The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Friendship Trades (w/ Chris DiStefano, Shuli Egar & Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

Chris DiStefano joins the show and the guys discuss which male celibates their moms would give it up for. Shuli Egar & Mike Finoia are in studio and talk about a comic that refuses to play a club that is featuring Louis C.K. a week later. Shannon, producer for Jay’s podcast wants to date a prisoner & DJ Lou tells his on jail story to impress her. 

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Ocasin. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM95 or on demand on the Serious XM app.

Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Hey everyone, it's Jacob from the Bond Fire. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the PI himself, Mr. Tom Selik. Enjoy. Who could bang your mom? That's a fun new game on the bond. We're heckin' have a Christ the Steffanau. Dude, my mom is like such a devout Catholic woman, doesn't even utter a curse, but if you put a picture of Tom Selik up, she would be like, I will suck his fucking cock. She'll lose it.

To Tom Selik. Come on. That might be the trifecta. Tell me Terry's not in the Tom. I know for a fact. Absolutely. Trish would run through me like a wet paper towel to get Tom Sella. I could be dying of like a food poisoning or like choking my mom.

And if Tom Sella was like, why are you coming out to my car and throw me a heedra beach my mom and like, Dan, well, you had a good life. You had a good life. He stayed handsome. Hey, Tom. Yeah, Tom Tom. Selic stays one my mom just flexor being to blue blood You know what blue blood is and you get an older mature Don Walberg and not yeah, Tom Selic on blue bloods is the cinematics for moms. Yeah, asked Bluebloods is the cinematics for moms. Yeah, hast. Menopause. Absolutely.

Like when women go past menopause, they watch bluebloods the way young teenage boys used to watch cinematics. Really. Oh God, I hope there's some stability. Yeah. I hope, you know, Tom, if Tom selectes like a really stable man thing.

Oh my God, I imagine my mom just, yeah, sitting down in like her cloud pajamas with her doxan, Larry, just getting hot flashes, watching blueblood. Oh my God, I imagine my mom just sitting down in like her cloud pajamas with my with her docks and Larry just getting hot flashes watching I imagine Trish having to get up for a refill of a martini. Yeah in between a commercial breaks moving Riley and Oreo Guys move I need to get a refill. Oh, yeah, with the middle finger And she's like she does dig her eyes out the screen. She goes hmm Still looks good after all these years. Oh, that's stash, it really does. Tom, she's a mom.

That thing fell, Kroes, right into a mom bush. If I was a punk band, I would name an album your mom wants the fuck Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck, yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah, you do. Just him showing up at any guy, any of our moms house. How you doing?

My car broke down. Tom Selleck. Do you want if I use the phone? Oh, you know, Tom Sellick. Do you want if I use the phone? Oh. Oh, you know who's another one? You know who's another one that moms want to fucking, my mom wants that absolutely bang out Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell. Oh, yeah.

Kurt Russell. Good one. I'm talking to Tango and Cash Kurt Russell. I mean, all of it. All of it. You watch that and go backwards. Yeah, she wants to fuck Kurt Russell. Big trouble little China

I know as no one eight four four coming nine no one's called in to say who's gonna who they think would fuck their mom Yeah, Rod Brooks, Rod Brooks our buddy that you meant San Francisco. He did his radio show Huh, you did Ross. Yeah, yeah, he texted me and he said my mom's would have thrown me in a river to fuck Teddy Pentegras Yeah, yeah, but that's the black one that's the black mom's Eric is life ended in a wheelchair so she could have got him by the Oh yeah, she could have ran him down. Yeah, she stood in front of him. If she threw you in the river for that rod she just wanted to throw you in the river and she goes, but I get an excuse. I went everyone's parents to turn on the bed. Look at Teddy Pendergrass. Yeah, but it wasn't about even as looks it was

the voice. Oh yeah, that was my soul. Yeah. Jamal home. No, my mom's not. I thought that was him. Hey, what's up, Jay? Tell me around. Can you make me a plate to bring home after I bust off in your mom. You've been working all hard at that. No, your son's playing. Video game. Turn the TV up. Or you're gonna hear your mom getting fucked hard. Let's do it in the shower so the kid can't hear. Ha ha ha ha ha. You hear it?

