The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Fruit Salad with Jim Norton

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

The great Jim Norton fills in for Big Jay and gets to reminisce with his old chum Bobby. Jim talks about his past sex addiction and possible Autism. Bob has something awful happen to him at SiriusXM security and it ruins his day. Jacob and Black Lou are trying to solve the case and figure out what happened to poor Bobby. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly What's up everybody it's The Opie and Anthony show you don't realize how long that show that song is and see you're actually playing it your intro and getting anxious like oh Every morning I heard that for years. And then it would follow, I think, with the guy from Enough of This Pallaver.

Yeah. That guy, they had great intros. It was great, everybody, what's up? It's the Bonfire. It's me, Robert Kelly, with the great Jim Norton. Hi, Bob. From the Opie and Anthony show, and now the Jim and Sam show.

Yeah. How come not Sam and Jim? Was that a discussion? That may didn't need to be. I mean, we threw the names in a hat and just naturally Jim fell on top. I mean, come on. He usually falls on bottom, which is very ironic.

And I even said that. I even said that as he was shoving it in my hiney. Oh God. It's all right, he's tiny, didn't hurt. He is a little tiny man. Little twink. With a beard. Yeah. Welcome everybody. We're in the studio. He is a little tiny man. Little twink. With a beard. Yeah.

Welcome everybody. We're in the studio. I'm a little flustered. I'm a little flustered. Jake, your smile is just infuriating. Respectfully. I'm gonna calm you, respectfully. Let me tell you what doesn't calm me.

Your smirk doesn't calm me. Your smirk doesn't calm me. And I just let everybody know, Big J is out today, but we're all here and Jim Norton's here and Christine is a little late. Isn't that convenient? She's late and I checked in downstairs like I always do. I lost my ID again because we're moving.

We moved and the house is in disarray, so you put something down and then it's somewhere else. Dawn will move it and it's somewhere else. And then. Why don't you have one of these Bobby? What? Why don't you have like a building ID? I have a building ID Jim.

Sure. I lost it in my house. Oh that's what you lost when you were moving. Cause this is so convenient. I know it's convenient. Swipe right through, bang. I understand how it works. Yeah, yeah, I love it. I loved it too. Clip it right through, bing. I understand how it works.

I love it. I loved it too. Clip it right into your pants. Clips. And I put it on the kitchen table last Wednesday when I come home. Sure. And now I went on the road and now it's,

cause she cleans, she's been cleaning, little pockets of. Good woman. She is a good woman. Yeah. And she cleans. And I'm like, where's my ID? I don't know, where'd you put it?

And I go, it's on the kitchen table. It's not on the kitchen table. So we got into a huge fight, and I'm looking for this ID through all this bullshit in the house. We've been living in the basement for a month, not supposed to happen, but we're still there, as they finish the upstairs.

And I can't find my ID, but that's okay, because my name's in the system. I'm in the system. So I go downstairs, I check in, which I don't find my ID, but that's okay, because my name's in the system. I'm in the system. So I go downstairs, I check in, which I don't like to do, because I just got my brand new ID, because I lost it a month ago. And you don't want to have to wait in line again.

It's always long lines down there. Don't want to wait in the line. Slow. But I do, I walk in, there's a lady in front of me, the guy downstairs, who's a nice guy, I know him. He literally, while he's dealing with her, says, ID, with that little hand gesture. They hold up the ID.

Almost like when you want to check from the waiter and you do the little pen thing in the air. Writing in midair, yep. Writing in midair. He did the ID version of that. And I was like, oh. So I slid my ID over to him. He was on the phone.

And then I noticed when she was leaving, he handed her an ID. It was my ID. And I had said, I said right there, I go, can I have my ID? He goes, give me one sec, you're good. And I went, I'm good, okay, so he must have my ID down there. But that was my ID that I saw.

So this lady took my ID. And then I'm like, where's my ID? He goes, you didn't give me ID. I go, I gave you my ID. And then I'm like, where's my ID? He goes, you didn't give me ID. I go, I gave you my ID. I 100% give you my ID. I know that I slid, you gave me the ID symbol. You gave me the pantomime ID thing. And then I slid, he goes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

At least he remembered. He didn't remember, he accused me of not giving it to him. And then when I said you gave me the pantomime here He remembered the pantomime and then he's looking for it. He goes I go you gave it to that lady So now I'm like, we'll get my ID and they're like, we'll get it for you I'm like, but I want it now. I know who she is. Okay, great. You know who she is Great go get it and they're like, well, what she said she doesn't have it She has it, she has it.

Do you know, by the way, do you know what an ugly woman that must be if she just glanced at your ID and goes, yeah, that's me? That poor husband who has to fuck that beast? Maybe she had, maybe she had, maybe she recovered from cancer a few years ago, and that was her ID for. Unfuckable monstrosity on the elevator,

everybody else gets off. That is just, you know, at this moment I don't need this. And then I came up here and I relied on the crew, this, Jacob and Black Lou. They were all over it. Jacob's like, I'll go down. He has his little, his Yellowstone jacket on. Yeah.

He's got his little five o'clock gray shadow. He's got his glasses on, he's very composed. Plus, Black Lou's right behind him backing it up. Sure. They're gonna get my ID. And then they come back up, and what'd you say to me, Jacob? We're working on it.

The woman, they know the woman. Yep. You want me to get to the other part? The other part, Jacob. Can you please? No, no, no. This is what you said. I know.

I know you don't have it, but can you please check that you don't have it? Please double check so I can say. Double check. I triple checked downstairs. Yeah. What do you think? I didn't check.

I think you still have it and you don't realize you have it. Jacob and I both think that. There's nothing worse than you in the studio when stuff like this happens. I was watching it happen before, Jacob just wanted you to check. He didn't say you have it, he was just like,

you close all doors before you go down. Listen, first of all, that's fine if he led with that, but he didn't. He led with, dude, I know they took it, I believe you. But, but, can you please just double check all your pockets? And then he said, places you wouldn't normally put stuff. Where's that? Where would I normally not put my stuff? I would never put my license in my back pocket, but if I'm flustered, I'm trying to get up,

I'll just, like, maybe put it in a pocket you would never use before. Behind your balls. No. It's a place you probably wouldn't put your license. I didn't put it behind a pocket you would never use before. Behind your balls. No. It's a place you probably wouldn't put your license. I didn't put it behind my balls, Jim. I checked every... Now I pat myself down again, and you have this little smirk on. Now I know.

It's 100% I could say, I watched him frisk himself. He doesn't have it. And then you... So you're doing this for yourself, downstairs. That's what you're doing it for. To let them know, I was there. He checked everything. He doesn't have it. And then you, so you're doing this for yourself, for downstairs. That's what you're doing it for. To let them know I was there, he checked everything, he doesn't have it. So the people that already checked everything in front of twice downstairs, you wanted me to do it a third time? Okay, I wasn't downstairs, so yes.

