranked it up like that. It was fixed. I. Damn, dude. I mean, you're doing unnecessary shit right now. Dude, Jacob's all wound up seeing all this fat pussy on the screen. Dude, you're all worked up with fat pussy today, dude. Jacob, don't put a blanket over your legs. There's women in the room.

Yeah. Confusing everybody. There's no way you're cold. He's very, very cold. Dude, you know what I saw today that was terrible? Maybe he's sad. Yeah? I'm not really sad today. A gray sky? He's very, very cold. Dude, you know what I saw today that was terrible? Maybe he's sad. Yeah, whatever. Not really sad today.

A gray sky? No, it was sadder than that. It was worse than that. It was worse than that. A gay sky? No, that's actually not, that's not sad. That would be nice. We did the photos today.

We did a photo shoot for the show. Brand new photos. We all had to pick our photos. We did. And I'm going through all the show. Brand new photos, we all had to pick our photos. We did. And I'm going through all the photos, and they had solos of me, and they had the group shot, and they had me and Jay to promote the show. And some solos of me.

Bonfire, Serious XM, Faction Talk, me, the great Jay. Big joke, is it? And I went through your solos, dude. It's the saddest shit I've ever seen. Buddy, your... I don't know what the fuck's going on behind your eyes, dude. Christine, can you please bring up... I don't know what's happening, dude. I almost cro- dude. I fucking was like concerned.

At this fo- It's your solo shot. And the sadness in your eyes. It's like I just got AIDS after I told everybody I was gonna go get a stupid test. Buddy, it is fucking... Look at this. Just go to the first one. This is the first one. I mean, zoom in. Buddy. It's like you lost all your band members in a plane accident and you survived. This looks like...

I'm the last of Papa Roach. This looks like... Like Stain broke up. This looks like you just got to... Can we... I'm telling you what we should do with this picture right now. This is ours now, we have this. And like where are they now? You have to caption contest this.

We didn't submit this to Jim. This is one of the rejected ones. I'm saying we have to like, this this you have to We didn't submit this to Jim. This is one of the reject I'm saying we have to like this has to be captioning people caption this looks like two years ago and Dan called you Comic that was about to headline when you show you show up. There's two headliners Yeah, oh, dude. We don't fuck you Roger Paul I'm still gonna get the money though right like the money will still be this looks like when you found out you a feature for me Middle you're middle you're milling up in Niagara Falls, buddy. What? What is going through The saddest eyes I see?

Little Jay on his stomach back in Philly on a hot day with no AC and a little bit of snacks left, but a lot of TV to go. Like a look of when a comic lady takes off with a magician comic. What the fuck dude? I don't know, but you have to let people caption this picture. This is when you said, What the fuck dude? I don't know, but you have to let people caption this picture.

Fuck yeah. When you said, Ham, I'm thinking of getting in the house, do you want to come with me? And Christine said, yeah. Buddy, this is the saddest one. What the fuck? Everyone! He's so sad. But that's a different photo.

Every shot. This is a rejected pile. Of course it's rejected. What do you think? That's a different photo this every shot. This is a rejected pile Rejected anything where we do an ads for a funeral home These are the pain behind the smile. I mean there is talking behind Are there any good ones? Yeah, we got a couple good ones a few but I mean the first few dude was sad as shit I've ever seen it was depressing it made I had to take a break dude. I had to go pray Jesus hates taking pictures and that studio setting like you ended up loosening him up a bit Oh, yeah, I mean jerking you off really helped

Jerking you off and taking it on the face and getting the poison out. Yeah, really Jacob I'd like to show you that the only other person wearing a blanket over their lap is a lady. You're dressing late. What is that, please? Look at your smile. You have Joe Coy teeth in this one. I don't know. Go back to that one.

I mean, dude, go back to the teeth one. Me? Yes, I'm getting hackers. Right there, right there. Look, dude, holy shit. Look at my new choppers. Joe Coy hackers. Go back to the other one.

Go back to the choppers. Where's the choppers? Dude, what the fuck, right here. Well, not that one. It was the other one. There it is right there. Go to that one. Hey, check these suckers out.

I just got these brand new babies. I got a new house, a new truck, and new choppers. My name's Jerry, big Jerry Ogre. You know what they got from the guy from the Cooking Channel. Fieri. Guy Fiero. Guy Fuego. Buddy, you.