What's up? Ha ha ha ha. What's going on with your son's big head? Does he have some kind of superhero in? He's like this. Can he feel our presence in his brain? You got any Oreos or Pringles? I'm wondering who else is on the list?

Boshette, Pendergrass, Russell, Alex. Solex number one. Yeah, solex number one. My mom has been vocal about, and my auntie and I lean, they want, they've always wanted to have, I've three some with Michael Bolton. You're Michael Bolton. He's's number one. Yeah, so number one, my mom has been vocal about and my aunt and I, and they want, they've always wanted to have a, I'm three some with Michael Bolton. You Michael Bolton.

He's another big one, but again, Selic is one. I'll tell you, I won that win for my mom, 70s, 80s, 90s, and now Kenny Lorgans. Mm-hmm. Buddy, I saw a billboard for Kenny Lorgans. Let me tell you right now. Right now. No, no, no wash it off. He did it.

I'm telling you, he went cat face. He is cat face. Oh, that's sad. Look at Kenny Loggins now. No, there's the picture, actually. Oh, Kenny. Come on, Ken. It's odd looking.

Did your mom ever get remarried? No, no, but she had like two long-term boyfriends. Did you like him? I liked the one I didn't like, the one why I lent my friends dad. He was long term. They dated for like five years and then he started dating a woman who lived directly across the street. So he dumped my mom.

I was like 17 when they got dumped. And this is in Brooklyn. This is in Brooklyn, literally directly across the street. Like I'm talking about like the house across the street, he started dating that woman in there and it like broke my mother's heart. Yeah, my mom, I'm that. Did you talk to your friend about it?

We like, what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, it was like everybody, he was just a dick anyway. Like nobody's really friends with her. And there's always a dick so is his dad. So my dad one time came to pick me up, take me to a basketball tournament and my mom was sitting in a chair looking out the window like weeping, you know, like, and he was like, what's wrong with

your mother? And I was like, you know, he broke, he could gym broke up with her. And he was like, well, what do you do anything about it? And I was like, what? Like I'm the kid. And he was, and he was like, I was playing video games. And he was like, I'm going to go get bagels. And then he rang the bell, and then all of a sudden I hear my mother yelling, Christ, stop, Tony, what are you doing? And my dad had him like up against like the steps and was like shaking him because my dad and then my dad came back and it was like a whole thing.

The police were called but like nothing happened. And my dad came back and he was like, you can't have your mother cryin' like that. You should've taken care of that yourself. Wow. And I was like, having a dad? Yeah. That sounds awesome.

And I was just like, I get it. And then we went to Staten Island and he was like, look dad. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Yeah, and I was just like, I get it. And then we went to Staten Island and he was like, look, I'm starting to done that. And he's like, you know, there's always the same story of my dad. He would do something he wasn't supposed to do. And then, but it's really just because he loved me and then he would explain to me on the ride

how I should not do like what he told, what he just did. Fucking shook. Shook him, he pushed him around a little bit. He like scared him and he was like, look, you know, you can't date this lady anymore. And then I never saw the guy again, none of us ever saw him again. I mean, he's okay, but I think you stop dating that woman.

That's crazy. And my mom, what a weird way to break up with a woman, you go, a man threatened me. Yeah. What was that? I got threatened by a man. He's my ex. Yeah, my ex is ex told me that if I keep dating you,

he's gonna cut my cock off. I was afraid. So, I like my dick. Yeah, so that's what's crazy. Yeah you he's gonna cut my cock off. I was afraid. So I like my dick. Yeah, so that was crazy. Yeah, that's what happened. Oh man. Yeah, and then I was telling you my dad apparently, this is before I was born or maybe my mom was pregnant with me,

Dan Acroid was in central, they were laying in the park and laying on the grass in central park. My mom and my dad and Dan Acroid apparently allegedly came by and roller blades were a skateboard. And like my dad was like went to go take a piss behind a tree or something like that. He had stopped and was like hitting on my mom. What?