Okay. Well, I told you I checked. And I believed you. Maybe you didn't check well enough. That's the definition of not believing me. He thinks that your lack of thoroughness is the real issue here. I believe that you checked. Like I said, I just have to check off all the boxes.

It's done now. I checked off all the boxes. I checked downstairs. I believe you. The guy gave my ID to a random woman. I know who the woman is and they're going to get it from her. I guarantee you I don't get my ID to a random woman. And I know who the woman is, and they're going to get it from her. I guarantee you I don't get my ID. Well, I'm not gonna say that now.

You're not gonna say what? That you're not gonna get your ID. I'm a glass half full person. What? I'm really not, but I'm saying this now. I'll tell you what's not in the glass, driver's license. Yeah. That's it.

No. So you're not drinking licensed it's gone I don't want to do I don't like it you and I said I have to travel and she goes we have a passport That's not the fuck what kind of a shit answer is that you have a passport? I'm renting a car I can't drive with a passport. I can't if I get pulled over driving my car without my license. I'm fucked They took my license Jacob. I know how serious it is. I don't think you do. I do.

I don't think this is very serious. You need a license. We need a license in this one. Yeah. You're not full. You're not complete unless you have a license. No, I'm not legally able to drive. Yes.

It's not about being full. Tell her this is your new license. See, I just got this. I dropped my last one when I was running from some pedal hunters with video cameras. It's not about being full. Tell her this is your new license. See, I just got this. I dropped my last one when I was running from some pedo hunters with video cameras. I'm gonna try to get the security footage also. What is this, Vegas?

Just go. To so that the woman, we could say, hey, lady, you have it. And then what if she says I don't? What are you gonna do then? Talk shit, she has it. And then what? I don't, prove it.

We did prove it. We have the footage of her taking your license. And then what are you gonna do? I'll fuck her up. Whoa. Wow. I mean, all right. Good boy.

There you go. I like that. How are you gonna do that? What are you gonna do? I break her kneecaps. Nice, all right, good boy. Yeah. There you go. I like that. How are you going to do that? What are you going to do? I break her kneecaps. Nice. All right. Good. You heard it here first. I always go for the kneecaps. If I don't get...

First of all, she was very tall. That's why you go for the... And she... Not after that. And she was hot. Ah, nice. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you're going to...

So you're telling me a woman who probably wouldn't have gone out with me. That's more motivation. Okay. Good. Yeah. That's more motivation. OK, good. Yeah. She's very tall and smoking hot. She's done good. I'm trying to I'm trying to get you a woman who would have rejected me

has your license. Yes. That's what I'm OK. So I need to know. Yeah. Unbelievable. The same motivation to get this Norman Bates. Anyways, god damn it. Isn't it weird that we... You've been coming for how long? How long you been here?

Serious? October will be 20 years. I'm dead serious. Oh, sorry. Hey. Come on, Bob, we spell it different. 20 years? October will be 20 years. 20 years you've been coming to this facility. facility. Well, it was XM at first, but I think 2006 or whatever we started coming here, 2007. But 2004 was satellite.

I was thinking about it the other day when we used to go to XM, how radio has changed so much compared to when we first, the first day in XM, when we went there, I believe was the Whiffle Ball Bat Challenge. Maybe, but they did that back at NEW too. Which is even nuttier that they did that on regular FM radio. You can't do anything like that. No, we couldn't, after a while, like, you couldn't have,

I think once we came over here to this building, we couldn't do the home shopping spree, you couldn't have any anchor girls in the studio. Like it just, it became too corporate and all that stuff was out the window. Yeah, it's not like you guys did anything to make rules. Like you guys stepped over the boundaries. Well, that was part of the gig.

Nobody came in here not knowing what they were coming into. You knew what you were walking into. If you came, you were a fucking adult, you volunteered. It was nuts, dude. I mean, I actually went home the first day after doing Opie and Anthony, and with the Whiffleball Bad Challenge, and I went home, and she's like, how was it?

And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, she makes you wanna play baseball. It made me wanna go become a priest. It was terrible. But when you're in it, when you went into the studio, there was something about, there was something, I don't know what it was, it was like animalistic took over. Like the deepest, darkest part of your soul

just was like, yeah. I remember. Oh, any W you all picked. Oh God, dude. There was naked girls all the time. All the time, and any W especially. I mean, look at that. That's, first of all, who comes up with a challenge,

the Wiffle Ball Battle? I think they got it from Motley Crue, actually. That was from Motley Crue. Really? It was before my time, I came in, it was already there, and I was grateful to see it. It is a, dude, I went home that day, and I was kind of ashamed.

I went home a couple times, kind of ashamed of myself. No, I went home that day and I was kind of ashamed. I went home a couple times kind of ashamed of myself. No, I did. Went home proud, called my mother. You did? Yeah, you know, I'm on a thing you do. This radio show does it too. You know you don't have to use a wooden bat. It was, you never, there's nothing you did on that show

that you regretted. No, no. No, I mean, I'm talking to a guy Who's I don't give a fuck. No, it was all about being funny and being entertaining like, you know, there was nothing Was there anything I regretted any if I did it would have been an argument or something or something I said Like if I shit on somebody that I wound up knowing them after that happened a couple of times I would attack people and then fucking become friends with them

and go like, ugh, like feel bad about it. Like, false? No, I said people. But no, man, it was all, it was being funny. It's like, we entertained a fucking very difficult audience to entertain. So no, I never, some of the fucking biggest laughs I'll ever have in my life are on that show.

I'll never do anything funnier. I'll never be a part of anything funnier, so no, I love it. Isn't it weird that we were part of what's going on now, with Rogan and Kill Tony and all that? We did that shit 10 years ago. Yes, but they're doing it smarter, and they're doing it on a bigger scale.

We didn't have, I'm so dumb not to have gotten involved in podcasting when it started. I don't even know if I could have, I can't now, but. Oh no, I did and it still didn't work out for me. I wish I had. I mean, Marron used to come in and use our production studio. Rogan used to run for free on our channel. And this is how dumb people in management are.

He just didn't want commercials in it. He goes, just don't put commercials on my show and they're like, oh we got to run commercials Just so then he pulled a show like they had Rogan for nothing and they just and they blew it. Yeah, it's crazy But these cameras are driving me cry. I love these fucking things. You like these they're tiny. Yeah, I told I told you about I had No idea. No, I told you I didn't listen. Why you called me busy. Actually, this is the problem with you Can I tell you the problem with you? Sure. I blink a lot. No, I've side listen. Why? You called me busy. Actually, this is the problem with you. Can I tell you the problem with you? Sure. I blink a lot.

