The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Garden State Cowboy

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

Bobby declines performing at Radio City and Jacob is still convinced that he is a New Jersey cowboy.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriesxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Today's country hits. It's thefire, a series XM103. That's I reckon Robert Kelly. I can't think of your cowboy names.

I don't really whift hard. I'm Lasso's Ocorson. I just got back from Nashville so I'm feeling honky tonk. Is that country? That's more like rock and roll, right? It's country blues, I'd say, I would call it. That's pretty funky. He's awesome.

That's dirty. Yeah. He played this live when he came in last time. Did you come up to this song? It's a goodie. It's a goodie. Ooh. Again.

I want to talk happens again. Again. I want to talk like that. Again. Yeah, it's Marcus King. He came out to see me in Nashville's Ines this weekend and said he's in town playing the beacon. I'm gone. Christine, you should go if you can go.

He's playing Thursday night at the Beacon Theater. So you might come in on Wednesday. Hmm. I think he's going to. He's going to come in the show. Yeah. He's a big fan. Big fan of the bonfire. That's playing Thursday night at the Beacon Theater. So he might come in on Wednesday. I think he's going to. He's going to come in the show. Yeah. He's a big fan of the Bonfire. That's how we met him. I'm not a country guy.

So when we met him, it was the first year I did Kid Rock's rock and comedy jam. Kid's rock and rock and comedy jam. Yeah, Bobby? Bobby. Yeah. Love Bobby. Bobby.

Hey, Bobby. He's like the atorofuente short story. I left my kid rock joke out of that set this weekend. Really? Yeah, I didn't do it once, I don't think. There's always somebody there who's probably his cousin or someone who just knows him in some way. It's, you know, I wanted to tell, so hopefully Marcus said he's going to come in on Wednesday,

I believe. I've been dying to tell, so hopefully Marcus said he's gonna come in on Wednesday, I believe. I've been dying to tell you this one since I saw you outside. I went to go see Isaiah today. Our beautiful barber. I haven't seen him in a long time. You haven't seen him in a long time. He, well, he was gone for months.

He got married and came back. To what? Probably just a gorgeous, gorgeous lady. Or an older lady with some scratch. Or a gorgeous, older man. You hope, you wish. He's beyond women. He's beyond vagina. It does nothing for me.

I've seen it, I smelled it, it does nothing. Everything's perfect on him. His eyebrows is beard. I love his old man's pubic hair and I like to trim it. Yes. Make it nice. Yes. He today, he is now taken to compliment through insult. What? He compliments through insult. He goes, he goes, you said the same thing on walk today. He goes, you look good man you look you look you lose weight I go yeah I'm trying to lose some weight and he goes yeah he goes you was fat I was like yeah dude I only went to like three weeks ago the last time he didn't say anything then I used to have to get my chair fixed every time you came

in and today I don't think I'm going to. Yes, it is safe. Every time you come in, I feel like a, how you say, polish a turd. We keep oil around for the chairs when you leave. What does hair matter when everything else is a potato? Oh, the chickens are running around. It's the worst. Compliments you lose weight are the worst The worst one I got was hey, man. We were worried about you

Yeah, I was like well you guys never came to me with that fucking information I wish we had all I wish we had recordings of when me you and Ari went out on that three-day Stint me and Ari the conversations behind your back me and Ari had I didn't they were they were in earnest I didn't this was not like a laughing at all. I go, look, now I get it, all the fat jokes. But Bobby dropped a pencil and went to pick it up and turned purple. But this is how fucked up that is.

You took me to a hamburger place where they had hamburgers with peanut butter and jelly on them. Yeah, we got three and then we split them all. You let me. I made as good decisions as I could then. Continually get fatter on that trip. Well, I'll tell you what, the burger place,

that was a man versus food suggestion, that was great. Oh God. That was fantastic. I'll tell you where you got me. That was the trip where you got me because you, and what was, at that point you knew you were getting the surgery when we was at that point you knew you were getting the surgery we went on that trip. Oh that's a good question because I

think you said something when you were like the last like Haravit you were treating that trip because like you to me it was the calzone the gas station calzone I can't say enough I said it a thousand times. Bobby got a calzone from an Indianapolis gas station. It was good. It wasn't. It wasn't because I tried a bite because he bobbied me into it in the car. Hard to fuck up a calzone. And just watching a guy not wanna be fat alone makes you feel so bad for him.

I was like, all right, I have a bite, Bobby, but this is disgusting. Sausage calzone from a gas station in Indianapolis. It was not that bad. I don't know if it was sausage. It was some type of meat. It was like little balls. Little meat balls in it. It was so, it was not good bad. I don't know if it was sausage. It was some type of meat. So it was like little balls, little meat balls in it. It was so, it was not good.

That was my. I'll tell you what though, the cheese was all right in it. Cheese is great. That food that we ate with Ari at that, that Bangladeshi fucking mocho-peachu plate, whatever the, what was it? Yeah, it was like the, you know, whatever that food was, forget, boss, whatever it was.

It looked like if you put like a hot piece of metal in the air, it would like jump at you like when they were finding out which was the alien blood. In the thing? In the thing. If you put like a hot wire to it, it starts moving. The soup's not screaming. That guy couldn't explain what anything in that

was in that restaurant. I've never been to a dirtier place in my entire life. It was trash on the floor and they weren't cleaning it up. They would come take the shit off the tables and just leave the shit on the floor. It was wacky. It was bad. That was one of my last fat weekends.

Yeah, and also do you remember the windows were see-through but they weren't from dirt. Yeah, from smudge. Yeah, not, they weren't fogged. They were clear. They just had schm weren't fogged. They were clear. They just had schmutz all over them. It was bad. It was a bad place.

That weekend was a rough weekend for me and I remember dropping that pencil and like thinking, wow, this is bad. We got to the green room. I love that you guys were talking behind my back though. That's great. Well, you guys were talking behind my back when we all got to the green room

and they were like, Jay, if you don't mind, me and Ari are going to do our podcasts right now together. And I just left the room. I gave them the room to do their podcast. No, you stayed. I came back. You came back, but it was it was it was two comics, two cigars. It wasn't three comics, three hot dogs. It was it was it was two comics, two cigars,

and you were in the room on the podcast, you stayed. I came back. You came back in and we put you, I mean, the rules are stated. It's only two comedians. Yeah. And the other comics can't, you can be there, but you can never be there.

For the one, we could put up plus one comic, no cigar. One comic just smoked a cigarette. In hindsight, since that podcast failed, maybe we should add it. It might've got us numbers, but it was two comics, two cigars. And it was just weird to dismiss me from the green room like go call Christina or something.

It'll be fine. And then it was over. I came in, they gave us gross cookies that had little sayings. I like those cookies. Actually, what it was, they gave us cookies that had sayings on them. Also in that, they were mostly for Ari. All Ari.

Were they all Ari? 100% Ari? 100% Ari. Yeah. And it was, yeah, it was all his little things. Yeah. The star of David might've been you, but I'm pretty sure.