Yeah, my dad. Are roller skates the rubber stopper down? Yeah, my mom said like my dad was like close to getting an Acroid's face. How fucking awesome that be if I was like, yeah, my dad punched Dan Acroid. If you're Dan Acroid, beat the shit out of my dad. On roller skates. On roller skates. I mean, if a ghost ghostbuster takes out your dad while wearing roller skates, is your father a ghost? Dr. Detroit. Dr. That's like my dad's just legit friends with Ozzy Smith.

Really? The like the wizard. The wizard. He's just legit friends with him now because I went, I played in like in 2014, like the celebrity softball game for MLB all-star games. Yeah, the show. I had the show. So I first of. So I, first of all, I was getting batting tips from, in the batting cage, from Ricky Henderson, and Ricky Henderson was speaking in the third person. He's like, Ricky Henderson, keep it away back. Because guess who dated Ricky Henderson's niece? You did.

This guy. So you know, he's third person. Guess who met Ricky Henderson at his house. This guy. Guess who learned what third person was because of that meeting. This guy. So it was so weird.

So confusing. But then I went over three in softball, so it's like extremely embarrassing. I popped out to the catcher. And it was like Kevin Malar was the catcher and he was like, man, he said something stupid. I was like, fuck you. Kevin Malar?

Yes, well, he was actually a nice guy. But anyway, on the bus home, I was just getting ripped. Like my dad was like, I'm embarrassed. I want to take the letters off the bank. I had Jersey. And Ozzie Smith was like dying laughing. That's so good. And because he, you know, Ozzy Smith and my dad are

from the same generation. So like they had coffee the next morning and like hang out. What's crazy? They, high on my- You still do a backflip? He looked like he could have, I mean, he was in great shape. And then Andre Dawson, the hawk.

Dude! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What a great fucking head. He was rapping the Marlins in the World Series for some reason But I'll start game, but yeah, yeah Yeah, he was he was one of the original four marons when they became around in 1993 Ricky Henderson

Ozzy Smith and the hawk all like my dad was like in the back of the bus with them that is fucking Fuck me. See what happened to dad does for you Hello, everyone. This is DJ Lou on Wednesday our guests were Mike Fenoya and the one and only Shule from The Howard Stern Show. Everyone in the room had a very strong reaction to a story that came out recently about a comic who refused to play a comedy club after he heard that Louis CK would be performing there a week later. Enjoy! We're hanging out Mike Fenoya and Shule A guard today. Shule's double album, Shule G, comes out Friday 27th. I just heard from Jacob on the commercial break that a comic in Pittsburgh was opening

for Louis. They switched weekends on to describe the story from what I understand. Not only in his opening for somebody else. It's not even that. He was scheduled to open for somebody the second week of February, and then Lou, we got booked for like the fourth week of February. And so he wasn't even like he was booked to open

for Lou, it was just a matter of. He said, I won't work a club that worked. I don't want to work a club that works Lou, I Jesus. All right, I love it. All right, that's fucking crazy. That's your profession. I understood, listen man, you don't want to work with the guy.

I would even, that's your prerogative, right? You don't want to work with the guy. I would even, that's your prerogative. You don't want it, I'm seriously not going to take the announcement is because this is exactly the only reason he did it and how stupid, sucker-wucking-tick-notaro is to eat that ship. I guess we're going to read the Tick-notaro, like reached out to him and he got you. What happened? So he put it out on Facebook and- Because he wants to be a hero for everybody. Right.