No. I have side fat. Yeah, no, yes. Tits. Yes. There's a lot of problems with you. I'm melancholy. Yeah.

This is the problem with you, dude. You've called me twice about these cameras, and I've told you about the cameras twice, and I've gone into detail. I told you where to get them. I told you how much they were. They look like little pinheads. Little tackhead cameras. It looks like little yous.

They do look like little me, except they're something. Can you make the base fatter? Those are great. How much are they a piece? Yeah, you're you with an extra battery pack. These are awesome. I told you how much they are. They're $600 a piece.

What are they called? Just tell me. You might have told me. Osmo. DJI Osmo 3 Pocket. You get them right up the street. Oh, I know, I have DJI's, I didn't have the Osmo. You don't have the, I told you, the new ones has face tracking and has low light. Is that this?

Yes, it's, no. And does it come with the little stands? Yeah, it comes with the little stands. I'm getting them. But you said that to me. I lied. You didn't lie, you don't listen. I forgot. You don said that to me. I lied. You didn't lie. You don't listen.

I forgot. You don't, let me tell you something. How was it checking in today? They took my license. Oh no. Do you think you have, I think you have ADHD or something. Of course. But you have something, you have a little autism in you.

You know, it's possible. I don't know. You know, I know if I'm not expecting someone to hold know, it's possible. I don't know. I know if I'm not expecting someone to hold my hand, they do ice scream. This is me. I hope that they had it, but she put it in the paper shredder. Who is that? Is that you?

No, my phone's always off. I'm a professional too. Whose phone was that? You. Hi, Christine. Christine always off, Bob. I'm a professional too. Whose phone was that? Um, you, hi Christine, Christine's here. Christine. Did you go downstairs and talk to him about my ID? No, Jacob said he was going to talk to you. Okay, well, I wish you did it. Let's put it that way.

Wow, those are great. I wish you did it. Those are such cool cameras. It's ongoing. Can you just wait? They give great picture, right? Great video? 4K?

Oh my God, what are you talking about? You've had this conversation to me. I forget, Bob. It was a week ago. I know, but last week was crazy. It's not crazy. I went to my doctor. Yeah.

You think I have a little bit of tism? It's possible, I don't deny. It's 100%. Really, what kind? Tell me why. You have the ism of tism. You'll call me up, ask me about the cameras. You literally called me, asked me about,

I told you about them, I gave you all the details about them, here's the problem with you too, is that you'll fuck with me with technology, you always have, you've made fun of me when I go and I get the newest and greatest. Like you fucked with me with the iPad. Yes I did. You fucked with me with the iPhone.

I did. You told me the iPhone's stupid. And the Bandelier, I was right about the Bandelier with the iPhone. I did. You told me the iPhone's stupid. And the bandolier, I was right about the bandolier. No you weren't, because I still have, everybody's wearing slings now. Everybody wears slings, slings are in. And I did it 10 years before anybody, and you fucked me.

You fucked with me about Twitter. But that's, You fucked with me about Twitter. You told me Twitter's stupid. I was right. It turns out, years later, look at this. I was right, it sucks. So wait, what was he, what was he saying?

Tell me about the autism. He might be right. I don't think so, but I don't deny it either. You can't keep eye contact. It's because I blink a lot. I can, but it feels, you know why I don't all the time? Because it feels intense and unnecessary. But I can keep eye contact.

But when you talk to somebody, you're not listening. You're thinking of something else. So wait, am I autistic or are you dull? I think a little, it's probably a little hint of both. You can't make a dish without a bunch of spices, so you probably, I probably do have the... Don't give me a medical diagnosis, because people, your whole audience is autistic.

No, but you might be right. You know, I wonder too, if there's a little bit, but not necessarily because of the eye contact, because I do make it, but you might be right. You know, I wonder too if there's a little bit, but not necessarily because of the eye contact, because I do make it, but it feels intense sometimes and I don't need it. It's more like for touch, like which either means I was fumbled with when I was a kid, but I don't like unwanted touch.

Like I've told this story before, I was with this, I was seeing this girl, and she was beautiful and I really liked her, but we were holding hands one time, we were in a store, and she kept holding my hand, but I didn't want my hand held at the moment. Because you paid for her. Exactly, it's like the money rolled up,

I was gonna try to throw her a little tip, like fucking good fellas. Daddy, why are you holding my hand? Well, some for you. And she didn't understand that I didn't want my hand held, and the visceral hatred that I developed for her. I broke up with a girl for that. There was a girl I used to see from overseas,

let's just say, and she came to New York and we'd have a great time and she was rubbing my leg at the cellar and I remember wanting to break her arm and I'm like, I can't date her anymore. I fucking hate her guts. I think there's a guy, I felt that with Dawn and I love Dawn.

But late at night, if she rolls over and puts her arm over me I can take around 20 seconds of it and then I'm like yeah, it starts to burn my skin I just don't want to cuddle when I'm sleeping It's like how do you what's the allotted amount of time you wait before you take her arm and just slide it off of you? Before she gets it around me. I literally I can feel the wind of the arm coming down and I block with an elbow Roll over, bitch. You're taking Jiu-Jitsu now?

Yeah, exactly, to keep her fucking big arms off me. Hate it. I don't mind a little cuddle before bed, but if I'm in bed, fucking just don't touch me. I don't wanna be touched. Yeah, I don't know. I don't like it. I don't think any of you guys likes that too much. Some guys can fall asleep like that, though.

I can't. Yeah, I'll cuddle with Dawn for a, we'll do the little spoon thing for a minute and then goodbye. The problem is when your wife doesn't want you to touch, if I touch Dawn once in a while, she'll like kick me off her. Oh, all right. Which, you know, that's pretty much the end of the relationship.

It's hurtful. Oh, we're on the end, we're on the end. We had to put Max's bed, we bought him this bed, fucking dumb bob had to get him the tech bed. Yeah, for sure. Lights, it has lights on it. You could hook a speaker up and the lights go with the song,

it has plugs in it, all this shit, and then it came in 7,000 pieces, and me and her had to put it together last night into the morning, we had to wake up this morning, and it's just, you know, just her not listening to me, me not listening to her, and then it was just, you know, fucking trying to snap, we were snapping at each other.

Max came in at one point and was like, guys, can you stop arguing? And I was like, well, you don't have to deal with this woman. That's what I wanted to say. You can't, though. No, you can't say that. I can't, but he actually talked back to her the other day, and it sounded like me, and she got mad.

I was like, good for you, dude. I'll take her shit. I'm so happy. He called me yesterday. I go, where are you? I was in, I was on Saturday. He goes, I'm at the pizza place getting a slice of pizza. And I'm like, I thought your mom was cooking. He goes, yeah, she's cooking fried rice.