It was Ari. They were leaning towards his nose. No, no was all his little things. Yeah, the star David might have been you but I'm pretty sure it was Ari They were leaning towards his nose. No, no for sure. Absolutely. And they were gross by the way. Don't care. They didn't make him for me When people give you cookies that are cool things. Yeah, the cookies the cookies always suffers in flavor Yeah, it's always got a fucking picture on it and it just tastes like thick dry bullshit Yeah, if you're cooking has your head picture on it, and it just tastes like thick, dry bullshit. Yeah, if the cookie has your head shot on it and your new album, it's gonna suck. If it has your logo, it stinks. Cake, they figured out.

You could get a hell of a picture on a cake, on a sheet cake, and that cake is still be pretty good. Yeah, cake is good. I like cake. Sorry. That didn't mean to make you horny, bro. Fat Bobby's in there. Still in there.

He's still in there. Help me. Help me, Jack. It's like I've Carol Ann talked from the TV. Hey. Walk into the cake. Hey. Walk into the cake.

Walk into the cake. No. Tell her not to go. Tell him not to go to the cake. The cake is bad. I see cake. Don't go to the cake, honey. Don't go to the cake. I'm going to go to the cake. Do not go to the cake. The cake is bad. I see cake. Don't go to the cake honey. Don't go to the cake. I'm gonna go to the cake. Do not go to the cake. We can't stop him from

going to the cake. He loves cake. Bobby not yet. I can't stop. I'm going in after him and then you gotta talk us both out of the cake. Bobby I'm coming in for the cake. Hey, let's get the cake. Hey. Look, there's a gas station calzone. It's Jacob. Guys, don't go to the cake and the calzone. Do some jumping jacks, guys. Shut up, Jacob. That was a fun weekend, but that was one of my rough weekends.

I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. Shut up, Jacob! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha pretty regularly. He got like, it was almost in shape, but even Ari when he's like, he was shredded almost and it still just reads like, you know, when they dump the bodies of corpses and Auschwitz all at the same time, he's feeling all of them. Yeah. Like, if Ari at his best in shape looks like KS Castaway body, he always looks like German propaganda photos. Yeah, clothes, he's propaganda. There you go. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, that was a bad day. Oh, no. And here's the problem with Ari. He brings... Oh, no. Watches. How did you not know your friend was humiliating you? We were in Thompson Square Park, which is pretty all around us needles, heroin addicts.

Oh, yeah. I mean, literally, you had to watch out. He goes, watch out for the needles on the ground. Look at Ari's barefoot in the New York City Park with scumbag. Oh, yeah. I mean, literally, you had to watch out. He goes, watch out for the needles on the ground. Look at how he's barefoot in the New York City Park. Oh, he does. Come back. Oh, he's getting in touch. He's grounding himself. That's what he does. He grounds himself.

Bobby, I thought his wide legs could go. That's as wide as my legs could go. 100%. Oh, you were going over. I did the... Oh, come on. I did the... Here we go. Watch this. No way.

Watch this. There we go. Ooh. Nothing. Bobby. Right there. Come on. One we go. Nothing. Bobby. Right there. Come on. One, two, three. Bobby. Wait.

Wait for me. We're watching Bobby do a yoga on the TV and he's bending his knees not a lot. Ari's is instructor. Ari's instructing him. Yeah. Ari did this thing during the pandemic. That's not bad. That's not terrible.

That's a dog pose or some shit. Christine, what's it called? It looks like a bird dog. Here we go. Here goes Christine pretending. What is that, a dog pose or some shit? Christine, what's it called? That. It looks like a bird dog. Here we go. Here goes Christine pretending. Reverse leg kick. I'll tell you what's called, you lift your leg up

and you swing it through before you fucking hulk it out and bang. It's DDP yoga. It is my fattest. Watch this, ready? Look at my toes, we're about to break. You're hating it so much right now. I think that's supposed to be a down dog split.

All your back fat's going into your neck. That's called the hippo tundra that I'm doing right now. Don't wanna draw eyes on the back of your head and look so you have monkey lips. Ha ha ha ha ha. The back of my neck had a pack of sausages. Yeah. It really did.

No doubt. Can you do deep bend now? Yeah. How deep? I can do deep. I can go doubt. Can you do deep end now? Yeah. How deep? I can do deep. I can go deep. I can go deep. I remember the greatest day is when I washed my balls

in the shower from behind. Okay. And I actually came out of the shower with soapy balls. You spread it open like a little slut. I reached from behind and I was washing my balls and I came out and I was like, dawn. She's like, what? I'm like, look. And it was just me washing my, holding my balls from behind and I was washing my balls and I came out and I was like, Dawn, she's like, what? I'm like, look.

And it was just me washing my, holding my balls from behind. That's great. It was a great day in life. What a day. It was a great day in life. But I'm saying I think I can do the deepest or second deepest knee bend in this room.

And that's squatting down? Squatting down. I'm pretty sure I could do better than you now. I don't think so. I think so. I'm pretty sure I could do better than you now I don't think so I think so I'm pretty flexible all right let's see you do it you want me to go first I want you to go first and that way I can say I'm out okay okay Jay is pushing away from the desk right now he's going to do a deep knee bend here we go my pants don't just split I hope you wallet chain lack there you go that's all the way oh that's that's my fat is the holy shit Bobby he's not even wow come on me dude that's pretty deep that's insanely deep

that's yeah you want to do it a little higher up and sit because it's almost yeah but how deep the question that's gay porn deep I mean that's gay porn deep that's gay that thing would have been so in me yeah that that's that's that's Chris Ellis deep Jason Ellis dude all right nice talking to you all right ready Chris Ellis is from a syndicate yeah no you haven't seen his he takes it deep have you seen his only face not oh Chris Ellis takes it deep Are you ready? Yeah

Bobby take it deep Yeah Okay, yeah That's right Suki-suki now. How well is he deep? He's not as deep as you, but he's pretty deep. He's passed. He's passed. Yeah, it's pretty deep, but it's not as deep as I was, right? And Chase Butt was on the floor. That's deep.

Yeah. Jacob, let's see you're deep. Because you're the only other person I would challenge in this that I think could probably go pretty deep bend. I have pretty good flexibility. I bet you do. There's no way DJ Lou can do a deep knee bend. But you know I'm better than bend. Oh, it's deep.

That's real deep. He went all the way down the ground. Yeah, I guess me and Jacob are tied for best awesome. Yeah, you guys can both wipe your ass with leaves. I don't have to wipe them. I could just drag my hands all the leaves. You can scooch like a dog. That'd be great. Oh, Christine, you're gonna do it now to prove you can. Because I'll tell you what, you're not going as deep as I went. I'm for sure.

There's no way. No way. No way. There's no way. With the size of your balls. Here we go. Christine's going down. It's okay.

It's not as good as Jacob. That was effortless. That's pretty good. Mine was effortless. I dropped right down. It was effortless. Compliment me. But Jay, yours was awesome. Christine was effortless. Compliment me. But Jay, yours was awesome.

Christine was effortless. Thank you. Christine's doing whatever. Who cares? But she's staying down there. You are. I was down there for two minutes talking to you. You can't stay.