Right. Right. And by the way, you can completely do this in silence. You can completely do this in silence. Go like, are you working with Lucy? Can't you know what? Thanks. Thanks, Pittsburgh. In fact, what more comics would respect you more if you didn't fucking go out and blast? This is like when an open-microquit's comedy and an outs is it? I think it's a little time for me to walk away. It's too toxic. It's starting it. Oh, you couldn't find it. What do you mean you think maybe doing an entire Netflix special and the hook being your

quitting comedy and the quitting comedy? Well, it's genius. Oh, yeah, that is genius. Man, it sounds cool. Only I fucking. If only I looked exactly like me, but was a woman. January 24, 2009 is my seven year. Oh my god. He's a seven year comic from Pittsburgh

and Bryan was a festival, but it also it's name is John Dick winners. Yeah, and I think you could. I think he put it on Facebook first, but this is also it's like an open letter to the Pittsburgh current. And so these are the comments from Facebook. You self-righteous knob. You make a bigger second Rear he's just screaming to anyone that will listen right anyone like your style sir. She dug it herself Yeah, I like your style sir. Sorry. I was looking in the mirror. What's this John Dick winner story? The girl Emily that comments on tigs thing of I like your style sir is exactly What happens in this situation where

she wrote, did this really just happen? Because TIG books him. He TIG writes, I like your style, sir. He writes, appreciate that. She writes, to make up for your gig, why don't you come open for me in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on 316. No travel, no hotel. No hotel.

No hotel. No hotel. No hotel. No hotel. No hotel. No hotel. No hotel., I'd love that. Thank you. And then two comments later, those so much, can't talk about parents, far too, if you have, if you have anything about fields, please keep it out. I got a whole bit about it.

But this girl writes, did that really just happen? Congrats for being a great stand up and a stand up guy. So now it's not about if he's good at stand up. Now, now he's called great at stand up because he did something that this person agrees with. This is her pinning a metal on. Yeah, being like every body. You're really good.

I bet it's not really good. I bet he's not great at stand up. I'm gonna off from the open for me and be like, you just gotta be cool with my, just if you can do me fair, don't talk about Parkland because I have a big piece about that. But I mean, Chris Stevens saying he's been trying to get in this club for a while.

And so now he finally gets a chance. And I guarantee you he wouldn't have done well with this fucking club. He's in all got he needs now he's going to kill no matter what at this show because her fans are aware of this. Oh man, they're going to they're going to carry them off like Rudy. Yeah, they're like, you're going to get it. I don't know. He's going to say, no, let me carry on. When I watch stand up, that loses my interest to 10 minutes through and then I just because of my point 20 minutes later, I say that that was inspiring. That's good comment.

That's great comment. When I watch it for 10 minutes, I go, oh, I know this guy's trick. It's pop pop pop pop pop pop. My guess would be, well, he's a seven year comic. So he's probably like, I don't know how strong or not. But he's not strong enough that he, if you're stirring this up, it's not because you're ready for your, your shot. This, you're trying to get some sort of a shortcut here to do this. And again, you could do it all quietly. That's what's so fucking gross about

it. You just do it. You could go, yeah, you know, I'd rather not be on a show with that. I think the louder you are with shit like this it it just reflects on how few opportunities you truly have exactly how many how few stages he can probably go up and perform at Pittsburgh and so now here we go notice me here i am i'm a comic according you the same comical yet the same comic that would have jumped at the chance to work with louis of course if it if it got him the same amount of love, it's such bullshit.

That guy would let Louis jerk off on him for a fucking opening spot. If he didn't think telling Louis, I'm not going to work in a club. If he didn't think telling the world that wouldn't like. I'm reading a little bit of this and there's like an air of like he lets you know that he's progressive. At every all. Yeah, at every chance he gets is like the sentence, what I considered funny seven years ago compared to day is worlds apart. That's not true for me I find you know I'll find Dave Chappelle's killing them softly. Oh, yeah I did in 2000 bill burlettico will let it go one of the greatest stand-up hours of all time

Yeah, well, you're not so deals Patrice on eels elephant in the room is one of the greatest stand-up specials of all time to say That you've learned lessons and you're not your comedy's different is such a self-master-batory thing. I only do jokes where people don't get hurt because jokes to me are about healing. I figured it out. I'm better than all of you.