It looked like shit. So I'm down here eating pizza. Don't tell her. I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah, good. I have a nice bond with Max. We have nice secrets and it really bums Dawn out. But whatever, I don't care. No, it's good to have that.

He should be able to go to his dad. Now it's pizza, 10 years from now, it's like, hey, look, she sent you to get her period. You want him to come to you with these, that all starts with pizza. If he gets gold, don't fucking tell me that, then he'll never tell you anything. You know, pizza's a good start.

Do you, can I ask you a personal question? Go ahead, Bob, whatever you got. That's what I'm here for. Do you miss vagina? Sure. Do you like miss? Miss pussy, yes. Cause you're married now.

Yes. You're married to a beautiful trans woman. Oh, thank you, yeah, she's a delight. Love Nikki, Love Nikki. And she makes songs about you now. Do you like those songs? No. No, I don't.

Let's just stop. Let's just think about it. Because, look it, that's creativity. You never know where they're gonna go. Yeah, I do. I hope one becomes a hit song in Japan. It's just a tour. I would like that too, actually. Get right out of the house. I can probably hit song in Japan. It's just a tour. I would I would like that to actually get right at the house I can like jerk off in peace

You don't like the songs another nice. I mean, I like what she does in Norwegian. She sings in Norwegian I actually enjoy when she does it right? Yeah, no, I want her to be creative and do what she what she likes. But do I miss pussy? Yes, I'd of course I do but again if I was married to a woman with a pussy I would still miss everyone else's. I would just have one. I'm literally, I'm only one pussy away from where I was supposed to be. Yeah, but it's...

One pussy off. It's nine inches away. Yeah, well, you know, we sacrifice. But some things are worth the trade. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, sure, I miss, but when I'm with somebody, you miss the hunt, you miss the high, you miss the, this is what you miss.

That fucking knock at the door of a hooker or of going to someone's house. I miss doing that, I miss knocking, and I miss like walking up the steps. All of the ritualistic stuff outside of it, I miss all of it. It's terrifying. It it. It's terrifying. It is.

It's terrifying when somebody knocks at your door, because I did all that stuff back in the day, and having to have somebody come to your hotel room while you going to their house, and having to go up, ring a call from down the street, get the exact address, ring the buzzer, walk up the stairway,

hopefully another comedian isn't living in the same building as you're walking up. Hey, what's up, dude? Hey, I just wanted to come over and see you wanted to write. You know what I mean? And then some lady opens up, hey, daddy. And then you knock on that, then you go into some dark room, candles lit.

Now, it would be worse now. You're good to get out of the game. Because I feel like back then there was no cameras. Everybody is filming now, I'm convinced of it. I mean, I've seen stuff where it's like guys are being filmed and they don't even know they're being filmed. Yep.

And that would be the worst if you go in there and they got cameras rolling. Well, you're right, again, technically it's illegal to do it, but it doesn't matter if you're embarrassed and you fuck up your relationship. Even if it's illegal and she gets in trouble, it's still, your relationship's ruined. Yeah, and plus, I have tattoos that you can definitely,

I have a bonfire tattoo. Yeah. Like it wasn't me, really? There's another fat bald guy with a bonfire tattoo. I just thought it was that fucking lady who has your ID. Yeah, no, I do think of that a lot, the cameras, because they're all so small and they just kind of go, they're chargers and you can hide them away.

So I have thought of that. I haven't fucked around. We broke up, we dated from, I was really good from 2017 into 2018 and then we broke up for six months and I saw a bunch of girls I hadn't seen in a long time. Which escorts, yeah.

Right back to the bar now? No, well yeah, yeah, but also, you know, the trans girls, I went on a fucking, I was getting three escorts a night in LA, I was suicidal. How much is Sirius paying you? It was crazy. I could do one escort a month.

Yeah, but let's be honest, I wasn't going, I was doing the ones that you could do three in a night and it's not a problem. Yeah, you were doing the ones that you could do three in the night It's not a problem You do the ones that look like Jacob yeah, these were not these were not fucking you know Lear jet girls Sorry dad. I'm time to shave yeah Yeah, yeah, oh giant Jersey lovely But I was on a fucking

depressed Horrible run right and then we got back in like February of 2019, and I haven't since then. It's like, it's the longest period of my life. So all the filming and stuff that would be happening, like all of these people with little cameras, you're right. I think of it all the time, like whenever I want to go and do it. Uh, and if you're trying not to cheat,

you know what I recommend? We have each other on our phones. Like, you track your location, because I know that I can't get too deep into the fantasy of going up here, because I know she can see where I am. Right. So it's a good way to prevent me,

like, from even getting to that thought. Why were you in the meatpacking district for three hours? 100%. I dropped something. You went around the block 411 times. Fuck the meat meat packing district. They really ruined it. That used to be a great place.

I tell you, can you remember the story with you and me? Which one? I was coming back from Jersey, shit gig in Jersey with this, I don't know, open mic, he was MCing for me. And we're at a light in the meat packing, we came through the Holland Tunnel, and all of a sudden we seen this trans woman coming up,

I mean, black dude, just a dude, walking up and he was like, does Jim Norton really go with trans girls? And I looked to my left and guess who was in a nice silver satin trying to wave over Fred. And I went, I swear to God, does that answer your question? I mean, it was, and I went, Norton, and you just went, vroom, and your little satin,

you pushed the pedal to the metal, you just heard the engine just vroom. I saw Vosted at one time too, he was just going, I think going to the Holland, but yeah, that was the place, man. That was the fucking spot for a year. I did that, we got kicked off the air, and like, we got thrown off of August of

02 and I drove around like we were doing tough crowd So like I wouldn't have to get up to like 11 or 12 right if I was if I was on the show that day So I was driving around all fucking night to like 5 in the morning. It was so dysfunctional. I would pick up sometimes I wouldn't pick up I go home. I'd order a fruit salad from a diner right down the street perfect salad You can have a salad with some prep on it. And... They call the old Jimmy salad. It's coming in to get his T-cells high.

Yeah, it's a hot dog with cottage cheese on the end. Give me a jacket. Shut the hell up. But yeah, those were fun days, man. Even though it was depressing at times, there was a lot of fun times. But it was very dysfunctional. I didn't realize how dysfunctional it was until I looked back on it and go, I was up all night. And I would go to bed at 5.

Doing nights like even when I had series, we'd have to be on the air at six a.m. I'd fucking, I would have girls coming over, like up until midnight I would have them come over and try to be in bed by one or 1.30 to get up at five. It was crazy. Well I remember when you were moving out of your house, and I just moved to the city back from L.A. with Dawn,

and we got the doorman building on 53rd between 10th and 11th, and you were asking me about it, probably not listening, much like the Osmo cameras. And, uh... Those are great, by the way. How much are they? I know they're great. Shut the fuck, I get it.