I was down there for longer than Christine. No, you weren't. I was. No, you weren't. I was though. I would like to see a challenge who can stay longer. I can stay there for the entire show. Can you get a mic down there for me?

Because I'll just live down there. If that's what you want. Like a fucking drunk girl pissing. I'll just live there. Give me a beer, I'll take the picture like, what's her name? Fuck, what was your- Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus. Well, she's pissing. I wanna see who could do a squat longer, look halfway between you and Christine. Oh, maybe Christine on that one. I'm holding up much more body weight. Well, a little bit more body weight. Yeah, Christine is a dancer.

I'm holding up a little more body weight. I don't know if you know this. I used to be fat until I was able to tell me I'm fat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Only just three weeks ago, I was a fucking blimp of shit. Oh, God. Talking about blimps of shit, this is the first... How many episodes did you do with Ari?

Because it's just... I just do. I don't think you realize he was doing this to make people laugh at you I didn't know that until right now thank you I thought he was trying to help he's not but right after this my neighbor moved because of this I think so yeah I remember my name he came out and was just like what the fuck is going on yeah fuck why does Ari dress like an imaginary friend? He really is dressed like a unicorn. He dresses like an imaginary friend. He's like a guy who's like, oh man, my imaginary friend. So, who he just wears whatever is the first thing he grabs? Yeah, like a kid's show on YouTube. Yeah.

He's like, what are you wearing today, Ari? A grandfather sweater, corduroy's, and a shirt that says New Fuckin' York. He's wearing tie-dyed sweatpants. I know. I wasn't wearing that. I think he made those. Must's wearing tie-dyed sweatpants. I know. I was wondering if I think he made those. Must be nice to be able to wear anything you want and not care. I know, it's great.

He just sucks. He's a little bright. Now he's making out with a dog, dude. He's making out doodles. I mean, I think that was one of my fattest right there. That's a big boy. Yeah. Yeah.

Damn, dude. That's a big boy. And how he just brought you on just to laugh, did that people laugh at you? Well, I didn't think of that, but now that hurts that you're saying that. Apparently you had conversations about it behind my back. They were really, it was worried. We were pretty sure there was an outside shot,

you wouldn't make it through the weekend. And we were planning on how we were gonna get you home, or do we just side of the road you? You know what I mean? What do you mean side of the road me? You gonna leave me on the side? Hey, just say we couldn't find you or something. Let the crows take you.

Just call the cops. You have a phone. It's not the 1920s. Oh, they're gonna blame us, dude. Why are they gonna look at my torso and go, they're gonna know exactly who's fault it was. They're gonna see my credit card receipt and see that I bought that fucking gas station calzone

for you. You bought the hamburgers? Look at fucking dropped in for it. Oh, God. You're gonna beurgers? Look at fucking drop dead for it. Oh God. I knew. My God, I was fucking pregnant. I realize that you were wearing each other's shirts. Oh my God.

Damn. I can't believe I got that big and nobody helped me. You know, we have a new friend we're worried about and we were really like, we gotta have a real conversation with him and not just do it behind his back like we do with Bobby. Yeah, I know it is. You do?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Do I? Do I know them? You know them. Yes. Oh. You know them.

But like. Okay, why are we not supposed to talk about it? It's not a comic. This is how fat people die, by the way. Oh no, if it was a comic, I'll tell you, we should help some fat comics for sure. Yes. This isn't a comic.

Right. It's just a person, but you definitely know they are. Okay. But yeah, but I don't know what Christine's a comic, I'll tell you. We should help some fat comics, for sure. Yes. This isn't a comic. Right. It's just a person, but you definitely know they are. Okay. But yeah, but I don't know what Christine's talking about, saying we're definitely gonna talk to him. I don't know about that. Well, somebody else we know already talked to him, so. Somebody told me that, somebody told me I should talk to him,

and I was, and then I, what I do is I call a coalition of people, and say we should talk to him, but then we never do it. That's what we do with Bobby. Yeah. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. We should just walk five feet behind you whispering.

Did you? And we always say, tomorrow's the day we're going to call you in for a talk and then we don't. And that's when you text me, you want breakfast? Yeah. And then we meet for breakfast, you piece of shit. That's when I go, Ari fell asleep early, want to get a midnight pizza. We're getting meatloaf sandwiches again.

Ooh. That's the funniest. Yeah, you should talk to that person. Let them know. That was the funniest. You should talk to that person, let them know. That was the fattest, I mean, activity I ever saw you partake in. Cause I believed you. I bought into the Bobby Lai.

What Lai was that? What the fuck? Day one, day one meatloaf sandwich truck, Montreal, Canada in the year, something, 2012, 13. No, 16, 16, 17. It was a long time ago. 16, 17. I don't know, maybe like 14.

No, no. I'm telling you. You have two people that you love and trust that are saying no. I know. And you're still denying it. But I remember getting super excited that Christine was coming to that.

Yeah. And that had to be 2014. It was 2013. You're right. Y'all were super stoked on Christine coming to that reunion festival, so it had to be a long time ago. It was a long time ago. You're right.

I was wrong. You're out of love with me. That's a drop. I'll tell you what, she gave me the headphones. She can hear the show. Lindsay's here. I was so much a good one. The headphones, you can hear the show. She's not getting to hear lose fucking masterful work. Look at you go. Me and Christine spent the weekend together.

Yeah, yeah. Saturday night. Saturday night. Not the weekend. I sat Friday with the boys and then Saturday with the last boy. The last boy, the last boy. It was nice. I wasn't going to go go I went to Shane's

Christine was like go Shane headlined radio cities radio shows this weekend. I texted you and I was like you're on the list Here's the direction. I mean she's so good. You know what I mean? She made I was I didn't want to be that guy I don't want to hang him here too, but Christine was going so I was excited about that Yeah, and I would I know I just hang with and I'd never see her on the weekends and without you. You know what I mean? Weekend Christine? Yeah, weekend. Do you see when I'm gone?

Does she shine? She shines. I know. I mean, she's fucking, I walked in, she was glowing. She's such a general. Vibrant. Vibrant. I know.

I mean, I mean, it was wild. Her energy was like engaging and contagious. Those words, I would use both of those words. It's really, we just get through the week and then just go live our lives. Thursday to Sunday. She's a different human being on Friday night. She shines, I'm sure.

I would describe it as effervescent. Oh. That was her personality. She's bouncing around. She's having a ball. Like a fresh piece of gum in your mouth. Awesome. I know.

I'm like human fucking drameen or something. Put the right out. Melatonin. Yeah, I went over there, right in, no problems. I got a knife in too. On high. Nice. Went upstairs.

Because you know people. You should have killed changes to prove a point. Just sliced his throat. Or at least cut his Achilles or something, just hobble him forever. Yeah, got in upstairs, really nonchalant. That's why I love comics. This is just nothing.

Just chicken wings from the seller, some food. Was it the seller wings? Seller wings, oh, it's great. Seller wings, seller hummus. Seller wings, seller hummus, and what was the subs from? Jimmy John's. No, no, no, no. No, Jersey Mike's. Jerseyeller Wing, Seller Hummus. Seller Wing, Seller Hummus, and what was the subs from? Jimmy John. No, no, no, no. No, Jersey Mike's.