I figured it out. Because he says what I considered funny seven years ago to compare to today is worlds apart. When I started I was crude, fall aggressive, and most importantly importantly not very funny. I'd say the F word freely. I'm talking about fuck by the way. I did a number of problematic things. I honestly don't recall if I ever wrote a rape joke but 100% defended those who did under the guise of anything can be joked about. That was

then much has changed and been changed from 24 2012. Again, that's the problem. The problem is the world's changing year, doing some weird fake adaptation to it. Because if you used to that and it didn't work for you, you know, I mean, it didn't work because right, he's right. The most important part he's right about is he probably wasn't funny at all. Exactly. Maybe two or three years in, I was getting very serious about stand-up. I had started doing some DIY touring in bars, bar garages the original living room.

Who's he fixing up shit? Hold on. Hold on. That's great. Finoia skip ahead. Well, I found one sentence right here. He said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he's not only told me that I'd never work clubs.

Not because I wasn't funny enough, but because I was too alt or I was too punk. That's what it is. Yeah, I forget that he worded it basically saying I was too outside of the mainstream Of stand-up club and what do we do this for before he goes? Yeah, they won't be worked They said it's like no one could follow me so they probably Are you going to JFL this year he goes now? They were like they are they think I've got to give somebody else a chance I told you about Carellins for lose or remember how I told you Caroline's passed on me for a weekend a year and a half ago?

Well, I found out it was because of two dangerous, and they said that my comedy warps brains, and they said that... You remember the movie, Nate? They said that my audience is too huge and rabid. Like, they want it so much that they go nuts. Now, let me get to the real reason I'm writing this. About two weeks ago, I booked not one,

but two club for pay and MC and feature work Go bananas, which I love in Cincinnati and the improper here in Pittsburgh Seven years, but hey, I'm just about happy for the opportunity. I was going to MC for comedian Pete Lee February 14th The 17th I was elated for about a week just a few days after being booked They announced that Louis CK would be their January 24th and 25th What a great stand of versory present. I assume the sarcasm is obvious but for the uninformed one thing I take incredibly seriously as someone who books upwards of 200 shows a year at my own venue and comedy festival is

not working with people who are fucking creeps and there are a lot of them out there. Let me tell you here it is this is the grandstanding as a straight white guy who has some power in my field. I take my roles in Ally seriously. I want my shows to be a comfortable place for women, POC, LGBTQ, and anyone else to perform. I just guys are riot. In the past, I've shut down shows, band comedians, and stood my ground as far as drawing a line

the sand-consuming who I will and will not work with. Okay, cool, man. Just fucking... Why don't you jot down a funny thing in the middle of this? Why don't you, like, if you're gonna write this thing about my open letter to this thing like why I'm at doing this for Louis Like make it a funny article and see yeah, fuck that sleaze bag and yeah, I mean make use funny words Yeah, whatever. This is just you would have to be funny. This is so much back slapping. It's like Just being like and then I realized that you know what? Dirt wasn't gonna clean up itself. I'm gonna clean it up

So I started booking and you know what I got pretty good and you're gonna book Louis in a club And it's like that takes me back to junior college. I sucked a guy's dick once. I don't even care I did okay. I wanted to see what the other sides like I want to know what everyone's pain is 300 isn't worth it for me to be a hippocrystalline. I just read that too. Yeah, I just read that to Lucien Ozzel. what is what's the number? Everybody's got one Number you turn to have funny. I got news every dudes gay if it means tax free. I mean if they I mean the book ends the movie you go Thursday Sunday