You know, you do a Takis commercial. For Frito Lay. Takis. Oh shit man, wow. I mean, you loosen up a little bit, but then you go back to sad again. You go right back to sad. I didn't want to take any of these.

Wow. That was a good one. You should get that one. The one looking to the left. Oh, look it, there you go. This. That one. That one's good.

Now go back to the one right after it. He goes right back to his childhood, right there. Zooming on that fucking sad puss. My dad was eating by a bear when I was a little kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were camping there. That fucking sad puss my dad was eating my bear when I was We're camping mom's upstairs with another cop my dad said I want to buy some there's just another room This is the day my dad went to go buy candles and never came back And you do see the three lighters in your pocket by the way.

You know how much it sucks to not have a lighter when you need it. Buddy, my god, what is that one? Go back to that one. What are you thinking about? Not that one, next one. Right there. What are you thinking about? Should I fuck this big black chick or not?

Is that, should I eat the whole ham or should I eat half of it now and half later? Save some for now. Carrot salad or no carrot salad? Buddy, your first few photos are the saddest things. I almost cried. Dawn walked in, she goes, what's wrong? I go, look. And she was like, what's wrong with him? What's wrong? Oh, buddy.

Half what people captured, it'll be funny. Oh, that first one. The first one is the sadness in you. Sad, shit. You're all sad. I had to go through it. It'll be funny. Oh that first one the first one is Shit you're all sad. I had to go through it. I My desk in my five minutes in silence you what just I just stared at it in silence for five minutes in my apartment like Just sad about life What were you wearing because of me? Yeah, buddy. You made everybody's so much pain in that face. Buddy, look at that thing.

It's like, zoom in again. God, how long is this rock cruise? They just took West Side Story off Broadway? I also called Christine and Bobby and said, go open photo one. Buddy, I called Jacob, I was like, dude, is Jay all right like we captured something on these fucking That one should be like in black and white with the post. It was Christmas evening Jay's solo is the exact name. It's just you're just a set now look go to go to black Lou took solos this guy should be in this guy should be fucking modeling

everything look at this adorable what is black Lou needs solos for I know his own show I don't know dude I don't know he just jumped in and took some solos. That's bad shit crazy. Why is he? You gotta go to black Lou's solo, though. Lou just got some free professional pictures. He only got $10. Look how cute he is. He's like doing like a Sears and Robocatalog.

Sears and Robocatalog? There's Friday on Fox show. Remember that one? That was old as hell, you could say. That's some old shit. That was before. That's like a Strawberges thing. That was before The Wiz.

Nobody beats The Wiz. In these, you just did, like you did Elvis lip. Yeah. Serious. They look like you're not used to your teeth yet on those ones. Yeah. Go zoom in on that one.

Zoom in. Hey, here now. Hey, I'm Big J. Welcome to the Bump Fire. Now, this is Bobby Kelly. He replaced Dan Soder. But everything's good, baby. Baby, don't worry about it. Everything's going to be horror.. Now this is Bobby Kelly he replaced Dan Soto but everything's good baby baby don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be horror. Yeah this is DJ Lou he's good on the board now and then we got my Memphis Mafia down there Jacob and Christine I'm a I'm a I love that woman more than anything. Bobby has to put a makeup on. I mean I

mean I mean I really took a good photo yeah but. But Black Lou, holy shit. You and Lou always know how to pose, Bobby. I mean, Black Lou's beat me. He stepped in and took six slamming shots. I say we manage him and get him work. Just make him a picture? Yeah, make him do clothes for Target. I was there when he...

Look at that. Before you guys got there. Can I just jump in now? No, I was there. I was there. he... Look at that. Before you guys got there, can I just jump in now? No, I was there. I was there. I just did. You were there, you were in. I was there and then she goes, all right, who was next?

And he goes, I'm next. I jumped in and I'm looking at the photos, I'm like, goddamn, this guy's good looking. And then you popped in and gave us your whole sad childhood through your eyes. I mean, God. Yeah, I want people to experience me well We have to put that as a contest competition or a caption contest caption contest winner will get

What does the winner get a hug? Actual property there's a picture you'll get a signed sad photo of Jay One sign sad pic one size if we could do, if we could print that out, I'll send a signed pic to whoever wins the caption. Yeah, and you'll write a sad poem on it. Yeah, and I will also write a sad poem on it. We gotta take a break. That's right. Felipe's new special, Raging Fool, streaming right now on Netflix.