Jersey Mike's. Jersey Mike's. And, uh, and then they started the show and Shane came in and he asked me if I wanted to do a spot. Oh, that's awesome. I didn't even hear it. You went on and killed? No.

You didn't kill? I said no. You said no to going on a Radio City Music Hall. We could. Oh, dude, that's so awesome. You know, that may have helped sell more than 15 tickets we've currently sold in the Paramount Theater. First of all, we've sold way more than 15 tickets.

I don't think we have. We have. I had got the ticket count. I mean, that being said, guys, tickets are still available for the Paramount Show. Yeah. Ticket warning. Low ticket warning sold. There's very few tickets left, I think only in the front,

middle and back. Don't look at the seat map. Do not look at the seat map. Just get tickets. Do not look at the seat map. Listen, you long-eyed losers, if you sell off a jacket to Jokeman and you don't sell out us, I'll kill you. If you sell, if you get to more than 300 people,

if you sit where the 400 people would be, you could probably put your feet up on the seat in front of you. We have a lot of tickets sold. No, I know. It's packed up, but there are tickets still available. Get your tickets now. Get them now. We should give tickets away this week.

We'll give a couple pairs away. A couple pairs of 50? Couple, no, a couple. Jay, no, a couple pairs of. Six caller gets 50 pairs of tickets. No, no, no. That's only 100 more seats. Anybody's birthday you get 100 tickets each. First person to call in with what Bobby's middle name is gets 300 tickets and will throw in an extra 10 so you can invite your family. We should give some tickets away. We'll give them away today.

We'll give, we'll give a couple pairs away this week. Today, maybe tomorrow. Okay. A couple pairs. I think tomorrow's show is going to be straight calls for pairs of tickets. If you can call in and say any number, you get two tickets. It's a, no, tickets are selling, but let's fucking sell it out. I don't want to be coming down to the wire.

I hate that. We don't, we don't get a brick if we don't sell it out. No, you get a brick. You know that. Have you gotten a brick from the Paramount yet? No. Oh, when you do the, I thought you were saying like when people say you get a bag, like the money, like, you get a bag.

If you sell that place out, you get an actual brick. We're going to get money and then we're going to feel sad for getting that money. If we don't sell it out. Yeah. By the way, if you don't sell this thing I'm gonna throw bricks through all the windows in the car Car windows in the parking lot No, we can break you get a brick with your name on it and the Paramount

When you sell out the Paramount, that's cool. It's got a cool when you sell out the radio city They give you a Tiffany's gold ticket and pass. Oh, they do is that what he got? Yeah, but the bricks probably what platinum? No, it's made out of brick. It's break. It's actually brick I think it's mostly brick, but it's like it's Steven Singer thing. It's gold dip brick No, it's actually just brick just brick just red. It's made out of like some type of sandstone. Okay, and it's a brick Okay compression not even an old brick. It's not even like worth money brick And it's a brick. Okay, compression. Not even an old brick.

It's not even like worth money brick. They have like a pallet of bricks in the back and they go here, sell out. They write in chalk. They have a new brick. Yeah. They have a new brick pallet from Home Depot in the back and they just give you that brick.

It's not like from the original building brick. No, it's a brick, but we'll get a brick. Bobby, do me a favor. Tell the people here the reason why you didn't want to go on Shane show. I Okay, first of all Christine I was coming didn't want to go because I didn't want to be the guy hanging out You know what I mean, and I certainly didn't want to be the guy. Hey, you fucking put me on I hate that

I hate that guy. I didn't do that. I know I don't you wouldn't do I would never do that I just want to go support Shane and Kind of go out and hang out and see Christine I don't really see her out of here or without shows I've been cool just to hang a little bit and see Epivacent Christine shining Christine you never get to see that these three days and And then I just wanted to be the fit man. He came in is a you want to go up? And then I just wanted to be the fit man. Then he came in and he's like, you want to go up?

Want to do a spot? And I was like, no. You're a faggot. I didn't freeze. I didn't freeze at all. I went, no. I said- You answered immediately, but I was like, he didn't.

I didn't hear him ask anyone else. Okay. So I just was like- Who was he gonna ask? Who are show- There were a lot of comics there. Who? There were, I mean-

Josh. Derosa. Josh, Nate Marshall, Derosa, who else, Tommy Pope, Beezer, a bunch of friends, like a ton of comics were there. So many people that could have gone on, but he wanted you. I was fucking honored, but I didn't want to go up.

And those two guys that's on there, I've been in that spot where you're playing a big event with somebody, and it's your night. It's your, they're gonna cut their time down. They're gonna do, you gotta do six now. He was gonna do 10 or 15. Bobby didn't want to blow the young kids out of the water. I mean, I didn't want to murder.

Yeah. I don't want to fuck up the show. Your comedy is built for Radio City Music. Oh, dude, I was like fuck up the show. Your comedy is built for Radio City Music, huh? Oh, dude, I was like, use the stage. I did love what you said. You were like, I just came to see what all the fuss is about. I did. I did. I came to see what all the fuss is about.

You filled that room, dude. Oh, dude, I wanted... I mean, there was part of me when the show... Because he asked me to do the voicing. Pacing like a tiger on the stage, like a panther. Well, the first two comics went out and just took the mic out and stood there. And I was like, this is a fucking stage.

Use it. I would sit on a stool. Yeah, that's your thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's your thing. You sit down on the stool, but if you just, it's like walking around.

I wanna do one set though. I just wanna, I walk around like Eddie Murphy Delirious, non-stop Chris Rock. Yeah. A little bit backwards for a while. You want a dang cook it? And go across, snap back. Yeah.

You want to put your leg up on a monitor? All over the place. Yeah, maybe a little elbow on the knee for a minute goes guys. Let's mix it up for a little bit. What do you say? Lean on an ash cheek on a monitor? Absolutely.

Yeah. I just, I look it. No, that's very, and I'm sure the other comics on that show, what was it, Sam Jay and uh... No, she didn't go on the first show, it actually was like, oh that ended way early, it was James McCann, who's an Australian comic. It ended way early. Oh, some Aussie fucking took your time. There was a new guy, brand new guy, and he was like, dude this guy's great, you're gonna love him, he's the the next bit whatever and you don't want to make them forget about him when you went up there afterwards and

Okay, there's two things that could have happened and go up front Right. Mm-hmm open the show and then I take a fat hot one that would have sucked a bag of dicks, right? or I go out and fucking murder. You know you're gonna murder. You casted off that other one so fast. I'm getting super in the cocky comedy, man. Fucking Corey Hulcombe is the best broadcaster in all of broadcasting, perhaps. He really is.

He may have taken over for me from Howard Stern how good Corey Hulcombe is. He opened his last show, I guess, because he got all that shit going with Dinell Rawlings, if you don't know what that is. Do we talk about that on the show at all him and him and I now had it out We talked about it. We had it on the thing we talked about a little bit not too much He was yeah, he was on stage at the laugh factory and he was calling

Let me tell you something. There's a couple words that you use for comics that really It's like the n-word the pat on the head. The comics. I know exactly where. Mild. Mild. Keeps calling Donnell a mild comic, which is just, Cory Hulk, I'm so fun. Donnell's hilarious, by the way, too. I don't have a dog in the fight other than Cory's being much more entertaining about it.