That's easy. No, I know. Do I do I do a door split? I really do anything wrong. I mean he asked and they wrote back to go you know it was 300 hours per show to Anything wrong and he asked I they wrote back to go you know it was 300 hours per show to Anyone's I tried to stay on my ground something and I nearly buckle at the end I was Roger Waters was covered in perform and I'm like if you semantic I'm huge fan of Roger Waters Pink Floyd my wife is her birthday was coming up. He's doing the wall. I'm like I'm gonna get his tickets I go to a guy here never ask for tickets for anything here I ask him he fucking says no problem. I'll hook you up Roger Waters comes in to do some town hall thing shits on Israel for like two hours straight even went into it

Was like I'm not talking music just politics. They're like Reviews like yes And so I'm listening this and I'm like legitimately bomb them like sad and I and I call my wife And I'm like man, I'm bomb this fucking guy just shit all over his yet my life because you know what? I don't want to go she's like I'm not coming you got family there I got you we're not doing this. I'm like you sure so yeah, so I go up to the guys off some like listen I'm backing out. I don't want to take it. He's like, why? And that fucking guy shit on Israel for now.

I'm like, I'm not doing it. I don't want to support that. He goes, fuck man, I got such good seats. No! There you go. How you go? But he was stuff. And he goes, dude, you were on the wall.

Yeah. How cool. What? I got you. Not only that, but he was gonna use the opportunity to say that there should be no wall between Palestine and Israel. That's the kind of wall. I got you seats in the flying pig.

I literally said, where exactly are the seats? Well, he's like, do you want them or not? I go, nah, nah. You didn't want to find out. I start to finish. I'm going to look my wife in the eyes after this. I mean, that's, you know, I understand you're standing up for that. Maybe this is this guy's thing where he's like I don't want to perform

But I was stupid I'm gonna get the wall again. You don't have to show what that idiot thinks about it It's true. I have to announce it to the world. He doesn't affect Israel in any way And you know I get back at him. I don't buy his music anymore. I watch for free on YouTube You have to be watching for free, but it's the same thing like I don't I don't think Louis as of anywhere near the villain they're making him for this stuff he's done. That's my personal opinion. It will be cut and dry. I'm not doing a show. I can't do a radio show.

You're right, Julie. You know what? Good job, Louis. You just extinguish the bonfire. I just I have $400. I'll do it. I don't think I think it's cut and and dry decision if he did something physical to somebody or Restrain somebody, but I don't think that's the case from what I understand so I don't my judgment on that

I'm like, but I do think it's weird and odd and something I would never do and I hold all those opinions I'm like, ah, he shouldn't have done that. That's a weird so weird thing to do man It's an odd thing and it makes people uncomfortable and I get all of that And then they're like Louis on stage. I'm like, oh let's go pop and watch Louie's set for a while. And they go, you could still watch him and go, yeah, cause I don't agree, yeah, he's in some weird shit. He goes, I don't give a fuck, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does it, what does, what does it, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what does, what, does, what does, what does, what does revealed that Shannon, his producer from another podcast, who everyone fawns over, is corresponding with a prisoner. This led to everyone telling their own jail stories, and DJ Liu had a doozy to tell. As you know, we were talking about Shannon from gas digital as getting ready. She went on a website to start talking to prisoners.

It's making Jacob furious. Ooh, yeah. I mean, I don't think I would have a shot even if she wasn't into prisoners. No, you're right. But that is not anything that's not a negative to you. That is she is specific. What's your type? Two felonies in a misdemeanor? Yes, but like meathead. She wants like meathead. Are these pictures of her on Shiprock right now? Oh, she must have. Because she's on Shiprock. She's probably just getting fucking squat thrusted in the sniz. She's gonna limp off that boat. Yeah, just her and Ralph, huh? Her and old big head. Her and Ralph, her and an old couple.