I can't stand you. And I remember I was like, you're like, where is it? And I go, it's on 43rd, it's pretty crazy. I go, there's a doorman building, it's laundry, it's got a gym, and I was like, and the, the Gmail boss right across the street, I think you moved in a week later. Oh, it was called Edelweiss.

Edelweiss. And I had to pretend I wasn't aware of it. What place is that? I had to pretend that my fucking GPS didn't just take me there. And that's before GPS, my car just knew. All right, you mo'giddon. You had a gay transformer car.

I only went in there. Let's go over to Edelweiss. I only went into Edelweiss one time, or twice in my life. I never hung out in there, and it closed not too long after. But yeah, that was the bar. It was right by that diner. The Market Diner, which is like one of the only diners in New York that had parking, which is crazy.

That's right. And right down next door. And late at night, if you went to the Market Diner, it was all the trans girls would come in with their dates. Usually a bunch of guys that were all, you know, roided out. And that Hess station on the corner. And down in the Meatpacking District,

there was that little horrible hotel where they would all take their, I never did that. Like I was into the car, but I was always worried about locations. But they had that little shit motel, like that Liberty Motel or whatever it was called You always see girls and their John's coming out of that place. I went into the Edelweiss once

I went in with Edelweiss Edelweiss German. Yes. All right, see easy. Yeah, you said Edelweiss whatever I'm not Edelweiss Edelweiss it comes out of your mouth so easily sure goes in better. I Went in there with Pete Corelli one night. We always talked about going there. One night we were at the Baggot Inn. Oh, ironic. You signed, you spelled wrong. And he's like, Corelli, you know, he used to get fucking hammered. And he's like, let's do it.

I'm like, what? Let's go to the bar. So we went in, walked down, and look, Corelli's a gorgeous guy, good-looking guy. And he walked in, and some girl, I'm talking, Spanish girl with a mesh dress and just G-string underwear and high heels on, walks right up to him, starts whispering in his ear,

and he's got a beer, he's smoking a cigarette. I'm off over here, some other girl's whispering in my ear, and I'm just, I'm looking at him. He walks over and he goes, we gotta go. And I I'm like we just got here. He goes we gotta go I go why he goes cuz I'm gonna suck his dick He walked out and he went back believe Not this thing, uh-huh I guess I got a New Orleans, I'm never into locations. I'm never into going to places like these.

I went to, one time I went to one, it was like this trans show bar, and I left my ID there. I left my fucking wallet there. And I actually went back, I had gotten a lap dance, and it had fallen out of my pocket, and I went into the back room and it was there. It was still there in my fucking wallet.

So I knew she didn't take it out. Right. Well, the whole process of like, because I know there was something wrong with me, sexually, when I was a kid, because not only was I cheating back in the day, I was cheating with girls, but I was also cheating with prostitutes.

Sure. Which is, then it's also cheating with prostitutes. Sure. Which is, then it's something else. Now it's the hunt. It's the finding the right one, making the call, getting there, exchange of the money. It's dark. Yeah, it's ritualistic. As soon as you're done, you're like, what the fuck did I do? And then you leave and you gotta go home and you have that feeling of, it's almost satisfaction but shame.

Yeah. At the same time. It's the same thing. Satisfaction, shame, it's two feelings fighting it out and you're trying to justify it in your head somehow. And it was terrifying, every time it was terrifying. It was, but that feeling of the door opening and there's a woman in lingerie and she's like, hi, and she had that peek of her of the door opening, and there's a woman in lingerie, and she's like, hi, and she had that peek of her

out the door, and then you walk into the apartment, and everything's cool, and it's just gonna be what you want. That smells like dog shit. Sometimes the dogs would get a little crazy. There's nothing worse than when they have a small animal. When you show up and there's more than one cat, or there's a little dog, oh, she, oh, she's okay, she's okay. Yeah, it was fucking annoying.

You just smell animal shit. I miss it. Yeah, I don't. I miss that life. But again, I miss unhealthy stuff. If I quit doing cocaine in my 50s, I mean, I quit when I was young, but I would miss that.

Or sometimes I'll miss a cigarette. I just, you miss the unhealthy Because you forget like oh, yeah, I was really depressed. I was saying I was miserable like I love my wife Like I have fun with her. We have a good time being she drives me crazy She's playing her fucking shit music loud I wanted to throw a fucking computer off the balcony, and I'm so cranky cuz I hate I've never hated anything More than Facebook on the back end of Facebook, it's fucking disgustingly impossible.

There's always a fucking problem and I'm livid. And she knows I'm livid and she's drunk and she comes in filming me. I'm like, stop fucking making content. I'm so angry. So there are times where being barriers are painting the balls for both of us. Yeah, I don't even follow Dawn on any social media.

She doesn't do any social media. I think she posted 10 years ago. She doesn't want anything to do. She's such an old-school I'm married to an old-school broad. Yeah, just like her mom She not she has wants nothing to do with it And then here I am fucking you know trying to capture some moment You know, it's funny too cuz you one of my favorite episodes of of ONA is when you assimilated and you became British. Why did I do that? Ozzy. Oh, my moment, yeah, yeah. It was, I'm going to the gym eating butter.

Yeah, but it was more of in Scottish, I sounded talking to a British guy. Cause I'm an assimilator. Yeah. I'm a hundred percent assimilator. I was just so, I literally listened back to that and I was more in shock, like I couldn't believe he recognized I had lost.

I just, I couldn't believe Ozzy recognized me and realized, oh yeah, this guy was fatter last time. Like it meant that I was in his head somewhere. Why is that the best feeling in the world? When somebody, when somebody, dude, I, when somebody recognizes you and they're like, man, you look so, you lost weight. There's, I mean, there's not, I,

sex doesn't compare to that feeling of being recognized, being thinner. By someone you like, yeah. Because basically we feel like we're nothing, and in most cases we're correct, we're zeros. But when somebody that we like likes us too, it's like, all right, well, there is, it's almost like a tangible check,

like, hey, this job is going pretty good. Like, the fact that this guy knows me and he likes me, like, hey, I'm doing something, like, it feels good. So you decided to become British? It came, it just happened briefly. It never happened again, but it did happen for a second. Scott was Irish, wasn't British. What did you say again?

Going to the gym, eating better. It just slipped out. Happens. You turned into Conor McGregor. I did. Yeah, I used to go to the gym, eating better. I got a great bit out. It happens. You turned into Conor McGregor. I did. You know, I used to go on to the Jimmy & The Better. I got a great bit out of that, too. I was so happy you called me out on it.

It was wonderful. It was. I mean, dude, it's... Fucking dude doesn't know who he is. Dude, I've done it so... I did it last week. We went to the San Gennaro feast in Yorktown Heights. First of all, I love where I live.