Like, during this. But just forget even like the Donnell stuff. This is an episode where he calls Godfrey gay a bunch and then Godfrey calls. The thing about this is Godfrey's response, I thought was going to be violent and angry and screaming and fight back. Well, he's talking, he was not a white person he's talking to. But he said to Godfrey. Everyone I texted that to, that podcast, I was like, if any white comic ever went anywhere,

even remotely close to what he's saying about Godfrey, Godfrey would have booked the flight to LA to go fucking kill, like, violent anger, for sure. He went, for some reason, Corey Holcomb did it, and Godfrey's just like, ah, come on, man. It was weird. And Corey Holcomb is dressed in pink. He looks like the keyboard player for the time.

It's like you're calling Godfrey gay right pink. He looks like the keyboard player for the time. It's like you're calling Godfrey gay right now. It's like what's the fun? Jimmy Jam and Terry Lowe. Yeah, he looks. Like he. That's fantastic. Wait a second.

It says Godfrey checks Corey Lowe. That's not, you know what? Godfrey's got to like, I don't think Godfrey and Dante, who are the two hosts of the show, in Godfrey We Trust on Gas Digital the two hosts of the show, in Godfrey we trust on Gas Digital. I don't think they heard because they call in Doreen Corey's podcast and he's already in the middle of talking about how gay they are. Well you

know he was talking about Godfrey and then Godfrey called in and then in the middle of it, in the middle of talking about the whole situation, he goes, Godfrey, what was that white guy you had over your house to sleep over? That gay white guy, right? And Godfrey was like, what? It's Modi. That fuck Godfrey up.

And then he went through the timeline. Well, he told the story. That's where Godfrey messed up. That's where he messed up. So I wanna say, yeah, it's bad. That's a bad slip up. He said, no, he didn't come out yet. He's like, Godfrey has two things

on there that don't go well in the conversation with Corey Holcomb was a, he asks him about a, yeah, he says Modi told him that he was at one point, I remember this time, by the way, when Modi started just hooking up with girls again. It was shocking. Yeah, it was weird. And at that time, him and Godfrey went back

to hook up with chicks at Godfrey's house. This is the story that Godfrey's telling. And then he hears in the other room, Modi and his girl arguing when he comes out, he goes, this is why I suck dick, because who can deal with these chicks like this? And it's hilarious. And then Gory Olkin goes, but you had it.

So a gay dude says he wants to fuck some pussy once in a while and you have him over to your house with two other girls. And he's like, no, I didn't know he was gay. He goes, so he came out of the closet right now. Godfrey said at first that it was funny. And then he goes, yeah. And when he said it, he was like, yeah, I'm gay Godfrey. And I was like, what the fuck, Mody?

You get like that was never in the story before. No, he walked out of the room. He was mad because he was holding a strap on and the girl wouldn't use it. And I don't think Godfrey's gay. I'm just saying he didn't defend himself well in this thing. He just froze up and started panicking out of it. And it was a, and him and God, but I bet him and Dante

are pretty pissed now. They saw the whole thing. Well, he wasn't really, Cory wasn't really fucking with Dante as much as you fucking were Godfrey. Oh yeah, no much more Godfrey. He doesn't really know Dante. No. But why I say he's the best broadcaster,

nothing to do with any of that. When he starts off the show, apparently, cause people are digging in on him now because he's, you know, in all this like beef with people, that they said that he is fucking like his co-host. And he goes, yeah, he goes, everybody on the internet saying they know that I'm fucking D over here. So?

There he goes, ooh, would you catch me? He goes, so what? They said on the internet that my wife left me because I'm fucking around with D. So? He just never does admit it. It was a great way to live. He's so honest.

And then he's talking to her at one point. I guess she does her segment on the show and it's a hot picture of her from a couple years ago or something. And he's like, man, look at you in that picture, girl. You look good. She's like, I know. I gotta get back to her. He goes, yeah, you got a gut now.

She's like, know I gotta get back to you yeah you got a gut now he's the he's the Kevin Brennan with fucking humor he just goes that he's so funny great broadcasted yeah God Godfrey panicked it was so weird to see I've never seen Godfrey panic ever but as soon as he it's a big big personality he pulled he called up ready to the fight with Corey Holcomb and have it out I've never seen Goffrey panic, ever. But as soon as he- It's a big, big personality. He called up ready to fight with Corey Holcomb and have it out, and as soon as he went, yo, Goffrey, didn't you bring a white dude,

a gay white dude back to your house? Goffrey went, oh, shit. But he also wasn't, I don't think he was, I think he called him the whole time to kind of keep it cool and on the level. I don't think Goffrey's looking for like real, he'll say it like in his show, which we all do by the way, I'm not great at real shit either.

But I mean like when T.I, he had the thing with T.I, and then T.I called and it was just like a love fest. Do you know what I mean? He's kept going like, no T.I, I love, you know whatever you said on the other show, he was just kind of backtracking. And then this was just, he told Corey that story before, that's one of the other show, he was just kind of backtracking. And then this was just, he told Corey that story before. That's one of the stories like,

you just shouldn't have told Corey Holcomb. I wouldn't tell Corey Holcomb about the time I took gum with my teeth out from between Justin Silver's balls and dick. He's not gonna get why that's funny. I'm sorry, what did you just say? I don't get why it's funny, what happened? Yes, you do. Wait a minute, what did you do?

We were having, we were doing gay chicken. What's, you know, who's gonna do the gayer thing and a group of white guys to make each other laugh harder. And what was yours? Justin, you know how the wiener lays on the balls? Yes, I do. He put a stick of gum, like a long stick of gum coming out of it and I took the gum with my teeth

and pulled it out. With the new teeth or the old teeth? Old teeth. Those teeth are gone now. That's fine, that's fine. You gotta throw those teeth out because of that. Oh yeah, these gay ass teeth. I go, file these gay ass teeth down to nothing.

Make them little chicks. My teeth are trans. You got queer teeth under those manly teeth you got there. My teeth are so queer. You got little, you got little in the closet teeth trying to come out. By the way, Sidon, I haven't looked up any of it yet, but you wanna love a guy even more than you do. Casey Dutton, Luke Grimes from Yellowstone.

Yes. Casey. Yeah. The guy who I'm gonna be when you're a rip. Yeah, I'm a rip. Although I'm starting to feel like I'm more of a rip. Yeah, really not. No, I'm not. Now you're not a rip.

I'll be a Casey. I would say you're really probably more. Don't you dare say a bull or a cow. I'm a branded cow. You're a random branded cow, dude. Meeeerrrrr. You're like a tractor. You're more like the brother that got killed.

Luke Grimes, his name is. I didn't know he's an actual country singer. I bet he kills. This is like Jensen Eccles shit to me. He sings? Yeah. He became a country singer because of the show. Come on, did he?