She does not know how to get down. Jacob Shannon there, pretty Shannon. I think no sex for in there? Pretty Shannon? I think no sex for nine months and before that it was two years. She went on a drought. I don't know what her pickingness is. That's what it was. It was a pickingness or was that just her going on a on a hiatus for some reason? No, it's just a picking ness. I can't find a part and she keeps claiming nobody wants to fuck, but that's just insanity. That is complete insanity. Everybody wants to fuck her. Jacob, of course he'd make this happen. Black Lou, DJ Lou, Christine, have you hung with her? Have you spent some time?

I know, jail time. Can't impress her anyway. Did you ever get to impress her? Did you ever get to impress her? Did you ever get to impress her? Did you ever get to impress her? Did you ever get to impress her? You can start putting Instagram videos to her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that?

Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that?

Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that?

Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her that? Did you ever get to impress her neck? Tell her you came here from Future Prison? That'll loober up. Future Prison. I saw an old Instagram post and I knew I had to come back to the year 2019 to be with you. Oh, and that drought.

Knocked down that dance. That's Shannon. Nice girl too. Really nice girl. That's a super talented board op and producer for the No Disrespect podcast on guest originals. Someone's trying to put the video. Wow.

Look at Lou listen. Listen, Lou listen. Someone knows it. Someone knows it naturally looks like a prisoner. Oh, rest. DJ Lou, you're not the kind of prisoner she wants though. She wants the guy I said doing like the body dips. You're the bin there for a while explaining

everybody how it goes, prisoner. Alpha, alpha, alpha, alpha ties in books in the prison library. Look, the bin there for a while, explain everybody how it goes, prisoner. Alpha, alpha, alpha, alpha, ties in books in the prison library. Look, you keep your head down, you keep your nose clean. I can get you an extra cupcake if you ask. I'm Brooks who hangs himself in trust. I'd say teach a class maybe in engineering. You need cigarettes. I got cigarettes, but they're my cigarettes. Hey, if God you think they got that you do They might think could be your thing you keep your head down you learn to love white bread and you move forward

Hi, man, Chris you're really laying on that tit picture of shadow. All right, we get it. You're in there. No Consent of the game shot Wow Yeah, yeah, damn now we're talking thick Noise she was a bartender before she took over as what what does she do again? She's still bartender, but she's a producer and board off of the shit No disrespect show on the guest digital. What what have you done? Why do you have this background knowledge? I'm a big fan of the show and a huge fan of Shannon I'm a big fan of Shannon. She invited me fan of Shannon. I'm a big fan of Shannon.

She invited me on her show, which is called The Thing Is. Fuck. Why, you're on it? It was. No, but he's like trying to fuck her too. I mean, you guys have, you guys have work in common to talk about too. You know, you guys can talk boards and levels and that's a question. Compression. The engineering days. And I spent the three days in central booking once. Oh, dude Really did you three days fresh fish fresh? Yeah, how do you do let me guess public drunkenness ding ding ding? Yeah It was it was driving while impaired That was impaired. Yeah, I mean, it's a why we were in your drinking my patch driving well Driving well cool.

Try and want Pear to go, why did you make a bet that you can drive home in a straight jacket? Did your steam punk pairs go coming out of the room? Did you have a separated shoulder like Mel Gibson and lethal weapon? I'm prepared. Like, sorry, let me just handle this for you.

Gah, oh, gah! I spent about four hours. Four to five hours. It's in our hometown. They busted up a Cag party. In New Haven? North. North New Haven?

Yeah, they busted up a Cag party. And we all had to go sit and they brought us, they brought them Dunkin' Donuts. Oh heck. Everybody got a bear claw and a coffee. I thought, it's a jail. It's not jail. It was in the tomb.

It was like, Mayberry. It was pretty ridiculous. I got in the three physical situations in not jail. It's not jail. It was in the tomb. It was like, Mayberry. It was pretty ridiculous. I got in the three physical situations in 17 hours. It was a nightmare. Frozen Bologna, right? Frozen Bologna, while two of them were over Frozen Bologna, the other one was over giving a guy, trying to get me to give him my watch.