I love it. You have more than your own location? I love where I live now. It is exactly the type of life I wanted for my family. Do you take the train in or do you drive? Last week we took the train in. We walked down to the train from a house. It's like a 10 minute walk.

Went over, got a cup of iced coffee, some scones, right at the little bakery, and with the pride flag out. That's the only bakery I'll go to now. Unless it has a pride flag, I'm not going. Absolutely. You know how they're going to give you the crullers. Wow. All right.

Shove in the ass joke, it happens. I just think lesbians make the best pastries and breads, and we jump right on the train. 50 minutes into the city, Grand Central, walked around, jumped back on the train. I had to go do skanks because Lewis is a bully, but they jumped on the train, walked home. I love it.

But they have all that. Was that with Matt Serra? He says hello, by the way. I love Matt Serra. He loves you, too. He's love it. But they have all that. Was that with Matt Serra? He says hello, by the way. I love Matt Serra. He loves you too. He was the best. But yeah, it was Matt Serra. But the thing is, they have all the stuff

that I grew up with in Boston. An abusive stepfather. You walk in for a donut and some guy calls you a worthless piece of shit and slaps you in the face. Here you go, fatso. You walk in for a donut and some guy calls you a worthless piece of shit and slaps you in the face. Ha ha ha ha. Here you go, Fatso. Ha ha ha ha. Have another queen amon, you pussy.

Ha ha ha ha. No, they have the neighborhood stuff where they do stuff. Where I lived before, they don't have that shit. And in the city, it's just chaotic. It's always a shit fest. Yeah. You go to a parade in New York, it's a nightmare. You're gonna, you know, they take it too far. But I like that small town vibe.

And we went to Yorktown House of the San Gennaro. Oh, I saw a video of that, I think. We had the fucking best time, but the problem is... Hold on, was Max throwing darts? Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they had all the little dart things and the little rides.

And, you know, they had the sausage and peppers and the fried dough. Zeppoles. They had zeppoles. They were making them fresh. A bunch of old Italian women making fresh zeppoles. But as soon as we got there, I just became a guinea. I just started going, oh, wait.

Dawn called me. She hates it. I was like, you get the sausages, and then we'll get, I'll go over here. I'll get the rice balls. And we'll meet you back over here, and then we'll get, I'll go over here, I'll get the rice balls. And we'll meet you back over here, and then we're gonna go down, we're gonna do a couple rides.

She was like, what? I go, you get the sausage, I'll get the rice balls. Make sure you get peppers on my sausages. And she's like, why are you talking like that? I'm like, what the fuck you talking about? Don't make me fucking hit you in front of these people. Gimme brat. I just assimilate. I don't know what it is.

Dude, I told you, the day after we got married, we were in Maui, and I stopped to ask this guy for directions, and I went, all right, brother. And I did the hang loose to him. She was in the car just staring straight ahead, and I go, what's up? She goes, did you just give the hang loose sign? And I was like, yeah, she went, ugh.

She's right. The day after we got married. Did you do it to BJ Penn, too? I did it to BJ, I did, I did. Something happens. I know. I feel like it's- We wanna be liked, it's awkward.

I don't know, first of all, I really like the hang loose sign. I wish we used it more. I don't know. I really first of all I really like the hang loose sign I wish we used it more. I don't like it all I love loathe it. I love the hang loose No, I hate hang loose. She's doing it wrong you fucking thin-fingered mule I don't just stop your wrist is too floppy you got to stick your wrist out straight look at Paco nose Paco you What what Paco Jim's doing it better than you are thank you very much. Okay. Hang on. I appreciate that I'm gonna stop it. He's not gonna ask you to shoot for him You're not you do you go on the road people Bobby supposed to take I like this young lad we'll do this all day

Yeah, I was gonna take Until you fucking assimilated to his little fuck. He's right. I know how to do hang loose. You know, you're like You don't do this're like, errr. You don't do this. No. So in Hawaii, we can tell who's not really from there because their fingers are so tight that it's like touching the inside of their palm.

Right. So like, because nobody in Hawaii is like, hey, like really white and tight. It's always loose, just, start to make. I feel like that's more respectful because I'm showing you, hey, I'm not from here. I'm white, so I do that. It's like someone going you hey, I'm not from here. I'm white so now do that It's like someone going hey, what's up, and no one talks that way it's too stiff right just stiff fucking cracker

I'm a man of the islands. You're not a man of the island You swim around the islands Get bit by bull sharks get bit by bull sharks. Yee. I like the bull shark. Fucks the little wife of the white sharks. So I got to tell you, though, and I tell this to everybody because every dude,

look at your whole life right now, the whole thing. And, you know, marrying a trans woman, it's the one thing that people ask me on the road is, Norton, really? Oh, do they? They ask a bit, yeah, I get that. Well, because people, you know, you joked about it for so long,

and now you're actually, you're married, you're in love with Nikki. You are, dude. You've never, and I say the same thing, I've never seen you happier than right now. You've never been happier than right now. Because she's not in the room with me. That's not true.

That's why I'm happy right now. I love that trans women suck as much as regular women when you're married to them. It's exactly the same argument. Yeah, except they're sexier. My wife's been in the same sweatshirt hoodie for a week and a half. Well, I'm telling you, it's fucked, it is the,

see, you're right though, it really is. The arguments are the same, the irrational fucking crying, the lack of like when you're trying to be rational and reasonable and the same fucking break that, like it's crazy. Yeah, but you're happy, dude, you're happy. And when, I don't understand, like, when did you... Did you lose friends over this?

Did you lose any relationships over this? No, no, no. No one is outward enough to be shitty. But people, like... You'll see certain people are just not as in your life as they were, or they react strange. And you can smell it always. Like, you know what I mean? Like, black guys who say they can always tell who's racist,

I kind of, in a way, understand that now, because you can smell it when somebody is weird with it. They might not say it, but you can also smell when people are, like, oddly comfortable. Like, people with Fox. Like me. Yeah, you're very comfortable with them, like, more so. Like, pop, put your head under her skirt. But, like, you're very comfortable with it like more so

But like they're all nice about it they're all like asked for it like it's weird little shit like people I thought would have been Better or kind of a little whatever so there's a few people I don't like as much as I used to because of that you can yeah Yeah, no, I won't say it because they haven't said anything aggressive But there's a few people it's like I knew you were a fucking fraud bitch. I knew it No, cuz they know we're not entitled to spill the tea I don't blame her Jay's not here to yell at her shut up But yeah once in a while you but no one's been terrible, like you know what I mean? Online comments, I honestly don't give a fuck.