Yeah, he tried it out. I became a drummer because of sex, drugs, and Rocker Roll too. So stupid when that happens. Every actor on this show just adopted when full in into the country lifestyle. They act like they've only ever eaten from a chuck wagon for their entire life.

You know Rip is from Boston. That dude from B-Town. Oh, he's part of the, he's part of the Ben Affleck, what's his face from? Matt Damon from Turn It Up. 100% Boston. Oh no.

I'll be a drunk without a drink. He's doing a voice. Yeah, he's doing a voice. I can talk, you honk and do. She didn't need an unfinished room. You got to get a video of him ten years ago before Yellowstone. An interview with him when he talked to regular. It's like that Elvis jerk off kid. Oh, what he Austin Butler. He was Elvis for a year and a half. A year and a

half after. I don't know. Let me get a number one with a extra prize. What do you mean? Elvis Elvis. Elvis sound like me. I can't get it out of my system. It's the totally regular guy. What's it? See Thomas? How do the same thing? I know. It's so lame. I don't know. Let me just stick to the easiest music to just pick up though. It's hard not to fall into this, this, this world when you're around it. When you're around it. Let me tell you something. If I spend five days in Nashville by the fifth day, I will unironically be wearing cowboy boots and a hat. And my hat might have a giant turquoise thing

on the front of it. I might be that kind of guy. Yeah, that turquoise necklace. Peacock feathers. Yeah, peacock feathers. Yeah. He's just alone in a barn. This makes me not like him more.

Why are they him fucking movie sweat for a music video he's in a horse barn right now it's a hundred these things he just finished putting up one of those beams and he goes oh a guitar slap a tappy here we go this is him back in the day oh is he the one who shot did he kill American Sniper? I don't know. Oh, my God. He needs the hair and everything, huh? I don't want to be this guy at all.

He needs the mustache, too. I think he has a hair lip. I sort of fell in love with him. I don't mind the hair lip. A little split in the stash in a weird spot. I mean, no country accent. What? No country accent. Let me hear it. No country accent what no country accent here it is just to

To you know honor the real man. He doesn't know doesn't it That'd be funny if it's if you he's like he's like yo, they asked me for one of being this movie And I was like yo word up. I'll be straight up all day long. So the whole shoot was pretty lit, dog. And if I'm being honest, bro, bro, if I'm being honest, I'm looking in this new role in the Yellowstone, a bunch of horses and shit. I'm in constant up in them a field of dreams up in that bitch.

Me and Don, me and Don. Get down. We take actions all the time. You told me that and you guys don't on fuck, which is pretty hilarious. You guys role play life. How we do? Her name's Dixie Lizard, my name's Bucky Lizard.

We sure have a good time up in New Hampshire in the summer. Does Max get weird out by it? Max is buckshot. And he hates it. I go, your name's buckshot. He goes, I don't like it. I like Max. I'm like, it's buckshot.

Me and Dixie, me and Dixie don't name you buckshot. And that's what it is. This is the story of the beginning of a serial killer though. You tell that. My dad and mom would role play different people at night. It was weird. Dixie. I like it.

I'll be in the outhouse. That's the accent that you like though. That's a good, an easy accent to fake and you can do it cause you are American. It's not like faking. Do you think you're faking that accent well? God damn right I am. It sounds like you're from Boston doing a fake accent.

When that guy comes in on Wednesday, I'm gonna talk like this and see if he calls me out on it. How's that? How's that? How's that for your particulars? So that's going to make me uncomfortable as shit. Hey, well, he's definitely knows who you are. And he's going to wonder why you're doing that.

I'm going to do it anyways. Now he listens to the show. Well, well, the hope you listen today, you talk, because I'm going to be talking like this on Wednesday. I reckon I wasn't here last time you were on this here show. A huggy, doogie, huggy, see like Madonna when she went to England for a year and she came back with an English accent. I remember that.

You can't, you can't help it. You can't present the world a whole new fucking accent. Austin Butler and Luke Grimes. I loved you so much until that moment. I'm so hurt by him. But does he still talk like that? Does he talk with the twang? Please bring up a Luke Grimes interview

when he's got the long hair and the hat on. I bet he's wearing a hat even when he doesn't have to wear a hat now. You know who wears a hat all the time? Me. No. Around my house, in my New York apartment. Rip, Rip wears that. He was at the rodeo he

does it now he's it he goes to rodeos and shit just for fun he was they just had him at a rodeo waving high and saying all the people and I think he said howdy I'm pretty sure I I wear one I wear one around my house a cowboy hat and then before I go to bed I tell Christine I'm gonna get some shut-eye and I just put the hat over my face a little bit you roll up You roll up a blanket and lie on just the blanket. Look at him, look at this fuck. Oh boy. Look at him, he's already wearing a fuck,

all dungarees, fucking Canadian tuxedo. Jay has a fucking leather stetson though that he like kills it in. It looks like it was made for him to wear. Yeah. Look at me, good sterkie. You should put the hat on and go see our boy or get your haircut next time see what he said

You look so good you would have looked like fat cowboy and not four weeks ago. What size horse do you get on please? Horsies please make sure the horse is capable of holding your weight We hear it pain pills For a pews. Oh, it's they always mean pills or pews they always go to Jesus they go back to Jesus Christ what a pretentious name for an album I've had my problems all country guys are fucking addicted to drugs and Jesus but I'm gonna hear his voice let's hear hear him fake this goddamn Or pew there you go one of the gals who works here, and I won't mention her name, but it's Claire

Get it thought pews were the sound that the laser gun in Star Wars No, so he's not faking the voice but but I'm not faking the voice. I mean, when he sings he is. You have to. Tell you what though. You can't talk regular in country voice. You can't be like, I was going down the stairs and that's where Jesus was there. You gotta put the twang on.

Hucka-ducka-hmm-hee, something in an old car. That's all the songs. But a dude of memory. What other song do you have on your album? Who could do could go to church. What's something in you find you a fine ass woman. What you say. Although country is still the only thing

you can still be like sexy like tall like hair metal was. You talk like that. What do you mean? Because if you have like the bubbly countries where they go she got some fat old did it in an ant like a man's dance yeah let's hear him sing oh he's gonna sing live I Suck it God he's really laying into it. I'm a cowboy you are

I mean, he's gonna sell you started what You started what? He's going to sell tickets. Cowboy trend. You started fake cowboying? No, I was a real cowboy. You have to say before Yellowstone was ever a show, I was pushing the cowboy lifestyle on the show. But it started before. Yeah, but you can't push the cowboy lifestyle. You don't live the cowboy lifestyle.

You're from New Jersey. You're pushing the idea of it. Yes. But it's in me. But you're a poser. Just because you live idea of it. Yes, but it's in me. But you're a poser. Just because you wear it. I live in the, how dare you. You don't live it, you don't live the cowboy life.

You don't know me. I do. I know you crazy well. You don't know anything I do in Florida, Christine. Yeah, we do, you hunt a guanas and live in a room with your mom and dolls. I believe Taylor Sheridan listened to this show and got the idea for Yellowstone.