And I held my ground. I held my ground nice. Stand your ground, Law. Fuck, jail. I traded my B baloney sandwiches for friendships You gave your baloney sandwich to become somebody's bitch Come here sandwich. Yeah, you look. I like the wording on that Traded baloney sandwiches for friendship. It's not how that works

You owe that guy now that's the most amigo thing ever says. That's the biggest black dude in there. And, uh, right. Exactly. If you were there for another day, you would have had the suckers dick because you would have had no more baloney sandwiches to give. Give me some of that baloney. He's like, he'll be like,

you're right, Lou, you need that baloney sandwich. Uh, I guess just suck my dick will be even. You'll be like, nah, nah, bud, you could, uh, you know, I'll give you my baloney sandwich. He goes nah, too late for that. I don't know where you're from, but friends don't do that. Now I'm gonna give you my baloney sandwich. It's not too like that. I don't know where you're from But friends don't do that now. I'm gonna give you my baloney sandwich No, you're all cheeks give me a big hug and sit see on the outside

That means you he's gonna find you on the outside you out you owe him a fucking dick suck Look you should have got me 20 years ago when I was hot He doesn't give a shit about that. It's a softness. You're beautiful mouth. Yeah, nothing about that's changed Now you got big fat lady flabby butt cheeks. That's a softness to your beautiful mouth. Nothing's about that's changed. Now you got big fat lady, flabby butt cheeks. Get all your teeth. Well, you got the beautiful baby blues staring up over his unkempt prison muff. You could cigarette Lougie onto his balls.

Oh, yeah. You really have done time. Some Ricola juice. I hope you like smoking new ports because that's all you're gonna get for that sweet ass amount of years. I know, because they smoked crack out of the new ports. Okay. I'll never forget that smell keep that clean shave though They don't like no fucking stubble hitting them in the nut sack. Do you ever write this in a letter to Eddie Vetter?

Why take it make a song out of it? Yeah Three days in the ship Train blown if first Friendship. Who's my friendship sandwich? A Polonie sandwich for friendship. I traded a Bologna sandwich for friendship as the best wording of frighteningly

gave my Bologna sandwich to a bigger guy. Star for three days. When I picture this Bologna sandwich, it's a piece of white bread, maybe two pieces of Bologna and another piece of white bread. But this isn't deli Bologna. We're talking Oscar Meyer of white bread, maybe two pieces of bologna, another piece of white bread. But this isn't deli bologna. We're talking like Oscar Meyer, like a real hank of bologna. Henry of bologna. That is just grotesque.

Bologna comes in a wet bag. And they give you a chocolate milk, which I thought was weird. But I mean, some people were taking it like they were just getting handed S cargo. Jail sushi. Yeah, a guy pulled out a handkerchief and tucked it in his neck of a shirt. Wow. Lou, did you eat when you were in the clink? No, you had, but you had tons of friends. You were starving, but nonstop conversation.

No, but I trust Fald all through lunch. And at one point, I cried like the fact I ain't a show shank. You couldn't take it anymore? I couldn't take it anymore. I put my face up against the bars and said, I'm not supposed to be here. Do you mind as well? After you said that, just lick your palm

and ran it up your ass crack. Because you're gonna want to loob up for what was that, loo, loo. We all feel that way. As a white man behind bars, that's how you feel. But you're not supposed to say that. In fact, you're supposed to make it look like you do belong there.

You gotta eat those. You should've just ate your tears. That would've filled you up. You think I wanna fight people that are comfortable in a jail cell? I didn't, but at some point you're like You think I want to fight people that are comfortable in a jail cell? I didn't, but at some point you're like, well, they're not gonna let me die in the holding cell, are they?

You might have to take a shot to the chops or two to let people know I might have to go to sleep at some point, please don't attack me. Wow. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio. Series XM 95 or on demand on the Series XM app.

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