It's nowhere near as bad as we thought it would be. The stuff about she's a man, you're a fag, woo, like come on, stop. I mean you can say it, but it's like that's, it's not as nearly as vicious as I thought, and like the words have been bad, like we knew, but people are a lot more, I guess maybe it's the times we live in public.

Well, it's a perfect time, I mean, to do it, to be honest with you, if you did it back with Opie and Anthony days, you would've went through a lot more shit. And now, I mean, now it's so acceptable. Everybody accepts trans people, I mean the people I know. Most people do, yeah.

Well, we've had trans, my son's been around trans people his whole life. Bailey J was at his third birthday party, his fifth birthday party. You guys came over for Thanksgiving. And surprisingly, he didn't even acknowledge it. He knew, but he never came up and was like, yo dad.

What is that? What the fuck's going on? Yo dad, why do you keep looking at Jim's wife? Chip's a mo. That's Chip's a, yo dad. Oh, Chip hates it. Oh, he hates it. First of all, I gotta fucking close my eyes.

Yeah, he hates it. I'll tell you why I'm happy. I'm happy that you're happy. Thank you. That you met Nicky, but I'm also happy that Chip died. It makes me happy that Nicky, because Nicky, my wife and my family, my son, love Chip. And it bugs me. They love Chip so much that when you came over, they'd be like, Chip's coming. It's not Chip. It's my friend Norton,

who has a mental disorder. He's inventing other people, and we're all letting him fucking do it. Not only do it, he's selling out shows. Chip sold well on the road. Buddy, Chip sold better than you. Which is, this is not a high bar, unfortunately. I think Doug Bell would outsell me.

But yeah. Yeah, Chip blew out theaters. It was a lot of work, but it was fun. But the thing with her, I think it's a perfect time. They just came out with Will, what's his name? Sylvaince? No, yeah. Arnett?

He doesn't like it. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, you with the girl with the dick, you have a dick. He did our podcast. He was great. He was very, uh... Did he wear a mask? He did, but he took it off. In the thumbnail, you can see he's got the mask on.

But he did eventually take it off. The audio was a little muffled. So he finally took the mask down. No, Will, what's his name? Will and Harper. Will and Grace? So I'm saying Will stuff. Will from old school. Will... Will Farrell.

Will Farrell has a documentary coming out with his best friend who was a writer and he did a documentary about the transitioning. And I mean, look, your girl's smoking. She's been a girl probably most of her life, correct? No, I'd say 11. Maybe she was 14 or 13. She was like, you know, but not about half her life, yeah. Maybe, maybe.

Have you ever seen her, like, as a little boy? Yes. Those photos? Did that freak you out? Yes. She had an axe, she was chopping wood. Just like, killing a duck. Oh, no, you're wearing the little overalls.

I don't like it. Did Leda hose it on? On a fox hunt? But yeah, that's... She was on the edge of a boat killing a whale. Oh, that's it, man. Yeah, I have seen those pictures. Now, does that...

It's very strange when you see that. Yeah. Well, it's strange when you see... When I see pictures of Dawn as a little girl, you know what I mean? It's like a... It's a more logical progression, though. That's a progression that you're expecting.

Right. Yeah. You know. Yeah, her with her Cub Scout little sash on. I mean, yeah. Like, you know, look at a picture of a fucking, you know, like the champ and go, oh, look at Ricky Strode. I'm gonna marry that.

Yeah. So do those photos exist around your house? Yeah. I mean, she's gonna hang some up. Her grandfather died, so she got, like, a lot of family pictures and stuff. Uh, but yeah, she can. I don't care. I mean, I've seen them already, and I've seen her as a kid,

so it doesn't... Uh, it doesn't... Was she a cute... Was she a feminine little boy, or was she... Yeah, she'll tell you, she was a little fruit... Yeah? ...traipsing around. Yeah. Yeah.

In her mother's shoes, a little fucking Nancy. and she's traipsing around, yeah. Yeah, in her mother's shoes, a little fucking Nancy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

But, ha, so, ha, so, but now, like, I think it would be harder for, like, Will Farrell's friend who is transitioning from an old white guy into an old white woman, which is pretty nuts. But the fact that you can even put this documentary out there, and he's such a big star, that it's becoming more, nobody cares. You're right. And it's gonna help their community too, because a lot of times they were such in the shadows,

I could be wrong, I think my philosophy of this is that the reason why a lot of these girls were in the sex industry is because that's the only way they could work. They could be wrong. I think my philosophy of this is that the reason why a lot of these girls were in the sex industry is because that's the only way they could work. They could make money. They couldn't go get a job out in the open because they'd be made fun of or harassed or ridiculed. And now that we're accepting them, are you walking into Starbucks

and there's a trans person there? You don't care. Nobody says anything. As before, now they get to get married, work in the business, and be in show, trans people get to be in movies now. It's not somebody pretending to be trans, it's actually a trans woman.

Some of the sex work is also because surgeries are so expensive. Like you got, if you're gonna get like a fucking FFS or you're gonna get tits done or any of that stuff, it's really, it's a regular job. What's in that? What's the facial feminization surgery? Okay. Okay Christine just nodded her head Yeah, but I guess well Farrell's this guy he was a guy on on writing for SNL and then transition recently, right? Yeah, he was like an old white guy writer and now he he's transitioning. And, you know, I might say he's transitioning well.

Not, you know, but you can definitely tell. Yeah, of course. Rick Scotty was a comedian I knew as Rick Scotty. And then transitioned, and I forget what her name is now, but I knew Rick many, many years ago. We worked together, and I can't remember what the name Rick took. Is a?

I'm trying to Google it. Rick Scottie? Yes, S-C-O-T-T-I. I haven't seen it, it's hard to say her, because I only know as Rick. Must be a hard name to pick, to have to pick your girl name. Yeah.

You know what I mean? What would yours be? Oh, I do it to annoy my wife. Oh, she, Jemea. Jemea? Jemea Norton? Julia Scottie, yes, yes. Julia Scottie. Oh, I do it to annoy my wife all she Jimaya Jimaya Jimaya Norton Julia Scotty. Yes. Yes Oh, she hates it. I'll tuck my dick back between my legs and just be Jimaya. What she hates it Everybody would hate that. Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's gross. I hate Jimaya. I don't blame you

I hate your man with a ship. She hates it. I bet you chip hates Jimaya Yeah, fuck it. Jimaya is a nice girl I bet your chip hates Jemea. Yeah, fucking Jemea's a nice girl. The chip like, but she fucking hates. I just do it to annoy her. Is it Jemea Norton? I never put a last name on it. I would keep mine Bobby, but with an IE at the end.

Ah, that's nice. That's kind of sassy. I'd be like, my name is Bobby with an IE at the end. Bobby. I think that was the name of the transvestite in Dressed to Kill. You ever see Dressed to Kill? Yeah.