Because when I used to tell him and Dan- Please don't say this. Wait a sec. I believe Rip is based on me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that again. Beth is eating based on you. Start from the beginning.

What did you, did you say you believe Yellowstone was created because of this show? Yes. What? What came first, the bonfire or Yellowstone? The bonfire for sure. and who was pushing the cowboy lifestyle to you and Dan who laughed Get a load of this guy. We cowboy hats Every time we're gonna go to moon tower. Oh, they yucked it up when I told them they'd look good in

Cowboy hats so then they bought them so and then they loved them because of now He wants a ranch because of this show and tell us, tell us, Sheridan saw that hurt. He heard it and then was like, Oh my God, I got an idea. I believe the character rip is a tongue and she's saying F you, Jacob. Rip is ripping off Jacob. Yes. You, so rip is ripping you off. That's what that means.

Jacob, because you wear earth tones, doesn't make you a cowboy. It's the craziest thing I've ever heard a person say. We do, we know exactly who you live, Jacob. No, I know how you do not live. Of course, you want me to ride my horse down Fifth Avenue? So you're a cowboy? I keep it low.

Six weeks a year? I'm not gonna be a jerk off and be a cowboy in New York City like a dipshit. Jacob, when was the last time you were on a horse? I was on a horse farm. I worked on the horse farm. When was the last time? You forget that. When was the last time?

It's been years. That doesn't mean I don't want to ride a horse again. So what the fuck? I worked on a farm in Juvie Hall. That doesn't make me a farmer. I saw a horse once. But you didn't adopt it. Adopt what? You didn't adopt the horse lifestyle,

the cowboy lifestyle. I did. No, you did? It was in me. It's not, though. I had horseback riding in my spirit. It's not Jacob. Why are you arguing with me, Christine?

Because it's psychotic what you're saying. It's crazy. It's actually like, I know you're joking around because this is psychotic. It's nowhere you mean, you've done the cowboy lifestyle. There's no way. When you fantasize about Rip, you're joking around because this is that kind of thing. It's not what you mean. There's no way. When you fantasize about Rip, you're fantasizing about Jacob. Jacob.

When you play with that Boston cowboy who adopted the Chuck Wagon lifestyle, he's walking the walk. I think Christine's flicking Bean over Casey if I'm crazy. Maybe he's just my thing. Rip gets paid millions for it. Or maybe he's just my thing. Jacob, you have... Rift gets paid millions to be ripped. The lifestyle you have is more like an English man who sells pens. Yeah. Right.

In New York. That's why I don't like it. I have to not live my lifestyle. So you have two lifestyles. Living in New York. Jacob, you don't cowboy in Boca Raton. The cowboy... Cowboys don't live in Boca Raton.

Cowboys don't have little disco leather belts. They have big man belts with buckles on them. You don't wear your buckles. I have a regular belt. Yeah, you don't have a buckle? That's a little, that's a little. I'm not wearing it. Bobby.

What a little ass buckle. I would never dress like a rancher walking around New York. Jacob, I don't know. How else would people know that I'm heavy metal and punk rock if they don't see my belt? Yeah, which your phony wallet chain to nowhere. It's not phony. Please start.

It's a loop chain. How else will people know that I'm in a midlife crisis, 53 year old man, if I didn't wear this crazy stupid stuff, trying to dress like a young girl? I don't know what, where are you? I really don't know what you're arguing with. You're not a cowboy. You're not a cowboy.

You said you adopted the lifestyle. First of all, they won't admit, now that I'm making a joke out of it, that yes, that doesn't mean you, what, you don't think they're Jersey Cowboys? No, there isn't. That's where the horse farm was. Where? They had more farms.

But there's no cowboy life. It's not a horse farm. Yes, it was. They had a couple horses. No, they had stables and stables. How many horses? Full horse stable. Of what?

I would say 20 or 30 horses. Name three horses. Duke was one. No, name. You told me to name the horses. Name three types of horses. I don't know. Thank you. I bet your rip knows. I'll bet you Cole Hauser knows. I'm not even a horse guy. Iang, colt. I know Mustang, yeah. Colt. What do you want for this?

Huh? Uh, Clydesdale. Clydesdale, boom. It would have come to me just putting me on the spot. I know those three like everyone else. Nope, sorry Jacob. I'm the cowboy of the show now. I knew it, big.

I knew it, too. Be a bummer more, cowboy. Woo hoo! Uh-huh. You're not a cowboy. You don't know. You said Duke. You're a day worker, dude. You're a day. Me and Bob are more cowboys. Woohoo! Uh-huh. You're not a cowboy. You don't know. You said Duke.

You're a day worker, dude. You're a day worker on the ranch. You're a hand. Yeah, you're a Mexican dude. Yeah. I work at the horse farm and you know if you do. Me and Bob are your rant were cowboys. You didn't work.

What did you do on the horse farm? Everything. Name one. Even shoveled shit. I cleaned out the stalls. Okay, what else? You're an asshole. You know the horses?

Really? Walk the horses, railroad. Did you ride all day long? Really? Yes. me? Out of the horses? Really? Walk the horses railroad? Did you ride all day long? Really? Yes. Where do you keep your feet? How do you keep your feet in the horse? What do you mean in the stirrups?

Yeah, but how? How? When you ride, what are you supposed to do? Spurs. I don't get what you're saying. I'm saying when you ride a horse, how are you supposed to have your feet? Are you supposed to sit down in the saddle, just go with the bump? Are you supposed to...

It depends what you want. If you want the horse to... Ride it with a slut? Candor or a gallop, you give them a little squeeze on the side. A little squeeze on the bump. Are you supposed to pull it? It depends what you want. If you want the horse to... Ride it with a slut? Candor or gallop, you give him a little squeeze on the side. A little squeeze on the side. Yeah. Let me tell you. Depends also, you gotta know your horse. Duke, he was a thoroughbred.

He would take off. Like most people couldn't ride Duke. But a lot of people... I did ride Duke, but even he, I was smaller, if you can imagine, than I am now. I mean, I was 15 year old Jacob imagine than I am now. I mean I was 15 year old Jacob, so I rode Duke a few times. A lot of times I had to ride blueberry. You should get out of a horse named blueberry. A lot of people had to

ride blueberry. It was an old. Like the kids that showed up at the farm. Right, but I rode other horses too. Sarah, give Jacob Blueberry. You take Duke. Jacob, if I get a sheep up here, will you mutton bust? No, I don't know what that is. That's when you have to ride a sheep. Well, I wouldn't do that. See, to you, it's a joke.

Did you say that? No, no, no, there's definitely, it is a joke that you're saying you've adopted the Cal Way lifestyle. You want a ranch too. You just came late to the party. No, no, I'm not gonna ranch. I've adopted the Cal Way lifestyle you want a ranch too. You just came late to the party No, no, I was known that I am gonna have a ranch. No, I'm not ranch You're gonna have a ranch he wants to have a ranch. He just doesn't want to work the ranch

Of course he does he wants to own the ranch. Yeah, like like like Dutton. What is John? I want to fuck the governor and we're gonna own the ranch. Yeah, I the governor and fucking own the ranch. Yeah. I want to own it, but I want to work my I want to work my land too. I'll hire a black and a girl and a female ranch hand so people don't think I'm racist or misogynistic the way John Dutton did. He's good. He's good. We get an Asian guy in there that thing is capped off. You know first of all I love that they didn't put an Asian guy in there, that thing is capped off. First of all, I love that they didn't put an Asian guy in yet, thank God. Yeah, only Henry Cho. He's not in the show. No, but he's the only cowboy Asian I've ever seen.