Nancy Allen is so sexy in that. It's with Michael Caine, Nancy Allen, and he plays this therapist, and she's going to therapy. And then there's a transvestite who's a client of his who is killing people. Angie Dickinson dies in the very beginning of it. And there's a scene where Nancy Allen is wearing like fucking, she's trying to get the client list to figure out who this transvestite murderer is and she's there wearing lingerie and she's talking about the

bulge in his pants I jacked off to that movie so many didn't think you're going I jerked off to dress to kill you had me and I he really slapped me in the face of that one I should rephrase that. Yeah, you're right. I think it was 1980, so I was like 12 or 13 when it came on HBO, and man, that fucking turned me on that movie. Not the transvestite part, because he was just terrible looking, but it was Nancy Allen

and that, whew, she fucking hot. What if Nikki was like, I wanna get a vagina? Be happy to remain friends. So the penis is a part of it. Because it's her. If it was me, nah, not so much. You have to hold up my bush fat every time you want to get out on me. But no, anything she wanted to do as a person, I would still love her, but I wouldn't. Nah.

Really? Nah, I would divorce her. But I'd still love her as a person, and I'd still be in her life. Right, and she has no plans on doing that. No, no, she's loved, she likes, that's one thing I'm happy about her, she really likes her body as she is, as it is.

She didn't even get breast implants. She's got nothing, she doesn't wanna do that. We talk about it today actually, she's like, something's doing, something on my chest, it would drive me crazy. Something fake in my body would make me crazy. Right. So yeah, she doesn't want to do it.

Right, yeah, that's great. That's great. Yeah, what is it? Now transvestite is just a... It's a guy who just dresses up and then dresses as a man the rest of the day, pretty much. Is that a cross dresser?

Yeah, I think it's the same thing. Cross dresser, transvestite, same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever gone into that realm? I mean, come on. You know, what are you, it's like saying, hey, you ever go in, you play professional baseball. Have you ever played in one of the old parks?

Of course I have. Of course I have. They're not all retractable roofs. Sometimes you can go in a wrinkly field. You sure I was just a guy like Colin Quinn with the rest? Hey, how you doing? Let's go, come on in here. You're not invited?

I want to suck your dick. I want to suck it off. I'm gonna throw you. I got a fucking dress on, like you're the killer, man. Let's go get some moon-ardoons. My fucking bunions are bothering me. It's like it's in the moon or doom. My fucking bunions are falling through me. Yeah, yeah, well, it's good that I think for me, I'm glad that I went through all this stuff.

I don't regret anything, but I know it is definitely from my childhood that I never was taught about sex or something must have happened to me at a young age. In fact, I know stuff happened. And then you take that later in life as one of your addictions and then you go down the path but some guys don't make it home, some guys spend the rest of their lives being that guy

and now you found love, you're with your wife, you have the apartment, are you guys planning on like getting a house someday, going out to the suburbs, maybe adopting a kid? Dog, dog. We want a dog, she wants one. We called a breeder, but it's gonna be a few months, because she wants, it's gotta be hypoallergenic.

We want like a little fuckin', a little poodle type thing that like you can carry on a plane, it's not big, it's not gonna take giant shits, it can go on the terrace. Why don't you get a little Kelby? Silky terrier. I loved Kelby too, yeah, silky terrier's adorable. That's a good idea.

Yeah, get a little silky terrier. You love Kelby. I yeah, silky terrier's adorable. That's a good idea. Yeah, get a little silky terrier. You love Kelby. I did love Kelby, and we kinda wanna go to, I'm gonna call Whitney, because she knows, she's big in the animal, like she knows, and I wanna go to a really good rescue or a good breeder and get a little teeny one. Your friend is right here, your friend is right here.

I've had many dogs, I've gone to breeders. Oh yeah, okay, I guess so. But the problem is, is I would tell you it and you don't listen. That's not true. You wanna go to Whitney. Why do you want to? She lives in California. But she knows people here and she's so obsessed with animals. I know people here.

I'm obsessed. Are you? Yes. All right, well tell Paco I'll get it from him. I know what breed is to get. I know what breed is to get. I want a tiny one. I know you want a... I want a good one like...

This doesn't sound like you. Yeah, I know. Jim, a big black Labrador. No, I don't want a big dog. I want a small, little, cute, like a Kelby. All right, well listen, we've got to take a break. Let's take a break, Bob. Thank you for coming in. Wait, we're not done, are we?

No, we've got a whole hour left, man. Can I promote the podcast? We have Chris DeStefano on tonight. It just came out today. We're going to promote it. I actually listened today, and I have a couple things things I have a couple bones to pick with you okay about this podcast you did sure it seems my name is coming up a lot on your show can't help it I mean a lot I'm coming up a lot yeah no the last two episodes

with who is a little episode of Colin of course you remember Colin Quinn yeah of course that's gonna come up Jim Norton's new podcast Nikki and Jim is out now called sword fight sword fight Where's this? Where's it say that it doesn't say it there, but it's sword fight All right sword fight with Nikki and Jim Nikki and Jim NYC at YouTube Christine threw me under the bus. She's busy. It's okay. She is busy. It's sword fight. It's on YouTube Right now. It's a youtube.com slash at Nicky and Jim NYC. I got it.

I'm just making sure. I know you got a show in the morning. Zip it up. You said Nicky and Jim. I'm just making sure you know. I'm reading it off the page. Thank you, Christine. Make sure you check that out.

And of course, Jim and Sam in the morning. And make sure you check out Jim Norton on the road. What are you on? Punchup.live now, right? Not yet, no. I keep forgetting. He's calling me. I love this guy.

I'm just so stupid. Just go check it out. Oh you listen to and you can check out big J big J is Today he's doing kill Tony, but he's gonna be the Omaha. That's gone right? Omaha funny buns gone, right? That's gone Okay, Christine's fucking me all over skank fest this week Skankfest this week. Are you going? Yes. We're doing it. You're doing why KWD with me? Oh, that's right I'm with me. You and I can't I can't yes I was hoping we're doing it. You're doing YKWD with me. Oh, that's right. I'm with you and... I can't, I can't. Yes, Jacob. I was hoping we were doing it with a guest host.

Vaughn Tarr is going to be live at Skankfest Saturday, 8 p.m. Pacific. Yes, 8 p.m. Pacific. What room? What's the room again? Yo Crate'em. Yo Crate'em, the big crazy room. We're going to be there this weekend. Skankfest is this weekend.

Go to bigjacomedy.com. He's going to be in St. Louis, Poughkeepsie, Spokane, and I'm gonna be all over the place. But Skankfest next week, we're gonna talk about Comedy Camp, which is coming up in two weeks. Me and Jim are doing it. You can go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. We'll be right back. It's the Bonfire.