Wasn't he the one, Henry Cho? Who's Henry? Oh, yeah, he was in Texas. He had the twang, too. By the way, Christine, you're not a California flower child. She's not. Oh, she claims to be. No. What?

Jacob, do you understand what a cowboy is? Do I? Yeah, well, you. Do I understand what a cowboy is? Do you know a cowboy is? I like that you all watched the show, and now you're experts on the cowboy. I am no cowboy.

First of all, I'm the only one here who owns land. I'm a city city. You can see it right there on the shirt. Also, I'm way more of a California flower child than you are you're New York City Christine How can you be california raised on the beach and the cliffs of California? You're new Jersey Christine. She has a great point. You have no association with the cowboy lifestyle You can't say I work on a horse. You go Christine. you're not a California. She's a California something, for sure. You worked on it for one summer?

You weren't? I don't understand why you can't be a cowboy if you lived in New Jersey like that preclude. Like there were no cowboys in New Jersey? Number one, you gave, this is one thing a cowboy never does. Give up the lifestyle. Yeah. You gave it up.

I didn't give up the lifestyle. This is where I work. Now you work in the big city. You had the electricity. You could have worked for a ranch. You could be there right now. We'll get you a job tomorrow. You want to work back on the farm? Let's call them up. I want my own ranch. I co-sign you leaving. No, but you have to get in from the inside. That's how this works. You get in as a ranch hand, you live in the bunkhouse, and then you work your way up to the big house. Did you live in a bunkhouse? No, I didn't stay at the ranch.

I mean, Cowboys. He's saying, would you stay in a bunkhouse? No, I'm not staying. I want to own my own ranch now. So you just want to jump right to ranch ownership, Cowboying, instead of walking you right through the thing. It's crazy. I'm going right from Jacob, producer in a bond

for our New York City to yellowstone Kevin Costner owner Jacob Jacob Yellowstone guys should we are you all right? Are you okay? I don't know why this is a thing to you all I feel like you've been in in the middle of a gas leak or something today It's you definitely don't live the cowboy lifestyle even in Florida. I said I don't I don't live the cowboy lifestyle. I Said Florida. I said, I don't, I don't live the cowboy lifestyle. I said, it's in me though. Yeah. I said, at heart, I'm a cowboy.

I don't live the cowboy lifestyle. You're right. So there's a little gay me. That would be weird. But I don't go, I'm gay. Yeah. And Bobby's hard, he's gay. Yeah.

In my heart, I'm gay. But I don't do gay stuff. I don't fantasize about owning my gay ranch someday. He certainly would. gay, but I don't do gay stuff. I don't fantasize about owning my gay ranch someday. He certainly would. What Justin comes and visits me in the summer and brings his dogs. Takes it. Oh, what is he doing in LA with no eyes on him? What's he doing in LA right now?

Oh, I bet his shirt's off so much. What's this Italian photographer doing here? much Italian photographer doing here where I have my Italian photo he's a shutterbottom I'm staying with my friend who you don't know him God damn it just he's gorgeous and you don't know him he's a big producer shit he's living in my house for three months and then never again I'm gonna get my dog show back. I'm just gonna take some work.

Um, all right, we gotta take a break. We got a big show coming up. You know, yeah, well, we go on this commercial break. Now's probably the time to just jump over to Robert Kelly live.com or bigjcomedy.com and grab tickets for this show. It's at the Paramount. It's in Long Island. And you guys listen, you guys, I mean, we have so many fans out there get the tickets now stop stressing us out buy now before we give away 600 tomorrow That is March 21st 8 p.m. It's a Thursday night. You have no reason not to be there you live in Long Island Relax The swingers parties are on Saturday nights and we and we're bringing everybody out We're gonna have some people do some guest spots. Yeah, let's start lying We're gonna have some people do some guest spots. Yeah, let's start lying.

Chappelle said he might come by. Shane is actually, I said one who got, he said yes. He did say yes already. Unlike what I did. Okay. Because I have. You're like, do come out the paramount, do it if he said yes. He's at 100%.

And then whoever else you love is gonna be there. Yeah. Vick de Biteto. Vick de Biteto, Vick de Biteto. Yeah, he's big on Long Island. Kumonji, Nanjigalganji. Yeah, O's big on Long Island. Uh, kumanji nonjigal. Longee Yeah, oh and a is gonna get back together for one night only one night only Jim with Jim and his wife with Jim and his wife and Cook Bobby the reunion on stage Jays coming in J and Gary was stepping in

I tell you who's not gonna be there Who this cowboy over here. Not this cowboy. He's going to go. Ranch is calling. That's right. He's going to be wrangling iguanas down in Florida. Yeah. What do you do? You just like you hop on like a pony and just walk along a bunch of iguanas taking it to the next part of town. Jacob, what are you doing? I'm having iguana tail soup. Sorry. I got corralling iguanas. I got rustlers to run out of town. We should send we should send Jacob down to the Mexico border to take care of things. Can I

brand you? Let me brand your chest with a bonfire logo. Yeah, let's do that. You're a real cowboy. Are you in? That's not a cowboy thing. Are you out of your mind? That's the cowboy thing. That's the thing. On your show that you watch. Yeah. Right here. Right here on the heart. Bonfire logo. I'll do it, I'll do it if you do it. In for life, you two do it. I'm not gonna do it.

In for life. I'm not gonna do it. I have soft skin. I burnt my head this weekend. Wow, sounds like I'm the only cowboy here. Does your, do you have a metal plate in your head? Why did that happen? I see what happened.

We'll talk about when we come back. Does someone put a cigar out on your head? Did your stepdad come back? Big J. Look at you, a gun change. talk about when we come back. Does someone put a cigar out on your head? Did you step that comeback? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have some snacks Las Vegas Jacksonville for tickets and all of the big J comedy calm Robert Kelly gonna be a comics Mohegan son Connecticut March 7 through the 9th. It's this weekend. This is a Thursday through sat come hang out We're gonna smoke at the old the cigar lounge up there, and I'll tell you this if you sell it out Bobby will stay into a Sunday show after that no

Houston Texas guaranteed no hundred percent not and the comedy mothership in Austin if you sell those out will stay and do a Sunday show. After that, the Kipsy New York, Houston, Texas, guaranteed. No, 100% not. And the Comedy Mothership in Austin. If you sell those out, he will add three more shows at the Comedy Mothership. I will do that. Three. 100% will do that. More shows. I will do five more shows. I'll move to Austin. I'll do the show via Zoom. We'll be right back. Well, you are splitting a billion dollars per ticket. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer.

That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robberkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap.